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June 24, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:21:43
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #40: Critical Race Theory is the New Sharia Law

The GOP tries to make up a scary new boogeyman. Also the Audit continues to drag on and Trump continues to lie about returning to power. Also will Dong bring down the Dems? Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello, everybody.
Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And the mysterious Hell.
Why, uh, hello there, my beautiful babies!
I was trying to identify the language as you started, and I thought you were doing Chinese.
Oh, wow!
Nope, no languages there.
Because I heard the wow!
And I was like, oh, nope, he's doing big southern.
Yeah, I would screwball with you, and instead of doing a language, I did a bad impression.
Yeah, in this case, in this case, uh, southern tabloid accent!
Your Honor, I don't think that there's enough evidence against my client to even hold him in this place for one minute more.
I... having... now that I'm, like, stuck watching the movie JFK, all I'm listening to is Kevin Costner doing a horrible Southern accent at all times.
So now Elle's just giving me, like, post-traumatic stress disorder by doing that.
It's just brutal.
You know, what I heard there is that Elle is like Kevin Costner, and I'll take it.
Yes.
Elle is always like Kevin Costner.
You can find these two rascally scams on Twitter, at hellworldsarge and at hellworldl, for more witty bants like that in your social media.
Hellworld with a Q instead of an O, as is our brand.
Yes.
We are fashionable and trendy.
We are not affiliated with that pinhead movie.
No, not in the slightest.
And we also talk a lot about QAnon, so we have to play a content warning.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
So before we dig into ye olde news this week, I just wanted to bring up a happy little personal event, as it were.
I received a message sometime late last week that a couple of chuckle fucks on a Telegram channel were attempting to dox me again, again, and they used my pen name as it were or stage name.
And they tracked quote unquote me down to Jamaica Plains in Massachusetts.
And posted an address and street view from Google Maps of my location, according to them, which, uh, I feel bad for the people that they quote unquote found.
And also what was really funny was there was a giant argument between these people about, uh, if they had found me or not, if it was a successful doxing or not.
And one guy was like, you're an idiot.
That isn't him.
And the person was like, yeah, I found him.
I got him.
And you're just mad because you didn't do any work.
And there was a lot of commentary about me being a fat piece of shit and all of that other good stuff.
And somehow, the argument of these idiots percolated all the way up to one of my friends on the Twitter feed, as it were, Relentless Truth.
Who then posted one of the photos that they'd been using of me in that doxing attempt, and declared that, again, I'm like Michael Moore, because Michael Moore's fat, lol, and I am a waste of human life.
So, once again, I somehow have made the rounds in the QAnon world as the asshole of the week, as it were.
So that was exciting.
Good for you.
Good for you, Brad.
How they ever, I mean, they have that picture.
How are they ever going to track down a guy in Boston wearing a Patriots jersey?
What's so funny to me is that I did the unmasked appearance on Good Morning America, and I also have done a video stream with Matt Binder where I was unmasked, and they still don't have an unmasked photo of me.
The world's best researchers can't crack this nut.
It's the cabal.
The cabal has you protected.
Oh, the hedge of protection that Moloch has placed upon me that prevents these idiots from finding a YouTube video from Good Morning America and thusly seeing what I look like, which again, really won't help them that much, but Godspeed to them, Patriot, as it were, in their futile attempts to harass and annoy me.
But beyond that, really not a whole heck of a lot going on in my neck of the woods.
I mean, besides the fact that people are attempting to send armies of QAnon supporters to harass me, which is delightful.
I mean, we could talk about the Celtics and their deep playoff run.
Or we could talk about the Bruins and their deep playoff run.
Or we could talk about the Golden Knights and their impending playoff collapse.
Or we could talk about the Red Sox and their inability to pitch without cheating, as is the New England way.
What happened?
Major League Baseball has done this hilarious new thing where they basically let the managers inspect every pitcher for having any kind of substance on their bodies to doctor the ball.
And whilst people have been caught doing this, what has also been happening nowadays is managers are just, like, pointing at the pitcher and being like, umpires, inspect him!
And the pitchers are literally, like, basically getting naked on the field now in a fit of rage, being like, check all my gear, you fucking pricks!
I don't have anything on me!
Leave me alone!
And it's just, uh, it's hilarious.
It is, um...
I say let the pitchers spider tack it up, but also let the batters quirk the bats.
So, like, you know, less hitting, but the hits are real dingers.
Yes.
Now we need to go to that, like that board game we used to play where the batters get to be robots, but the catchers get super magnet gloves and cyborg arms and the pitchers have cyborg arms.
The cabal only allows that level of technology to be used in replacing our U.S.
president.
Yeah, they keep that ultra high secret because what if one of the robot batters hit a pitch back at the robot pitcher and like shattered his robot arm and he basically just like, we got a Terminator arm laying on the field, the jig would be up, the truth would be exposed to the world.
We'd red pill everybody right away.
So we got to keep that technology in the non-contact sports like politics, like robot or hologram Biden, whatever he is.
Yeah, do you suppose for a second that conservatives would tolerate an openly robotic pitcher in the major leagues?
Fucking get out of here.
That reminded me of the Oakland Raider guy who came out as gay this week and everyone was like, yeah, good for you, bro.
And then like all I could see is like the counterbalance to that was people being like, oh yeah, what am I supposed to do with this information?
Why should I care?
And it's like, you know why you should care.
You don't have to.
Yeah, I mean, just don't.
It's, like, so easy.
Yeah.
Like, not caring would be a step up from what you usually do, which is caring about it the wrong way, you idiot.
Yeah, exactly.
And also, God, his name was, like, Henny.
I'm so drunk and playing on his name.
But apparently his jersey was, like, the top of the Fanatics, like, sales chart this week.
So, like, God's good on America for, like, for once not being the just racist slimehole that it has, like, been.
Oh, give us a chance.
And let's give this guy's agent some credit.
I mean, this has to be a calculated move.
This guy's been gay the whole time, presumably.
I'm assuming that the agent picked this moment, and if it works out, that's good timing.
This is a sticky thing to navigate.
You can easily see this blowing up on your face.
I mean, they murdered Cap for kneeling on the sidelines.
They killed that guy's career.
Yeah, they just blacklisted him because he was mildly politically offensive.
And my favorite president Trump blacklisted him.
Yes.
And the thing that was most aggravating about the whole Kaepernick thing was that originally he was just like sitting during the National Anthem.
And then he actually talked to a soldier.
He talked to a member of the military.
Yeah, I remember this.
The sitting thing is a little excessive.
Like, kneeling is at least, like, kind of respectful.
It shows that you're paying attention to the anthem while also, like, showing, like, a protest.
And then Cap was like, well, I will do the militarily accepted protest.
And then everyone was like, why do you hate the troops?
And it was like, no, you know he doesn't hate the troops.
That's not why he's doing this.
Run the cues in the news bumper so we can talk about Cole Beasley since we're already talking about the NFL.
Sounds like a plan.
So our boy Cole Beasley, Buffalo Bills wide receiver, has basically come out as being a hardcore anti-vaxxer, is very mad about this idea that he has to get the COVID vaccine.
Yeah.
For the NFL, right?
That's their regulation.
Well, the regulation is that, not that you have to get it, but that teams have to hit certain percentages of the team being vaccinated in order to lift restrictions on the team and allow them to get back to like normal football life.
And also, if you are unvaccinated, you get the pariah treatment, sort of.
You just have access to less stuff.
You can't use the sauna or the showers or whatever.
There's a bunch of restrictions in place if you want to still fuck around on your football team while refusing to be vaccinated.
Right, exactly.
And Beasley has come out and he's just been like, this is bullshit!
I don't fucking understand why I need to get vaccinated!
And it is just incredible how childish these people are.
And it just goes to show you that there's really no amount of, like, success and wealth and all this other stuff that proves you are educated, smart, coherent, logical, all of these things.
I mean, it's really... Is Hope Easley good?
Will he be missed?
Uh, he is a, he's a, he's a cromulent wide receiver for the Bills.
I mean, he's, he's definitely not their number one option.
Stefan Diggs is their number one, but they have a good receiving core and he's a part of that.
And everyone loved the guy last year cause he was on an injured leg and he was basically limping back to the line after every play and they, and they gutted out a win and then they got to the AFC title game and then got absolutely trucked by the Chiefs.
As they should.
And then, of course, ruined the Super Bowl by injuring one of the Chiefs' offensive linemen at the end of the game so that the Chiefs had no line going into the bowl.
Good on that.
But beyond that, I mean, it's just having... It's this thing where...
QAnon tells us constantly and forever that celebrities are dumb, vapid morons who parrot deep state talking points and are part of the cabal's propaganda machine, and we should all hate every dumb-dumb we see on our television because they're all bad people, unless that person says something QAnon likes.
Then they're incredible.
They're awesome.
They're the absolute best.
Well, let's just call it how it is.
Sports is sort of like the last avenue for some truly conservative loons to break it into the big leagues in terms of celebrity.
Well, I guess that and also politics.
But you can't do it through movies, you know what I mean?
Dwayne The Rock Johnson could not be an anti-Semite.
Getting the roles that he's doing.
Like, Hollywood is pretty woke when it comes to- Hey, you, don't go speakin' for The Rock.
He could be incredibly anti-Semitic and maybe he's just smart and doesn't say anything about it.
Fair enough.
I'm sorry, Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
I guess you could be one of the more wily anti-Semites.
That was a turn of phrase I did not expect to hear today.
Don't you put non-anti-Semitic words in The Rock's mouth?
Yeah but like you can still be uh I mean and the politics thing is just like sort of recently like Trump emboldened The Republican Party to allow just crazy people.
He said it like it was.
He told it like it was.
But forever, sports has been the avenue for that.
You could be some sort of hotshot football player and just be like, I just don't think women should vote!
And it would be like, ah, you suck, but you throw ball good, so it's fine.
I mean, let's be fair.
Democracy really has gone downhill since we gave women the vote.
I mean, I think we even brought it up last week, but for fuck's sake, Patrick Mahomes puts ketchup on steak.
Like, who does that?
Yeah, him and Trump, like... Yeah, exactly!
And Trump likes his steak burnt to a crisp.
I mean, it's just... I don't know, even a perfect Super Bowl winning clock can be wrong.
twice a day. I don't know that the metaphor has its limits when I try to flip it.
I hear that I hear that Matt Gaetz really loves veal.
L's deep meaty cut of the week.
L's meaty veal cut.
Yeah, let's talk. Wow.
Media feel just really got me.
I do not like it.
That is unpleasant.
Oh my god.
Speaking of school-aged children, they won't be hearing anything about critical race theory in schools.
Oh, God, no.
Critical Race Theory.
I think my favorite thing about Critical Race Theory is I saw a comment on Twitter that Critical Race Theory is the new Sharia law, and that just clicked.
It hit so hard, because it's just, find something that sounds scary and could be offensive to white people, and then just freak out and lose your shit over it and start screaming about it.
And this is the thing.
Children are not taught critical race theory.
Critical race theory is some, like, high-level stuff that you can go to college for or, like, try to learn in law school.
This is not stuff that is taught in third grade along with multiplication and division and that kind of stuff.
This is not something that little Timmy goes to school and while he figures out that, uh, Like, when you put an acid in a vase together, you get a volcano or whatever and basic stuff like that.
Then on top of that, white people are bad and they should pay reparations to black people for slavery and all that kind of stuff.
it's one of these things where you come up with a term, you make it sound scary, you make it sound offensive, and then
you freak everybody out about it. And then you turn that around
and say that like, literally all of America's flaws that have
happened in our past, are being used to tear down the white man
in the modern age of America. And that's not cool. So now we
have to literally whitewash America's past. And it's really funny that we're like, passing bills to ban critical race
theory, in quotes, which I don't even know what that means in the
sense that like, what we can't talk about what caused slavery
and all that kind of stuff, or the Civil War, blah, blah, blah.
Well, at the same time that we just literally made Juneteenth a national holiday.
Like the stain of slavery ending once and forever in America is now a national holiday.
That day commemorating when we finally ended it in the last section of America that had it.
And then when we kind of ended it, it took a while.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we because that's the thing is we had like we had the Emancipation Proclamation, which kind of ended it in where the Confederacy was still fighting.
Then we passed the 13th Amendment that ended it for everyone that was willing to accept the law of America.
And then we finally Ended it again on Juneteenth when we sent the army down to Texas to tell the slavers, stop owning fucking slaves.
It's illegal.
You pieces of shit.
And, uh, as someone pointed out, Texas has celebrated Juneteenth for like 60 years now.
And Texas hasn't fallen into a socialist cesspool somehow.
Well, we, and we also finally ended it after Lincoln was assassinated.
Cause it probably takes quite a bit longer if he doesn't die.
Well, no, the bill had passed the House and the Senate, it was just going through the states for ratification after Lincoln caught one in the head, as it were.
So, but it was, the forum, the big thing was getting it out of the House, and Mike's old-timey history lesson here could take up the rest of the podcast, but I'm not going to do that.
But that was... Save it for the bonus material, Mike's critical race theory.
Yes.
But that was basically the whole thing.
Lincoln was really worried that if the war ended without slavery, with the Constitution Amendment being passed, that America would just get lazy on that shit, because America was really racist back then.
Absolutely.
So we bribed and arm-twisted and cajoled the House into passing it.
And then we're like, cool, and that'll be over before the war is over.
And now I'm going to go see a play.
Bad idea.
America, effective, not efficient.
Yes.
Critical race theory, quote-unquote, is just the process of teaching young children that the white man should probably be held accountable for endless atrocities.
That seems fine by me.
I'm white.
Yeah, obviously.
We fucked up the world pretty bad.
I mean, as it as it stands, like Mike said, all the stuff we just talked about for the last couple of minutes, I didn't hear any of that until I went to college.
And none of that, like actual anything that would be even close, considered close to critical race theory.
I didn't hear until I got to college and took a college level history class from a tenured professor who did not give a fuck.
They're like, she's just like, they can't fire me.
I specialize in medieval history.
I don't want to be teaching this, so I'm just going to give you straight unvarnished truth.
Oh yeah, and it's like, really, just going through America's past, you start off with slavery, then the cotton gin, then the Civil War, and you can throw in the Trail of Tears and how terrible we were to Native Americans that whole time.
Yeah, I was about to say, I mean, for what it's worth, you were just like, you start with slavery, and it's just like, oh no, the white man was fucking with colored people way before that!
Oh, yeah.
Literally, the second we were boots on the ground, we were just like, hey, nice land you've lived on for thousands of years that we just discovered.
It's ours now.
We discovered it.
What about us?
Yeah.
So that's the thing, is that we took this nation from one group of people.
Hey, we gave them a lot of blankets for free.
There was nothing wrong with them.
Very nice.
The nicest people in the world when it comes to blanket gifts.
But we took this nation from one group of people and then imported another group of people under the bondage of slavery.
to have them work for us while we, again, stole the land from those people.
And then when we got to the West Coast, we brought in all these Chinese immigrants to work as
slaves for us as well.
So, I mean, it's just like America...
And don't forget the Irish!
Oh, oh, yeah.
There is nothing I enjoy more than my racist, conservative Irish friends
screaming about Irish slavery and how they...
We never complained about it for generations.
It's like you're complaining about it now.
It's the only way for them to get their foot in the door and something that is like...
The textbook definition of a non-white experience, like being enslaved was like a thing that we were doing to other races, but like white, like some white people just got to get their fucking, they just got to be in everything.
They even need to be in the talk about, they're just like, we need to feel bad.
We were slaves too.
We're white.
We get everything, including slavery.
Like, yeah, no, pump your brakes.
The Irish were racist against, but nowhere near as much as other And the ongoing foreverness of everyone else.
So.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that was the thing about America through the generations was who did we confer whiteness to for the longest time?
Yeah.
So it started with English settlers and then the German settlers got knocked down a peg or two until they became too numerous.
And then when the Irish and the Italians showed up, they were the low men on the totem pole for a long time until they were around long enough.
They were like, ah, we don't hate you guys anymore.
Because now we're more mad about the people coming in from the South and the people that we now have to give rights to that we brought here originally as slaves, and that ain't cool.
So, I mean, it's just like, eventually, all the people who had the pale skin were able to work their way up, whereas the people with the not-pale skin managed to stay down on the social totem pole.
You said everyone with pale skin worked their way up.
I've got some bad news for the people of the Jewish faith.
Oh, well.
I mean, I feel like, on the historical timeline, Jews are probably doing the best they've ever done right now.
Uh, yeah, probably.
You can't.
I mean, anti-Semitism absolutely exists, but I think that that is something that in America... But it's also, like, universally condemned.
I'm not saying that, like, obviously the Jews are not persecuted against by some, like, fucking assholes, but I am saying that, like, it's gotten to the point where everyone's just like, oh, what the fuck, man, leave the Jews alone.
Like, get the fuck out of here.
Like, reasonable people are just like, what?
That's fucked up.
Here's the thing.
Whiteness can be revoked at any time.
It just takes, like, one event, and then the racists are just like, no, you're not white anymore.
And a lot of people forget that.
Absolutely.
That is the thing, is creating an other is something that always exists.
I mean, in Japan, because it's such a homogeneous, xenophobic nation, they have blood type discrimination in Japan.
I mean, they find ways to differentiate from each other and then get mad at each other about it.
Guys!
I hate to break it to you, but this conversation is a real bummer.
Let's get back to talking about specifically the GOP's reaction to this Critical Race Theory shit, and then move on.
Yeah, I was gonna jump us straight to Mike Lindell, the MyPelo guy.
He's always good for a laugh, and he's doing some good old-fashioned goalpost moving.
Yeah, the one thing I wanted to finish there real quick was there was literally a protest last night at a school board assembly about critical race theory and two people got arrested because they were so bent out of shape over it.
They don't even know what it means!
They've just heard the words and they're upset!
Can you imagine just, like, having Tucker Carlson brainworm you so hard that you go to a school board meeting and get so bent out of shape that police are like, look, angry white person, we don't want to arrest you.
Please calm down.
And then you're just like, no!
They're critical race theory-ing my children!
I can't accept it!
And they're like, we have to arrest you now.
I can't believe it has come to this.
You colossal dum-dum that you in America at a school board meeting have gone so off the rails we have to cuff you and stuff you now.
You idiot.
But it's just that.
It's just that these people are being bent out of shape over nothing.
This is a made-up argument.
This is a made-up thing.
It's ridiculous.
And speaking of made-up ridiculous arguments... Yeah, there you go.
Mike Lindell has, uh, he's now got this new idea, this new, uh, big thing that is full-size pillows that, like, you can make to look like a lady and hug.
Can you put an anime girl on the cover?
What the hell is an anime girl?
That's gross.
You're gross.
I'm talking about a real woman like on the beer ads.
Yes, the beer ads.
I love that.
So his dream, besides the giant body pillow with the real woman on it, that's not anime,
he wants to have...
He wants to rent out a stadium.
He wants to go to Gillette Stadium or somewhere in America and rent out a football stadium or whatever and bring in, as he says in his unbelievably inarticulate way, the cyber guys!
Oh yeah, I heard him say all this.
He's like, I'm gonna bring in the cyber guys!
And then after he brings in the cyber guys, he'll bring in all kinds of federal law enforcement and all kinds of politicians.
Wait, what the fuck are cyber guys?
It's what he calls the auditors.
Anyone who touches a computer is a cyber guy, to Mike Liddell.
Yeah, basically it's his idea, what he calls anonymous or any hacking group.
He's a boomer.
Like the cyber guys.
Whoever fixes his computer at the MyPelo offices is his cyber guy.
Right, Geek Squad is the cyber guy.
So, the cyber guys are going to grab the packets.
He keeps talking about these packets.
The packet grabs.
Yeah, yeah.
He loves talking about those.
And he has no idea what the packet grabs are.
And I think the Washington Post has already said that, like, if you translate them, it's just the voter rolls.
It's not actual votes.
There's nothing to this.
But he's going to bring out the packet grabs and he's going to show them to everybody.
And once he's done this thing, everyone will see that we were attacked by China and there'll be no possible way to think that we weren't attacked by China.
And then we'll go to the Supreme Court and they will agree that we were attacked by China and rule 9-0.
Absolute 9-0.
I don't understand what that means.
How do you bring a case to the Supreme Court that China hacked our election?
What is that lawsuit and how does that grow?
How do you bring a case to the Supreme Court that they refuse to hear?
It's just... Donald Trump and Patriots v. China.
Yeah, it's just this really bizarre idea that our legal system works in such a way that, like, I don't know, we don't arrest Biden and Kamala Harris and the people that rigged the election.
We don't do all those things.
We just go to the Supreme Court and say, hey, Supreme Court, make Trump president again.
And the Supreme Court's like, you got it, Captain.
Boom.
Nailed it.
And the other thing that I love about Mike Lindell and all of this is that he keeps saying, we're gonna pull down this election, and we're gonna fix it.
And That is such old-timey horse racing talk.
It's obvious this guy had a massive gambling problem at one time along with the addiction problems that he had with cocaine as well.
Because the only people that talk about quote-unquote pulling something down after a review are horse bettors.
And it's just I just hear that every time I hear him say that I just think to myself that like this is a guy who Has been at the track many times and has been very upset that his twin tri lost because his horse bumped another horse and that horse got pulled down by those fucking stewards.
This shit's rigged and blah blah.
It just makes me laugh every time I hear that from him.
He has spent all this time saying that August Trump will be president, but his latest speech, he told the crowd that Trump will be president by the fall for sure.
Did he say why he moved the goalposts so hard from August?
I think he was mostly just talking about how it's going to take a little more time to get the evidence, to get it before the Supreme Court, but... The cyber guys got tied up in blockchain, so they need to... It'll take them longer to download the digit packets.
Hack the planet!
Oh, it's all about that.
That is his world.
That is his world.
He thinks that all of this stuff is literally hackers.
And bring me Crash Override!
Yes.
What do you think Razor and Blade are up to?
Baristas.
Barista.
What is the Plague up to?
Is he still in jail?
I mean, I'm just, I mean... Also a barista.
He's a barista at a rival cafe.
They're all baristas.
It's like, you know, hackers from the 90s and anyone with a liberal arts degree.
Yep.
So the other funny thing about all of this is while Lindell has now declared that President Trump will be back in office for sure by the fall, so Lindell has decided to move that clock back to sometime in November, I guess, whatever the seasons actually are.
So I guess like whatever the autumnal equinox is is now his hard deadline.
And I can't wait for, in August, for him to be talking about, Trump is going to be our Christmas gift!
President Trump for the holidays, baby!
I mean, it's absolute 1225!
Yeah, I mean, it's just the constant need to freak out while also never having to pay this off is the hallmark of how these grifters operate.
Don't make me tap the sign.
Yep.
Trump is not going to be president again.
Yeah, but while he is doing all of this stuff, Trump is sending out his statements.
I don't even know where he... I assume that his statements come out via like an email list that he has, because now that he shuttered his stupid blog that no one was reading.
So Trump is posting all of this nonsense that is, of course, riling up QAnon more than ever
about this stuff.
He whined that Georgia purged 100,000 voters from the voter rolls recently, and he's like,
why did Kemp do this before his re-election bid but not mine?
And then he ended it by saying, but don't fret, much other information, because he's
more gooder at words, will soon be revealed about Georgia and other states as well.
It is coming out fast, all caps, and furious, all caps.
The 2020 presidential election was rigged!
Exclamation point.
Because he talks like your racist uncle on Facebook.
Do you suppose that he, because I saw this, and do you suppose that he capitalized and
made very obvious the fast and furious part to try to capitalize on the release of Fast
9?
I would have to believe that someone in his staff was thinking that maybe he could slip in on the algorithms by doing that.
I think that someone like Dan Scavino or someone who was more tech savvy and understood this stuff was like, If we throw in a Fast and Furious here and make it really obvious.
Maybe the algorithms grab it.
Maybe the liberal trolls grab it and try making fun of it.
But by making fun of it, they signal boost it.
Maybe our conserva bros try to tie it into the movie.
I mean, there was obviously something going on there with that.
And also because- Can you get Guardians of the Galaxy into this post somehow?
We're trying to, we're trying to announce the new Transformers movie.
Any way he could say Optimus Prime?
Yeah, can we get you to say Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings for us?
Maybe we can work that in organically?
Yep.
The book of Boba Fett.
Can you just say... God, can you imagine Trump trying to say Boba Fett?
Just mush-mouthing his way through it.
I would absolutely love it way more if that was the route that Trump went with his, like, dumb blog that nobody read and his stupid, like, FROM THE FAKE DESK OF A FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES COMES MY MISSIVE THAT THEY WON'T LET ME PUT ON TWITTER.
And he's just like, YOU SHOULD WATCH LOW-KEY.
He just like completely sells out?
That would be incredible.
The thing that's really funny about that is like if the mouse, if someone, if like Bezos or someone was like, yo Trump, here's like an actual billion dollars because you don't actually have any money.
Here's a billion dollars.
You're now my corporate bitch.
You just do whatever I tell you to and shut up.
Trump would just do it.
He would sell out so hard and so fast.
He sold out to China and Russia like already.
I want a voice pack that turns my Alexa into Trump.
Ugh.
What a nightmare.
Order me 12 boxes of waffles.
Just be like, I'm gonna order you waffles.
You're gonna get so many waffles.
You won't believe how great these waffles are gonna be.
Huge waffles.
Huge waffles that I can totally eat with my not tiny hands.
The best waffles, all the people are saying it.
This man walked up to me with tears in his eyes and he said, sir, these waffles are so incredible.
You have no idea.
The best part about this bit is it reveals that none of us has a Donald Trump in our pocket, which is fine.
None.
Absolutely none.
Not a bit.
I didn't want to confuse the audience anymore because earlier they were clearly asking themselves, where did El go and who is this dapper southern gentleman that's guesting on the podcast this week?
Trump had another post where he was whining about the story about him trying to stick to DOJ on Saturday Night Live for being too mean to him, and at the end of his whiny screed calling that fake news, He ended with 2024 or before, indicating that maybe he'll be president sooner than 2024.
Which, again, is also wrong, because the next time he could be president would be on January 20th, 2025.
No way, man.
2025 but uh no way man that the presidency is what you want it to be
yeah yes we need to teach our young probably white Americans that any of
them except for probably the women can be the president and that the president
can be or do whatever they want Well, Trump's going to be president in a minute now, according to the people in Arizona, because that audit is still going.
Yeah, but the cyber guys, they're on it.
Yeah, the cyber guys are working on it.
I'm picturing, like, the bad guys from, like, fucking, like, VR Troopers or Superhuman Samurai Cyber Squad.
Just, like, some dumb putty-looking thing in a weird costume, just like, yeah, the cyber guys!
So, uh, I think my favorite thing to start on the, uh, the interminable, uh, grift in Arizona, which was really hilarious because they said it was over on June 14th, which was Trump's birthday, which was symbolism and flag day and blah, blah, blah.
And then, and then Cybernate just like, we ain't going to be done until August.
I don't know what the fuck you were talking about.
We're dragging this scheme out for forever.
Yeah, as soon as it stops, they can't charge anymore.
Right.
And also as soon as it stops, They have to produce something.
And then the Arizona Republican, the Senate, the Republicans, Republicans who run Arizona, then have to take the shit sandwich that cyber ninjas give them, and they have to do something with it.
That is, I mean, Praying Medic, who actually lives in Arizona, was like, Hey, Arizona GOP, you have only one job to do, and that is to fix the corruption in these elections, and if you do not do it, we will replace you.
Signed, a voter.
So, you have this dumb, angry, QAnon block of Republican voters in Arizona That these idiots are going to have to face in Republican primaries coming up.
And I'm sure that winning a seat in Arizona is probably something along the lines of like 60,000 votes, if that.
So if you're in the wrong district and your district's a little too billed for your liking, you could be out of a job really soon if you don't go after somebody with the Cyber Ninja's results.
Yeah, they called this a critical replace theory.
Yes!
Yeah, this is the great replacement.
It's where you get replaced by a nut who will try to arrest people without evidence or the law on their side, because that's what their gibbering mob of QAnon voters wanted from them.
So they have to deal with all this shit.
Meanwhile, you have our boy, Ron Watkins, a.k.a.
Totally Not Q, posting not Q drops on his telegram, which were in order.
President Trump did not concede because nothing can stop what his company.
Fraud visitates everything because he learned that word a few weeks ago and he's never going to stop being into the ground.
It'd be cool if it was frog visitates everything.
Oh, God!
I also believe the word is videates.
Videates?
Okay, I'll take videates.
I think so.
I don't think there's an S in it, but I'm not looking at the words, so... The S is at the end, and I can't say words, so I'm gonna... Yeah, I think it's videates.
Videates.
It's like if you guys ever saw that Lonely Island produced thing, the Seven Days in Hell, where Jon Snow's... Yeah.
And then he then gives us some Riddler cue by saying, if you steal a TV and get caught, do you get to keep the TV?
If you steal a car and get caught, do you get to keep the car?
And then he finally says, fill in the blanks.
If you steal a blank and get caught, do you get to keep the blank?
And then, in the most ridiculous, childish thing that I've ever seen from one of these cretins, he posts a Wheel of Fortune slash Hangman bunch of dashes with the letters L, C, T, and N, and then says, I'd like to buy a vowel, because the rest of the thing is vowels that would spell out election.
Well, I thought it was going to be lockstep.
I didn't know if he was in on that.
No, I thought it was going to be erection.
For his life-size Rey doll.
Yeah, well, it's soon to be upgraded to the My Girlfriend by MyPillow.
Hey, let me upgrade your cartoon girlfriend to a real girlfriend.
It's gonna be the Dominion pillow any minute now.
So Ron is doing all this stuff and they are continuing.
I mean, literally.
It's all these QAnon telegram is just a bunch of clips of Rachel Maddow talking about how dumb this audit is and how unprofessional and poorly run it is and then bringing on guests who are either tied to Arizona or understand how these things work that will talk about what a fraud it is.
And then they just clip they just chop up Rachel's commentary.
They're like, look at the panic.
She's crying on television.
She's so scared.
She knows she's going down and the house comes down with her.
Oh, they're so fucked.
Those dumb libs.
And... They got him.
They got him.
We got him.
We got him cold.
It's like... These people love to rearrange words to try to make it sound like anything relevant.
Like Nostradamus.
Like, Nostradamus wrote so many goddamn words down in his book of prophecies that if you mix them up however you wanted, like, yeah, you can make it sound like he prophesied anything.
The Lord of Terror is gonna show up any minute now.
You shut up.
I'm still waiting for the storm wave!
You got it!
You lived through it!
Really?
Because it felt like Joe Biden won the election.
I mean, I'm just gonna run that one out there.
It's all a trap.
This is all part of the plan.
Trust the plan.
This is all to get him to do even more illegal shit.
Yeah, but I brought my board to, like, shred on this wave.
No, it's happening!
You're living the storm wave right now.
But I feel like I'm not shredding anything, really.
I feel like I'm just sort of standing on my board.
They put laser-etched watermarks on the ballots so that they could catch them in even greater crimes, so that they could get them on more crimes.
You know, now that you mention it, I do feel like I'm surfing.
Thanks.
Insane.
And that is how pilling works.
It really is.
All of these pricks do this.
I see them all the time.
Just make a post where they're like, Hey guys, I can really feel the momentum shifting.
Can you?
It's just this thing where you tell people good stuff is happening and then ask them if they believe you.
And what are they going to do?
Say, no, good things aren't happening?
That's not what they're here for.
They're here for the fun.
They're here for the vibes.
They're not here to say, no, nothing's happening.
Biden's still the president.
The audit will achieve nothing.
We're never going to win.
I mean, because if you do that, you're blackmailing.
You're a downer.
You're a bad guy.
And then you're excommunicated from the church.
I mean, that's how this works.
And then the wave crashed into the Capitol building on January 6th.
Or did it?
Or was it Antifa?
Or was it?
No, it was the FBI.
But we have actually charged an Oath Keeper.
We have our first... This is the... We talked about this before.
This is the first guilty charge from the 6th, right?
We have finally?
Yeah, we now have our first guilty plea.
Plea?
Guilty plea?
Yeah, first guilty plea.
Yeah, so I mean, this is now the slow grinding force of our justice system where finally one of these guys, and hilariously, literally the headline of some of these cases is Florida man pleads guilty, which is like hilarious.
They're not wrong.
No, but the first Oath Keeper, Grayson Young, which is part of a 16-person conspiracy case, he has pled guilty.
And this is the first person who is part of one of the actual right-wing militia movements to be like, you know, I'm not going to try to fight this.
I'm going to try to cut a deal.
Oh, is he cutting a deal?
Is he going to start flipping on other Oath Keepers?
You have to assume that's why he's the first Oath Keeper to do this.
Oh, that's so tasty.
So, this is the stack formation.
Those guys that were coming up like a snake.
The guys that were in all black.
The people that were, quote unquote, the serious dudes.
Probably were along the lines of like the zip tie guy and those other people that seem to be there.
Not just to do a photo op and maybe punch Mitt Romney in the head if they ran into him.
They were looking to actually do some like big boy terrorism.
And so... Like zip tie guy and his mom?
Yes.
And so he got charged with six crimes, including conspiracy and aiding and abetting of the obstruction of the congressional proceeding, aka counting the electoral votes.
So they were like throwing like real things at him.
And this guy, Grayson Young, was also photographed of Roger Stone at some point in his existence.
So our boy Roger, totally not up to his neck with people that were involved in this.
Yeah.
But again, this was at the FBI.
It was all entrapment.
None of this is actually really real.
This is just the reality denial nature of QAnon, where at the end of the day, a lot of people who have a lot of ties to right-wing extremism are going to go down for this.
And those people are going to be seen as martyrs and heroes to the cause for QAnon.
Yeah, they are.
While somehow the FBI tricked them into running into the Capitol.
Someone on my timeline actually linked a photo of two Ben Garrison cartoons.
And the first cartoon was like patriots with Trump flags ripping open the dome of the Capitol building and like staring down at McConnell and Pelosi and all of the rest of the corrupt swamp creatures.
And they were like, can you hear us now?
And the guy is wearing a MAGA hat, a Stop to Steal sweater, and the signs in the crowd are Trump won, drain the swamp, and all this kind of stuff.
And that was how Ben Garrison saw the insurrection basically as it happened.
His recent cartoon on the insurrection is The FBI is an evil, feral-looking cat that is grabbing a MAGA mouse with a Trump 2020 flag.
And pushing him towards a mouse trap that has a piece of cheese that says freedom of speech.
That metaphor is very hard to follow.
Yeah.
And the trap itself is the dome of the Capitol with sharp teeth on it that's going to come down and kill the mouse when the mouse goes for that free speech cheese, which To the artist's credit, I mean, don't get me wrong, his art is still dumb and bad, and he is clearly a piece of shit, but anything is going to sound crazy if it's described to you.
Especially a political cartoon.
So like, let me see if you're on board with this one.
The FBI is depicted by a feral cat in some sort of G-Man coat and hat.
It's just like, wait, what?
It's already pretty weird.
Yes.
And so we've gone from literally the people of America standing up and demanding a fair election to, yeah, the FBI set them up.
Those fucking assholes.
Fucking FBI.
Fucking cops.
The FBI dangled that precious cheese of an election they lost fairly in front of them and it drove them mad.
Mad!
You sure did.
Yeah, so this is what our angry little children are complaining about this week as, again, the guilty pleas are slowly rolling in and we're probably going to start having trials probably through the fall and the winter as the people that contest the charges eventually get processed through the legal system and have their day in court.
Yeah, I mean, so at some point we are going to get a wave of convictions of enemies of the state, but just not in the way that Q wanted or predicted.
It's sort of like this weird, like, self-fulfilling, like, monkey's paw prophecy.
I mean, eventually we're gonna get Q Shaman's Day in court, and he will get some scream time, because he is hilarious.
Yeah.
So it's, it is this very, uh, and the thing about it is, again, they're going to go to jail.
We are going to have the names of these people.
We're going to have the people, the groups they're associated with.
We're going to know that they were wearing Q and MAGA gear at the protest because they were dumb enough to videotape themselves doing all of these things.
Boy, were they.
So, we're gonna know who these people were, we're gonna know why they did what they did, and mysteriously, these, like, shadowy FBI agents who lured them into the trap were all just gonna, like, fade away into the smoke somehow.
Like, they were never even there in the first place.
I'm willing to believe that the FBI and other law enforcement agencies had moles within These organizations, the Oath Keepers, the Boogaloo Boys, the Three Percenters, but yeah, just because they had moles does not mean they led them to do this.
There were thousands of people there.
Yeah.
And the other thing is, is that these groups, they run their operations in cells.
The entire point of this is to prevent infiltrators from being able to tear down the whole network by having it be interconnected.
You air gap it as it were, where you, the North Carolina branch doesn't talk to the Alabama branch, which doesn't talk to the New York branch.
Like nobody knows what anybody else is doing.
And if you do talk to each other, that becomes a kind of like a red alert thing.
Like how much do we tell those guys?
Can we trust those guys from the, from the other branch?
Cause they might have an infiltrator inside of them and we don't want to give more information that could be used against us.
Should we be doing?
Fucking terrorism!
Which is what the attack on the 6th was!
No, absolutely.
You guys just don't want to admit that you were wrong about the effectiveness of the
FBI's elite flash mob squad.
Hey, they did that whole music video where they dance with the lights real great.
Fuck it.
With Christopher Walken.
I can't remember the name of that song.
If the FBI should be doing anything, it should be defending us against Chinese spies, am
I right?
Yes.
They should absolutely be defending us against Chinese spies like Dong Junwei, who apparently
has defected to America or hasn't.
Actual news sources that are trying to deal with this story.
What's up with this?
I saw a blurb about a Chinese spy, a big one defecting and we have it here in the notes.
And I could not find a good way to segue to Chinese spy.
But what is going on?
Like?
So in reality world, the answer is we don't fucking know.
Dong Zhiwei is apparently China's top counterintelligence official.
This guy is really plugged in to the Communist Party and the head of their government and all of that kind of stuff.
If this guy actually did defect, it'd be a huge deal.
And the moment these rumors broke out, QAnon was out of their minds that everything is the domino that starts the whole chain reaction that triggers the Great Awakening.
They lost their shit the moment this came out.
And also because QAnon have the intellectual maturity of a seven-year-old, everything they said had to do with the fact that his name is Dong.
They were just like, oh, the big dong is going to bring down the deep state.
Oh, and just, uh, these people are so obsessed with, uh, transgender people and gays.
And now the dong is coming for them.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love dog, no hobo!
In your language, in my language, your name means genitals.
Yes.
So, this was it.
And there was all this talk about how he defected to DIA instead of the CIA, because he knew the CIA were controlled by the Cabal.
Sounds right.
somehow Trump had purified the DIA and Biden wasn't able to re corrupt them in the five months that he's been president.
I don't know.
Sounds right.
But again, just just when QAnon's on a roll, you just let him go. You don't you don't ask them for actual money.
They're such scamps.
Yes. So basically, they just believed that like this was the
end of the world that we finally got the guy who's going to come
to the world and reveal that COVID was a bioweapon that had been unleashed on us by a coordinated deep state attack
that the Chinese interfered in the election to make Trump lose.
He's just gonna spill all the tea.
He's just gonna, he's just gonna just tear this whole corrupt, uh, house of cards down and save the world.
Uh, Mr. Big Dong, as it were.
So.
Meanwhile, the people who actually do the reporting, we don't even know if he's actually defected or not.
Like, what is going on with this guy?
Where is he located?
Like, nobody really knows.
This is just... It's one of those things where... I mean, does he have Chinese military training?
If so, the US agents will never find him.
He's Jason Bourne.
Jason Bourne didn't have...
Chinese military training?
My version did.
Oh, okay.
He's Jason Bourne of an eight pack.
I mean, so he's as masculine as fuck.
You have no idea.
I mean, his name is Dong.
He's a Chinese military agent.
Oh my god, this guy.
This guy's got testosterone.
Holy shit, it's Jason Bourne.
This guy's got testosterone through the roof.
I mean, he is literally all that is man.
And, uh, There's been talk that he has been missing.
He was in public appearances where a person of his stature should be in attendance for Communist Party meet-and-greets and grip-and-grins and all that kind of stuff.
He's been, quote-unquote, off the grid, as it were, so that's really weird.
What is going on with him has to be figured out, because this kind of is a big move of a piece on the geopolitical chessboard, as it were.
But when it comes to our friends in the paranoid conspiracy theory world, every move on the chessboard means only one thing.
Checkmate.
We've won.
We did it.
That's it.
This is it.
It's all done.
We win.
Game over.
Stormwave.
Like QAnon is literally E4 checkmate.
You've moved a pawn once, the game's over.
We did it.
We win.
No, nothing's happened.
That's the first move of the game.
And it's like, then they're already just like off in the corner celebrating being carried off the field.
It's that meme where the guy is just like spraying himself with champagne and then it pans out and he's at the very bottom of the podium.
Yeah, exactly.
I've seen the meme where he's like third or he's like twelfth.
And like, that's basically it.
I mean, that's basically what QAnon is.
It's just, they see anything, any cause to celebrate, and that's it.
They're celebrating.
Bro, I can feel the wave!
It's super darling.
I am I'm a much bigger fan of L's stoner bro QAnon supporter than his, uh, than his
folksy Southern lawyer.
He is channeling ancient Ninja Turtle character Mondo Gecko.
I nailed it, that was exactly what I was going for.
I didn't know that you'd recognize the Gexter, but I should have given you one.
I know how big of a fan you are of Mondo Gecko.
I mean, honestly, it's all geckos.
Gex, Gecko Gecko, Mondo, you know, the whole gamut.
The Mount Rushmore of geckos, plus there's a fourth one.
There's a fourth secret gecko?
Regular ass gecko.
Or Basking Rootwalla.
Honorary Gecko Basking Rootwalla.
Oh, I remember how much you loved the art on that card.
That card was just the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas back in the day.
Oh, I still love it.
Everybody knows that my favorite Magic card is Baskerville Wallet.
It is known.
This is known.
Yeah.
So, that is... I think that pretty much covers the news we have this week, as it were.
So it's time to hit up ye olde mailbag to see what our audience wants to know about.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Good ole questions.
No way we can derail any questions.
Our first question comes from Old McWatkins, who El would be a huge fan of, because his avatar is Ron Watkins in his dumb Moegu cowboy hat.
Asking, basically, fuck, marry, kill.
Ghost, Ezra, EIT, and Q-Talk.
And my answer to that is, you just kill Ghost Ezra every time and then flip a coin.
That's all you for the answer, because I don't know enough about any of those guys.
Ghost Ezra's the Neo-Nazi, so fuck that guy.
I knew that much.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not keeping that guy around for one more second than I have to.
If this is that game, then that game is solved very quickly.
is a chiropractor, so he's probably like kind of touchy-feely and handsy, so maybe he would
be good in the sack, I don't know.
And Q-Tah's just a dumb weirdo, so I could have an icy marriage with Q-Tah if it ever
came down to it.
I mean, as far as I know, we're all like straight dudes, so I don't think serving us up this
question will reveal much.
Like, you need to get the lady Q-Nuts involved for us, like, you know, basic vanilla cishet white men.
The lady Q-Nuts.
Yes.
Yeah, I mean, you get your MTG, your Bobert, I'm sure there's like a third one that you could get for a real solid list.
Oh, there's, I mean, there's plenty of QAnon promoters out there who are women that have, like, got their, who, like, present themselves out there.
They're not anonymously hiding behind, like, a wafu avatar, as it were.
Like Travis View.
Yeah, yes.
That sinister imposter who never told anyone he was under a stage name under any circumstances.
Yeah, way to trick all those journalists, View.
That is your real name, which it isn't.
Got him.
Like me, the guy who accidentally got the Raines family doxed in Jamaica Plains this week.
Because QAnon are morons.
That's gonna be really awesome when, like, I turn on the news in, like, two months and there's, like, a street brawl in Jamaica Plains where, like, some guy's got into a fistfight.
And I just, like, see some, like, forty-six... I see some, like, sixty-four-year-old man named Mike Raines on television being like, yeah, this guy came at me screaming, where we go one, we go all.
And I'm like, what is he talking about?
And he started throwing... started throwing bows at me.
Give yourself credit, Mike.
I'm sure at some point you will become a big enough target where they will sic their anons with some actual competence behind them on you.
Oh man, I can't wait.
I can't wait for the day for actual doxxing.
It's gonna be so magical.
That's how you know you made it.
Canadian holiday doxxing day.
Anyway, also, I don't feel like, I mean, I'm not super in the mood to say that I want to kill anybody, especially not on air on a broadcast, so... But as far as fucking and marrying, like, I don't know if Kosesra... Maybe he's a tender lover.
Maybe he's a good lay.
I don't know.
I don't know shit about the guy, aside from the fact that he thinks whites reign supreme, and I happen to be white, so I'm sure he'd probably treat me pretty well.
I've also got Aryan blue eyes, although my hair situation is a disaster.
Maybe my lily white skin and my baby blues would be enough for him to just, like, be real, uh, real generous in the bedroom.
We may never know.
I mean, in all likelihood, I will never know.
I would say that in nearly every possible universe, I'd never know.
So, for anyone who wants to have your fanfiction erotica between Costa Ezra and El, feel free to not write that and do not send it to us.
Fuck all that shit.
Chairman Walkman asks, if you had to eat one animal at the zoo, what animal would it be?
This question rules.
It's something I've never thought about before, so... Oh, man.
I mean, I know there are, like, actual giraffe burgers and stuff, so... I'd probably eat a penguin.
They seem small and probably kind of creepy.
Dude, penguin was on my list, too.
Like, I just have no idea what that experience would be like.
Yeah.
But I feel like there's a chance it just ends up being, like, most birds, and then it's just kind of boring.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe it's closer to duck.
I do love duck.
Pigman was on my shortlist.
I mean, I kind of like, you know, as horrific as it sounds, I'm kind of just like, dog, when else are you going to have a chance to try elephant, aside from like a weird hypothetical like this where some mad billionaire has just given you a rifle and a butcher's knife and is just like, go pick your dinner for the evening.
I've had bear and bison and alligator and rattlesnake.
Doug, your zoo is boring as fuck.
Get out of the pocket!
Actual dolphin.
I want to know... There we go.
Dolphin.
But a dolphin's a zoo thing?
I mean, SeaWorld is a zoo, right?
I don't think so.
I think it's kind of like an aquatic entertainment park.
Aquarium, zoo, what do you got?
Yeah, what is an aquarium if it's not a zoo for fish?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Hey, we wanted him to go out of pocket, he went dolphin, I'm gonna allow it.
I mean, all the tuna cans say dolphin-free.
I wanna know... Read that question back to me real quick.
If you had to eat one animal at the zoo, which animal would you eat?
Are you going to say humans?
I'm going to say a zookeeper.
That would absolutely be my real choice.
100%.
I blame that guy.
Water pig.
That guy.
They're like, we said animal, and I'd just be like, come on now.
That guy.
The kid who fell into Harambe's cage.
That does seem like it would be poetic justice.
And he was at a zoo at the time.
Yeah.
There we go.
I think between us, we figured it out.
I think we solved it, yeah.
We've cracked this nut of what is the tastiest animal, which is the most dangerous animal of them all.
And we get to have that conversation with the parents and just be like, your child took something magical away from the world, and now the bill has come due.
Yeah, it's real, like, I feel like it's a Black Mirror episode.
I am going to kill and eat your child.
I'm gonna hunt and eat this five-year-old.
Why hunt?
I don't know, it feels like you're supposed to.
It's the most dangerous game and they're just like, he's 11!
So dangerous!
I have no idea how old that kid is now.
I don't know shit about that kid.
Hold on, one second, one second.
We're done.
We're done No one asks, what's one QAnon belief that part, even a very smart part of you, subscribes to?
This is incredibly easy, and also incredibly disingenuous of me, because Q believes that we landed on the moon, and that the Earth is round!
So I can believe in all of those things very easily!
Um, there's, there's bad actors within the government.
I definitely believe that, just not to the extent of, you know, drinking baby blood.
On the podcast, I've discussed a couple of times how I don't necessarily, like, I'm not convinced that Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.
I can accept that.
My working theory is he was allowed to and encouraged to suicide himself.
Yeah, I'm assuming that the last talk he had with his lawyer, his lawyer laid out some
simple facts for him and it was just like, make your own decision.
Oh yeah, by the way, the guards are going to be asleep tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can spend the next 30 years in this hole and bring down everyone you've ever known
and loved, or the guards can be asleep tonight and so can you.
So, yeah, your call.
So yeah, I can totally see that being a situation that was presented to him, and then he decided to take the easy way out, as it were.
But what's really funny is that again, Q literally made those statements, and I've run into so many QAnon supporters that are anti-moon landing and flat earthers.
And it's just like, yeah, you guys don't care what Q says.
They want to be special.
They want to be special and know something that other people don't know.
Yeah, they just want- And also, I mean like, we've talked about this before too, but at this point Q is just sort of taking on its own life as like this amorphous blob that just absorbs other conspiracy theories.
Oh yeah, exactly, exactly.
It's the- QAnon is the ultimate improv comic in the sense that, well, yes and anything you say.
They just don't care.
They just want to get you in the door, and whatever- QAnon is the SCP that has gotten out of control.
It's the one that's leapt off the pages and into the real world, and is now, like, an actual problem.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just, it's the actual mind worm that we've been talking about in those in those in those articles for forever.
Only now we don't actually have a bizarre entities network that can control and confine it.
It's we need to create the SPC in order to be able to stop this and we don't have that.
So yeah, they're the scavenging news of conspiracy theories.
Yeah.
And finally, Moldchildrenareforhugsandnotdrugs asks, what the fuck is up with Glenn Greenwald?
Which is a question that is near and dear to my heart because I was a Glenn Greenwald sucker when I first came onto the internet as a doe-eyed schmuck.
In the early 2000s, because basically I was on the internet in the 90s, Bill Clinton was president, things were okay.
Then W got in and 9-11 happened and shit kind of sucked, so I started getting more political.
And there was this guy, Clint Greenwald, and he was throwing all these punches at Bush for all the bad shit that was happening in Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib and all of these terrible atrocities and violations of human rights.
And I'm like, yeah, that's right, Greenwald.
Take it to this no-good so-and-so and beat him up.
And then after Bush left office and Obama became president, then I'm like, yeah, now Greenwald's going to be on the Obama train.
And then suddenly Greenwald's like, you know what?
Obama's even worse than Bush.
Fuck Obama.
That guy's a piece of shit.
I'm like, whoa, Glenn.
What are we doing here?
What's going on, bro?
And then I got to watch this guy that had been kind of a hero of mine for the past probably six years or so suddenly turn into this weird asshole that hated Obama, hated Democrats.
And then over the course of the last few years, I found out that pretty much the whole anti-Bush thing that Greenwald had done was a long con.
Like he was setting himself up as this person that was all about defending civil rights and human rights and all this kind of stuff.
But he was just building that brand so that at some point in the future, he could pivot into being a person that would be able to attack mainstream Democrats and, and, um, and centrists from quote unquote, from the left.
And he was actually the whole time kind of just a flaming Republican piece of shit.
And.
That was a very jarring experience for me to have a guy like pull a move like that and have it be so...
Really aggressive and so obvious is what he's doing and like right now Greenwald is constantly being Approvingly quoted by QAnon because he says all the shit they want him to say he talks about how Russia is good and great and how Biden is bad and wrong and all of this stuff and it's just It's really funny that you have this guy who managed to get himself onto these blogs back in the day when the internet was kind of nascent.
Then he has Edward Snowden fall into his lap, and he gets to look like this big hero that was exposing government corruption at the highest levels, speaking truth to power, and all that kind of stuff.
And now he's just Tucker Carlson's best friend on Fox News.
And just watching that character arc of this person is... I can see how it would be really disheartening for someone who went down the same path that I did with this guy.
You're just like, holy shit, I got hoodwinked!
That really sucks!
I may have brought this up before, but the only other person that was kind of like that to me at that time in my life was Bart Kopp, who was the first political site that I got into.
And the guy just hated Bush, all this kind of stuff, and finished all of his pages with a photo of Shirley Manson.
So Bart Kopp was the greatest man on Earth!
I can't believe that you have the balls to admit on the air that you have just totally ripped off your whole gimmick from this guy.
I know!
Anyone who talks to me about it, I tell them.
I keep the Shirley Manson thing going as a tribute to Bart Kopp and the fact that I'm a huge fan of garbage.
I am completely open and obvious about that.
Then the 2008 election came around and Bart Kopp was, and I know this is a thing that no one on earth or in America believes is an actual person that could exist, but Bart Kopp was an actual Hillary Clinton supporter who has died in the wool.
He loved Hillary.
He really didn't want Obama to beat her.
He was mad when Obama did.
And he basically spent the entire Obama presidency kind of nitpicking Obama because he wasn't Hillary.
But the thing about Bart was I can also acknowledge that at that time, Bart was going through a lot of bad health issues and that he was probably not in a good way mentally because of that.
And then he ended up dying at some point, which I'm very glad that he passed.
Wow, that was a real roller coaster.
I didn't know where exactly that story was going.
Yeah, and I'm glad that in the one hand I'm really glad that he passed before 2016 because Trump beating Hillary would have killed him.
That would have been so unacceptable to him.
If you wanted to see a person throw punches at Bernie Bros and all that kind of stuff, he would have been out of his fucking mind that election.
Well, I mean, it's his fault for taking that zookeeper position.
Yes, absolutely.
But yeah, but I mean, it's just just just seeing people that were one way and then like everything just go weird on you.
It's really frustrating.
I mean, it's just like you thought you knew somebody and then it turns out that you kind of didn't.
And in the case of Greenwald, you absolutely didn't because that guy was just holy shit.
I mean, Greenwald was just a scam artist the whole way, the whole way.
What else we got?
We got any other questions?
I'm just going to go with the Chairman Walkman question in numerous, which is, what are you excited for?
Oh, I'm excited for actual good.
Well, yeah, I'll keep it like that.
I'm excited for actual good movies to start coming out, because just last night I, like, looked at my partner and I was like, let's go see a movie tonight.
And then I looked at what was in theaters and I was like, just kidding.
Uh, there's fucking nothing, and there really isn't anything until... Is it the Conjuring 4 out right now, or whatever?
Yeah.
But, you know, I would have to watch Conjuring 1 through 3 to know what's going on.
Even though I think this one is a prequel?
Whatever.
But, like, Black Widow comes out here in, I think, like, two weeks, and that starts off a run of, like, summer blockbusters, and I am actually looking forward to summer movie blockbuster season that I can go to the theaters and see.
I'm doing house hunting, looking for a new place to live, and if that could work out In a positive way, quickly.
That would be something worth looking forward to.
I've got more showings lined up this weekend.
Hot diggity daffodil.
Uh, and I, uh, am very excited about the fact that, uh, slowly it appears like it may be possible that I could do an escape room sometime in the next few months.
Uh, there is- Oh man, yeah, dude, I haven't escaped a room in a hot minute.
I mean, obviously I was escaping no rooms during the RONA, but in addition to that, Uh, I hadn't done one for, like, several months before then.
It used to be sort of a birthday tradition.
Yeah.
Which is hilarious, because we, when you lived with me, we lived walking distance from an escape room.
We did!
Well, yeah, but the turnaround on that room is awful.
Like, I'm not convinced they've turned around any of their rooms yet, so... They have not.
That place announced that they are making a new room, but we did their two hardest.
And both the places I went with you, we always started with the hardest.
Or the second hardest.
We did the Terminator-themed room was like their second hardest, I think.
Yeah, you gotta go fairly hard.
Plus, when I go to a new place, I don't necessarily want to try the hardest immediately because I want to get a vibe for the place.
I want to make sure that their hardest room is going to be worth my time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's not us, like, junking on escape rooms.
I think everyone here loves escape room.
Mike, most of all.
Yeah.
So like, there's like an outdoor escape room that's happening here sometime in July.
So I'm definitely doing that.
Not exactly an escape room, then, is it?
No, it's an adventure.
It's like an objective quest.
It's like a scavenger hunt slash escape room kind of thing.
So that's going to be interesting and fun to actually do a puzzle solving team exercise for the first time in forever.
And hopefully after that, I can start looking into actually doing more escape rooms that are now reopening, which will be a lot of fun.
Oh man, I forgot, one of my buddies is thinking about writing a new tabletop RPG and I haven't played one of those at a physical table in like two years, maybe more.
So, yeah, that is also exciting.
Oh, I am very excited.
I get to go to tonight.
I'm going to Bar Trivia for the first time in I think a year and three months.
Over a year, obviously.
I'm very excited about that.
I love trivia, and I haven't gotten to do it in over a year.
And I get to do that tonight, and then tomorrow night I'm going to my first live show in over a year.
They are honoring the Nico Case tickets I bought two years ago.
That my partner put on the fridge and we forgot that they were there and it is paying off because the place said that they're still honoring them.
So I have lots to be excited about right now.
Sounds great.
Sounds great.
You got anything else on the excitement agenda, Mr. Mike?
We both did two.
I did three.
I was about ready to hand the reins over to you, as it were, for you to pilot the good ship Lollipop to safer shores.
Take us home.
Well, ships don't have reins, so we'll say that I'm gonna gallop this here pony out of Hellworld for the week.
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