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June 16, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:29:23
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #39: 1/6 Was an Inside Job

We discuss the FBI's warnings about QAnon and the fact that QAnon now thinks the FBI were the masterminds behind the attack on the Capitol. All this plus the Clinton Body Count rises and your questions leading us way off the beaten path. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody.
And welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And I am also joined by the man who will never be confused for Batman or any other DC hero.
It's the mysterious L. Xin chào, my beautiful babies.
It's like, it's like word of the day, except greeting of the week.
Yes.
That was Vietnamese.
I'm sure I butchered it, but I tried my best.
That's all we could ever hope for when it comes to the intros from El, is that he does his level best.
And you can find these two gentlemen at HellworldSarge and at HellworldEl on Twitter.
So this week we have the January 6th attack on our Capitol has been considered many different things according to QAnon and the right wing of America.
And now apparently it's going back to being an FBI based false flag, which is very confusing to me.
But before we dig into all of that, we have to let you know that we're talking about QAnon and that leads to dark places.
Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld Podcast talks in-depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
So the one thing I was going to bring up about this week going into the internet world of QAnon is the grifty, scammy nature of QAnon has been so overt and over the top.
We talked about Trump coins last week.
I saw a picture of one, finally.
This week, there is a grifting Telegram channel that is offering people a chance at a lottery to get an exclusive dinner with President Trump if you buy a bunch of Trump coins.
Because who doesn't like Burger King or whatever?
Oh man, you're gonna get the soggiest Big Macs you've ever gotten in your entire life.
Steaks with ketchup.
All the ketchup you can drown them in.
Oh, so delicious.
Oh wow, is Patrick Mahomes gonna be enjoying this?
Yeah, I'll accept that from Super Bowl winning quarterbacks, not from fat racists.
So if Patrick Mahomes ever gets overweight and becomes a racist, his ketchup love of steak is now... Yeah, then it's unacceptable.
I mean, everyone tolerates Tom Brady's ridiculousness with strawberries and water, because he's, you know, next unto God and football.
Can you imagine how good you have to be for your football team, for Kansas City, to tolerate you putting ketchup on steak?
Yeah, very.
You have to take us to a Super Bowl.
Nothing less.
They're taking you to two, and then one of them is easily defeated in the other one by Thomas Brady.
No, no, no.
He was easily defeated by the defensive line of Tampa Bay.
Tom Brady just threw the ball.
To wide open receivers all day.
Yeah.
But that being said, on all that front, the scamminess of these people.
Then there was the woman who basically quit her local Fox affiliate show and then ran the Project Veritas.
And I saw a QAnon promoter saying, her scam GoFundMe or whatever it is, is already at like $50,000.
Let's get her up to $100,000 by the end of the day.
And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, oh my, can you imagine trying to help a grifter get to six figures?
I mean, I just can't even imagine.
In my head thinking that like someone deserves money for scamming me.
That seems really... Joke's on you.
This week's sponsor is Trump Coins.
Now accepted at one Racist Chili's in Arizona.
I don't know where they would take Trump Coins.
I mean, surely you could convert your Trump Coins for hats at that racist hat store in Tennessee or whatever, right?
Oh, that'd be so good!
You could convert your trip coins into Stars of David.
See, I'm learning.
I didn't throw my racist bit to either of you.
Yes, Sarge keeping his racism in Sarge's racism corner, where it belongs.
Oh, jeez.
Yeah, the Trump coin can be spent at the racist hat store, and I'm sure there's a couple of rallies where you could, I don't know, trade them for other Trump coins?
I don't think they get you very far.
No, this is a currency that doesn't have a lot of acceptance in polite society, as it were.
But we're working on it.
We're slowly building it up.
I mean, I was at the gas station a couple weeks ago and saw that Blue Lives Matter Punisher skull hat they were proudly selling.
The Thin Blue Line, aka the Coward Swastika.
Oh, I don't know if I told you this.
Around where I live, I saw somebody flying a new Trump 2024 flag with a slogan I hadn't seen yet, and that was, Trump 2024, the rules have changed.
Oh, I saw a Trump 2024 flag today when I was out working, and it said, Take America Back.
Oh, man.
I love the idea of the rules have changed.
Yeah, I was about to say, of the two of them, Take America Back is a little less sinister to me than New Rules Have Changed.
Yeah, the rules have changed implies violence, right?
Like, I don't think I'm reading too much into that.
That implies The rules right now are, don't hurt each other.
Uh, so the rules have changed implies violence.
I mean, like the best case scenario is that the flag is referring to the, uh, like voter suppression laws being passed by GOP across the country.
And it's just like, that's the best case scenario.
The best case scenario is Trump 2024.
The rules have changed because we changed them.
The rules have changed so that only white people can vote, which is somewhat better than- Trump 2024.
Cheat to win.
Yes.
I'm just happy that Trump 2024 The Rules Have Changed flag said that instead of Trump 2021 The Rules Have Changed.
We're just going for it right now!
We're doing this!
You call the cops on that guy.
You report that guy to the FBI.
There is a better than half chance that that guy was at January 6th.
So, yeah, speaking of the FBI in January 6th, it's probably time to get into the news.
Yeah.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
So, at the top, we have a big one.
The FBI released their report to the public and to Congress saying that they believe Q followers are only going to get more violent from here on out with the apparent loss of Q. Bro, how do I get a cushy federal job where all I do is type up reports that state the obvious?
It's just like, breaking FBI report, the January 6th insurrection by these idiots was their last attempt, and now they've accepted the results.
It's just like, no, that was obviously never going to happen, you fucking lunatics.
They beat a man to death with a fire extinguisher.
A cop.
Someone they purportedly love.
Now, now, they didn't beat the cop to death with a fire extinguisher.
That cop was just merely beaten with a fire extinguisher and lived.
The cop that was sprayed with the bear mace and died from a stroke a day later, died under mysterious, totally natural circumstances and QAnon had nothing to do with it.
So, I mean... Oh yeah, how dare I get those, the brutal beatings of cops by Q Insurrectionists confused.
And Ashley Babbitt was shot to death for doing nothing wrong at all.
Oh, yeah.
No, she was shot to death by an actual man in black, apparently, and it was Tommy Lee Jones, and she had seen too much.
She saw the alien costumes coming off.
Straight up one of those aliens from the XCOM series that just looks like a tall, slender, gray man in black.
Actually, Ashley Babbitt, Vlad Putin was even using her to score points with the American right this week, being like, who ordered her assassination?
The laws of our nation?
Yeah.
Again, in case, because these QAnon people like to pretend all of this bullshit defends their claims.
They're like, Ashley Babbitt was unarmed and blah, blah, blah.
She was jumping through a broken window that had been broken down by the rioters so that she could get to the other side of a locked door to open that door to let the rioters deeper into the Capitol than they had already penetrated.
That was why the cops shot her, to prevent the rioters from getting even more inside the Capitol than they already were.
Let me put this scenario before you.
If I told you today that tomorrow I'm going to go kick in the doors of Congress while they're in session, and then on Friday you heard, oh, Sarge was shot to death, that would be the least surprising news ever right up there with the FBI report.
Yeah, I'd be like, well, Sarge basically, uh, he fucked around and found out.
Yeah, he did what he said.
He, like, stormed into Congress.
Yeah, it doesn't matter, especially when it's not just you.
If it's you, a moron, banging on a wall or trying to break down a door, maybe five or six people subdue you and they tackle you and they hold you down.
When Sarge and his thousands of buddies roll up on the Capitol and try to break down a door, and you're the first person through the wall after the breach of that door has happened, and you get shot, You cannot be surprised at that outcome.
That is kind of what the police have to do in that situation.
Yeah, and she was whiter than Newman's own.
So, like, you know, you know shit is bad when somebody like her gets shot to death by a cop.
And she was a veteran, an Air Force veteran, so... Is that like she was unfamiliar with guns or the consequences thereof?
I know that's a very minor point, but... Well, I mean, she may have been.
She was in the Air Force.
Zing!
Hey, that's my joke.
You can't make that joke.
Well, you didn't seem like you wanted to make it, and I wanted to make fun of her for being 20,000 feet above where combat's happening, so I did it!
You goddamn hairbag hippie.
I do want to stress for the members of the service that are listening that any of these funny goofs about the service are just that, goofs.
I have never served because I'm a fucking delicate, soft boy, so that... These are not goofs coming from me.
I'm coming for you, chair force.
Oh yeah, I mean Sarge did in fact have literal boots on the ground in Afghanistan, so he is allowed- Iraq.
Sorry, Iraq.
So he is allowed to make superior goofs.
Goofs plus.
Sarge has goof privilege likes of which you all can only dream about.
Speaking of goofs plus, Tucker Carlson.
Tucker Carlson had some goofs plus in that he was literally saying on his show that, espousing the theory that all of January 6th was an FBI op.
Yeah, our boy Tucker has decided to go down a really dark road.
This is one of those things that is just so... It really just goes to show you the horrifying nature of QAnon and this alternate reality that the right wing in America has created for themselves.
Where they're the victims of January 6th.
They are the wronged party.
They're the ones that have suffered here.
And the fact that Tucker Carlson and these other clowns like Matt Gaetz are now placating these people and are Feeding into their paranoia and their bullshit and talking about January 6th as though it were a FBI-led false flag event that would like the entrapped brave patriots who were only trying to save their nation from the deep state.
It's really scary that this is something that these people think will get them votes, ratings, money, attention.
I mean, January 6th did lead to a bunch of racists getting arrested, a bunch of, like, people.
Like, I could almost see it if they just wanted to gather all the racist idiots in one place and trick them into committing a crime to, like, get them all, but I think they just needed to wait, and they did, and this happened.
Tucker Carlson sort of seems like he's going mad with power recently, right?
I mean, as this QAnon shit gets more popular, he gets more brazen.
Because I remember Tucker Carlson has been a piece of shit for a long time, but... Yeah.
It seems like he's really been amping up the shititude.
I mean, he's on the top of shit mountain.
It's like him and Alex Jones, and no one listens to Alex Jones, so it's just him.
Hey, like 30% of Joe Rogan or whatever, whenever he's feeling froggy and lets somebody on there to just fucking espouse ridiculous beliefs to his allegedly 200 million listeners, a figure which seems inflated.
I don't know about you guys, but... Yeah.
It's so frustrating with this stuff because Tucker also knows he's lying.
That's the thing that's so egregious about this is Tucker Carlson was quoting from a revolver News piece and Revolver is you go to their website and it's literally nothing but a bunch of ads and then an ad on top of those ads saying that if you pay them five bucks a month, they'll get rid of the ads for you.
And they also have an outright donate button to just give them money.
So, you know, Revolver is totally on the up and up.
And what they were doing and what Tucker was doing was taking the term, uh, person, uh, X.
As to being some sort of person to person number.
So person one, person two.
I think I was reading through the indictment before we started recording and they get up to like person 19 in this thing.
There are a lot of unindicted co-conspirators in this thing that are listed as a person within a number after the word person.
And the thing about this is that Tucker Carlson is trying to make the case that these quote-unquote persons who are unindicted co-conspirators are FBI informants or FBI operatives or agents.
And the thing is, is that Tuck has to know he's fucking lying about this, which is what makes it so infuriating that This is actually just the GOJ style guide for this crap.
And that oftentimes when you read the indictment, you know who the person is.
They tell you who the person is.
They just won't name the person.
In this superseding indictment, in this piece, in this thing that you can read, Person number one is listed as the head of the Oath Keepers.
That is Stuart Rhodes.
We know who person one is, but it's again, just DOJ style formatting.
We're not going to name person one.
You know who person one is if you have any concept of the situation, but we're just not going to say their name because that's just not how we do business here.
Well, the Time Variance Authority has to do their paperwork like that because there could be any number of different versions of that guy.
ULTRA TOPICAL REFERENCE.
Damn straight.
I'm gonna bring it.
So, person number one is Stuart Rhodes, and we know this because they literally said it's the head of the Oath Keepers.
Person 2, I believe the name of the guy that got arrested that this was about is Thomas Caldwell.
And Person 2 is his wife.
Again, Person 2 is listed as the person that was sharing his hotel room the night before the insurrection and the attack.
And I would guess Sarge would probably understand, or any other rational person understands, how when you have a relationship with someone, that's who you spend a hotel night with.
When you travel together, you get a room, as they say.
Yes, when I hire an underage girl to come with me, we stay in the same hotel room.
Like me and my buddy Matt Gates.
Yes.
And Tuck, when we all go to parties together, I know Tuck, I know your wife, and we've met.
We all go to parties together.
Venmo $300 for love hotel emoji.
What could it mean?
That's a real Cloak & Dagger shit from our boys Tucker Carlson and Matt Gaetz.
In not news, I was reading right before we started, Matt Gaetz's staffers, former staffers, are like stripping their time working for a congressman from their LinkedIn profiles.
They're just like, nope, don't need this.
Don't need to be attached to sex trafficking in my LinkedIn.
What's this break in your employment here?
Well, I certainly didn't work for a congressman from Florida.
Don't worry about it.
No, I was donating blood, and I was doing anything but that.
I mean, started in OnlyFans, just anything.
Anything is more credible and solid than having worked for a congressman from Florida.
I was doing a three-card Monty Hustle on the Las Vegas Strip.
Literally anything.
Well, he's got the summer to let things cool down and then he can start promoting once the high school season begins again because I'm sure that when it comes to some new high school age girls, positions on his staff are available.
They stay the same age, and I just keep getting older.
So, person number three, I have not been able to crack the nut of person number three's identity, but going over the documents, it's incredibly likely they were in a position of leadership in the North Carolina Oath Keepers A chapter because almost all of the comments from the indicted guy are basically, yeah, I talked to person three to see if the North Carolina boys were coming up here.
And then like later on it is said, person three told me that a bus full of 40 people was coming up here from NC to help us with the protest.
Yeah, stay with me here.
Another scenario.
Maybe I don't want some idiot on national TV blasting all my pending indictments, the names out.
So in my indictment documents, I just named the one person for that one and everyone else is given number designations internally.
Uh, all of these indicted people are white, so I believe you mean hero indictments?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Freedom indictments.
Freedom indictments.
Patriot indictments.
They would wear it like a badge of honor if Tucker Carlson was out there talking about all these heroic patriots getting arrested and indicted.
Yeah, I'm sure you can find all their names on Stormfront.
And, and, and the thing, again, going over this whole thing is that Tucker
Carlson and these people, which now includes also Vladimir Putin, are making
the case that all of the people that are currently in prison for January 6th were
somehow hoodwinked into it, that they got scammed into this shit.
One of the funnier things that has come out recently about this whole ordeal on
January 6th is that Parler, which is Gab's great enemy in the battle for right-wing
echo chamber social media platform, Parler alerted the FBI 50 times that people were
broadcasting the plans for violent insurrection on the 6th.
And apparently the FBI was just out to lunch on that shit.
They were all getting into place to lead the people in and trap them.
Yeah, they were writing this report about how dangerous these people were and couldn't be bothered to respond to
any evidence to that.
They were all getting into place to lead the people in and trap them.
It was all part of the plan.
So, having had this news that Parler was literally snitching on these people to the FBI,
that Gab has gone on the offensive to declare Parler a honeypot and a controlled opposition social media platform
that is the bad guys, and that we here at Gab are the good guys, and you can
trust racists, antisemitics, sack of shit, torba, And his poorly run, poorly designed platform.
Is that where Ghost Ezra hangs out?
No, Ghost Ezra hangs out on Telegram exclusively.
Oh, he's exclusive to Telegram.
He's got an exclusive deal with Telegram?
Oh yeah, the most exclusive deal with Telegram.
Although, a couple...
A couple days ago, Torbs made a comment and then GhostEzra parroted that comment later.
So it's clear that GhostEzra does follow Gab at the very least.
But yeah, GhostEzra, you can only find his hot takes on Telegram.
And I think that's probably because of the fact that Telegram is like a really weirdly designed kind of platform where you don't get directly talked to by Your audience, they just sort of like mingle in their own chat room and just like freak each other out with their yelling and screaming.
It's really hard to get on Telegram, right?
Yeah, Telegram is really clunky.
Like, I don't know, I don't want it on my phone because it's like just kind of scummy.
And having it on my desktop doesn't make me very happy.
But this is what you do when you're tracking this crap.
Yeah, this is the price of doing business.
Yeah, oh, it absolutely is.
So I mean, but once you get on the oh, yeah, that's what happened.
Torba posted out a thing was like, is there a Holodomor Museum in the US?
And then Gosezer also said, why doesn't America have a Holodomor Museum?
Let's find out.
You're gonna have to explain that one.
I do not know what a Holodomor is.
The Holodomor is Stalin's starvation and purging of the Russian people, as it were, from when he took over as ruler of the Soviet Union and then pretty much slaughtered the people of the Ukraine because That was the shit that Stalin was doing back then.
Much like the Clintons.
Much like the Clintons are murdering mad people.
In our notes here, we actually have Christopher Sine, brackets who, question mark, was totally murdered by the Clintons.
Much like Stalin.
Yeah, in our production notes, Mike Rains was talking about this Christopher Sine guy like he was just somebody I should know.
No, you should absolutely not know who Christopher Sine is because nobody knew who Christopher Sine was.
The Clintons did, goddammit, and they killed him.
Oh, I mean, the Clinton body count list, you couldn't, you wouldn't have been able to name like any of those people until it was brought to your attention that they were famous and important and then got iced by the Clintons.
Do you suppose Bill Clinton still smokes cigars?
Nah, probably not.
That was probably the deal with Hillary, right?
Like, I won't, you know, have you killed, like, everyone else, but you have to stop smoking cigars.
I mean he had that heart attack and then he like went vegan and just got healthy and then he lost a scary amount of weight and like at the first I was like hey Bill Clinton lost some weight looking good and then it was like oh god Bill's getting that kind of thing you get before you hear the bad news.
Yeah I mean you've just described the vegan trajectory.
People are just like, hey, I'm going vegan.
It's good for you.
And then they lose the appropriate amount of weight.
You're just like, looking good.
And then they keep losing weight because, you know, veganism.
It's just like, oh, well, now you look sort of like some sort of gaunt cosplayer of your former self.
You do need some fat in your diet.
Yeah.
So, uh, yeah, I think that Bill kind of, like, got away from all that kind of stuff in an effort to stay alive, and also to allow himself and his wife to continue murdering everybody under the sun who displeases them.
And in this case, it happened to be Christopher Sine, who, unless you're a total nut and dig into this stuff the way QAnon does, no one would have ever known or cared about who this guy was, because His quote unquote big news story was something that again, nobody on earth would have ever cared about.
was the fact that he was the guy that brought up the fact that Loretta Lynch met with Bill
Clinton for like 45 minutes on the tarmac of an airport during the 2016 presidential
campaign and this was a minor controversy that the Republicans screamed about for a
few days before forgetting about it because nobody cared about.
Clinton is going to the Attorney General and he's trying to get her to lay off the emails
because once Hillary's in office, he'll take care of Loretta Lynch with a crutchy gig,
blah blah blah.
This is tampering with an investigation, etc., etc.
And then the story went nowhere because there was really nothing to it.
This was just a chance encounter between Bill Clinton and Laurel Lynch.
Should he have talked to her?
Probably not, because the optics are bad.
And hey, Bill, maybe that was the 30,000 votes we needed to keep Trump out of office.
Waka waka.
But whatever.
On that front, this was just one of a myriad of quote unquote scandals that Hilldog and her campaign had to deal with over the course of the election that was all about her buttery emails, as it were.
But yeah, and her calling people deplorables.
Oh God, calling QAnon deplorable?
Oh, let me fall on the fainting couch right now.
But that all happens, and now, cut to five years later, tragically and unfortunately, Christopher Sine has committed suicide.
And if you're someone who ever said an untoward word about the Clintons in the history of your life, and then you happen to commit suicide, You didn't commit suicide.
The Clintons murdered you.
And so QAnon spent the next two days totally up in arms and freaking out and screaming about how the Clintons had bided their time all these years before finally deciding to drop the guy who broke the tarmac story.
You know, I didn't have, I didn't put much credence into any of this, uh, like, Clinton assassination stuff until this incident.
And now you could say that I've seen the sign and it opened up my eyes.
Boom.
I saw the sign.
That was... Boo this man.
Yeah, that's right.
Your hatred really makes me more powerful.
That's how we'll know we really made it when the Clintons have us whacked five years after we're relevant.
Yes.
When we decide to do our, that's what we'll do.
We'll set up our five-year death timer.
We will do an episode condemning the Clintons, and then we'll just see if we can outlast Chris Cine for survival.
Who is the other one that QAnon, he, like, is a former, like, Democratic aide or something?
Seth Rich.
That's the one.
Seth Rich is the big one because Seth Rich, Seth Rich was their wedge to try to pull the Bernie bros away from Hillary in the 2016 campaign because they made up all this bullshit.
The whole story of Seth Rich is all lies.
The idea that he was this hardcore Bernie bro who hated Hillary and couldn't believe what she did, that wasn't true.
He was looking into moving to DC during the campaign because he wanted to work for Hillary and stuff like that.
He was actually just a traditional Democrat who was going to back the nominee, which was Hillary.
He gets killed and WikiLeaks at this point is trying to make it seem like they didn't just get the information direct from Russia, that they didn't get this as a part of a foreign disinformation campaign against the Clintons to help Trump.
So when Julian Assange is like interviewed on, um, I think it was a British radio show, a British talk show, but it was some show in Europe and, He keeps making it cryptic that he got this information from Seth Rich.
And he's like, you know, I don't know what happened to Seth Rich.
I'd like to put out a bounty for information leading to what happened to him and who killed him.
Because I think Seth Rich was doing a lot of good things and blah, blah, blah.
And maybe he was my source, wink, wink.
And the interviewer just kept being like, hey, was Seth Rich your source?
And Assange just kept being like, I'm not saying, but I'm just saying.
And the interviewer was like, no, dude, this is like a serious thing.
This guy's fucking dead.
And you're like casting aspersions about this shit.
Like, let's nail this down.
Did Seth Rich give you the info?
And Julian was just like, I don't know.
Waka waka.
And actually, the Mueller Report makes it clear that Wikileaks got the download, they got the information four days after Seth Rich was killed.
So there's no possible way Seth Rich could have been the connection.
So it's all bullshit, and fuck Julian Assange for doing that.
Yeah, that guy is a genuine piece of shit as well.
Seth Rich and Chris Sine sound like members of some hip-hop group.
Those are both like pretty good hip-hop names.
Obviously you would want to stylize the word sign with a dollar sign instead of an S, but... Oh yeah, for sure.
Rich has the two lines through the R also like a dollar sign.
Yeah, you got rich and dollar sign.
I mean, that's like all of it.
That's everything you could possibly want in this situation.
So you we now have our QAnon right wing white guy rapper group.
So like, I'll I'll be I'll be dollar sign and L can be rich and we'll just have Sarge on the ones and twos spinning the discs and I think we can tour the right wing grifting cycle pretty well.
I think we do well in Russia from what I'm seeing.
Oh, apparently Putin's a big fan of QAnon.
Or QAnon's a big fan of him.
Both of these things.
We would absolutely kill in Russia, and by that I mean we would throw people out of windows who dissed Flatty Daddy, because that's how they operate.
Or load up their underwear with poison.
Yes!
Or just disappear them to whatever gulag he still has.
No, you don't understand.
The poison activates when dick sweat.
It works.
That's the best poison.
The dick sweat poison.
The dick sweat means it's working.
Good lord.
But yeah, QAnon is now aggressively pro-Putin.
We have our big summit meeting between our president, America's leader, Joe Biden, and Vladimir Putin, and all of QAnon is just like, man, He's like, I know I might be a bad American for saying this, but I hope Putin just dunks the fuck out of him.
I just hope Putin crushes him.
I mean, these people are so miserable and so bitter that their whole, like, America first!
Love it or leave it!
Stand for the, like, stand for the flag!
Kneel for the cross!
All of it goes out the window once a Democrat's in the White House.
Once that happens, America sucks.
And they just go running for whatever strongman they can find anywhere to validate them and make them feel good.
Yeah, all of these red-blooded American patriots want Putin to be our president and our army to be led by the CCP.
It's fucking insane.
I mean, it's not so different.
It happened to Kennedy.
Oswald lived in Russia for a while.
And that's the thing about that, is that if these people were around during Kennedy's time in office, they would have been absolute gigantic Khrushchev fans.
Oh, they would have thought Kennedy was this weak-willed, limp-dicked piece of shit.
Because it was pretty famously known that the first summit meeting between Kennedy and Khrushchev Khrushchev like bullied the shit out of him and a lot of the international press was just kind of like this like young charismatic American president who was able to charm like domestically isn't able to cut it in the rough-and-tumble world the foreign politics and handling the Russian bear as it were because Khrushchev just ate his lunch and then the Cuban Missile Crisis which was
Where Kennedy saved the world from nuclear annihilation.
A lot of people took what Kennedy did there as weakness because they wanted airstrikes on those missiles.
They wanted an invasion of Cuba to topple Castro and get that shit out of there.
And almost all of that was guaranteed to lead to a nuclear war.
Like, Kennedy even, like, would talk to his advisors and be like, so, we bomb these missile sites, then what happens?
And they're like, well, then they probably start shooting down our planes.
They probably start trying to rebuild the missile sites.
If we keep bombing, they'll probably launch a missile at America and hit us with a nuke.
And Kennedy's like, and when does this stop?
And they were just like, uh, when cooler heads prevail.
And he was like, when the fuck is that?
Yeah, when we're all dead.
I also love that Putin was just like, oh, yes, I like Trump.
Much better president than Biden.
And then anyone with half a brain heard the quiet part where he was like, he was much more easy to manipulate.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
I mean, Trump was Putin's boy.
I mean, what happened?
Yeah, he would do anything for that guy.
I do not understand it.
What happened in Helsinki should have ended the election for Trump.
Him groveling before the Russian dictator, that should have been it.
America as a whole should have reacted with revulsion and disgust and been like, nope, fuck this guy, we're out of here, done.
This guy can't be our president anymore, you can't do that.
Be running our country.
And half America was like, you know what?
It's good that this guy washed Putin's undercarriage.
That was totally okay that Trump literally groveled before a Russian dictator and thought it was cool.
Yeah, it was kind of weird when Trump tried to take his belt off.
But aside from that, I think the meeting went great.
Yeah.
Literally, like Putin was like, I like Trump as president much better.
Yes.
Of course you did.
He did anything you said.
The Russian bounty story, Trump was like, I don't know, maybe they were paying to kill our troops.
Who knows?
I mean, who can trust American intelligence on this shit?
Vladdy Daddy told me they weren't doing it, so I'm gonna back my boy!
It's so insane that this was the relationship we had between America, which is the most powerful nation on earth in every metric you could possibly have, and Russia, which has really no economy whatsoever.
Like, the only thing Russia really has is a bunch of spies and a bunch of nukes.
But if you attack Russia economically, they can't do shit about that.
Russia's GMP is like the same as Mexico's.
I mean, they are a tiny nation when it comes to making shit.
All they do is sell weapons and oil.
I mean, they don't have any manufacturing or infrastructure.
It's just crime.
It's just literally all crime and raw services.
Would you like some Russian lumber and oil and crime?
That's what we have.
You would think that there would be at least a cottage industry for preventative railings to put on your windows, considering how many people just fall out of windows in Russia.
It's mysterious.
This is a real problem over there.
Yeah, defenestration is no joke.
Real slippery floors.
Yeah, like freshly waxed floors in front of unprotected windows.
Get at us, Russia.
We'll export some of our delicious window guards.
Do you think Russian sitcoms have a lot of people just like comically slipping on stuff and falling out of windows just so people have that idea?
It's like, just mad slippery floors here.
Yeah, it's just the way Russia is.
We just don't have grip mats in front of windows anywhere in our country for some odd reason.
I don't get it.
Yeah, the eighth season of Russian Friends ended with Ross falling out a window.
Russians come over here and they feel the calluses in our showers and they're like, holy shit, these could save so many lives.
It's kind of like that in a way, because I remember, basically, I forget what decade it was, it was either the 70s or the 80s, maybe even the 90s, but who knows.
But some Russian dignitary came to America, and he was given a tour of a supermarket, And after he had that tour, he got in his car and he's like, drive me somewhere else.
I want to go to another supermarket.
Because that shit had to be set up.
You couldn't have that everywhere.
And they took him to like three other supermarkets right in the area that were all the same way.
And he was just like, we've lost.
We've actually lost.
We have nothing this good in Russia.
The average American has so much more than we do.
We're, we're fucking dog shit.
We suck.
We actually broke this Russian diplomat via supermarkets.
It was devastating to him.
So I think the, I think the grip mats and the calluses on the shower floors might have the, there might be that next generation.
He just grabbed his heart.
He's like, these people have all the food they want and they don't slip in the shower.
How can we deal?
Or out windows.
You have a bar on window?
This country is very nice.
I feel very safe.
That is to keep you from falling out, right?
No, it's to keep people from breaking in.
That's so strange.
I see it does two things.
It's very efficient.
American window safety is just incredible compared to Russia.
Yeah, we just sell Trump brand window bars in Russia.
Yeah.
I saw an actual post from some right- I think it was a right-wing blue checkmark on Twitter.
It wasn't even an actual QAnon nut.
And they were like, after that summit meeting, Putin held a press conference and talked for 45 minutes.
Biden better give us at least 45!
And it's like, now we're going to measure the American president's press conference standards via the Russian dictator's standards.
It's like, Like, these people just want to admit that Vlad's their alpha male daddy, and that they're just mad that we have democracy in America that allowed us to remove Trump from office.
I mean, that dude is in much better shape than Trump.
I understand why they're gravitating towards him.
He is everything Trump is, just more, and better, and eviler.
But that's what they want, clearly.
Unless you want your president to be a potato head, in which case Trump totally wins.
He's even got the weird hair accessory that you just plug right into the top of the head.
Yes!
The tiny hands accessory, mushroom penis accessory.
Hey, that way you can't de-genderify the Trump potato head, because the male genitals are an important part of that get-up, as it were.
We will not have the gender-fluid Mr. Potato Head around these parts anytime soon, when it's Trump Potato Head.
Gotta gender those potatoes.
He's going to be our president again in August.
The MyPillowGuy told me in his dumb documentary that he recorded on his phone, absolute 9-0, referring to the Supreme Court.
I just love the idea that Breyer, Ginsburg, and Sotomayor are going to see the evidence and be like, you know, the MyPillowGuy did it.
He hit a home run here.
There is no, I don't even have a leg to stand on here.
I have to make Trump the president again.
There's just no two ways about it.
I mean, the 30,000 people that totally attended that rally would all agree.
Like, I just have to say it every single week, the Supreme Court does not have the power to overturn an election, and there's no course of action for them to do it, even if they, like, if the Supreme Court did 9-0 tomorrow, they're like, this election, no good.
There's nothing in the Constitution For anything to happen from there.
Yeah, this is like a dead end.
It's just this dumb dead end thing.
I actually saw a post from one of these websites that literally just does nothing but print bullshit for QAnon to get excited about.
And the title of the piece was, what if all these audits go in Trump's favor?
And then like the first question at the top of it was like, what will the military do?
And the answer is, nothing!
Fucking nothing will happen.
Yeah, guess what?
We're the only nation that when you swear into the military, you swear to uphold the Constitution.
You do not swear an oath to the president or the leader.
You follow the orders of the commander in chief, but you swear to uphold the Constitution.
And that is very important.
And you're actually given provisions not to follow an unlawful order.
That is like an important part of our military.
Oh, yeah.
No, they teach us that literally from day one.
It is in the book they give you when you join the Army where it's like, hey, here's everything you need to know to be in the Army in basic training.
And they have the stories from Meli when the lieutenant in a helicopter turned his gun on American soldiers that were gunning down civilians.
He turned and they were like, hey, sometimes you shouldn't follow orders because they're monstrous.
And here's an example of when that happened.
But we were also talking about audits before we get too far into this, and the Arizona audit is still happening or not happening, or I can watch it on webcam now?
What the fuck's going on?
Okay, so QAnon had created this narrative that the Arizona audit was going to end on June 14th, which was Flag Day, which is also Donald Trump's birthday, so the people who always talk about how they're ending These people who always talk about how symbolism will destroy their enemies and lead to the victory of the Patriots over the bad guys are so obsessed with symbolism, they had concocted this idea.
And then on the 14th, or I think on the night of the 13th, they had said that everything was over, this thing was done, or they were down to like one box of pallet of votes left to count.
And that they were already announcing they were short 200,000 votes, which is unbelievable bullshit, because they were supposed to be auditing and hand counting 2.1 million votes.
So if they said they were missing 10% of the votes they were supposed to be counting, That isn't proof of malfeasance, this isn't proof of some sort of manipulation to rig the vote.
This is proof that you're fucking incompetent, that you couldn't find those other votes.
So Cyber Ninjas was basically saying that we're incompetent, or at least that was the implicit belief that was going on at this point.
And they were saying, there's 200,000 votes missing, those ballots were phantoms, they didn't really exist, it's all bullshit, we have to decertify the Arizona election right now, blah blah blah.
And now we're on the 16th and an Arizona reporter with a blue checkmark on Twitter who's a real person is actually at the recount even now.
It is still ongoing.
The webcams recently showed five tables still counting ballots, still doing work.
So, all of this talk about the audit being done and the preliminary reports that they were missing 200,000 votes was all premature, was all just bullshit thrown out there to rile up QAnon and get people screaming about decertifying the election.
This interminable audit continues apace and will never end, probably, because once it's over, Cyber Ninjas is going to have to say something and They know Dominion and Smartmatic are going to be looking at them just waiting.
Yeah, they're already suing the MyPillowGuy to the tune of billions.
And the MyPillowGuy has countersued them in a lawsuit that his lawyer got fired from his law firm for taking, which was great.
But on top of that, you just have They know that they have the lawsuit waiting for them from all these, uh, the Smartmatic and Dominion.
They know the DOJ and Merrick Garland have already come out and said that if, if you pulled any shit, we're going to look into that shit and it's on you and we will come at you.
So, they already have a company that has been throwing out billion-dollar lawsuits like candy, and the federal government breathing down their neck.
So the idea that Cyber Ninjas is going to give anyone a pleasing payoff to this story is nuts.
I mean, they're probably shitting bricks trying to figure out how they're going to flimflam people and get out of here.
The pleasing payoff is Trump getting put back into office in August?
Duh.
Oh, the best part about that was Mike Lindell literally said that he might have been a month or two too early on that, that we might have to back Trump up to September or October before he gets back in.
He may have jumped the gun.
He may have been a little too quick on the reinstalling of Trump because these people are always pushing the deadline back a little bit more.
They're always giving themselves away.
Gotta move that doomday clock back.
I listened to that whole bit when he was on Alex Jones and he just has no idea how anything works.
Even if, like we keep saying every week, if this whole thing went to shit and somehow the election was overturned and we remove Biden and Harris, Then that would just make it's the it goes to the Speaker of the House, right?
Right.
It's Pelosi.
Yeah, then it's Pelosi becomes the the president.
Like the president until things get sorted out.
And I'm I think they would want that even less than what we have.
Right.
I mean, there's no there there.
There is no constitutional remedy that exists where you put the loser into power over the winner because the loser should have won.
It doesn't exist.
I mean, there's never been anyone Who thought that Al Gore was going to be reinstalled as president over George W. Bush if we could prove that Gore had won Florida?
There's no one that thought that if we could find the votes for Hillary that she would take over for Trump.
This is an exclusively Trump-centric, stupid conspiracy theory.
Conspiracy theory, paranoid wish fulfillment that we're going to get our boy back in office and we're going to flip the Senate and the House once we find all the down-ticket races we're tampered with also.
I mean, we're just... Yeah, they just recently started talking about the down-ticket shit.
That's what's baffling to me.
I know they want the White House back, but I would have thought they'd been focusing on the down-ticket shit way more because that is much easier to overturn.
But they don't have anything other than their cult of personality around Donald Trump.
He is the story.
I mean, these people literally hear Trump screaming to take the vaccine and it's great, and they have to decode what it really means.
Because if Biden told me to poison myself, I'd be like, okay, fuck Joe Biden.
We're going to primary him in 2024 and get this guy out of here because he's a piece of shit.
He just told me to poison myself.
Donald Trump's telling QAnon, hey, take the COVID vaccine and die!
And they're like, yeah, Scott Emperor, we can't wait to reinstall you as president.
Yeah, we're all vaccinated.
So this podcast is on a clock.
We die this flu season, right?
We die at some point.
We will deactivate when Bill Gates determines that it is our time to go.
I must have Bill Clinton, which is why there was that gap there.
I mean, that joke would have worked too.
It would have been in a different way.
When the Clintons kill people, I assume it's Billy Boy with a sniper rifle.
I want to believe that.
I actually have a customer at my work that walks in every now and then with a shirt that has, I believe it's Bill has a revolver, has a pistol with a silencer.
And Hillary has on gloves with like garroting wire strapped around them, tied between them.
And the title, the caption is the Clintons, they can't suicide us all.
So like this idea of the Clintons just murdering everybody is like a thing that's been around for forever.
But also speaking quickly about people who have been murdered by the vaccine.
There was that scary moment in the The Euro 2021 soccer tournament, where Christian Eriksen, a player for Denmark, collapsed on the field in cardiac arrest and had to be resuscitated on the field.
Thankfully, he was conscious when he left the field, is in the hospital, but is stable, has released a statement saying he's in good shape.
And immediately, QAnon and The Right came out and said, this is what happens when you take the vaccine, it basically kills you.
Christian Erikson, living slash dying proof of this, one of the QAnon promoters that I like to follow, started posting all of these retweets from Christian Erikson that were of liberals and left-wing politics in America, proving that Erikson was a commie pinko liberal who got the vaccine, and that's why he almost died on the soccer pitch.
It turned out that that QAnon promoter is a fucking moron and got the wrong Christian Erikson.
Christian Erikson's actual Twitter feed is just literally something about, proud to be playing soccer today, love my sport, hashtag football, and had nothing to do with politics at all.
And then finally, in the last comedic little bit of this, Christian Erikson has yet to take the vaccine.
So all of this is bullshit.
Every last crumb of it.
Wow.
They're just captains of the cell phone.
I'm just forever owning themselves.
Yeah, I was pretty confused because I thought you said cell phone.
Yeah, like the device you use.
And it's just like, well, anyone who's vaccinated gets incredible 5G reception.
So I guess all of us could be considered captains.
Yeah, I can't put my phone down.
It just sticks to me like a magnet.
Did you get the vaccine that also counts as an induction charger?
So when you stick it to your arm, it charges it?
Yeah, no, it's super awesome.
My phone never runs out of battery.
Yeah, I think that was what the second Pfizer dose did.
That's what the Matrix movies were actually about.
They were getting us ready for now, when you could just hold your phone in your hand and charge it yourself.
The J&J vaccine is like the track phone of vaccines.
It's the jitterbug.
Extra big letters.
Take that J&J vaccine.
There's like that new vaccine that's coming out, like Novatech or something like that.
They better have a really good Wi-Fi plan or hotspot or something.
They're going to have to have a real big selling point to make a dent in the American market.
Novatech vaccine?
I want that one.
That one gives you superpowers for sure.
Yeah, well, I think it just got approved, and the problem is we already have Pfizer and Moderna, and J&J, so I mean, it's just like, we really don't, yeah, Novavax, that's it, Novavax.
Novavax, oh, that one sounds much cooler.
I hear if you get all six vaccines, you can snap your fingers and nothing happens.
You can snap your fingers and not have COVID-19.
So good.
And if you do get it, you don't go to the hospital because it'll be very mild, if not asymptomatic.
So yeah, it's really good.
I highly recommend getting a vaccine.
And also a little shout out to fellow residents of the Commonwealth here in the beloved
Massachusetts.
Our governor is apparently giving away a million dollar lottery to the vaccinated.
On July 1st, you can put in your information to the government website in Massachusetts.
And if you are if you're listed as a vaccinated person, you get in the lotto for that cool million clams.
So I your boy, Mike Rains will be taking a swing at that.
So best of luck. You need to win that lotto and you need to you need to build us a podcast house.
house. Yeah, we need a studio.
Hell House, but House spelled with a Q because that's our gimmick.
Yeah, it's not confusing at all.
No, it's beautiful.
I love the idea of Hell House with a Q. Because it doesn't make things hard to market at all.
All right, last item in the kitty.
Do we want to talk about how apparently if you defend the Capitol, you do not deserve a medal, according to several Republicans.
Yes, the House had a resolution to award congressional gold medals to the police who defended the Capitol during the January 6th riots.
And I believe it was 21 Republicans voted no on this measure.
They were like, fuck those cops.
They don't get medals.
And the three most notable cretins that voted no were, of course, Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
You knew those two.
And you probably could have guessed that Louie Gohmert was also a no on this issue.
So, objectively pro-insurrectionist, objectively anti-cop, Back the Blue and Blue Lives Matter can go fuck yourselves when you're going after our people waving the Trump flags and the QAnon flags and trying to break down the doors of Congress.
So yeah, these people are the absolute dregs of humanity.
I know the answer, but God, it's such a layup dunker to like, approve more money for the troops, like raise the soldiers' pay to approve a medal for the brave men and women of the Capitol Police who literally defended us from QAnon.
And God, it's baffling.
Yeah, it's truly amazing.
It's truly amazing that you are given this easy layup.
And what do you think?
You think you're going to offend QAnon?
You think they're going to get sad and mad at you?
Donald Trump tells them to kill themselves with a vaccine every day and they worship him.
You could vote the wrong way on this and release a press release that just has the word optics in it, because QAnon loves using the term optics to explain why things didn't go their way, and you'd be good.
You'd be quote-unquote in like Flynn, as it were.
Waka waka!
So, I mean, it's just so ridiculous that these people think that it's more important to pander to QAnon than mainstream America, which is terrifying.
Really kind of terrifying.
Forever baffling.
Well, that's the news for the week.
Yeah.
So I guess it's time to bust open ye old mailbag and see what people have had to ask us in this week's section of Q&A.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
So David D. Dude on occasion asks, How have the Q Loyalists reasoned the disconnect of Sidney Powell's testimony claiming it can't possibly be believable, but all the public statements she makes are true?
Or do they just ignore it to keep the delusion consistent?
And the answer is, is she's gaming the system.
She just said those things to defeat the evil Cabal and Deep State and Smartmatic and Dominion.
And what she says outside the courtroom is true.
It's the Alex Jones defense.
It's Alex Jones getting into court and saying that he's just playing a role on the radio as a wacky huckster, just spitting a yarn.
And then he gets out of the courtroom and screams, Everything I say out here is true and I was lying to those fucking idiots in the courthouse!
Can you imagine how satisfying it must feel to know that you've got suckers so deeply on the hook that you could just say under oath that you're full of shit and then go back outside when you're not under oath being like, I was totally lying to those rubes and they bought it!
I believe in everything I say!
And just have your fanbase still be like, we never doubted you!
Even when you were telling us the truth about being a sham!
On that note, please join our Patreon and buy our Hellcoins.
Hellcoin.
I am going to have to find some terribly cheap Chinese manufacturing company and make hell coins.
Just get the chocolate coins.
Yes!
We actually just sell people candy.
We are going to sell chocolate hell coins and if you buy them you get to go into a raffle and then you get to win a dinner with us but with no airfare or hotel so if you're not in the general area of two out of three of us or maybe one out of three You actually get nothing.
You pay to take us to Disneyland.
Yes.
You win the right to buy us all a trip to Disneyland.
They're genuine chocolate coins covered in genuine fake gold foil and they're $25 a piece or two for the low low price of $44.
That's the year when they had the highest content of chocolate so they're worth more.
And we're not talking about any of this, any of this imported chocolate from one of the nations that's actually good at it.
No, we're talking pure water to Brazil, USA chocolate.
Just, just literally air and some powder and a little milk splashed in there.
It's great.
It's incredible.
Yeah.
The garbage they won't give you in England when you buy Cadbury over there.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
So, yeah, it's all a scam, and they just acknowledge it's a scam, and they're happy, because they just want people to lie to them.
Well, yeah, I mean, they just, they want their charlatan heroes to, like, just keep the game running.
That's all they, like, you know, they're just like fucking NPCs in a D&D game.
They just have to be there to serve their role of keeping everybody engaged.
Right, exactly.
And then occasionally there's a session where there's some combat, and according to that FBI report, that's probably going to be happening again soon.
We'll see exactly whether or not QAnon has leveled up.
Or if it's just another group of doughy chubs wearing urban camo trying to break the windows out of a Capitol building that declare great success after they get routed by actual law enforcement that they claim to love.
And then whining that they shouldn't be in prison because they're freedom fighters, and fuck you.
I hope every last one of you gets a book thrown at you for insurrection.
It'd just be like, as a white man, this is the first time I've been in this prison, and I have to say, the food situation here is not great.
Is there someone I could talk to about my vegan food offerings?
I will only eat organic.
Yes.
It's just like, ah, you're so white, and now you're so in prison, and it's great.
Yep.
So Nark asks, sorry for posting again, just wanted to make sure you saw this, which was, do you agree with the assessment that there'll be more lone wolf terrorism or that QAnon will actually mobilize much more than we've seen on January 6th?
So basically, they were just reiterating the FBI thing, what the FBI was saying.
The one thing I'll say about QAnon is that it has placated these people for so long.
There is a cottage industry of blackpillars out there who will tell the QAnon people that QAnon was bullshit made by the Deep State to keep them pacified and weak so that the Deep State could crush them even more.
And the longer this goes, which it will always go this way because of what's going on, the more those people will have success convincing people this is all bullshit.
And there are plenty of QAnon supporters between the MyPillow guy and others who've said that something will happen in 2021 and that we're going to get a payoff.
And when we get into the winter and everyone's like, all I want for Christmas is Trump to be president again, and then that doesn't happen.
It's always like the, the placating power of QAnon diminishes over time.
And that increases the dangerousness of the radicalization of QAnon.
And it's just when that shit hits the fan, how bad will it be is kind of the question.
And I hope it won't be real bad.
It's basically all I can say.
I, I literally, from the moment I was posting on Twitter about this shit, I was always saying QAnon is going to get people killed and that's, that's what's going to happen.
It could only ever end in violence, one way or another.
This is where we diverge, because if there is to be further violence provoked by QAnon, I want it to be most bad.
I want them to fuck up bad enough where the GOP can no longer hitch their wagon to that horse and have to admit that they don't fuck up.
I mean, it may come to that.
Because, I mean, that's the thing.
The more the Republicans placate these assholes, the more they'll be emboldened to bullshit.
And eventually there will come a day where there will be a reckoning where something really fucking bad is going to happen.
And the Republican Party is like, hey, we didn't have anything to do with that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
And Louie Gohmert and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert and all these other fuck sticks will either be quietly retiring or primaried out of existence.
And the Republican Party will just pretend that they never did any of that shit.
I mean, that's absolutely possible.
And it's kind of terrifying to think about.
Narc also asks, did you guys get control for free from Epic Games?
And it's free.
It's still free until tomorrow.
I did.
I started playing it a little.
It seems really cool.
I have yet to play it.
What is it like?
Um, it's got some real, uh, X-Files, uh, Twin Peaks vibes, uh, early Resident Evil.
Yeah, it's sort of like you're in a spooky bureaucracy, for lack of a better term.
Yeah, you walk into the Federal Bureau of Control, and their building is called the Oldest House.
And you...
Your point of view character, the character you play as, you're like figuring out what's going on along with her.
So, uh, if that sounds like a jam, you should check it out.
I grabbed it for free because everybody who has played it is just like, this game is great.
Not a lot of people, not as many people talk about it as I think should be.
So.
Yeah, I mean, Control is by all accounts great.
I'm not going to pick it up for free because I don't want to be part of the Epic Games ecosystem.
So, no thank you.
Not even for the price of one very good free game.
I'd like to download your stupid app.
Yeah, I'm kind of locked in because I bought Phoenix Point on there back when Phoenix Point was on pre-sale.
Uh, that's where they gave it.
When I bought it from their website, they were like, you'll get it on the Epic Store.
And I was like, oh no.
I can see that being annoying.
So I will have to weigh Epic Store versus free as it were.
It is a very good game for the price of free.
Yes.
Uh, so, uh, and then we have one more question here, which is what is the base, basically reiterating, what is the idea that behind Trump getting reinstated in August?
The end of the audit, Mike Lindell, what the fuck is going on here?
It's basically Mike Lindell for Trump because Trump heard about getting reinstated from Lindell and believed him because Trump is a senile old man who will take any bit of good news and think it's real.
And then this led to him going down that road and apparently Trump became obsessed with the Arizona audit and wanting to find any news stories about it because he just wanted to hear more because he thinks the door is opening.
And then he ended up giving that video where he was like, yeah, I'm going to be back soon and we're going to have the House and the Senate too.
Instead of people worrying that these were the ramblings of a dementia-ridden old man, they're all like, Yay, Trump!
Go!
Go, Trump, go!
Yeah, Trump is saying words!
Yeah, from everything I could gather, because I was curious about this, too, on August, there was no rhyme or reason to it except that the MyPillow guy This is where we're at in American politics right now.
Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy, is like a big deal in conservative politics.
What the fuck is wrong with our country?
It's just like what why why you were at an American politics right now
Michael and L the my pillow guy is like a big deal in conservative politics
What the fuck is wrong with our country? Holy shit. It really is that in
But like, no one will touch him right now because of all these lawsuits.
So he was just on Alex Jones because that's the only guy who will have him on.
Fox News won't touch Mike Lindell because he won't shut up about all these things and they don't want to get roped in to these very credible lawsuits that are coming at him to the tune of a billion dollars.
It's gonna be Dominion pillows real soon.
Oh yeah.
Oh, I can't wait to own my Smartomatic bed in my Dominion pillows.
It's gonna be great.
Yeah, I know that if I'm being sued by somebody, I don't want it to be a big company with federal government contracts named Dominion.
Yeah.
That sounds like a pretty tough opponent.
Yeah, that sounds like you're asking for trouble.
Yeah.
And finally, Patrick W. Doherty, because I made a comment about E3 in our questions tweet, says, well, somebody needs to talk about how the Microsoft, Bethesda, and Ubisoft presentations were a massive letdown.
So on that subject, we go to our expert L.
Well, I mean, so, E3 did suck this year.
E3 was awful.
But we all kind of expected E3 to suck this year because of the coronavirus giving every game company the world's greatest excuse to delay their projects that probably should have been delayed to begin with.
You know, man, if only the corona had happened a little bit earlier, maybe we all would have gotten a much better Cyberpunk experience.
But yeah, even for the low bar that I was expecting... My biggest problem with E3 this year, personally, were companies coming out and giving us the ol' hoodwink rope-a-dope.
During Nintendo's Direct, they're being like, Oh, we know that you're all very excited to hear more about Metroid Prime 4, and we assure you that we're working on it, but we're not going to show you anything.
Anyway, here's some 2D Metroid game!
And it's just like, that's not what people want.
Nobody's really wanted a 2D Metroid game for like 30 years.
Like, what are you talking about?
And then, uh, Bethesda getting up on stage and being like, we're finally ready to show you Starfield!
And it's a zero gameplay CGI trailer of a dude getting into a spaceship.
It's like, yeah man, it's called Starfield.
We fucking knew that it was about guys in spaceships.
Like, show us some goddamn gameplay!
Luckily, Todd Howard afterwards came out and just straight up, or I think it was Todd Howard and one other Bethesda exec straight up, called the game Skyrim in space.
Which I thought was funny, because that's a thing that consumers can call your game, but I don't think you're supposed to call it that.
You're supposed to act like you're reinventing the wheel, even though when the wheel comes out, it's Skyrim.
And in what is truly the worst E3, I think Nintendo came out the best, even though Theirs was still bad.
There were a bunch of games in there that I'm excited about, but like... Nintendo fans are fucking easy to please.
Nintendo could have showed up with a wheelbarrow of actual excrement, and then 30 minutes of that live could have been, or the Nintendo Direct could have then been slowly dumping that excrement onto a stage.
And then they could have been like, it's also Breath of the Wild 2!
Here's two minutes of that!
And people would have been like, oh my god!
Fucking Nintendo crushing it!
It's that boy that we love!
And it's just like, oh god, you're all so easy to please.
And that's not exactly what we got, but that's what happened.
Honestly, I was way more excited for the Advance Wars remaster announcement than Breath of the Wild 2.
Do not give a fuck about Breath of the Wild 2.
It seems pretty likely right now that Breath of the Wild 2 is going to get announced for release with whatever the Switch HD is, which will be important because I can't imagine an experience bigger than Breath of the Wild 2 holding up on the Switch hardware.
I was going to say, Witcher 3 creaks and groans.
It plays.
Oh, dude, the Switch is not a powerful machine.
If the art design in Breath of the Wild wasn't as strong as it is, because that's something
Nintendo has always excelled at for their first party.
I kind of want to say first person.
For their first party properties, everyone would look at Breath of the Wild and just be like, you know, this shit's kind of jaggy.
Because stuff just doesn't perform to the level we would expect a video game console in 2021 to perform on the Switch.
Nor should it.
I mean, that system's been out for a while now, and it's always been sort of like this hybrid handheld thing.
But, you know, Nintendo needs to put more processing power into that system if they're going to keep porting over real big boy video games to it.
Yeah, like Doom Eternal.
Yeah, and Witcher 3.
These are good games to have on your system.
Or just anything.
Every time they announce a new game on the Switch, it's dangerously close to being the announcement for the hottest new Nintendo property, Framerate Wars.
Like, see if you can manage to achieve the high score in Framerate Wars of 12 or more frames per second.
And it's just like, oh, I don't know about that, coach.
Yeah, it's getting real dicey.
Yeah, I think there was an incredibly- the bar was on the floor and Nintendo barely managed to like step over it.
And then, like, Sony not being there was, like, a huge kind of kick in the dick because, you know, Sony's whole gimmick these days is just doing big, very well-crafted AAA titles, the sort of shit that shows incredibly well in trailer form.
So, them not being there serving up three incredible PlayStation exclusive trailers Like, kind of did diminish the overall enthusiasm for the event.
And I know we're gonna get that at some point, but, like, a lot of people are just like, oh man, it's about time E3 is dead.
I always liked being excited once a year for a weekend to be, to know that I was just going to get, like, a bunch of incredible video game announcements and news, like, drilled into my brain.
Like, it, like, there being an event for that stuff, I don't think is a bad thing.
A lot of people talk shit about E3 because all they remember is, like, the goofy bad moments.
Like, you know, it's like a bad beat story.
Like, you remember, like, my body is ready and flip over giant enemy crab and hit its, like, stomach for massive damage or whatever.
And, uh, but, you know, like...
I also remember the sheer excitement, like, over announcements for stuff like, you know, the first gameplay video for Cyberpunk.
Like, when they announced that Fallout 4 was coming.
Like, that shit was like, I was like, oh my god!
Like, franchises I love!
Holy shit!
Yeah, that was almost hype.
Like, I did enjoy When the Nintendo Presser was going on, I had our group chat up, plus I was watching some of the former Funhaus guys talk live over it, and that was a fun experience, but that was the best thing that came out of E3, is I just got to hear people I like and talk with my friends about how whelming it was.
I tell you what though, if Jeff Keighley's The Game Awards is intending to cut off E3's head and absorb its power like The Highlander, next year is the year to do it.
I mean, with E3 being so weak this year and every developer having to come out of their corona hole, like, Jeff Keighley needs to make the big moves happen to turn the Game Awards into the new E3.
I want every single world exclusive at the Game Awards to be incredible.
I don't want none of this Bugsnax shit.
I just want it to be all AAA.
Like, fuckin' first-party bangers across the board.
Like, oh shit, Metroid Prime 4 is here!
Which is a bad example, because Nintendo will never play ball with one of these people again, because they don't need to.
But, you know, just as an example, or like, hey, here's some actual world-building, like a CGI trailer for the next Elder Scrolls game.
It's not coming until 2025, calm down.
Because I love how people are still so excited about Elder Scrolls news, even though it's pretty clear that game is not coming out.
Like, that game might not be coming out for PlayStation 5, y'all.
Like, you need to calm down.
You know who did learn a lesson from CD Projekt Red?
I'm not sure if that had anything to do with Cyberpunk, my friend.
It's the same studio that released Fallout 76.
I'm not sure if that had anything to do with Cyberpunk, my friend.
It's the same studio that released Fallout 76.
They learned that lesson themselves.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you know what no one's talking about?
Games Workshop Skullfest.
That just happened.
Skullfest was hype.
What the hell's a Skullfest?
It's their dumb internal thing where they announced a bunch of new Warhammer minis.
Oh, was that also where they announced that they're going to lock their painting tutorials behind a paywall?
Yeah, fuck them.
Yeah, that's where they did that.
That's where they announced that we're still not getting any new Eldar models.
It's been since the Clinton administration.
We've had new everything else, but, you know, get fucked, space elves.
Could you imagine the corporate money-making thought process that goes behind The idea to lock your paint tutorials behind a paywall?
Because it seems to me, a consumer that enjoys painting miniatures, that you would want to see people using your product to create little works of art, and then advertising at the end of those videos or whatever, or like during those videos, Hey, these are all Games Workshop exclusive paints and they work really well and look at what you could do with them.
But now they want you to just be like, they want you to trust that the painting is awesome and that you're going to want to pay to watch somebody do it and then that you're going to want to buy their products to do it.
I can recommend no less than three channels that are free on YouTube and all of them will
tell you that non-citadel miniature paints are better and cheaper and they'll teach you
how to make alternatives for their official crap for cheaper and they'll teach you how
to do all the stuff that the professionals do for free for the price of going to YouTube
and just like shout out to squid Mars Squidmar is the bomb, and his shit is free on YouTube.
Just watch Squidmar.
Like, why would you pay Gaze Workshop for anything?
Yeah, I was gonna say, my partner doesn't like Warhammer 40k, but she will sit down and watch a Squidmar video with me like anytime because he is super enjoyable and very knowledgeable about painting.
Also, speaking about Games Workshop, that would be a bit, especially because we're buttoning this episode with a little bit of weird pop culture video game et cetera talk.
Man, Blood Bowl 3 looks terrible.
You're just upset that the Black Orcs got spun off into their own team.
I don't, what?
No, that's not, that wasn't what my complaint was at all.
They have, they got rid of skill positions in the latest update to the Blood Bowl comprehensive rules.
So like, now the video game is following suit.
So your teams are just less customizable, and also the interface doesn't look as good.
And it's in closed beta now, and people have received their beta keys, and pretty much across the board what I've been seeing from people is, yo, Blood Bowl 2 was better.
Why did you fuck it up?
Well, they're very willing to listen to the community, so...
Oh my god, the idea of no specialization in Blood Bowl makes my head hurt.
That's terrible.
I mean, the whole point of that game is trying to, like, uh, figure out if you wanna... If you're playing a team that's kind of flexible, like Dark Elves, if you wanna go, like, hardcore passing, or just, like, wanna work some, like, tricky running game with your high agility, or any kind of stuff like that, or just, um...
Any tricks, that blows my mind, that you're just going to play like 11 of the same guy.
Well, I mean, I guess I could be wrong about this, but from what I gathered doing the little bit of research I did, like, for instance, the orc team, like, Black Orc is still a player, Goblin is a player type, and then they've got like a third type that is not like a thrower or catcher.
Maybe it's a blitzer or whatever.
Yeah.
But that's it.
There are just three.
Only three of them.
There are no, like, like, you don't have to fill out your roster, like, there's no, like, you know, catcher, thrower, lineman, blackguard, blocker, blitzer, goblet.
Like, it seems like they were just like, you know what?
People really hated about our game was the fact that you had choice.
So let's just simplify it that there's only three different types of people that you can put on your team.
It just make it real easy for dum-dums.
It's like, oh, Jesus Christ.
That makes humans, like, God, humans must be absolutely destroyed at that point.
Oh, that's, that's enraging.
Well, we'll all get to see when Blood Bowl 3 hits PC and consoles sometime in 2021 or 2022.
That sounds not great.
So, to reverse that, as it were, I'm going to ask the Chairman Walkman innumerous question of the week, which is, what are you excited for?
I am pretty excited.
I'm actually excited for I saw for the first time Monster Hunter Stories 2 and I'm a fan of the franchise and this is the the RPG one so it's Monster Hunter with stories and you get to ride around on the monsters and like breed them and that actually seems cool to me so I'm excited for that.
That comes out July 9th so not too far away.
I am excited to see how, if at all, DC responds to this Batman eating vagina controversy.
Because, like, the fact that that has, like, man, I saw that headline being either referenced or just, like, typed out directly on so many different news outlets.
I was just like, Holy shit, I bet the people at DC did not want this to spread the way that it did.
And apparently Batman does not want to see it spread the way it is either.
Heyo!
Heroes don't do that.
Yeah, I guess just being a generous lover and going down on your partner is not a hero move.
Okay, here's my official stance on this position.
Anyone who thinks that Batman eats pussy is crazy.
Batman does not seem like a generous lover.
That seems totally out of character with his whole vibe.
Bruce Wayne, on the other hand, That guy has to go down.
He's a billionaire playboy.
Like, if your whole jam is traveling the world just like sexing ballerinas, I have to imagine that you've invented the Jon Snow maneuver.
You guys remember that in Game of Thrones where they had the audacity to imply that Jon Snow invented going down?
Is that the implication you got from that?
I always got that he was just like, yo, let me show you this thing I learned because I'm a noble and you're from the sticks.
She wasn't from the sticks, she was from barbarian country.
You would think that they would have explored pretty much all there was to explore when it comes to raw dogging sex in the wilderness.
Unless Jon Snow was just like, hey, I have a segmented tongue like a crazy lizard man, the reaction he was getting out of her...
I thought it was a play that she had never had a dub to her before, and I was like, wow, somebody in the Wildling Territory is fucking up if this is just not on the menu.
Yeah, I got that as well, that she'd never had a dub before, but not that he invented it, just that he was the first nice guy.
He brought it to Barbarian?
I mean, that's still kind of fucked up, right?
George R.R.
Martin, he says he's Barbarian, people just never invented oral sex?
What the fuck?
That's crazy!
And the fact that Jon Snow's supposed to be a virgin at that point, that's like the whole point of like taking the oath is that you don't love any woman or anything.
No, not that he's a virgin, just that he can't have sex anymore.
Yeah, they're supposed to be celibate afterwards.
I believe he talks with Rob earlier about like, you know, laying a pipe or whatever.
I never for a second thought that Jon Snow was a virgin.
I mean, us, Tyrion, taught him a thing or two when they hung out for a little while.
Tyrion's just like, oh yeah, and if you ever get an opportunity, here's my secret definitely not Batman technique.
You just roll your tongue this way and that way and it really drives him wild.
That's the sort of character building we should have got.
Yeah, but George lost the plot a long time ago, and fuck him and fuck the showrunners.
Well no, the Davids lost the plot.
George can still bring it back.
Can he?
No.
He's only had like a hundred millennia to write that next book.
I almost said last book, but that's not even accurate!
Nope.
I got no faith in George, and I give him a bigger slice of the blame pie than most people do, just because I feel like he was just an embittered asshole when the Davids went to him and were like, hey, dude, these two books, we're going to smash them together because they don't work as separate entities for television.
And then he was just like, well, I'll tell you who wins at the end and what Hodor means, but you're on your own besides that.
You no good so-and-sos.
It's like, yeah, George, that's pretty.
Like, take your giant sacks of money and give them the actual payoff, and if you don't know how to get there yourself, fucking work on it, because they can't do it.
They're fucking clowns.
I mean, oh my god, so yeah.
Here's an interesting question for you.
How many of our listeners do you think stuck around for all this horseshit?
Our analytics put it at somewhere around, like, 60%, so... Oh, yeah, I mean, that's for a normal episode.
God bless you.
We don't usually jam the last 15 minutes of our episode with pop culture nonsense.
Hey, we'll see.
I'll be able to look... We won't get the actual SoundCloud stuff, because SoundCloud's terrible, but we can watch the massive drop on iTunes.
It'll be incredible.
Oh, it's gonna be so good.
We need to watch a listenership dropping off a cliff, like, viewing party.
Oh, it'll be so good.
I'll get together on Zoom and just watch it crater.
Anyway, on that note, I'm going to drive this here car out of this here Hellworld for the week.
So thank you, everybody, once again for listening to the Adventures in Hellworld podcast.
If you like what you hear, you can support us in a myriad of ways, some of them free, including just telling a friend or giving us a five-star review or a thumbs up or a like or smash that bell or whatever the fuck.
You need to do for free to show us your appreciation and let other people know that our podcast exists.
If you happen to have some money that you'd like to throw our way, you can do that by buying our Hell World Coins.
But Hell World Coins aren't available yet, so instead you can go to patreon.com slash pokerpolitics and tip your dealers.
Anybody that signs up for the Patreon at the $5 and above tier It gets access to our succulent bonus content, like Kabalin, where the whole gang gets together to discuss the fall of the Kabal, which is a crazy thing that I have never seen before, and that has been a lot of fun to record.
And also Mike Raine's solo outing discussing the JFK assassination, the foulest deed.
In fact, this week I have to give a shout out to one of our newest, beautifuller babies who has put at least five dollars in the tip jar for the month.
So shout out to Nick for joining the crew.
You're beautiful, baby, and we appreciate the support.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, but you want to do some good in the world, you can take that money and donate it to love146.org, whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Which, if you hate QAnon, should sound pretty good to you.
And in theory, if you love QAnon, should also sound pretty good to you.
But we've all seen how that works out.
There are some people we need to thank that help make the show go, so this is the segment of the show where I do that, including DJ Minimal Effort, who remains too cool for social media, but has provided our more listenable-by-the-episode intro theme.
The voice of Q when we need it, but more importantly, the voice of all of our Bumps Between segments is our friend Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
And if you liked that little jag there towards the end where we just started talking about dumb pop culture bullshit, then guess what?
I've got good news for you.
Sarge and I do a spin-off podcast from this show where we do pop media dives on specific content once a week.
And you can find that show at BingeWerdy, that's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y, wherever podcasts are provided.
You can follow us on Twitter, at BingeWerdy, spelled the same way.
So, for another quasi-successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been Hellworld Al, joined as always by Hellworld Sarge and Mr. Mike Rains.
Good speed, Patriots!
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