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Jan. 13, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:34:47
Adventures In HellwQrld Episode 17: Listener Questions and Some News!

We got flooded by listener questions so we answered as many questions as we could before talking about the mass QAnon bans and Trump getting himself impeached yet again. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am your host, Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by El.
Hello, my beautiful babies!
And the mysterious Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
You did us backwards and switched.
Yeah, I could see the look of terror and dread on Sarge's face when the confusion hit.
Yeah.
What?
I decided to be an L and pull an executive decision at the intro without the notification of the other two co-hosts.
Gotta keep him on his toes.
Yeah, good job.
Gotta keep people moving.
Get this shit out of me.
So this week, first of all, we became very popular in the mailbag, as it were.
Because usually when I put out the Twitter thing, asking people to ask us questions, we get two or three people saying, hey guys, what's going on?
And that's about it.
Yeah, our bags are incredibly swollen this week.
Yes, we have swollen bags full of messages.
Reboots with bulging, impatient bags.
It is like the payoff scene in Miracle on 34th Street.
Just men in very nice suits coming through the door loaded with bags.
Welcome to the QAnon Tanuki Podcast.
I'm Saki-lease.
laughter That's...
I don't know if we can top that.
I think we're done here, but we'll go on as best we can.
So yes, for some reason we were incredibly popular in the messaging department, so we're going to do our traditional opening, as it were, and then instead of going directly to cues in the news, We're just going to answer a bunch of your questions and just see where it goes from there because you guys are probably going to cover a lot of the news with what you've asked us because stuff has happened recently and it's been pretty good.
I for one am glad we got all that sweet testicle humor in before the content warning.
So that way we could have angry mothers writing us next week to further swell our bags.
Yes!
But they should know that we do warn people about this content.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
I guess we probably don't really need a content warning for me talking about my hypothetically huge nuts.
I'll keep it to myself.
I mean, you know, like I made a Tanuki reference.
They use them for umbrellas and shit.
They're not like out there trying to stuff them in people's buttholes, dog in a bathtub style.
This podcast is going to be lit.
I see this.
I don't know why, but I was kind of punchy going into this thing.
L is obviously punchy.
I don't know the punch level of Sarge, but... Medium punch.
Medium punch?
That's good.
That's what we always called him.
Yes.
So, anyhow, because the questions thread got so massive, we're just going to go right here with questions to see what people wanted to ask us.
Well, not right here, right here.
What Mike means to say is he's going to do that after he does shilling.
Sweet, sweet shilling.
Oh, right!
That's right.
Yeah, I'm not going to let you get away from it.
We need to let the dogs out, and those dogs need to return to us with bones made of money.
Oh, I've always said the best promotion is self-promotion.
So yes.
If you enjoy the incredibly unprofessional podcast that we are currently doing right now, please go to patreon.com slash poker and politics and throw a few dollars our way.
We had a couple new subscribers this week who I have asked for their shout out names when they give them back to me.
They will be getting their shout outs and their daps and their beautiful babies and all the other kind of positive reinforcement we give to people who give us their money.
So to encourage that behavior in the in the future.
And beyond that, if we're not worthy of your money, and I don't know why that would be after this tobacco of an intro, please give your money to 146.org, love 146.org, an anti human trafficking organization that actually does the work the QAnon is Always talking about doing, but doesn't because all they do nowadays is storm the Capitol and try to topple American democracy and whine about how they want a military coup to keep Trump in power.
It's really weird how like kind of after the election got called for Biden, the children vanished from QAnon's field of vision.
And the armed insurrection became all they wanted to talk about.
So yeah, those people are hypocrites and scum, unlike one love146.org who actually cares about this stuff.
So send some money their way.
And we don't have to ask for any political donations anywhere because the cake's baked on that stuff.
I take offense that you implied that the intro to this podcast was indicative of a lack of quality that made us unworthy of people's money.
So hooray that!
Let's just try to avoid the military junta for a few more days.
I would never question your professionalism.
My professionalism, on the other hand, is incredibly lacking.
Yeah, that's right.
You better keep my name out your mouth, and also that thumb out your mouth.
We'll do.
We'll do both of these things.
I wanted to get my literary reference in at the top of the podcast, and also right after all of the blue-collar Japanese mythological testicle humor.
So now we can get into the mailbag!
Boom!
The conductor on the train, L. QAnonSense asks, I'd love to see you compare and contrast the QAnon movement with the ideology in the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
And the answer to that is, is they're the same goddamn thing.
QAnon is entirely based upon a shadowy group of people that secretly rule the world.
They just use flowery terms for Jews.
That's really all this ever comes down to.
The bad guy at the end of the story is always the Jewish people.
That's what every all of this is just anti-semitism just layered and slathered in different bullshit.
There's a reason why Q dropped 998 with the grotesque anti-Jewish caricature knee-deep in Eastern European blood was a thing.
There's a reason why Q said we're saving Israel for last.
There's a reason why when Q decided to slander Jerome Corsi and Alex Jones and tell QAnon not to follow them, he said they were Mossad-backed.
There's a reason why Wonder Woman 1984 is getting killed critically.
Well, that's because he's bad.
You sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Gal Gadot is from Israel or whatever?
Come on, Mike, use your brain!
New World Order!
Oh, right!
But wouldn't the New World Order be, like, promoting Wonder Woman 1984 as being good if she's from Israel?
I don't know.
The goalposts move so often.
I mean, like, I'm sure a lot of these anti-Semitic folks are still perfectly willing to, like, you know, Go to them when they need what they perceive to be their services, right?
Like, if you're an anti-Semite, wouldn't you be inclined to go to, say, like, a lawyer that was Jewish?
Because your anti-Semitism is just like, well, they'd have to be incredible at it, right?
Oh, yeah, stereotypes are vicious that way.
That's a big part of a Law & Order SVU episode.
This Nazi's like, this is my Jew lawyer.
That's a big point of it.
That was the worst, the worst, uh, movie, like, comedy bomb of 1982, my Jew lawyer.
Look at me, I got that movie.
It was... offensive.
Check out that movie, it was offensive.
It had problems.
Oh man.
Back to the, I guess, less punchy and anti-Semitic treaties on the Elders of Zion.
A thing I don't even really know about, but just based on the name I can tell is anti-Semitic.
No, not our former president.
Our former car maker, Ford, brought it over back from Europe.
Oh, yeah.
So yeah, the protocols were this, like in this, I'm going to track from in the early 1900s that was made somewhere in Russia.
And it was basically a guy who claimed he like snuck into the big Jewish temple where the big rabbis, who were the controllers of Judaism, were secretly telling their plans to enslave the world.
And shockingly, it was about the Jews running the banks.
And at that time, there wasn't Hollywood or anything.
It was just like the print media.
So it was like the Jews were going to control the media and the money.
And that's how they were going to get their hands on everything and destroy the world in the name of their evil God.
And this was very obviously bullshit, but no one cared because it was a great way to promote anti-Semitism.
And if you didn't follow the history of Europe in the early 1900s, and the rise to power of a certain party in Germany, Uh, you would know that, like, hating Jewish people was a great way to, like, get ahead in life.
And as Sarge said, uh, Henry Ford at one point so loved the Protocols of Zion, he had it printed on his own printing press and distributed through America.
Because that dude was a raging anti-Semite.
Yes.
And so basically you can have like a, you can just like draw a straight line through like the protocols from like the early 1900s, like into the McCarthyism and like hatred of quote unquote communists.
And then into globalists, and Satanists, and the Luciferians, and pretty much every time you just use a different word to describe this thing, you're just saying Jewish people, but just not saying Jewish people, because now that's bad, because we had the whole, like, World War II thing, and we found out where antisemitism really leads to in the end.
So your contention is that at its core, the QAnon movement is just like the continuation of, like, the troubles that Jewish people have faced for thousands of years.
Yeah, pretty much.
Just the tip of the spear for the moment.
Well, what Mike skipped over a little is a big feature of the protocols, is it talks about how the Jews drink child blood.
Oh yeah, the bloodline one.
Yeah, that comes up again and again and again in this anti-Semitism.
It just, it always features the same big hits.
And that's where this adrenochrome and...
Oh God, my brain is so trash today.
That's where adrenochrome and all this drinking blood and satanic pedophile cabal all comes from.
It all just comes back to the anti-Semitism.
Yeah, the ritual sacrifice.
Oh yeah, I mean, all of this, like, and then all of that kind of comes, goes back to like the Bible where, I forget which gospel it is, but there's a gospel where, Uh, Pilot is asking the crowd, like, do you really want me to kill this guy?
I mean, seriously, is this a good idea?
And the crowd says, yes, we want him killed.
His blood be upon us and our descendants.
So, like...
And back then when they were writing this stuff, like Christianity was like this tiny little offshoot thing and Judaism was like the king of the castle in that section of the world.
And then you cut to a thousand years later and you read that passage in the Bible and you're like, wow, this is aggressively punching down.
This is like really mean to the Jewish people.
And so Like that whole thing has just been a part of anti-Semitism like for forever.
And so every time you see like this story of like the secret group of like small people from a tiny religious sect who secretly rule the world, Like, at the start of this thing, they would just be honest that that religious sect was Judaism.
But now that we can't say that because that gets you canceled, which is like so angry, makes the Nazis so sad.
Now they have to call them Luciferians or globalists or Satanists.
And they really just mean Jews.
And it's just like so obvious.
That's what's really going on here.
It's just that rebranding.
And What's really funny is like there are some people I've seen who have left QAnon because it's not anti-Semitic enough.
It's not hateful enough.
And it's just like, man, these people are so just out of their minds with hatred that it's really unbelievable.
I feel like I know what it's like to be mad for like a while if like something happens in my life and I'm just like really pissed off about it for a few hours.
I just can't imagine being angry all the time.
Just like just this constant permanent rage.
It seems like it'd be so incredibly well.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, he got to turn into the Hulk, which is awesome.
And it was. Yes.
The answer to that listener question ended up being a huge bummer factory.
So I have a hypothetical question for you guys.
OK, vampires on the spectrum.
On the one hand, like your classic Dracula archetype vampire,
like is a rich white dude that clearly cares more about consent
when it comes to entering a building than he does when it comes to like feeling a woman and most cases eating
her.
But on the other hand, is an actual monster that drinks human blood.
So is Dracula Cabal or is he team good guy?
Which one is it?
whoo, which Which Dracula are we talking about?
Does being a rich white dude outweigh the fact that he's an actual blood-drinking monster to these people?
Are we talking Keanu Dracula 2000?
I'm just talking like more of the archetype I guess in general because I can't remember if actual Dracula needed to be invited into people's houses or if that was just like other stuff that got folded into vampire mythos.
I think if we're talking like Bram Stoker's Dracula, I'm fairly certain he had to get invited in.
I think that was a part of the deal.
Well, let's assume that that's the case, right?
Because vampires having weird consent problems like that.
Like, I mean, they can't come into your house unless you invite them, but you can hypnotize them when they're just out walking around and then do whatever you want to them.
That sounds like a conservative wet dream.
It's like heavily pro-property protection and anti-protection for the people that make and live in property.
So it seems exactly Republican.
So they're definitely like all old white Germans.
And I guess it just all comes down to which interpretation Of vampires you want to take?
Hmm.
You know, good question.
I think the exsanguination thing kind of makes them kind of cabal-y because of the fact that... Because it's literally the one thing the cabal seems really fucking hung up on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the blood thing.
The blood thing makes it, and also the fact that they're around for forever so their plans can stretch out for centuries and millennia.
Because that's like the big, that was like always the biggest thing about the New World Order is that like they were always like setting up a plan that was going to take like 200 years to execute.
But it's going to happen next week!
I mean, it's always this glacial pace that is now about to hit a crescendo.
So those elements of vampirism lend me toward them being bad guys.
Okay, so Mike Rains has chalked one up for a team bad guy on the vampire debate.
What about you, Sarge?
Where do you fall on it?
Actually, I should clarify for Mike.
You say bad guy, but which kind of bad guy?
I'm saying the bad guys that secretly control the world from behind the shadows.
Okay, so you think Dracula is cabal all the way?
Yeah.
I have to go with Mike.
I think Dracula is very cabal.
Personally, I think Dracula has too much privilege to possibly be cabal.
I think that guy is conservative all the way.
Because, I mean, think about, like, you know, you always look at those movies or whatever where it's just like, it's just like, ah, I've been alive for 300 years, but the inside of my house still looks like Victorian England.
That does not seem liberal to me.
They're very hung up on the past.
Yeah.
Anyway, thanks for the question, QAnonFence.
I think that was the one who dropped that one.
I seamlessly steered us away from the Bummer Factory and then right back into it.
I'm a genius.
Yeah, I think this is going to be a new segment each week.
We're going to go over a creature in mythology and figure out if they're conservative or Catholic.
Next week, Bigfoot.
Yes, next week, Bigfoot.
We're going to deep dive into Bigfoot's politics.
On the one hand, tree hugger.
I mean, I'm just saying.
So the Grand Inquisitor A.I.S.
Millard asks, if things at Capitol Hill had gone a bit differently, we could have had politicians being held captive by QAnon and MAGA people.
What do you think the worst case scenario could have been?
Uh, deaths?
I mean, actual executions?
I think, like, yeah, I think, like, the whole idea that, like, people in Congress and the Senate could have been murdered is really, like, evident.
I think, like, kind of the worst case scenario would have been Trump having, like, massive indifference, if not support of those people being killed, and then, like, Kind of everyone else in Congress and in government and in big business being like, Oh, wow, we really do have a fucking narcissistic sociopath in charge of America.
And he's down with this.
And like, they would have had the 25th Amendment him and it would have been this giant shit show.
I don't think there's really any line that Trump won't cross when it comes to people supporting him.
The people supporting him were actually killing Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence and other people that he found disloyal to him.
It would never cross his mind.
He'd be like, oh no, this is bad.
They need to stop.
He would never think that way.
He'd just be like, get AOC!
Get some more of them that don't like me.
I want more of them dead.
That would be good.
That would be a good thing to do.
Yeah, it got really close.
Deaths.
Deaths is just the worst case scenario.
I mean, the whole time it was happening, I was afraid that one of those people were going to feel froggy in light of fire.
And I feel like a fire would have been tremendously bad for a number of reasons.
First of all, probably hurting or killing a bunch of other people because that building is old and I can't imagine that it's Super duper easy to vacate if it goes up.
And also, you know, it's a historical building and like that combined with the loss of life and the fact that like it would have escalated the response to what happened to even more ridiculous heights.
Like it could have gone wrong in a lot of ways.
But the good news for people who like to gaze at hypothetical futures is that we might get a chance to see exactly what could have gone wrong on Inauguration Day.
Because a bunch of those cats are still, like, they're on, like, fucking, uh, whatever, what's the messenger app, Telegram or whatever, that rose from Carver's ashes.
They're trying to organize this million MAGA march for, like, armed militia people to storm every state capital on that day.
Gavin Telegram.
Yeah, in what would be like an actual insurrection, like an organized group hitting multiple targets at once to try to overthrow a government.
And something tells me the response to those people if they decide to do anything on that day is going to be much more...
Fuck around and find out.
You know what I mean?
I'm not personally endorsing violence, but if those people are going to start throwing down on Inauguration Day after that little appetizer on Capitol Hill, they're going to learn a day.
Yeah, I think that's absolutely what would happen.
It's very, like, frustrating to me that the 17th, which is like the Q Holy Day, fell on a Sunday.
So, like, those chads are going to have, like, more ability to, like, mobilize during a weekend to, like, because they're playing a protest on the 17th and then the 20th.
It's just like, yep, of course, like this stupid QAnon day of worship is the day that happens to be the day everyone has off.
So instead of watching sports ball, they're going to like try to storm the governor's mansion of various states and hopefully be like repelled and dismissed.
Or hopefully they won't even show up because this is dumb and it's bad.
And the fact that we, like, right now, on the floor of the House, have Republicans being like, no, no, everybody, both sides are to blame for this shit.
It's like, fuck you.
God damn it.
The total lack of accountability for any of this is so insane.
These people refuse to acknowledge what they've done under any circumstances.
Like, they're going to go to their graves believing that Antifa did this.
That leads into my question for Mike and Elle.
How many people do you think, if any, came out of the fog with the failed and very dumb Stormy the Capitol and Trump disavowing them?
How many, if any, do you think came out of the fog?
I honestly I feel like very little like in terms of people that are actually indoctrinated by the the doomsday cult that is QAnon I mean in terms of like his political allies like Donald Trump is obviously just like hemorrhaging those left and right so in that sense like the those people's fog have been lifted in that you know the these people that they were supporting decided to fuck up and start running up on the Inbred, like, patriotism, like, in the heart of America is it's sort of like their platform, you know, when they're double speaking and just being like, you know, hearken back to the good old days, the America you think of in your dreams when your neighbors were all white.
But like that, like, somewhere in there is like a root of this patriotism.
Unfortunately, watching a bunch of, uh, violent people, like, storming your Capitol building in your, like, highest level of government and shit like that, like, it, it started to, the friction started rubbing up on that patriotic, uh, core, and a couple of people were just like, yo, this is bad for business, and we gotta get away from Trump.
But for people that are actually like brainwashed or have a lot of themselves that just sort of been like subsumed by the QAnon cult, I'm assuming that something as relatively minor as this wouldn't be enough to shake a lot of them out.
Yeah, I think that what Elle said is very accurate, that the people that kind of matter, the movers and shakers, the titans of capitalism in America, they now see Trump and what the Republicans have done here as being bad for business, and they are not cool with it, and they are putting their feet down.
The guy who runs Home Depot, who's a GOP megadonor, just had a big thing where he's very upset at them about this shit.
And I think that that's like kind of what is going to happen in that sphere of politics is that these guys don't want some kind of disruption that's going to impact their bottom line.
And they can weather a Biden administration, they can tolerate a Democrat being in power for 4, 8, 12 years, whatever.
They're rich, they're powerful, they might not like some of the tax policies or whatever, but they'll get through it.
Whereas if you have hooligans breaking down the windows of your business and stealing shit and burning it down, that's not good.
So they're like, yo, fucking Republicans, put a lid on this shit.
Whereas the rank and file, I mean, I posted like two different QAnon promoters on my Twitter today, Joe M. and Julian Thrum.
They're both like literally at this point in the belief that Biden's going to walk onto the dais on January 20th and get halfway through the oath before getting cuffed and stuffed.
So they're going to bleed this thing down to the last fucking second before they acknowledge that They've been led astray.
You don't think any of the dyed-in-the-wool sheep came out of the fog on this, but that a bunch of these business people, they on the other hand are like, yikes, this is real bad for business, and they're maybe not so willing to carry Trump's water anymore?
Yeah, I think that that's really what it comes down to is like those, those people, the business people are like of the mindset that like, look, guys, You've got to dial this back a little.
This isn't good for us.
And it's really kind of funny, because if Trump had just shut his yap and left office, he could have been the Republican kingmaker for the next four years.
He could have started Trump TV and all this stuff.
He's really damaged his own brand with this move.
I mean, he's still going to have 25% to 33% of America that's just going to worship the ground he walks on.
Well, yeah, I mean, a lot of people, like, you know, a lot of your passive QAnon supporters, they were people that were only willing to ride on that horse until it bucked.
And it bucked.
And a bunch of them, like, the people that were never really truly into it are the people that are going to fall away.
So you might see, like, a drop in, or like a dip in, like, their support or whatever, through whatever metric you look at that through.
But it also, on the other hand, it made them highly visible.
So the people that were, like, sort of fence sitters or wallflowers in this whole like, let's be
racist and like, try to do another civil war.
Uh, like maybe the people that are rallies to that, that like somehow get rallied to that horrible call,
offset the people that run away because they can see, uh, the,
the bad times coming for them.
Civil war to electric boogaloo. Yeah.
Either way. Like there's not, there's not really any way to tell,
unfortunately.
Yeah. And what you just said is literally where the boogaloo boys get their name
from?
Electric Boogaloo is...
Is it, is it really?
It really is, and what you just said is like literally the catchphrase.
Like, their whole dream was like Civil War II electric Boogaloo.
That's like really it.
That's where the Boogaloo comes from.
Oh man, now I can't respect those guys anymore.
Thank you for the question.
Also, he asked, off-topic question, what kind of trains do you guys like the best?
I've never really had any opinion.
Oh, I have an easy one.
And Sarge can't take it.
Monster Train.
Boom.
Monster Train is incredible.
That game is great.
It is one of my favorite games of 2020.
If you haven't played it, you should look into it.
Monster Train.
Favorite train.
Not close.
Yep.
Man, I guess the really rude train from Thomas the Tank Engine.
I'm sure it has a name.
I feel like there's a really rude, awful one.
That one.
That's my favorite train.
I don't know.
I'm just going to riff off of Monster Train and say that Slay the Spire is incredible and you should play it.
Yep.
So yes, that is our very serious answer to the serious question about trains.
So the next question is from The Church of Q. It's likely that Twitter banned the accounts of Linwood and Sidney Powell in no small part due to the $1.3 billion lawsuit followed by Dominion.
What if any criminal liability exists for platforms that enabled and continue to provide a voice for insurrection and violence?
On the insurrection and violence front, I have no idea what the legal parameters are for that.
The $1.3 billion lawsuit and the legal thing about that, that's what the whole Title 230 thing that Trump wanted to repeal is all about, where the platform can't be held liable for something someone says on it.
And if we got rid of 230 then you can't really say anything on the internet because no platform is going to let you do it because they're going to be afraid you're going to get sued.
I mean, the problem with using litigation and lawmaking and stuff to try to cover these platforms from being a
place where violence and insurrection and stuff can sort of fester
is that there's no way to really target that beam, you know what I mean?
Aside from what people already do, where it's against their terms of service,
and they kick you off or whatever.
But it's going to be harder to get any sort of grip on that without giving up something, which
is the open platform for me to just go on Twitter and talk about how I think the PC boys are whack.
Well, it's going to be hard to keep it open enough for people
to express essentially whatever opinion they want without obviously overstepping that line
and expressing opinions like, we should kill Nancy Pelosi.
I don't know.
I think we should not kill Nancy Pelosi.
Yeah, I don't know.
I was using that as an example of the bad thing that you should not be able to say.
Just for the record.
I was on Team Beastie Boys as Whack, not on Team Anything Happening to Pelosi.
And you could get sued for going out too hard as the Beastie Boys if we didn't have these legal protections, so who knows?
Yeah, I mean, what happens if my platform gets big enough?
Can the Beastie Boys come at me and just be like, he's damaging our brand by talking to his listeners about how our rapping is corny and bad.
Although I will say, in defamination suits, the truth is an absolute defense, so I think you do have grounds there.
Boom.
Take that.
See?
My message is already spreading.
I've got other people on team Beastie Boys, colon, mediocre rappers.
I like Brass Monkey.
Yeah, but do you like Brass Monkey because of the stupid words in it, or do you like Brass Monkey because the beat is good?
Uh, you got me there.
At what point do you get hype when Brass Monkey comes on?
Is it the very beginning?
When the brass is happening?
Or is it when they start talking about, like, being 19 and, like, gonna get wasted at house parties?
Fuck that shit.
I mean, you got me there.
Yeah, damn right.
Boom.
Hey, there we go.
The whole squad's on board.
The Beastie Boys are wack.
Yeah, back to the question.
That's a tough road to hoe.
It's hard to get what you want in terms of protecting people from groups or even individuals that might want to use a platform for dangerous reasons without sort of removing the protections that prevent the Beastie Boys from attacking me.
I mean, yeah, that's the dichotomy.
Making sure that we can't be sued by the Beastie Boys, but also you're not aiding in a bellowing sedition.
Right now, QAnon promoters who get on Twitter will just jump on and be like, guys, I'm not going to be here for long, so go on Gab, go on Telegram.
That's where we're building our hate communities.
So the question is really, how many people are going to be willing to platform Gab?
And Platform Telegram and all of these other like really shitty, uncensored, totally unregulated platforms where people are going to get into groups and say really awful things publicly and also plan bad things publicly.
So, uh, it's gonna be very interesting to see where that goes.
And I've also heard that, like, the people that are hosting Gab are talking about now hosting Parler, because apparently they wanted, like, a duopoly of racism, which seems odd when they... Oh, if Reid Weiss on their website did...
I don't really want to call it an interview with the creator and owner of Gab, but he did an email correspondence.
They did an email interview with him.
Uh, and it is delightful.
That guy seems like a giant piece of shit, but he's all shaker.
Yeah.
He's also smarter than the creators of Parlor, in that Gab is hosted on all of his own private servers, so they can't be deplatformed in the way Parlor is, but they'll probably never be able to support the load that they would need to go big time, and no one is gonna put them on their app store.
Yeah, I mean, and also, that seems like a real big brain idea until you realize the sort of shit these people like to post, you know, that you might not want hanging out on your own personal servers when the FBI comes knocking.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you see, that image of that child being abused is not mine.
It is simply hosted on one of my personal servers.
Why are you putting handcuffs on me?
It's very funny that you mentioned that, Sarge, because I, the doe-eyed moron who just fell off the turnip truck, was like, well, now that QAnon's running to Gab, I need to get the Gab app so I can track them on my phone.
And I went to the Apple Store and I looked for the Gab app, and it didn't exist.
And one of the first things that was on the list of things I could get when you type in Gab was like... What's the e-book of Mein Kampf?
Oh God, if only it was a book of Minecraft.
That would have been really on the nose.
What it actually was, was like a sex game for couples.
It was like so random and weird.
You type in Gab and it's just like steamy ideas for date night or whatever.
Because Gab is not on any of the app stores because they saw the writing on the wall years ago.
Gab's been around for a couple years now.
Read this Vice article, it's very well written.
Speaking of this kerfuffle, have you guys heard about all the people flocking to the app parlor with an O, thinking that it's parlor with an E?
Oh god, that's awesome!
I know, I spell it wrong all the time, I just never cared.
Yeah, I mean, it never would have come up in such numbers if not for this nonsense, and now that Parler was blowing up in the media, a bunch of people were like, oh, I gotta see this shit, and they just assumed it was spelled the way that Parler normally is.
Anyway, on to the next question.
Thanks for asking that one, whoever that was.
Ross McPhee asks, in your opinions, are there such a thing as following QAnon promoters on Twitter, but also not being a follower slash anon?
QAnon debunkers not included.
Uh, no.
Like, if you're following these people, you're following them for a reason.
And even if you're claiming that you're doing it ironically or that you don't believe, there's a part of your brain that wants to believe.
So like this is a poison and you getting near the poison makes you part of it.
You can't claim ambivalence.
Mike, we haven't had a chance to talk about, um, has the major shown back up after the snap?
Oh, no.
We haven't talked about the snap at all.
Oh, no, we haven't talked about the snap at all.
Well, yeah, we're doing mailbag, Doug.
Yeah, I jumped ahead.
I got excited.
I'd forgotten about it.
Oh, God, the snap.
Yeah.
But yeah, like, you can't follow these people and not be like... Yeah, I mean, following somebody is the definition of opting in.
So like, whatever your reasoning may be, by you opting in, it teaches the great algorithm that those people have sway, and in doing so, it gives them sway.
So what you should be doing instead is following us.
Yes, give us sway.
Swole us like our swollen mailbag and or tanuki nutsacks.
Yes, all of these things.
That's right.
We're circling back on it because testicles are just so funny.
We really, really have no material.
We have an abundance of material.
The mailbag is overflowing and so are the testicle jokes.
Unlike the QAnon train, this train is never stopping.
Even if all this QAnon stuff like vanished overnight, we would just transition the podcast to that idea about taking a fucking fake figure from some sort of media and determining whether or not they are liberal or conservative.
I can't wait to talk about Mothman.
Oh, man.
But, uh, yeah, I mean, universal things like mythological monsters and penises is stuff that is transcendent.
There's like those photos of... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody was talking about penises there, buddy.
Only nutsacks?
Only... Only the testicles.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We're not blue like that.
I crossed lines.
I apologize.
I've been canceled.
I acknowledge this.
How dare you?
I'm the worst.
I'm the absolute worst.
But yes, thank you for the question.
And we're going to our other Grand Inquisitor, Chairman Wachman, who's going to grill us like so much turkey.
Or hamburgers.
You're a grilled turkey!
Me?
I love grilled turkey.
What?
No, not really.
You totally had me hoodwinked with that one.
I thought you were on the worst diet ever.
Grilled turkey.
What is happening?
Yeah, but he says, I hope you all have been well.
With the number of temporary slash disposable heroes, immediate ostracism of any community members, and consistent movement of goalposts, Why is it that people are still buying into QAnon?
I think this circles back to my did anyone come out of the fog question.
I think it circles back to our very first question.
I think it's just like why do people still flock to QAnon?
Because it's a it's a nice racist anti-semitic message that has the tale as old as time.
Yeah, it's really just the fact that, QAnon is hopeful, which is the weirdest thing to say when you begin with the premise that the world is run by monsters that drink blood and are destroying the earth and wish to hand humanity over to Satan for his evil ways.
But QAnon promises that at some ill-defined point, which now is literally in the next week or we're fucked, Donald Trump's gonna turn this thing around and right the ship and save us all.
So when you have this ridiculously dumb false hope based around this ridiculously dumb narrative that the world's run by the evil blood drinkers, you hang on to that hope no matter what.
You hang on to the last possible second.
So the fact that everybody else has failed doesn't really matter.
They were all deceptions.
They were all misinformation.
It was all a flim flam and Like, right as Joe Biden goes to put his hand on the Bible, or right as he goes to take his hand off the Bible, the big thing is gonna happen, and it's gonna save us all.
That's when the Galactic Federation is gonna show up.
Right!
Like, the spaceship is just gonna, like...
Independence Day, the dais, and blow everybody up, and then Trump and, like, the Pleiadians or the Greys or whoever are gonna stride into the wreckage, get sworn in by Spock or whatever, and take America and the world into the Galactic Federation of Peace and Prosperity.
They're just gonna start firing into the crowd, and at first it's gonna seem like the firing is random, but then we'll find out that they're really aiming at the lizard people that were in the audience the whole time.
Yes, exactly.
They'll get shot with a ray gun and their body will just be like... and turn into a lizard person and it's just like, oh my god, secret invasion!
David Icke was right the whole time!
Oh man, thank god, that man was vindicated.
Oh man, I can't wait for our merch store to open up so we can make our David Icke was right the whole time shirts!
Yes!
With a picture of some alien blowing away a lizard man.
Donald Trump clinging to his leg like Leia in that Star Wars poster.
Just put his face over, just photoshop his face onto the Men in Black.
Yes.
Also, how come Hollywood Hulk Hogan isn't Triple H?
Because his name was already taken by the time he became Hollywood Hulk Hogan.
Or vice versa.
They only called him Hollywood because they didn't want to have to pay royalties to Marvel for using the name Hulk.
That was a part of his whole career.
He was stuck with that.
They had to work out a deal.
They should have just renamed him to the name of his character in Suburban Commando, which I totally remember, but I'm just not going to say for my personal reasons.
That's a good idea.
I will also withhold that name that I totally know.
Yeah, I mean, we all know it.
You guys know it in the audience.
You know the character we're talking about.
The one from Superman Commando.
You get it.
Right.
Boom.
Nailed it.
You know.
That's the movie where there's a guy throwing a dog into the ocean in the background, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
And Hulk Hogan hits a guy with a toilet seat.
Oh, thank God.
You know what a limit is?
Because Hollywood Hulk Hogan can't be Triple H because Triple H was already taken, I think that he should fusion dance with Paul Hollywood and become Paul Hollywood Hulk Hogan, P-Triple H.
I approve of this.
There we go.
See?
Look how good I am at answering questions.
You're very good.
And lastly, a lighter question.
After plenty of time to digest, thoughts on Cyberpunk?
Ooh, that's a big one.
I enjoyed it as much as I could.
I liked the story.
I didn't think it was as shallow as some people were saying, but For the first however long I played it, I never turned off the game on my own.
It only crashed.
So, that definitely crimped into my enjoyment.
Yeah, I mean, like, I guess my overall take on it is that, you know, it's impossible to overlook how shitty the release of it was, right?
I mean, like, I'm one of the chosen few that got to play it, and I'm not even playing it on some burly PC.
I'm just playing it on an Xbox One, you know, Pro or whatever it's called, Series X or whatever.
Not the newest Xbox, but the upgrade to the previous generation.
And it ran fine, and it would sometimes crash on me.
After two hours, I was pretty much guaranteed to get a crash at some point that would give me a potty break.
Overall, I think the game is a lot of fun.
I think it's very good.
I feel like it would have benefited from two or three more years of development, and I understand why they couldn't do that.
But, you know, people's gripes with the main storyline being short and sort of, you know, not super engaging is fine.
That is a valid criticism that I sort of agree with.
I think Keanu Reeves is probably, you know, stunt cast as Jonathan Silverhand, or as we've been calling him in this house, Johnny Karate.
You know, I think that sort of... I'm not sure if that sort of informed the decision of what to focus on in the main story in that game, or if that was always what they wanted to do and they just thought that Keanu was a good fit.
Because I'm here to tell you, and I think Mike Rains agrees with me on this one, we've talked about it off the podcast previously, There's a side story, like a side quest story, in that game that goes nowhere that the premise of should have been the story for the main game.
It was much, much more compelling than Johnny Karate's story.
So overall, I mean, like, like being able to, being able to not overlook the fault of the,
the, the shitty release, which is a very stupid way for me to have said that,
but I was stumbling on my words. Uh, I mean, I guess at the end of the day, I'd have to give it like a, you know, like a six or a seven out of ten or whatever, just because, you know, how many points do you take off from coming out completely fucking broken on most systems?
Like, I would say a lot.
But I put like 50 hours into it.
I'm probably going to play it again at some point.
And I think it might be one of the best games of the generation in like two or three years once they make it the game that it always should have been.
Yeah.
I'm very excited for finished Cyberpunk, which I know is a joke some people made, but that's the truth.
I would say that my enjoyment of the game, my big problem with the main storyline is how much of an existential crisis it is.
I didn't enjoy that is what I would say is that like the whole thing with you and Johnny is just like so like this has to be resolved and you have to do these things and it's like it just felt I don't know in a way kind of forced and I hated it whenever stuff would happen where my character would suddenly like start like blacking out or freaking out or other things were happening to them and I felt like I wasn't in control of the character anymore.
Like, I just wanted to be a badass, shit-kicking hacker who was just melting people's brains and stuff.
Well, I mean, so it's interesting that you bring that up, and there's no real way for me to talk about this without spoiling some stuff.
So I guess here's your spoiler warning for some content in the side quest and main storyline for Cyberpunk 2077.
So, 3, 2, 1, spoiler time.
Like, it's funny that you mentioned the, like, being knocked on your ass out of nowhere thing, because we both agreed that when they do that in Dream On, which was the name of that quest that I mentioned earlier, the story of which should have been the main story for Cyberpunk, Like, that... they also do that to you.
Like, during one point of that mission, you're, like, walking up to your next contact, and you just black out out of nowhere, completely black, not even with, like, the cyberpunk-y style, and a voice in your head is just like, yo, stop digging into this, fuck off.
Like, you know, you're dealing with shit you can't comprehend, and then you get to go about your business, and that one time felt more compelling than any of the other times in the game that it happened to it, where it was just like a way for them to show you, you're sick!
Remember, you're dying!
Like, no matter how much endless time you have to dick around in Night City, at some point, like, the story necessitates that they remind you that your character is still technically dying, and that you should probably tell the story.
Which ones dream on?
Dream on is the one with the mayoral candidate and his wife.
Oh, OK, I didn't do that one.
Oh, it's my pick for the best side quest in the game, aside from the fact that it just doesn't end.
So I like by that metric, I'm assuming that like by that metric, I think the passion quest is probably the best side quest in the game, just because it has a resolution.
Yeah uh like that yeah exactly because like I just hated coughing I hated like having to be like one minute I'm gutting down 20 people the next minute I'm like oh fuck and I'm getting all dizzy and shit and it's just it's just really aggravating whereas the dream on moment is just This faceless, nameless voice flexing on you, and it's just like, whoa!
Yeah, so sort of like, you know, like, sort of despite your perception that you are this unkillable god-king, like, this thing just out of nowhere is just like, power your brain down and talk to you, and like, you can't do anything.
It makes you feel really powerless, versus all the other times when the game pulls it out.
You know, you're stumbling and falling and coughing blood into your own hand or whatever.
Like the game does that so much that at some point it just becomes meaningless.
So the fact that when it happens in Dream On is like a completely different effect, like including the just fading completely to black.
Like, you know, I was just like, oh shit, they can do this in a compelling way.
They just haven't been up until now.
Yeah, and the other thing about Dream On, and I think this will be my last word on it, is just that idea makes me feel like that's a world where I want to play the main storyline, but I don't feel oppressed by it.
I don't feel that I've got to do this because my character is on a clock and all this bad shit's happening.
If that were the main story, it would sort of let you choose the stakes, right?
Because it implies a certain level of sinister shit going on in Night City that you could or could not engage with at your leisure, versus the actual main story, which is a ticking clock.
So if I just fuck off in Night City for the equivalent of 12 days doing side shit around like, you know, why is my
character not dead?
Like I'm supposed to be on a ticking clock.
Like how ticking is the clock? Right? Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
That is that's everything about it that like I didn't.
I love the world. I love the characters.
I think I'm probably like more of a fan of the game than most people are.
But it's just the concept of the main storyline mission is frustrating to me, especially after you play the dream
on storyline mission.
You're just like, Oh my God, that's what this game should have been.
What the fuck?
Or rather when you find out that Dream On doesn't pay off.
I mean, maybe the payoff is coming in DLC.
Maybe they're just like seeding it as a thing that you could like engage with now and then it becomes something more down the line.
But if it doesn't, it's a huge waste of opportunity.
Absolutely.
I'm sorry I didn't play this quest, but it just goes to show I did a bunch.
I think I did a handful of things that you guys didn't do.
I mean, the game is huge, and there are hidden quests in it that don't pop up as an indicator on the map, so there's a chance there's stuff in there that's great that I just missed, but in terms of if I had to review it, if somebody was just like, yo, 2020 had some good games in it, Cyberpunk is one of them, I can only buy one video game, should I buy that one?
My answer would be no, the game you should buy is either Hades or Ghost of Tsushima.
And after like eight years worth of hype, Cyberpunk should have easily been that game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Question and spoiler period over.
John Brandkamp asks, boxers or briefs?
Hashtag Clinton.
Hashtag old school.
Well, is free balling not an option?
Like, do you expect me to find underwear that can fit over my massive balls?
Back to our audience.
Tidy Whities if you're a child, Boxers if you're an adult.
No exceptions unless you have any sort of medical reason why it has to be the other way.
Thanks for coming to my seminar.
This has been my TED Talk.
I will second this motion.
I mean, I guess we should try to make a little more hay out of the funniness of the third option of just having no underwear.
But I feel like, unless you have a specific reason for that, underwear is probably a thing you should have on.
I would agree on that count.
Hot takes here!
Oh, the scorching takes!
Hot takes!
Get your hot takes!
Although, it would be a good time to mention that somebody needs to invent better boxer shorts, because I have seen a surprising amount of my friend's dicks and balls just accidentally popping out of their boxer shorts while going to conventions and stuff.
It's really weird that like there's these two different like brands of underwear that I've been seeing on television recently that both have like just full names of dudes on them like one is like Tommy John and the other one I can't even remember the name but it's like Like Wayne Smith or like Steve Thompson or something.
I'm just like, how did this happen where there's like two lines of like underwear makers that are like this similar and they're both now launching like massive commercial campaigns for their online underwear providing services.
See, Mike, I think you just may have given me a House MD style epiphany about how to fix boxer shorts.
I was thinking about it wrong.
I was thinking inside the box.
I thought the problem was your dick and balls pop out and that needed to be fixed so that your dick and balls stay in.
No, no, no.
We made a new brand of boxer shorts.
We had to find a sexy name that has a Q in the middle.
Right?
And then the goal is you print that on the front of the boxers and the little dangling bit on a lowercase q is your dick and balls.
So you just pull your dick and balls out and it just helps tie the name together by making the little curly q at the bottom of a lowercase q. See what I'm saying?
I guess you could do a lowercase p too, but I don't know.
I feel like q is more on brand for us.
Yes, I agree.
Our cue brand of getting arrested for indecent exposure, underwear.
I mean, it's underwear!
It's supposed to be under your fucking pants anyway, you monster!
I was thinking, you walk out of your hotel room, you're wearing your cue-branded underwear exclusively, and then someone sees you, they start screaming.
The next thing you know, the cops are at your door.
I was just going that way with it.
I don't think this question was just like, yo, you're wandering around a playground.
You're about to be arrested.
What underwear are you wearing?
Kapal brand underwear.
Yeah, it was just like, well, El, if no one is supposed to see it, then what's the point of having the name written across the front?
And the answer is, that's just for you and your special consenting sexual partners.
They're going to peel down those pants and just be like, oh shit, you got that good Q underwear on.
There you go, baby.
You can tell because my dick and balls are out.
That good Q underwear.
And then after the tagline, you can tell because my dick and balls are out.
Well there's a shirt we can never make.
What do you mean we can't make it?
We're making it!
It's happening!
Our merch store is going to get de-platformed faster and harder than Gab.
It's going to be great.
I mean, it's like, you know, at some point when we, like, why would we make it a t-shirt?
At some point, if we're big enough where we're selling merch, we should just sell the boxers.
Yeah.
How hard is it to, like, silkscreen like a, like a fucking, like a small circle around where your dick and balls pop out of your boxers?
Just pull your dick and balls out yourself.
Boom!
There you go, baby.
Q underwear.
That'll be $29.99.
Oh, man.
We're going lowball there.
Because back home, we're just like cutting the tags out of like Fruit of the Looms or whatever that we're buying for like six bucks a pair.
There's just an inch of elastic missing.
Just try to make a circle on it.
Just take it up.
It's like, ah-ha!
The special adventures in hell world fucking Q underwear.
Oh, God.
Just as effective as some other magic underwears you've heard about.
Oh, absolutely.
So thank you for derailing us, John Brandkamp.
We appreciate it.
Darwin's Waiting Room asks, a lot of talk about social media being more powerful than the government.
That could be a cool conversation.
I mean, it's very interesting.
Good, moving on.
I find it deeply complicated, and people are also idiots.
I've seen so many, just so many hot takes on Facebook, and they're like, the censorship begins just like in the communist countries, and it's just like, what are you talking about?
You can't have it both ways.
I agree that social media is too powerful, but you can't have it both ways.
Either Twitter's a private company, and they get to do whatever they want, Or you're being censored and the government needs control of social media, so... I mean, a lot of that is fucking Trump's fault directly, though, because he was using Twitter as if it were, like, a state-sponsored, like, media outlet for whatever dumb thought popped into his fucking brain.
So, you know, when the president's, like, official decrees are coming out through Twitter, it sort of stops seeming like it's this private company, right?
Like, it just sort of seems like Trump, like, co-opted it for government use.
Turns out that's not true.
They could have always done whatever the fuck they wanted, which means, why didn't they do it sooner?
But that's a different kettle of fish.
Yeah, Jack just caved on, like, Trump doing all the dumb shit he was doing for the longest time, and only now, in this late hour, when Trump's out the door in two weeks.
Yeah, and he might be held accountable.
Right.
I mean, exactly.
So, I mean, this is, like, the whole issue here is, like, What's really funny is if you go on analytics for Facebook, it's all Dan Bingo Bongo, Ben Shapiro and Fox News getting the most clicks anyways.
So any cry of censorship by the right wing is bullshit because Facebook does nothing to fucking police their crap anyways.
And they only ban like the most terrible people and then they usually let them sneak back on.
I mean, Twitter had the big crackdown against QAnon and who knows like if that's actually going to stick or anything like that.
So I think that like trying to make the debate like is Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg more powerful than the president?
I mean, I guess my answer is, like, maybe, but probably not, because if the government actually really did care about this stuff, they could, like, bring in regulations and try to, like, tame the beast, as it were.
I think the most important part of it is that people are starting to think about that, which is important not necessarily because of how powerful Like, you know, like, oh, whether or not, like, oh, is MySpace Tom more powerful than the President of the United States?
And she's like, well, that question is kind of moot, because at any moment, like, the government could step in and start regulating, like, they could just be like, we're removing your protections, and all of a sudden, Twitter would be a flaming crater, or they would be hosted in another country, which is the important part, because other countries, like China, have these huge media platforms that are like Chinese Twitter, or whatever, that are controlled by their government.
And, like, that is the sort of power that people should be looking at with, like, a critical eye.
It's just, like, you know, like, in the future, like, what's it gonna be like when the government has that much reach to the normal person?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, with state-run media, that's, like, the thing people are always concerned about.
Yeah, because state-run media was, like, already a problem back when it was just radio waves and television, but now it's, like, literally, like, here's your state-mandated cell phone with all of your state-media-mandated apps on it, and also we're using it to track literally everything you do, but you don't have any other options, and if you want to be in touch with Grandma, you gotta use it.
Okay, well, cool.
So, I mean, I think in America it's just like, like, do, like, these social media platforms, like, obviously the people in control of them do wield a tremendous amount of power.
The same thing with, like, giant online marketplaces like Amazon and all that shit.
But, at the end of the day, everything is a business transaction in this country, so as soon as the United States saw that there was more to be gained from, like, putting the fucking muzzle on these things by, you know, removing the protections that prevent them from just being sued into oblivion overnight, like, it's hard to argue who's got more power when one side has a one-hit-KO button, you know what I mean?
Yes.
Like, is Mark Zuckerberg more powerful than Trump?
And like, it's just like, well, unless Trump manages to, you know, if a more competent president could coherently form enough sentences to get people to repeal the old 230, then that answer would be immediately no, overnight your company is gone.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
The government has the power.
It's just a question of if they flex it and if there's enough public sentiment to make them want to do that.
And would Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey be able to bribe enough Congress creators to try to stop it?
So that'd be like a fun little battle to see between the titans of America.
All these boomers who don't understand.
Oh, God.
The series of tube internet people.
Oh, God.
They're the people I want regulating this shit.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So thanks for that question.
Or conversation starter, as it were.
Troy Francis asks, How are followers spinning Trump's mention of the Biden administration in Texas?
Surely it's over for the grift now.
If you did a Google search, if you did a Twitter search for, uh, pretend you are weak when you are strong, Sun Tzu, you would see about, I don't know, 500 million hits from Twitter followers, QAnon followers claiming that's what Trump's doing.
I've been making the hot takes joke all podcast, but the hot takes are endless right now and how they're taking it.
Yeah, they're just they're just gonna deny like, CJ Truth had a comment on Gab where he was like, I am not concerned at all about what the president said.
They will like none of these promoters are going to back down for one second until Biden's sworn in.
And then the great pivot will begin.
And however, that turns out, God only knows.
But like, they're going to have to change things.
You've started to see some of it with Alex Jones.
until the last possible second, until they have to shift the narrative
of what QAnon's all about, they're not going to.
You've started to see some of it with Alex Jones.
And he's a prime example of just being like, brah, just raging at QAnon
and trying to get away from it and trying to get on the right side
of where he thinks conservative conspiracy theory nutbags are going to be.
Yeah.
He like Alex has done the thing.
I mean, Lord knows that the next time he'll see Nick Fuentes, because Nick was live streaming himself inside the Capitol with baked Alaska.
He could be looking at 20 years right now.
But right before, during the Georgia runoffs, Nick Fuentes and Alex were doing this whole thing where Fuentes was totally all about destroy the GOP, start a new party, or burn the current GOP to the ground and rebuild it in our image.
And Alex was kind of like halfway with him and half, well, we got to kind of vote for our bad Senate candidates in Georgia because we can't give Biden the Senate.
So like, Alex is going to straddle that line.
I mean, he's already screaming about Biden being a bought and paid for member of the Chi Com, globalists, blah, blah, blah.
So like, Alex knows that his brand sells better in opposition, that him screaming about government oppression is where he makes the bucks, and trying to defend Trump isn't nearly as profitable as it is for him to be condemning Biden.
So Alex is totally happy with this shit.
The problem with QAnon is that their brand, their product, is the cult of Trump.
And when the cult of Trump goes down the tubes, now they're fucked.
Now they gotta figure out a new product to sell.
Yeah, and Q has still not said anything since December 8th.
I guess we're still gonna take it.
I guess we're still gonna take it a lot more.
That video got DMCA-striked.
It leads to a, uh, not a broken link, but a dead video.
It's just like, this video can't be played here because copyright.
Q's busy fighting off a second impeachment, so... Yeah.
That would be the greatest thing ever, if Trump gets impeached or just cedes power to Biden or whatever, however he gets his ass out of the White House, and then he's just like, oh, and by the way, I was Q the whole time!
Oh, that'd be so awesome!
Oh my god, if Trump actually did that and just Oh, that would be such an awesome grifting move.
Just takes Q away from all the low-level grifters like Prang Medic and Joe M and Jordan Sather.
I mean, who would have the juice to challenge him on it, right?
Like, the real Q would have to come forward with some sort of receipts.
Right, exactly.
That would be so funny.
Oh God, that would be the greatest thing.
And the thing is, there would be no amount of receipt that the real Q could use that would ever get like 80% of them not to believe it was actually Trump.
I mean, so many of them, if you read 4chan and 8chan back in the day, They'd be talking about, oh man, Trump's on the boards.
Like Trump talks to us here.
He's like secretly on the board.
I mean, they totally are into that shit.
They like live for the idea that like the guy on the TV actually talks to them on their fucking image board full of Nazis and child porn.
It's like part of the addiction.
It's ridiculous.
I remember way back in the day, like, you know, oh my god, like 2006 or whatever, back when I was still cruising around on 4chan, periodically, some random person would just be like, I'm secretly a celebrity!
Ask me anything!
And every once in a while, those 4chan idiots would just eat that up.
It was just like, this is literally just some goober on the computer.
I watched a video on just that.
I don't remember who, it was like Taylor Swift or something?
They thought was on 4chan at one point.
Yeah, and now you've got like, you know, fucking, uh, it's like Wired or GQ or whatever.
So, like, some video production, uh, like, content producer channel on YouTube, uh, has a series where they get celebrities to, like, secretly go on the message boards or whatever themselves.
But, you know, back in the day, it was total horseshit, right?
I mean, what the fuck would Taylor Swift be doing on 4chan at, like, 4pm in the afternoon?
Like, she busy.
And if she had time for leisure, do you think it would be cruising 4chan?
Like, don't you think that Taylor Swift has access to, like, an easier place to find racism?
Oh, that was... Watching the neo-Nazis get so angry when Taylor Swift abandoned them
and became a flaming liberal, oh...
Oh, their Aryan queen betraying them.
Was that a thing?
Yeah, Neo-Nazis were so into Taylor Swift.
There was this subculture about her being the epitome of Aryan beauty.
I mean, it was a real thing.
These people were just totally obsessed with her.
And then she was like, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm like, like hard left liberal vote for the Democrats all the time, all day, every day.
Yeah, I grew up in Tennessee.
Doesn't mean shit.
Still a lib.
And it was like, no, no, Taylor, no.
They're all just like, well, now I guess I'll never fuck her.
Yeah.
I hate to break this to you, buddy.
You were never fucking her to begin with.
So, yeah.
So, yeah.
So thank you for the question.
We are absolutely drenched in questions here.
At some point we're going to have to put a pin on this.
Well, I mean, if we want to do news, now's probably the time, right?
Because we're about 20 minutes out from the soft out, so... Yeah, well, I'll finish with this one last excellent question, and then we'll do a quick news jointer, and then we'll have to put the rest of these in the bag and come back to them later, because we got smothered and we didn't expect it.
TheGuySupremacy asks a question that needs an answer.
Peanut butter, creamy or with nuts?
Depends on what you're making.
I'm with nuts always only.
I don't make anything that would require the filth of creamy peanut butter.
I'm gonna take my low-hanging fruit testicle joke on credit this time around and just say that I enjoy crunchy peanut butter generally more than creamy peanut butter, but I think peanut butter kind of sucks.
So there's my hot take for the week.
Not a peanut butter fan.
I like my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to be like the tiniest, barest amount of peanut butter that could cover to the edges of a slice of bread and then a bunch of jelly to cover up its horrible mouthfeel.
I'm so glad that it took us this many podcasts to get to the term mouthfeel, but we did it.
I mean, I really wish the culinary world would invent or steal a better name for that.
It's just like, you guys just fucking took umami from Japan, whole cloth.
Find out what they call mouthfeel, I'm sure it sounds better, and let's start using that.
Because the term is important, what it describes is important, but the actual words coming out of your mouth are very dumb.
Yes, absolutely.
Because it's the only way I can describe it, because I like the taste of peanut butter.
And when you like get like a panini press or whatever and you fucking press it out
real nice and it heats up the peanut butter and it melts it, then peanut butter is delicious.
But peanut butter just straight out of the jar.
It's like it's fucking so cloying.
It's like, hey, do you want to eat this paste?
Delicious peanut butter flavored paste.
And it's just like, no, not really.
That's why people are just like, peanut butter and milk is great together.
It's just like, yeah, because compared to peanut butter, the fucking viscosity of milk is like, refreshing.
It's just like, oh my god, let me chug this whole milk because it's less viscous and off-putting in my mouth than peanut butter.
I have never thought about the viscosity of milk before, but this is what this podcast gives us.
Yeah, this is what our political podcast is about.
It really is.
It really is.
I mean, I actively sought out the peanut butter question, so I am to blame here.
But I just never know what roads we're going to go down when we do this.
So I guess I probably prefer crunchy peanut butter because of the peanuts take up space that would normally, you know, be peanut butter.
That would normally be peanut slime, and we don't like the peanut slime.
Yeah, I just said, like, I like the part of Crunchy Peanut Butter where it's peanuts, and not so much the part where it's butter.
Yes.
So, if you send us presents, just send Al a big bag of peanuts, because that's what he likes.
Yeah, he doesn't want the butter, he just wants the peanuts.
Just the peanuts.
Just planters' peanuts.
So many bottles.
I mean, I do love salted peanuts.
That would be a wonderful gift.
I would be very into that.
Honey roasted for me, so yes.
Oh, I mean, let's pump the brakes.
If we're gonna fucking flavor up our nuts, then we'll be here all day.
If that's an option, you better believe I'm not going for classic peanut.
Get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, I like some wasabi.
Oh, God.
So, at this point I'm just gonna hard smash in the cues in the news bumper to derail the peanut conversation.
Largely because there's like a couple of like big news items that we should get to while they're still topical.
Oh, was that with the bump playing?
Did I talk over it like a chungus?
Yes, you did.
You absolutely did.
Well, maybe dial up the volume there, idiot.
I could have, but I didn't.
So, there's the breaks.
Wait, here's in the news.
We're impeaching the president again.
That's great.
Wonderful.
Good job, everybody.
We did it.
We nailed it.
We win.
So voting on this as we speak or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the the turtle from Kentucky has already said he will not call the Senate back for an emergency session.
So if when the second impeachment gets out of the House, It will not be.
Trump will be out of office before he is impeached again, but they will almost certainly still proceed with it.
Yeah.
So yeah, so like the Senate will reconvene on the 19th and they probably won't hold the vote to convict him or exonerate him until after he is out of office.
Which is like so funny because like for like the 48 hours before this, it was like, oh, McConnell wants the impeachment.
And then McConnell's like, no, JKs, idiots, JKs, I'll never give you what you want, you dumb suckers.
So that all is happening.
I think we've gotten like five or six Republicans are actually going to vote to impeach Trump this time.
Liz Cheney being like the big notable one of the group that has all the QAnon people's panties in a bunch as it were.
It seems like a real easy way to score some points right now.
Yeah.
I'm a patriotic American and what happened at the Capitol was bad and Trump was responsible, so even though I'm still a Republican, I am voting to impeach because he is a piece of shit.
I mean, it's so funny that these people are just like, oh, I got two weeks left of Trump or one week now.
I'm still going to support him for some ill-defined reason.
It's like, he's powerless!
Why are you not doing this?
Nancy Pelosi kept bringing up, well he has the nuclear codes, and I was like, that is a good point, but I think you can make your point better, in that he can still do irreparable damage.
I don't think he's gonna launch a nuke, I'm deeply worried, but I don't think he's gonna do that.
I think he can spike the ball in any number of ways.
He could pardon all the D.C.
protesters and tell them to try again.
I mean, there's all kinds of, like, psychotic nihilism that he could be a party to at this point.
Yeah, I think there's much more actionable, dangerous things he can do that they should be bringing up.
Let's, like, stop being so goddamn dramatic.
Like, stop making your point badly.
The Futurama quote that I love.
Yeah.
So yeah, we're impeaching Trump again.
Hooray.
We should talk about the snap.
In better news, the snap happened.
The good snap.
The snap where all the bad guys got whisked away.
I remember going to Major Patriots.
I saw that and I immediately went to Major Patriots Twitter and it says, Major Patriot is not tweeted.
And I was like, what?
And then I reloaded and it says, this count has been suspended.
And I was like, oh.
So happy.
We have a group chat.
I posted screen captures of all the big ones.
It was the funniest thing because I was working.
Oh yeah.
And I literally go on break and as I like get off the casino floor, I just pull out my phone and suddenly the world has just exploded.
Like literally I have a trillion notifications.
All the group DMs I'm in are just out of control.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And yeah, that half hour of break time was delicious.
That was so insane.
I took my partner out for dinner to celebrate that night.
I was like, this is incredible.
I've been just deeply entrenched in this community for months now.
And just to finally see something actionable happen, I was like, we have to celebrate.
We have to go out.
Like so many of these idiots Which also made me mad because it shows that Twitter knew exactly who to hit because they did it tactically all at once.
Oh yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's really ridiculous that they stayed their hand for so long and then crushed like 90% of them in one hit.
And now we still have some chuds, like Negan is still hanging out.
There's some guy that's like Phantom Patriot or whatever.
He's still trying to get things going.
It's so funny, like, seeing people who still have, like, 10, 20,000 followers who are just, like, kind of begging to be raptured to, like, enjoying the cool kids on Gab and Parler and Telegram.
Because it's like, man, why didn't they get rid of me?
I'm, like, important.
And then you'd have, like, Qtah and other morons, like, sneaking back on the Twitter for, like, five minutes.
And then getting a little excited they don't get kicked right away.
And then they get kicked, like, a couple hours later.
I've only got 109 followers and I'm still on Twitter.
Checkmate, idiots.
The Cabal, baby.
I'm doing adrenochrome luges.
So what we need to happen now is we need to post the, uh, we need to make an actual
account for the podcast.
Accidentally get that, uh, account suspended by Twitter.
And then when Twitter apologizes to us, they give us all check marks.
That's what actually happened to the QAnon Anonymous podcast hosts on their podcast, was they got swept up and then when Twitter was sad and apologizing, they had make-up sex with them and gave them checkmarks as an apology, which made me laugh my ass off.
Make it happen.
I'll take it.
So Twitter, please ban us mistakenly and then give us checkmarks in compensation.
That's your coupon to Sizzler that you get from Twitter when they fuck you over and take your account away from you.
I need checkmarks so I can start my war against the zoophiles.
Oh my god!
That... Fuck you for sending me that video and destroying my life.
That 45 minutes of hell that I went through listening to that.
And then just having to think about it.
Oh my god.
I didn't watch it because Sarge, like, appropriately linked it.
Like, he linked it and then he made some sort of joke about fucking dogs.
And I was just like, well, that's a pretty clear indicator that I'm not super interested in this video.
It just informs you that the Zeta, the Greek symbol Zeta, if you see that in someone's Twitter profile, they are a zoophile.
And Twitter does nothing about it.
They just appreciate animal rape, and they have a community that encourages each other to commit animal rape.
I mean, Raising Hope had a whole episode about this.
When it gets to animals, consent is sort of like a weird concept, because it seems like they can't ever consent, right?
In fact, a lot of animals are biologically made to make the consent irrelevant once the coitus happens, like by, you know, dogs' penises getting too big to pull out, or cats having barbed penises, and dogs having maginas.
Sounds like you should listen to Zooier Than Thou, the podcast.
The point is, consent is a sticky wicket.
Not because I think that anybody should be fucking animals, but because I don't want to live in a world where anytime I accidentally see two animals having sex in the wild, I'm just like, yo, some rape is happening.
That seems like a grim fucking life.
Just like, oh, what are those two squirrels doing over there?
Eh, rape.
On that dark note, so a bunch of the dum-dums that stormed the Capitol are actually paying the price and getting swept up by the authorities.
Oh yeah, and finding out they've been put on that no-fly list, man.
Videos of those idiots losing their minds in airports has been, like, incredible.
Scheidenfreude this week, it's just so good.
Rubbing it on my skin like a lotion, it is so good.
I got to listen to a video of the Q Shaman talking.
I thought he was just called the Q Shaman because he dressed like a professional wrestler.
No, he actually believes himself to be a shaman and a multi-dimensional being, and his third eye is open, and he can see what the president really wants him to do.
I mean, what's really important is what spec is he, because our raid's only looking for a very specific spec.
Uh, you know, I don't, I don't know.
He's probably...
God, it's been so long since I played WoW, I wanted to make a dunk on the bad shaman spec joke, but I just have no fucking clue.
I mean, it's WoW, you can just assume they're all bad.
So he's obviously, he's obviously enhanced because he wants to throw blows.
He doesn't want to just stand in the back and play his hoods and throw lightning bolts and shit.
Oh, right.
There was a... You think Q Shaman is Boobkin?
Yeah, I think he's...
I think he's landing shots.
He's dropping his totems and he's running in there, having those spirit wolves pop.
I think he's in there.
I think he's in there getting some DPS via his fisticles.
And if you're listening to this and you play WoW and you're just like, man, I don't want to be compared to those QAnon idiots, just remember that the company that you're supporting to put China's entire penis into its mouth last year, so I don't want you to hear shit about it.
We also got to find out that Q-Shaman has a sensitive tum-tum.
He didn't eat anything for several days because the jail wouldn't give him organic food.
And a judge upheld that they need to give him organic food because it might be for religious reasons.
He's the shaman.
He's the Q-Shaman.
His mom told me he had a way to get some organic protein in prison.
I think you've been cancelled, Al.
That was a bridge too far.
Any implications about the consent or lack thereof that you read out of that joke are on you and not on me.
Fair, fair.
I was just really happy that they, like, Internet sleuths very quickly found the guy who was hopping around with all the zip ties, him and his mom.
You mean the guy that found some zip ties on the ground and just picked them up and forgot he had them?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, is that his story?
That was one of the guys' story.
I'm not sure if it's that specific guy.
But, like, one of them was just like, oh, yeah, I found those on the ground and, like, just picked them up and put them on my belt and then forgot I had them.
Yeah, absolutely.
That was the guy who had them in his hand and was invading the Capitol with his mom, which I know when I go to commit treason, I want my mom with me.
Oh, and from what I've seen, his mom is a true believer also, so it's not like she's some innocent doe that got brought along with her crazy MAGA son.
Maybe you know.
So five people were killed during the Capitol siege.
One officer, one lady trampled to death while carrying a don't tread on me flag.
The guy who may or may not have been tased in the balls.
And then the true blue QAnon Air Force veteran who got shot dead by the Secret Service.
So that's four.
Do we know?
They've said five people died.
I still don't know who the fifth person was.
Uh, I think, well, she was shot by Capitol Police, not Secret Service, I believe.
But, uh, I believe the fifth person was a suicide that happened, like, after the fact.
I'm not really totally sure about that.
But, like, there was, like, something, like, I think a Capitol cop, like, killed themselves afterwards.
And I could be totally wrong on this and get corrected viciously.
And when you are wrong on the internet, you will get corrected.
But I think that's what happened.
I mean, that's fine.
I would prefer that we get corrected if we're wrong about something that's, like, You know what I mean?
Like who lost their lives during the Capitol riots?
Yes.
I don't need to know, but I think it's important that we do know, uh, keep track of who all died.
Yeah.
The, uh, the, the last two little bits of news that I remember from that thing was like the, there was a lady who was storming in Pelosi's office and like claimed that she didn't break anything then admitted she stole the gavel and something else.
So, uh, she's still, she got herself arrested and, um, My brain just absolutely melted when the guy who had the Camp Auschwitz hoodie got himself arrested.
How about that incredible patriot that forgot to take off his work lanyard?
He was fired that day.
You know what's funny?
A lot of stand-up comedians have have bits about The flowery prose that Civil War soldiers were capable of, and how it's indicative of how stupid we are now.
I just love the idea that the first Civil War had, when you read, even the Confederate soldiers writing their diaries of their loved ones.
It reads like fuckin' Shakespeare, and then it's like, oh, who are the heroes trying to instigate Civil War II?
Well, one guy tames himself in the balls to death, and it's just like, wow, the quality of racists has really dropped over the past, like, 150 years.
Yeah, these people are just so bafflingly dumb, and one of the greatest things is, like, we have all this information, because, like, Parlor, before it, like, got nuked from orbit, Just kind of gave all their information to the FBI, and we have all this geolocation of parlor users inside Congress.
And I saw a message on Twitter where they were like, No, I won't take the vaccine.
It's got a microchip from Bill Gates that will track my every movement.
Yes, I will use this incredibly shitty no-security media app while committing felonies in Washington, D.C.
Yeah, like no vaccine for me.
I don't want the government tracking me.
Parlor's just like, hey, in order to verify who you are, we need the front and back of your license.
And they're just like, okie dokie.
And now I'm going to turn my parlor hat on while I break down the door to the halls of Congress.
Yeah, I mean, you know, much like all the issues that these people allegedly believe in, they don't even know what they're talking about.
And not even just like they're talking about it in an uneducated fashion, they just don't know!
Or they're just too stupid to put two and two together where it's just like, I mean, if being afraid of government spying on you was the reason you didn't want a vaccine, then you would just live off the grid.
But, like, you know, to them, getting a vaccine is a thing that they have to do on a day where they might otherwise, like, want to work, or get a blowjob, or, like, watch a football game.
And the other stuff is stuff that just happens to them in their daily life and is fine.
It's just like, having a cell phone, that doesn't inconvenience me in the slightest.
No possible way this could be bad.
And they're just like, hey, do you want to take a day off to go get this coronavirus vaccine?
It was like, fucking hoax!
What a hoax of a vaccine!
It's got a microchip in it, etc.
And then, small tinfoil hat here, I was reading an account of one representative who was saying his office is very hard to find.
If you don't know where it is, you will not find it.
His name is in a different part of the building.
And yet, his office was broken into and the ones around him were not.
Which is leading a lot of people to believe that certain Republicans You know, aided and abetted in the break-in, and even gave guided tours to show... I mean, there's a video of that one guy opening up the side door for them, you know what I mean?
It's not exactly the most far-fetched, you know, of conspiracy theories.
I think that, like, some of the people may have been just like, yeah, totally, get your riot on!
And then they saw that the tide was turning, like, violent and bad, and they were just like, okay, now I have to distance myself from this riot that I helped Yeah, well, they're saying like that before the day before and the day before and to a day and a day before that, that Republican, some Republican representatives, the crazier ones, and I use that term and just savage quote, quote, swish, swish, led the riders through on tours beforehand so that they could see where things are.
Yeah, there was a representative, I can't remember her name, who said that she saw Republicans leading them in reconnaissance.
And then Priestley, the representative from Boston, she said that all the panic buttons in her office had been stripped before the riot happened.
And this is the kind of thing where I mean, my spidey sense, the old Bad Mike Rains, JFK Conspiracy, 9-11, Truth or Me, is like the little gremlin trying to get out of its cage.
It's like, let's go time!
It's time for the madness!
It's time for the cork board and the red strings!
And it's like, down, down boy, down!
We'll get to the bottom of this sooner or later.
But this feels like the real conspiracy that QAnon's been looking for all these years, only it's the guys they supported who've committed it.
Yeah, in a surprising turn of events, it turns out that the bad guy that Q was after the whole time was themselves.
They are the serpent in the mirror, which is a reference that if you are listening to this and you get, you are cool.
Boom.
So do we have any other newsworthy items before I start steering this ship into the calming waters of, you know, us not recording it anymore?
Uh, I think we're good here.
I think that we've covered most of the calamities and events of the past week on top of our, again, swollen bag of mail, as it were.
You just jinxed the hell out of us.
Oh, oh yeah.
I'm going to refresh Twitter now and it's going to be like, House of Representatives re-elects Trump to presidency.
How?
Get fucked.
That's how.
And we're like, oh, okay, cool.
We're now in a fascist dictatorship.
Tough break.
Emperor's Derpidoo of the Galactic Federation decrees Donald Trump King of Earth.
While we were recording, the president, for one more week, has said he's calling for no violence.
He's officially getting out in front of what's about to happen, and he's calling for no more violence.
Come on, man.
When we're cracking lies like that, you're not supposed to say something that's completely off the wall.
Anyway, so thanks everybody for listening to this stranger, things-ian, upside-down episode of the Adventures of Hellworld podcast.
You know, the type where we do our mailbag first and then barely get around to talking about anything else.
You can follow us on Twitter at our respective accounts, at PokerandPolitics for Mr. Mike Rains, at HellworldL and HellworldSarge for myself and Sarge, and of course The world being spelled with a Q instead of an O, like our fancy boxers that are going to be forthcoming.
If you want to support us, please go ahead and give us your hard-earned money by supporting our Patreon at Patreon.
There's poker politics there as well, because this is Mike Rains' show, we're just the co-hosts of it, and we're going to get paid as such when he's done cracking the whip on us.
If we're not worthy of your money and you want to still put it towards the good fight, go ahead and donate it to love146.org.
They're out there doing the work that the QAnon folks have been claiming they're interested in for a long time and never seem to act on because it wasn't a, you know, building on the Capitol that they could march into and try to destroy and usurp.
And yeah, we'll be back next week.
I think we've committed to sort of changing our recording schedule to just record on Wednesdays, because at some point when none of us were looking, Tuesdays became the day shit started popping off.
So because of all the all the political related stuff happening on Tuesdays and us wanting to be able to talk about it on the podcast, we're going to switch over to to Wednesdays, at least for the foreseeable future and maybe forever.
Who knows?
Biden's getting sworn in Wednesday at noon.
That's why we're doing Wednesday afternoon next week.
Yeah, and then, you know, this week it was just because, like, newsworthy stuff was happening, and last week it was because technical difficulties and newsworthy stuff happening.
So we've just decided to make the switch over to Wednesday for the time being.
Hopefully that doesn't throw off anyone's groove, but if it does, feel free to yeet me out of a window like that old man in Emperor's New Groove.
I thought you said, yeet me out of a window, and I was like, wow.
Yeah, eat me out of a window.
I'm gonna put my, well I guess for me it would have to be my butthole, I'm just gonna hang it out the window, and you can eat it.
And that's the new expression, that's the new catchphrase for the podcast.
Eat me out a window.
Adventures of the Hellworld podcast, eat me out a window.
And if anybody gives you any shit about that, you can tell them to put a raisin on it.
All right, so for another, I guess, successful, with a question mark, episode of Adventure in the Hellworld for this week, I am El, signing off for Sarge and for Mike Rains, aka Poker and Politics.
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