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Nov. 18, 2020 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:30:07
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode 9: How Trump's Gonna Win!

We go over the ever evolving ways QAnon thinks Trump can pull this election out and laugh at the absurd nature of it all. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody and welcome to another edition of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am PokerandPolitics, joined as always by Sarge.
Hello, welcome to Hellworld.
And I'm also joined by the mysterious L. That's me baby, get the fuck out of Hellworld!
Oh, we are now about, I don't know, 65 or so days away from what appears to be Hellworld.
So that's kind of like hopeful, optimistic, as it were, I guess one could say.
So yeah, so we are still, of course, dealing with the life and times of dealing with QAnon.
So that means we have to play a little content warning for you folks, before we get serious.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
And now that you know what you're getting yourself into, if you've been enjoying this podcast and you want to help us out, feel free to spread the word via word of mouth and retweeting and all that kind of stuff to let people know we're awesome.
And if you really are happy with us, go to patreon.com slash pokerpolitics and send us a few dollars.
Every dollar makes a difference.
And we basically put most of this money back into the podcast.
We got Elle some new speakers last week so he can actually hear us.
Which is an improvement, I think, over just trying to deftly message him via semaphore code about what we're talking about.
Maybe it would be an improvement if you guys were a little bit hotter on the mic.
Boo!
Oh!
Yeah, that's right.
The burns have already started.
Yes.
I think we need some burn heal.
Nerd reference!
First one of the show.
Oh, God.
Yes.
El, truly the spiciest of us.
Uh and also if like we are not your cup of tea please give money to love146.org who actually is a human anti-human trafficking organization that's doing the work QAnon claims to do but doesn't.
And beyond that uh give to the Senate Democrats in Georgia because that would be awesome.
Yes, the Georgia Senate runoff on January 5th is, I don't know, kind of decides if we get to do cool liberal things or if we get to watch Mitch McConnell make the jerk-off motion for the next two years while laughing at us that we don't get to pass anything that isn't in an executive order.
Can that man even make the jerk-off motion with his rotting hands?
Uh, who knows?
I mean, it's probably... Can you imagine how disturbing that would look?
It would look like some sort of, like, mummified Grimace doing it.
Ah, yeah.
A mummified Grimace.
What a visual.
Yeah, he's getting ready to ejaculate some McDust.
God.
Oh man.
This is what you get when you get the Adventures in Hellworld podcast.
Aggressive.
What do you mean you don't want to support our podcast?
I just talked about a mummified grimace ejaculating dust.
You signed up for this.
You signed up to hear about Mitch McConnell jerking off.
This is your fault.
Yes.
It's all your fault.
You're here with us.
You're here with us for a reason, and that reason is the sexual proclivities of a very old Republican man with hideously puncture-wounded purple hands.
And also Mitch McConnell!
He's more like a... Oh, it really does.
It absolutely does.
Oh my god.
Yeah, I mean, good old, good old rotting turtle Mitch is scary and terrifying and bad.
Uh.
Rotting.
Yeah.
Rotting turtle Mitch.
My rotting flesh was just getting in the way.
Oh, he is not a healthy man, but apparently a very powerful man that the good citizens of Kentucky love very, very much, because they keep sending him back to the Senate to torture the rest... I forgot about his leprous hands.
That's because you were too distracted by the fact that his old man Like, skin and facial jowls make his jaw look like that of a ventriloquist dummy?
Yes, he absolutely is that.
He's got like a rectangular portion of his face exactly where his chin is and it's just like recessed and just moves straight up and down when he talks.
What's that horror movie where the person is a giant ventriloquist dummy?
Nope.
Dead Silent.
You know, there was a chance that I could have got there just making up fake pun names for that movie, so good for them.
This is spooky.
I did not like that.
Well, I mean, I liked it in that it was a dumb horror movie that unsettled me.
Speaking of dumb horror movies, what's Q up to?
Oh, it's time to find out what's going on with Q in the News with a segment we like to call Q's in the News.
What's everyone's favorite death cult been up to this past week?
It's time for Q's in the News!
So right now what Q is doing is waking up a little bit and letting everybody know that we're still totally going to win.
But he did a total of three whole Q drops and then he was just dumb plum
tuckered out and went back to sleep again.
And we haven't heard from him in about four days.
And the American flag should not count as a Q drop.
Hey, that picture of the American flag was followed by Q saying nothing
can stop what is coming.
Nothing.
Exclamation point.
Q I mean, it's going to get real dusty.
Exactly.
And then, uh, QAnon retconned nothing can stop what is coming to mean, uh,
an abbreviation that is N C, uh, S W I C, which apparently was some sort of,
uh, the national council of statewide interprobability coordinators, which
was some sort of like proof that the election had been hacked or rigged by
the cabal, which I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
I don't understand what the point of that is because Q has always said this shit was going to be rigged by the Deep State.
Q had always said that the bad guys were going to try to steal it.
The whole point of Q was that he was going to counter steal it.
That he was going to hit them with the double reverse flim flam.
It was an old timey heist movie!
Right!
Like this was the thing where it's like a whole, yeah it's like, yeah it's Ocean's Eleven Only during the movie like it's very obvious that like the main guy who assembles the team knows that one of the one of the one of the people in the team is going to double cross him and he's set that guy up for a triple cross so like after they pull off the heist and that guy has all the money and then he hits the main character of the double cross the main character is like oh yeah idiot and then hits him with the double reverse and the double cross backfires and the main character gets all the money anyways
And like in any great heist movie there's so much double and triple crossing that at the end of the day it's kind of like nobody crossed anyone at all.
It's just like, oh, yeah, well, we're going to win the election was what we were saying, because we knew that we were going to lose the election.
So we could come in with the Biden laptop and totally claim the election.
And it's just like, after you get like three or four steps removed from that, what you're just describing is an election happening.
Yeah, they got real fucking quiet on that laptop all of a sudden.
Wait until you see what's on the laptop.
The laptop is so powerful, they had no choice but to put it dark for a while.
They had to let the laptop rest for a while.
So powerful is its content.
It's in the warehouse with all the artifacts from Indiana Jones.
Yeah, they're their top men.
Storing away that laptop.
Top men.
That is one of my favorite GIFs to post on Twitter, just top men.
But uh, yeah, and if you ever looked at the Hunter Biden laptop, your face would just melt off and you'd just become a skeleton immediately.
Somebody with video editing skills should get on all of this shit.
Yeah, just like them opening a laptop and just like a melting Joe Biden face.
It has to be on parlor already, right?
Oh, it has to be on parlor!
Yeah, like, the laptop opens up and you see Biden, Kamala Harris, Comey, the Clintons, Obama, the Bushes, all of their faces just melt away.
And then, like, you just, like, see Trump standing behind the laptop with his- doing his, like, dumb flossing dance or whatever they've made Trump do with his head superimposed over someone else's body.
The bald guy from that movie, isn't he named Moloch?
I think he is, actually.
And I think that character's name is Moloch.
Yeah!
Oh, God!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Fucking the gif from Tim and Eric of the guy's mind exploding.
Just fucking... We cracked the code.
See, all it took was a group of intrepid liberals to decipher Key's messaging.
Oh, thank God.
We finally figured it out.
We were the red pill they've been waiting for this whole time.
Now it's time for The Prestige, which apparently is Joe Biden getting elected president.
Again, once you've triple crossed somebody enough, it's almost like nobody got crossed at all.
Yeah, so yeah, so basically Q posted the lazy flag Q drop and then he posted the lazy
we're going to show the public the election was stolen Q drop.
And then, that was too much for him, so he went to bed, woke up two hours later, and at like midnight 20 in the morning on November 13th, Q posted all of Durham, Q. And that was just, that just drove everyone up a wall, because they've been waiting.
Follow us on Twitter, you got to see me.
Yeah, exactly.
I thought he was talking about a place.
Oh, but now they're thinking that.
This is the way the brain worms eat QAnon.
So originally this was supposed to be the Durham investigation where this guy Durham was going to arrest everybody and bring justice to the world and everyone was like making Punisher skulls with Durham's dumb beard on them and all this other stuff and just being like, oh, Durham's gonna get you fuckers.
Oh, you're all gonna go down.
And then this week, some intrepid QAnon quote-unquote researcher found out that Sidney Powell, who is now like the grift queen of QAnon, she actually comes from Durham, North Carolina.
So they're all like, oh my god, the triple meaning of it all!
It was actually Powell who's going to bring down the Deep State!
Oh, how does Q know?
They love them deltas.
Yeah, they love their deltas, they love their nonsense, but the best thing about it that's so dumb is that Durham has always meant Durham the prosecutor guy, and like Q has even made it clear that he was like, my first Q drop was the day Durham got promoted to his job in the Trump administration.
There are no coincidences.
So he's always been talking about Durham.
He's not been talking- No, he meant it was the time where Durham, the location, got promoted inside of the Trump administration.
Yes, absolutely that.
They mean, he meant promoted as in becoming relevant because of whatever Hugh thinks is
in Durham now.
That's where the Declaration of Independence has led them on their national treasure style
hunt.
Basically, what has happened, what I would consider to be like the polite society of
the crazy right-wing grifter community, is Fox News has had Tucker and Lou Dobbs and
the other like sketchy con people.
They've had Sidney Powell on and she is Michael Flynn's...
QAnon Knowing Lawyer and she just goes around talking about QDROPS and not just directly QDROPS but she talks the code of QAnon And she knows that doing this riles up these fucking idiots and gets them so hot and bothered.
She, like, a long time ago brought up Anthony Weiner's laptop and was like, oh man, there's a lot of stuff on Weiner's laptop.
I heard a lot of hardened cops were like crying and screaming when they saw it.
So, like, she knows this game.
She knows that, like, these people will believe anything she says.
So, she's been talking on Lou Dobbs and Tucker's shows about, oh man, there's so much corruption and voter fraud.
It goes all over America.
Recently, she said that, like, they're going to release the Kraken, which has caused Release the Kraken to trend off and on the last two days on Twitter.
Somebody get Johnny Depp on the line.
It's time for him to suit up as Captain Jack Sparrow.
He's got time to work.
Fired him from that awful Harry Potter movie.
That terrible movie of Liam Neeson was where they said release the Kraken or whatever.
but they now have like their new dumb mantra that like there's this big moment this big event that's about to happen meanwhile in court uh right now Rudy Giuliani is being laughed at by um the judges in Pennsylvania over his allegations of rampant voter fraud which uh doesn't exist and is not true and he has no evidence for any of it but Didn't an entire law firm quit?
Yes, literally all of Trump's lawyers quit that were actually part of law firms so he had to hire some ambulance chaser who his last tweet before getting the job as being like Trump's lawyer in the Pennsylvania recount was to say, hey Joe Biden if you don't answer these questions about this laptop and Hunter Biden we know something's up.
So this hardcore MAGA clown ambulance chaser was Trump's last line of defense as a lawyer in Pennsylvania until Rudy swept in to be the President's lawyer in Pennsylvania today.
Which, according to all the live tweets I've been reading, has been an absolute clown show.
He went for the job because he heard that there were going to be some potentially underage female journalists there that he could touch his dick in front of.
Rudy Giuliani, I'm sure, has hired a private investigator that just always tells him where Sacha Baron Cohen is at all times.
They put some sort of GPS tracking device on Chef Dr. Merrick Cohen's iPhone so they make sure he's thousands of miles away from Rudy at all times now so Rudy won't, again, be caught on camera grabbing his junk in front of a young woman.
I wonder how much he potentially bristles when people come up to him and go, my wife!
In the year of our lord 2020, that's a thing that came back.
Now the Borat my wife thing, it's got that cultural juice now again.
It's part of the zeitgeist.
Borat's back and he made a new unfunny movie.
Oh, it's all of that.
Is it not funny?
I thought people were enjoying it.
It's... I mean, the more politically relevant they make Borat to our current time, the less Borat really plays.
Like, it's weird.
The more they try to say stuff with Borat, the less I'm interested in hearing what Borat has to say.
You just need to know that we live in a world beyond parody.
movie so like my life is just literally from Borat just people yelling great
success at me and stuff like that so I'm like yeah you just need to know that we
live in a world beyond parody right gone so far through the looking-glass that
for many reasons they had to cancel house of cards They're like, we can't write what's happening.
Also, Kevin Spacey.
Yeah, we've truly become an Ouroboros now with eating our own tail.
Borat, the first movie comes out, Kazakhstan hates it because it makes them look really bad.
Borat, second movie comes out, Kazakhstan adopts Borat's catchphrase as their travel slogan.
Yo, come to Kazakhstan.
My wife!
That's not the one they use, but I really wish it was.
It should have been.
Oh god.
Completely out of context, my wife.
Oh man, that's gonna... I am going to fight so hard not to say that when we do the Good Speed Patriots at the end of this podcast, because it just feels like the sort of dumb, no-context nonsense that makes people laugh.
Did you hear him saying my wife for no reason?
Oh, he's so witty and clever.
But um so Rudy's getting laughed out of court and like this uh oh then they also had a ruling against Trump while Rudy was in court that the uh Pennsylvania uh judge ruled that no uh the law that said that the poll watchers uh had to be six feet away or whatever yeah that was totally fine and like you guys don't have that right or whatever so like uh someone just He tweeted out that Trump's lawyers are now one for 25 in their lawsuits to try to do something about the election, which goes to show exactly how excellent they are about this.
I forget where I read this on Twitter, but that's the only place I get any news nowadays, but someone said that it's very obvious that Trump and Jared and Ivanka and all these people thought that like on November 4th they could just be like yo Bill Barr get the DOJ to fucking argue these cases for us and then Bill Barr was like I actually can't do that that's not how this works we're not part of the Trump campaign we're part of the Trump administration so like if your campaign wants to argue things you need campaign lawyers
And then Trump was like, oh fuck, oh fuck, and then like went to the Yellow Pages to find lawyers to fight these cases for him.
It was Wisconsin, they're like, we want a recount in Wisconsin.
and Wisconsin was like, deal, that'll be 700, 7.8 million, not 700, $7.8 million and we want paid up front.
And Trump has until, Trump has until tomorrow, Wednesday at 5 p.m. to pony up the nearly $8 million
for his recount in Wisconsin.
Spoiler alert!
The money will not be put up and Biden will win Wisconsin by 20,000 votes.
But Donald Trump is such an incredible businessman that he has to just have $7.8 million lying around.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I mean, he certainly wasn't using it to pay his fucking taxes.
Nope.
He's a smart guy.
He wasn't paying any taxes.
He was saving his money for the recount in Wisconsin that he's totally going to pay for.
He knew Wisconsin was going to be attacked by the Cabal and he knew he was going to need to have $8 million in cold hard cash to show the Cabal's treachery to the American people.
Man, if Wisconsin of all places is trying to soak him for $8 million, can you imagine what a real state would be soaking him for?
Like Pennsylvania?
How much would a recount in Pennsylvania cost?
Um just because since Wisconsin's like basically 10 electoral votes and Pennsylvania's like 20 I would assume double pretty much.
Simple math.
Yeah yeah so like a nice 16 million to get your recount because the thing is is like Wisconsin wasn't close enough for actual like state mandated recounts so they were like hey if a campaign wants a recount just cough up eight million bucks and you can have one buddy.
And I mean that was Jill Stein's grift in 2016 where she was like, I will file for a recount as the Green Party candidate!
And all these like sad libs like gave her piles of money and then she just stole it because the Green Party is a scam.
And that was just so I mean like it's not like the left is immune to this crap but um Did you see, this is a quick jump, did you see that the
Co-owner of Cambridge Analytica is co-owner of Parler?
I've been hearing about like all kinds of things that happen with Parler because someone randomly said that George Soros owns half of Parler and that made Parler incredibly mad because they know that their racist anti-semitic community would never tolerate being on a platform owned by George Soros.
And Dan Bingo Bongo of Fox News and right-wing grift fame was like, hey, I own Parler.
Leave me alone.
And then people were like, you don't actually own Parler.
You're just an idiot on Fox.
And then people started looking for the actual money behind Parler, and it's the Mercers, it seems like.
So yeah, who is funding this right-wing echo chamber that will go out of business in a few years?
Because they have no reach or engagement beyond like the actual just hard right lunatic world and Yeah, not a lot of Kendall Jenner's on Parler.
Not so much, no.
Driving the business by hawk and skin care medication.
No.
And the thing is, is like, those people, they want to be on a social media platform where they can own the libs.
Like, when you post your, like, saucy hot take on Parler, you don't get hate quote retweets from people being like, look at what this terrible monster said!
And you can be like, oh yeah baby, you just hate me because I'm speaking the truth.
The truth about, like, minorities and religions I don't like and other people that I want to be allowed to legally murder.
So, like, that whole ability to, like, shape the discourse and own the libs goes away when you don't have any libs on your platform.
So what else has been going on in the Q News, Mr. Raines?
So that all happened with Rudy getting his butt kicked, and then Sidney Powell has been just, she's talking about releasing the Kraken, and this has led to an unending series of delusional conspiracy theories uh promoted by various right-wing grifters and again because Q is incredibly sleepy and he had that one post about uh yeah there was some election fraud so whatever Q themselves hasn't actually come out with a like real honest to goodness like theory about this whole thing
The first theory that QAnon had was that the ballots that were sent out had watermarks on them from Q-team and the Trump administration and when they do these recounts they'll be able to find the non-watermarked ballots that the evil Biden shycom plant put in place and they'll be able to show America the true ballots and the fake ballots.
Oh you mean the Dominion voting machines are the next conspiracy theory.
The watermark theory was the first conspiracy theory.
That was only the tip of the iceberg for the da Vinci election.
And so there were so many people on the right who were screaming that the whole election was a giant sting operation.
We had the watermarked ballots.
We're going to be bringing this evidence to the courts very soon.
All of it's going to get thrown out.
Trump won 100 states.
landslide we got this don't worry bro and then as Trump kept losing lawsuits people were like well where are those watermarked ballots because like this is a conspiracy theory where you have to provide the evidence that you have because you said you had evidence and that led to the pivot to Dominion which is the new and improved conspiracy theory which is if you were a liberal in 2004 whining about Diebold and how they screwed John Kerry out of the election and gave it to W. Bush Congratulations, now you're a conservative in 2020 whining about Dominion giving the election to Biden, only it wasn't just Ohio, it was like literally all of America through voter fraud via rigged Dominion voting machines.
Right.
Is Dominion the actual name of a voting machine manufacturer or is that just like the most on-the-nose name for conspiracy?
It's the actual name of a voting... It's the actual name.
That is awesome.
Yes, and Dominion actually, I believe, bought up Diebold.
So this is kind of the same company running the same thing.
But I know in Arizona for sure, and I also know in Nevada for sure, these machines have a paper receipt trail.
So even if you go to a Dominion touchscreen machine, and beep the boop like it prints out a receipt that says
like here are the selections you made is your receipt accurate and then you hit yes and it like
gives you the bro fist because in 2008 uh when i was when i was living in nevada and i voted for
obama i went into the booth i hit the voting machine things and there was this giant blank piece
of paper next to me or next to the side of the screen
And then when I was done voting, it printed out all of my options and said, is your receipt correct?
And I hit yes, and then it rolled my receipt over so it was another blank piece of paper.
So I was like, wow, this is incredibly wasteful for all the trees you're killing, but it's good that you have a paper receipt.
So thank you for that, Nevada.
It's good that you have a paper trail in case Donald Trump ever claims voter fraud or whatever.
He can point to that as not evidence of anything because it's not evidence of anything.
Right, like Donald Trump is going to go for those paper receipts as fast as O.J.
Simpson is going for the real killers.
I mean, any day now, any day now, he's going to grab those paper receipts and find the truth about the election.
Is the juice out of jail?
Maybe, I mean, he might have got a COVID.
Well now, because of the kidnapping charges he got nailed with back a few years ago.
Yeah, I knew he went back in.
Didn't he?
Didn't he also get arrested for, like, stealing or for, like, selling fake... Sports memorabilia!
Yay!
Well, no, what happened, yeah, what happened was is someone was selling memorabilia of his.
He got pissed, like, broke into their room, like, held them at, like, threatened them, held them in the room, and then took the stuff back from that guy.
And then when they arrested him for that, they got him for, like, kidnapping because he held the guy in a room against his will and a ton of other charges.
Sports Talk with the Soft Boys.
Oh yeah, really topical Sports Boys Soft Talk.
How about the Milwaukee Bucks trade?
Boom, Giannis, going for it.
Uh, no.
But uh... Hey, before your sports podcast.
The Soft Boys Sports Podcast.
Oh my god, that would be such a... I mean, it obviously couldn't carry a show for very long, but that would be a great gimmick for a few podcast episodes, just doing a sports podcast about sports that happened before, but talking about them like they just happened.
Yeah.
You know who I want to talk about?
Andre Agassi.
Can you believe the Chiefs went out of their way to pick up Joe Montana?
I don't know if he still has it in him.
The Ice Cold Sports Kids Ice Cold Takes Podcast.
Just riffing on stuff from 15 years ago.
Bro, they're letting Negroes play baseball now, you believe this?
Yeah, I mean... If we had an audience, we'd be cancelled.
Yeah, I mean, it was just... What's so funny about that?
Excuse me, Sarge, you and I drove by that place that time in the middle of the country, that baseball hall of fame or whatever, what was it called?
That is the Negro League Baseball Hall of Fame Museum.
There you have it.
I can't be racist.
It's impossible.
It did exist.
What's so funny about that was you brought up George Brett and the Pintar, and there was some QAnon promoter recently who was like, man, libs are going to be even madder than George Brett over the Pintar bat when they find out Trump really won this election.
They had a gif of George Brett starving.
And they had a gif of George Brett storming out of the dugout to yell at the umps after they called him out for the pine tar.
I'm just like, man, that is so not topical.
Smash cut to this happening and that guy being proven right and I'm losing.
I mean, if you want George Brett, you need to find the video of him talking about shitting himself at least twice a year.
Oh, that video is incredible.
Oh, God.
You can look for at least two a year.
This tangent has been so incredible that a little peek behind the curtain for our listeners, I don't even know what the fuck we're supposed to be talking about.
How the hell do we start talking about this?
This is the soft voice sports cast.
Yes, but uh yeah so what happened with this whole Dominion thing which was so ridiculous is like literally I went to all these different newspapers to try to like find out what they were actually talking about and to present evidence to debunk their claims and I was reading this article by Reuters about it and like all Reuters was just saying is like nothing they said was true it's all a lie they we can't even debunk this because they don't even really have any claims to make they're just basically saying the election was stolen
And that the machine flipped the votes or something, but they don't have any justification or logic to express why that is the way it is.
They stole it!
You can't debunk something that hasn't been bunked in the first place.
Right!
And this is the reason why Dominion is so much better than the watermarks, because the watermarks are a thing where you claim you had the evidence in the first place, Whereas Dominion is just you screaming, we was robbed and like hoping that your heroes, which in this case are Lin Wood, the guy who's trying to wedge his way into right-wing grifterdom by being Kyle Rittenhouse's lawyer and screaming and yelling about evil liberals and all that other nonsense.
Yeah, Lin Wood's a real great guy.
He's doing real good for himself.
So you have, like, your heroes are literally Lin Wood, Grifter defending a kid who ran across state lines to murder people because he's a piece of shit.
Sidney Powell who is either a believer in QAnon or an aggressive QAnon grifter who's working with Michael Flynn, the literal king of QAnon grifters, that are just stealing money from these clowns and they don't even see it.
They don't see how aggressively they're getting rogered by these people.
And the third The third person in this group is Rudy, who, my god, if you think Rudy Giuliani is gonna save the day and bring justice and topple the cabal, holy shit, are you on another planet.
I mean, again, Rudy... Re-evaluate.
Or untrustworthy Rudy.
Rudy was conned by Borat, and if Borat had let him do it, Rudy would have had his cock and balls out on camera in front of a woman and for the world to see, but Borat and his editors were like, that's a little too spicy!
By actual Russian spies.
Yes.
Like the Borat thing was like the playful, funny, American version of that, where there's not really any stakes, aside from Rudy Giuliani making an ass of himself.
But this is a man who has been, in previous episodes, not of our podcast, but of life, heckin' bamboozled by actual Russian sleeper agents or whatever.
Yeah, Rudy when he was talking about Hunter Biden's laptop, I was like, am I working for Russian spies?
I don't think I am.
Which is incredibly reassuring.
There's nothing that makes me feel better than the President's personal lawyer being like, maybe I'm being duped by Russian disinformation agents.
Possible, but who knows?
That's the sort of thing that you or I could say, because, again, the stakes are different.
You and I, like, if a Russian gets to us, what are they gonna do?
They're gonna steal my hot takes about the Beastie Boys?
No.
But, Rudy Giuliani, he's got the goods.
If a Russian agent gets to him, like, they might be able to get something that's damaging to our country.
Right.
They will open the laptop, their faces will melt, like, If, yeah, it's so, it's so absurd.
So then, um, so they had the watermarks and then they went to Dominion and then they were like, you know what?
We need an even dumber conspiracy theory than all this.
Make it dumber.
Make it dumber.
Basically, so I can't even like say the name of this company.
It's like Scafly or something like that.
It's like S-C-A-L-T-Y.
It's like Scalty.
But whatever the name of this company is, and again, when I went online to look into this, the reaction was, none of this happened.
None of it is true.
People are just fucking lying on the internet.
This is ridiculous.
But these clowns came up with the idea that the American military, which I didn't know they were legally allowed to do this, broke into a building in Germany and found the Schiffli server that had the real vote count on it from the American election and Donald Trump won over 400 electoral votes.
He won the state of California decisively.
The best part of this dumb 270 to win map that they created for this thing is that Minnesota, Wisconsin, and that little slice of America is pink for a narrow Trump win.
California is blood red.
California went hard Trump.
So now we have the US military basically committing what amounts to an act of war by attacking a building in Germany to break in and steal evidence to prove Biden's voter fraud.
QAnon is in a lather that any day now we're going to, like, do a little reverso of the electoral vote count and that it will not be Biden plus 300 EVs, it will be Trump plus 400 EVs.
Well, at least this thing that you're talking about is so crazy that no possible news agencies could have run this.
It just seems so outlandish and ridiculous that I couldn't imagine any news agencies whatsoever possibly disseminating this information.
Smash cut to OAN.
Literal smash cut to One America News.
One American News, which again on January 21st, 2021 will be Trump News Incorporated, just running this ridiculous, ham-fisted, stupid, from the bowels of QAnon bullshit and just posting it on the internet for everyone to look at.
One American News seems like a lot of stuff in the QAnon mythos, really seems like a Like something that some art school project set up as a part of an alternate reality game that then, like, they misjudged the market and it turns out that people were just fucking into it.
And they were just like, oh shit, this is supposed to be part of our goofy, like, fan fiction of Civil War II or World War III or whatever.
No one's supposed to take this any sort of seriously.
And now it's just like an actual, like, Yeah, OAN was supposed to be like a Colbert Report satirization of the right wing in America and the dumb bullshit they believe in.
And then it turned out that it wasn't satire, it was just accurate.
And they were like, fuck, let's just roll with it.
Let's just see how this goes.
Yeah, there's just a news anchor on One American News going, and moving away from politics for a while, is kale making your dogs gay?
And it's just like, that was supposed to be what they were really about, but nope, a bunch of stupid conservatives decided to treat them like a real news network, so now they're giving it, I guess, the old college try.
Yeah.
They know what their base wants, and their base just wants racist dog whistling and QAnon conspiracy theory nonsense and, like, you know, all hail god emperor Trump.
Yeah, like, there was... 2020 hyphen question marks.
Like, fuck the presidency and the constitution.
Trump forever.
Yeah, there's been talk, and Lord knows how true this is, but there's been talk that Trump has told his aides that as soon as Biden is certified as the winner of this election, he's going to announce his candidacy for 2024.
So that's going to be like OAN.
It's literally just going to have a Trump 2024.
That's going to be their bug in the bottom right of the screen.
This is OAN Trump 2024.
And they're just going to ride this thing.
They're just going to hump Trump's bloated corpse until it stops making them money because that's their that's their sugar daddy and they're gonna they're gonna ride with him for forever and I mean, it's just so crazy when you see like how QAnon and all these other people like hate Fox News now because they called Arizona for Biden and because they're
And because, like, the Fox News side, I mean, not that Fox News is actually, the news side is actually unbiased or anything, but you actually have, like, the quote-unquote straight anchors, like, saying stuff like, yeah, Biden won.
Biden's gonna be the president.
Like, that's just the way it is.
And you have to wait until Laura Ingraham and Tucker get on so they can start screaming and yelling about how they're gonna overturn this election.
And these people want 24-7 like how we're going to win this election and save America from the cabal.
They don't want only like 18 hours a day of that.
They need 24.
So it's just really insane that like not having total 100% fealty to Trump at all times is like grounds for treason now in QAnon and the right wing in America.
Like um right before I hit record on this podcast there was a tweet by some like fake breaking news uh twitter account that had a video of Kamala Harris fist bumping Lindsey Graham on the floor of the senate because a bunch of republican senators were congratulating her about becoming vice president-elect and like Half the comments on that were, like, either just burning hatred of Kamala, but the other half were just like, We see what you did, Lindsey!
You will pay for this!
Like, just boring propriety on the floor of the Senate with a colleague senator is now, you have committed treason against the God Emperor Trump.
You piece of shit.
That fist bump was the Captain America Hail Hydra.
Yes.
Lindsey Graham is calling up the Georgia Secretary of State and saying, hey, can you throw out some legal votes so Trump can win?
That'd be really nice.
And in QAnon world, that's not good enough because you gave the brofist to Kamala Harris.
Like, your public display of like, I don't know, tact.
I'm talking to a woman of color.
Yes!
Oh.
It's just so insane what they demand of these people.
You can never be loyal enough to Trump to actually pass the test.
Which is what is going to make the 2024 presidential election so wonderful when we have the QAnon primary.
And if it's real close to the top of a crowded pile of people, what person is going to take that turn to crazy town to try to corral those winnable QAnon votes?
Are they gonna promise to throw Hillary and Bill in jail if they do?
I mean, will Bill and Hillary both still be alive in four years?
I mean, who even knows?
But, oh man, like, just, just that.
Just, like, literally a brofist on the Senate floor is grounds for being excommunicated from QAnon's good graces.
You are now a bad guy, Lindsey Graham.
We now hate you.
You no-good, naughty, bad person.
We hate Hydra, except for, you know, the fact that Hydra is like a Nazi offshoot, because we like Nazis?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Wait, can Republicans enjoy the Marvel movies?
No, they actually can't.
That's impossible.
Republicans are just like, I want to like the Marvel movies, but the bad guys keep winning!
Oh man, yeah it's it's really just you have like this the loyalty oaths these people demand of their supposed heroes which is why their heroes get replaced all the time and then a new hero rises up like I mean like now uh they've been photoshopping Sidney Powell's head onto Alice's body from Resident Evil because she's the new champion that's going to defeat the Deep State for them just the way they would Just the way they would put Durham's head on the Punisher's body.
They made Jeff Sessions Thor.
They made Mark Whitaker, the Attorney General before Barr.
They made him the Green Lantern.
They just turn all these people into these cartoonish superheroes.
And then they forget about them ten minutes later because, oh right, they didn't actually save the world from the bad guys.
Because no one can save the world from the bad guys.
Because this isn't the stupid video game they think they're playing.
This is the real world where you suckers needed to come up with a few more votes and you didn't get the job done.
So, tough.
That's what happened to us in 2016 and we had to eat shit.
Now it's your turn to eat shit.
Yeah, they ran a close race, you know.
They got as far as they could and they only lost by a scant, what, five, six million votes?
That's it.
But thanks to Jimmy Madison's brilliant decision to make the Electoral College a little bit tighter than that in reality, which kind of sucked.
But one thing I did see also right before we started recording today was there were a couple tweets by big-time QAnon promoters, again like six-figure accounts or bigger, where I was starting to see a little doubt creep in.
Like usually these guys are like Trump's gonna win this thing and you libs are gonna be crying in your beer and you're gonna eat shit and oh you're gonna see it.
But today, this guy, you may have heard me talk about him before on the pod, Q-Tah, who is obviously one of the most clever men on Earth.
He tweeted out that if we don't have an open and transparent election and the Democrats win this thing, then America will have failed as a republic.
And then he added on, thank God we have a fighter in the White House!
But that first part was the first time I've seen a QAnon person in a long time be like, Guys, Trump might not win this thing.
I'm getting a little worried, boys.
I mean, this whole thing has just been one unending false bravado, fake confidence.
We got this shit in the bag.
Oh, we're gonna fucking dunk on those libs.
And now it's been two weeks and the courts aren't flipping these rulings over and states are certifying these elections and reality's like tapping on the door now.
It's not like a knock, they're not ringing the doorbell, but you can hear it.
You can hear it faintly that reality's tapping on the door.
It's getting there.
At least that woman who has still refused to like Was it just, like, acknowledge Biden's victory or, like, swear him in?
Like, there's that woman who's been holding up the transition.
Yeah, the person who's been holding up the transition, yes, I know.
Yeah, so at least she stuck to her guns and assured that she will be unemployed soon.
Yes!
I gotta imagine that when the Biden administration gets into their seat of power, they're not gonna be like, we really appreciated it when you decided to, like, sort of treasonously stick to Trump's guns, so go work at the fashion bug or whatever.
Get the fuck out of Washington.
Yeah, go enjoy working at Hot Topic and maybe Bill Barr can be your manager while you're at it.
So yeah, get the fuck out of here.
I mean that's the thing is that it's it is so funny that like it's gonna take until January 20th for this to really hit a lot of these people that it's really going to take Biden being sworn in for them to acknowledge what's happened because like the states are gonna certify it and they're gonna swear something's gonna come up then the Electoral College is gonna like declare it to be true and they're gonna freak out but like It is part of the QAnon mythos.
I've been looking for the QDrops themselves, and I haven't found them recently, but I know they're in there somewhere.
It's because the search features for these QAnon websites are terrible.
But in, like, Joe M. The Plan to Save the World, he makes it clear that, like, if Hillary had won against Trump in 2016, the military would have stepped in and stopped her from being sworn in.
There would have been an actual coup by the military against the civilian government in America.
But not this time.
But that's the thing.
That's what I'm saying.
On January 19th, when the Electoral College has certified it, when it's all done, when literally we wake up that morning at noon, January 20th, Biden takes the oath, QAnon is going to be just waiting for SEAL teams to descend from the Capitol building and the Army to just come up Pennsylvania Avenue and just cuff and stuff Biden, Harris, and Obama, and everybody else.
And they're just going to be waiting for that.
They're going to just talk themselves into the fact that Biden's inauguration that isn't going to happen is going to be our greatest victory.
And when they're watching on television and Biden just gets sworn in, does a boring inauguration speech, it's all done, the ceremony's completed, he's now the president and Trump isn't the president, that's when they're going to be sitting there like slack-jawed and dead-eyed being like, what the fuck?
Where was SEAL Team 6?
Where was the military?
Storm's happening right now.
Weatherman forecasted a storm today.
Yeah, where's my storm?
My storm!
I mean that's what's gonna happen.
And that's like kind of when...
I mean, there are going to be people who are going to go out there being like, it's a clone of Biden that Trump's secretly controlling so he can have three terms.
I mean, they're going to try to find cockamamie bullshit ways to explain how Biden isn't really the president.
But even the most hardcore LARPer in the world is going to have a real tough time selling that shit sandwich to their audience.
It's going to be real tough.
That's gonna be a glorious day to be on QAnon Twitter.
Oh god, I don't know what... Incredibly robust.
I have to find out, like, because I have the calendar app on my computer, as it were.
Oh, January 20th is a Wednesday, which I have off from work, so oh man, I'm gonna be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed that morning to just drink it in when they just have to sit there and watch Like Joe Biden, the guy they didn't even care about for like 90% of this year.
It was only in like the last month of the election when Biden was up 10 million over Trump that they stopped talking about Obama and Hillary and Michelle Obama and Comey.
And they were like, hey, wait a minute, this Biden fellow might beat us.
We gotta start talking shit about him.
And then, oh crap, Biden beat us.
Well, it wasn't by 10 points, so at least we have that bit of dignity.
But we still lose, so what do we do now?
I mean, whatever, they just had the same fucking ride that we were on when Trump was, like,
doing his shit.
When we were all just like, ah, there's no way that Trump could win.
And then as it got closer to go time, it was just like, goddammit, there is a chance that
Trump could win.
Yeah.
Half of the country is full of slack-jawed yokels.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it was just really that kind of thing.
And, like, then Trump won.
But the difference was, is after Trump won, I was just sort of like, fuck, Trump won.
The next four years are going to eat shit.
I didn't spend the, like, 70 odd days between election and inauguration in a weird state of delusion, believing that Hillary was going to pull it out somehow.
Because your convictions are weak.
This is true.
I am a very gutless person who abandons my principles at the drop of a hat.
You are completely yellow, Mike.
I am.
I am a yellow-bellied coward.
Absolutely ridiculously yellow-bellied coward.
So we went over the new Q-Drops, such as they were.
Yes, all three of them, action-packed and crunchy.
Didn't, Sarge, didn't you have, like, an encounter with some sort of nutter in your real life recently?
In meatspace, as it were?
Yes, there was a single stop-the-steal protester in my local area holding by himself one sign, just stop the steal, and I honked and said, you're an idiot.
And he was real excited when I honked.
But he was wearing a mask, and that's the part that confuses me the most.
He was being very responsible and wearing his face mask like you should.
So you can tell that he's not originally from Dakota?
Oh god, yeah.
That place is about to become the absolute quarantine zone.
Yeah, the Dakotas, especially North Dakota as it were, is like apparently going to be like apocalypse now.
It is, I mean...
It's really, like, terrifying that we still have two more months of just, like, kind of, like, no president at this point.
Because President Big Boy has taken his ball and gone home.
So, like, we're on our own for two more months before we actually get, like, directives from D.C.
as to how to deal with COVID and stuff.
And... He's trying to quit.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, he's done.
I mean, he's a short timer now.
I mean, he's just counting the days.
I mean, he's like a high school senior who's already graduated.
Well, you talk about a lame duck president.
We got one for you.
Yes.
Oh, I mean, he even stopped dyeing his hair piss yellow and it was just like actually gray a couple days ago.
He just like came out and like did a White House press conference and his hair was just white and it was like Don't point that out to the Q people.
They'll see it as some sort of sign.
Oh yeah, he's Donald the White now.
He's no longer Donald D. Hello.
He's Gandalf.
He's the hero.
Oh yeah, and it's just like, in my neck of the woods, COVID's like going crazy and it's not great.
So yeah, I mean, just Just looking at the map every day and it's just being like, oh look, America's just blood red across the board except for like Vermont or something.
It's like, fuck!
I mean, like the daydream, the hope people had was like, well in the summer the virus might be more damaged by ultraviolet light so it'll be less bad.
Well, what happens in the winter when it's more bad?
I mean, this is just...
Yeah, because all of you irresponsible fucks couldn't, like, contain yourself during the summer.
Right!
Even if it was true and the virus is going to be less of a big deal in the summer than in the winter, it's not going to go anywhere just by itself.
So everybody's just like, oh, it's fine.
I can still go to this, like, 40-person rager in my friend's backyard because it's the summer!
COVID's done!
And it turns out, no, COVID isn't done.
And now nobody's going to be raging during the summer.
And nobody's going to be raging around the Thanksgiving table.
Just kidding.
Tons of people are.
They're going to destroy so many of their own families.
It's going to be great.
It's going to be fantastic.
It's really amazing that we're just so irresponsible to deal with this shit.
And then when you look at the idiots that promote QAnon, they'll be like, oh, I don't know why we have to lock down America for a virus that has a 1% fatality rate.
And it's like, well, this isn't important to you, but the fatality rate is actually closer to 1.5 or 1.6.
There's a little more going on.
But also, if we actually took your baseline stupid analysis of 1% to be right, and we gave everyone in America COVID, 3.2 million people would die!
Do you understand how these numbers actually work?
When you say 1%, it sounds small.
When you actually game theory out what 1% of America is, it's not small.
It's incredibly bad.
All that 1% has a name.
They're all people.
Right, they're all people, they're all families.
You're telling 3.2 million families to, like, lose a loved one.
And then, beyond that, you're not even talking about the people who don't get the two-week-it-was-a-bad-flu-COVID, the long-hauler people who have their blood turning into slime.
And the weird sausage toes, and sausage fingers, and the brain fog, and the like... And also, it's not as if COVID kills you, like, by disintegration, like, with DeLorean's rifle or whatever.
Like, you know, imagine if just like, if all of a sudden just like 3.7 million people or whatever just all needed to be hospitalized at once.
Yeah, that's not a problem.
What are you gonna do?
We're just gonna be like, oh, it looks like you're probably going to die from this COVID.
Fuck you, no medical treatment.
You just die in your house.
Yeah.
Over the whole thing, at the start of this goddamn thing, the idea was flatten the curve so the hospitals don't get overrun and now our mentality, now QAnon's mentality is overrun the hospitals.
Just fucking fill the hospitals up with people dying of COVID.
It's that way... Keep the virus to death.
Give our corpses... Yep.
We'll deprive the virus of its ability to wreak havoc on us by just choking it with our dead.
The virus can't find hosts if all the hosts have died.
Take that, COVID!
And then you just have that problem where it's like well this guy just had gotten into a car accident oh we don't have any beds for him because of COVID or any other problem I mean disrupting the medical care system is a real good way to kill a lot more people than just the virus itself and now we're working really hard on doing that by just having so many infected people It's really incredible that we're like, at this point, almost a year into COVID and we still can't take it like adults.
We still have to be piss babies about it.
We still have to have people going, I don't have to wear a mask to go to the store.
It's like, what is it going to take for people to take this seriously?
I don't know.
And it seems like it's impossible.
It seems like it's absolutely impossible to get it through people's skulls that this is a problem that needs to be addressed.
And they're also going to be the same fucking people complaining when it's hard for them to get a vaccine.
If they're willing to take the goddamn vaccine... Well, more for the rest of us.
I would fucking love it if all of these people would refuse to take the vaccine because they absolutely believe that COVID is a hoax.
But as soon as they know that they can get fucking vaccinated against the hoax, I'm sure that all of them that aren't true anti-vax lunatics are going to be first in fucking line.
...begging for their white bodies to be injected with this life-saving liquid.
What's gonna break them is the fact that, like, we as a society are going to make it, like, really clear that you have to have proof of your immunization or vaccination shot before you can get into the sports ball event, get into the movie, get into the rock concert.
Before you can go to this crowded gathering, you have to show us proof that you don't have the death plague.
And a lot of these assholes are going to stick to their guns until they have to go to the sports ball event and then they're going to break down and get the shot because they want to boo LeBron James or whatever.
I mean, or they want to fly to a different city.
Yes.
Yes.
So I mean it's just it's just all of that.
I mean it's just all the fact that like polite society is going to require you to get the shot it's going to break most of them to getting it and they're either going to like tweet in tears about how I didn't want to get the shot but I want to be able to visit my grandparents in LA and I have to fly out there and I Can't go on a plane without a shot so I had to do it.
I'm sorry guys.
Or they're just going to not talk about getting this shot and they're just going to do it.
They're either going to do a Maya Culpa and apologize for like getting chipped by Bill Gates or they're going to pretend they didn't get chipped by Bill Gates and then go on with their lives having done so.
I mean, I know.
there's just going to be such a massive um like loss your your ability to engage in polite society
is going to be diminished substantially if you don't get the vaccine because like ticket master
i mean i know i'm not going to be fucking with anyone that's not vaccinated like like ticket
master like already came out with a thing that like after the vaccine comes out you're going
to have to show us that you got it before we let you into a concert so like that's going to be a
thing that's going to drive people up a wall until they realize that like everyone's doing it so yeah
Oh yeah, you gotta get the shot, idiot.
Good shit.
Well, that seems like enough talk about the doom and gloom of recent events for the time being, so let's roll into some listener questions, shall we?
That sounds like a wonderful idea.
So Chairman Walkman kicks us off by saying, how's that Kraken coming along?
Oh, the Kraken is incredible.
Devastating.
Destroying everyone.
About to flip this election.
Doing it all.
And then he further says, update, Samurai Cola has finally arrived.
New podcast related craving.
Olive Garden breadsticks.
You're all monsters.
Stormwave emoji.
And then all of our Twitter handles.
I saw that.
Regarding the Kraken, I don't really drink dark rum anymore.
I used to like it when I was a kid, not as much anymore.
Regarding the Cyber Cola or whatever, I still haven't had a chance to try it.
Samurai Cola.
Cyber Cola, Samurai Cola.
Gotta wake up, Samurai.
We've got work to do.
We've got a city to burn!
It's Superhuman Samurai Cybercola.
Oh god.
You wanna talk about a fuckin' old reference?
There you go.
You did it.
Just thinking of Keanu shit-talking me really makes me want December 10th to get here, because this time it's really gonna happen!
The storm is upon us!
Oh, also, and regarding the breadsticks, because this is also the L's Hot Takes Podcast,
chalk this one up with fucking my dislike of the Beastie Boys,
Olive Garden breadsticks, they're not the best thing in the world,
but they're certainly better than Cheddar Bay Biscuits.
Boom.
Don't at me, or rather, at me on Twitter, and I'll fight you about it.
Cheddar Bay Biscuits are mad overrated, lobster, I wanna call them Lobster Shack.
Red Lobster.
I don't know why I want to call Lobster Shack.
Red Lobster can go out of business tomorrow and nobody should care.
But Olive Garden Breadsticks are pretty good.
Lobster Shack.
Yeah, I love...
I love that Red Lobster doesn't exist in New England because it's such bullshit that it couldn't survive in a real area of America that knows what lobster is and I only ever went to Red Lobster when I lived in Vegas.
Uh, where they could get away with that crap.
But, uh, yeah, their bread is terrible.
Like, my kind of rating system for bread in, like, upper-scale fast food joints is, um, Texas Roadhouse biscuits with the cinnamon butter, one, and then Olive Garden breadsticks, two, and then whatever that crap from Red Lobster is, a distant ten-millionth.
Yeah, I'd cosign that.
Yep.
Thanks for the question, Chairman Wadman.
Yes.
Chantel, who has a million emojis, black heart emoji, orange heart emoji, red heart emoji, etc., etc., etc., says, a lot of the cult on Twitter follow and interact with Ron Watkins.
Have any of them, to your knowledge, ever asked him straight out if he is Q?
If they haven't, why do you think they haven't?
If you've addressed this before or is dumb, just ignore me.
They would never ask him that, because that would be like asking the guy behind the curtain if he was truly the Wizard of Oz.
That would end the LARP.
Ron Watkins' only answer could be no, because if he ever said yes, the game is over.
So it's kind of a dead-end question that could never be broached.
So I think everyone just kind of steers clear of that even though recently Ron Watkins has decided that like he's like well I administrate 8-kun and I understand how like computers work so I'm just gonna pretend I know how Dominion voting systems works and how it's all a lie.
So like Ron Watkins got interviewed by OAN he was just making the rounds so it was like really weird seeing like guy who is if not Q helping his dad who is Q write the drops or is helping the intern who's writing the drops do their work it was really weird to see like Q like venture onto television and start talking shit about the rigged election it was just it was like Ron Watkins already has enough power as the great and powerful Oz and he was like that isn't enough I want to get on the tv and be on the OAN and it's just god this is so fucking weird that I now actually have like
Thanks for the question.
Yeah.
like now as a person on TV being addressed by name and no one brings us
up no one's like so Ron you're a part of 8kun which is literally nothing but
QAnon propaganda now what's your connection to all that shit because
these reporters aren't gonna ask him that cuz like they kind of want to
pretend that they're not like fucking QAnon cultists cuz that hurts the OAN
brand a little. Thanks for the question. Yeah so uh Andy oh god I'm not even
to try your last name dude it ends Gotta give up.
and it is very powerfully, I guess, Polish, and that is beyond my powers.
I love how many people just look at a Polish last name and they're just like,
not even trying it.
Got it. Got to give up.
Yeah, I just...
Don't blame them.
Oh, man.
He asked, who is going to win the heads-up battle between Doug Polk
and Daniel Negreanu, which is currently raging as we speak?
They're going to play like 125,000 hands or something like that
over the course of, I guess, a month, because that's a lot of poker hands to play.
I haven't paid attention to poker in a hot minute, so of those two people, the only person I know is Negreanu.
Negreanu is kind of like, Negreanu's like a big mixed game player and he plays all the games.
Like, Polk's literal specialty is online heads up, which is why the poker community installed Doug Polk as a 4-1 favorite to win this match.
But right now, Negreanu actually has a slight lead in money.
It's like very small compared, because they're playing 200-400 heads up no limit on two tables online.
So, I think they both buy in for close to $100,000 when they're playing and when they top up, when they're down, they get to somewhere between $40,000 and $100,000.
At one point Doug was up a quarter million, now he's down like $50,000 or something.
Nagrani was more than holding his own.
A lot of people thought Nagrani was just going to get washed and that Doug was just going to roll him and make fun of him the whole time.
The notoriously bad poker player Daniel Nagrani.
Oh yeah, well, it was just more the fact that this is Doug's specialty.
If they were playing deuce to seven, triple draw or something, then Negronius would kill him because like Doug doesn't
play novelty games. He's only a Hold'em guy.
So it was just like people were like well Daniel's going into Doug's world and Doug's
gonna carve him up like a turkey. So right now... But those people are just forgetting that Negronius
has been at this shit for a mad long time. So sort of in theory the other guy jumped into
Negronius' world when he decided to play poker to begin with.
Oh yeah, I mean... Like, I can understand why people would just be like, oh, like, this is this guy's specialty, so he might have, like, an edge, but that seems like a pretty fucking significant edge to be given a guy.
Nagranu doesn't play online poker exclusively, it's just like, yeah, he's still fucking... he's like a famous poker player, he's been doing it forever.
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's really, I mean, I think, like, and, like, Lord knows, like, again, because it's still technically, like, kind of early in the battle, but who knows, but, like, at this moment, if you were one of the people that, like, laid four to one on Polk winning this thing, you've got to not be, like, happy that Negreanu has a lead and that Negreanu is, like, not I'm just getting rolled because 4-1 odds like if you compared that to like a football game that is like a team getting like giving like almost 20 points in a football game
Yeah, 4-1 is completely bonkers.
4-1 seems a little disrespectful to Negreanu to me, but again, I don't really, like, I know his name because I used to watch him a decade ago when I was into poker, but, like, I haven't kept up with him now, so maybe his game is slipping, but 4-1 is bananas.
I mean, there is certainly a difference between, like, live mixed game as your specialty and, like, online heads-up as your specialty, but still, a 4-1 advantage to the online heads-up guy, that's a little disrespectful to Negreanu in my opinion.
But anyway, Mike, so who's your pick?
If it was just straight who's gonna win it I would take Doug but if you told me like if I was getting 4 to 1 on my money right now I would absolutely take the value of Negronio because that's just ridiculous value.
Like if you said $100 and we're gonna actually give the odds I would bet it 10 out of 10 times on Negronio because 4 to 1 is stupid because They've played a bunch, and it hasn't gotten out of hand.
I mean, if Doug was up a quarter million right now, then I would think that the line was right, but given the fact that they've played a ton and Negranu has a lead right now, it feels like that line was off, and that the value play is Negranu.
So, because I'm always looking at this stuff from a gambling side and a value side, you gotta pick Negranu.
Sarge, did you like this question?
Was this your favorite one?
It was good.
I'm very informed on this subject and could give, like, well thought out commentary.
Sarge, what is better than what?
A straight versus a flush?
Oh no.
No.
A flush.
Bing!
Sarge nailed it.
Swish.
He'll be a poker pro in no time.
Thanks for the question, potentially Polish person with an impossible last name.
Yes.
Chris Case asks, can you find out where Ron got this amazing Weigoo beef hat?
Trying to source one is a gift.
And it is a picture of Ron's interview from OAN where he is wearing the most ridiculous black cowboy hat that has, like, it's not like a cowboy hat where the brim is, like, flat.
Like, the sides of the cowboy hat are splayed up almost like devil horns.
I love how he's trying to spin it as, I wear this shit-kicking cowboy hat as a sign of my Japanese pride.
And it's just like, What are you talking about, man?
Just because it came from a Japanese cow, like, that hat has fuck all nothing to do with Japan, buddy.
Cowboy culture is, like, exclusively an American thing.
Like, what are you on about, dude?
Yeah.
He's just like, nothing could possibly be more respectful of my Japanese culture than this fucking wagyu beef cowboy hat.
It's just like, what?
There's so many things.
Like, I mean, I don't want to sound racist, but I think a katana is probably more appropriate.
Like, go give yourself a katana, bud.
That is like an iconic piece of Japanese cultural, like, Like, credibility there.
A cowboy hat?
Like, if you saw a bunch of fucking Japanese folks walking around wearing cowboy hats, you would assume that they were tourists.
Yeah, or you would assume they were just being, like, hipsters aping American culture.
Like, never- They're just coming up to you and just being like, how did you, cowboy?
Look at my hat!
Yeah, I mean, I don't- yeah, the hat is ridiculous, and the idea that it's, like, an iconic piece of Japanese culture is insane.
Literally the only thing Japanese about it is the fact that it came off of a cow that was butchered for Wagyu beef, apparently.
Yes, it blows my mind.
Like never in a million years would I have ever thought there was such a thing as a Japanese cowboy hat because Japan is an incredibly small space that doesn't have a lot of cattle rustling.
Yeah, there's so much cattle rustling in Japan.
There's a massive culture where they have these wide plains where you can run cattle around all the time to herd them.
Yeah, I mean it's It turns out that part of what makes Wagyu beef and Kobe beef special is the fact that this shit is coming from places that grow cows where you cannot really grow cows.
Right, exactly!
Oh shit, such decadence.
Oh my god, some Japanese homeless person doesn't get to live anywhere because this cow exists or whatever.
Yeah I mean it's like Japan is like just an incredible amount of people packed into a sardine can.
It is such a densely populated island whereas America is just like hey we have Wyoming where there's nothing there and we can just drop a million cows in there and whatever.
No cows in Nevada but most of Nevada is empty.
Oh yeah, Nevada is absolutely nothing.
It's Vegas and then deserts.
That's why when we settled the West of America, that's why the West Coast became states first, and then everyone who didn't get land there was like, eh, fuck it, I'll settle in Nevada.
We had to backfill all this garbage.
Right, exactly.
I'll settle in Idaho, I'll settle in Nevada, Utah, whatever.
That was the backfill.
All right, let's keep this train rolling.
Thanks for the question.
What's the next one?
Linda W. Croson says, How are they going to handle the vaccine if their Lord and Savior Donald Trump gets it and promotes it?
How are they going to square that with six months of posting that a vaccine has a Bill Gates deep state plot to implant it with a microchip?
What will they do?
Not taken.
Trump got to them.
The deep state got to Trump.
I've been saying for forever that there were two major breaking points of QAnon with Trump.
One of them was him losing to Biden.
Success!
He did it!
Good job, Donald!
And the other breaking point would be Donald promoting the vaccine.
And the thing was, if Trump won this election, he was 100% going to promote the vaccine.
He was going to stab people with it directly himself.
He was going to get the shot because he doesn't have any actual principles or anything.
All he knows in his head is the virus is bad.
It is making him look bad.
Getting rid of the vaccine makes him look good.
So, oh my god, he would have He would have been leading the army into your town to give you the shot by force inoculation at gunpoint and he would have cheered them to do it.
This is like a giant anime style syringe staff.
Like one giant syringe that he wields like a staff and he's just going around injecting people without their consent.
absolutely what Trump would have done and QAnon's heads would have exploded and you would have had
like a few of them trying to explain that the god emperor was saving us with like a an honest good
vaccine that was not the evil Bill Gates vaccine but a lot of them would have been like fuck that
and just that that would have been i feel like i feel like he probably already lost the people
that were going to abandon him when he promoted a vaccine when they found out he got that
experimental gene treatment to treat his COVID.
Like, right?
Like, the people that don't trust medicine because they don't trust, like, where it's sourced from or whatever.
Yeah.
Like, I'm assuming that they were already off of Donald Trump when they found out that he was getting injected with, like, secret experimental gene therapy.
Oh, I'm sure there was like rumblings in the rank and file and that kind of stuff, but like the grifter class who uses Trump to make their bucks, they just pretended it didn't happen.
I remember like that was a, cause like, that was a big thing is that that experimental therapy involved like fetal stem cells.
and like that should have been a thing that should have made alex jones like stroke out and die
with on air and alex just completely ignored it just pretended it never fucking happened
because he knew that it would like impact his grift substantially if he brought up that the
fact that the president was like literally uh getting dead baby parts put into his body to
keep him safe from the covid which was a hoax so like for between two lovers yes so like those
people were just like so militant about it but it's just that you have this um you have this
culture of of jordan sather dustin nemos and a bunch of these other guys that are like hardcore
anti-vax and they got into q anon through anti-vax That, like, again, when Trump shows up with the anime syringe and starts stabbing them, that's when, like, those guys can't keep the grift going.
They can ignore Trump getting the baby part injections, but when Trump is stabbing them with the vaccine, that's when they have to, like, go back to shilling UFOs and fucking crystals to heal your cancer and all the other, like, dog shit they peddle to make a buck.
Thanks for the question.
All right, let's move on.
So Bobby Ellis, pronouns he slash him, says, seriously, what do you think they will do when Biden is sworn in?
At what point does the plan just turn into, we have to act?
And that's exactly it.
January 20th is when shit goes fucking pear-shaped, period.
I mean, that's just the way I feel.
That's when they can't deny reality, and that's when things are going to really suck for them.
Yeah, I'm worried about that too.
I didn't bring it up last week.
Another podcast brought it up.
Do you think we see QAnon nutso suicides?
Do they go that hard?
This can't be verified because it's a person on the internet as it were, but I did reach out to them and they said they didn't want publicity, like getting their names in public, but there was a post on QAnon Casualties where a person stated that their aunt had killed themselves after Biden won because they didn't want to live in a post-hell world.
Where Satan had taken over because Biden's victory heralded the end times.
I reached out to them they talked about like how the family was trying to keep it quiet and that kind of stuff so again it could be could be a lie it could be people go on the internet and tell bullshit but that was something that I kind of feared was going to happen was that people were going to act out violently either to themselves or to others as a result of this.
Another poster on QAnon Casualty said that like when they got home a couple days after the election a family member held them at gunpoint because they thought they were an intruder and that their family member who had the gun had become increasingly paranoid and just distraught with Biden having won and now they were just like waiting for the knock on the door from the government to come and take them to the re-education camp or whatever.
So like that kind of like psychosis and that like kind of dangerous Violence is something I think is going to become more prevalent as we get closer to Biden being sworn in because all the ranking, again that QTAA tweet about if this election gets stolen that was like the first time I've seen someone even bring it up where it was possible that Trump isn't going to win this thing and that's like the daunting reality that these people are going to have to deal with and they're not going to deal with it well like
Joe M like had a not a tweet but a parlor or whatever you call it on parlor a racism I guess so like Joe M had a racism on parlor where he was like Trump didn't lose because if Trump lost Q would have failed and Q can't fail and then he like doubled down on it later and it was like on January 20th if Biden is sworn in I will live stream my deprogramming So, like, these guys are just, like, so invested in Biden not being the president, even though, like, he's going to be the president and they can't stop it.
It's really wild and it's, like, to me, scary what was going to happen when these people have to acknowledge that Biden is the president and that they didn't win.
Wow, grim.
Yes, yeah.
So, moving along as it were, Hugo, it's the monetary system stupid, Machette, says, what is the best way to troll idiot GOP operatives trying to maintain control of this colossal farce?
And they added a screenshot of a tweet that was just like, hey, until we find out the truth about this whole Dominion voting system, conservatives shouldn't vote at all.
And that is a real good question about like what is Republican turnout for these Georgia runoffs going to look like if a lot of these people like buy into QAnon and they think that Trump was robbed and that there's no point in voting because they just stole it from us.
So, I mean, on the one hand... Oh man, we can use their conspiracy lunacy against them to try to just convince them not to vote in this runoff election because your vote doesn't matter!
So, conservatives, stay at home!
Absolutely.
I mean, that's the thing.
It's just like, it's a kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like the worst possible thing the Republicans could do to themselves is to embrace this cult that's literally going to tell their supporters, don't vote, it's rigged.
As a matter of fact, I mean Trump already did that to himself.
Yeah, the Georgia Secretary of State just came out today and was like, yeah we had like uh 30,000 or it was like either 20 or 30,000 more absentee votes for Trump in the primary than we did in the general and that was Trump telling people not to vote absentee because it sucks and if Trump hadn't done that he would have won Georgia easily so like you have the Secretary of State of Georgia who's been getting death threats because he's a Republican not trying to steal it for Trump And he's letting the votes be counted.
So the Secretary of State of Georgia is like, yeah, by the way, Trump cost himself this election.
Get off my back, you fucking assholes, which is awesome.
Good on you, Georgia Secretary of State, for being pissed off at the people going at you for doing your job.
The one decent thing to come out of all of this election was Bridget Hocum.
It was literally Donald Trump shooting himself in the foot and making it so that it was really unlikely he was going to win the presidency by telling his most fervent members of his base to not vote by mail.
Just do whatever you do, do not mail in a ballot.
And then people are just like, well, Donald Trump doesn't want me to mail in a rigged ballot, so I guess I'm just not gonna vote because I have to go to my meatpacking job that day.
And it's just like, excellent, good work, Donald Trump.
Also, insulting an entire state that has deeply been his.
Arizona, just being like, I like my war heroes uncaptured.
It is so unbelievable that Florida had just all the COVID deaths in the world, and Trump carries it easily, but you make fun of John Lewis in Georgia, and you make fun of John McCain in Arizona, and those states draw the fucking line right there, asshole!
And boom, we're going blue!
During that Nebraska rally he had where he endangered all those people, didn't he literally tell them he was just like, hey, under normal circumstances, if it weren't for COVID, I wouldn't be here.
You wouldn't be seeing me here.
If there was a chance that I could win this election, I wouldn't be fucking talking to you idiots.
If I didn't need your one electoral vote, I wouldn't be here to freeze you all to death.
So, fuck you, you pieces of shit.
And the funniest thing about it was he lost Nebraska, too, by like a million.
It was like so uncompetitive.
All he did was add to his deficit of defeat by going there and doing that rally.
It was like, oh, I'm gonna lose Nebraska, too, by five points?
Fuck it, let's make it ten.
Yeah.
It's like, if it weren't for COVID, I would be fucking caught dead looking at you people.
Are you kidding me?
Vote Trump!
Yeah, that's why the buses aren't going to take you back to your cars.
Enjoy walking four miles back in the freezing cold, bitches!
Yeah, what we really should have done was held a big liberal rally.
Yes!
And then did that bus maneuver.
Just have a bunch of libs freeze to death to get them over the line.
Yeah.
Out in the cold.
Yeah.
Thanks for the question.
Moving along.
And finally, our enemy Gaza, who is always incoherent, says, Convid might be real but Biden's presidency definitely isn't.
Not yet anyways.
Racist okay sign emoji, I guess.
Where do you get your news from?
I'm going to guess your TV.
In 2020, crying laughing emoji, 2x.
You bring me humor, man.
Humor spelt British, which is weird.
Uh, keep trying to convince yourself.
True colors.
British again in colors.
We'll show soon in cloons.
We'll be crying as will you.
So apparently they hate QAnon also.
I don't get it.
And then they have...
Where do we get our news?
Well, for me, personally, it's a combination of television and the internet.
Now, if you think that both of those, like, places are disreputable, I could go find a newspaper to tell me the same thing, and if you think that newspapers are disreputable, then what the fuck do you expect me to get my news from?
Like, the Telegraph?
Uh, apparently...
Apparently Breitbart and Gateway Pundit and just like right-wing sacks of shit that wouldn't be fit to print out and line a birdcage with is where you should get your news from.
There is like some person who sent a letter to Congress explaining how the Electoral College works and it's very important because no one understands how the Electoral College works.
By the way Gaza, you don't understand how the Electoral College works because the people that actually vote in the Electoral College are like hardcore party loyalists.
Enough states to get Biden to 270 have the ability to like literally grab an elector who says something they don't like and replace them with someone who will say it.
This isn't like a thing where like on January 6th the Electoral College meets in DC and then they can surprise us with a wacky twist.
The way this actually works is the the votes are certified and then each state has like their electoral college meet up and like basically write down their votes like it's like it's in the 1700s when we actually made the constitution and shit and their votes are written down and certified by this by the state party in the state government and then they're delivered to DC and that's all that happens on on January 6th is they just crack open those envelopes and read them and those envelopes are going to say that Biden won
because all those states are already certified that's what they said in the first place
so on January 6th there's not going to be a shocking plot twist
there's not going to be a surprise that you're hoping for Says you
Says me, says me, says me, idiot on the internet with a podcast
Hate to break it to you bud, but COVID is real and it's dangerous
Joe Biden is real and he's president.
That's just the way it is.
Dangerous.
I remember, I'm not even gonna joke, I'm not even good, I'm not even joking about this, but like uh when Trump won in 2016 uh there was this one day i was i was dealing some poker and there was a guy at the table and he was just like like just grinding his teeth i mean he was just like so intense and it was like just like unsettling how intense this guy was because it wasn't because he was playing cards he was just intense
And then some people were just talking about whatever and how Trump was gonna be president soon and making America great again because they're all white dudes who are middle-aged or older so they were fucking pumped that Trump won.
And then that guy was just like, yeah, if the Electoral College doesn't fuck him today, yeah!
And like he was just like like practically seething thinking the Electoral College was gonna like bamboozle him and I had read on Little Green Football or some other website that was flying politics at the time that like the Electoral College had like two hours earlier like certified that Trump had won and I told the guy I'm like yeah the Electoral College already certified Trump he won it's over dude calm down and the guy I mean he really thought that plot twist was a thing that could happen and he was just like on edge
Like all day and like I kind of like took him off the cliff when I let him know that like the entirely ceremonial bullshit that our constitution mans we do has already been done and his guy is president now for really really really reals.
You just need to pat him on his head and give him a little shoulder rub and remind him that the Electoral College is there to literally only serve conservatives now.
Yes!
Like, I'm still waiting with bated breath for the time where, like, a Democrat, like, loses the popular vote and then wins the election because of the Electoral College.
And it's never going to happen.
It won't happen now!
The Electoral College is there to give power to bumpkins.
And that's just all there is to it.
Yeah, it's enraging because the Democrats have literally won 7 out of the last 8 popular votes, and they've managed to lose 3 of those elections.
And America had a moment, we had that blissful moment where W. Bush beat John Kerry by 2 million votes, but only won the Electoral College by like 40,000 votes in Ohio, and if that had flipped, We would have had a hilarious Democrats get fucked by the Electoral College and win Gore, and then Bush gets fucked by the Electoral College and loses to Kerry, and we would have actually had bipartisan consensus to get rid of it.
But then that didn't happen, and now the Republicans' only path to power is the Electoral College.
Because, like, Obama beat McCain by a trillion votes, then he beat Romney by four million, then Hillary beat Trump by three million but lost, and now Biden's gonna beat him by, like, five million or more when it's all said and done.
But if, like, I don't know, like, 200,000 votes had broken slightly differently in, like, four different states, Trump still would have won.
So it's just like, no, the Electoral College is bullshit and terrible and it only serves you guys as a way to make you not a fucking regional party.
The only way you can win the presidency is through this cockamamie system we have in America.
Well, there's our weekly shitting all over the Electoral College.
Boom!
Yeah, just fucking that way.
So, I guess that wraps up ye olde podcast for this week.
Again, if you want to help us out with financial compensation, patreon.com slash pokerpolitics, love146.com if you want to fight human trafficking, the Georgia Senate races, if you want to save democracy, Nothing to add.
Give us your money.
Or give your money to Democrats.
or is yours?
Nothing to add.
Give us your money, or give your money to Democrats, but mostly to us.
Yes.
Or if you can't.
Yeah.
No, I don't have anything really to add.
Normally this is where I would promote my social media, but my last tweet was literally me tweeting about reminding my followers to strap in for how bad I am at remembering to tweet stuff.
I'm just terrible at Twitter, so no real point in promoting myself, but I guess if you end up on Twitter and you want to see my occasional catty ramblings, you can find me at Hellworld L with a Q instead of O in the word world and you can find Sarge at Hellworld Sarge.
That's me.
Yep.
All right and as always we're going to wrap up the podcast with our totally organic saying that we go out every time and it's always worked perfectly every single time and I'm assuming that this time is going to be no different so I'm going to count us down for three and on the count of three we're going to do our signature catchphrase.
Three, two, one.
Good speed, patriots!
Yeah, it was slightly better that time.
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