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Nov. 29, 2001 - Art Bell

02:33:48

Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell - Leland Gregory - More Wacky 911 Calls

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Speaker	Time	Text
art bell ▲ ● ▼		From the high desert in the great American Southwest, I bid you good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you may be across this great globe of ours, all 24 time zones.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		This, of course, is post to post a.m.
unidentified		This hour, we're going to be into Open Lines.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Anything you want to talk about would be fair game, that's for sure.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Just a couple of items for you, and then we'll dive into Open Lines next hour.
unidentified		The return of Leland Gregory.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Leland Gregory.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And he has got some fun E stuff.
unidentified		I'll tell you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He's got a book called What's the Number for 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And as you know, I was a 911 operator for, I don't know, a year until I finally decided that my life couldn't handle it, and I couldn't handle the stress of the real life and death situations.
unidentified		Talk radio is a lot easier.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		But, you know, a lot of funny stuff happens, too.
		A lot of it isn't talked about, but Leland Gregory will.
		That'll be next hour.
		At this hour, let me just update you.
unidentified		Oh.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh boy.
		Do I have a ghost photograph for you?
		Now, I get sent ghost photographs by, I mean, just tons and tons and tons of ghost photographs.
		But this one is a Class A A A winner.
		This one's going to blow you away.
		It's a man in Indonesia.
		A Brian Kane sent this to us.
		And it's a man who was alone when they took the picture in Indonesia out, you know, out in the woods it looks like.
		And you can clearly see he's just standing there.
		And behind him.
		Oh, my goodness.
		Behind him.
		You tell me what this is.
		It clearly is not.
		It's not fully formed.
		It's almost fully formed.
		It's a woman.
		I make it a woman with long hair.
		There are no legs.
		She's only sort of, I would say, eight-tenths there.
		This is a hot ghost photo.
		I've seen a lot of ghost photos.
		Hundreds of ghost photos, maybe.
		And this one's hot.
		So, how do you get to it?
		You go to artbell.com and you click on what's new.
		It'll say ghost in Indonesia.
		Question mark.
		Question mark.
		Click on that and you tell me this one is something else.
		It gave me the chills when I looked at it.
		And I dissect an awful lot of ghost pictures and I reject 99.9% of them as explainable one way or the other.
		You know, some sort of camera anomaly or the camera strap is a frequent problem.
		You know, there are all kinds of reasons that I reject ghost photos.
		But I'm telling you, man, I'm telling you, this one is something else.
		See if you agree with me.
		Up on my website right now at artbell.com.
		I'd be very interested in your feedback.
		President Bush strongly is defending U.S. authorization of military tribunals and the questioning of Middle Easterners in the U.S. He said, quote, we're an open society, but we're at war, end quote.
		We'll act with fairness and will deliver justice, which is some far bit more than the terrorists ever grant to their innocent victims.
		So, you know, there's been a lot of criticism of his anti-terror tactics, but as he said, my God, folks, we're at war.
		We really are at war.
		So they're doing what they have to do.
		Their job, the government's job, is to protect us.
		That's one of the reasons you shell out the tax dollars, you know, to be protected.
		And I understand they're getting a little close to Fourth Amendment problems, and I understand the criticism, but I don't agree with it.
		You know, we are at war.
		That is not a trivial saying or thing.
		It's very serious, and we really are at war.
		So, oh, well.
		Kandahar's outskirts saw heavy fighting today.
		That's where it's coming down to Kandahar.
		As anti-Taliban fighters and the hardline militia clash, a key commander said, meanwhile, it is being declared a decisive battle, or what will be a decisive battle, has now begun.
		The Northern Alliance's deputy defense minister told the Associated Press that anti-Taliban fighters reached the eastern edge of Kandahar with heavy fighting going on.
		Witnesses reported heavy bombing around the southern city, so it looks like it's all now coming down to Kandahar.
		And maybe this part of the war will soon be over.
		Talks are going on with regard to Afghanistan's political future.
		With the Northern Alliance dropping its rejection of international security forces, moving closer to a power sharing agreement to end the Afghan suffering.
		How do you all feel about rebuilding Afghanistan?
		Now, my first complaint would be that it was mostly rubble before we began.
		So I don't know.
		I mean, we always do that.
		We always rebuild countries at some point after we go to war with them.
		Didn't really occur in Vietnam, though, did it?
	We really didn't go and rebuild Vietnam.
	But generally, in wars, the U.S. has gone in and rebuilt.
	And they're talking about it now.
	And I don't know.
	I really don't know.
	The Security Council unanimously approved a resolution today extending the UN humanitarian program in Iraq, Setting the stage for an overall vote of UN sanctions against Baghdad next year.
	So, you know, that's probably where all this is going to move.
	It's probably going to focus on Iraq after Afghanistan.
	That's just my guess.
	I don't know that for sure.
	NASA called off today's launch of Space Shuttle Endeavour to the International Space Station because of danger from a Russian supply ship.
	Get that.
	Hanging from the orbiting outpost, the unmanned Russian ship had arrived at the space station yesterday, but failed to attach itself securely.
	NASA feared the forces exerted by the arriving shuttle would cause the supply ship to wobble, perhaps damaging the space station.
	Now, I don't know whether you've heard this or not, and I have no way of knowing whether this is true.
	But somebody writes me, I thought you'd like to know what happened in a small town north of Bakersfield, California.
	It's a pretty interesting story, and of course it relates to the events in New York, Pennsylvania and the Pentagon.
	On September 11th, that fateful day, a Budweiser employee was making a delivery to a convenience store in a town called, well, I won't give the town, all right?
	He knew of the tragedy that had occurred in New York.
	He entered the business to find two Arabs whooping and hollering and really cheering it up.
	It was obvious they were elated with what had happened earlier.
	So the Budweiser employee, the story goes, went to his truck, called his boss, and told him of the very upsetting event.
	He didn't feel that he could be in the store with those horrible people.
	His boss told him, do you think you could go in there long enough to pull every Budweiser product an item or beverage company sells there?
	We'll never deliver again.
	The employee walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage company provided, and left with an incredible grin on his face.
	He told them to never bother to even call for any deliveries again.
	Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that particular community.
	Now, it didn't even end there.
	It seems the Budweiser driver had friends, in particular, the Pepsi route driver.
	The Bud driver called his Pepsi friend from his cell phone while he was still in the store and told him what happened.
	Seems Pepsi driver called his boss, got roughly the identical orders that the Bud driver did.
	So the Pepsi guy went in, took everything out of the store under their corporate brand.
	And you know that's PepsiCo, Pepsi, Frito-Lay, everything, nearly everything in the store.
	Last I had heard, he goes on, the store had no product, no customers.
	Word spreads pretty fast in small towns, you know, and no hope.
	So I have no way of knowing if that's a legit story.
	That's why I left the name of the town out, but I'm sure I'll get some feedback.
	Oh, I know.
	I do need feedback on a couple of things.
	I wonder if you can help me with this.
	I love this song.
	I use it as bumper music a lot, but I don't know what it's called.
	The name of the song.
	What is it?
unidentified		I've been drifting on the sea of heartbreak.
		Trying to get myself ashore for so long.
		So long.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It should be called Hold On to What You've Got, I think.
unidentified		Listen to the strange part.
unidentified		I don't know.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I'm sure some of you know exactly what this is and who does it.
		That's what I would like to know.
		What is it called exactly and who does it?
		These things haunt me.
		I mean, it's a piece of music that I absolutely love, and you would think I would have the title of it, but I certainly do not.
		I have it on CD, but I don't have the title of it.
		Moreover, if anybody out there has an email list, I could use this, an email list of all the best oldies but goodies in the world.
		You know, if you have a comprehensive list of all the best oldies but goodies, the song name and the artist, and you could possibly email that to me, I would be forever grateful.
		My email address, by the way, for all of you, we don't take snail mail now because of, you know, obviously because of what's been going on, that's pretty much true across the media.
		But my email address is artbell, A-R-T-B-E-L-L, at mindspring.com.
		And what I need is sort of an email encyclopedia of all the greatest oldies and who did them.
		I am bone tired, and I mean bone tired, of loving a song and not being able to come up with the artist and the title.
		You would think with all the years I spent in rock radio, and it was a lot, I would know them all.
		But I don't.
		I particularly don't know this one, and it's driving me nuts.
unidentified		What is this, and who does it?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Should be called Hold On to What You Got, but I can't find a reference to it.
		It's driving me nuts.
		These things happen.
		You know, it just happens with songs.
		All right.
		We're going to do open lines, as I just said.
		Anything you want to talk about is absolutely fair game.
		I'm still...
		I'm...
		I see what's coming with cloning.
		I guess I tend to see, as you well know, the negative side or the negative possibilities of things.
		And I see so many negatives involved with cloning.
		It kind of scares me.
		All right, here we go.
		East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
		Hello.
		Hey, Art.
		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Ian Gom.
unidentified		Hold on.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I beg your pardon?
unidentified		The name of the song is Ian Gom.
unidentified		And Hold On.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No, wait a minute.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hold on would be the name of the song, right?
unidentified		Yes, and the artist is Ian I A N Gom.
		G-O-M-M, I believe.
		No wonder.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I never heard of him.
unidentified		Just one hit wonder.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		One hit wonder.
		Hold on to what you got.
		That was great record.
		Boy.
unidentified		Oh, man.
		Absolutely great.
		I love your bumper music.
		Absolutely the best.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So do I. I only wish I knew the titles.
		Really?
		All right, sir.
		Thank you.
		All right, okay.
		Well, hey, hold on.
		Just hold on, not hold on to what you got.
		That was perhaps where I was making my mistake looking for a reference.
		I understand.
		Songs, you know, I hear from people all the time with reference to my own bumper music, and I just play what I like.
		You know, I sort of, when I hear a song I like, I add it to my bumper music, and it drives people out there crazy, and a lot of times they say, why is that?
		Who does it?
		I've got to know.
		And most times I don't know myself, so I really can't answer.
		I had to know that.
		West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
		Hi.
		Art Bill, how are you?
		Pretty spiffy, sir.
		How are you?
unidentified		Oh, great.
unidentified		And I wanted to ask you something about those vapor trails you've been talking about.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You mean what are called chemtrails?
unidentified		Yes, exactly.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, yes.
unidentified		Do you think that has something to do with what they're doing in Iraq?
unidentified		Or, I mean, Iran?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No.
		Well, only in a loose sense.
		It may be related to terrorism.
		My guesses about what these so-called chemtrails are range pretty much from a mass inoculation because they know something's happening.
		That's one possibility.
		The other that I strongly consider is an attempt at weather modification.
		I believe it's one of those two.
		That's my best guess.
unidentified		Because, you know, with Sodom Hussein over there, and they say they're going to him next, you know, for the terrorists.
		Right.
		Well, I was wondering, do you think that this has something to do with that chemical weapons that they say that he has?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I would not have immediately made that connection, sir, but, you know, anything is possible.
		I gave you what are my two best guesses.
		I don't see how his, you know, unless they're aware of something that they have a mass inoculation for, and that's really what's going on in the air.
		Or it might be weather modification.
		But when you consider the scale of what's going on, what is allegedly in these chemtrails, I think one of my guesses would make the most sense.
		But, you know, it's anybody's game.
		Who knows what it is?
		West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
unidentified		Hi.
unidentified		Hi, is that me?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's you.
unidentified		Oh, how are you doing, Art?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, sir.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Where are you?
unidentified		I'm up here in Canada, Edmonton.
		All right.
		How are you?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Fine.
unidentified		Good.
unidentified		Long-time listener, I just wanted to make a comment about the program you had the other night when you had James Von Proud.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That was last night.
unidentified		Last night.
		He said some things that were quite interesting to me.
		On the one hand, well, let me give my bias up front.
		I'm a lay pastor up here in Canada.
		All right.
		Now, he had stated that people that say you are of the devil are ignorant, lack knowledge, and lack experience from a reading in one of his sessions, right?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, yes.
		In other words, people had referred to him in that manner because of what he does.
		Yes, that's right.
		That's what he said, yes.
unidentified		Now, he also stated that the Bible was written by man and is man's interpretation of God.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		So I don't give much credence to it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He said that, yes.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Now, both the Bible and Von Prague claim that there is a spiritual realm, an extra dimension in which entities exist, correct?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I would say that's a fair statement, yes.
unidentified		And the Bible claims it was written by men under influence of one of the spirits that exists in the realm, and men called it the Holy Spirit.
		Now, von Prague, on the other hand, writes messages given to him from spirits.
		Do you experience things?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Sir, do you take the Bible to be the literal unblemished Word of God?
unidentified		Is that what you believe?
unidentified		Well, if I could finish my point.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you could, but so I'd like the answer to that question.
unidentified		I do.
unidentified		I believe it is the Word of God.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
		All right.
		Proceed.
unidentified		That's my bias.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I understand.
unidentified		Proceed.
		So my question is, what's the difference between von Prague and the authors of the Bible?
		How can he claim not to give credence to the Bible, but then claim credence for himself?
		Both the Bible and his books are inspired by spirits in the extra dimension, but the Bible claims to be inspired by the Spirit of God himself.
		Now, a while back, you had a guest on him, Chuck Missler, who said that there's a warfare going on inside that spiritual realm for the souls of mankind.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You see, my answer to you, sir, would be that I think you could have legitimate doubts about both.
unidentified		Exactly.
unidentified		This is the point I'm trying to make.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, not exactly, because you believe it's the unblemished word of God.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I'm saying I think you could have reasonable doubts about a lot of what's in the Bible, and you could have reasonable doubts about a great deal of what James von Prague says.
unidentified		Right.
		Now, both books claim to be inspired by an extra dimension.
		And the Bible says that there's a warfare going on in that dimension for the souls of mankind.
		Chuck Missler called mankind both the pawn and the prize.
		Is that right?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Many have said that.
unidentified		And he said the primary weapon of the opposition to God was deception.
		Would it not follow that there would be opposition forces giving messages to mankind that were in direct contradiction to the messages given by the Spirit of God himself?
		Sure.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And only you can exercise your discernment and decide which is which.
		And that's what I allow you to do on this program, you see.
		I allow you to exercise your own discernment.
		I present information that's pretty much out on the edge.
		I know that.
		It's what I enjoy doing.
		It's what I do.
		And then it's up to you to discern.
		You know, and you can sit there and say, woo-hoo-hoo, what a bunch of BS.
		Or you can embrace it as a truth that you believe.
		First time caller line, you are on the air.
		Hello.
unidentified		Mr. Bell.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Mr. Caller.
unidentified		Let me turn on my radio.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yes, at least.
unidentified		Can I tell you how thrilled I am to finally speak to you?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you may.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Where are you?
unidentified		I'm in Leightonsville, Maryland.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
unidentified		Suburb of D.C. Right.
unidentified		Just really, you know, I'm so thrilled to talk to you, but I've got a mundane question.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Go right ahead.
unidentified		Overthenightsky.com.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		I went there with a big telescope?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		Does it come with a tripod?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It comes with a swivel base, not a tripod per se, because this thing is pretty dog-on big, sir.
unidentified		I'm not kidding.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		When I say it's big, it's big, and I wouldn't trust it on anything but a tank of a tripod.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So it comes with a really nice wood base.
unidentified		So I've got a deck, a nice second-story deck.
		If I'm looking to put it out there on the deck where I've got a very good view, no problem.
		Do they have the accessories or something like that where you can get a very sturdy tripod?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Of course.
		Of course they do.
		Call them.
		You know, I give the number.
		I'll call them up.
		Talk to them.
unidentified		Okay, well.
		Art, another question.
		Yes.
		If I may.
		You may?
		Have you ever heard of the magician named David Blaine?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No.
unidentified		Have you seen his specials on ABC?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, no, if I had, then I would have heard of him.
unidentified		Well, that's true.
		But this guy, this guy, and you're right, Art, but this guy, if you've ever seen him or ever heard of him, this guy is the real thing.
		He's had specials on ABC on our learning channel.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, hold on.
		The real thing.
		You mean a really good magician or you mean really performing real magic?
unidentified		What do you mean?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Really performing magic.
unidentified		Really performing real spontaneous magic.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, but he calls himself a magician, right?
unidentified		Is the man in front of perfect strangers on the street levitates off the ground?
		That's pretty interesting.
		There's no denying it, Art.
		I'm sorry to interrupt.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Look, get me some information on this levitator, and I'll get him on the air.
unidentified		Listen, I'm not sure I'm the type of guy that's able to get you the information that you need.
		He's out there.
		He's been on ABC.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I can see you've got a cell phone, right?
unidentified		Yes, I do, sir.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So you must also have a computer.
unidentified		At work.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, good.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So send me some email and tell me what shows he's on and as much info as you can give me, and I'll go from there.
unidentified		Do you swear to God that you never heard of the man?
		Because he's very popular because of how good he is.
		You haven't ever heard of him, Art?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No, I don't feel this is an item that I necessarily have to swear to because it's just a common straight-on answer.
		I haven't heard of him.
		Sorry.
unidentified		Well, I'm telling you, he's along the lines of...
		I believe you because I've listened for you.
		Listen, Art, you don't understand how much I feel privileged to be speaking to you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I appreciate that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And you get me what you can, and I'll follow it up and try and get him on the air.
unidentified		Art, please, one more thing.
		Because I know you're about to have a message.
		This is the last thing.
		Do you believe?
		I'm being serious.
		Do you believe that the Illuminati are still alive and working?
		I'm serious.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		My answer is sure.
unidentified		But do you think that they're not called the Illuminati any longer?
		I mean, it's been popularized in a tombstone movie with the girl.
		Is it a real?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		If I knew the answer to this question that you're asking, I'd probably be on a hit list or something.
unidentified		You couldn't really say.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you asked me my opinion.
		I gave it to you.
		I said, sure.
		I think they're still out there.
		Whether they're still using the same name or something else, I don't have a clue.
		Anyway, that was your third question.
		I'm Mark Bell.
		Thanks for the info on this song.
unidentified		Well, hold on.
unidentified		Try to get the best shit.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Now you listen to this.
		Doesn't it seem like it ought to be called Hold On to What You Got?
		Listen carefully.
unidentified		Listen to the strangest stories Wondering where it all went wrong For so long For so long But hold on, hold on, hold on To what you got Hold on, hold on All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I'm going to do a couple of other spots here because I totally blew off the last half hour's commercials.
		I just, you know, I get going on stuff and I forget what I'm doing.
		So let me do it now.
		Now.
		West of the Rockies, you are on the air.
		Hi.
unidentified		You talk to me, Art?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You, sir, yes.
unidentified		Sir, what a pleasure to talk to you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Thank you.
unidentified		Hey, when are you going to have...
unidentified		I'm listening to you from the great K Don in Las Vegas.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Of course, K. PWN, the alma mater station for me.
unidentified		There you go.
		Hey, I was listening to the radio earlier today, and a woman said that there was a guy.
		He was a race car driver, and he was from Canada, and he'd won several races in Australia and whatnot.
		But the car he was driving was an electric car just powered by batteries.
		And she said that you had interviewed this guy and talked to him a couple of times.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's where they have the solar power races and other races like it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I know they have a lot of races there.
unidentified		Yeah, so do I. I understand that.
unidentified		I was just wondering if you remember to talk to this guy or if you had his name or whatever.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I do not recall, no.
unidentified		Okay, when are you going to have Major Dames on again?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		A week from Monday, I think either next Monday or a week from Monday.
unidentified		Well, I'll listen and won't miss him.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		Thank you, Art Bay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Thank you very much, and take care.
		As a matter of fact, I can probably tell you right now.
		I think it's a week from Monday.
		Let's see.
		Ed Daves.
		Somewhere I've got the week from Monday.
		It might be.
unidentified		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, anyway, that's the best I can do.
		Either next Monday or a week from, I'll let you know.
		First time caller line, you're on air.
unidentified		Yes, hi.
unidentified		I'm calling from AM 1400 KMED in Medford, Oregon.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, ma'am.
unidentified		Hi.
unidentified		Nice to talk to you, Art.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Good to talk to you.
unidentified		I was concerned because so far in the last week's discussions about the cloning issue, I hadn't heard anyone mention some information that I had picked up.
		It was either in a Time or a Newsweek magazine.
		It had been in the last few months.
		They had Somewhat of a detailed article about the procedure to actually get Dolly, the sheep.
		And they also said that it would be somewhat similar to actually have a full-grown human being that was cloned.
		And the part about it that concerned me was that they said it took about 250 tries to get Dolly, and that most of the tries were grossly deformed.
		You're right.
		And that that would probably be the case with the human beings.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I asked that the other night.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I said, who's going to take care of the monsters?
unidentified		Well, I think that they had to kill the other sheep.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I know, but you can't treat human beings in that manner.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So when they have a deformed human being as a result of this process, what are they going to do?
unidentified		Well, that was my concern.
		Would they be able to live or would they be aborted?
		I mean, as far as what the scientists are.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		My guess would be they would be aborted.
unidentified		Yes, so the problem that I have personally, ethically, with that is that I really don't believe that life should be created knowing that the majority of it would be killed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, there are so many ethical and moral problems with this.
		It just swims in them, huh?
		I have real problems with it.
unidentified		Yes, well, that was just the one thing that I did want to bring up in case anyone wasn't informed to that fact, because I hadn't been either.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		On the other hand, if they can develop the technology to the point where, for example, they can grow just an organ or a limb, a hand or an arm or a leg or a liver or a heart, if they can just grow that, then we've got good times ahead.
unidentified		Yes, well, that does definitely change things.
		You know, for me, if I looked at it with just that, but as far as actually growing a living human being, it becomes a lot more complicated.
		Anyway, I did want to let people know, I think it was in a spring issue of either Time or Newsweek.
		There was quite a detailed article in there, about seven or eight pages long, that explained it better than any articles that I had read.
		And I just wanted to pass along that information.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Right, thank you.
		Yes, the process is amazing.
		I mean, to do it, all they have to do is take a few cells from an egg.
		Not whole egg, just some cells from an egg.
		And then the other half is provided by a hanko hair, a little bit of skin scraping, whatever.
		The entire DNA code is connected, and once they get a connection between those two, you've got yourself a clone.
		But that's only the beginning, and if that's all it is, then it will produce an identical twin.
		Not born at anywhere near the same time, but an identical twin, if all goes well, minus the possibility of monsters.
		And there are going to be monsters and mistakes.
		That's only the beginning of the problems with cloning.
		I really, really, really, really want to do a show on this, and we are trying to line up some guests on the subject.
		Easter the Rockies, you're on the air.
		Hello.
unidentified		Oh, wow.
unidentified		Got the truth.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Hey, Art.
unidentified		How you doing?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Fine.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Where are you?
unidentified		I'm right outside Cleveland, Ohio.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okie-dokie.
unidentified		Hey, I've always wondered, I haven't heard much about Victor or I think it was Officer X and Area 51.
unidentified		Is that ever going to come up again?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Of course.
		Area 51 will always come up.
		As for the others, I can't tell you.
		I don't know.
unidentified		All the UFO sightings, Officer X?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know what?
		It actually has not been.
		The fact of the matter is that since September 11th, all news, I don't care what you watch and where you go, everything has been consumed with news of the war and the events of September 11th.
		And so it's not just UFOs that have been washed away in terms of publicity, but everything else also.
unidentified		Yeah, I guess they're all just sitting off-planet watching us.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Nothing's changed, sir.
		There are still plenty of sightings.
		It's just that information like that gets pushed way out of the news.
		And I don't mean a little bit out of the news.
		I mean all the way out of the news.
		Generally, even with multitudes of sightings of UFOs, something really exciting, all you get is sort of a kicker story at the end.
		But since September 11th, the news has been so totally consumed with the tragic events in New York and Pennsylvania and Washington.
		It's just it.
		And then the war.
		And that has been the totality of the news.
		And everything has been washed away.
		And of course, our UFOs being at the end of the list anyway were the very first to go.
		West to the Rockies.
		You are on the air.
		Hello.
unidentified		Hi, Bill.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		Yeah, I was just wanted to talk about the cloning thing.
		I think that in relation to that we're acting as God when we're cloning.
		I don't really think that's true because when God did it, he started from nothing.
		And when we're cloning, we're starting from the we have a copy or something that we're getting it from.
		So we're not really playing God.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You don't think it's playing God there?
unidentified		No.
		But I do think that, yes, that there would be errors and creating monsters.
		And because of that, I really don't think that we should.
		But we're probably going to anyway.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, we'll go ahead.
		There's no question about it.
		And I absolutely agree with you.
		It's going to happen as they experiment genetically on animals, and they do a lot of that.
		You know, like Dolly the sheep, as she pointed out, many, many attempts, many horrible results before they got lucky.
		And that's fine if it's a sheep.
		But if it's humans you're talking about, could they abort them at an early stage if they detected abnormalities?
		Yes, I suppose so.
		But the right-to-life people are going to flip out.
		They're going to totally flip out because you have created life.
		And if that's what it is, then what you are doing is murder.
		Even if it is a deformed fetus that is, you know, the result, it is murder.
		So this whole thing swims in deep, deep ethical problems.
		First time caller line, you are on the air.
unidentified		Hello.
		Hello.
		Hey, Art.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hey, yes.
unidentified		Hey.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Where are you?
unidentified		Hey, I'm Melanie.
unidentified		I'm from Dallas on K-L-I-F.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Of course, Cliff.
		Hi, Melanie.
		How are you doing?
unidentified		Good.
		How are you doing?
		All right.
		Hey, just a couple things, actually.
		It was really weird that you mentioned that song earlier.
		Yes.
		Because about a month ago, I had heard it, and I was trying to find out what it was, and I had no idea, so now I know.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, Ian Gom, I've never heard of.
		Ian either.
		And so I just, it baffled me.
		It absolutely baffled me.
unidentified		Yeah, I didn't know who it was either.
unidentified		And actually, I wanted to talk about the cloning thing a little bit.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Sure.
unidentified		And have you ever read that book, Pet Cemetery, by Stephen King?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, I have.
unidentified		Do you remember what happened with that cat?
		Yes.
		The cat died, and they took him to the burial ground, and he came back to life, and he was kind of weird.
		I don't know.
		It just seems like that might be what happens to these clones kind of come back kind of strange, if you know what I mean.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, in a way, it is.
		In other words, if you clone somebody who was 90 years old, he would, in effect, come back to life.
		Right?
unidentified		Yeah, and also, do you think people would try to clone dead people, like their relatives or something like that?
unidentified		I mean, that's a scary thought.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, I do think that.
unidentified		That's a really scary thought.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I think many, many people, and you and I both know that's true, who have lost loved ones would jump at the opportunity to clone.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		Yeah, that's a scary thought, I think.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		The whole thing, just, I keep saying it, it's just swimming in ethical moral problems.
unidentified		Yeah, I agree with that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, and I know we're going to go ahead with it.
unidentified		Oh, me too.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Send in the clones.
unidentified		Yep.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, dear, thank you.
unidentified		Okay, well, thank you very much.
unidentified		All right, have a good one.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Take care.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Wildcard line, you're on the air.
unidentified		Hi, Art.
		Hello.
		I have a spooky story.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Spooky?
unidentified		Spooky.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		About 22 years ago, my wife and I bought an older house, and I created a small bedroom directly across from the doorway to our bedroom.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Right.
unidentified		And it had a window that was visible when the door was open.
		You can see right into the room and right to the window.
		And it was a small room, so just opposite the door was where the bed was, and a little dresser and a little toy chest.
		One night, about 2.30 in the morning, my daughter called to me.
		And she said, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
		And I said, come here.
		And she said, I can't.
		There's someone in the doorway.
		So I just leaned out of the bed with my arm on the floor and looked out.
		And I could see her window, and there was nobody in the doorway.
		And I said, come in to me.
		Come to the bedroom.
		And she said, I can't.
		She said, there's a very, very tall man in the doorway, and he's shaking his finger at me.
		No.
		So I said, well, you tell him what we've always discussed, that you have to come to me.
		So I watched her step out in front of the light of the window.
		And when she went to the doorway, she squeezed past, and she said, excuse me.
		She came running in and jumped in the bed with my wife and I. And I said, what was that all about?
		And she said, there was a man bigger than you with yellow eyes who was standing there staring at me.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, brother.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yellow eyes, huh?
unidentified		I never forgot that.
unidentified		To this day, that gives me chills.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yellow eyes are not good.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They're not quite as bad as glowing red eyes, but they're not good.
unidentified		Oh, no.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I appreciate your call, sir.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Thank you.
unidentified		Thank you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And again, folks, I have got a Class A ghost photograph on the website right now.
		Again, I go through hundreds, no, thousands of ghost photographs that are sent to me, rejecting 99.9% just because of, you know, one, I don't know.
		You can look and you can generally tell it was a camera strap in a blur.
		It was a lighting anomaly of some sort.
		You can make a lot of calls and reject a lot very easily.
		But there are a certain percentage you cannot reject easily.
		And I've got one up there like that right now.
		I would be most interested in your opinion of this photograph taken in Indonesia.
		I think we have captured a ghost here, or somebody has.
		East of the Rockies, you are on the air.
unidentified		Hello.
		Hello, Art.
		This is Tawassee.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Tawassee, huh?
unidentified		Yeah, I'm listening on KHOW.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		In Denver.
unidentified		Yeah, actually very near there in Tinytown.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Damn, I always get nervous talking to you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, well, sort of take a deep breath and let her rip because you're probably my last call for the hour.
unidentified		Okay.
		I am calling actually about the Bush energy plan, which we still aren't hearing about.
		But I wanted to mention that magician that the caller called about earlier.
		Yes.
		Magician.
		I saw it on a VCR very slow.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's the idea.
		Magician tries to be so good that he convinces you he's really doing magic because there can be no other explanation.
		On the other hand...
unidentified		If you look at it slow, he's a magician.
unidentified		Well, I He's not any sort of a mage.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That one I'd go for.
unidentified		Sleight of foot.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Come on now, slight of foot.
		Explain it to me.
		Since you apparently know how this levitation trick is done, tell me.
unidentified		It's like the Bush energy plan.
unidentified		Very much deceptive.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Don't slide back into politics now.
unidentified		Very deceptive.
		It looks as if he's rising off of the ground and he's just stepping up on his foot.
		If you look at it on a VCR, in slow motion, the guy stands on his toe and moves his hands and...
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Levitation would mean feet, both, come up off the floor and hover in mid-air.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Is that or is that not what happens?
unidentified		It's definitely television myth magic.
		That is not what happened if you look at it in slow motion.
		It's the same with the card tricks.
		He's a magician.
		Anyhow, it's very deceptive.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And I have to say that No, my Jake...
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And being a magician, you try to be so good that the person believes it's magic.
unidentified		You trick people into believing that they're seeing one thing when they're getting something else.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, so they're yours.
		So they got that guy.
		They got him.
		The guy's good.
		I'd still like to see him levitate.
		I'm kind of into levitation.
		Wouldn't that be fun to be able to levitate, just sort of hang in midair and relax?
unidentified		Worth of love, a top and tender home.
		With a party more.
		If you love her, then you have favor.
		And then she's never been before.
		Morning crazes and morning gazes.
		Get you where you want to go.
		Soft and tender won't win out You are lovely now.
		This is Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell on the Premier Radio Network.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It is indeed that.
		Hello, everybody.
		Coming up, we're going to actually have some fun tonight.
		It's a pretty rare commodity lately.
		Leland Gregory is a former writer for Saturday Night Live, co-author of the New York Times bestseller, America's Dumbest Criminals, which enjoyed 17 weeks, by the way, on the bestseller list, as well as the author of five other books, including Great Government Goofs, Presumed Ignorant, and Presidential Indiscretions.
		His latest book, What's the Number for 911 Again, is a sequel to his bestseller, What's the Number for 911, published through Andrews McNeill.
		Leland has also compiled two audio CDs of Stupid 911 phone calls, Wacky911 and Wacky911 Again.
		We have those.
		He's made two appearances on the Today Show, Inside Edition, MSNBC, as well as making appearances on Extra, Deborah Duncan's Show, My Show.
		Considered to be the chronicler of stupid America, Leland also has a book on stupid criminals slated for release in 2002.
		I wonder if we can get some of that info tonight, as well as a calendar of stupid 911 phone calls set for 2003.
		He co-wrote the feature film Ernest and the Great Pizza Race.
		Oh my God.
		You wrote Ernest and the Great Pizza Race?
unidentified		Yes, Art, I did.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Are you proud of that?
unidentified		You notice where it is on my blog.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And it goes on and on.
		It's a long diagram here, but I'm going to stop while you read it.
		That stopped me cold.
		Ernest and the Great Pizza Race.
		What was that guy?
unidentified		Did you work with him?
		Jim Barney.
		The movie was written.
		I got paid for it.
		And it was never produced simply because he passed away before it was made.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		So no chance for a sequel on that one.
		I guess not.
		So anyway, I mean, you got to do what you got to do sometimes, Art.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's all right.
unidentified		He got me my Writer's Guild card.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, did it?
		Oh, yeah.
		All right.
		All right.
		Listen, anyway, that stopped me, and I came to you, and I shouldn't have come to you yet.
		So hold on while I do some business, and we'll be right back to Ernest and the great pizza race.
		Now, here's Leland Gregory.
		Hi, Leland.
		Hello, Art.
		I thought the last program you and I did together was the single funniest show I've ever done.
		I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.
unidentified		It's like following the banjo player now.
unidentified		Thank you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're very welcome.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Listen, there are some other things before we get into what we're going to do tonight with the audio, which will be fun, that I would like to ask you about that you've done.
unidentified		First and foremost, Ernest.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know, not so much Ernest, I guess.
		That just stopped me cold.
		I always thought Ernest was something else.
unidentified		Yes, he was.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He was actually very, very funny.
		He really was funny.
		Dumbest criminals, you know, you're apparently doing more on dumb criminals.
		And I see dumb criminal stuff come across the internet all the time.
		And some of it is pretty doggone stupid and funny.
		So you must have a few squirreled away that you'd let out.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
		I mean, I haven't really started work.
		I mean, I've got the research done on the next book, but I haven't started concentrating on it.
		But I know some stories from the first book that I can spew out.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, spew.
unidentified		Okay, I haven't heard that in a while.
		The first one was a lady called the police and complained because someone had stolen her purse.
		So the police showed up, and she gave a description of the person that stole the purse.
		And the police went on their way, and as they were patrolling, they saw someone that met the description.
		So they stopped him and they said, look, we want you to get in the car, and we're going to take you back for a one-on-one.
		And it's just, it's a face-up.
		It's for Identification purposes only.
		So just let's take you back.
		And the guy said, okay, no problem.
		So they put him in the back of the car.
		They take him to the scene of the crime.
		They let him out of the car.
		The woman whose purse was stolen walks out of the building.
		The criminal looks at her, points at her, and says, Yeah, that's her.
		That's the woman I robbed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Really?
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
		So, needless to say, they got their man.
		That's pretty stupid, yeah.
		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's the woman I robbed.
unidentified		Yep, that's her.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He thought it was very busy.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's the woman I robbed.
unidentified		Okay.
		I had one guy who was arrested on suspicion of robbing vending machines.
		And when it came time to pay his bail, which was $400, he paid it entirely in quarters.
		So they think they got the right guy.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, entirely in quarters.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And yet, I guess they had to sort of grimace and count quarters.
unidentified		Yeah, and they had to count quarters because that's the way the system works.
unidentified		But I'm sure they used it in his trial.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I'm sure they did.
unidentified		And speaking of trials, there was one guy who showed up for his court appearance in a very nice suit.
		And he's standing there in front of the judge, and he was arrested on a count of home burglary.
		So when they brought the man up whose home he burglarized, the guy said, that's my suit!
		And everyone thought it looked a little odd because the suit was two sizes too big.
		The man was wearing two court in the stolen suit.
		In the stolen suit, he was wearing two sweatsuits underneath it to fill it out because it wasn't his size.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I suppose that criminals really probably, for the most part, really aren't too bright or they wouldn't be doing what they're doing.
unidentified		Exactly.
		I mean, this whole media portrayal of criminals as being these cunning masterminds who, you know, wear black leotards and slide down on nylon rope and execute these flawless plans.
		You know, that's not the way it really works.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Either that or they're the ones that you never hear jokes about because they never get caught.
unidentified		Exactly.
		You know, usually criminals are someone who have a problem.
		They're either drunk, they think it's cool, they walk by someone's house, they see a TV, they think, I'm going to steal it.
		You know, there's not a lot of planning involved.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Who stealed a TV?
		Yeah, I suppose that's true.
		I suppose alcohol plays a big part in an awful lot of stupid crimes.
unidentified		Right.
		Alcohol and drugs.
		I mean, some of them that I don't even include anymore are the ones that happen so often.
		Like they see a restaurant that they want to break into, and they think, hmm, well, the door's locked.
		Oh, but there's like an exhaust fan up there.
		So they climb up to the roof, lower themselves down through the exhaust fan, thinking it's going to lead out into this nice empty room.
		And of course, by the time it gets to the very end of the exhaust fan, it's only about 12 inches wide, and only their feet come out, and then they can't get back up.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And they get stuck.
unidentified		So they get stuck.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And that one, I guess, has become so common as to not even be worth including anymore.
unidentified		Right, I don't include that.
unidentified		Except for I did consider including the one where when they were destroying, when they were tearing down a building, they found a skeleton.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		What?
unidentified		They found a skeleton of someone that was stuck in one of the air ducts.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, you would think that during the period that the body was becoming a skeleton, since it was in an air duct, somebody would have noticed a foul odor.
unidentified		Well, it depends on the kind of restaurant.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
		I never thought about that.
		Oh, that's gross.
		That's real.
unidentified		People walk in and go, mmm, Chitland's again, you know.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Jeez.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Is that a true story?
unidentified		Yes, it is.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Would I lie to you, R. I'm not sure yet.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, probably not.
unidentified		Let's keep going on.
		About the third hour, you'll know.
		Okay.
		And then, you know, like that one, I don't include the stories of that anymore because they're actually unfortunately so commonplace.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, that wouldn't be so common.
unidentified		Well, the skeleton wasn't.
		That's why I considered including that one.
		But, you know, I don't think after the events of late, death is not a very funny subject anymore, anyway.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No, no, and by the way, while we're on the subject, you know, I told my audience, look, even though there's no even close relationship between obviously what you're doing and what happened in New York, because it happened on 9-11 and because the title of your book includes 9-11, that's the only relationship, 9-1-1, actually, we put it off because the hypersensitivity to the whole thing.
		How has this affected, if at all, your book and everything you do?
		I mean, it must have crushed you the day it happened.
unidentified		It did.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Aside from the way it crushed us all.
unidentified		Right.
		The story is I was in New York on September 11th.
		I was getting ready to appear on The Today Show to promote my book and CD because September 11th was National 911 Day.
		It was the first day of the kickoff of the publicity.
		I was going to appear on The Today Show, and then I was going to be on MSNBC Extra Insight Edition, one of your competitors that's based out of New York, and then Joey Reynolds late at night.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Joey, yes, he is one of my competitors.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Joey's a nice guy.
unidentified		Joy's a great guy.
		I know him.
		So I had this massive media blitz prepared, in fact.
		My publicist and everyone has said they've never seen this much advanced publicity geared up for a book.
		And that was just for two days.
		And then the end of the week, I was going to follow it up with your show.
		So it would have just been this amazing blitz.
		I was in the makeup chair.
		I just had my makeup put on and my hair done.
		I was about eight minutes away from being on the Show.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Wow.
unidentified		And someone ran into the makeup room and said, turn the channel.
		And they turned the channel, and we thought, what a terrible, what a bad accident.
		You know, because that was one of the first things.
		And, of course, no one saw any footage.
		And since I was in New York, about maybe 30 blocks away, a lot of people in the studio knew someone in the tower.
		And, of course, pandemonium started breaking out.
		People were like crying.
		And then we just sat in awe, as everyone knows, 18 minutes later, the second plane hit.
		And it just, the place went crazy.
		I mean, they went into news mode.
		And, you know, and I was right at the center.
		I was in 30 Rock.
		So, or actually, I was in the studio next door.
		So I was right in the center of this huge news organization.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Everything changed.
unidentified		Everything changed.
		Instantly.
		I mean, I saw Ann Curry kick her shoes off and run down the hall.
		And people were trying to call on their cell phones.
		But, of course, the cell phones weren't working because one of the main cells was on the top of one of the towers.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		As were, by the way, a lot of broadcast towers, too.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		And just, I mean, total chaos.
unidentified		I tried to call my wife, couldn't get through, stood stunned most of the time.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		How long did you stay there?
unidentified		I stayed in the studio until 10 o'clock.
		Wow.
		I was there about 8.30.
		And then this Easter time, about 8.30 I arrived and stayed until, because my set time was 8.50 or something like that.
		And of course, the first plane hit 8.40 something.
		They said, we don't know what's going on.
		Let's go ahead and take you to the lobby in case we bring you on the air.
		We want you right there.
		And I thought, you know, this is not going to happen, but I'll go with you anyway.
		So I'm standing in the lobby watching the monitor and all this pandemonium take place.
		And I turn next to me to see, you know, who's there.
		And I'm standing shoulder to shoulder with Harry Belafonte, who's also watching all this in disbelief.
		And I thought, well, this makes it even weirder, you know, just a little Dolly-esque addition to it.
		So at 10 o'clock, when I know, you know, I need to get home, my body was saying, get home.
		So I leave the studio, go out to the area where they perform the musical numbers, and everyone started screaming.
		Saw people passing out, and I looked up at the monitor that are displayed all over the building, and that's when the first building fell.
		And then I thought, I really have to go home.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		A lot of thoughts, I imagine, would have been going through your head, like, I'm probably not even safe here.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
		Well, I thought, what's next?
		You know, here I am next to 30 Rock, which I'm sure would be a target simply because of its communication.
		I turn around, and there's a taxi cab right in front of me.
		And so I jumped in the car, and I told the guy the address.
		I was going up to 65th, and I told him the address, and about two minutes later, after driving, he said, I'm sorry.
		What was the address again?
		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, everybody.
unidentified		Yeah.
		And he said, I'm sorry.
		I'm just driving.
		And that's what everyone did.
		I'm just doing what I'm doing right now.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I know.
		Shock set in.
		I went into severe shock.
unidentified		I got back to the hotel room, called my wife.
		She was crying.
		She didn't know what was going on.
		I told her, and this is something I haven't told anybody before, I said, get the security box, go to the bank, pull out all the money, pick up our son from school, go to your mom's house in the country.
		Go right now.
		Because I thought this is the end of the end.
		Since I was right there in the center of it all, and she was so far away, she didn't have that feeling.
		But we lived fairly close to the airport, and I thought, you know, my mind was just saying, go somewhere safe.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Many people made it.
		Many people made decisions like that.
		Believe me.
unidentified		Yeah, so it was very, very frightening.
		I called Joey Reynolds people later that day, and I said, you know, of course you don't want me to come on the show, right?
		And they said, oh, no, come on in.
		So this weirdest part was I walked down Broadway from, I went ahead from 65th to 14th, I walked down Broadway, completely deserted.
		All the buildings were closed.
		All the shots were closed.
		Very quiet.
		They had secured the whole street.
		The only traffic were ambulances and fire departments and police.
		No one was on the street.
		That was so creepy because, you know, Broadway is never closed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It's creepy, all right?
unidentified		It was very creepy.
		I went to Joey's show, and he was kind of surprised that I was there.
		Apparently, his producer forgot the subject matter that I was going to do.
		Of course, I didn't do any of that.
		He opened up the phone lines, and we stayed on the line the air from 2 to 5 in the morning, taking calls from New Yorkers and stuff like that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I just canceled everything.
		And for weeks, I canceled everything.
		It was not possible to do anything else.
		No, it just wasn't.
		It wasn't possible for me.
		I couldn't do it.
		I couldn't do it.
		I mean, that's all there was.
		And I think the whole nation got glued to CNN.
		I know I did.
		That's what I was doing.
		It's all I was doing all day long and right up until airtime.
		And it put me in a sort of a state of shock, and it happened to the whole country.
		Weird things.
		I mean, our economy got slammed.
		And look what's happening to the airlines, and people aren't flying, and it's just, it's still very weird.
unidentified		It was devastating.
		And, you know, for me personally, I had all my eggs in the basket of that one day of publicity.
		And it's just now starting to come back because, like you said, the title's 911, it's about emergency phone calls, although they're all funny and no one dies.
		The people are saying, you know, gee, this is too soon.
		We're not ready for this.
		People aren't ready to laugh about anything related to, you know, emergency phone calls.
		That's right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I wasn't ready for a long time.
unidentified		Oh, no, I know.
unidentified		And I had no bad feelings when people canceled because I wasn't in the mood to be funny.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		You know.
unidentified		It's there to be funny about.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, yeah, but you know, life does go on, and humor is an incredibly important part of living life.
		It really is.
		And it can't disappear forever.
		And if it does, then they really have won.
		If we have lost our sense of humor forever, then, yeah, they've won.
		And we've really lost something very important because life without humor, boy, I don't know.
unidentified		Yeah, and in America, you know, just think about it.
		Our whole society is based on humor.
		When we beat the English, we made up songs.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's true.
unidentified		It was just when Kennedy got assassinated, it was a while, but people started.
unidentified		You've got to break it back.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Finally came back.
unidentified		That's right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		Hold on.
		We'll be right back.
unidentified		We'll be right back.
		I need to find an answer on the road.
		I just can't see your heart for the time to take the day before I get done.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, Well, I knew that because just the numbers were similar, the date 911 and the title of his book and the title of his CD with 911.
		I knew it was going to be a big problem.
		I had no idea he was sitting in the studio ready to go on network television about all of this when it actually occurred down the street.
		My God.
		Then I suppose as the days went on, Leland, you probably were practicing saying stuff like, hey, would you like fries with that burger?
		Oh, yeah.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You're figuring it's all over.
unidentified		Yeah, in fact, I got a personalized fitted hair net.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, listen, let's do a little bit of it so they understand what we're, just in case a lot of people will have missed the first show, and for that reason, I'm already getting a million requests for Joe and the Deer, you know.
		So we'll do some of that, but let's do some new stuff.
		Okay.
		Where do we begin here?
unidentified		Just start at the top of the CD.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Uh-huh.
		Yes, I'm there.
		Is there anything you wish to say about what we're about to hear?
unidentified		Is it kitty kitty?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It's Butterfly Man, actually.
unidentified		Butterfly Man.
		Okay, this is a very interesting caller from Utah.
		And we're not sure if the flying objects he saw were in his yard or in his mind.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
		Well, Gene, you know, I get any number of calls like that.
		Let's listen.
unidentified		Okay, mostly you people are a bunch of bulls.
		But if you'd like to do something that's really worthwhile, get on TV, onto the TV nervous stations at 6 o'clock and let the public know where the hell all these butterflies came from today.
		Is that fair enough?
		Butterflies?
		Yes.
		Where did they come from?
		Where did they come from?
		Do you have a problem that police officers can help you with, sir?
		What's that?
		Do you have a problem that police officers can help you with?
		Hell no, I just want to know where all, and so does everybody else.
		Where did all the butterflies come from today?
		Do you know little butterflies that fly through the air?
		I have no idea, sir.
		Well, get on TV news people and tell them that they're supposed to know.
		But try and get him.
		Try and get into a news station.
		You can't do it.
		You can't do it.
		Goodbye.
		I wonder why they don't let someone like that into a TV news station now, don't you, Ark?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That guy was obviously at the end of his rope.
		He'd been seeing butterflies all day.
		Nobody would talk about it.
		And he couldn't get through to TV.
		So, of course, 911, you can always get through to 911.
unidentified		And obviously, they know where the hell all the butterflies go through.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Those poor people.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Some 911 operators, if it's fairly slow, I mean, I remember when I was working, if it was fairly slow and you got a call like that, you'd have fun with them.
unidentified		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, you'd have a little fun.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		But, I mean, if you're dealing with life and death stuff and you get a call like that, it's hard to handle.
unidentified		Exactly.
		Especially in one thing I'm trying to emphasize now is that with the events of September 11th, please refrain from calling 911 because now we really know how important what these people do really is.
		I mean, since I was there, it was amazing to see how quickly everybody responded.
		I mean, that city was not back on its feet, but it was back in working condition very soon.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Leland, there are people who call 911 every day.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Sometimes multiple times in a day.
		And believe it or not, this is the truth.
		There are people who call because they're lonely.
		Right.
		That's really true.
unidentified		I've had a lot of calls where the first thing they said is, do you have time to talk?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		You know, and you're trying to perform a community service, and so you don't really want to just blow people off.
		You have to do so politely, but they're people in your community, and so you kind of try to help them a little bit.
unidentified		Right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And you do what you can.
unidentified		I've got a lot of calls where the caller will call, and the first thing the dispatcher says is, hi, Evelyn.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's right.
		That's right.
		It's part of being part of the community.
unidentified		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		The second one here is says, homeless Hanky Panky.
unidentified		Yeah, this is a very interesting request that a woman made on behalf of her son.
		I guess she considered it a little bit of community service Or some other kind of service.
		But it's a very interesting call, a very interesting request.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Self-explanatory, I take it.
unidentified		Yeah, I think a lot of them are fairly self-explanatory.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, here we go.
unidentified		Dispatch.
		Oh, are you an officer?
		I'm a dispatcher.
		Oh, how are you tonight?
		I'm fine.
		Kids.
		Don't laugh at me if I ask you a question.
		This is kind of stupid.
		But my friend wanted to know if she could take one of the homeless men off the street and live with him.
		Would it be against the law?
		If it would be against the law?
		Uh-huh.
		No, it's not.
		If they had sex, would it be against the law?
		No.
		It wouldn't?
		Uh-uh.
		Not if they both agree.
		Oh, that's great, right?
		Wow.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I could perhaps understand somebody of the very liberal persuasion deciding to go live with a homeless person, but where did the sex part come from?
unidentified		She just wanted to make sure it was not against the law.
		She wouldn't want her son breaking the law by having sex with a homeless man.
		I guess it wouldn't be against the law unless they kept him in a pit in the basement.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, then there's problems.
unidentified		There's problems.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, brother.
unidentified		But yeah, I've had calls like that from other people saying, is it okay for a man to dress like a woman at work?
		You know, they'll call 911.
		They'll say, something's wrong with my penis.
		Do you suggestions?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
		Really?
		Bizarre stuff.
		I had one of my favorite calls from the new book, which is, what's the number for 911 again?
		Is a guy calls in the operator and says, 911, what's your emergency?
		He said, you've got to help me.
		I've been shot.
		And she said, I'm sorry.
		You said you were shot?
		He said, yeah, I've been shot.
		I've been shot.
		She said, now, calm down.
		Tell me, how many times were you shot?
		He said, oh, this is the first time.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		This has got to be, I'm going back here for a second.
unidentified		Okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And this is Joe and the Deer.
unidentified		Oh, yay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And, you know, I've had so many requests.
		I want to do this just in case we have to do it again.
		This is so classic.
		Folks, you've never heard anything like this in your life.
		I have the unadulterated, unbleaped portion, actually cut of this, which is even better.
		But we couldn't even get close to playing it on the air.
		Right.
		So you will hear some appropriately placed bleeping sounds, and you can imagine what's being said.
		But this is some call.
unidentified		Surgically removed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Surgically removed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Listen to this, folks.
unidentified		This is the ambulance emergency line.
		Do you have an emergency?
		I need a bamboo.
		Who is this?
		Joe.
		Okay.
		Where do you need us?
		I'm in a m phone booth.
		Okay, what's the address there?
		Hold on.
		Okay, Joe, I needed a location.
		What street are you on?
		I'm in a motherfucking phone booth at the stop and go.
		I'm at the stat.
		I'm at the motherfucking stop and go.
		Oh, no.
		Oh, no.
		Wait a minute.
		Hush.
		Huff the whole road.
		At the motherfucking stop and go.
		You.
		Uh-huh.
		How?
		Let me see.
		I'm in the motherfucking phone booth.
		Let me tell you what.
		I'm going down the motherfucking road driving in my car minding my own damn business.
		And the motherfucking ear jumped down and hit my car.
		Okay, so are you injured?
		Let me tell you.
		I get out and pick the motherfucking ear up.
		I thought he was dead.
		I put the motherfucking ear in my back seat, and I'm driving down the motherfucking road and minding my own business.
		The motherfucking woke up and bit me in the back of my bit me and then picked the out of my car.
		I'm in the motherfucking phone booth.
		The deer bit me in the neck.
		A big motherfucking dog came up and bit me in the neck.
		I hit him with the motherfucking tie-on and I stabbed him.
		I stabbed him with my knot.
		So I got a hurt leg and the motherfucking deer bit me in the neck.
		And the dog won't let me out of the motherfucking phone booth because he wants the deer.
		Who gets the deer?
		You're the dog.
		Okay, sir, are you injured?
		Yeah, the motherfucking deer bit me in the neck.
		Hold on.
		Yeah, the muffler hunting, the motherfucking dog is biting me.
		Hold on.
		Hold on.
		The motherfucking dog is biting him.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That is totally classic.
		Usually poor guy hits a deer, puts it in the back of the car, deer bites him in the back of the neck.
		He's in a phone booth.
		I hope everybody caught that.
		It's absolutely unbelievable, but it's true.
unidentified		Yeah, you mentioned the unadulterated, uncensored version.
		That's right.
		If people do want to hear that, it is included on our new CD, Wacky911, again, uncensored.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, really?
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you put the uncensored version out.
unidentified		We put the uncensored version out.
unidentified		We had so many requests for it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, Keith, my webmaster, actually put it up on our website for a while.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		People sort of complained a little bit.
unidentified		It gets there.
unidentified		It's fairly filled with hyphenated words, and they're not white-tailed deer.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's right.
unidentified		But so the new CD, Wacky911, again, is uncensored.
		It has numerous uncensored phone calls on it.
		All right.
		So when you order, please order with caution.
		We don't want anyone saying, here, Grandma.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, well, let's get it out.
		How do they order this uncensored one?
		A lot of people are going to want the uncensored one.
		How do they get that?
unidentified		They can get it two ways.
		They can get it through our website at wacky911.com or they can order it through our toll-free number at 1-800-617-7792.
		And I just wanted to mention that since I was in New York on September 11th, that 10% of all the profits from both the website and any orders taken over the toll-free are going to the 911 Disaster Relief Fund, which goes Immediately to the families of the firefighters and police.
		So you don't have to make a donation.
		You know, we're not asking people to do anything, but as soon as you buy any CD, any book, and that's not just the 911, it's any of my books that I've written that are included on the website, anything you order over the toll-free number, we automatically donate 10% to the 911 Disaster Relief Fund.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's really nice.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And there was a big brooha about it, and then they finally came out and announced, yes, all the money's going to go directly where you wanted it to go.
unidentified		Right.
		I don't want any fat cat siphoning off, you know, thinking, oh, this is a great way of making money.
		You know, because since I was there, and I've made numerous friends in the 911 community and in the police department from my America's Dumbest Criminals book and all the 911 books that, you know, these people, as you know, are usually kept in the basement.
		A lot of times it's windowless.
		They work long hours.
		That's right.
		They take phone calls.
		More than 50% of all the phone calls they receive are from their frivolous, non-emergency, or completely ridiculous phone calls.
		They work very hard.
		They're very dedicated.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And they save lives.
unidentified		And they save lives.
unidentified		And they do a great job.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, I'm up to something's up.
		Okay.
		I always want to ask you, you know, if there's anything we should know before we hear whatever it is, you know, that's coming up.
unidentified		No.
		Sometimes my explanations just kind of don't do it service.
		Here it comes.
		Please dispatch to the available ambulance.
		Agent go to a blur drive.
		They won't report this here at this forward.
		Ambler.
		I don't know if you need a good over here on it.
		Sir Roger.
		I don't know if you were bragging or complaining.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You could hear the poor guy just putting the cutout switch on and just cracking up.
unidentified		You know, being a man art.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		How are you going to respond to that?
unidentified		Being a man art.
		And throughout history, men have done bizarre things with their unit.
		The infamous penis stuck in the pump line of the pool.
		Guys have got it caught in vacuum cleaners.
		Accidentally, of course.
		Had one guy who was probably trying to pleasure himself with a vacuum cleaner, but forgot that there's a beater brush.
		Oh, my God.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
unidentified		And although the term beater brush sounds nice, it isn't.
		And so he had to call 911 and explain that what happened was he was vacuuming in his robe.
		And somehow the robe came undone.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, right, sure.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Actually, you know, at a critical time like that, for the person making the call, it would be a close call between bleeding to death and making the call.
unidentified		There was a call like that, which there was a man, a person was walking by the house and they heard someone screaming from inside and moaning.
		And they yelled in, do you need, you know, are you okay?
		Yeah, I'm fine.
		I'm fine.
		Ow!
		Ow!
		No, are you okay?
		Yeah, I'm fine.
		Ah!
		And they said, look, I'm going to call the ambulance.
		No, don't, don't, don't.
		And they called anyway.
		And what happened was they found the man, he somehow had his unit stuck in the drain of the sink.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		What?
unidentified		And he explained that he was changing a light bulb.
		And he was so embarrassed that he didn't want anyone to call.
		But the friendly, you know, the Good Samaritan neighbor called anyway.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And they were able to, fortunately, I'm afraid, try and picture that in my mind as I can.
unidentified		I know.
unidentified		Unless it was like a big thing.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That one just visually doesn't work.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		However, it sounds horrendously dangerous because if you were to connect with the electrical socket.
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
unidentified		Completed the circuit.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		This one, folks, caused me to, again, we're circling back to something we've done before.
		But this, I think, is the funniest one I've ever heard.
		It rivals Joe in my mind, and it just laid me on the floor.
		We're talking the gagged.
unidentified		I know that's your favorite.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, it by far is.
		This poor guy.
		This poor guy is bound and gagged.
		You know, obviously he's been, I don't know, assaulted or kidnapped or something.
		He's bound and gagged, and he's calling 911 trying to get the information through to them.
		Here it is.
unidentified		911.
		I am a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little bit.
		Hey, I can't see.
		Uncle, he said that he's this one of the robberies in gas.
		Can you give us your address?
		Six, three guys, all right.
		Six hundred what?
		All right.
		Walmart?
		One?
		Almost, how long did this happen?
		Okay, listen to me.
		Listen to me.
		Do you live at house and apartment?
		What a time is he living?
		One, two.
		One, two?
		All right, one two.
		Two.
		What apartment?
		Two.
		Okay, so we're going to see the police at, all right?
		Okay, fine.
		Let me go so I can see the police, all right?
		Bye-bye.
		I don't know why.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I have no idea why that gets to me what it does.
unidentified		It's just funny.
		I mean, what I love is that they keep going.
		Oh, what's your favorite TV show?
		I know.
		And this, of course, was before E911, which is Enhanced 911, where as soon as the person placed the call, the displayed on the monitor, they know exactly where he was.
		They weren't giving the guy a hard time.
		They were actually trying to find out where he is.
		And if it was a joke.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, have you ever tried to gag yourself and then to talk?
unidentified		No.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's the way it comes out.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I think the poor fellow was really honestly gagged.
unidentified		Have you?
		Well, when we were kids, when we were kids.
		Didn't it involve a vacuum cleaner?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I was replacing a light bulb.
		No, when we were kids, we played those kinds of games.
		And so I know what I'm saying.
unidentified		Oh, okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Boy.
unidentified		Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask.
unidentified		How's your back?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It's just, actually, it's fine now.
		Good.
		I'm going through a period where I'm having absolutely no trouble.
		I'm taking all these wonderful drugs.
		You know, these.
unidentified		Don't forget your friends are.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, God.
unidentified		I'm thinking you might fed it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They're not those kinds of drugs.
		Oh, well, that's not those.
		They are drugs that help take away the swelling and that sort of thing.
		And that seems to be the magic that's doing this.
		All right.
unidentified		Well, I was worried about you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, I'm not taking a break.
		I'm getting rid of you for five minutes over here, though.
		All right?
		Leland, stay right where you are.
		Leland Gregory is my guest.
		What's the number for 911 again is his latest book.
		You're going to hear a little bit of the audio.
		Hey, he's got a new uncensored one out.
unidentified		You're going to love this.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Joe and the deer, you've got to hear uncensored.
		It does assault the sensibilities a little bit, but it is the funniest thing you ever have heard.
		I'm Art Bell, and this is Coast to Coast AM.
		The End Sorry, once again, here is Leland Gregory, collector of strange things.
		Remind us, how do you get these things?
		I mean, obviously, people will send you this or that, but then don't you have to seek some kind of permission to be able to put them on publicly like this?
unidentified		Actually, the calls are all considered a matter of public record.
		And they're all available through the Freedom of Information Act.
		But unfortunately, in order to obtain them, you have to submit a form and say, I want this call that came in on this date through this communication center at this time from this time to this time.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So no, no, no, that must mean that how do you get that information?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Most people wouldn't have it unless you're dealing directly with a dispatcher.
unidentified		Right, you have to have someone on the inside.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So you've got a lot of inside contacts.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, I do.
unidentified		My own personal 911 deep throat.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		Here comes Hear Kitty Kitty, whatever that is.
		Okay.
		All right.
		No comment, folks.
unidentified		Well, this one's kind of interesting because she's obviously a humanitarian who cares deeply about her cat and doesn't want it to get hurt by anyone else but the 911 operator.
		Okay, we're going to.
		Oh, yes.
		I contacted the animal shelter right next to the Humane Society because I want to have my cat put to sleep.
		They said to call the police if they've considered it an emergency.
		I want to have my cat put to sleep.
		Okay, I don't know what you want the police to do about it.
		Tell you the police?
		Yes, we are.
		Yeah, do they have some kind of measure where they do something with the cat in case of a real emergency where the cat is detrimental to the other person?
		He's detrimental to me.
		He's scared of me.
		And I'm reacting to the fact that he's scared of me, so I'm scared being in my apartment, being with him, along with him, because he scares me, because he's scared of me, and we're reacting to each other.
		And I certainly don't want to, I'm not that kind of a person.
		I'm not an inhumane person, and I would never let let the cat out the back door and just let it roam around.
		I want to make sure it's put to sleep.
		See, how long have you been reacting like this?
		forever and so I wanted Forever.
		For as long as I can, and forever.
		Why is it so important today then?
		Well, anyway, could you have them put to sleep today?
		I can't, Let.
		Well, who does it?
		The animal control does it.
		And if they're not there today, there's nothing I can do to help you.
		But Machine said call the police at 291-1111 if they're not.
		Am I not yelling at me?
		Well, you are yelling at me, too.
		No, I'm not.
		That's just about it.
		I'll tell you what.
		How can it be an emergency if you have this cat all this time and all of a sudden knows today it's an emergency?
		How do you know how long I've had the cat?
		You didn't even ask.
		I did too.
		I thought.
		How about the cat scared of me?
		Right now, I know it.
		The cat is scared.
		He's petrified.
		And I'm not about to just let him walk out the back door.
		Should I do that?
		Should I just climb out the back door and let somebody kill me or have a star to death?
		I thought I'm doing the most proper, humane thing to do as a plumber peak.
		For peace sake, good lord, where do you think I am?
		A fellow?
		I'm telling you right now that somebody's got to pick that cat up from the police department.
		That hell's going to break loose.
		Here.
		I'm telling you.
		I'm telling you the police department does not pick up the...
		They made me put the number down there!
		Why?
		Why did they put the number?
		Call the police!
		Why am I crying once?
		You think this is fun for me?
		I don't like to call the police!
		No way, no how.
		And the **** who's going to feel it don't even...
		I'd like to put you in a tape.
		What cut the colours of?
		You're a dog.
		You're nothing but a dog.
	Well, you keep talking because it's on tape, okay?
	I really don't care what you say.
	What are you going to call me back and arrest me for my mind, speaking my thoughts, that I can't stand your fucking gun?
	Your toilet paper.
	What's the meaning of your shit?
	People like you used to think.
	What are you done yet?
	I don't know.
	Did I say enough to did you get offended?
	I told that.
	You can't get offended because you don't got no hood.
	You just gotta understand it.
	I don't even know you can do it right now.
	You're curious.
	Good, good, good.
	I'm calling you, I don't care.
	I'm telling you, you just cool up bitch and move the hits.
	And he's like finger like that for me to call you.
	And my poor death kid, and you don't give a finger.
	You did.
	You should put this week.
	You give me pocket sweeps.
	You should try.
	I'd like to kill you myself.
	Only a moment to tell me where you are.
	Oh, I thought you knew already.
	You gotta tell us.
	Now you don't want to give me your address, huh?
	I'll give my address because I'll make it better.
	Yes, sir.
	So that sounds good to see you.
	What's your address?
	Why are you going to fly a kite with a hole in it?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
		I understand why the cat was scared of her.
		The poor cat.
unidentified		Oh, my God.
		You may think would be to put the cat to sleep.
		I mean, she said, I love that.
		But the funniest thing is that last line.
		Why don't you go fly a kite with a hole in it?
		What a cruel, cruel thing to say to another human being.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Look, that lady just really lost it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Again, no wonder that cat's probably hiding in a closet somewhere, and I don't blame it.
unidentified		Probably gnawing through its own paw.
		Man.
		It probably has one foot in the electric socket and the other one in the toilet.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That gives some people some idea of the kind of calls you can get.
		And you really can get those kinds of calls.
		And I just, you know, how did that lady keep, you know, I think she wanted her address.
		I think she wanted to personally go meet this lady.
unidentified		Yeah.
		But you notice how professional she stayed.
		She didn't start yelling back.
		Oh, yeah.
		She kept her calm.
		She took the information down.
		She kept the tape rolling.
		She didn't hang up.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Nobody can be paid enough to take calls like that.
unidentified		Right.
		That's what I think.
		That's why, you know, that's another reason why I think the operators need to be more appreciated.
		And, you know, that's another reason that I've decided to donate the 10% because, I mean, just for a call like that, they deserve something.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I wasn't ready for that one, I'll tell you.
		The cat hates me, and I hate the cat.
		And I've always hated it, and I've always had it.
unidentified		And we're feeding off each other's hatred.
		And I'm not going to just let him out of the back door.
		I'm a humane person.
		I want him put to sleep.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And finally, she wanted the operator put to sleep.
		All right.
		That was a winner.
		That was right on up there almost with Joe, in my opinion.
unidentified		Well, thank you.
unidentified		Thank you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		That one's available on the new CD.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, unedited?
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, unedited.
		Yes.
		Well, we weren't able to offer that last time, folks.
		So if you want the unedited version, of course, the website link or the order number is 1-800-617-7792.
		That's 1-800-617-7792.
unidentified		And to be sure you're getting the right one, you would be asking for WAKI 911 again, uncensored.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Uncensored.
unidentified		Right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Are there two versions, one censored and one uncensored?
unidentified		The first CD was called Wacky911, and it's all censored.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		No, but I mean, of the second one, it is only uncensored?
unidentified		Yes.
unidentified		Good.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So people can't order the wrong one if they get the second one.
unidentified		No.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		What's your size, whatever that is?
		All right.
		I have not, intentionally, folks, I have not listened to these.
		I've held on to these CDs since September 12th.
		That's exactly right.
		Since September 12th.
		All right, here we go.
unidentified		A little problem.
		Are you off?
		Why are you reporting and where are you?
		Oh, my is too small.
		Hello?
		Tell me our name and win.
		My penis and artery are stuck to my penis.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		What?
unidentified		She's really fucking.
		Tell me her name would win.
		Tell me her name would win.
		Hello?
		Are you guys having a really desperate problem or what?
		Yes!
		You want to soak my hands on your head?
		No, but you can have your friends there do that for you, okay?
		You need to stop using the 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		See, that's bad stuff.
unidentified		Yeah, I just loved her comment.
		It's like, you can have your friend do that for you.
		The thing is, they made, like you were talking about, that was like seven right phone calls they made in a row.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it was several phone calls.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And right, she finally laid into them.
unidentified		And see, and that's one thing I want people to know, is please don't crank 911.
		Especially now, I mean, with everything that's going on, you should never do it to begin with.
		But if you do decide to be clever and think you're going to wind up on the next CD, remember that there is now enhanced 911 where they get you immediately.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Also, a lot of people that decided to get real cranky with white powder, and most of those people are now contemplating their act in jail.
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So that's not funny either.
		No, don't play around with 911.
		Where's my truck?
		Where's my truck?
unidentified		This is an irate caller again.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Another one.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		Another one.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Here we go.
unidentified		Can I help you?
		Yeah, you know what?
		Somebody's on my children now.
		Okay, hold on.
		I'll transfer this.
		Yeah, it's that guy that...
		He told me it was sold 10 minutes ago for a 30-day impound.
		Yeah, and he is screaming at me and the translator, so.
		Uh okay, hold on.
		Go ahead, sir.
		Can I want an emergency?
		I may help you.
		Hey, can you customer or what?
		Excuse me?
		I mean, I said, uh, I'm sorry, I can't understand you, sir.
		You need a what?
		Uh, a program.
		They're telling me that your car was impounded a month ago.
		Did you pick up your car from the tow yard?
		Hey, don't talk to me that way.
		No.
		Okay, goodbye.
		No, because you can't hear me up.
		Okay, I can hear you.
		You're fine.
		It's about to be right, such government rather than right.
		I'll discriminate.
		I don't fucking tell you that loud.
		Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but let me try to.
		Okay, sir.
		Sir.
		Hello?
		Good.
		Okay, if you're going to yell at me, I'm going to disconnect with you, okay?
		There's no reason for you to yell at me.
		I'm telling you what.
		I cannot.
		It's a no-transit, so you could be around my drug or what?
		Okay, well, I'm not going to help you if you're going to yell and talk at me like that.
		Okay, so you need to calm down.
		So f him, okay.
		F him.
		Okay.
		F him.
		All right, thank you.
		F you.
		Okay, do you want to talk to somebody else?
		911.
		Hey, can you clear your what?
		Excuse me?
		Hey, I need a help, sorry.
		Yeah, I need a help.
		Fuck.
		Hold on the line.
		I'll transfer you to help you.
		I'm going to transfer you to.
		911?
		Yeah, can you hear me, please?
		Okay, why do you keep calling 911?
		Because I need your help.
		okay well you can hang out Is there something to call you?
		Okay, screw it on a second.
		Fuck!
		Did you hear your wife?
	Fuck!
	Okay, what's up with this guy?
	I guess his car was impounded by somebody and he wants to report it stolen.
	Can you carry on?
	Yes.
	Can you carry on?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Can you carry on?
	What?
	Can you carry on?
	No.
	Okay.
	We.
	Okay.
	We're going to be so hard.
	Why are you doing this with your fucking car or what?
	You know what, you can just hang up on him.
	Hello?
	Yeah.
	How are you?
	Hang up on him.
	He's not listening, and we're taking care of it, so you can just hang up on him.
	Okay, and you guys are going to go out there?
	Yeah.
	Do you have a cell phone number?
	Unfortunately, yeah.
	Okay.
	Okay, you stay right.
	Unfortunately.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Unfortunately.
unidentified		I've been called like 40 times.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I know.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And every time it comes in, it'll come in pretty much on a different console, you know.
unidentified		Right.
		The best thing about this call that I love is that you hear how irate he is.
		And he's yelling and screaming and yelling and screaming.
		He wasn't at his house.
		He was at his girlfriend's house.
		So they couldn't, and he was on his cell phone.
		So they couldn't find him immediately.
		They got a call of a noise disturbance next door.
		And then when they arrived, they found him.
		He was yelling so loud that the neighbors called to complain, not knowing that he was calling the 911 people.
		So they called to complain about a noise disturbance, and that's how they found the guy.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I could occasionally make out the word truck.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And that was about it.
unidentified		Yeah, well, he was a very drunk Mexican.
unidentified		And apparently his car had been impounded a month ago, and he was calling now saying that someone had just stolen it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I see.
unidentified		So he probably came out of a blur and realized his truck wasn't there and just lit into the 911 operators.
		Those poor people.
		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They're going to squeeze one more in here, three guns and a blanket.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		Here is the.
		Hello?
		Is this the police department?
		Yes, it is.
		My name is George Brown.
		What can I do for you?
		I was walking through the party and two males chased me.
		They ran from under the blanket and chased me.
		Did they hurt you?
		Yes, they did.
		Are you bleeding?
		I don't know.
		I've been rich.
		Okay, we've got an officer and a policeman on the way.
		Is your sailor still around?
		No, I'm at home now.
		Should I take shower?
		No, don't do anything.
		Wait until the police officer gets there.
		Where are you?
		But I'm such a mess.
		There's a police officer on the way.
		I hope he's a nice officer.
		They're all very nice.
		What you want to have?
		Wait, wait.
		Is that all the information you need?
		You've got now.
		He's a tall man.
		What do you say?
		Do you know who attacked you?
		No, I don't.
		And you're home now?
		Yes, I am.
		And you're safe?
		I think so.
		Okay, what did your assailant look like?
		Um, they were both approximately six feet tall.
		Dark hair, both of them.
		That's all I remember.
		They were behind me.
		Okay.
		Okay, um, the officers are there now, so they'll text you.
		Thank you.
		Oh, God.
		They were behind me.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, they were all losing it down there.
		All right, Leland, hold it right there.
		We'll be right back.
		I'm Mark Bell.
		This is Coast to Coast AM from the high desert in the nighttime.
unidentified		I can see you lying back in your sadden dress.
		In a room where you do what you don't confess.
		Somewhere you better take care.
		That hanging creeping around, not that's it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, there's something about uh real life and even serious times in real life that uh that can be really funny, even though probably it ought not be funny.
		It is.
		I mean, that's just the way it is, if you have that kind of sense of humor.
		And I do.
		Okay, Leland.
		We've got a lot of them on here.
		What, pray tell, is Laser Beam?
unidentified		This is one of the calls from a lady who, when she calls, they all know her name.
unidentified		And she's complaining about her very, very, very, very, very mean neighbors.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Mean neighbors.
		A lot of people get in trouble with neighbors.
		Here we go.
unidentified		911.
		Yeah, they sat not back on my property.
		It needs to be stopped.
		What stuff needs to be stopped?
		These people follow hummingly on my property.
		What people are bothering you.
		The devil I used to live next door that moved out.
		Hmm, what are they doing?
		They ate one.
		You should see the hole they put in the side of my foot again.
		They put a hole in the side of your foot?
		Yes, they did.
		Hmm.
		How do they do that?
		They have a laser beam out here.
		They pop electricity and laser beams all the time.
		They're shooting laser beams out here.
		Yes, have been hitting me and they asked you.
		Listen, I want to see all this because they cannot hold my body.
		Kind of equipment are they using that they cup at it?
		Let's just say they have a laser beam, huh?
		They have a thing that they have around the leg of the table that has small bulbs on it to attach it, and that's how they pop electricity around.
		He said they have small bulbs or bulbs around it.
		Bulbs.
		You out the and then they have the laser beam attached to it and that's how they're shooting at your foot.
		Yes, they've been hitting me in the house too.
		Now my table report is they've been hitting me in the house, but then hitting my knees.
		Well, I mean, I hardly walk because he's not the hunger.
		You can see the size of the hole that they had put in the side of my foot.
		When I go to bed at night, they keep shooting that beam at me while I'm in my bed and hitting my foot that I can't even go to bed right away.
		So there's no place in the house you can go that the beams can't reach you?
		No, there isn't.
		I sit in the family room, I'm in my bedroom, and that night is dark at night.
		And your neighbors are doing this to you?
		They used to be in all the nights.
		They moved in to cause trouble.
		They moved out and they're still causing the trouble.
		Certainly don't live with you anymore.
		They never did live with me.
		I don't know the people.
		They moved in next door to cost home to me for that tramp that was after my husband.
		Oh.
		Your husband's dead, right?
		Yes, he is.
		That's.
		Okay.
		Okay.
		Well, we've been talking for 11 years or so, Carl.
		He told his people to stop bothering us all.
		He told them to stop bothering him.
		That's all he had to cancel.
		Okay, because he had the laser beans on him, too?
		Yes.
		Mm-hmm.
		They don't listen to nobody.
		Okay.
		They're on drugs.
		Okay, they're on drugs, and they think it won't be wealthy.
		Okay, well, we will tell them to stop it, okay?
		Oh, I'm arrested because I am on assault and battery charges, huh?
		You know what assault and battery is?
		Yes, I sure do.
		Well, police supposed to arrest people for assault and battery.
		Okay, very well.
	We'll go up there and look for them.
	Yeah, well, here you come out of your arrest.
	All right, thank you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		She was saying they were on drugs?
unidentified		Yeah.
		I was like, they put a hole inside of my foot.
		Shot me in the ass, too.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Shot me in the ass, too.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you know, the way you got to think about that is, suppose that was your neighbor.
unidentified		Yeah.
		Probably is.
		You know, that's why people don't get to know their neighbors anymore because they probably have laser beams all over the world.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They probably live in a strange world, don't we?
unidentified		Fortunately.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I guess for you.
unidentified		Yeah, and you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That is right.
unidentified		We're both doing okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I get some very strange people, but you know, I've learned over years, Leland, you know, a lot of talk show hosts would just flat blow a lot of people that I talk to right off the air.
		They'd never get to say two words.
		And I found out a long time ago that that was wrong.
		Right.
		It's like trying to judge a book by its cover.
		And you just can't do it.
		A lot of times there's really good stuff in there if you just listen.
		All right, Red Caddy.
unidentified		Okay, this is a cool one.
unidentified		This one took place in Poughkeepsie, New York, and it's extremely similar to Joe versus the Deer.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, really?
		Oh, yeah.
		All right.
unidentified		Here we go.
		You're crazy.
		Hello?
		Well, I need a man.
		We've gone up here.
		You do?
		I do.
		Don't f*** you.
		I let everything go out.
		And this change of deer into my power.
		Now I can take the deal and pay me the back seat.
		I'm going to take him get them fixed.
		You know what I'm saying?
		That's turned my power power there.
		Where's all this taking place?
		You know what a farm variety is?
		89 deep.
		The fog variety.
		I don't get catalog out here.
		This kind of shit.
		Where are you at?
		I can do a television board.
		Don't keep in the telephone booth down.
		You have to stand here, see ya.
		So where are you at?
		Anytime booth, you I told you.
		Where about?
		I told you where to find you.
		They said there were powers over here.
		Come on.
		You know them powers?
		Come on.
		By the mobile station.
		I did.
		I was in the gas station.
		Dog come back and carry me in the damn television booth.
		This one's not a smoker station?
		Let me see.
		I mean, yeah, that's where I lead to you, this kick my cat wing.
		I just take a quick in there to get him sick, you know what I'm saying?
		You couldn't have to take them home like that.
		No, I just came in.
		Grabbing out there.
		Hang in there and I'll send the car over.
		Send them by the way.
		Government shoots.
		Okay.
		Give him a night life and get him with the tie.
		Okay.
		We'll send the car over.
		Big man cat ladies.
		You can't put me in the back window now.
		Okay.
		Okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I couldn't understand a lot of that.
unidentified		It's a very bad quality, but the very best quality I could find.
unidentified		I actually got it from the Poughkeepsie Police Department.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Really?
unidentified		And the guy was calling that from a phone booth at a mobile station that turned out actually to be a Sonico station.
		He was in a red Cadillac.
		He hit a deer, put it in the back of his car.
		He was going to take the deer down and get it fixed, which I think he meant cooked up.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Cooked up, I see.
unidentified		And the deer kicked out the back window of his car.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I see.
		Actually, you know, some people think these are put-ons.
		Right.
		I've heard that from a number.
		But I've also read a number of legitimate Associated Press and UPI stories about this.
		This really did and has happened.
		People think these animals are dead, and they say load them in the car for some good venison.
		And about halfway home, they're not dead, and they're also not happy.
		So it really does happen.
unidentified		I remember I heard a story, or actually a friend of mine, well, a friend of mine, a guy I know, they were at the beach, and they saw a scorpion laying on a rock.
		And the scorpion, of course, wasn't moving.
		And they thought, oh, cool, scorpion's dead.
		Let's take it home.
		And of course, the scorpion was simply sunning himself.
		So they pick him up and they put him in a bag and they put him in the van and they're driving around.
		And of course, the scorpion wakes up because it's not getting any more sun.
		And he starts terrorizing everyone in the back of the van.
		But of course, when you have a group of people in a van at the beach picking up scorpions, they're not in the right frame of mind anyway, usually.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, let's try this one.
		Let's see if it's legible.
		This is called testing 123.
		Okay.
unidentified		Government, what are you reporting?
		This is a test.
		I have just purchased a MagnaBox mobile 911, and I was told to call you in order to check and make sure the unit is working.
		Okay, well, that's really not big what to do, but we'll let it go.
		Okay, thanks.
		Thank you.
		Bye.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's it, huh?
unidentified		A lot of people do stuff like that.
		Just they'll get a phone, they'll call 911.
		I've had people call and say, I'm just calling to see if it works.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, apparently his phone only could call 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They have phones, I think, like.
unidentified		Yeah, they do.
unidentified		They have phones that are just for 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Even if you have not activated service on a cellular phone, I believe that many of them will call 911.
		Right.
		And that's all they'll do.
unidentified		And a lot of problems with people in cell phones is that a lot of them have one-touch keypads or one-touch speed dials to go to 911.
unidentified		And if you don't activate the key guard on your phone and you put it in the back of your pocket and you go to like an Arkansas Razorbacks game and you're jumping up and down, your butt will start calling 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Your butt calls 911.
unidentified		Yeah.
		And the operator not only has to receive the call, realize that it's a non-responsive call.
		They have to disconnect and they have to call you back.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, another thing people forget to do?
		They forget to disconnect calls.
		I have talked to people in the past who were talking to me.
		You know, they were in the middle of a very serious meeting.
		I won't even say what it was.
		Very serious meeting.
		And they got out of the meeting for a minute and they called me to, you know, tell me what was going on.
		And they got called in quickly, shoved the phone in their pocket, and I couldn't even disconnect.
		So I sat there listening to this meeting.
		And these things happen, and that's how these people end up with gigantic sell bills that I cannot explain.
unidentified		Did you get any good insight or information?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		As a matter of fact, I surely did.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, I sat there and listened to the whole meeting.
unidentified		I bought Intel at six.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's right.
		All right, cooking people.
		What cooking people?
unidentified		Oh, this is another dastardly neighbor.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Dastardly neighbor.
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, neighbors.
unidentified		Here we go.
		Listen, I'm going to close from you a super call, okay?
		Oh, no, you're not.
		I know what you're doing.
		I know.
		You're sneaky.
		Let me tell you something.
		What?
		You've made me believe that the people down the stairs are cooking a human being.
		A what?
		Are cooking a human being.
		Okay.
		Okay, and I do what?
		Let me try for this one, please, okay?
		But she will like to cook.
		Somebody likes to change me like the cheap things.
		And as soon as you disappear, then I'll be cooking here.
		Okay.
		Okay.
		Sorry.
		Yeah.
		Uh, what's the banana?
		Um, my label downstream.
		Uh.
		Your label downstairs?
		Uh-huh.
		My label downstairs is about smell for a moment.
		I smell him smile.
		They say something about the sound of a little dress as well.
		I smell.
		No, it doesn't smell like a little bit.
		It doesn't smell like that.
		What do you think it is?
		Well, he's had about maybe, I mean, I might inspire some of these classes.
		Maybe they should have a new dress.
		Isn't that good?
		Okay, no, but he lives right downstairs.
		Okay, we'll check it out for you.
		We'll check it out.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Now, again, maybe it's my ears, but I had a hard time hearing that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Something about cooking.
unidentified		The downstairs neighbor are cooking a human being.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They're cooking a human being.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		And then the other lady calls, a different neighbor calls, and complains about the same thing.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Somebody's cooking.
unidentified		Some of their neighbor is cooking.
		She said, something smells weird.
		She said, what do you think it smells like?
		A person being cooked.
		Being cooked.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You don't happen to know how that came out, do you?
unidentified		A three-course meal, I think.
		No, I don't know the outcome of that call.
		Hopefully, it was a foreign dish.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that really could have been, as a matter of fact.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It is kind of odd, though, that two people would complain, not that most of us would understand what the smell of a cooking human being would be.
unidentified		Right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Just somehow alien enough, but that two people would come up with that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's pretty weird.
unidentified		Yeah, really.
unidentified		Unless it's like the Dahmer restaurant.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It's unfortunate, isn't it, that some of these just are not clearer.
		They have these people don't know.
		They have these giant reel-to-reel recorders that are going at an extremely slow speed.
		And so, of course, you can't get the sound quality that you want a lot of times.
unidentified		Right, and we even took them to an audio studio and worked on them as much as we could.
		And that's as good as it sounds.
		And those are just the way it is.
		Some of them come out better, like Joe vs.
		the Deer.
		They're recorded on different types of equipment.
		But like you said, most of them are these massive reel-to-reel tape players that go at extremely slow speeds.
		And, of course, a lot of times we'll get second or third generation tapes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, sure.
unidentified		But it's...
		Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.
		Like with the Poughkeepsie call, I was able to trace it back to where it came from exactly and found the person who took the call who happened to have had a dub from the original.
		But you can never really get, you know, you can never get the original.
		You can only get the best you can do is ever get a dub from the original.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		The first dub.
		Yes.
		I would imagine a lot of dispatchers, after they've had calls like this, go back themselves and get copies for their personal little library.
unidentified		Right.
		And then unfortunately, after six months, they destroy the original tapes.
		Right.
		So the best you can do is get a first generation.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		Here's something called sundown.
		Whatever that is.
unidentified		here we go So could you tell me what time the sun goes down?
unidentified		I'm not sure on that one here in just a second.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It sounded like he went ahead and tried to find out.
unidentified		He tried to find out, yeah.
		And he probably did.
		There's a lot of calls, like you said, if they have time and they'll look around and see what time it is.
		We had so many people call for things like that during the big earthquakes in California.
		Had a huge series of people calling saying, when's the next earthquake?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		When is the next?
unidentified		When is the next earthquake?
		We had one guy that called every five minutes saying, when's the next earthquake going to happen?
		She said, sir, we don't have that kind of information.
		He'd call back.
		You guys have got to know.
		You're the 911 center, right?
		Yeah.
		Well, you've got to know when's the next earthquake.
		She said, sir, we really don't know.
		We really can't tell when the next earthquake is going to be.
		He kept calling back.
		Finally, the operator said, he said, when's the next earthquake?
		She said, it's going to be in five minutes.
		Hold on.
		You know?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, it takes a village.
unidentified		Yeah, it does.
		There was one call that I really liked that's in the book that unfortunately couldn't get on the audio.
		There's a lot of them that are in the book, What's the Number for 911 Again?
		And of course, the first one that I never could get the audio for.
		But there was a call where an elderly lady called 911, and the operator said, 911, what's your emergency?
		And she said, you know, honey, I hate to bother you, but I'm an invalid, and my home health care nurse hasn't shown up today, and I can't move.
		Do you think you could send a man over and help turn me in the bed so I don't get bed sores?
		And the operator said, well, certainly, ma'am.
		You know, we understand.
		We'll send someone out to take care of you.
		Could you tell me how long you've been bedridden?
		And the woman got very angry and said, excuse me?
		She said, I just need to know how long you've been bedridden, ma'am.
		And the lady said, well, if you must know, not in 20 years since my husband was alive.
		They think it's going to be a heartwarming story, but not when I'm involved.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my goodness.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You must, I think we said it earlier, but you must have an awful lot of deep throat type people who feed you this stuff.
unidentified		Right, yeah.
unidentified		I've got people from New York, California, Utah, Tennessee, sort of like different points in the United States.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		How does somebody contact you if they have something?
unidentified		Well, the best way to do it is if you go to the website at wacky911.com, you can scroll down to the bottom of the screen, and there it says for press information, contact Leland.
		And if you click on that, it goes right to my email.
		And if you've got information about good 911 stories or if you have audio from 911 stories, the best way to get in touch with me is through the website, wacky911.com.
		Go to the bottom of the page, click on my name.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You want to do a little more?
unidentified		Sure.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, then a little more lies ahead.
		We'll take a break here at the top of the hour and be right back with Leland Gregory.
		People do do the darndest things, don't they?
		From the high desert, I'm Art Bell, and this is Coast to Coast, a.m.
		Roaring through the night, kind of like a freight train in the night.
		That's us.
unidentified		The End Once again, here is Leland Gregory.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Leland, you're back on the air again.
unidentified		Sure.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And let's proceed with what we've got here.
unidentified		All right.
unidentified		Do you have one called Itchy Legs?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		As a matter of fact, I do.
unidentified		There you have it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hunt number 18, and I'm there.
unidentified		All right.
unidentified		This is a very interesting call.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
unidentified		Itchy legs.
		Look, My legs itch so bad.
		I think I'm going to go crazy.
		Okay, your legs itch very bad?
		Are you missing it today?
		I can't.
		All right now.
		My legs are itching so bad.
		Uh-huh.
		They're driving me crazy.
		Hey, would you like to speak with the parameters?
		I would like to speak to them, please.
		Thank you.
		Here, let me talk to you.
		Hold on, please.
		Fire emergency?
		Hello, Matt.
		This is the fire department.
		Fire department?
		I have no fire.
		I have no fire.
		Okay, you need paramedics.
		Excuse me.
		Do you need paramedics?
		I don't know what I need for pedimatics.
		I don't know.
		What's the problem?
		My legs.
		My legs are itching something terrible.
		It's been that way for two, three days now.
		Okay, how's your breathing?
		My breathing's fine.
		My legs itch me something terrible.
		A rash on it?
		A rash, that's right.
		I've been to the doctor and I...
		Do you understand?
		Uh-huh.
		I'm not going crazy.
		I have all my marbles.
		What is that?
		Okay, are you nauseous or have you been vomiting?
		Excuse me, please.
		Are you nauseous or have you been vomiting?
		No, no vomiting.
		Nothing like that.
		I just don't.
		I just want my legs.
		Okay.
		I need you to answer a couple questions.
		Are you pale, cool, or sweaty?
		Am I what?
		Are you pale, cool, or sweaty?
		No, no, nothing like that.
		Just my legs.
		Is there any pain with that?
		Any pain?
		Uh-huh.
		Just a very bad itch.
		Okay, we'll be right there, okay?
		Now, look, I don't want to spend a lot of money on handlings and things like that, because anything so my legs itch me very bad.
		That's fine.
		You can tell the paramedics when they get there, okay?
		All right, thank you.
	Okay, bye-bye.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		My poor guy.
unidentified		Is there any pain?
		Just a terrible itch.
		My legs itch.
		Yeah.
		It's been very interesting doing the whole 911 thing and getting into audio.
		The next project that I'm working on is called The Wacky Hits of the Web.
		We've been scouring the entire World Wide Web looking for the funniest audio on different people's sites, personal audio, radio audio, and we're putting together a new CD because no one has the time to do what I do, which is sit and look for stupid audio on the computer all day.
		So we're putting out a new CD fairly soon called The Wacky Hits of the Web, and it's got some extremely funny stuff on it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, you might want to look into some sound clips that we've put up over the years with a fellow who calls me called JC.
		Cool.
		You might want to listen to a few of those cuts.
unidentified		Well, that's what I was going to say.
		If anyone out there in your audience knows of good sites that have funny audio, if you could just go to wacky911.com and click on my name at the bottom and give me the link, I would really appreciate it because it's going to be hopefully one of several volumes.
		We're going to get radio stations involved.
		It's going to be just a lot of fun because, I mean, hang up phone calls, answering machines.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		The web is going to be filled.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It's going to be a rich resource.
		Yeah.
		There are people out there, Leland, who have websites and make crank calls.
		Right.
		They call celebrities.
		And somehow, no matter how you try, I've changed my phone number probably a dozen times.
		Easily, more.
		And somehow your phone number always gets out.
		I have no idea how it happens.
unidentified		I've been selling it.
unidentified		I've been selling it on eBay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's probably how it happens, actually.
		And you get these crank calls, and no matter how you respond to them, they end up on websites.
		Right.
		So it's a weird, strange world out there today.
unidentified		Very, very odd.
unidentified		And hopefully we're tapping into it, you and I. I guess.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Or they're tapping into us.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
unidentified		Well, there you go.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		Gee, I've got Black Magic.
		I've got Locked In Assault.
		What's Assault with Batteries?
unidentified		Oh, that's a very interesting call where a woman doesn't know how to put batteries in her fan.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		In her fan?
unidentified		Yes, of course.
		She has one of those little portable desk fans.
		Yeah.
		So she calls 9-11.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So she calls 911.
unidentified		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Here we go.
unidentified		Hi, Ma'am.
		Can I help you?
		Yes.
		Would you tell me how to put batteries in my little fan here?
		It says I have a AA batteries, and on here it says one AA plus, and on the bottom says plus AA1.
		Okay.
		How do I do that?
		Well, did you open up the back where the batteries go in?
		I can hear you.
		Did you open it up where the batteries go in?
		Yes.
		Okay, is there any directions as far as which one, because do you see where the plus is?
		I see where it's a little round for wires.
		Okay, now hold on one second, okay?
		Hold up.
		Put it in your tape.
		Okay, are you having trouble putting them in the right way?
		Yes, I am.
		I don't know how to put them in.
		Okay.
		Well, why don't you try putting them in, make sure that the...
		Right.
		That should be where it says plus.
		Yeah.
		So wherever it says plus, that should be where the bump is.
		Okay, and the top one says one AA plus.
		Okay, does it take one or two batteries?
		Two.
		Two batteries?
		Yes, and the one at the bottom says plus A1.
		And the battery has a plus on it, and the other battery has a plus on it.
		Well, the plus is referring to the side of the battery, like the top part where the bump is.
		I see.
		Put them In the same way?
		Put them in exactly the same way.
		It's not going to work.
		Take them out and switch them around and see if that works.
		Okay.
		All right.
		Thank you, ma'am.
		Oh, you're so welcome.
		God bless you.
		Okay, God bless you, too.
		Bye-bye.
		Bye-bye.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That lady deserves a medal.
unidentified		God bless you, too.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		She was really sweet.
unidentified		They're really good people, and as you know, working in 911.
unidentified		But these are the kind of calls they get.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, but that was sweet.
unidentified		Gotta watch some batteries in my fan.
		Well, that's the plus is the bump.
		I mean, double A1.
		I think she meant AA minus.
		That's right.
		So that's the kind of calls the 911 dispatchers get, and God bless them.
		They deserve medals.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, Bob Crane of the C-Crane Company, he's a good friend of mine, and he runs an electronic company.
		And you can imagine with some fairly sophisticated electronics getting out there, some of the calls they get.
		He's got a collection of classics.
		In fact, you might want to contact him.
unidentified		Well, I would do that.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He's got some real beautes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Also, people who answer phones for helping people with computers.
unidentified		Right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hard, hard job.
unidentified		If you can give me his name, maybe just email it to me when you get a shot.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Really a hard job.
unidentified		Cool.
		It's been a lot of fun delving into the whole 911 society.
		And like I said, the people are great.
		They're very patient, very understanding, and very professional people that deal with people that are kind of in the shallow end of the gene pool.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, they also deal with people who are, well, yes, in the shallow end of the gene pool.
		and others who are just in a panic over something or another and uh...
		and and some of them Right.
		All right, black magic.
unidentified		Well, do you have one about a snake?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Let's see, about a snake, yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, snake in hand, yes.
unidentified		There you go.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's a funny one.
		All right, going back to snake in hand.
		You ready?
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Here we go.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Snake in hand.
unidentified		Stop my son, and she won't let go.
		So is it a snake?
		Yes.
		And it's around your son?
		She's got his finger, and she keeps wrapping around him, and I can't get her off of him.
		I can't get her to release her hold.
		Okay, so it's a python, and he's got a hold of the hand, and it's around the rest of the boy.
		She's on his index finger.
		Okay.
		He keeps wrapping around his arm, and as soon as I get part of her off of him.
		So do you just need, do you need paramedics or do you just need some big, strong men to help you?
		I can't get her to release her hold.
		Okay.
		Is she hurting his finger?
		Yes.
		She's got a good grip on him.
		We're going to need some business real big.
		How old's the boy?
		He's 16.
		Okay, hang on just a minute.
		Okay.
		How big is the snake?
		He's about five feet long.
		Okay.
		What did you do?
		You just put your hand in there and she got you?
		He said, no better than to try to get her when she was.
		I can't.
		I don't know how.
		Ma'am, is he just on the arm, the snake?
		It's not on any other part of his body.
		It's on his finger.
		It's on his finger.
		And it's wrapped around his arm.
		Uh-huh.
		Okay, we do have them on the way.
		It's bad.
		Whoa, is my finger.
		Oh.
		Yeah, she's got it pretty good.
		Is that him I can hear?
		Yeah.
		I told you we should sell her.
		I'm not laughing.
		Send him the paramedic to get her off of you.
		He's fed her.
		And he reached in to pick her up.
		Has it ate lately?
		He just fed her.
		He just barely ate.
		Yeah, and that's why, because she won't eat.
		She's only eating mice.
		She not only eats this.
		She can eat five or six of them at a time.
		And he only fed her one.
		Oh, but she's so hungry.
		Yeah, she's very hungry.
		He stuck his hand in the tank and she reached up and got him.
		She's got a good hold on him.
		I can't tie her mouth loose.
		She's better relaxed.
		Relax.
		Try to.
		Uh, just enough for you to say that you're a little bit different.
	You can't just go there.
	You can't see her.
	Her mouth is waiting for her mouth.
	Okay, they are on their way.
	Isn't she releasing it all or not releasing it?
	I can't get her mouth off of...
	She's just...
	She's...
	She's caught.
	She's released.
	She's off him?
	Yeah.
	Oh, good.
	Okay, they should be getting real close.
	Yeah, they're here.
	Okay, I'll go ahead and let you go.
	Okay, thank you.
	Oh, bye.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Bye.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You could hear this poor kid in the background.
unidentified		Oh!
		He's got my finger.
		It's not funny.
		I'm not laughing.
		And this is the way she starts berating him.
		I knew we should have told her.
		You shouldn't have put your hand in there.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, brother.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		But very professional.
unidentified		Five-foot python latched on her child.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, cops deal with snakes all the time.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I watch the show Cops a lot, and they've shown a lot of calls where cops have gone to people's backyards, and they have these gigantic snakes.
unidentified		Right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And believe me, cops are like regular people, and a lot of cops, they don't like snakes.
unidentified		They don't like cops.
unidentified		You don't like snakes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They don't like snakes at all.
		All right.
		Listen, you've got one on the end here.
		I'm afraid to even ask you about this.
		It says not on CD, Art Bell only.
		Does that mean Art Bell after the show when we're not on the air?
unidentified		No, no, no.
		You can play it.
		It's just a silly little call about 911.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Really?
		Okay, let me see.
		As long as...
		There's only 20 on here.
		So is it number 20?
unidentified		I guess so.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Okay, let's see.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I, with some hesitance, press the button.
unidentified		I'm calling DT-1868 to see if I'll be out there.
		Hey, silly blonde, how are you doing tonight?
		Good.
		Good, good.
		Hey, I need to know about the savings that I get on your emergency plan there.
		All right.
		Want to know, sir?
		Can you speak into the phone?
		Talk to me.
		I can't understand you.
		Okay, what is that information that you want to know?
		Well, on your emergency plan, you know that I need to know the savings on that there.
		10-10-911.
		What, you know, for savings on the emergency calls?
		10-10-9-1-1.
		Yeah, for savings on all my emergency calls.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		What's the savings on that?
unidentified		What calling what, 911?
		Yeah, it's savings for 911 calls.
		I don't understand, but 911 is already free, sir.
		Why do you want to use the rack?
		It's not free, damn it.
		It's 75 cents a charge.
		911?
		Yep.
		What are you calling damn it?
		Huh?
		Will you call me damn it?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You, you silly blonde?
unidentified		So how much can I save?
		You cannot save nothing, sir.
		Excuse me?
		Yes, sir.
		You can't save nothing.
		No.
		So you guys think it's worthless?
		Hello?
		Yeah, there?
		Yeah.
		Okay, so what?
		Do I call another company or something?
		Yes, sir.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		They'll stick into 75 cents a charge.
unidentified		I want it for free.
unidentified		You were talking about prank phone calls, so we thought I'd add that to your collection.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Not absolutely.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It had to be one.
unidentified		Oh, yeah, it was.
		You silly blonde.
		How?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You know, and she hung in there.
unidentified		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Unbelievable.
unidentified		Who are you calling, damn it?
unidentified		Yeah.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, how long does it take you to put together a full CD that, you know, and then a book to go with it?
unidentified		The CDs take probably about a year to put together.
		It's just very, very, very difficult to get audio clips from 911 calls.
		The books take less time because I can go to legitimate news sources like newspapers and go to the search engines on their internet site and go through all the stories that have 911 in it.
		Fortunately, I've made a lot of friends with dispatchers now, and they'll send me their favorite stories.
		A lot of them can send me transcripts from the CAD recording, even though the tapes have been destroyed.
		So I can get lots of actual transcripts.
		So putting the book together is a lot easier than putting the CD together.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I think criminals are going to be a truly rich area for you as well.
unidentified		I hope so.
		And that's putting in the fall of next year I should have out my new book called Stupid Criminal Tricks.
		And then the year after that, I've got the 2003 911 calendar coming out, which will be a collection from the CDs and the two books.
		Also working on something very actually serious, a 911 educational initiative that I'm putting together with the Metropolitan Education Department in Nashville.
		We're going to take 911 awareness and proper usage to pre-K and kindergarten and develop a curriculum that will carry through to junior high school.
		Hopefully we'll go nationwide.
		We're looking at starting it here as a test site.
		So if anyone has any information about 911 for educational purposes for kindergarten, please send me some information.
		Let me know if there's any programs out there already that we can emulate or help enhance.
		They can reach me again through the website wacky911.com.
		Go down to the bottom of the page and click on my name.
		So we're putting them out in the schools.
		It should be out in the school systems.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's very important.
		And also the toll-free number again is 1-800-617-7792.
		1-800-617-7792.
		Leland, I've got to split.
		I've got a little breaking news I've got to verify.
		So I want to thank you again for being here.
unidentified		Thanks a lot, my friend.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Good night.
unidentified		Take care of yourself.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's Leland Gregory.
		I'm Art Bell.
		This is Coast to Coast AM.
		And there is some breaking news that I need to verify, and we'll get back to you in a moment.
		right where you are.
unidentified		It's everywhere I go.
		So keep it really low.
		Come on and let it show.
		I look at you all.
		See the lover that's sleeping while my guitar gently weeps.
		I look at the floor and I see it sweeping.
		Still, my guitar gently weeps.
		I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love.
		I don't know how someone controlled you.
		They bore them so of you.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I look at the world and I know this is turning while my guitar gently we well I've got the breaking news, I'm sorry to say.
		Every mistake George Harrison has died.
		George Harrison, the lead guitarist in the astonishing 1960s cultural phenomenon known as the Beatles, died on Thursday at age 58.
unidentified		I don't know how.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Harrison passed away at a friend's house in Los Angeles after a battle with cancer.
		Harrison provided lead guitar, sometimes energetic, sometimes moving in the Beatles' many hits, while evolving into a songwriter in his own right who would deliver some of the band's best-known tunes.
		Despite his success, his career and talent were frequently eclipsed by the shadows of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, known as the quiet one, the shy one, I guess, serious one, the sad one, not a Lennon, not a McCartney, but Harrison was so much an influence on music of the Beatles.
		His contribution to the success of the world's most famous group cannot be underestimated.
		He was the man who, egged on by his first wife, Patty Boyd, brought Indian mysticism and meditation to the fab four.
		He was the man whose rockabilly playing on lead guitar underpinned all those early Beatle hits and whose wistful lyrical style later forged the psychedelic sound of the late 60s.
		His life had many contradictions.
		George Harrison gone at 58.
		Just seems incredible.
		I don't know.
		There's a lot of things lately, it seems like, that just slam us all, affect us all.
		And, you know, like many of you, I am 56, soon 57.
		I'm right in that exact age group where the Beatles were a gigantic influence on me.
		Just a gigantic influence.
		And they still are.
		I guess that's the thing about music and books.
		They remain.
		But there's just this giant sense of loss, you know, when somebody like George Harrison passes away.
		Lenin, I just, I don't know, kind of puts me in shock.
		And I guess it reminds us all of our own mortality.
		And so that's probably part of it.
		But it's so much more than that in this case.
		You know, it means so much to me.
		Music all my life has meant more to me than I can possibly tell you.
		Before I did talk radio, I, of course, was in music radio for all of my adult life.
		All of my adult life.
		And so I grew up with the Beatles, and I'm sure a lot of you did, too.
		This is really sad news.
		Really sad news.
		He wasn't afraid of death, you know.
		He lived his life that way.
		He just simply wasn't afraid of it.
		But a great man.
		And I don't know what you say about the Beatles.
		They changed everything.
		Musically, they changed everything.
		And music, to some degree, makes the world go round.
		Without music, it wouldn't be the same world, would it?
		So, George Harrison gone at 58.
		I'm Mark Owen.
		We'll be right back.
		Okay, so we'll do open lines.
		Oh, this is terrible news.
unidentified		This is really terrible news.
unidentified		This kind of thing, I don't know.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		It just strikes at the center of you.
		George Harrison, how can George Harrison be gone?
		I think most of us knew he was ill.
		But it's like a little piece of you, you know, it's like a little something of you gets ripped out when you hear it.
		But we're all mortal.
		we're all going 58th kind of early.
		Houston, the Rockies, you're on the air.
		Hello.
unidentified		Hello, Art.
		This is Wade.
		Calling you from Louisville, Kentucky.
		Listening to you on WTAM.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Yeah, I heard it on the Cleveland radio about 3.30 about George Harrison dying.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Right.
unidentified		And, you know, I'm kind of young.
		I'm 27.
		But I was deeply appreciative of George Harrison's music.
		I still mostly listen to older style music, you know, from Zeppelin and on.
		But Harrison had a really deep, deep passion about his music.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Sure, he did.
unidentified		And it's a real shame.
		He was funny.
		You know, I just read two or three days ago on an ed where they told he was in L.A. getting some experimental treatments.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		That's right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Actually, he was getting a kind of a last-ditch treatment.
unidentified		Yeah, and that they had brought in Paul and Ringo.
		I came in to see him just last week.
		They knew that things were not looking good.
		So, but, you know, they've told that before, and I was like, yeah, it's just rumor on the rimmerama.
		Yeah.
		But, yeah, this is just one thing after another and stuff.
		But, yeah, he's going to be sorely missed, and I hope there's a lot of tributes for him in the next few days.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, there will be.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
unidentified		They've already started this morning.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you can depend on it.
		There will be.
		It's like they were so important to everybody that I don't even know what to say.
		Thank you very much, sir.
unidentified		Okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Take care.
		It was just, it's like a piece of your life is gone.
		Same thing with Lenin.
		I just went into a deep shock.
		How could it be?
		You know, such talented people, so young.
		There always was the dream, you know, of their getting back together, and there always were the rumors, and it almost happened, you know.
		But maybe it's as well that it did not.
		Maybe it never would have been the same.
		Who knows?
		Maybe they were wise in the end not to have done that.
		I don't know.
		It's kind of worth considering a little bit, you know, what somebody like George Harrison means to all of us and why it rips at us in this manner.
		And I think it's because music is so much an important part of life.
		Life would not be the same without music, would it?
		There wouldn't be the same moments and the same joy and feeling.
		And, you know, it's just one of those joyful things in life.
		There's a lot of pain.
		There's a lot of pain in life.
		That's what it is.
		It's a big test, and there's a lot of pain.
		And music is one of the things that removes that for you.
		And they were at the very center of the very best that changed everything.
		Idle thoughts.
		West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
unidentified		Hello.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hi.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Turn your radio off, please.
unidentified		Yeah, hit the power button.
unidentified		It took a minute for it to go off.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Yes, thank you.
		Yeah, it's off.
		Okay.
		Go ahead.
		Oh.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You're on the air.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		We just put you right on the air.
unidentified		Go ahead.
		Oh, okay.
		Sorry, I didn't recognize your voice.
		You don't sound the same as on the radio.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		I've been told that.
unidentified		Okay.
		Yeah, let me cheer you up a little bit, Ark.
		God loves you, and I love you, bro.
		This is Patrick in Kingman, Arizona.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		And God wrote a book through me after I'd spent several years of meditating and praying in the wilderness.
unidentified		I wonder if I might give some of that information on the air tonight.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, in the sense that I don't let people read from the Bible, sir, I would hesitate to do it.
unidentified		Oh, no, I don't want to read anything.
		I just want to give the name of the book and how to find it on the web.
		How to find it on the Internet.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		So it's a web book?
unidentified		No, I'm selling it in manuscript form.
unidentified		I'm just advertising it on the Internet.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I see.
		Well, unfortunately, you've hit the other thing I don't let people do, and I will explain to you why if you'll listen.
		I used to let people give out web addresses.
		You know, I used to be very free about that.
		And I thought, well, it's okay if people want to give a web address or something.
		So I'm terribly sorry, but I can't let you do it because I got burned several times.
		Unfortunately, until you thoroughly check out a web address, now you're welcome to supply it to me in email privately, and then I can check it out.
		But people gave out some URLs that went to some pretty nasty websites, you know, and it got on the air, and so I just decided, as a blanket policy, I'm not going to let people give out URLs on the air.
		And I hope you understand, but I don't want to lead people to some pretty terrible places on the web.
		First on caller line, you're on the air.
unidentified		Hello.
unidentified		Yes, Art.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		How are you?
unidentified		Well, hmm.
unidentified		This is Matt from Texas.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Has anybody called you this week about seeing the northern lights from Oklahoma on last Friday morning?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yes.
		As I've been telling my audience, sir, the sun is going totally bananas.
		The northern lights have been coming very far south.
		We've been having intense, incredible geomagnetic storms, very severe geomagnetic storms.
		So I've got some photographs of it, and it was a blood-red sky.
unidentified		Yeah, I went out hunting about 5 o'clock in the morning, and the entire north sky was just deep red.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yep.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yep.
unidentified		It was incredible.
unidentified		I've just been talking about wanting to see that, going up from India, Canada and wanting to see that, and it was nice to see it that morning.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Did you know what you were seeing right away, or did you think it was a fire?
unidentified		No, I knew what it was because it was off the horizon, and it was just like in the movies when they show the heavens, all the different colors.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
unidentified		And you can tell that it's separate from the ground.
		It's not emitting from the ground.
		It's coming from the sky.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, it is something to behold.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		In fact, several months ago, it got so severe that our sky here in southern Nevada turned blood red and as far down as Mexico.
unidentified		Yeah, it's incredible to see it that far south.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		What's occurring is really quite something to behold, sir.
unidentified		Yes, it is.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Thank you.
		Take care.
		It is.
		And as my guest the other night said, and as I've been telling you actually for years, I am absolutely convinced that the activity on the sun is having a great effect on our magnetic field, and that's having an effect on us.
		So in other words, put another way, the sun's activity is having a profound effect on human activities.
		And things are certainly quickening, and things are certainly pretty wild out there right now.
		And that will continue while this sun cycle continues out of control.
		A wild Carline, you're on the air.
		Hello.
unidentified		Hello, Art.
		Art, I've got two words that will make a lot of the cloning opponents think twice.
		And the second two words that could even make Ashcroft think twice.
		And the first two words, well, they're self-explanatory because I'm talking about creativity and spirituality on parallel.
		And the first two words are George Harrison.
		And that wouldn't convince Ashcroft, but I've got something for him, too.
		And those two words are national security.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, well, even the words George Harrison don't convince me.
		I don't know.
		Listen, I'm thinking really hard about this.
		I think this cloning issue is so serious.
		And I know that it would make sense to be able to bring somebody like George back to have another George Harrison or another John Lennon or another.
		Oh, there are so many great minds and talents that we could imagine calling back to Earth through cloning, but no?
		I feel it's wrong.
		I think cloning is wrong.
		I see where it can go.
		I see where it will inevitably go.
		I don't know that my feelings are going to stop it.
		Probably nothing is going to stop it, but we are going to make a terrible, terrible mistake if we proceed.
		It's never stopped us before, has it?
		We built the bomb.
		We used the bomb.
		We have stockpiles of the bomb.
		We've not blown ourselves yet off the face of the earth, but it's still possible.
		And they went ahead.
		And cloning might be in that category.
		If cloning gets out of control, no matter how well-intentioned to bring back the George Harrisons and maybe the Kennedys and all the rest of it, not worth it.
		Not worth it.
		And not right.
		And there's just something wrong with it.
		And maybe that's my age showing, but I don't think so.
		Mark my words.
		West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
unidentified		Well, hello, Art.
		Long time.
		Howdy.
		lady of Connecticut?
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yes, oh, yes, it has been a long time.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Tonight, when I was listening to that man with that program about that foreign guy walking through the park, and he got raped by them guys.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, he's sad.
unidentified		Yeah, but listening to those women laughing in the background, I know that if I was a raped victim and I heard men in the back on 911 laughing like that, I'd be even more devastated.
unidentified		And when I was in the Air Force in Alexandria station, their brother Airman was hitchhiking the base, and he got raped, and it traumatized him so bad that it destroyed his life.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, it may have been a very serious thing.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Again, I say, and I said when I heard it too, sometimes.
unidentified		I think we're at the time of where it's written about that there was so much wickedness in the world that men couldn't think of like the cloning issue.
		Is it going to come down to the clones versus the uncloned?
		Like who's more evolved?
		And I'd hate to be a clone and know that they're going to come at 4 o'clock to get my leg for somebody else.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, we're just, I said again, I think if we proceed, we're making a terrible, terrible mistake.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Just really a bad mistake.
unidentified		And them red skies, we had them up here in Alaska, too.
unidentified		They were awesome, and I've never seen anything like it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I bet it's been quite a year for the lights up there.
unidentified		Yes, sir.
unidentified		Well, I love you, and you have a good holiday.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Thank you very much, and take care.
		And hopefully we'll hear from you before the holiday.
		You know, the police, you've got to understand the average person really does not understand the police and 911 workers.
		The pressure and the life and death situations that you deal with on a regular daily basis really wear on you.
		I mean, really wear on you.
		They make officers cynical.
		It makes dispatchers cynical.
		And occasionally, they blow off steam.
		You know, even if something doesn't seem funny to the average person, it hits somebody in law enforcement in a very different way.
		And it's a kind of a defensive mechanism that sometimes they laugh.
		First time call our line, you're on the air.
unidentified		Hi, Art.
		Hello.
		This is Cynthia from Northern California.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Hi, Cynthia.
unidentified		And I guess this is not the right kind of call, but I got through.
		But I want to tell you about your experiment.
		I tried it.
		About their shadow people and beans and saying, in the name of Art Belle, be gone.
		Oh, no.
		Really?
		Yes, I did.
		See, we have sort of a beam here in our home.
		And it's so regular that we're kind of used to it by now.
		And I thought I would try it.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		In the name of Art Belle, be gone?
unidentified		Be gone.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And what happened?
		It's not a good idea.
		I imagined that all along.
unidentified		I tried it.
		And the next day, and the next night, actually, we had events all over through the house.
		Obviously, you're not a good exorcism.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		And I have never represented myself to be, ma'am.
		It was a mistake.
		And if you had called me before and said you were going to do that, I would have warned you against it.
unidentified		Well, it was just a ghost.
		It appears to be just a cat that likes to roam the halls.
		And I thought, what could a cat do?
		Well, we had an entire shelf of dishes that were totally trashed.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
		A cat can do a lot of things.
		Did you hear that lady with the cat earlier?
unidentified		Mm-hmm.
unidentified		And I feel sorry for the cat.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		He always felt the same way.
unidentified		Can I say something terrible?
unidentified		Maybe she should have been put down.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well.
unidentified		Take her out of the cat's misery.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		Well, if I were the cat, I'd have considered running away.
unidentified		Yes.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		If the door was open, I'd be out of there.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		All right, well, listen, thank you.
unidentified		Okay.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		You take care.
unidentified		All right.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		George Harrison gone at 58.
art bell ▲ ● ▼		From the high desert.

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