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Nov. 29, 2001 - Art Bell

02:34:32

Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell - Leland Gregory - More Wacky 911 Calls

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	♪♪ From the high desert and the great American Southwest,
	I bid you good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you may be across this great globe of ours, all 24
	time zones.
	This, of course, is Coast to Coast AM, and I'm Art Bell.
	This hour, we're going to be into open lines.
	Anything you want to talk about will be fair game, that's for sure.
	Just a couple of items for you, and then we'll dive into open lines.
	Next hour, the return of Leland Gregory.
	Leland Gregory.
	And he has got some fun-y stuff, I'll tell you.
	He's got a book called, What's the Number for 911?
	And as you know, I was a 911 operator for, I don't know, a year.
	Until I finally decided that my life couldn't handle it, and I couldn't handle the stress of the real life and death situations.
	Talk radio's a lot easier.
	Well, you know, a lot of funny stuff happens, too.
	A lot of it isn't talked about, but Leland Gregory will.
	That'll be next hour.
	At this hour, let me just update you on... Oh!
	Oh boy.
	Do I have a ghost photograph for you.
	Now, I get sent ghost photographs by... I mean just tons and tons and tons of ghost photographs.
	But this one is a Class A, Triple A winner.
	This one's gonna blow you away.
	It's a man in Indonesia.
	O'Brien Kane sent this to us.
	And...
	It's a man who was alone when they took the picture in Indonesia out, you know, out in the woods it looks like.
	And you can clearly see he's just standing there, and behind him... Oh my goodness, behind him... You tell me what this is.
	It clearly is not...
	It's not fully formed.
	It's almost fully formed.
	It's a woman.
	I make it a woman with long hair.
	There are no legs.
	She's only sort of, I would say, eight-tenths there.
	This is a hot ghost photo.
	I've seen a lot of ghost photos.
	Hundreds of ghost photos, maybe.
	And this one's hot.
	So, how do you get to it?
	You go to artbell.com.
	And you click on what's new, it'll say Ghost in Indonesia?
	Click on that and you tell me this one is something else.
	It gave me the chills when I looked at it.
	and I dissect an awful lot of ghost pictures and I reject 99.9% of them as explainable
	one way or the other.
	You know, as some sort of camera anomaly or the camera strap is a frequent problem or
	you know there are all kinds of reasons that I reject ghost photos but I'm telling you,
	man I'm telling you this one is something else.
	See if you agree with me.
	Stop on my website right now at Artbell.com I'd be very interested in your feedback.
	President Bush strongly is defending US authorization of military tribunals and the questioning
	of Middle Easterners in the US.
	He said quote, we're an open society but we're at war end quote.
	We'll act with fairness and we'll deliver justice which is some far bit more than the
	terrorists ever grant to their innocent victims.
	Thank you.
	You know, there's been a lot of criticism of his anti-terror tactics, but as he said, my God, folks, we're at war.
	We really are at war.
	So they're doing what they have to do.
	Their job, the government's job, is to protect us.
	That's one of the reasons you shell out the tax dollars, you know, to be protected.
	And I understand they're getting a little close to Fourth Amendment problems, and I understand the criticism, but I don't agree with it.
	You know, we are at war.
	That is not a trivial saying or thing.
	It's very serious, and we really are at war, so... Oh, well.
	Kandahar's outskirts saw heavy fighting today.
	That's where it's coming down to Kandahar.
	As anti-Taliban fighters and the hardline militia clash, a key commander said, meanwhile, it is being declared a decisive battle, or what will be a decisive battle, has now begun.
	The Northern Alliance's Deputy Defense Minister told the Associated Press that anti-Taliban fighters reached the eastern edge of Kandahar with heavy fighting going on.
	Witnesses reported heavy bombing around the southern city, so it looks like it's all now coming down to Kandahar.
	And maybe this part of the war will soon be over.
	Talks are going on with regard to Afghanistan's political future, with the Northern Alliance dropping its rejection of international security forces, moving closer to a power-sharing agreement to end the Afghan suffering.
	How do you all feel about rebuilding Afghanistan?
	Now, my first complaint would be that it was mostly rubble before we began.
	I don't know.
	I mean, we always do that.
	We always rebuild countries at some point after we go to war with them.
	Didn't really occur in Vietnam, though, did it?
	We really didn't go and rebuild Vietnam.
	But generally, in wars, the U.S.
	has gone in and rebuilt.
	And they're talking about it now, and I don't know.
	I really don't know.
	The Security Council unanimously approved a resolution today extending The U.N.
	humanitarian program in Iraq, setting the stage for an overall vote of U.N.
	sanctions against Baghdad next year.
	So, you know, that's probably where all this is going to move.
	It's probably going to focus on Iraq after Afghanistan.
	That's just my guess.
	I don't know that for sure.
	NASA called off today's launch of space shuttle Endeavour to the International Space Station because ...of danger from a Russian supply ship.
	Get that?
	Hanging from the orbiting outpost, the unmanned Russian ship had arrived at the space station yesterday, but failed to attach itself securely.
	NASA feared the forces exerted by the arriving shuttle would cause the supply ship to wobble, perhaps damaging the space station.
	I don't know whether you've heard this or not, and I have no way of knowing whether this is true, but somebody writes me, I thought you'd like to know what happened in a small town north of Bakersfield, California.
	It's a pretty interesting story, and of course it relates to the events in New York, Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon.
	On September 11th, that fateful day, a Budweiser employee was making a delivery to a convenience store in a town called... Well, I won't give the town.
	Alright?
	He knew of the tragedy that had occurred in New York.
	He entered the business to find two Arabs whooping and hollering and really cheering it up.
	It was obvious.
	They were elated with what had happened earlier.
	So the Budweiser employee, the story goes, Went to his truck, called his boss, and told him of the very upsetting event.
	He didn't feel that he could be in the store with those horrible people.
	His boss told him, Do you think you could go in there long enough to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage company sells there?
	We'll never deliver again.
	The employee walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage company provided, and left with an incredible grin on his face.
	He told them to never bother to even call for any deliveries again.
	Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that particular community.
	Now, it didn't even end there.
	It seems the Budweiser driver had friends.
	In particular, the Pepsi Route driver.
	The Bud Driver called his Pepsi friend from his cell phone while he was still in the store and told him what happened.
	Seems Pepsi Driver, called his boss, got roughly the identical orders that the Bud Driver did, so the Pepsi guy went in, took everything out of the store under their corporate brand, and you know that's PepsiCo, Pepsi, Frito-Lay, everything, nearly everything, in the store.
	Last I had heard, he goes on, the store had no product, no customers, Word spreads pretty fast in small towns, you know, and no
	hope So I have no way of knowing if that's a legit story
	That's why I left the name of the town out, but I'm sure I'll get some feet
	Oh, I know I I do need feedback on a couple of things. I Wonder if you can help me with this. I love this song. I
	Use it as bumper music a lot, but I don't know what it's called the name of the song. What is it?
	I've been drifting on the sea of heartbreak Try to get myself ashore
	for so long So long should be called hold on to what you've got I think
	Listen to the strangest...
	But, I don't know.
	I'm sure some of you know exactly what this is and who does it.
	That's what I would like to know.
	What is it called exactly and who does it?
	These things haunt me.
	I mean, it's a piece of music that I absolutely love, and you would think I would have the title of it, but I certainly do not.
	I have it on CD, but I don't have the title of it.
	Moreover, if anybody out there has an email list, I could use this, an email list of all the best oldies but goodies in the world.
	You know, if you have a comprehensive List of all the best oldies but goodies the song name and the artist and You could possibly email that to me.
	I would be forever grateful My email address by the way for all of you We don't take snail mail now because of you know, obviously because what's been going on.
	That's pretty much true across the media But my email address is art bell a RTB ELL at mind spring.com and and what I need is sort of an email encyclopedia of Of all the greatest oldies, and who did them?
	I am bone tired, and I mean bone tired, of loving a song and not being able to come up with the artist and the title.
	You would think with all the years I spent in rock radio, and it was a lot, I would know them all.
	But I don't.
	I particularly don't know this one, and it's driving me nuts!
	What is this?
	And who does it?
	Should be called Hold On To What You Got, but I can't find a reference to it.
	That's driving me nuts.
	These things happen, you know, it just happens with songs.
	Alright, we're going to do open lines, as I just said.
	Anything you want to talk about is absolutely fair game.
	I'm still, I'm... Until I do a full show on cloning, this is not going to let me alone either.
	I see what's coming with cloning.
	I guess I tend to see, as you well know, the negative side or the negative possibilities of things, and I see so many negatives involved with cloning, it kind of scares me.
	All right, here we go.
	East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
	Hello.
	Hi, Art.
	Yes, sir.
	Ian Gomm.
	Hold on.
	I beg your pardon?
	The name of the song is Ian Gomm.
	And hold on.
	No, wait a minute.
	Hold on would be the name of the song, right?
	Yes, the artist is Ian, I-A-N, Gomm, G-O-M-M, I believe.
	No wonder I never heard of him.
	Just one hit wonder.
	One hit wonder.
	Hold on to what you got.
	That was great record, boy.
	Oh man, absolutely great.
	I love your bumper music.
	Absolutely the best.
	So do I. I only wish I knew the titles.
	Really?
	Alright, sir.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Alright, okay.
	Well, hey.
	Hold on.
	Just hold on.
	Not hold on to what you got.
	That was perhaps where I was making my mistake looking for a reference.
	I understand.
	Songs, you know, I hear from people all the time with reference to my own bumper music, and I just play what I like.
	You know, I sort of, when I hear a song I like, I add it to my bumper music, and it drives people out there crazy, and a lot of times they say, what is that?
	Who does it?
	I've got to know!
	And most times, I don't know myself, so I really can't answer.
	I had to know that.
	West of the Rockies, you're on the air high.
	Art Bell, how are you?
	Uh, pretty spiffy, sir.
	How are you?
	Oh, great.
	I wanted to ask you something about, uh, that, uh, those vapor trails you've been talking about.
	You mean what are called chemtrails?
	Yes, exactly.
	Yes, yes.
	Do you have, do you think that has something to do with what they're doing in Iraq?
	I mean, uh, Iran?
	No.
	I, well, only in a loose sense.
	Uh, it may be related to terrorism.
	Um, my guesses about what these so-called chemtrails are range pretty much from a mass inoculation because they know, you know, something's happening.
	That's one possibility.
	And the other, the other that I strongly consider is weather, an attempt at weather modification.
	I believe it's one of those two.
	That's my best guess.
	Um, because, you know, it's Saddam Hussein over there and they say they're going to him next.
	You know, uh, for the terrorists.
	Right.
	Well, I was wondering, do you think that this has something to do with that chemical weapon that they say that he has?
	I would not have immediately made that connection, sir, but, uh, you know, anything is possible.
	I gave you what are my two best guesses.
	I don't see how his, you know, unless they're aware of something that they have a mass inoculation for, and that's really what's going on in the air.
	Or it might be weather modification.
	But when you consider the scale of what's going on, what is allegedly in these chemtrails, I think one of my guesses would make the most sense.
	But, you know, it's anybody's game.
	Who knows what it is?
	West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
	Hi.
	Hi, is that me?
	That's you.
	Oh, how you doing, Art?
	Okay, sir.
	Where are you?
	I'm up here in Canada, Edmonton.
	All right.
	How are you?
	Fine.
	Good.
	Long-time listener.
	I just wanted to make a comment about the program you had the other night when you had James Bond proud.
	Oh yes, that was last night.
	Last night.
	He said some things that were quite interesting to me.
	On the one hand, well let me give my bias up front.
	I'm a lay pastor up here in Canada.
	Alright.
	Now he had stated that people that say you are of the devil are ignorant, lack knowledge, and lack experience from a reading in one of his sessions.
	Well, yes, in other words, people had referred to him in that manner because of what he does.
	Yes, that's right. That's what he said. Yes.
	Now, he also stated that the Bible was written by man and is man's interpretation of God.
	Yes, sir.
	So I don't give much credence to it.
	He said that, yes.
	Yeah.
	Now, both the Bible and Von Praag claim that there is a spiritual realm, an extra dimension in which entities exist, correct?
	Uh, I would say that's fair statement, yes.
	And the Bible claims it was written by men, under influence of one of the spirits that exist in the realm.
	And men called it the Holy Spirit.
	Now, Von Praag, On the other hand, writes messages given to him from spirits in the various pagan realms.
	Sir, do you take the Bible to be the literal, unblemished Word of God?
	Is that what you believe?
	Well, if I could finish my point.
	Well, you could, but still, I'd like the answer to that question.
	I do.
	I believe it is the Word of God.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Proceed.
	That's my bias.
	Yeah, I understand.
	Proceed.
	So my question is, what's the difference between Von Praag and the authors of the Bible?
	How can he claim not to give credence to the Bible, but then claim credence for himself?
	Both the Bible and his books are inspired by spirits in the extra dimension.
	But the Bible claims to be inspired by the spirit of God himself.
	Now, a while back, you had a guest on, named Chuck Missler, who said that there's a warfare going on inside that spiritual realm for the souls of mankind.
	You see, my answer to you, sir, would be that I think you could have legitimate doubts about both.
	Exactly.
	This is the point I'm trying to make.
	Well, not exactly, because you believe it's the unblemished Word of God.
	I'm saying, I think you could have reasonable doubts about a lot of what's in the Bible, and you could have reasonable doubts about a great deal of what James Van Praag says.
	Right.
	Now, both books claim to be inspired by an extra dimension, and the Bible says that there's a warfare going on in that dimension for the souls of mankind.
	Chuck Misler called mankind both the pawn and the prize.
	Is that right?
	Many have said that.
	They said the primary weapon of the opposition to God was deception.
	They did not follow that there would be opposition forces giving messages to mankind that were in direct contradiction of the messages given by the Spirit of God Himself.
	Sure.
	And only you can exercise your discernment and decide which is which, and that's what I allow you to do on this program, you see.
	I allow you to exercise your own discernment.
	I present information that's pretty much out on the edge.
	I know that.
	It's what I enjoy doing.
	It's what I do.
	And then it's up to you to discern.
	You know, and you can sit there and say, ooh, what a bunch of BS.
	Or you can embrace it as a truth that you believe.
	First time caller on the line, you are on the air.
	Hello.
	Mr. Bow!
	Uh, Mr. Caller.
	Let me check on my radio.
	Oh, yes, at least.
	Can I tell you how thrilled I am to finally speak to you?
	Well, you may.
	Uh, where are you?
	I'm in Laytonsville, Maryland.
	Okay.
	Suburban DC.
	Right.
	Just a really, you know, I'm so thrilled to talk to you, but I've got a mundane question.
	Go right ahead.
	ForTheNightSky.com.
	Yes?
	I went there, the big telescope?
	Yes.
	Does it come with a tripod?
	It comes with a swivel base, not a tripod per se, because Uh, this thing is pretty doggone big, sir.
	I'm not kidding.
	When I say it's big, it's big.
	And, uh, I wouldn't trust it on anything but a tank of a tripod.
	So it comes with a really nice wood base.
	I got a deck, a nice second story deck.
	If I'm looking to put it out there on the deck where I've got a very good view.
	Uh-huh.
	No problem.
	They have the accessories.
	Or something like that, where you can get a very sturdy tripod?
	Uh, of course.
	Um, of course they do.
	Uh, call them.
	You know, I give the number.
	I'll call them up.
	Talk to them.
	Okay, I will.
	All right, another question.
	Yes.
	If I may.
	You may.
	Have you ever heard of a magician named David Blaine?
	No.
	Have you seen a special one on ABC?
	Well, no.
	If I had, then I would have heard of him.
	Well, that's true.
	But this guy... This guy, and you're right, Art, but this guy, if you've ever seen him or ever heard of him, this guy is...
	The real thing.
	He's had specials on ABC and The Learning Channel.
	Hold on.
	The real thing.
	You mean a really good magician or you mean really performing real magic?
	That one.
	Really performing real spontaneous... Okay, but he calls himself a magician, right?
	He's the man in front of perfect strangers on the street Levitates off the ground.
	That's pretty impressive.
	There's no denying an art.
	I'm sorry to interrupt.
	No, you're not.
	Look, get me some information on this levitator and I'll get him on the air.
	Listen, I'm not sure I'm the type of guy that's able to get you the information that you need.
	He's out there.
	He's been on ABC.
	Well, I can see you've got a cell phone, right?
	Yes, I do, sir.
	So you must also have a computer.
	At work.
	Oh, good.
	So, send me some email and tell me what shows he's on and as much info as you can give me and I'll go from there.
	Do you swear to God that you've never heard of the man?
	Because he's very popular because of how good he is.
	You haven't ever heard of him?
	No, I don't feel this is an item that I necessarily have to swear to because it's just a common straight-on answer.
	I haven't heard of him.
	I'm sorry.
	Well, I'm telling you he's along the lines of... He's not serious enough to be swearing to God over.
	I believe you because I've listened to you.
	Listen, Art, you don't understand how much I feel privileged to be speaking to you.
	Well, I appreciate that, and you get me what you can and I'll follow it up and try and get them on the air.
	Art, please, one more thing, because I know you're about to hang up.
	This is the last thing.
	Do you believe, I'm being serious, do you believe that the Illuminati are still alive and working?
	I'm serious.
	My answer is sure.
	That they're not called the Illuminati any longer.
	I mean, it's been popularized in a Tombstone movie with that girl.
	Is it a real thing?
	If I knew the answer to this question that you're asking, I'd probably, you know, be on a hit list or something.
	You couldn't really say?
	Well, you asked me my opinion.
	I gave it to you.
	I said, sure, I think they're still out there.
	Whether they're still using the same name or something else, I don't have a clue.
	Anyway, that was your...
	Third question.
	I'm Art Bell.
	Thanks for the info on this song called Hold On.
	Now you listen to this.
	Doesn't it seem like it ought to be called Hold On To What You Got?
	But for so long...
	Listen carefully.
	Listen to the strangest stories Wondering where it all went wrong
	For so long For so long
	But hold on, hold on, hold on To what you've got
	Hold on, hold on, hold on Alright, I'm going to do a couple of other spots here
	Because I totally blew off the last half hour's commercials I just, you know, I get going on stuff and, uh, I forget what I'm doing.
	So, uh, let me, let me do it now.
	Now, uh, west of the Rockies, you are on the air.
	Hi.
	You talking to me, Art?
	You, sir, yes.
	Sir, what a pleasure to talk to you.
	Thank you.
	Hey, what are you going to have?
	I'm, uh, excuse me, I'm listening to you from the great K-Don in Las Vegas.
	Of course, K-D-W-N, the alma mater station for me.
	There you go.
	Hey, I was listening to the radio earlier today, and a woman said that, uh, there was a guy, he was a race car driver, and he was from Canada, and he'd won several races in Australia and whatnot, but the car he was driving was a, uh, electric car.
	Just powered by batteries.
	She said that you had interviewed this guy and talked to him a couple of times.
	Well, that's where they have the solar power races and other races like it.
	I know they have a lot of races there.
	Yeah, so do I. I understand that.
	I was just wondering if you remembered to talk to this guy or if you had his name or whatever.
	I do not recall, no.
	Okay, when are you going to have me and Dames on again?
	A week from...
	Is it next Monday?
	I think either next Monday or a week from Monday.
	Well, I'll listen and won't miss him.
	All right.
	Thank you, Art Bell.
	Thank you very much, and take care.
	As a matter of fact, I can probably tell you right now.
	I think it's a week from Monday.
	Let's see.
	Ed Dames.
	Somewhere I've got the... I think it's a week from Monday.
	I think it might be...
	Alright, well anyway, that's the best I can do.
	Either next Monday or a week from, I'll let you know.
	First time caller line, you're on the air.
	Yes, hi, I'm calling from AM 1400 KMED in Medford, Oregon.
	Yes, ma'am.
	Hi, um, nice to talk to you, Art.
	Good to talk to you.
	I was concerned because so far in the last week's discussions about the cloning issue, I hadn't heard anyone mention some information that I had picked up.
	It was either in a Time or Newsweek magazine.
	It's been in the last few months.
	They had somewhat of a detailed article about the procedure to actually get Dolly the sheep.
	Right.
	And they also said that it would be somewhat similar to actually have a full-grown human being that was cloned.
	Right.
	And the part about it that concerned me was that they said it took about 250 tries to get Dolly and that most of the tries were grossly deformed.
	You're right.
	And that that would probably be the case Well, I asked that the other night.
	I said, who's going to take care of the monsters?
	Well, I think that they had to kill the sheep.
	Yeah, I know, but you can't treat human beings in that manner.
	So when they have a deformed human being as a result of this process, what are they going to do?
	Well, that was my concern.
	Would they be able to live or would they be aborted?
	I mean, as far as what the scientists... My guess would be they would be aborted.
	Yeah, so the problem that I have personally, ethically, with that is that I really don't believe that life should be created knowing that, you know, the majority of... There are so many ethical and moral problems with this.
	It just swims in them, huh?
	I have real problems with it.
	Yes, well that was just the one thing that I did want to bring up in case anyone wasn't informed to that fact because I hadn't been either.
	On the other hand, if they can develop the technology to the point where, for example, they can grow just an organ, or a limb, a hand, or an arm, or a leg, or a liver, or a heart If they can just grow that, then we've got good times ahead.
	Yes, well that does definitely change things.
	You know, for me, if I looked at it with just that, but as far as actually growing a living human being, it becomes a lot more complicated.
	Anyway, I did want to let people know, I think it was in a spring issue of either Time or Newsweek, there was quite a detailed article in there, about seven or eight pages long, That explained it better than, you know, any articles that I had read, and I just wanted to pass along that information.
	Right, thank you.
	Yes, the process is amazing.
	I mean, all they have to do, all they have to do is take a few cells from an egg, not a whole egg, just some cells from an egg.
	And then the other half is provided by a hank o' hair, a little bit of skin scraping, whatever.
	The entire DNA code is connected, and once they get a connection between those two, you've got yourself a clone.
	But that's only the beginning, and if that's all it is, then it will produce an identical twin.
	Not born at anywhere near the same time, but an identical twin, if all goes well.
	Minus the possibility of monsters.
	And there are going to be monsters and mistakes.
	That's only the beginning of the problems with cloning.
	I really, really, really, really want to do a show on this, and we are trying to line up some guests on the subject.
	Here's to the Rockies.
	You're on the air.
	Hello.
	Oh, wow.
	That's true.
	Yes, sir.
	Hey, Art.
	How you doing?
	Fine.
	Where are you?
	I'm, uh, right outside Cleveland, Ohio.
	Okey dokey.
	Hey, uh, I've always wondered.
	I haven't heard much about, uh, like Victor or I think it was Officer X and, uh, Area 51, is that ever going to come up again?
	Of course.
	Area 51 will always come up.
	As for the others, I can't tell you.
	I don't know... All the UFO sightings?
	Officer X?
	Not quite the past couple of months.
	Well, you know what?
	It actually has not been.
	The fact of the matter is that since September 11th, all news, I don't care what you watch and where you go, everything has been consumed with news of the war and the events of September 11th.
	And so it's not just UFOs that have been washed away in terms of publicity, but everything else also.
	Yeah, I guess they're all just sitting off-planet watching us.
	Nothing's changed, sir.
	There are still plenty of sightings.
	It's just that information like that gets pushed way out of the news.
	And I don't mean a little bit out of the news.
	I mean all the way out of the news.
	Generally, even with multitudes of sightings of UFOs, something really exciting, all you get is sort of a kicker story at the end.
	But since September 11th, the news has been so totally consumed with the tragic events in New York, And Pennsylvania.
	And Washington.
	It's just, and then the war.
	And that has been the totality of the news, and everything has been washed away.
	And of course, UFOs being at the end of the list anyway, we're the very first to go.
	West of the Rockies, you are on the air.
	Hello.
	Hi, Bill?
	Yes.
	Yeah, um, I was just, wanted to talk about the, uh, cloning thing.
	I think that, um, In relation to that we're acting as God when we're cloning, I don't really think that's true, because when God did it, he started from nothing, and when we're cloning, we're starting from a... we have a copy or, you know, something that we're getting it from, so we're not really playing God.
	You don't think it's playing God there?
	No, but I do think that, yes, that There would be errors, and creating monsters, and because of that, I really don't think that we should, but we're probably going to anyway.
	Oh, we'll go ahead.
	There's no question about it, and I absolutely agree with you.
	It's going to happen, as they experiment genetically on animals, and they do a lot of that.
	You know, like Dolly the Sheep, as she pointed out, many, many attempts, many horrible results before they got lucky.
	And that's fine if it's a sheep.
	But if it's humans you're talking about, could they abort them at an early stage if they detected abnormalities?
	Yes, I suppose so.
	But the right to life people are going to flip out.
	They're going to totally flip out because you have created life.
	And if that's what it is, then what you are doing is murder.
	Even if it is a deformed fetus that is, you know, the result, it is murder.
	So this whole thing swims in deep, deep ethical problems.
	First time caller line, you are on the air.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hey, Art.
	Hey, yes.
	Hey.
	Where are you?
	Hey, I'm Melanie.
	I'm from Dallas on KLIS.
	Of course, Cliff.
	Hi, Melanie.
	How are you doing?
	Good.
	How are you doing?
	All right.
	Hey, just a couple of things, actually.
	It was really weird that you mentioned that song earlier.
	Yes.
	Because about a month ago, I had heard it, and I was trying to find out what it was, and I had no idea.
	So, now I know.
	Oh, well, uh, Ian Gomm, I've never heard of.
	I haven't either.
	And so, I just, it baffled me.
	It absolutely baffled me.
	Yeah, I didn't know who it was either.
	And, uh, actually, I wanted to talk about the cloning thing a little bit.
	Sure.
	And, um, have you ever read that book, uh, Pet Sematary by Stephen King?
	Yes, I have.
	You remember what happened with that cat?
	Yes.
	The cat died and they took him to the burial ground and he came back to life and he was kind of weird.
	Right.
	I don't know, it just seems like that might be what happens to these clones.
	Kind of come back kind of strange, if you know what I mean.
	In a way, it is.
	In other words, if you clone somebody who was 90 years old, he would in effect come
	back to life.
	Right?
	Yeah, and also, do you think people would try to clone dead people, like their relatives
	or something like that?
	I mean, that's a scary thought.
	Yes, I do think that.
	I think many, many people, and you and I both know that's true, who have lost loved ones
	would jump at the opportunity to clone, yes?
	Yeah, that's a scary thought, I think.
	The whole thing, just, and I keep saying it, it's just swimming in ethical, moral problems.
	Yeah, I agree with that.
	But you know and I know we're going to go ahead with it.
	Oh, me too.
	Send in the clones.
	Yep.
	All right, dear.
	Thank you.
	Well, thank you very much.
	I have a good one.
	Take care.
	Wild Card Line, you're on the air.
	Hi, Art.
	Hello.
	I have a spooky story.
	Spooky?
	Spooky.
	All right.
	About 22 years ago, my wife and I bought an older house and I created a small bedroom Directly across from the doorway to our bedroom.
	Right.
	And it had a window that was visible when the door was open.
	You can see right into the room and right to the window.
	And it was a small room, so just opposite the door was where the bed was and a little dresser and a little toy chest.
	One night, about 2.30 in the morning, my daughter called to me and she said, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
	And I said, Come here.
	And she said, I can't.
	There's someone in the doorway.
	So I just leaned out of the bed with my arm on the floor and looked out and I could see her window and there was nobody in the doorway.
	And I said, come in to me, come to the bedroom.
	And she said, I can't.
	She said, there's a very, very tall man in the doorway and he's shaking his finger at me.
	No.
	So I said, well, you tell him what we've always discussed, that you have to come to me.
	So I watched her step out in front of the light of the window.
	And when she went to the doorway, she squeezed past and she said, excuse me.
	She came running in and jumped in the bed with my wife and I, and I said, what was that all about?
	And she said, there was a man bigger than you with yellow eyes standing there staring at me.
	Oh, brother.
	Yellow eyes, huh?
	I never forgot that.
	To this day, that gives me chills.
	Yellow eyes are not good.
	They're not quite as bad as glowing red eyes, but they're not good.
	Who knew?
	I appreciate your call, sir.
	Thank you.
	And again, folks, I have got a class A ghost photograph on the website right now.
	Again, I go through hundreds, no, thousands of ghost photographs that are sent to me, rejecting 99.9% just because of, you know, one, I don't know.
	You can look and you can generally tell it was a camera strap in a blur.
	It was a, A lighting anomaly of some sort, or you can make a lot of calls and reject a lot very easily.
	But there are a certain percentage you cannot reject easily, and I've got one up there like that right now.
	I would be most interested in your opinion of this photograph taken in Indonesia.
	I think we have captured a ghost here, or somebody has.
	East of the Rockies, you are on the air.
	Hello.
	Hello, Art.
	This is Tawasi.
	Tawasi, huh?
	Yeah, I'm listening on KHOW.
	In Denver?
	Yeah, actually, very near there, in Tiny Town.
	Yes, sir.
	I always get nervous talking to you.
	Okay, well, sort of take a deep breath and let her rip, because you're probably my last call for the hour.
	Okay.
	I am calling, actually, about the Bush Energy Plan, which we still aren't hearing about.
	But I wanted to mention, that magician that the caller called about earlier?
	Yes.
	Magician.
	I saw it on a VCR very slow, but... Well, but that's the idea.
	Magician tries to be so good that he convinces you he's really doing magic, because there can be no other explanation.
	On the other hand... If you look at it slow, he's a magician.
	Well, I... He's not any sort of a mage.
	Well, alright, but I'd like to see him levitate.
	That one I'd go for.
	Slight of foot.
	Come on now, slight of foot.
	Explain it to me, since you apparently know how this levitation trick is done.
	Tell me.
	It's like the Bush energy plant.
	Don't slide back into politics now.
	It's very deceptive.
	It looks as if he's rising off of the ground and he's just stepping up on his foot.
	If you look at it on a VCR, in slow motion, the guy stands on his toe.
	And move his hands and... But wait a minute.
	Levitation would mean feet, both, come up off the floor and hover in mid-air.
	Is that or is that not what happens?
	It's definitely television magic.
	That is not what happens if you look at it in slow motion.
	It's the same with the card tricks.
	He's a magician.
	Anyhow, it's very deceptive.
	And I have to say that... Well, but that's the whole idea of magic, right?
	No.
	Magic... No, there's real magic and then there's being a magician.
	And being a magician, you try to be so good that the person believes it's magic.
	You trick people into believing that they're seeing one thing when they're getting from the other.
	Well, so there you are.
	So they got that guy.
	They got him.
	The guy's good.
	I'd still like to see him levitate.
	I'm kind of into levitation.
	Wouldn't that be fun to be able to levitate?
	Just sort of hang in midair and relax?
	Words of love so soft and tender won't win a girl's heart anymore.
	If you love her, then you must send her somewhere where she's never been before.
	Worn out phrases and longing gazes won't get you where you want to go.
	No!
	Words of love, soft and tender won't win out.
	You ought to know by now.
	This is Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell on the Premier Radio Network.
	It is indeed that.
	Hello, everybody.
	Coming up, we're gonna actually have some fun tonight.
	It's a pretty rare commodity lately.
	Leland Gregory is a former writer for Saturday Night Live, co-author of the New York Times bestseller, America's Dumbest Criminals.
	Which enjoyed 17 weeks, by the way, on the bestseller list, as well as the author of five other books, including Great Government Goofs, Presumed Ignorance, and Presidential Indiscretions.
	His latest book, What's the Number for 9-1-1 Again?, is a sequel to his bestseller, What's the Number for 9-1-1?, published through Andrews MacNeil.
	Leland has also compiled two audio CDs of stupid 9-1-1 phone calls, Wacky 9-1-1 and Wacky 9-1-1 again.
	We have those.
	He's made two appearances on the Today Show, Inside Edition, MSNBC, as well as making appearances on Extra, Deborah Duncan Show, My Show.
	Considered to be the chronicler of stupid America, Leland also has a book on stupid criminals.
	Slated for release in 2002.
	I wonder if we can get some of that info tonight.
	As well as a calendar of stupid 911 phone calls set for 2003.
	He co-wrote the feature film, Ernest and the Great Pizza Race.
	Oh my god.
	You wrote Ernest and the Great Pizza Race?
	Yes Art, I did.
	Are you proud of that?
	What was that guy?
	Did you work with him?
	Jim Barney.
	The movie was written.
	I was dozing off while you read it.
	That stopped me cold.
	What was that guy?
	Did you work with him?
	I hung Jim Barney.
	The movie was written, I got paid for it and it was never produced simply because he passed
	away before it was made.
	So no chance for a sequel on that one.
	That's right.
	I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.
	I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.
	Not so much, Ernest, I guess.
	That just stopped me cold, I'm sorry.
	I always thought Ernest was something else.
	Yes, he was.
	Actually, he was very, very funny.
	He really was funny.
	Dumbest criminals.
	You're apparently doing more on dumb criminals.
	I see dumb criminal stuff come across the Internet all the time.
	Some of it is pretty doggone stupid and funny.
	You must have a few squirreled away that you'd let out.
	Oh yeah, I mean I haven't really started work, I mean I've got the research done on the next book, but I haven't started concentrating on it, but I know some stories from the first book that I can spew out.
	Okay, spew.
	Okay, haven't heard that in a while.
	The first one was a lady called the police and complained because someone had stolen her purse.
	So the police showed up and she gave a description of the person that stole the person.
	The police went on their way and as they were patrolling they saw someone that met the description.
	So they stopped him and said, look we want you to get in the car and we are going to
	take you back for a one on one.
	And it's a face up.
	It's for identification purposes only.
	So let's take you back.
	And the guy said, okay, no problem.
	So they put him in the back of the car.
	They take him to the scene of the crime.
	They let him out of the car.
	The woman whose purse was stolen walks out of the building.
	The criminal looks at her, points at her and says, yeah, that's her.
	That's the woman I robbed.
	No.
	Oh yeah.
	Really?
	Oh yeah.
	Needless to say, they got their man.
	That's pretty stupid, yeah.
	Yeah, that's the woman I robbed.
	Yeah, that's her.
	He thought it was her.
	That's the woman I robbed.
	Okay.
	I had one guy who was arrested on suspicion of robbing vending machines.
	And when it came time to pay his bail, which was $400, he paid it entirely in quarters.
	So, they think they got the right guy.
	Yeah, entirely in quarters.
	And yet I guess they had to sort of grimace and count quarters.
	Yeah, and they had to count quarters because that's the way the system works.
	But I'm sure they used it in his trial.
	I'm sure they did.
	And speaking of trials, there was one guy who showed up for his court appearance in a very nice suit.
	And he's standing there in front of the judge and, you know, he was arrested on account of home burglary.
	So when they brought the man up whose home he burglarized, the guy said, That's my suit!
	And everyone thought it looked a little odd because the suit was two sizes too big.
	The man was wearing two... He shows up to Gordon in a stolen suit.
	In a stolen suit.
	He was wearing two sweatsuits underneath it to fill it out because he was... it wasn't his size.
	Well, I suppose that criminals really probably, for the most part, really aren't too bright or they wouldn't be doing what they're doing.
	Exactly.
	I mean, this whole media portrayal of criminals as being these cunning masterminds who, you know, wear black leotards and slide down on nylon rope and execute these flawless plans.
	You know, that's not the way it really works.
	Either that or they're the ones that you never hear jokes about because they never get caught.
	Exactly.
	You know, usually criminals are someone who have a problem.
	They're either drunk, they think it's cool, they walk by someone's house, they see a TV,
	they think, I'm going to steal it.
	There's not a lot of planning involved.
	I suppose that's true.
	I suppose alcohol plays a big part in an awful lot of stupid crimes.
	Right.
	Alcohol and drugs.
	Some of them that I don't even include anymore are the ones that happen so often.
	They see a restaurant that they want to break into and they think, hmm, well the door's locked.
	But there's like an exhaust fan up there.
	They climb up to the roof, lower themselves down through the exhaust fan,
	thinking it's going to lead out into this nice empty room.
	And of course, by the time it gets to the very end of the exhaust fan,
	it's only about 12 inches wide, and only their feet come out.
	And then they can't get back up.
	So they get stuck.
	So they get stuck, yeah.
	That one, I guess, has become so common as to not even be worth including anymore.
	Right, I don't include that.
	Except for, I did consider including the one where, when they were destroying, when they were tearing down a building, they found a skeleton.
	What?
	They found a skeleton of someone that was stuck in one of the air ducts.
	You know, you would think that during the period that the body was becoming a skeleton, since it was in an air duct, somebody would have noticed a foul odor.
	Well, it depends on the kind of restaurant.
	Oh, my God.
	I never thought about that.
	Oh, that's gross.
	That's really gross.
	People walk in and go, hmm, Chitlins again, you know.
	Oh, geez.
	Is that a trick?
	I'm not sure yet.
	Let's keep going on about the third hour, you'll know.
	And then, you know, like that one, I don't include the stories of that anymore because
	they're actually, unfortunately, so commonplace.
	Well, that wouldn't be so common.
	Well, the skeleton one, that's why I considered including that one.
	But, you know, I don't think after the events of late, death is not a very funny subject
	anymore anyway.
	No, and by the way, while we're on the subject, you know, I told my audience, look, even though
	there's no even close relationship between obviously what you're doing and what happened
	in New York.
	Because it happened on 9-11 and because the title of your book includes 9-11, that's the only relationship, 9-1-1 actually, we put it off because of the hypersensitivity to the whole thing.
	How has this affected, if at all, your book and everything you do?
	I mean, it must have crushed you the day it happened.
	It did.
	Aside from the way it crushed us all.
	Right.
	The story is, I was in New York.
	On September 11th, I was getting ready to appear on the Today Show to promote my book and CD because September 11th was National 9-1-1 Day.
	It was the first day of the kick-off of the publicity.
	I was going to appear on the Today Show and then I was going to be on the MSNBC Extra Inside Edition.
	One of your competitors that's based out of New York And then Joey Reynolds late at night.
	Joey?
	Yes, he is one of my competitors.
	Joey's a nice guy.
	Joey's great.
	I know him.
	So I had this massive media blitz prepared.
	In fact, my publicist and everyone has said they've never seen this much advanced publicity geared up for a book.
	And that was just for two days.
	And then the end of the week, I was going to follow it up with your show.
	Sure.
	It would have just, you know, been this amazing blitz.
	Right.
	I was in the make-up chair.
	I just had my make-up put on and my hair done.
	I was about eight minutes away from being on the show.
	Wow.
	And someone ran into the make-up room and said, turn the channel.
	And they turned the channel and we thought, what a terrible, what a bad accident.
	You know, because that was one of the first times.
	And you know, of course, no one saw any footage.
	And since I was in New York, about maybe 30 blocks away, Uh, every lot of people in the studio knew someone in the tower.
	And of course, pandemonium started breaking out.
	People were like crying.
	Um, and then we just sat in awe as everyone knows, 18 minutes later, the second plane hit and it just, the place went crazy.
	I mean, they went into news mode and you know, and I was right at the center.
	I was in 30 rock.
	So, or actually I was in the studio next door.
	So I was right in the center of this huge, News organization.
	Everything changed everywhere.
	Instantly.
	I saw Ann Curry kick her shoes off and run down the hall.
	People were trying to call on their cell phones, but of course the cell phones weren't working because one of the main cells was on the top of one of the towers.
	As were, by the way, a lot of broadcast towers too.
	Yeah.
	Total chaos.
	I tried to call my wife.
	Couldn't get through.
	How long did you stay there?
	I stayed in the studio until 10 o'clock.
	I was there from about 8.30 and then about 8.30 I arrived.
	from 830 and then this Easter time, about 830 I arrived and stayed until, because my
	set time was 850 or something like that and of course the first plane hit 840 something.
	They said, we don't know what's going on.
	Let's go ahead and take you to the lobby in case we bring you on the air.
	We want you right there.
	And I thought, you know, this is not going to happen, but I'll go with you anyway.
	So I'm standing in the lobby watching the monitor and all this pandemonium take place.
	And I turned next to me to see, you know, who's there.
	And I'm standing shoulder to shoulder with Harry Belafonte, who's also watching all this in disbelief.
	I thought, well this makes it even weirder, just a little Dolly-esque addition to it.
	So at 10 o'clock when I know I need to get home, my body would say, get home. So I leave
	the studio, go out to the area where they perform the musical numbers and everyone started
	screaming. I saw people passing out and I looked up at the monitor that are displayed
	all over the building and that's when the first building fell.
	And I thought, then I thought, I really have to, I have to go home.
	Yeah.
	A lot of thoughts, I imagine, would have been going through your head, like, I'm probably not even safe here.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, I thought, what's next?
	Yep.
	You know, here I am next to 30 Rock, which I'm sure would be a target simply because of its communication.
	Absolutely.
	Sure.
	I turn around and there's a taxi cab right in front of me.
	And so I jumped in the car.
	And I told the guy the address, I was going up to 65th, and I told him the address, and about two minutes later after driving, he said, I'm sorry, what was the address again?
	Yeah.
	You know.
	Yeah, everybody's getting like that.
	He said, I'm sorry, I'm just driving.
	Yeah.
	And that's what everyone, you know, I'm just doing what I'm doing right now.
	Well, I know, shock set in.
	Oh yeah, big time.
	I went into severe shock.
	I got back to the hotel room, called my wife, she was crying, she didn't know what was going on.
	I told her, and this is something I haven't told anybody before, I said, get the security box, go to the bank, pull out all the money, pick up our son from school, go to your mom's house in the country.
	Go right now.
	Because I thought, this is the end of the end.
	Yeah.
	Because since I was right there in the center of it all and she was so far away, she didn't have that feeling.
	But we lived fairly close to the airport and I thought, you know, my mind was just saying, go somewhere safe and get out of here.
	Many people made decisions like that.
	Believe me.
	Yeah.
	So it was very, very frightening.
	I called Joey Reynolds' people later that day and I said, you know, of course you don't want me to come on the show, right?
	And they said, Oh no, come on in.
	So I, uh, this weirdest part was I walked down Broadway, um, from, I went ahead from 65th to 14th.
	I walked down Broadway, completely deserted.
	All the buildings were closed.
	All the shops were closed.
	Very quiet.
	They had secured the whole street.
	The only traffic were ambulances and fire departments and police.
	No one was on the street.
	That was so creepy because Broadway is never closed.
	It's creepy all right.
	It was very creepy.
	I went to do Joey's show and he was kind of surprised that I was there.
	Really?
	Apparently his producer forgot the subject matter that I was going to do.
	Of course I didn't do any of that.
	He opened up the phone lines and we stayed on the line the air from 2 to 5 in the morning just taking calls from New Yorkers and stuff like that.
	Yeah, I just cancelled everything.
	And for weeks, I cancelled everything.
	It was not possible to do anything else.
	It just wasn't possible for me.
	I couldn't do it.
	I couldn't do it.
	I mean, that's all there was.
	And I think the whole nation got glued to CNN.
	Yeah.
	I know I did.
	That's what I was doing.
	That's all I was doing all day long and right up until airtime.
	It put me in a state of shock and it happened to the whole country.
	Weird things.
	Our economy got slammed and look what's happening to the airlines and people aren't flying.
	It's still very weird.
	It was devastating.
	For me personally, I had all my eggs in the basket of that one day of publicity.
	And it just now started to come back because, like you said, the title is 9-1-1.
	It's about emergency phone calls, although they're all funny and no one dies.
	People are saying, you know, gee, this is too soon.
	We're not ready for this.
	People aren't ready to laugh about anything related to, you know, emergency phone calls.
	That's right.
	I wasn't ready for a long time.
	Oh, no, I know.
	And I had no bad feelings when people canceled because I wasn't in the mood to be funny.
	I don't know.
	Life does go on, and humor is an incredibly important part of living life.
	It really is, and it can't disappear forever.
	If it does, then they really have won.
	If we have lost our sense of humor forever, then they've won, and we've really lost something very important.
	Life without humor, boy, I don't know.
	Yeah, and in America, you know, just think about it.
	Our whole society is based on humor.
	When we beat the English, we made up songs.
	It was just, when Kennedy got assassinated, it was a while, but people start, you know, you gotta bring it back.
	It finally came back, that's right.
	All right, hold on.
	We'll be right back.
	You roll the stone, you know If the cause is right
	I need To find an answer on the road
	I used to be a hard-keeping, bolt-on punk But the times have changed
	The less I say, the more my work gets done Cause I live free and still do
	Well, I knew that because just the numbers were similar The date, 911, and the title of his book and the title of
	his CD with 911 I knew it was going to be a big problem.
	I had no idea he was sitting in the studio ready to go on network television about all of this when it actually occurred down the street.
	My God!
	I suppose as the days went on Leland, you probably were practicing saying stuff like
	hey would you like fries with that burger.
	Oh yeah.
	You're figuring it's all over.
	In fact I got a personalized fitted hair net.
	Alright, let's do a little bit of it so they understand.
	Just in case a lot of people will have missed the first show and for that reason I'm already getting a million requests for Joe and the Deer.
	So we'll do some of that but let's do some new stuff.
	Uh, where do we begin here?
	Just start at the top of the CD?
	Uh-huh.
	Yes, I'm there.
	Is there anything you wish to say about what we're about to hear?
	Is it, uh, Kitty Kitty?
	It's, uh, Butterfly Man, actually.
	Butterfly Man.
	Okay, this is a very interesting caller from, uh, Utah.
	And, uh, we're not sure if the flying objects he saw were in his yard or in his mind.
	Okay, well, gee, you know, I get any number of calls like that, but let's listen.
	Mostly, you people are a bunch of bulls**t. But if you'd like to do something that's really worthwhile, get on to the TV news stations at 6 o'clock and let the public know where in the hell all these butterflies came from today.
	Is that clear enough?
	Butterflies?
	Yes.
	Where did they come from?
	Where did they come from?
	Do you have a problem that police officers can help you with, sir?
	What's that?
	Do you have a problem that police officers can help you with?
	Hell no.
	I just want to know where all, and so does everybody else, where did all the butterflies come from today?
	Do you know little butterflies that fly through the air?
	I have no idea, sir.
	Well, get on TV news people and tell them.
	They're supposed to know.
	But try and get into a news station.
	You can't do it.
	I wonder why they don't let someone like that into a TV news station now, don't you?
	That guy was obviously at the end of his rope.
	He'd been seeing butterflies all day, nobody would talk about it, and he couldn't get through to TV, so of course 9-1-1, you can always get through to 9-1-1.
	And obviously they know where the hell all the butterflies came from.
	Those poor people.
	Fairly slow.
	I mean, I remember when I was working, if it was fairly slow, and you got a call like that, you'd have fun with it.
	Yeah.
	You know, you'd have a little fun.
	But I mean, if you're dealing with life and death stuff, and you get a call like that, it's hard to handle.
	Exactly.
	Especially, and one thing I'm trying to emphasize now is that, with the events of September 11th, please refrain from calling 911, because now we really know how important what these people do really is.
	Sure.
	I mean, since I was there, it was amazing to see how quickly everybody responded.
	I mean, that city was, I mean, not back on its feet, but it was back in working condition very soon.
	Leland, there are people who call 9-1-1 every day.
	Oh, yeah.
	Sometimes multiple times in a day, and believe it or not, this is the truth.
	There are people who call because they're lonely.
	Right.
	That's really true.
	I've had a lot of calls where the first thing they said is, do you have time to talk?
	Yeah.
	And you're trying to perform a community service, and so you don't really want to just blow people off.
	You have to do so politely, but there are people in your community, and so you kind of try to help them a little bit.
	Right.
	And you do what you can.
	I've got a lot of calls where the caller will call, and the first thing the dispatcher says is, hi, Evelyn.
	Yeah, that's right.
	That's right.
	It's part of being part of the community.
	Alright, the second one here says, Homeless Hanky Panky.
	Yeah, this is a very interesting request that a woman made on behalf of her son.
	I guess she considered it a little bit of community service or some other kind of service, but it's a very interesting request.
	Self-explanatory, I take it.
	Yeah, I think a lot of them are fairly self-explanatory.
	All right, here we go.
	Dispatch?
	Oh, um, are you an officer?
	I'm a dispatcher.
	Oh, how are you tonight?
	I'm fine.
	Good.
	Um, don't laugh at me if I ask you a question.
	Okay.
	Um, this is kind of stupid, but my friend wants to know, Yes.
	She could take one of the homeless men off the street and live with him.
	Would it be against the law?
	If it would be against the law?
	Uh-huh.
	No, it's not.
	If they had sex, would it be against the law?
	No.
	It wouldn't?
	Uh-uh.
	Not if they both agree.
	Oh, that's great!
	Bye!
	I could perhaps understand somebody of the very liberal persuasion deciding to go live with a homeless person, but where did the sex part come from?
	I just wanted to make sure it was not against the law.
	She wouldn't want her son breaking the law by having sex with a homeless man.
	I guess it wouldn't be against the law unless they kept him in a pit in the basement.
	Yeah, then there's problems.
	But yeah, I've had calls like that from other people saying, is it okay for a man to dress like a woman at work?
	They'll call 911, they'll say, something's wrong with my penis.
	Do you have any suggestions?
	No.
	Really?
	Bizarre stuff.
	I had one of my favorite calls from the new book, which is, what's the number for 911 again?
	It's a guy calls and the operator says, 911, what's your emergency?
	He said, you got to help me.
	I've been shot.
	And she said, I'm sorry, you said you were shot?
	He said, yeah, I've been shot.
	I've been shot.
	She said, now calm down.
	Tell me, how many times were you shot?
	He said, oh, this is the first time.
	All right.
	This is going to be I'm going back here for a second.
	OK. And this is Joe and the deer.
	Oh, yeah. And, you know, I've had so many requests.
	I want to do this.
	So I just guess we have to do it again.
	This is so classic, folks.
	You've never heard anything like this in your life.
	I have the unadulterated, unbleeped portion, actually cut of this, which is even better, but we couldn't even get close to playing it on the air.
	Right.
	So, you will hear some appropriately placed bleeping sounds, and you can imagine what's being said, but this is some call.
	Surgically removed.
	Yes, surgically removed.
	Listen to this, folks.
	This is the ambulance emergency line.
	Do you have an emergency?
	I need a bayonet.
	Who is this?
	Uh, Joe.
	Okay, where do you need us?
	I'm in my phone booth.
	Okay, what's the address there?
	Hold on.
	Okay, Joe, I need a location.
	What street are you on?
	Uh, I'm in my phone booth at the stop and go.
	Yeah, I'm at the... That's it.
	I'm at the mother... stop and go.
	Hold on, uh, wait a minute.
	How should... What's the mother... How should we...
	I'm in the mother f****** phone booth.
	Let me tell you, I'm going down the mother f**** booth, driving my car, minding my own f** business, and a mother f**** deer is jumping out and hitting my car.
	Okay, sir, are you injured?
	and a mother****** deer jumped out and hit my car.
	Okay, sir, are you injured?
	Let me tell you. I get out and pick the mother****** deer up.
	I thought he was dead.
	I put the mother f*er's ear in my back seat and I'm driving down the mother f*er's road and minding my own business.
	The mother f*er woke up and bit me in the back of my a.
	He bit me and it done kicked the s*** out of my car.
	I'm in the mother f***er's phone booth.
	The deer bit me in the neck.
	A big mothafuckin' dog came up and bit me in the leg.
	I hit him with the mothafuckin' tire iron and I stabbed him.
	I stabbed him with my knife.
	So I got a hurt leg and the mothafuckin' deer bit me in the neck.
	And the dog wanted me out of the mothafuckin' phone booth.
	Cause he wants the deer.
	And I kissed the deer, me or the dog.
	Okay sir, are you injured?
	Yeah, but my mothafuckin' deer bit me in the neck.
	Hold on.
	Yeah, well you mentioned the unadulterated, uncensored version.
	That's right.
	I'm going to tell him he's a lazy ass. That is totally classic. He's a poor guy, he hits a deer, puts it in the
	back of the car, deer bites him in the back of the car, he's in a phone booth. I hope everybody caught that. It's
	absolutely unbelievable, but it's true.
	You mentioned the unadulterated, uncensored version. If people do want to hear that, it is included on our new CD,
	Wacky 911, again, uncensored.
	Oh, really?
	Yes.
	Oh, you put the uncensored version?
	We put the uncensored version out.
	We had so many requests for it.
	Yeah, well, Keith, my webmaster, actually put it up on our website for a while.
	People sort of complained a little bit.
	It's pretty, it gets there.
	It's fairly filled with hyphenated words, and they're not quite tailed deer.
	That's right.
	But, so the new CD, Wacky 911 Again, is uncensored.
	It has numerous uncensored phone calls on it.
	All right.
	So when you order, please order with caution.
	We don't want anyone saying, here, Grandma.
	All right.
	Well, let's get it out.
	How do they order this?
	A lot of people are going to want the uncensored one.
	How do they get that?
	They can get it two ways.
	They can get it through our website at wacky911.com or they can order it through our toll free
	number at 1-800-617-7792.
	And I just wanted to mention that since I was in New York on September 11th, that 10%
	of all the profits from both the website and any orders taken over the toll free are going
	to the 911 Disaster Relief Fund, which goes immediately to the families of the firefighters
	and police.
	So you don't have to make a donation You know, we're not asking people to do anything, but as soon as you buy any CD, any book, and that's not just the 9-1-1, it's any of my books that I've written that are included on the website, anything you order over the toll-free number, we automatically donate 10% to the 9-1-1 Disaster Relief Fund.
	That's really nice.
	And there was a big brouhaha about it, and then they finally came out and announced, yes, all the money is going to go directly I don't want any fat cats siphoning off thinking this is a great way of making money.
	I was there and I've made numerous friends in the 9-1-1 community and in the police department from America's Dumbest Criminals book and all the 9-1-1 books.
	These people, as you know, are usually kept in the basement.
	A lot of times it's windowless.
	They work long hours.
	That's right.
	They take phone calls.
	More than 50% of all the phone calls they receive are from their frivolous non-emergency or completely ridiculous phone calls.
	They work very hard.
	They're very dedicated.
	And they save lives.
	And they save lives.
	And they do a great job.
	Okay, I'm up to something's up.
	Okay.
	I always want to ask you, you know, if there's anything we should know before we hear whatever it is, you know, that's coming up.
	Uh, nope.
	Sometimes my explanations just kind of don't do it's service.
	Here it comes.
	Please dispatch to the available ambulance.
	We need you to go to the Sampler Drive.
	I don't want to report this here at this point.
	Sampler.
	I don't know if you need a cover unit on that.
	Roger.
	You... you...
	I don't know if he was bragging or complaining.
	You could hear the poor guy just putting the cutout switch on and just cracking up.
	You know, being a man... How are you going to respond?
	being a man art. Throughout history men have done bizarre things with their unit. The infamous
	penis stuck in the pump line of the pool, guys have got it caught in vacuum cleaners,
	accidentally of course. I had one guy who was probably trying to pleasure himself with
	a vacuum cleaner but forgot that there was a beater brush.
	Although the term beater brush sounds nice, it isn't.
	So he had to call 9-1-1 and explain that what happened was he was vacuuming in his robe.
	And somehow the robe came undone.
	Actually, you know, at a critical time like that for the person Uh, making the call, it would be a close call between bleeding to death and making the call.
	There was a call like that, uh, which there was a man, uh, a person was walking by the house and they heard someone screaming from inside and moaning.
	And they yelled in, do you need, you know, are you okay?
	Yeah, I'm fine.
	I'm fine.
	Ow!
	Ow!
	Are you okay?
	Yeah, I'm fine.
	Ah!
	And they said, look, I'm going to call the ambulance.
	No, don't, don't, don't!
	And they called anyway.
	And what happened was they found the man.
	He somehow had his unit stuck in the drain of the sink.
	What?
	And he explained that he was changing a light bulb.
	And he was so embarrassed that he didn't want anyone to call.
	But the friendly, the good Samaritan neighbor called anyway.
	And they were able to, fortunately, unclog the drain.
	I'm afraid to try and picture that in my mind as I can.
	I know.
	Unless it was like a big thing.
	That one just visually doesn't work.
	However, it sounds horrendously dangerous, because if you were to connect with the electrical socket... Yes.
	Oh, my God.
	All right.
	Completed the circuit.
	This one, folks, caused me to... Again, we're circling back to something we've done before.
	But this, I think, is the funniest one I've ever heard.
	It rivals Joe in my mind.
	And it just laid me on the floor.
	We're talking the gag.
	I know that's your favorite.
	Oh, it by far is.
	This poor guy is bound and gagged.
	You know, obviously he's been, I don't know, assaulted or kidnapped or something.
	He's bound and gagged and he's calling 9-1-1, trying to get the information through to them.
	Here it is.
	9-1-1?
	I am a vehicle on a robbery.
	I know I have been gagged and thrown out.
	Excuse me for a minute, please.
	Sure, I can understand it.
	Also, he said that he's a victim of a walker.
	He's been tied up and gagged.
	Can you give us your address?
	6-3-9 Wal-Mart.
	6-3-9 what?
	Wal-Mart.
	Wal-Mart?
	Orange?
	No.
	Almond.
	Almond.
	Like a nut.
	Almond.
	How long ago did this happen?
	Well, I think it was three years ago.
	Okay, listen to me.
	Listen to me.
	Do you live in a house or an apartment there?
	Apartment.
	What apartment do you live in?
	Well, there's two.
	One, two?
	Alright, one, two.
	Two.
	What apartment?
	Two!
	I don't know why.
	I have no idea why that gets me what it does.
	It's just funny.
	I don't know why.
	I have no idea why that gets me what it does.
	It's just funny.
	I mean, what I love is that they keep going.
	Oh, what's your favorite TV show?
	I know.
	And this, of course, was before E911, which is enhanced 911, where it's just a little
	bit more advanced.
	And I think it's funny because I'm a big fan of the E911.
	I mean, I'm a big fan of the E911.
	Well, have you ever tried to gag yourself and then, you know, to talk?
	No.
	That's the way it comes out.
	I think the poor fellow was really honestly gagged.
	Have you?
	Well, when we were kids... And did it involve a vacuum cleaner?
	Yeah, I was replacing a light bulb.
	No, when we were kids we played those kinds of games.
	Oh, okay.
	Boy!
	Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask.
	How's your back?
	Uh, it's just... Actually, it's fine now.
	Good.
	Uh, I'm going through a period where I'm having absolutely no trouble.
	I'm taking all these wonderful drugs.
	You know, these, uh... Don't forget your friends, Art.
	Oh, God.
	They're not those kinds of drugs.
	Oh, well, that's no fun.
	Uh, they are drugs that, uh, help, uh, take away the swelling and that sort of thing.
	Okay.
	And that seems to be the magic that's doing it.
	Alright.
	Well, I was worried about you.
	Well, I'm, uh...
	Not taking a break.
	I'm getting rid of you for five minutes.
	Okay.
	All right?
	Leland, stay right where you are.
	Leland Gregory is my guest.
	What's the number for 9-1-1 again is his latest book and you're gonna hear a little bit of the audio.
	Hey, he's got a new uncensored one out.
	You're gonna love this.
	Joe and the Deer, you've got to hear uncensored.
	It does assault the sensibilities a little bit, but it is the funniest thing you ever have heard.
	I'm Art Bell, and this is Coast to Coast AM.
	♪♪ ♪♪
	Once again, here is Leland Gregory, collector of strange things.
	Heh. Um...
	How, remind us, how do you get these things?
	I mean, obviously people will send you this or that, but then don't you have to seek some kind of permission to be able to put them on publicly like this?
	Actually, the calls are all considered a matter of public record, and they're all available through the Freedom of Information Act.
	But unfortunately, in order to obtain them, you have to say, you have to submit a form and say, I want this call that came in on this date, through this communication center, at this time, from this time to this time.
	So then that must mean that, how do you get that information?
	Most people wouldn't have it unless you're dealing directly with a dispatcher.
	Right, you have to have someone on the inside.
	So you've got a lot of inside contacts.
	Yes, I do.
	My own personal 9-1-1 deep throat.
	All right.
	Here comes here kitty kitty, whatever that is.
	All right.
	No comment, folks.
	Well, this was this was kind of interesting because she's a she's obviously a humanitarian who cares deeply about her cat and doesn't want it To get hurt by anyone else but the 911 operator.
	Okay, here we go.
	I contacted the animal shelter right next to the Humane Society because I want to have my cat put to sleep.
	They said to call the police if they consider it an emergency.
	I want to have my cat put to sleep.
	Okay, I don't know what you want police to do about it.
	Are you the police?
	Yes, we are.
	Do they have some kind of measure where they do something with the cat in case of a real emergency where the cat is detrimental to the other person?
	He's detrimental to me.
	He's scared of me.
	Well, how long have you been acting like this?
	apartment being with him along with him because he scared me because he's scared
	of me and we're reacting to each other and I certainly don't want to uh I'm not
	that kind of a I'm not an inhumane person and I would never let the cat out
	the back door and just let it roam around I want to make sure it puts its feet
	see. Well how long have you been acting like this? Forever.
	And um so I wanted to. What do you mean forever?
	Forever!
	For as long as I can, it's forever!
	Okay, so why is it so important today, then?
	Well, anyway, could you have him put to sleep today?
	I can't know.
	Well, who does it?
	Animal Control does it.
	And if they're not there today, there's nothing I can do to help you.
	The machine said call the police at 291-1111 if there was an emergency!
	Would you stop yelling at me?
	Well, you were yelling at me, too!
	No, I'm not.
	That's just about it.
	I'll tell you what.
	How can it be an emergency if you have this cat all this time and all of a sudden now today it's an emergency?
	How do you know how long I've had the cat? You didn't even ask!
	I did too!
	I found out that the cat's scared of me! Right now, I'm yelling!
	The cat is scared! He's petrified!
	And I'm not about to just let him walk out the back door!
	Should I do that? Should I just throw him out the back door and let somebody kill him while I'm starving to death?
	I thought...
	I thought I'm doing the most proper, humane thing to do is to put him to sleep!
	For Pete's sake!
	Good lord, where do you think I am?
	A killer?
	I'm telling you right now that somebody's gotta pick that cat up from the police department, or all hell's gonna break loose!
	Here.
	I'm telling you- All hell is gonna break loose!
	I'm telling you the police department does not pick up... Why did they put the number down there?
	Why?
	Why did they put the number?
	Call the police!
	Why am I crying, Luke?
	You think this is fun for me?
	I don't like to call the police.
	No way, no how.
	You don't want to deal with me!
	I'd like to put you to sleep!
	You're a dog!
	You're nothing but a dog!
	Well, just keep talking because it's on tape, okay?
	I really don't care what you say!
	What, are you going to call me back and arrest me for my mind speaking my thoughts?
	That I can't stand your f***ing guts?
	Your toilet paper!
	What's the meaning of your s***?
	People like you, you stink!
	Are you done yet?
	I don't know, did I say enough?
	Did you get offended?
	I suppose not!
	You can't get offended because you don't got no heart!
	You only got a hundred square miles!
	I don't even know you, f*er, but I can tell you right now, you're a s*hole!
	Material!
	F*er, fer, f**er!
	Ditto, ditto, ditto!
	Call me, I don't care!
	I'm telling you, you're the corrupt bitch who made the rent, gave my f***ing sister
	my dad for her to call you up, and my poor dad's dead, and you don't give a f***ing
	Shit!
	You should be put to sleep!
	You should be put to sleep!
	You should die!
	I'd like to kill you myself!
	Well, ma'am, why don't you tell me where you are?
	Oh, I thought you knew already!
	You got it down on tape!
	Now you don't want to give your address, huh?
	I'll give my address!
	Does that make it better?
	Yeah, it does, because our friends would like to see you.
	What's your address?
	Why don't you go fly a kite with a hole in it?
	Oh my God!
	You know, I understand why the cat was scared of her.
	The poor cat!
	I think the humane thing would be to put the cat to sleep.
	I love that, but the funny thing is that last line.
	What a cruel, cruel thing to say to another human being.
	That lady just really lost it.
	Again, no wonder that cat's probably hiding in a closet somewhere and I don't blame it.
	It's probably gnawing through its own paw.
	Well, that gives some people some idea of the kind of calls you can get.
	And you really can get those kinds of calls.
	And I just, you know, how did that lady keep, you know, I think she wanted her address.
	I think she wanted to personally go meet this lady.
	Yeah.
	But you know how professional she stayed?
	She didn't start yelling back.
	She kept her calm.
	She took the information down.
	She kept the tape rolling.
	She didn't hang up.
	Nobody can be paid enough to take calls like that.
	Right.
	That's what I think, and that's why, you know, that's another reason why I think the operators need to be more appreciated, and, you know, that's another reason that I've decided to donate the 10%, because, I mean, just for a call like that, they deserve something.
	Well, I wasn't ready for that one, I'll tell you.
	The cat hates me, and I hate the cat.
	And I've always hated it, and I've always had it.
	And we're feeding off each other's hatred.
	And I'm not going to just let him out of the back door.
	I'm a humane person.
	I want him put to sleep.
	And finally, she wanted the operator put to sleep.
	Aye, aye, aye.
	All right.
	That was a winner.
	That was right on up there almost with Joe, in my opinion.
	Well, thank you.
	That was available on the new CD.
	Oh, unedited?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, unedited.
	Yes.
	Well, we weren't able to offer that last time, folks.
	So if you want the unedited version, Of course, the website link or the order number is 1-800-617-7792.
	That's 1-800-617-7792.
	And to be sure you're getting the right one, you would be asking for... Wacky 9-1-1, again, uncensored.
	Uncensored.
	Right.
	Are there two versions?
	One censored and one uncensored?
	Right.
	The first CD was called Wacky 9-1-1 and it's all censored.
	No, but I mean, of the second one, it is only uncensored?
	Yes.
	Good, so people can't order the wrong one if they get the second one.
	No.
	All right, what's your size, whatever that is?
	Okay.
	All right, I have not... Intentionally, folks, I have not listened to these.
	I've held on to these CDs since... September 12th.
	That's exactly right, since September 12th.
	All right, here we go.
	Yes?
	I have a problem.
	What are you reporting and where are you?
	Uh, my penis is too small.
	Hello?
	Tell me your name and when.
	My penis is, my penis is already stuck to my penis.
	What?
	Tell me your name and when.
	Can you hear me talking?
	Tell me your name and when.
	Hello?
	Right here.
	Yes!
	You wanna suck my d**k?
	No, but you can have your friends there do that for you, okay?
	You wanna suck my d*** No, but you can have your friends there do that for you,
	okay?
	You need to stop using the 911 service Oh, God!
	Oh, see, that's bad stuff Yeah, I just loved her comment.
	You can have your friend do that for you.
	The thing is that they made, like you were talking about, that was like seven or eight phone calls they made in a row.
	Yeah, it was several phone calls.
	And right, she finally laid into them.
	And that's one thing I want people to know.
	Please don't crank 9-1-1.
	Especially now.
	With everything that's going on, you should never do it to begin with, but if you do decide to be clever and think you're going to wind up on the next CD, remember that there is now enhanced 9-1-1.
	Where they get you, they have your records.
	Where they get you immediately, whether it's on a pay phone or a cell phone.
	Also, a lot of people have decided to get real pranky with white powder, and most of those people are now contemplating their act in jail.
	Yes.
	So, that's not funny either.
	No, don't play around with 9-1-1.
	Where's my truck?
	Where's my truck?
	This is an irate caller again.
	Another one, alright.
	Another one.
	Here we go.
	Can I help you?
	Yeah, you know what, uh, somebody's on my phone right now.
	Okay, hold on.
	Hello?
	Hey, uh... Yeah, it's that guy that, uh... His truck was freaking towed last month for a 30-day impound.
	He's telling me it was stolen 10 minutes ago.
	For a 30-day impound.
	Yeah, and he is screaming at me and the translator, so... Uh, okay, hold on.
	Go ahead, sir.
	Can I have an emergency?
	How may I help you?
	Hey, can you call for me or what?
	Excuse me?
	Hey, I need a sanitary.
	I'm sorry, I can't understand you, sir.
	You need a what?
	I have a problem?
	They're telling me that your car was impounded a month ago.
	Did you pick up your car from the tow yard?
	I'm not f***ing blind!
	Hey, don't talk to me that way!
	I'm not f***ing blind!
	Hey, don't talk to me that way!
	F*** you!
	Okay, goodbye!
	No, because you can't hear me or what?
	Okay, I can hear you.
	You're fine.
	I can't hear you.
	You can't hear me or what?
	Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but let me try to tell you.
	Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but let me try to tell you.
	Okay, sir.
	Sir.
	Hello?
	Okay, if you're going to yell at me, I'm going to disconnect with you, okay?
	There's no reason for you to yell at me.
	Okay, well I'm not going to help you if you're going to yell and talk at me like that.
	Okay, so you need to calm down.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Alright, thank you.
	Okay, do you want to talk to somebody else?
	9-1-1?
	Hey, can you hear me or what?
	Excuse me?
	Hey, I need a help, eh?
	Yeah, I need a help!
	F***!
	Hold on the line, I'll transfer you... I'm gonna transfer you to... I need a help!
	9-1-1?
	Yeah, can you hear me please?
	What do you want?
	Well, I need a help.
	911?
	Yeah, can you hear me please?
	Okay, why do you keep calling 911?
	Because I need no help!
	Okay, well you can't hang up?
	Girl!
	Can you call the police or something to call me?
	Okay, hold on a second!
	Fuck!
	Did you hear me or what?
	Fuck!
	Okay, what's up with this guy?
	I guess his call was impounded by somebody and he wants to report it stolen.
	Can you hear me or what?
	Can you hear me?
	Yes!
	Yes!
	Can you hear me or what?
	Can you hear me, yes or no?
	Okay, we, okay, we're going to call the police department and tell them that I'm going to go here and tell them you're
	here.
	And that he's waiting for you.
	He's been called.
	What? And you, and he's waiting for you, fucking, for all of what?
	You know what, you can just hang up on him.
	Hello?
	Yeah.
	I need you, now.
	You can just hang up on him. He's not listening and we're taking care of it, so you can just hang up on him.
	Okay, and you guys are going to go out there?
	Yeah.
	Do you have his cell phone number?
	Unfortunately, yeah.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Unfortunately, yes.
	Unfortunately.
	He called like 40 times.
	Yeah, I know.
	And every time it comes in, it'll come in pretty much on a different console, you know.
	Right.
	The best thing about this call that I love is that you hear how irate he is.
	And he's yelling and screaming and yelling and screaming.
	He wasn't at his house.
	He was at his girlfriend's house.
	So they couldn't, and he was on his cell phone.
	So they couldn't find him immediately.
	They got a call of a noise disturbance next door.
	And then when they arrived, they found him.
	He was yelling so loud that the neighbors called to complain, not knowing that he was calling the 911 people.
	So they called to complain about a noise disturbance and that's how they found the guy.
	I could occasionally make out the word truck and that was about it?
	Yeah, well he was a very drunk Mexican.
	Apparently his car had been impounded a month ago and he was calling now saying that someone had just stolen it.
	I see.
	So he probably came out of a blur and realized his truck wasn't there and just Lit into the 9-1-1 operators.
	Those poor people.
	Yeah.
	They're gonna squeeze one more in here, three guns and a blanket.
	Alright, here we go.
	Hello?
	Is this the police department?
	Yes, it is.
	My name is George Brown.
	What can I do for you?
	I was walking through the park and two males chased me.
	They ran from under the blanket and chased me.
	Did they hurt you?
	Yes, they did.
	Are you bleeding?
	I... Do you need an ambulance?
	I don't know.
	I've been raped.
	Okay, we've got an officer and a policeman on the way.
	Is your sailor still around?
	No, I'm at home now.
	Should I take a shower?
	No, don't do anything.
	Wait until the police officer gets there.
	Where are you?
	But I'm such a mess.
	Okay, there's a police officer on the way.
	I hope he's a nice officer.
	They're all very nice.
	Is that all the information you need?
	Do you know who attacked you?
	Is that all the information you need?
	He's gone now. He's at home. He's safe.
	Do you know who attacked you?
	No, I don't.
	And you're home now.
	Yes, I am.
	And you're safe?
	I think so.
	Okay, what did your sailor look like?
	Um, they were both approximately six feet tall.
	Dark hair.
	Both of them.
	That's all I remember.
	They were behind me.
	Okay.
	Okay, um, the officers are there now, so don't talk to you.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	Oh, God.
	Thank you.
	Oh, God.
	They were behind me.
	Yeah, they were all losing it down there, too.
	Yeah, you could tell.
	All right, Leland, hold it right there.
	We'll be right back.
	I'm Art Bell.
	Well, this is Coast to Coast AM from the high desert in the nighttime.
	Now, there's something about real life and even serious times in real life
	that can be really funny, even though probably it ought not be funny.
	It is.
	I mean, that's just the way it is if you have that kind of sense of humor.
	And I do.
	Okay, Leland, we've got a lot of them on here.
	What, pray tell, is Laserbeam?
	This is one of the calls from a lady who, when she calls, they all know her name.
	And she's complaining about her very, very, very, very, very mean neighbors.
	Mean neighbors.
	A lot of people get in trouble with neighbors.
	Here we go.
	911.
	Yeah, I see it.
	I'm at the back of my car.
	Do you need to be stopped?
	What's that mean, to be stopped?
	Be stopped.
	Be stopped.
	These people bothering me on my property.
	What people are bothering you?
	A girl I used to live next door that moved out.
	Hmm, what are they doing?
	Night one.
	You should see the hole they put in the side of my foot again.
	They put a hole in the side of your foot?
	Yes, they did.
	How do they do that?
	They have a laser beam out here.
	They pop electricity and laser beams all the time.
	They're shooting laser beams out here?
	Yes, and then hit me in the ass too.
	Listen, I want these people arrested because they cannot harm my body.
	What kind of equipment are they using that they pop at it?
	I can't say they have a laser beam, I don't know.
	They have a thing that they have around the leg of the table that has small bulbs on it.
	They attach it and that's how they pop electricity around.
	He said they have small bulbs or balls around it?
	Bulbs.
	B-U-L-B-S.
	Oh.
	And then that has a laser beam attached to it and that's what they're shooting at your foot?
	Yes, they've been hitting me in the ass, too.
	At my table, too?
	At my table, I reported that they've been hitting me in the ass.
	They've been hitting my knee.
	Yeah.
	I mean, how he walked, because he's not that hung.
	You can see the size of the hole that they had put him inside of my... But when I go to bed at night, they keep shooting that beam at me while I'm in my bed.
	They hit my foot that I can't even go to bed, but I go to sleep that way.
	No, there isn't.
	I sat in the family room.
	I'm in my bedroom and it's dark out at night.
	And your neighbors are doing this to you?
	They used to be.
	They moved in to cause trouble.
	They moved out.
	They're still causing the trouble.
	So they don't live with you anymore?
	They never did live with me.
	I don't know the people.
	They moved in next door to cause harm to me for that tramp that was after my husband.
	And your husband's dead, right?
	Okay.
	stop bothering him that's how he has cancer.
	Mm-hmm.
	Okay, does he have these laser beams on him too?
	Yes, mm-hmm.
	They don't listen to nobody.
	Okay.
	They're on drugs.
	Okay.
	They're on drugs.
	Okay.
	And they think it might be wealthy.
	Okay.
	Well, we will tell them to stop it, okay?
	I'm arrested because I have my salt and battery charges.
	Okay.
	My life is in danger.
	Yeah.
	I like, they put a hole in the side of my foot.
	Shot me in the ass too.
	Shot me in the ass too, yeah.
	Yeah, we'll go out there and look for them.
	Yeah, well make sure you come out here and arrest them.
	Alright, thank you.
	She was saying they were on drugs?
	Yeah.
	I like, they put a hole in the side of my foot.
	Yeah.
	Shot me in the ass too.
	Shot me in the ass too, yeah.
	You know, how, the way you gotta think about that is, suppose that was your neighbor.
	Yeah.
	Neighbor is from hell.
	Probably is.
	You know, that's why people don't get to know their neighbors anymore because they probably have laser beams.
	They probably... We do live in a strange world, don't we?
	Fortunately.
	I guess for you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, fortunately for you and for me.
	That's right.
	That is right.
	We're both doing okay.
	I get some very strange people, but I've learned over the years, Leland, a lot of talk show hosts would just flat blow a lot of people that I talk to right off the air.
	They'd never get to say two words.
	I found out a long time ago that was wrong.
	It's like trying to judge a book by its cover.
	And you just can't do it.
	A lot of times there's really good stuff in there if you just listen.
	Alright, Red Caddy.
	Okay, this is a cool one.
	This one took place in Poughkeepsie, New York, and it's extremely similar to Joe vs. the Deer.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, yeah.
	All right, uh, here we go.
	Well, I need a man with a gun up here.
	You do?
	I do.
	I'm going to tell you what I am.
	I'm going to tell you what I am I don't want you to get sick, you know what I'm saying?
	That's a pair of my car parts there.
	Well, where's all this taking place?
	You know where the farm variety is, do you not, D?
	There's four of them out here.
	There's three or four of them.
	I don't mean to tell that out here.
	There's a lot of shit on the back seat.
	There's a lot of shit getting in the back seat down there.
	Where you at?
	I'm doing turbo boost.
	I can't get the turbo boost down.
	It won't stand still.
	Still.
	Well, where you at?
	In the turbo boost.
	That's what I told you.
	Whereabouts?
	I told you where to find me.
	They said there's four of them over here.
	Four of them.
	You know them cars?
	Four of them.
	By the mobile station.
	I'll be.
	I was in the gas station.
	A dog came back and chased me in the damn telephone booth.
	You sure that's not a smuggler's station?
	Let me see.
	I mean, yeah, that really is a smuggler's station.
	This is a check.
	Check my back window area.
	I just take them cookies there to get them safe, you understand?
	You took that and you're taking them home like that.
	No, I just put them there to fix it.
	A dog come back and robbed them.
	They just chased me in the...
	I couldn't understand a lot of that.
	It was a very bad quality, but the very best quality I could find.
	I actually got it from the Poughkeepsie Police Department.
	Really?
	And the guy was calling from a phone booth at a mobile station that turned out to be a Sonico station.
	He was in a red Cadillac, he hit a deer, put it in the back of his car, he was going to take the deer down and get it fixed.
	Which I think it meant cooked up.
	Cooked up, I see.
	And the deer kicked out the back window of his car.
	I see.
	Actually, you know, some people think these are...
	I've heard that from a number, but I've also read a number of legitimate Associated Press and UPI stories about this.
	This really did and has happened.
	People think these animals are dead and they load them in the car for some good venison and about halfway home they're not dead and they're also not happy.
	So it really does happen.
	I remember I heard a story, or actually a friend of mine, a guy I know, Uh, they were at the beach and they saw a scorpion laying on a rock.
	And the scorpion, of course, wasn't moving.
	And they thought, Oh, cool.
	Scorpion's dead.
	Let's take it home.
	And of course the scorpion was simply sunning himself.
	So they pick him up and they put him in a, in a bag and they put him in the van and they're driving around.
	And of course the scorpion wakes up because it's not getting any more sun.
	And he starts terrorizing everyone in the back of the van.
	Of course, when you have a group of people in a van at the beach picking up scorpions, they're not in the right frame of mind anyway, usually.
	Alright, let's try this one.
	Let's see if it's legible.
	This is called Testing 1-2-3.
	one two three okay. Number one what are you reporting? This is a test I have just purchased a Magnavox mobile 911 and I
	was told to call you in order to check and make sure the unit is working. Okay well that's really not legal to do
	but we'll let it go. Okay thanks. Thank you. Bye. That's it huh? A lot of people do stuff like that. Just testing. They'll
	get a phone, they'll call 911. I've had people call and say I'm just calling to see if it works.
	Well, apparently his phone only works when he's on the phone.
	Only could call 9-1-1.
	They have phones, I think, like that.
	Yeah, they do.
	They have phones that are just for 9-1-1.
	Even if you have not activated service on a cellular phone, I believe that many of them will call 9-1-1.
	Right.
	And that's all they'll do.
	And a lot of problems with people and cell phones is that a lot of them have one-touch keypads or one-touch speed dials to go to 9-1-1.
	Right.
	And if you don't activate the key guard on your phone and you put it in the back of your pocket, And you go to, like, an Arkansas Razorbacks game, and you're jumping up and down, your butt will start calling 9-1-1.
	Your butt calls 9-1-1?
	Yeah.
	And the operator not only has to receive the call, realize that it's a non-responsive call.
	They have to disconnect, and they have to call you back.
	You know another thing people forget to do?
	They forget to disconnect calls.
	I have talked to people In the past, who were talking to me, you know, they were in the middle of a very serious meeting.
	I wouldn't even say what it was.
	Very serious meeting, and they got out of the meeting for a minute and they called me to, you know, tell me what was going on.
	And they got called in quickly, shoved the phone in their pocket, and I couldn't even disconnect, so I sat there listening to this meeting.
	And these things happen, and that's how these people end up with gigantic cell bills that I cannot explain.
	Did you get any good insider information?
	As a matter of fact, I surely did.
	Yes, I sat there and listened to the whole meeting.
	I bought Intel at six.
	Yeah, that's right.
	All right, cooking people.
	What cooking people?
	Oh, this is another dastardly neighbor.
	I'm going to transfer you a super call, okay?
	Oh, no you're not.
	I know what you're doing.
	I know, you're sneaky.
	Let me tell you something.
	What?
	This lady believes that the people downstairs are cooking a human being.
	Are what?
	Are cooking a human being.
	Okay.
	Brenda, this is for you.
	Uh-huh.
	Okay.
	Let me transfer this one to her, okay?
	Uh-huh.
	That she would like for us to send goods.
	And somebody wants to check the house, but she thinks that if teenagers disappear,
	they might be cooking here.
	Okay.
	Okay?
	Uh-huh.
	Bye.
	May I help you?
	Yeah, uh, what square mile is, um, my neighbor downstairs?
	Your neighbor downstairs?
	Uh-huh.
	My neighbor downstairs is about three or four miles, but we are smelling the smell.
	They said something about between 10 to 11 o'clock at night, so they are cooking right now.
	What is it?
	It smells, it doesn't smell like a regular soup.
	It doesn't smell like that soup.
	What do you think it is?
	Now again, maybe it's my ears, but I had a hard time hearing that.
	Something about cooking... The downstairs neighbor are cooking a human being.
	They're cooking a human being.
	Okay, we'll check it out for you.
	We'll check it out.
	Now again, maybe it's my ears, but I had a hard time hearing that.
	Something about cooking...
	The downstairs neighbor are cooking a human being.
	They're cooking a human being.
	Yeah. And then the other lady calls, a different neighbor calls, and complains about the same thing.
	Somebody's cooking?
	Their neighbor is cooking.
	She said, something smells weird.
	She said, what do you think it smells like?
	A person?
	Being cooked?
	Being cooked, yeah.
	You don't happen to know how that came out, do you?
	A three-course meal, I think.
	No, I really don't know the outcome of that call.
	Hopefully it was a foreign dish.
	It is kind of odd though that two people would complain, not that most of us would understand
	what the smell of a cooking human being would be, just somehow alien enough that two people
	would come up with that.
	That's pretty weird.
	Yeah, really.
	The Dahmer restaurant.
	It's unfortunate, isn't it, that some of these just are not clear.
	They have these giant reel-to-reel recorders that are going at an extremely slow speed.
	And so, of course, you can't get the sound quality that you want a lot of times.
	Right, and we even took them to an audio studio and worked on them as much as we could.
	I mean, that's as good as it sounds.
	And those are just the way it is.
	Some of them come out better, like Joe vs. the Deer.
	They're recorded on different Uh, different types of equipment, but like you said, most of them are these massive reel-to-reel tape players that go at extremely slow speeds.
	And, of course, a lot of times we'll get second or third generation tapes.
	Oh, sure.
	But, uh, it's, uh... Do you ever, uh, when you get a second or third generation, do you ever have enough information to go back and try and get a first-gen tape?
	Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't, like with the Poughkeepsie Call, I was able to trace it back to You know, where it came from, exactly, and found the person who took the call, who happened to have had a dub from the original.
	You know, but you can never really get, you know, you can never get the original.
	You can only get, the best you can do is ever get a dub from the original.
	The first dub, yes.
	I would imagine a lot of dispatchers, after they've had calls like this, go back themselves and get copies for their personal little library.
	Right.
	And then, unfortunately, after six months, they destroy the original tapes.
	Right.
	So, the best you can do is get a, you know, the best you can do is get a first generation.
	Alright, here's something called sundown, whatever that is.
	is here we go. It sounded like he went ahead and tried to...
	And tried to find out, yeah.
	Yeah, and he probably did.
	There's a lot of calls, like you said, if they have time.
	And, you know, they'll say, they'll look around and see what time it is.
	We had so many people call for things like that during the big earthquakes in California.
	Had a huge series of people calling saying, when's the next earthquake?
	When is the next earthquake?
	We had one guy that called every five minutes saying, when's the next earthquake going to happen?
	She said, sir, we don't have that kind of information.
	He'd call back.
	You guys have got to know.
	You're the 911 center, right?
	Yeah.
	Well, you got to know when's the next earthquake.
	She said, sir, we really don't know.
	We really can't tell when the next earthquake is going to be.
	He kept calling back.
	Finally, the operator said, he said, when's the next earthquake?
	She said, it's going to be in five minutes.
	Hold on.
	Well, it takes a village.
	Yeah, it does.
	There was one call that I really liked that's in the book that unfortunately I couldn't get on the audio.
	There's a lot of them that are in the book.
	What's the number for 9-1-1 again?
	And of course, the first one that I never could get the audio for.
	But there was a call where an elderly lady called 9-1-1 and the operator said, 9-1-1, what's your emergency?
	She said, you know, honey, I hate to bother you.
	But I'm an invalid and my home health care nurse hasn't shown up today and I can't move.
	Do you think you could send a man over and help turn me in the bed so I don't get bed sores?
	And the operator said, well certainly ma'am.
	We understand.
	We'll send someone else to take care of you.
	Could you tell me how long you've been bedridden?
	And the woman got very angry and said, excuse me?
	She said, I just need to know how long you've been bedridden ma'am.
	And the lady said, well, if you must know, not in 20 years since my husband was alive.
	They think it's going to be a heartwarming story, but not when I'm involved.
	Oh yeah? Oh.
	Oh, my goodness.
	You must, I think we said it earlier, but you must have an awful lot of deep throat type people who feed you this stuff.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	I've got people from New York, California, Utah, Tennessee.
	How does somebody contact you if they have something?
	Well, the best way to do it is if you go to the website at wacky911.com, you can scroll down to the bottom of the screen and it says, for press information, contact Leland.
	And if you click on that, it goes right to my email.
	And if you've got information about good 911 stories, or if you have audio from 911 stories, the best way to get in touch with me is through the website.
	Wacky911.com, go to the bottom of the page, click on my name.
	Alright, um, you wanna do a little more?
	Sure!
	Okay, then a little more lies ahead.
	We'll take a break here at the top of the hour, and be right back with Leland Gregory.
	People do do the darndest things, don't they?
	From the high desert, I'm Art Bell, and this is Coast to Coast AM.
	Roaring through the night, like a, kinda like a freight train in the night.
	as us.
	Once again, here is Leland Gregory.
	Leland, you're back on the air again.
	And let's proceed with what we've got here.
	Alright.
	Do you have a link called Itchy Legs?
	As a matter of fact, I do.
	I have it.
	Cut number 18 and I'm there.
	Alright.
	Alright.
	This is a very interesting call.
	Alright.
	Itchy Legs.
	Ma'am, I'm on my way to see you.
	Hey, look.
	My legs, they itch so bad.
	I think I'm going to go crazy.
	Okay, your legs itch very bad?
	Are you listening to me?
	I sure am.
	All right now, my legs are itching so bad.
	Uh-huh.
	They're driving me crazy.
	Okay, would you like to speak with the paramedics?
	I would like to speak to them, please.
	Thank you.
	Sure, let me transfer you.
	Hold on, please.
	Fire emergency?
	Hello, is this the medics?
	This is the fire department.
	The fire department?
	Uh-huh, what did you need?
	Well, I have no fire.
	I have no fire.
	Okay, you need paramedics.
	I don't know what I need for pediatrics.
	I don't know.
	What's the problem?
	My legs.
	My legs are itching something terrible.
	It's been that way for two, three days now.
	Okay, how's your breathing?
	My breathing's fine.
	It's just that my legs itch me something terrible.
	Is there a rash on it?
	A rash?
	That's right.
	I've been to the doctor.
	And I have a rash on my legs.
	Do you understand?
	Uh-huh.
	I'm not going crazy.
	I have all my marbles.
	Do you understand?
	Okay, are you nauseous or have you been vomiting?
	Excuse me, please?
	Are you nauseous or have you been vomiting?
	No, no vomiting. Nothing like that.
	Just my legs ache, miss. I just don't... I just want my legs to ache.
	Okay. I need you to answer a couple questions. Are you pale, cool, or sweaty?
	Are you pale, cool, or sweaty?
	Am I what?
	Are you pale, cool, or sweaty?
	No.
	No, nothing like that.
	Just my legs... Okay, is there any pain with that?
	Any pain?
	Uh-huh.
	Just a very bad itch.
	Okay, we'll be right there, okay?
	Now look, I don't want to spend a lot of money on amulets and things like that because it isn't so.
	My legs itch me very bad.
	I'm going to go to bed.
	We've been scouring the entire world wide web looking for the funniest audio on different people's sites, personal audio, radio audio, and we're putting together a new CD because no one has the time to do what I do, which is sit and look for stupid audio on the computer all day.
	So we're putting out a new CD fairly soon called The Wacky Hits of the Web, and it's got some extremely funny stuff on it.
	Well, you might want to look into some sound clips that we've put up over the years with a fellow who calls me called JC.
	Cool.
	You might want to listen to a few of those cuts.
	Well, that's what I was going to say.
	If anyone out there in your audience knows of good sites that have funny audio, if you
	could just go to wacky911.com and click on my name at the bottom and give me the link,
	I would really appreciate it because it's going to be hopefully one of several volumes.
	We're going to get radio stations involved.
	It's going to be just a lot of fun because hang up phone calls, answering machines.
	The web is filled.
	Oh yeah, it's going to be a rich resource.
	There are people out there, Leland, who have websites and make crank calls.
	They call celebrities.
	And somehow, no matter how you try, I've changed my phone number.
	Probably.
	A dozen times.
	Easily.
	More.
	Yeah.
	And somehow, your phone number always gets out.
	I have no idea how it happens.
	I've been selling it.
	I've been selling it on eBay.
	That's probably how it happens, actually.
	And you get these crank calls, and no matter how you respond to them, they end up on websites.
	Right.
	So, it's a weird, strange world out there today.
	Very, very odd.
	And hopefully we're tapping into it, you and I. I guess.
	Or they're tapping into us.
	I don't know.
	Well, there you go.
	All right.
	Gee, I've got black magic.
	I've got locked in assault.
	What's assault with batteries?
	Oh, that's a very interesting call where a woman doesn't know how to put batteries in her fan.
	In her fan?
	Yes.
	She has all those little portable desk fans.
	Yeah.
	So she calls 9-1-1.
	So she calls 9-1-1.
	Yeah.
	Here we go.
	Hi ma'am, can I help you?
	Yes, um, would you tell me how to put batteries in my little fan here?
	It says I have a double A battery, but on here it says, um, one double A plus, and on the bottom it says plus double A one.
	Okay.
	How do I, how do I do that?
	Well, did you open up the back?
	Where the batteries go in?
	I didn't hear you.
	Did you open it up where the batteries go in?
	Yeah.
	Okay, is there any directions as far as which one, because do you see where the plus is?
	I see where, um, it's a little round, a little round, uh, wiring.
	Okay, now hold on one second, okay?
	Okay.
	What are you in major today?
	Okay, are you having trouble putting them in the right way?
	Yes, I am.
	I don't know how to put them in.
	Okay.
	Well, why don't you try putting them in, um, make sure that the... See the part where the bump is?
	Right.
	That should be where it says plus.
	Plus.
	Yeah.
	So wherever it says plus, that should be where the bump is.
	Okay, and the top one says one double A plus.
	Okay, does it take one or two batteries?
	Two.
	Two batteries?
	Yes, and the one at the bottom says, uh, plus AA1.
	And the battery, uh, has a plus on it, and the other battery has a plus on it.
	Well, the plus is referring to the side of the battery, like the top part where the pump is?
	That lady deserves a medal.
	God bless you too.
	She was really sweet.
	Take them out and switch them around and see if that works.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Alright.
	Thank you, ma'am.
	Oh, you're so welcome.
	God bless you.
	Okay, God bless you, too.
	Okay, bye-bye.
	Bye-bye.
	That lady deserves a medal.
	God bless you, too.
	She was really sweet.
	That was really...
	But, see, I mean, they're really good people.
	And, as you know, they're working in 911.
	But these are the kind of calls they get.
	Oh, but that was sweet.
	That's the plus is the bump.
	I mean, AA1, I think you meant AA-.
	That's right.
	So that's the kind of calls the 911 dispatchers get, and God bless them.
	They deserve medals.
	Well, Bob Crane of the C. Crane Company, he's a good friend of mine, and he runs an electronic company.
	And you can imagine with some fairly sophisticated electronics getting out there, some of the calls they get.
	Right.
	He's got a collection of classics.
	In fact, you might want to contact him.
	Well, I would do that.
	He's got some real beauts.
	Also, people who answer phones for, you know, helping people with computers.
	Right.
	Hard, hard job.
	If you can give me his name, maybe just email it to me when you get a shot.
	Really a hard job.
	Cool.
	I tell you, it's been a lot of fun delving into the whole 911 society.
	Like I said, the people are great.
	They're very patient, very understanding, and very professional people that deal with
	people that are kind of in the shallow end of the gene pool.
	Well, I also deal with people who are, yes, in the shallow end of the gene pool, but then others who are just in a panic over something or another.
	And some of them, I guess like human beings, I hear annoyance and frustration in some of the voices, and then others are just so sweet like that last one.
	Right.
	All right, black magic.
	Well, do you have one about a snake?
	Uh, let's see.
	Snake, yes.
	Oh, snake in hand, yes.
	There you go.
	That's a funny one.
	Alright, going back to snake in hand.
	You ready?
	Yes.
	Here we go.
	Snake in hand.
	I've got my son and she won't let go.
	So is it a snake?
	Yes.
	And is it around your son?
	She's got his finger and she keeps wrapping around him and I can't get her off of him.
	I can't get her to release her hold.
	Okay, so it's a python and he's got a hold of the hand and it's around the rest of the boy.
	She's on his index finger.
	Okay.
	And she keeps wrapping around his arm.
	And as soon as I get part of her off of him... So do you just need paramedics or do you just need some big strong men to help you out?
	I can't get her to release or hold.
	Okay.
	Is she hurting his finger?
	Yeah.
	She's got a good grip on it.
	We're going to need to thin this.
	Yeah.
	It's real big.
	How old's the boy?
	He's 16.
	Okay.
	Hang on just a minute.
	Okay.
	How big is the snake?
	She's about five feet long.
	Okay.
	What did you do?
	You just put your hand in there and she got you?
	You should know better than to try to get her when she's this big.
	I can't get her.
	I don't know how.
	Ma'am, is he just on the arm, the snake?
	It's not on any other part of his body?
	It's on his finger.
	It's on his finger, and it's wrapped around his arm?
	Uh-huh.
	Okay, we do have them on the way, it's said.
	She's swallowing my finger.
	Yeah, she's got him pretty good.
	Is that him I can hear?
	Yeah.
	I told you we should sell her.
	I'm not laughing.
	Send in the paramedics.
	We can get her off of ya.
	He'd get better.
	And he reached in to pick her up.
	Has it ate lately?
	Yeah, he just fed her.
	He just barely ate?
	Yeah, and that's why, because she won't eat.
	She's only eating mice.
	Uh-huh.
	She can eat five or six of them at a time.
	Uh-huh.
	And he only fed her one.
	Oh, so she's still hungry.
	Yeah, she's very hungry.
	He stuck his hand in the tank and she reached up and got him.
	I see.
	She's got a good hold on him.
	I can't pry her mouth loose.
	Try to relax.
	I can't relax.
	Try to.
	I can't feed her just one mouth.
	We've got to wait until we've got more.
	Okay, they are on their way.
	Is she releasing it all or...?
	Not releasing it all.
	I can't get her mouth off of... She's just... They're on their way.
	She's clamped on... She's released.
	She docked him?
	Yeah.
	Oh, good.
	Okay, they should be getting real close.
	Yeah, they're here.
	Okay, I'll go ahead and let you go.
	Okay.
	Thanks.
	Uh-huh.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye.
	You could hear this poor kid in the background.
	He's got my finger.
	It's not funny.
	I'm not laughing.
	The way she starts berating him.
	I knew we should have told her.
	You shouldn't put your hand in there.
	Oh, brother.
	But very professional.
	Five foot python latched on her child.
	You know, cops deal with snakes all the time.
	I watch the show, Cops, a lot.
	And they've shown a lot of calls where cops have gone to people's backyards and they have these gigantic snakes.
	Right.
	And believe me, cops are like regular people and a lot of cops, they don't like snakes.
	They don't like snakes at all.
	Uh, all right.
	Listen, you've got one on the end here.
	I'm afraid to even ask you about this.
	It says, not on CD, Art Bell only.
	Does that mean Art Bell after the show when we're not on the air?
	No, no, no.
	You can play it.
	It's just a silly little, uh, call about 9-1-1.
	Really?
	Mm-hmm.
	Okay, let me see.
	Uh, as long as... No, wait a minute.
	There's only, uh... There's only 20 on here.
	So is it number 20?
	Uh, I guess so.
	Okay, let's see.
	I, with some hesitance, press the button.
	Hey, uh, silly blonde, how you doing tonight?
	Good.
	Good, good.
	Hey, uh, I need to know about the savings that I get on your emergency plan, dear.
	Alright.
	Quiet over.
	Can you speak into the phone?
	Talk to me?
	I can't understand you.
	Okay, what is that information that you want to know?
	Well, on your emergency plan, you know that, uh, I need to know the savings on that there.
	Uh, 10-10-9-1-1.
	You know, for savings on the emergency calls.
	10-10-9-1-1.
	Yeah, for savings on all my emergency calls.
	What's the savings on that?
	Are you calling 9-1-1?
	Yeah.
	It's savings for 9-1-1 calls.
	I don't understand, sir.
	9-1-1 is already free, sir.
	All you want to do is overhang.
	It's not free, dammit.
	It's 75 cents a charge.
	9-1-1?
	Yep.
	Who are you calling, dammit?
	Huh?
	Who are you calling, dammit?
	You, you silly blonde.
	So how much can I save?
	You cannot save nothing, sir.
	Excuse me?
	Yes.
	You can't save nothing.
	So you guys think it's worthless?
	Hello?
	Yeah, Bear?
	Yeah.
	Okay, so what?
	Do I call another company or something?
	Yes, sir.
	They'll stick into it.
	Seventy-five cents a charge.
	I want it for free.
	You were talking about prank phone calls, so we thought I'd add that to your collection.
	That absolutely had to be one.
	Oh yeah, it was.
	You silly blonde.
	You know, and she hung in there.
	Yeah.
	Unbelievable.
	Who you calling dammit?
	How long does it take you to put together a full CD and then a book to go with it?
	The CDs take probably about a year to put together.
	It's just very, very difficult to get audio clips from 911 calls.
	The books take less time because I can go to legitimate news sources like newspapers
	and go to the search engines on their internet site and go through all the stories that have
	911 in it.
	Fortunately, I've made a lot of friends with dispatchers now and they'll send me their
	favorite stories.
	I'll be able to get them to send me their favorite stories.
	A lot of them can send me transcripts from the CAD recording even though the tapes have been destroyed.
	So I can get lots of actual transcripts.
	So putting the book together is a lot easier than putting the CD together.
	I think criminals are going to be a truly rich area for you as well.
	I hope so.
	Putting in fall of next year I should have out my new book called Stupid Criminal Tricks and then the year after that I've got the 2003 9-1-1 calendar coming out which will be a collection from the CDs and the two books.
	Also working on something very, actually serious, a 9-1-1 educational initiative that I'm putting together with the Metropolitan Education Department in Nashville.
	We're going to take 9-1-1 awareness and proper usage to pre-K and kindergarten and develop a curriculum that will carry through to junior high school.
	Hopefully we'll go nationwide.
	We're looking at starting it here as a test site.
	So if anyone has any information about 9-1-1 for educational purposes for kindergarten, please send me some information.
	Let me know if there's any programs out there already that we can emulate or help enhance.
	They can reach me, again, through the website, wacky911.com.
	Go down to the bottom of the page and click on my name.
	So we're putting them out in the schools.
	It should be out in the school systems.
	That's very nice.
	And also the toll-free number again is 1-800-617-7792.
	1-800-617-7792.
	Leland, I've got to split.
	I've got a little breaking news I've got to verify.
	So, I want to thank you again for being here.
	Thanks a lot, my friend.
	Good night.
	I've got a split, I've got a little breaking news I've got to verify.
	So, I want to thank you again for being here.
	Thanks a lot my friend.
	Good night.
	Take care of yourself.
	That's Leland Gregory.
	I'm Art Bell.
	This is Coast to Coast AM.
	And there is some breaking news that I need to verify, and we'll get back to you in a moment.
	and stay right where you are.
	It's written on me, it's everywhere I go.
	So if you really love me, come on and let it show.
	I look at you all, see the loves of that sleeping.
	I look at you all, see the lover that's sleeping While my guitar gently weeps
	While my guitar gently weeps.
	I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping.
	I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping Still my guitar gently weeps
	Still my guitar gently weeps.
	I don't know why nobody told you How to unfold your love
	I'll see you next time.
	I don't know how someone controlled you.
	They bought and sold you I look at the world
	And I notice it's turning While my guitar gently weeps
	Every mistake we make we've met.
	George Harrison has died.
	George Harrison, the lead guitarist in the astonishing 1960s cultural phenomenon known as the Beatles, died.
	on Thursday at age 58.
	Harrison passed away at a friend's house in Los Angeles after a battle with cancer.
	Harrison provided lead guitar, sometimes energetic, sometimes moving in the Beatles' many hits, while evolving into a songwriter in his own right, who would deliver some of the band's best-known tunes.
	Despite his success, his career and talent were frequently eclipsed by the shadows of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, known as the quiet one, the shy one, I guess.
	Serious one, the sad one.
	Not a Lennon, not a McCartney, but Harrison was so much an influence on the music of the Beatles.
	His contribution to the success of the world's most famous group cannot be underestimated.
	He was the man who, egged on by his first wife, Patti Boyd, bought Indian mysticism and meditation to the Fab Four.
	He was a man whose rockabilly playing on lead guitar underpinned all those early Beatle hits and whose wistful lyrical style later forged the psychedelic sound of the late 60s.
	His life had many contradictions.
	George Harrison gone at 58.
	It just seems incredible.
	I don't know.
	There's a lot of things lately, it seems like, that just slam us all, affect us all.
	And, you know, like many of you, I am 56, soon 57.
	I'm right in that exact age group where the Beatles were a gigantic influence on me.
	Just a gigantic influence.
	And they still are.
	Yes, that's the thing about music and books.
	They remain.
	But there's just this giant sense of loss, you know, when somebody like George Harrison passes away.
	Or Lennon.
	I just, I don't know, kind of puts me in shock, and I guess it reminds us all of our Own mortality, and so that's probably part of it, but it's so much more than that in this case.
	You know, it means so much to me.
	Music all my life has meant more to me than I can possibly tell you.
	Before I did talk radio, I of course was in music radio for all of my adult life.
	All of my adult life.
	And so I grew up with The Beatles, and I'm sure a lot of you did too.
	This is really sad news.
	Really sad news.
	He wasn't afraid of death, you know.
	He lived his life that way.
	He just simply wasn't afraid of it.
	But a great man, and I don't know what you say about the Beatles.
	They changed everything.
	Musically, they changed everything.
	And music, to some degree, makes the world go round.
	Without music, it wouldn't be the same world, would it?
	So, George Harrison gone at 58.
	I'm Mark Dillon.
	We'll be right back.
	Okay, so we'll do open lines.
	Oh, this is terrible news.
	This is really terrible news.
	It's got a thing... I don't know.
	It just strikes at the center of you.
	George Harrison.
	How can George Harrison be gone?
	I think most of us knew he was ill.
	But it's like a little piece of you, you know, it's like a little something of you gets ripped out when you hear it.
	But we're all mortal.
	We're all going.
	58's come early.
	Here's to the Rockies.
	You're on the air.
	Hello.
	Hello, Art.
	This is Wade.
	Calling you from Louisville, Kentucky.
	Listening to you on WTAM.
	Yes, sir.
	Yeah, I heard it on the Cleveland Radio about 3.30 about George Harrison dying.
	Right.
	And, you know, I'm kind of young.
	I'm 27.
	But I was deeply appreciative of George Harrison's music.
	Mostly listen to older style music, you know, from Zeppelin and on, but Harrison had a really deep, deep passion about his music.
	Sure he did.
	And it's a shame, it was funny, you know, I just read two or three days ago on the net where they told he was in L.A.
	getting some experimental treatment.
	That's right.
	Actually, he was getting a kind of a last-ditch treatment.
	Yeah, and that they had brought in Paul and Ringo.
	I came in to see him just last week.
	They knew that things were not looking good.
	and I bet you know they've told that before and I was like, yeah it's just rim-a-rama, rim-a-rama. But yeah, this is
	just one thing after another and stuff. But yeah, he's going to be sorely missed and I hope there's a lot of tributes
	for him in the next few days.
	Oh yeah, they've already started this morning.
	Thank you very much, sir.
	Okay.
	Take care.
	It was just, it's like a piece of your life is gone.
	Same thing with Lenin.
	I just went into a deep shock.
	How could it be?
	You know, such talented people, so young.
	There always was the dream, you know, of their getting back together, and there always were the rumors, and it almost happened, you know.
	But maybe it's as well that it did not.
	Maybe it never would have been the same.
	Who knows?
	Maybe they were wise in the end not to have done that.
	I don't know.
	It's almost... It's kind of worth considering a little bit.
	You know, what somebody like George Harrison means to all of us.
	And why it rips at us in this manner.
	And I think it's because music is...
	So much an important part of life.
	Life would not be the same without music, would it?
	There wouldn't be the same moments and the same joy and feeling and, you know, it's just one of those joyful things in life.
	There's a lot of pain.
	There's a lot of pain in life.
	That's what it is.
	It's a big test and there's a lot of pain.
	And music is one of the things that removes that for you.
	And they were at the very center of the very best that changed everything.
	Idle thoughts.
	West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Turn your radio off, please.
	Yeah, I hit the power button and it took a minute for it to go off.
	Yes, sir.
	Yes, thank you.
	Yeah, it's off.
	Okay.
	Go ahead.
	Oh!
	You're on the air.
	We just put you right on the airs.
	Oh, okay.
	Sorry, I didn't recognize your voice.
	You don't sound the same as on the radio.
	I've been told that.
	Okay, yeah, let me cheer you up a little bit, Art.
	Sure.
	God loves you and I love you, bro.
	This is Patrick in Kingman, Arizona.
	Yes, sir.
	And God wrote a book through me after I spent several years meditating and praying in the wilderness.
	I wonder if I might give some of that information on the air tonight.
	Well, in the sense that I don't let people read from the Bible, sir, I would hesitate to do it.
	Oh, no, I don't want to read anything.
	I just want to get the name of the book and how to find it on the web, how to find it on the Internet.
	So it's a web book?
	No, I'm selling it in manuscript form.
	I'm just advertising it on the Internet.
	Oh, I see.
	Well, unfortunately, you've hit the other thing I don't let people do, and I will explain to you why if you'll listen.
	I used to let people give out web addresses, you know, I used to be very free about that.
	And I thought, well, it's okay if people want to give a web address or something.
	So I'm terribly sorry, but I can't let you do it because I got burned several times.
	Unfortunately, until you thoroughly check out a web address, now you're welcome to supply it to me in email privately, and then I can check it out.
	But people gave out some URLs that went to some pretty nasty websites, you know, and it got on the air, and so I just decided As a blanket policy, I'm not going to let people give out URLs on the air, and I hope you understand, but I don't want to lead people to some pretty terrible places on the web.
	First time caller line, you're on the air.
	Hello.
	Yes, sir.
	How are you?
	Uh, well, hmm.
	Uh, this is Matt from, uh, Texas.
	Yes, sir.
	Has anybody called you this week about seeing the Northern Lights from Oklahoma on last Friday morning?
	Oh, yes.
	As I've been telling my audience, sir, the sun is going totally bananas.
	The Northern Lights have been coming very far south.
	We've been having intense, incredible geomagnetic storms.
	Very severe geomagnetic storms.
	So, I've got some photographs of it, and it was a blood-red sky.
	Yeah, I went out hunting about 5 o'clock in the morning and the entire north sky was just beet red.
	Yep, yep.
	It was incredible.
	I'd just been talking about wanting to see that, going up into Canada and wanting to see that and it was nice to see it that morning.
	Did you know what you were seeing right away or did you think it was a fire?
	No, I knew what it was because it was off the horizon and it was just like in the movies when they show the heavens, all the different colors.
	Yes.
	You can tell that it's separate from the ground.
	It's not emitting from the ground.
	It's coming from the sky.
	Yes, it is something to behold.
	In fact, several months ago, it got so severe that our sky here in southern Nevada turned blood red, and as far down as Mexico.
	Yeah, it's incredible to see it that far south.
	What's occurring is really quite something to behold, sir.
	Yes, it is.
	Thank you.
	I appreciate it.
	Take care.
	It is.
	And as my guest the other night said, and as I've been telling you actually for years, I am absolutely convinced that the activity on the sun is having a great effect on our magnetic field, and that's having an effect on us.
	So in other words, put another way, the sun's activity is having a profound effect on human activities.
	And things are certainly quickening, and things are certainly pretty wild out there right now.
	And that will continue while this Sun cycle continues out of control.
	A wild card line, you're on the air.
	Hello.
	Hello, Art.
	Art, I've got two words that will make a lot of the cloning opponents think twice.
	And the second two words that could even make Ashcroft think twice.
	And the first two words, well, they're self-explanatory, because I'm talking about creativity and spirituality unparalleled.
	And the first two words are George Harrison.
	And that wouldn't convince Ashcroft, but I've got something for him, too.
	And those two words are national security.
	Well, even the words George Harrison don't convince me.
	I don't know.
	Listen, I'm thinking really hard about this.
	I think this cloning issue is so serious.
	And I know that it would make sense to be able to bring somebody like George back.
	To have another George Harrison or another John Lennon or another... Oh, there are so many great minds and talents that we could imagine calling back to Earth through cloning, but no.
	I feel it's wrong.
	I think cloning is wrong.
	I see where it can go.
	I see where it will inevitably go.
	I don't know that my feelings are going to stop it.
	Probably nothing is going to stop it, but we are going to make a terrible, terrible mistake if we proceed.
	It's never stopped us before, has it?
	We built the bomb.
	We used the bomb.
	We have stockpiles of the bomb.
	We've not blown ourselves.
	Yet, off the face of the earth, but it's still possible.
	And they went ahead.
	And cloning might be in that category.
	If cloning gets out of control, no matter how well-intentioned, to bring back the George Harrisons and maybe the Kennedys and all the rest of it, not worth it.
	Not worth it.
	And not right.
	And there's just something wrong with it.
	And maybe that's my age showing, but I don't think so.
	Mark my words.
	West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
	Well, hello, Art. Long time.
	Howdy.
	Lady of Connect?
	Yes, oh yes, it has been a long time.
	Yeah.
	Tonight, we're listening to that man with that program about that foreign guy walking through the park.
	Oh yes.
	And he got raped by them guys.
	Well, he said.
	Yeah, but listening to those women laughing in the background, I know that if I was a rape victim and I heard men in the back on 9-1-1 laughing like that, I'd be even more devastated.
	And when I was in the Air Force in Alexandria, a station there, a brother airman was hitchhiking
	the base and he got raped and it cramonized him so bad that it destroyed his life.
	Well, it may have been a very serious thing.
	I again, I say and I, you know, I said when I heard it too.
	I think we're at the time of where it's written about that there was so much wickedness in
	the world that men couldn't think of like the cloning issue.
	Is it going to come down to the clones versus the uncloned, like who's more evolved?
	I'd hate to be a clone and know that they're going to come at four o'clock to get my leg for somebody else.
	Yeah, we're just, I've said again, I think if we proceed, we're making a terrible, terrible mistake.
	Just really a bad mistake.
	And them red skies, we had them up here in Alaska, too.
	They were awesome, and I've never seen anything like it.
	Oh, I bet it's been quite a year for the lights up there.
	Yes, sir.
	Well, I love you, and you have a good holiday.
	Thank you very much, and take care.
	And hopefully we'll hear from you before the holiday.
	Yeah, the police, you've got to understand, the average person really does not understand the police and 911 workers.
	The pressure and the life and death situations that you deal with on a regular daily basis really wear on you.
	I mean really wear on you.
	They make officers cynical.
	It makes dispatchers cynical.
	And occasionally, they blow off steam.
	You know, even if something doesn't seem funny to the average person, it hits somebody in law enforcement in a very different way.
	And it's a kind of a defensive mechanism that sometimes they laugh.
	First time caller on the line, you're on the air.
	Hi, Art.
	Hello.
	This is Cynthia from Northern California.
	Hi, Cynthia.
	And I guess it's not the right time to call, but I got through.
	But I want to tell you about your experiment.
	I tried it.
	About the shadow people and beings and saying, in the name of art, they'll be gone.
	Oh, no.
	Really?
	Yes, I did.
	We have sort of a beam here in our home.
	It's so regular that it was kind of used to it by now, and I thought I would try it.
	In the name of Art Bell, be gone.
	And what happened?
	It's not a good idea.
	I imagined that all along.
	I tried it, and the next day, the next night actually, we had events all over through the house.
	You're not a good exorcism.
	And I have never represented myself to be, ma'am.
	It was a mistake.
	And if you had called me before and said you were going to do that, I would have warned you against it.
	Well, it was just a ghost.
	It appears to be just a cat that likes to roam the halls.
	And I thought, what could a cat do?
	Well, we had an entire shelf of dishes was totally trashed.
	Oh, yeah.
	A cat can do a lot of things.
	Did you hear that lady with the cat earlier?
	Mm-hmm.
	And I feel sorry for the cat.
	Yeah, I felt the same way.
	Can I say something terrible?
	Maybe she should have been put down.
	Well... To grab the cat's misery.
	Well, if I were the cat, I'd have considered running away.
	If the door was open, I'd be out of there.
	All right, well, listen, thank you.
	Okay.
	You take care.
	George Harrison gone at 58.
	58 from the high desert good night everybody , good night everybody, good night everybody, good night
	everybody, good night everybody, I really wanna see you.
	Really wanna be with you.
	Really wanna see you, love.
	But it takes so long, my love.

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