| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
New Lighter, Old Habits
00:01:35
|
|
| *music* Tristan, we are finally out of the house, sir. | |
| We have been locked up in that house for months, and I'll be honest with you, this kind of feels weird. | |
| We're going straight back. | |
| I just have to pick up my new lighter. | |
| Well, something's better than nothing, I suppose. | |
| Yeah, I'm going to go pick up my new lighter, pick up some cigars, and then I'm going to go straight home. | |
| You don't even need a new lighter. | |
| We don't even go out anymore to flex the lighters. | |
| This one is special. | |
| I'm going to keep it in my bedroom next to my bed. | |
| Okay, it must be special because you don't even do that with the casino lighter. | |
| No, it is special. | |
| You haven't actually told me what it is. | |
| What are we picking up? | |
| I know it's a lighter, but that's all I know. | |
| It's a lighter. | |
| It's a device that makes fire that you use to light cigarettes and cigars. | |
| No shit, Sherlock. | |
| Yeah, I know. | |
| It's really, really cool. | |
| No shit! | |
| What type of lighter is it? | |
| What type? | |
| Oh, it's one that makes fire. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| You'll like it. | |
| Alright. | |
| I think you'll like it. | |
| I ordered it ages ago. | |
| Alright, we'll see. | |
| Kristen, do you remember how it feels to walk outside of the house? | |
| Yeah, it sucks. | |
| I miss my house. | |
| I don't know if I can make it on the outside, baby. | |
| I'm institutionalized. | |
| Fully institutionalized. | |
| Jailman for life. | |
| I'll pick up that layer. | |
| I'll buy a few cigars as well. | |
|
20,000 Euros Lighter
00:03:36
|
|
| Sure. | |
| And then I'll pop it back home. | |
| Let's see what else you want. | |
| What is it? | |
| It's a miter and ashtray set. | |
| I know, but DuPonts always have themes. | |
| What is the theme? | |
| No idea. | |
| So you came in to buy cigars, and someone already bought you cigars? | |
| Yes, someone already bought me cigars. | |
| Cool. | |
| Well, I'll buy another box as well while I'm here, and then my new lighter's here as well. | |
| Of course. | |
| It's beautiful. | |
| So, Tristan, I have something good for you, some new... | |
| These are new, yeah? | |
| Yeah, these are new. | |
| Okay, I'll take a box of these. | |
| Thank you. | |
| And then give me some normal ones. | |
| Some H upnets. | |
| Magnum 54s or Connoisseurs, anything like that. | |
| Perfect. | |
| One box. | |
| Appreciate it. | |
| I'll take that box as well. | |
| We did a receipt from a long time. | |
| Yeah, I know. | |
| I've been busy locked in my house working. | |
| And that's enough for today. | |
| I've got that box. | |
| These two boxes. | |
| Oh, very cool. | |
| Very cool. | |
| Wonderful. | |
| Wonderful, wonderful. | |
| Hello. | |
| Could I please have this as well while we're at it? | |
| Yes. | |
| Leave the house and all of a sudden you're in a money-spending mood. | |
| I haven't spent money in ages. | |
| I'm rich. | |
| You did just buy a boat. | |
| I ordered a boat. | |
| I only paid the deposit of four million dollars. | |
| Yeah, I'll take these two as well. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The Casablanca. | |
| Beautiful! | |
| Now we're talking. | |
| Santa brought your DuPont. | |
| This is a lighter, baby. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| I'm sorry, my dad. | |
| Got it, bro. | |
| No problem. | |
| It's lighter Break anything fragile Fragili. | |
| Fragili? | |
| Oh, that's Romanian. | |
| You didn't get the joke. | |
| Hopefully someone will. | |
| Ah, Fragili! | |
| It must be Italian! | |
| Some coffee? | |
| Uh, no, I'm okay for coffee. | |
| I'm perfectly fine. | |
| Some water? | |
| No, no, no. | |
| I'm perfectly good. | |
| I've never seen you turn down coffee. | |
| We're in a hurry. | |
| We're in a hurry after I get this. | |
| You're a slow coffee drinker now. | |
| You can't just pound one like you always do. | |
| I hope we put it back well. | |
| Beautiful. | |
| Now we're talking. | |
| So this is the display stand. | |
| This is where the lighter sits. | |
| Emperor Napoleon. | |
| This is awesome. | |
| You know it, baby. | |
| Alright, that looks pretty epic. | |
| It is, isn't it? | |
| He looks like Joaquin Phoenix. | |
| just shut up baby Wow Alright, I understand now. | |
| Yep, pretty nice. | |
| What's DuPont's tagline? | |
| Be exceptional. | |
| Alright, that's fitting. | |
| And this one? | |
| How much did Mr. Napoleon cost? | |
| I think about 17,000 euros, something like this. | |
| What? | |
| I don't know. | |
| I don't know how much it cost. | |
|
Expensive Birthday Gift
00:16:18
|
|
| I forgot. | |
| I remember, he told me when I ordered it, but now it's 20,000 euros. | |
| 20,000 euros. | |
| Even better. | |
| Even better. | |
| You got a coffee after all. | |
| Stay powerful. | |
| I would join you, but I don't consume caffeine past 1 p.m. | |
| Are you trying to upset me? | |
| I have to admit. | |
| You have to admit. | |
| When I see something sick, I will give credit where credit is due. | |
| You're going to buy a 20,000 euro lighter. | |
| That's definitely worth the money. | |
| That's the one you're going to get. | |
| Oh, I mean, that's the one you're going to get, of course. | |
| Emperor Napoleon with his royal crest on it, his face on one side, and a solid bronze display stand. | |
| Christmas came early. | |
| It's Christmas time, T. Yep. | |
| Christmas time. | |
| It's the most wonderful time of the year. | |
| Shut up, baby. | |
| That's a psyop. | |
| It's fucking cold and grey. | |
| July in the summer on my yacht will be the most wonderful time of the year. | |
| But nothing beats Christmas time, Tee. | |
| Everything beats Christmas time. | |
| Tristan, I can already tell that you're getting into the Christmas spirit. | |
| Why? | |
| You're buying yourself gifts. | |
| I ordered this four months ago. | |
| You just seem like you're getting into the Christmas spirit. | |
| It's time for hosting parties. | |
| Roasting marshmallows, caroling out in the snow. | |
| I have no friends. | |
| I hate carols. | |
| You don't have any friends. | |
| I do agree with that. | |
| So who am I going to host for a party? | |
| You. | |
| When we eat dinner together every night anyway. | |
| I'll join your party. | |
| You're not invited. | |
| I'm just going to have to crash your Christmas party. | |
| I need to make you a stalking for Christmas this year. | |
| Leave me alone. | |
| It's Christmas, T. I have no interest in Christmas. | |
| You are the Grinch. | |
| I know. | |
| If anyone is the human form of the Grinch, it's you. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| And that's the opposite of the Grinch. | |
| You know, I should have smelled a setup when you started asking me about Christmas. | |
| I love this. | |
| Fuck out of the road. | |
| Fuck, I'm leaving the car here. | |
| *laughs* Merry Christmas! | |
| Goodwill to all men! | |
| What is this shit? | |
| It's Christmas! | |
| It's not! | |
| It's just December! | |
| Aren't you happy? | |
| What month is Christmas in? | |
| December! | |
| You got it! | |
| Merry Christmas! | |
| Not your present! | |
| What have you done to the house? | |
| Not your present! | |
| A Christmas present! | |
| The caveat. | |
| First, you have to admit that I made the house look very Christmassy. | |
| Did you do the fucking inside as well? | |
| Tristan, it would be truly asinine for me to decorate the entire entirety of our house. | |
| Christmassy. | |
| Goodwill to all men. | |
| You're gonna love your present. | |
| I promise. | |
| You're gonna love it. | |
| It's Christmas! | |
| What the fuck have you done? | |
| Are you happy? | |
| I've done Christmas! | |
| Look! | |
| It's Christmas for us now. | |
| Look what I've done. | |
| I've done Christmas. | |
| A month of this. | |
| Goodwill to all men. | |
| You know where they are next to Christmas decorations? | |
| I'm sure. | |
| My room. | |
| Wait, wait, wait. | |
| Go take a present first. | |
| Wait, go take a present. | |
| Did you get his room? | |
| I hope you got his room. | |
| Goodwill to all men! | |
| Give me the fucking box. | |
| Two wheels of all men. | |
| Ah, the Christmas lights are getting worse. | |
| I guess that's because you're being a Scrooge. | |
| So you ruin the present. | |
| But don't worry. | |
| We got a whole month of this. | |
| I'll make sure you have a cigarette at some point. | |
| Goodwill to all men! | |
| Merry Christmas! | |
| Enjoy house arrest! | |
| - All right, guys, we're going back out. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. we're going back out. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. | |
| Did you buy that Lambo Outsider or was that a guest? | |
| Oh yeah, I bought it. | |
| The green one? | |
| Yes, Christmas. | |
| Green is Christmas. | |
| No. | |
| I've actually never seen you drive a Lambo. | |
| You've not had a Lambo in a long time. | |
| Yeah, I do. | |
| I took my last one. | |
| I think I'll call it four or five Lambos. | |
| You look so excited. | |
| Andrew, tis the season to be jolly. | |
| It's Christmas. | |
| Yeah, so I got a green Lambo. | |
| For the decoration of the house, I want a green car. | |
| Because we had the red Lada last year, so now I've got a green car. | |
| Green, red. | |
| We'll be right back. | |
| We'll be right back. | |
| Yeah, it's Christmas. | |
| I had to buy myself something. | |
| No one buys me shit. | |
| Too rich. | |
| I had to do something Christmassy, you know? | |
| Merry Christmas to me. - Is it a coincidence that the police showed up right after you got a new Lambo? | |
| I'll fucking show it to them. | |
| We'll show it to them. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| What the fuck are you going to do? | |
| Come take it. | |
| Can I buy another one? | |
| No business. | |
| Who's here? | |
| Your mates. | |
| Yeah, fucking fuck you. | |
| Take my Lambo. | |
| I don't give a shit. | |
| What's all your Lambo? | |
| What's that? | |
| Wait, what's that? | |
| change Happy birthday to you You're not singing to make me happy. | |
| You're singing to annoy you. | |
| It's a different kind of sound. | |
| Happy birthday to Andrew. | |
| Happy birthday to you. | |
| You're not singing to make me happy. | |
| You should have walked in trumpeting it. | |
| Alright, be right back. | |
| It's technically not your birthday yet. | |
| It's like in two minutes, so I can't play the trumpet again. | |
| He will come to the cell phone. | |
| Well, I ordered a yacht for his birthday that I certainly won't be using for myself. | |
| And it's your birthday. | |
| Who is this? | |
| Who sent me this? | |
| What is it? | |
| Thank you. | |
| A letter of some sort. | |
| I just don't know where it's from. | |
| Happy birthday. | |
| I want to... | |
| Okay, some girl in love with me. | |
| Thanks. | |
| A rose. | |
| That's nice. | |
| What do we have here? | |
| Gee, we have to get him for your birthday. | |
| For his birthday. | |
| Aha! | |
| Peep show! | |
| Which, of course, only the English people know is the best show I've ever made. | |
| Mark Corrigan. | |
| Nothing you want is ever going to happen. | |
| That's the real world. | |
| Absolutely true. | |
| And candy. | |
| Amazing. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| You made me happy. | |
| I'm eating right now. | |
| Sour straws. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Would you like one? | |
| Heck yeah. | |
| You're not allowed on. | |
| I actually wanted one. | |
| For my birthday, I want to deny you things. | |
| My present is giving you none on my birthday. | |
| Do you remember what I got you last year for your birthday? | |
| Do you remember? | |
| No. | |
| I got you the same thing this year that I got you last year. | |
| Well, undesirable company. | |
| A cigarette. | |
| Happy birthday. | |
| If I reach out and you snatch it from me... | |
| Bailey. | |
| How can I snatch it if I'm holding it? | |
| You're gonna try and pull your hand away. | |
| I won't. | |
| You will. | |
| It's your birthday. | |
| Happy birthday. | |
| You still can't have any candy. | |
| Andrew, look. | |
| The police came to tell you happy birthday. | |
| Super nicer than actually. | |
| I wonder if they got you for your birthday. | |
| And a rest warrant. | |
| Knowing my luck? | |
| Probably. | |
| 83 years old today. | |
| He's an old man. | |
| He's an old man Their souls have been fucked out so there's no one there's no We're gonna start that again Happy birthday to you. | |
| Happy birthday to you. | |
| Happy birthday to Andrew. | |
| Happy birthday to you. | |
| Are you 83 or is Christy retarded? | |
| He's 83. He is an old man. | |
| He's 83. You're not singing for my happiness. | |
| You're singing to annoy me. | |
| No, I'm singing for your pure joy and happiness, actually. | |
| Look, you're smiling. | |
| You're singing at me to annoy me. | |
| Happy birthday to you. | |
| Happy birthday to you! | |
| Make a wish. | |
| Happy birthday! | |
| I wish you all to stop singing. | |
| I wish that's what I wish. | |
| Happy birthday to you! | |
| I appreciate it. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Blow out the candles. | |
| Make a wish. | |
| No, no, no. | |
| Make a wish, Andrew. | |
| No cake. | |
| We're done. | |
| I've upgraded my poker tactics for tonight. | |
| Tonight, on Andrew's birthday, I'm gonna be unbeatable. | |
| I'll be the luckiest man at the table and you won't be able to stop me. | |
| What is your secret tactic? | |
| Let's try to find out. | |
| Andrew, what'd you get for your birthday? | |
| Yeah. | |
| A PS5. You gonna play a PS5 now? | |
| I already had a PS5. Bet you never play. | |
| That was such a thoughtful gift. | |
| Anyway, Smash Bros. | |
| Nintendo. | |
| Where are these saggats? | |
| Birthday SFB time. | |
| SSB. Grindr will be there tomorrow, baby. | |
| I'm filming. | |
| Grindr will be there tomorrow. | |
| I don't think everyone knows our saying. | |
| Grindr will in fact be there tomorrow. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Would you ever complain at me in front of my friends on my birthday? | |
| Bye. | |
| Would you ever do that? | |
| No matter what? | |
| No, no matter what. | |
| Cool. | |
| Why? | |
| I'm wondering. | |
| - I'll just sign a blank check for Mayhem. - Thanks for the birthday dinner, Marcel. | |
| Thanks, Steve. | |
| Appreciate it. | |
| Welcome back. | |
| Very thoughtful of you. | |
| Me and Nigel. | |
| Thanks, Nig. | |
| No caviar, no lobster. | |
| You know what? | |
| This is actually fucking better than that crap. | |
| All that expensive shit. | |
| This is expensive enough and it's banging. | |
| I hate caviar. | |
| Caviar is actually really good. | |
| In small amounts, because it's expensive. | |
| It wasn't expensive if you wouldn't eat it. | |
| It's a psyop. | |
| Oysters are actually objectively good, regardless of the price. | |
| Caviar is a psyop. | |
| But the more expensive the oyster is, the better. | |
| Because the size is different. | |
| You know what I wish for your birthday? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Better group of friends. | |
| Hmm. | |
| Too bad. | |
| What's been the best part of your birthday so far? | |
| Not training. | |
| Not training? | |
| I'm so happy that I don't train. | |
| It's my third day off this year. | |
| It's my third ever day without training this entire year. | |
| I've had two days off so far. | |
| And I felt guilty for them. | |
| He's being filmed on January 3rd. | |
| So guilty. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So guilty that the days after my days off, I trained double. | |
| So I didn't really have a day off. | |
| And I trained... | |
| I did train double or triple mostly this week. | |
| Today was thumb day. | |
| I'm having a day off, then tomorrow I'll lift 30,000 kilos. | |
| To make others. | |
| Might get Manu here again and punch him in the face. | |
| My poker technique is going to defeat all of you tonight. | |
| You haven't got a single... | |
| You don't even know what it could be. | |
| You don't have a technique. | |
| I changed the game this time. | |
| And when you see my new style of play, you're going to say, fuck. | |
| You're actually right. | |
| He's going to play with his cards up. | |
| He might do that. | |
| He might actually play with his cards up. | |
| But then no one will go in when you're winning. | |
| How are you going to make money? | |
| You don't know what technique I'm going to utilize tonight. | |
| I'm kind of excited. | |
| I mean, you're kind of scared. | |
| Maybe a little bit. | |
| When you see it, you're going to be like, fuck! | |
| I was not prepared for that level of game. | |
| Alright, here's the rules for the rest of my birthday. | |
| It should have been a rule from the beginning, but all you faggots were obviously scared. | |
| Everyone has to be smoking. | |
| All the time. | |
| Until bed. | |
| Cigars or shisha? | |
| No, no, no. | |
| You can chain smoke cigarettes. | |
| If you're brave enough to smoke 75 cigarettes from now to bed, you deserve it. | |
| You ain't got lit tobacco, you're a faggot. | |
| Hey, you sit. | |
| You're gonna need this. | |
|
Irish Wishing Game
00:04:51
|
|
| Irish wishing star. | |
| What is it? | |
| It's an Irish wishing star. | |
| Why do you have Irish wishing star? | |
| That's your good luck card. | |
| Put it from home. | |
| I was in Dublin this morning. | |
| Thank you. | |
| The problem is, when he dresses like that, his stat keeps doubling and doubling. | |
| There's no way I do it two times in a row. | |
| Yes! | |
| It's his birthday bro! | |
| Make it fucking fun! | |
| Are you calling him blind? | |
| You're going to look at your cards first. | |
| Oh, I'm going to look at them. | |
| Yusuf the Looker they call them. | |
| I'm boring compared to me. | |
| Marcel wins! | |
| All in blind. | |
| Tristan, is your trick going to work today? | |
| No, I'm going to work. | |
| Ha ha. | |
| The Irish Stone will not help you. | |
| Neither will the whiskey. | |
| I'm not Irish enough because I've been drinking. | |
| 8pm. | |
| So if they drink at your pace, by 11, everyone's going to be slumping, not playing. | |
| I've mentioned drinking loads. | |
| We've now had one drink per game. | |
| I'm just saying. | |
| You can do whatever you want. | |
| But if I check the clock at 10.45 and everyone's like... | |
| We've had a single drink per game. | |
| Plus, after midnight, we know you shit. | |
| We've had one drink per game. | |
| That's what we've had, alright? | |
| One. | |
| Per game. | |
| I'm usually a six minimum. | |
| You're lucky I don't drink, because the amount of drunken sparring would be hilarious. | |
| Drunken master. | |
| No, I'm not even trying to drink, though. | |
| Drunken sparring would be good, because I can't control the power of my shots. | |
| I'd still land them, but I can't pull them and make sure they don't do too much damage, so they'd just be straight busted eyes and shit. | |
| As long as you're not drinking. | |
| No, that's what I'm saying. | |
| If I was drinking, it'd be drunken master, and I'd be dumping around saying I'm the drunken master. | |
| It'd be funny. | |
| Swinging wild. | |
| Marcel! | |
| Marcel! | |
| Oh, what was that? | |
| What was that tea? | |
| All in blind. | |
| All in blind? | |
| I'm all in blind. | |
| You're fucked. | |
| All in? | |
| You're fucked. | |
| I'm all in blind. | |
| Play it out. | |
| All in blind for both? | |
| These are mine, yeah? | |
| All in blind. | |
| I'm all in blind. | |
| Oh, you're fucked. | |
| Andrew's got it. | |
| I'm all in blind. | |
| Andrew's got it. | |
| Boom! | |
| Andrew's got it. | |
| You got full? | |
| Two pair. | |
| Andrew's got it! | |
| What did I tell you? | |
| No way! | |
| What did I tell you? | |
| No way! | |
| Because I have a flush, but you got a higher one. | |
| Yeah, queen, higher one. | |
| Boom! | |
| What did I say? | |
| I felt the energy! | |
| I felt the energy! | |
| Hey, I'm still in the game! | |
| I felt the energy! | |
| Still in the game! | |
| What did I say? | |
| I said he's hot right now, bro. | |
| You wanna come outside, nigger? | |
| Bro, I had a flush! | |
| On an all in blind. | |
| You Irish bitch. | |
| What do you want to do you Irish bitch? | |
| Let's go. | |
| 16,000. | |
| There's no road back. | |
| 17,000. | |
| Okay, so give me 50. Give me two greens. | |
| All in blind! | |
| You're going all in blind again. | |
| All in fucking blind! | |
| You know what it is? | |
| It's time to lose the Blackie Stone. | |
| Chris, get another whiskey! | |
| Irish whiskey immediately! | |
| No, Scotch whiskey, that's all I got. | |
| So I'm winning this one, I'm winning the next one, and I got it. | |
| Let's go! | |
| Andrew's going to be surprised how many yellows he loses this round. | |
| Andrew, I got the luck of the Irish on me side. | |
| You can't beat me. | |
| Father, why are you so sad upon this Easter morn? | |
| When Irishmen are proud and glad of the land that they were born? | |
| All in blood! | |
| Let's go! | |
| Six, nine, eight! | |
| - Hey, boom. | |
| - Hey. | |
| - What you got, Ferg? | |
| - You're fucking toast. | |
| - Am I? | |
| - Yeah. - I'm toast. - Straight. - Straight with a seven. - Shit, I got triple eights. - Lucky funders, five, six, seven, eight, nine. - Bro, green niggers always lose to black niggers. | |
| Ah, it was a good game, it was a good game. | |
| Can't wait for another one. | |
| Merry Christmas! | |
|
Think How Quickly
00:02:01
|
|
| I know you're thinking it's not Christmas yet, but it will be soon. | |
| Think how quickly this year has disappeared. | |
| And what have you achieved this year? | |
| Fucking nothing. | |
| So time disappears quickly and before you know it, it will be Christmas Day. | |
| And I know you're wondering, what will you open on Christmas Day that will make you happy? | |
| Why don't you get something you want for once? | |
| And it's for that reason, TopeG.com is going to have a fantastic brand new push of products this December. | |
| Need to order them now to get them on Christmas Day. | |
| We have Fireblood, which I've previously explained has all the vitamins and minerals you need to stop being a pussy. | |
| We have boxing gloves, we have the comic books, all perfect for your nephews, your younger brothers. | |
| We have the t-shirts, built different for the kind of people who buy yachts while under house arrest. | |
| But I thought, because I am Top G, and the G stands for generous, and I want you to be able to buy every single person you know a gift from TopG.com, what do you buy for all the people who pretend they don't like me? | |
| That's right, because everybody actually likes me. | |
| Nobody genuinely dislikes me. | |
| They just pretend to dislike. | |
| So for this reason, I've created the I Love Andrew Tate Fan Club. | |
| If you go to topg.com, you can buy this brand new design of t-shirt. | |
| That's right. | |
| You know your auntie who says you shouldn't listen to me? | |
| She'd love one of these. | |
| Or your ex-girlfriend, who said you became too misogynistic after listening to my videos. | |
| She started crying her eyes out saying you wouldn't let her have sex with other men anymore. | |
| That bitch. | |
| Remember her? | |
| She love one of these t-shirts. | |
| Cause secretly she loves me. | |
| She pretends she doesn't, but these women get naked at night and watch my videos and touch themselves. | |
| I know they do. | |
| Lucy from the BBC, fucking send her one. | |
| And as an extra bonus, as an added bonus cause the G stands for generous, any time you buy one of these t-shirts from topg.com, there's gonna be a box. | |
| Where you can put in an email address. | |
| And any email address you put in there will be subscribed to the brand new I Love Andrew Tate Fan Club. | |
| And I'm going to write a brand new misogynistic email that I send every single day. | |
| So not only does your aunt get this t-shirt, she also gets misogynistic emails directly from me. | |
| The I Love Andrew Tate Fan Club, for all the people who pretend to not like me, and all the people who admit they do like me, can buy built different t-shirts, all available at topg.com. | |