| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Hop On, Scene Two
00:01:50
|
|
| So, two shots. | |
| One of me and Andrew running and jumping on. | |
| Then you move out there and we'll shot us peeling off. | |
| Yeah? Yep. First is you don't have a cigar. | |
| No? No. I mean, back in the room. | |
| First is going to be you two. | |
| I think a run. Probably won't work going down. | |
| But it's like a brisk pace coming down with the briefcase. | |
| And then I'm not going to see the four-wheeler yet. | |
| I'm just going to say, come towards me. Come towards me. | |
| So you're going to like run towards me. | |
| That'll be scene one. And then scene two, I'll see the four-wheeler. | |
| Hop on. All right. Scene two, hop on. | |
| Scene three, fill up. Isn't it cooler in one shot of us? | |
| Almost like an action film. | |
| You following us and I was running boom getting on it. | |
| Oh yeah, it's much cooler. Let's do that. | |
| Turn in the city, city. Turn in the city, city. Turn in the city and it makes me turn. | |
| In the city, city, city. Turn in the city. Turn in the city and it makes me turn. | |
| Turn in the city. | |
| That's inside the city. | |
| We'll put it in gear and start. You go first, yeah? | |
| Got me smooth. | |
| I'll give you a knob before we pull off. | |
| Doesn't it make super fast? | |
| Pretty slow and that's ok. | |
| Ready? | |
|
WooHoo Moments
00:06:54
|
|
| Ok. | |
| Make sure it's out of the way. | |
| Go on. | |
| Alright. | |
| Three. | |
| I'm going to go right down the middle. | |
| 3, 2, 1, go! | |
| Woohoo! | |
| So I was running from the guys. | |
| Tristan got the daddy coin. | |
| The women wanted the daddy coin so they were chasing us. | |
| But I'm now going to break the fourth wall. | |
| I'm Zack Morris. Time out! | |
| Yeah, this is horrible. As we tried to run away, these whoopies kept crashing. | |
| One girl crashed, broke her leg. | |
| I gotta buy a new ATV. No big deal. | |
| Ditch that bitch. Keep going. | |
| Another girl crashes. Ah, my arm broke that bike. | |
| Now all the instructors are saying we need an air ambulance. | |
| Now it's a fucking mess. | |
| I've broken the fourth wall. Everything's ruined. | |
| I've heard the whole script's fucked because women can't fucking drive. | |
| I told you. I fucking told you. | |
| Girls can't drive. Women can't drive. | |
| Girls can't drive. How are women allowed to drive? | |
| Women can't even park cars, G. Women can't drive. | |
| Everyone goes, it's only ATVs. | |
| It's going to be fine. Look at the fucking mess. | |
| Look at the chaos. They can't fucking drive. | |
| So now me and Tristan are going to finish the film getting away from the whoopies by ourselves. | |
| They were supposed to chase us to the bitter end, but they couldn't stay on the fucking bike! | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. He was released on bail. | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. | |
| The following day, the police were on the scene. The suspect was arrested and charged with murder. He was | |
| released on bail. | |
| So, we were supposed to hijack the daddy coin, run away, the girls want to get on bikes, chase us, get up here | |
| because they want the daddy coin. | |
| And then once they get up here, see, we've set up a nice dinner for them in the mountains. | |
| Ha ha ha, we win, look, we famous them all. | |
| But of course, women can't drive, which we all knew, but they proved it. | |
| You know, there was once a time it was controversial, I used to say women can't drive. | |
| So now, the only way we can continue with our movie is for me to completely break the fourth wall and explain what's happening behind the scenes. | |
| I'm Zack Morris, and that Kelly slut's getting dick. | |
| Kelly was hot, but it turns out Jessie was the really whorey one, because when Saved by the Bell Ends, she did Showgirls and got her tits out. | |
| Our young audience won't know what any of that means. | |
| Jessie's a slut from Showgirls, but it's a good movie, you should watch it. | |
| And then Kelly took anal from Zack Morris. | |
| Can you change the subject? The point is this. | |
| We had all this planned out. | |
| And you know what? Perhaps maybe I let the Matrix get to me. | |
| I said to Tristan maybe 15 times, but women can't drive ATVs. | |
| And Tristan's like, yeah, they can't drive ATVs. | |
| But everyone's like, no, it's okay. | |
| And I was like, but Tristan, women can't drive ATVs. | |
| And they're like, no, it's okay. And the girl's like, I've driven them before. | |
| I can drive an ATV. And I'm like, but Tristan, women can't drive ATVs. | |
| And everyone's saying, it's going to be fine. | |
| It's going to be fine. I was like, maybe. | |
| Maybe I'm just old-fashioned. | |
| Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm crazy. | |
| Maybe I'm one of those old men. | |
| I'm becoming one of those old grandpas that thinks everything's weird. | |
| I'm like, women can't drive, but everyone seems to think that women can drive, and the world's moved on. | |
| Maybe I'm the problem. So I was like, okay. | |
| Here's your ATVs. Here's your ATVs, girls. | |
| Five minutes and two crashes and two ambulance calls later, I was proved completely fucking right! | |
| Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me? | |
| Why is it controversial I said this shit? | |
| Women can't fucking drive! | |
| Now I had to sit up here and be Zach Morris and eat this food by myself. | |
| We were supposed to be up here famoosing a bunch of bitches. | |
| Took us two hours to get up here, we're all dirty. | |
| The women would have never made it alive. | |
| We spent two more hours getting back home. | |
| And then we got famoosing the bitches in the hotel. | |
| Much nicer without them. Much nicer without them. | |
| Maybe this was the plan all along. | |
| Hi baby parents. Welcome to our podcast. | |
| It's not about us. It's called The Baby's Smokes. | |
| I don't smoke. Where he smokes all the time and gives reviews on his favorite types of tobacco and cigarettes. | |
| People are going to wonder why you look so clean and dapper and I look like a bomb. | |
| That's the way it always is. | |
| This is not abnormal. | |
| This is the way it always is. | |
| Bailey always looks like trash. | |
| This is cigarette addiction. | |
| Leads him down the wrong places. | |
| He ends up sleeping on the streets. It's okay, Bailey. | |
| I've got your back. And now your parents are out. | |
| We're never going to use this. Sorry, Mom and Dad. | |
| That's an axe kit. | |
| That is an axe kit. That was a fantastic axe kit. | |
| Nice. That's a fantastic kick. | |
| One more time, one more time. | |
| That's a fantastic kick. | |
| I'm super impressed. | |
| Do left leg. I want to see something. Hold your other hand, Bailey. | |
| No, I want to see what... | |
| There's something I'm looking for. | |
| Ah, you switched stances. | |
| Why? No, see? | |
| You jump first. I super hate that because it telegraphs your left kick. | |
| It's super obvious. It's very hard to throw the kick from your standing stance, but the moment you switch stances, I think that was one of the biggest... | |
| Of everyone I fought, when I saw them do that, I was like, okay, good. | |
| Like relief washed over me when I saw them skip before their kick. | |
| I was like, okay. | |
| Tristan, do it again. | |
| Yeah. | |
| No, because Tristan's kicks are epic. | |
| You're doing it. | |
| So that's the tricky thing. | |
| So left leg, so right leg's very easy. | |
| You just throw it up like this. | |
| But left leg, if you skip first, you give it away. | |
| So you have to throw it from here immediately up. | |
| Well, I wasn't fighting him. | |
| Yeah. I just did it. Yeah, I know, but that's a poor technique. | |
|
Switch Stances Trick
00:02:14
|
|
| The moment you do that, they know what you're going to do. | |
| Yeah. Jumping and skip. | |
| That's what I was looking for. I thought I said do your left kick. | |
| Are you giving some advice to throw a man in the car, like not to be so gay? | |
| Well, I live in a country called Romania where we have real culture and you dress like this. | |
| Like a fucking tough guy. | |
| What's Canadian culture? | |
| Where do you eat some cucumbers and shit? | |
| You need to take your- Wait, this morning, who said that he looked like Spongebob? | |
| Me. | |
| Yeah, that was me. | |
| No! | |
| I'm so good. | |
| I've never gotten Spongebob before. | |
| I've gotten the other thing. | |
| I think it's Mario Harry. | |
| What do you think of him, Mommy? | |
| Harry Potter, all the time. | |
| Very beautiful, thank you. | |
| No! | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| Thank you very much. Thank you very much. | |
| See you. Thank you very much. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. | |
| I don't think I just saw someone with a leg in the water. | |
| Were you and the horseman here? | |
| Or were you both? | |
| Thank you. | |
| She's had to ask, yes. | |
| Alright, so you need to be on first, and then you give them coins, and they give their kids. | |
| Yep. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Here's the... | |
| Bye! | |
| Thank you. | |
| It's not so professional to see this. | |
| Okay, so I give them a coin. | |
| They kiss me on the cheek and I'll let them on my carriage, right? | |
| Yep. Let's do one at a time. | |
| Ready, set, go. We're good to go. | |