| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
I Think The Sun's Real
00:05:59
|
|
| How are you? | |
| Good. Where you been? Jim? Jim. | |
| Alex. Alex the man. | |
| Nice to see you. Andrew. | |
| Too slow! I got you. | |
| Is that funny? That was pretty funny. | |
| You have to admit it. I got you. I don't find that funny. | |
| I find it offensive. You find it offensive? | |
| Yeah. Because I trusted you. | |
| It's not that I was actually too slow, because I didn't try and move fast. | |
| It's that I trusted you and you broke the trust. | |
| I don't think that's funny. I don't think breaking the trust of your friends is a very funny thing to do, Bailey. | |
| Maybe for you white people, that's normal. | |
| But where I'm from, when you grow up together and you live together and you're fighting a war against the matrix, you rely on each other. | |
| But I guess we're just built a little bit differently, aren't we? | |
| Okay, okay. No, no, no, no. | |
| Let's try it again. Let's try it again. | |
| I will never shake your hand again. | |
| You can take your Christian shit. | |
| You can go read that Bible. | |
| Jesus forgives. I don't. | |
| Ever. We do jihad. | |
| We're built different. You can go forgive. | |
| Go forgive. Go read the Bible. No. | |
| Try Jesus. Don't try me. | |
| Andrew. No. I will never, ever shake your hand ever again. | |
| So you're just going to leave me hanging forever? | |
| Correct. Fair. | |
| Fair. Last time you said that you gave him beef ribs and everyone on that TC episode freaked out because they said like those bones can like kill him. | |
| Like pierce his stomach. Freaked out where? | |
| What do you mean? He just said you're not supposed to give dogs bones like that because it can kill them. | |
| What, in the comments? Yeah. | |
| There's like 50 comments. I'm a real G with street problems. | |
| You think I read fucking comments? | |
| I don't read comments. I don't give a shit what they say. | |
| Plus, they obviously forgot the science that I am built different. | |
| Meaning, by extension, my boy's built different. | |
| Imagine having a dog that's dead from a bone. | |
| Isn't it give a dog a bone? | |
| Isn't that the whole fucking song? | |
| Can't give your dog a bone, it might die. | |
| No wonder all of you fucking losers can't get anywhere in life. | |
| Even your dogs are pussies. | |
| Bro, G is built different. | |
| He'll eat a fucking cow. | |
| Bone and all. Fucking crying her eyes about giving your dog a bone. | |
| The world's gone so fucking soft. | |
| I eat those bones, bro. | |
| I chew those beef rib bones myself. | |
| If there's one thing that doesn't police my behavior, it's the comment section. | |
| She's built different. As am I. Yeah, Bailey's a Star Tard. | |
| I think the sun's real. The sun's real, bro. | |
| I think the sun is a star. | |
| And you think it's real. I mean, you're a Star Tard. | |
| You're a Star Tard, bro. I mean, you weren't with us and could take confidential when we worked out the eggs weren't real. | |
| I meant that you were still somewhere in Texas reading the Bible. | |
| Do you believe in eggs? | |
| I knew this couldn't be real. | |
| Do you believe in eggs? | |
| That's what I mean. There can't be a super high net worth, an ultra high net worth individual. | |
| Cannot be asking me whether I believe in eggs. | |
| Do you believe in them? No, I've gone mad. | |
| I've gone insane. Do you believe in eggs? | |
| This is a big fantasy land. | |
| So wait, eggs, right? So it's an egg. | |
| Yeah. And if you eat it, it's good for you. | |
| But if you don't eat it, it becomes a dinosaur. | |
| Or chicken, yeah. | |
| Or like a crocodile, yeah. | |
| Do you believe in that? I don't believe in eggs, buddy. | |
| Sorry. I'm not sure I believe in boats. | |
| Wait a second. Andrew might be fucking right. | |
| There might be no such thing as fucking eggs. | |
| You tried to order me eggs on the menu, and this has come. | |
| And they're trying to pretend this is eggs? | |
| So is eggs like a floating, a-a-a-changes? | |
| Is that an egg? Is that how they describe eggs? | |
| They're telling me eggs are real. You just order off the menu. | |
| You try to order eggs to be a smart ass, and this shit came. | |
| It's just an egg. You said when that egg's come, you're up to admit eggs are real, blah blah blah. | |
| I did say that. I agree with that, 100%. | |
| And now you're sitting here telling me that the sun is real. | |
| The sun's definitely real. You missed out on something. | |
| You've been discovering what's real and what isn't for the longest time, and Bailey was somewhere in Texas. | |
| Alright, Bailey, prove the sun's real. | |
| Have you ever touched the sun? | |
| Bro, I'm gonna go touch it now. | |
| Have you ever held it? Bring me the sun if it's real. | |
| F*** you and your burden of proof. | |
| It's not even real because you can't even look at it. | |
| How can you look at something that's not real? | |
| Don't even look at the sun. | |
| If you go blind, I'll admit it's real. | |
| Only if you go blind. | |
| If you don't go blind, it's not real. | |
| See? Can't even look at it. | |
| How can you look at something that's not... How can you look at something? | |
| How come your camera can't see the sun? | |
| Wait a minute. Bailey, I'm not joking. | |
| Your camera can't see the sun. | |
| Why is that? Put your camera in the sun. | |
| So wait. We're talking about something that Bailey can't look at that doesn't appear on camera. | |
| Baby, point that camera at the sun. | |
| You cannot see the sun on that camera. | |
| It doesn't exist! It's never existed! | |
| Your camera is the real universe. | |
| Your mind has been fooled into thinking there's something called the sun up there, but the camera is a machine. | |
| It's not emotionally swayed by the arguments of big sun and big government. | |
| Point the camera at the sun and admit you can't see it with the camera. | |
| Heat comes from the Earth's molten core. | |
| From the ground, dummy. | |
| Yeah, the air is warm enough. | |
| Doesn't need no sun. You're a space tar. | |
|
Point That Camera At The Sun
00:10:43
|
|
| Yeah. I have nothing to say. | |
| Why do you wear such dorky little glasses? | |
| Because they make my skinny neck look bigger. | |
| It keeps the focus up here and not down here, you know? | |
| Why don't you just get your eyes laser and be Cyclops? | |
| Absolutely not. I'm scared of lasers. | |
| I'm scared of lasers because I'm a super dork. | |
| I tried staring at the sun once but then I realized it wasn't real because Tristan was correct. | |
| You look so weird in those. | |
| Yeah, so do you. I'm trying to show you how gay you look. | |
| I can hear you on the mic. | |
| Can you hear me on the mic? We're going to be live editing this one. | |
| Cool. So I've prepared absolutely zero questions. | |
| That's good. No, that's fantastic. | |
| We'll just freestyle it. Yes, I don't think we need questions. | |
| Me neither. I think we'll agree on most things. | |
| Hopefully we disagree on a few things as well, because it'll be an interesting conversation. | |
| But if not, we can just complain. | |
| Yes, we can. British. I think we can compare quite a lot as well. | |
| I think we've had many similar experiences at different levels. | |
| Absolutely, absolutely. | |
| I'm here. | |
| A little different. | |
| I'm on some 2024 badness. | |
| I'm all bad back. You do have to fuel up for body shots in a few minutes. | |
| Oh yeah, I'm probably beating the shit out of everybody. | |
| One? Let's go, bro. | |
| Let's go! Luke's gonna get his ass whooped by a man who is fueled by M&Ms. | |
| And strawberries. And strawberries. | |
| Well, I mean... Why are we taking this elevator? | |
| Why? Why? | |
| Come on! Come on! It'll be snuggle-vuggle! | |
| This is the shittiest elevator. | |
| This is the greatest elevator. Look how small it is. | |
| Look, his head's nearly on the bloody thing. | |
| Take him off my face! | |
| 🎵🎵🎵 You're not going to tell me what to do, boys. | |
| Nice, that was fucking beautiful. | |
| 🎵🎵🎵 Go on, Andrew. Drop it, drop it. | |
| That's it, that's it, that's it. | |
| Nice, nice. All that calisthenics. | |
| Let's go. Ten seconds last. | |
| Ten seconds last. All out, all out, all out wall. | |
| All out wall. All out wall. | |
| All out wall. | |
| All out wall. All out wall. | |
| All out wall. All out wall. All out wall. All out wall. All right. | |
| Breathe, breathe, breathe. | |
| Breathe, breathe, breathe. Just so people know, we went straight from Katie Hopkins right to sparring. | |
| Not even five minutes. | |
| We were home. Shorts on, gloves on, go. | |
| One minute. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| More clothes. Come on! | |
| Fuckin' go! All the energy you need to fuck pussy. | |
| No energy for this whore. | |
| Wait a second. | |
| I can't think of a better gift to give Luke for his birthday than a broken rib. | |
| rib. | |
| I'll do my best. Is that going to be your birthday present? | |
| Yeah. He brought me the gift of pain. | |
| The gift of pain. | |
| Normally your friends, they get you nice things. | |
| 36 rounds for a birthday. | |
| The gift of pain. If he's going to break your rib for your birthday, then I'm going to take all your money at poker. | |
| Good luck, bro. The rib might happen. | |
| The rib might happen. You are not touching a fucking penny of my money. | |
| That is not going to age well, but it's fine. | |
| Hey, beautiful, beautiful. | |
| Ten seconds. | |
| Last ten, you're asking everything you've got. | |
| Don't stop punching, don't stop punching. | |
| Forward. | |
| Slow down, go, go, go, go, go. | |
| Gee if you have to. | |
| Breathe, breathe, breathe. | |
| Ten. | |
| Three, two, one, time. | |
| Last shot was good. | |
| Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, da-da. | |
| Five, four, three, two, one, time. | |
| Nine. | |
| Love you. | |
| It's poker time, boys. | |
| boys let's go you were in your tactical gear I see Very comfortable. That is a very good move. | |
| Tristan's going to get stuffy in his tuxedo. | |
| You're playing for comfort. | |
| I think you might have an advantage there. | |
| So, plus one point to Andrew, for sure. | |
| But, Nigel is wearing the tactical black man bandana, so we're all screwed. | |
| Just saying. I had the highest pair on the board until the eight came up. | |
| Two diamonds, but I didn't worry about that after the flop. | |
| Well, I had ace, two, three, four. | |
| Well, you had what? | |
| The losing hand? Is that what I heard? | |
| For the first time tonight, yeah. | |
| For the first time tonight, I had the losing hand. | |
| Quite a big one though, wasn't it? | |
| It was fairly big, I'm still doing okay. | |
| Check. | |
| Check. | |
| This evening's banker. | |
| I don't know how Tristan feels holding my money. | |
| That's a lot more thinking right now. | |
| Let's dance, ladies. Let's dance. | |
| Tristan, are you turning up the shit talk? | |
| I'm turning up the shit talk. Oh, no, no, no. | |
| The shit talk's now being turned back. | |
| All right, good. Oh, you have to be fucking joking. | |
| Oh, quiet. Seven's coming. | |
| It's all right. It works. Suck my short dick! | |
| A lanky, ugly, goofy, birthday thrift. | |
| I don't know. You took him out. | |
| Fucking knew it, cunt. | |
| I'm happy. Look, look, look. | |
| You could use my life. Why are we playing Uno for $500? | |
| Because we are. Highest car goes first, yeah? | |
| Sure. Ooh. | |
| It skips higher than eight. | |
| It just is, isn't it? It's a better card. | |
| So what does that mean? I go first? | |
| You go first, so I deal to myself first. | |
| Alright, let's do it. I insist you cut the deck. | |
| Tristan, it's 5 a.m. | |
| I know, buddy. We've been gambling playing poker all night. | |
| I've won loads of money on side bets. | |
| Cut the deck. So I deal to me first, you go first. | |
| I'm going to get a statue. Let's go. | |
| What's up, baby? | |
| More money. | |
| Why are we playing catch? | |
| Give me your money. | |
| Give me your money. | |
| Thank you, sir. Good night. | |
| You are not touching a fucking penny of my money. | |