| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
On The Road Again!
00:01:48
|
|
| Just saying. I don't know if anyone on Tech Confidential notices. | |
| Marcel's black. On the road again! | |
| Just can't wait to be on the road again! | |
| Let's go! Fuckas! | |
| Fuckas! Fuckas! | |
| FUCK YEAH! | |
| Yes! | |
| I'm going to the gym. | |
| Excuse me. It is raining so hard because it's France. | |
| Nothing is good in France. | |
| How is France so shit? | |
|
France's Rainy Fault
00:02:38
|
|
| Yes. | |
| There's very many bunkers. | |
| What? | |
| Turn this down. | |
| What is down? | |
| This guy's arguing. He's saying there's seven seatbelts and there's nine people. | |
| Yeah, it's France. | |
| This is all your fault. | |
| How's my | |
| Only friends having pouring pouring rain heavy raindrops I'm so No I Spokes? | |
| He can't spoke. | |
| What do you mean? We don't actually have any. | |
| I refuse to believe everyone's had a sip and that's where we're at. | |
| Let me show you guys a real sip. | |
| Let me show you a real sip. | |
| Ready? I'm going to drink like a man now. | |
| Oh, I just did. | |
| I did what all you did and woke up. | |
| I'm a rider over the river, I'm a marshal of the military. | |
| Miss Kitty, have you ever thought of running away? | |
| Settling down, would you marry me? | |
| If I asked you twice and begged you pretty please? | |
| She'd have said yes in a New York minute. | |
| Oh, thanks. | |
| ♪ He never tied the knots ♪ His heart wasn't in it ♪ He stole a kiss ♪ As he drove away ♪ He never hung his hat up ♪ At Kitty's place Oh, thanks. | |
|
Race To The Finish
00:10:04
|
|
| ♪ I shoulda been a cowboy ♪ I shoulda learned to roll the rod ♪ Wearing my six to the right of my pony ♪ On the cattle drive ♪ Stealing the young girl's hearts ♪ Just like Gene and Roy ♪ Singing those campfire songs ♪ Oh, I shoulda been a cowboy | |
| ♪ I shoulda had a side to lean ♪ On and main ♪ Runnin' wild through the city Oh, man. | |
| How could you do that? | |
| Marcel, can you do that one? | |
| Ready? I just did it. Do the move. | |
| Show me the move. Do the move. | |
| Show me the move. Okay, I got to do it again now. | |
| I'm using my powers up. My meters up. | |
| Your turn. I need to see the move first. | |
| Okay. It's like this. | |
| It's like Carlton. | |
| This doesn't make sense. | |
| This is France. | |
| Alright, back to white boy music. | |
| Justin, how do you like the Eiffel Tower? | |
| It's okay so far cowboy So this is it This is the Eiffel Tower. Do you know what? | |
| It reminds me a lot of when I first seen Big Ben. | |
| I thought Big Ben was fucking huge when I was a kid. | |
| I thought it was like massive, like the Empire State. | |
| Is Big Ben bigger than the Eiffel Tower? | |
| No. It's smaller. I might be further away. | |
| I don't know. So that's it. | |
| You built this. Are you proud of what you built? | |
| I guess it's kind of cool. | |
| So I built this? | |
| Can I sell it? Do you have family in it? | |
| Can I sell it? It depends. | |
| To whom? I want to buy that shit. | |
| Fuck. What's it good for? | |
| What's it good for? Even the structure's just not logical, is it? | |
| Let's be honest, they could have done a lot more with the lamp. | |
| It's almost identical. | |
| It is actually almost identical. | |
| He might be. | |
| Just saying. I don't know if anyone on Tech Confidential's notice this. | |
| Marcel's black. I'm black. | |
| You're what? John, how come you didn't tell me you were black, you lying son of a bitch? | |
| Is he? I'm just saying. | |
| Viewers, if you notice, you're racist. | |
| I'm just saying. I don't see race. | |
| I don't see color. I do. | |
| So, put your phones away. | |
| I can't put that on takeover. | |
| Put it on takeover. | |
| Put it on there. He's trying to steal our channel. | |
| So that's the art that's real. That's what I said, Justin! | |
| The only thing that's cool about that is walking inside. | |
| It is cool. Now, it actually does look quite gangsta. | |
| Inside's cool. When did they make this? | |
| Do you know? I think it was like 1800s. | |
| But inside, there's an apartment, which is cool. | |
| How about the top was the BG's apartment? | |
| Who lives there? Now, nobody. | |
| Back in the day, there was an apartment. | |
| Yeah, there was an apartment. Where's the vodka? | |
| I don't know. What is this thing? | |
| There's no vodka! | |
| So, we have the fastest car on the foot down, full speed. | |
| We have the slowest car. We have the best car. | |
| We know. Well, the Lambo and the Porsche is better. | |
| Well, yes. Oh, then this Bentley. | |
| Yes, exactly. So, you're telling me that those are faster and actual performance vehicles? | |
| Yes. My arm hurts for surgery, so I'm driving a big slow car. | |
| They don't realize how fucked they are with their slow cars. | |
| If you expect to beat them in a race, let me tell you. | |
| We are going to beat them in a race. | |
| I'm Mr. Goon. | |
| You're Mr. Goon. I am Mr. | |
| Goon. Can you show the old man why you're calling yourself Mr. | |
| Goon? Mr. Goon. | |
| Found this in the car. | |
| And clearly, I would be Mr. | |
| Goon if I wore this hat. | |
| Who else would wear this hat? | |
| Anyone who got a free hat for this car rally. | |
| So you're telling me there's a bunch of Mr. | |
| Goons? Yes. It says Goon Squad on the side. | |
| That's the idea. Squad of Mr. | |
| Goons. No, not Mr. | |
| There is. | |
| So fuck it. I'm determined to beat them. | |
| Because we both conceded to the fact that we're not going to beat them in a race, but hear me out. | |
| No, we will beat them in a race. They're the best car. | |
| If I fucked off all the mountain driving and just drove straight to the destination, could we make fun of them for being slow? | |
| Wait, they didn't think of that? | |
| What do you mean mountain... | |
| There's like exciting mountain roads to drive, which would be fun for anyone who likes driving, me included. | |
| Or... Or... | |
| I could avoid all of them and drive straight to the end destination on motorways. | |
| And we would beat them to the destination. | |
| So we'd beat them in a race. | |
| It is a race. And they'd have to admit it. | |
| They'd have to admit that they lost to a diesel Bentley. | |
| The better car. | |
| The better car won. | |
| It's on... It's on. | |
| I will destroy them. These two cars. | |
| Oh, you're super cars. You're fucked, mate. | |
| I'm super smart. Super smart. | |
| Exactly. So, they got away, but they don't realize... | |
| Our plan. Our plan. | |
| We're actually... There, though. | |
| Yeah, he's way over there now. | |
| But they don't realize they're fucked. | |
| This is the better car, the superior vehicle. | |
| Might be. We use navigation. | |
| Advanced techniques. | |
| To cheat. It's not cheating. | |
| It is a bit. It's not. | |
| It's navigating to the destination. | |
| So I can catch up with you, maybe? | |
| Ah, we can catch up, actually. | |
| This is it. They're double fucked. | |
| Okay, so I just sent our threat to all of them. | |
| That they will not win the race. | |
| They will not win the race. 0% chance. | |
| Justin, Sterling, they think they're going to win? | |
| Yeah, right. Boris, the Blade? | |
| You're right. No way. | |
| What is Lamborghini? Yeah, what? | |
| Andrew with the Porsche. | |
| Police reported ahead. Does he know I got a giant diesel Bentley? | |
| Yeah, I don't think they're fucking ready. | |
| They don't realize that we have true, actual driving machines. | |
| Look at that Lambo. Oh, Lambo, so low. | |
| Ooh, so fast. You go from zero to 60 so much quicker than we do. | |
| Doesn't fucking matter, does it? | |
| I'm going to zero to the destination faster. | |
| That's what I mean. They don't know about fucking driving. | |
| Guys, we need to beat Luke and Tristan and Andrew and Marcel. | |
| Because Luke's already in the group chat telling me that I'm a wanker or something. | |
| I don't know. He's being super abusive. | |
| He's talking smack. Mate, I don't know what's wrong with him. | |
| But he's telling me that they're going to beat us in the race. | |
| Who? Luke and Tristan think they're going to beat us in the race. | |
| You know what? I think that's bullshit. | |
| Let me tell you why. He might have Andrew, and he might have Tristan, and they might have supercars, but you know what they don't have? | |
| What, Tristan? Power Crunch cereal. | |
| Damn right. We ate Power Crunch cereal last night. | |
| So did you, Rory. Yep. And I'll tell you who didn't. | |
| Marcel's bitch ass. Marcel's fucking afraid of cereal. | |
| He's a fucking coward. Wait, the power crunch was the stuff that we broke out the kitchen? | |
| Yeah, the stuff we stole from the kitchen. | |
| Yeah, the super cereal. | |
| No food in Paris? | |
| Fuck that. Paris fucking sucks. | |
| We can't get any food. We need to sneak into the kitchen to get some fucking milk. | |
| Fucking found it. Scratch the milk. | |
| You got something? Yeah, that shit. | |
| What's that? What's yours? | |
| M.J. Why does Paris have no food after midnight? | |
| Is it retarded? Bro, this is milk. | |
| Fucking... Fucking hit me. | |
| Hit me. That's milk, G. Got it. | |
| Oh, croissant. | |
| Bread. | |
| Fuck. | |
| We got French voices. | |
| Come on in the cooler. James bought this bitch. | |
| With the milk. Woo! | |
| Oh shit. The last one out. | |
| Fuck off. I think that was Marcel. | |
| He didn't have no shirt on. | |
| It was definitely Marcel. | |
| Oh, but we're like in. | |
| No we're not. | |
| Yes! | |
| Fucking freedom. | |
| Hey, want cereal over here? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Get the cereal. | |
| Drop them bombs! | |
| So, that's the way when they're running on fumes and it's late in the trip and they start to get tired We're going to have a Power Crunch cereal. | |
| And they're not going to have any of that. | |
| So we have the edge. Yeah, we absolutely have the edge. | |
| Plus, Marcel can't touch the pedal. | |
| So Andrew has to drive the whole time. | |