| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Why We Left
00:04:57
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|
| I'm the tallest, the handsomest here. | |
| Okay, I said it correctly. | |
| Marcel is clearly delusional. | |
| Good shot, man! | |
| Good shot, man! | |
| They confidently cracked. | |
| I was finally happy. | |
| Thank you. | |
| I was finally happy. | |
| I was in my little village. | |
| Why did we leave? | |
| Why? He was happy in his hotel, but what did we do? | |
| We left. Is that what we do? | |
| Do we just leave whenever we get happy somewhere? | |
| Look, happiness is so wrong. | |
| Contentment is getting. We just stay on the run. | |
| Always trying to outrun the universe of the matrix and the agents. | |
| We never get content in any one place. | |
| What do we object for? Stay here or stay there. | |
| Fight the matrix. Make more money. | |
| Aikido, food, poopies. | |
| Moving around the globe. | |
| Non-stop. Untouchable. | |
| What about little small villages where you can be a little person? | |
| Next time you tell me you're happy, we're busy. | |
| Those who are miserable, we can stay. | |
| Any happiness must be ended. | |
| I would deter us all from ever being happy ever. | |
| I'm just gonna fly around, invisible. | |
| As we drive until life's complete, you're free to work all you need. | |
| I'm gonna get a little bit of a break. | |
| Where are we going? | |
| I don't know. | |
| What do you mean? We're going into London. | |
| This is Jay. London's appearing. | |
| Is that London? Welcome to the real world. | |
| You've been spending your whole life in a dream illusion. | |
| Every single episode of Take Confidential you've filmed thus far has been a dream. | |
| You've now escaped the dream and you're in the real world. | |
| Welcome to the real world. I'm Morpheus. | |
| Take Confidential viewers, everything you've seen up until now has been CGI. All of it. | |
| But now, it's getting real. | |
| It's not been CGI. It's not been CGI. You can tell by the high quality production filming. | |
| No, it's not been CGI, guys. | |
| I'm telling you I feel the exact same. | |
| You've been drinking CBI. What does that mean? | |
| Computer boozing initiatives. | |
| No, that's not possible. | |
| The booze is real. No, you're about to see the real booze, man. | |
| C-G-B. You're about to see the real booze, my friend. | |
| Don't you remember last year when we drove all around Europe in supercars and drunk loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of booze? | |
| It can't be the real world. | |
| The real world can't just be supercars. | |
| driving around anywhere doesn't matter. This isn't the real world. The real world can all be us driving around supercars doing whatever. | |
| They're all here. I knew. Finally. | |
| Yeah, doing it again. What do you mean? All summer. | |
| The train never stops. | |
| This rodeo never ends my friend Look there's all the power of British gas stations in the food they sell Do I do this? I do. | |
| I do know the power of... | |
|
Road Beers, Tristan?
00:14:17
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|
| You don't know the power of anything? No, Tristan, just remember when we were here and they had those... | |
| I ate all the gas station food. | |
| Re-crunching. | |
| Okay, well I definitely want one of these. | |
| Mmm. | |
| So we were supposed to go to Supercar Rally and travel around Europe, but instead, the time has come to leave you two losers behind once and for all. | |
| Oh I want you both to know that as the person spends the most time with both of you, there's absolutely nothing likable about either one of you. | |
| You're both disgustingly unlikable, ignorant, stupid, selfish, ugly people on the inside and out. | |
| I despise you both. | |
| The world would be better if you didn't exist. | |
| If you never existed. | |
| The best thing you can do for humanity right now is for both of you to kill yourselves. | |
| Well, I don't like you either. And because of these facts, I finally found a way to leave you all behind. | |
| It's called, I never heard of this, it's called Scratch Cars. | |
| I went in to the gas station, and it turns out I can be a diamond millionaire, a matching millionaire, I can get 100k a year for 20 years, Full of thousands, hundred million dollars, etc. | |
| Now, it's not as much money as I have now, but I don't need your signature. | |
| Don't need his fucking crypto bollocks. | |
| You can both fuck off. | |
| I'm going to scratch these cards and it's going to be the last you ever hear of me. | |
| Never going to see me again. Calling Andrew. | |
| Where's Andrew? I wonder where Andrew's gone. | |
| It ain't going to be like the episode where I was on the jet by myself. | |
| Don't know what the name is. | |
| Tristan, is that you? Tristan? | |
| Oh, no. Tristan? Oh, you're not there. | |
| What about Tristan? You sleeping? You chilling? | |
| Oh. Tristan's not chilling on the plane. | |
| Where's Tristan? T? T, where you at? | |
| T? Tristan? No, sir, because in that episode, I came back. | |
| I'm not coming back. Never again! | |
| You'll be thinking, is he alive? | |
| Is he dead? You'll be going to sleep at night, looking in the corners of the room. | |
| Where is Andrew? I won't be thinking about you. | |
| It's best on you, mate. See you later. | |
| Yeah. Have fun. | |
| You guys are going to be so upset when I scratch these cards. | |
| Tristan, I really hope he wins so we don't get these anymore. | |
| I bet I'm richer than I've ever been. In fact, mate, if you don't win any of these, I'll just sign and give you the cash. | |
| Yeah, Tristan agreed. He just calls me names. | |
| So you guys give me all the money and take confidential from here on out. | |
| It could be a completely separate thing where I'm by myself. | |
| Yes. Yeah, we'll do separate Take Confidentials. | |
| Although, Tristan, I don't like you either, so I think I'm going to go solo. | |
| I've been going solo for a while, actually. | |
| I feel like I'm the star of Take Confidentials. | |
| And I've been carrying you two on my fucking backs for the last five years. | |
| I don't think you guys have seen the comments of Luke Confidential. | |
| Yeah, people love Luke Confidential. | |
| Guys, my fans... | |
| Put it on the comments. | |
| You've got no fans. | |
| Comments and show them. | |
| Show them and I'll make a spin-off. | |
| Luke Confidential. We can have coffee and computer time and not move for multiple, multiple periods. | |
| Sitting there working. Great. | |
| Exactly. I'm scratching these when we get to the hotel. | |
| I vote for you, artist. | |
| I'm voting for you. | |
| I'm voting for you. | |
| Mr. Producer. | |
| I make the best show. | |
| It's Mr. Producer. | |
| I got all them votes. | |
| Mr. Producer. | |
| Gonna bring the feeling. | |
| Mr. Producer. | |
| To the emergency meeting. | |
| Me too. | |
| Thank you. | |
| So we're here for cause. | |
| I'm going to try the sauce. I'm going to try the sauce. | |
| Marcel said you don't drink. | |
| No. Marcel, I did hear you say that. | |
| Marcel always says this. | |
| My drink's here. My drink's here. | |
| It's right here. Marcel thinks he can out drink all of us. | |
| He hasn't. He hasn't. | |
| It's a lie. It's pretty easy to out-drink you, Luke. | |
| To be fair, last year, Marcel did out-drink us. | |
| He didn't. I'm just saying. | |
| Are you two for gone? You almost forgot. | |
| Take off as you might not know this man. | |
| This man is a champion This man is a champion I | |
| No, it was all video We filmed the whole thing. | |
| Y'all must have forgot. | |
| Photoshop, CGI. We CGI'd him admitting that he can't drink on the bike. | |
| No, it wasn't CGI. I knew you liked that myself. | |
| Why didn't you like that? Why didn't you CGI this? | |
| Haters gonna hate, man. Yeah, they're wild to us. | |
| They say we're gonna- They say we're gonna ride a fucking car. | |
| Then we get here and this shit happens. | |
| You didn't tell us this and it was like booze, booze, shit, booze. | |
| No, it's actually Andrew's fault, really. | |
| You were supposed to hold out. I have a rule now. | |
| If Andrew ducks or doesn't drink, I don't drink. | |
| Oh, he's drinking. Oh, he's drinking. | |
| What's that? You told them the camera was driving. | |
| So you lied? It's all driving related. | |
| It's purely drinking. You never even leave, you just drink. | |
| We flew across the ocean. | |
| I feel like, Andrew, you misled them if you told them it didn't revolve around booze. | |
| No, it's a bunch of booze and then you drive between the booze spots. | |
| That's not what he told us. At all. | |
| In no way. Oh, he just mentioned going between the spots? | |
| He told me mountains, pretty roads, and views, and countries I've not been to. | |
| That's what he told me. Oh, he didn't tell you about, what was it? | |
| Road beers, Tristan? Road beers. | |
| Road beers. Mountains and drinks. | |
| Mountains and booze. No. | |
| Oh, the mountains. Oh, mountains. | |
| Like Portuguese, Spain. That's what he told me. | |
| It's a beautiful view. Yeah. Finland. | |
| Did he tell you Finland? Oh beautiful views. | |
| You misheard bro. Must have been stag. | |
| He said drink your f***ing booze. | |
| So Marcel believes he can beat everyone at drinking. | |
| He believes he's the drinking champion amongst all of us. | |
| He is. Well he's definitely got the torque. | |
| He has a little talk. | |
| I'm the tallest, the handsomest here. | |
| Okay, Luke, I said it correctly. | |
| Marcel is clearly delusional. | |
| He's not 6'7". | |
| I see it. Marcel, Marcel, I got on camera. | |
| I just looked. I went back. | |
| He's not kneeling. | |
| Those are his feet. Those are his knees. I see his knees there. | |
| I'm 6'7". | |
| Give or take. | |
| You're not! | |
| Oh boy! | |
| Laughter. | |
| Six, seven, at least! | |
| Reunion? Take Confidential? | |
| Is this a reunion? No, but they've all been in Take Confidential episodes before! | |
| It's a Take Confidential reunion. | |
| No, it's not a reunion. It's a... | |
| Take Confidential... | |
| Extra? Omnibus... | |
| Take Confidential... All characters are different Take Confidential episodes over here. | |
| You make a hundred million dollars and you think of all these amazing things you do and you hang around the same cunts you knew when you were both. | |
| I'm from Ukraine. | |
| He is from Ukraine though. | |
| That is true. He is from Ukraine. | |
| I know that for a fact. | |
| From Ukraine. | |
| The truth is... | |
| As much as I love Andrew and Tristan, I can't allow them to drink more than me. | |
| I can't! I can't allow it! | |
| Marcel! They can't drink more than me! | |
| Me and Luke! | |
| We're here! We're here! | |
| We've been here! We're here! | |
| Where's Tristan? He's somewhere away! | |
| We've been here! Thank you! | |
| Thank you, Sterling! We get it! | |
| Marcel! Marcel, we're gonna take this shadow drink. | |
| The drink no one knows was taken. | |
| Which one? It was one of these ones. | |
| I think it was this one. I can't allow Andrew and Tristan to allow me to do this. | |
| Because I'm better than them! | |
| We're better than them, Marcel! | |
| I've been better than them! | |
| Marcel, we've been better than them! | |
| Are we better than Andrew and Tristan? Marcel, Marcel. | |
| We're better! Oh, sorry. | |
| We're better. We're not, but we are. | |
| Of course we're fucking better. | |
| Of course we're better! We're better! | |
| This is Luke, Marcel, confidential. | |
| It's not Ted Confidential, it's Luke and Marcel Confidential! | |
| That was pure poison. | |
| That was gay. No, that was pure poison. | |
| Pure poison, pure poison. | |
| We're poison. I quit. | |
| I'm going back to day confidential. | |
| That was poison. I'm done with Marcel confidential. | |
| I'm done. I'm done with Marcel confidential. | |
| I'm done. I'm done. | |
| This is shit. Shut up. | |
| Shut up. Shut up. | |
| Shut up. Shut up. | |
| They're still recording. This is shit. | |
| No. No. | |
| You don't want Marcel confidential. | |
| Shit. Me and Luke. | |
| Me and Luke. Same rooms. | |
| We're doing this. No. | |
| It's a shit. No. | |
| We don't want Marcel, Lou, confidential. | |
| It's shit. It's too much booze. | |
| It's shit. Andrew Justin failed. | |
| No, you don't want it. | |
| They failed. You don't want it. | |
| Tell him we failed. Tell him. | |
| They may have failed. We kept going with the booze. | |
| We kept going. We kept doing the booze when they didn't win. | |
| They were gone. It's me. | |
| It's your friend. It's your friend. | |
| And you're still asleep. | |
| Don't do this to yourself. | |
| Marcel, stop. | |
| Come back. Let's go. | |
| Let's go. Let's do the toilet. | |
| All right, let's go. Why does Marcel do this? | |
| He's brave. I love Marcel. | |
| Don't tell him. Delete this in the series. | |
| In fact, cut. Fuck! | |
| I'm saying. I like Marcel. | |
| Because there's no quit in me. | |
| There's no quit! | |
| No, there's no quit in Marcel. | |
| There's no I in team. | |
| Zero. I thought for a second, Marcel, he might disappear because other people play these tricks. | |
| I think whose fault it is. It's Luke's fault. | |
| Because every time he can't see you, he's like, has Marcel left? | |
| He's putting doubt in their minds. | |
| I know you ain't left. Yeah, Luke's the problem. | |
| Luke's the problem. He's blaming you, Luke. | |
| This is what I'm saying. I'm not the problem. | |
| There's no doubt. I'm going to ride till the end. | |
| Tell him. Mighty. | |
| That's the man we want with us. | |
| That's why he's here. | |
| I'm going to put my life on the line. | |
| Look. You already know I love you. | |
| You got my respect. You fucked some guys? | |
| I'm going to fuck up some guys. No, it's no fights today. | |
| You're going to fuck up some guys. | |
| Not today. Did you fuck up some guys? | |
| I'm going to fuck up some guys too. | |
| All right. All right. Let's do it. | |
| Let's do it. So we know that Marcel's a fast, he's a hard, listen, listen. | |
| Marcel, when it comes to drinking, he's the Muhammad Ali of trash talk. | |
| No, no, he's not Muhammad Ali. | |
| Of trash talk. No, no, he's Mike Tyson. | |
| He comes in hard, he comes in fast. | |
| The later round, he ducks out. | |
| He can't last. So can you go, his staying power is very short, apparently. | |
| Rory's going to go check on him. | |
| Can you go with him? Let's go, Luke. | |
| Wow. It's finally good. | |
| I know Marcel wouldn't go to sleep. | |
| Ah, fuck. | |
| Marcel! Marcel? | |
| Unfortunately, you've been caught a bit. | |
| Unfortunately, you've been caught a bit, Marcel. | |
| But you know what, Marcel? | |
| I'll delete this. | |
| Maybe. I bet good money on you not being asleep, Marcel. | |
| I said you're probably in here fucking someone up or doing something. | |
| Something worthwhile. Marcel. | |
| Marcel was just thinking. Marcel, you know what? | |
| We've always said... | |
| You're hard on the first rounds. | |
| Last rounds, it gets hard. | |
| No, no, no. You know what? | |
| Wait, wait, wait. Marcel, before we go in to see Tristan, we have to admit it does get fucking hard. | |
| It does get hard. They fucking booze hard. | |
| It does get hard. They booze hard. | |
| No, no, no. We're in the trenches here. | |
| We're in the trenches. Let's go, Marcel. | |
| They don't get it. We're in the trenches. | |
| They don't get it. | |
| Before we check in, before we check in, before we check in, we check in to the next destination at 5 or 4 or 5pm. | |
| Gym. Gym? Then what? | |
| I don't know, I guess. | |
| Hey! | |
| There's no gas station ever. | |
| And we've completely run out of gas. | |
| The car no longer functions. | |
| We're rolling down a hill in France. | |
| Trucks are overthinking us. | |