| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Loud And Clear
00:05:05
|
|
| Right, I keep getting people complaining about the echo on my videos. | |
| But, I can't help that I live in such a fucking big house. | |
| I mean, this is only one of my houses. | |
| But, what the fuck do you want me to do? | |
| The roof's high. | |
| Not my fucking fault. | |
| Buy a microphone! | |
| Listen, I'm assuming, if you're watching my channel, that you're competent. | |
| This is not a channel for women. | |
| This is not no female shit. | |
| You're all full-grown men. | |
| So you're gonna listen up. | |
| If it's a little bit echoey, there's fuck all I can do besides move into a smaller house, which I don't really want to do. | |
| So... And if you don't understand something, you can rewind it and just fucking listen. | |
| That's the first thing. | |
| Second thing people are complaining about... I keep getting hate mail. | |
| You're dressed, you're supposed to be rich. | |
| Why are you dressed like that? | |
| Because I've just been at the gym. | |
| The fuck? | |
| How am I supposed to dress? | |
| Besides, these are Trump pants. | |
| I bought these in Trump Tower. | |
| Trump. | |
| Gonna fucking make America great again. | |
| Boom. | |
| Told you I spent five grand there. | |
| As for this t-shirt, I made this myself. | |
| This is custom made. | |
| Someone's beefing me on Twitter. | |
| A coney. | |
| Who remembers Kony? | |
| That was like the first video to ever go super viral. | |
| Who remembers Kony 2012? | |
| And it went super big by that fucking weirdo guy who ended up getting caught wanking in public. | |
| I think that's true. | |
| Let's find the news article. | |
| We'll put it in here. | |
| He made the Kony video to complain about Kony and then ended up getting caught wanking in a public place. | |
| He's a fucking creep. | |
| And he was like, we're going to cover the night with Kony. | |
| I remember something, cover the night. | |
| On this day, we're going to walk around and put posters everywhere. | |
| And like, no one did it. | |
| But the video went viral. | |
| And the reason I got this t-shirt made is because I have a lot of respect for Kony. | |
| Now, I know, okay, he's a warlord. | |
| Whatever, whatever. | |
| But Kony is a G. Because Kony reminds me of myself. | |
| I'll tell you why. | |
| There have been times in my life when everyone was out to get me. | |
| I said depression wasn't real. | |
| I was on the news. | |
| I was doing radio interviews. | |
| I was fucking every celebrity on Twitter. | |
| The bitch from Game of Thrones, J.K. | |
| Rowling, Piers Morgan. | |
| Everyone was out to get me. | |
| I didn't give a fuck. | |
| And the only other person I've ever seen like that is Kony. | |
| Imagine you're in the jungle. | |
| You're a warlord. | |
| The Civil War has been going on for 30 years and the international community has never given a fuck ever. | |
| And then one day, some dickhead makes a YouTube video Ends up being the biggest YouTube video of all time. | |
| And Obama starts talking about you. | |
| And the UN Court of Human Rights starts talking about you. | |
| And all these first world nations start discussing you. | |
| Obama literally said, after that video, we're going to catch Kony. | |
| So for 30 years, you're in the jungle fighting your war. | |
| No one gives a fuck. | |
| One day, you're the most wanted man in the world. | |
| I don't care what jungle you're in. | |
| You're chilling in the jungle, whatever. | |
| But at some point, one of your generals is going to come over to you. | |
| I'm going to do my African accent now. | |
| I don't know if I can do it without laughing. | |
| Coney! | |
| They want to arrest us. | |
| And you'll be like, what do you mean they want to arrest us? | |
| What the fuck? | |
| No one cares about this war. | |
| And he'll show you a video on YouTube of Obama saying they're coming to get you. | |
| That's pressure, bro. | |
| Everything was fine. | |
| Now everyone wants to get you, Obama wants to get you, whatever. | |
| And then I remember, and the reason I got this t-shirt made is because I remember watching some bitch who I've never heard of, some girl, some bureaucrat from somewhere, who, I don't know her name, was speaking at the UN Court of Human Rights saying that if Comey hands himself in, that they're going to give him a plea bargain and all this bullshit. | |
| Hand yourself in, we'll do you a deal. | |
| So they would have said to Kony, look, if you give yourself up now, everyone wants to get you now, Kony. | |
| Everyone's out to get you, you're fucked. | |
| But if you give yourself up now, we'll go easy on you. | |
| And you know what Kony did? | |
| He sat there and went, he'll blow over. | |
| Fuck him. | |
| That takes some balls. | |
| When Obama's trying to get you and you're like, eh, fuck it. | |
| Don't worry about it. | |
| Just carry on getting child slaves and raiding villages. | |
| Obama? | |
| Who's Obama? | |
| Fuck him. | |
| He's a loser. | |
| And he just sat there going, it'll blow over. | |
| And I'm sure his generals are like, this is not going to blow over, Kony. | |
| They're going to really come for us. | |
| They've got international support. | |
| The country's going to get money, guns, armies. | |
| They fucking just blew up Afghanistan and Iraq. | |
| They're coming for us. | |
| Nah, fuck them. | |
| And he just sat in his jungle, chilling with his child army, sitting around with his AK, being a warlord. | |
| Here we are, 2018. | |
| Have we caught Kony? | |
| No. | |
| He's still out there, still doing his thing, still being a G, because he didn't back down like a little pussy. | |
| Everyone was out to get him and he thought, fuck you, I don't care. | |
| And I thought, I'm the same. | |
| Me and Kony were like this. | |
| I'm exactly the same. | |
| I'm an expert at not giving a fuck. | |
| Everyone came for me, I didn't give a fuck, so they gave up. | |
| If I would have apologized, they would have come to me forever. | |
| Never let it go. | |
| But they realized that I don't surrender, so they're like, okay, we'll find an easy target. | |
| I don't apologize, I don't give in. | |
| And neither does my boy Kony. | |
|
Why I Don't Give a Fuck
00:00:37
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|
| And that's why I wear Kony t-shirts. | |
| Take shinkai.net. | |
| The products on there, every single one of them is absolutely top quality. | |
| We have the PhD course, which is guaranteed to change your perspective and change your dynamics with women. | |
| If you want more women, get the PhD course. | |
| My fitness program, I don't go to the gym. | |
| I stay in perfect condition with 30 minutes of exercise a day from home. | |
| The fitness program allows you to stay in shape, without messing around, without driving to the gym, in the comfort of your own home for 30 minutes a day. | |
| The chess program, you need to understand why chess must be mastered. | |
| And if you don't understand, watch the chess video. | |
| As for the t-shirts, mugs, everything else, there's nothing better than walking around with a Tate t-shirt on and one knows you're not a bitch. | |