If you're ever wondering how you can spot a dickhead instantly, I know it's not that difficult nowadays, but I'll give you a few tips.
In fact, I'm gonna give you one tip.
I don't wanna talk about one, I wanna talk about lots of tips.
Too many dickheads around.
One of the most important ways to discover if someone's a dickhead or not is if they wear a smartwatch.
Smartwatches are bullshit.
There is nothing you can do on a smartwatch faster than you can just pull your phone out your pocket and use your phone properly.
Every time I've ever seen anyone try and do something on a smartwatch, I just sit there looking at them thinking, what kind of fucking materialistic, capitalistic moron are you?
That when Apple releases a watch, you think you need it.
So you can sit there scrolling through, pretending that it's easier for you to read your email on your fucking watch, than it is for you to get your phone out of your pocket.
Get your phone out of your pocket is like literally half a second.
In fact, let's time it.
Put a timer on.
So I'm sitting here.
I need to do something on my phone.
I've got my stupid smartwatch on.
I go, okay, let me just get my phone.
I get it out.
Is it going to be any quicker?
Me fucking around on that little watch?
Is it any better for me?
Oh, who's calling me?
Okay, now I'll get my phone out of my pocket.
It's bullshit.
It's garbage.
They're completely, completely useless.
And then people go, oh yeah, but it tracks my heart rate.
You didn't know your heart rate for your whole fucking adult life.
You went through your life and you never knew what your fucking heart rate was.
You never knew how many steps you took in a day.
And now that it says on your fucking watch, you're pretending that's important information?
It's not fucking important information.
All you're trying to do is justify your completely shit lifestyle by saying, oh, I took 500 steps today.
Who gives a fuck?
You're still a fat bastard.
You never knew how many steps you took.
That's not real exercise.
Telling you how much mundane bullshit activity you did is not substitute exercise.
I see everyone and their shit excuses for having a smartwatch.
Next time you meet someone with a smartwatch, say, why do you have that?
Oh, it's actually quite convenient because... And listen to their shitty excuse.