Sal Vulcano joins Theo Von to discuss his Netflix stand-up with Mike Tyson, the canceled finale of Highway to Heaven, and his new podcast Manoosh. They analyze Vulcano's TBS series Foul Play with Anthony Davis, including a pulled prank involving Floyd Mayweather due to wildfires, while Vulcano reveals his secret wedding, parenting struggles, and a bizarre 15-year-old frozen goldfish. The conversation spans from childhood anecdotes about fish tank gravel to global birth rate declines, culminating in Vulcano's upcoming comedy tours and the release of Impractical Jokers season 13. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, WAV2VEC2_ASR_BASE_960H, sat-12l-sm, script v26.04.01, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Live Audience Podcast Premiere00:12:04
I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast, taping this podcast before a live audience.
It's the only time I've ever done that.
And it may be the only time I ever do.
I don't know.
But that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson, on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater as part of the Netflix is a Joke Fest.
And after that, it'll be on our channel.
So you can see it there.
You can get tickets at theovon.comslash T O U R. Today's guest is a stand up comedian.
He's a host.
He's a podcaster.
He's just a universal smile maker.
You know him from his hit show, Impractical Jokers, and he's on tour doing stand up right now.
Always have a blast with the one and only Mr. Sal Volcano.
We start filming season 13 on Thursday.
It's another thing.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's wild.
It's been on the air for 15 years.
And have you ever met a child that was conceived during the show?
Has that ever been a thing?
Yeah.
I know people met and got married.
And I know people tell me they fucked to it all the time.
Oh, my God.
Really?
I didn't think of that until one day I was standing outside.
I'm getting a tire, a flat tire fix.
I was standing on the sidewalk and a guy pulled up.
At a light, and you roll down the window.
He's like, I love you, man.
I was like, Thanks, man.
He goes, I was having sex with my girlfriend last night while the show was on.
And I was like, Oh shit, I never really thought about that.
So I went on to Instagram and I posted, Has anyone ever had sex while my show was on?
It was like hundreds of thousands of people.
You don't think of it, you know?
One time somebody sent me porn of people, and our show was on the TV in the background.
What?
Not like a professional one.
Oh, just amateur?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Maybe one day you'll make the big news.
Yeah, man.
Hopefully, we can show up on a browser, you know, one day.
Maybe one day, bro.
Oh, my God, dude.
And why do you think it is that y'all's show is one of those shows that's like, all right, you know, let's make a child of this or let's get a little, you know, let's do the humping?
It's like background, you know?
Like you can put it on anytime.
You don't have to like follow anything.
Just turn it on and it's good, like playing in the background.
They play it all day long.
It's like one of those things, like when I get to a hotel room, I turn something on, it just like plays in the background.
That's it.
I think people just, people are going to go about their business while talking.
You think?
You think that's it?
I feel like.
I don't think it's intoxicating or anything.
I don't think it's like, like oysters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Visual oysters.
No, I do think there's something about y'all's show that it's like, it's the one thing, like spouses could probably kind of agree on it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We get that.
There's not a lot, you know.
And you could, if your kids are in there, you know, everybody could kind of agree on, like, all right, we'll all kind of watch this.
There's few shows like that now.
Yeah, no, you, yeah, that there's like a Venn diagram where the kids and the parents both like it.
Yeah.
And they, they, that's what we hear a lot too, which is like, it's a show that everybody can be like, oh, I'll watch that.
You know what I mean?
I guess.
There's a new Little House on the Prairie coming out.
I think you and I have spoken about Little House on the Prairie before.
Did we?
Yeah, I think we did.
But Michael Landon, because you were a big fan, right?
Oh, yeah.
Highwood Heaven.
Oh.
You're a Michael Landon fan or a Prairie fan?
The Highway to Heaven, and it needs to be repaved, brother.
I'll say that.
I mean, they got, you know what I'm saying?
So, what was it?
He was an angel that was like in purgatory, and his guy's friend with the beard was another angel?
His friend was like an Oakland A's fan.
Yeah, but was he an angel too, the friend, or was he a civilian?
No, his friend was a civilian.
And he could see Michael Landon.
Yeah, and everybody could see him, but he came back and then he realized that Michael Landon is an angel.
Bring it up Highway to Heaven.
What was the storyline on that?
I haven't.
Thought of that since the last time you and I spoke about it, and the time before that was when I watched it.
It's.
Yeah, yeah, same thing.
Why did we.
Yeah, dude.
Well, I've thought about it, but I can't believe that you remembered that we had talked about it because I haven't talked about it with someone since then.
Yeah, that's why I remember it.
I'm like, I just remembered you making me laugh about it.
Highway to Heaven follows Jonathan Smith, Michael Landon, a probationary angel, you're right, and Mark Gordon, an ex cop, as they travel America helping people in need on behalf of the boss, God.
The series focuses on providing divine intervention, love, and emotional support to individuals facing hardship.
Yeah, that's a pitch.
That's such a funny pitch.
It's like, okay, hear me out.
An angel and an ex cop.
Yeah, that's really good.
I'm like, I'm sold.
Oh, yeah.
Michael Inn was one of a kind.
I mean, that show was great.
But yeah, The Highway to Heaven, I think they put a dang toll booth on it now.
It's like, yeah, you can't even.
They couldn't remake something like this today.
You don't think?
I know.
Maybe.
I think now actually is when they probably can remake.
Now I'm thinking about it.
I mean, I think you need a good Christian drama.
I think you need something that's leading.
I mean, it'd be nice, I think, if there were more influences towards faith, probably.
But even having Little House on the Prairie back, it's going to be a vibe, dude.
Oh, wait.
So they're bringing back Highway to Heaven or Little House on the Prairie?
Little House on the Prairie.
Because what was that Highway to Heaven right there just now on the right?
What's that?
Oh.
Oh, they tried to bring it back, bro.
I didn't even know.
No one knew.
Nobody knew.
And they brought it back.
It looks like it was an African American actress.
Who was there?
Barry Watson.
Oh, Jill Scott.
Jill Scott.
Grammy Award winner Jill Scott and Barry Watson.
Wow.
That came and went.
Oh.
Or is that coming out now?
I'll give it a whirl.
It's 2021.
Oh.
All right.
Well, you can't.
I mean, there's COVID times.
Yeah, people.
And they were probably shipping people to heaven during COVID.
We were the highway to heaven during COVID.
It was a Pfizer four lane going on, bro.
Fauci working the toll booth.
Getting the last dime out of you just to hit the turnpike.
Was he working towards salvation, Michael Landon and Highway to Heaven?
Was he saving people to get in God's good graces?
He's probationary.
I would like to know how that series ended.
He had to have gone to heaven.
If he didn't, it would have been a huge letdown, though.
Imagine they just left it open.
They don't even tell us.
Yeah, let's go to the ending of it.
The series, Highway to Heaven, did not have a Planned definitive series finale as it was canceled due to low ratings.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
So they didn't.
That's always a bummer when you invest in a show and then just stops and you're like, that's hard.
Or when the whole nation invests in a show too and it ends like Lost.
Lost killed Lost, probably.
I think there's people that died because Lost wasn't, it didn't do anything for them.
Yeah, there had to be some type of butterfly effect.
What's that?
It was like, it was their hope.
I'm going to keep watching this and it's going to get somewhere.
I was me.
That was me.
I watched Lost, and at one point I thought Lost was the greatest show I had ever seen in my life.
And then the last two or three seasons, it was like maddening.
Yeah.
I mean, it was just.
That broke a lot of people.
It's too convoluted.
Oh, people, divorces.
I mean, that broke.
People don't realize.
You don't realize that if you invest that much with somebody into something, and if that thing falls apart, you might, you can fall apart.
You can fall.
You can unravel.
Your whole life can unravel.
Yeah.
It doesn't take much these days.
Yeah.
It doesn't.
Everyone's right there.
All it takes is like just the creators of Lost is stringing us along, telling us the whole time.
They have exact intentions when they don't.
And it comes out later.
I don't know if anyone's ever taken them to task for that.
I'll tell you another thing.
I saw the finale.
I couldn't tell you what I can't explain to you right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can't even explain the ending.
You did all that and you couldn't explain the ending to us.
Evangeline Lily.
God bless her, really.
She's doing fine, I'm sure.
Yeah, she's like an Ant Man, right?
She's like Ant Woman.
Oh, she is?
I think so.
I didn't know.
Yeah.
That show was so good, dude.
The flashbacks, the flash sideways.
Forwards, flash sideways.
They started flashing sideways.
I'm like, what is that?
I've never seen a flash sideways before, lost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How do you flash sideways?
They did it.
Yeah, they did it.
I'd like to flash sideways.
Oh, today.
I'd like to flash sideways today.
Yeah, you're doing, you said you're in town.
You're hitting the doctor.
You're hitting the medical circuit, right?
Yeah, I'm hitting the medical circuit.
My doctor lives out here, my boy from high school.
Really?
He's my primary.
And it's your friend from high school?
Yeah, it's my boy from, I've known him since you were 13.
Wow.
Yeah, so shout out.
James Loesch.
James Loesch?
J Loesch?
I don't know if I'd want to go to my friend and let him, but I guess if it's your boy, you can trust him with anything.
Yeah, that's where it started out.
And you can show him your body and whatever?
No, I haven't shown him my body.
And that would be where I probably.
I understand what you're saying there.
Right there is where I thought I would have to do it this week, showing my body, because we had a list of things to do.
I got what's called a DEXA scan, a CT angiogram.
I got a blood draw for a full panel plus a cancer screening.
I got an MRI today.
I'm doing everything.
And then it said in there, what is that?
It said in there.
That's him, huh?
That's me.
Oh, it is?
That's him.
That's you again?
He pulled him up in a tux at 18 years old.
Dude, every time you're here, we bring up pictures of guys that I cannot even believe it's you and it's you every time.
No.
It said physical.
So I was going to, at one point, I was going to be like, you don't have to hold my sack or anything, do you?
Yeah.
But then I just let it go and then he didn't say anything and then it was fine.
But do you think you're missing out on something that's important information or something?
Just because you guys are like kind of shy or whatever?
I was wondering if in general, like when was the last time you got a physical?
A physical?
You had to do it for the movie or something like that, maybe?
I mean, I wouldn't bet it probably wasn't too long ago, but I've gotten all the blood panels.
I get them done all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
So I just don't know if that's antiquated, like them holding you and saying cough or drop your parents.
I don't really hear people talk about that anymore.
Yeah, hold them and yeah, call your stepfather a queer or whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
That's not.
That's not.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not a medical turn.
They're taking liberties.
Yeah, they're taking liberties, dude.
You're like, I don't think I'm going to cough, but call my dad a queer?
Trust me, just do it.
It's like, yeah, it'll release some stress.
You're like, okay.
I don't know what they're looking for, but if he didn't.
Touch my balls, then I guess like he's not going to find anything there.
Yeah.
So, like, I guess that was an oversight.
Yeah.
But I guess what are they checking for when they hold your balls like a hernia?
Well, I mean, look, I think on back.
Because I don't lift anything.
I got a bad back.
Doctor says I can't even lift my balls, dude.
Bro, let's check it right now.
Yes, it is standard medical procedure for a doctor to hold the scrotum while asking you to cough and check for it.
And I get that, but that shit seems hella.
It seemed like the Catholic Church is involved in it a little bit.
It has a little backsplash of uncertainty.
But what, how do we self check our own balls?
That's what I would look up.
Yeah, maybe a self exam I could do.
Because there's probably time, man, that we know how to do this just because there's a lot of times I'm sitting in a lobby or I'm chilling, you know?
Yeah.
And then you don't know what's going on down there.
Well, it's like I might as well check it out.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
We could check all the time.
Yeah.
If we know what we're doing, We're checking without knowing usually.
Yeah, usually I'm feeling around in my balls.
Like, oh, what is that?
Don't touch that.
There's like that part that's like, yeah, that's the thing attached to the ball that's like weird.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, oh, that's the HVAC area.
It's all white.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not certified, like, you know, in a bag.
I don't really know anything in a bag.
There's definitely, dude.
Self-Exam Jokes and Lobes00:02:10
Yeah, there's moments where you're like, oh, what is that?
And then you're like, that's what gets scary, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're like, oh, that just feels like, and then like, it's like, feels like a, Oh, that's just a skittle or something.
I still won't go.
I still won't go if I feel like I have a taste, like a rainbow in there.
Like if I have a skittle in there or something, I would just be like, I would sooner Google it.
There's something I just, I'm not really, he would have had to probably take his balls out for me to feel comfortable.
Oh, that's fair.
Yeah.
Dude, that should be something you guys do for the show for like one of the things.
Yeah, we'll do that.
Get him into that center, you know?
Yeah.
I'll get my doctor in there and show his balls on our show.
Makes sense.
Or just, you know, now with the doctor's got to do, you know, get him to it, you know.
I need you to hold your balls while you hold my balls.
You know what I'm saying?
And we sing a little bit of Bruno Mars, you know?
Yeah, bro, Bruno's good, man.
Dude, it reminds me.
You had a story about Bruno.
Remember, you went to his show, you?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was dope.
He was like, it was a bit back, but he was like bartending for us backstage.
And then during his finale, he was like yelling out quotes from my show, like in the middle of like, you make me feel like I've been locked out of hell.
And it's just like, and then there's pyrotechnics, and then he just started screaming out lines from the show.
And I was like, I can't believe this.
I actually missed it.
I was like, with people, and I didn't hear him say it, and they were freaking out.
I think if I told his last time, but I was like, I remember, like, I was with four or five people.
I was with my girl and the guys, and they went nuts.
And I thought they were just going nuts for the song.
And I was like, wow, they're really big fans.
Like, they were overhyped, you know?
Obviously, they just heard him quoting us.
So they were reacting like that.
And I was like, this song's good, but they're really into it.
And then, like, a few minutes later, they're like, I can't believe he's shouting.
And where were you?
You were getting something.
No, I was right there with him, but I didn't hear, like, there were fireworks going off, and I didn't hear it.
And then I was like, and then they were like, I can't believe he's quoted you.
I'm like, he quoted me.
And you didn't even know you were right there.
I don't even know.
Is this real?
That's real.
You could pull off, it looks like AI, right?
That's real.
You could pull off a hat like that.
There's Bruno Mars.
I could never pull off a hat like that.
Fan Reactions to Quoting Us00:08:28
Never.
Joe and Sal came down to the show in Albany tonight.
Albany.
Oh, it's Albany.
Albany.
Albany, sorry.
And if you ain't seen the show in Practical Jokes, you're missing out.
Apparently, apparently, apparently, apparently, Mer was there.
Yeah, Mer got there late and after it was over, he got stuck in traffic and he drove eight hours and missed it.
I swear to God, dude.
He drove.
I'm not, I'm not, I know he might.
Honestly, honestly, I think he drove like 13 hours.
I don't know why.
I forgot the circumstances surrounding it, but he got there late and just missed the whole thing.
Damn, dude.
God.
Yeah, I couldn't wear a hat like that.
Yeah, I couldn't wear a hat like that.
I wouldn't be able to do it good.
So we don't forget this because I do think this is important.
What can we do to check out our nuts to make sure that we're okay?
What do we do actually?
Cut this first.
Using both hands, and I'll just, you just cut my waist.
Don't do me lowering the waist.
I'm going to check.
While we're here, I can't see it, but I'll tell me.
Maybe you give me a play by play.
All right.
Like, what do you feel?
What are you feeling for right now?
What is it?
I don't know.
I think I feel like I'm in the cottage cheese section right now.
Well, ultimately, though, what are you looking for?
Are you looking for a hernia?
Are you looking for a skittle?
Like, what are you looking for?
I'm looking for cancer.
Oh, that's what we're doing?
That's cancer?
What are you doing?
You're doing cancer screening.
Yeah, I'm not going to waste my time.
You might as well screen for everything if you're feeling around.
Just do a full thing, screen for everything.
Dude, I can't do a full panel or whatever.
I don't know.
Can you tell the difference between a hernia and cancer?
I know.
I will say, like, it is weird with both hands on your balls while I'm talking to you.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Normally it would be.
It's like when we first met.
Well, if you would give me a second, I'm trying to see if I have cancer.
Okay.
What is this?
What is this?
What is this animation, though?
What is it?
Why is it no sack?
I don't know.
That's Dixar, I think.
Yeah.
Cheap joke, but thank you for supporting me.
That was good, man.
Take me, just get it on the wording again.
One more time.
Go back.
Perform a testicular self exam monthly.
Oh, God, dude.
I am 400 months behind schedule.
Yeah.
Ideally during or after a warm shower when a scrotum's relaxed.
Yeah.
Oh, if you got that hard bag, bro.
Yeah.
You can't do it in like the winter.
Yeah.
If you feel like it's like kind of like a, feels like a bit of like a really ripe avocado, you got to back off the sack.
Yeah.
That's right.
Using both hands, gently roll each testicle between your thumb and finger to check for hard lumps.
Smooth bumps, that's a unique term.
That's got to be an oxymoron.
Smooth bumps, how can you find that?
That's crazy.
Yeah, what's a smooth bump?
Is it by definition a bump not smooth?
Hard lumps, smooth bumps, Theo Vaughn's story.
My journey through chemotherapy or changes in size, shape, or consistency.
What do they mean, changes in size?
Like it's like a.
I guess if one's gotten really.
Like one sounds like it's throat's clogged or whatever.
Oh, there's always one bigger than the other, isn't there?
Or is that breasts?
Isn't that true?
For balls and breasts, there's always one that's bigger?
Yeah, I think that's true.
I'm going to read this one part off and then we'll get to that.
Hard pea sized lumps or nodules, a new dull ache or feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen or groin.
So, that I think is more for hernia and then significant swelling or a sudden change in size.
So, I guess the good thing is if you do it repeatedly, you'll start to.
That's the thing.
You probably have to do it repeatedly so you get an idea.
You catch it.
Yes, you have a baseline.
You have a baseline.
Because otherwise, if you're just wandering into your nuts with your hands or whatever, you just have everything in there.
Yeah, you don't know what's in there at all.
Yeah.
No, neither testicle nor breasts are always perfectly symmetrical.
One side is typically slightly larger or positioned differently in most people.
And the testicles usually hang at different levels.
That gives them also the illusion of seeming like they're different sized.
It'd be funny if we didn't have a sack and they just hung.
Like how that hand was holding the two individual testicles.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that would be weird.
That'd be very weird.
Just hung on strings.
Like just kabangers.
Remember those kabangers?
Yeah, when we were little, it was like two balls on strings, and you were like, pop, And they were like, they were called kabangers.
Bring them up, them kabangers, bro.
Yeah, get those kabangers up there.
You don't remember those?
I've never seen those in my life.
What, bro?
They still sell them now.
Buddy, I promise you.
Man, dude, I'm sorry.
Because I had some really nice times with those.
With them kabangers?
Yeah.
When you know what you're doing, you can see a video of somebody doing it.
When you know what you're doing, it's a real treat.
Oh, here's a video, a commercial for them?
Smitties has them.
They're the original curbangers and they're guaranteed safe for play and unbreakable, so they'll never chip, heal, or shatter.
Get the original curbangers at Smitties and get set for some fast action.
Oh, you knock your freaking tooth out.
You knock your neighbor's nuts off like that.
They were like little nunchucks.
Oh, I did used to wish that your nuts had a secret hearing device or whatever.
You could roll one somewhere into a room and it would be able to hear what was going on.
That's really good.
Like a recon nut or whatever.
Yeah, like a James Bond nut.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good.
The sack is a good place to hide something.
Oh, yeah.
You know, if you can get like some type of surgery where you get like a, it's almost like a, you remember what they call ruse, kangaroos, the sneaker?
Ruse, yeah.
Remember?
Yeah.
And so the thing about kangaroos or ruse, I think they're called, is every single sneaker had a hidden pocket on it.
Oh, that's right.
Like in the tug of theirs or on the side.
And they should bring those back.
But that'd be like, you can do that with your pouch, like with the sack, and then you could hide stuff in there.
Yeah, I bet you could get that modulated, bro.
If you got your nuts modulated, bro, you could do that in a fucking heartbeat.
Yeah, get you a little side, get you a little pouch almost, or get like almost like a little fanny pack put on it.
Yeah.
They should make a little fanny pack.
For your nuts?
That goes around your butt.
This is not a bad idea if we could find a safe medical way to do it because you ever throw on like a pair of sweats and there's no pockets and you leave the house and you got no pockets?
Oh.
When you have no pockets, I feel like I might have to go back.
Yeah, yeah.
Like I will not buy pants without a proper pocket.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah, well, of course I know what you mean.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, but if you had a sack that held stuff, like a pouch, you wouldn't have to think about it anymore.
You could throw on any pants you want.
You could flippantly throw on pants before you leave the house, not even think twice about it.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
If you're like, oh, I just, yeah, I got enough room for just a couple of Zins.
Well, you could put like your license in there, a key, a key fob.
I think putting your license into your nuts is crazy work, bro.
Yeah, you're right.
But the whole concept is so you could have gave me it.
It's just, you know, we're just trying.
I mean, I don't think we're putting anything in there really, but.
Well, here's the thing.
If I don't have.
If you're going to put a Zin in there, two Zins, I think you could put.
I would be careful putting two Zins in there.
That's the tobacco.
Yeah, I feel it.
You are, took it to another level.
Now you're going to get bowl cancer.
You know what I'm saying?
All I'm doing is trying to have identification on me.
Yeah, you're right, bro.
You're right, man.
I'm really going to kind of like my separate way, but.
Oh, so I never got that enhanced license for travel.
So now, just in case, I always got to bring my passport with me to the airport.
I'm always afraid I'm going to forget it at home and then it's going to be lights out because I can't get on a thing.
So I would put my, maybe my passport.
You have to fold it up.
It might be on console, but I would maybe permanently carry my passport in my sack.
Bro, you can't fold.
Dude, think about this, though, Sal.
I hear you and I love what you're saying, but you're right.
To fold your fucking passport up.
It was stupid.
Yeah, I know.
It's too much.
I couldn't do it.
It's not built to be folded, but.
Here's what I do think is yeah, if you had your nuts or whatever, yeah, if you could put two, I'm trying to give you a couple of zins in your nuts or whatever, a couple of alps in there.
Do you do zinning?
I don't do it.
I mean, either.
I don't know.
But I think it would be crazy if they're like, yeah, we think you have like gum cancer in your nut.
Like you'll get like tooth and gum cancer or whatever.
Yeah.
They're like, somehow you got mouth.
You got gingivitis of the balls.
Somehow you got mouth cancer in your nuts.
Yeah, it's because I've been fucking zinning.
Yeah.
Through my magical nut pouch.
But, dude, no two nuts are the same.
You know that?
No two nuts actually are the same.
They're like snowflakes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gingivitis of the Balls00:03:16
Pretty cool.
You know what time it is.
You know what time it is.
Prize picks.
America's number one sports picks app.
The app is really easy to use.
That's why I like it.
To get started, you just pick more or less on two plus players' stat projections and lock in your picks.
That's it.
It's simple.
And with the NBA playoffs here, there's no better time to get in on the action.
Prize Picks is now an official daily fantasy partner of the NBA, and that kicks off with a NBA Finals sweepstakes.
Just enter a lineup with a live NBA pick during the NBA playoffs for a shot to win a trip to the NBA Finals.
That's it.
More details at prizepicks.comslash NBA sweepstakes.
Best of all, Prize Picks will give you $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup.
Win or lose, you'll get $50 in lineups.
Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today.
Type shit!
Prize Picks, code Theo, play responsibly.
Prize Picks offers DFS and free to play $50 provided as Prize Picks DFS lineups.
Must spend $5 of real money on Prize Picks before receiving bonus lineups.
Prize Picks Predict is a registered FCM offering.
Team picks and culture picks as event contracts.
Both involve significant risk, not for all.
Must be 18 and over, and for event contracts via U.S. resident restrictions apply, void where prohibited.
Use responsibly for help call 1 800 426 2537 or visit www.ncpgambling.org.
Have you ever woken up in the morning?
Yeah, who has it, right?
I guess some people haven't.
RIP.
But have you ever woken up in the morning and just needed a nicotine pouch or just a cup of coffee to feel human?
Or just sometimes you just need a neighbor to come over and just damn tickle you.
But how many pouches or cups of coffee or energy drinks or stimulants do you need per day to stop yourself from crashing or from feeling a withdrawal?
I'm stuck in that category.
I need something.
I got to have a little bit of pattern.
For some people, it's pouches or coffee or energy drinks or heavy stimulants.
Some people, it's just their damn wife yelling at them, gets them keyed up.
And that's why I want to let you know that now there are ultra pouches.
These are to stop all of that.
These pouches are completely nicotine free and caffeine free and zero calories right there.
You're probably thinking if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them, huh?
Huh?
Plastics?
Great question.
Ultra uses clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy the last one to two hours.
Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine.
New customers can use code Theo to get 15% off at takeultra.com.
That's takeultra.com for 15% off with code Theo.
Ultra Pouch Discount Code00:07:26
After your purchase, they will ask how you heard about them, help support our show, and tell them we sent you.
Change it up for yourself.
No more nicotine, no more caffeine.
Ultra.
You dance?
No, dude, but I will tell you this.
My friend and I, maybe almost, probably like maybe 30 months ago or whatever, we went to the park and we saw and we watched the people do the Zalza dancing.
Zalza?
Did you?
So good.
That's right.
30 months ago, you went to the park.
Yeah.
And once people saw something, and bro, we watched it.
At first, we were like, whatever, bro, let's don't look too long because it's just me and him and we're not with anybody or whatever.
Well, but it was just, you mean like there was like a competition or like a dance party or something?
Yeah, just a dance party they had over there by the lake.
It's over there by Centennial Park in Nashville.
You can probably even look it up.
And so, yeah, it was just like a lot of Latinos and a couple of like Indian guys trying to pretend they were Mexican or whatever, like putting on like.
Yeah, but they have their own really good dance routines too.
You ever see them?
They go hard.
Yeah.
Like those routines where everyone's doing the same thing.
Choreographed.
It's like she's all that.
You see an Indian wedding?
It's like she's all that.
Is it like that?
I feel like the Indian weddings I've seen in passing on YouTube or Instagram.
Oh, yeah.
And you see them dance and they all know the exact.
That's so cool.
Yeah, that is cool, huh?
For a dance to bust out and everyone does it together.
Yeah.
You know?
Dude, that's a good.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, that's.
I went out dancing last night.
You went out dancing last night?
I felt like my mom in the 80s.
You're lying.
I swear to you, I went out dancing.
You felt like your mom.
I wore a brooch.
You wore a brooch.
No, but I do love a brooch, though.
Me, too.
I do.
I got my wife a brooch.
Recently, you did.
I swear to God, yeah.
That's awesome.
I love it.
So, brooches, they're just wonderful.
I think they're like, they're not in, I don't know if they're really in style anymore, but they're timeless brooches.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think when you see someone with a brooch, you think, well, sometimes you think like somebody passed away and there's like a little image of them in it, right?
Sometimes like a locker.
Something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But sometimes it's just decorative.
Yes.
Yeah.
You think this one, they're almost like, it feels like a little bit of royalty, like neighborhood royalty.
I like it.
Yeah.
It does feel like something like a little bit of like a, Like a badge.
Yes.
Yeah, right.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They got some great brooches.
There's a place here called The Five Spot.
It's a bar.
And on Mondays, they have Motown Mondays.
And that's all I need to hear.
Yeah.
I love it.
It was like soul music, Motown music.
And we went last night.
It was one of my friend's birthdays.
We went.
And I was like, I don't go out because at home, I'm just working in the kids and stuff.
So I was like, let's go.
Let's go.
Dude, I danced for like a good couple hours last night.
I don't remember the last time I did that.
Probably like at a wedding or something.
But I was like in the wild dancing.
No way.
Yeah.
Dude, that's so fun.
And everybody was just dancing and having fun.
Everybody, yeah, the place wasn't that crowded, and every last person there was dancing.
Get down on it.
They play stuff like that.
You talking about Cooling the Gang?
Yeah.
Come on, babe.
I love it.
Yeah, it's hard.
You get down.
That song comes on by Cooling the Gang.
I have to dance.
Yeah.
I don't know about you.
So you don't dance?
You know what?
Here's the thing.
I just forget about it.
You know, I think if I had a dance, like someone like, I wouldn't mind having a date and we go to the square dancing.
There is a Tuesday night place here that does square dance.
I don't think it's the American Legion or something where they teach how to square dance.
My friend Chris just went last week.
Not line dancing like that?
Yes.
So I would like to learn that.
Yeah.
And then, uh, that's a nice entry point, yeah.
And just a couple of two steps get you feeling like you're part of the group, yes.
To get me out on the dance floor, I used to love to dance.
Now, sometimes I think I feel a little bit like sometimes I have some social anxiety about that.
Sure, it's hard to dance now.
What if people are like, yeah, you can't just let loose, yeah.
Honestly, I'm afraid, yeah, somebody will video me and probably make fun of me, which is fair.
I'm okay if they make fun of me, yeah, okay.
But just doing it like, uh, like, like there's some part of it I don't like, and I think it's just that, uh, I don't know.
I here's the thing, I don't want to see a video of how bad I'm dancing because.
I want to still believe in my head that I'm a good dancer.
Sure, sure, sure.
That's what it is.
Yeah, but don't take that ability away from me by like using me to fucking just burn me one.
I would love to watch you sincerely dance.
Okay.
You know?
Okay.
You know, I would just love to see you like genuinely dancing and see what that looks like.
Okay.
You know, what your rhythm is, what your moves are, like how you get down.
I think a lot of like that, oh, when the blues will come on, bro, I get out there and dance to the blues.
Yeah.
They used to have a place called Tabby's Blues Box over there in downtown Baton Rouge, bro.
And I'd get out there, bro.
And they had a little bit of sliced ham or something over there on the side, you know?
They put out a little, like, all you can eat type of thing or something?
It wasn't all you could eat, but it was like you can eat a little.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
But they had that food.
People would dance to the blues and eat ham.
Yeah.
They had a dude sitting by it, so you know you couldn't have that much.
Oh, so it was like he served it.
He, like, you, like, like, like when you get up at a wedding at a buffet, like, and they slice it for you, like that?
Oh, yeah.
Like that?
No, no, no.
The ham steak?
No, this was just kind of regular ham.
Like deli ham?
No, it was like a few stairs up from deli ham.
So, somewhere between deli ham and a ham steak?
Yeah.
Like neighborhood ham or whatever.
Or like ham that had been kind of trucked in.
It had been flown in.
Okay.
But it had come on a truck.
But how did they prepare it?
Like what's on, like a glaze?
No, they could just cook.
I think they cooked it.
Just cooked ham.
Yeah.
And then while the blues were on.
And they had some crackers out there.
They just had a little setup.
But they had a dude, you could tell you couldn't have a lot because they had a dude sitting by it.
Right.
Like, we're gonna pay this dude to sit by it, yeah.
Because that's unfortunately what happens in society.
If you just have unchecked ham, it's gonna be like a Black Friday situation.
You know, you ever see when they give the tote bags at Trader Joe's, people just become animals, yeah.
And you can't ham people are already sad listening to the blues, you can't just put out ham, they're gonna run for that.
It's a comfort food.
Oh, bro, yeah.
There was one song that was so sad, and I had a mouth full of ham.
It's hard to cry when your mouth's full, you know what I'm talking about, yeah.
You remember being a kid, you can't cry and chew, yeah, you couldn't even.
Yeah, you can't cry and chew.
You can't.
You can't cry and eat.
It's a fat.
It was a fat boy's dilemma, bro.
You really can't, though.
That's why you can't be sad and chubby, dude, because that's the dilemma that God sets you in.
Like, you're going to be able to have as much little ham as you want, but you ain't going to be able to be sad about it.
Yeah.
That's why people eat to stop crying.
Oh, dude.
Right.
Yes.
Why is it that should be written on our American flag?
Think about someone with a huge hoagie hysterically crying and eating it.
I've never seen it.
It's a visual I've never seen.
People can't cry and eat at the same time.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like sneezing and, or it's like, whatever it's called, sneezing and like wishing for something.
Yes.
And I thought it was something with sneezing.
It's like rubbing your belly and chewing gum.
No.
And patting your head.
Flirting with your neighbor's wife or something.
You can't do it all.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, patting your head, rubbing your belly.
It's like rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer.
Yeah.
You cannot do this at the same time.
I went on.
Dude, thank you, bro.
Thank you for making me laugh today.
I appreciate it, man.
Of course, Ann.
I appreciate it.
You kidding me?
Rubbing Belly and Checking Nuts00:15:37
I want to ask you so you, because your podcasting has changed recently, and I wanted to talk about this.
I wanted to know why, because you had two podcasts.
You had one that you got, you were doing with Chris DiStefano.
Yes.
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe.
And then you had your own.
I had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds.
And you have one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds.
Yeah, yeah.
And Joe moved to Austin.
Yes, he did.
So that kind of brought that one to an end.
Yeah, and Chris moved up like state or whatever.
Oh, he's living up state.
Yeah, but I'm telling you, because when we put these on hiatus, We said to the fans, like, they're just going on hiatus.
It's been a couple of years now, but people think we, like, we lied.
We had no intentions to bring it back.
We have full intentions of bringing both back.
No joke.
Like, I talked to both of them, both of them recently.
Chris texted me two days ago and said, you want to do like a short run of them just to put it back out there?
And I'm like, yeah.
And I talked to Joe.
He said the same.
So we really are going to bring it back, but I got a new talk show, like, pod coming out called Manoosh, which is like short for Manooshia.
And it's like, big guest, small talk, but it's like, it's like, It's like, it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy.
It's like something just completely different.
Huh.
Yeah, like it's off the wall.
It's really fun.
I shot like 10 episodes so far.
Oh, you already did?
Yeah, I shot 10.
I'm going to do them by seasons, like 10 episode seasons.
So I'm going to release it like probably sometime in May and then kick it off.
It's been so much fun.
I talked to you about it.
You got to come.
Yeah, I'm going to come in.
I'm going to come through New York.
I'm going to come and do one.
Please.
I would love to have you.
We will have a lot of fun.
I'd love to be on there.
It's really different.
Like, it's not just, you know, it's.
Well, yeah, that's what I'm curious about.
So, like, yeah, because you're saying like it also involves improv.
So what, like, How does that kind of look, or a little bit of like, where like it's like nothing to is that we do and say is to be taken seriously?
It's all just we're doing shtick the whole time and we're like, we're in on the joke, and it's like, but it's edited really fun.
It's like edited in like little chunks, and it's like to look like it's on an old VHS tape.
It's like, it's really, I don't know, it's just something I just made up like a couple of years ago when we went on hiatus.
I'm like, I want to do something completely like solo that has like a really specific sensibility to it.
So it doesn't, I mean, this isn't a great pitch, it doesn't sound funny, but you know, it's really, it's.
It actually really is.
It's unique.
I'm super excited for people to see it.
You do a lot.
I mean, those are your wheelhouses, you know, comedy and improv.
And so to have some of that together, I think it definitely makes sense.
How was, I mean, it sounds cool.
If you've talked about this enough, no problem.
But like, how was your experience filming the movie and stuff?
Did you guys improvise a lot on that?
I think I didn't know exactly what was going on, to be honest with you.
Like, bro, until the day we showed up there on set.
It's got to be nerve wracking, right?
I thought it was all emails.
So the day we showed up on set, I was like, no way.
Everybody was being real serious about this, you know?
Yeah.
And it was a real movie.
There's like people walking around.
There's like, One guy just looking for something.
Yeah.
You know, there's like some guys like dressing somebody up like in a, you know, outfit or whatever.
You know, it's like we need.
You had the full trailer, like all that shit.
Oh, everything.
It was like electrical lines.
It's like, don't, you know, and people.
But you like, you funded it too.
Like you guys made it yourself.
Yeah, we wrote it and funded it and everything.
So isn't that like, how like nerve wracking was that to like be like, all right, whether we're going to, this is going to do well, we're going to invest it back.
But even the fact that you've never done that before and then to walk in on a production that like that size and then be at the like, the person running it.
Basically, that's a good question, dude.
I think honestly, like, I kind of struggled with that.
You know, I want to be in like, you know, I'm very particular about what I put out in a way.
Like, I just wanted to try and be true to myself, however.
Right.
And it wasn't like bad or anything.
It was just different, right?
And I had, and I, and going back, I wish in some places I would have spoken up more, and in some places I wish I would have spoken up less.
It's going to be a learning experience.
We made the one movie and it was a learning experience for me.
Like, I didn't like a lot.
There's a lot of things I would change.
Yeah, but did a lot of people go see your movie?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was out when COVID hit.
We were in theaters when the world shut down.
So we were expanding because we had a great Perth theater average.
So they didn't give us a wide, wide rollout, but we were the highest Perth theater average.
So it kept expanding week over week.
So we were heading into our fifth week.
They were going to give us a few more weeks and then it shut down.
Yeah, it's kind of nuts.
But yeah, I don't have a ton of ego in it.
I think it was awesome.
I learned so much.
Did you have nerves every day or did that go away?
No, I just.
Because I would just be like.
Did I have nerves?
For sure.
Some scenes I did.
Some scenes I just got to be David's.
I'm like the ball.
I'm like, say, if somebody's bouncing a ball off a wall, I'm kind of the wall, right?
Sure, sure.
And then it kind of changed over time, it changed a little bit where I'm like, sometimes I'm catching the ball and throw it back.
Yeah.
So I think it was just moments of confidence when my confidence would feel okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And learning as I went.
But I mean, I'd take an act class over the years.
I'd done a lot of practice scenes and shit, but in the end, you just want to have fun with your buddy and you want to come up with what's funny.
So we'd be sitting there improvident a lot, like throwing ideas at Spade, like, we'll try this one.
And then, Sometimes you want to hold your idea because you don't want to tell them because you want to say it in real time.
So it's actually funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You did a lot of that.
Yeah, but looking back, I think there's so many just little moments like just seeing Spade, like just trying to stay warm because we had a day, like we were supposed to shoot during the fires, the shit fucking, you know, dude.
Whoever it was, somebody that Spencer Pratt hates tried to burn down the Palisades, you know?
And while all that shit was happening, you know, our movie was supposed to shoot.
Once you've already paid and got shit locked in, you're kind of locked in.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
And so we, like, one day there was like 60 mile per hour winds and we didn't need wind in the movie or whatever.
Right, right, right.
You have to, it has to be in it.
We can't afford a reboot.
Right, right, right.
You know, it's like, yeah, this thing costs a mile an hour.
It's 60 mile an hour winds.
It's a scene of you guys, like, in the park and there's a tornado for no reason.
Like, do you make mention of it in the movie or is it just like whipping winds?
Oh, there's just whipping winds.
This one day at this gas station, the guy, Stevie Janowski, Steve Little, he's from, uh, Eastbound and Down.
Oh, God, dude.
He is the funniest guy.
He is.
I mean, that character, the outtakes from Eastbound and Down are the, I think, probably the greatest thing ever on recording.
You worked with him?
How is he in real life?
Oh, dude.
I mean, it's literally like the nicest guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's so funny.
It's all like for somebody that has such an effect, like being funny, it's almost like he doesn't want to have too much of an effect in any other way.
Not an, he just, he's a gentle guy.
That's what I mean.
Okay.
He's a gentle guy.
He doesn't, he's not trying to stir the pot or anything.
Sure.
But you put him right there in the middle of the porridge and cut those lights on, and dang.
He made, he had you laughing.
It's a beautiful soup.
Yeah, that's awesome.
So, yeah, just little things like that, I think.
And looking back and like.
So the fires delayed you?
No, we just had to like move a little bit over this hill, you know, and it'd be like, we'll probably be safe over this hill or whatever.
And I'm like, that sounds.
Oh, it was like during them?
Yeah, yeah, that's, oh yeah, it was during them.
Oh my god, dude.
No, when you're like, it's like it's was spreading across town.
Like, yeah, there'd be times you'd be going across, yeah, and you'd see just oh my god, you'd see a bird fly by and he was on fire, whatever.
Stop, bro.
He's like, I got to get somewhere.
You know, he's like, my wife's pissed or whatever.
You're like, all right, just do it.
Oh, man.
But yeah, I didn't even think to say that.
Yeah, the fires were going on.
So there'd be days you're driving home and shit's just, oh, fire everywhere.
That's messed up.
It was crazy.
We had to, I've executive produced this show that started, that came out this week, actually.
It's called Foul Play with Anthony Davis, AD, NBA player.
Oh, yeah.
He played it for the Pelicans.
He played in New Orleans.
He's in the, I think he's on Dallas now.
He got traded from the Lakers.
Oh, they traded him?
Yeah, I think so.
But so he has this show.
It's like a punked almost, right?
It started last week.
We had to pull a bit from the first episode, 16 episodes.
And it just aired.
It rated like the highest new series on TBS in years.
So we had this thing where Floyd Mayweather was the guest and he was helping us do this prank on this person.
So this family lost their house in a fire.
This was before the fires.
Okay.
Like the setup was that this family lost their house in a fire and Floyd Mayweather held this, uh, charity barbecue for them to get like, uh, like with the community to get like their belongings back.
So people brought them like gifts and stuff.
Oh, that's beautiful.
So they got all their, um, like their housewares and things back.
And like people are donating this stuff at the barbecue, at the charity barbecue.
And then they, all their stuff catches fire from the barbecue and burns again.
So like they just lost their home.
I feel like I almost saw this, dude.
It was the funniest thing ever.
Floyd Mayweather is in on it, but then when the fires happened, we're like, we can't put this in.
It's too insensitive.
So they pulled it.
But it was supposed to be in the first episode.
It was really funny.
And Draymond Green was there?
Yeah, he was in another one.
He's always fighting.
He's always hitting white dudes all the time.
Is he?
I don't know.
He used to be anyway.
He might have gotten healed or whatever.
He might have gotten saved.
Yeah, I haven't heard much about him hitting.
He was just hitting whites or off whites.
Or whatever.
He's hitting mixed dudes.
It was like mixed and down.
It just seemed like a lot of times he wouldn't crack like a real solid black dude.
Now, I will say that, bro.
And respect him.
He's a champion.
He whooped my ass, but he definitely punched mixed and down.
But, dude, that's so cool.
What's Anthony Davis like?
Does he have a big personality?
Yeah, he's dope.
He's really fun.
The reason we end up doing this is because he was a guest on our show and we did a bunch of stuff with him.
And then he was like, I love this.
He's like, I love this more than basketball.
He's like, This is what I really want to do.
I swear to God.
He's like, This is what this is where I really wish I could do.
And we're like, Why don't we develop something together?
And then we did and got picked up.
Foul play.
Foul play.
That's awesome.
So people can watch this on TBS?
Yeah.
It's on every week now.
Dude, that's great, bro.
Yeah.
I'll share something about it as soon as our show's over.
Yeah.
Dude, wow.
We got that.
We got, and I told you, we got, I start filming Jokers again in two days, season 13.
Crazy.
So Manusha is the podcast.
Yeah.
Podcast.
Improv show.
I think it's like a talk show.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's a talk show, and that's just going to be on YouTube?
Yeah.
Well, we're going to pitch it.
We're going to, you know, try to sell it, but, you know.
YouTube's great.
Yeah.
We're doing YouTube.
It used to be like just on YouTube, but now you're like, if it better be on YouTube.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, yeah, that's great.
You're staying so busy.
Do you feel kind of overwhelmed?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't, I had another kid since I saw you last.
So, dude, remember last time, dude?
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
You know what I did?
I get talked to so much about, about, um, My appearance on here last time and the clip of me talking about my daughter.
Oh, yeah.
It was like, it was pretty dope.
I want to see it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I just want to feel something today.
How about this?
Let me remember, I hadn't spoken about anything in public prior to this.
Your show now is like, it's like news, it's the news media now.
Like, this is, you know, this is literally.
These are two guys trying to decide if they have testicular.
Yeah, but it is, dude.
And I'm like, all right.
So I was like, let's, you know, I talked about it on my own terms with you.
I felt comfortable.
I'm like, you know, you were like, you take it out if you want.
Like, just leave it, just put it out.
I'm happy.
And ever since then, it's been like a new thing for me because, like, it's out in the open now.
Now, my new hour that I'm touring with, like, I talk about my family, my kids.
I never did that before.
Take me through some of that.
Will you honestly just talk, like, honestly, Sal, like, just tell me, like, Yeah, because I think there's like, there's probably parts in all of our lives where we're afraid to talk about something or afraid to talk about it.
And then it ends up being different on the other side.
Because, yeah, I think you were, yeah, let's just say, we'll take a peek at it really quick.
We can always take this out.
I love the music in the background.
I don't know what.
It's overwhelming.
You cannot process it.
You can't believe it.
Damn, I'm crying.
That's good.
That's good, man.
Why do they put the music?
That was a little morose.
It was.
It felt like, yeah.
It felt like the beginning of Castlevania.
Remember that game?
Yeah, the music?
Yeah, it was like, come on, this guy's talking about it.
On the one, two player screen, it was like, yeah, in the beginning, the guy with the whip.
That was a gay player, dude.
That's like when a gay guy kind of gets trapped in a fucking at a Halloween party in New Jersey, dude.
That's what Castlevania was because it's just this dude just running around with a whip.
That wasn't like the most popular clip.
What happened was a lot of parenting.
Uh, like accounts like Instagram accounts, and then yeah, they picked that up and inspirational accounts.
Oh, that's and there was a different clip, and that it just went like so so viral.
And then because your show is like so big, like us weekly, and did they really all those people and all that stuff picked up?
It's like Sal secret wedding, and it's like, well, it wasn't really a secret, I just didn't like tell you guys I got married.
It was like a secret wedding, but that's kind of hot though.
That kind of makes it kind of hot for you and uh Francesca that it's just like, oh, it's a secret wedding that had some allure to it.
Oh, and practical joker star Sal reveals, um.
He secretly got married and has a baby daughter, bro.
That makes you sound like a fucking rapper.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, dude, I have a boy now, too.
No, yeah, the best dude.
It's the best.
Is he?
Yeah, he's so dope.
Oh, he's awesome, man.
What's his name?
Yes.
Bro, if it would have been any other name, I would not have been excited.
Dude, that's so cool, man.
Yeah, yeah.
But did it feel like I want to hear about him?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, tell me what do you love about what's what it's something that's just like, you know, it's so cool.
It's like, um, so I went through everything with my daughter, and then like she's like three and a half now, he's about 16 months, and like you, you, you, it goes so fast, it's so nice to get to do it over again.
Oh, because those moments that when they're that young are so fleeting, they change, they're growing so fast, they're like it's a new thing all the time, and it goes lightning fast.
And you try the best you can to savor it, but it's like it's it's it's it goes so fast.
So then to just start from scratch again, and then like.
The first time, it's all first for you and the kid, right?
So it's like you're processing all this stuff.
And then, so the second time, you have like a foundation and an idea, and you know what to look for already.
So you can kind of experience it in a different way.
You just experience it like a little bit more.
You're able to really absorb it because it's not like you're like a deer in the headlights or whatever.
Oh, I see.
And so it's like you're playing hot potato the whole time.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's like you just, and you just, it's just really nice to, those stages are the ones that, you know, parents are always like, oh, if I could have my kids back at that age again, you know.
So it was like nice to get like a double dip in there.
That's cool.
And just watch them grow, like interact and watch their relationship together build.
Like the kids, there's nothing that that's the when they're like sitting on the couch together, leaning on each other, just eating fruit, you know, like, and he'll just crawl up on the couch and put his head on her shoulder while she's just like eating some fruit.
And they just sit there, like, and then you walk into the room and you see them just cuddling each other, whatever.
Kids Building Relationships on Couch00:03:45
Yeah.
It's like, come on, man.
There's like literally nothing close to this.
Oh, that's so cute.
I get right in between them.
You know, they get them, you know.
Yeah.
The best thing I could do is have my kids in my lap just holding them, you know, like just watching, like just.
Yes.
I know, I bet it's almost like you almost, I bet you can't, I bet you almost feels like you can't even let them know how much you love them.
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
That's kind of a crazy thing if you think about it, that there's something inside of us, even just as humans, right?
Where I couldn't even let you know how much I love you if I had, like, it's impossible for me to.
It's impossible.
I don't know how to express it.
Yeah.
And do you feel like that's probably a feeling for most parents?
It has to be.
I think it's an innate feeling.
Right.
So, and I'm not trying to approach it, but I forget sometimes if I don't share what I'm feeling.
Sure, man.
So, that to me just shows us how powerful love must be if we can't even, if like as human beings, just as like citizens in the world, we can't even, if like the love that you would have for your child, you can't even express it, can't be expressed.
It can't even express it.
Although, nothing will do it justice.
There's no way to like actually.
Encapsulate it.
It's pretty powerful because the other things you can express, a lot of other feelings like anger, hatred, you know, like affection, or like look up some other feelings.
Sorry.
Would you stop short of three?
One of them was pretty decent.
You're like happy, mad.
What else?
Confused, cranky.
I mean, all these other things.
But this is so key, you know.
I didn't mean to cut you off.
No, no, go on.
You cut me off.
But you get what I'm saying, though?
Isn't it crazy that we can't even.
That love is such a powerful thing.
It's bigger than us, even as humans, because we're not able to convey.
You know what I'm saying?
We can't do it justice.
And that is pinging in my heart at all times.
You know when your heart melts?
You're not feeling like sometimes just in the moment you see something or whatever, and your heart melts a little bit.
So, what this is like is that the melting feeling is constant.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
So, just fully, it doesn't stop.
Walking around with a mop.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, it just doesn't stop.
It's like continually melting the whole time.
If they're, you know, I talked about something, they're in, if they're even in the room with me, just something changes, you know, that's it.
It's just, it's wow.
But, um, yeah, I remember you saying that, dude.
Yeah, it was just, that was, that was awesome to hear about.
And they're so, it's so cute to see them like, girl, like, see those, uh, you just had up those, those color coded things.
So my daughter, she goes to like occupational therapy and she, to learn about, like, to process her, this stuff and her feelings.
So they teach her this stuff.
And so she, she knows all these, these color coded emotions.
So when she comes home and she's having like a, cause they're gonna, uh, you know, they're gonna have these, like, these, It's inevitable for them to, like, when they grow up to have these, like, you know, their tantrums and this, that they have to work through all this.
It's not like you have a bad kid if they're, like, if they act out like they're going to be crazy at two and three years old.
Right.
Cause they're learning all these feelings are getting baked in them.
It's the first time they have.
It's getting developed and they don't know how to, you know.
It's like the first time you get on a lime scooter.
You're like, you don't know, you're just fucking taking that bitch for a scooter.
That was like the first time I got on one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like, I didn't know what was going on.
Yeah.
But she'll tell me, like, if she's, like, upset, she'd be like, Dad, I'm in the blue zone right now.
They call the blue zone.
She's like, Dad, I'm in the blue zone And I'm like, you're upset.
She's like, yeah, I'm sad.
I'm in the blue zone.
She's like, I need to get to the green zone.
Like, this is how she speaks to me.
I'm like, let's do it.
What do you need to get into that green zone?
Let's do it.
She's dope, man.
They're like my little best friends.
Dude, that's so cool, though, also for a kid, even just to be able to, like, well, just have a, instead of just having a feeling, have a thought about a feeling, right?
Learning Feelings Like Scooters00:03:32
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, what is, so it just adds so much more to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's unreal, really.
You're not just a victim of how you feel.
There's a little bit more, like, a little more critical.
Like, they start thinking in a way that's just not just basic.
It's like, think about, like, at the end of the day, when she goes to bed, we always discuss the day.
So we talk about, Like, I'll sing her a song, and in the song I sing every night, I made it up myself.
Just naturally, it came out, you know, and then I started adding verses to it, and now I sing this whole song.
And the song, the whole point of the song is, I love you so much, you'll never know how much I love you.
Like, that's literally what it is.
But then we talk about the day, and then I'll say, like, you know, what were you most proud of today?
So, like, she's three, but to get her thinking like that, like, not just like, what'd you do today, but what were you the most proud of today?
It positions her mind.
To think that way and then like build our confidence of it.
This stuff, like, there's so much parenting stuff and psychology, child psychology, all that stuff.
It's fascinating.
And it's like, you know, it's the most important job you'll ever have, you know?
Yeah.
So I like to take it, like, you know, it's great to, it's hard, but it's like, it's really fun to raise a human being.
It's like, it's so, it's so, it's an honor, you know?
Like, it's a real honor.
Dude, that's pretty cool to be able to think about it like that.
Yeah.
I'm here to tell you about a social app or atmosphere or website. about that, that I really love.
And it is Shopify.
Shopify is hands down the best place to start and grow a business.
Shopify makes it so just a small business can be a business for everybody.
If you want it to.
Shopify is the platform where you really own everything, your store, your community, your customers, and your data.
That's what's most important.
Shopify is the commerce platform where you don't have to build your business on borrowed land.
With Shopify, the customer relationship is yours.
It's where I turned our idea into an actual business.
We've been using them for years with our merch store, and they have all the tools you need to help your business grow.
They'll do it.
Shopify will do it.
They'll get you from a business that's just yours and get out to everybody.
You know, in the old days, if you wanted to expand your business, you had to get a slingshot or whatever to deliver something, or just tie it to a damn dog's back and let him run off with it and just be hopeful.
Thought about starting a business?
This is your sign.
Get started today at Shopify.com slash Theo.
Go to Shopify.com slash Theo.
If I can do it, you can do it.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Did you know that 88% of Americans say they are feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026?
Of course, you knew that.
We all know.
I mean, who doesn't know that?
Money worries.
Yep.
They can bring on anxiety, sleep disruption.
Just depression and even just a general rattling of the bones.
They're one of the leading sources of conflict amongst couples.
If you relate to that, remember it's not just you.
And what matters is finding the right kind of support.
That's what always matters.
And that's where BetterHelp comes in.
BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can just focus.
Financial Stress Causes Anxiety00:03:59
On your time with your therapist and your therapy goals.
When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help.
Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.comslash Theo.
And do they ever, like, if they get in trouble, they're like, give me a punishment, Dad.
Like, do they ever make you give them, like, something that's just.
No, they're too young for that.
Like, send me out in the traffic or something.
Put a here piece in my ear.
No, no, it's more about just managing, you know, just managing their behavior.
But it's like, yeah, punish them.
Yeah, what was it?
But what was it like?
So after you kind of shared that you had a Family, you kind of had, or that your family was growing, right?
And sometimes, you know, I know you had said, like, and it's not always everybody, you want to keep certain things that it's just your own life, right?
Yeah, that stuff.
I was, I mean, I'm private.
I was always private.
So once you give it away, did it feel different?
It felt like a weight lifted.
It did?
It did.
And has it been a positive thing, or do you, or just like, yeah, has it been like, okay, does it feel, because trying to also protect everything all the time is also kind of, it's a lot of stress.
It is.
That took a lot.
It took a lot to keep things to myself and not, you know, like, not let things get out.
When I'm out in public with them, you know, like, because everyone has a camera now and everything, you're always got this, like, bird, like a worry, you know?
Because I wanna, I won't ever post my kids online.
Like, I wanna shield them from that.
But just, it was just about protecting them.
But people would chill with it.
And like, now that it's out there, it's like, it feels like I could just freely talk about it.
It feels good.
Yeah.
It feels good.
It was like, you know, I'm glad I did it.
Yeah.
What was one of the tough experiences that you had with your first child?
Was there like a time that would, like, you know, cause like the other day, my buddy Kevin and his wife, they like, I think maybe their kid like ate like a thing, a little bit of guacamole or something.
And what happened?
He's allergic?
I think his ears like swollen up or whatever.
That's scary shit.
And then like, shit, he's allergic to like Mexican shit or whatever, you know?
So that's like.
You never know, you never know.
But you don't want to run your kid into the hospital and sound racist like, hey, I think he's allergic to like Mexican shit.
Yeah, well, Mexican flavors.
Mexican flavors, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
Aguacate stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think that anyone would take it as like, you know, a slight against any Mexican.
People are trying to look for an edge all the time.
They are.
And I think that would be sort of specified.
Yeah, me too.
I'd be like, that's the ingredients.
Yeah, yeah.
They happen to be all Mexican cuisine, but I don't know what that is.
Yeah, they happen to use it best.
Yeah.
But yeah, and I think these have been bought from like maybe a Latin vendor.
It could have been a Puerto Rican guy.
Who knows?
It could have been.
Yeah.
That's the craziest thing, though.
Like when they.
But yeah, so.
Did they get hurt or something like that?
So they ran a me.
Yeah, so.
But they're like, they don't know what's going on.
You're like, you know, Max, he is just swollen up.
You know, he's allergic to the.
To watching La Bomba or whatever.
I'm like, I don't think that's a problem.
Would you balance?
But anyway, yeah.
But anyway, what I'm saying is sorry, what is wrong with me?
Why can't I say what I'm saying?
What I'm saying is that it threw my buddy for like a, it was crazy.
You know, I saw him like, it was like he was so freaked out.
Dude, I sometimes I'll fall, like hit their mouth and start bleeding or something.
You see, when you see blood on your kid, it's like, and you have to be like so chill.
You have to dictate the tone so they don't, you know, then they understand.
Is that true?
Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to do it to keep them even tempered and like, They're going to reflect your energy and they're going to react the way you teach them to react to something.
So, you always got to try and play it even keeled and like not make a big thing of stuff like that so that they're able to handle situations themselves better, you know?
But it is nuts, dude.
Like, oh, one time I was like, you're trying to cut my son's nails.
Like, you know, you got to clip that.
And like, they don't, kids, they don't stay still.
And, dude, I clipped a little piece of the end of his finger.
Like, and he started just bleeding everywhere.
Dude, I almost, I didn't know what I was going to do with myself after that.
I was like, so.
And then one time he walked.
That's what Van Gogh did to his brother.
Shankman Wedding Video Memories00:10:46
He did?
Yeah.
He clipped over his.
I think he might have cut his ear off or something.
Never mind.
No, Van Gogh cut his own ear off, but I didn't know he clipped anything on his brother.
So maybe everyone in the family was missing something.
Dude, did you know Pablo Picasso died like a couple of years ago?
You see that clip?
Yeah, I do.
What was it?
Was it Liz?
Gary Vita was with me this week.
It was?
Oh, it was Vita?
Okay.
I was talking with him.
He's the one who told me.
Yeah, we were talking in the car, actually.
He's like, dude.
Bring it up.
Let's bring that clip up.
I mean, it was 50 years ago, but I thought Picasso was from the AT.
And he told me, we're in the car.
He's like, do you know this?
And I was like, no.
He's like, dude.
He was alive when we were born.
Yeah, I think one of the parts of it is do you know that Picasso probably ate at Outback Steakhouse?
You're like, right, right, right.
I never put that together.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yes, it's Joe List.
Sorry, sorry, my bad.
You guys know this.
Pablo Picasso, you know when he died?
He died in 1973.
Did you know that?
I thought he died in 1380.
I almost shit.
1973?
Picasso had a car.
Is that unbelievable?
Pablo Picasso was driving around Spain in like a Honda Civic listening to Black Sabbath on the radio.
That's crazy.
Ozzy Osbourne and Pablo Picasso were working at the same time.
He saw six Super Bowls.
I thought he looked like a black person.
He's like, Oh, List is the best.
That's good.
Yeah, dude, he's so great.
He was in a great movie that Louis made too, man.
Yes.
Shout out to List.
That movie was great.
They did a good job.
Such talented guys.
That was a great bit.
I got something.
So I want to try and find these people.
Maybe this can, you know, saying it here can help me.
All right.
I got a story for you.
Yeah.
So this last night, we talked about this last night, just came out.
It was a story that I forgot about.
And I'm like, I'll talk to Theo about it.
Maybe I could get.
So in 1995, I was at the Salvation Army with my buddy Joe.
And we found a VHS cassette, right?
And it was like a home one, not like a movie like you buy, like a blank.
I had a label on it and it said Amy and Stu Shankman's wedding.
And it was, I'm going to maybe get the exact date wrong, but let's say it said like November 25th, 1995.
It said, I'm sorry, it said November 25th, 1985.
Okay.
Right?
It said Stu and Amy Shankman's wedding, November 25th, 1985.
That day that we picked it up was November 25th, 1995.
So I found this blank cassette of this people's wedding.
On their 10 year anniversary.
Now, back then, you got, if you had your wedding taped on VHS, that's where it was.
That's it.
Like, that was the copy.
Yeah.
And this was handwritten.
So it's like, I think they accidentally got rid of it.
Like, they don't have their wedding video.
You know what I mean?
So Amy and Stu Shankman do not have their wedding video.
Right.
And we picked it up on the exact, we were like, holy shit, 50 cents.
We bought it.
We went home and watched their whole wedding.
Right.
It's amazing.
It's a wedding from 1985.
It's a Jewish wedding from 1985.
The best man.
This little, little short guy, Yamagai, he does a, he does his, in his best man speech, he raps.
Yeah.
I swear to God.
And I, I'll know, I mean, I, at this point, I've watched it.
Was it Beastie Boys?
He was rapping?
Dozens of times.
No, he raps his own rap.
Oh.
And now this is the part, this is, I'll never, I know, cause I watched his own music.
He's like, ha, he's, he's jumping up and down, and he's like, ha, We're gonna party tonight.
We're gonna jump up and down.
It's never gonna end.
This was the rap.
So, it's an amazing wedding.
I swear to God.
It's an, it's an amazing wedding, and, uh, And I watch it over the years.
I've had people over, we put it on.
I watch it, this, this, and that.
About maybe five years after that, I'm with my friend Joe.
We're in a gas station.
He's getting gas in his car.
And he's like, Sal.
And I'm like, what?
He goes, look at that car right there.
And there's a car that's like pulling out of the gas station.
He's like, look, look, look in the car.
Who do you think that is?
And I look and I go, is that fucking Stu Shankman?
No.
I don't know this guy from a hole in the wall.
Right.
He's like, I think it's Stu Shankman.
So I'm like, oh shit.
And he pulled out.
And my friend had to finish paying the gas.
And we jumped in the car, peeled out and tried to follow him.
Yeah.
And we lost him.
Oh.
Okay.
So fast forward.
I hate losing people.
I hate, especially in a chase.
Yeah.
So then.
Yeah.
I never gave, I have this wedding video.
I still have it.
You have a piece of their life.
You have a piece of one of the greatest moments of their life.
Yeah, right.
So, about two years ago, I'm like, we got to find these people.
Searching for Stu Shankman.
Yes.
And we got to see if, like, I got to get them this video.
So, my friend found his brother or something on Facebook and confirmed.
Like, we were like, who knows if they're dead, if they're still together, what's going on?
So, he reached out.
He said that he told them we got at a thrift store, we found their wedding video in 1995.
Like, I've had their wedding video for 31 years.
Oh, I haven't.
For 31 years, I've had their wedding video.
They've been married.
This will be their 41st anniversary this year.
Their brother's like, they're still alive and together.
I swear to God.
He's like, this is insane.
You got to, like, yes.
So let's broker this.
Yeah.
So I had the idea a couple of years ago when I was developing a TV show.
And so this was an idea for one episode of this TV show where I like do things like this.
And so that's when we decided to reach out.
Anyway.
I didn't finish developing the show and I kind of forgot about him.
And I thought of it last night and I brought it up and I was like, oh shit, in this brother's eyes, we contacted him.
We're like, yo, we have their wedding video and we want to get it to you.
And then we went radio silent again.
He's like, why do these people do this to me and my family?
So I'm like, I got to remember, I got to find them and I want to get them in the video.
So I feel like if anyone knows, I think they were originally from Staten Island.
And so Stu and Amy Shankman.
And I have your wedding video for the last 31 years, and I want to give it to you.
I did digitize a copy of it for myself because when I thought I was going to give it back, I was like, I won't share it with anyone, but it's also a piece of me now.
Let's find us, Fee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I have it.
Yeah, we got to find you, you got to search him for the Shankmans, dude, because there's something special about that.
I used to know a guy named Alex Shankman.
I knew a couple Shankmans.
Oh, I know a Shankman too, actually.
There was an agent I knew.
I think I actually know a Shankman.
I knew a Shankman.
I don't think they're related, but I know a.
You just remind me, I think he's like a choreographer.
Yeah, there's a lot of things out there.
Is there a famous Shankman choreographer?
Especially in Hollywood.
Adam Shankman.
Adam Shankman.
I didn't know Adam.
I just realized for the first time I know a Shankman.
The Shankman.
Yeah.
Hey, you know a Shankman?
Yeah.
Dude, that's wild.
I hope I find him.
Well, I hope that you find him also.
Stu and Amy, the guy's been holding you, loving you, the guy's been watching you.
One of the greatest moments of your life in his spare time on the L train or whatever.
That's right, yeah.
Dude, do you think there's really something that could be a cool show out there to make or create?
People say this shit all the time, but of like something about finding old things on VHS and then.
Yeah, like found footage.
Yeah.
Dude, I worked with this one comedian.
There had been like one of those Nigerian scams that had happened to his grandmother and they'd taken a lot of her money, right?
You know, those things that email you.
Yeah, the princess.
Like I'm trapped in a.
Petting zoo in Nigeria, or something.
They won't let me out, or whatever.
Send the money.
So, to get them back, he started doing these things where he would send them videos of things.
And he said, I need you to do reenactments of this and then I'll pay you for it.
But instead, he would just have him do the reenactment and then he would just post a video online, right?
No.
But the best part was, what he would send him was, he would send him scenes from Seinfeld, right?
So he would send like scenes from Seinfeld to like some people in Africa, like in just a random village, and they would reenact the scenes.
No.
Yeah.
And he had all these amazing.
You got to be kidding me.
He had all these amazing video clips, dude.
Oh my God.
Of an African village reenacting like Master of My Domain?
Yes.
Yeah.
Or the Parking one, like they had all these different ones that he was seeing.
That it was pretty great, dude.
And so eventually it healed him.
He's like, Okay, at a certain point, we're kind of even, you know.
But, dude, that because comedians can hold some grudges over the years.
But yeah, I've always been a little bit of a collector.
You find something, you save it, you're like, Maybe I'm supposed to.
You told me one time, I don't know if you remember this.
You told me one time, I, in hindsight, now I realized you were probably joking, but you were like, Yeah, I have a marble notebook with the name of every person I've ever slept with in it.
Oh, damn, really?
Yeah.
And I'm like, get out of here.
He's like, yeah.
I'm like, yeah.
A marble notebook?
You said you had a notebook.
I remember in my head, I projected it was like a mead, like a school notebook.
You were like, yeah.
And I've written it down my whole life.
And I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
And you're like, no, I know the exact number of people I've slept with.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you were fucking with me, I'm sure.
But I was always kind of a documenter of things.
And I remember the number you said.
I do, yeah.
Because it's really funny.
Okay.
It's really funny.
This is the only part I can't believe that I would say something like this, but I want to hear it.
Do you want to know what you told me?
I said, You said, I have every single name, I never miss a name.
And I was like, You know the exact number you said?
Yeah.
I'm like, How many?
He said, About 1,050.
Really?
Yeah.
And then you're like, I'm not good at it, but it was 1,050.
And I was hysterical.
That is insane.
I was like, No one, I mean, it's like Will Chamberlain.
Yeah.
That's insane, dude.
Yeah.
I don't even know if it was me, but I believe that I could have said this.
You told me this.
Oh, I did.
Good.
Yeah.
Good.
Oh, shit.
I'm glad that at least I was.
You don't have a.
I mean, your real number is not anywhere close to that.
That's crazy talk.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, I've always liked.
1,050 is.
It's the perfect theorist.
It's really the perfect number to say, dude, because it's like.
To go over 1,050.
Yeah, it's great.
Yeah.
1,008.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, I remember when I was growing up, they had this kid.
His brother had slept with like 12 women or something.
People were fucking losing their minds in our town.
Laughing with a Crutch00:07:51
Yeah, because we were cutting down trees and fucking.
Tickling people they shouldn't touch and shit like that.
Shit like that will affect you.
Oh, dude.
When you have like a, when you're of an age where no one's got that kind of number yet, or maybe everyone's a virgin.
Oh, yeah.
And the one kid's like, I slept with 12 people, you're just like, I gotta know all about it.
Here we go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Warren, I, yeah, I'm just, yeah, there's nothing.
Yeah, then my life means nothing.
You know, I'm working at Baskin Robbins or whatever, and some guy slept with 12 people.
12 people.
I should be in Hades, right?
Yeah, that shit was hectic, dude.
Dude, I was the worst at sex.
Let me see.
Let's look at a high activity lifestyle.
For a person averaging one new partner per week, it would take approximately 20 years to reach 1,050 partners.
So, yeah, I lied.
I lied, bro.
Dude, there were some years where I wouldn't even get involved in any sex.
I was so fucking bad at it.
You were bad at it.
So, you've come a long way.
I've come a long way, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, well, for one.
Are you a generous lover?
Yeah.
No.
No, okay.
I'm not, dude.
I'm like that.
For me, I realized this the other day.
I'm in like this, I'm in a recovery meeting for everything.
So I was in one the other day, and people talk about this kind of stuff a lot and like intimacy disorders, shit like that, right?
Like, I'm out here.
I'm basically like a crash test dummy.
That's what I realized.
Like, other people are living a life, and I am basically a crash test dummy out here.
Why do you feel that way?
Just because it's like, I feel like I'm never going to figure out some of these parts, and I'm just going to be almost this like experiment that kind of happens, you know?
And like, I realized I thought of loving it was like a, it felt like a altercation.
It's like an altercation you get in.
It has the same energy of like a session, like a fight, intimate session.
Yeah, intimate session has like a sexual session has like a little bit of a battle.
Yeah, it's a fight.
Not like physically, like it's a fight, but just like the same amount of nervous energy that's in a fight.
Sure, sure, sure.
That's the energy that I take into like a sexual.
Right, right, right.
So, like, if you see me working up and I just keep kind of ducking or dodging, or if I duck off into the corner and have some guy I barely know rub Nia Sporn on my cheeks or whatever, and put a thing of ice on the back of my neck or whatever.
You have a corner, man.
Yeah, just know I'm doing the best that I can.
Just plugging your nose up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some guy is fucking putting a cotton swab on my nose.
But, dude, yeah, I just, I always, I had so much nervous energy around women, bro.
Yeah.
So that was crazy, dude.
I love when they do it like in a UFC fight or like a boxing match, whatever, when they cut to the corner, right?
And it's like, you know, you hear everything that the corner guy says and the trainer says.
It's always like wildly inappropriate.
Yeah.
Like, fuck this motherfucker, bro.
You're going to fuck him up, man, this cunt.
And then you're like, he's like, you stick your movement.
Then you're like home watching a fight with like, or you're somewhere, and it's like, you just don't expect to hear, like, this guy's a motherfucking bitch, bro.
Yeah.
You know, his mother passed away two months ago, huh?
I was like, oh shit.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, you're learning shit.
You're like, damn, you know, his cousin has asthma.
Hit this little pussy.
Yeah.
Like, they said, he'll be like, don't be a fucking pussy.
I'm like, whoa.
I know.
Real in the corner.
It gets real.
But it's really just sounds like that's what makes anybody think they could be a corner.
Also, some of those behaviors.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can say that.
Because, yeah, it doesn't feel like there's a lot of real in the Yeah, sometimes you hear someone give really good pointers and then you go to the other corner and they're just like, all right, bro.
And you're like, what is this guy doing?
Yeah, they're saying nothing.
They're saying nothing to the guy.
I know.
Yeah.
That is pretty wild, dude.
But yes, I'll intermiss, bro.
Some of that shit, I was like, you know, those fainting goats, shit gets going too much and they just go over.
Yeah.
That's me.
Yeah, you hit like a thing.
Oh, yeah.
I hit like about 30 volts or whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
I hit about.
Yo, what sound does a goat make?
Let me try it.
They even have a sheep, though?
Does a goat and a sheep make the same noise?
I think goats are more curious, so I think it's more like.
No, let me try it.
Really?
No, that's more like a.
But what does the sheep do then?
So it's the same thing.
No, sheep, goats.
Sheep's baa.
Oh, yeah, sheep's baa.
But then a goat is baa.
Am I crazy?
I don't know this.
I don't know the difference.
It's a sheep, a sheep's not a goat.
A gay goat's just like, bagger.
That stupid street joke, what does a gay horse eat?
Hey.
It's so stupid.
Some jokes like that, they were the best, bro.
Getting to laugh is the best, man.
That's the best thing, bro.
Getting to laugh.
The fact, one thing I will say, bro, about certain moments of life, like, I've just been grateful that God has put me around people that.
That just makes me laugh.
Yeah, we have our friends are the funniest people in the world.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
It really is.
Yo, so I struggle on stage.
I always sometimes I think about this.
Like, I'm really in the moment on stage when I'm on stage, and I like to laugh.
And so, like, I laugh, you know, throughout my set a lot.
Then sometimes I'm like, like, I don't think of it.
It's just me being me.
But, like, then a lot of times I'm like, I don't want to laugh.
Like, I don't want it to be like I'm laughing at my own stuff, but I really am in the moment having a good time.
But I'm like, I don't want that to come across as a crutch.
So sometimes I'll be like, all right, today, consciously, when you do like this hour, do not laugh, do not laugh, and just see how it plays.
Like, don't laugh.
Just, like, kind of keep, you know, and see how it plays differently with, you know, like, do you, do you like, Are you in the moment when you're on stage, you laugh at your own?
Will you laugh and just have fun in the moment?
Or are you kind of keep it this persona of, like, yeah?
Because when you tell your stories and stuff, you have a certain energy and vibe the way you do it.
Yeah.
But do you ever just get, like, do you think about that on stage?
I do.
So you consciously won't laugh?
Or will you just laugh?
I'd like to laugh more.
I used to think, especially when I was coming up in comedy, you hear about all these things that are kind of crutches.
You don't want to, yeah.
Some people write their notes and be like, well, that's a crutch.
And it's like, well, that's a crutch.
Well, also, how about this?
Somebody's getting up in front of you and trying to make a room full of people laugh.
Right.
I don't care if they're on crutches, eight crutches.
I don't care if there's one person in two wheelchairs.
Right, right, right.
Let them, if there's things that help them, I think it, to me, I think it's okay.
Yeah.
Well, I don't want to be.
I'm not doing it as a crutch.
What I'm saying is like, I naturally laugh.
Yeah.
And so I have to fight my natural instinct.
Don't ever fight your laughter.
Your laugh is one that warms people.
It's like, it's extra you, you know?
Sure, sure.
And so that I think is a gift.
And I think some of these people, they've gotten to know some of us in our lives and they may feel happy that we're in a room laughing, you know?
Sure.
Just like they are, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm having a good time.
Yeah, you're having a good time.
I say laugh, dude.
I notice if, and I'll even be conscious of it sometimes, like, oh, this set's not going that great in the beginning.
And sometimes they'll be like, dude, it's because you're not having fun.
Yes.
So let myself have fun.
Yes.
And let me be the person that's saying the jokes.
Really, sometimes I'll try to almost transpose myself and pretend like I'm just sitting there laughing at the jokes.
Right, right, right.
And then just almost like, I don't know.
Because the person I always wanted, I wanted to be the person sitting there laughing.
But to me, I've always had, like, you know, sometimes there's like a chip on my shoulder, some type of shit growing up, this, dang, dang, that, you know?
Yeah.
And so I was always like, you know, or being judgmental, whatever.
So you end up on the other end of the thing.
I'm going to be the guy who's being a part of making the laughter.
But either way, I'm happy to be involved in the laughter.
And I think it's okay if you laugh with a crutch.
Some people say it's a crutch.
Tuna Fish Escaping the Tank00:08:13
I don't.
I find it, especially as I get older.
Fuck, if I get a chance to laugh.
Yeah, but I think that's what I'm saying.
Sorry, that was a lot of shit to say.
No, I think just making the distinction of like, I'm on stage having a good time.
Like, not with intent.
Like, some people will laugh.
1,050 is crazy, though.
That's crazy, yeah.
That's a crazy thing to say.
I thought about it ever since you told me.
Did you really?
Yeah, I retain the knowledge.
Bro, you know how scary it would be if one woman came over to my house every week to hook up?
That would fucking make me fucking so paranoid.
It sounded crazy to me when you said it.
Bro, if I knew that every week some gal was coming over for sex, dude, I would fucking have to keep moving.
It's off putting.
Yes, you're like, oh my God.
It's too much.
It's too much.
The schedule's too insane.
It's too much, man.
Yeah.
That's a lot hanging over your head, man.
Every week.
Oh, I get anxiety thinking about that.
And hearing them peel off in disappointment, too.
Hearing the gravel.
They leave in a hurry.
Yeah.
And you don't even have gravel.
They're so pissed they went and bought gravel and put it under their tires.
I love that.
Every time someone leaves your house, they have to say, peel out of here.
Yeah, dude, bro.
My fucking uncle, he was supposed to get gravel and he accidentally got a bunch of like fish, whatever the stuff that goes to the bottom of all the pellets.
Yeah, fish, fish.
Fish food?
Yeah, no, like the fish.
Koi?
Yeah, not shit that goes in a fish.
Oh, the fish gravel.
Fish tank gravel.
Yeah, he got fish tank gravel, dude.
And his wife was so pissed, but it was irreturnable, bro.
And dude, they fought about that shit.
But hearing people fight over, yeah, and your fucking fish gravel.
You and your fucking fish gravel, James.
Yeah.
Just hearing shit like, hearing terms like that.
You and your shitty little fish gravel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fighting over gravel.
Yeah, yeah.
Fish gravel.
Hearing any people fight over gravel, just God, that's the kind of shit that keeps me going.
I had a fish, my niece, you know when they have like the fair at school?
Yeah.
Like the festival.
And they give those fish that are about to die, they give them to children.
Oh, that's fucked.
It's messed up.
You throw like a ping pong ball in a cup, and then they'd send the kid home with a bag of fish, and like these fish are just dying.
And so, my niece brought home a fish, and I knew this shit was gonna die.
Cause, like, I, when I did it, when I was a kid, I could never keep a fish alive because I didn't have a setup.
I'd come home, put the fish in a bowl, and then not really understand it needs a filter and it needs to be aerated, and then the fish would eventually die.
I'd feed it like bread, you know, and then it would die.
One time I brought a fish home, and I was like, I don't know if I've ever told this story, but like, I brought a fish home from school.
And I was like, I knew that the previous fish had died, and I thought it because they didn't have bubbles, which in my head, I was like, it needs bubbles.
I didn't think it needed like air.
Right.
It needs bubbles.
So I got home.
My mom wasn't home yet.
So I put a big salad bowl, I put the fish in it, and I got a straw.
And I was going to tell my mom, we have to go to the thing to buy the, you know, the fish store to buy the stuff so this fish survives.
But I needed to bridge the gap till she got home.
So I took a straw, and for like three hours, I blew into the, Into the bowl, but I was blowing carbon dioxide into the bowl and I killed the fish immediately.
So the fish died within hours because I was just hitting it with CO2 out of my mouth.
So my niece brought this fish home years later.
I'm like, I'm not going to let this happen again.
I went and got the setup and I ended up having this fish for seven years.
And then I moved, fish came with me.
And then one day the fish was dead.
And out of nowhere, though, it like died out of nowhere.
In no reasoning did you.
No, I just cleaned the tank.
It was a very healthy fish.
And I think there was foul play.
I really do think so.
No way.
I think someone put, like, because I tested the pH balance, I would do all that shit.
Yeah.
And then after I cleaned it, and then, like, I had people over, and then it was dead.
And then I think it was like someone poured something in the tank.
Then I didn't want to flush the fish because I had a seven year relationship with the fish.
Oh, yeah.
And so I didn't want to flush it.
So I was going to bury it.
I might have told this, but I was going to bury it, but I didn't want to bury it in the yard because it was summer and I didn't want it to decompose and smell.
So I wrapped it in tin foil.
I put it in my freezer.
And that was like, It's that's come closing in on it's fifth like 15 to 20 years ago, and I never got rid of the fish.
It's still with me.
I have a goldfish, a frozen goldfish in my freezer for over 15 years.
That fish is still in my freezer right now, and I moved three times and I took it with me.
What, yes, I had to put them in like on ice and like moving is hard on everyone.
It's hard on everyone.
I have the fish.
Oh my god, I have a dead fish for over 15 years in my freezer right now.
You know, it's in your freezer.
No.
Exactly where it is in my freezer.
Oh, that's beautiful.
It is, man.
I took it out on Hey Babe one time.
I took it out for the first time.
I never unwrapped it in all 15 years.
And we opened it on Hey Babe, and it was tough.
It was a goldfish, but it lost a lot of its gold.
It was like a pale gold.
And the eyes were kind of gone.
I guess over time, I guess in the freezer.
God takes the gold back or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But what?
There you are right there.
That's COVID, you could tell, right?
Yeah.
You look very rabbinical right there as well, dude.
Oh my God, bro.
It definitely has like a Michael Jackson tint to it.
That's crazy.
Did you see it?
Yeah, I could see just a little bit of it there.
Yeah, show me that.
Dude, you know, oh my God, wow.
Yeah, a poor fish.
Oh, it's cool.
What was his name?
I didn't name it.
And I, because that was another thing.
Every fish I had prior, I named died.
So I called him fish for seven years.
I like that.
Yeah.
I at least like the fact you took on a new strategy to keep him alive.
Yeah.
I was trying everything I could.
And we had seven nice years.
He used to eat out of my hand.
Yeah.
I don't know if it was really because we had a bond.
I think they would just do that anyway.
But I like to think it was because we got close.
And how do you do it?
You put your hand in there?
I put my hand right in.
I like hold the flake and put it in, and it would just come out.
You're lying.
No, no, I swear.
It's really not that big a deal, I don't think.
I think it is.
It's like a drive through for it.
I feel like it's like going to a drive.
It felt like a trick.
It felt like I had a, I had a, like a, you know how they like a flea circus or something?
Yeah.
It felt like I had a fish that did tricks.
Well, dude, we had the Acrocats lady.
She came on here once.
What is that?
This lady, she'd been traveling on the coast for like 20 years or something, and she's, she should drive the tour bus that the cats were in.
A tour bus.
No.
Yes.
That the cats were in.
And I'm paraphrasing a little bit here, but one of the toughest shows that she had, one of the tough experiences, she's on the road somewhere.
Somebody had left a window open, maybe from smoking or a cigarette or something.
And Tuna, the lead cat, gets out.
No way.
Yeah.
And she lost the cat?
Couldn't find it.
No way.
And the show must go on.
She had like three hours before.
So, like, there's another cat.
Tuna's understudy.
Yeah.
Tuna's understudy or whatever.
I don't even know.
Chicken salad.
Yeah.
It was just like tilapia or something was the understudy.
Yo, that's crazy.
He's got to come in and he's always, you know, he's Italian.
So he's got to come in doing his.
Tilapia and shit.
His big break.
Yeah, it's like tuna.
Yeah, dude.
They might have taken tuna out.
She thinks tuna got away, but they might have been foul play there.
That's crazy, too, because tuna was a star.
And once he leaves and he goes into the open road like that, everyone he passes has no idea who he is.
And that's a star cat amongst you.
It's almost like a story from the Bible when they didn't know who Jesus was.
Yeah.
You know?
That's pretty cool, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that is amazing, bro.
Yeah, I wonder what his cloud is like out in the wilderness, though.
And Father Animal's like, oh, shit, that's tuna.
That's tuna.
Damn, that's tuna.
We're getting out on the street.
Like, dang, bro, tuna out here, bro.
Tuna out here, bro.
Damn, he real like that.
He in the trenches, cut.
Like, damn, tuna outside, dude.
Tuna got out.
But, dude.
Tuna's not about that life anymore.
Tuna's not.
Yeah, yeah, bro.
Tuna changed.
What was the last pet you had?
You have a pet now?
No, you can't have a pet now.
No, I never.
You're on the road too much, right?
Yeah, I've never.
I plan to get a dog.
Yeah.
And this has been a slow feeling for me, but I plan to get a dog and maybe a cat if I can get a wife.
And not if.
One day I'll get a wife.
And I'm gonna have a family, but I would like to get a dog and cat.
And it doesn't all have to happen together or whatever.
Yeah.
But I think if I don't get married or something, then maybe I'll get a dog and cat.
No Pets Allowed on the Road00:14:58
And maybe something else, I wouldn't mind getting a couple horses probably.
Oh, wow.
You ride horses?
I wouldn't ride them, but I would go over and buy them.
Yeah.
You go next to them, talk to them.
Yeah, it'd be like that.
Brush them, clean them.
Let me ask you a question.
If I see a horse that's not in the wild, it's got on horseshoes?
Every horse in captivity has on horseshoes?
That's a good question.
Or is it just like parade horses and horses that are like going out on the town or whatever?
I'm not sure.
Look it up.
That's a great question.
This guy I know, Mr. Mike, is a farrier.
What is a farrier?
A farrier is the guy that comes in and puts the shoes on the horses.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's called a farrier?
Trims the toenails and everything.
I got stuck on farrier talk for a while, and dude, half my feed was farriers.
No way.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that's what they were called.
I thought they were like cobblers or something.
No, no, no.
I think cobblers is for shoeing humans, and farriers is for shoeing.
I don't know if it's just for animals.
No, not all horses need shoes.
Whether a horse requires shoes depends on factors like workload, hoof, hoof health, genetics, and terrain.
I could see how hoof health would be a factor.
I mean, you got a pair of weak hooves, you need protection.
Oh, dude.
If my feet are real tender, I want them bitches on.
Yeah.
Also, you want that clippity clop.
You know, I don't think you, I don't know if you get a clippity clop without the shoe.
Dude, you telling me a kind of thick, they're like tap dancing.
A thick horse from Atlanta ain't fucking pulling up with that clippity clop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Type shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What about those really, what are the Coca Cola horses like at Christmas?
Clydesdale.
Clydesdale.
Yeah.
That's a clippity clop right there.
That horse, you're like, dude, when that horse shows up, bro, some people salute it.
I would salute it.
You're like, that's interesting to have that between man and man.
Do you have confidence in your salute?
Yeah.
I did a show for the Naval Academy recently, and they asked me to take a picture of the man's salute.
And you see salutes in like movies and really in life, but like, I feel like there's a way they do it that, like, it looks like it's just you just do this, but I don't know if this is right.
Like, some of them do that, or like, is it?
Is there a proper way to salute?
Like, are we saluting the right way right now?
Or is it like, I got nervous because I was like, I don't want to insult these people and salute the wrong way.
Like, do you tuck your finger in?
Like, what are you doing with the salute?
That's a good question.
And they do it like, you know, when someone's like, like it's like super locked in.
Like, the Koreans do that.
Really, like, you know, they do.
Yeah.
Position of attention.
So my hands are to my side, arms are straight down.
When I raise my hand to salute, it's going to be flat.
Hands not like, thumbs not tucked underneath my hand, like kind of stuff.
So we're raising it up.
And then because I'm wearing headgear, my index finger is going to come to the edge of my headgear.
Arms at a 45 degree angle, hands slightly canned down, not facing up, not facing down.
Now, just like this, I get my greeting and then I drop my salute.
Now, that is how it's like for wearing headgear.
If I was wearing something like maybe no headgear or maybe the beret, but because I have glasses, then it has to come up to the edge of my glasses.
If I was wearing the beret or maybe no headgear, and I also don't wear glasses, then it comes to the edge of my eyebrows.
So it depends.
He's wearing braces.
He's like, if you have a scrunchie or whatever.
The scrunchie one's the best because you put it in the bag, you're like, hey.
You're like, all right.
Yeah, I was self conscious.
I've always been self conscious about my salute.
You ever ride a horse bareback?
That's probably fun.
That takes skill right there.
Somebody got a horse somehow by us one time and we got on that bitch.
Yeah.
And we did pretty good.
We didn't do good.
Bareback, though?
Yeah, bareback.
We tried to get a saddle or something.
Somebody put like a thing, like nobody had a saddle.
We shouldn't have had this horse.
They had a fair that was near us.
And I think one had kind of gotten away from the fair.
Somebody brought it down there.
Yeah.
Being down there drinking with like the carnies and stuff the night before, and so um, they kept up by this dude, Mr. Ernie's house, and we went over there and we were all getting on and shit.
It was pretty friendly, but I think in hindsight, it could have been really dangerous.
I almost died on a horse, you did, yeah.
On a class trip in like eighth grade, they put me on a horse that started like full rodeoing.
Who put you on a horse?
The dude ranch that we went to for the trip, they put me on a horse, and this horse, I'm in eighth, seventh, eighth grade, I have no horse experience whatsoever.
I get on the horse, the horse is bucking, jumping up and down, kicking and bucking, yeah, and I'm.
I'm looking around, like, everyone's there.
All the other students are on horses that are just sitting.
Right.
Like, just chilling.
And then the cowboys are there.
And they didn't even react quickly.
Like, they were like, I was like looking at them, and they were looking at me.
Basically, like, when the rodeo thing opens and the horse is like, that's what this fucking horse was doing.
A lot of horses don't, they don't prefer Italians, I'll say that.
Yeah, and there's, you know, whatever.
No judgments.
A lot of, a lot of children don't are allergic to Mexican stuff.
Yeah, like avocados.
Yeah, avocados, avocados.
No, no.
I remember it wasn't like, you know, like the rodeo, rodeo, but it was enough for like an eighth grader to be terrified.
And I'm like looking at these guys, like, is anyone gonna step in at all?
And the guy was just like, and I remember being like, help.
I finally just said, help.
And then the guy was like, all right, just calm down.
I'm like, this is how you treat a 12 year old?
You can tell me to calm down.
I'm just, I'm gonna be thrown from this horse.
Like, and then they got, uh, they got me off that horse and they gave me the most senior citizen horse they had.
Like, the back was like slumped inward.
And then my, I got on that horse.
The horse walked up to a tree and started eating the leaves and then wouldn't, didn't leave.
And like, everyone went on the trail and that horse wouldn't leave the tree and just ate the, yeah.
I just stood there on the horse.
Yours was like rosemary or something.
It was like, yeah, a glue stick.
Yours had a brooch on it.
Yeah, but I would never get on a horse buried.
Dang, dude.
That's wild, bro.
Yeah, horses, I think they're probably the most, they're the best animal that we have until we come out with a new animal, like until they catch a dragon or make something.
Yeah.
And we did have a neighbor, my friend William had a fish, and I remember when it died, and they went and buried it at the Long John Silver's in like the, uh, Flower bed outside of there, I remember.
Well, that's an interesting choice.
Remember that restaurant?
Yeah, of course.
But it's a seafood restaurant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I mean, like, it's a little bit.
It was like the closest thing I think people thought, like.
Yeah, it was nice that they had the flower bed.
Yeah, like bringing back with this community.
Like, just outside of the parking medians, they had a little bit of like kind of semi-designed foliage right there.
Yeah.
That's always nice.
A little extra touch.
But I remember his dad took us over there and we put that thing, we put it there and did like a prayer or something.
I think we might have saluted too.
Yeah.
Salute that fish.
We don't even know.
Dude, yeah, you had to salute that thing.
You know, shout out LJS, bro.
I feel like horses are like they're on a lot of like romance novel covers, like bareback horse riding is exotic.
I feel like it's also mythological.
I think the things that will happen to your body you want to talk about checking yourself for testicular cancer, but it like a nude woman on a horse bareback that's very exotic, right?
Yeah, because I think you think of the stallion and like, I'm gonna be the stallion, I'm gonna, you know.
I'm going to sleep with 1,050 women.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I would take notice if a woman rode by like Patopolis on the bareback on a horse.
I would probably pay attention.
I would probably follow the part because it's very interesting.
Yeah.
I wouldn't just let that go by.
I'm going to find out where this is going to end up.
I'd want to see what would happen.
Dude, did you see a.
Speaking of mythological things, did you see that Artemis space shuttle went to the moon?
Do you think that really happened or not?
Let's take a gander at it.
I think it happened.
It's, I mean, because people are very weary now.
Well, first, let me start.
Do you think the first moon landing happened?
I do.
Because bring up the shuttle, bring up the picture of the shuttle.
I'm sure you've looked at the shuttle and been like, Yeah, but I also like when you look at these things, and sometimes I'm like, ah, maybe I could be convinced otherwise.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's crazy that we haven't gone back.
We went there now and just didn't we just drive around it?
We didn't get off, right?
Yeah, they just went for like a look see or whatever.
Yeah, that's wild.
I would never, ever.
Ever, no matter what you could do, say, you could.
I would never go into space.
Never.
Which one of the Jokers do you think would go into space if they had to go?
Probably Murr.
I don't think he has, I don't think he really.
Yeah, just say it.
He's crazy like that.
He's got it.
Yeah, he'd go up there.
I wouldn't, but I think that he's always looking for something new.
Yeah.
Imagine what they must have felt like.
I just saw that movie, that new Ryan Gosling movie.
Like, it's like he goes into space.
Well, all they do is take beautiful men and put them out in a space, dude.
Yeah.
A lot of these movies, it's Matt Damon, it's Ryan Gosling, it's Steven Tyler.
They just take these good looking guys.
Or what's his name?
Well, well, right, all right.
Oh, yeah.
Makane went to space.
Interstellar, right?
That's when you know Hollywood's like, this guy's good looking enough.
We'll take him and show him off to the other planets, you know?
Yeah, I can't even imagine.
Try to pick up a new market, you know?
Yeah.
Go out.
I mean, I would be terrified, bro.
Yeah, I'd be terrified too, dude, if I went to space in a lifeguard tower from Santa Monica Beach.
That's it?
Yeah.
That looks.
Look at it.
Can you zoom on it?
It looks like a.
Toy like a transformer or something, bro.
Yeah, that doesn't look like it.
I don't have confidence.
Come on, dude, that's not even a food truck, bro.
That looks flimsy, bro.
Those little like legs and stuff.
Like, how do you get up there and be like, man, I would feel like the existential threat of the universe on my shoulders?
Like, dude, they put they didn't even put horseshoes on it, dude.
That thing is look at the legs of it.
Can you imagine being up there alone and no?
See, this is the thing, too.
Like, they went up there, they did a couple of loop-de-loops.
But then that doesn't necessarily mean like coming back is hard.
Yeah.
It's risky coming back.
So, like, you're signing up.
I'm sorry.
Like, none of those people can say for certainty that they, I wonder what the odds were that they could be, it could go south.
Yeah.
Like, I bet you it wasn't like 99%.
Like, I bet you it was like, all right, it's like 70, 30.
Like, you might explode on the way home.
Right.
That's crazy, dude.
Do you have to imagine me coming home and see Earth and you're like, all right, like, and then it goes.
Dude, when I was a kid, we watched the Challenger live at school.
You know, we all watched it and we watched it live and it fucking blew up.
And it was like, the teacher, everyone just started crying.
I was like, we were like, what?
We were trying to wrap our head around.
I was like third grade or something, trying to wrap my head around the fact that like there was a school teacher in there and they just blew up.
Remember this on live television?
Yeah.
That's wild.
There was a pet.
Wasn't there also a puppy in there?
Was there?
I thought that they sent a puppy in there.
Wow.
I can't believe that we even did this right now.
To me, it just feels like it's like it's funny.
We can't send help into Gaza, but we can send the Artemis 2 to go circle around the moon.
Like, that to me is like, what did we, what was the purpose of the mission?
Do you know?
It's a great question.
Let's look it up.
It wasn't just to like, and I'm sorry, there was no live animal on the Space Shuttle Challenger during the final flight in 1986.
God bless those people and their families.
Yeah.
I know, man.
Can you imagine?
Let's have a moment of that.
Can you imagine that, like, we're sending, like, because you could probably get in, like, let me be honest with you.
If they pick some people to go to space right now, right?
Yeah.
And Murr gets sick or whatever, something happened to him, he gets in a loss.
It ain't happening with me.
I wouldn't even go out of this little, just right above the atmosphere.
I wouldn't even do that.
I wouldn't do that.
Katy Perry went to space.
Did she?
I don't know.
I read yesterday she went to space.
People said that they went to space, but that shit was so, it was very light.
Yeah.
That was very sketchy, like waving at people.
There was like friends coming up to the edge.
It was like, this isn't in space.
Like, that's just.
Would you go?
Would you go?
I don't know.
We're fucking this planet up so much, we don't need to be exporting whatever we're doing.
I don't need to.
I don't believe we belong on a rocket.
Yes, right now.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm still getting used to flying in planes.
Do you know what I do think, though?
Oh, this is a good question.
Let's answer this for people.
The Artemis mission are NASA's current program to return humans to the moon and use it as a stepping stone for future trips to Mars.
We're not going to inhabit another planet.
We're not going to.
You can't.
So, why are we going up there?
I guess we're.
But I don't like that shit.
When somebody's like, hey, I want to come visit you, but really they're just staying overnight so they can go visit somebody else further away.
I don't like some shit.
I almost never thought about that.
Well, that's what we're doing.
It says carry out the moon to Mars strategy, land astronauts on the moon.
We're basically using the moon for a place to relax for a little while.
Establish a sustainable long term human presence on the moon rather than just short term flags and footprints visit like the Apollo.
Dog, some of this shit, Flags and Footprints also was the name of the all male dance team at Covington High School when I was there.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
They were state champs.
Yeah.
Who's going to go?
How do you?
Okay.
Let's say we get to the point.
Right.
We get to the point.
I interrupt you.
No, no, no.
I'm going to say let's say we get to the point where people are like, all right, we're ready to move up there.
It's like, okay, how many?
Who's going up there first with what?
Like, what are you going up there with?
Some two by fours?
Like, you got to build a brick and mortar.
Like, you got to build a house.
You got to have some type of currency.
You got to have, like, a bank, a restaurant.
Like, who's going up there building that stuff?
Like, you need enough.
And then you need enough people.
Like, I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
How many people do you need to inhabit the moon at the exact same time to make it a thing where people live there and go about their daily lives there?
Like, what's it going to be like?
Or is it just going to be like prehistoric at first?
You're like signing up to go up there and live in a tent and like just live off the land and have no entertainment?
You mean like that thing they do in the desert every year?
What is it?
Like Burning Man?
Like Burning Man?
Yeah, it's like, what, how do you properly inhabit, like, you know?
Brother, this is for the elites, Sal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is for the elites.
You know, they're not bringing a couple giggle monkeys like us up there.
This is for the elites.
I think this is like, they're planning to do like, Like, they can't do an Epstein's Island anymore.
I think they're looking for like Epstein's orb, you know?
We're going to find a place where we can really be nasty out here.
Yeah.
It's like maritime law out there.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, you're in international water, right?
Right.
International air.
Yeah.
So I think that, like, I don't know.
There is a big part of me, dude, that, and I really, there's a big part of me that questions this, doesn't believe it, but it questions it.
Like, you don't think we went?
I don't know if we went.
Burning Man for Elites Only00:03:38
I do believe, one, they're trying to distract us from a lot of the horrible things that are going on in the world right now that we're a part of.
Sure.
So I do think that there's some of that because there's a lot of these weird things.
Like one lady's mother gets kidnapped.
They can't find her, you know?
But they can tell you where your DoorDash order is missing and where it's been or whatever.
Right, right.
But you can't find one lady's.
That's wild.
But she disappears from a porch.
You got nothing.
Right, right.
But we're going to move to the moon.
Right.
But we're going to move to the moon.
Yeah, I think there's like some of it's that.
It's like, oh, we need a trip to the moon.
That'll get people excited.
You know what I'm saying?
Like something to distract us.
The pictures look crazy, though.
You saw the pictures of them?
Yeah.
I have seen them.
Bring some of them up.
That's wild.
It's like.
But I think, yeah, it could be that maybe something is.
Do you ever start to worry that something is going to happen to Earth and that that's why there's like, I mean, because it's kind of, it seems like a weird time to send some people out to look at the moon.
Do you agree?
I think anytime, I don't know if there's ever a right time.
I mean, I guess I agree with you.
I'm always thinking something's going to happen.
I think maybe right after Christmas or something, you send a couple of guys out.
They always have those things where it's like those predictions from like Aristotle, like all those.
It's like, you know, or like they predicted in the future.
What was that?
No, Shadamas?
No, Shadamas, yeah.
And it's like, have they come true?
That's a good question, dude.
Oh, these are some of the photos.
I mean, bro, it's pretty wild that we're out here like that.
And, dude, you're telling me this shit.
Hold on.
You're telling me the best we can do is some guy takes this with his thumb in front of the thing?
That's the kind of shit that makes me feel like I would have deleted that one.
I would have deleted that one.
You know, like, yeah, dude.
Yeah, man.
I can't imagine seeing that with my own eyes, though.
That's wild.
And then the moon, bro.
That bitch is vibey, though.
She's mixed.
Yeah.
She's mixed for sure, dude.
Oh, look at that.
I don't know, dude.
I don't, I mean, I think I'm, I think I'm.
Who wants to live there?
It's just, I don't know.
It looks like, I don't know.
Maybe.
You ever do zero gravity?
Like, you ever do that floating around, like the space?
No, I've never done it.
Have you?
Now, my buddy did it.
He said it's one of the craziest things he's ever felt in his life.
I'm just flying, just flying in this room right now.
Like, if you just stood up and pushed.
If you pushed yourself off the chair and just started floating over there, it just went like that.
It's got to be wild.
As long as I make that sound while I float.
If I don't make that sound, bro, I don't believe it.
I want to do that.
I would really want to do that.
Like to at least feel that sensation.
I wonder if, dude, I can't even imagine like some of the fans.
Like imagine like you're the children.
I mean, this is kind of sad, but I don't mean it in like a real sad way, I guess.
I just mean it in some curiosity of emotion.
Like your parent or your brother or something is like going up to the moon at that time.
Because the challenger.
Like, was it headed to the moon?
It's a great question, huh?
I feel like yes, because where else would it be going?
Bro, they were blasting people out of whatever.
It would be like, you know, they were just trying to get like shoot extra scenes for Air Bud up there.
The space shuttle was designed in a low Earth orbit space truck and did not have the engine power or fuel capacity to reach the moon.
No, the Challenger was not headed to the moon.
The shuttle mission that tragically ended in a disaster was scheduled for a six day mission in orbit.
Around Earth to deploy a communications satellite and study Halley's Comet.
Damn.
Missing Dunkin Donuts Forever00:08:30
Wow.
Imagine how excited you must have been.
I wonder if they were scared before.
Is there any interviews of those people right before they left?
Oh, geez, yeah.
Just to also kind of honor them a little bit.
What date did that happen as well, Trevin?
Do you know?
80, I feel like it was like mid 86.
Wow.
86.
So we're coming up on a 40 year anniversary of it.
First ordinary citizen.
I mean, are you expected to be the ordinary speaker?
That was a year after Amy and Stu Shackman got married.
That was what?
Two months after Amy and Stu Shackman got married.
Okay, this is Chris Krista McAuliffe.
The teaching profession and students and the whole country is really going to benefit from this.
We hopefully are going to know an awful lot more about what life is like aboard the shuttle.
Cold coffee.
Sounds like she's from Rhode Island a little bit.
Where was she from?
New Hampshire.
Yeah, you were right.
That's pretty close.
Isn't that close?
That's really close.
Yeah.
Still close.
Close enough.
Yeah.
Rhode Island.
It's right there.
She reminded the lady.
It was like cold coffee, iced coffee.
You seen that lady?
I think we talked about this before.
You haven't?
No.
Bring up the lady at the Dunkin' Donuts that burned down.
Sorry.
This is a problem with the internet, dude.
We're trying to pay homage or homage to Kristen McAuliffe.
And then bring up that.
Yeah, Dunkin' Donuts.
You've seen this?
You haven't?
With my boy Dutch.
Dude, you've never seen this?
No.
This is, hold on, I've got to tell the lore of it.
Jim Norton put us on this.
And this is carried on now for like almost 10 years when a Dunkin' Donuts burned down in Shimokin.
A coffee shop in Shimokin is closed following an arson over the weekend.
Police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage.
Please watch 16's Nikki Cries.
Joins us live from the Central Pennsylvania Newsroom with more tonight, Nikki.
Julie, a lot of people in Shimokin are upset.
That Dunkin' Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts.
Today, we also learn new information about the teenage girl police charged with setting the place on fire.
Yellow tape surrounds the Dunkin' Donuts on West Sunbury Street in Shimokin.
The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage.
There's a lot of people that's definitely going to miss it, no doubt about it.
A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night.
Shimokin police officer Ray Psycho says no one was hurt.
Ray Psycho?
The place has extensive damage.
Psycho says the fire started inside the women's bathroom.
The toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire, and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke.
Feels fake.
Pray, Psycho!
For what reason weren't you?
You're like a thief.
They're showing blurred pictures of them.
This is the best thing to describe.
Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts.
I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts.
Dunkin' Donuts.
And I kind of deal with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts.
I go there all day.
Bro, this guy's the best, though, boy.
This is my boy Dutch Smith right here, bro.
Chicken baker croissant, where I get some coffee, power rate, if I'm dehydrated.
I sit there all the time.
If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there.
I meet with my attorneys there.
Legal work?
Did he say legal work?
I sit there all the time.
If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there.
I meet with my attorneys there.
I'm the most excited.
And then this is a lady, and Jim Norton dressed up like this lady for how long?
Oh, no, did he?
Yeah, one year, which was the best thing I've ever seen.
I hope he does it again, allegedly.
But let's start the beginning of her again.
I'm going to miss that place if it don't open up.
Damn, a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, the iced coffee, I guess it's called.
People miss their.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, gosh, dude.
But when she said coffee, it reminded me a little bit of McCall.
Yeah.
Oh, and go look at the comments on there.
Is there any great comments on their Google reviews?
There's got to be.
Oh, so funny.
Went for a donut, place burned down.
No, I said that.
No, no, I'm saying it.
Two stars.
Here we go.
Not open due to being set on fire, but otherwise a classy place to hydrate.
Or so I'm told.
That's Nicholas Sordy right there.
Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill where I don't like their donuts, or I'd rather die.
The Donuts at Dunkin' Donuts, and I'm kind of dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts.
Shout out Felix Suertao.
Oh, it's the best, dude.
Dude, you said Air Bud before.
It made me think like there were so many dog movies when I was growing up.
So many dog celebrities, right?
There was Rin Tintin?
Rin Tintin, right?
Yeah, the Chihuahua.
Are there any more?
They talk about Chihuahua.
Yeah, what happened?
Imbrim?
They're talking about my fate again?
They talk about you all.
You don't remember him?
I remember him.
I brought him up.
Turner and Hooch.
Dude, what happened to Dog Hollywood?
What happened to Dog Hollywood?
Lassie, Benji, Cujo, Clifford, Air Bud, Spuds McKenzie.
It was all these dogs, like big, big dog personalities.
Heathcliff, Snoopy.
Snoopy.
There's some other ones.
Yeah, there's more.
There's more.
All dogs go to heaven.
There was a lot.
Oh, Turner and Hooch.
Turner and Hooch.
But I'm saying, like, there were like big.
Bankable dog stars.
Right.
You don't see that much anymore.
That's a great point.
Yeah, I wonder what happened.
Why are there no more animal stars in Hollywood?
Animal stars are disappearing from Hollywood primarily due to the rise of sophisticated CGI and AI.
Ah.
I don't know if I feel like that's true, though.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, because it's not the same.
You don't need to, you know what I mean?
Right.
People know the love of a dog.
They want that.
Yeah.
You can't replace it.
Right.
Yeah.
I think we're primed and ready for our next big dog star, probably.
Imagine the tour he would go on.
Is Airbud still doing it?
I don't know.
I know I read the other day that they're going to get.
That some dogs can now live longer based on some new medicines that they're giving them.
They can live a lot longer.
Really?
And some people were happy about it, and some people apparently were not.
They were only expecting their dog to live for so long.
Well, that's, I want a dog, but I can't get one right now.
I got to wait till I stop touring so much and the kids are low.
But I want a dog, but one of the reasons I'm hesitant is because you're really signing yourself up for a heartache in 10 to 12 years or something.
My dogs all died 8 years, 10 years, 12 years, 14 years.
Oh, yeah, bro.
I mean, if that's a real thing, Like, is that a really if they're giving them medicine or whatever to help them live longer?
Yeah, I buy into that.
Yeah, will you look that up for me?
Hamsters and grandparents.
So it's like how children learn about death a lot of times, you know?
Oh, yeah.
In a sad way.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like you need that element to teach your kid to give you a gateway to death or whatever, like a way to see it.
But they had Sounder.
That was a huge movie.
Remember that?
They had Old Yeller.
Old Yeller.
That's another one.
That was a huge movie.
Oh, yes.
That was a huge movie.
Yeah, that was massive.
That was back in the, like, Little prairie house in the prairie times.
A San Francisco biotech company, Loyal, is developing drugs aimed at extending dogs' healthy lifespans by lowering high levels of the hormone IGF 1, which accelerates aging in larger dogs.
The leading candidates, including the daily pill, they're leading candidates, including the daily pill, LOY002.
The drugs work by reducing levels of insulin like growth factor 1, a hormone that drives rapid growth in young dogs but contributes to faster aging and shorter lifespan in larger, mature dogs.
I thought you were BSing me.
Oh, no, I just saw some information about this the other day that was really interesting.
What else was in the news that was something that was kind of worth discussing?
Extending Dogs Healthy Lifespans00:14:21
I don't know if we want to go down too many heavy roads.
Oh, has there been something your children have wanted to ask for that you had to say no?
Like, or is there like a tough parenting thing that you kind of like?
Yeah.
Like, just tell me what some of that's like.
Give me something from like the parenting world because I'm just curious about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My daughter went through a sleep regression recently.
So, like, sleep what?
Regression.
Okay.
So, like, she used to sleep through the night fine, but then, you know, They start developing, their brain starts developing, they start having dreams, and you know, and they get a little more like they start to understand stuff more.
So, like, we'd watch like Home Alone all the time, right?
She loves Home Alone and she just saw it at face value.
She loved it.
She knew what was going on.
Like, she was two, but she like got everything.
She got a little older, and then she started, then out of nowhere, even though she watched Home Alone like 50 times, she like started to get scared from it, from Marvin Harry.
Yeah.
Right.
So, one day, like, she kept saying, like, in the car, she'd be like, Dad, are Marvin Harry following us?
Like, out of nowhere, one day.
And I'm like, no, they're not.
They're not.
Are Marvin Harry after us?
Oh, I see.
And I'm like, babe, they're not after us at all.
They're after Kevin's toys.
It's like trying to make it, you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
All right, but are they going to come for me?
I'm like, no, Marvin Harry are fun.
They're just after Kevin's toys.
Kevin's going to put them through the ringer.
It's all good.
And then, like, in the middle of the night, she's like, Dad, Dad, I'm scared to go upstairs.
And I would come and she'd be like, are Marvin Harry coming?
And I'm like, my wife's like, you shouldn't have made her watch Home Alone.
I'm like, she loved it.
It wasn't until recently that she started getting scared.
You know what I mean?
But she'll call and be like, so you can't go You have to go up there.
Like, this is what got really hard.
Like going up there, like they're always testing the limits of what they can control and not control and pushing boundaries.
So that's the whole few years.
It's like they're pushing boundaries.
So they try to see what they can get over on you.
Like, so if they want you to come upstairs and they cry and that brings you upstairs, they know that that's going to get you upstairs every time.
You have to break that habit.
You have to, like, so there's times where it's like she's like crying and like, Dad, please come upstairs.
And I'm like downstairs and like, you can't.
You can't go up, you know, and it's the worst feeling because you want to run as soon as she's like, but you know, it's a trap, it's a trap, but like, but also, she's cunning, like, she'll say that she knows is gonna tug at my heartstrings.
I'd have to ignore her crime, and she'll start saying stuff like, Dad, please, dad, I need you, I miss you.
Like, you know, right, the ship is leaving the shore, just things that she's seen, and you're like, I'm like, literally, like, downstairs, like, she doesn't see me, but I'm like, right under the door.
Me and my wife are sitting there, and I'm just like, I got tears in my eyes.
I'm just like, I need to go, you know.
You can't, it's tough.
It's tough.
So, parenting, so yeah, you got to really like, I guess you have to be the dad.
You have to, sometimes you have to be the leader, huh?
And sometimes you want to just be the buddy.
I want them to be able to, like, they want to sleep.
She'll be like, please, can I come sleep with you guys?
I want her to do that so bad, but like, we can't do it because, like, it opens up, you know, like, then it's like, you know.
Oh, yeah.
But some, I know families that.
Sleep that all the kids sleep in the bed, and that's that, but like you know, it could be tough.
Like, if you have work and travel a lot and stuff like that, yeah, if you're not a little house on the prairie, then that's kind of like back then, yeah, you need it for warmth and stuff, and it's like that, yeah.
But I want to do it, but I've so far we haven't done it because I just feel like I don't want to start bad habits, you know.
But and is it tough with like with your rights, you have to debate on what are good habits and bad, like is it, is it, or do you guys compute it?
I'm on the same page, it's pretty straightforward, you know, like, but uh, yeah, it's a you're gonna you you want kids, yeah, yeah, we talk about this all night, you should have kids.
If you want them, if you want kids, have kids.
I think the most you can get to is I think I want them.
Nobody's like, if you're yelling in the park or whatever, I want kids, you're going to go to jail or you're going to get elected.
But if you're just like, yeah.
So I think the safest thing I say is, yeah, I think I would really like to have kids.
I have to have a spouse that is like, we can go down that road together.
And then, you know, some of it, I think it's like if that's going to be part of God, if God wants that for me in my life, you know?
And if I'm willing to set my life up enough where it's a possibility, because God, I don't think He would bless me with children if it wasn't like a safest environment either, you know?
Sure.
I think you should do it.
I always tell you that.
But yeah, I would like to have, I think more and more, I would like to have that.
Yeah.
You know, I would like to have the chance to love something that's different and to have like a new, different type of like connection in the world, you know?
Just to experience what connections there are because I'm sure it's like totally different.
I mean, last time you were here, you were saying just how different it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you got to do it.
You got to do it.
Especially if you want them because there's nothing better.
You'll feel so fulfilled, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, you'll feel so fulfilled.
And I want probably six or five kids, bro.
I know.
It's like when you start having you, you'll see.
Or, yeah.
You'll see like you want as many as possible.
That's why people just keep having them.
Dude, in the old days, man, people had them with reckless abandon.
Bro, people would have a kid.
They'd be like, oh, where's my kids?
They'd be at the store.
They would leave a kid.
They'd have to come back.
Hey, we left a kid on your shelf or whatever.
Yeah.
Some kids in the freezer.
He's just like, yeah.
People used to have kids back in the day, so many kids that, like, some of them would just, like, perish.
Perish.
And then they were just like, ah, we lost a couple of them.
Yeah.
You know?
Albert stayed in.
We still have 10 of them, but we lost a couple.
Yeah.
Albert stayed in Mankato.
We didn't, we hadn't seen him, you know.
Yeah.
He stayed there.
He wandered off, and we hope he's all right.
I know he wandered off in Rochester.
Yeah.
Look, he had a bag of food with him.
You know, you're like, that's crazy.
I don't know how you focus on it.
You had, how many siblings you got?
I just had one, two, three, four, three total.
Okay.
What'd you have?
Besides me, three.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a fun amount.
Yeah.
So you're a family.
You had four of you guys still together?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you could go back and be a kid, what's one moment you would go back to in your child?
Like a, like a, was it like a birthday party or a time or like, it could just be a general, it doesn't have to be specific.
Either.
Yeah.
Like, what was like the funnest holiday you guys had or something?
Was there one that was just going to my grandma?
My grandma would host Christmas and like all the cousins would come over, and that was fun because she had like this really old house that was a two family with a big basement and a big old attic.
Yeah.
And we all used to go up in the attic and cause like hijinks and hide and shit.
And like, I just heard like that.
Those days were the best days where you could just like run around the house playing hide and seek and like feel like it was the best thing that ever happened to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just, yeah, all this bullshit.
Like, you didn't know anything yet.
It's just about playing, hanging out, you know?
I know.
At the world, yeah, it seems like it should be able to be such a simpler world, doesn't it?
That's the thing that I think gets me a lot.
It's like, go hang out in the woods.
Yeah.
Like, when I was young, there was like, it was so much less like underdeveloped.
Oh, yeah.
And there was just like, witches everywhere.
Oh, there was native American shit.
You'd have a guy that chiseled a fucking couple tits into a.
You know, into a birch tree or whatever, you'd have somebody, you know, there was like a grave somewhere.
Somebody just buried somebody like the woods used to be crazy, bro, because you'd see some guy been living there.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, there'd be some pornography or whatever.
Yeah, always somebody buried pornography, but they, you know, they'd draw like an arrow, it's like, hey, pornography, so they didn't forget where it was.
It was like, dude, that's where I saw my first porn mag was in the woods.
Oh, everybody, which is crazy, bro.
But you're right there with nature, dude.
Oh, dude, I remember the first time I masturbated, bro, I didn't even know what was going to happen with like your body, right?
And I remember like something kind of came outside of my body, and I remember trying to put it back into my penis with my finger.
Yeah.
And I heard my mom like downstairs, and I was like trying to get it all back in before she, yeah.
Oh.
So, yeah, I was like, yeah.
So, obviously, yeah, I had a lot of intimacy issues over the years, bro.
Oh, let's get this question.
Let's get this answer in, dude.
Early 1800s.
Let me see.
Over the past three centuries, the average number of children per woman in most of the world has declined sharply.
Roughly from five to seven kids per woman in the early 1800s to 2.25 per kid per woman today in many countries.
I think it's even less than that now.
Yeah.
I think I read somewhere where they say, like, people are having the least amount of kids in history right now.
Maybe there'll be a rebirth of it, you know?
Maybe there'll be something new that happens.
Do you feel like, I feel like, you know, I didn't want to get into like important, like heavy stuff today, but there's just like, it feels like it's a tough time in the world for a lot of people.
Dude, do you imagine like Octo Mom?
You like you have eight babies in your stomach?
You give birth to eight babies at the same exact time?
That's dark shit.
Look at and look at that thing she had on her, bro.
It's like whenever you ever see that spider that's got the big thing on it, like it's pregnant.
Yeah, that's wild, bro.
Imagine you have no kids and then you have eight kids.
Yeah.
She already had like five kids.
Oh my God.
Are you serious?
I just watched a documentary on it.
How do you give the time you need to each of these kids?
Yo, what do you do when you, you want people like, like they like, Guess what?
Twins.
And they're like, oh my God, two, how are we going to do this?
Like, eight?
Bro, how do you even, how do you even, what's the first thing you do when there's eight, there's eight two day old babies?
It's like, they're like Tamagotchis.
Like, you like literally just have to like check the batteries on all of them.
Holy shit.
Dude, get you some iced coffee, cool coffee, iced coffee.
You have a Tamagotchi?
No, I never had one.
Do you remember that?
Oh, I do remember them, and it didn't hit us super hard.
Our family, I was a little older.
We weren't into like a lot of the Asian kind of stuff that much.
We was like doing Hulk Hogan type of shit.
Dude.
I remember I had to do a roast of this, of the Nadia Suleiman, who is the Octa Mom.
Did you have to?
Who had eight children, who was kind of a celebrity for a while.
Or not a celebrity.
I mean, everybody's kind of a celebrity these days, but she was like kind of in the limelight or whatever, you know?
Yeah.
For that.
Yeah.
You roasted her?
We had a roaster.
And dude, I remember I got there and I thought it would be fun and everything.
And you get there and you're like, oh, this feels, there's part of it that feels really mean.
Oh, really?
Do you mind writing the jokes?
I mean, they were easy.
I mean, some of them were probably good and some were probably not good.
What scenario was she being roasted?
Why was she being roasted?
It was just a, it was the Ha Ha Comedy Cafe over there in Burbank.
Oh, in LA?
Over there?
Yeah, Burbank.
Yeah.
It's kind of off of Burbank.
It's off Langstrom, I think.
But yeah, Jack Jr., his family over there.
It's their club.
It's a great spot.
Yeah, I've done some spots.
Yeah.
And so, but they had the roast of her there.
And it was just other people were on the dais or the docket or whatever.
And it was just like, it was interesting.
It was fun.
Yeah.
But it was also like, there was a moment you're like, oh, this is me.
Because they're sitting right there.
And you think, like, The kids were there?
Oh, okay.
Bro, it's like eight kids just staring at you, rip on them.
That'd be crazy, bro.
She was there.
She was there.
But it was just kind of a lot, bro.
And I couldn't tell if she was trying to flirt or whatever.
And I was like, I'm getting out of here, you know?
Yeah, you can't even, you need to wear two condoms.
Oh, I wouldn't even sneeze.
God forbid.
Yeah, you can't even sneeze.
I wouldn't even let an eyelash fall out of her hair.
The next thing you know, you have eight children.
Oh.
And blessings to her children.
Let's get a gander at them.
I want to see them.
And who knows?
Now she may, you know, I can't imagine what that's like.
No way.
Updated looking.
Oh, is that them now?
Do they all look like.
Wow, they look healthy and good.
Yeah, they look like they all.
Like they look like they weren't one of eight.
Yeah.
They look like they were their own.
Imagine how that's got to be to break out of like, you know.
Well, I mean, how much could they have weighed when they were born?
Yeah.
You got eight kids in there.
You got eight kids.
I probably, I would guess how much they weighed.
Let's guess and we'll wager.
Whoever wins.
What's the prize?
I don't know.
Do something for like moon research or whatever.
$30 towards moon research.
Towards moon research?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think it's probably going to end up just somehow going to Israel, but we'll just call it moon research.
I think you got size eight.
If there were five, there's no way she could be.
This is a good game show question.
Yeah, it is, right?
There's no way she could be walking around with the average person.
Kid, when they're born, is like six, seven pounds, right?
So there's no way she's walking around with 50 pounds of kids in there.
Right.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
Now, look at the, you can get a gander at her right there when she got that front really launched.
And that thing, that is crazy.
So I'm going to say, damn, I'm going to say they were about, they got three and a half pounds each, something like that.
Okay.
You're going three and a half?
I'm going to go, yeah, 3.15.
That's still crazy.
That's still 20 something pounds of kids in there.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
But they can't be much less than three pounds.
I'm going 2.2.
2.2.
All right.
2.2, which means for eight kids, she was still hauling around 17 pounds.
Yeah, 17 pounds.
17 pounds.
That's 2.2 was a small kid.
Well, does it, can we find out?
3.4.
No way.
The Suleiman Octopulates before.
Octopulates.
Octopulates.
Born on January 26, 2009, weighed between one pound, eight ounces, and three pounds, four ounces.
Oh, so some of them.
That's double the other kid.
A one pound, eight ounce kid is wild, bro.
That's wild.
When were they born?
2009?
That's about 24 years after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.
Yeah.
Hey, God bless the Shanks.
And we wish them many million more years.
If you ever get to meet with them, man, I want to see the tape of you guys meeting up together.
So, you got Manush, your new show.
Manush is in the show.
And Foul Play.
Foul Play is on now on TBS.
People can check it out with Anthony Davis.
And he's in every episode.
Meeting Up in the UK00:01:21
Yeah.
Okay, great.
He's in every episode.
And all other athletes and stars and stuff like that.
And yeah, Montour, salvolcanocomedy.com for tickets.
Yeah.
Got up till June announced, but I'm going to be doing all of Canada in October and then I'm going to be doing UK and Europe in 27.
Yeah, yeah.
And then probably come back around and get the last few cities I haven't gotten to here.
Maybe film this next special, maybe in Boston or something like that.
I love Boston.
Yeah.
Do you think your family will go hitch the road with you?
I'm going to try to maybe take them out to the UK.
Yeah.
Yeah, visit Ari out there and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
So that should be fun.
And then, yeah.
And then what else?
I guess, yeah, Jokers will be out starting July.
It'll be season 13.
It's crazy.
Well, you guys can find everything.
We'll share all the links, man, and we'll share everything for you, dude.
And Sal, thanks for coming and just spending time with us.
Of course, man.
Thanks for having me.
I love you.
It's kind of cool.
I love you too, man.
And thanks for just telling us about the Shankmans and just.
Let's find them.
I can't wait.
Yeah, I got to look.
You're going to help me find them, man.
Amy and Stu, the Shankmans, they're looking for you.
All right.
Blessings, bro.
Thank you so much.
You got it, baby.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be.
Cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.