Matt McCusker joins Theo Von to discuss his "totalitarian" gardening methods, the dangers of fiberglass rat poison, and leaving toxic social media after a $3M verdict against Meta. They critique "looksmaxing" bone hammering, AI fears, and Brian Noem's cross-dressing scandal before analyzing Elon Musk's offer to fund TSA salaries amid privatization concerns. The episode concludes by reflecting on Cortés's conquest of the Aztecs and arguing that personal purpose in gardening or podcasting counters modern media-induced doom. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Spring Sale and Rat Hoodies00:14:37
It's springtime around here.
You know that.
Because you can see the bees.
The bees are out there.
Go see them.
They're just being bees.
And we're running a spring sale.
That's what we're doing in honor of spring.
We're being on sale.
We've got a mix of tees, hoodies, and hats, all 20% off right now.
And there's a limited quantity left on the Year of the Rat hoodies.
This one right here, I wear it.
I love it.
My favorite type of hoodie.
That's the only type we're selling anymore, is my favorite type.
All that and more available at TheoVonStore.com.
I hope everyone is having a good day and thank you for your support.
Today's guest is a stand up comedian.
He's one half of the Matt and Shane's Secret podcast.
He's a shaman.
He is.
He's on a higher frequency, he operates in a special realm, and he's on the road soon.
So if you get a chance, I recommend that you go see him.
If you even get to spend time with this guy, it's a smart choice.
I'm thankful to be able to do that today.
My guest is Mr. Matt McCusker.
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Get those crap out of my pockets.
Oh, dude, that's one thing.
Bro, how much shit do guys start?
And I'm a guy.
Yeah.
And it's like the shit we start to have in our pockets.
Look at that.
You have glasses around the neck.
I.
The phone.
Phone wallet keys.
I need an upper.
I need a downer.
Yeah.
You need the little nicotine powder.
Yeah.
You got DC powders, you fucking.
We need pocketbooks, dude.
Some guys have already adopted pocketbook technology.
We need an all-disciplinary.
Guys, the purse, whatever pocketbook.
Oh, that thing.
Yeah, yep, yep, yep.
That fanny pack that people wear around their heart or whatever.
Yeah.
Their satchel.
That's a weird one, though.
Like the fanny pack on the heart.
That guy's always like, what's going on here?
I think you have to, if you're going to have one, you have to have a gun in there just so you can maintain.
You know what I mean?
But one of those little guns or whatever.
Yeah, I think a tiny, like James Bond, like a little 38, a little snub.
Oh, that'd be nice.
Hey, good to see you, dude.
Bro.
Pleasure to see you, man.
Yeah.
Congrats on everything, bro.
Thank you, man.
Yeah.
You guys' podcast is crushing it.
And you're on tour right now, too.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
I got to, where am I going?
I'm going to, I know I have Phoenix.
Phoenix is haunting me.
I don't know what's up with the city of Phoenix.
I got to do the celebrity theater.
So it's like the little one in the round.
Yeah.
I hope that's full.
Otherwise, we're going to have like a semi circle.
It's going to be, that'd be pretty bad.
If I couldn't do the, if I could only do like 270 degrees, just a U.
So, yeah, I get to Phoenix and, uh, yeah, go support that one, guys, in Phoenix.
Yeah, man, and everywhere else.
But, yeah, man, I've been good, man.
Just chilling.
Yeah, pull up Matt's dates just so we have them, please.
Yes, thank you.
Um, oh, there we go.
St. Paul, there we go.
St. Paul, yeah, where are you at in this thing?
I'm towards the end.
I'm at the bottom half or the bottom, like, quarter here.
Okay, St. Paul, Indianapolis.
Yep, I got Des Moines.
Yeah, yeah, St. Paul, Des Moines, Phoenix, Tucson, Toronto, and Chicago.
Oh, yeah, you got Des Moines.
You got Des Moines, obviously, a black guy.
Des Moines.
Let's just say that, dude.
And they, but you don't, but there's not a lot of them there because you expect to see them when you get there.
Des Moines, I think he invented jelly.
One guy did peanut butter, he invented jelly.
Yeah, Des Moines.
Please.
Tucson, bro.
Tucson's huge.
Great place to get some coral.
What's that blue coral?
That rock.
It's a lot of older women wear the silver and the.
What?
Coral.
Is it good for like a magnetic bracelet you're talking about?
Yeah, it's good for people.
A lot of people with a lot of copper and opal or whatever.
Okay.
What's a blue stone?
Yeah, it's a lot of that shit out there.
A lot of people missing arms.
Oh, okay.
It's like the mystical end of Arizona.
There's like the guys with their pants up to here, Marizonians, and there's like, yeah, I got you.
It's shaman country.
Dude, you think those would be your vibes over there?
Yeah, I've never been to Tucson yet.
Phoenix, I'm telling you, I like Phoenix.
It's just, I don't know why.
It's always, it's always, there's always cities I have that tickets go great.
There's other cities where they're like a slog.
Yeah.
Phoenix tradition, just like historically, it's been a slog.
It's okay.
I just accept it.
It is what it is.
That's just Phoenix.
That's my Phoenix experience.
Yeah.
So.
Dang, dude.
Yeah, I think for something like that for me, you're like Minneapolis, Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico.
You're about to sell tickets in Puerto Rico, I noticed.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm like, PR?
That kind of surprises me, honestly.
I feel like you would rock the PR ticket market.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's kind of me, too, dude.
The boletas.
Yeah, dude, great to see you, bro.
What's new right now in your world, man?
Dude, the only thing I can even, it's boring, but it's just gardening.
I've been gardening nonstop.
I got ahead of it this year.
Last year I planted when it was already too hot.
Everything got scorched.
So, yeah, I got some blackberries and raspberries I'm waiting on.
So, really?
Yeah, I've been a big, I've been, I've been big on that, man, trying to grow stuff.
I got garlic coming.
So, blackberries and garlic.
And this is all in your own yard.
Oh, sure.
That's my garden.
Yeah.
That's, it's been revamped.
The hailstorm destroyed my blueberry bushes.
Yeah, it's in my, I have like a little backyard.
But you're making the most out of it.
Now, can you feed your family here, man?
No, dude, it's so sad.
So, that's a blueberry bush.
It got destroyed in the hailstorm.
That one's coming back to life as well.
And is there, Any reward from the government subsidizes this kind of shit or whatever?
I should get some sort of subsidy.
But we had a blueberry bush and it produced literally one blueberry the first time I did it.
And me and my whole family cut it into fours.
We each had a fourth of a blueberry.
We would be dead.
If I actually had a farm, we would all be dead.
I've gotten like five radishes, one blueberry, and the raspberries were flowing, man.
And then just the hailstorm just completely wiped me out.
And was there stuff you could have done in advance to prepare for that?
I mean, does it feel like the plants look to you for like the leadership or you don't feel that at all?
I am.
Because I've never had a garden yet.
Yeah, so here's the thing you can be like that.
There's a lot of doting mother type gardeners.
I'm a stern father.
If you can't pull your own, you die.
I need producers.
I need people who are going to adapt to the elements.
Like, I'm not going to baby any of these plants.
Like Stalin.
Yeah, completely.
It's a completely totalitarian system.
My wife's like, well, bring that one in.
I'm like, if I can't handle the sun, it's dead.
I'll get someone who can handle the sun.
I'm not out here babying these plants, bro.
I have kids.
I'm not worried about a plant.
I'm going to see her cry about a beanstalk.
It's dead.
Pull it out.
Yeah.
Throw it in the compost next.
So I run a ruthless garden.
It's completely ruthless.
I had a rat that just died.
Did you?
Fuck him.
Dude, he was.
That's the thing with gardening.
It does kind of connect you to like a real life or death thing because it's like, you know, I don't want to kill an animal, but then it starts eating like, you know, starts just munching all your leafy greens and you're like, I'm not about to grow food for a rat.
That's bullshit.
So then like I had a guy come out and the guy gave, it was like an exterminator.
And this stuff he gave it, If he's like, dude, this stuff's the real deal.
Don't let your dogs get it.
Cause my dog had eaten rat poison once.
No problem.
Survived.
And I was like, yeah, I hope you all right.
He's like, no, this shit is like fiberglass in it.
So when the rat eats the poison, the fiberglass cuts his lungs and he starts like drowning in his own blood.
Who created this?
Netanyahu?
I think so.
This is fucking, that's the same stuff they were putting in the Palestinians' food that they were giving them, which is fucking heartbreaking.
But that's a fair point.
But the, uh, and why?
Are they trying to kill them so hard?
Like, dude, I, well, they, they just like, that's their job, man.
They're, they're like, cause if they, if they half step it and you still have rats, you're going to call them all pissed off.
So, like, the poison messes them up, but the, the, like, fiberglass or whatever really makes sure they die no matter what.
And also, rats won't die around the colony.
They'll, like, a dog, they'll run off and find solitude and die.
And we got rid of this chair recently.
So, we, you know, it was like hogging up a space in our, in our backyard.
And we, we lifted it up.
There was a dead rat, one of the dead rats back there.
It had been laying there so long.
I picked it up.
Dude, it, its face was gone.
It like really kind of fucked me up.
Like it was yesterday.
I picked it up.
I had like, you know, two sticks put together.
And I was like, this thing's been sitting for a while.
Let me peep its face.
Dude, just a void where its face was like things ate its face.
Yeah.
Just a hole for where its face was.
And I was like, damn, that was fucked me up.
Fuck, you're living in a damn saw episode over there.
Dude, gardening's crazy.
Where are you gardening at?
Just my backyard.
Transylvania, dude.
It just sounds insane, bro.
Gardening is crazy, though, because you get like, you have little spider allies.
I see my spider, my orb weavers in my garden.
I kind of, they're like, they're on my team.
Fighting the bugs, the rats.
I'm trying to fight the rats, but we got them, I think, under control.
How did you know that you were having issues with the rats?
I'd see them right in my face, just munching my shit.
I'd open the door and they'd just be munching my shit.
Oh, yeah, we'd be bossy.
I would see them.
I'd be like, what the fuck?
They are kind of cute, though.
They're called cotton rats.
So they're these big guys and they have these really furry coats.
I kind of like them, but then they started shitting in my grill and I was like, we're done.
Yeah, they honestly, I would have tolerated them, but they completely.
Overpush, overstep their boundaries.
There we go.
Dude, there he is.
That's the exact guy.
Imagine one of those guys, no face, hole for a face.
Zoom in on him.
Look at that little guy, little fat, little hearing guy.
Look like gerbils almost.
Yeah, it's that little floor bear.
Yeah, he's munching on somebody's fucking herbs right now.
One of God's little McNuggets.
Them little things.
They're thick as hell.
They had a burrow underneath my little porch in the back of my garden.
And also, people were like, oh, just dump cayenne peppers, all this.
Dude, I dumped like, I got like four pounds of red pepper flakes.
Just lace the whole garden.
Dude, that guy was just sitting in a bed of it.
I'm like, man, get out of here with this bullshit.
Give me the fiberglass poison.
There's always all those tricks, dude.
Like, if you'll siphon some piss out of a senior citizen or something and put it out there, yeah, rub a baby's ass on the fucking square rails or whatever, nobody will fall down it.
Yeah, nobody will get hurt again.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
The exterminators come, not even the Home Depot.
And I don't want to mess up Home Depot.
No, but let's talk about them.
They're down.
Dude, none of that stuff works.
You need a professional exterminator, and they have like, Like Dr. Evil weapons.
That's the only thing that gets him.
Well, did you get one of those guys who comes and he's tatted and he's like has all his like AA years of recovery fucking medallions around his neck and he's fucked?
Ideally, that's what you want.
Yeah.
But this guy's pretty chill.
He's pretty clean, but he, you could tell he's been around the stuff for a while.
The other guy I know got bit by a rattlesnake.
Literally, he got bit.
He drove himself to the hospital.
Fuck yeah.
That's boss shit.
Bro, it's crazy.
I got nothing but love for exterminators.
Do you ever have like a horrible infestation of any kind?
Just these hoes.
True.
Basically.
Sorry, I was just making a meme clip.
That was basically just so.
Oh, he needs a strong hand for that.
But no, I've never had anything like that.
You know, actually, you know what?
Bring up some of these exterminators first.
I want to see some of these.
Yeah, let's act.
Good call.
Let's get a gander at some of these America's top 10 most extreme exterminators, including women.
There we go.
A lot of these bitches will kill anything they go around.
There we go.
Look at that guy.
Look at extreme.
Yeah, look at that fucking guy right there.
Sandblasting a pocket.
Yeah, they're giving.
This is.
I need to see the real guys.
This is the fucking.
It's like the stock footage.
Yeah, it's all T Moose shit, man.
Yeah.
No, it's none of the exterminators look like these guys.
These are male models.
Yeah, I mean, there's Billy the exterminator.
There's that guy, and he passed away.
Did he really?
Yeah.
Dude, short shelf life on those guys.
I mean, you're literally dealing in poison.
You're out there just fucking spraying glyphosate on everything.
You're out there fucking.
Those bug bombs, what they do is they inhibit reproductive systems.
So, like.
Like, I had fleas and I had to do a bug bomb.
The Home Depot was bullshit.
So, I got the real guy who came out.
And when I did the first one, I lit it all.
Like, you know, you pull the thing and it's supposed to give you 10 seconds.
It just exploded in my face.
So, I just got drenched in this shit and had to run outside.
Is that the Fourth of July place?
Or where you did that bitch?
Roasted.
Because they'll put those things in together, dude.
Dude, they just, you can't reproduce.
So, it just like scorches bug genitals.
And then they just have to watch like the apocalypse.
There's a colony of them.
Is this Palantir online?
Where are you?
I just can't believe you're involved in all this, dude.
And your children are what's sleeping inside?
Well, I came in from like talking to the exterminator and I'm like, bro, this rat poison's crazy.
I forgot my two daughters were there.
And I'm like, yeah, those little mice and they like watch it play.
And I was like, oh, the mouse is back.
I'm like, what it does is it cuts their lungs and they drown in their own blood.
My wife's like, chill, dude.
I'm like, my bad, my bad.
My bad, my bad.
Are you part of a group with the gardening or how?
I'm Lone Wolf.
I have thought about joining a group, but I'm like, when you ever do something like that, it's just too much human interaction for me.
I like to figure it out by myself.
Maybe one mentor would be good.
A whole group, there's bound to be someone I don't like.
I'm going to be battling.
I'm like, no, thank you.
Some guy trying to get you to buy his soil or some other thing.
Something like that.
Or just a run of the mill know it all.
Any group of just adults together, there's going to be at least one, if not two, like.
Unbearable guys usually like you ever do like adult education?
There's always one person who's gonna raise their hand, talk for 10 minutes every time.
It's just like, bro, shut up, man.
Or when you go to like that DUI course, there's some guy who's like, you know, like he's never gonna drink and drive again, dude.
First of all, one of God's rules is nobody gets just one DWI.
I know, I know, it's everyone, everyone needs to get one.
My uh, my friend, it was funny, it was a couple years ago, but he had one.
I think he was the last one to get one, but his brother had one and his dad had one, and they're all.
At, like, family Christmas party with extended family, and he likes they're all drinking beer, and he like cheers them, like, Hey, the three, we all have DUIs, guys.
The Know It All in the Room00:15:29
And I think his dad was trying to keep his under wraps.
He was like, Shut the fuck up.
He did a DUI's cheers, and you know, thought he would go over better, but dude, there's nothing sadder than a dad getting a DUI on his way home from work and he's been drinking or whatever.
They get them, man.
I know a lot of guys who just quietly you get them, and you're like, All right, all right, you got me, you got me.
Dude, they drive dry.
Yeah, that's oh, my stepdad got one.
My dad would be drunk, he would park his car.
Just like wherever it kind of stopped, like by our gate or whatever.
So my mom would fucking be out there yelling at this 77 year old man who's just fucking unconscious in a white fucking LTD that he was not even at a certain point, dude, he wasn't strong enough to get the door back open once he got in.
So sometimes he'd get in there and he'd get home from work and we didn't know.
We'd be inside of the fucking slums.
Leave him out there all night.
It's crazy, dude.
Well, dude, that's the thing.
They were allowed to drink and drive.
Like drinking and driving was like.
Like, my dad is almost 70, and like when they were in high school, cops would pull you'd be hammered driving a car, and they'd be like, Come on, man, get the hell out of here.
Take your beer and be like, Get out of here.
Yeah, you didn't get in trouble for it, so all of a sudden now it's criminalized.
Fucking woke, it's a good point.
No, it's pretty bad, it's very dangerous.
There we go.
Who's this guy?
That's a sterminator.
And if he has a church behind him, he means it.
Who is he?
It's AI?
Well, I think if you just go to YouTube, say you put in like Tucson, extreme exterminator.
If you go to some of those places and just look for some, try to make it by city or whatever you have to do to see if you can come up with some.
Yeah, let's get some organic.
Yeah, it'd be nice if by the end we had some.
Damn, exterminators are really, they keep themselves hidden.
Well, I think, first of all, I wonder if that's a dying game.
I don't think so, man.
Is it running the family?
Because a lot of times you'd be like, you know, my dad was a fireman, I'm a fireman.
And then the third kid is like, I'm not, I'm just, Fat or whatever, yeah, true, yeah, no, that's but there's always that lineage, you know, like I love hot dogs, my dad loved hot dogs, yeah, my son loves hot dogs, and then you have like breaks gay son, yeah, who really likes hot dogs, yeah,
the uh, dude, I think it's just like one of those, it's just one of those gigs, I think it's just like a get out of jail gig, and you know, you do it, especially if you like do it for yourself, that's what a lot of them it's just like, it's a business you can get into, it's like cleaning, you can run a you can start a cleaning company pretty easily, it's very low overhead, a lot of strippers do it, yeah, that's actually a great, yeah, it's a great move.
And it's like a re entry program into.
I've hung out with a lot of strippers, and me even made out in their cars sometimes.
That's all.
And you'll have like a mop handle coming across your shoulder and shit.
That's when you know they're on the ascension.
Oh, yeah.
You see that, and you're like, this is actually a good sign.
This lady's got her act together.
Hop in, there's a nine month old in the car seat, you're like, bad sign.
This lady needs a mop.
He's sleeping on a pack of Swiffer replacement covers.
I tried my hand at stripper dating.
It wasn't, you know, I had nothing against them, I just wasn't cut out for it.
It was.
A little too rough and tumble for me.
You have to be a boss.
You have to also work late hours.
To be a stripper's boyfriend, you are working, they're working late hours.
You have to be up when they get home.
Dude, my sister had a friend that was a stripper, right?
Yes.
And she would come over to our house and shit, and her and my sister were always fighting and stuff.
And then she stole our vacuum one time, right?
Trying to break into the industry.
Velissa, that was her name.
Velissa, which isn't even a name.
Velissa.
You're like, what name is it?
Valissa?
That is a crazy name.
It is crazy, dude.
And so, anyway, she stole her vacuum.
Dude, two years later, I'm at like one of these real fancy parties where they have a woman pop out of the cake or whatever.
Like, you know, the thing you kind of see on TV, like they actually had a girl pop out of the cake.
They had two cakes and two girls pop out of them.
And like it was a big birthday for this guy.
And they were strippers, right?
And one of them was the woman.
Whoa.
It was Verissa.
Who had stolen our vacuum, dude.
And so guys are tipping her and shit.
And I'm just fucking like waiting.
I'm just in the back, just like just making vacuum sounds and shit and fucking locking on her.
That's fucked up to take someone's vacuum, too.
That could really throw a household under quick.
And me and my sister were on our last limb as neighbors, dude.
And we lived under this family that was like very heavy boned.
Yeah.
I mean, they're stomping.
Yes.
And they were beating each other.
Like, I think there was domestic abuse.
Yikes.
And I would call the police all the time on them.
I've called the police.
I've always called the police a lot since I was a child.
But yeah.
I would call the police all the time.
And I'd be like, he has a gun.
That's what I would say every time.
That's good.
They get right there.
They're right there.
Yeah.
If you're like, hey, he's beating this woman, one of his kids, he fucking tied his kid to a tree outside or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He just put a bunch of crow food on his kid's shoulders and tied him to a tree outside.
Never.
They don't get, yeah, they're not going to shoot.
Gun is, that's the code.
That's the fast path.
Because they want the action, dude.
They do.
They love it.
And, well, they get like cred.
If a cop takes a gun off the street, that's something they get like accolades for.
Bringing a guy's like just socked his wife in the stomach.
Nobody, your sergeant doesn't like pat you on the back.
If you get a gun, that's like a cop, like Pac Man pellet.
That like takes you further in your journey.
Yeah.
That's a bit.
That's like literally a metric for cops.
How many guns you get and all that stuff.
Were you almost on the force ever?
No, my wife was a cop.
So I got to like observe secondhand.
Dude, I thought so hard about becoming a cop, but I couldn't, I wasn't able to do it.
That's right.
Your wife was a cop, huh?
Yeah, I was selling weed, so I couldn't become a cop.
But you guys met, dude.
We met before.
Yeah, we were before that.
But she was a cop when you met her?
No, she wasn't a cop.
She just surprised me one day.
I was like, I think I'm going to become a police officer.
And I was like, she was a cop now?
No, no.
She did it for like five years.
Was she ever a cop?
She was for five years in Philadelphia.
Okay.
Fuck.
That's being a cop, dude.
Yeah, dude.
She was on foot patrol and everything.
She was in not the best area for sure in Philly.
Was it north?
No, she was in south, like Grays Ferry ish.
So it's pretty rough.
A lot of areas there.
Yeah.
It was like gangs.
There were some gangs there for sure.
It was like an old Irish neighborhood of pretty hardcore white trash.
And then it was like black gangs.
It's not a good mix.
Cops got to watch videos too of all the bad stuff that happened.
You get an email of like.
Like a 14 year old got shot up in a deli last night.
It's just lively.
It's like the video.
It's like, I don't know why they make them watch that stuff.
Dude, well, Twitter makes us all watch all that.
Yeah, true.
True.
Dude, I'm not a cop.
That's what I'm going to start fucking replying to some of these Twitter feeds.
Send this to the authorities.
I wake up in the middle of the night for some reason, turn on my phone.
Next thing I've seen seven people get massacred outside of some, like, outside of like a car dealership and outside of Tijuana or something.
I'm like, what portal of hell did I just take myself to?
Dude, X is crazy now.
I remember like, So, I remember when it was Twitter, it was like, there's too much censorship.
And I'm like, yeah, dude, like, let me see the real shit.
Now I'm kind of like, let's go, let's censor this heavily again.
I can't even go on X anymore.
I get all like race baiting, kind of like race war propaganda, where it's like, can you believe the, it's just nonstop.
Huh.
You know, you watch it and you're like, you get the race war propaganda?
Yeah, dude.
I get like lots of like, I get a lot of like white supremacy stuff.
Yeah, I swear to God, I don't even like, I don't like or share that.
They want you back.
They know you have a black wife.
They want me back.
They want me, man.
They're trying to break me out of that.
But it's just like, yeah, it's rough.
I'll be like watching, trying to scroll next to my wife, and it'll be like a guy screams the N word.
I'm like, oh, what was that?
I'm like, oh, some fucking video.
I'm going back to Instagram.
It's just a guy screaming the N word again.
I'm like, oh, shit.
My X feed's just completely bonkers.
Dude, Elon should do better than that.
He should want better than that for society, I feel like.
Yeah.
You know, I think there's a lot of smut.
It's just trash.
It feels like trash, honestly.
Yeah.
I think there was a spot where it felt like, I mean, I guess there's still some good video and stuff on there.
You'll see, like, I'll see, like, some good political stuff on there.
Um, but I do feel like outside of that, it's losing, I feel like it's kind of starting to lose its vibe.
I think so.
It will, it's, then you, when you read the news, it's like this now valued at 90 trillion dollars.
And, like, how?
How the f why is this worth so much money now?
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe, you know, if you do flood it with porn and like violence, it does make a bazillion dollars.
So good business wise, you might be crushing it.
But I, it's, I had a, I've stepped off of X.
Yeah.
I can't.
I just can't watch it.
It's too much.
It's too much.
Yeah.
I'm trying to go to bed.
I'm trying to drown myself to sleep.
I'm trying to have a decent life fucking killing animals in my backyard.
Yeah.
Only when necessary.
Yeah.
And what is funny too, like, yeah, you're like trying to, you know, I want to live in a safe neighborhood.
Then you're just watching just people being shot in the face and you're like, why am I doing this in my safe house?
This is crazy.
Dude, it's, we're at a point for sure.
One of the biggest things I'm noticing are for myself that I notice.
We're at a point.
What the fuck am I talking about?
That's insane.
We might be at a point.
Let's see.
Yeah.
Where like I have to control what comes into me, man.
And if I don't, then that's my fucking fault.
Yeah, it's true.
You know?
Now, the algorithm, the people that make the algorithm should be able to be held liable if, like, someone goes and does a crime based on, like, them feeding them, like, the same type of bullshit.
Like, somebody goes and shoots out a place because they got indoctrinated into some really strong and, like, sadistic beliefs or something because the algorithm fed them that.
I think that those people should be held liable.
Yeah, man.
Or it's tough.
Case by case is tough because it's like, well, how do you, like, in court, obviously, like, the moral thing, yeah, but, like, A lawyer, like Facebook's lawyers, will just shred that and be like, oh, he's watching that and this and that.
They'll get out of that.
But I agree.
It's like, I think, didn't they just rule against Facebook now?
Being like, yeah, what was it?
I think a thing came against them being like, yo, you guys, kind of like they did with cigarettes, where they're like, yeah, dude, this shit's bad.
You knew it was bad.
You gave it to people.
Now you got a fork.
Here you go, right here.
A jury has ordered Meta and Google to pay $3 million to a 20 year old woman who alleged that she became addicted to Instagram and YouTube as a child.
Fucking damn.
Shit.
All right.
Everyone else get on that train.
Jurors found the company's liable for product design features that harmed her mental health.
The plaintiff, Kaylee GM, testified that the apps replaced her hobbies and contributed to anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphia.
Yeah.
Bro, they have about 2 billion lawsuits coming about the same.
Like, that's.
It says it right here.
The case is the first of thousands targeting big tech over addiction.
To reach trial, a bellwether to assess how other claims could be resolved.
Well, this is apparently from what I heard long ago a lot of these social media companies had people who designed slot machines consult with them to how to make their basically interface as addictive as possible.
You know, when you pull down and refresh and your phone kind of shakes a little bit, there's that little noise.
That's like slot machine technology somehow.
It's designed to get a little dopamine burst when it goes bump, and you're like, oh, yeah, new stuff.
And it's like, apparently, it's set up like that, where it's like, It's purposely designed to be maximally addictive.
And they did that on purpose.
Shit.
Yeah.
And it's like cigarettes.
They're like, ah, this is bad for you.
You know, now they're going to have to pay out.
They already have billions and billions of dollars.
They're going to have to just fork some of the billions.
Yeah.
It's worth it to them to continue to do it.
But, dude, remember the old school dopamine burst?
You'd see a bald eagle fly by.
That was the dopamine burst.
Yeah.
I remember those days.
Or even if it wasn't and somebody just said it was.
True.
Yeah.
You couldn't fucking see when you were a kid.
You're just staring up into the sky and just fucking pointing.
Dude, I do remember being younger before the internet and just like, it's like summer and I would just be like sitting outside and just like, I would just be able to kind of like stare off for a while and just like be like, this is nice.
And it's like, I can't even like take a shit now.
If I don't have my phone, I'm like, I need to be scrolling.
Yeah, when was the last time that we've daydreamed, you know?
I know.
It's tough.
You really do.
I have to like, on a plane, I can try to like force myself.
But then the whole time, I'm like, I can't believe I'm out of my phone.
I'm so cool right now.
I don't even daydream.
I just like pat myself on the back.
For not looking at my phone.
Yeah.
And then I go, you know what?
I'm going to look at my phone.
Everyone's looking at their phone.
Dude, or if you go to a restaurant, it used to be this is the craziest thing to think that someone could be in a restaurant by themselves.
Like 40 years ago, you could do that.
You could be in a restaurant by yourself, sitting at a table, and you wouldn't look insane.
That's true.
Now, without a phone, like now, if you see someone in a restaurant by themselves, just sitting there waiting for some people who are probably doing Coke.
To bring them their food, dude.
There's fucking no.
Dude, I do this.
When I go out, when I like I'm in a different city, I'll go out to dinner by myself and I'll pride myself and I'll sit there and just like waiting for some congratulations.
It never comes.
I just stare straight.
Like, you literally don't know what to do with yourself because it is that problem.
You're like, I can't stare straight ahead.
I'll try to look like kind of almost like I'm dreamily like, yeah.
And it's just nothing there.
Or I'll rearrange the silverware again, do that shit.
Play the shell game with like a fork.
Knife napkin, pork napkin.
Go to the bathroom really slow.
Oh, look at that.
Chick fil A is offering free ice cream to families who agree to put their phones away during their meal.
Bro.
As part of an effort to encourage more face to face time and less screen use at the table.
What are the exact rules with that?
Who's enforcing?
And dude, imagine if you cost your family the Chick fil A family meal just from one glance.
That's tough.
You would get in serious trouble.
You glance down at your phone just to see the bears.
Didn't get it done again.
You fucking cough.
Because a retarded guy blows a whistle at you.
Yeah.
They should have a dude, Chuck Filet, is his name.
It's just a black dude in there.
He's a straight chicken cop in there.
That would be a good job.
He's like, boom, got you.
Yeah, yeah.
Fork, $38.
Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck Filet.
Chuck Filet strikes again, dude.
Yeah, that's shit, man.
That's nice.
Chick-fil-A, it's, you know.
I like that.
I do too.
I like that.
If they're not on their phone, let me see.
The promotion is only offered at select Chick-fil-A locations by individual operators, not a company-wide program.
2016.
It originated in 2016 from a Georgia operator and has been revived locally at various times.
I like that, though.
I do too.
Yeah, dude.
There was just like.
Or just driving and thinking about shit.
Yeah.
I know.
Dude, your mind had so much time to like.
I think that's one reason we're more creative because our mind was able to just fucking create.
It was able to like.
The RAM wasn't always.
You know, your computer sends you that thing.
It's like your RAM is almost done.
You don't even know what your RAM is.
You're like, fuck, I better empty the RAM trash.
I gotta clean this out.
I need to defragment.
I still don't know what that is.
Yeah, no, dude, it's that's really, it's like, you know, because you have sleep, your brain gets to rest, but that like downtime.
Your brain does do stuff.
Like, it kind of organizes things when you just kind of chill out.
Because that's, I like when you're on your phone, you know, when you read something on your phone, you don't remember any of it.
Because as you're reading, when you're on your phone, every button and thing you're moving is like, it's a problem solving part of your brain.
So, like, you're trying to, you know, you want your memory to be active.
Brain Organization While Chilling Out00:03:55
So, you're like, you know, reading, like, information's coming.
You have so much coming at you.
Like, the part of your memory that can store information along to the short term is like a tiny little bucket in your brain.
So, it only fits so much when you're like hitting buttons and going up and down, this and that.
It just gets, it's like splashing a ton of water in a tiny bucket.
Everything spills out.
I never remember anything.
I research stuff on my phone all the time.
And then I go, like, I'll be like, how many carbs do you need to be in keto?
I'll read a whole article on it.
And like a day later, I'll be like going to tell someone about it.
And I'm like, I don't know.
You need like only a little.
I can never retain anything.
Well, dude, if somebody wants to tell me something these days, I'm like, dude, I can look at information and we all have it now.
I know.
Like somebody used to have the information.
Like you had to go down the street.
Yeah.
You had to get molested by a guy.
Yeah.
That was the price you paid.
Just to figure out how to, like, you know, grow bougainvilleas in your backyard.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
No, it's true.
Now I can just take a picture of a plant.
It's like, this is the plant you're growing.
I do it all the time.
And I'll be like, is this good?
When can I harvest this?
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
It's actually, I do kind of like that.
But you'll just take a picture and you'll do what?
Put it in a, like, perplexity or something?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like Grok and be like, yeah, when can I pull this garlic?
But it's not surefire.
And Grok's like, have you eaten?
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Ready to Meet Somebody New00:15:02
I personally am not worried about AI.
Like, people are like, it's going to end the world.
It's going to, it's like, I don't, I don't worry.
I don't think it is, honestly.
And if it, the thing is, like, if it does, what are you really going to do?
Right.
All these, a lot of people are doing this, like, I'm just not using it because it's like, I just feel like it's such a weird, it's like, it's a computer.
Like, it's not, you can, you can destroy a computer easily.
They keep saying, wait, but it'll like self build itself so you can.
It's not, I don't think it's a real threat whatsoever.
You know, I started to think it definitely could be like the Y2K thing.
Remember that?
Yes.
Yeah.
I remember that.
Everybody was like forcing their like cousins to admit they were f or whatever because God wasn't going to want them after midnight or anything like all that shit, you know?
Or it was like, don't say you're a f before midnight or whatever, you know?
Or God won't let you in or whatever.
There was like all that kind of like those email chains or send this to 10 people that aren't f.
You get those type of email chains.
Like, what is this shit, dude?
But yeah.
Because they were trying to catch fat or whatever.
I think Bush Sr. was doing that.
But anyway, that was crazy, bro.
Everybody thought Y2K was going to end it.
And then people thought the dot com boom.
People bought, like, remember a guy bought, like, shoes.com and then he sold it for like $270 million.
And we were all buying different dot coms.
People were making up crazy dot com names.
I tried to get a couple.
Did you?
Yeah, I didn't get anything good, honestly.
I don't even remember.
I think I sold them off right away or just, they're probably just dead.
They expire too if you don't keep refreshing them.
Yeah, I didn't find anything good.
I watched a soft white underbelly.
This has been cracking me up for like a month.
There was a guy who was similar to that lawsuit.
He was going on being like, I had too much internet at a young age and it had a bad effect on me.
And he was like going out and compulsively doing like gay acts.
But he was like, I'm not gay.
I just got like, you know, it was the internet.
And the thing that got him into it was gay.com, which just made me laugh so hard.
Just as a young kid, just hitting gay.com.
Your whole life just sober.
Everything changes from gay.com.
Hey, bud.
Getting caught in fifth grade on gay.com, I would have been done, dude.
Two older brothers catching gay.com out of his fry, dude.
Oh, that would have been crazy, huh?
Are you going up to your room?
You're going to get on gay.com.
Gay.com.
That's a billion dollar hashtag, not hashtag, hyperlink, whatever people got.
Gay.com.
Gay.com is so good.
That's still worth money.
For sure.
Gay.com to send it to your buddy.
Dude, hilarious.
You can change the hyperlink.
There's a way you can do that.
Oh, man.
Dude, buffhomos.com was one of my favorite ones.
Ari Man is his comedian and he started a website called buffhomos.com.
Did he really?
Yeah, see if it's still active or not.
I bet he pays.
Buffhomos.com is great.
What's he doing with it?
He didn't want to.
Oh, it just goes to his website.
Which I think he should change that.
But maybe not actually.
All he'd have to do is if he put like one good buff gay guy.
Well, he was doing it.
And his fucking management told him not to do it.
He couldn't curate buff homos?
Yeah, they're like, you know, it's just kind of like that's why nobody should have a fucking manager.
Yeah, that's a billion dollar idea.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
If you're not a fucking pussy.
So, his managers had to sit him down and be like, about buffhomos.com.
Yeah.
But then they told him to make that his landing page, basically.
Yeah.
A non buff homo on there.
And I love Ari.
Ari's open for me a bunch over the years.
He's a great man.
He's a great comedian and he's a great dude.
Clearly, business genius too.
Buffhomos.com is so good.
Bro, and he would send me the pictures of buff homos and stuff.
And it was like, he would get his friends that owed him favors.
He would give them stage time if they modeled for it.
So, that was the best part.
So, you had like, Guys like Steve Fury, just different comedians who were like kind of door guys at the store, but were also growing good comedians, like Craig Connett.
And he would have them just modeling fucking like just regular dudes.
But when you put them under the banner of Buff Homos, it's crazy.
You put a banner over something, you see a picture of a regular dude with his shirt off.
You're like, okay, maybe that guy's trying to get in the military or whatever.
And then they write Buff Homos above it.
You're like, oh, this changes everything.
I mean, okay, so his manager was probably worried about the fallout of being like, is it true that you tricked?
Young comics into stage time for modeling for buff homos.com.
First of all, I think some of them knew what was going on.
It's true, for sure.
They're all buddies.
But yeah, that's a good lose a bet kind of thing.
Like you lose the bet.
Playing poker for like buff homos of the week.
I had a website called totalcreeper.com for a while.
Did you really?
Yeah, this was a long time ago.
And I would just find total fucking creepers and just take pictures of them and put them on that bitch.
You didn't do it.
I did those early websites on the internet.
There was mullet.com.
That was great.
Yeah.
Mullet.com is good.
There was cameltoe.org.
People would just snap cameltoe shots and like play.
No, I'm sure that one was that.
Yeah, that one was a little bit of an invasion of privacy, obviously, but I remember as a young man being pumped on cameltoe.
Yeah, what was a good one?
Oh, there was like that.
Is there a way to look at Total Cry?
Is there a way to find that in the analogs of anything, guys?
Yeah, Web Archive might have it.
No.
No, this wasn't my shit.
That's Tumblr.
That's a UK female.
Yeah, that's Tumblr.
Do you remember Tumblr?
That shit was weird.
Tumblr was crazy, dude.
I never got into it personally, but I knew a girl who, like, was her big thing curating a Tumblr of just lightly pornographic content.
It was just like a sex Tumblr.
It was crazy.
Oh, dude.
There was, like, one, like, girls in panties getting out of cars or whatever.
And fuck, dude.
Something about it, dude.
But in panties, not like thong, not trashy, fucking, you know.
No, dude.
We're rare that we can still, we're JPEG heads.
We're one of the last who have beaten it to a still image.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
Like, not a lot of people can say that.
Yeah.
Dude, you're right.
I remember the fucking like, I used to come home from church on Sundays and grab the newspaper, pop out the Kohl's catalog, straight to the underwear section, lock the door in the bathroom.
God.
45 minute sesh.
Dude, I used to rub some of the, like, I would rub like a thing.
This is fucking crazy.
I should never say this because I'll never have a wife after this, but I would rub like a picture of like if they had a model, like an underwear model, I'd rub it under my arms because sometimes it would kind of smell like a little bit like that.
And it'd jerk off too.
You would stank it up.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll just kind of stank it up.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think my mom got it.
My mom, that's actually really good.
You think it's a good idea?
To stank it up?
Yeah.
Yeah, I never thought about that.
Thanks, man.
I'm kind of ashamed of it.
I think that's actually pretty cool.
Now, the problem is you're crossing wires because you're going to catch, like, you're going to be out working out one day, catch some of your own funk and be like, God damn, I better come under there.
Start fucking eating out your armpit.
Oh, that's insane, dude.
That's the line.
No worries.
I had a buddy that did that, that we catch him doing it at night.
No.
Sleepovers.
Really?
Because he had like hair under his arm and he would kind of get his tongue around the corner of his pectoral.
Ah, that's fucking weird.
And get him a little nibble.
Just fucking.
Get your little nibble, Danny.
Pretty impressive.
You nibbling your arm, pussy.
Huh, Ricky?
Okay, this is it.
Yeah, are there any still on here?
Total Creeper is sick.
But yeah, people were supporting, people were sending this shit in.
This is good shit.
Sending the creepers in is awesome.
My great aunt died and there are two zombie jokers showed up to the burial and said they were friends of hers, but no one knew these two.
What do you think?
But that's Total Creepers.
That's a really good one.
It was good, dude.
Damn, dude.
What did that say?
Lamp Man.
This guy and I were at the same full service car while she was yelling into his phone about a mortgage.
What do you think?
Yeah, I miss the imagination, bro.
Yeah.
I miss like seeing a girl smile at you like on a Friday at school or give you some sign of like, maybe she even just like asked you to go throw some trash away for her or something.
That would have been awesome.
I would have loved to do that.
Totally.
And then you're thinking all week and you're like, fuck, she's thinking about me.
Yep.
I'm going to start working out.
You start making like, like we would like chisel like weights out of like wood and shit and try to like get pumps.
Yeah.
And we didn't know that it had to weigh a real amount.
We were like, oh, it just has to look like weights.
And just dumb shit.
But then Monday, you'd be like, oh, she fucking hates me again.
But there was just that couple day period where there was no phone to see that she was having a blast or that she was like, her family was rich or whatever, had a boat or whatever.
You just laid at home in your fucking poor bed thinking, yeah.
Just imagine her.
Yeah, it was actually, I genuinely, I know people say this all the time, but I do feel bad for like younger kids.
Have you gotten into like the clavicular stuff?
I see this stuff.
Looks maxing and all that stuff.
So he did an interview with Andrew Callahan recently I watched, and I've watched a lot of his stuff, but there's like this world of guys that are like, you know, looks maxing is like your only hope in life is to become as attractive as possible.
But now they're doing these things where like injecting a bunch of peptides.
These are like young, like, you know, like early 20s.
Go on TRT, you're hitting the peptides.
And, you know, the thing that gets like sensationalized is like you kind of tap your jawbone with a hammer because, like, it's called like bone hammering or whatever.
So you like kind of do micro fractures.
Dude, it's crazy.
And he, I watched an interview.
He said, like, oh man, like that's really nothing.
But that's all like what, yeah, bone smashing is a dangerous non scientific social media trend, primarily popular on TikTok and within look smaxing subcultures that involves intentionally inflicting blunt force trauma on facial bones to alter their structure.
Proponents falsely claim that repeatedly breaking or bridging bones with hammers, bottles, or hard objects.
Will cause him to heal in a more chiseled or masculine shape.
If that's the case, everybody in Stockton would be fucking beautiful.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, true.
Everyone's been fucking hit in the face.
Everybody's been fucking hit by bottles and shit.
Yeah, well, the thing is, it's like, you know, a lot of it's just internet stuff, but there is the underlying philosophy where it's like, you know, the die has been cast for you.
And if you're not like, you know, super attractive or like, as a, you know, it's like guys are kind of becoming girls now where it's like, I just got to be prettier.
And it's like, there's a, it's called the bone structure hierarchy.
To where, like, the way your bone structure is, that kind of determines your whole fate as a person.
And if you don't ascend, you'll become this, like, it's just like sad and very bleak and, like, this, like, I don't know, this, like, really nihilistic thing where it's just like, dude, you can just be a dude.
You don't have to be like, I need to ascend.
I need to ascend so I can mog and blah, blah, blah.
It's just, I feel bad.
I mean, I think a lot of kids at least joke about it.
But I was watching that interview and I'm like, man, this is like a really sad way to live.
Just being like, my suborbital is not maximal and blah.
It's like, dude, you're a guy.
Who cares?
Just, And what is mogging?
That's the problem.
Yeah.
Mogging is like, so you can be height mogged.
You can be frame mogged.
If you're like someone's bigger than you and you stand, if they take a picture with you and they're looking bigger, you've been mogged.
Okay.
If they're taller than you, you've been height mogged.
You know, there's, and there's like, you can go any dimension of like whatever you have.
So cock, somebody could be cock mogging you.
Somebody could be.
That's the worst mog.
If you get cock mogged, dude, that's fucking tough.
Yeah.
Cause I'd be hitting mine with a hammer.
Look at the fucking jaw bones on this little cock.
Like, damn, that thing's small.
You're like, Yeah, but look at that fucking smile on it.
Which is brutal.
I know girls do that.
They take pictures together and there's a lot of like very hyper specific comparison where they're like, look at my knees and her.
It's like this is now like younger guys, I think, are starting to do that to some degree, becoming very aware and conscious of like, he's taller than me in that photo.
It's like, you're fine.
I don't know.
That kind of freaks me out.
We can't have both people doing that.
He got frame mugged.
He took a picture.
That's clavicular.
And he got frame mugged because the guy stood next to him was bigger and it was just.
That's like now you descend.
You were ascending and now he descended a little bit.
Damn.
It's.
And does clavicular.
I mean, that guy also looks like.
He looks like a fucking GNC store.
So the other guys.
So that's the ASU frat guy.
The guy in the black is clavicular.
Yes.
Yeah.
So that guy.
Yeah.
It's.
That's just.
It looks unnatural, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, dude.
Well, that first of all, the guy on the right looks fucking insane, dude.
He honestly looks like a fucking good.
Like, kind of a trill lesbian, no cap, bro.
No cap, dog.
BLM, you know what I'm saying?
You're wearing a like bra shirt or whatever.
What are you doing?
And also, you know, it started all that was Lar, Lar, uh, Lar Jamolo Ball, dude.
It was whatever, uh, that dude wearing that bra or whatever.
Remember, he was shooting that fadeaway, no, no, was he wearing a bra?
Yeah, him and uh, SGA were like just gooning around after it.
Oh, I think that, I think I.
Well, this is what was that?
I don't know.
When I was growing up, mixed dudes wasn't fucking mixed dudes had enough.
That's what you're talking about.
What the fuck is that about?
No, that's not it.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
I'm saying that's crazy.
That's wild.
You don't, when do you need just that much of a shirt?
Yes, take it.
Yeah, you don't need it at all.
Yeah, like you hit a gross spurt or whatever, dude.
Well, dude, the sad thing about like the, you see that guy?
That's like a very bizarre frame.
With all like the peptides and like filters and all this stuff, that's what's garnering all the attention, like especially for women, like your lips have to look all, people are becoming literally artificial beings.
And it's like, dude, it sounds like a really complicated thing.
It's just, I think about this all the time.
There's this thing called supernormal stimuli, which is like, say, you know, it's not as crazy as it sounds.
So, like, say they did these studies where they had these butterflies and like the male butterflies that they saw a female that was a shade of purple, the more purple the butterfly was, That was the more attractive they were.
And the butterflies would go mate with those butterflies.
The scientists made a shade of purple that wasn't able to be produced by the natural butterflies.
That was like such a deep purple.
The butterflies would just lay on this piece of cloth and just die.
And I feel like that is happening to people in some regard where people are like, especially women are making themselves into these like artificial things.
And now guys are matching.
And it's just, I don't know, it freaks me out.
It's like they're chasing an aesthetic that's not natural and it's not attainable.
And they're using all these like scientific methods.
A lot of women, if women have those lip injections, dude, I'm out.
Yep.
If women put on too much lip, like if it's a little bit, I can get, right?
But if it's just fucking dumb, dude, like your lips look like they've been eaten or whatever.
Women Making Artificial Things00:02:32
Yeah, dude.
No, I'm telling you that.
And there's also a fine line of plastic surgery where it almost all ends in the same exact look.
There's like a fully constructed face that you're like, oh, it's just like plastic surgery face.
I just feel bad because, you know, you're obviously insecure.
Everybody is.
And then you do all this work and you're like, oh, my nose looks better.
This looks better.
And then it's like, And I have this like look that I look like I'm a clone or something, yeah, dude.
Some it's just too much, yeah.
And then also, if a girl puts on so much lip gloss, bro, I'm like, it just like it's almost like you're saying it's like it's too much of the purple color, it's like it's too juicy, yes.
No one's lips are this juicy, like I feel.
And it's, I just feel bad because oh, this I've seen this for sure.
That one is, I'm not what he's wearing.
That's a rough look, he's wearing a jersey bra, he's wearing a jersey bra.
Look at this.
Yeah, that's.
I mean, what is going on?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Having a good time.
Yeah, that's a good point, man.
No, but that's, yeah, I saw that.
That's, you know, that's one of those videos.
You're like, dang, did I really look like that during that?
Still smiling.
That was a good.
No, and that guy's a boss, dude, too.
And honestly, if he's one of the, if any of these guys ended up being gay fellas or whatever.
Yeah.
And being one of the best to ever do it, good for them.
Exactly.
Gives a shit.
Gay Jordan.
Gay Jordan would be nice.
Just that light, that slightly lighter lift off the, that'd actually be kind of sick to watch.
Fly.
Floating.
Floating.
Ooh.
I just, I feel bad for like, you know, because you have, they get like preyed upon because you're on social media and it's just nothing but before and afters, before and afters, before and afters.
And you just go after that and you get like, you can get like permanently disfigured.
And it's just, you know, it's just, I don't know, something strikes me.
It's like evil to do that.
Well, there's a lot of stuff now too where it's like, you know, the peptide, like all that stuff.
A lot of it, there's not a ton of research done on it.
We just started fucking hearing about it.
Yeah.
And everybody started using it.
I know.
And there was, dude, I remember I was with a girl one night in her car.
And I was trying to make out or something.
I don't remember.
But we were sitting in there talking, and she's like, Yeah, I got to leave in like two hours to go down to Tijuana to get some Ozempic.
It's just cheaper down there.
Really?
Yeah.
Dude, they busted a woman outside of a vineyard vine selling illegal Ozempic.
Oh, bro.
Yeah.
That's because you start going to the doctor, and then they all start talking to each other, and one of them gets it off the internet.
Yeah, there's, dude, so many of them are doing it, taking the jab.
And it is kind of because you do get it.
Like, you can go to a doctor, but it's like, it's kind of expensive.
And all it takes is one of them being like, I got this website.
Evil Peptides with Little Research00:04:42
I'll get it.
I'll inject you.
And then it's like, Does this person know what they're doing?
Where did they really get that?
What is this stuff?
And it's, I'm so freaked out about putting anything into my body.
I like can't do it.
I'll take like a new vitamin and I'm like, I feel kind of weird today.
That's me.
I'm being a bitch, but it's like, I really am like.
But that's Irishness, I think, as well.
I think so.
You guys operate best on beer and stuff like that.
I think so.
Basic whiskey beer.
Complete basics.
Yeah.
Adding to, I've, I took the one, it was like a pill form that you just take it for your stomach.
And I think it helped.
I didn't really notice much, but the needles, man, I'm like, I get just too scared.
I have one in my fridge.
I can't do it.
I'm like, yeah, I'm supposed to help you sleep and burn fat.
And I look at it and I go, nah, I'm not doing that.
Just sits there.
I'm scared of the needle.
I won't do it.
I won't do it.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Save that bitch in case things get crazy.
Shoot it into one of your fucking plants.
True.
Dude, if you started peptiding your fucking plants, dude, next thing you know, you have like 11 blackberries in your yard, dude.
That would be nice.
But yeah, we can each have, my whole family can each have like three apiece.
That'd be awesome.
How good are radishes, though?
You mentioned radishes.
Radishes, man, they grow so easy and they're good.
They can get a little spicy here and there, but those ones were rewarding because this is the thing, too.
I tried to grow on carrots.
Dude, the carrot green's this big.
I pulled the carrot out.
I'm not lying.
It's this fucking big.
So that kind of hurts.
You wait three months.
Then you just got to take it out and throw it on the ground and just let it kind of decompose.
Radishes just rip, man.
You can grow radishes anywhere.
Those bowls, those like potatoes, radish, I think those things are pretty easy.
Yeah, those tubers or whatever they're called.
I think potatoes are tuber.
Radish, I don't know what the hell.
Like root vegetables.
I guess.
Yeah, root vegetables.
They grow pretty good, man.
My grandma used to have them all in her cellar back in the day.
They'd have a lot of senior citizens who would have them in their cellars and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Keep a lot of root vegetables in there.
I love radishes, though.
They've kind of disappeared for a while.
Yeah.
You would see them kind of like shaved up, like they'd fucking been literally like somebody had terrorized them and put them on like little salads, kind of cheese.
I've seen that, like shredded radish.
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
I feel like Mexican food brought them back into my life.
Ooh.
Because I would see them on the tacos, and at first, I'd be like, what the fuck, I'm not eating.
And then I started eating them.
I'm like, damn, these things are pretty good, actually.
You get a fucking spicy radish, though, bro.
Put a little bit of salt on it.
Yeah, man.
They're good.
Ooh.
They're good.
And there's something, I mean, just pulling it out of the ground, washing it off, and eating it.
It's just, there's something awesome about that.
You ever pulled one right out and just washed it right there and eat it in the yard?
I'd have to wash it first.
So I usually bring it inside, but I'd like to.
I feel like those, I've picked them off.
I picked berries off a bush and eaten them.
But the radish, I'd never pulled them out of the dirt and eaten them.
No.
Do that.
I should, actually.
I have left a little bit of dirt on before when washing it.
I'm like, it's got to be minerals and shit in here.
I don't believe all that eating the dirt propaganda, dude.
You can eat dirt for sure.
I wouldn't have a ton.
I mean, it depends on what area.
Just the dust.
True.
Yeah.
True, true.
True.
My soil's pretty good.
That's the thing, too.
You got to build a whole little colony in your soil.
Because if you just dump soil out of a bag, it's not living.
How many square feet is your garden?
Oh, man, not a lot.
It's probably like 40 total, if that.
And then I have a little thing outside my fence that gets like full sun all day.
That's probably another like, I probably have like 50, 60 square feet total.
It's small.
Do you have to water in the morning and evening, or how does it work?
I do in the summer, yeah.
Do you have to water pale or use the hose?
I have the hose.
And I have like some sprinklers now.
I got to hook them up.
But I just kind of water them though, twice a day, depending on how hot it is.
If it's like super hot, that's twice a day.
Put some mulch down to keep the roots from getting scorched.
So it's just, it's nice, man.
Especially like, yeah, when you just see a new little bud pop off your plant, it's just such a, I come out in the morning and I'm like, oh, it's just a nice little treat.
Yeah.
And you're kind of like an orchestra conductor.
Yeah, man.
Nature.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool.
You got to be patient.
You got to wait.
And it's like, dude, I planted garlic six months ago.
I might have some like in three weeks.
And it's just like, just like a thing that's like good, that's growth.
You know what I mean?
That's like, you know, because otherwise, I've had a lot of times in life where I just have nothing to look forward to.
And you're just like, whatever.
And every day I'm like, well, I'll have my berries eventually.
Two years, I have like things that are going to take like two years to grow.
And I'm like, man, two years is going to be sick.
Dude, I like that.
I'm telling you, it's really good for you.
I've been wondering if there was ever a time when you were with your family and your car broke down because I've been there and I remember my, the car was broke down and I stood off.
I walked off from that thing.
I said, I ain't even being with y'all anymore.
Just, just didn't even want to be by my family.
Dang it.
Helping Men Recover from Porn00:02:29
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Tools for a Healthier Sex Life00:10:21
Well, you know what?
Recently, I started to get up earlier and do like just really just start to take some control over my own life more.
Yeah.
Like, and it's just helped me so much, man.
It's helped me to like, I don't know, everything else just feels like more possible.
It's like, oh, I'm caring about what I'm doing here, you know?
Yeah.
Like, it hasn't been like every day has been perfect, but just like over the past month, it's gotten like, let me see what I'm trying to say.
Like, so I'll get up and I'll like do some yoga, workout, meditate, hit an AA meeting or something.
And then I'm like, it's like 10 a.m. and now I'm, but, and the rest of my day is mine, right?
Like, I don't have work and shit to do.
But I just feel like, like, the more I'm investing in myself or things like that, it's like, it feels good.
Dude, it's, yeah, it's unbelievable.
Cause otherwise, it's like, what is moving your life?
And you don't, you know, you're just kind of being blown about.
I do that all the time where I'm just kind of like, you have to make your life mean something.
Exactly.
I think when you're a kid, you come out of this time where you're like, oh, there's all these things that I get to get put into and there's somebody putting you into shit.
You don't even realize it.
Like, you're, all this stuff happens and you're just in, but you, like, We kind of lose that as we get older.
You know, I mean, I know work comes along and family comes along, but it's like, yeah, you have to always feel like, oh, life has to make it.
No, you have to make it.
Yeah, dude, it's like 100% true.
That's actually fair.
I never thought about that too, because you do get thrown into school.
And yeah, you're just like, well, I guess someone will throw me into a job.
And then you just kind of just like drift along.
And it's like, I'll do that for like stretches of time.
And then like, I'll just, something will happen where I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
And it just is a really bad feeling where I'm like, what am I doing with myself?
And then yeah, waking up and being like, I'm gonna do this at this time.
I'm going to work out.
I'm going to do this.
Dude, it really does make your life feel so much better.
It's like a, even if you get up like a half an hour early.
Yeah.
Just like, just get up and like go for a walk.
Otherwise, yeah, that's, that's a feeling that I get like really free.
Like, that'll really like bring me to a bad place when I realize I'm just being blown about.
Yeah.
By the whims of whatever forces are around me.
Especially as time goes on, dude.
I went to your birthday party.
That was fun, dude.
That was fun.
That was a fucking complete shock.
40th.
So you had no idea?
No clue.
Everyone was laughing at me.
Like, you didn't even Google the thing.
Like, my wife told me she was going to take me to an opera.
And then she did it.
It was actually, to her credit, it was a pretty good move.
She's like, we don't, we never do anything like that.
We never get dressed up.
And I was like, all right.
It was Boys in the Hood, the opera.
I didn't know.
I didn't know what the hell it was, man.
I was like, I didn't, everyone was laughing at me because, like, didn't you Google?
The opera wasn't even in town that weekend.
I'm like, I didn't look it up.
I was just showing up, man.
Dude, 84% of life's just showing up.
Yeah, man.
And I really can just be like, I don't look into things.
I realized that night, I didn't realize how little I truly look into things.
And I'll just be like, all right, I'll just come.
I don't research it.
I was talking to a lot of people that are like, I'd have to look at the seat chart to have to know where I'm sitting.
Yeah, that's whimsical, dude.
That's like an Irish hello or whatever.
I really do.
Dude, I just don't know what the fuck is going on.
I have no idea what's going on.
And just showing up and be like, oh, this will be cool.
I was like, I'll get to see an opera.
I've never seen that before.
Just waited.
Until it came.
And then, so I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I'm going to be in a dark room all night.
I was like, I'm going to just eat a little weed edible.
I'll be fine.
So I'm literally, she was like, all the tickets we got, we get to go meet the opera singers like before.
And I'm like, a meet and greet with the opera singers.
I'm like, sounds weird, but I'm like, yeah, I'm down to meet them.
This is kind of cool.
I'm super gullible.
And then, uh, so I'm like kind of stoned.
And I just like walk into this room being like, I remember the last thought I had was like, I wonder what opera singers are like.
I walk in and I saw my mother in law and I was like, what the hell?
Why is she here?
And then I saw someone I hadn't seen in like three years and I truly was like, Oh, I'm probably having a dream.
And I was like, this is not real.
And I kept looking around and like the noises kind of came back and I was like, surprised.
And I was like, what the fuck?
And then I got like angry.
I was furious at first.
I remember you telling me that.
Dude, I stood there and everybody was like, 150 people.
I'm like, kind of high on it.
I'm like, this is not, no, this is completely overwhelming.
Surprise.
And then, like, I'm looking around me and, like, what the fuck?
She made everyone wear tuxedos and shit for this?
And I'm just like, furious.
I forgot.
Furious.
Sorry.
I just felt like, oh, no.
And then I just kind of realized what was happening that I was frowning at 150 people.
And I had to, like, oh, hey, thank you, everybody.
And it took me like an hour and a half to, like, the shock to wear off.
I was fucked up.
But then, you know, eventually I was like, What was the anger about you thing?
Kind of.
Because I remember you telling me that, and that was fascinating.
And your wife was great, dude.
Like, she started like five months in advance.
I was like, don't forget.
Friday or whatever.
And I'm like, this Friday?
She's like, no, Friday in five and a half months.
But she would remind you every month.
And I was like, fuck.
And then once I said, I promise, I've said, I promise I'll be there.
I was like, fuck, I gotta be there.
But it ended up being great though.
It was a great night, dude.
I got to hang out with Tony.
There we are right now.
Adam Egitt, Joe DeRosa.
And is that your cousin?
Zach.
He works at the mothership.
Yeah, he was at the mothership for a while.
But yeah, dude, it was a good group though.
Dude, it was fun.
I got there.
Was just like, I don't even, I couldn't even place the anger at first.
I was just going, What the fuck?
And I was actually kind of looking forward to sitting in a dark room all night watching the, I was like, This will be crazy.
And then it was just like, What I was angry about was like, I don't really like a lot of attention.
So then I walked into just like a complete and total, just being like a wash in attention and like surprise.
And it just like, it pissed me off.
Yeah.
And then I was like, Oh, this is like a party.
This is nice.
It was, it literally took my brain a second to be like, So at first it wasn't even a party.
Cause you know what I mean?
Like my brain was like, These are just people looking at me.
I'm like, Why is this happening to me right now?
And then I was like, it came in in layers, and I'm like, oh, fuck, this is my 40th surprise party.
Because we did something two weeks before that.
So I was like, nice, I'm done.
So it took me, my brain was like lagging for like seconds.
And then, you know, I just had to walk around and be like, hey, thanks, say thanks, say thanks, you know, blah, blah, blah.
Thanks, Maxing.
Thanks, Maxing.
I was Thanks, Maxing.
Yeah, that is for sure.
I was Maxing.
Thanks, Maxing.
But dude, it would be so funny because I'd be talking like a comedian, and then there'd be just somebody who was randomly downstairs who was at the thing.
And it was a nice event, man.
It was like an event.
Dude, it really was.
And it was like a Thing with desserts, and there was, I think they even had like a duck or something.
They had great food.
They had, but then there would be also like just family members of somebody's like, I'm Matt's 11th cousin or whatever, you know?
Fire department, you know, just fucking.
I'm like, what is going on?
Yeah, one of my cousins I know I heard the next day kind of collared you and was like, let's get a photo right now.
Oh, I don't remember some things, but it was just like there was a lot of different things.
And you would get like, yeah, kind of Irishy looking guys and this and that, and then a fucking, you know, just somebody with Down syndrome who they said was Irish or whatever.
And then, even just down to a big freckle in a wheelchair, you know?
It just like, there was this deception of fucking McCuskas that had just been through it all, you know?
Some Civil War veteran was there, like, there was ghosts there.
Yeah, people were taken aback because that was only a small faction of my family.
So people that I knew would be like, because you would just see various mutations of me where you'd be like, that's got to be one of his cousins.
People were like really laughing about that all night, being like, I can literally spot every single one of your family members.
You guys all look exactly the same.
Dude, that would be the best if they had done a thing fine, Matt.
Family, like a wareswall, yes, and you had to like just find like amongst all the people there, you had to get like a signature from those 10 people.
That's kind of fun, actually.
But no, it was uh, it was cool, man.
I, I, you know, I always gave it up to Brittany.
I was like, man, it was very sweet of her, very nice, very impressive.
It was, it was just such a, it was like I said, it was like an event, it was like a massive event.
And it's you know, I'm always kind of like, I don't want to do anything, you know, blah blah blah.
So that was, it was nice.
I was like, I appreciated it, but it was a lot for me to take in, yeah, it's scary, dude.
Having a surprise experience is kind of scary, especially that magnitude, man.
That was like, that really like.
Threw me upside down because I'm going, like, you know, I don't like asking people to do anything.
You see people wearing tuxes, I'm going, oh, fuck.
So then my family hates dressing up.
So I'm like, fuck, they made them do that.
And, you know, I was just like, but it was cool.
It was awesome.
And you can, you can, can you still be drafted or not?
Oh, for the war?
I think they just bought, yeah, I think the war is a unique term.
Or the military.
Yeah.
The conflict.
Yeah, I think it's up to 42.
So if I'm, what are the requirements?
And they keep fucking making the age bigger, dude, dude.
Yeah.
42, dude.
There's a fucking, I got two good years in me.
Bro, you could be a colonel.
That'd be crazy.
I mean, I went to college.
At least I want sergeant.
Like, I'm not going in there as a grunt.
Yeah.
But actually, I'd kind of like to boss up as a grunt.
Got to be on time.
What are some of the army chants, dude?
You have to do some of those, probably.
Yeah.
It's like, I don't know what I've been told.
Yeah.
42 is not that old or whatever.
Welcome, America.
Army raises enlistment age to 42.
Yeah, they're pandering to me.
Eases marijuana restrictions, dude.
So you could have fucking, dude, it's just going to be a bunch of fucking thick trans kids on gummies out there.
Yeah.
Here was one of the problems.
Do you know that 70% of young Americans are unfit to serve in the military?
They couldn't serve in the military.
Yeah, I've heard that.
70%.
Yeah, that's no surprise, man.
That's sad.
That blew my mind.
Really?
Yeah, when I was a kid, I feel like it felt like 70% could serve in the military.
Yeah, for sure.
You had some kids in wheelchairs or something.
You had some black kids that were still sucking their thumb or something, even though they were like 19 and shit.
Still rocking, yeah.
Yeah, which is cool, but they weren't saying anything, but they weren't retarded.
So you got to pick a path.
But then you had like, yeah, one kid that would get sunburned bad.
He couldn't go.
You had that bee sting kid or whatever who was always a fucking piece of shit.
I'm down for them just doing like battle bots.
We're at the point now where it is ridiculous to just be like, yeah, we're going to just send a bunch of 18 year olds there to shoot each other.
It's like, that's like, it's just like, I said this before, it's like embarrassing.
Like, guys, for real, we're still doing this.
Let's do battle bots, solve it, see what's up.
Battle Bots Are Ridiculous Now00:03:34
Whoever wins gets, you know, whoever gets like pink slips.
Yeah, your buzzsaw flips my wedge and now you get the whole nukes back so I can destroy the world if I have to.
You know, if I want to get my way.
Yeah, I agree.
It's like, what are we to really be using?
I don't know, dude.
It's just fucking.
But there's a trick where it's like, yeah, you know what?
You're right.
Then some guy just blows up your city and you're like, I'm fucking blowing them up.
Fuck that.
Yeah, that's right.
So it's like, you know, I don't think it's escapable.
A major update to Army recruiting regulations this week raises the maximum age a recruit can join to 42 and removes a barrier to joining for recruits with a single legal conviction for marijuana or drug paraphernalia possession.
Nice.
The Army's previous limit was 35, though exceptions are occasionally made.
The higher age limit brings the army in line with other services' limit of 41 in the navy and 42 in the air force.
That's the weirdest of all.
And again, it's whoa, the fuck is that?
It's kind of shit.
I don't know.
I thought that was fucking Doug Stando for a second on the left.
Well, the uh, okay, secret double life of Christy Gnome's cross dressing husband, Brian, the pouting busty bimbo photos, and trove of explicit messages.
He could have that could have been a costume he was doing.
Yeah, I mean, let me see.
Is today revealed as a secret.
Cross dresser who dons gigantic fake breasts and pink hot pants to chat with online fetish models.
Ooh, that's the pornhole going wrong, man.
Yeah.
So you need to shut the laptop.
Once you're bimbifying yourself for webcam, is that what happened?
He was bimbifying himself?
Yeah, it looks like.
While his wife operated at the highest echelons of government, handling matters of national security in her recent role as DHS secretary, Brian Noem, 56, has been dressing up and paying adult entertainers to talk dirty.
The Daily Mail has reviewed hundreds of messages involving three women from the bimbification scene, where porn performers transfer themselves into real life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of.
Saline into the breath.
Oh, that's that was that's his that was his boobs basically from saline.
Yeah, so he pumped his he was he pumping his own tits full of that god.
Okay, he had no, he had balloons.
Okay, oh, Brian, an insurance mogul, can be seen squeezing into a flesh colored crop top with skin tight pink shorts.
Hold on, so those those tits were balloons with the nipple.
Oh, the knots mimic the nipples.
I mean, I'll get I'll at least shout them out on the nipple position.
That was that's pretty smart.
That was kind of nice.
Dang, bro.
What the fuck, dude?
What the fuck is going on?
Bro, that's nice for balloons.
I'll get, whoa, what the fuck?
Oh, man.
But he has that kind of glossy skin where he's fucking, you know what I'm saying?
That's a horny guy.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that that's kind of alpha to be that horny where you have balloon boobs like a fifth grader.
No, it sounds like what those fucking clavicular kids are going to be doing.
Putting fucking hacky sacks in their chest and shit.
Yeah, man, that is.
He sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least $25,000 via Cash App and PayPal.
But when the payments were delayed or failed to materialize, the chats would quickly turn sour.
Ooh, I bet I would.
If I paid fucking $25,000, look at my balloon tits, and you didn't.
You delayed on me, I turned sour.
Oh, dude.
So they kind of like put his stuff out there.
Yeah.
It's a sounding that somebody who spouses at that level has that kind of bad judgment.
Oh, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, bro.
I didn't know this was a thing, dude.
Yeah, I guess it is, dude.
Honestly, bro, all this shit makes me want to cut my own wiener off and just mail it to Africa, dude.
I'm not even joking, dude.
Cutting My Wiener Off and Mailing It00:10:46
I thought about that for years.
Cut my wiener off.
Cut my nuts off.
Yeah.
If they want it or just whatever you want.
You can do it.
Send them both.
But keep your nuts.
Is that okay?
Keep your tea going and stuff.
That would be too much.
Keep my fucking nuts.
Keep your nuts.
Let your nuts hang.
Yeah.
Chop off your unit and just keep everything.
And mail it to Africa.
Feed a person or two.
That'd be nice.
They grill that bitch up in a second, dude.
Munch that thing.
They get some fucking Tennessee wiener in the mail.
They would grill it.
I'd have to put mine on a toothpick and serve it at a party with others, but yeah.
I know, dude.
They'd be like, glizzy.
Glizzy.
What's a glizzy?
A fresh glizzy.
That is sad, man.
It's like, yeah, it's a, uh.
Way here.
The Uber driver.
He's like, we need a revolution.
You, podcast guy.
He was, but you didn't get pumped up.
Yeah.
No, he's trying to get me to fucking do something like, dude, I'm fucking trying to go.
I'm going to work, dude.
He's probably CIA, honestly.
He could have been a fucking op.
He's probably Massad.
But it was just kind of crazy.
He's like, we need a revolution.
Yeah.
Because he's like, AI's going to come.
It's going to be all Waymo's.
We won't have a job, you know?
That's true, too.
Yeah.
That stuff's coming, man, for sure.
That's going to be weird.
I mean, it is going to be a.
But you're not scared of it, though, you said.
No, not really.
I mean, it's like, I.
Well, here's the thing.
It's like if I felt like it was coming and it would just like destroy my livelihood, I'd obviously be afraid of that.
I don't think it is.
And I feel bad if it does, but I feel like maybe this is me just being hopeful.
It will kind of engender some like massive change where people then have to like learn how to, you know, like do we start just sharing stuff so everyone has what they need?
Like, what do you like?
Literally, what do you do with that?
And that, you know, people go, that's communistic.
It's like, yeah, obviously.
But it's like if it wipes out just like nine industries at once and you have millions and millions of people who could work that just.
There's no point for them to do it.
It's like, what do you do?
Like, what do you do then?
And it's like, are they going to have to just like invent weird, like almost like fake jobs?
Are people going to get paid just to kind of vibe out?
I don't know.
I'm personally kind of curious to see where it goes because it's like, you're not going to fight the AI stuff.
Everyone's like, we're going to stop it.
It's like, no, you're not.
If it saves big corporations money, it's coming.
They're going to do that.
Then it becomes like, what do you do?
And I guess like, you know, yeah, it could get, now that I think about it, it's like, well, yeah, maybe the billionaires will like give us some money.
I'm like, well, they said that.
Yeah, fuck.
You think they will?
Well, that's what they've said is that they're, that they, people would get some sort of a stipend or some sort of a UBI, universal basic income or some sort of a token that they could use for things like for, which is crazy to hear.
Yeah.
Like Altman said this sort of shit.
Um, this is a king then.
So then we'd have kings, which again, if we go back to some like futuristic medieval, like serfs, lords, kings, knights.
Could be chill.
I don't know.
Again, I don't know.
There's probably people like, fuck you.
Could be chill, though.
Could be chill, dude.
You get to like wander.
I get to just be in my garden, light fires, and just kind of like think about the glory of the king.
And yeah, King Sam Altman.
King Altman.
Just cut me.
He cuts my fucking head off.
And he cuts your fucking RAM down.
He cuts your hard drive down to fucking 30 megabytes a month.
No more questions about your garden.
Sorry, my lord.
Dude.
And then that thing comes through where you throw the dead people just on it.
Like if your neighbor dies.
Remember back in the like, In the wheelbarrow, the dead cart or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, and this is my, again, this is my shit.
He had my fucking ear pods in his pocket.
We put them on the fucking dead cart.
This is me being like, hey, hey, humanity.
Check his pocket.
It's a fat guy.
You got to follow him on your device.
Yeah, I feel like, you know, every society rises and then falls in a terrible cataclysm.
That's like, there hasn't been one that's made it out of it yet.
So, like, maybe it's like with COVID.
COVID was bad, but it also did kind of shake people out of that like dull, thoughtless malaise that so many people are trapped in, just like a meaningless existence they kind of hate.
So, I'm hoping the AI shakes the cage enough to where people can kind of come out of it, but then we don't all just like fall into like complete chaos and start like killing each other.
Yeah.
I think there's a sweet spot.
So, I'm hoping it kind of shakes it just a little bit, if that makes sense.
Yeah.
So, that's my hope.
But it's like, yeah, then it's like, well, maybe the billionaires will be generous.
I'm like, hmm.
Well, to me, it feels like they.
They want us poisoned enough, right?
It's obvious there's so much that is poisoning.
Yeah.
Our fucking water, fluoride makes people dumb.
Like, if you have fluoride in your water, you're dumber.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is crazy, dude.
But like, they want us to be dumb enough and like not have any fucking balls or want to do.
And so you just are kind of like in this sort of wheel.
Yeah.
And you're comfortable in the wheel.
And the amazing thing to me sometimes is how comfortable a lot of us are in the wheel, including myself.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, you know what?
I could go out there and protest sometimes, or I could do this, or, you know, but I could just sit here and watch March Madness.
Yeah.
You know, just got some new mass of chips.
I got some fucking good Rancher's Nuggets in my mail.
Mass of chips are nice, bro.
I love those things.
They're nice.
If you eat too many of them, though.
Yeah, it's a fucked up bellyache.
And I don't eat them anymore.
I had like six bags in a row or whatever.
I can't have them anymore.
No, you eat the whole bag and you're like, I just ate a pound of beef tallow.
Well, it's like having gin when you're a kid or whatever.
You can't have it anymore.
You know?
But it's like that.
For me, it just kind of burnt out.
The thing that I'm hopeful about is that, like, You know, because if it becomes like if money becomes a weird thing where it's like there's UBI and like you do have these like rich billionaire overlords, like money is the thing.
If you have enough of it, it kind of like you know pumps up your ego to where you're like, yeah, I did it.
I'm the man.
I've always wondered if we could somehow trick like ultra rich, like billionaire types into being like, no, the real flex is like putting like nine million people on like assistance and making like a cool future peaceful village and like getting them to think like, yeah, that would be cool if I did that.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, like why wouldn't you do that?
You just have to make up their nerds.
Like, so like Zuckerberg, you'd be like, dude, instead of like attacking them, be like, dude, actually, Zuckerberg's super jacked and super tough and cool at jujitsu and be like, just like giving the nerds everyone, like, yeah, we love you guys.
And maybe they'll just like, you know, use billions of dollars to terraform the earth into like a cool hobbit world.
I don't know.
Now I'm just like, I'm reaching.
When you start to wonder, is it an evil autism that's out there?
Yeah, we need to give them the, we need, yeah, exactly.
I think you could be completely right.
But because, yeah, to think that you'd have billions of dollars and other people don't have anything is.
Pretty crazy, yeah.
But that's the thing though, because it's like I think about that all the time, and it's like the White House turns down Elon Musk's offer to pay TSA agents during DHS shutdown.
Why that thing was like, well, yeah, we can't pay the TSA guy.
This is I'm a single issue voter, and it's wait times at airports currently.
But it's like, dude, just take the TSA out of that because they're trying to both pass these like big deals where it's like, well, we'll do the TSA, but you have to agree to this.
But they're doing it, there's omnibus bills, yeah.
It's like take TSA out of it, you guys can go, okay, let's fund TSA, okay, back to arguing about forever.
It's just, dude, that shit pisses me off.
Yeah.
Musk, the CEO of Tesla and owner of social media platform X, offered to pay the salaries on Saturday.
I would like to offer to pay the salaries of TSA personnel during this funding impasse that is negatively affecting the lives of so many Americans at airports throughout the country who are on X. President Trump said money that he would love it if Musk paid the agents salaries.
I think it's great.
Let him do that.
The offer of Musk was also warmly received by lawmakers.
But then here's the problem is.
No, I pay him.
Right.
John Fetterman said the offer was incredibly generous in his response to the post.
TSA agents across the country were relying on Food, pantries, and community donations just to get by.
DHS officials told House lawmakers Wednesday that over 480 airport screeners have quit since the beginning of the shutdown and that the agency is expected to lose $1 billion in missed paychecks by the end of this week.
Dude, Timothy Mellon, heir of Mellon Banking, shout out Pittsburgh, donated $130 million to pay the military during the 43 day long government shutdown from October to November.
But what's crazy is this could be a trap because then you're letting kind of X or Tesla become this privatized, you know, because now you're kind of privatizing airport security.
Yeah.
Whether you realize it a little bit or not, you're saying, okay, we'll let him pay these salaries.
Then he comes in and says, well, how about this?
Why don't I just, why don't, Tesla to manage airport security.
Yeah.
You could probably do it so much more efficiently.
Yeah.
And so that's this, like, I'm not, which I'm not saying would be bad.
I'm just saying that's where things get kind of risky.
A lot of times, like, offers like that, there's this kind of caveat of hopeful business down the line.
Dude, I didn't know this until recently.
Public transportation in Chicago, and like, I think the late 1800s, there's all public company or private companies.
So, like, you would just own, like, you know, whatever.
Like, if you're in New York, it was like, but it's Chicago, like, the L train, that was a guy who owned the L train.
Everyone who paid tickets, all the money went to him.
And there was another guy who owned, like, The north side public, and they all eventually the city came and was like, guys, give me this.
That was like that for a while.
It was like incredibly competitive and corrupt, and you'd have to lobby the government to like pass your thing.
You'd pay people off, and you just collected all the fares personally, didn't even go to the city.
So, yeah, that is a tricky thing though, because they can, you know, then they can start doing their weird like credit card.
I mean, you don't get great customer service with government agencies.
No, dude.
Have you been to the post office?
Post office is crazy, dude.
I was there a couple days.
There was this, there was like this sister that was working in there.
She's fucking fighting with a bird that's in there trying to steal like a fucking thing of tape or whatever.
And I'm like, like in the little gift section area.
I'm like, there's nobody else in there, dude.
The fucking wind going by is just fucking unbelievable.
There's an Asian dude.
He peeked up out of the back for like a second.
The guy with the mustache, dude.
The catfish looking dude.
Fucking one of those package catfishes.
He's just back there.
He swims up to the fucking door and peeks around just to make sure he's not, nobody's looking for him and fucking goes back into the fucking.
Hiding behind the seven day certified mail.
You'll never see him for like 40 more years.
He's just a hide for 40 more years.
Dude, it's like he saw his own shadow.
It's like 11 more months of fucking being on the clock on the government's dime.
Post office is crazy, dude.
I see, I see mail all of our merch for like in the beginning.
I would mail all of our merch personally.
So I started going to the post office with just like boxes of like 45, 50, 60 shirts already wrapped up.
And like I got to know the people there pretty well, but it was like at first I would just show up before they knew me, they'd be like, What are you doing to us?
And then they eventually gave me another address where I could just like drop it off at the like hub and they would just take them like a big thing at once and just throw them in the thing.
History Has Been Brutal to Us00:15:07
But it was funny.
Yeah, I used to get, I used to go there and they let me like come towards the back and dump it in.
Fuck yeah, it's kind of cool to see it behind the scenes.
It was cool, but it was just, it's very, it is like chill time.
If there's a line at the post office, people are like, okay, it's like DMV mentality.
You're like, yeah, whatever, man.
Don't care.
They don't feel lines.
No, they really, they really do.
You only feel lines on one side of the counter.
The other side of the counter, they don't feel that line.
No, it's not a restaurant where you're like, oh fuck, people are going to leave.
You're just like, yeah, fuck it.
Go use fucking something else.
Public transit in Chicago shifted from private to public control in the mid 20th century, centered on their creation of the Chicago Transit Authority, the CTA, in the 1940s.
The Illinois General Assembly passes the Metropolitan Transit Authority Act, 1945.
Um, when the CTA took over the big private rail and streetcar systems and effectively completed for city service in 1982 with the motor coach purchase.
Um, yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah.
That's when it happened.
True.
Um, I saw you've been doing some history pods.
Yeah, on my Patreon.
I've been doing, I've been getting deep into like the conquistador era, like the Spaniards going first to like Yucatan and Mexico to like, you know, when they like when Cortez kind of took over the Aztecs.
And then there's another guy who like navigated the Amazon River like later on and they like, the Pizarros took out the Incan Empire.
Those, dude, those stories are like insane.
And that's, I've like, I've talked to the author who wrote both the books I was talking about and we're both agreeing.
It's like, dude, that's a movie.
I talked to this other guy about this too, where it's like the fact that there's no movie about that yet is insane.
Because it is like, especially Cortez taking over the Aztecs, it's the craziest story.
Because everyone's like, oh, yeah, he showed up and like tricked Montezuma.
Like they did do that, but it was like a multi year effort.
They had like brutal battles, it went on like forever.
And they were like inside Tenochtitlan, which was like the city of the Aztecs.
Dude, that was like a brutal siege.
They barely escaped, had to come back and attack it again.
It was absolutely insane.
Were they bad people that they were attacking, or they were just people that they wanted their land, or it was just like during that colonial times?
It was a little bit of everything.
It was definitely during the colonial times.
The Spaniards definitely just wanted gold.
They were like, Yeah, you guys have gold.
We're taking this shit.
Oh, yeah.
Cortez wasn't even supposed to do it.
He was sent by another guy, Velasquez, who was like, Take this flotilla of ships.
They were in, where is it, like Cuba, maybe, or somewhere.
And he was like, I want you to scout this Mexico, whatever place, and see if they have any gold or slaves, and bring them back to me.
That's crazy, dude.
Dude, so Cortez is like, For sure.
He was just took 13 ships and was like, fuck that guy.
I'm going on an expedition to conquer.
So he just, it was like completely illegal.
You know, it was all like fucked up, but he just was like, I'm doing my own thing, like a pirate, basically.
Yeah, it's like when you bar, like when your dad's like, hey, go fill my car with gas, but you take it to a seer girl.
Yeah, dude, for like the ultimate version.
It's like if he gave you a fleet of like trucks and you were like, yo, let's go.
And it was like, he just rolled up there with 300, 400 guys and they just battled and just battled and like, Made alliance, that was the thing that helped them.
They made so many alliances with different people that hated the Aztecs.
And it was like, you know, everyone's like the Spaniards, you know, they did some stuff that was obviously horrible.
But the problem was in like the Aztec times, it was all kind of like Yucatan Peninsula, southern Mexico, up into like central.
And so you would just be in a village and the Aztec chiefs would be like, yo, it's time for taxes, but their taxes were sacrifice victims.
So they would come down and be like, give us like 30 people.
So you'd be living together and they'd be like, yeah, we're gonna fucking chop you up, chop you up, let's go.
And like they would just snag most of your babes and you'd be like, fuck.
So then Cortez comes and they're like, yeah, I'll help you fuck those guys up.
So they're all like kind of against each other.
And then like the thing that really kind of like, it's fucked up, it would make me laugh.
They would befriend the natives there and the natives would be like, oh, you guys seem cool, wanna see something cool that we like.
And they would take them to one of these like religious temples.
It'll just be like a dog with its head bashed in, like little kids' bones.
They'd be like, Yeah, we fucking chopped that dog's head off.
And they'd be like, What the fuck?
What are you guys doing?
What's wrong with you guys?
So there was like, you know, and they say the Spaniards exaggerated a lot of the sacrifice.
But it was like, it was definitely on the books.
And like, so they got there and they were like, Greedily looking for gold.
But then they'd be like, These guys are chopping off kids' heads and kicking them down the steps.
They're like, Fuck these guys.
That's kind of how they were thinking.
That's what you're saying.
These guys need Jesus.
We're going to kill them and turn them into slaves and give them Jesus and take their gold.
And we're doing a good thing.
So it was like, It was kind of fucked up all around, honestly, in my opinion, but like nobody knew, you know what I mean?
Like they didn't think it was bad.
So, do you think like it kind of goes to an overall idea of like, yeah, do you think that like human existence is like a trial to see of like good versus evil, or like, I wonder what it is, you know?
And then, you know, as things start to get weird and stuff, then you start realizing, well, most countries always live under like some severe oppression, yeah, with no hope of like a lot of freedoms, yeah, with not even the ability to express themselves in some ways.
Oh, dude, yeah, for sure.
Like, yeah, you start to realize that, like, I don't know, it's just, I don't know, I just, yeah, you wonder, like, and then you start to think, well, how does this end?
Like, does this end well?
But then, if that, if you had groups at that time, if you had Cortez traveling around and realizing, okay, we believe these are bad people, we need to bring them into some sort of enlightenment of understanding.
Is that the right way?
You know, it's just, I don't know.
No, dude, it's really tricky.
So they were legally also, they were legally bound.
So you'd roll into a village and like you'd hope they're peaceful.
Otherwise, you're just doing battle.
I think the first 10 minutes has got to be a tough fucking thing.
Very tough.
But luckily for them, they'd roll up, dude, they'd roll up in like on a horse, which, first of all, the Aztecs, they would see a per, and there was the Mayans were there as well, but they would like, they would see a dude in metal on a horse and think this was like some new type of being.
The Tesla.
They never saw, yeah, they never saw someone riding a horse.
So they thought the man and the horse became like, One weird creature, and they were like, What the fuck?
And it would just come at you 30 miles an hour with a steel sword, and it's like, it was terrifying.
And then, like, cannon fire that helped them out a lot, but yeah, they just thought they were like aliens, they didn't know what the fuck they were.
They were like, And then, you know, they killed a couple of the Spaniards, and they were like, Oh, we can kill these guys, and they were, you know, munch them so wow, just munch them a little bit, but yeah, it was dude, history's been brutal, and it is getting things do seem to be getting better overall.
Like, that dude, that's like rolling into a village, you're like, I'm hungry, I want some gold, fucking, you know, Cortez wouldn't.
He would be like nice enough, but then as soon as people started fucking with him, he would like fucking burn villages down, burn people alive.
It's like brutal stuff.
That's a dude, that's a crazy mix.
So I'm hungry, I want some gold.
Yeah, well, they would be starving.
They would be walking, walking, walking.
Like, fuck, we don't have enough food.
And you just see a village, you're like, we gotta go munch these guys' shit.
Dude, and bro, you think there was hot babes back then at that time?
For sure.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
I mean, they're probably healthier babes.
Healthy?
I mean, yeah, true.
I mean, but here's the thing though, it's like, it's all relative because, like, You know, you're uh, like these guys are all by the way, like 21, 22.
So, you're a 22 year old Spanish guy in the 1600s or you know, late 1500s.
There's guys probably like they're on like legendary no faps, all of them.
They probably weren't like beating off every day to Pornhub.
That's a great, these guys are the chambers fully cocked, yeah.
So, yeah, they were probably like any, they probably, and you know, there's obviously a lot of brutal rape and stuff going on, but like, but yeah, Cortez famously, uh, in one of the battles, they like the general handed him like, here's a bunch of women, like, blah blah blah.
And the one of them happened to be.
A former princess from like one of the chieftains or chiefdoms who then got sold into sex slavery by like you know a warring tribe who then got given to Cortez as like you know a sex slave but she happened to be a princess Malinche who like was like honestly one of the key figures who helped him translate all the languages so that he can move about like he did.
I don't know if he could have done it without her, it's pretty crazy.
Wow, they became they became uh lovers, man.
They were like they were thick as thieves and Cortez had a wife the whole time living in Cuba.
So when his wife, after he finally He finally wins over, defeats the Aztec Empire, takes it over himself.
That's crazy.
Dude, his wife comes over to visit him because she's like, all right, this fucking guy's been gone.
I don't know where the hell he is.
He's been gone for two years.
Cortez has a child with this new babe who, like, been through it all with him.
Yeah.
And his wife shows up, kind of gives him an earful.
Dude, he choked her to death.
And he's just, that was just his babe.
It was pretty fucking brutal.
Damn.
It was pretty brutal shit, man.
Dude, that's a crazy love story.
It's the bizarreest love triangle.
But, dude, if your guy conquers a bunch of shit like that, you got to chill the First week or something.
Dude, you can't just be coming up.
Yeah, you can't get out the car mouth and all.
He literally, it was like a savage conquest.
And it was like, you know, he's there with all of his bros.
And like, he was also, he had made these alliances with these other, like, you know, indigenous factions who, like, when they beat the Aztecs finally, they all had a party the night of.
And they're, you know, the Spaniards was like drinking, fucking around.
Dude, these like Aztec dudes were like cutting off their enemy's skin and like walking around in it.
And like, you're just all.
Party.
They had like a brutal, fucked up, like two day party that they all woke up from and were like, let's say mass right now.
That was kind of wild.
And then his wife came to visit, mouthed off, and he just killed her.
Damn.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
It's a fucked up story.
It is.
Sorry, I didn't know that.
It's the story that we keep living.
It's this crazy, like, that, you know, you don't know who's supposed to be, like, the righteous ones, who's supposed to win, what the whole thing is, who's doing things in the name of the right purpose.
You know, you're trying to go off of some moral calculations that you feel like you have, but then we're all, like, immoral.
We're all, like, broken people.
So it's like, I don't know, man.
No, well, that's the thing, too.
Like I said, I try to, like, you know, keep, like, At least an open mind to like, all right, well, even with Iran, it's like, say they do make a nuclear weapon and then they drop it on whoever.
It's like, yeah, maybe they have to stop.
I don't know, but it's like.
But they're dropping it.
They're not, they're not dropping them, baby.
Or they're just going to use it to get like a seat at the table.
I think that's what people do with nukes.
You make them and you're like, all right, can we fucking get at the big boy table now?
Yeah.
I fucking get in here.
So yeah, I don't know.
You know what I mean?
I have no idea.
That's got to be crazy.
Now, do you also think, though?
That's a sweet feeling.
Do you also think, though, you can kind of see how like these fucking megalords and tech lords and shit, like, like, They start to just sit around and they're like, they all got in a room and were like, dude, we're the fucking, we own the world, right?
They have, there's no way they don't, dude.
Right?
You're 100% right.
And they'd be like, well, we should obviously make sure the world stays like this, that we own it.
Let's keep everybody fucking dumb.
Let's keep doing this shit and let's keep bossing out and drinking a kid dick or whatever until we live forever.
You know, like, I just feel like there's gotta be, that has to be, like, and then you, Because you start to wonder how people at a certain level could get to that, but they must think, Well, if I'm this fortunate, this must God want me to, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, because if you have been so fortunate and you do have religious beliefs and your ego gets involved, I could see how you could end up on that road for sure.
They God wants me to do things this way, and then you start justifying whatever you do, or or it's the opposite, you have no religious convictions at all, and you go like this is it's just you know, it's like the those people who look at the world where it's like, Yeah, strongest person wins, the whole point of life.
To be comfortable and like in a dominant position.
And then, like, there's people who have that.
That's like genuinely their philosophy.
So, like, yeah, I'll just leverage technology to gain more and more power to my advantage.
And it's like, that shit's scary, especially when they get into like the realistic possibility of becoming biologically immortal.
And you're like, fuck, dude.
Like, I just want to grow my radishes, man.
Just let me grow my radishes.
Yeah.
It's freaked out, man.
It is really freaked out.
But it's also like, I don't think there's a lot of peace, though.
If you're like running some cybertronic, Fucking war surveillance apparatus.
I don't think those guys are chilling.
I don't think they feel good.
I think some of them don't feel.
Yeah, that's fucking.
So that's the scary part is they don't have the thing.
Yeah, I think you're actually right about that.
Like to them, it's all a fucking game.
When they die, they just short circuit.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't have like a lot of these people, it feels like, don't have something.
No, yeah, you could be right about that.
But yeah, man, I agree.
It's like get back to what can you control, right?
So you make a garden, you go on a nice walk.
You spend some time with your neighbors.
You do things that feel good while you're alive.
You know, we didn't create the world.
We're just here in it.
And yeah, I don't know.
It's all cyclical, too, man.
It's like it's going to rise and fall.
And, you know, again, the problem is like, yeah, hopefully this time, this isn't the time where everything pops off and we all just get wiped out in a hot flash.
It's like that is, that's scary.
But like, what are you going to run into the White House and just get shot in the face by a secret security?
It's just like you have to just chill.
It's like nothing you can really do.
Let me see this.
Steven Pinker argues that by most measurable indicators, violence, health, wealth, rights, and knowledge, humans are doing better now than at any previous time, even though it feels like things are getting worse.
I don't fucking believe that guy.
Well, I mean, it's like, yeah, there's probably less kind of crime and like large scale violence.
It's just, you just, it's probably just the information.
You get bombarded with just like all this horrible shit.
Right.
And I think there's still like, you know, news outlets are, it's all, everything is, I believe that this is, it depends on what you mean.
If you don't care about existing and like feeling like you can grow as a human, then maybe so.
I thought we were past some of this like old school colonial shit.
We were just going to, you know, you'd think we would get past that.
Yeah.
But.
No, it's the same thing.
They're going to.
They did it with Iraq.
They're going to go, oh, there's like an existential threat.
Like, try to think back on since.
But America knows it's not true now.
We know it's not true.
That's the problem.
And it's not our.
Nobody's upset at our soldiers or anything like that.
It's just the people putting them out there in harm's way.
And to think about that shit.
Well, it's like, dude, think about a time there hasn't been a giant looming existential threat over our head.
I know.
Since, like, literally the atom bomb.
It was like terrorism was the big one.
And that was like the Iraq war.
You know, back in, like, when I. Before that, it was just like Fox News.
My parents would watch it.
It would just be like.
Crime in the city, it'd be like the inner cities are out of control.
They're gonna come kill you always.
And then it was just like terrorists are gonna come fucking kill you.
Then it was unsolved mysteries.
Yeah, remember they threw that there in the middle?
Yeah, yeah.
Then there was unsolved mystery.
Unsolved mysteries was fucking good though.
I like it.
Fuck, it was banging.
Maybe you could help solve a mystery.
And do we go outside and fucking looking for missing people in our area?
We're like, are you Rebecca Owens?
Sadly, I never stepped up to the plate.
I was a passive of unsolved mysteries.
I never even tried.
I kind of feel bad about that.
I used to collect all those 1 800, the missing cards, the ones that came in the mail.
Yeah.
And I would fucking look at those bitches on my own.
Being Alive Is Interesting Man00:05:30
You're in the case.
That's good.
I was all, felt like I was like, because I always wanted to find somebody that was missing or always wanted to find like a dead body or something.
Yeah.
I was just talking to a guy today.
He does, for a living, I had him on my show.
For a living, he goes into bank owned foreclosures and his job is to like assess what bad, how bad of a condition it's in.
And he's been multiple times come in just a dead body.
Wow.
And he said, you just got to like give it a respectful nudge.
And then you call, if I call the cops or whatever, come get it.
You think the first time you nudge, you nudge light, and then after a while, you fucking get a little tough.
Like the fourth and fifth time, you fucking just give it a.
I think you give it two solid, just like a hard knock.
Just two.
You got to make sure.
Just give it one, and then just like in case it's waking up.
Then no response.
You're like, yeah, it's a dead person.
I'm in the house of the dead person by myself, and I got to call the cops.
Yeah, they must have had a good exterminator right here.
That's a great card, dude.
There you go, right there, dude.
Is that J Rod the electrician?
Shout out J Rod the Electrician, dude.
If you haven't followed that guy's journey, it's the best.
But yeah, having a garden, doing things that build your own life up, they give you purpose, right?
That's the thing.
Let me do something with my kids.
Let me fucking look at this dead rat.
You know what I'm saying?
But let me.
Check out this dead rat space.
Let me start a history podcast.
Let me learn about journeys that were before me.
You know, just, I think we have to start to create our own senses of purpose.
We have to find new ones in our lives.
Yeah, man.
I think I totally agree.
And it's like, you know, I just, for me, it's just like, I'm weary of the news apparatus, information.
Whenever I find myself getting angry, you know, it's again, it's just like, I just have to ask myself, like, am I getting pulled into some weird thing?
And I try to just, like, you know, I guess it sounds like a cop out, but like, stay out of that as much as possible.
Like, what can I do?
It's like, I'll try to make people laugh if I can and just make, like, you know, some vaguely entertaining in some fashion stuff.
And then just try to conduct myself and, like, tend to the stuff around me.
Cause it's like, I don't fucking know what the hell's going on.
It's like, I don't, you know, I have no idea.
I can surmise and guess.
And I think I have, you know, idea, but it's like, I don't know.
So I try to just be like, look, man, that's, If someone calls me to ask me to help with the situation, I'll try to do what I can.
But it's like, it's just, you know, you almost like sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels or it's just like I'm getting like kind of worked over a little bit to where it's like, man, these guys, they're in my head right now.
And I'm, you know, that's like dangerous, man.
Especially when you get like collective anger, you can just fucking move that stuff around and like people, you can do stuff with it.
It's like, I'm always kind of weary where I'm like, I don't know, man.
Yeah, that's part of the trap, too.
You start to realize, well, this is part of the trap.
They want us to be upset.
Yeah.
There's a reason why they have all this information that's out there.
So much of it is still under control.
Mm hmm.
That there's a reason why this little bit and this got leaked.
And it's like, yeah, I don't know.
Being alive is interesting, man.
I will say it gets more and more interesting.
It does.
I agree.
The older you get, I think it does get more and more interesting for sure.
I like getting older.
A lot of people are always like, oh, man, this sucks.
I'm like, bro, I'm excited to be 50, dude.
Like, this is going to be awesome.
You just got 40, man.
I know.
I'm going to be 40.
I'm going to chill and be 40.
But it's like, I don't have the, I think it's cool.
I don't know.
Something about getting older is like, everyone, I guess when you start hurting all over, that probably sucks.
But I kind of dig it.
I like getting older.
Getting gray.
I want to look like old as fuck as fast as possible.
It's my goal right now.
Really?
I'm trying to age max.
Yeah.
Holy yeah, that's fucking dope, bro.
This is a dye job, by the way.
I'm like jet black normally.
Is it really?
No, no, no.
I'm really stressed out.
Well, dude, thanks for coming and chatting with us, bro.
Dude, for sure.
Thanks for coming.
Upcoming dates the Fitzgerald Theater for Matt McCusker, Hoyt Sherman Place, Des Moines, St. Paul, Phoenix, Tucson.
Phoenix and Tucson, man.
You guys got to show up.
Toronto.
Oh, the Elgin's a cool spot, dude.
Toronto's been good.
I'm happy with Toronto.
And Chicago.
Let's go.
I'm stoked on that.
Dude, thank you for that.
Yeah, dude.
Thanks.
And I got to come and do you guys' show again when I'm back in town.
Please do.
That'd be awesome.
Next time it's.
We got to come and do.
We did that one last time with Le Maire.
It was awesome, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blanquies or whatever.
Blanquies was great.
I think that might have been an all time episode for real.
That was awesome.
Yeah, dude, it's fun when you sit down.
So thank you, bro.
I appreciate it.
Yep.
Tell Brittany, thanks for inviting me to the party.
For sure.
It was a good time.
Thanks for coming.
Dude, it was great.
I'm glad I got to see you and just be there for you.
So many people love you.
It's so funny.
You're like the one guy when you say something like, oh, man, McCusher, some people are like, God, he's a great guy.
It's almost like you're dead.
But they say that shit about you while you were alive.
It is kind of fucked up.
Like, God, if he were here right now, we would fucking.
I dog him.
He was a great guy.
It's nice to be getting eulogized.
Yeah, he was a great guy.
When you get living eulogies, dude, I think you're doing a good job, man.
Thanks for all your service to humanity, dude, in Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.
And what's the new history podcast called?
It's just on our Patreon.
That's just a thing I do on our Patreon.
Shane was gone filming, so I had to just read books.
I had to rely on cool books.
That was kind of a move, but it was like I can't just make up stuff to talk about.
Yeah.
So yeah, I just had the books.
But yeah, man.
Thanks, bro.
Thank you for everything, dude.
Good to see you.
Dude, appreciate it.
Yeah, man.
Thank you.
On the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be a cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.