All Episodes
Previous
Sept. 5, 2025 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
02:10:13
#608 - Jim Norton

Jim Norton is a stand up comedian, podcaster and radio broadcaster known for shows like “Opie and Anthony”, “Jim and Sam” and more. His new special “Unconceivable” is out now on YouTube and you can also check out his podcast “Jim Norton Can’t Save You”. Jim joins Theo to talk about new developments in the Shamokin Dunkin Donuts saga, celebrity encounters from his radio career, and his thoughts on non-traditional love.  Jim Norton: https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/    ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com/  or email them at admin@valorrecoverycoaching.com Symmetry Sauna: Go to http://symmetrysauna.com/THEO to learn more  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Today's guest is his first time uh on the podcast.
He's a legendary stand-up comedian and host.
Um he helped give me my start in um in getting on the airwaves.
Uh he has a new special on YouTube called Unconceivable and his own podcast called Jim Norton can't save you.
Today's guest is the one of one, Mr. Jim Norton.
Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing.
I'm going to sing.
I'm going to sing.
Well, I was just telling you, we can get started.
You want to?
Well, whatever you want.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was just telling you that I feel like um Yeah, you can move it around.
All right, you just let me know if I'm off mic a little bit.
I'm obsessed with that too with sound, like when I'm interviewing somebody, if they're like they're off mic, I'm like, on the mic, how do you get you know?
Oh, I feel horrible.
The other day I did an I did somebody's podcast and I chewed gum the whole time.
We've had that, yeah, it happens.
But the fact that I did, it's like I do it for a living kind of you're like, how did I do that?
It ha every day it still haunts me a little bit.
But you chewed the gum?
Yeah, just feel because I'm like, I, you know, we came, they came and we all put our time in, uh, you know, just to be there and do it, and I freaking just like, you know, sometimes you show up and you just you'd do the most bush league thing.
I'd like to ask them, did you notice it while it was happening and did you want to say something?
Because we've had like we had Marin on one time and he was eating like oatmeal or something the whole time or chewing something, and the fans were furious and were like, why didn't we just say something when he was eating?
Sometimes when you're hosting, you don't tell the person like you're chewing gum, stop chewing gum.
Yeah, he should be.
You feel embarrassed.
You feel embarrassed.
Yeah, but he still should have told you.
I mean, I've had instances where somebody was mouth will be very dry.
Oh you know what I'm talking about?
Yes, that fucking sticky fruit roll-up sound.
Yeah.
And you know all you can think of is the listeners being like, this dry motherfucker.
This fucking pasty mouthed idiot.
Yeah.
This fire survivor fucking showing up.
And it's so true.
Like it, but you can't sit over there and like baby bird somebody some water, but you want to say to them, like, you want some water?
And then they don't, they're like, no, it's like when someone's breath stinks, you're like, you want a piece of gum and noise?
No, I'm good.
You know, you're not good.
Yeah.
So you know, but trying to be courteous.
Yeah, you want me to pressure wash your face for a second?
Like that's another thing you could offer them.
But you see, like how you just said that.
Now I'm making sure I'm opening my water.
People have to be self-aware too.
Like anybody who's doing something, if they're if your mouth is pasty and dry and sticky and sounds like shit, you should be aware of it.
You have ears.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then that you just realize, oh, that person is offline.
They are just not, they don't know what's going in.
Or sometimes it'll be a woman's lipstick is a little thick and it kind of just a little crack.
Yes.
A little pop.
Yeah.
That stuff drives me crazy.
I pick up on.
And I sniffle a lot.
I fucking like I'm I I'm a noisy, uncomfortable to be around fucking person.
Like I get it.
So I have no right to tell other people.
But like I'm always clear, clear my throat.
It's really fucking horrible.
Yeah.
Well, as we get older too, it's just like fu you're just like kind of a you're just hoping that every now and then you sh you're a little bit of the semblance of what you once were.
Yeah.
Oh, no, I I've given up on that.
I I've thrown in the towel.
I will never again be what I once was.
And I was only mediocre to begin with.
So I went from mediocre to kind of shitty.
Um, but it's funny, I like I'm so self-conscious about how I look.
Uh and my wife is like, oh, you look fine.
And and I got a text from uh Gutfeld the other night, a random text.
He's like, hey man, I saw you on that uh kill Tony thing.
That's a good look for you.
That's a good weight for you.
Like so people are telling me I look okay, but I'm like, I don't feel okay.
I feel fucking fat and just mushy and my neck is fat.
I just I'm drop 20 pounds.
Oh, you want to drop well I it's a funny because I saw you last time, I was like, man, Jim, you kind of look, I feel like you have looked better as you gotten older, kind of as you as you've grown more to into an adult an adult.
Thank you.
Yeah, I I don't know.
I mean, I I I look back on my old pictures, I'm not impressed with them either.
So I can't go like I want to get back to those days.
It's like rush rush back to what you know what I mean.
Do you ever feel like because sometimes comedians are so uncomfortable?
Um and I was just I was watching you have a you have a new spot special that's on YouTube, Unconceivable, right?
And it's so funny because I've thought of things being inconceivable before, but to go as far to be like unconceivable, like I should never even have been like contemplated.
Fuck, that's intense, dude.
Because I think at the depth of some comedians and artists, and not not trying to sound like like we're special, but we're fucked up.
There's something a little wrong with a lot of people in the world.
Yeah.
Um, and we choose to try to put it out there.
Sometimes all artists do, even strippers.
I think they do that in their way.
But like, like, there's something like God, I should never even have been here.
Well, the reason I named it that honestly, people thought I I fucked up and spelled it wrong, but I didn't.
It's unconceivable on purpose.
It's an old way of saying it.
It's actually technically correct in the English language.
Uh, but it was also like a nod to my wife, uh, who is you know, cannot conceive, obviously.
So it wasn't gotten that far through it.
Oh, okay, yeah.
It was part of uh about 20 minutes in.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
I talk about her.
It was it was part part of it's about her being not able to see.
That was kind of why I called it unconceivable.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I thought, yeah, I guess I just took that somewhere in it, just because you've always kind of operated on the fringes of like depravity or what's okay in the world, sort of in your own space.
Is that okay to say that you're gonna be?
Oh, yeah, it's a hundred percent accurate.
But if it was about me and my existence, I would have called it should have been a load and a sock.
That's what I would have named it.
Yeah, it should have been a practice round.
Yeah, I should have been like, I should yeah, like I should not have been in the gun.
No, no, no, but my father should have wiped me out of his belly button with a Dunkin' Donuts snapkin.
Shimokin' remember the Dunkin' Donuts, dude.
You turned me on to that.
Yeah, the uh the Oh iced coffee, cold coffee.
What do they call cold coffee?
Yeah, her name is Edna Faust.
And uh I remember we love them so the joy we got from them.
You gave me that joy, dude.
And I've showed that over the years.
We've had people sitting here, and I'm like, you gotta see this.
Because the thing that's amazing about Edna is is was her her deductive reasoning was that she knew that like uh ice coffee, cold coffee.
Like she's just watching her go through the clues as to what to call it is why I love her so much.
Yeah, but drop it real quick because I also want to tell you Dutch came to one of my shows one time.
You met Dutch?
I met him Dutch and Smith.
What's his last name?
Dutch.
What would he with Smith?
There you go.
Dutch a coffee shop in Shimokin is closed following an arson over the weekend.
It's definitely gonna miss it.
No doubt about it.
A teenager is charged with starting the fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night.
Shimokan police officer Ray Psycho says no one was turns, but the place has extensive damage.
Psycho says the fire was starting inside the women's bathroom.
The toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire, and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke.
The mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication.
As far as for what reason, we're unsure right now.
The 13 years made for the cabinet.
It's currently at a juvenile detention center.
Many people who live in Shimokin are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed.
Now I have to relay on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts.
I rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts.
And I'm kind of dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts.
I go there every day.
I get a chicken baker croissant, right?
Get some coffee, power aid if I'm dehydrated, sit there all the time.
If I have any like legal work that I need to do, I go there.
Of course, I meet with my attorneys there.
I'm gonna miss that place when it if it don't open up.
Yeah, a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, iced coffee, I guess it's called.
Oh, there she goes.
She figures it out.
She makes Edna Faust's unsolved mystery.
She gets to it.
And Dutch Smith doing his legal work.
I mean, there really is.
And by the way, I hate to bum the podcast vibe out.
But the first woman at Turkey Hill Donuts, she passed away.
I'm almost positive we did a deep dive on her.
And I do think that unfortunately she is no longer with us.
God, she seemed like the most healthy of the three of them, I thought.
She did too.
She was definitely the one I was.
If I had to be attracted to one of the three, it would have been Faust was a close second.
You could play Faust in like a biopic one day.
I would love to.
Brian Dennahy right now has her, but I think.
Oh, but Dutch Smith came out to a show, dude.
He's doing great now.
So, but that was amazing, bro.
But yeah, you put me onto this, and I and I've like shared it with so many people over the years.
So thank you, dude.
Oh, it was such a bizarre.
I remember it was on with myself and uh was on uh opium gym.
And uh I think that was the show.
And uh yeah, we would play all these weird clips, and once in a while you find one, it's like yeah, fuck, that's a gem.
Yeah, that's a gem.
But I never heard I never had any follow up about Edna Faust.
I'm dying to know how she is.
I think she's the best.
Yeah, let's put it.
We'll put it on all call.
Hopefully, somebody can send something in, man, and we'll see if we can get a little follow-up.
The Faust over there outside of Turkey Hill and Dunkin' Donuts and Shimok.
And um they've rebuilt it by the way.
Oh, they have.
I have uh we did follow up, they have rebuilt the Dunkin' Donuts, and it's a big thing in Shimokin.
Um I was gonna stop in there going to a gig one time, but I'm like, no, I can't.
I just I I cared while I was on the air, and then as soon as I was in the car, I was like fuck Shemokan.
I'm not stopping.
Yeah.
It is funny how you make little plans to like, oh, I gotta be, and then things come along, you're like, nah, let's just keep hitting the stay on the road.
Stay on the road.
It was fun in theory.
It was fun to think about and to talk about.
But now that I'm actually gonna be 25 minutes out of my way that way, and then 25 minutes out of my way that I'm not doing it.
Yeah, fuck them.
Yeah, fuck them.
Yeah, fuck them, dude.
I uh yeah.
So unconceivable was your wife, because your wife can't conceive.
You're married now.
Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.
And do you feel like you kind of gay like what was it like?
Because you uh like that was your first marriage.
My yeah, hopefully my first and uh hopefully my only.
Yeah.
I I only did it because we when she came into the the car, she was having a hard time.
So we did a 90-day fiance uh uh visa to get her in.
So we got married 90 days after she came in.
Um otherwise I would have just dated, but it's okay.
You fight different when you're married because you can't just go fuck you, get out, like you you're there.
So you gotta resolve it faster.
Let's go back to your corner, kind of gotta go back to your corner, kind of.
I used to have three and four, like I would fight with girlfriends and then they would leave, and then for three or four days I would just have hookers come over.
Like it really was an ugly scene.
And this is a lot, a lot easier, a lot cleaner.
Yeah, does this feel easier?
Kind of like, does it feel like you kind of escape?
Cause I mean, I got like a lot of I think commitment issues and stuff like that, and I just feel like, man, at some point I gotta escape.
Like, not use marriage as an escape, but I would love to not be kind of trapped just in this stupid circle that I get in sometimes.
Yeah, it's like it's almost like it's it's a lonely spiral too.
Like I forget, like whenever I get pissed at her, I'm like, yeah, but I was really depressed when I was single.
Like I wasn't happy when I was single.
I was miserable.
I hated being alive.
So if I fight with her and I'm like, yeah, this kind of sucks.
I'm like, yeah, but it's not it's me.
I'm the problem.
Cause if I'm single, I'm even worse than I am right now.
So no, I don't want to.
I I like being married.
I just sometimes when you think I'm married, you're like, ugh, fucking life is over.
But I I'd prefer this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At least you have someone to be there with you in your life.
You're like, and you kind of have a a donkey to pin the tail, and you're like, fucking.
Yeah, the wife.
Yeah, fuck her.
What is she what?
Yeah.
If there's things are wrong, it's ah my fucking wife.
It's also a good excuse though.
Like, ah nah, my wife's not feeling well.
I gotta go home and see my wife.
Like there's little built-in things that are kind of advantages that I didn't see.
Um, and I'm glad I did it because if I didn't do it, I would still be running in the same that's why I fattened up because I literally am not doing the same things I used to do on the road to get like those little mini highs you get.
You know, now I'm just in the hotel room alone, and what do you do?
You order food at two o'clock in the morning instead of having somebody come over.
Yeah.
It's not as fun.
So you're and your wife is uh your wife is transgender, yes.
Transgender.
Yes.
Okay.
And so what is transgender mean exactly?
Because people use the term all the time.
And sorry to go to like such rudimentary stuff, but what it means a man and a woman.
Yeah, like you're born in a male body.
And you know, if they they have never they they can't say exactly medically what makes a person transgender.
That's why there's so much arguing about it.
It's up to speculation.
Some people like, ah, you're just a crazy fucking guy in a dress, and other people like, no, you're you're born this way, but they can't tell you medically exactly what it is in the brain.
Um, but yeah, she definitely was born in a male body, but if you talk to her for five minutes, you know that's a woman's brain.
Um but I don't I don't I I would lose the argument in court.
I I don't have the argument in court.
Uh you know, she definitely does not have a vagina.
Yeah.
Um, you know, no, she's not at all.
Okay.
And you look, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's not even a penis, it's a cock.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
Wow.
Were you able to discern over time why you liked something so unique, kind of?
Like, is that a way to ask?
Yeah, yeah, you ask whatever you want.
I mean, I I don't know.
Like, it's one of those things where when it comes to sexuality and attraction, what makes a person like what they like?
I don't have the answer to that.
It's it's so it's a it's a pull.
It's like you you don't choose what direction you're gonna get pulled in sometimes.
Yeah, For me, attraction has never been like I'm gonna go over there and like that.
It's gonna be something hits me and I kind of like lock into it and I feel it and it pulls me that way.
You know what I mean?
But I think a piece of art kind of in a way, yeah, kinda, yes, yes, but the living art, one that you can really just, you know, slap against your face.
Yeah.
Art you can sit on.
Dang.
Do you ever go places?
Um now do you have say if you are dating someone who's trans, do they ask questions like why do you prefer this?
Or is that like something you kind of have to make clear to them a certain way so that they feel okay?
Is that a I think it's like any other relationship?
It's like the I mean like in bed sexually, like fucking or not fucking, or that type of stuff.
No, I think even just like on a person to person basis, like it do I seem like a trophy to you, or do I seem like something like a novelty or like a nice piece of jewelry to like you know, this artistic collection piece, or do I do you really love me because of who I am?
Yes, and I think that any any person, any person has to, like, you know, as a guy with money, you have to wonder hey, does this woman like me because of who I am or because I have money?
And with her, she could be like, is it because I'm transgender that he wants a transgender?
I I think that with any person, you kind of like you just you know what somebody's motives are after a while.
Yeah.
Um, and if you're with someone as a trophy, like if I'm just like, hey, I mean, we've been on and off for like, I mean, back together since 2019, so six years, and we were a year and a half before then.
So by this point, after seven or eight years, you know what a person like I was like, well, does she like me?
Does she like because I have money?
But there's a lot of guys that have money.
And there's a lot of trans people.
So if that's all we wanted, we could easily go out and find somebody else who fit that criteria.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, she's beautiful.
Thank you.
Um, yeah, and you see you guys live together, huh?
We live together.
I put her up, she immigration was very slow.
Um, it was just one of those things where she had something she had to get fixed, and we did we did it right, but it's just, you know, it's a slow process.
So while she was waiting, I moved her to Montreal and I would drive up and see her.
And I wound up uh spending the whole pandemic there.
I drove up if they're gonna close the Canadian border.
So I drove up one day after the radio show, and I just stayed for 15 months.
I was out of the US for 15 months.
It was crazy.
Doing the radio show from there, just live my first time living with anyone, and it was in the pandemic in a one bedroom in Montreal.
Oh my god.
I'm like, if we can do this, I can make this work.
Like if we can, because Canada was even panicky more than the US about COVID, you know, eight o'clock curfew.
Uh, you know, they were really crazy up there about it.
So I'm like, if we can make it through this, we can be okay, you know, in New York and having a lives together.
So was that kind of a moment where you were like, okay, this is a big thing that I was able to do, and that gave you the because other like sometimes I'm I question like how do I get to those next places?
I think when you're kind of like, you know, I'm not 40s, I'm single, so it's like you're like, will I ever get there?
You know, what's really gonna change?
Was that like a thing that really made it kind of different for you?
Yeah, that that made it like, okay, this is a real thing.
Like I had never done that with anybody in the States, but we were forced to.
Because if I came back to the States once, the border was closed, I would not have been allowed back into Canada.
So I had to choose between like being in New York or my life with her, like leaving her alone up there for we didn't know for how long.
So uh it was kind of like a loaded gun to your head, like you're here or it's over.
And uh doing that, I was just so grateful to be with her and so like grateful to actually have a chance.
It was like a test run.
You got to do a test run and see like, do I want to be with this person?
And we got along like way better than I would have thought.
And so life here is fairly easy uh compared to that.
Wow.
But easy in a married way.
Like everything people told me about marriage is true.
Yeah, yeah, sucks.
I mean, you know, you gotta answer to somebody, somebody's in your space, somebody doesn't like the shit I hang on the walls.
Like, I don't like answering to a person.
No, you nobody does.
No.
Well, I think it's one of the reasons, especially like with comedy, you just work for yourself.
It's just you up there.
There's nobody that's telling you, yeah, the crowd tells you it's fine, I'll accept it from a group.
I'm not taking it from one person.
Yeah, you know, it's like it's a total space of complete control.
Yeah, and it's very like I I like the fact too that like when you're with someone, could we talk about our lives on stage?
So like I've been with women who got so angry at me for the things I said uh about our personal life, and she she doesn't care at all, which I love.
She loves the stuff I talk about, like our personal life, even at how embarrassing it is, or how personal it is, or how intimate she doesn't care.
She's like, Great.
Go ahead, do whatever you want to do.
She doesn't give a fuck.
Yeah, I guess if you're cuddling up at night, I mean, both there's people have wieners in the bed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I have a weaner.
She's like, you know, yeah, you don't, you know, spend a hundred grand on immigration lawyers for a dick smaller than yours.
Uh oh, damn.
That's a good one.
Oh, yeah.
Terra Fett, Trump, huh?
I'd love to see him.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Show like that.
A lot of people get mad.
Why does he talk about her janites?
Well, shut up.
Um do you notice other men?
Like if you're around other guys, do you think there's like a lot of curious guys who are into that universe that are afraid to talk about it?
Yeah, they ask questions.
I never mind though.
Like, I'm not again, and that's why I joke about her the way I do, because she's unbendable with that.
She doesn't care.
And I don't I couldn't have married a fragile personality.
Like no, not you.
No, you've always been very your own way and like aggressively your own way, but also in a kind of I'm okay with where I'm at.
Right.
You've never been in this apologetic way about yourself.
No, and you can't win like, you know, I want you want people to be respectful to your your partner when you introduce them.
And everybody's been nice, and you don't want people to be dicks, but I don't care what people think.
Like you you can't live your life and care what other people think.
I have fun with her.
She's my favorite person.
Like she's the person I should have married.
Like uh, and do I get guys that are kind of curious?
Yes.
Um, and I get a tremendous amount of messages from people who are like, hey man, I'm really glad you talked about that because I and I don't talk about it in some serious, like it's like nobody wants to be scolded, nobody wants to be fucking lectured.
Yeah.
Just be with whoever you like.
Like, you know what I mean?
And if you're worried about what other people think and you live your life for other people, you're a weak motherfucker.
And then just deal with that fact about yourself.
Yeah, I've had moments in my life where I like didn't have certain girlfriends, I think, because I thought some of my friends wouldn't be impressed with them.
Maybe we've all been there.
Yeah.
You know, it just bones out when I look back at it at certain moments.
And not like in a self-pity type of way, like I'm like, but it when I look back, I'm like, man, I wish I'd have because in some ways I am my own person, but in ways like that, I think I I don't know.
I had some I had some tough times with it, kind of.
But growing up, I think it's kind of common too.
I mean, you know, I'm I'm a guy in my 50s now saying this.
Like, you know, I mean, coming up, when you're a real young guy, it's a little bit different.
We're more worried about what other people are gonna say about us and more like what if the like, you know, that whole that whole tidal wave of disapproval from people, what are they gonna say?
And after a while, you're like, I've I've been through it so many times, I just don't care.
Yes.
Like, you know, but I've had fighters even ask me, like, uh, like uh, hey bro, does she like but asking legitimate, not trying to asking questions that they'd be afraid to ask publicly because you you they people would think it was rude, but they're things that they wanted to know.
Yeah.
Um, and I never mind answering that stuff.
Yeah, it's not it's not some giant sacred subject, you know.
You just talk about it like you talk about anything else.
You know, it's so funny.
I always think like I know you love the UFC and you and my Matt Sarah Matt Sarah, yeah, yeah.
I've had a show for about a decade now.
About eight or nine years, yeah.
UFC unfiltered.
Um, I I Danny just called me one day.
He goes, Hey, we're doing a podcast.
Matt's gonna do it.
You want to do it?
I'm like, okay.
He goes, All right, and that's how it was done.
So cool.
It was just a phone call.
Um, and I think it was 2016 we started.
And did he fight he fought George St. Pierre a couple times, didn't he?
He took the title from St. Pierre.
He's the last guy to beat St. Pierre.
And then George beat him in the rematch and took the title back.
But Matt, Matt is probably the most exactly how you think he's gonna be guy I've ever known.
He's a hundred percent genuine.
Like, wow, there's no bullshit with Matt Sarah.
Like, if he likes you, he loves you, and if he doesn't like you, he can't pretend.
He's he's one of those guys, like he can't pretend he likes somebody he doesn't like.
Uh, I love him.
I I I have such a good time with him.
He's really funny.
Um that's awesome.
Very grounded guy, and fighters respect him.
Like when fighters call in, because he's a legend.
I mean, he he did the impossible.
It's the biggest uh underdog story in UFC history.
So when they when they come in, they all love talking to Matt.
Like, you know, I mean, I'm just kind of there.
Yeah, like they're like, oh yeah, you and then but Matt, you know, so it's kind of humiliating every week.
If you've ever worked with a legend, it's like really like, wow.
I mean, like you see the respect he gets from fighters.
Yeah, I'm I'm happy to see it.
One thing that amazes me about UFC, like I think I there's a there's a like a symbioticness of between I feel like fighters, comedians, strippers, even like of trying to show yourself to like trying to Show something about you to be seen, right?
That's a little bit abnormal.
Do you do you think that makes any sense a little bit?
Like, because I also feel like I relate to some of those people, like on some kind of a level of like, we're just trying to be seen somehow.
I just I just for me it's that way anyway, you know.
Like sometimes it's like fighting like would you think like a kid, a young kid really wants to be out there punching his brains out, or he's just trying to get seen by like a somebody in his life or some, you know.
I don't know what motivates people to fight.
Like some people like come out of poverty and it's just they see they can do it, and it's a way to make a living.
Um, and other people uh maybe they just realize they're athletic and they fall into it and they start wrestling.
I don't honestly, it's a good question.
I don't know.
I would equate uh like what you say about strippers and and comics, like there's something about showing people something that most people keep private and wanting them to like it and and and putting it out there in a way where they can like it and they can relate to that.
I definitely see a tie-in to like, how do I expose this thing in myself or this humiliating factor or this insecurity and get people to look at it and kind of laugh and then go, okay.
Like you know, you want people to laugh.
Right.
I don't want people in the crowd going, good point, Jim.
You know, no one gives a shit about that.
It's fucking embarrassing, you know, the applause break doesn't mean anything.
Like you want people, they have to laugh.
It's first and foremost, you know.
You almost got an appalles break last night.
Did you feel that one moment, or was like two claps away from an approach?
Oh, did I even notice it?
Yeah, I did not even notice it.
I just I plow uh straight through, and uh I very rarely get applause breaks, you know what I mean?
Um, maybe because I moved too.
I never do either.
But then sometimes you see guys, yeah.
I mean, like watching Louie yesterday too.
He get, but he's on such he goes into so much.
You're so bizarre.
By the end of some of his stories, you're so deep.
It's like what a great brain.
Like watching him, uh, we've been out on the road and uh we got a bunch more dates coming up, and just watching his brain work, like each bit is crafted, like some of these things, they're such ludicrous thoughts, and then they just wind up the crowd agrees the thought and they go into this strange area.
It's so much fun to watch.
Like how creative a stand-up can be.
Yeah, yes, yeah.
And it's so inspiring.
Watching both you guys, man, there's moments where I'm watching the the people in the crowd, and a lot of times it feels like it's a guy, and they usually are holding their girl pretty close.
It's kind of like they convince the girl, oh, it's gonna be we're gonna have a great time.
You're gonna love these guys, and they they're doing extra.
Like, I'm gonna put my arm around my girl, make sure she knows we're here together tonight, even though he can feel them like maybe really some disdain at some of these some of the material.
I feel people pull back sometimes, which is you know what I mean.
I I talk about certain things.
I I feel people, but it's that's what it is.
It is what it is.
Um, you know, I I don't one thing I avoid doing, like, I never preach politics on stage.
It's so boring to lecture the audience.
Oh, I agree.
Oh my god.
I don't need to convince them of anything.
Yeah, like I want them to have a good time and hopefully see it my point.
Even if they don't agree with it, I want them to know why I got there.
And that's it.
Like, you can't try to change.
No one's gonna walk out of my fucking show educated.
Yeah, it's not my job.
I blink a lot, I dropped out of high school.
No one's coming to me to teach them a lesson.
Oh, it's coffee, cold coffee.
Cold coffee.
Dude, you had the one uh I don't know if it was in in uh unconceivable or if it was on stage last night.
It was about, oh, the military and the some of them aren't mentally well.
That was last night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're like, that's who we want over there.
You think I motherfucking I don't want mentally with what you would consider mentally healthy.
I don't want that.
Yeah, the nervous college kid creeping around with his little gun.
Yeah, I want the fucking completely deranged person the crazier you think somebody is, the more likely I want them to be sent over with a fucking weapon.
Yeah, you do you face that like, but you a lot of it's common sense push back against where like I think progressives were very crazy.
And I also think some of it's bigotry.
Like people look at it like it's just one thing.
It's like anything in life.
It's there's there's look at this, and then you look at that, and then you look at that.
Everything is an individual thing to be looked at.
There's not one answer that covers all of it.
Yeah, I agree.
I mean, I'll have people ask me about how could I um, you know, how could I probably lean more conservative in the last election, yeah, but then also be uh uh a Palestine advocate, you know?
And it's like I don't see how any of those things are connected.
Like I I would never attach myself to one specific, like so I'm this way for everything.
that seems crazy to me.
It's it's because people are dumb and they masquerade as these real brave truth tellers.
But a lot of people are very frightened of pushback from the group that they belong to.
So they do everything in lockstep with the group they belong to.
That's true.
You can have mixed feelings about things.
Like you can you can be an advocate for Palestine and and then you can also like AOC and you could vote for Trump.
Like you you can have mixed feelings about things.
People just want to say you you're you're here or you're there, but that's their own uh fear of being left out alone.
They're they're afraid of being isolated, so they need the group.
They're joiners, but they're masquerading as brave truth tellers.
It's annoying.
This episode is sponsored by Better Help.
You know, I I do this thing where I'll be at the grocery store and I'll just I'll talk to the butcher like he's my therapist, you know.
He'll be back there.
He's just you know, chopping up a um chicken brisket or whatever, and I'll be like, I need help.
Dang it.
I need help.
Uh as fun as it is to kind of just toss your problems on anybody when you're looking for actual help about relationships or anxiety or depression or other clinical issues, regular folks may not have all the right answers.
But you can get guidance from licensed therapists online with better help.
Better help has been helping people find their therapist match for over 10 years and have a 4.9 rating out of 1.7 million client session reviews as the largest online therapy provider in the world, better help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.
Find the one with better help.
Right now, our listeners get 10% off their first month at better help.com slash T H E O. That's better H E L P dot com slash Theo.
Is pornography causing a problem in your life?
Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping?
Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life?
Well, you're certainly not alone.
Watching pornography has become so commonplace today.
And oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression.
Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them.
I want to introduce you to my friend Steve.
Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity.
Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.
Steve is an amazing person, and he is a close friend of mine.
I mean that.
Valor recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life.
Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors.
To learn more about valor recovery, please visit them at www.valorrecovery coaching dot com or email them at admin at valor recovery coaching dot com.
Thank you.
So since you ended up marrying a trans woman.
Cut that out.
Sorry.
That's what she said too, probably.
Cut that off.
Um that's what I was trying to go.
It's almost there.
I messed it up.
Yeah, that's okay.
Um she wanted to, she could.
If you I'd miss her.
Dude, do you think we are getting more like do you think we're getting more?
I don't want to say depraved, good, but it's more in one view, it'd be depraved if you looked at like these evangelical type of views or like you know, like um people that came over on the Mayflower, like sexually, they'd see us probably as more depraved.
Sure.
But do you feel like we're just evolving or just adjusting into different more sexual norms?
Yeah, I think so.
And it's also like the depravity, like I don't believe people's bulls, like I don't believe the people, some of them sure, but the majority of the ones who are scolding and going, Oh, it's terrible, how could you do that?
And then you realize that in DC, these prostitutes are going, do you know how many of these senators I fuck, or how many of these congressmen I fuck?
Like, so I don't I don't buy any of it.
Like there are people who live that way, but um, as far as again, uh a a moral lecture or or a sexual uh acceptability lecture from some, I just I I don't believe any of them, and I don't respect any of their opinions.
But yeah, I think we are more open than we used to be, sure.
Yeah.
I mean, what's considered the norm now is is different.
I mean, back in the Mayflower days, if you were fucking gay, they'd probably hit you with a rod.
I don't know what they would do, but it wasn't good.
Yeah, they weren't happy to see you.
But I bet they had I bet there was low-key a lot of support for gay men on those boats because you're on the ship for a long time.
In high stockings.
I mean, come on, you're gonna tell me you're gonna tell me Miles Standish didn't get his asshole played with.
I hope that was his name.
But yeah, you're telling me you're out there drinking.
How many women were on the Mayflower?
Let's take a gant, because that's gonna help.
I'm gonna guess very few or none.
Oh, or none.
I think that's a great point.
How many women were on the Mayfa?
Probably none of it, probably all men.
The number of women, most sources agree that 18 adult women began the Mayflower journey.
Only four or five women were still alive by the spring of 1621.
Oh my God.
I guess it was a long line outside each door.
Yeah.
Oh, can you imagine that though?
Yeah.
Hiding pregnancy, three of the women, Elizabeth Hopkins, Susanna White, and Mary Allerton were pregnant during the voyage.
And the crazy part is there's no way to prove whose baby it was back then until it's born, and you look at it and go, Oh, yeah, it's your bit.
Because there was no DNA testing, there was no, so 10 guys fuck you, and one of them gets you pregnant.
Oh, oh well.
God, can you imagine though?
Guys would just be trying to get you drunk so that they could then go approach your wife, or they would just be trying to get somebody else, like some other guys get them and another man so drunk that they could just pretend that they weren't gay for a little while.
For a little while, yeah.
Oh, and and have sex with the uh with the woman, yeah.
Or no, or no, jerk off the man or have sex with the man, but just be like, oh, Susanna just keeps saying a woman's name during it or something.
Oh, and pretend like by that point you hope that you wouldn't like because if you're fucking a guy, he's gotta know that you're enjoying it.
Um, and vice versa.
You hope that you wouldn't have to be thinking about a woman just to convince yourself.
But you might have to be like, what's going on here?
You know, like there's some, I'm sure, like astute white males or whatever, who are like, you know, in some of these, you know, who were probably getting money from APAC or whatever, who were definitely sl, you know, who were like banging a guy and be like, what's happening here?
This is you know, like a tremors from an earth like man, the windows or something.
Yeah, what's going on here?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I understand.
What's going on?
I'm gonna come in this girl.
Oh my god, how did this happen?
I must have fallen.
Vito!
Yeah, I but yes, in a way, you're right.
Because I remember it's fun when I was a kid, but I first started jerking off, you know, I would always try to think of girls, but sometimes I would think of boys.
And if I thought of a boy, I was so filled with shame that when I came, I would throw a woman in there, like I would like press the button, and the last slide would be a girl's face, like, oh, I just straight, you know.
It's just it was such self-delusion, like right.
But yeah, that in that way you're right.
It's all about shame and how to how to stave off the shame you feel about whatever it is.
Yeah, and our society does adjust so much of that.
And but it is interesting, like, you know, I go to recovery meetings, I'm in SLA recovery and stuff like that.
And so, and it's interesting because a lot of it's intimacy disorders, porn addiction.
Like, there's so many things, like um, you know, a lot of my I'd be like, come here stay away.
Like, that was a like I wouldn't want some like a woman to be close to me, but then when they got close to me, I didn't want them to, you know, just like a lot of like just anarchy.
It's being addicted to the hunt as well.
It's being addicted to the the lead up to something happening, and then when it's happening, you're right, you're like, get away.
Okay, now because the lead up was the high, the lead up of the thing, and now that you're here, okay, now it's time for the next drug run, so to speak.
Yeah, I get I definitely get that.
Yeah, maybe that's what it was sometimes.
For me, it was like I would literally look at hookers all night.
I would ride around for hours listening to Art Bell on uh on MPR.
Uh no, he was on uh 770 or 660.
Was it Rush Lemball?
No, no, Art Bell was a guy, he was like in Perump, Nevada, and he was like very big into like UFOs and oh yeah, that's that guy.
He was the best.
Oh, and he passed away.
He did die, but I would ride around the meat packing district and look at prostitutes for hours.
I would do the comedy cellar and then ride around.
But the ritual for me was looking and talking.
And most times I wouldn't pick up.
I would just ride around and look and be in that space.
So a lot of times it's the whole idea of doing something even more than doing it.
Like sometimes you do it, but other times it's just the idea of it.
Oh, dude, yeah.
Would there be certain things like during the interview process, like with the when you chat with them, we just kind of say, and you'd every now and then you just hear a certain thing and be like, oh, I'll spend more time with this person.
Oh, well, when I would talk to them, you know, if I was attracted to them, sure.
But if I thought they might be a cop, I was so ritualistic.
Like they would have to approach the left side of my window.
Like there was weird ritualistic things that had to be clicked, like any addiction, right?
There's this weird this box is checked, that box is checked, and then I can proceed.
But if it didn't happen, it would one box wasn't checked, it would wreck the whole experience.
But yeah, that that whole that that's addiction is so crazy.
Um sex is hard.
Like porn, I still struggle with porn.
I have a hard time.
I go into it, I come out of it.
It's it's it's hard.
I know.
I just hate the way that I feel after I notice finally I hate the way I feel the next day after watching, and I just feel a little bit like dissolved.
I feel like a yeah, like a like the day before I was kind of a bit of a Rubik's Cube and all the color that were matching on the sides and everything, and then the next day I just feel kind of broken, and I it takes a day for me to get my energy back organized, kind of that's a good way to put it dissolved.
That's a that's a really good way to put it.
Like you feel dislike, kind of like it's it's a it's a collapsed feeling, like and dissolved is the perfect way.
You don't feel strong and and and whole, you know.
I and it's not a moral thing, it's just it's all that weird chemicals from like you're your own drug administrator.
Yeah, like when you know what I mean.
I'm sitting there, it's not attractive, just me twiddling my nip fucking chimp.
It's and oh, if you had to watch a video of yourself yerking off for over all the years, you'd be like, somebody shut this guy down.
Somebody put this kid out of his misery.
Yeah, what is he doing?
This is long, yeah, and unpleasant.
It'd be like the director's cut of apocalypse now, where you're like, I get why they took that stuff out.
We didn't need the fucking dinner with the French people.
Sucked.
Uh yeah.
If I had if you had to watch yourself directly, especially if you could add up all the time.
Yeah.
The amount of hours or weeks or months, whatever you could.
You'd quit immediately, I bet.
You'd quit immediately.
And it is wasted time.
Oh, yeah.
Um, it really is.
Oh, the waste.
And but I would do the same thing.
Like if I would look at like I would get high on cocaine, I would look at hookers online.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And I would like just be looking, I would look at the photo, and I would be like, ah, you know, and then I would barter.
I was like just poor, and I would barter.
And then you're and then but then when someone would come over, I would often take the money, put it out of the door, give it to them, and have them go home.
I was too nervous to have somebody like in my presence.
One time a lady came over and she had she said that she had to get a brain tumor taken out or something.
And I was like, whoa.
You know, and I just sat with her for a little while and talked about talked about some stuff, and then just she just went home.
Yeah, it it sometime when you you also realize like they're real people, and then you realize like, why am I doing this?
Like I used to love talking to women after.
Like I I used to love the conversation afterwards, like after sex or whatever, we would just sit and chat, or if I would drop them off, we would talk.
And I realized it was just it's a lot of loneliness.
Like you're just lonely and you don't know how else to to meet somebody.
I I didn't know how to go out and talk to people.
So that was a way of meeting people.
That shit I don't miss.
Like being married, the one thing I I I like, like I can just call my wife and talk to her.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like we actually it's it's a nice stable thing to have in your life, like a person who you really like and loving somebody, yeah, yeah.
But I mean, you have to like them too.
It's not enough to love somebody, like you have to like talking to them.
Yeah, and you have to enjoy, and we have our dumb dog, and I'll just be on FaceTime with her and the dog, and I'm like, this is the life I want.
Um, the dog shits all over, it makes me furious, but it's still a nice life.
Yeah, you know, I mean, compared to what was going on before, which was very lonely and isolated.
Yeah, it does.
It's just interesting.
You get kind of like trapped in patterns over time.
And when you're a comedian, it feels like you're new you don't ever have to grow.
Or I don't know if it's a comedian.
I don't know.
I've struggled at certain points in My life to grow up, you know.
I didn't realize for years that I hadn't been growing up really.
I was kind of trapped, I think, for in like a child's ways in a lot of times.
But they were working out okay because we're in comedy, and it's like you don't have a ton of responsibility.
It's all on you.
You have to show up.
You know, it's like you know, it felt almost like a kid could do it.
And but you also there's something about that that is good too.
Like, because our impression of somebody growing up and getting older was like, you know, you you you you go up, you retire, you get the gold watch, and then you go into a home and you're finished.
Like there was a a process and there was a definitive end at the end of the tunnel.
But when you always feel like I don't have to grow up and follow that pattern, you always feel like I don't know what's ahead of me.
Like you don't see the end because say that part again.
I want to hear it.
You don't feel like you can always see the end.
You don't know what's ahead because you're not following the pattern of people growing up.
So it makes everything more exciting, you think.
More exciting, yeah.
And you feel like there's an endless amount of time, or I don't know which direction this is gonna go in.
That's the terrifying part of doing things the way like your parents do it, is that the you see A, B, C, D. But if you're kind of stuck between A and B in some way, you have no idea where you're headed yet.
And it still feels like the end is not directly in front of me.
And that makes you also continue to feel young because it feels it's that same feeling that you always had when you were young.
Yeah, it's kind of it is.
It's a way, and I think it's a healthy way to be.
I don't think it's crazy.
As long as you're paying your bills and you're you're decent to the person that you're with.
Like, you know, it's a fun life.
Like we we fought to not have a boss, to not have a retirement age.
Like that, this is the dream life.
This is what I wanted to do.
Sometimes I'll be in a hotel, mad, and I'm like, shut up, you fucking asshole.
How many of your friends have to get up and go to a warehouse on Tuesday morning?
Yeah, and you're mad you have to drive to Asheville.
Shut up, yeah.
Like, you know, I mean, this is like what you wanted, and you got it.
So with even with great jobs, there's annoying parts of it.
Yeah, that's the truth.
And it's fun, it's fun.
You're gonna get to go to Asheville.
That place is amazing.
Did I remember the first time?
That's one of the true the the blessings I think of having worked in this job is like I got to go to LaCrosse, Wisconsin, dude.
Blew my mind.
One of the it's a town in Wisconsin, and it's like this beautiful, like hill, like kind of small mountain right on the edge of it, and it's just amazing, man.
It's like we were right there, like the weekend before Halloween.
She had like all the kids being like brought home from their parents after school and their costumes and the leaves are all fall.
It just looked like you couldn't, it was like the perfect place to grow up, is what it looked like.
Do you want kids?
Yeah, I want to have kids.
I think you do.
Yeah.
I just think I would like to do it.
I would like, I think it'll help me like just not think about me.
You know, you start to get exhausted of yourself.
Yes.
And they say that's the one that's the thing.
Kids open up that thing, and I know that by not having kids, and I've never wanted kids.
I don't feel like I'm missing no, never.
Never does Nikki want them.
She would love to adopt.
Um, she would love to adopt.
I could see you getting something cool.
Um, I could see me dying and then her doing that, which is great.
I told her, like, when I drop dead, do what you want.
Sell my stupid kiss posters and get yourself a kid.
But I've never wanted it.
I I don't feel like I don't dislike kids, but I don't feel it.
But when I hear somebody who wants them like that, um, it does supposedly open up a part of you, and everyone I know who has kids says it.
Like it's a good thing.
Um, and you start thinking about something other than yourself and your purpose is other than yourself.
Yeah.
For me, it's I haven't had that.
So maybe that's why I'm a half miserable fucking idiot in my 50s on Japanese kiss poster auction auction sites like a fucking idiot instead of worrying about my kids' soccer game.
You know what I mean?
Maybe that's maybe you're right.
That's that's probably it opens up that part's healthier.
Going back to like um if you had kids, if you were able to, if you're is there part of you like because you said that if I died, then uh my wife could go ahead and get if she wants to get kids, then that's fine.
Is there a little part of you that's like that still feels like having a family in a weird way?
Like at least I was able to help and support uh somebody and create an environment for them to have a family, like in a weird way.
Does that make any sense?
No, but it's so when you say it, it sounds really nice, but it's never occurred to me.
Like um, again, I I feel like with my wife and a small dog, it it's such a different life than I ever had.
Like it's a hundred percent different, but I feel like that's my family.
Okay, got it there.
But you're right.
Like, I I am facilitating for someone to have them if she wants them.
Because I tell her I'll be dead long before you, like, so do what you want when I'm dead.
I don't care.
Sell my shit and you know, find some young fucking Latin guy and you know, have a great life.
And she would believe me.
While they were still powdering my face in the casket, getting fucked.
Dude, they should have a tattoo of you on the guy's back, though.
That would be kind of nice.
Or on his stomach, so she really has to look at it when they're intimate.
Um, no, like she'll do what she wants.
I I just never wanted it, man.
I don't I don't have anything against it.
I respect it.
All my friends who do it are happy they did it.
I watched Bobby Kelly go like from being a single guy and then you know, long-term relationship son loves he loves his life like that.
Like it's just not for me.
Like I see it and I'm happy for my friends, but I don't envy it.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Like when I'm around children, I never go like that instinct in me is never it doesn't pull me in that direction.
Um even around my nephews, who I love very much, I would love them and hang out with them, but it never made me want to go have a kid.
Got it.
But I don't know, maybe that's selfish, right?
Maybe I'm a selfish maybe.
I maybe it's selfish though, also to have him.
Like, I wouldn't have them just in order to m get me out of my own uh ego jail that happens sometimes.
I mean, I know it's like, yeah, I would like to be able to have like I think part of me is like I would like to be able to create a safe experience for a child in the world, because I don't I don't know if I felt like I had that a lot of times.
I felt like I I want to try in my best to fill in some of those holes that I didn't have to because I think our lineage kind of deserves that somewhat.
And I think since I've really loved love that childhood stuff and a lot of like the emotional side of it, I think I could probably service that pretty well.
Right.
So I would like to like respectfully try my hand at that with a woman who is a very loving mom who wants to be a mom and with a kid who's willing to, you know, be, you know, just be my son or daughter.
Well, you would actually like you know, because you have this, like you said, we don't grow up.
There's a lot of time to have fun with a kid too.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like in our life, it does afford us a lot of things that most people can't do.
Like you can book a gig on the road.
If you want to go to Hawaii, you book Hawaii and you could bring your family.
Like most people can't do that.
Right.
They have to schedule it around.
Like, I I'm not doing radio for the first time in 20 years.
And it's so weird not having a schedule.
It's so weird not going, okay, well, Labor Day, Memorial Day, like this is when we get off, this when we don't get off.
To just be able to go on the road and do what I want to do is a very foreign feeling.
I love it.
It's nice.
And having a kid, you could do that.
You could just book a place.
Not that, you know, having a kid and having a radio show with the same thing.
But you yeah, I don't know, you gotta get up early.
Yeah, you're right.
It it kind of sucks.
You kind of don't want to look at the people you're talking to.
Yeah, maybe it's exactly having a kid.
It's like any other partnership.
Yeah, yeah.
The food sucks.
The food sucks.
Yeah, the hours are kind of annoying.
You gotta wake up when you don't want to wake up.
You fucking cranky through most of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, your partner's there.
Fuck them, you know.
Yeah, it's like yeah, because they made it in before I did.
You're like, ugh, you're happy to be here, aren't you?
Yeah.
But I do I do kind of miss it a little bit.
Like I missed the structure of it, but I also like not having it.
Oh, it was so much fun when you guys had.
I mean, I only got to go when it was open.
I actually I came when it was Jim and Sam too.
Okay.
But I never got to go when Anthony was there.
Yeah.
Um, but it was fun.
Like, I mean, that was like some of the first times I ever got to be in a place where like people got to hear my voice that were like paying attention.
Yeah.
Um, like we talked to Bobby Kennedy on that show, which was on you guys' show, which was crazy because he and I became friends years later, which was wild.
Was he in studio?
Like, I think I he was in studio with us, wasn't he?
Like, uh, for some reason, did Robert Kennedy just call in?
He called in.
Oh, it was a phone call.
I thought I saw a picture of all of us together.
And I'd never heard of him, and I thought he'd been like electrocutor or fucking, you know, or people were fucking him while he was talking or whatever.
Like, I didn't know what was going on.
Those are really bizarre reasons for the voice.
Yeah, wait, is that him right there?
Oh, never mind.
I thought I saw that.
That's myself.
I can't, I don't have my glasses.
And uh Florentine and Opie, and uh, yeah, and that's Robert Kennedy.
I did I didn't remember that.
Look at how skinny I was.
No, I I know back then I I I look like a weird photoshopped version of what I am now.
You look almost feminine there a little bit.
It's kind of like a white Charlemagne kind of that is funny, and he would hate that.
Uh he knows I think he's a handsome.
Oh, no, no, no, but nobody wants to be Jim Norton to be like, yeah, you're kind of resembled Jim Norton.
Uh but that you're right.
I It is like a little my my wife hates me like that.
Like she's like, you fucking look like a little twink.
You look sick.
I don't like it.
She like, you're not a fucking small, you're a medium.
She makes me uh she never wants me to be like that again.
But that's how I want to be.
And it does look kind of sickly.
Like when I see that, like my neck, my head, like, and I was so depressed at that point in my life.
So I wasn't even happy.
You seemed like you were doing great.
And then Daryl Strawberry, that's the day I came in so coked up.
Were you coked up that day?
Oh, bro.
That's that started my that that day.
I made a story for Ari Shafir's show.
And that story, like that story, like is when people started paying attention to uh my comedy.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I ended up on in a taxi cab driving a taxi cab high on cocaine.
The driver had picked me up.
There was a girl in the cab, we're dropping her off.
She kind of rejected me.
I didn't like make like I was just like, she was laying in my lap.
I was trying to like give her a kiss, you know.
Because it felt like she was flirting.
She laid in my lap.
And like so, I like, you know, whatever.
And I didn't get be aggressive, but she like was like, What do you do?
And so then I felt some rejection.
She she got dropped off where she was going.
It was just me and the driver.
And I was like, let's go get some co you know get some cocaine.
And then it was like next two hours later, I'm driving.
He has a hooker, he's bought hookers for us.
He's in the back of the taxi.
We're up in like Washington.
Washington Heights.
Washington Heights.
Yep.
And I I have to be at the radio station the next morning at like 6 30.
I get dropped off at my hotel at 5 50, right?
It's a couple blocks away.
I shower and I walk over there, dude.
And it was a scariest walk ever because every moment of the walk was so scary.
And I just was like rattled.
Right.
And I got inside, and I sat on the show.
I couldn't even talk.
I don't remember.
Daryl Strawberry was the guest.
And I'd always thought he was like this drug addict.
And here he was, pure as a driven snow.
Sober.
He's clean and sober.
I think he still is.
I hope he still is.
But yeah, he came.
Joe Torres told us right about him about the plane going in that was really bad, turbulence, and everyone was panicking, but Daryl was reading his Bible in the back.
So like he turned around and like has this sober life.
And it's weird being fucked up around somebody that sober.
Oh it's uncomfortable.
And I'd always thought he was this way.
And I'd always thought I was kind of like toe in the line and do, you know, straight.
And then it was this moment where everything, and that's when I got in a uh recovery rooms after that.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was literally the two days after.
That show, like, you know, the Opian Anthony show was it was a different thing.
Like it was, you know, and Obi and I did what we could.
It's hard to follow the Opian Athony show.
Like, you know what I mean?
It's all it's a hard act to follow.
Um, especially when it was uprooted without any one of us wanting it to be uprooted.
Um, but man, I look back at that show, and I'm really glad I was a part of that.
Like, there was some really funny shit on that show.
Great comics coming through, everyone being vicious to each other.
Like, you know what I mean?
It was a really uh there was a lot of fun times on that show.
Oh, that was so fun.
You got it felt like the luckiest place in the world.
There was no better call you could get at the time in the country, I don't think, than to go on to that show.
And some people didn't even recognize it, and that's fine.
Fuck them.
But to go in there and sit in there with guys, De Stefano, Sherrod, Small, Pete Davidson, Mark Norman would be in there, just like uh everybody.
Vic Henley, like Greg, um Florentin.
Oh, Jim Florentine.
Oh, Jim Florentin.
My bad, yeah.
Yeah.
Just all those guys, man.
That was magical.
It was fun, and it was a good you would see your friends.
I mean, the last time I saw Patrice, I remember he was on uh he was on uh was on OA and he was coming in one day, and they're like, Hey, Patrice is coming in either Thursday or Friday, and we were just having an after show meeting, and they're like, Do you have any preference?
And I remember going, Hey, let's do Thursday because uh I'm traveling Friday, I won't be here, and I wanted to see him.
And he came in and he did the show.
That was the last time I saw him.
Like, so it's like you saw people that you would not have been likely to see coming through, friends that were on the road.
Uh, you would always get to see them because they'd come in the studio.
Yeah, that I miss a lot, being in the center of that.
Like, you know what I mean?
And you know, everyone headlines, so you don't see your friends anymore.
You'd probably go years not seeing guys that you like.
Totally.
But you know, there I would see guys come come through.
And uh yeah, man, I I I really I love those days a lot.
It was special.
Yeah, I felt like it was.
Um, you got to go to uh you went to Ozzy's last show.
Yeah, me and Jim Florentine.
Who Florentine got me my first paid gig in comedy.
He's my oldest friend in comedy.
And uh we knew Sabbath was doing one more show.
So we went to London in Birmingham, booked a couple gigs just to pay for the trip.
Yeah.
And we did get to go to the show.
I was, I'm so happy we went.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we said hello to Ozzy briefly at the end.
Um again, he's very frail at that point.
Um he was in a wheelchair, but we still got to say hello.
And I'm really happy we got to say hi at least.
And hey man, love the show.
It's great.
Um, it was it was an unbelievable trip.
We went to the Black Sabbath house.
We did a video where the, you know, you ever see the original Black Sabbath album cover?
There's a a woman in front of uh this this ominous house.
Um and we went there and we actually went up and looked inside.
It was it was a really it was like you know, again, with your your dumb friend, it's like we should have done this 40 years ago.
Yeah.
Like the fact that we did this in our late 50s, we should both be fucking pushed into a ditch, idiots.
Oh, dude, yeah.
Well, there's also shit you get into on the road.
Did you get to see Jack or Kelly or um yes, I saw both of them backstage?
Um Jack's awesome.
I don't know Kelly.
She's a sweetheart, and she she actually uh uh you know, she told me she was getting married and she was very sweet, and Jack is always great.
Um it's funny, the day Ozzy died, I was supposed to be in LA doing Jack's podcast.
I was going out after Sabbath to LA for a day to do the podcast, and uh the day before whatever they canceled, they're like, Yeah, Ozzy Ozzy died.
So you know, it sucks.
Nobody was expecting it this soon.
Did you do you feel like like as you get older and people like heroes start to kind of disappear?
What is that kind of like?
You you do see it's almost like I look at us like we're on a production line, like you know what I mean, like going this way, and the more of them that drop off the end, you're like, uh-oh, my turn is coming.
Like, but I also am grateful, like it makes you grateful.
Like you get to know people, you get to meet people you love.
Who's the biggest hero you've met since you've been doing stand-up that you actually got to talk to?
Um that's a good question.
Or even the first one.
Probably Chris Rock, I think.
Really?
Like for comedic hero for sure.
Like getting to meet him was pretty, I thought was pretty special.
Chris Pratt, I really liked getting to meet just because I think there's something really special about him.
Like, I think he's a great entertainer, but I there's something I think really special about him.
Um you shocked when they're fans of yours too.
Like, if you had anybody that you love who liked it.
Jason Momoa, like the other day I was walking through somewhere, and this big arm comes out and just pulls me in.
It was just like two different areas passed, and it was an open door in between and I was just like, oh my God.
It's and I thought I said it's the guy from Shark Tank, right?
I fucked up.
And he just started laughing.
He's like, and he said whatever show it was or whatever.
Um just really nice and like uh and he likes your show.
And he just said, Hey man, I'm uh I just want to let you know that I'm a fan of yours.
And yeah, yeah, things like that, especially like if it's sometimes like a male figure, I think it like um like I didn't have a lot of that when I was a kid.
I didn't have like any male ever like being like, you know, I'm a fan of yours, or like I like what you you know, I just didn't have any of that energy in my life.
And so, like, even little moments like that, like to me are are big, you know.
Um Dustin Poirier, he and I becoming friends over the years.
Oh, I love him.
I've never he's one of the few guys in the UFC I haven't met.
I love Dustin.
Yeah, I mean, he kind of changed my life in some ways of like um just of like uh, you know, also you know, like just checking in, what's up, you know, just little things like that, you know.
It makes you I don't know.
Like having like a tough figure that that's like you know, I'm looking out for you, just some little thing like that, even though it's not even it just kind of it it it it attaches itself to an old place in me that was missing part of a magnet.
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
And when those click, it like makes you feel something.
There's a weird thing too when you have figures like that in your life who are checking in on you, there's like a weird sense of like accountability in a way, like even though you're not, you're just friends, but you still don't want your friend to say, hey, how are you doing?
And you go, uh fucking mood, like you want to at least be doing something good.
And and your friends can keep you somewhat accountable.
Like, you know what I mean?
And not in the way that you know people use it now, like you gotta be accountable for that shitty fucking uh online gotcha nonsense these children are doing.
But I mean like like when when you're personally just feeling like I don't want to let this guy down, have him think I'm an asshole.
Right.
I'm gonna get out of bed today, or I'm gonna go do this extra thing.
Just little things like that that keep people inspired.
And then I think we all do that for Each other in some ways, you know.
Like, um, I'll get that feeling sometimes like I'm just gonna rattle this off to this person, even if they don't hit me back, that's fine.
That's right.
Just let them know, hey man, I'm thinking about you.
Just let you know, you know, I think you're great, or I care about you, or you're doing great today, just little things like that, you know.
And I think sometimes my brother's like, well, those are things you really wish that people would say to you.
And I'm like, that's fine, but I think the feeling I get is that I want to share it with somebody else, so it's it's still okay, right?
100%.
And you're right.
And the older you get, and the more people that die, like the more people like that die of natural core overdose, suicide.
I mean, we've all you know, sure, those things happen, but when they start just dying of like heart issues or things that like are people things, you're like, oh fuck.
So you start telling people you love them more, and like, hey man, I miss you.
Like, I'm not afraid to tell guys, hey, I miss you, because like you there's one day you're gonna be like, I wish I could say that to this person.
So I say it.
Like, you know what I mean?
And I like when Patrice died, he's just an example.
There's nothing in our relationship that went unsaid.
Like, there's nothing I wish, oh man, I wish he like we had a complete relationship.
You know what I mean?
Like, with and you make sure that with your close friends you have complete relationships, so there's nothing that you go, like, oh my God, for the rest of my life, I'm gonna wish that they knew that I felt this way.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, and that's really important to me now is like these complete relationships.
Like, if Bobby, not to jinx Bobby, but if Bobby or Anthony or one of my clo dropped, I would, I would they they know how I feel.
Right.
We we we know it's it's not like it went unsaid.
Do you ever think over time, like, did you think like you were missing relationships like that when you were younger?
Like, were you missing like some like do you think people could be like missing a connection with like a male figure?
And then that gets come that gets that creates gay curiosity in somebody over time.
Does that make any sense to you?
Sure.
I mean, I what what creates curiosity in in anybody I don't know, like that could be one thing that causes it, like because you're craving that connection, and all of a sudden you're like, well, there's a sexual component to this too, or I want to connect and I think it's sexual.
I I don't know exactly what like I said, what makes me have a pull towards something, but there are things like that get that I think can influence it.
Like if you don't have any male figures in your life and you get close to a male figure, you may love that person and then not know, like, wow, is this love like I want to lay down with this person, or is this this a healthy normal?
Yeah, yeah, I love you, man.
Like, why do you have gay curiosity?
I think there will no well well, there was time in my life where I like didn't like I was just definitely like a late bloomer with a lot of like um like intimacy of any type.
Sure, you know, like our like I was just talking about this the other day with a friend, but it's like even now if a woman like looks at me, it's like or says something nice, I gotta change the fucking subject.
I just it's hard for me to be in that moment, right?
It's hard for me to be right here.
And um, but yeah, growing up, I just felt like I didn't get a lot of like uh I didn't have like a strong brotherly or fatherly connection.
And so like when I started to get relationships like that with friends later on, I think it was a part of me for a little bit, it was like, oh, is this like a gay like I'll because I was so desperate for those relationships.
So part of me it had a wager in my head, like, is this a gay thing?
Or is this just a friend thing?
And then I had to learn how much can you just be a friend to somebody without kind of over not seeming into a like a uh homosexual like space or sexual space, but just like into where it's awkward for them because you're trying to be too much of a friend because you just have never had that sort of friendship.
Yeah, I mean, but there is a it's it's a feeling that there's a definitive like emote.
Like if I love one of my friends, uh I I'm I'm like like Bobby or any of these guys, I boss, rotten boss who I love.
Uh Colin, I love these guys.
I I I mean, I really love them.
And I can hug them and tell them I love you, but there's there's a moat between that and wanting to peck them on the neck.
There is a definitive line.
And that's what people a lot of times don't do, like, like any guys who are freaked out by my lifestyle, like that's fucking gross.
Like, most guys have to understand, like the idea of me having sex with you is as disgusting to me as it is to you.
Like, it makes me nauseous to think about it.
Like, any if any of my friends think I want to jerk off with them, they're very delusional.
I don't, none of them.
I don't care if they're built like Rogan, none of them would I jerk off with.
Yeah, glazing that ham, brother.
None of them.
So it's like there is a there is a line between love and really connecting with a friend and and feeling intimate with a buddy.
Yeah.
Um, which I'm glad as an adult male, I'm allowing myself to do.
Like I'm not afraid of that.
And and and feeling sexual.
They're completely different things for me.
But you know, that's so that yeah, there can be a different you can love somebody without having any of that stuff.
Yeah, and I think you just hear so much, like you know, when you're young, it's like there's there was always so many like you can't say this around a dude or something.
A lot of that's kind of changed over the years, especially me.
I'm a pretty emotional dude, and so I like thinking about emotions, and I like um, you know, I like kind of examining that stuff.
But yeah, I think there was probably there was probably some times where I was like, is this am I like and also I was having so much trouble like communicating with women, so it also to say, well, maybe I'm gay man, you know, maybe I'm gay man, and uh, but then I I never felt an attraction to men.
And so it was like, um, but I think some of that's pretty normal.
I'm amazed that a lot of my friends as I get older that um date trans, uh, prefer to date trans women.
Yeah, you'll you'll find a lot of people that's it's it's it's a it's a lot more than I ever expected.
Yeah, and it's it's part of people think like what it's this new thing, but a lot of it is you're people are just not hiding anymore.
Right, or they're just not as afraid of it, or they're more aware of it because there's more people who are trans now, and there's more like uh, you know, with with with surgeries and estrogen, and like, oh wow, that person looks great.
Like, there's so many things people do.
It's just it's it's a part of the culture, and it's not gonna go away.
Like, I know some people, I understand nobody wants an ideology beaten over their head.
I get nobody wants to be told how to feel.
I don't scold people if they don't agree with me.
I don't care.
Yeah, I have plenty of people I know who I respect and like would find my lifestyle awful.
It's always funny because I do a lot of gutfeld episodes, and when I go on to come there one time, he's a nice guy, he's a great guy.
He really is.
He's a genuine, and he's really funny and he's fair.
And Jamie Lissa's on there sometimes, huh?
Jamie's great on that show.
I love Jamie.
Uh Tyrus is really great at what he's just a very naturally funny, good talker.
Tyres is a big guy and he's mixed, right?
He's mixed, he's mixed.
He lives in the town that I'm from in Louisiana.
Oh, he is from Louisiana.
That's right.
He goes home all the time.
Uh cool.
I saw him at the gym one time.
He's inspired me in a way because he lost so much weight recently.
Like it made me get back to the gym.
I'm like, and I I know for him it's been a struggle.
And I'm like, he's doing it.
He's putting up videos of himself boxing.
I'm like, just get in the fucking gym.
Dude, he looks like all of the Lion King in one person.
He does in a respectable way.
Very intimidating.
Um and Kat, I don't want to leave Kat Tim Fow.
She's fucking hilarious.
Uh it's it's a great show.
So anyway, I do that.
I go on the road.
A lot of those fans don't know me except from that show.
So it's so I nothing I like more than watching the joy just drain from their face when they realize who they've paid to see.
Yeah.
But I, you know, more people, I guess now are more comfortable being themselves.
Because you also, it's it, it's like, you know, I mean, I was a when I was a kid, I wasn't I'm old and used in the 70s.
I got called a faggot all the time.
I got beaten up and chased by older kids for doing little sexual things with boys.
Um, the word gets out, like he's a faggot.
Like it was nasty.
So it's nice that people aren't being treated that way anymore.
I didn't know that you had had to have that kind of stuff happen.
And well, I I think kids got called that.
Like, I certainly got called shit just for being like being smart in a neighborhood where it was uncomfortable to know shit.
Yeah.
Um, you know, like uh I wish it was for that reason, but no, that's not why they called me that.
I was nose deep on a belly button.
I earned it.
Hey, some people call it penis.
Some people call it long pussy, you know?
That's a new term for it.
A lone pussy, yeah.
Like, let's just say she's got a lone pussy, you know.
But dude, yeah, people are such perverts now.
Who even but then also it is crazy because there has been this energy that we've all been following this like astute level of our government and the this, but then now you realize, oh, these half these guys are damn pedophiles running around, skeeting on fucking, you know, kids off the coast of fucking wherever.
It's like, what's going on?
I that's why I don't believe any of it.
Like they're talking about with the marriage and the sanctity of marriage, and then you find out that person's divorced.
It's like, man, I don't I don't want to hear you weigh in.
If you're divorced, shut the fuck up about who can get married because you didn't do it right.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I I don't believe any of it.
It's just like I don't believe progressives when they're talking about you know being so pious and the purity checks they put everyone through.
It's like you're full of shit too.
All your friends are white.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Like, you know what I mean?
I don't believe that.
Oh, I hate that shit.
When people are saying that have never lived in the South of how things should be in the South.
Fuck you.
Come down, live in our neighborhoods for a little bit, see what the shit is like, you know.
It's the same sometimes with the border stuff.
I don't know what it's like to live on the border in Brownsville, Texas.
I don't know what people's lives are like right there.
I don't know the fears people have when they put their kids to sleep at night.
I don't know the fears people have who are trying to come over, who are trying to get their give their kids a place where they can go to sleep at night.
Like I don't know what that's like.
So like I have thoughts about it sometimes, but to really be like so definitive and shit, it's crazy to me.
Well, you yeah, and because you you dealing with in the immigration with with Nikki, which we again, we did it legally, and it's a long pro the immigration system should be sped up.
Like it should be a 24-hour system that's always got people working because it's like your life is ticking away and you're waiting, and they're you know they're sending paperwork through the US mail.
It's like Jesus Christ, like these are like I Which is just a trap.
The mail, it's basically like handing a letter to a black guy and hoping he takes it where it's supposed to go.
Yeah, just here you go.
Please bring that to the to the government.
This is the request for evidence.
Here it is.
Um, when there's so much more it's a government, anything with the government is not going to be efficient.
So immigration, they really should streamline it more and make it and hire more people.
Like that, because I understand why people hop the fence, but I don't agree with it because we did it legally.
Like, but I'm lucky I could afford a lawyer.
Like a lot of people can't afford attorneys.
So I kind of go back and forth with it.
Well, it's nuanced, you know.
And people get up so upset about the ice thing.
But here's what I think people don't understand.
We're headed to a surveillance state, I believe, in America.
Yeah, like they're doing this, like they're Palantir as this new deal.
They're the same ones that are like owning all these drones and operating a lot of these drones in Gaza and stuff that they're company, right?
Palantir?
Yeah.
Allegedly, that are sniping children.
I mean, we had a doctor and he said bullets would come straight down it like from above, like a succinct shot.
So that's the same company.
Like, we're you won't be able to be in like hypothetically or on paper illegal person in America in two years, I don't think.
Because the radar will go off, like the the facial recognition will go.
You can't do it.
So they're getting all the paperwork organized now.
They're just taking inventory right now, and I know it's painful.
With the fate, you're right, the facial recognition.
So like I don't mind it at the airport.
Like I know some people won't let them take the picture, but I show up at the airport sometimes, and I they just take a picture of my fucking my my stupid face, and I just walk through I love it.
And anything that makes my life easier, and I know there's so many civil libertarians are come telling me to go fuck myself.
You're right, fine.
I don't care.
I mean, I'm 57.
I just like fucking going on a plane fast.
Oh, I wish things were different a lot of times.
But also here we are, right?
It's like I can wish things were different.
I can romanticize that we're still before 9-11, but that's not where we are right now.
We're in this fucking place.
But I I believe that's why all the stuff with ice, so people sometimes are so like they shouldn't be doing.
I know, I understand people have different feelings, but there's no other way to get to where we're headed by them getting everybody on the books.
And I would like to get people like criminals, once you commit a crime, get out.
Like or hang, I'm I'm fine with hangings, I'm fine with executions.
For some people, yeah.
Not everybody.
No, no, no.
But those who really misbehave.
Yeah.
Although it's funny, I've turned against the death penalty.
Like you, but not they always say it's cruel and unusual punishment.
There's there's there's a uh there's a line in unjustice role where he's talking about something he goes, in theory, it's great, but in practice, it sucks.
I think in theory the death penalty is allowable.
Like I don't think it's cruel and unusual.
I think people who hurt children and kill children, I'm all for their fucking heads being mushed between two giant pieces of metal.
I just don't trust the system enough.
And I don't trust prosecutors enough to back off.
Like there's so many times that they care more about the record of the office than they do the actual truth.
So that's the only reason that's turned against it.
It's nothing to do with it being, I think it's a perfectly allowable thing, but our system isn't perfect.
That's a good point.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like when a coach runs up the score at the end of the game.
Like, how do you know that that that prosecutor's office isn't just trying to run up the score because maybe they're trying to make their office look better with so many deals and they're gonna sell to a bigger company?
Yeah, you just never know.
That's a great point.
And they don't Want to pay lawsuits.
Um, so there's I just don't trust the integrity of the people who will look bad if it's overturned.
Yeah.
Um, and you look back, there's enough prosecutorial misconduct where you're like, ah, not technicality shit.
Not where a guy had bloody underpants in his fucking house, but the search warrant had the wrong date on it.
Like, I'm not talking about technical shit.
Yeah.
But there are people who legitimately didn't commit the crime.
And then you see like evidence that wasn't given to their attorneys.
Like, yeah, it happens a lot.
I just can't get around.
Much more than rich people.
That's a good point, too.
Like, so if everyone got the same leg level of legal representation.
It's not what happens, though.
Yeah, and I don't even think it's racial.
I think it's it's money.
Like, if you have enough money for great lawyers, you have enough money for great lawyers.
Yeah.
But if you don't, you get some guy that's overworked who's doing it, you know, because he has to do it, uh, pro bono.
You're not gonna get the level of experts and all these people that can refute evidence.
So whatever.
That's how I feel about it.
But I do think that uh emotionally I agree with it.
Like, you know what I mean?
I get why people like drugs.
Well, it's also it starts to you start to think, is there bad DNA in the universe?
Sure, you're looking at it.
This is a fucking...
This is fucking...
Dahmer's Petrie didn't five foot six with fucking bad DNA.
Did you guys ever get to um did you guys ever get to interview OJ Simpson?
Did you guys ever interview a murderer?
Did we ever?
Um I don't it I don't know if he ever admitted I've interviewed Frank Lucas, uh, who was in uh who was the this Martha Moxley?
That wasn't that guy, was it no American gangster that Denzel played him?
Oh uh, but there's a moment where he went up and shot somebody.
So he he might qualify.
Uh I'm dying to interview Sammy the Bull.
I'm dying to talk to him because I I this podcast is fascinating.
Uh you know who one of the best guys we ever talked to was it was this giant cop from Milwaukee.
His name was something Kennedy.
He was six foot seven, and he was the cop who debriefed Jeffrey Dahmer.
When they arrested Dahmer and they brought Dahmer to the station house, he's the cop.
Wow.
The detective that Dahmer first talked to.
And he said at first he didn't believe him because he was like, Yeah, I killed all these people.
And then he said he got a call from the scene, and they're like, Yeah, with the refrigerator, we found heads, and then he had to go back over it.
Yeah.
Um Patrick Kennedy Kennedy.
Yeah, he died, unfortunately.
He looks young.
He was a giant six foot seven beast of a man, very nice guy.
But he uh he and he admitted that when Dahmer died, he got emotional because he had gotten to know him.
And he goes, he kind of got a little bit he cried.
He said when Jeffrey Dahmer was killed because he was a bad guy, but he's still, you know, whatever.
When you know someone, you know him.
But a murderer, I that's a good.
I don't know.
Um but never OJ, huh?
Never talked to OJ.
I corresponded with him once.
Uh I sent him a DM trying to get him on the radio show, and he did respond to me, but um, he we never got him on.
This was after he got out of jail uh for for in the Vegas thing.
My buddy has a story where they were uh in New York one night and they were doing some cocaine, and this was after the murders, and somebody was like, Oh, I don't have a key on me.
And OJ pulled a knife out of his jacket, and they did it off of the knife.
He jimmied the lock?
No, he they just Oh, the coke, the coke.
They were doing the cocaine and he and they pulled the knife out and they did the they and they were all looking at him like it was fucking crazy that he would do that.
Why would you carry that?
Yeah, and the only thing crazier than that is me acting like someone's aunt.
What they couldn't get in the house?
What an asshole.
How did I miss the point of that?
I apologize.
Oh stupid.
I'm a stupid man.
You're talking about doing coke, and I'm like, but did they Jimmy the lock?
Oh, fucking blithering old idiots.
I'm an old man.
Um, yeah, that's uh that's a very bizarre.
Maybe OJ had to at that point, though, because he, you know, people had such strong feelings about that.
Maybe he was afraid somebody was gonna jump out and take a shot at him or or attack him.
I never met him.
Yeah, I don't know.
Uh I feel like we had a chance to meet him when he was doing podcasts and he was getting paid for them for a while.
Yeah.
And we didn't buy, we didn't go into that.
I would love to, I met Kavorkian once, but uh Ron Bennington, I think interviewed him, and he was there.
So I took a picture with Dr. Kavorkian.
But I would love to have gotten to talk to him, but I never got to talk to him, unfortunately.
Some of them he's just like, fuck.
Did you guys have Trump on your show sometimes?
He called in uh a couple of times.
Matt and I for UFC Unfiltered interviewed Trump.
Uh it was before he got the nomination for the we knew he was gonna get it, but it was like in between Biden was president, and uh he we they they reached out to us, they're like, Do you want to interview President uh Trump?
We're like, Yeah.
So we went to Vegas and we did it in the uh the Trump Hotel, and he was really great.
Like it was a sports interview because Dana's like, I don't want this to be politics, this is not a political show.
We talked to him for about 40 minutes about boxing and stuff, boxing, MMA, because Trump was a great friend to the UFC.
He was a tremendous asset to the UFC long before they had what they have now.
Um Dana speaks about that a lot.
His brain, dude, his brain, whether people love him politically or not, doesn't matter.
I sat in the room with him, his fucking brain was really sharp.
People thought we had cue cards set up because his answers were so on the money, and he remembered every fighter and he remembered every fight.
And people are like, these guys uh had cue cards set up, and it's just he was very sharp.
So and he was nice to my wife when I introduced him.
So I I I had a great time talking to him.
Yeah, you can't not.
Anybody who wins the presidency has some form of charisma.
Oh, yeah.
I'm always people like you had that, dude.
What are you talking about?
Do you know the street I grew up on?
If I didn't interview a president and I had the chance, yeah, if I didn't sit with people, whether I agree with them or don't agree with them, like how the fuck am I supposed to know anything about them or get any feeling as a human as to what they may or may not be like or how they operate?
It's like I would sit down with the devil, probably, and at least see if I could get a feel for some of his future plans.
Absolutely.
And then just I was keep looking at his little cloven feet.
Where do you get your shoes from, Dev?
But yeah, who wouldn't want to sit with the press?
Like again, and he was nice.
I would say I would show the same respect to Biden or Camel, and any any of them I talked to, I would be respectful to and and have a nice conversation with.
There's this weird line of people like, how could you talk to Trump?
Shut up.
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
You don't have the chance to talk to any of these people, and I don't mean that in a negative way, but fuck you.
Yeah, I I absolutely agree with who whoever uh wants to interview somebody.
Why should just the the quote unquote press have access to people?
If they're willing to come on and talk, why wouldn't you talk to him?
But then I do feel uh the some of those guys interviewed Netanyahu, and I did not like that though.
Oh, you didn't so you had that kind of feeling.
Yep, I'm just thinking that out loud.
So I guess there's a part of me that doesn't really feel that way.
But if you didn't, there's a difference between not liking something and vocing.
I wouldn't interview him and vocal.
You you wouldn't choose not to.
Would you maybe you could interview and ask him tough questions?
I think I would probably try to ask him stuff that really means something to me.
Sure.
And that's fair.
Like that, they know that if you're Netanyahu or you're Trump or your Biden, you know that when you go into an interview, part of it might be this guy asking you questions from from a belief system that is not yours.
So you might hear things you don't like.
Uh but yeah, that'd be that'd be the best thing to do is to interview him and ask him shit that he might not want to answer, but that you want to know the answer to.
Do you think that's better than not interviewing somebody?
It's personal preference.
I mean, I don't think you're wrong to not want to talk to somebody.
I I think if you go, nah, I'd rather not, I think that's perfectly fair.
Um, but I think that part of the thing too is when you're sitting in the room with somebody, no matter who they are, even if you hate them, there is sometimes something about them that you connect to and like, and it becomes harder to hate them.
Again, it doesn't have to be a politician.
I've met people like Lauren Bobart.
I don't I don't know her, I don't agree with her politics.
And I met her once and she was very nice.
It was Kid Rock's growth, not his girlfriend, is it?
I don't know.
I met her at uh she was at a Kill Tony event.
But but she was so nice, and I enjoyed chatting with her.
And it's like, even if I don't agree with her, I I don't have the same feelings about her that are bad.
Like, you know what I mean?
Because I've met her and she was nice.
Oh, for sure.
It's harder for me to look at her like just person who's got no real feelings and no real connection to anything.
Oh, yeah.
She got the bumpers on her too.
She is quite attractive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She looks great.
Um, I got zero vibes off her, but I mean she was, you know, as I shouldn't have.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
But she was nice.
So when you meet somebody, sometimes you think you know what they're gonna be like, and they wind up impressing you, and you're like, ugh, it's harder for me to dislike.
But although now you not Yahoo is that's such a controversial issue.
I'm not saying you would like the guy, but you know what I mean.
It sitting across from him, you may feel differently, or you may hate him more.
Right.
Yeah, there is something about sitting across from somebody, you're at least sitting across from them.
There is some connection of like spatial energy of of something like that.
Of like you I think it is human to want to find some commonality with people.
Yeah, you want to find something that that you that you kind of like it's funny.
We were interviewing one time, Ben Kingsley, and I remember talking to him.
Who is he?
He was uh in like he was in the he's it's just he's an actor.
He was in, I think uh did he play Gandhi?
He might have played Gandhi.
He's been in everything.
I mean Kingsley.
Yeah, he's he's been did he play Gandhi?
I could be uh he's a very famous actor.
He had a great uh great uh yeah, he was Gandhi.
Wow.
Um he's been around for Peter Billingsley, that's who I'm thinking of.
Who's Peter Billingsley?
I know that name too.
He is um the guy who kissed that pipe and he got tongue stuck on it.
Oh, in the in the uh Christmas story.
Yes, yes.
But we were just talking to Ben Kingsley and no, no, no.
I just remember talking to him and he was answering me.
And I remember thinking at any other circumstance, this guy wouldn't fucking spit on me.
Like he would never talk to me right at a party or at a premiere.
But in this weird setting, I'm like, so what about and he's like, well, and he's like giving a real answer.
And it's such an odd thing interviewing somebody like people that normally would never acknowledge you now have to listen to you and actually think about how to answer your question.
It's a weird psychology.
Um and I remember that just struck me when I was talking to him because our worlds are so different.
Like he would never talk to me in real life.
Got it.
And I've never talked to him again.
Right.
I see what you're saying.
But I can't think of someone I wouldn't interview, but maybe if it was brought up in front of me, I might say no.
Yeah, I can't think of anyone.
I think I would just I start to realize that some people will just use you.
They and you don't realize it.
Like I used to think like everybody just wants to come and they want to have a conversation and stuff.
You can learn stuff about each other.
But then some people just want to use like they'll use you to get their message out there.
And I think I didn't realize sometimes that that's how things work.
Yes.
And so I think I've noticed that more over time.
So maybe that would keep me out of certain conversations, you know?
It depends.
And maybe like with Yang Yahoo.
You're afraid that he would just use you to message.
I I feel like his group is so calculated that they would be able to do it in a way that I wouldn't even maybe see it, you know.
I don't know.
I think that all anyone in public life, especially in like a official politicians, congressmen, they they all do this thing where they have talking points and they all they're they're very they're masters at veering back to a talking point.
And when they're bad at it, we hate them.
Sometimes they're good at it, and you don't realize they're doing it, but most times we're savvy enough to go, what do you fucking to like look?
You know, you'll be like, Well, yeah, but what about that thing where they did find the dead prostitute in your closet?
No, I know, but the thing with the economy is and they're right back to talking about their and you're like, you didn't answer the fucking question.
That's why so many of them are so hateable.
Because I think we've gotten a little bit better at seeing it now for sure.
When they're back on their talking points, yeah.
Um that's why that's why I love the interview that we did with Trump, because it was just it really was just a conversation about sports.
Um I would love to have.
I wish I had told him how much I love that he talked to Kim Jong-un.
I didn't get to say that to him.
I wish I had, I just forgot afterwards.
But we were saying our goodbyes and he was taking pictures with everybody.
And I wish I had told him, like, I love that he went to North Korea and tried.
Like I love that he made an effort with that little short weird guy.
And be cool, huh?
You think oon is cool or what?
If you're a Chicago bull, yeah.
Like if you played for the Bulls, he's awesome.
Right.
Um, you know, if you if you're if your uncle is in the military and made a questionable decision, you're executed.
I imagine there's a downside to it.
Depends on who you are.
Yeah, dude.
He looks fucking cool, dude.
He looks interesting to be like here's what I would think with him.
I would be afraid that I'd be in North Korea and there's a language barrier, and he would want to toast it with alcohol, and I would try to tell him like I'm an alcoholic, so I'd have to refuse the drink, and that would start a whole you insulted the leader thing.
Yeah, you wouldn't know.
I think sometimes whenever you insulted them, I think that would be kind of yeah, something like that could be really mis mis skewed or something.
You know who fascinates me?
The Sultan of Brunei.
Really?
Who owns like the Beverly Hilton?
Like that's like that's a guy who lives a that that'd be a fun guy to know.
I might go to Duba Abu Dhabi for UFC in October.
Who's fighting?
Or November.
I don't know what the card is.
I see you at all the events.
Like I even if I'm home watching, I'm on the road, they always pant you.
You're always there early.
I love you're always there early.
Yeah.
Well, I just get to see like, you know, Chris Wydman was fighting on his retirement fight, I think, was fighting on the main card.
It might have even been the first fight of the main card or something.
But like, I mean, there's just so many great fights.
I just can't believe that people aren't there.
These are like guys that are going in there and women that are giving it there.
I mean, it's like, where are you?
I wish I scheduled better because they just announced uh I think Jack Dall and Madalena and Mikachev at the uh uh in the garden in November, and I immediately look at my schedule.
I'm in Oregon.
Oh I'm like uh nothing against Oregon.
No, but it's just hurts.
Yeah, I probably didn't even say it right.
Yeah.
Oregon.
Or the fuck you dumb state is I'm coming.
What um oh, you know what?
One of my favorite conversations was that ever had honestly was with Louie.
It was whenever we chose because we didn't know each other at all.
Right, right.
And we la like we just laughed and got to know each other, and then after that we became uh closer.
But that was one of my favorite podcasts ever, probably.
He loves you, and it's funny.
Your name came up while we were traveling, and he's like, he's a really great guy.
He just raved about you.
I didn't know that he you were gonna be talking to him, or I was gonna be even uh you were gonna be seeing him uh this week.
It was a nice surprise.
Uh yeah, he's a special guy.
He is and he's uh it'd be hard to be him, I feel like, because he has so many thoughts and he's so able to like look around the corner of thoughts and possibilities.
Like I mean, really to like ex like fuck, it almost feels like it would be scary to be him.
He is make any sense.
No, a hundred percent because his brain operates so well, like it's such an an interesting and unique brain.
Like he helped me fix a joke that I wound up doing in the special.
He saw me doing it at the cellar.
He's like, You might want to say it like this, and I did, and it fixed it.
It was better.
Like, so when you have a guy like that, like he just sees something and he lasers in on it.
Uh, and the material is so good.
His new hour is so good, and he's changing the order every night, trying this, trying that.
Um, you know, yeah, he's he's brilliant, man.
That word is overused on people, but he truly is brilliant.
Getting your sweat on might seem like hard work, but with symmetry sauna, it's a work of art.
Premium custom saunas for your home or business, plus a series of sleek pre-built saunas.
I just got myself a symmetry sauna, and I'm sweating out bad decisions.
Like the time I tried to just uh fill my own um chip tooth in.
Why sauna?
Well, it relieves sore joints and muscles, improves skin, boosts heart health, and melts stress like hot butter.
Hmm.
And I'm finally sleeping like a baby, which is rare since I'm usually up at 3 a.m. wondering if penguins have knees.
Pro athletes, fitness buffs, big folks getting small, small folks getting big.
Everybody's hot boxing and symmetry saunas can help.
Designed in the USA, made with aspen wood from ancient Estonian forests.
Ooh.
Yep, fancy trees.
Symmetry sauna, the perfect balance of form and function.
Learn more about how to get your own premium home sauna from Symmetry Sauna at Symmetry Sauna.com slash T-H-E-O.
I think oh, do you did you grow you grew up in New Jersey, right?
I did Central Jersey, yeah.
Did you get to ever meet James J. Braddock or not?
Who's James J. Braddock?
No.
The Cinderella man.
Never met him.
Where is he from in Jersey?
We made Mr. No, but that's not that far from me.
Um Joey Diaz used to shovel his driveway.
Is he dead or alive?
Joey's alive, but this is a good thing.
No, I know Joey, yeah, yeah.
Uh James A. Braddock is dead.
He's alive.
I mean, it's like you gotta look at it.
But if I didn't know if Joey Diaz was that would be sucked if he was dead.
I was like, Oh, sorry, I just talked to him.
Yeah, Braddock did that.
Cinderella Man's the best.
You seen that?
I have I seen that.
I don't think I have.
Wow.
I don't think I have.
No, and I was six when he died.
I was I was born in 68.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't realize he died that early.
Oh, you and Nikki got to watch, put on some condoms and watch this thing, dude.
Just condoms, forget it.
Not before, during or after our marriage.
Well, every use one of those boo those things.
When if he win it, but oh, this is my favorite movie.
I just watched Silverlining's playbook again.
That movie's so good.
That was very good.
Yeah, did uh De Niro and uh Bradley Cooper.
I was watching Iris the uh Irish Mickey Ward movie, The Fighter.
I don't know if I saw that.
Oh, it's so good.
I think we've interviewed Mickey Ward, though, but I don't remember if I could see that.
Yeah, he was uh yeah, he's still alive, right?
He's out.
I don't know what he was promoting.
But UFC guys, by the way, are the nicest of all the athletes to interview.
So funny.
I've interviewed uh boxers tend to be a little standoffish, a little too cool for the room.
You keep the sunglasses on, but you have C5, there's a humility to them.
And and Rogan said it's because like they get tapped a lot in the gym.
When you're training, you're you're being submitted and you're submitting.
So there's a humility there that you keep because there's always somebody kind of getting the better of you.
And maybe that's what it is.
I don't know.
But I like those guys the best.
I think that makes sense.
Oh, yes.
Getting to be around some of those guys.
Dude, I accidentally called um, I called one of the fighters, Steep and Mealchik, and it was not him.
Oh no.
And I asked a woman.
I I asked uh two UFC employees.
I was like, is that Steve?
Like, yes, that's him.
And I'm whatever to say, hey, and it wasn't.
It was uh John uh Jakovich, Braun, Jan Yom Blahovich?
Yamblovich.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And at it was just fucking scary for a minute.
Would you say hey Stepe?
Yeah.
I was like, hey, how's the retirement going?
And I think he didn't want to, you know, if a guy's not retired, you probably don't want to hear that.
And I kind of like tickled him a little because I know Steve A little.
And it was just fucking tough.
But uh, you know, you win something with some.
He did give me a nice look later on that made me feel a little bit better, but just you gotta be careful.
Like, yeah, it's funny, like, it's almost like whenever you get too like you're like around a pit bull for a little while at a party, like, oh, now we're buddies.
Yeah, you just want to be a little careful sometimes around those guys.
You want to be a little bit careful because you never know what past trauma you remind them of in a minute when you do something.
I had uh I was in LA one time many years ago, uh, and and I walked up and it was Patrick Swayze was coming out of a restaurant.
So I walked up.
Was he handsome?
Very and I go, dude, I love you.
Can we take a picture?
Uh and I'm like, I'm such a I'm such a fan, Patrick.
And he goes, I'm not Patrick.
And it was uh David Keith.
And he was with a date.
Whoa.
That was embarrassing.
That was fucking embarrassing.
I thought it was Swayze.
It wasn't.
Oh, that is heavy.
I could see that a little bit.
That was years ago.
It looks like Robert Wool, actually.
Um, oh, did I fuck up?
I just got nervous.
It was Keith David, you mean?
Oh, David Keith is one's black, one's white.
Oh, David Keith.
Uh, sorry.
Did I say Keith David?
Keith David.
Keith David's black.
If it was him.
Yeah, he was in Platoon.
Yeah.
Mr. Swayze.
He was like, Yeah, no, no.
This guy is fucking not too much.
David Keith is white.
Keith, he was in an officer and gentlemen.
Dave Keith's a great actor.
Oh, yeah.
I just panicked.
Oh, for sure.
I was just nervous.
Keith David, I met in an airport one time in LAX.
The coolest guy in history.
He's wearing like a completely white suit and white coat with a fucking white hat.
That guy's just awesome.
Yeah.
He was also in that uh that Michael Douglas.
What was the movie?
Uh Platoon.
No.
Spartacus.
It was a drug movie.
Uh where the girl Requiem for a Dream, I think he was in.
Oh, that movie was interesting.
Yeah.
I think Jared Leto was in that.
And he was really uh Keith David is tremendous.
But in Platoon, you know.
Yeah, that was a different time.
Yeah.
That was embarrassing though.
I relate to that.
It's humiliating.
Yeah, I'm trying to think.
I know there's been something like that that I've had, but I think sometimes I just can't really.
I think sometimes my brain just shuts down.
Do you ever panic around people like that?
Like where like my brain is not working, and I'm just like lost.
And I'm like, I know I should be more comfortable.
Like, but they're famous or whatever it is.
Oh, yeah.
I meant Johnny Depp came to the comedy store one night, and it's still like a moment of lore because it was like uh Doug Stanhope brought him.
Yeah.
And they were in the green room at the in the main room, and everybody was in there.
And I was like, I got there, and they're like, uh, don't tell anybody Johnny Depp's here.
And I knew when they're telling me, I was like, they've told everybody if they're telling me.
And so I go back in there, and then all you know, like you don't even know who else is in the room is like 50 people in this little room, and John, and then like I got to somehow got to say, I said, hello, Mr. Johnny Depp.
And then I had nothing else to say, and it was very uncomfortable.
And I realized I was just there for me, kind of, and I just got out of there.
Yeah, it's embarrassing because you want to say something, but sometimes a person's famous and I like their work, but I don't have anything to say to them.
Like hey, I admire your work.
And that's kind of uh, you know, where do you go from there?
If you have nothing legitimate to say, and I've I yeah, I've I've done that, I've humiliated myself.
Uh but they gotta be used to it too.
They're like, and some of them will be helpful to you.
They'll kind Of ask you something to fucking put you back on your feet, you know, or someone will shake you and be like, you're not a f son or whatever, you know.
Like no one's ever shaking me and said that.
I've tried to say that in the mirror and I just wound up laughing.
Jim has a crash chest dumpy.
He's just it's like one of those battling dummies, but he just uses give it uplifting positive, semi-homosexual, like uh you're straight, Jim.
Yeah, now you're not, Jim.
Get back in there, Jim.
You're straight.
You can do it.
You it's not scary, it doesn't have teeth.
Um yeah, no, I oh my here's my Johnny Depp story.
I was at uh I got invited to uh it was Ozzy's actual uh 70th birthday party.
I got to go to that.
Wow in the US.
In that was in his house in Beverly Hills, and it was amazing.
There was a lot of great people there, and Johnny Depp uh was walking around and I was talking to him, and he was very nice.
Um and I talked to him three or four different times.
We took a picture, and then I uh I realized it was a Johnny Depp impersonator.
Stupid, no show biz, Jim Norton, like my aunt again.
I fell for it.
I it was a Johnny Depp, 20 years younger than Johnny Depp, by the way, and I fucking fell for it, hook line and sinker all night.
You're over there.
I do.
I'm like, Johnny Depp, I get a picture.
I've gotten Dice got me on the road years ago.
We were on the road in like late 90s, he goes, That's Charlie Daniels.
So I took a picture with this guy, and it was just some fucking Hayseed that cowboy hat.
Oh, they got me so good.
They got me one time we were in the airport, it was an opium Anthony trip.
We were going somewhere, and uh one of the Jonas brothers was talking to his dad.
They were traveling.
One of the and I'm I'm not a fan of the Jonas brothers, and I don't know their names.
But uh, I'm like, I gotta I'll take a picture with them.
So I walk over and uh I just start talking to this 15-year-old kid and his dad.
And I and I almost want to take a picture if you don't mind.
And I look and they're all laughing, and I realize it's just some fucking kid that is dad.
I creepily approach some 15-year-old.
They're sitting in the airport eating lunch, and some fucking old blinking Pederess looking guy wants a photo with this boy.
He's cool.
Oh my god, cold coffee and the Faust head.
Is this nothing better than her head movements?
Oh my god.
She looks like the cop in Dog Day Afternoon.
Take us off drinks.
Uh, but yeah, that was uh I've gotten I've gotten got a few times like that, thinking it's a uh fucking celebrity.
It's humiliating, but I but I deserve it.
Yeah, and we all need stuff like that, man.
It's the stuff like that that uh that just keeps you alive, I feel like.
Yeah, and when you get one of your friends, and like I I do I do like the ability to like just go like you're an idiot, it's funny.
Yeah, and laugh at yourself, and what better thing to hit on a kid and also realize you're not a pedophile.
Right.
Well, I wasn't hitting I didn't I I didn't, I didn't think he was cute, I just wanted a picture.
I wasn't hitting on him.
I didn't I didn't say to him, son, if you need to go to the restroom, may I escort.
No, I was just trying to take a picture while they ate lunch, some fucking chaos at the airport.
And the father they looked at me like, what?
And I just happened to see Anthony and the rest of the guys fucking laughing, and I'm like, Yeah, yeah, they got me.
I'm like, sorry, I just don't want to have my camera out.
Fucking jerk off.
Oh my god, dude.
Yeah, oh, I don't know why that's what that's for some reason just so perfect.
That was one thing I was nice about before like social media and everything, like everything was possible.
Nobody in a moment's notice could be like, that's not them, or this isn't possible.
You could lie to people, but you couldn't lie to be you can make stuff up.
There was so much room for creativity and possibility and everything because everybody didn't have all of the like hypothetical answers at the at the at their wall.
All information, yeah, but looking at, yeah, like I could have just Googled them and then seen I mean I I imagine I could have at that point either.
I was just so it'd be so much fun to get a picture with one of the Jonas brothers.
Yeah.
And I get pictures of people, I don't give a fuck.
I stopped doing that now as I'm older, but for a long time I did it because it was fun.
And we had so many celebrities coming through your world too.
At one point there were a lot, yeah.
I mean, that show was crazy.
Be in that lobby in that big building in New York, like, especially for young comics.
You go there, and there's like it looks like outer space when you get there downstairs the first time.
If you haven't been in there, and it's those glass, like something turns green and it opens it up.
But first, you have to go talk to somebody who's usually a diversity hire.
I'm gonna say it in a suit over there downstairs, and they would call up to somebody magically somewhere.
You would get the thumbs up, they'd give you a little barcode, and now you're like the doors open, and then bing, and it just the elevator like almost is like come in here, and then you and then you go so high to your ears pop, and then you get out and like fucking um a Vander Holyfield is in the lobby, or like Doja Cat or fucking Katie Perry, everybody's waiting to go into some little um enclave to get their voice out to the world.
It was crazy, dude.
It was crazy.
And and and Stern was right down the hall too.
So he would always have huge guests.
Yeah.
Um, I nailed McCartney coming out of his studio one time.
I got a picture with McCartney.
That was a big one.
Pele I got like I've got if they weren't there for my show.
But I still would, if they're in the lobby, I'm like, it's fair game.
Yeah, and usually they would take it, you know, because you're in that it's kind of a closed environment.
Um, but yeah, that would that was one uh that was one uh that's a good shot with us too.
I've always hated how my dumb neck looks, but uh yeah, because I was doing it for a selfie, and then McCartney goes, let my guy do it.
So I handed it to his security guy.
He was actually very nice.
And uh, yeah, that's a great, uh great shot.
That's a pretty good picture, man.
It's very risky handing it to someone else too, because you have no control of what they're gonna do.
No control, but because Paul suggested it, I knew the guy would do like do as he was at.
Like it wasn't like I just handed it to some guy, and I'm like, quickly.
Yeah, you know.
Um he asked the guy, and he probably knew, like, let me just get this fucking weird eggheaded kid out of here and go about my day.
Yeah, this is a special needs adult.
It really, yeah, it is.
I I don't look particularly mentally healthy there or handsome.
Did you feel like you were handsome when you were a kid or not?
Never really.
No, I look back now.
I was like, I was a cute little boy.
Um I looked back, I was like, yeah, when I was I was five, I I get why uh a lot of the older kids saw my face and deserved uh that we should hump that.
I I I got it.
I got I got it.
Was there a lot of predators in your neighborhood and shit?
No, we were all in the same age group.
There was maybe a couple, but uh no, we were I I my my therapist tells me I was molested, but I was like, Yeah, I was kind of volunteering for it.
I was there for it.
You know what I mean?
Like I was, yeah, I don't think so.
I was hanging out on the mistletoe type of uh uh yeah, I was probably I was in on it, you know.
Uh oh, that's me at 17.
That's you know.
Is that you?
That's me at 17.
Oh my god.
Yeah, you're young.
Young, young urban gym with a lot of attitude.
Wow, I did not see this.
You look like somebody that would work for Neil Brennan.
You know what I'm saying?
You look like a black, like definitely like a young wig a type of child.
Yeah, that I that that hat really should have been removed from my head, white with the clockwork aren't shirt.
I didn't know what I want it to be.
It's a you yeah, yeah.
You're doing a lot of things here.
That's why when I see people with these identity crises, like with with the uh when especially when they're like political about it, whatever.
I understand the identity crisis.
We all have them in time, and eventually you grow into who you are.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I was doing the black thing for us a while for a kid.
I did uh like the Nirvana thing, Stone Temple Pilots, you know.
I did all the things, Marilyn Manson.
I went down a lot of different roads, the religious, you know, like different things, just like you were like, Yeah, you're trying shit on.
You're trying stuff on, like, and that was I I was into like the the little white kid who thinks he's black.
I was doing that long before it was fashionable.
Yeah, like in in the 80s, like you know, when when Adidas still had fat laces and that was considered, yeah.
But then you grow out of it, and then you just kind of somebody said one time, like instead of looking for who you are, just get rid of all the shit that you're not, and whoever you are just shows up.
And that kind of made sense.
Like, just stop looking for it and just live and you'll find.
But I see so many people in life now looking for an identity.
That's what so much of the stuff is public, you know what I mean?
People that are so adamant, always talk, always talking about the same thing, always talking about the same thing.
You're like, you want an identity.
You you just you're looking to you, you you you want a a little uh a prefab identity, like a little and do you think there's a way that we can get to know like uh so one of the things you just said is like get rid of the things that you're not, right?
Sure.
Like, yeah, how do we find our identity more?
Because I wonder if we used to be better at that.
I feel like if we used to have more of communication with like our parents, uh you know, like back in like almost like caveman time, something was there something more that your identity was kind of shaped with just being able to survive, right?
And now we have this all this other like this all this other fucking ornamentation that helps us get a reflection of ourselves.
I just wonder if it was different, or if how do how do we find our identity better?
I wonder.
Well, there's also no do it was less pressure then because now immediately everybody weighs in.
So there's this pressure to weigh in so we don't drown.
Like we want to just be above the above sea level.
We just want to survive and be noticed and be alive.
So there's no time for it.
It's almost like that's why people have these again, these almost like big like when you see a house being driven down the street on the back of a flatbed, like that prefab pre-built house.
That's how people are with politics and with social issues.
There's no time to go looking for nuance.
And it's like, okay, that's my that's my that's that's what I am.
Right.
And that that's that's what's what I'm associated with everybody's so afraid of being run over by all of it.
Um so I think just don't don't listen to what everybody else is saying.
I don't give a shit what other people think about stuff.
I I don't begrudge them, but I don't care.
Like I have plenty of friends whose politics I totally disagree with.
I don't give a fuck.
Did you always have a did you have a tough time when you were young, like finding your like deciding I'm gonna make my own choice for myself?
Can you bring me one more water, Trevin?
We'll finish up in a couple minutes.
That's fine.
Um I have to piss.
I can't believe we're gonna be going this long.
How long would they talk?
Probably two hours.
What?
You want to pee really fast?
Can I?
Yeah, because I'm loving this chat.
There's a bathroom right behind that curtain.
Oh, okay.
Awesome.
Dude, one thing I noticed about having a pee, dude, is as I get older, that kind of is not fun.
But here's what I notice is some of these underpants, the stuff on them is too tight.
So all night, your bladder has to pee, even with just a little bit of liquid in it.
It's pressing all night.
You're absolutely right.
And also the fact getting fatter doesn't help.
Um, like when I fly, I I hate that feeling pressing on my bladder.
I'll fly I always wear sweatpants and no underwear when I fly.
And it's not to be creepy, it's because this way I feel like I'm not as confined as I was.
I I piss constantly.
So the fact that I can go for however long we've been talking without peeing.
Every time I do rogue, I gotta pee at least twice.
Oh, yeah, it's so hard in there.
Yeah, but I'll always just go, I gotta piss.
And usually he does too.
So it's not a big deal, but like sometimes you just talk right through it, and you're like, I have to go to the bathroom.
What am I doing?
Oh, and like when you're riding the bag, when you're sleeping at night and you have to pee and you don't get up.
Yep.
That's mesmerizing dark thing you do.
You're like, I'm just gonna lay here.
Have you ever wet to bed as an adult?
Oh no, as a kid, I went to bed all oh, I went to bed I was probably 27.
I went once.
Last time I did, I know I've done it more recently than that.
I've done it since my wife has been there too.
A few times I've wet to bed.
Yeah.
Um, but I don't care.
I don't feel bad.
Sam used to think I was crazy.
But I'm like, it happens once in a while.
You sleep every night and you pee every day.
You don't think they're gonna cross paths once in a while?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, like two ships passing in the once in a while.
They meet.
You think it's crazy?
Yeah.
Once in a while you're asleep and you have to piss, and you're like, uh, I'm no, and you dream about being in a pool, you dream about it being in the ocean, and you wake up and there's urine on you.
And I go right back to sleep.
I'll throw a towel on it, of course.
Yeah, I'm not an animal.
Oh, I'll put a little sawdust on it.
Yeah, a little something, and I'll lay into it.
Yeah, that's oh yeah.
But I remember as a kid, I was so scared going to bed that I had to do all these checks and balances in my room because I didn't realize why I wet the bed for so long.
And it wasn't like about six months ago I was remembering, oh, dude, well, when you went to bed every night, you would have to like look and open a door, look in a closet, look it a certain way, lean something against the door on the inside, then on the outside.
You'd have to like look at certain like I it was it was no joke, it was probably a 13-minute process every night.
Were you afraid of?
I was just afraid of like people getting in from outdoors.
I was afraid of like killers, murders, just these hypothetical kind of boogeyman, you know.
And we lived in like this kind of scary neighborhood.
So I was just I was just scared of all that.
And but I remember like, dude, no wonder you slept in fucking crazy fear.
I'd fall asleep like this, or something couldn't cut my throat.
I remember really, and it was so funny.
I didn't for I forgot about this, but for years I did that.
And I was like, dude, no wonder you with your hands you'd sleep like that.
Yeah, I would sleep like that because I didn't want something to cut my throat.
I wanted to cut my hand first so I would know.
Right, right, yeah, of course.
And I don't know what what made me so scared.
Although the if if somebody was would had the wherewithal to get in with a knife, they could have just taken a feather and tickled your nose, and then you would have gone like that, and then they could have sliced the juggler.
There's ways around that.
Yeah, I didn't think ahead.
Do you sleep on your back?
I can't sleep on my back.
No, that's crazy.
Oh, you lay on your side like that.
I'll lay on my side.
Yeah, okay.
That I can do.
That I feel like is okay.
Um, I wanted to talk about Kill Tony.
You've been labeled by some as one of the best kill Tony guests, uh, which is kind of rare because they hate everybody kind of.
They do, yeah.
They're they're like old O and A fans too.
They're just animals.
Yeah, they're animals.
They hate everyone.
Um, but I think I I love doing that show.
Like uh you did the garden, yeah.
I did.
Yeah, it was like a five or six minute stand up set.
That's cool.
It's tough to do there.
It is a different energy, man.
And I I did it last year, but they they didn't film it for it, they just kind of shot it for clips.
Um, but when you're doing the panel, I would rather like at the mothership, I've done the panel a lot.
And uh I I always like to to give the if I can give the comics a bit of advice, I try to.
Because a lot of those guys are really terrible, and a lot of them are really good, but they're just raw.
And as a new comic man, I was so fucking easily wounded that if someone like made it seem like I really had nothing, I probably would have quit.
So I try I always try to like fuck around, and if I can say something that helps them, I try to.
That's a good point.
Yeah, I think I remember now that when he said that, I remember like one of the first nights I ever did comedy, or maybe the third or fourth time, like I started like down in New Orleans and Mark Norman was there.
Um, Dane Fosh, a couple some some local guys, Scotland Green, some different comedians down there.
And um, but I remember the bartender said, Hey man, you did a good job.
And just something like that little kept me coming back for the next two months, you know.
Yeah, because somebody who who's in the know, somebody who's in that scene recognized it and went.
You're right.
The bartender in a comedy club or in a comedy scene, they see everybody.
Yeah.
So when they like you, you're like, all right, I must be doing something right because they see everyone who comes.
There was a guy named Rob at Rascals, who's a bartender, and he always liked me, and he was always like, Yeah, you're really funny, man.
And that gave me confidence back then because every comic came through there.
And the fact that Rob thought I was funny meant something.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's like when other comics respect you.
Oh, yeah.
You you feel like fuck, I'm doing something right.
Because the guys that are the hardest to make laugh or the most critical about it, like what I'm doing.
Um, one night I was coming off stage and Bill Burr said something.
I had to go in before him at the Dolby Theater, and I was so nervous.
I never even been on a theater stage before.
And I did pretty good, right?
It just went good.
And I was coming off and he was like, Pretty good, man.
You know, some some little even just getting him to even fucking even if he'd just spit on my back, it would have you know, yeah.
If he'd have come on one of my legs, it would have been like that's thank you.
Yeah.
Have the has the audience stuff cheering, Clarice.
But yeah, it would have been perfect, dude.
But yeah, just it's so funny little things like that.
Um, what do you think about Kill Tony and that whole like when you see that, what do you think about?
Do you do you see it as a phenomenon?
Like, do you see it as like a change?
Like, what do you think about it?
I think it's great because it gives a lot of the people who bad mouth it, it's like it's really it's honest.
It's like these young guys are getting up on stage, some are brand new, and you're watching this minute process, it's very hard to be funny in a minute.
So hard.
And I love the fact that because Tony is so fast, like he really is quick, like lightning fucking fast.
And when he plays with people, sometimes they'll be terrible on stage, but they'll win them over in the interview.
So he gives you a shot.
You have a fair shot at Kill Tony.
No, you can't no one can interrupt your minute.
And during the interview, if you have a comics brain and you're funny, you'll be acknowledged as being funny, even if your set wasn't good.
I don't feel like there's any bias, like, hey, we're gonna get this guy because he thinks this, or we're gonna choose that guy because he thinks that.
I agree.
I think there's a very it's a very honest uh formula.
I I love doing it.
Um and I I just have a fun time when I do it.
It's it's so pressure free, and it's just fun to fuck around and riff.
It's like radio.
Like I I love doing that show.
Yeah, and you get to be around other guys, like you're saying, you know, you just get to be around another group of like comics here all together.
There's the blind guy, there's the Chris Rogers is doing art, you know.
It's like or the black guy, they took his eyes out for being black or whatever, which is it's like come on, dude.
Those times have changed, but okay.
Um and and then Tony is in a weird way, it's so perfect because Tony's almost always he's kind of the bad guy, yeah.
He's the wizard, but he's also the bad guy, right?
Like so, you know, he's like, because he's so like he can be so uh just cutting.
Yes, that in the end he's almost always a bad guy.
And yeah, some of those people are setting themselves up for complete careers.
Some of them just want a moment of that pain of being up there, and some of them they're getting up there to try it, and It's it probably gets a lot of those bugs out of their just the nerves out of their system.
Yeah, if you can survive in that, it's a huge stage.
Even if you're just doing the mothership, you still know how many people are gonna see it.
Uh and he's a sniper.
Like, you know what I mean?
He picks up on everything.
Uh but if you're good, if he thinks you're funny, he'll he won't like go, oh, let me go trash this guy because I have to.
He'll acknowledge you as being funny and have a good time talking to you.
So I think if you go into it with that and you know, like, hey, it can go either way.
Um, I think you're gonna have a good time.
But I couldn't have done it six months in.
I would have been fucking terrified to do that show six months in.
Oh, it would have been so crazy.
And that just shows you that times are different somehow.
I think with people seeing clips of things.
The the the psychology of society changes and how people are able to be something in and I like when I was coming up, I couldn't have just I don't think gone and done that and known that that many people could see it.
It would have been way too scary.
Yeah, it would have been terrifying, but the balls on like because they see guys like all these guys that are coming through, they're all doing well.
Yeah, the ones that have kind of come through, you know, Cam Patterson is doing great.
He just made SNL.
He did.
Okay.
I I I had heard that, but I didn't want to say it.
I didn't know if they announced it yet.
He just took it, please.
Uh good for Cam.
Um, good good.
Yeah, I heard that last week.
Good for him.
Tommy Brennan, uh, Jeremy Colhane, Cam Patterson, and Veronica Slow Sloy Kowsky.
Oh, that's great.
Good for yeah, I'm I'm happy that they uh that was official.
I congratulate them, and I'm like, I won't say.
Uh Ari Matty is very funny.
Christina Mariani, Lucas.
Christina Mariani's very funny, too.
Yeah.
There's a very a good group of people there.
And I know I'm Fiona Collie, I'm forgetting some people.
Uh, so I apologize.
But Leona's from here, I think, isn't she?
She redheaded.
Yes.
I don't know where she's from.
She might be.
Is she does she seem like she's like in a wheelchair or whatever?
I I did get that impression.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Very definitively got that impression when she wheeled in.
I wasn't, I wasn't saying she didn't seem like it.
That that like right now, I seem like I'm in a wheelchair because I'm sitting here.
But when somebody wheels in, you can say, without reservation, that person's in a wheelchair.
Sorry.
And blessings, Fiona.
She should be on SNL.
She's great.
She and I have actually uh worked together on the same show a few times.
So I just, yeah, I yeah, same.
Yeah, definitely.
I like that whole crew, and they're all they're all nice.
Like, yeah, you see them on the events now and they're getting real followings, so many of them.
Um so it's nice it's nice to see the these uh these young comics doing really well.
And some some people I don't want anybody would begrudge those guys.
It's like there's room for everybody.
Like that's what Rogan always says, and that's one thing that I admire about him the most.
He always says that there's room for everybody.
There's room for all of us to lift each other up.
Yeah, like I'm not afraid of my spot and because like we all as we get older, you feel like oh, I suck, I'm worthless.
Like it's it's it's just a part of what made me a comic to begin with.
I mean, if I had great self-esteem, I would not have gotten into this line of work.
Yeah, that that part of me is remaining the same.
But uh as far as shitting on other people, we're trying to keep other people down because of what they say or their belief.
It's just such a weak pussy thing to do.
It's like, who the fuck cares?
Like, I don't care what other guys are talking about on stage, as long as you're not stealing material, yeah.
Uh, whatever point of view you're talking about, good, make it funny.
Yeah, I don't even have time to think about that.
No, but guys do.
You do the joke from the wrong angle and people are like, whoa, and I'm like you because you know, and it's dishonest.
When when people criticize that, it's not like, hey, I'm old and I can't handle young people be involved.
It's that I think it's dishonest.
And and like attacking other comics for material points of view is a way for you to climb socially.
It's become one more way to climb the ladder.
It's not based these purity tests are just one more way for people to climb the ladder.
They give you a purity test, you fail, they climb a little higher because they gave the test.
It's nonsense.
But that ladder has fallen so far down in society.
I think people are just like whatever that whole system was for so long is disappearing so much.
You know, I think that's why it's like um, yeah, I don't know, people just make their own choices now.
Like, who's gonna listen to some article or some fuck?
You know, it's like I believe we're in a space where more and more it feels like people would make their own choices, but maybe not.
You hope so.
I mean, and I've never like I I I never no one changes my mind.
Like, I I think for myself, like everyone can say what they want because I I think for myself, like people will say things about like, well, when he says that, they'll come after Rogan.
Well, what he says is dangerous.
And I'm like, well, have you listened to him?
And they're like, Yeah, did he change your mind?
No.
Well, then why don't you give everybody that credit?
Like people give themselves the ability to to uh to go through information intelligently, but they think the rest of the public are a bunch of blithering tards who can't do it.
Yeah.
And it's like, no, you're not the only one who can sift through information.
And some people don't operate, but do not make their decisions from information based on the analysis of the information.
They base it on how the information makes him feel.
And I don't think that those people are necessarily one is necessarily more right than the other sometimes.
Yeah, and it's hard to kind of like just tune it all out.
I try to, I like there was years I didn't check at mentions on Twitter.
Like I just don't I don't give a fuck what everybody's talking about.
What's this?
What does he say about that?
Who gives a shit?
I don't have time to.
Yeah, I don't, I really don't, and I don't care.
Yeah.
It's not interesting to me.
Yeah.
Like, you know, if it's a friend and I'm talking to him, sure.
But do I care who other people vote for?
Like, it is of no relevance to me whatsoever.
I don't know how people uh and like if you say something good about Trump, like there's policies he has that I very much disagree with.
But like you say anything good about him, like he's a f how could you?
It's like shut up.
Right.
Take your little identity hat off.
Just be a person, have a conversation.
Well, you think about this stuff like in DC, they just had where they they want to clean up some of these cities and they're using the National Guard, which I've always thought is like, you know, police are in this tough space where everybody's filming them and it's like it feels like they need more support somehow.
A lot of cities have become overrun with crime.
Um Trump's use of National Guard in Los Angeles was illegal, judge rules.
Yeah, I know Brandon Johnson in uh Chicago is not for it.
He's the worst mayor in the country.
Is he awful?
Chicago's mayor pushes back as Trump administration readies immigration crackdown.
Let's see what they say.
Chicago's mayor is limited how much his city's police department co can cooperate with federal immigration agents in response to threats from the Trump administration to ramp up immigration enforcement operations in the city.
So it's just about immigration.
And and like they did, I I don't know.
They they didn't want National Guard helping uh with immigration.
Like they didn't want to help National Guard with immigration or troops, but if they're just doing it to control crime, it's like crime is it it's a mess.
I agree.
As long as they're not interfering with people's comings and goings, if they're just patrolling the streets and giving the police some assistance, you you know, most of the people who are against these policies, a lot of them don't live in those neighborhoods.
A lot of them can leave their house without being fucking worried about being robbed by somebody selling drugs.
So I think if it keeps people safer, as long as you're not infringing on their right to do anything, yeah.
Um, but I you know, I have a real soft.
Look, here's the reality.
The most important thing Trump has done is uh he is he is honoring KISS at the Kennedy Center.
And I'm gonna tell you, there's nothing that has made me happier that any politician has ever done.
Is he really doing that?
Gene Peter Ace and Paul, the original four members are being honored at the Kennedy Center.
Nothing has made me happier than that.
I love him.
I love that he did that.
I would hug him.
I mean, he does a lot of interesting stuff, man.
And I hope that some of the his plans for the country and stuff are good, you know.
Like I hope we see a lot of the things that he, you know, kind of tried to campaign on.
And I think it's just really interesting when guys campaign and then when they get in office, I bet things are way different.
And we don't know what those things are like, you know.
But I hope that he has a lot of long-term, like beneficial things for uh the everyday American, you know.
I bet you Obama was very disappointed.
Like, because he was like a young, not too tainted by politics guy, but like he was still a relatively young guy.
We got voted for him.
And he uh had all these hopes and dreams, and then you get into it and you're like, oh, this is a there's a lot of muck and glue and things.
I bet you that his idealism somehow got squashed a little bit when he saw how it really worked from being deep in it, and these things that you think you're gonna fix, you can't.
Yeah, what does it say here?
What effect did uh Trump's crackdown on crime in Washington, DC led to a significant drop in reported violent crime and property crime, it also generated controversy, strains on the legal system and a dramatic increase in immigration-related arrest.
Violent crime fell by about 49% compared to the same period the previous year with overall property crimes and car theft also down by 30 to 40 percent.
I wonder if they're just using this as a ruse, though, for ICE and immigration.
But yeah.
I I don't know.
I I think that there's a genuine desire in cities that have really high crime rates to bring it down.
Please.
I think people's biggest concern is they want to be able to leave the house.
People care about abortion, they care about all this, but people want to be able to leave the house and go to work without being fucking hit over the head with a pipe.
Like, you know, I mean, there is there is a really basic desire to want to get in your car without it being stolen at gunpoint.
Like these things that we take for granted so many times, violent crime to me, because it's such a an avoidable thing.
So avoidable.
It's so avoidable.
So if he's using these forces the way he says he's using them, I have no problem with it.
And I don't want to see, look, illegal immigrants who are housekeepers who are just outworking, who are whatever they're doing.
Like they're out building houses.
They're out.
I have no problem.
Contributing being being some some great members of America.
There are people who just want a better life.
Like those people I don't want to see kicked out.
I know they're here illegally, but I still have empathy for someone doing that.
But as soon as you commit crimes and like you commit a violent uh felony or even an assault, out.
Yeah.
I mean, that's it.
There should be no second chance.
I mean, if you're lucky enough to be here, don't commit violent crimes.
I mean, I don't think that's crazy.
Yeah.
And especially if as a regular citizen here, if you commit a violent crime that you're held to a certain standard, you know.
Yeah, you're going to jail.
Yeah.
You're not being released immediately.
Yeah, I think there's a lot of holes.
It's it's tough.
I don't know, man.
You know, and we just try our best and you try your best just to show up for yourself every day and your new wife and yeah, and uh not be a bad boy on the road.
Yeah.
Talking to her in the chat.
Is that tough?
It is because again, it but it's not like there's one specific thing.
It's tough because uh it's addiction is selfish.
And like it's it's about a it's about getting high, and it's about feeling that rush.
So so many times you want to do things just to get away from yourself.
Oh, yeah.
Like I I I'm not happy with how I look.
I'm gonna jerk off, or I'm gonna fucking, yeah.
Yeah, and I do that too much.
I mean, I really do.
I mean, uh up and down the fucking East Coast.
There are towels that probably should not be used by another person.
My apologies to any guest who's drying off and your back gets scraped up because the towel's too too rough.
That's my bad.
It's tough times out there.
Yeah, it really is tough times.
But uh, it's it's not uh, you know, what do they say?
I'm not the man I could be or should be, but I'm not the man I was.
Like, you know, my life is better now.
I'm happily married.
I mean, despite being annoyed at times at being married, um, I I love the fact that my wife enjoys when I joke about us on stage.
She's not sensitive about like you know what I mean.
I I just you can be free in your relationship.
Yeah, she loves it.
And we all send videos of like jerking off and stuff like that or no.
Do people do that?
No, I mean, I she sent me some nude photos and videos, but that's cool.
We live together, and like that's the one thing when you're married, that perverted stuff.
Right.
Sometimes, because you can hook up whatever you want, right?
But if I asked her for a video jerk at all, she'd probably send it to me.
She has in the past.
That's nice.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll ask her.
Um, Eddie Money showed me some pictures of his new wife one time on a plane.
Nude, pretty nude.
Whoa.
I like Eddie Money.
He's dead now, unfortunately.
Dude, he said he hit a can of huff one time so hard that one of his legs quit working.
Really?
Fuck yeah.
He was a fascinating guy.
He overdosed, survived a lot of stuff.
Was his wife look good naked?
Pretty good.
I'll show you my wife's paintness if you want.
I mean, she wouldn't care.
Yeah, she wouldn't care.
Oh, dude, maybe just do a drawing of it for me.
Okay, all right.
You think?
All right, just show it.
I'll kind of go like this a little.
All right.
Um, I won't show it on camera just because to me.
I don't want to see all of it at once.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's I I can't show it all on camera because she's a lady.
She wouldn't care for that.
No lady wants to paint us young completely on camera.
Oh, for sure.
Dude, I don't even want to fucking look at it.
Oh, I won't show it to you if you want to look at it.
No, I'm okay.
Like um, let me see.
Hold on.
I'll you you can unc.
I won't just I won't just hit you with it.
Yeah, this one's a surprise.
You don't be like let me find an acceptable photo that she would be uh that she would be proud of.
Okay.
Uh no, that she wouldn't like that's a video.
Um I'll find one for you.
Yeah, take your time.
I'm gonna think about something else first in a minute.
All right, you want to see?
Yeah, hold on.
Okay.
Yeah.
Whoa, brother.
What?
Oh my god, Jim.
Your wife has that?
That's my lady.
That's my best gal.
Wow.
That is a that is a tall pussy.
She's a tall lady.
She's a tall lady.
Oh, that thing's in 4 H, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, you gotta spray some round up on that.
Yeah.
God, yeah, you got to get back home.
Yeah.
I mean, sometimes I need a break.
You know what I mean?
You eat your body collection.
You're like, I mean, I'll I'll take a little break while we're back home.
You know, bro, you could freaking scratch.
You could uh foul your nails down on that thing.
Yeah.
Uh oh.
But it's but it's funny.
It's like it really is.
That's the main difference in the relationship.
It's like compared to other women I've dated.
As a person, there's no difference.
Like our life is the same as anybody's life.
Thank God she has a sense of humor.
I love that she has a sense of humor.
I love that she's you have to have that.
Yeah.
Um, but some don't.
I've dated people who would get mad if I talked about certain things.
And I've even gone out with trans girls that would be very mad at me just doing that.
Like so the fact that I'm not sure.
Yeah, at least she has a good sense of humor, man.
God.
If she didn't, I wouldn't have done that.
Like I'm fucking around, but yeah, that's crazy.
I mean, yeah, I wouldn't.
I mean, I would never even look at some guy's wiener, but it's a woman's wiener.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess it depends on people look at that differently too.
Like, there's a lot of people that are uh very anti uh that label being put on on trans women.
But I I think that uh, you know, but if you if you spend any time with my wife, it's just it's not a man's brain.
And people are like, dude, just say admit it, you're gay, we don't care.
I understand why people say that.
Yeah, and I I really do.
Like I get it.
And again, I couldn't prove the point in court because it might my partner has a penis.
Like, there's no way around that.
Yeah.
Um, especially you know, unless you have a long way to time to walk um or a small ladder.
Uh but you know what I'm saying.
That seemed like a woman's wiener to me.
Well, yes, that's how I look at it.
I mean, but but I understand why people say just admit you're gay.
But it's there's a difference, and I can't describe the difference, but I understand the difference internally.
Um, if I was a homosexual at this age, I would tell people I don't just fuck.
Like if I it's not a uh that I'm running away from saying something that people think I should say.
Um, sometimes I miss vaginas.
I mean, I like them.
Yeah.
But hey, here we are.
Here we are.
I'm happy and happy.
There you go, brother.
Oh, yeah, that thing is a damn God.
That thing's a damn launchable you got going on.
That's yeah, yeah, you gotta respect it.
It's a real meal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyone's gotta respect that.
Like, even somebody who's not into that lifestyle would go, you know what?
Round of applause.
Like, you know, yes, sir, yeah.
Um, unconceivable is uh is on YouTube now.
And um always thanks for all the entertainment, man.
Thanks for welcoming me on your show.
Thank you.
And give me a chance to uh just just get to ever even be on a radio show and make it fun and um or on a podcast.
You guys were kind of in that early realm of it was kind of a hodgepodge in there.
It was it was uh, yeah.
I mean, podcasting.
I remember Mark Maron used to occasionally when he was in town.
If he needed a studio to interview someone, he would use our productions to like we were there at the very very beginning, and good luck.
Uh I I didn't see it coming.
I mean, I knew it was gonna be popular, and I had a radio contract, but I didn't uh I wish I had jumped on it earlier.
Yeah, but I wasn't allowed to.
I had a I had an exclusivity contract, but uh whatever.
Who gives a fuck, Jim?
Yeah, you well, you've been I think you've done the best job of being Jim Norton, man, from an outsider perspective.
It's been interesting.
You're I think you're an inspiration for people to try and figure out how to best be themselves.
I know it's a journey for everybody, but I think it's cool, man.
I think it's interesting.
You seem like kind of like a person that's kind of brave in the world.
Well, I appreciate that, but I it really is, and and none of my I haven't lost any friends over my life, like you know what I mean.
Like whoever doesn't like I I wouldn't, there's no one I wouldn't cut loose.
Yeah, like you know what I mean.
I have my friends, I have no shame in that part of my life and who I love.
Like oh, yeah, it doesn't seem like it at all.
It's it's a fun life, so I'm very lucky.
I appreciate you having me on, man.
I I love what you do.
Yeah, I gotta come do yours before the end of the year.
Yeah, I would love that.
I would really love that.
We'll make it happen, man.
Thanks, Bob.
Jim Norton, thank you so much.
Thank you, Theo.
Now I'm just falling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be corner stone.
Oh, but when I reach that round, I'll share this piece of mine I found.
▲
Export Selection