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Feb. 12, 2025 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:01:23

E561 Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and podcaster. His new special "America's Sweetheart" is out now on Netflix, and you can also check out his podcast “You Be Trippin”. Ari Shaffir joins Theo to talk about why he’s going on a “farewell” tour, what’s really going on in Jackson Hole China, and why he thinks everyone needs to take a step back from consuming the news. Ari Shaffir: https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Moonpay: Looking to get into crypto? Head over to https://Moonpay.com/Theo to sign up. ShipStation: Go to http://shipstation.com and use code THEO to sign up for your free trial. Oracle: Go to http://oracle.com/theo to see if your company qualifies for this special offer. Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO to get 20% off and free shipping. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time	Text
	I have some tour dates to tell you about.
	I'll be in East Lansing.
	I'll be in Victoria in the Canada.
	I'll be in College Station, Texas, Belton, Texas, Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee, baby.
	And Winnipeg in the Canada and Calgary in the Canada.
	All those tickets are at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
	This is still the Return of the Rat Tour.
	I promise we'll end it one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go.
	I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us.
	Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
	He's a podcaster.
	He's been an integral part of comedy for a long time.
	Bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics.
	He's certainly a type of glue in the humor world.
	His latest special, America's Sweetheart, is now on Netflix.
	You know his podcast, You Be Trippin', and he's currently on the farewell tour going now through the rest of the year.
	I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up.
	Today's guest is Mr. Ari Shafir.
	I've been singing just before And now I've been moving forward Too much burrito.
	Did you?
	Ugh.
	They fucking have American serving sizes and they hit you with chips and salsa first.
	You fill up on those.
	Yeah, some serving sizes are alarming.
	I can't tell if I'm, you know, there's an amount of serving size that you want to get, right?
	There's, but then some places that give too much, you're like, oh, that's, this is awesome of them.
	But then you start having it and you're like, oh, they're going to keep eating it.
	I'm a dog.
	And it's not good sometimes.
	They're just overloading you with badness.
	Yeah, shitty fries.
	We're like, oh, there's no seasoning on this.
	And then I ate them all.
	I should have just been like, no, I'll get fried.
	I have fry money.
	I could go get more fries or whatever, but I don't.
	I'm like, they're right here, right now.
	I'm going to eat them.
	I want like two bites too many would be perfect.
	Okay.
	Someone with like one or two extra bites, and then that's it.
	Buddy, that Trump interview was so fucking good.
	I've never seen anybody do it like that where it's like, I mean, this is the way I'm reading it.
	Like, I'm Theo.
	I'm like, you're here for me, not the other way around.
	Really?
	You're going to facilitate me being Theo.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I just felt, I'd had an exhausted week that week.
	We'd had like a couple of interviews.
	I think it was in New York and in Nashville.
	And so it was just like a lot of traveling.
	I was like, I do not want to do this today.
	You really have to prep for it.
	But it was just like burnt out, you know?
	Yeah.
	But, yeah, I think people, some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff.
	I don't really think that.
	I think it was like a neither here nor there.
	He's just sitting there like, I'll have this for you.
	It's like when I go into a bonfire with Jay and Dan, I would just like, oh, you guys have a routine here.
	I'll just sit back and get one tagline in, you know?
	Yeah, I wish we'd have gotten more time to get to, I wish I'd gotten more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just, I knew we only had about like 55 minutes.
	So that's, that's a, you know, unique amount of time.
	I hate with those big guys where they're like, we have this much time.
	And you're like, all right, I'll do that.
	Everybody else is like, let's just go until we're kind of done.
	Yeah.
	But it was like, we're going to need him to wrap up.
	Oh, yeah, fine.
	But like, I'm not feeling.
	There was some guy in the back, some lady.
	I should have just been like, wave it off, but I didn't.
	Should have been like, I don't work for, you don't work for me.
	I don't work for you.
	We're going to keep him here.
	Yeah, I wish he'd have got.
	Dude, I had a dream last night, actually, that I interviewed Tim Walls, actually.
	He's the loser guy.
	He was the guy that said, yeah, he was on the losing team.
	And he was.
	What did you interview him about?
	What did you talk to him in your dream?
	I can't remember, but he was so cool in the interview.
	And I was like, dude, no, people don't know if you're so cool or not.
	We got to, you have to come, let's talk.
	People, you know, but I think.
	I bet they're all kind of cool.
	I bet they're like, hey, you know what I want to do?
	I want to take power.
	I'm like, ooh, I like that.
	And then when they do it, I was like, fuck you.
	Yeah, I think a lot of them just probably either want or they want.
	That's the thing.
	It's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see.
	Yeah.
	Until I think you get some sort of like a vert, like something of them that seems like somewhat relatable to you.
	Yeah, and then they're all a product too.
	I saw somebody talk about George Bush Jr.
	How you say nuclear?
	You know, I say nuclear.
	And somebody's like, wait, how would he say it?
	Nuclear?
	Nuclear.
	That's how he would say it?
	No, he said nuclear.
	Nuclear.
	Oh, nuclear's wrong.
	Sorry, buddy.
	Which one's wrong?
	Nuclear.
	Nuclear's wrong.
	Yeah.
	Nuclear.
	But nuclear power?
	You don't think he knew?
	No, it's nuclear power.
	Nuclear power.
	No matter what you put on it, it's always going to be nuclear.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I've heard it both ways.
	I think I didn't really know which one was correct, but yeah, nuclear.
	But they were like, you don't think he knew how to pronounce that?
	His father was the president.
	You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house?
	They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable.
	Wow, you think?
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	He went to like an Ivy League school.
	That's true.
	He would have been shaken to that.
	Yeah, I think people are starting to get hip to like how much of it is Game of Thrones, like image shit.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	How much of it is like this person is doing this or they're being told this or this is the plan?
	Yeah.
	Kamala did not have a good strategist, whoever her business, their planner was or whatever.
	Who was that?
	Who was their that's one thing I bet?
	I bet it wasn't the Swami.
	Campaign advisor.
	Yeah, I bet it wasn't that bald guy.
	What's his name?
	He's like the main one.
	Carville, James Carville.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's cool.
	Not him.
	He would have done something better.
	He would have done something cool.
	He's out of Louisiana.
	Yeah, that's right.
	I went up to him once and I was like, how do you talk to a celebrity?
	There's no way.
	I don't know how to do it.
	They know I'm talking to them because they're them.
	Not just like, oh, hey, cool shirt.
	And didn't know who it was, you know?
	So I saw him at a commercial shoot once.
	I was like, what do I say?
	I'm like, I know.
	He used to call into sports radio in DC and he had a great thing, like always been on the home underdog if there are more than seven points.
	And I was like, that's what I'll say.
	I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on WTEM with Kornheiser way back.
	And he goes, oh, cool.
	Fuck.
	Fuck.
	Even that.
	Yeah, there's nothing worse when, because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing worse.
	That's it.
	You stand there like an asshole.
	Like, oh, I've done that.
	It feels so shitty and then so obvious what you were trying to do.
	I know.
	That's like there was a night where Johnny Depp was at the comedy store.
	Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
	And everybody, like, you did.
	Goddaw Star.
	Oh, he was, there was nobody like him.
	You know, he was everybody, dude.
	He was in that movie, Peter Pan.
	He was in that Peter Payne movie.
	Was he?
	Yeah, what was it called?
	Finding Neverland?
	Finding Neverland.
	Oh, God.
	That's a good movie.
	But anyway, so then like suddenly, I'd never even really been backstage at the main room.
	In the main room, I wasn't getting on stage there much of the time.
	And I'm like, oh, I got to go back.
	I got to go back.
	So you walk in.
	The back room back there was packed.
	Like you could barely even move.
	Everybody's having like these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp.
	They all try to laugh louder so like maybe he'll join in with our joviality.
	I see it with Rogan sometimes.
	I bet you get it too.
	You sit and be like, oh, cool, nobody's in this bar.
	I was like, how did it just fill up?
	It's like word got out.
	Theo Vaughn's there.
	Oh, Rogan, I could imagine, dude.
	I feel like you never see.
	I feel like a lot of people, you never see him.
	He doesn't do a lot of.
	We get like 20 minutes normal and then it's over.
	Yeah.
	And I'm like, I was sitting there.
	All right.
	Fucking take it.
	Yeah.
	They're like, let me tell you about science.
	I'll tell you where the AIDS is.
	You know, you're like, what's this guy?
	And it's just a gay guy that's flirting or whatever.
	But it was like that at the that was it.
	And he was in the back.
	And then I think I. Oh, that's Edgar.
	That's right.
	Yeah, he was with Edgar.
	And who brought him the guy?
	Doug Stanley.
	Doug Stanley brought him from Arizona.
	And everybody was just like.
	Trying to be in his presence.
	Yeah.
	Aura.
	You could soak it in.
	You could just see him.
	And I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not.
	But if I did, I think it was one of those things like, oh, see, things are going good or something like that.
	Just like, like we were from high school together.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like you want this comedy.
	It's never going to be that.
	It's never going to be like shit.
	The best was Dice one time met some guy and he goes, oh, we should hang out.
	So some fan.
	And Dice's like, you know who he is.
	And he's like, sure, give me a number.
	And Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day, bothered him at work to the point where the guy's like, hey, Andrew, I'm working right now.
	Oh, yeah, work's tough.
	You know, it's like, I remember a couple jobs I had when I was younger.
	It's like, Andrew, I got to go back to work.
	The guy just regretted trying to be friends with him.
	Yeah, that, oh, that's all I. It does suck.
	I heard Brody Stevens went back there and like either didn't know or now that I realized probably somebody told him.
	And he went back and was like, oh, like you're not expecting to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp.
	And he goes, oh, and then I heard Depp had this way to offset.
	He goes, hi, I'm Johnny.
	How you doing?
	Or I'm John.
	And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp?
	Yes.
	Heard of it.
	He must have been like, this guy's been weird from front of me.
	Like, no, no, no, that's just who he is.
	He's going to hang himself soon.
	Don't worry about that.
	God, yeah.
	Yeah, there's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something and say this because your brain doesn't think, it's just like, oh, everything will go good.
	It's not like, well, if that doesn't get adhered to, then what are you going to do after that?
	Yeah, you plan ahead.
	Like, once that goes great, then what do I do from there?
	I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll say, hey, I will, then I'll ask, yeah, maybe we can get a photo or something.
	Yeah, but God, it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do.
	Oh, it's so embarrassing.
	It is harrowing kind of.
	And that was at a time when celebs, there was like a real hierarchy to celebrity then.
	I feel like celebrities gotten very like anybody.
	Like it's everybody has like social media.
	You know, everybody has a website.
	Everybody could be a star.
	You also see the real them now, the real, real celebrities.
	Yeah.
	So you're like, oh, you're just a guy.
	Yeah.
	You do the same.
	You're like, oh, I see you with your dog.
	You're fine.
	You're normal.
	Yeah, things have gotten, yeah, celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm kind of.
	Yeah, I met Rob Lowe, who's one of those big ones in my travel podcast.
	Yeah.
	And he was like, can I change?
	And the other room was like, yeah, sure.
	It's, I mean, it's filthy.
	I had someone sleeping in there yesterday.
	So like.
	But like, yeah, whatever.
	And then it's just like, yeah, I don't have to like cater to him.
	You're a guy.
	Fucking go in there and change.
	I don't know.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	And that's how they all are.
	It's just, it's, it's weird realizing as you grow up, they're not different.
	Yeah.
	Do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed?
	That the bat like maybe it's changed.
	Maybe, but I mean, I always take out the fact that I'm getting older and growing up, that that could be part of the realization of things.
	Yeah, somebody said like whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get like Matt Damon or, you know, it's Brad Pitt.
	That'll be a big, big star.
	But then it's like, no one under 28 worships that guy.
	Yeah.
	So like it's a 50-year-old studio exec saying, that'll be a headline.
	I was like, no, no, get Timothy Chalamet.
	Yeah.
	Get somebody younger.
	Yeah, get Timothy Chalamet or get a lesbian who's a Timothy Chalamet impersonator.
	Yeah, without even trying.
	Yeah.
	But even that would go further with a young generation.
	Sure would.
	They'd be like, what the fuck?
	Ari Shafir, man, good to see you, bro.
	Me too, buddy.
	Yeah.
	Are you living in Austin now?
	No, New York.
	Oh, you still live in New York?
	Just publicly.
	Every time I'm there, there's so many fucking pictures.
	So there was like, I guess you must be there.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You can't do two feet without somebody posting a picture.
	And they're pretty immediate over there, too.
	Yeah.
	Like the second you're there, you show up on social media.
	Yeah, you're like, it's almost like, hey, how's how's the crowd?
	I'm about to go on.
	I noticed you didn't post you there.
	Like, oh, all right, they're pretty good.
	Do you, are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin?
	do you think about it?
	Do you For sure, it's exciting.
	They got some shit to overcome if they want to be the real scene.
	Yeah?
	Yeah.
	They need to know where they're weak.
	They don't.
	Oh, where they're weak?
	The comedians, you mean?
	Yeah, there are a lot of ass kiss in there.
	It's like, we're great, we're great.
	And you really got to focus on why we're terrible.
	Self-hating was always drive you better than celebration.
	Oh, you know what?
	That's a good.
	I don't know if there's as much self-hatred there.
	Yeah, the store, especially when you started going there, like right after me, it was like, nobody was there.
	Like, we suck.
	We fucking suck.
	It's obvious.
	No one's here to see us.
	So let's try to be better.
	Yeah, they've kind of started out like doing well.
	Yeah.
	Kind of like the Jam Bonnet of comedy.
	Yeah, four-year comics with like the serious road draws.
	Like, oh, you need that fucking struggle Time.
	You started with a spotter.
	That's not the best way to work out.
	I didn't even really think about that.
	Yeah, but it's still exciting.
	It's a new burgeoning scene, and that's pretty exciting.
	You know, there's no Hollywood there to fuck it up, to shift people away from what they're doing.
	So they're really just concentrating on jokes.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like, at first, I was like, what's this going to be like?
	You know, it seemed like a lot of like, you know, when Joe went, but then also Tom Segura went, which is huge.
	And a lot of comedians went.
	I think the bigger thing is those five, six-year comics that are going.
	And in 10 years, it's a long game to make that scene something.
	And in 10 years, they're going to be the biggest, the best comics.
	And they're going to be Austin comics.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's kind of the last time I was there.
	I was like, you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted.
	Yeah.
	That's nice.
	Do you ever, I mean, I don't know how you are normally.
	You're so fucking big now.
	It's pretty cool.
	But like, I talked to Shane too.
	I'm like, can you go up and like get an honest rep anymore?
	Oh, that's a good question.
	Especially Shane, I feel like, is the biggest guy in the world right now.
	Yeah.
	I feel like he's like.
	I don't even know who I would compare him to.
	He's like the big Dane Cook.
	Yeah, at the time.
	When Dane was Dane.
	Shane and Dane.
	Shane and Dane.
	Buddy cops.
	Where they don't do anything.
	They just get drunk instead.
	And Dane just goes, come on, don't drink.
	Don't drink.
	Don't drink.
	And Shane just keeps drinking.
	And then they never solve a crime.
	Dane has a big idea and then Shane just seems gay.
	Raises his eyebrow out.
	He's like, all right, I won't.
	Seems gay.
	That's hilarious.
	That'd be the best.
	That'd be the best.
	Nothing happens every single episode.
	Just sit there, kind of half argue.
	Yeah, you need an honest react.
	There's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause, and sometimes I go up and it's like, one guy's like that.
	And I'm like, oh, nice.
	Okay, this is going to be a real.
	I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time.
	This is going to be fair.
	Well, I think a lot of the people from the podcast are that, you know, that realm or whatever, people that podcast, it's like a lot of the audiences know us.
	They just see us so much, you know?
	Going ahead of time, they already know your backstory.
	Yeah.
	They saw so many, I mean, they've seen so many clips or for you or things that are out there, you know?
	And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make.
	It's like other channels making shit.
	It's like, you know, like, I know there's like Legion of Skanks has like extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And it's, it's great stuff, but it's like, so then that just gets so much of it out there.
	Yeah.
	I remember doing one time I was doing, when I was doing that Jew special, I would do Q ⁇ A's to like, what do you want to know about Jews?
	And sometimes they'd be like, what's The Yuvan like?
	I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, just Jew questions.
	And then one time in Houston, I was like, all right, I'm going to do this.
	They said something about Bert.
	I was like, I was like, all right, Bert did that, whatever.
	And then Tom, and I was doing that.
	And then this black couple, this guy, just raising your hand, he raised his hands.
	I was like, yeah, question.
	He goes, who are all those people?
	And I was like, oh, right.
	Yeah, you don't know the backstory.
	I can't do shit like that.
	Yeah.
	Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year.
	Yeah, they just figured out how to get online.
	Yeah, they couldn't figure out the password.
	They keep changing their phone numbers too much.
	It's linked to an old phone number.
	They're like, oh, this is my aunt's email account.
	Is this your address?
	Who's asking?
	Who's asking?
	Some guy putting his home address or his email address on.
	Disguises to enter into the password.
	Like, I don't know how it works.
	Anyway, they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for him.
	And now it's all running great.
	I am curious about Austin.
	I'm curious because last time I was there, just this energy, there is a lot of excitement.
	The club will be sold out.
	I mean, Joe's club will be sold out forever.
	So you saw it in seconds.
	Yeah.
	But even you go to some of those other rooms.
	You go to Red Band's room next door.
	You go to, there's the Black Cat or something.
	Uh-huh, Black Rabbit.
	Yeah, Black Rabbit.
	My problem is also, I can't get any on it.
	I'm a star there.
	Yeah.
	So that's not, it's fun.
	It was like, do you remember the Last Factory Open mic?
	Yes.
	So Laugh Factory Open Mic.
	Signing up for it and sitting outside.
	You can only do once a month.
	And that's what kept you in comedy because you're like, I will kill.
	And the store open mic was like, made you think about quitting.
	Yeah.
	But like, it was so good.
	You need that once in a while.
	It's just a victory lap.
	That's how Austin is for me.
	No matter where I got.
	Yes.
	And I'm like, all right, I can't work on anything here.
	It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long.
	You've just been, you know, so intertwined with a lot of those guys.
	And because you've done so much work yourself.
	But for new comics, you can get that honest rep there.
	And that's what's exciting to me.
	Yeah.
	And I think the Joe also, he's trying to build a scene, not just a club.
	Yeah.
	I think he's doing it.
	I mean, he pushes.
	At the end of every episode, he asks everybody.
	He's like, so you move in Austin?
	Oh, yeah.
	He tries so hard.
	I try to tell him the reasons why they don't make sense to him.
	I'm like, it's like an influencer town.
	And he's like, no, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile.
	And it's like, okay, that's not going to be my reality, bro.
	Yeah, he's asked people to shoot an on-it tablet.
	No, it's close.
	They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back.
	It's easy, man.
	But it's such a fun time.
	It is fun.
	Oh, my God.
	It's a vacation.
	Every time you go there, you treat it right.
	You fill up your own drinks.
	That's how every club should be.
	I'm an adult.
	I get free drinks.
	Why do I got to bother this bartender?
	Let me just make my drinks.
	And people are like, doesn't he lose a lot of money?
	They're like, a bottle of, it costs $60.
	Right.
	No.
	Like, yeah, if that's that much of the stress, then you guys are having a tough time anyway.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you make a ton of money.
	You see your friends with nothing to do when you're there.
	Getting to be in there, you also, people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day is going to be at the club that night.
	The congressperson's there.
	You're like, hello.
	Anyway, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes.
	Do you want to stay after this?
	It's on you.
	He's like, I wrote a couple myself.
	We're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a chick.
	You're like, oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor.
	Maybe we'll leave.
	But it does feel energetic there.
	I'm seriously considering trying to get a little house there or someplace where I can be there more often because I want to be able to work on comedy more.
	I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here, actually.
	Interesting.
	If it's not a show that I put on.
	Yeah, yeah, right, right, right.
	Then you get up, because I feel like LA, like...
	Some like that.
	I might know you, but maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theo Vaughn.
	Right.
	So you got to win me over a little bit.
	Yeah, or maybe I'm not a fan at all.
	Right.
	Maybe I don't like you.
	Yeah.
	So win me over.
	The best was one time when Louie came back.
	We saw security footage camera.
	Some chick was there in the side, so we could see her fully behind Louis.
	And she was like, just like mad.
	And then four minutes in, it's Louis Zika.
	right?
	So, he's the talent there is undeniable.
	So, she's mad after about four minutes.
	She goes, and then five minutes later, she's like, And then by the end, she's just dying laughing.
	She's like, Yeah, maybe this guy's all right.
	Yeah, at the end, she's like, jerk off in front of me.
	You can do it.
	Don't ask.
	I'm not into that.
	She's changing her whole emo.
	Yeah.
	Dude, I really think, yeah, who I think Louie, Bill Burr are probably the funny.
	They might be.
	Louis's the funniest guy I've ever seen.
	The funniest person I've ever spoken to.
	He's the most creative, I think.
	He's always just making jokes, and you put him on a pedestal sometimes, but he's not, he's just a schmuck.
	He's just a schmendrick, a fat blob.
	And like, whatever we put on, that's us putting our stuff on.
	He's just a dude.
	Yeah.
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	You have a new comedy special coming out.
	Yeah, it's out.
	It's out now.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Just come out.
	America's Sweetheart.
	Nice.
	Oh, and that's you?
	It's me.
	So things have changed in America for sure.
	I'm the nice guy.
	Hey, we'll take what we can get, you know?
	Like, is nobody nicer?
	Like, nah.
	Do you find as you as you've been, because you've been in comedy for how long?
	25 years.
	White?
	It's a long fucking time.
	It's more than half.
	I've been more in comedy than not in comedy.
	I think I just passed that.
	Do you feel like in the beginning you were just telling jokes?
	Like there was a, and now that there's any more purpose?
	I just wonder, like, I try to look at, like, do we evolve as comedians?
	Because you hear some people say we evolve, right?
	You hear some people say their whole goal, their whole life is just to get up the punchline.
	Some people want to start being philosophical, right?
	Do you feel any difference or notice anything about that for yourself?
	Yeah, I think it's everybody.
	It's like, it's not even like you do this thing.
	It might even take off or not take off, but then you're like, well, I'm a different person.
	Like Sturgil.
	You know, Sturgil Simpson?
	So he's singing about DMT and mushrooms and stuff.
	And then the later albums, it's like, it's about his kids and stuff.
	And they're like, what about the drugs?
	And he's like, I mean, I covered it.
	I'm in my 40s now.
	It's kind of gross to be talking about like, can you believe I got so whacked out?
	It's like, it's kind of lame at some point.
	So you have to like shift.
	And the better you get, dude, you talk to Attel, who I think, but definitely could be the best.
	That's a good point.
	And you see him like, dude, that joke was so funny.
	He goes, It was a simple switch.
	And like, he's on such a higher level that stuff I'm been around for a while that I'm like, wow, he's like, that was a nothing thing.
	That was an easy trick I just did.
	Yeah.
	And he's so far above me, I can't see it.
	So yeah, everybody evolves a bit.
	I've started using my English degree more.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	doing a pretty much my last two specials was like a, No, like the five-paragraph essay.
	Oh.
	Like having a rules play into it.
	Yeah, just like, here's my thesis.
	Here's my proofs.
	Now here's a wrap-up instead of just a collection of bits.
	But, you know, once you get like pretty good at joke telling, then it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?
	Right.
	So that's what I'm doing with this.
	I'm trying to get people off the news.
	Yeah, is that what it's about more?
	Yeah, I'm sort of like, just get the things are pretty good.
	If you're on there too much, they're going to think it's bad, but it's actually pretty fucking good.
	Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Howie Mandel.
	He was talking about anti- I don't know if you guys were talking about anti-Semitism.
	Somebody was.
	Yeah.
	And then.
	How come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear?
	That's a good question.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Programming.
	Yeah, you've come in contact with one more than another.
	yeah um and he uh Yeah.
	And I'm so positive it's not.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I remember he, there was one time he was, oh, I think it was when Trump was running for office.
	And nobody can understand how I like, I was excited that Trump was running because he was a, I was like, if that fucking dude can win, then anybody could win.
	Yeah, the way Obama gave black people hope.
	Yeah.
	He gives Trump gives regular people hope.
	Oh, dude, the first time that he won, I remember driving down the street and I've never even been a big Trump bro.
	I've never endorsed Trump.
	I don't even think I voted for him the first time.
	I don't remember if I voted for him the first time.
	But I was like, fucking anybody can win.
	And like, if you're born with a billion dollars, like, yeah, but you also say stupid.
	And I'm stupid.
	Yeah.
	So that's the part I'll relate to.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	You're like, anybody could win.
	That's the part that was fascinating about it.
	But I remember how he was scared.
	It was like, oh, no, when they had that Richmond neo-Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago?
	Oh, yeah.
	What was that?
	It was like those guys that bought those tiki torches or whatever?
	Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond.
	Charlottesville?
	Charlottesville.
	Charlottesville.
	Yeah.
	It was a statue.
	You know who the statue was there?
	No one does.
	Nobody knows who the fucking statue was.
	And it was a flashpoint of everything.
	Was it Stephen Douglas?
	Were the city, symbols of the city's Confederate past?
	They don't even know who it is.
	They're all protesting.
	They don't even know who the fucking statue is.
	Totally normal.
	Oh, it's Robert E Lee and Stonewall Jackson.
	Two of them.
	No, that's New Orleans, isn't it?
	That's Charlottesville?
	Yeah, that's Charlottesville.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's a school nearby me called Robert E Lee Junior High School.
	I wonder if it's still called that.
	Probably changed it.
	Probably changed it.
	Erasing history.
	To Bobby Lee.
	Yeah.
	Bobby Lee College of Dropouts.
	Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school name after you?
	You gotta.
	You still look kind of like you're in one.
	You could go undercover, Bob.
	Shave that stupid stash.
	You could go undercover.
	You look young.
	Oh, yeah, with just insane teriyaki lunches every day.
	Yeah, just these giant meals.
	Eat with Bobby.
	He just like fills up the table.
	And you're like, oh, is this for us?
	He goes, oh, no, you can order two.
	Bobby eats like Ralphie May.
	He's a principal.
	He shows up once a year over Zoom.
	You know what I saw the other day?
	Oh, I was talking to this kid and he didn't know what AIDS was, dude.
	What?
	Yeah.
	He doesn't know what AIDS is.
	I was like, kid, I was like.
	You trying to educate him on it?
	I was like, I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but.
	I was like, dude, what about AIDS?
	And he's like, AIDS?
	And I was like, AIDS, you know?
	One of the top three things.
	Yeah, I mean, dude, it's like, but what is it?
	Like, if kids don't even know about AIDS, man, but that's crazy.
	You got to talk to gays, bro.
	I talked to Mateo.
	He goes, you can't get it.
	We got a force field now.
	Oh, they do?
	Prep.
	Oh, prep drugs.
	Yeah, prep.
	So it's like, it's like, they just can't get it.
	So it's back to 80s.
	Let's fuck.
	Let's be gay the way gay was meant to be.
	Yeah.
	Let's fuck in the back of the church.
	Let's fuck anywhere.
	Gays are.
	They'll fuck anywhere, huh?
	They just go for it.
	That's crazy, isn't it?
	Imagine just.
	And the guy trying to jerk me off on the back of a bus in Vietnam.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	and the guy was gay?
	I...
	I don't fucking know what they're...
	That's a big sign usually.
	Dude, they're starving over there.
	That guy could have been ordering soup.
	Dude, any joke that ends in soup, Jewish people love it for some people.
	I'm listening.
	It's a little cold.
	I'll eat half and send it back, but I like that joke.
	I'll eat half that joke and send it back.
	Hold on, almost done.
	There's a hair in there.
	It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald.
	They can't send soup back.
	Sorry, Howie, you're right.
	That's hilarious, dude.
	That's fucking hilarious.
	What are we talking about?
	Jesus Christ.
	This is what the president said.
	Oh, the AIDS.
	The AIDS.
	Yeah.
	I miss it.
	It was like a real thing.
	United people.
	United Nation AIDS.
	Well, I remember, yeah, they were like at a school or whatever, they made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was.
	It was like something, like some thing they had at our school.
	It was like clap for AIDS or whatever.
	I was like, clap for it.
	People, you would clap.
	It was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for AIDS.
	Like one of those things, like do it as long as you can.
	Like an AIDS-a-thon or whatever.
	And it was like, I just remember being in this gym and people just, it was like, somebody had to keep clapping.
	So you had to tag in somebody else to clap.
	And then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.
	Wow.
	It turns out they never got the cure.
	They just got a premium vaccine.
	You did it.
	Dude, that's not funny.
	But when you're here, everything's funny, dude.
	Oh, what is this right there?
	Oh, an unfortunate product name, A-Y-D-S.
	AIDS.
	I was overweight looked at it.
	Helped me lose 46 pounds.
	The AIDS diet plan helped me lose 28 pounds.
	AIDS helps control your appetite, so you lose weight.
	Your AIDS must taste, chew, and enjoy.
	And the appetite suppressed in AIDS is not a stimulus.
	AIDS helped me to lose 18 pounds, and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous.
	Question.
	Why take diet pills when you can enjoy AIDS?
	AIDS helps you lose weight without making AIDS.
	That's crazy.
	Enjoy AIDS.
	And people are like, where did AIDS start?
	Fuck that from that.
	From that form.
	That's why.
	I mean, what's that new drug that makes you lose weight?
	Oh, Zempic.
	Oh, Zempic.
	That's that.
	They just rebranded.
	AIDS.
	Zima did it.
	They went to Trulian Whiteclaw.
	They were smart.
	I forgot Zima was just an early white claw.
	Zima gives me, what happened there gives me hope for society because you're within a 10-15 year age of me.
	You remember Zima.
	Oh, yeah.
	And it was like, it's like there's a cooler stuff.
	And you reach for Zima.
	People are like, you sure you want to do that in front of people?
	Yeah.
	You're going to be called gay for a long time.
	And you're like, okay, I won't.
	It went away.
	And then truly or White Claw, whichever the force of them came back, you know, we all kind of made a deal.
	Like, let's not call each other gay.
	Let's just drink this.
	Yeah.
	And we all were cool about it.
	And just fucking.
	Yeah.
	If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this.
	Do this.
	Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution.
	Dude, Zima was kind of, Zima was one of a kind.
	Because it had the bottles and it kind of was a malt liquor.
	You kind of had a malt liquor idea to it, but it was, was it lemon flavored?
	Citrus, yep.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, a touch of citrus.
	Look at the jolly ranchers nearby it.
	Yeah, put a jolly rancher.
	Is it out?
	Can you still buy Zima's?
	Is the IP still available?
	You can't find Zima anywhere else, though it is sold in Japan.
	I'm going to Japan.
	Are you?
	I mean, now.
	Zima house.
	It's a weird reason to go.
	They got a lot of unique stuff over there.
	Yeah.
	what I see the other day in China there was a Jackson Hole.
	When I was there, they just built a city.
	Really?
	Suzhou wanted a business district, so they're just like, do it.
	No bureaucracy.
	Make it happen.
	Just build it.
	It was up in six months.
	20 skyscrapers.
	No waiting.
	No codes.
	Look at this place.
	This guy built.
	I visited China's $170 million Little America Replica Town.
	It's a town of Jackson Hole.
	Wow, that's suburbs.
	Yeah, so it made it of Jackson Hole.
	It just looks like America.
	This guy went to visit it.
	That's George from the sleeping.
	And everything in it is Wyoming.
	Yeah.
	What?
	Who does this?
	How can you do this?
	That's wild.
	They built a few of these.
	How big is that?
	Who's building it?
	China.
	Just to bring new people in?
	Old churches?
	I think rich people, it looks like.
	Yeah, what is it?
	Can you give me some information on it?
	So you can live in China but be in America?
	Yeah, see.
	Be in America.
	Property taxes.
	Jackson, Old China is a resort town on the border between Hualai County, Zhang Yaokao, wedge between Taihong and Yan mountain ranges.
	And architecture is designed by Jackson, Wyoming.
	Is it ski in there?
	Damn.
	I don't know.
	Let us see some of that information.
	Cowboy Bar.
	The Thousand Single Home Development Use Stock Western Home Plans from an architect in Oregon.
	Adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo, Stagecoach Station, Big Bear, etc.
	Cow hud, antler chandeliers, saddle blankets, all this stuff.
	Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene fireplace screens.
	This is a whole place that's there.
	The project was completed in 2009.
	Liu Yang Yang, the developer Yang of the community said his selling point was more than architecture.
	His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality, so he built a Christian church in the center of the community for residents.
	According to Smith, the properties have sold out and nearly tripled in value since being built as the first model was put up in Beijing Park for display.
	People apparently went nuts for it.
	Damn, I should have invested in Chinese real estate.
	I know.
	Damn, I invested in Palisades.
	Wow.
	That's pretty cool.
	Yeah.
	Replica town.
	That's like Saudi shit.
	Just interesting.
	And they have a few of them.
	I think there's China City.
	Made to be like Venice, the canals?
	Yep.
	Replicas of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
	Just interesting.
	What?
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Right there.
	Hold on.
	That's in China?
	They have an Eiffel Tower in China?
	Oh, yeah, they do it all.
	Because they're like, we have so much land.
	We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction.
	Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere?
	Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast, and it's in China.
	You see all the cities on the right side of it.
	And then as it goes left, there's just nothing.
	There's an occasional dot of a city.
	And I'm like, what's all this?
	Yeah.
	I think I should have looked it up by now.
	What's out there?
	Yeah.
	What's in central China?
	That's a good question.
	Is there no reports from there?
	Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back?
	What's in central China?
	I saw some Korean people yesterday.
	Is that where they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off?
	Is that what they do?
	Yeah, they do.
	They don't understand, though.
	Like, we get off first, then you get on.
	Oh, they get off first.
	They just get on.
	They just push on.
	Elevators, too.
	Like, let me get out first.
	Oh, they say it's up to you.
	Yeah, it's like you didn't go for it.
	What else is cracking, man?
	It's cracking in the world.
	Yeah, what do you think of everything?
	What makes you hopeful?
	What makes you hopeful?
	Do you think things are feeling negative right now?
	It seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be.
	Yeah.
	So if you center on something, it's like, well, I like this.
	New Austin scene's pretty cool.
	We never had a third real scene.
	That's a good point.
	Yeah, that's nice.
	And at first, I didn't think, I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete.
	But as I've gone back, I feel like, meh, it is.
	I don't think it has to compete.
	That's the problem, too.
	You get into that where it's like, I come to LA.
	I spent a little time hating it the way I hated religion for a while when I left it.
	Now I'm like, it's cool.
	Now I get back to L.A. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get some burritos.
	I'm going to see some friends.
	This is great.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's just a great new extra thing.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	It's like, it's not like which one's better.
	It's like, well, we don't have to live there.
	Yeah.
	He's always like, you got to move here.
	Yeah.
	But it is cool, though.
	The bars are cool.
	The honky dogs away from where he built that club is still cool.
	Yeah, 6th Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another.
	It always was.
	And then they put horses.
	There's a horse comes by every 40 minutes and just shits at the moment.
	Just shit.
	It's like, let's add this to the mix.
	Let's add it.
	Let's up it now.
	You know, all this violence and like people are ready to go and barf and puke and like drunkenness.
	Let's add a horse shit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion.
	Yeah, there's just occasionally people, there's just horses shitting out there.
	And one of the horses they said was an undercover cop.
	I'm like, who gives a fuck?
	I'm like, who's going to let a horse bust him?
	Who goes up to a horse like, you want to smoke with me?
	Oh, fuck.
	He's like, you're under arrest.
	Look at this chick.
	What the fuck are you wearing, lady?
	God.
	Have some class.
	When the skirt's so short, I can smell your thoughts, you know?
	I remember going there before.
	It got like kind of methyl.
	And I saw some UT guys walking along.
	Just, you know, it's like who we used to hang with tangentially.
	Just like tough, frat guys.
	And they pass some chick, overweight chick.
	And she goes, they're drunk.
	And she goes, you're fat.
	And I was like, dude.
	That's how it always was.
	That's 6th Street.
	No one in Austin goes to 6th Street.
	Yeah.
	Once a year for a lark.
	Nobody real goes there.
	Nobody who wants to go do something fun.
	At least Broadway in Nashville is based on something.
	It's based on the old honky-tonk area.
	There's only one or two left, but it's based on something.
	So it comes from a place.
	6th Street in Austin.
	It's just based on nothing.
	It's got a darkness to it.
	Yeah, it definitely seems, it seems kind of spooky about there.
	It seems like people that are just there to get drunk.
	It kind of has more of a Bourbon Street kind of vibe to me.
	Oh, yeah, maybe.
	Yeah.
	And also, you're in this beautiful place at Rogan's Club and you're like, ah, it's like a casino.
	No lights, no anything.
	So you're like, I'll see you guys later.
	Yeah.
	What?
	And then a Rick Shaw comes by.
	Guys, like, you guys want to get in?
	It's only $50 for some AIDS.
	And you're like, whoa, whoa.
	We just want to go two blocks.
	He'll be like, I'll get you AIDS by then.
	Okay, for sure.
	We can find some AIDS for you out here.
	What's this from?
	That's an Aztec death whistle.
	The coroner we had on Toby gave it to us.
	If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death.
	That's just a warning.
	Wow.
	It sure does.
	I've heard a few of those in real life.
	Keep screaming.
	No one's here.
	Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundry when it happened.
	Really?
	Why didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did?
	Oh.
	That's how she sounded.
	Oh, the darkness.
	Gabby, rest in peace.
	The darkness continues.
	Do you think there will ever be, I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not.
	And I believe that kids right now, they're 15 and under, they're going to live forever.
	Forever.
	Like they'll have a chance to live forever.
	Ooh, like they might get the drug.
	Yeah.
	But there's going to be this weird thing where there's going to be like.
	Hey, can I get it?
	Like, nah, you're too old.
	Yeah.
	So like, am I just going to age out?
	Like, yeah, it's been nice knowing y'all.
	I'll keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're going to get old.
	Yeah, but they're going to be like, oh, you're going to die.
	But people are going to be like, dude, your dad died?
	What a fucking loser.
	Was he poor?
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	You guys must have been so poor.
	Your dad died of natural causes.
	It's so retro.
	Oh, God.
	He was a real.
	Here's my impression of your dad.
	Fucking loser.
	He should have worked harder, bro.
	Look at Timmy's dad.
	But that's what's going to happen.
	I think there's going to be a cutoff, and the government will probably say this is the cutoff.
	There will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to get the actual drug.
	Yeah, some knockoffs.
	Or it'll be a chip or something that you get and then...
	I'm in.
	Let's do it.
	But then there's going to be so many people who are knock, and there's going to be less jobs probably.
	So it's going to be, it's going to turn very dystopian.
	Would you take it if they had it right now?
	It's been tested.
	It's safe.
	Here are the options.
	Take it right now, wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out or not take it.
	So you have to pick really, I give you one week to decide.
	Yeah.
	And or what, well, this won't be for you as much, but for me, it may be for you too.
	It's like you can either take this live forever drug or perfectly workable hair transplants.
	Full head of hair back to Mohawk, back to what everything I always wanted.
	Why am I going with a hair?
	So hair now or live forever.
	Yeah.
	Because I got to live forever with that.
	I think bald's cool now, balder.
	Come in.
	Spread it.
	You've got influence.
	Spread that.
	A lot of people are being bald and loving it now.
	Really?
	There's bald women, I saw a bunch of bald, uh...
	Really?
	Yeah, and we know they're lying to themselves.
	Is that a bigger thing, being bald?
	Yeah, big and beautiful or big and bald.
	It's like bald and tall.
	Is that a shop?
	Bald and tall?
	Big and tall.
	Big and tall.
	Dude, bald and tall?
	Bro, bald and tall is a crazy look.
	Do you burn yourself in the sun too much?
	Bald and tall is a crazy look.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, Kanye's back on Twitter right there.
	It says, God, Hollywood sucks.
	Jada Pinkett Smith.
	Kanye is the most out-of-control person I know.
	What's the point of that post?
	Yeah, why did she start that?
	Why are you looking to be in this?
	Because you're not a center of attention for a second.
	And then he went right back at her.
	Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.
	He hit her where it hurt.
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	Nice.
	That's kind of a good word for it.
	Yeah, it was all right.
	But I heard it just enough.
	It was like something.
	Well, it's a little thing.
	You got nothing and it deserves something.
	Thank you.
	So there's something.
	This is very sweet of you.
	Little things that keep us alive.
	Yeah, what do you think about Kanye being back on Twitter?
	Oh, you try to use your song, right, for the intro to your new special.
	Yeah, I've had this whole big piece about how great he is.
	That's another thing.
	Focus on the positive.
	That's the whole message.
	And then everyone's like, Kanye's crazy.
	And I'm like, he rules the music.
	Just the music.
	What is she writing about?
	Anything other than music?
	Right.
	To come at Kanye, it's like, yeah, if you're going, if you're trying to get other stuff out of him, he probably shouldn't be your liaison to like anything except maybe creativity and music.
	Yeah, exactly.
	It's like going to Brooke Christ for weight loss tips.
	Yeah.
	Or coming to comedians for political ideas.
	Oh, yeah, that's another one.
	I heard Songtro said, that's about the fires.
	They're not firemen.
	What the fuck?
	They're just like at a bar talking.
	It's crazy.
	If you go to Kanye for anything other than music, you're nuts.
	Because he's not just okay at the music part.
	He's great at it.
	So I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead, for my credits.
	I was going up to it the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot.
	And Christine Okerson, Big J's chick, was like, hey, I know he's like popping off like whatever.
	Have you heard Black Skinhead?
	And I was like, no.
	And I was like, oh my God.
	His antisensitis got me into this song.
	And I played it the whole fucking tour.
	And I was like, let me try to get this for the credits.
	And I wrote them.
	I was like, listen, I can't afford it.
	Right.
	So I'm like, hey, I'm appealing to them creatively.
	And I was like, hey, I have this whole big piece of how Kanye's really great.
	And I have people have lost focus on what's important.
	And I want to close with a song with Black Skin.
	It was one of his most killer songs.
	And I think kind of an underrated song, to be honest.
	And they go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye.
	He goes, by yay now.
	And it's like, yeah, fuck.
	I'm never going to know that.
	His whole staff is crazy, too.
	It's like, yeah, just the fact that that was their first reply.
	You're like, oh, I got no chance.
	I have no chance.
	Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like.
	I mean, a lot of his.
	His mom died.
	Give him some sympathy.
	Yeah.
	What?
	His girlfriend is.
	His wife is beautiful.
	Is that a Photoshop?
	What?
	She wears like a lot of skin-tight suits, that lady.
	Skin-tight, but like, make it a color.
	Bianca Censori, I believe is her name.
	Possibly Italian.
	I'm not sure.
	She's like unveiling herself.
	She's a piece of art to him.
	Might be.
	I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if it were that little underneath?
	I don't know.
	Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter.
	I got to get out more.
	Jugs.
	Jugs.
	Moonshine in that.
	My God, dude, some babies like I would slurp if I were her kid.
	So he just keeps fucking chicks that look like Kim?
	I guess so.
	It's a good question.
	I mean, you got a type.
	I know guys who only did Asian chicks.
	I can't say slurp.
	That's his wife, isn't it?
	That was pretty rude.
	Is that his wife?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	God.
	Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp.
	I would, she's a beautiful lady.
	Obviously, she's into showing her body off, though.
	She's got some really, like, if I were a baby dude.
	She's rude to not show it off.
	Right.
	It's a good point.
	If I were a baby, dude, I would, I would not, I would just pretend like it was morning all the time.
	Just like breakfast.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's got to be fun when you are a baby, huh?
	God, it really does.
	Underrated part about being a baby.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, if you're a baby and you put him down, if you put the baby down between, and there's a breastfeeding baby between that chick and like, I don't even know who, Karen Freehand.
	Who do you think that chick is?
	That baby's going to go right for that fucking chick.
	Big fucking lot of food.
	Oh, yeah.
	It makes sense.
	Did you, you think you'll have any children, Ari?
	What do you think?
	No, I have a vasectomy.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	No way.
	Yeah, I was taking chances.
	You were?
	Too many chances.
	So you were actually trying to have a child?
	No.
	What?
	Sorry, what are you saying then?
	No, I was just pulling out late.
	Oh, you were?
	Yeah.
	I don't understand how people do that.
	Like, how do you...
	I mean, the nut is great.
	I know why they want it.
	Yeah.
	The nut's great.
	Yeah, but it's also great outside of it.
	It's less great.
	Is it?
	What do you mean, is it?
	I've never done it.
	Yes, you have.
	I've never ejaculated inside of a woman.
	Then you haven't lived.
	Really?
	What is all this?
	It's a facade, buddy.
	Just get what you need to get.
	None of this is facade.
	We never said we had done it.
	No, but I mean, this, all this is like a fucking, you're just like buying time so you can get a cream pud.
	This is all just because you've never cream pied.
	Really?
	You got a nut inside, buddy.
	What do you mean you've never done it?
	What do you mean you've never cream pied inside of a woman?
	I never have in my life.
	I swear to God.
	You fuck, though.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	Why, why?
	But every time I do the, I'm on the pill.
	Oh, that's, I don't, I barely know her.
	So I'm not bullying that.
	You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, but I later found out got pregnant from somebody?
	Really?
	And I was like, wait, you said I was blowing loads in you.
	I'm like, oh, I thought I couldn't.
	Based on what?
	Oh, you're in there just like one of the ghostbusters that's throwing ectoplasm in there.
	Open the wall.
	I was a salad for some other guy's steak.
	Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man.
	Well, let me recommend something to you.
	I'm going to end up being a father.
	People are always getting, I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something.
	Find some old chick.
	Find some postmenopause chick.
	Get to me more.
	I want to get a regular wife that likes.
	The last of the Golden Girls died.
	It's too late for that.
	Yeah.
	Estelle Getty?
	No.
	Maybe.
	Estelle Getty Museum?
	What was her name?
	Sure.
	Who's the last girl?
	Betty White?
	Betty White.
	Betty White.
	Estelle Getty was so.
	She was the old one that started.
	Right.
	She was the looker.
	Ruma Clanahan was the one that everybody, my dad kind of had hots for.
	The youngest, the slutty one.
	Yeah.
	Blanche, Devereaux.
	God.
	What a great series.
	Hot take.
	Golden Girls is just sex in the city.
	They're both written by gay men about gay culture.
	And this one they made old women play it.
	And the other one they made fucking horse-faced chicks play it.
	Do you think they will cure?
	Do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked or something?
	That we can cure it.
	Or that it would be hacked, you know, that they'll be able to hack the genetic.
	if you were a scientist working on the cure for gay and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently.
	Oh, that's probably.
	Yeah, they're probably like, we're not paying, we don't want it anymore.
	You don't think there's a small segment of the population like, we got to cure this.
	Everyone else is just like, who cares?
	Oh, I think most people are like, who cares?
	But I just mean, maybe cure is not the right word, right?
	Do you think that they would, do you think that they'll ever vaccine?
	Vaccine, yeah.
	So you won't ever get it in the first place.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	When he's two.
	Didn't they say vaccines made kids gay?
	Wasn't that a rumor for a while?
	I don't know.
	We're going to find out soon if Bobby Kendi gets in there.
	Yeah.
	So say no gay kids after a while.
	Like, I ended vaccines.
	Who knows?
	Saw the stuff he says, people are like, that's ridiculous.
	I'm like, really?
	I don't even know the words he's using.
	He's smarter than me.
	I don't know shit.
	I don't even know the earth is round.
	I'm just guessing.
	The latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by QAnon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans.
	Wow, I didn't know that.
	And that's a false allegation, like COVID-19.
	Yeah, I mean, a lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay, though.
	Do you notice that?
	Like if you talk to like a Is it?
	Yeah, they don't care.
	The man can wear a dress.
	Like, you cross-dressing, they're like, what?
	When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude.
	You'd be ostracized.
	Now there's no gay color.
	That's weird past that.
	So those kids are past that shit.
	They're wearing top hats and skirts.
	It doesn't matter.
	It just doesn't matter.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So, yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those.
	Yeah, you're from a different university.
	That's why you go to Bushwick or something, and you're like, oh, this is the cutting-edge kids.
	I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there in there to the parks and stuff and were selling sex and stuff like that.
	Have you seen any of that over there?
	Hookers in Bushwick?
	Yeah.
	In the parks over there.
	Selling their bodies?
	Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there.
	I mean, Haitian.
	That's not who you'd want.
	I mean, who you want is?
	I guess it's the, I don't know what the pace of the rate is.
	It was just a bunch of dark black, very thin hookers.
	I'll check it out.
	I haven't heard anything about that.
	Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there.
	Haitian hookering.
	I think they said Haitian.
	I would have to ask them.
	You know what there is, though?
	For real, for real?
	Casual hooking.
	Really?
	Like, chicks who do it like three times a year.
	Housewives.
	Regular chicks who are like for a little extra cash.
	Like, what do you mean?
	I mean, like, oh, your friend seems cute.
	It's like, hey, my friend's cute.
	She likes you.
	Would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks?
	And they're like, oh, no.
	In New York?
	Yeah.
	Regular chicks, just occasionally, like, yeah, I'll fuck for money.
	The guy seems cool.
	They're not going to like on the street taking all callers.
	Right.
	But like, occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber.
	Do they tell the husband?
	I don't think so.
	Possibly.
	I don't know.
	I've already situated.
	Would you, is there a thing where people let the Obamas are still together for real?
	That's a great question.
	You think the Clintons are?
	No.
	No, right?
	So it's a possibility that there are such things as sham marriages.
	Yeah.
	I wonder.
	She didn't show up to the Carter funeral.
	She didn't show up to the inauguration.
	I could see, like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this.
	Yeah.
	I just wanted a ball.
	Yeah, I just wanted to dunk on these bitches.
	Yeah, that's it.
	That could be it, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I wonder.
	It's a good question.
	That whole inauguration thing was just such a game I had.
	You went.
	Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there.
	What did you think?
	Because that's not you.
	Oh, not at all.
	You were going there the way I go to Comic-Con.
	Yeah.
	I'll just stare at everybody.
	It was ridiculous.
	I don't know.
	What's Spider-Man?
	Oh, I was like, I should not be here.
	You should not be there.
	That's how I felt.
	At least you're not doing the endorsing thing that a lot of comics are doing.
	I thought we were supposed to just make fun of everyone in PowerPoint.
	Do you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing?
	Endorsing?
	Who's endorsing?
	What the fuck are you talking about?
	You have a literal sports team you root for.
	You don't endorse Tottenham.
	Yeah.
	Like, it was so wild.
	But all right, he's in power now, so let's see everybody go after him.
	Well, I think a lot of people were.
	Endorsing.
	Just make fun of all of them.
	Yeah.
	It seemed weird.
	Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like has been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff.
	You start to worry about like a lot of these social media companies limiting speech, limiting what's possible.
	Text me, for sure.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	So if somebody's like, hey, I want to do this, I'm like, great, I love it.
	You know, I also loved when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic.
	Got everybody really partying in New York.
	that um do you worry about yeah but but But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest.
	But also, they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast?
	I'm like, well, I'll have everybody on.
	I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast, the travel one.
	We just talked about travel.
	People are like, why didn't you call him on his shit?
	I'm like, was he lying about the UAE?
	That's all I care about.
	The travel part.
	I don't want to get involved in this.
	So I get that part of it.
	Like, somebody seems interesting.
	A former president.
	I'll have him on a podcast.
	Oh, in a heartbeat.
	Yeah.
	People gave me grief for going to the inauguration.
	I was like, dude, you don't have to.
	But if you got invited to the, I don't know, Bush inauguration or the Obama one or the Reagan one, you would have gone?
	Yeah, I would have gone.
	He's like, oh, I'm not political.
	I got invited to the presidential inauguration.
	When am I not going to go to inauguration?
	I have no idea.
	What if it's not even real and there's video?
	They're just, it's, it's a moon landing.
	Who knows?
	You know, so I went and at least saw like, okay.
	So what was that right?
	What was that right doing?
	Did it feel like powerful?
	Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates?
	Or was it just like the Oscars were all like gladheading each other and celebrating success?
	I guess I didn't get to be there long enough.
	Was there food?
	There was at the ball.
	The food wasn't gone.
	No, it was not good.
	That fucking broke my heart.
	What do you mean?
	Tony was there.
	He's like, we did it.
	And I'm like, the food isn't good.
	No, we didn't.
	We still have room.
	What do you mean the food wasn't good?
	It wasn't that good.
	And then only like 30 chairs in this whole ballroom.
	And there was probably 1,500 people in there.
	30 chairs?
	That's like my house.
	I have four chairs and I have eight people over.
	And it's like, we're sitting on Amazon boxes.
	That was the most hectic part.
	But yeah, just to be there, to be in Washington, D.C., to see that happen for sure.
	I was like, fuck you.
	I'm going.
	I would never be weird.
	I would never think it was weird if anybody was.
	you there?
	No, but pull those people back up.
	So, this was the part that was fascinating to me.
	These were this was these are the guys deciding our fates.
	Who's the brown in the middle?
	This is the oligarchy right here: Sunder Pachai from Google.
	So, he owns Google.
	So, these guys all decide how we think about the world.
	These one, two, three, one guys, the chick I'm assuming is Clinton for the one.
	Yeah.
	There's Zuckerberg.
	Yeah.
	Zuckerberg's the most evil of all of them.
	You think?
	Yeah.
	Because I think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were doing.
	And then when they found out, so there's no problem.
	They're just given cigarettes.
	They didn't know it was causing cancer.
	Then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that shit.
	Right.
	Zuckerberg at first was like, I don't know.
	I just, I'm too autistic to have interactions.
	So I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye.
	And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people.
	But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off our uncles.
	And he goes, yeah, keep pushing it.
	I think he should be up.
	Wow.
	I think he should at least be his company taken away from him and it should be shut down.
	Facebook and Instagram should be shut down.
	Push the button.
	Well, it's like...
	Well, I agree with that.
	But say, I'll say that type of thing.
	People will be like, well, a government can't decide what can and can't make their society better, right?
	I think they can.
	I think it might be abuse, but at some point it's like, this is too much bad.
	Right.
	Well, I feel the same way about porn, about porn channels, you know?
	Yeah, like, let's have some oversight.
	Oh, yeah, porn too.
	It's like it's non-stop.
	Like, you can't push porn to kids, right?
	They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns because they're like, hey, we're not actually giving these to five-year-olds and you're kind of marketing them to five-year-olds.
	They had to stop putting...
	This is a Steve Simone joke.
	Love you, buddy.
	They had to, yeah, there he goes.
	Look, he's always smiling.
	I know, huh?
	Where are the bodies?
	Yeah.
	He's our Gacy.
	He's our John Lynn Gacy?
	Wow.
	On the surface.
	That's insane as AI.
	All right, man.
	I joke.
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	Yeah, I think it's like really bad and that you're doing, you can't just put in like additives into fucking baby, baby formula.
	But why do we keep doing, why do we keep building stuff that's bad for it?
	But if people say, well, if your government says you can't, then that's like a form of communism, right?
	Like your government says you can't have this and you can't have it.
	Because we shouldn't have, I mean, we just had a woman on, we're talking about Pornhub and extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated.
	So they had rapes on there.
	They had unconsensual sex.
	They had sex with minors.
	They had sex with babies on there, on Pornhub, on the website.
	But their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have because then they sell more advertising dollars because like, well, we have this many URLs.
	We have this many links that people can go to.
	So they're selling in bulk, but they didn't have anybody or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through.
	Yeah, so we have some laws, right?
	You can't blast music at parks.
	Right.
	Because like, oh, this is kind of infringing other people's rights sort of here.
	You know, the privacy, it's quiet.
	So there's some regulation.
	I don't understand all this.
	I don't know what the line is from socialism to not.
	I don't get any of that.
	It's not my thing.
	I just know like this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it.
	Yes.
	You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody.
	Right.
	And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it.
	Like, nah, you need someone to step in and be like, that's not as a society.
	Like, that's not allowed.
	You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit.
	Yeah.
	See the world as a terrible place.
	We didn't sign up for that.
	I don't like it.
	Twitter does that a lot.
	I noticed.
	Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there.
	Do you notice that, Nick, you think?
	Yeah, I wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all the stuff.
	Yeah, and start angry.
	It's not a good way to start, right?
	You've been at the beach, but when you start like pleasant, you know, it's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter showing you what's to be mad about.
	Yeah.
	Oh, there was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed?
	So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and like child endangerment and stuff like that.
	Every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives.
	Yeah.
	Because you're not supposed to see that stuff.
	And we're seeing like versions of that.
	I hate it.
	I hate it.
	God, let's draw on quarter Mark Zuckerberg.
	I mean, I don't think we should do that.
	I don't know what we should do.
	Let's Luigi.
	But is it just him, though?
	It's must do.
	It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society and you're not doing anything about it.
	You actually have the power to stop it and you're not doing it.
	So like, fuck off.
	Well, that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with porn up.
	It was like they would bring up these cases.
	There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded, right?
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, and you can't just go, what?
	It's an open source thing.
	Like, no, no, you're facilitating it.
	Right.
	Right.
	That's the thing.
	People are like, well, we, and they, at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spend, and something had to be flagged like 15 times before it even comes into the moderation.
	You're already fucked over.
	And the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there.
	And then there's just one person deciding.
	Yeah.
	Adult, not adult, consensual, not consensual.
	The problem is you start with like they need to have some oversight.
	They're going to go too far.
	Yeah.
	And they're going to make like, well, this joke they had about who's on top.
	We can't have that.
	That's not our society wants that.
	You're like, that's too far.
	And I don't know what it is.
	You can't trust the government to regulate.
	I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working.
	Well, and then you wonder, is human society supposed to have this success story?
	Or is it a unsuccessful experiment?
	You can't just give everyone side effects.
	You have to show your side effects.
	And it barely is.
	Right.
	But you have to show your side effects.
	You have to go at the end.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You have to at least do something.
	But then it's like, I think people have lost total faith that their country is going to do a lot.
	They're not going to do shit.
	They're not going to do shit.
	They're just going to let it go.
	You go to another country, you eat like garbage for a week, and then you lose seven pounds.
	And you're like, how's this?
	Oh, there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit.
	Right.
	But I think like, I mean, we talk about it a lot in here, like, with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs.
	God damn, and they're still alive.
	And they're still pushing it to people.
	You should do Oxy.
	You should get on Oxy for pain.
	My dad had to get on something.
	Don't take that.
	Take ibuprofen.
	Don't take that.
	You can't.
	If you get cooked on it, you can't kick it.
	They're still selling OxyContin.
	Oh, yeah.
	Doctors are still pushing it.
	They're incentivized to financially.
	Who's even making money?
	Is it just to go back to pay for victims?
	Oh, they're not paying those bills.
	Those fines?
	They're not paying those.
	Really?
	Yeah, same thing with PG ⁇ E. All the forest fires, half of them are caused by PG ⁇ E not doing the safety measures.
	Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.
	Let's get this really quick.
	Purdue Pharma, Sackler families boost contribution in opioid settlement to $7.4 billion.
	The company and the once prominent family behind the drug, OxyContin, agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution to resolve mass opioid litigation.
	The Sacklers and Purdue Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to $7.4 billion.
	If approved, the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the U.S. opioid crisis.
	So that's $7.4 billion over the next 15 years.
	How much do they make a year?
	Go back.
	This is the same thing as like a, Under the new settlement, the terms of Sacklers' control of Purdue Pharma ends.
	The 7.4 billion will go directly to communities across the U.S., including states, counties, cities, and territories, over the next 15 years.
	Oh, that's good.
	That's good.
	But even this headline is like, oh, they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit.
	Even though they killed hundreds of thousands of people.
	Yeah, all the Gulf oil spills, they paid this big fine.
	It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures.
	Right.
	So they're like, it seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're making.
	There was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me.
	Oh, yeah.
	And now I've seen rich people like, I'll park here.
	It's like a little park.
	It's fine.
	I'll just park here.
	Yeah, it's fine.
	If somebody takes a car, just buy a new car.
	Yeah, Chris Rock used to, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front.
	And they're like, they might give you a ticket.
	He goes, I don't care.
	It's $80.
	And I'm a millionaire.
	He doesn't care.
	it's not going to de-incentivize them.
	So this is a wildfire caused by power lines.
	Okay, so why are we looking at this?
	So I'm saying, like, they're supposed to worry about safety measures.
	They don't.
	We fine them.
	They don't pay the fines.
	Look at all those fires caused by that.
	And then they just don't do anything because they know, what are you going to do?
	Not use us?
	You're going to all be like in the dark for fucking years?
	Yeah, what are you going to use?
	A candle?
	Hundreds of forest fires.
	Maybe thousands by PG ⁇ E. And they won't do shit.
	So that's the government's not doing shit.
	It's like, why even pay attention any of it?
	Yeah, what are you going to be?
	You're just going to use Yankee candles all day?
	It's really upping it.
	That's what makes you hopeful.
	Yeah.
	The candle game is, it's, it's barn on the shapes and everything.
	Yeah.
	I saw a candle dick in Washington Square Park.
	Really?
	And they lit it up?
	Yeah.
	No, you can.
	Oh.
	But I don't know what the smell is.
	I never lit it up.
	I have one, though, in my house.
	I'm good.
	Yeah.
	They have some video of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever.
	He's laying on his back, pulled his nut, like brought his legs over his head, tried to put his penis in his mouth and tried to light his nuts like he was like in a bowl of weed.
	How do you do, huh?
	How do you do?
	The video cuts off early.
	But just unreal behavior.
	Yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	That's one vote for Trump right there.
	Did you get to say anything to him?
	Like, you should take care of this.
	Is it Trump?
	Yeah, I always have this dream.
	Like, there's an outside possibility I can run into him.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's an outside possibility.
	And I'd be like, if we all got to be like, hey, I just want two things to do.
	What would you hit him with?
	Two things to do in the world?
	Yeah.
	In America.
	I would say sentence the Sackler.
	I would probably say sentence the Sackler family to death, I think.
	I like it.
	That would be probably my favorite thing about Sam.
	And that would put other people like, I mean, you grew up in a town that's fucked by this.
	Well, yeah, most of America.
	I mean, just the AA rooms alone.
	You see so many more people that aren't alcoholics.
	They're opioids.
	From pain relief straight to heroin.
	And it's a different thing.
	It's like the AA program helps them, but it's not the same.
	It's like these people, their database has been compromised and altered.
	I don't know if, can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time?
	Can they alter your DNA?
	Yeah, they can definitely alter your body.
	Your grill is affected, but sure.
	Your grin.
	Yeah, yes, opioids can alter DNA, which may contribute to opioid use disorder, these changes.
	So then you're not even talking to a human then.
	You're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug.
	Yeah, yeah, they're not people anymore.
	And why is this not being talked about all the time?
	Every city in America, Democrat and Republican, are failing under this, and no one's doing shit about it.
	That's not even what I tell them.
	At least they stopped them from doing it, but now they just have, they have another new anti.
	What's that?
	There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up.
	It's Pravis Proct Prov.
	You think they just rebranded and came back?
	Like a college bar that gets busted for underage, and they go, it's a new name now.
	It's my brother runs it.
	It's a different company.
	Oh, that's the best.
	Bro, when I was in college, they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight.
	It was called, I've said it before, we'll beep this part, but it's called Fist Fights, right?
	And it was their company.
	They came.
	It was gay men would come.
	You pay five bucks, go there, you get a beer, and you get to watch fights.
	And they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude.
	Wow.
	Pretty cool.
	In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling.
	Yeah.
	And it's just like signs for it.
	It's not like a hidden back room thing.
	Yeah.
	It's a cock fighting of the.
	Have I ever been to a cockfight?
	No.
	But there is midget versus cock versus rooster or whatever.
	Oh.
	Right near the bottom.
	How about midget versus gay?
	We got to make odds on all these things.
	Three midgets, two gays.
	You know, what's the like over-under?
	Ooh, three midgets versus two gays.
	And then what kind of gays are we talking about?
	Is it like luck of the draw?
	Yeah, are you talking Ariana Grande fans or are you talking like hardcore?
	Mateo can take somebody.
	Oh, he's strong.
	He's very strong.
	Yeah, but can he fight?
	And can he fight down?
	I bet he could.
	He's got to be able to overcut.
	I think he auditioned for newsies and got pretty far.
	So I bet he could.
	Dude, don't pick that fight.
	You're not going to win that.
	Yeah, he ain't going to win this.
	Is that Carlos Mancia?
	Why is he dressed like Carlos Mencia?
	Is that crazy to say that?
	He looks a little like Shane in the face.
	He's dressed like Menzilla, and he's got a face like Shane.
	Shane Gillis?
	Yeah.
	How can you even see that's in eight pixels?
	Let me see when he turns.
	Pause it when he turns.
	If we see his face.
	Yeah.
	Shane, bro.
	That's Shane, bro.
	That's Shane, bro.
	He's one of my friends.
	That's Shane.
	Tell me it's not.
	That is it.
	Okay.
	Look at that kicking from my hat.
	That's their new commercial right there.
	That's him.
	Wow, that's great, dude.
	That is so great.
	Oh, that's great.
	What up?
	What were we just talking?
	Oh, but what's the new drug?
	You see it, Nick?
	This is a non-opioid that was just.
	Yeah, there we go.
	SDA approved novel non-opioid treatment for moderate to severe acute pain.
	Yeah, that's what they need.
	Yeah, this just happened.
	Gernavix, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X is the first drug to be approved in its new class of pain management medicines.
	50 milligram oral tablets, a first in-class non-opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults.
	But wouldn't you just get addicted to using this?
	But does that mean you're not?
	Because non-opioid.
	Maybe it's not addictive.
	That's what I'm wondering.
	Do you not feel like melatonin, you know, what helps you go to sleep?
	Not melatonin.
	Melatonin?
	Yeah.
	But then like sleeping pills would become addictive.
	Melatonin is like, it just, it's fine.
	So there's not opioids in here?
	What the fuck's an opioid to?
	Targeting a pain signaling pathway.
	So unlike opioids, which act on receptors in the brain, gernavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system.
	A lot of words I didn't know in that.
	Yeah, blocking pain signals before they reach the brain.
	So it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain.
	Oh, there's like the difference between LimeWire and Napster.
	Yeah.
	It's like pretty much the same, but it works different.
	Yeah.
	That's a good comparison.
	Thanks.
	Evidence of non-addictive properties.
	Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients.
	That's it.
	Right.
	The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria.
	Well, they said the thing with oxycodone, oxycontone, whatever, was that they were like, well, what about getting off it?
	Like, we haven't seen any problem with that.
	And they go, did you test for that?
	And they go, no, we did not.
	And so it's like, how do you know how hard it is to withdraw?
	You've never tested it.
	Meanwhile, people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit.
	Leanbacks are fucking crazy right now.
	Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects.
	They can be natural, semi-synthetic, or synthetic chemicals.
	Yep.
	Well, I don't know, but yeah, they got to do something.
	That's a good one to tell them.
	Yeah.
	Because once you kill them, the rest are like, let's get approval for this first.
	Yeah, people will start to, I think, be a little bit unnoticed.
	There will be some sort of...
	I don't understand how they were not.
	They're serial killers.
	They're mass murderers.
	And they go, well, it's a company.
	Yeah.
	You know what they did in China?
	They were testing for purity for baby formula.
	And so one company put an additive in to make it test pure to go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies.
	Yeah.
	And the government found out there's no bureaucracy there.
	They hung the board.
	Wow.
	The whole board.
	And they're like, no, the company has, it goes, no, you guys killed babies.
	Is it true?
	Yeah.
	So it's like, we're done with this.
	Yeah, I want to see that.
	They just hung him.
	You can't just do, you can't break the law and kill babies.
	You're out.
	You're out.
	And hopefully this will be a sign to everybody else.
	And there's enough Chinese.
	They might not have been the ones.
	It might have been different ones.
	Come on, Theo.
	I'll say this.
	If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I feel.
	You know, you're just on the same one over and over again.
	Be honest.
	Well, it's kind of like this.
	One time this lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever.
	And she was very old.
	And she would give us like, I think a quarter for Each cat that we brought in.
	And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again.
	When I had to go get my visa to play China, I went in there and they're like, What are you doing there?
	I'm like, I'm working.
	I got gigs.
	I'm like, you're working.
	Where's your letter of invitation from the government?
	Where's your $50,000?
	You know, and I'm like, I don't know.
	It's like early when you go to China.
	I mean, Canada, you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend.
	Yeah.
	It was that too.
	I didn't realize.
	So I call the promoters.
	I was like, what do I do?
	They go, go back.
	Only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China.
	Go back in there and tell them you're just there to see the Great Wall.
	And I'm like, but I was just in there.
	And he goes, so you know how we can't tell them apart?
	It's a two-way street.
	Yeah.
	Just go right.
	Try not to go to that window, but if you do, it won't matter.
	And I got called in that window.
	She goes, hi, how you doing?
	I thought she was fucking with me.
	I'm like, here to do some traveling in China?
	Okay.
	That was it.
	Damn.
	Did you go with the same group that I went with?
	I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Kurtain.
	No, it was a different group, I think.
	That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man, was just the places you got to go.
	You couldn't afford it?
	No.
	And you just never would have been able to do it.
	And it flew you to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places.
	You're like, dick jokes are paying for this.
	Yeah.
	It was wild.
	And you meet the local scenes.
	I'm like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong.
	That was the best.
	It was so cool.
	Iceland.
	You're going to Australia and just weird spots.
	Yeah, we went to one right there.
	That's Guantanamo.
	It's like Guantanamo Bay.
	With Mike.
	That's in Cuba?
	Yeah, who's that guy on the right guy?
	Jewish guy, too.
	Mike Buzz.
	E?
	No.
	Smoothie?
	Mike B. Mike Costa.
	Is that Mike Costa with us?
	Patrick DeGere.
	That's Costa.
	Yeah, it looks like Costa.
	Patrick DeGere, Mike Costa.
	Who's Patrick DeGere?
	The blind one.
	Oh, yeah, Patrick DeGere.
	Yeah, he's blind.
	That's you on the left?
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	I had good hair.
	Look how angry your hair is.
	Yeah, exhuman.
	And that kid never nutted inside a chick?
	Never.
	What an idiot.
	That's a nutter.
	That's a nutter.
	That was his time.
	Oh, he nutted in his shampoo.
	You never won a title in your prime.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Fuck, I was young as fuck, bitch.
	Damn.
	I was doing good.
	Look like Dane Cook there.
	Yeah, bro.
	Dane and Shane.
	Dude, get that off the ground.
	Come on, NBC.
	Make a comeback.
	So you just went all over.
	Look at that.
	That's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you.
	Went to Guantanamo Bay.
	Isn't it so fucking cool?
	You can go out places like that.
	Crazy.
	Went to the A. Dude, Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize, first of all, nice golf courses there.
	Underrated.
	You'd never know it.
	We got to see the prisoners play some volleyball.
	Wow, really?
	Yeah.
	Did you play in your jeans and no shirt, like in Top Gun?
	No, they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever.
	And some of them had blindfolds on or whatever.
	They were still playing.
	unbelievable just to do like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a Yeah.
	Oh.
	Yeah, they had these.
	They could play volleyball?
	Iguanas down there, foxes, rodents, unique animals.
	They had a beach, this thing called Glass Beach.
	It had all this, used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now.
	From this, from the tides.
	Where else they send you?
	Where else do you go?
	Azores.
	We went to the Azores, which is somewhere.
	I don't know.
	Is that Portugal?
	Yes.
	Off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America.
	Pretty amazing.
	What about you?
	I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today.
	You know him?
	Yeah.
	Pretty point.
	Paul, he's a basketball player.
	He's great.
	We got flown to Switzerland, Montreux, Switzerland for a festival.
	Yeah.
	And then we made a deal with each other.
	Like, let's keep going places.
	They have Iceland, Australia, but the China gigs, those weird gigs, Dominican Republic.
	And you're just like, Dominican Republic?
	And you're just here on their dime.
	The Anchorage gigs.
	Oh, I never did that.
	Those are good.
	They take you on either a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing.
	Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing.
	We cut one open right there.
	It had all these like dots in it.
	He's like, what's that?
	He says, well, it's eggs.
	It's pregnant.
	So it's eggs.
	And he goes, is that caviar?
	Yeah.
	Can you eat the raw?
	Yeah, he showed us and ate it.
	And David's like, I'll have some right out of the thing.
	Every pregnant one we found, David just started filling up on it.
	Did you get sick?
	So sick.
	You're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat.
	Especially when you're poor.
	You can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar.
	Bro, if somebody brought caviar to me, I'd fucking served in a womb.
	I'd fucking serve a sword to their neck, dude.
	You can't fucking eat caviar if you're poor.
	Dude, yeah, that doesn't go.
	Your stomach's like, chill out, f ⁇ .
	You know, your system can't handle it.
	God, those gigs were good.
	They just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime.
	And you're just like, they cover the hotel.
	They let you know where to stay.
	There's no arranging.
	Yeah, you never made any money.
	Yeah, right.
	But it was 200 bucks.
	Broke even.
	Maybe.
	But then like, you're living like on a vacation to the level I can barely afford now.
	Yeah.
	All covered.
	It was so cool.
	Dude, we went one time to what's the blue stuff that they put in drinks?
	It's they put in like a oh, curse.
	Yes.
	Boom.
	That place.
	It's an island.
	Oh.
	So we went there.
	You went there on comedy?
	Yes.
	Zoom out from the map.
	I want to see where this is on the map.
	Go and then slowly zoom out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Night near Bonaire.
	Okay.
	Out, out, out.
	Where the fuck is he?
	I really don't know what content it is yet.
	Me neither.
	Okay, in the Caribbean.
	Every couple years they move this place somewhere else.
	It's like the Island from Lost.
	We went.
	Go look at a picture of it, dude.
	It is like a small place.
	There's only one area that has a few buildings.
	And then there's this military base there.
	But they manufacture this blue liqueur there.
	Yeah, that's here.
	It's very small.
	It's beautiful.
	It's beautiful, but there's nothing.
	I mean, this is it, right?
	And then we went to this military place.
	I think we did a show.
	And then they put us up in these rooms.
	And then you go into the facility where the rooms were, like, and it just kind of looked like a bare, like almost like a community college type of, Or, like an old high school, just like the cinder block kind of wall, you know, with painted over and stuff.
	Then we opened the door to this one room, and it was the most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in.
	Dolled up different?
	Yes.
	Like, I think fancy operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while, and they put them up in this crazy place and probably give them some chicks or whatever.
	But it was unbelievable.
	Yeah, we went with cheerleaders from Houston Texans cheerleaders.
	What?
	Yeah.
	That's when you would have nutted.
	Yeah, should have.
	Who's that?
	That's the room I was in.
	Wow.
	Me and Jay Davis were.
	But every other room was normal.
	And then they had this one room that was crazy.
	He had like mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes.
	Me and Jay Davis.
	Yeah, that's the Coke vibe for sure.
	Yeah.
	It was just crazy.
	There's me and him just.
	Wait, back up.
	Wishing we had some women.
	Are you in shape there?
	I was in shape.
	God damn, bro.
	I used to.
	Wait, what?
	Yeah.
	That's you on the left.
	I used to jerk myself off.
	That's how good looking I was.
	Damn, drew.
	You need to lower those pants a little bit.
	Show that V. What?
	What is that?
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	BLM, dude.
	I don't know what's going on over there.
	But that was pretty amazing.
	That's cool.
	But yeah, going places like that was unbelievable.
	Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in like Iraq?
	No, I just had Nate and Louis Katz, Lewis Katz, and Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul.
	Wow.
	And it's just like that same thing of like, what are we doing here?
	It's all paid for and set up.
	Yeah, that was great.
	And you just thought, you were like, this is crazy.
	Because when you grew up, you're like, I'll probably never go there, ever.
	Let alone on someone else's dime.
	Yeah, they had a woman in a black trip.
	They had a woman gave me a BJ.
	You'd be tripping.
	Blackhawk.
	Yeah, a BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground on a on.
	They arranged that for you?
	No, she arranged it.
	Okay, okay.
	She arranged it.
	And she said, oh, the airfield is on, I don't know what it was, like unattended or something tonight.
	But yeah, pretty cool.
	And then what else?
	Oh, another thing.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Wow.
	I know.
	pretty neat.
	I don't know what happened.
	Wait, you got a blowjob in a Black Hawk helicopter.
	Pretty cool.
	Did she leave No Man Behind or was she like?
	I remember she had a huge kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something.
	You were just looking at that the whole time.
	I think she was from like Philly or something.
	To wait a lot longer.
	But really a sweet gal.
	She was nice.
	Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the Air Force and she slipped over into my little cabin or whatever.
	She slipped out of line of the jog?
	And I couldn't get an erection.
	I was too freaked out or something.
	I thought they were going to come over the guns.
	I didn't fucking know how the military works.
	Where was this?
	This was in somewhere near Kuwait, Airf John or one of these bases or something.
	Pretty cool.
	Wow.
	Those were good.
	Yeah, it was good.
	Good times.
	Good for everybody.
	It was just cool.
	They would take you out the middle of nowhere.
	You'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just...
	You went to Kuwait.
	Yeah, whatever the one in Iraq.
	Yeah.
	Airf John, that's where we flew into these Ford operating bases.
	I think that's what they went to.
	I think it might have been the same one.
	It was pretty great.
	So, yeah, the special.
	Let's get a little bit more about it.
	I want to know about it.
	Are you torn off of it now?
	Is there going to be a new?
	I'm not torn off at a different hour.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I'm torn a little bit for like till April.
	Then I'm going to take about a year and a half off.
	Yeah.
	Off the road.
	You always do a good job of that.
	It's taking time off.
	You're the one guy who's always like, dude, you got to take some time off for yourself.
	And I'm like, I will.
	And then I never do.
	Yeah, I always try to get you to.
	Yeah, you do.
	Yeah.
	You could.
	I know.
	One of them will.
	One day I'll just take time off forever.
	You know, I think that's probably maybe my guess.
	Save it up and then go.
	Yeah, just like when people save up their PTO or whatever.
	They save it up till the end.
	When you quit, like, I get all that.
	Oh, that's the wrong way to live.
	You think?
	You should be taking along the way.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So I'm going to go backpacking for like six, eight months, just traveling.
	You've been some pretty great places over the years.
	I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly.
	Did you really?
	Yeah.
	We were there for Hurricane.
	That's not why we went.
	We went to get away from the election.
	No way.
	Yeah, we got there on Monday.
	We didn't find out who won till Sunday.
	They didn't even have elections there.
	You're like, what happened to the election?
	Like, I don't know what that word means.
	Eleciones?
	No se, no se.
	Wow, what was it like there?
	I mean, it was pretty wild.
	You can see like the remnants of what it would have been, the extravagance, same buildings.
	They have an embargo there.
	That's one thing I tell Trump.
	Like, come on in that already.
	They're just poor people now for no reason.
	And so what does that mean they have an embargo?
	So you can't, they won't trade with America.
	They won't trade with anyone who trades with America to a degree, I think.
	So we won't trade with, or we, did we do that or they did that?
	We did that.
	Okay.
	And so Obama ended it and then and opened up travel and everything.
	Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel.
	And then Biden also took, say, no, full embargo, but you can still travel.
	So there's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston.
	Okay.
	So you can travel to Cuba.
	You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol.
	And we don't do trade with them.
	Yeah.
	And so that means they can't grow extra stuff in trade.
	All their sugar cane, all their tobacco, they can't, there's no reason to grow extra because they can't, it'll just rot.
	Right.
	So there's just poverty there.
	So it's just poverty, but it's also just poverty because the government takes, probably like funnels a lot of the money just to themselves.
	Yeah, sure.
	They're doing okay.
	But that hurricane, they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate like really well.
	There was three people rushed to the hospital.
	That's it during a type three hurricane.
	That's nice.
	Yeah.
	I mean, the whole island lost power for two days.
	So there was no power in the entire country for two days.
	So that was like weird.
	But then we just wandered around outside afterwards, just like looked at the devastation.
	U.S. business is conducting trade or commerce.
	Yeah, President Donald Trump was taking office for a second term on January 2025.
	So if we reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration.
	Well, that happens a lot.
	So for a couple days that things have changed, right?
	So, you know, I think I know what this is.
	So Diaz told me this, gave me a clue.
	Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never Forgave Bill Clinton for giving back Ellian Gonzalez.
	Because those Cubans that fled and went to Florida, who are all, and they breed, you know, so there are a lot of them.
	They hate the Castro regime over there.
	And they're anything you can.
	They tell their grandkids, you can never visit Cuba.
	Fuck that place.
	And so they were mad at them giving this kid back to his real father.
	Like, he should be in America.
	So they just hate him.
	So it took Obama for like, well, I've already run twice and won.
	So I'm not going to run for a third term.
	So now I can end this embargo.
	If he didn't, Florida goes against him.
	So Trump, same thing.
	He's like, I want that Cuban vote.
	Let's put that embargo back on.
	Biden, too.
	I want that Cuban vote.
	Put that embargo back on.
	Yeah.
	Florida's a big vote.
	It ain't Maryland.
	If it was Maryland, they're like, I don't care.
	Florida's a lot of points, right?
	So I'm hoping he's like, well, I'm already in.
	Dang.
	Yeah.
	So it's just, it's just whatever.
	But so then when you go, they're like, can you bring anything?
	Like, yes, light bulbs.
	Or it's not even expensive.
	Like, we just can't get shit here.
	Batteries, a battery charger.
	We would love that.
	Huh.
	Yeah.
	So he was like, hey, the hurricane's coming.
	We're going to lose power.
	Charge everything.
	Wow.
	Yeah, that's wild.
	You don't even think about the things you would need suddenly.
	Yeah.
	So you can see all the buildings.
	They look kind of decrepit, but if you like blink and like imagine it with like a clean coat of paint, you're like, oh yeah, this would have been the vacation spot.
	Yeah.
	Maybe one day it will be again.
	Well, I guess, well, you guys went there for a vacation.
	How was it?
	I loved it.
	I had so much fun.
	Can you go to the stars all day?
	I went to the beach and nobody was on it.
	They cooked you a lobster right there for $10.
	It was so cool.
	It was so much fun and freeing.
	I got to practice my Spanish.
	So it's a great place to go.
	God damn.
	And we didn't get out of Havana.
	We would have gotten out except for the hurricane, kind of put a damper on it, but it was a cool experience anyway.
	But like, yeah, I would love to go back.
	I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad in Cuba and in the east.
	Was there a nightlife there when you went?
	Dancing and music.
	Yeah.
	That Cuban music.
	We went to what's left of Buenavista Social Club.
	I was dancing.
	They picked me up to dance.
	This fucking hot black chick, like Caribbean, like black chick.
	Yeah.
	Just dancing with me.
	And I was like, I remember a little salsa class night.
	Saltwater sisters, baby, yeah.
	I was going for it.
	Dude, it felt so good.
	It was so fucking fun.
	Yeah.
	Everyone's out.
	Everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just like drinking.
	Are they busting you to the Libres?
	Do they bust on you because you're American?
	No, not at all.
	One guy, one guy goes, I know it's not you.
	I know it's your government.
	And I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it.
	Wow.
	We went when I was a student.
	We went.
	I want to get you on my podcast about that year.
	Well, when I went to there, semester at sea?
	Okay.
	Did I come talk about that?
	I'd never talk about it.
	If you met a guy, it would go perfect with that pod, The trip.
	You'd be tripping.
	You'd be tripping.
	Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any.
	But like, I met a guy in my neighborhood.
	I never talk about that whole trip.
	We were talking.
	He goes, do you know Theo Vaughn?
	I was like, yeah, yeah.
	He's a friend of mine.
	And he goes, I was on a boat with him once.
	And I was like, oh, weird.
	And he goes, no, no, no.
	It was like a six-month thing.
	Yeah.
	I got to get his name to see if you remember.
	I got to remember his name.
	Semester at C, white guy?
	Yeah, white guy.
	James.
	James was his name.
	James.
	But anyway.
	Yeah, and I was like, oh, that'd be perfect.
	That sounds so cool.
	Oh, it was great.
	Yeah, Semester at C was like a floating school, took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there, and just went around the whole world, finished in Florida.
	We stopped at Cube on the way.
	You did?
	On the way back, yeah.
	Fidel came and spoke to us, too.
	It was pretty crazy.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	But then we just tried to get out.
	Oh, dude, I'll tell you this fun thing that happened.
	So we went out and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever.
	We would just do like that if somebody talked to us in Spanish, you know?
	We would fucking just do that and order a cuba libre, you know?
	Oh, man, they're great there.
	Oh, yeah.
	The Havana Club.
	Yeah, we went to the Havana Club.
	Yeah.
	We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long.
	So long.
	I have a picture of him.
	I can't show it because it's big of too much hate.
	Hard workers over there.
	No, there's a white guy.
	Get rid of that fucking pollution.
	A lot of people travel over there, pick their nose.
	It's different in Cuba.
	The flick goes further.
	And then, so we were at this thing.
	We're just walking down the streets.
	And finally, we find this kind of party going on, it looked like.
	There's some people.
	There was like a birthday cake and stuff for this old guy.
	And these people like were drinking and we were drinking.
	So we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of four-year area, like off this, the edge of this house and stuff.
	And we're hanging out and stuff.
	And we're singing happy birthday and dancing.
	And then you start to realize, I look over, and this old guy is going down on this woman.
	They were hookers that they'd hired for this birthday.
	These two old dudes had hired some hookers for their birthday.
	What?
	And we're just fucking there, like cutting the cake with them and shit.
	We're like, what the fuck are we doing, bro?
	There's a lot of hookers there.
	Yeah.
	Was there?
	Yeah, I didn't get any.
	You see them, though.
	I'm like, I haven't seen any hookers.
	And you notice, like, oh, yeah, yeah, that.
	Oh, yeah, that.
	They're like, hi.
	And you're like, yep.
	There's just different.
	Yeah, that was, and then we were going to get away with that.
	We had to go get bread and cheese.
	You got what?
	We were staying with a guy and they were like, should we help?
	Should we help?
	He goes, no, no, I got it.
	I got you.
	And then when the hurricane was coming, like, should we go out and get like supplies?
	And he goes, yes.
	Like, he was like, oh, shit, you're worried.
	So we're like on the hunt for bread and cheese.
	And everywhere we went, they're like, we're out.
	We're out.
	And then Bobby Kelly was like, all right, let's go.
	Let's go to the next place.
	We got to go.
	And he goes, well, hold on.
	There's cookies here.
	I'm like, Bob, it's not a cookie time, dude.
	Let's go.
	So what else do you see?
	An alcoholic with a dessert.
	It's hard.
	It's fucking a replacement.
	What else do you see there?
	What else did we see?
	Went to a baseball game.
	Ooh, I missed doing that.
	And when we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the ship, like tennis shoes.
	Just because they didn't have, like, just things that, like, we're like, what are we going to do?
	Take this shit.
	We don't even fucking care.
	Who cares?
	Because you kind of made friends with the people while you were there.
	They had this guy named Henry that was taking us around.
	And he, and it was just, so we're just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat.
	Just take it.
	You take it.
	Take it here.
	They'll get used to it.
	So it was all kind of stuff.
	Yeah, because they could use it.
	It was, that was pretty awesome.
	That was really great.
	Yeah, it's crazy that they don't have access.
	It's weird when you go to another place and see a cultural difference that you hadn't even noticed before.
	Like, oh, I have access to shoes when I want it.
	I might not be able to afford them, but I can get them.
	Yeah.
	And they had horse meat.
	That's what they served us at this conference conference.
	They served us horse meat.
	And then they had also this translator machine.
	So whenever Fidel was talking and the speakers were talking, you could hear what they were saying.
	Whoa, and then some people got to ask him questions and shit.
	One kid got him to sign his passport Fidel Castro signed.
	Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign.
	Sign somebody's passport.
	Wow, pretty fucking cool.
	You met Fidel Castro?
	Some little slurper.
	I don't know if I met him.
	I don't think I did.
	But you saw him.
	Yeah, we saw him.
	He came and spoke to us, like 600 students or maybe.
	And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there.
	I just happened pretty quick, and we just drank with like a lot of like homeless people.
	Like a lot of times you would pull in, you're on a boat dock.
	So you were always like around like homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are.
	Right.
	That's not the typical vibe of a city.
	Right.
	Like sometimes it was like cool, like Miami.
	And then sometimes it was like you were in like Jersey, you know, like you just, it was hit or miss, you know, some of these ports you went into.
	So you'd roll off thinking like, oh, we're going to be in the lap of like some cool area.
	And you'd just be in like the industrial and the docks, you know, like in Belfast or something.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Who would go here?
	Yeah.
	Who wouldn't LA goes to where the ship's dock?
	People are just getting fucking wasted.
	It's just at some point.
	I've been at sea for nine months.
	Get me hookers and drugs now.
	Oh, dude, all the staff that worked on the cruise ship, they were from like Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that.
	And so they were all, they would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked.
	You'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries.
	I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago.
	Yeah.
	For a carnival.
	Was it nice?
	It was so much fun.
	For carnival.
	I guess the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers and you just dance and drink for days.
	Wow.
	It was so much fun.
	Who'd you go with?
	A chick.
	I met my friend.
	My friend's like in line to be the prime minister there from college.
	Really?
	Yeah, his dad was the prime minister.
	And then when I met him, he was the ambassador to America.
	White guy?
	Tobagan?
	No.
	Dark-skinned black.
	Dark-skinned black.
	Yeah, they only have Indians and blacks there pretty much.
	Oh, yeah.
	But everyone's dancing, whining on each other.
	They were whining on me.
	They were playing this not happening for some reason on loop.
	No.
	On loop.
	So like for like four hours a day, they were playing this not happening in Trinidad.
	No residuals.
	And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago.
	Some chick was like, oh, you are, Shafira?
	And I was like, yeah.
	She goes, can I whine on you?
	I'm like, yeah.
	She's just fucking backing her.
	That's what they do there?
	Yeah.
	It's not even sexual.
	It's just like backing it up right on your ass and just rubbing and they just go all the way down.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's great.
	Oh.
	And what do they call it?
	Wine on you?
	Wining.
	Wining.
	It's their dance.
	Wining.
	And it's Tobagan?
	I guess so.
	Wow.
	Steel pan, all that shit.
	It was so fucking cool.
	I love that.
	What do you notice after traveling to some of these places?
	What are the things you miss about America?
	And what do you think are the things that we lose by being such a capitalistic environment?
	Food is cleaner other places.
	Okay.
	Like in Cuba, they don't have much, but they don't have chemicals to put in there either.
	Right.
	And then it's like the need to work for life.
	Oh, she's teaching how to whine.
	I might have watched this video before I went.
	God.
	And what do you do?
	Stand there?
	Stand there.
	You could lift one leg around them, try to go down with them.
	You mean you can't do it, but they're like, it's funny the white guy trying, but there's no like, they're not like mad at you for being there.
	There's so few whites.
	There are?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think the real one has more.
	Whoa, pregnancia.
	And you just...
	That's when you really...
	Wow.
	Let's learn to watch.
	Jesus, lady.
	I know.
	Alto, alto.
	I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time.
	Got a picture with him.
	He pickpocketed you?
	Caught him fucking just like that.
	And then you're like, I'm not mad at you.
	Let's just take a picture.
	And he ran off.
	Little guy.
	Little fucking five will go stevie.
	Hey, no.
	He's like, all right.
	Yeah.
	Fair is fair.
	You notice like, oh, we have some good things where we are.
	You get to appreciate that.
	But then also like the need to work as your method for Roid.
	It's like, nah, it shouldn't be that.
	It should be work to play.
	Like how much value we put on that.
	Yeah, it's like never any work till you die.
	And there they're like, yeah, work for the weekend.
	You try to go towards like some fun.
	So there they have like carnival season.
	It's a month plus long.
	Parties, parties, parties.
	It's great.
	Jouvet, everyone's like throwing paint on each other and mud.
	Jouvet.
	It's like Jouvert.
	That's in Trinidad.
	Trinidad.
	Yeah, it's a night before.
	So you're up all night.
	You get two hours of sleep, then go back to drinking and whining.
	Yeah, that's Jouvet.
	Jouvet, J. Jouvert, Jouvet.
	Dash.
	O-U-V-R-T.
	Everyone's fighting with.
	Wow.
	And they're fist fighting?
	No.
	Partying.
	They're fighting with paint.
	No, that's right.
	They're in a great mood.
	It's all pretty safe.
	Let's look about Jouvet.
	Can you find me information on it?
	It looks beautiful.
	It's the day before.
	So colorful.
	A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean.
	The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Creole traditions.
	Wow.
	Such as Canboule.
	Canboulet, what is that?
	Yeah, it smells so fucking weird.
	And it comes from like some weird version of like Christianity and slavery celebrating.
	Oh, yeah.
	Canboulet is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival.
	The festival is also where Calypso music has its roots.
	Steel drum.
	You know why they did steel drum?
	Because they outlawed drumming because they were like, you're like riling people up.
	So like, well, let's get these abandoned steel drums, like the oil drums.
	We'll make music out of that.
	Go back to that information, Nick.
	It was originally a harvest festival, which drums, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part.
	Huh.
	Yep.
	Can boulet has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago, for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Yeah, there's me in my fucking costume.
	Wow.
	Isn't that fun?
	It was so fucking fun.
	So he Showed us how to do it, my friend Brian.
	Dude, that's so cool.
	You look like a native, bro.
	Yeah, I got lost in it.
	You look so native.
	It was so fun.
	I mean, they party.
	They do it right.
	There's no status.
	There's no any of that.
	Like, what do you mean they party?
	They go to let loose.
	Like a Filipino lady and like all the Filipinos in like China and stuff, when it's the weekend, they party.
	They just dance on the docks together.
	Right.
	They go for it.
	They're like, let's let loose.
	It's not about like, which table am I at?
	Who's going to be here?
	Yeah.
	It's the party for the sake of partying.
	It's like the downstairs on the Titanic.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Yeah, everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here.
	I think you definitely notice that more in big cities.
	Yeah, club life.
	Clubbing in Europe is about like doing drugs and dancing.
	And here it's about like bottle service and velvet ropes.
	Prestige, yeah.
	Yeah, that kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of, I feel like, some of the bigger cities.
	I always notice too that Australians travel the most.
	Yeah.
	It's like they go do it is how they...
	No.
	You see one in the audience, like, oh, you guys, what are you doing here?
	It's like, I'm on holiday.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, oh, so just LA in the back?
	Like, no, LA, Vegas, Miami, and then Copenhagen, London, whatever.
	Like, how long are you?
	Oh, what field of dreams are we going to?
	There's always like one outlier thing they're going to see.
	Yeah.
	It's like, why?
	Nobody goes that.
	Want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there?
	Yeah, they go for like two months.
	I know.
	It is really incredible.
	It's almost like that Amish thing, like, what's the, where they go?
	Rumspringer.
	Rungspringer.
	Yeah.
	Australians almost have that.
	We're like, I'm going to go see the world.
	And Australians, all they really want to do is try the different cokes from around the country.
	Oh, they like doing cocaine?
	Yeah.
	They love it.
	And they have the worst.
	Oh, yeah.
	They love it the most and have the worst.
	So it's like imagine you dunking.
	I love to dunk, but I can't really do it because I can't really do it.
	But then you go to like the moon and you're like, I can dunk now.
	All you want to do is just dunk all day.
	Just fucking just jumping right past the sun.
	Would you see that picture that just came up about Mars?
	Did you see that?
	What about it?
	They found this crazy thing on.
	There's a photo.
	If this photo is real, did you see that, Nick?
	Yeah, they found like a perfect square on Mars.
	Is that what you're talking about?
	Yeah.
	What?
	It's kind of fascinating.
	That's unsettling.
	I ain't perfect.
	They see Square Circle Fighter on Mars behind Branded Wild has space fanatics completely baffled.
	Yeah, that's a straight line.
	Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it.
	I'm sure they were too.
	Yeah, facts.
	Oh, that's it right there.
	So you start to wonder, like, because your mind also starts to say, well, okay, that's a square.
	But also, it's like, is it just like right there?
	The rocks broke down just that way.
	That's like Bigfoot shit.
	It really is.
	Or UFO.
	So every time UFO, like, look at this.
	I'm like, I can't see context.
	It looks like a dot.
	And the shittiest thing for me is UFOs have been in the water recently.
	Do you hear that a couple, like a month ago?
	Yeah.
	Why wouldn't they hide in the water?
	And you're like, okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up.
	And they're down.
	And they're down.
	Oh, you tricksters.
	It's like part of a Scooby-Doo episode.
	It's like, what?
	I'm not worried about them harming me.
	This was a, they tell me something.
	Yeah.
	Tim Burchis said an interview on Wednesday that an admirable, whom he did not identify, told him an unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds in the sea.
	It's always incredible speeds.
	And you're like, how about it's far away?
	Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow.
	If it's right here, it's like, oh my God, that's so fast.
	Yeah.
	It's just, you can't see the fucking scale.
	You can't see where it is.
	But also, oh, they've been in the water.
	That's, oh, we were looking up here and they're down.
	You never thought to tell us about the water?
	Got to discover it.
	You got to be a real scuba-doo.
	It kind of made, yeah.
	That was good.
	That was better than the other one.
	He went around.
	But it was what I was like, this is so fucking dumb, dude.
	Now they're in the water.
	It's like, so they're not up here.
	It just was so dumb.
	Yeah, where else are they going to be?
	Where's next?
	In the fridge?
	I know.
	Where do you want to go?
	Still Argentina?
	Yeah.
	Barraloche.
	You know a place?
	Map that for me.
	Let's see, Baraloche.
	Where the women swim like swine.
	Let me see it.
	You don't know how to spell that.
	Yeah, I was going to say, how do we spell it?
	I mean, it's up to you, really.
	You're a great American.
	It's fucking you, bro.
	It's up to you, boy.
	Miraloche.
	Barraloche.
	Why that place?
	Where'd you hear about that?
	You just heard about it from somebody?
	It's so funny when you hear about something when you're a kid and you just remember it forever, you know?
	You're like, yeah, I gotta go there.
	Tell you with Bon Jovi.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Oh, so it gets cold there, too.
	Oh, it looks perfect.
	It does look perfect.
	San Carlos to Barraloche.
	Looks beautiful.
	Halifax is beautiful.
	You've been there.
	I just went for the first time.
	Did you?
	I've been trying to go to Eastern Canada for so fucking long, and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money.
	And I'm like, I want to go.
	And they go, fine, only winter.
	I'm like, no, no.
	You got to be outsider in that.
	Yeah.
	Like, you'll draw less.
	I'm like, who?
	Guys, get me out there.
	And I finally went.
	I loved it.
	Beautiful.
	Weird, cool people, isolated.
	Yeah.
	Strange, different people.
	Real fucking, what's that movie where they put that guy in a box and they burned it alive?
	I think one of them, I think Nicholas Cage did a remake of it.
	Not Matchstick Match.
	Wicker Man?
	Wicker Man.
	It looks like Wickerman-ish for sure.
	Yeah, it was great.
	Yeah, I love that.
	La Crosse, Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America.
	Yeah, outside Mount Peliar.
	It's very beautiful.
	It's just like a perfect place.
	I've been doing that now a lot.
	When I meet somebody from another country, I'm like, what's your tips?
	And they go, oh, well, go to Buenos Aires.
	I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
	You're from Buenos Aires.
	Give me a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there.
	Yeah.
	And then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps, and I'm like, I'm getting there.
	Give me the grassroots.
	Baraloche.
	I gotta write that one down.
	And that's La Crosse, Wisconsin.
	I think it's one of the best little cities.
	Barraloche?
	Barraloche, yeah.
	Where the women swim like swan.
	Oh, yeah, there you go.
	There's Grandad's Bluff over there.
	Baraloche.
	Oh, yeah, bro.
	That's what we need, more Baraloche.
	In America, yeah.
	And then I would say in America, probably I would go with La Crosse, Wisconsin is a place that I really think is a great place to go tour or see.
	Just nice.
	It's like if you thought of a ideal place in America, especially like where like in the fall, the leaves change color and it's like it was a cool mountain, but you could still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid.
	And you have just enough of a little downtown with like some three-story buildings where you're like, oh, that's downtown.
	Two bars.
	Yes.
	And everything, but some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool.
	How many people live there in La Crosse, Wisconsin?
	52,818.
	So a good enough size, too, where it's like, you know, you'll have some neighbors, you have some good sporting events and stuff like that.
	You're close enough to drive to Green Bay to cheer for the Packers.
	Right, right.
	But far enough away, like, we don't go.
	Right.
	Like, this is our downtown.
	So everything, you know, just kind of perfect.
	This is where DeRosa lives in Pennsylvania, cities like this.
	Yeah?
	Yeah.
	Like, like an hour outside Philadelphia.
	Pennsylvania's got some beautiful places.
	Yeah, but like a small downtown just like that.
	And he's the mayor.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	You got one light.
	Yeah.
	That place is a great spot.
	That's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, all right, I'm going to stay a few days longer or go a few days early, chill out, then do my shows or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back.
	Yeah.
	So you have all day.
	Yeah, I want to do some more.
	Like, I think maybe after this year, then I would just get a camper and do like a year where I just go around the country, do some like interview just regular people in different places.
	You're good at that too.
	And just have a just.
	I saw you interview like a school bus driver once.
	Go touring.
	Who do we interview?
	Did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver?
	We have a hostage negotiator coming on soon.
	No, it was somebody more regular.
	And we got a native years ago.
	We had a female long-haul trucker, a mortician, lunch lady.
	Maybe it's mortician.
	Maybe it's lunch.
	But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them.
	That'd be fun.
	Yeah.
	Who'd drive the RV?
	You?
	Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off?
	Probably switch off.
	I've driven off.
	Or if I have a family at that point.
	You looking?
	I got to get a family at some point.
	Well, if you do that, guess what you're going to have to do first?
	Nut inside.
	Nut inside, buddy.
	That's it.
	It's for you.
	It's all there.
	You don't say.
	That would be cool.
	Me and O'Neal and Matt Edgar did one where we did Spokane and we did Tacoma.
	Yeah.
	No, Tacoma and then Spokane.
	And then two days there, two days there.
	In the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been redone.
	So it was an hour hike to get up.
	There's no roads in.
	Took all our shit and we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms.
	There's hundreds of acres around us.
	Wow.
	There's nothing up there.
	And it was a 360 deck on top.
	So none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there.
	You just found it?
	Yeah, O'Neil found it.
	Damn.
	And the guy was like, yeah, we own this.
	We retrofitted it.
	They don't need these fire lookouts anymore.
	And so it was like, it was, but that's all there if you're willing to take like the week in between.
	Yeah.
	Skiing, doing anything.
	Yeah, I think some things just get like you're like, you want to work, but then you're like, have I done enough work?
	I don't know.
	But then you start working so much you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes too.
	Just autopilot, wasting time.
	It's funny.
	I have two different sets of friends and half of them are like pitying me for not buckling down enough and the other half look up to me for like paying a back end enough.
	I think I look up to, I think I always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive.
	I got a proposition for you.
	Maybe I'll tell you off air.
	Okay.
	That's fair.
	Yeah, I want to come.
	I want to talk about the semester at sea.
	That's what I would like to talk about.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	And you're doing it in New York?
	New York or if we're in Austin together, we can do it then.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I have a studio there too.
	Yeah, that'd be fun to go through the different places.
	I've never really gone through and thought about it.
	And yeah, you'll think about it.
	You're going to remember stuff as we go.
	That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it.
	When they're doing one of the episodes, like, and then I went, oh, that chick Margaret.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's that moment that I love.
	Dude, we had a girl.
	She fucking did a water slide somewhere in like Vietnam, which nobody knew they even had.
	Broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player, dude.
	A mariachi player in Vietnam?
	I know.
	What do you mean we had a girl?
	I don't know.
	She was just on the cruise ship, too.
	Because that would be it.
	You'd land in a port with the cruise ship.
	You would take classes while you're on the ship.
	And the program's called Semester at Sea, and it's amazing.
	You'd take classes.
	But then once you got to a city, people could go do whatever they wanted.
	You could be back at whatever.
	Be back when the ship leaves at like 01700 or something.
	So people would come back with drug habits.
	People would come back with amazing stories.
	People would come back with their teeth in their pocket and a full moon.
	That's like Fantasy Island.
	It was just some people would go.
	People would stay with it.
	A couple people like fell in love.
	This fucking stayed.
	They're like, fuck it.
	A couple people got busted with drugs or whatever, and they just left them there.
	No.
	Yeah, rules are rules, man.
	Yeah, wheels up.
	Wheels up at this time.
	Wheels up.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, anchors up.
	So that was all of that was kind of fascinating.
	Do you think Fantasy Island was a precursor for Epstein Island?
	I'm not sure what Fantasy Island was.
	It a real place?
	No, it was a TV show.
	Oh, it was?
	Yeah.
	I never saw it.
	Herbie Villa showed it or whatever.
	No, my buddy's dad was in Love Boat.
	Yeah.
	Really?
	What was he in Love Boat?
	He was a captain, I think.
	What?
	He's a captain.
	Captain Stewie?
	Yeah.
	I think so.
	I don't know how to spell it.
	Yeah, him.
	That was your buddy's dad?
	That guy.
	Slong.
	I guarantee you that guy came inside.
	Do you think?
	Dead at 90. He passed away.
	He was fucking till he was 88 and a half.
	Guaranteed.
	Oh, no, this wasn't his dad then.
	Just captain on a boat.
	He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain.
	Yeah, that's it.
	That's it.
	I can't.
	No, Mike.
	You're good enough continuing when you're like, no, I'm not lying.
	I'm not lying about any of these things.
	I love there was a clip of Rio on Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing.
	You're like, I can't do the action.
	I was like, man, these bees are just exploding.
	And Joe just starts laughing.
	And you're like, yeah, they're exploding.
	He's like, what are you talking about?
	Look it up.
	Do you like me?
	Everyone thinks you're a lot.
	And he goes, yeah, there's exploding bees.
	And he goes, yeah, what do you mean?
	Every now and then.
	You bring a piece of information that he doesn't have.
	That's when his mind is blown.
	How did you know this?
	Well, he's a library.
	Imagine going to bed when you're a library.
	He's a fucking library.
	It's like you go to the front desk and you're like, hey, do you have this book?
	And he's like, let me see what I have.
	And then he shows up with the information that he's going to do.
	For a pothead, he really remembers it quite a lot.
	Unfucking real.
	That's, I think, I mean, he has a lot.
	He's a hard worker, but I think he just has a he has an endless memory and a lust for knowledge.
	He wants to keep feeding it.
	Genuinely curious.
	Yeah, I'm already like, I know enough.
	Dude, I know so little, and I gave up then.
	I think that was my MO.
	Ari Shafir, we got the new special.
	American Sweetheart.
	American Sweetheart and Netflix.
	On Netflix.
	Congratulations.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I wanted this one.
	More regular people to see it and less YouTube people.
	Yeah.
	There's lower views on Netflix for people at my level.
	But it does take time for people to get to it too.
	Yeah, but then also just like, I'm trying to really get through with humor of like, chill.
	Chill.
	Everything's nice.
	So hopefully some people, I've seen some people feel, hey, I put down the phone all day because that's special.
	They're like, great, getting through to you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because that's how they really captivate it.
	Yeah, it's like, man.
	Yeah, the closer is the darkest one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So get to the closer, I guess.
	And then I'm on tour.
	Cool.
	All over America, the farewell tour before I go backpacking.
	Man.
	That's going to be nice, dude.
	Okay.
	As soon as we're done, I want to suggest something to you.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I'm ready to take a suggestion.
	Yep.
	Thank you guys.
	America's sweetheart, Ari Shafir, his tour after the backpacking or before?
	What?
	The tour?
	Yeah.
	Tour's now.
	And then I'm going to end that and leave.
	It's going to a couple more months of hanging out in New York, having fun, and then like take off.
	Yeah.
	Take off, and then I don't know.
	But the UB Tripping podcast will still come out.
	I'll be gone.
	I'm banked.
	I'm already like 30 ahead.
	Oh, just for this.
	And what a great idea, too.
	So it's all about trips that people have taken.
	Like one trip you took.
	Yeah.
	Come back, tell me about a different trip.
	Come back, tell me about a different trip, but you would stay in that place.
	And it's not like, what am I supposed to do?
	It's like, what did you do?
	Right.
	I fell in love.
	I fucking, like, Danny Polishik was like, I had dengue fever in Laos, spent the whole time in a sand floor hospital.
	Perfect.
	Tell me about it.
	Fuck.
	Yeah.
	I just love it.
	Sometimes I finish the episodes and I just like sit there and like sigh.
	Like, I want to go there.
	Yeah.
	And sometimes I'm like, that was bad.
	I didn't care.
	I think sometimes we do an episode, I'm like, oh, like, that was the best ever.
	And I'm like, you guys are fucking, we're all idiots.
	It is fascinating how like you'll, the idea of planning a trip is so hectic.
	And then you just plan it.
	And then like the day comes where you're sitting on the plane and you're like, this is the best decision I ever made.
	It's the best.
	You're nervous.
	You're nervous.
	I'll do it later.
	If you just, my booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand.
	I couldn't go.
	And you know what?
	I'm buying a ticket.
	And then I'm going to force myself to go from six months to know.
	If I have a ticket, I'm going.
	And he did.
	And he went.
	And it's just like, and then that thing of you get off the plane, you're still in an airport.
	It seems familiar.
	But when those sliding doors open, you go outside and there's a little smell difference.
	Yeah.
	And you just feel like the signs are in a different color.
	And you're just like, oh, here we go.
	It hits you.
	And you're like, oh, and you just got to get by.
	The cab drivers are trying to hustle you.
	And you're just like, oh, it's just the best.
	Yeah.
	God, it's good.
	Yeah.
	We had a taxi took us in Vietnam straight to a bird animal place that had hookers in the back.
	So pet shop front, hooker back.
	So.
	How do those go together?
	Just what a, what a, what a great, what a hey, kid, play with the puppies.
	Dad's going to go in the back.
	It was kind of like when you see those Pizza Hut Baskin Robins or whatever, with that merger or whatever.
	Uh-huh.
	Yeah.
	You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple of scoops.
	A couple of scoops in a wing.
	I'll take a fucking piece of pie and a fucking gerbil.
	All right, Shafir, man.
	You endlessly continue to create content, man, and put your comedy down in the world, man.
	Yeah, I'm trying to have fun.
	Yeah, you always do.
	Thanks for coming and hanging out, man.
	Good to see you, buddy.
	Now, I'm just footing on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.

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