Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

July 16, 2024 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:01:15

E517 Andrew Santino

Andrew Santino is a stand-up comedian, podcaster, actor, writer and host of the popular shows “Whiskey Ginger” and “Bad Friends” with Bobby Lee. Andrew Santino returns to the show to chat about their reactions to the shooting of Donald Trump and what comes next, seeing Dead and Company at the Sphere with John Mayer and why his tense friendship with Bobby Lee made for a great podcast. Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to sign up for a $1-per-month free trial. Füm: Go to http://tryfum.com and use code THEO to get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Ibotta: Download the free Ibotta app and use code THEO when you register to get $5 just for trying Ibotta. 50 Fires: Go to link.pscrb.fm/theovon-2307812 to listen to the 50 Fires Podcast. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	I've got some tour dates to tell you about Bethel, New York, Wallingford, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Bangor, Maine, Moncton, Canada, Las Vegas, Nevada.
	We're coming back during the LSU USC football game weekend.
	That's August 30th and 31st.
	Oklahoma City, North Little Rock, finally getting there at Arkansas and looking forward to that.
	Maybe I praise God, mine.
	Springfield, Missouri, Kansas City, Missouri, Sioux Fall, South Dakota.
	La Crosse, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Wisconsin, and Moline, Illinois.
	All tickets are through theova.com slash T-O-U-R.
	And thank you so much for supporting Live Comedy.
	Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
	He's a podcaster.
	He's my friend.
	And I'm just really grateful that he's coming in today.
	You know him from his podcasts, Whiskey, Ginger, and Bad Friends.
	He's got a bunch of new tour dates coming up for his fall tour.
	I'm grateful to spend time today with Mr. Andrew Santino.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find a song I've been singing.
	I'm on the stage.
	I'll be moving.
	Fucking Fitzsimmons.
	Greg Fitzsimmons?
	What's wrong with him?
	He's finally coming out.
	No.
	After all these years, because I'm sick, I can't, I don't want to hide it anymore.
	I'm tired.
	Dude, I went to dinner with a buddy of mine the other day.
	Came out of the closet.
	At dinner?
	yeah, before we even ordered appetizers, I'm like, Well, let me get something in my mouth if you've had something in yours.
	You know what I'm saying?
	That's how I know.
	It's like, yeah, because there was nothing to do.
	I didn't realize how nervous I would get if somebody was like, I guess like immediately gay in front of me or like they, you know, it was like a reveal.
	I don't know if it's called like revealing.
	It's called a surprise.
	Yeah, surprise gay.
	Surprise.
	I'm gay.
	Yeah.
	But is it a surprise?
	Because we usually know.
	We almost always know.
	You don't have a good.
	This I had no idea.
	I have a really good gay dar.
	Really?
	Really good.
	My uncle used to get the hiccups if somebody was gay around him.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	You get congested.
	He just couldn't handle it.
	I think there was something inside of him.
	The Lord, maybe.
	And you'd see him start to fucking kind of bubble up a little, like a fucking, like he was made out of champagne, you know, just, you know.
	Dude, they're crazy.
	He was a crazy part, though, dude.
	Years later, it's just, he started getting around his son, and then he started fucking losing his mind.
	He thought his son was gay.
	And he wasn't.
	We don't know.
	You know, at higher altitudes, I think people, there's more gay people at higher altitudes.
	Can you look that up?
	I think there might be.
	Well, it does make sense.
	They're more exposed.
	Yeah, higher altitudes.
	Wow.
	People at higher altitudes have more.
	Yeah, right.
	Wow.
	You know, it says who should not go to high altitudes?
	Should gay people go to high altitudes or no?
	Well, it says sickle cells, so brothers aren't allowed up.
	Yeah, no way.
	But you know, that's probably, it's closer to God.
	So, you know, you're up there.
	You got to be careful.
	He likes who he likes.
	That's right.
	That's all we're saying, dude.
	Andrew, thanks for coming in, dude.
	Thank you, man.
	It's been a minute.
	Really, really appreciate it, bro.
	Congrats on Bad Friends, all the success you guys have had.
	Thank you, man.
	Ditto, I miss you.
	I miss you ever since you went to Nashville.
	We miss you like crazy.
	We talk about you like you're gone.
	You're not dead, but you're gone.
	Yeah.
	We just don't see you as much.
	It's different.
	I know.
	It's a lot different, man.
	Yeah, how's it felt like?
	What is the comedy scene like?
	Because you've been here the whole time.
	I know you had thought about maybe moving.
	You had thought about, you went to New York for a little bit.
	Yeah, and I don't want to.
	I'm not going to go anywhere.
	Oh, thanks, brother.
	This guy.
	Is it too hot?
	You want to check it first?
	No, it's fine.
	But I'll throw it on him.
	Come here for a second.
	No, if I, no, I'm good here, man.
	I like it here.
	LA is the comedy scene is good.
	It just got shaken up.
	And then so now it's back to like humming again.
	Like everything kind of feels a little bit smoother.
	But for a while, it was like everyone's gone.
	Everything disappeared.
	Everything got quiet.
	Now I think it's like leveling out.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like if you're panning for gold, you got to shake some of the shit out.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I think also it probably creates a lot more stage time because, I mean, it was hard for like Joe, Tom.
	I mean, we kind of were coming up like after them a little bit.
	Oh, yeah, big time.
	And it was tough for us to get, you know, like consistent.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	As much as you, you know, like they, and so that's just the cycle of it, I guess.
	Yeah, but you never had a thought to go to Austin, right?
	You were never going to move down there.
	I thought about it.
	And I'm still thinking about maybe getting a place there.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, just because I went down there for two weeks and I picked up eight new minutes.
	Yeah, it was great.
	And it was like, I need this.
	But do you like barbecue?
	I don't.
	I mean, not as.
	Tim Dylan, he didn't like it.
	Remember?
	That was his big thing.
	He's like, the fuck the barbecue.
	Yeah, he didn't like it.
	Yeah, and fucking Chelsea Gabbard.
	He didn't like her.
	Yeah.
	Why is that?
	He just throws it.
	It's always a food and a politician with him, you know?
	Like, I hate German chocolate cake and Pete Boudiger.
	You know, he just, he always fucking like, we're going to put those things together.
	Yeah, Tim, also barbecue, even the best isn't that good.
	It's food for uncivilized hicks, lesbians, and car salesmen.
	Oh, dang.
	Well, I am one of those three.
	I just, I never, he's not wrong.
	He's not wrong, dude.
	It's not a meal that I want to eat all the time.
	I think it's a hot take, but I don't like it.
	Everyone talks about like it's the best.
	I feel sick afterwards.
	I don't feel good.
	Yeah, I feel sick.
	I don't need all that meat.
	That's absurd.
	What am I doing?
	Oh, yeah, it's a good point.
	Am I storing up for the winter?
	I don't need all that beef for, it's four pounds of meat.
	I'm all right, man.
	Yeah.
	Now when you say it like that, it really is kind of sad.
	And the sauce is just so much like sugar and like, It's all sugar.
	Yeah.
	It's like burned sugar.
	And they just lather burned sugar on beef, and you have to sit there and pretend like your teeth don't hurt after you eat it.
	I have acid reflux in my teeth hurt, dude.
	I don't want to do it anymore.
	It's tiring.
	That should be the thing.
	Which barbecue gives you the least acid reflux in your teeth?
	It stings.
	Fuck, I never really thought.
	It's so true.
	I never really thought about that.
	Because, yeah, I'll drink a sip of cold water after and it hurts so bad.
	Yeah, it stings.
	Yeah, your teeth are recovering.
	It's like they got into a motorcycle accident.
	Yeah, they're bruised for a week or two.
	Wait, somebody told me you got a bike.
	Did you get a bike?
	I got a.
	Did you get a motorcycle?
	No, no, no, no.
	I got like an eight speed actually.
	My neighbor sold me.
	I guess it's about an eight speed.
	Yeah.
	It's 10, but a couple of them.
	Well, did you pay for eight and you got 10?
	It's fucking.
	It's a pretty good deal.
	No, it's missing something.
	I got to go through them again.
	It's so hard to count the geek.
	It's like knowing if you really have 10 or whatever, it's like, who gives a fuck?
	And then there's that one that's just like this, whatever that gear is on the bike.
	Yeah, that's like, hey, I should be juggling.
	That's the queer gear.
	That's the queer gear.
	You just kick in the air.
	Hey.
	Yeah, that's the meeting fellas gear.
	There was always a kid growing up who could, who knew how to fix the chains when they fell off.
	You know that kid?
	That kid was such a weird, interesting dude.
	If the chains were messed up on the gear switching, he knew how to fix everything real fast.
	He could replace the brake line.
	Yeah, and then he just disappear into the fucking ether.
	Yeah, he died.
	That kid dies really young for no reason.
	Rest in peace.
	R.I.P.
	R.I.P.
	Mike Sauvin.
	Mike Chauvin.
	That was the guy who did it for you.
	Mike Chauvin.
	Yeah, he died.
	Yeah.
	He died really tragically, too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, his brake lines were cut.
	Uh-uh.
	Uh-huh.
	Somebody cut his brake lines.
	What are the fucking irony of that?
	I know.
	That's kind of the universe doing its thing.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Carmer remembers, man.
	Dude, yeah, so you're so bad for you guys just like fucking It was a perfect combination, man.
	It was a good time.
	It was great timing and then the pandemic helped the show.
	But when Bobby went back to rehab, which I've sent him to three times, we're trying to keep him safe and clean, and he's doing a great job.
	But when he went back to rehab after his dad died, the story goes that he relapsed.
	I knew.
	Almost nobody knew.
	I don't think anybody really knew.
	Like people kind of talked about, maybe there was suspicion that he was acting weird, but he's a weirdo.
	So it's like, how do you really?
	But then he was hiding out a lot.
	I knew.
	He told me not to tell anybody.
	I got real uncomfortable.
	I kind of started to, you know, question like, I'll just ruin our friendship, I guess, and tell him.
	And tell people.
	Right.
	Because he was like, I'll never talk to you again if you tell anybody that I'm using.
	So I was like, well, fuck it.
	I guess I'll just lose a friend.
	And then really before I started to go after and tell people, Kalila came at me and was like, I knew he's using and I knew he like used you against me to try to hide it.
	And she's like, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
	But then finally he admitted it to me and he apologized and was like, I'll go get help.
	And I said, he goes, when I get out, we'll start the show.
	Because Kalila, when I had filled in for her tiger belly, she had been like, go do a show together because the fans wanted it and people talked about it.
	So when he got out and he got clean, that's when we started it.
	And then three months into it, pandemic hit.
	It was almost like a gift from God because then we got to just shoot all the time and be together in the studio.
	I mean, truly, it was, it was, you know.
	And you need that.
	If you're really building one, I think you got to have time.
	I think that's one thing people that I didn't realize.
	I think over the years is just like how much time it takes to do a podcast.
	There's a lot that goes into it.
	This is a job.
	And then when I, when Joe, when I first started going on Rogan's, and then I realized he does a job, he does this job five, sometimes six days a week, and then his other job.
	And then his other job.
	Yeah.
	And then his other job.
	And he still has kettlebells in his hand while he's doing it.
	Like in the middle of it, he's just ripping bells.
	He's the most impressive work ethic I've ever seen in my entire life.
	Hands down.
	The work ethic is through the roof.
	And then open a comedy club and change the scene.
	It's ridiculous.
	It's like for anyone that has any doubts or any questions or even thoughts about him that are negative or against the grain, it's like you don't understand that guy.
	He's a machine, a magic machine.
	Yeah, I wonder how much pressure he feel.
	And he doesn't let, if he does feel pressure, he doesn't let you see it.
	That's what's most amazing to me.
	Yeah, because, well, I think he deals with it in the only way he knows how, which is just keep going and enjoy it.
	One time we were sitting in the green room, when I first went on tour with him, we were playing arenas.
	And I was like, man, this is incredible.
	You know, like I was kind of like soaking it in.
	And he was like, yeah, but don't let it get to you.
	Meaning like just do it, enjoy it and make it seem like it's any other show.
	Yeah.
	And keep moving.
	Don't let it be like overwhelming where you start thinking too much.
	Then you get in your head about it and then it kind of consumes you.
	And then you can become one of those people who's like, how come I'm not?
	How come it's not?
	Why am I not?
	Let all that bullshit go.
	He's like, just be in it and keep moving.
	Yeah, he keeps it moving.
	He keeps everything going.
	He doesn't dwell.
	No dwelling out of that, dude.
	It's so funny because I think, yeah, once you get going in podcasts, you're like, you obviously want to shoot for the start.
	So like, I mean, I know there was a time when we all, I feel like we're trying to not be like Rogan, but it was like, you look, you know, you shoot for the.
	You wanted to do what he got to do.
	I wanted to do what he got to do.
	Yeah, well, you want to do it well.
	I'm going to learn from Michael Jordan, you know?
	I'm not going to learn from.
	Go ahead.
	You know, Carl Malone.
	Carl Malone.
	Yeah, I'm not going to learn from Carl Malone and fucking 12-year-old wife child, you know?
	And that's alleged.
	People don't know that, but everybody knows that.
	But I want to know what was it like touring with bad friends?
	Me and Bob on tour?
	Yeah, because I remember I ran across you guys when we were in DC.
	This is how funny this is how DC was.
	Theo, I mean, you know, I'm not going to, I don't want to do it to make you feel a type of way, but I'm so proudy and so happy for you as a friend who's known you for so long.
	I was so proud of like you and your success, and it really does make you know it's kind of like because you're ours a little bit, you know what I mean?
	Like, I watched it happen, so I was like, just proud of you.
	I know proud is a weird word, but I'm happy for you, or whatever.
	And when we're in DC, we did one show at the Constitution Hall, and Theo was gracious enough to take one night off so we could do it because the schedules overlapped.
	So, you did four shows there, right?
	Or five, something like that.
	Yeah, I think so.
	And we barely sold out one, and he sold out five.
	I was like, God, dude, it was awesome.
	But then we met in the hotel.
	We had a great night together and we were chatting.
	I voted to be at y'all's show.
	Well, those moments were amazing because like the road has dull moments where you're humming along on the bus.
	It was tough.
	Was it?
	And you and Bobby are on the same bus, yeah.
	Yeah, it was tough.
	Yeah, it was tough.
	Yeah, because we have our tour manager on our bus.
	Like, it's like a group effort.
	Yeah, everyone has to be on the bus.
	But is that fun?
	What's it like being in that sort of a close?
	Like, I can't imagine being on wheels with Bobby.
	That's where it gets extremely alarming.
	Yeah, mobile is tough with him.
	Yeah, because at least you're on land, you can disappear.
	You can walk away from him.
	A lot of Asians aren't good in motion, right?
	Like in any kind of form of motion.
	Have you ever seen an Asian drive a boat?
	They're not allowed to.
	No.
	No, that's against sea.
	That's maritime law.
	No Asians at sea.
	It's an old, I think it's from World War I. Well, if you think about Asians, like they don't, there's the kamikaze pilots, right?
	That's a no, that's.
	And then there's driving Asians throughout the history of time has been traumatic.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Has been traumatic for people.
	And then even like if you go to look at like Iwo Jima, like their troops, they would hide in the tunnels or in Vietnam in the Koo Chi tunnels.
	Like it's very, once they get in motion, they can't handle it.
	Yeah, they get afraid.
	Well, you know, I think it's tough when they're like Bob, if you ever see Bob try to like run or like walk fast, he starts to wobble.
	Yeah, he'll get off axis.
	It's kind of strange.
	I'll have to hold him sometimes if he's in a hurry.
	Yeah.
	So I'll shoulder him up if he's in a hurry so we can walk in a straighter line.
	It's nerve-wracking.
	And he has only like one muscle in his body.
	I've seen like a MRI of him or something.
	It's baffling because I remember he sneezed once and blew his back out.
	Yeah.
	Well, and the muscle moves.
	That's what's kind of interesting.
	The muscle, at some point, he'll have a muscle just on his high shoulder.
	If he's moving a lot, it'll move down to his leg.
	He swims around his body like a coy.
	It's alarming.
	Him on a bus was wild.
	We did 60 some odd cities.
	Fucked.
	Oh, dude.
	It was wild.
	Yeah.
	We stopped and started, stopped and started.
	I had a, I don't even know if you heard this or the grapevine.
	I had a I almost almost had, well, I did have a mental breakdown with him at Dolly World.
	Wait, Dolly World?
	In Tennessee, Dollywood.
	Dolly Wood.
	Yeah.
	Had a mental breakdown.
	Yeah.
	Huge.
	What happened?
	So it had just been a lot of time on the bus?
	We were just tired of each other, man.
	You know how it gets?
	And then we were supposed to go to Dolly World, Dolly Wood at a certain time, right?
	At a reasonable adult time, like 11.30 or noon, reasonable adult.
	And he had slept in, passed when we were going to all go together, that he threw a fit about it, that we were rushing him, which is insane.
	What do you need to really do?
	You put on the kimono and let's go.
	So we get on the bus, we go, we get to Dollywood, we get in, and then he says, I want to sit down and eat a meal.
	And I said, we just got here.
	Let's go enjoy it.
	All the crew is with us.
	And he's like, I want to eat.
	You can go do whatever you want.
	And him and I were bickering.
	And I just was like, you know what?
	You're right.
	I am going to go do what I want.
	So I left and they were all like, oh, where are you going?
	And I just went on my own.
	I just wanted to, some days you want to just be alone.
	And there was only one Uber in Pigeon Forge.
	There's one Uber.
	I'm not kidding.
	There's one Uber and the dude and his girlfriend were driving.
	That was the only car available.
	And the guy calls himself Paul Revere.
	Yeah, which I don't like it.
	I don't like it.
	And his girlfriend doesn't make any comments about it.
	Because I said, you're not going to say anything about Paul?
	She's not allowed to talk.
	No, well.
	And I agree.
	But he picked me up and I had asked him where the closest airport was because I was going to fly home to Chicago to see my parents because I was like, I need a break.
	We had four days down anyway.
	And then they got in the Uber hours later.
	And the same guy was like, your friend asking for a local airport.
	I think he done took off.
	But so my phone was off.
	So they thought I left.
	They were like, he quit the tour.
	The tour is over.
	They kind of had a moment of panic and he deserved it because I needed to break from him being a little brat.
	So it kind of like checked us.
	But then, of course, what happened afterwards?
	He woke up in the morning.
	The next day, I came back to the bus and he gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.
	And he said he was sorry.
	And then it was, you know, like anything.
	He's my brother.
	But you fight.
	You fight.
	You fight.
	Oh, being on a tour bus is hard.
	It sucks.
	You're on top of each other.
	It smells.
	Everyone's messy.
	Oh, especially.
	You can hear the way.
	Oh, yeah.
	Listening to the way he sleeps, he sleeps so it's so weird the way he sleeps.
	You can hear him sleeping.
	Yeah, somebody said he sounds kind of like a little bit of like a generator, you know?
	Like a bad, like he has a bad fan belt or something.
	Yeah, there's a hiccup.
	There's a, you know, like one thing skipping over.
	It needs to be realigned, but he'll never get it done.
	Like his dad fan belt is off, you know.
	Oh, he'll never get it fucking realigned.
	He'll never get it realigned.
	He's one.
	Bobby is one loose.
	He steps on one bad rock and he's fucking.
	He's gone.
	That's it.
	So I don't want to lose him.
	So I really do take good care of him.
	But it was a great tour.
	We had a great time.
	But we're going to go down to Australia at the end of the year because we owe that to them because we canceled it.
	And then after that, we're not going to tour for at least another whole year.
	For bad friends.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, you got to take some breaks, man.
	And you got to, I know you're doing your own, too.
	Yeah, I'm doing my own tour in the fall to shoot my new special.
	I'm doing with Hulu.
	Oh, nice.
	Yeah, Hulu got a lot of, Hulu pulled a lot of people away from Netflix.
	Well, I think a lot these days, Netflix was like the first one.
	And now I think people are just seeing more.
	I wonder what, can we see where people are watching?
	Yeah, Burr moved.
	Sebastian, a bunch of people moved.
	Hulu.
	Yeah, Hulu's doing it.
	Well, they're doing one special a month, which is amazing.
	So you get the whole month.
	The lineup is insane.
	I don't even know if half of them allowed to announce some of the people that are on there, but it's incredible.
	Well, Burr says right here, he's Going to be on there.
	Yeah, he was one of the first ones that they got.
	Gaffigan.
	Yeah, Jim Gaffigan, Burr, Sebastian, Roy Wood.
	Is he?
	Yeah, he's the man.
	I love that.
	I think that dude is so underrated.
	It's unbelievable.
	Dude, I did ayahuasca with him.
	With Roy?
	Yeah.
	Beautiful, beautiful man.
	Smart, sweet.
	Just sleeping in the distance.
	He had a couple of servings or whatever, and then went and took a big nap.
	Well, you got to rest it off.
	Oh, yeah.
	You got to do what you're called to do.
	Netflix, still the top dog, though, huh?
	Look at that.
	Streaming services by subscribers in the world.
	Yeah, they're global.
	Well, here's the other thing.
	Hulu goes global in 2025.
	They're not global yet.
	So next year is, that's why they're doing this special.
	I think they're doing the specials in this regard because they want it to go global finally because they weren't global before.
	I see.
	So I wonder if we can show America alone because this says globally Netflix has 270 million and Hulu has 50 million.
	50 is only in the U.S., yeah.
	That's only U.S. only.
	Yeah, Netflix has got to be around 50 to 70. Who knows, 80 in the U.S. But anyway, yeah, man, I'm doing that, so I'm touring all fall to go gear up for that.
	All fall I'll be running around, which I'm excited to do.
	I'm going to come, I'm coming your way.
	I'll come say hi to you out there in Nash Vegas.
	Yeah.
	I love it out there.
	I have such a good time when I'm out there.
	Do you?
	I really do.
	And I love Lucy at Zaney's, and I like it over there.
	It's just not.
	A lot of golf over there, too.
	It's your world.
	Big, big golf.
	I play some good golf out there.
	Oh, if you like to have a little bit of whiskey and golf, Nashville really is your place, man.
	I think about that all the time.
	It's like, man, I kind of don't have the two great elements that people love here the most.
	Why wouldn't you golf?
	You think you could?
	I think I could.
	You're athletic.
	Yeah, I should probably spend a little more time doing it.
	I don't want to go out.
	I've been out there and it's not good.
	And I don't want to go out there again and waste people's time because people are a little more serious about it there.
	Well, see, I'm good at golf, but I don't give a shit how good people are that I play.
	I couldn't care less.
	If you're fun, I don't care.
	Oh, yeah, I just got back from Scotland.
	No way.
	Yeah, I went to St. Andrews, the old course, man.
	It was so much fun.
	Was it really?
	I went with a bunch of friends.
	Yeah, I went with a couple of.
	I actually went with only one good, I went with Charlie Day, the actor, and a bunch of his friends.
	So I didn't, I was like the last guy invited.
	I was like, hey, man, you know.
	No way, dude.
	St. Andrews.
	What's it like?
	Honestly, man, it was a dream come true for me.
	Like as a kid, those are like, you always want to play the courses the pros get to play.
	And I got to play at St. Andrews and it was, and we played at five other courses, but traveling around Scotland.
	I mean, honestly, such a beautiful, beautiful country, but truly the worst food I've ever had in my entire life.
	Oh, it's all war meals.
	It's unbelievable.
	It's unbelievable.
	It's like, well, get back out there.
	Yeah.
	Go to get back out there.
	Just get some food and go.
	It's terrible.
	It's terrible.
	And also, this is proof.
	You need minorities.
	You have to get people with melanin to get good flavor and spices.
	It's way too many whites.
	It's flooded with whites.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's overwhelmed.
	Well, I've always said, too, like a lot of people are like, we need less crime in some of these cities.
	I'm like, but you're going to have less good recipes.
	Bad food.
	Yeah.
	Bad food.
	What's the, you know, what's the balance?
	Yeah.
	You want good food?
	Yeah.
	If you want good food, dude, you're going to need bars on your windows.
	Okay.
	Sorry.
	You get a cage door.
	Big deal.
	Lock it up at night.
	But it's so true, man.
	People don't want the crime, but they want the food.
	And that's the kind of shit that's just not fair.
	Yeah, Scotland was fun.
	It was just beautiful.
	We went over there for like eight, nine days or something like that.
	And it was a beautiful little trip to go golf.
	But it's honestly, it's a bonding experience for friends.
	It's just a way to see your friends because as we get older, we don't see each other as much.
	We just don't.
	Like we have to run each other on the road or you have to set up a good dinner.
	Like I was at dinner with Spadey and Swartzen the other night.
	And it's like, but you have to fight to set it up because everyone's schedule is like, it's gone.
	So you have to cognizantly go, I'm going to do it.
	We have to like map out the time.
	So this was a way to like make no excuses, say I'm doing it.
	Don't don't throw in more work.
	You know, just go.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	Good for you for making that and setting it out for yourself.
	That's a hard thing to do too, you know, because I know you're competitive like me and you want to keep grinding.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's well, you're a grind addict.
	I mean, I am too.
	It's bad, but you're like, I want to keep doing shows.
	I want to keep growing my career.
	And, you know, I want to keep building this thing because it's fun once you're doing it.
	But if you don't take a step back to go do a thing for you, I don't know, man, you're going to be, you know, it's going to be, it's going to be, you're going to be gone.
	Yeah.
	Certain parts of you start to disappear.
	Starts with my hair.
	For me, a lot of times will start falling.
	That's when I know I'm getting too stressed out.
	Well, when you're stressing out too much?
	Yeah.
	I can just like start finding it.
	My back will just, my back will seize up.
	I'll start having back problems when I get really stressed out.
	One time I couldn't feel my foot for like a week.
	Dude, the worst thing is, say you are going to, you're in the bathroom, right?
	And you're sitting down and you're pooping.
	That's what I was going to say.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I got it when you said something.
	Yeah.
	So you're doing a poop or whatever, doing a number two, and your legs fall.
	So you've been there for a long time.
	Does that ever happen?
	I like that a lot.
	Oh, I love it.
	I like it.
	Because then you get up all wobbly bobbly.
	You know, when you get up off the toilet, then you look like a Kill Tony guest.
	You know what I mean?
	You start wobbling around your bathroom.
	Oh, dude, you can't even make it back to wherever you're going.
	Like, if anybody saw you then, just like, what kind of shit did you take?
	How long were you there?
	Dear God.
	Yeah, but you know what's so funny is I got told that you can't, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.
	I read.
	I like to sit and read.
	They say you can't because that's how you get there.
	They can look up.
	That's how people get really bad hemorrhoids from sitting too long.
	Uh-uh.
	Yeah, but I'm not pushing harder.
	I'm not doing it.
	I'm just sitting and chilling.
	But they say if you sit too long, that's how you incite hemorrhoids because of the blood flow.
	So now I don't get to sit and chill anymore.
	But that was my place.
	See, look at that.
	Hemorrhoids are when the veins or blood vessels in and around your anus and lower rectum become swollen and irritated.
	Yeah, sitting on the toilet too long can cause it.
	It's bad.
	You got to get off of that.
	I bet this used to happen a lot in like 1600s and shit.
	Well, no, think about this.
	They used to poop in holes in the ground.
	They dig a hole.
	So it was uncomfortable.
	They couldn't.
	They weren't relaxing.
	Right.
	No, it's quick and out.
	You know, like if you've been camping, I had to poop against a rock.
	You got to lean against a rock and poop.
	You got to get out of there.
	Yeah.
	You don't have time To like sit and think.
	Although maybe in like the, you're talking like a Victorian era, right?
	When they like, when they, when, when, whenever toilets were first, like, a nice sitting toilet was invented.
	Yeah, when was that?
	They probably did really sit and really.
	Oh, once some, bro, once somebody rolled in with a toilet dude, which is basically like a car for a shit.
	Right, right.
	People were like, who is this?
	Well, you know kings and queens, you know, kings were eating on that.
	You know, they wanted me.
	Once they saw how comfortable it was, you know, they were like, well, give me a, give me a meal.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, give me something to snack on.
	I can just sit here and it can be one fluid thing.
	Give me a two-way contract.
	Come on.
	Roman times.
	Can we zoom in a little bit?
	See, that's actually pretty beautiful.
	Oh, a group shit, dude.
	Imagine that.
	What the F, dude?
	Well, honestly, that's bond.
	That's bonding.
	You really want to get close to someone.
	And look, if you go back up to that group shit shot, you can see their legs have to overcross.
	They can't be leg to leg.
	You have to cross your legs over each other.
	But that's the Romans.
	They did all sorts of weird shit like that.
	They were weirdos, dude.
	Hey, but yeah, what if you're just like, whoa, nice one, Rick, you know, or somebody or this guys are in there.
	Guys, if you can't see this if you're listening, but there's literally, it's a bath.
	It's like a shelf, like a shelf with holes in it.
	It's a shelf with holes in it, but there's no like little walls or anything in between.
	It's just.
	Just sitting cross, just leg over leg.
	Yeah, it's almost like you'd be in a sauna, but if somebody cut holes in there and then people were allowed to do number twos as they wished.
	It kind of looks, it looks more Greek than Roman, to be honest with you.
	It looks like Greeks do, Greeks were into all sorts of fun stuff like that.
	Yeah, they were more like perverted and stuff like that.
	Super perverse.
	By 315 AD, Rome had 144 public toilets.
	The Romans treated going to the toilet as a social event.
	They met friends, exchanged views, caught up on the news, and wiped themselves with a piece of sponge fixed to a short wooden handle.
	What if you got the last on the sponge?
	You want to be first on that.
	You don't want to be the caboose on that sponge.
	You want to go first.
	You want to be number one for number two.
	What?
	Medieval time.
	Let's cruise up a little bit.
	This is really interesting.
	In medieval England, people used potties and would simply throw their contents through a door or window into the street.
	Yeah, you'd shit and toss it.
	Unreal.
	The more affluent would use a garter robe or protruding room with an opening for ways suspended over a moat.
	Right.
	Oh, wow.
	So that was almost like plumbing.
	It was like it had a way to get out to the moat.
	But that was also, and then that's another way to keep people away from your castle, too.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because they got a shit river floating around it.
	You don't want to get in there.
	You didn't even think about that about moats.
	You thought it was like this clean water.
	Ugh.
	Shitriver, bud.
	See, that's a nice door.
	That looks like on a plane.
	That's just, that's just from American Airlines.
	That's just a shot from.
	Francis Louis the XI hid his commode behind curtains while Elizabeth I covered hers in crimson velvet and lace using sprigs of herbs to disguise the odors.
	Well, yeah, you forget they didn't shower.
	They showered like once a month or something, if you're lucky.
	Yeah.
	So they stunk.
	A lot of them stunk.
	I don't know which one it was, but one of the queens, which queen notoriously never showered?
	There was one that like refused to shower.
	And she loved it.
	She thought it was like.
	Unless she's from Slide L or not.
	Fake history on her.
	The curious clings about Elizabeth I bathing habits.
	Yeah, she, oh, she did.
	So she did bathe.
	People said she did, and it was a myth, huh?
	That's a bummer.
	I kind of wanted it to be real.
	Oh, I like them bitches.
	That's a little bit nasty.
	A little stanky?
	You like them stanky a little bit?
	I don't like post-EDC, yeah, but not like living in a bird bath.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah, you want him to be just a little...
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's what I want.
	The Summer Olympics are popping off, baby.
	That's where it's at.
	USA just battled their first game against Australia in basketball.
	They got the dub, that's for sure.
	If you play a sport or if you ice skate or if you just even just wrestle with your own emotions, sometimes you can really break a sweat.
	When I sweat or get dehydrated, I go straight to liquid IV.
	That's right.
	Liquid IV is extraordinary hydration for physical endurance, mental clarity, and overall well-being.
	A single stick of liquid IV delivers better hydration than water alone with three times the electrolytes of leading sports drink plus eight vitamins and nutrients.
	One thing I love about liquid IV is just when you travel with you, you can keep one of the little pouches with you.
	Grab you a bottle of water.
	I'll usually dump out about a quarter inch of water or take a sip, put in my liquid IV, shake it up, and bam, daddy is hydrated.
	Baby, get in there.
	Liquid IV is the number one powdered hydration brand in America.
	Turn your ordinary water into extraordinary hydration with Liquid IV.
	Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code Theo.
	That's L-I-Q-U-I-D-I-V.com.
	That's 20% off your first order when you shop Better Hydration Today using promo code Theo at liquid IV.com.
	Are you taking that dream vacation this summer, but dreading the cost?
	Well, Ibotta can get you cash back on all your purchases so you can spend more time making memories this summer and less time dreaming about them.
	Ibotta is a free app that lets you earn cash back every time you shop.
	Earn on hundreds of items from groceries to beauty supplies, even toys.
	So you can make sure you're beating inflation no matter what you're purchasing.
	The average iBotta user earns $256 per year.
	That could cover the cost of an entire shopping trip, that flight you've been eyeing, or the fancy dinner that you've been craving.
	Right now, iBotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying iBotta by using the code Theo when you register.
	Just go to the App Store or Google Play Store and download the free iBotta app to start earning cash back and use code Theo.
	That's IBO T T A in the Google Player App Store and use code Theo.
	Tell me about Vegas.
	I want to hear, dude.
	Dude, you went to Grateful Dead too.
	Wow.
	Dead and Co.
	Dead and Co.
	Sorry.
	The Dead and Co.
	Yeah, the Dead and Company.
	Yeah, I went a couple weeks ago.
	I went like three weeks ago.
	I don't know.
	Adam Ray and I went with our ladies and we.
	He's crushing it.
	Dude, I'm so proud of the kid.
	It's awesome.
	Yeah, we went and had such a good time.
	It was also like a last minute.
	We were chatting.
	Salvo Cano came in.
	We had dinner.
	Adam and I were talking about doing it.
	And John Mayer, who's a sweetheart, was like, whatever you guys want.
	Like, you want tickets or what do you need?
	And I was like, I don't think we can make it through this super last minute.
	And then in the morning, we woke up and I was like, all right, we'll go.
	You know what I mean?
	We just were like, we got to do it.
	Like, it's a 35-minute flight to Vegas.
	I was like, we got to go.
	And we had an absolute amazing time.
	It is one of the greatest visual and audio shows I've seen in my lifetime.
	The sphere is, I mean, it's worth every single dime they overspent on it.
	And they're losing money.
	I think they're hemorrhaging money that place.
	Yeah, that's what it says.
	I know that to build the crane alone that they used to build the sphere.
	And check me on this, but it took 100 trucks just to bring the stuff the crane is made out of.
	It was like the fourth biggest crane in the world.
	I think it's from Belgium or Berlin.
	Well, I mean, Berlin.
	It took that many trucks just to bring the pieces of the crane.
	And then it took a couple of weeks to put the crane together.
	Yeah, who builds, what crane builds the crane?
	Yeah.
	What crane was first?
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	What's the first crane that built the cranes?
	So true.
	At a certain point, you're like, oh, we need a crane to build this crane.
	And then what crane is building that?
	Back on the crane gang.
	That's right.
	And you know who built it first?
	Come on.
	Do you know who built the first crane?
	The first crane?
	I don't know.
	The Egyptians.
	Oh, they did?
	Yeah.
	That's how the pyramids were built.
	They built cranes.
	Of course they did.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, what the fuck?
	People are always like, who moved these stones?
	A crane.
	Yeah, you idiot.
	What the fuck?
	A guy didn't do it.
	They built a crane.
	Dude, I love how every white person I meet is like, oh, the pyramids, aliens.
	Every Egyptian person I meet is just like, oh, these are some fucking.
	My dad, my dad loves ancient aliens.
	That's his favorite thing on earth.
	He's obsessed.
	And I say that on stage.
	I say he loves ancient aliens, which is crazy because he hates illegal aliens.
	And I said, dad, you can't pick and choose.
	They both built the pyramids, man.
	You got to be careful.
	He's obsessed.
	Why are white?
	Yeah, whites are so obsessed with aliens.
	It's our number one thing.
	I think it's because like a lot of whites are so comfortable.
	Too comfortable.
	Right.
	They're too comfortable.
	So it's like you start to worry about other shit.
	That's true.
	It's like how you feel.
	You start to worry about, oh, alien.
	Like, you know, is there anybody else out there?
	Like, it's definitely, those are creature comforts.
	Yeah.
	When you get too comfortable, you start to worry about things that you have no familiarity with, that you're just going to make, you kind of make it up.
	Yeah.
	Because it feels like it gives you something to do.
	Right.
	If you don't, if you don't work, let's say you're raising a family, you don't have a job, you're stay-at-home mom or dad, there's a downtime when they're napping.
	And what do you do in midday?
	You're thinking about aliens.
	Yeah, you're bored.
	You're around your house.
	Your vibrator is broken or whatever.
	Well, it's not charged.
	Yeah.
	You got to charge that thing.
	You can't keep uncharging that.
	Put that, plug it in, get back to square one.
	You believe in aliens, don't you, though?
	You got to.
	You think I have to?
	Let me think.
	I think you got to believe in something.
	What's out there?
	I mean, I think we, the crazy thing is what an anomaly humans are, right?
	We're the weird ones.
	Like, if you look in the forest or whatever, they all know each other.
	They know what they're doing.
	They know what team they're on.
	Sometimes they'll fight.
	Sometimes they'll cuddle or whatever.
	Sometimes they have that video where like that little duck is on that badger's back or whatever.
	But like they know what they're doing.
	And then we show up.
	Like we're the strange mammal.
	Like if you were in the woods and you saw a bear, right?
	Like come out of his hole or whatever, take a couple of pills, cry, jerk off.
	Right.
	You know, and then transition and then get on a computer.
	You'd be like, this fucking fucking alien.
	This is an alien.
	This is an alien.
	So maybe we're the alien, you know, like.
	Well, we are.
	We are the alien to something else for sure.
	Well, certainly to nature.
	Yeah.
	To the rest of nature, it seems like we're the outlier.
	Like to fish.
	I always think about fish.
	We have to be so annoying to fish.
	Just stepping in their house and then they have to get out of their own house.
	Oh, yeah.
	Somebody gets in your house.
	Imagine you just have to leave.
	Yeah.
	And when and then when they're done enjoying your house, then you get to come back.
	Imagine they show up.
	It's like a pee in your house.
	Yeah, pissing in your house.
	They just come and piss right in your front.
	Hey.
	And you have to disappear because they're 10 times your size.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's another thing about us being so comfortable because there's nothing trying to kill us all the time except corporations and.
	To say for us, except for us.
	Except for us.
	We're the best at killing ourselves.
	We're the only species that works really hard on killing ourselves.
	With everything we consume, food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, we're trying to get rid of ourselves.
	Even the cooter's bad now.
	There was a study the other day.
	Was it rotten?
	No, just, it's like someone was coming, they tested a woman's cooter or whatever, and it was like 20-proof or something.
	Where was that at?
	20-proof?
	Was that at Indiana University?
	Yeah, I think it was in Bloomington.
	That sounds like an IU thing.
	Yeah.
	Proof is bad.
	That's pretty, that's heavy.
	875,000 square feet of space.
	That's in the venue.
	Man.
	Oh, yeah.
	COVID delayed it.
	I remember that in U2 as number one.
	You two started.
	Who's there now?
	The Eagles are coming.
	Something like that.
	Eagles are coming.
	Yeah, Eagles are about to do it.
	Wait, tell me, though, did you love, did you really enjoy the show?
	And have you been a Dead fan?
	Do you like the Dead fan?
	I haven't been a Dead fan.
	I probably know like six or seven other songs, probably, right?
	Yeah, but that's, so you like them?
	A pretty good amount.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I like them.
	My brother is a huge Grateful Dead fan, but he didn't want to maybe see Dead and Coke because he didn't want to spoil like, you know, he's like a Jerry, you know, he's like.
	Yeah, he liked Jerry.
	Right.
	And so, but he wanted to go.
	He lives by Mount Zion, so we met over there.
	And I wanted to go and we wanted to do something together.
	And yeah, I think I love that they have so much art.
	There's so many little things you know about the Grateful Dead that since they have a lot of cool and unique art and stuff, they're able to make a lot of neat stuff to put into the visuals, right?
	Whereas if you were a band, if you're like, you know, Guar maybe or something, or Sinead O'Connor.
	Sinead O'Connor, Joe Josiwa or somebody, I don't know if you're going to be able to fill that space with enough intrigue, you know.
	Right.
	And history.
	And history, right.
	You almost need something that's a bit historical maybe, or something that's extremely artistic, like a group that has a lot of ambiance that comes with it.
	Right, you can't do it.
	A solo artist would be a little hard there unless they have such a rich story to tell.
	Right, like a Michael Booblay or something.
	You know, I don't know.
	But if it were just Christmas and they were able to make really cool Christmas shit in there, then that's a way to do it.
	Yeah, Boobie at Christmas would be nice, though.
	He is really talented, that guy.
	People love him at Christmas.
	See the year?
	Whatever.
	Well, yeah, no, I don't need him.
	I really don't need him.
	Yeah, boob later, dude.
	Oh, that's pretty bad.
	But what else did I think?
	I thought it was amazing how, like, well, there's like these things in the seats called like haptics or whatever.
	And so sometimes your seat will move, right?
	So some of the seats, I think like 10,000 of the seats.
	They have haptics.
	Right.
	And they move, and so they'll have like a reaction or so that's kind of crazy.
	I thought it was interesting how sometimes, well, you get there right in the beginning and it just looks like a futuristic like kind of cage or something you're in.
	Yeah, like a inner workings of a machine.
	Yeah, it's not just like you're looking at a screen.
	It looks like robot guts.
	Yeah, like inside of a video game.
	Yeah, some like video game you went into like a space world or something.
	And then it all kind of starts to happen.
	And they don't give you everything at once.
	They don't show you all their tricks at once.
	No, they roll it out slow.
	That's a great shot.
	Wow.
	That was you too, probably, I bet, because that wasn't that.
	What's wild about it is they give it so much dimension, you know, through tricks of the LEDs.
	And it really is kind of mind-boggling.
	I guess people get really dizzy.
	Like some people get, they have to take them out of there because they get so dizzy from the movement because the movement is crazy.
	It physically, like, it moves so heavily that I think people get disoriented.
	Yeah.
	Oh, there's times where like the way that they do it, you're like, you feel like the whole thing is moving through space or time.
	Like you're the entire venue.
	It feels like you're moving with it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think they said people with like kind of like same thing with strobes, like people that have heart problems or high blood pressure.
	Epileptics or something.
	Epileptics.
	Or if you're French Canadian, you're not supposed to go there because it's dangerous for those kind of people.
	You know, and that's, it's just a historical, unfortunate truth.
	You get, they get sick easier.
	Fuck.
	Yeah, it's sad.
	But it was a beautiful time, man.
	It was a beautiful time.
	I enjoyed it so much.
	And it was long and like you really kind of get a story.
	And I loved it.
	And I thought what was really cool, too, at the Dead Show was like, if you went down to the street, if you went down to just the stage where the stage is, and if there was nothing on the back and nothing on the screen, the stage only had a few lights on it.
	It literally looked like you were at a backyard concert.
	Yeah, it's really crazy.
	It's like, it's so minimalistic and then so grand at the exact same time.
	I mean, it's really beautiful.
	It had like five lights behind the guys or six, like, I mean, small, small lights.
	And then, oh, that's you too.
	That's you too, yeah.
	And then it had a very, and so if the screen was off, it literally looked like you're at a backyard show.
	Yeah.
	Like somebody's, like a band was playing in somebody's backyard.
	But yeah, I would totally recommend it.
	I heard somebody refer to themselves as a sphere head after.
	They're like, I'll never see a show anywhere else.
	Now I'm a sphere head.
	It's pretty limiting.
	Yeah, definitely limiting, but it was interesting.
	I'd never heard like, I'd never thought like I'll only see a show at a certain venue.
	Yeah, dedicating to a venue is tough.
	Yeah.
	Because you're only going to get what you're going to get.
	But I mean, you know, that's kind of life, isn't it?
	You're going to get what you're going to get.
	Yeah.
	So if you become a spherehead, you might as well soak it up.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	But what else?
	Yeah.
	What does this crane say?
	The fourth largest crawler crane in the world.
	Wow.
	That's the crane.
	A 580-foot-tall crane.
	Man, imagine being Sarens.
	It's made by a company called Sarens.
	Imagine being David Sarens.
	That's your crane.
	Wow.
	What does your family do?
	We're crane guys.
	Big money.
	We're crane guys.
	Have you ever seen the Costco guys?
	Have you ever seen these two kids?
	Uh-uh.
	His son and his dad?
	We're Costco guys.
	They go to Costco and they just eat stuff and they review it.
	Yeah, the world is burning.
	You know, the Statue of Liberty can fit inside of the sphere.
	Wow.
	And the sphere is interesting is right when you walk in, it does feel, the whole thing Feels like a presentation, kind of, you know.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, even the original interior is so neat.
	You're like, you don't just walk right into the venue, kind of, you know, you walk into like a normal venue would be like this other, you know, like the hallways and stuff and the four.
	Yeah, wow, 2.2 billion.
	Just, I mean, yeah, look at the Statue of Liberty.
	Look at the little tiny girl.
	Oh, dude, all the bitches are in there.
	Her and all her friends.
	Yeah.
	Well, not as much anymore.
	They don't talk to Sheila.
	Yeah.
	They got into a big fight, I guess.
	You've been to Statue of Liberty?
	Yeah, I think I have.
	Did you go up in her head?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I went up there, dude.
	She was just pissed at her ex about something when I was there.
	Right.
	I actually was fine.
	I think when I went and visited her, she was in her ho phase, so she was having a good time.
	Oh, damn.
	She was spreading love.
	Yeah.
	I heard that's why France sent her here, dude.
	She got a little out of control.
	Being too much for France, by the way, because they're all whores.
	Paris got ranked the sluttiest city in the world a couple years in a row.
	Yeah.
	What am I doing in Nashville?
	Well, I got to go to Paris.
	I mean, do you speak French?
	But being from the South, being from where you're from, people do speak.
	A little bit of French, right?
	Yeah, a little bit of like, That's what I'm saying.
	See, you're halfway there, baby.
	Let's go.
	That just means let the good times roll.
	That's a great thing to do.
	Well, there you go.
	That's all you need to say.
	It's not bad, but it's like, this guy just keeps saying let the good times roll.
	This guy is mentally retarded.
	Yeah, but also welcome to the party.
	Maybe they think you're worth the fun.
	That's all he knows, and that's okay.
	This guy does it.
	But even seeing the sphere from your hotel room, I can't even explain how it feels like something fell off of another planet.
	Right, that looks alien.
	And landed here.
	That's the most alien part is just seeing it.
	Yeah, it does.
	And walking up to it feels kind of daunting.
	It feels very like a millennium falcony, like it's this big, daunting, intricate.
	Yeah, it is true.
	That does feel foreign.
	It feels foreign.
	And I don't mean that in a bad way.
	I don't mean that in a negative way.
	Yeah.
	Because I know the word foreign people are really taking to heart these days.
	Most sexually active cities in the world.
	What did I tell you?
	Paris, baby.
	Wow.
	Number one.
	Number one.
	They are back-to-back champs.
	But Paris has also been referred to as a queer city.
	Well, yeah, we say that.
	Oh, yeah, that's.
	Yeah.
	LA is number two?
	No way.
	California has the highest reported rates of genar.
	Oh.
	Syphilis.
	Yeah.
	Congenital syphilis.
	Congenital syphilis.
	Another piece of data likewise provides that young individuals account for more than five out of every 10 chlamydia infections and more than 87% of those are youth of color.
	Hey.
	London.
	London.
	I really would not think London would be high on the yeah, I think British women are more casual about sex.
	I think Europe probably is as a whole, right?
	Everybody in Europe.
	Yeah.
	We're a little staunch.
	But I guess that means that if LA's number two, we're kind of like a European city.
	Berlin.
	Yeah.
	I imagine Germany, oh, sex work, homosexual sex have always had coexisted in the idea of commercialization in Berlin.
	Yeah.
	The problem with that is, you know, in Berlin, you got to kind of be a part of their, what they want you to do.
	You know, and I don't know if you know anything about that stuff, but in Germany, it's a little too much.
	It's pretty intense.
	Yeah, it's heavy.
	They're perverts?
	There are a lot of perverts.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	New York City, I could see that.
	Oh, yeah.
	In New York, though, it's just like if you like, you got to bring all your stuff with you in the morning, even if you're planning on having sex at any point over, you know, it's like.
	You got to pack for sex.
	Yeah, you got to pack for sex.
	You got a hammock.
	You got some condoms, whatever.
	It's like, Jesus Christ.
	Yeah, you got to have a change of underwear and socks.
	Yeah, it's hot to bring all that shit in at a fucking restaurant.
	Some girl's got a camel back on because she has to fucking walk back to Brooklyn.
	It just, there's no other crazy city to try to have some, to meet up with somebody than in fucking New York.
	It's ridiculous.
	Fucking in New York is, yeah, that's got to be a cumbersome adventure.
	Oh, fucking in New York is for the birds.
	I think that's why people get in the relationships there because it's just like, oh, fuck, I'm not going home.
	I don't feel like walking.
	Yeah.
	It's too far.
	I'll marry you.
	It's too far.
	Dude, Trump.
	Yeah, man, insane.
	Where were you when Trump got shot, man?
	I'm not going to tell you.
	That's if the government's listening, just in case.
	I don't want anybody to hear.
	Where was I?
	Oh, I was at the house.
	I was at the house.
	And you know what's so funny?
	My instinct was like, I'm not even kidding.
	That's what time we're in now.
	I thought it was AI at first.
	I thought this is a, someone's pulling a prank on people.
	I was like, someone is doing a very intricate coordinated prank because AI is that good.
	They could make that up.
	But then I kept, you know, then obviously it got exposed that it was real.
	But for a long, I'm not kidding.
	That's how fucked the world is that I thought maybe that was fake or that it was, this was all made up.
	Yeah.
	It was true.
	It was a trip.
	It still might be.
	Still might be.
	Yeah.
	I mean, we don't know.
	We weren't there.
	I wasn't there.
	I have no idea what's going on in Pennsylvania.
	That's how so weird the media is these days.
	Like if you don't know and you weren't there, if you really step back for a second, you're like, who knows what, you know?
	How could I know?
	How could I know that that's real?
	I don't know.
	I mean, could have, could have not.
	Took the hit, though.
	Oh, it was crazy, dude.
	Yeah.
	That image.
	Him yelling, fight.
	Yeah, fight.
	My God.
	I didn't know.
	Put that on the American flag.
	Yeah.
	You know, put that right where the stars are.
	That's the wildest thing I think I've ever seen is a guy gets shot and then champions like a, like a, like a guy who tore his ACL on the field and is doing it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that image is just insane.
	The craziest thing is I've seen a guy on the right at the UFC fights like seven times.
	I was going to say he's his like, he's his number one guy, that guy.
	He looks so familiar.
	It's like so many things were crazy about this.
	I was, let me see, where was I at?
	Oh, yeah.
	So I was in, yeah, I was in Vegas.
	We're waiting to, we're going to go to the show.
	I went to watch Diplo was playing at like a day party somewhere.
	So we stopped by there.
	He comes walking up.
	He's going on stage.
	He's like, dude, guess they shot Trump.
	Diplo told you that?
	Swear to God.
	He goes, they shot Trump.
	and I was like, What is it?
	A new song or something?
	He goes, No, they shot Trump.
	I was like, No fucking way, dude.
	I mean, and nobody had said anything.
	And he's like, Yeah, man, they shot him.
	And he goes, Oh, this is the best part.
	He goes, and my fucking dad just walked like, like the door was closed, walking out to the patio, and he didn't know.
	And he fucking walked right into it, dude.
	And it was like, it was the same thing now.
	I mean, it is, it is just a different thing.
	I agree.
	Look, you got to care about the man closest in your life for sure.
	But it was just so, and he told me those things back to back, dude.
	And I was like, those aren't exactly the same, but, you know, I'd love to meet your, I'd love to meet your dad.
	I hope he's feeling okay.
	Right.
	Similar injury.
	Yeah.
	And then he just got up there and started going.
	Party keeps going.
	But so that was just kind of strange.
	And then, oh, he showed me the video on his phone.
	Of the kid, of the shooting.
	Yeah.
	And the video started and he wouldn't forward the video.
	You could tell it was like a long video.
	Yeah, you like skip forward a little bit.
	Yeah.
	But it was nice.
	I'm like, is Diplo really giving me this much time to stand here?
	Like, he's just got like, I feel bad.
	I'm wasting his time.
	Like, I'll move the cursor, but it's his phone.
	Yeah, you're not allowed to move the cursor on somebody else's phone.
	That's interesting.
	That's so flagrant to touch someone else's phone.
	What was the kid's name that did it?
	What they got him, right?
	They got the, he's dead and gone.
	Thomas, Tommy.
	Thomas Crooks.
	Tommy Crooks.
	It sounds like it.
	Yeah, Tommy Crooks.
	It sounds like he would do it.
	Yeah, Tommy Crooks.
	Who did it?
	Thomas Crooks.
	Yeah.
	But then you see a picture of the kid and you're like, what?
	No.
	Well, one of the wildest things is that people are saying there's no way.
	Did you see the diagram of where it happened?
	No.
	No.
	What?
	Is it intricate?
	Bring that up.
	The diagram of the layout of what it looked like.
	It's like.
	Oh, there he was right next to the right.
	And this is like Trump was speaking off this way.
	Right.
	That's why he got his right ear.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Go to that.
	Let me see if that helps a little bit.
	Wow.
	Location of law enforcement.
	Snipers on roof.
	Stage where Trump was speaking.
	What were the snipers doing while they couldn't see the gunman?
	Bro, it looks like the only build, the only roof that was close to them was that one.
	So how do they not?
	And people were saying, you've seen the videos where people were like, hey, there's a guy right there.
	And they didn't see it.
	Huh.
	A little weird.
	This fucking dude.
	Now, this could be easily an actor.
	That's me.
	That is me.
	Me with one of those silicone masks on.
	It's like the Guy Fieri hat that you buy at the store that comes with the hair.
	His face is going, well, he was up there.
	We was yelling.
	They didn't know.
	We kept saying, dude, he's on the roof, dude.
	They wasn't listening.
	I mean, you could, that might.
	You could play it, but that's exactly what it is, I think.
	Play 20 seconds of it.
	Couldn't see him, but we could hear him.
	So we walked up.
	Oh, it is a fake hat.
	It was probably five to seven minutes of Trump speaking.
	I'm estimating here.
	I have no idea.
	He's got chew in, too.
	Big old hip.
	He's got chew stuck in his neck.
	We noticed the guy crawling, arm, you know, bear crawling up the roof of the building beside us, 50 feet away from us.
	So we're standing there, you know, we're pointing at the guy crawling up the roof.
	And he had a gun, right?
	He had a rifle.
	We could clearly see him with a rifle.
	Absolutely.
	They called him out and no one did anything.
	The police are down there running around on the ground.
	We're like, hey, man, there's a guy on the roof with a rifle.
	And the police were like, huh, what?
	You know, like, like, they didn't know what was going on.
	You know, we're like, hey, right here on the roof.
	We can see him from right here.
	We see him.
	You know, he's crawling.
	The police were, huh, what?
	And none of the cops ever been like, huh, what?
	I'm like, why is Trump still speaking?
	Why have they not pulled him off the stage?
	I'm standing there pointing at him for, you know, two, three minutes.
	Secret Service is looking at us.
	Okay, stop it.
	I'm going to call this dude up.
	Go do something, dude.
	Yeah, what are you doing?
	You're pointing at him for two minutes when you fucking just finishing a beer.
	Fucking 50 feet away.
	God gives you one chance to be a fucking hero.
	And instead, you pop open another fucking bush light, dude.
	Both of these gentlemen are just interesting creatures.
	These are actors, dude.
	This is a fucking, the backup, dude.
	They got this dude off of Timu, this announcer.
	Look what he's even using to interview him.
	Yeah.
	It's a mop.
	I'm at a microphone.
	That's a Swiffer?
	Yeah, I don't try.
	This is very untrustworthy.
	That's so untrustworthy.
	Very untrustworthy.
	I don't like it.
	But to think, though, right?
	So they secure a perimeter.
	Imagine seeing, okay, you have a 20-year-old.
	He walked over there with a rifle bag.
	He walked like a half a mile, I think it says.
	And nobody said anything?
	Yes.
	That's the part to me that's like half a mile is a long way to walk with a big-ass rifle.
	With a fucking rifle.
	Now, you are NPA.
	It is a Trump rally.
	The weird thing is you almost expect everybody there to be walking with a rifle.
	They give you one on the way in.
	Yeah.
	So you kind of expect a lot of that, like.
	Right.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Like the ambiance.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, if it's at a Biden rally, somebody shows up with a rifle, you'd be like, oh, what the fuck's going on?
	But I feel like at a Trump, it's more like a, you know.
	American symbolic NRA, bring your guns.
	Plenty of time.
	This is crazy.
	These people are watching him right here.
	Here he is right there.
	Right there.
	You see him?
	He's laying down.
	You see him?
	Yeah, he's laying down.
	What's happening?
	Well, they see a guy.
	That guy's walking with his child.
	Yeah, look.
	There he is.
	Because we have millions and millions of people.
	Oh, my God.
	Dangerous people.
	Criminals.
	We have criminals.
	Wow, I've never seen this before.
	It happened to be a lot of people.
	How on earth are they not?
	In recorded history, we're the best quote.
	In fact, if they could ever put up a chart, I don't know if okay, that's how it's going on now.
	But yeah, just unbelievable.
	So, yeah, you start to wonder, was this put together?
	But how do you convince a 20-year-old to just go do something like that?
	You know, pack of cigarettes and a, you know, I don't know, some gas money.
	20?
	Yes.
	What were you doing at 20?
	You could convince me of almost anything at 20. I hope the photos don't show up.
	I know that.
	Yeah, 20s are tough.
	20s are a time when I...
	I don't, 20?
	I don't, maybe.
	I don't know.
	You're so gullible.
	It just depends on.
	Sorry, I was saying it came out that Thomas Crooks was featured in a BlackRock.
	I saw this.
	He was in BlackRock in an advertisement for BlackRock.
	This is where it gets real shaky.
	This is where it gets real shaky.
	It's like a commercial for BlackRock.
	It is?
	Yeah, it was like a commercial.
	And he's in school.
	Look right there.
	Wow.
	Wow, so creepy.
	Fuck, dude.
	Everything gets a little twisted, dude.
	But now will Trump be able to speak publicly somewhere again?
	Like, how are they even going to manage this moving forward?
	They're going to have to do what they do with the Pope.
	You know, the Pope Mobile?
	You know, the Pope shell?
	They'll just give him a Trump shell.
	Put him in a little.
	Trump tube.
	Yeah.
	He'll name it.
	He'll sell it.
	Yeah.
	You better have.
	You need protection.
	You got to get a Trump tube.
	They shot me.
	They shoot me.
	They can shoot you.
	Yeah, that.
	Like the Pope.
	Oh, that's cool.
	It is dope.
	Why doesn't like Jeep should sell that?
	You know, someone in LA would buy that.
	Of course.
	Someone in LA would be cruising around on that.
	Well, remember that chick that banged the clippers on her?
	She wore that visor all the time?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	What was that chick's name?
	My Little Silly Rabbit.
	That girl.
	That's so weird.
	Yeah, so funny.
	I'm his right-hand man, arm.
	She was brilliant.
	But dude, yeah, I just, I mean, I can't even believe it.
	The craziest thing is, yeah, that girl.
	You're almost like, what the, it almost feels like it's all part of, it just like, I'm almost not even, I'm surprised.
	But we're the, it's theater.
	It all feels like theater.
	Yeah, we're in the middle of like the craziest play we've ever, we've ever lived.
	That's what it feels like.
	And what act are we in, though?
	Are we in the third act, you think?
	Is this it?
	I think, you know, it's funny you think it could be.
	Like COVID was intermission.
	COVID was intermission.
	That's what I call it now.
	I call that intermission, dude.
	Dude, I love that.
	And now we're seeing the rest of the play is about to play out.
	Fuck, now it's on.
	This is.
	Oh, and there's the lady right there.
	Who is that?
	It says female Shane Gillis.
	That's not doing her best work.
	What?
	You see how lady tried to holster her gun a few times?
	It just wouldn't go in.
	Yeah.
	That's tough.
	Yeah.
	I think that's my aunt Libby.
	There's no way.
	She's made bombs here on what Shane's like.
	But this is crazy.
	Putting him in the car.
	Well, the crazy thing is they don't even bring him down to the ground when they're at the podium.
	No.
	They stand him back up and walk him off.
	An easier target, which is crazy.
	And he keeps saying, let me get my shoes.
	Well, they were nice.
	If they're nice in new customs, you do want to get those back on.
	They probably are, yeah.
	It's funny.
	This is what they train for.
	This is unbelievable.
	Get them in the car, and then they slam on the door.
	She puts her glasses on.
	Put your shades on, dude.
	You don't want to see your eyes.
	What?
	That's wild.
	Can you even imagine, though?
	Like, your job at Secret Service, there's so many, it's all downtime.
	I'm also shocked that they wear sunglasses.
	The Secret Service doesn't have like a thing that they can permanently put around their eyes.
	Taking on and off sunglasses?
	Yeah, pain in the ass.
	And I lose them all the time.
	The pair I brought in here today, I'm going to lose it.
	I'm going to leave it here in the studio.
	Lose them all the time.
	Yeah, I'm trying.
	I just, you start to wonder, what is it a conspiracy?
	Do they want us to think it's a conspiracy?
	Because now there's no, like the guy's been a martyr after the justice system went after him, right?
	Whatever you think.
	Like, I've always thought that Trump is a shady businessman, right?
	Do I think that he's a very personable guy?
	I don't know.
	I don't know him well enough.
	The most interesting thing I've seen him do was when he's turned like that and said, it showed like that he, because there's a lot of people who think, oh, he just wants, they're going to want to, you know, to turn back around.
	Yeah, and face the crowd.
	And face the crowd and face the shooter too.
	I mean, you don't know what the fuck's going on.
	Right.
	You're making yourself visual.
	That's, that was really interesting to me, man.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like he's right.
	So bold.
	And those other guys, well, the other secret service is like, please get down because their heads are targets.
	Fuck, it's just crazy.
	Have you seen about this guy on the internet?
	The guy with that hat, that goofy fedora in the background?
	Oh, yeah.
	This guy, he's all over the internet.
	Who is that?
	I don't even know, but his name's come up a hundred times.
	The guy who's holding his phone.
	And they say, that guy's a fucking.
	He's a Simpsons character.
	That's Matt Groening.
	That's a Matt.
	That's the Simpsons.
	That's Michael Jackson if he never got molested and learned to dance, dude.
	I feel like, you know what I'm saying?
	It's insane.
	Well, here's the crazy part.
	You have a white dude.
	You have Kappa Sig right behind him just smiling like, why aren't all those people hiding?
	That's what I didn't get.
	No panic.
	No panic.
	They were just shooting.
	No panic.
	I mean, they show the tape.
	That guy doesn't even flinch.
	Fedoraman, that's his name.
	Yeah, Fedoraman.
	He doesn't even go down.
	If somebody starts shooting at somebody, gone.
	I'm crawling on the ground and I'm out of there.
	Later.
	Email me and we'll talk to you later.
	I'm absolutely out.
	I'm not hanging out at all.
	Do you think a marksman could have been accurate enough just to graze him on purpose?
	That would be too hard.
	Honestly, maybe.
	Those guys are good, dude.
	They could shoot an earring off somebody's ear.
	Look at him there.
	There's Vincent.
	That's his name.
	Vincent.
	Just hanging out.
	Shooting happens.
	He still stood up.
	He didn't even sit down when the first shots rang out.
	He's just hanging out.
	Now, I do know it says on the internet he has bad knees, but he just stood up.
	Just hanging out.
	But what?
	Fight, fight, FBAs.
	No panic.
	Pretty incredible.
	I don't know what they want us to believe.
	That's a good question.
	Do they want us to think it's a conspiracy?
	Maybe.
	Yeah, because then the wheels get spinning more.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	For sure, man.
	You don't think Biden has anything to do with it?
	I don't.
	I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if like the FBI or the Department of Justice or one of them, there's something going on there.
	I wouldn't be surprised if somebody's compromised at Secret Service.
	But I don't know how you convince a large group of people.
	You know, like you have to convince the local police as well.
	It's like.
	Pretty exhausting.
	I don't think I could name five police officers in Pennsylvania that would probably not stand up to help for Trump, probably.
	Like a lot of those guys are military and police.
	A lot of them are Trump supporters.
	Unless people are getting bribed.
	Money.
	Yeah, but it's just interesting.
	I don't know how you figure that out.
	But yeah, how does a 20-year-old kid use a ladder, get up?
	It just is like there's nobody standing in any of these areas.
	Yeah, no one's going, what are you doing?
	Not one guy, just one walkby guy.
	What are you doing?
	Yeah.
	That guy.
	He didn't get any what are you doings?
	I mean, this is going to make for, it's just unfucking believable.
	Ladder.
	He brought the ladder.
	Did he plant it beforehand?
	Bro.
	He set up beforehand.
	He set it up beforehand.
	So he went there before, set up the ladder.
	Dude, that building looks like it's about 12 feet.
	Right.
	Huh.
	I wonder what business is in there.
	Oh, they didn't secure.
	It says now.
	Secret Service did not secure the nearest tall building.
	A ladder had been placed in advance of the shooting on the building.
	Attendees alerted law enforcement to the presence of the shooter.
	A little shaky, dude.
	Man, I've had experience with bad habits.
	Bad habits.
	Gosh.
	I still experience, you know, I'm still, I still bad habit from time to time.
	That's right.
	Did you know that around 73% of American adults report having one or more unhealthy behavior?
	Well, if you've got a bad habit that you just can't seem to kick, you might want to pay attention to what fume has created for people like us.
	Fume is an award-winning flavored air device that's quickly becoming the leading alternative to vaping and smoking.
	It's a new movement which champions the creation and maintenance of healthy habits that you can implement into your daily routine.
	I use fume.
	I love it.
	I think it is the best vaping alternative that exists.
	Fume is not a vape.
	There's no vapor.
	You can use it anywhere.
	No nicotine.
	It's not addictive.
	Non-toxic flavors.
	It's a guilt-free alternative.
	To start your journey with the good habit and get a free gift with your journey pack, which includes a fume device, three core flavors of your choice, and a cleaning kit, go to tryfume.com.
	That's T-R-Y-F-U-M and use code Theo.
	That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com and use code Theo or scan the QR code on screen.
	Say ciao to your bad habits today.
	You know, when I started a podcast, having an online store was the furthest thing from my mind or even imagination.
	We started our store.
	A man was making shirts with his brother, my buddy Kevin, in a basement in Akron.
	And I think his brother was dealing with alcoholism or whatever.
	And that worked well for a while, but then we had to scale up.
	And as we started to scale up, I realized that I needed help.
	Thankfully, the help was so easy.
	And I owe that to Shopify.
	That's right.
	Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business.
	So whether you're scaling up or down or out or global, Shopify is there.
	Whether you're selling scented soaps or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever and whatever you're selling.
	Shopify's got you covered.
	Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash T-H-E-O, all lowercase.
	Yep.
	Go to shopify.com slash Theo, lowercase, now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, shopify.com slash Theo.
	You golf a lot, man.
	I golf too much.
	Do you?
	It's the only thing I love.
	If I'm not doing stand-up and work, it's the thing that like escapes.
	I get to escape.
	I don't have to think about anything.
	Turn off my phone.
	Don't have to talk to anybody.
	Let's just go do it.
	It's honestly just, it's just a way to hang out with friends and goof and feel like a kid.
	Remember when we were kids?
	Yeah.
	You would just hang out.
	You didn't need a reason to hang out.
	You would just hang out.
	Now, you got to have a thing.
	You could knock on your friend's door and get, is William home?
	Yeah, he'll come outside.
	What's going on?
	Nothing.
	You would just sit and hang.
	You didn't need an end game.
	There was no like purpose.
	And we don't do it.
	And you get older and then you stop doing that.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, come over.
	And they're like, why?
	I just want to say hi.
	No.
	Nah, dude.
	See?
	I got a wife.
	Yeah, I got a wife, dude.
	I can't do it.
	So then now golf is a, let's go hang out.
	Yeah.
	Let's just go putz around and hang out.
	Yeah.
	In the sun, be outside.
	I mean, which I don't like.
	That's my biggest Bill Burr's always like, you're going to get cancer.
	Keep golfing.
	You're going to get cancer.
	Keep it up.
	Keep it up.
	See what happens.
	That's what he says all the time.
	I said, I like it.
	I enjoy it.
	I just put on as much as I sunscreen and I'll be, you know, whatever.
	Whatever, man.
	What am I going to do?
	Not enjoy it?
	Yeah, you got to be alive.
	Yeah.
	And Jelly Roll 2. What other impersonations?
	Which one do you do that I really love?
	Jelly Roll.
	Jelly Roll, I just saw, he came to the comedy store with him and MGK, and then they went to Saddle Ranch.
	And Jelly Roll, for people that don't know, Saddle Ranch is a mechanical bull in the center of the bar.
	He got on it?
	He set the record.
	Yeah, he set the record for longest bull ride.
	Longest bull ride with arms in the air.
	Some people have to hold on.
	Jelly Roll had arms up.
	You're lying.
	No.
	Bring it up.
	He set the record for longest bull ride at Saddle Ranch on Sunset.
	Jellyroll did?
	And it didn't even look hard, to be honest with you.
	It looked pretty easy.
	Well, were you looking at the bull?
	Not much of a difference.
	I mean, it looked kind of seamless.
	Now, reports from the bull are.
	We got a report back from the bull.
	Just a different story for the bull.
	MGK Messina has a photograph of the young fan at Ronnie Rack and Jelly Roll's performance at Saturn Rins.
	There's no video of Jelly Roll on the Bull.
	They got to be something.
	They had to have him on the bull.
	Unless, you know, he probably requested no videos during that time.
	It could be it.
	Maybe it was like a special thing and people weren't allowed to video then.
	That little kid looks like he's going.
	That's a little young for a Jelly Roll and MGK show, but I guess, yeah, that is your future ticket buyer.
	What else is going on, man?
	You know, honestly, nothing.
	I'm taking the summer down.
	You're taking a vacation?
	Yeah, going to Hawaii in a week.
	I'm going to...
	Yeah.
	But I'm going to a spot that I've never been to before in Hawaii.
	And we just want to have like a little getaway.
	But we, I don't go to the, I don't go to like.
	You and your wife?
	Yeah, I don't go to exotic locations just to like go to the beach.
	So we're doing adventure, doing stuff.
	I want to go do stuff.
	We're taking like a, um, we're taking a like a guided hike tour.
	We're doing a, they give you a, we're going to rent a jeep and go like tour the island in these little spots they tell you to go to.
	Yeah.
	I want to do a spearfishing class.
	Take me out there and learn how to huck, dude.
	Dude, that would be sick.
	I want to do that.
	I want to spearfish so bad.
	Dude, we had a show the other night.
	Amir K was On the show too And he Fishes And he He's good.
	He brought fresh sashimi to the show.
	Did he really?
	Oh, yeah.
	He goes out and catches it.
	He's done this before.
	I've seen this.
	And he just shows up.
	He had a bottle of soy sauce on him or something.
	We're just sitting there slurping it, dude.
	It's good, huh?
	God, it was so good.
	When it's fresh, it's unbelievable.
	It's the best thing in the world.
	Catch and eat is so, so good.
	Yeah, that's one thing.
	Like, I would love to do that.
	I would love to sneak up on an animal and kill it right there and eat it.
	Yeah.
	My brother made squirrel at 4th of July.
	And one girl showed up and ate all the fucking squirrel.
	This bitch, kind of, I guess.
	Well, it's pretty self-involved.
	Well, there's all this.
	Squirrel don't have a lot of meat on it.
	How much meat's on a squirrel?
	I mean, you got to catch a bunch of them to make anything good.
	I mean, he had like four or five.
	My brother's kind of, you know, he's a wildcat.
	He put on Facebook, he moved into like this rural area and put on Facebook.
	Anybody having trouble with squirrels hit my line, right?
	And so, yeah, the amount of meat on a squirrel can vary.
	Three ounces, that's not a lot.
	Jesus fuck.
	I wouldn't even let it live, dude.
	Yeah, leave it alone.
	You got to have enough substantial meat for me to kill you.
	I can't kill you if you don't have enough meat.
	I'm not killing.
	This is why I'm not a fan of shrimp.
	There's not enough there.
	Yeah.
	I'd rather kill something that has a lot of something to eat.
	Yeah.
	Like, I don't eat like crawfish.
	I don't need little tiny bison.
	I guess I want something thick.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, thick.
	Yeah.
	Something that's worthwhile.
	Yeah.
	100%, dude.
	What else happened?
	But life is good this summer.
	I'm going to take it off and just relax and yeah, how long is the trip going to be?
	And what else are you going to do?
	A week and some change.
	And then I'm going to come back and I'm going to go to Chicago to see family.
	I'm going to do a couple of charity events, which I'm trying to get into more.
	Yeah.
	I like that, man.
	I think I want to do more and more and more.
	For like all the stuff that I really like is like involving children's charities for kids with cancer or debilitating injuries or, you know, I don't know.
	Like I want to support adults that are sick, but kids that are sick to me gets my heart first.
	Yeah.
	If adults are sick, it's kind of their fault a lot of times.
	You did it.
	Yeah.
	And you've also had enough.
	Right.
	You've eaten enough.
	You've had enough.
	All right.
	Let somebody else have some.
	Yeah.
	I think, yeah, catching up with kids is really important.
	Yeah, so it's like we've been so fortunate just to even have some of like, to be able to have some of the fun and opportunities and neat things.
	You know, I started thinking about that too.
	It's like, I got to create more of a way to do something more positive, you know?
	For you, for young people, because it's, they, you know, if you can help the next generation of whatever it is, that's like what you do in comedy, bringing people out and introducing new comics to the world.
	That's an important thing.
	So in the other side of it, I want to try to, you know, like St. Jude's and all that stuff, Children's Hospital.
	And like, I think those are important.
	So I'm going to do that.
	And then I'm going, I get to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley.
	Yeah.
	And sing the seventh inning stretch.
	Oh, that's great.
	Yeah, thank you, dog.
	I'm excited.
	September 9-6, September 6th, I do it.
	And I sent the email from the Cubs.
	The Cubs reached out and I sent the email to my dad.
	And my dad wrote back, finally made it.
	You finally made it.
	Of all the things I've achieved, this is the only thing he was like, good, you finally did it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Sean Dunstan would be proud, he wrote.
	Yeah, baby.
	Yes, he would.
	He said, Andre Dawson.
	Yeah, Andre Dunstan.
	And now Andre Dunstan can rest.
	Finally.
	Puts it down.
	Wow, dude.
	No, that's amazing.
	I grew up watching the Cubs, man.
	My grandfather played AAA Ball in Chicago or Iowa whenever their farm team used to be over there.
	He played for one of their farm teams a long time ago.
	And so we would sit all the time and watch the Cubs.
	You know, it's because the WGNO, you know, the WGNGO.
	Sean Dunstan, Rick Sucks.
	Ryan Sandberg.
	Oh, dude.
	When I was a kid, I thought his name was Ryan, by the way.
	His name's Ryan.
	No.
	Yeah, all these years.
	When I was a child, I thought his name was fucking crazy.
	Ryan Sandberg.
	No, his name's Ryan.
	Look it up.
	It's Ryan.
	Ryan?
	Ryan, yeah.
	Like an orange outing?
	R-Y-N-E.
	Ryan.
	I thought it was Ryan all these years.
	Dude, I traded 70 of his cards as Ryan Sandberg.
	Yeah.
	How did he misspell his own name?
	I know, poor guy.
	Poor guy.
	Ryan Sandberg.
	Yeah, Sandberg, Mark Race, Legends.
	Oh, yeah, dude.
	I got to meet Mark Race one time, dude.
	I was sitting at a bar, and my buddy told me he was there.
	So I went up and pulled up, and he had some great stories, dude.
	Those guys are just that baseball, it was just a different game, man.
	I mean, every sport is, but something about baseball, because they used to, you know, Harry Carey, our notorious announcer that Will Farrell did that people know, he was a blackout.
	I mean, he was drunk 90% of the time.
	Yeah.
	And still held it together enough to get to the stadium on time, drink about 13 old styles.
	Yeah.
	And just make it through.
	You can't do that anymore.
	Look at that guy.
	He's 26 right there.
	He hit on my mom one time.
	Yeah, one time he hit on my mom.
	That was great.
	Yeah, it could have been Harry Carey's son.
	She blew it.
	She dropped the bag.
	Yeah, he flirted with her.
	He goes, hey, hey, pretty lady.
	Yeah.
	Look at it.
	Hey, hey, pretty lady.
	Look at these ladies.
	That's a triple.
	Yeah, right.
	Look at the cans on that one.
	Look at the stems on this, bro.
	Double time.
	Yeah, he hit on my mom.
	Yeah, I get to go throw the first pitch in September.
	That'll be a big deal for me.
	And then go see the Bears.
	That's a cool home opener.
	Do you ever go to Titans games in Tennessee?
	Sometimes I do.
	What I like about Titans is it's very casual there.
	It's like nice fans, good, not crazy.
	It's not your Philadelphia.
	No lunatics.
	No, no real lunatics.
	It's like just safe.
	Yeah, play that up right there, Harry.
	This is great.
	Carrie back at Wrigley Field.
	She wasn't in the right field bleacher yesterday, Arnie.
	Well, some of the lovely sights you see.
	Yeah.
	Arnie, you trying to get me barred up?
	That began to look like a strip tease for a while.
	I mean, that was the thing about Wrigley.
	They used to wear, people would wear like G-string bikinis into the, in the outfield.
	That's America.
	Yeah, they got to bring some of that shit back.
	Well, when they talk about make America great again, that's what we're talking about.
	Yeah.
	G-strings in the outfield.
	That's what we're, we're not talking about anything else.
	We're just talking about that.
	Yeah, just let things be, man.
	Let things be fine.
	Dude, everything has a rule.
	That's a really good call.
	everything has a rule now.
	Yeah.
	Can't do that.
	Oh, you can't do it like that.
	You got to do it like this.
	You got to do this.
	But I don't know if that's because we ruined, just humans ruined it.
	Yeah, we did.
	Humans ruined it all.
	That's all our fault.
	We fucked it up.
	Instead of letting things be and just trying to enjoy things, we fucked it up.
	We just want, we're greedy, we're selfish, we're self-involved.
	We don't care about each other.
	Because if we really cared about each other, we wouldn't go out of our way to try to hurt people or bring people down.
	We don't care.
	It's a bad thing.
	Well, and if some people, if once there's some bad apples, other apples start to be like, I think there can be a tendency.
	Bad rubs off.
	Yeah, it kind of rubs off.
	Or you have to also get bad now to be able to take care of yourself.
	I think you got to bring yourself to a different level.
	You're a good apple.
	Thanks, man.
	You've always been a good apple.
	You are too, dude.
	And you know what?
	I think the older we get in life and career, the more I start to really see through the smoke of all the bullshit and start to care about what I really care about.
	Like things that really, I guess you really learn what really matters.
	It's stuff that your parents would say or older people would say to you.
	And all those cliches are true.
	It really is true that you just, you slow down, you step back, you start to kind of see things for what they really are, and you start to just cherish things that matter.
	You don't give a shit about the other stuff anymore.
	I don't care about small stuff as much as I used to.
	It just doesn't matter.
	You just got to enjoy it.
	Yeah, I think some of that, it is wild if you're able to get some age that you're able to get some perspective here.
	It is nice.
	But that was, what is that, Bobby Lee with Richard Simmons right now?
	Yeah, Richard Simmons just passed away, man.
	And some on the internet are saying this is Bobby's fault.
	I wouldn't be surprised.
	God, Bobby was.
	Well, he was a Japanese girl at one point.
	Zoom in on that.
	No wonder Richard's on him like that.
	Right.
	Really cute.
	God.
	Really cute.
	Richard, wow.
	That looks AI for some.
	See, that also looks fake.
	Oh, wow.
	It's just crazy to see, like, I bet Richard teased him or just touched his neck.
	Well, I think it's vice versa.
	I think they both, Bobby is a big tease.
	Bobby, well, he said he let some guy eat his butt or whatever one time, but he's been involved in some crazy stuff.
	Yeah, I think a few times.
	Yeah, that's what's crazy.
	I think I would not want some guy to do it that to me.
	No, not for me.
	Look, it's hard to be a business partner and one of my best friends with someone that I respect so little.
	It's tough.
	I love him to death.
	He's my perfect my, he's my comedy compliment.
	I've never met somebody more that I feel the most in tune with comedically.
	Really?
	Just because he's, he's, um, it just feels like our brains connect on just a dumb, perfect level.
	And I understand him.
	And he gets, he gets me.
	And he knows what gets me mad.
	And I know what gets him mad.
	It's just one, it's something about it's so fun.
	Yeah.
	I feel like a kid when I'm with him.
	Whenever we get together, it's the most fun.
	I've said this a hundred times.
	It's the best thing that's ever happened in my career.
	Of all the shit I've done, of all the things that I could be like, that was cool.
	I'm proud of that.
	This is by far the most fun I've ever had in my life.
	It is a blessing from the universe.
	And thank God me and that little dumpling are together because it's the most fun I've ever had.
	I've never had that much fun in anything in my career.
	No crushing on stage, no TV show accolade.
	No.
	nothing.
	Wow.
	It feels so because it's so free.
	Oh, you guys have a blast, man.
	I mean, you guys have created a top 20 podcast together.
	I mean, it's unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's what you've gotten to do.
	Isn't this rewarding?
	This is like how fun.
	I get to have fun.
	But you've also got to do so much acting.
	Does it compare?
	Do you, yeah, like now that you've had a good taste of both, does one really compare?
	Are they two totally different things?
	Obviously, they're different.
	Different animals.
	But I mean, they're both rewarding in their, I mean, like, the acting is rewarding in its own little way.
	I like the acting stuff if I get to work with people that I'm impressed by.
	That's what it, you know what I'm saying?
	Like, that's to me, it's like if I do something with someone that I'm intrigued by or impressed by their skills and ability, it's cool to see people do cool work.
	It's just a cool thing to watch.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, like when you see a pro, like, you know who the most pro dude on earth?
	I think John Cena might be the most pro dude on earth.
	Yeah, he was on Whiskey Ginger, yeah.
	He's the man.
	Yeah, he's responsible.
	He's smart.
	He's sweet.
	He's caring.
	He's hardworking.
	He's such a fun, nice, like, wonderful dude.
	He's a pro.
	He is a pro.
	I don't even know how to like articulate it the right way, but incredible, gracious, sweet.
	Never steps on toes.
	Never is disrespectful to anybody.
	Never has an ego about anything.
	It's wild.
	He is a lesson in life.
	I've tried to like, I watched him when we were working together.
	I was like, this dude is, he's a G. We're comic.
	I think what we have to remember sometimes is we're comic.
	So something is fucked up about us.
	We were in that returns basket, remember?
	100%, dude.
	We went right back.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	When you see like the sale basket or whatever, or the like 40 cent candles or whatever, you're like, this bitch ain't going to burn, you know?
	It's like, so a lot of times I feel like I'll compare myself to other, or in some ways, I'm like, God, but then I got to remember, something was wrong with me.
	But you're in a good way.
	You're special.
	And in a good way, because we're able to maneuver it enough.
	Right.
	And make it worth something.
	Right.
	You know, we are the, we're the shopping cart with the wobbly wheel, the one that nobody wants.
	Yeah, that's, we're, we're that.
	We're wobbly wheel.
	And you know what?
	When you do take it, you do realize it's kind of fun.
	It's funny.
	It goes off on its own.
	It'll hit the wall a few times, but it's fun.
	It's kind of fun.
	Oh, it'll veer right into a fucking cute mama.
	Yeah.
	It might help you out.
	Yeah.
	We're the wobbly wheel.
	And you know what?
	That's, but that's, you're right.
	We are different.
	We're a different species.
	And we feel it sometimes we feel threatened because people don't get us or we're weird or we try weird shit.
	You know, you, you try a joker a bit and it doesn't work.
	And people are like, what?
	But that's the beauty.
	But that's the beauty of it.
	If you didn't have that, everything would be real formatted and real simple.
	So they, those other people from the other side of it, they love to see us try because they don't do that.
	So that's, you know what I mean?
	Like I've had a bunch of people, actors say to me, I said, oh man, I don't know how you want to improv those lines.
	Like, why?
	Why do you want to try and do that?
	Say, well, because that's the adventure.
	The risk is amazing.
	If you get something out that's worth it and good, it's like, it's just telling a new joke that works.
	You know, when you write a new joke and it works, the first time you're like, it feels incredible.
	It's the same thing as when you land a good line.
	It's the same feeling.
	Oh, I love that.
	The other day, somebody said Enigma.
	And I was like, careful, careful.
	Just don't say Enigma.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You can't hard R E Enigma.
	I can let you get, like, I don't want you to upset the fucking neighbors, you know?
	They'll accept Enigma.
	If you're going to say that, say that inside.
	You have the Enigma inside.
	Keep those Enigmas inside.
	What's life like?
	You don't have a family yet.
	No family, no kids.
	I don't think I'm going to really?
	Yeah, I don't think so.
	You'd be such a fun dad, man.
	I would, but you know what?
	I'd like at this age in my life, I think is now, you know, 40. Once the 40 number is real, I think I'd be willing to adopt and try to give someone a good life.
	Wow.
	Yeah, I think, because at this age, it'd be hard to start with a baby as older, because I feel older.
	And it'd be tough.
	And so I think that.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Well, dude, I'll be 80 when they're 40. Yeah, but that's their problem.
	Yeah, but I'd rather adopt a kid, put him into a phenomenal situation.
	I feel like at this stage in my life, it would be cool to give someone a better life who had a tough life because a lot of kids have these.
	You know, man, you see a lot of this stuff and you see how hard certain young people have it and there's no hope.
	And I've been blessed in life.
	I'm so lucky.
	So it's like, why not give someone else a good opportunity?
	I don't know.
	Yeah, it'd be cool if they had a contest too to be your kid.
	Yeah, well, that's how I would organize it.
	They'd have to show off somehow.
	I'd want to see their skills and abilities and talents.
	I would rank them.
	I have a set system at home that I've written out.
	How high can you jump?
	I basically put them through a combine.
	You know what I mean?
	I make my kids run the 40. Oh, you had that great joke about people coming over the border that they should have to go through.
	American Ninja Warrior, of course.
	Yeah.
	You want to get into the country, man.
	I want him in here.
	I just, I want to see him work for it.
	You got to fuck it.
	We want the best.
	Yeah, we can't just have anybody.
	But that should be the standard.
	Oh, I think so.
	And then also you can have rich people bet on it, like in the distance.
	And use that money.
	And use that money.
	Yeah, that's exactly right.
	Well, look, when Europeans came over for Ellis Island, you had to be able to do 10 push-ups, otherwise they wouldn't let you in.
	They turned you back around.
	10 push-ups, so you had to get back on the boat and go back.
	So that's a standard.
	We need to set some kind of standard.
	Yeah, now you can show up with asthma and we'll give you an inhaler.
	We'll give you a fucking free wheelchair.
	Thanks so much for coming, dude.
	And the new tour, what's it going to be called?
	The Freeze Peach Tour.
	Freeze Peach Tour.
	If you say it, you'll know it.
	The Freeze Peach.
	There it is.
	The Freeze Peach Tour.
	I love that, dude.
	The Freeze Peach.
	The Freeze Peach Tour, yeah.
	One of my, one of my, was, oh, Rise Up Lights, you know?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Rise Up Lights.
	Yeah, I love that.
	I'm so jealous y'all going to Australia.
	Dude, I have, I love it down there.
	Me too.
	Because I shot that movie with Cena and them in Melbourne, and it was just.
	Did it come out?
	I loved it.
	Huh?
	Did the movie come out?
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's on Amazon Prime, Ricky Stanicki on Amazon Prime.
	Oh, you were Ricky Stanicky?
	Oh, wait, I don't know if I saw that or not.
	Yeah.
	Me and Cena and Efron and Jermaine Fowler.
	I feel horrible.
	I didn't even see this.
	No, it's all good, brother.
	Come on, man.
	It's fun, man.
	It's a fun movie.
	Fairleigh did it.
	Pete Fairley, the guy that did Dumb and Dumb.
	And William H. Macy in the background holding it down.
	Who was William H. Macy, dude?
	Unbelievable.
	You ever seen him though?
	Do you have a door-to-door salesman movie?
	Where he's selling soaps?
	No, what movie is that?
	He's incredible.
	Dude, he is.
	Put up door-to-door soap salesman.
	See what you get there.
	He's so good, man.
	He was such a...
	Bill Porter.
	He's such a cool, smooth, slick dude.
	And he lives out in the mountains.
	Does he?
	In California?
	No, not in California.
	No.
	He lives out in the mountains.
	Wow.
	Door to door, there he is.
	And he's a soap salesman.
	Oh, there we go.
	Bill Porter, a man of remarkable spirit.
	He'll touch your art.
	He'll change your life.
	Yeah, he was mentally challenged or whatever, and they let him sell a little bit of soap.
	Dude, I used to work as an assistant.
	This dude sold Italian food or semi-Italian or whatever, door to door.
	And so I think he was trying to date my mom or something.
	So he gave me a job, like just like cruising, going along with him and stuff.
	That's kind of nice.
	It's pretty cool.
	Except I remember all he had to take like a cold cart with him and all the stuff was so cold.
	Because he had to sell out of the refrigerator.
	Yeah, I remember I'd fucking, he'd like, he'd be like, oh, get the clams or whatever.
	And I was like, I'd fuck it up, you know?
	I was like, I don't want to be in the workforce.
	I want to be handicapped.
	But you want someone to date your mom who's not cumbersome in their job.
	That's the cumbersome job.
	The guy you want to date your mom, you want a guy in like, you know, regular sales, not door-to-door sales.
	You want him to like call on customers.
	Yeah.
	Phone.
	Yeah, yeah.
	We did a desk job, dad.
	A desk job.
	That's what I had.
	My mom remarried, and my stepdad was a sales guy, but he, you know.
	Phone, desk job.
	Right.
	You know, go to an office, say, hey, Karen, coffee, water cooler, lunch, lunch at, you know, lunch at Buko Beppo.
	Yeah, my former Buko Beppo.
	Get the whole crew out there.
	You know, my dad likes, we buy my dad his only gift every year, birthday, Christmas, same gift every time.
	I get him a gift card to the Olive Garden.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's what I get him every time.
	That's his favorite thing.
	It's all he wants.
	He goes and he sits there and he has the Zupa Tascana and the breadsticks.
	And he'll eat and eat and eat and eat until they tell him, sir, you know.
	Let's not overstay our welcome.
	Like your family, but.
	But extended.
	You know?
	Take a walk.
	That's all I do.
	That's all I'm going to say.
	Dude, my dad used to, he would go drink sometimes at this place called Tony Padonis.
	That was the name of the place.
	I love the name of that.
	Tony Padoni's.
	Tony Padonis.
	And so we go over there and the lady, he'd be like, oh, run up and down the bar real quick.
	And the lady will give you a candy right there.
	I remember that.
	She just wanted to see you sprint?
	Yeah, I'd fucking, but on the bar, yeah, I'd fucking sprint down there and sprint right back.
	And they'd give me a little chocolate.
	Yeah, well, I was going to say, which one was it?
	Was it a good candy or one of those like candy?
	It was a Hershey Kiss, usually.
	I love me a Hershey Kiss.
	They were good.
	They're just a, there's not.
	Look, you know what, Hershey Kiss?
	It's not trying to do shit.
	Yeah.
	You know what we are.
	Here I am.
	You know what we are.
	We're Christian chocolates.
	Yeah.
	God loves us and we love him.
	You know what I mean?
	We're not weird.
	Not filling my fucking butt with caramel like somebody's fucking quizzy.
	Yeah, dude.
	How are you doing?
	This is Tony Padoni's.
	We give original American God-given chocolate.
	Hershey kiss in and out.
	Dude, I wanted to do this thing called the chocolate shoulder challenge.
	So you take a Hershey kiss, right?
	You put one on each shoulder, okay?
	And then you try to eat it all.
	Oh, my God.
	How?
	It is.
	But without making this one fall.
	Is that what it is?
	Right.
	Yeah, right.
	That can't make one fall.
	It is fall.
	It's on neck mobility.
	That's what it does.
	Yeah.
	But every now and then, somebody will do it.
	Well, it's got to be somebody with a nice long neck.
	Who's got a long neck in the comedy game?
	It's got to be someone we know who's like.
	Kirk Fox, maybe?
	He's necky.
	He's extremely necky.
	He's necky.
	He's got that tennis body, tennis neck.
	Lanky, necky.
	Yeah.
	Looking over the net.
	Love, love.
	All love.
	There he is.
	Kirk's so funny, dude.
	He was in my favorite movie, The Patriot.
	One of the funniest comedians, I think, worked.
	Also one of the funniest people to be around.
	Like, right when he walks up, you kind of, there's just something about his energy.
	The joke is already kind of set up.
	Yeah, do the picture to the left of that or to the right of that one that you have on right now.
	I mean, that says Necky as a guest.
	Yes.
	That guy could kill the Hershey Challenge.
	Oh, he's a fucking necrophiliac, dude.
	If he dies, yeah, people are going to order.
	They're going to get a, they're going to get three and a half ounces out of his neck.
	A big time.
	Well, you know, his casket is already designed.
	He said he pre-bought it to one of those.
	You know, those, you know, like a magician when he cuts Osaza woman in half and her head is outside of the casket, but the whole body's inside?
	He has that exact same one.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, because his neck is long enough that they couldn't, they said he'd have to break his neck to smush it in there, so his head will be out.
	It's tough.
	Well, it's a crazy thing when they bury you.
	Some people, they have to break, they're like to save money.
	They're like, we can break your arms and legs and move them closer to your body so you have a little less square footage.
	And I'm like, just fucking throw me in a dump truck.
	Don't fucking don't sit there and break my.
	I don't want some guy in a basement of a YMCA at night breaking my fucking bones to save 85 bucks.
	Spend the extra 85. But it's just like, Jesus Christ.
	Just slide me off a cliff.
	Slide me off a cliff.
	I don't know.
	Just put me down in a ravine.
	That's like I learned.
	You know the song, The Way?
	Where were they going without ever knowing the way?
	Remember that?
	Yeah.
	Anyone can see the road that they walk on is page.
	Okay, so I learned online that song is about a story that the lead singer read about a couple.
	Right.
	Look at the history of the way.
	It's about an old couple who used to vacation somewhere, and she had dementia and he was old.
	It's tragic.
	And they would take this trip.
	That's the couple.
	And they got lost.
	And Austin-based couple, right.
	Austin-based couple fastball topped the charts with their hits on The Way.
	Yes.
	And this real couple, the story is so sad.
	They would go to the same location.
	I think it was like Zion or something like that or the arches.
	And they drove somewhere and they got lost.
	And the dementia, they wandered until they were found dead in like a ravine.
	No.
	Crazy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	They wandered, got lost.
	So that song, as beautiful as it was when we were young, I mean, young people don't know that song at all, but it's about this old couple getting lost.
	It's the darkest shit.
	It's a dark story.
	Wow.
	Yeah, it says for Layla and Raymond Howard, the tradition was Pioneer Day.
	That's right.
	In Temple.
	Right.
	And they would drive there and they would just go and they, right, showing symptoms of memory loss.
	And he had had surge, brain surgery.
	And they just got out of their car and they started walking and they just disappeared.
	Where were they going?
	Going without ever knowing.
	Isn't that so creepy now that you hear that?
	As a kid, I sung that song being like, anyone can see the run.
	I thought that was a great song.
	And here I am, just two senior citizens just dehydrated, dying behind a fucking car.
	Just buzzards pecking their head apart.
	It's terrible.
	Fast.
	The song's lyrics.
	This is way better.
	Thank you.
	The song's lyrics revolve around a couple who decided to leave their lives behind by going out driving without telling their children about their plans.
	Their car breaks down during the trip and they continue on foot.
	The chorus expresses the idea that the couple are achieving happiness by losing touch with the world, even though they may never see their home again.
	Wild.
	Wild.
	Sad.
	Do you ever have a thought about disappearing?
	Yeah.
	Sometimes I think about like, Oh, dude, when I was in, we tried to like fake my death or something a while back, maybe like 11 years ago or something.
	Well, if you got us, this staff can't help.
	I mean, Nick is going to blow it.
	There's no doubt he'll do that easily, dude.
	He'll leak the conversation.
	Yeah.
	He's going to leak the plans.
	But what happened?
	Oh, my buddy Paul.
	He's like, dude, we should fake your own death.
	I think there's some money in it or whatever.
	And I was like, oh, fuck.
	Well, what do I have to do?
	And he's like, you just be quiet and just go out to Palm Springs or something for a couple months or go to Syracuse or something.
	Yeah.
	And I'm like, oh, shit, man.
	And I think I did like three days or something.
	And then I was like, ah, fuck it, dude.
	I don't want to live again.
	And so he'd like called a couple people and been like, oh, I think something's happened at Theo or something.
	So then he just called him back and I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
	He's just fine.
	You can't be, you can't use it.
	He's in Sacramento or something.
	It's too hard to go through with it.
	But if I feel like if I was going to disappear, I would go, I'm telling it now.
	Come find me.
	I'll be most likely in Banff National Forest.
	It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen in my entire.
	Look up Lake Louise.
	This might be the prettiest place I've ever seen.
	And Banff is huge.
	Banff was the first time I saw a real Canadian moose.
	I didn't realize, they were as big as a school bus.
	I got out of my car and my buddy EP, we were laughing so hard.
	I had tears in my eyes.
	I couldn't believe how fucking big it was.
	That's Lake Louise.
	Wow.
	Stunning.
	Banff National Park.
	Anywhere.
	Lose me in Banff.
	That's where I'll be.
	I'll be in the woods.
	Lose me in Banff.
	Love me in Banff.
	That might be the story, too.
	Love me in Banff, baby.
	Find someone.
	Yeah, lose me and Love Me in Banff.
	It's just something about it up there.
	It's so peaceful and, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's like that right now.
	It's stunning.
	Go Schwimming?
	The most beautiful place I've been to, I think, is, or one place I really liked was this place, Lake or Anse, France.
	Can you look it up?
	A-A-N-ANC.
	No, A-N-E-C-Y-A-N.
	Oh, there it is, Annecy, France, right there.
	Wow.
	There's this, they have like a beautiful lake there, like right in this small town.
	It's really, really cool.
	How'd you end up there?
	With my girl, we were backpacking years ago.
	There it is, right there.
	Wow.
	Just like a nice little place there in the hills.
	You get you a little backpacking.
	That was nice.
	We just were taking a train and just stopped there.
	NSE, NSE, France.
	France, NSE?
	Theovant?
	Oh, yes, Theovant.
	Do you know Theovant?
	One of my favorite comedian, Theovant?
	It is a pleasant, their accent in English.
	It's pleasant.
	It looks like you're good, yeah.
	Because so many others don't.
	Yeah.
	Like when a chairman is saying to you something, you're like, yeah.
	Yeah, it just, it.
	I went to Jamaica and two guys, you know, I went, somebody had, we went into a Starbucks, right?
	Found out it was not a Starbucks.
	We go in, somebody stole the sign and put it up outside of their business, right?
	So we go in, you immediately, you're like, this isn't a fucking Starbucks.
	There's couches and shit, dude.
	Yeah, there's no cake pops here.
	Yeah.
	There was a hammock.
	I was like, and then somebody goes, welcome to the Starbucker Lounge.
	And we're like, where the fuck are we, dude?
	We turned to go, we leave.
	Knife fight, dude.
	Really?
	Oh, my God.
	Beyond B, knife fight in the street, dude.
	Well, urban cutlery, dude.
	That's it, bro.
	Just butter knives?
	Just a couple of Zoro brothers out there stabbing each other, dude.
	What else, man?
	What happened with you and Bobby Altoff?
	Do you remember that?
	Yeah, it was fun.
	It was really, really fun.
	Dude, you were so funny on there.
	It was easy to kind of play into this world that she does.
	She stays in the world of like, she was doing like musicians, and then she was doing, then she would just do like high-level celebrities like Cuban and all these guys.
	And I had so much fun with her because she had said, they originally, they pitched me, her team pitched me, do you want to teach her how to golf?
	No, I'm sorry.
	Teach her how to do stand-up.
	I said, absolutely not.
	But I said, I am going to go golf next week.
	You want to meet and I can Teach her how to golf, or we can do a golf thing.
	And that's how this stuff was born.
	And she showed up late with a big attitude.
	And I started to go.
	Oh, yeah, she's kind of like a black woman, a little.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	A little tiny black woman.
	And I started, I was, you know, just goofing with her the whole time.
	And it was so much fun.
	Now she's, you know, off and running.
	She's got a whole her career like exploded now.
	Her podcast is bigger than ever.
	She stays busy, man.
	Yeah, I saw her at Formula One.
	She was there and some of her friends.
	They were having a great time.
	I wanted to go to that.
	I wanted to go to that soap.
	It's too confusing.
	It's like you don't know what's going on and everybody's like rich and everything.
	You're like, what the fuck?
	So rich and it's all and you, but you don't really get to see anything.
	That's the worst part of the pit.
	It's down here.
	You're like this.
	It's like being, that's the irony of the best seats in a football game are not all the way down because you're this.
	I agree.
	Front rows is trash.
	Yeah, you can't see.
	You're doing this all the time.
	If you want to be able to listen to my show when they're in front row, I'm like, God, it sucks, dude.
	They're doing this the whole time.
	Their neck is craned.
	Their neck is the Las Vegas crane the whole time.
	Dude, what was one of the early concerts you ever went to?
	Do you remember?
	The very, one of the very first concerts I went to probably, I don't know if it was one of my first, but No Doubt, I saw them and a band called Face to Face.
	Do you remember those guys?
	Face to Facebook.
	Face to Face.
	Face to Face and No Doubt were playing.
	No, no, no.
	They were, you're thinking about Duran Duran, I think.
	Where I could.
	No, that's.
	No, that's Culture Club.
	But I think Face to Face and No Doubt were one of my first.
	Wow, who took you to that?
	No, I probably was 16 or 7. I love her, dude.
	I think she's one of the greatest.
	Tragic King of that album is so, so good.
	I became a teenage girl while listening to that.
	I was like, this is my girlfriend.
	Oh, I cried at school when someone sang Jewel once.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, that'll hit you hard.
	And I just, I'd never heard a woman sing.
	And then you hear her regular talking.
	She's like, that, and then I saw, and then the up and smoke tour.
	Up and smoke.
	Look that up if that's right.
	Cypress Hill?
	Yeah, up and smoke tour.
	I think it was the album.
	It was like Method Man and Red Man.
	Cypress Hill is anybody black or white with weed.
	Right, right, right, right.
	Yeah, that was all Torville.
	Yeah, Drew.
	And the crazy thing was, you were so high, they could have told you somebody was on stage.
	You'd have been like, wouldn't have mattered.
	Yeah, didn't even know.
	Nate Dogg never was there.
	They put him on every picture.
	I never saw Nate Dogg once live.
	They probably just used him like promo.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he just never showed up.
	That's like Boss Man D'Lo was supposed to come on the pod and fucking just bailed 20 minutes after.
	He's like, I ain't coming.
	Thanks, man.
	Thanks for the heads up.
	Thank you, boss.
	Thanks, man, dude.
	There he is.
	You've been demoted to assistant boss, brother.
	I'll still listen to your music, but not for two weeks.
	Yeah, that was the first couple of those.
	I saw D12.
	I saw Eminem and D12.
	Wow, now she's listening to a lot of rap stuff and some Gwen Sifani.
	Dude, I remember we had a fashion show at our school and some girl sang Jewel and played the piano.
	And I just never like, I don't think had a, I never really, no woman ever really spoken nicely to me, I don't think.
	And it was like, I just didn't even know what was going on.
	It was emotional.
	Yes.
	And I remember fucking bawling and then somebody yelled out, f ⁇ .
	And I was like, holy shit.
	Shit, dude.
	Let me get these tears off of you.
	I was like, I'm only crying because I'm thirsty.
	And then I just fucking drank a bunch of it off my own face.
	It's like, oh, yeah, yeah.
	That's actually more manly.
	Yeah.
	Thirsty.
	And then you know what else I saw?
	I saw, and then the other end of the spectrum was my buddy John Marticius took me to see Bella Fleck, the Jam Band World, String Cheese, all those guys.
	I got to see all that stuff.
	So I touched a lot of bases.
	I just wanted to go to live shows.
	I loved live shows.
	I'd go to almost any live show.
	Like if someone was like, we're going to a live concert, this band is playing, you know, blah, blah, blah, Aragon Ball or whatever.
	Okay.
	I didn't even think twice.
	I would go just because I was like, this is an opportunity to go goof off and disappear with friends into the night.
	Yeah.
	I wasn't really picky.
	Now, which is crazy, I wish I should go to more shows.
	I don't go to as many shows because we work in entertainment.
	It's hard.
	You work at nights when shows happen.
	It's tough.
	It's just hard.
	I was just looking today.
	I was like, what shows can I go to?
	See, I saw Red Clay Strays recently.
	They're great if you get to see them.
	Dude, I remember, yeah, we got so, I think we went to City 311 a couple times when I was in school.
	You know, that was always fun.
	They were phenomenal, man.
	And we went, I got, we were leaving.
	Oh, yeah, we were leaving.
	I fucking drilled some dude with my car, right?
	Hit his car.
	Oh, I thought you said hit the guy.
	No, thank God.
	He was in his car when I hit him.
	Get out of my car, run up to his window.
	He goes, dude, I'm so sorry, dude.
	He was so fucked up.
	He fucking thought he hit me.
	Apologize to you.
	Dude, my bad.
	You're like, yes.
	You're bad.
	Dude, you got to fucking.
	You got to be careful, bud.
	Bro, these streets are small, dude.
	And I went and got back in my car and took off.
	Fuck, that dude was fucked up.
	Another time I went to Green Day Deadline to have been the first show I ever saw.
	The opening band for them, I was so high, I thought the opening band was Green Day.
	Sang every Green Day song while the opening band was up there.
	I think it was like Rusted Rooters.
	I don't know who it was, right?
	Sang all, and then fucking was ready to leave.
	My buddy's like, dude, they're not even on yet.
	Another time.
	You already had that Green Day show.
	Somebody gave me some fucking, somebody gave me some fucking raccoon pills or something.
	And I was just fucking out there raccooning, you know, and I fucking couldn't see anymore.
	So I could only see with my hands, right?
	And so I wandered to the back and started feeling on a cop.
	He fucking let me leave.
	And then what else Happened good at a concert.
	Oh, there was one thing I was going to tell you.
	Oh, dude.
	So the other night I'm in Las Vegas and my brother came, right?
	And it was fun.
	We had a great time.
	And then afterwards, there's a restaurant in the wind called Delilah, right?
	It's like a nice place.
	Yeah, yeah, I've been there.
	It's like the F. Scott's Fitzgerald's vibe.
	You know, it's pretty cool.
	So we sit in there and Fat Joe was in there.
	So he goes on stage, Joey Crack, right?
	Terra Squad.
	Love him.
	And at first, like, it's going pretty good.
	You know, some people are kind of into it.
	Some people aren't.
	I'm standing up, like, kind of singing and cheering stuff because a friend of mine loves Fat Joe and they're close.
	And so I wanted to be respectful, right?
	But some people are in there being a little bit too cool.
	But then he's like, play another one, man.
	And they fucking play.
	And then people are like, oh, shit, he did that song too.
	And then it kept fucking stacking up.
	Then he, next thing you know, because it was NBA Summer League or something going on there.
	So the play starts getting packed.
	He's been on stage for like 25 minutes.
	Then Jaw Rules and there.
	He fucking brings Ja Rule up, baby.
	Damn.
	So that, then Acon is fucking, they were like, damn, Akon.
	He's out of prison.
	I thought he got deported, dude.
	And he fucking pulls him up, dude.
	He got a work release for him for about 10 minutes, brings him up on stage.
	By the end, dude, Fat Joe, it was unbelievable, bro.
	What a show.
	It was unexpected.
	No, you didn't know he was going on.
	No.
	Oh, that's wild.
	When that kind of stuff happens, that's unbelievable.
	When they're like, yeah, we'll just, I guess we'll just play a song.
	Yeah.
	And someone shows up.
	Someone shows up.
	I've heard about these, this is like lore to me.
	I've only been at shows that are, you know, supposed to happen.
	I've never been lucky with like, dude, and then it just turned into a concert.
	Yeah.
	Lucky boy.
	Before you get out of here, people see you with the Kelseys all the time.
	What's their life like now?
	Do you know any from when you first met them, kind of, do things seem any different?
	They're definitely, you know, it's fame and popularity are interesting and kind of scary.
	So scary and weird.
	I mean, I met Travis a while ago.
	Jason, I'm new to know.
	I met him through Travis.
	And Travis is, I've said this before, and I mean it.
	He's been the same since I met him.
	If I texted him now and said joking around about something, he would joke just as we were back then.
	I think, you know, he's much more, he's much busier now than he's ever been because of his life and his growth and his career and then the confluence of him dating the most famous woman on earth is wild.
	But he's 100% the same cat.
	I mean, like, it's, it's, I, I don't think I've ever experienced it that level where he's the same guy.
	Same guy.
	And he's bigger than he's ever been.
	But I don't know, man.
	He's been, he's always kind of been that dude.
	And I think he wasn't going to let this change him.
	I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.
	I'm not smart enough to understand.
	Well, it's probably a good thing.
	I would hope so.
	He's probably in that league, too.
	It's like, you know what I'm saying?
	But it's like a different kind of stardom now.
	It's weird.
	Oh, that's true.
	And it's critical.
	It's crazy critical for no reason.
	You know, like the fans are, they pick apart everything you wear, everything you do, everything you say in that Taylor Swift world.
	So it's, I know, thank you.
	I don't want that kind of.
	We already get enough criticism as comics.
	And most of the time, it's like, what do you do?
	We're fucking around.
	Like we're joking.
	But with him, it's got to be its poignancy.
	It's like everything has to be legitimized and talked about.
	And I don't know how he handles it, but he does it really well.
	I think also he doesn't give a shit because he's just enjoying life.
	Do you think he's a government op?
	There's been a lot of people that say that, you know?
	He has been coerced by the government many times to try to join forces and he refuses.
	From what I know, every time he calls me, they offer him something to try to be a part of – he's been offered to be – 100%.
	He will not.
	Absolutely not.
	No chance.
	We're not doing that.
	They asked him to move to Brussels for a little while, the government, and he wouldn't do that.
	So he's never really gone through with it because there's no amount of money you could convince him.
	And he's not going to do it.
	He'll stand his ground.
	Kelsey is not going to work for the government.
	He's a stand-your-ground guy.
	He's a stand-your-ground guy.
	Stand your ground.
	He's a fight guy.
	He is.
	Fight, fight, fight.
	That was crazy, wasn't it?
	It's amazing.
	If I get shot, dude, I'm out, bro.
	I'm crawling out.
	Even my ear.
	As small as my ear the whole time.
	I'm crying my ear.
	My ear.
	I'm certainly not fight.
	That's a new level of bravery.
	No, I will just post fight on Twitter.
	I wouldn't even.
	That's what Twitter's for.
	Twitter is for when you get shot, then you say.
	Yeah.
	I wish they would.
	Yeah.
	Try me one more time.
	Yeah, I'm not saying fight out loud.
	That's just begging for another person.
	Do you see that home run derby winner?
	Let's get you out of here.
	Who was that guy?
	Who won it?
	Titan Zane.
	And it's a child?
	That's a phenomenal name.
	Titan Zane.
	Titan Zane.
	That is an incredible name, dude.
	Yeah, you better be good at something, though.
	Six-year-old Titan Zane.
	Look at the size of that guy.
	Whoa, dude.
	And that's a woman?
	My god.
	That's a guy.
	Wow.
	Jesus Christ.
	Holy shit, dude.
	And look at the kids next to him.
	They're a quarter of his size.
	Damn, dude, that's incredible.
	Titan Zane, bro.
	The turn is amazing.
	Look at the turn.
	The hips.
	Oh.
	Belt facing the target.
	It's all hip, dude.
	That's all hips, dude.
	Wow, those end up.
	Same height as Bobby, too, which is crazy.
	Yeah, same weight, same height and weight.
	Let me see that clip again of him swinging.
	I used to call him Blobby Lee.
	That was the saddest.
	It was mean, but it was true.
	Oh, Titan Zane.
	The name is great.
	Oh.
	He was reaching for the stars.
	You know this guy, man.
	He was getting.
	That kid is scared.
	You see that kid step back.
	He couldn't handle it.
	Titan Zane.
	Dude.
	That's uncrustable is at its finest right there, baby.
	Oh, that's all fun.
	Look at that, bro.
	Look at that freaking.
	Sad.
	Good for that kid, man.
	St. Louis Pinto Tournament.
	Home Run Derby.
	Titan Zane.
	Good for you, TZ.
	That's you got to adopt, dude.
	TZ.
	I would adopt 100%.
	Get a Polynesian.
	I'm looking for one.
	What brand do you go if you adopt, man?
	What do you got?
	Islands.
	Islands.
	Got to get an island.
	Yeah.
	Just because that little guitar they come with.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	It's part of the package.
	But you got to buy more strings.
	They break them often.
	Well, the craziest thing is, it's like they take the biggest guy.
	Little guitar.
	That's poetry, baby.
	That's poetry.
	That's beautiful poetry.
	It's art.
	It really is.
	You don't get to see it much.
	New tour, freeze peach.
	Freeze peach tour.
	New tour.
	I'm doing 20 some odd cities.
	Hell yeah.
	Are you going to Chicago?
	Yeah, playing Chicago theater.
	I think I'm not doing that till the new year.
	I think I'm in Yanuar.
	So some in the fall, some in the spring?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I tour through.
	I go through from September to February, and then I end the February in Minnesota, Minneapolis.
	And Bad Friends isn't, you guys are just, you guys are banking some episodes.
	Yeah, we're going to do Australia.
	We're touring in Australia in the middle of my tour.
	And then we both are going to, he's going to shoot something.
	I'm gone.
	He's getting popular again.
	He had dinner last night with, or not dinner, they met up Michael Bay.
	Michael Bay wanted to meet up with him.
	Really?
	Yeah, Michael Bay to hash some old beef.
	Michael Bay had some beef with him.
	Apparently he had said something on the pod, and Michael Bay was like, I want to set the record straight.
	So they met last night.
	Some Mongolian beef, huh?
	Yeah, dude, some beef and broccoli.
	This guy, I'll show you the picture.
	It was pretty impressive, by the way.
	He said to me, he was nervous.
	He was nervous.
	But here, that's him and Michael.
	No way, that's Michael Bay.
	Yeah.
	And who's that little fucking?
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I don't know if anyway, he talked about it on Rogan.
	was the problem.
	Michael heard about it and was like Somebody called him that?
	He said.
	And it wasn't one of us?
	No, well, it was.
	I think he just heard it wrong.
	We might have said it.
	Michael Bay produced it.
	He directed it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And action.
	Let's do it again.
	Yeah, we did it like seven or eight times.
	Can you believe Michael Bay said that to him?
	No way.
	No, he didn't say it to him.
	That's why I think that's inflated.
	But he met with him last night, so I wonder.
	After this, we're meeting up.
	So I want to hear what he said.
	I'm curious to know how he directed his feelings.
	Oh, yeah.
	Look, I've got a dumpling of steam with you, Bobby.
	You know, we're going to get to the bottom of this.
	I want to come and do Bad Friends, man.
	Got it, man.
	I'd love to.
	I appreciate it.
	Anytime, I would love to have you.
	Thank you for having me.
	Yeah, I'm glad we both went to this.
	It was amazing, man.
	One of the best shows.
	And if you have a chance, I don't know when this comes out, but they only got a couple weeks left of the tour.
	I think they end second week of August or something like that.
	They don't have much left.
	Yeah, I think they're on break for a little bit, and then they have one more week in Vegas, I think.
	Yeah, they do a couple back-to-backs.
	And then inside tip, if you are a dead and company fan or a dead fan at all, the rumor is that there is no plans to do it again.
	So who knows?
	This could be one of the last times.
	I mean, who knows?
	Might not be, might be.
	Yeah, August.
	There you go.
	That second week of August.
	And then that's it, baby.
	That's crazy.
	One, two, three, eight, nine, ten.
	She gone.
	She gang.
	She gone.
	Congratulations on everything, dude.
	Yeah, I feel fortunate that we've gotten to be able to work in the same field together.
	Yeah, me too, man.
	It's been amazing.
	And I want to keep seeing you shoot up in this space.
	And it'd be fun.
	Well, as long as I just want to shoot over there to bad friends and enjoy you guys.
	Come through.
	Yeah, we want to have you come through.
	And to settle it all.
	Because, you know, Bobby, if there was, there was a chance I was going to be the bad friend.
	I heard, yeah.
	To the grapevine.
	And Bobby, you know, I know he's not here.
	You know, he, I'm not going to say he led me on or whatever, but I was just.
	He does lead everybody on.
	Does he?
	Yeah.
	He's a, yeah.
	Which is ironic because he's a follower, not a leader.
	He leads people on, but he's much of a follower.
	Well, he led the right guy and you guys' choice, man.
	I love you.
	I appreciate you.
	Love you too.
	Thanks, Andrew.
	Thank you, man.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
	I can feel it in my bones.

▲