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May 20, 2024 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:00:12

E504 Matt McCusker

Matt McCusker is a stand-up comedian and podcaster known for his show “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast” with co-host Shane Gillis. His first special “The Speed of Light” is available on YouTube, and you can catch him on tour this summer. Matt McCusker joins Theo to chat about what it was like growing up as “Fat Matt” in Philly, his old life of committing (non-violent) crimes, his first failed attempt at going straight, the black wife effect, America’s lifeguard shortage, how being a dad changed him for the better, and much more. Matt McCusker: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/?hl=en ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: PrizePicks: Download the Prize Picks app and use CODE: THEO. Prize Picks will match your deposit up to $100. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO at checkout to try BlueChew for free - just pay $5 shipping! Babbel: Go to http://babbel.com/theo to get up to 60% off your subscription. Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, visit https://forthepeople.com/thispastweekend or dial Pound LAW (#529). Their fee is free unless they win. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	I have some new tour dates to announce.
	I will be in Cork, Ireland on June 9th at Live at the Marquee.
	Tickets for this show go on sale Tuesday, May 21st at 2 p.m.
	local time.
	We also have tickets remaining in New York, New York on May 31st, Belfast, UK on June 6th, London, June 16th, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas, Nevada.
	We will be down there on July 5th and 6th for the 4th of July weekend.
	Get all your tickets at theova.com slash T-O-U-R.
	And thank you so much for your support.
	Today's guest is a comedian.
	He's a podcaster.
	He's the co-host of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.
	He has a special that just premiered last year called The Speed of Light.
	He's touring now everywhere.
	I'm grateful to get to spend time with him.
	Today's guest is Matt McCusker.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine that light on me Shine on me.
	I love you.
	I love you.
	Well, what have you been watching?
	You've been watching NBA Finals or War in Gaza?
	More War in Gaza, honestly.
	I haven't caught a lot of the finals.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, I'm being bombarded with the footage of the war.
	Opinions about it.
	Everyone, people have a different take.
	Yeah, people have, I guess, a lot of different takes over there.
	I don't even know what inning it is in.
	I think it's in overtime.
	I think they've been going for a while.
	Yeah, it seems like it's kind of, yeah, you feel like a referee would step in and mitigate it because it feels like it's like a 10-run rule genocide over there.
	Yeah, that's like the popular opinion that they're being totally genocided.
	They throw out the kids and you're like, damn, that's terrible.
	But then you get people going, hey, why can't Israel defend itself?
	And you go, all right, that's a fair point too.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, that's definitely a fair point.
	Yeah, I have no idea, man.
	I think it's awful.
	And it's like, I hear a lot of people talk about it with certainty.
	And I'm like, yeah, sure.
	Anytime I watch a video about pro-Palestine, I'm like, okay, I see that.
	And then we had RFK on our podcast yesterday.
	And he was like, actually, Israel rules.
	And we're like, okay, those are good points too.
	But it's very bad from what I understand.
	The footage I see is really bad.
	And, you know, I just, I hope they can figure it out.
	But it looks like they're going to have to, a lot more people are going to have to die.
	And then they're going to maybe figure it out.
	Because the U.S. could shut it down, couldn't they?
	It seems like we could.
	Yeah.
	It seems like we could jump in and shut it down, you know?
	But we fund Israel.
	I just don't like that Netanyahu.
	I don't trust that Netanyahu guy.
	Yeah, he's a shady character.
	That guy seems like a just a just, yeah, like a control pervert or something.
	Yeah, he seems like a, like for real, a bad guy.
	He seems like a real deal bad guy.
	As soon as you just look at him like, oh, that's the bad guy.
	If you asked a four-year-old, right, like, who's the bad guy here?
	They would immediately bulk out that dude.
	Also, whenever someone's been the president for like 27 years, that's usually the case where it's like, all right.
	The U.S. should go to war with both of them.
	We should start bombing Israel and Palestine until they both stop.
	Maybe.
	I don't know.
	I'm spitballed.
	I'm spitballing.
	I think I've always thought we should give Mississippi to Palestine.
	That's not bad.
	One of them's going to get Mississippi.
	Loser gets Mississippi.
	Or, you know what I'm saying?
	Give Palestine a place here, you know?
	That'd be cool.
	I'd be down with that.
	Because then at least the people would have a place to be, you know, where they could not be in competition, I guess, with their neighbors and live at peace, you know?
	But yeah, I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I don't know a ton about it.
	I just feel like a certain way, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I watched Norman Finkelstein and I'm like, holy shit, this guy.
	And I'm like, he's Jewish.
	He's got the inside track.
	And then I watch people talk about him like he's a piece of shit.
	And it's like, dude, it's a bad thing.
	The student protests are crazy, too.
	Then you have peace demonstrations that fight each other over the issue.
	And it's like, it's kind of LARPing.
	Like when the college kids start like, it's the new Renaissance fair kind of.
	I mean, I hate, you know, I don't mean, and I don't mean like belittled like that.
	But then it's like, and then the craziest part was at Ole Miss, they started yelling USA.
	It's like.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Which side was yelling USA?
	Oh, the frat boys.
	The frat boys came in and don't bring any of this shit around here.
	They're kind of playing risk in real life.
	They were America.
	They came in like, yeah, dude, fuck, don't touch the flag.
	America rules.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think when people start taking down the flag, I guess that makes total sense, too.
	Yeah, you can fight about anything, really.
	That's one thing.
	To go to like a news story and just be like, all right, I'm this team.
	I'm going to fight these guys.
	I think sometimes you think, oh, maybe we're past war, but maybe that's just a side effect of living in America and not realizing that a lot of people still live in a lot of conflict.
	Yeah, no, it does.
	It seems more and more ridiculous.
	It seems like back in the day, it was normal, at least back then, like slavery was a worldwide institution that everyone was like, yeah, this is just how it is.
	And I wonder if war is going to become that in like 50 years where it's like, dude, you guys are going to war.
	It's like, oh, that's shitty.
	It's like, we didn't know.
	Because it is, it's insane.
	But it's like if someone attacks you, you have to attack them back to stop them from attacking you.
	So it's one of those things that's hard.
	It's hard to stop.
	It'd be nice, but it does seem more and more ridiculous, especially when you have like the politicians who are like, we got to love everyone.
	We need to like include marginalized.
	And they're like, go bomb the fuck out of those guys.
	You're like, all right, that's for sure.
	That's a weird change of pace, but yeah.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Yeah.
	You start to realize like, oh, this, it's all a bunch of bullshit, kind of.
	It's all like, yeah, I don't even know what I'm trying.
	It's like.
	No, it's absurd.
	War is becoming absurd now Because it's just kind of like you can see why it's happening.
	I feel like it used to used to be this mirage, like we're fighting for the country and stuff.
	And now it's like, well, now people are like, what do you mean?
	You don't even care about our country.
	Like, our government's just letting millions of people in.
	Eric Adams just said that they should let illegal immigrants.
	This is the fucking most insane thing I've ever heard.
	He said they should let illegal immigrants be lifeguards at pools, which is a job that is apparently in high demand because we don't have enough people doing the job.
	That's, I mean, dude, I had a community pool in Philly that it would get shut down because there were no lifeguards and used to drive me crazy.
	Oh.
	So it's a real thing.
	There are, there is, weirdly, there's a lack of lifeguards.
	And like, at least in Philadelphia, they were hard to come across.
	I mean, it's pretty funny.
	But you said because they're excellent swimmers?
	That states, those jobs that we are in high demand, we could expedite.
	How do we have a large body of people that are in our city and country that are excellent swimmers?
	And at the same time, we need lifeguards.
	And the only obstacle is that we won't give them the right operator to become a lifeguard.
	So you're saying illegal aliens are great swimmers?
	That's kind of like a setup for a pretty easy joke about, you know, Mexican dudes.
	Well, Mexican, not Mexican.
	They didn't, like, there's not even, it's all desert.
	I mean, I could see maybe Cubans.
	I could see Puerto Ricans, maybe Nova Scotians or somebody that would have to swim here.
	But.
	Well, that's the joke.
	Isn't that the joke, though?
	Mexican dudes to say they swam here across some river.
	But I mean, I would say.
	I don't, did they?
	I think so.
	But what could it be?
	I could be wrong.
	I could be.
	Oh, the Rio Grande?
	Yeah.
	I think that's like the final, like in the Oregon Trail when you have to do that final river.
	Yeah, I think that's the final thing they got to do.
	Well, that's not, that's like knee deep.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, maybe that is the final thing.
	There's some of them congratulating their friends.
	Yeah, they got to put out like an inner city Baywatch as like lifeguard propaganda to get people stoked on lifeguarding again.
	Dude, yeah, why don't we have a Mexican Baywatch and big breasty lifeguards?
	That's what I'm saying.
	That was when lifeguarding was cool.
	Now nobody wants to be a lifeguard because it's kind of like, you know, it's not as cool as it was.
	Pam Anderson, they could have, yeah, just like a bunch of band-aids floating in the pool.
	It'd be tight.
	Dude, I would go run across a border every day and just fucking start drowning, get some CPR.
	True, dude, dude.
	They got to fire something up because it does suck when you want to go to a pool in your neighborhood and they're like, oh, we're closed.
	And you're like, why?
	Like, we don't have lifeguards.
	And you're like, dude, are you fucking serious?
	But how do you not have a lifeguard?
	Usually they would let a 15-year-old or 16-year-old kid who was taller than some of the other kids and he took a CPR class or learned it online.
	They would let him be the lifeguard.
	How was that?
	When did that stop?
	I don't know.
	I think it's still his kids.
	I think they just don't want to work, I guess.
	I don't know what it is because it's an easy, it's a cake job, dude.
	You're just sitting there on the high chair blocking.
	No, I've just, I've watched them.
	I've been watching them for a long time, but it's like, it seems easy.
	You just chose in a pool, it's easy.
	The ocean is real.
	Pool, it's like, dude, just keep an eye.
	Make sure nobody drowns.
	Oh, yeah.
	Pool.
	That guy wasn't watching kids.
	A lot of times it seemed like he was just trying to smash like any chicks or moms or whatever.
	Like there'd be four drowning kids and he'd be lightly over there fucking just doing chest compressions on a divorce.
	That's the perks of the job.
	That's crazy.
	Kids don't want to do that.
	It's probably like 15 bucks an hour hooking up with moms.
	Sunshine.
	And it's the best your body is probably the healthiest you're going to be.
	Yeah.
	You still have exosome.
	You still have like cord blood in your system or whatever.
	Yeah, man.
	You got the young, yeah, like the platelets and all that stuff.
	Yeah, and you can also do that thing where everyone has to, like public pools, everyone has to get out for some reason.
	They'll be like on like every hour, like everyone out of the pool.
	Yeah, for no one.
	Everyone gets back in.
	So you could like start letting a couple lady, like you guys stay, you guys out.
	Yeah, like a water bouncer kind of.
	Yeah.
	Hot chicks in first, you know?
	Yeah.
	And then at that age, you were so prime.
	You could just point at your dick and it would ejaculate, you know?
	Yeah.
	When you were like 15. Yeah.
	You're doing like, they're like, at least the ones on the beach, they do like insane conditioning, too.
	Yeah.
	So, yeah, man, they could, you could be, you're jacked, you're ripped.
	I think kids just aren't jacked that, they're not as jacked anymore, so they're probably ashamed of their bodies.
	Yeah.
	They're pale and kind of like, you know, not as ripped as they were before.
	We think so?
	Yeah.
	Kids are not ripped like they were.
	They all wear fucking shirts now.
	Every little kid at the beach wears a fucking sun protective shirt.
	It's like, let me see your pecs.
	I'm trying to see how they're built.
	I want to make sure we're not.
	I'm not meditating at the beach.
	There's a picture of a kid I met years ago, and we kept in touch over letter.
	We've been pin pal years, yeah.
	What was he wearing?
	Oh, he wasn't wearing much.
	He was kind of a thicker kid.
	I think one of his parents had passed away.
	Oh, damn.
	If you find it, bring it up.
	There we go.
	And that kid was like nine, one of those big kids.
	Big nine years.
	That's good, though.
	That's his cocoon.
	He's about to totally morph.
	Who's the dude?
	That's me, buddy.
	What?
	Yeah.
	Bro, when was this?
	That's back when you could wear what you wanted before the government said everything.
	When was, dude, you look great, man.
	Thanks, dude.
	See, that's what I'm saying.
	Like, that kid should be more ripped than you just by laws of nature.
	I mean, again, I'm not shaming him, obviously.
	I was a fat young kid, too.
	Oh, that kid ripped into some cookies, dude.
	That dude was a fucking snack baddie.
	He was a little fucking snack serpent.
	Were you fat when you were younger?
	No, I was fat.
	I remember there was like one fall or something.
	Everybody in our town got fat or something.
	I think something bad happened.
	And then everybody got fat.
	And then like in the spring, everybody like kind of thinned out.
	Yeah.
	Seventh grade is like peak fat.
	Seventh grade for kids, you get like really fat, and then puberty kind of like shoots you up.
	Yeah, did you go through a thicker time in your life?
	Yeah, I was pretty chubby.
	I wanted To play football and I stopped growing, so I was like, I'm just going to get huge.
	So, I did like the gallon of milk a day thing in like eighth grade, going into ninth, and I just got fat as hell.
	I was like super fat.
	I just got fat, and I got cut from the football team.
	Yeah, you're just drinking a gallon of milk a day, dude.
	You're a newborn.
	That's they used to say that if you drink a gallon of milk a day, you just put on tons of masks.
	Now, you know the Cozy Shack rice puddings?
	They're these big tubs of rice pudding.
	I would crush one of those every day.
	Bring up a couple rice puddings.
	Dude, Cozy Shack, that was my shit.
	I used to crush them in class.
	I got really big.
	I just wasn't tall enough.
	I played DN, and then I stopped growing.
	I'm 5'10.
	Yeah, those things, man.
	God damn it, man.
	Were they good?
	Yeah, they're so good.
	You guys ever eat Cozy Shack?
	It's good, man.
	I used to crush a tub.
	It was like nine servings, and I would sit there in class and put it down.
	They called me Fat Matt.
	I had like a serious fat period.
	Really?
	But I did own it.
	I really owned it.
	My screen name, my AOL screen name was Fat Matt.
	Oh.
	And I got kicked off of AOL because I had written something.
	It was like a rap lyric about gun violence in a chat room.
	It was just like a Beastie Boy song.
	And then Columbine happened the next day.
	So someone reported my day before post as like Goad and Columbine.
	I didn't do that.
	So I got kicked off AOL.
	I got reported.
	My parents kicked me off AOL.
	And then I came back.
	I got kicked off like a year.
	At least I think my parents restricted me for that long.
	I came back.
	Really?
	New screen name, Fat Matt Strikes Back.
	I came back.
	Yeah, I came back.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like the Jedi or whatever.
	Return of the Fed Eye.
	See, I did.
	I got kicked off of AOL, man.
	Sucked.
	That was the shit.
	After school, just putting up your chats.
	There's the girls in your class.
	You'd be like, yo, what's up?
	You did that.
	You didn't do the AOL chat, the Instant Messenger?
	No, I don't know what I did.
	I used to just went home and felt bad about myself for a couple hours.
	But yeah, I would have probably rather do it online to other people.
	But then we started this podcast.
	That's how we do it now.
	Well, you could go back then.
	You would do an Instant Messenger when it was time for dinner.
	You put like an away message.
	You'd be like, you come up with something cool.
	Like, yo, I'm not here right now.
	I'll be back.
	At the mall.
	Yeah.
	At the mall.
	Did you crush the mall too when you were younger?
	Have to go to work.
	Dude, we used to go camp outside of the mall because it was about maybe, the mall was probably 17 miles away.
	It was kind of near this pizza hut.
	And we would go camp out there.
	So we'd go on Saturday, bring a tent, camp out, and go back in Sunday morning and just do everything that they had in there.
	They had all types of shops for a while.
	They had a, what was that one that had all the stuff for like kids kind of like or like weird shit?
	It would have like a lava lamp and then like pride flag.
	Yeah.
	Spencer's, yeah.
	Yeah.
	You can get like a dildo.
	They just sold like dildos and lava lamps and like attitude posters and shit.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It was like, you can do it, you know, and then to be a dildo.
	And you're like, that isn't even, what is this about?
	You can get like the small pecker condom, which was like a teeny, tiny condom and like handed to someone.
	They'd be like, oh, dude, what the fuck?
	Yeah.
	Why'd you do this to me?
	It was the worst.
	Yeah.
	Or you could get like a condom that had like pepper on it.
	Just shit that was like, you know, and you'd see somebody cutting one up into like a bowl of chili.
	Like nobody knew how you used some of the products there, dude.
	Yes, Bencer's was like black light alien posters, like wildly sexual gifts.
	Yeah.
	And yeah, it was the.
	It did well, man.
	That store was around forever.
	They had, I believe they had some racial gifts too.
	I would imagine.
	One time I saw a hat there.
	I remember this anyway.
	I saw a hat.
	It said the N-word on the front, right?
	On the back, it said just joking across the back.
	And I'm like, first of all, and we're like trying them on or whatever.
	And I'm like, the odds of, first of all, if someone sees a front, they're going to get pissed, right?
	The last thing you want to do to that person is show them the back.
	Turn your back to them, dude.
	They're going to beat them.
	Mid punch like, oh, shit, my bad.
	I know you're just fucking around.
	Dude, that's crazy.
	Yeah.
	What happened to Spencer's?
	Let's find that out because that is.
	I feel like they got bought by Hot Topic, maybe.
	I feel like that also sounds like just two gay dudes that fall like, hey, Spencer and Hot Topic are fucking, you know, flailing it out over there.
	I used to work in the mall.
	It's like a for real.
	It's like a subculture.
	If you're a mall employee, you talk to the other mall employees and you guys trade discounts with each other.
	I worked at a candy stand in the mall for like three months.
	I had a bad I want to know more about it.
	I want to know what happened to Spencer's real quick, just so we can.
	Go ahead, please, please, please.
	Spencer's Gifts was founded in 1947 in Easton, Pennsylvania by Max Spencer as a mail order catalog, which sold an assortment of novelty merchandise.
	Wow.
	The company moved all mail order and fulfillment operations to Atlantic City, New Jersey in 1960.
	They still have 650 stores.
	Wow.
	Whoa.
	Seagram bought them.
	Oh, they acquired Halloween, Halloween.
	Spirit of Halloween, which was a seasonal retailer.
	That all makes sense.
	Spirit of Halloween's are a nice hustle.
	You open up for like three months, make like probably $70,000 and just shut them down.
	Yeah.
	I've been peeping those out for a while.
	Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting into something like that.
	That would be nice, man.
	They're cheap.
	They cost nothing.
	You can use them year after year.
	They don't spoil.
	Yeah, but then you have a garage full of Freddy masks all year and you can't park in your, in order to park your car.
	You need a big storage space.
	It is fucked up to have that many Freddy masks.
	That many bloody plastic butcher knives.
	True, that would be kind of.
	Damn, worst part is you can imagine you coming in, you're drunk a little bit, right?
	Or pilled up or whatever.
	People in your family are pilled up or your pilled up son drives into the driveway, right?
	He hits a couple of the boxes, dude.
	And one of the boxes is those ghosts that's like, woohoo!
	That might scare you.
	And the whole fucking box just starts making that sound.
	Oh my God, that'd be terrible.
	Get the mash.
	Just emotion activated.
	The chorus of the car hits a box and it fucking just activated it, dude.
	And it's like 40 of those bats just singing the graveyard smash.
	Dude, if you can't, especially like a lot of warehouses, you know, businesses go out of business.
	And then it's like, if you're like renting warehouses, they're always full of like a shit of a failed business.
	So you could be like a dark warehouse by yourself and like, what is this stuff?
	Yeah.
	And you just get motion activated on like 25 green-eyed cats.
	Businesses are fucking gay, dude.
	I think, honestly.
	Yeah, they suck.
	They do suck.
	Think about it, dude.
	They are.
	Yeah.
	dude i was totally when i was younger i was completely anti-business i would work retail and i would steal unfortunately i would never do that now but i used to steal badly from if i liked the person i wouldn't steal if they were mean i'd be like all right then we'll see about this and i could figure every place has like a giant loophole on the cash register like if you there would be like a thing where it's like free baby cone if like a baby comes up give them a free cone but if anything rang up to exactly like twenty dollars or twenty five where you didn't have to make change you can just hit free baby cone and then when you go to go to the register just
	crumple it all up and like stuff it in your shoe it was bad it was yeah it was very bad i feel bad about that um have you ever gone and made peace with those people or seeked them out no because they were my enemies they were for real were my enemies so oh yeah what kind of place was it one ice cream shop brewsters well the manager they were great they were fine the the candy place they were for real dickheads they came they only wanted high school girls working there and then there was a manager who did a bunch of the place the place was
	called like scooped nuts which is kind of funny but the uh there there was this lady hired me she had like put in sweat equity all this stuff and uh and she was saying like they were trying to like get rid of her you know again it's all allegedly blah blah i don't want i don't want the scoop nuts franchise to attack me but finally it's all rumors it's all rumors but finally the owners came in and they were just being like who's who hired you why are you here i was like look i'm matt yeah dude like i'm trying to make money i'm trying to make a living like everybody else dude i need gas money and then from then on because when i thought
	the lady owned it i was straight as an arrow and those two dudes came they were like the lady was like they're me you know this sucks this is bullshit i'm so sorry i was like no problem i knew my time was limited so i've i cashed up big time yeah how much did you take from him you think or allegedly take from if you even did it i mean it would have been at the time it seemed crazy because i would leave with like 70 bucks a shift and be like holy fuck that's a lot i was crushing them i was i was getting after i was getting after because that register you just typed up you weighed it and typed the amount so i'd be like it would weigh at a certain thing and
	i was just taxing it who would order 70 bucks worth of nuts and album it wouldn't be it'd be like everything was five to ten bucks but then i could just be like 250 i could just type it in the register baby come baby come baby come cut the fucking weight in half too i feel bad if i if they ever reached out i'd obviously just say it to them now you can talk right under that camera i i got it man i i probably owe them like 500 bucks which in high school is a lot if you're rolling it's an insane amount of money that's what i'm saying back then now that's like almost 20 30 000.
	true with inflate you fucking i bought a house i bought my first house off you have a boat it says nuts scoop on the back of it that's the name of it but they you know they were probably fine guys i was just getting information you know when you're 17 you don't know what the's going on yeah so but yeah i i unfortunately know if you should steal or not yeah i was bad on that that was my fault that was for real that was a weakness of mine theft was a weakness dude i was i love to steal what was it about stealing man i would try to like let
	me think of uh some things that i stole dude i stole a buddy mine's boxer shorts ones i mean he had some nice ones right they were from like gap or something or like um i don't even know what they had i think they had um or something i think they was from gap or maybe they was made out of silk oh oh god it was nice that yeah yeah there's i had a pair of them they're nice and silk to even and yeah it must have probably took 70 000 spiders to make these boxes right like it was stunning
	and i stole them and then warmed to his house and he's like dude those are my boxes and i was like no these aren't no way dude you're crazy and then he was always like i don't know if he was gay but he was always trying to take them off of my body true that is up he was trying to do that yeah so that's how so you guys were just getting changed and he was like yo those are mine you're like yo stop looking at my dick bro this is crazy yeah he was trying to take them off me i'm like even if i'm a thief dude that doesn't mean you should be gay true two wrongs i'll make it right yeah dude so it's just that kind of
	activity in the community was kind of changing the scope in our area um i have i had a dude who i know i knew of a guy who his friend had stolen something similar his friend had stolen his favorite t-shirt or something he really liked and he stolen it and he was like give it back to me his friend wouldn't give it back he's like fuck you like they're like messing around and this dude went into his house and this the kid had a hot sister and he stole a pair of the sister's panties and then went to the dude and he was like yo you know i fucked this chick check it out and hit him hit the panties and
	he went awesome and then it was his sister i never told him yeah he's like it's so diabolical he told me i was like i mean you definitely won that battle but i was like that's that's a heavy cost that's a heavy cost to win the war and that's the kind of shit that's happening in gaza dude it needs to stop yeah we need to send force right now what the crazy thing is over there it's like i don't know i i don't know enough about it i need to have people on
	that know about it yeah but they're all the problem is usually they take one side so then you're just maybe they have one of each then they just fight dude this guy you know destiny he's on every podcast separate episodes yeah it's it's him yeah true he's on separate episodes but you get like two really fast talking guys and they just like go on these like the abraham accords of 1974 you're just kind of like i can't tell who's winning right now it's tough separate episodes i think is what i need because i want to know yeah that makes okay i thought you were saying he's on everyone yeah that uh yeah i want to have two set two two guys
	separate episodes yeah just because i want to know more about it it just feels fucked up like in my heart like if i ask my heart what's going on here it's like palace you got to free palestine i don't know how though it's like you have to or i know that's just the term but it's like yeah i don't know because it doesn't seem like they're bad guys no but then they but then there's the october 7th and that's horrible well the problem is the the hamas distinction is tough because then they the hamas they say hides within the civilian population but then the civilian population elected hamas
	but then if you like look into why it's like they got like bombed terribly so they're like all right well then fuck you right yeah man it's one of those things it's like dude and apparently there's like other genocides going on too that's not the only one oh really yeah i think so i think there's some other terrible wars going on i could be wrong but i think there's some other ones as well yeah so there's a lot there's a lot of them i think they're always going on too which is terrible oh there's one in wyoming Genocide warning in Manupur, India.
	Okay, Israel Hamas is up there.
	Genocide watch Turkey's obstruction of aid to Kurds.
	Genocide Alerts.
	This is currently from genocidealerts.com.
	That's a website.
	Who bought that?
	This is fucking unbelievable.
	Imagine if you bought that.
	What world do we live in?
	Does this show up on your whoop race or something?
	This is unbelievable that we have a website called Genocide Alerts now.
	So you wake up in the morning and you check.
	Genocide emergencies and warnings 2024.
	Current alerts.
	Israel, Hamas, and Gaza.
	Manupur, India.
	I'm looking for the PayPal link at the bottom.
	Yeah.
	That would be like send five bucks.
	We'll keep fighting these.
	Yeah, dude, there's more.
	Oh, that's 2022.
	Okay, so there's not too, too many.
	I wonder if we get accurate news about it, too, though.
	That's a thing.
	I mean, yeah, it's pretty tough, man.
	It's like coming out of usually some sort of dictatorship on one side or the other.
	Yeah, dude, I don't know what's going on.
	Like, if you ask me about Texas politics, I'm like, I don't know.
	I have no clue.
	You need to know it.
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	Matt McCusker, you're a podcaster and a comedian.
	Yeah.
	Well, you started out, obviously, working in ice cream.
	You started out working in theft.
	Theft, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It was theft.
	Ice cream, retail.
	No, I. What retail did you work out at?
	It was really just Brewsters and the candy place.
	I did, my family did construction, so I did more construction growing up, but it was like, I got a couple retail.
	I kind of did almost every, I worked in an office for a couple months, did retail, did construction, pizza delivery.
	Did pizza delivery.
	It was kind of cool.
	That was pretty chill.
	Pizza delivery was pretty crazy, dude.
	Yeah, I was delivering pizza in a bad neighborhood, too.
	And that's like scary as fuck.
	I had multiple instances where I had to like same time a pie with the cash.
	It was crazy.
	It was, yeah, it was not good.
	I used to cook.
	I was the cook, too.
	So I would cook.
	I was there by myself.
	I would cook and then I would lock the store and then go deliver a pizza and have to like think, all right, let me see that.
	And it was crazy.
	It was unbelievable.
	You're basically a one-man business.
	Why were you working for somebody else?
	It was my cousin's job.
	He started a pizza shop, dude.
	And I was like, yeah, I'll do it.
	And I had quit the office job.
	I was at a sales job and I quit that.
	I was like, dude, I can't do this anymore.
	Did you ever sell telemarketing?
	Did you ever sell like Tony Little Gazelle freestylers to people?
	My buddy used to do that.
	My buddy had to work for his dad one summer and his dad owned like a call center and he had to call and sell with this Tony Gaza.
	Oh, he was doing those.
	Dude, he had to sell Tony Little Gazelle freestylers, dude.
	And it's basically just like, it's almost like a, it's like a swing set for people who could be, and I don't like to say this word out loud, but retarded.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's a swing set.
	It's like a bi-leg, bipedal swing set for people that could be retarded.
	It's like for people that are afraid to ski, right?
	It's basically, it's like this.
	So it's like wives.
	It's like, so you can practice as a wife leaving your husband, right?
	It's like, that's how you would go, right?
	It's like every wife that wanted to leave their husband, if they were afraid, they would just get on this for an hour.
	Yeah, he would just pied piper them away.
	Yeah, that thing's crazy.
	My buddy had to cold call people and try to sell it to him.
	So, dude, but also they had numbers that would go in that people would call in and we would call in all the time.
	And he had to do like a 30-second preamble right when you called, dude.
	And we would just, he would do it.
	And we'd be like, quit!
	Did you ever do a call center?
	No, man.
	I worked at, we had a pizza place too.
	I worked at one called BJ's.
	And then there was another one, Born Again Crustians.
	It was a pizza.
	That's nice.
	It was pretty cool.
	It was like this church had started a little Italian pie area.
	Dude, I sold Italian food door to door with a dude, right?
	There was this guy my mom, they went on a date with.
	And he was like, he wasn't even Italian.
	He just had a mustache.
	Like, that's kind of the part of the South we were in.
	Like, if somebody had a mustache, they were Italian.
	We're like, what do you mean he has a cleft pat?
	Yeah.
	So, anyway, but I had to go door to door with him, and I was just like his assistant or something.
	I would get like two bucks, but he would just sell like Italian, like frozen stuff to wives or whatever.
	And then, dude, I swear sometimes I kind of remember this, he would just leave me alone for, and I know he was like talking to these why, like just like dirty business.
	But let's get into it.
	I sidetracked it.
	So, Matt.
	So that's what you were working in?
	Yeah, I was doing, you know, I grew up mainly doing construction with odd jobs.
	And then I went to school for psychology.
	And then I tried to, well, I did.
	I dropped my psychology major and then switched to business just because my friends were in business.
	So I was like, I'm going to go chill with my friends.
	So I switched my whole major to be in class with my friends.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	It wasn't good.
	It wasn't a good idea.
	Looking back on it, I'm like, damn, I fucked up.
	Because psychology is like, you got to go to school for like seven more years.
	And I was like, yeah, fuck that.
	Like, all my friends were in business.
	I'm like, I'm just going to do that.
	So I was like, I'm going to go to school for business.
	And I assumed if I went to school for business, I'd automatically make $100,000 a year.
	This is what I told myself.
	I'm like, yeah, I'll make 100 G's for sure.
	And then like 2008 came, the real estate market collapsed.
	But I, no, I started doing stand-up when I was like 23 in Philly.
	Okay.
	So I would do it.
	What I would do is I'd do stand-up for like six months and I'd be like, fuck this and stop, do it for like nine months, fuck this and stop.
	And I just did that forever and ever and ever.
	So, and then me and Shane started the podcast and I had still been doing stand-up.
	Back then, I was doing stand-up a lot.
	So I just got divorced.
	Oh, you did?
	Yeah, I made a really, when I was, when I was younger, I was like 26 or seven, I like got engaged when I was younger.
	And I was like, no more of this bullshit or funny business.
	I'm going to put my best foot forward and be a husband.
	And I just fucking failed, dude.
	Like I couldn't do it.
	I for real thought, I just thought that's what you do.
	I'm like, yeah, it's time to, you know, quit fucking around.
	I like try to get, I was like a personal trainer at LA Fitness.
	I was like selling weeds.
	Like it was bad.
	It was bad, dude.
	Damn, dude.
	It was bad.
	Wow.
	Well, you're entrepreneurial, it sounds like.
	True.
	Yeah.
	My family are all entrepreneurial.
	My dad owned his own business.
	They all did their own thing.
	So I grew up with, that was just kind of drilled into me.
	Like, you have to work for yourself.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Which is cool.
	That's kind of cool.
	Yeah.
	But they also, everyone works like working 60 hours a week was like the norm.
	My dad was always like 40 hours is part-time.
	He said, if you do 40 hours a week, you're a part-timer.
	Yeah.
	I was like, hell yeah.
	Somebody said Jesus only worked like 30 hours a week.
	Who said that?
	Huh?
	Who said that?
	Bring it up.
	I know a lot of people.
	How many hours a week did Jesus work?
	Look it up.
	30 kind of is 30. Dude, I could tell you a lot of shit, dude.
	I heard, honestly, Frederick Douglass liked dudes, bro.
	What?
	Yeah.
	And nobody wants to say that shit.
	Frederick Douglass?
	Damn, really?
	Yeah.
	Are you breaking it?
	I don't want to out the dude, but free at last.
	It took me, I had to go through like my database of people.
	I thought at first you're talking about Michael Douglas.
	And then I went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, different guy, different guy.
	Damn, he was a totally different guy.
	Possibly fucked up.
	Way different.
	He was possibly fucking dudes.
	That's crazy.
	I mean, it's not that crazy, though.
	No, it's not.
	Because think about it.
	If you're like, I'm going to do something different, I don't want to have slavery, right?
	I don't want to, I'm going to lead my people to a different direction.
	Yeah.
	And especially a lot of more men, I think.
	What percentage of slaves were males?
	That's a good point.
	I never thought about that.
	Also, he was an outside-the-box thinker.
	He was, you know.
	Right.
	So he was like, you know what else I'm like?
	Literally.
	Okay.
	Whoa.
	It's 179.
	Damn, that's like 100 females.
	It's like China.
	So that's definitely a good way to meet dudes, probably.
	Yeah.
	Sausage party.
	So yeah, the Underground Railroad was a sausage party, dude.
	That's fucking bullshit.
	I don't think we can.
	That's fucking bullshit.
	No, that's fucking bullshit.
	Yeah, that is bullshit, dude, because, yeah, that's crazy.
	The fucking Underground Railroad was a sausage party.
	Oh, I bet dudes were hooking up, bro.
	Probably, yeah, once they got, yeah.
	Especially going to like the East Coast, you get there.
	It's probably like liberal as hell back then.
	It's like liberal.
	It's probably very not at all.
	But yeah, that's fucked up.
	I didn't know the ratio was so off.
	I assumed it was one to one.
	Me too.
	Yeah, you just kind of think that.
	Isn't that funny?
	Your brain just kind of thinks that.
	Yeah, like, why?
	If you really think about that for like two more seconds, you're like, uh, what happened?
	Like, there's a reason, like, China has suppressed female births.
	You're like, how did that work out?
	You know, there's no way they were being born at that rate of male to female.
	Right.
	They just chose to suppress it.
	Yeah, that's fucked up.
	Apparently in Rome, they used to just throw babies in the trash like nothing.
	Huh.
	Sparta, there was like a badge of honor.
	If you had like, if your kid came out like a little bit defective, you were supposed to just like toss him in the trash and everyone's like, nice.
	No way.
	Because they're like, that's how we'll keep us strong.
	Yeah.
	Well.
	Shout out to the Jews.
	The Jews were people back then who were like, that's wrong.
	And they didn't do it.
	They would tell people not to do it?
	Yeah.
	They're like, you don't throw kids out like that.
	Dude, this Jewish lady used to drop her kids off at the McDonald's in our town and fucking, they would stay there all day long.
	Really?
	Dude?
	Yeah.
	Those kids were there every day.
	And I think one of them was mentally disabled.
	So people were always saying that like he dropped them off there and it wasn't cool, you know?
	Yeah, that's not nice at all.
	But I think, yeah, even a couple of someone, I think more than one of them might have been mentally disabled.
	But also most of our town was fucking mentally disabled, dude.
	Like you don't realize when other people are like mentally disabled people stay in one area and fuck, you know?
	Yeah.
	So all that's going to happen over time of that area is just like a quagmire of intellectual cul-de-sacing, you know?
	Yeah, dude.
	Especially when you find out about like Asperger's, I've come to the, well, I've actually, it was a little, it was like brought to my attention, I kind of believe my one cousin.
	I think my entire family has Asperger's.
	Like my entire, like a touch of it.
	Oh.
	And like she explained this and I was like, damn, dude, you're right.
	We all have Asperger's.
	Yeah.
	And I was like, you know, kind of, it's good to know.
	Not, you know, I'm not trying to jump on the bandwagon, But it's like, I'm talking about like just a tiny spider bite, like a little.
	We definitely just enough.
	Just enough, dude.
	Just some fucking freckles on the cerebellum.
	Yeah.
	Because when you go to family parties, it's just data dumps.
	It's just like you're sitting there, like waiting to tell someone what you're into.
	And they're like, oh, this week I actually did like, I paved a patio.
	And I'm like, oh, cool.
	Actually, my podcast.
	And we just, everyone just data dumps on each other.
	And everyone's like, all right, later.
	It goes home.
	Yeah, I feel that, dude.
	It's kind of nice.
	Yeah, it's definitely times are changing.
	Things are blurring.
	I mean, we have illegal aliens that are going to be the lifeguards at the swimming pool.
	That guy's crazy, dude.
	I almost fucking love the dude now, though.
	He's like, we have so many open lifeguard positions and hmm, so many good swimmers that are illegal.
	Dude, it's such a funny.
	Yeah, he didn't even have to go into that detail.
	He could have been like, yeah, we're going to open it up.
	Apparently, I read a book and they said we're going to have to start actually enticing immigrants once the baby boomers die, RIP, we're going to have a huge population dip.
	So our immigration policy in like 2040 will most likely be us begging immigrants to come or competing with other countries, other countries who have severe population dips.
	Like Europe, Canada, China is going to get crushed.
	We're going to be courting immigrants from like Africa and Latin America.
	Really?
	And be like, please come here.
	Yeah, that's what the guy said.
	Dude, the population dip is going to be crazy in like 40 years.
	He said there's going to be houses are just going to drop because we have so many houses.
	Once baby boomers, there's so many more baby boomers than the other generation.
	But what are you talking about?
	Because people have been saying that overpopulation is going to be an issue.
	That's the thing.
	It's not at all.
	It's not going to be whatsoever.
	Well, this is the first time I'm hearing of that.
	Yeah, it's kind of good news.
	I mean, it's kind of cool.
	Yeah, but it's also, I'm just realizing that the last time I heard it was somebody just told me it.
	And then now you're just telling me this.
	So it's like.
	I'm telling you, overpopulation is a mess.
	We're not going to.
	What are we doing right now?
	Overpopulation or underpopulation?
	According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the civilian honest Jewish population has grown at a rate of 1.1% over the past 40 years.
	Yeah, that's baby boomers.
	Okay.
	And then once they die, the developing world is still having kids like that, but all of like Canada, Europe, Asia, like no one, any developed country has maybe one to two kids per household.
	And the baby boomers are having like five.
	So you just do that math and it's just like the population just spikes.
	The brothers are smashing though, dude.
	A lot of them are definitely having some fucking kids.
	Yeah, for sure.
	There's definitely there, you know, but they're on average.
	But yeah, they're definitely, they're crushing it.
	And the Mexis are smashing, dude.
	Smashing up.
	And they should.
	Yeah.
	They should.
	Oh, definitely, dude.
	I don't know how they do it.
	Usually, if I come home from a hard day's work, the last thing I want to do is fucking smash.
	It's tough.
	I don't even want to jerk off sometimes.
	That's how sad I am.
	After a hard day of work?
	Yeah, it's like I won't even jerk myself off.
	It's like, yeah.
	But I guess it's good, probably.
	There's nothing sadder than somebody jerking off kind of.
	Yeah, it's really, it's weird, especially before work.
	Jerking off before work is just like, it's pretty tough.
	First of all, if you do that, your whoop bracelet should let the cops know.
	There's no reason.
	They track you like the COVID tracker.
	Everyone's phone dings.
	Like this guy just vapped.
	That would be terrible.
	There's no way we're far from that, though.
	Dude, once they get something in our body that can detect like, because we don't do a lot, we're hungry.
	We yerk off.
	We have cancer, right?
	It's like, we're not doing a lot of crazy shit, you know?
	They could figure, and with your phone data, I'm paranoid still because they say they're just looking, they're like tracking your facial expressions and what you're looking at at all times.
	Damn.
	Takes one rogue engineer to be like, bing, got him.
	And you're just, you're, you on your camera like, with what you're looking at just printed out and they can be like, bam.
	Oh, they watched you watch porn, you mean?
	I mean, they could.
	Apparently all of our data is being watched, but it's being watched in mass.
	But you would think, like, if I'm Zuck, I could definitely be like, okay, where is he at?
	And get like your IP address.
	And they, if you give them your IP address, they can go on your computer from their computer.
	I'm just changing mind then.
	Yeah.
	Get us a VPN, I guess.
	Yeah, but the VPNs, a lot of them were made by Facebook and those companies.
	Yeah, that makes sense.
	Remember Signal and all those?
	Like, do you ever use those burner phone apps on your phone?
	Yeah, I still use them.
	So those apparent, there was one in Europe that was like a, it was like the app to use if you're up to like no good.
	And it was just set up by the government.
	And they caught people like committing murders and ordering hitman and shit.
	It's like, yo, we got a safe line.
	I need you to kill a guy.
	And the government just collected all of it and just busted everybody.
	It makes no sense.
	It's people who sell drugs like hit me up on Signal and you're like, dude, they can get this.
	Like, no, it's cripped.
	It's encrypted.
	It's like, yeah, I guess, man.
	The craziest thing that happened on Signal, I got on a Signal one time.
	So I was like, you got to get on Signal.
	And I accidentally hit the thing where it's like, let all your contacts know you're on Signal or whatever.
	So I got for like four days.
	People were like, what are you up to?
	Just crazy shit, huh?
	It is funny to see who's turned.
	When you open Signal, you see who of your contacts are in Signal.
	You're like, all right, that's what's up.
	You just get to find out who's living kind of a CD, a little, doing something CD.
	Yeah, who's willing to who's willing to risk it all?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, there's like Signal, WeChat, but yeah, that's...
	People just have total faith in like, hit me up on Signal.
	Yeah.
	All right, man.
	But dude, imagine you're screaming for help in a pool and the guy who fucking is supposed to help you doesn't even speak English, dude.
	He thinks you're just doing a fucking TikTok dance or something.
	I mean, they'd probably be on it, though.
	They would probably jump down.
	Yeah, I mean, dude, I'm all in favor of that because I've been burnt too many times by lack of lifeguards.
	But it's just, God damn it, that it's such a strike politically.
	It's just such a strange cause.
	It's like, all right, bro, I feel you.
	We can get into lifeguarding.
	Yeah.
	But we have, where I live, there's no lifeguards.
	We have like neighborhood pools.
	No?
	No lifeguards.
	It's pretty tight.
	Yeah, going to a pool by yourself.
	Dude, I remember being at a pool by myself once and I think I got nervous or whatever.
	So I went to masturbate.
	They had like a little pool house in there, you know?
	And some guy peeked in the bathroom when I was in there.
	What?
	Yeah.
	And then I was like, oh my God, dude, made me So nervous.
	And then I had to go back out.
	It was just me and him just swimming in the pool together for a while, dude.
	Yeah, this dude would just blatantly see me masturbating in Atlanta.
	I will say, jerking off fresh out the pool kind of hits different.
	If you get out of a pool and you jerk off, it's slightly different.
	Some of it has to do with like getting a lot of sunlight and then jerking off.
	I swear by this.
	Like leaving the beach at like lunchtime.
	To jerk off?
	That's insane.
	Bracelet.
	That is hard.
	I've done it.
	I'll be honest.
	I've done it.
	It's crazy, dude.
	Your skin's all warm.
	It's nice.
	Yeah, I guess there is different cool times to do it, huh?
	Yeah.
	To a full moon, people used to do it a lot when I was growing up.
	Full moon would be nice.
	That would be definitely the day after that.
	People would be just warped.
	And just like gave it all they had.
	So how did you meet Shane?
	Because you and Shane started Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, which is last year was the highest grossing podcast on Patreon.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	It's insane.
	It's unbelievable.
	When you start them, you check the date and be like, oh, my God, oh my God.
	Then at one point, you stop checking and you see you're number one.
	You're like, what the fuck?
	It just, it's surreal.
	But we met.
	So we were both doing stand-up.
	It was 2014.
	I had won Philly's funniest.
	He comes 2015.
	So I'm like thinking I'm hot.
	A white guy, the Caitlin Clark of Philly, huh?
	Yeah.
	Well, he came in and I think he won it 2015.
	So we met in 2014.
	I just wanted, I'm like really feeling myself.
	So I'm at a show.
	It's funny because I'm like, dude, this is crazy.
	So then I go to a show above an ice cream parlor.
	So I'm just lured.
	Yeah, I'm lured it out above the ice cream parlor.
	You're leveling up, literally.
	Yeah.
	It was funny too, because I think the owner was crazy.
	It was a whole debacle.
	But so he had just moved from Harrisburg and no one knew who he was.
	So he came from Harrisburg and I'm watching him and he was headlining.
	When did he come on a horseback or something?
	I mean, the story of Shane Gillis has to be.
	Well, it was crazy because, again, never seen him ever in my life.
	Yeah.
	Watching him do stand-up in 2014.
	And I'm going, holy fuck, this dude is so fun.
	And back then, I remember specifically, he did a joke.
	I don't remember what it was exactly.
	It was a very sensitive topic.
	Lost a crowd.
	And I was like, oh, I guess he's done.
	Dude, two minutes later, crowds cracking up.
	He brought him back and I was like, whoa.
	And then we started talking after that.
	It's like that famous burr set in Philly.
	Dude, it was crazy.
	And then he started talking after the show.
	I was like, dude, that was awesome.
	And then he showed me a video of a guy getting eaten by a bear.
	And then I showed him a video of a guy jumping off a roof.
	And we just totally clicked up.
	So that was for real.
	That's how we met.
	And then we got a house together with a couple other comedians pretty shortly afterwards.
	See, and girls say guys are hard to figure out.
	I feel like it's like, meet me above an ice cream parlor.
	That's what I'm saying.
	Show me a video of something eating something else.
	I'll show you a video of an animal attacking something.
	Dude, we're good.
	And let's start a family.
	Yeah, and I was like divorced, freshly divorced, air mattress.
	I think actually we met before I had gotten totally divorced.
	Did you lose a lot of stuff in the divorce?
	I had nothing.
	Yeah, I always heard people like, oh, she took so much from me.
	And I'm like, bro, I had nothing.
	It was embarrassing.
	I wish I lost stuff in the divorce, dude.
	I had nothing.
	You're still sending her stuff every now and then.
	I should, man.
	It was real.
	It's fucked up.
	But I just didn't, I didn't have anything.
	But I like.
	Do you remember the day you left in the divorce?
	Dude, it's the saddest day.
	It's for real the saddest.
	She was a nice lady.
	She sounds beautiful.
	She was a very nice lady.
	I just, I couldn't do it, dude.
	Like, it was one of those things where I was living a life that it wasn't my life.
	That's the only way I can explain it.
	Like, I wasn't, I was meant to do other stuff.
	I could feel it.
	And it was just like, I tried my best to get jobs.
	And I'm like, dude, I can go the straight and narrow to get a regular job.
	That's all I wanted to do.
	My dad was like that, like have work at a place, come home, have kids.
	I was all for that.
	I just couldn't.
	I was like warped.
	I couldn't do it.
	I tried.
	So you really tried.
	You made as much of an effort as you could.
	As I could.
	But I learned I was severely handicapped in terms of like relating.
	You don't realize how bad it is until you live with a woman for a couple of years.
	Handicapped at what?
	I'm sorry, I stepped on you.
	Like emotional relation and trying to see things from other people's perspectives.
	Like I was totally unequipped, but the day I left Phil was one of the saddest.
	It was like the saddest things ever.
	It was like, I was crying.
	Where were you?
	I was in Roxboro.
	So in Philadelphia, like just some area of Philly.
	It was cool.
	I liked the house.
	We had a dog.
	Yeah.
	We had a dog together.
	Fuck, and who did the dog come in your car or stayed?
	It stayed.
	It was her dog.
	It was her dog first, to be fair.
	But yeah, she was really nice, man.
	Did you talk about taking the dog?
	No, man.
	I wasn't going to do that.
	That would have been heartless to be like.
	When you said bye, like, was there a hug?
	What was that kind of like final kind of moment like?
	Just sad.
	It was just like, goodbye.
	Did she come out and walk you out or you said bye inside?
	She was kicking around.
	So it was kind of like there was a last glance and it was, it was for real.
	It was like, it's etched into my memory as one of like the saddest days of my life.
	Because I had never really felt anything about stuff like that.
	Like my relationships before that were like, I would just develop a girlfriend.
	Like we would just be like hooking up and then I'd be like, oh fuck, I got a girlfriend.
	And you know, it was like very, very disassociated.
	I'd just go through the motions.
	This, I was like trying to put my best foot forward.
	That was like the first time I really, like, I was like, oh, I get what people are talking about, like with experiencing like serious heartbreak and all that stuff.
	Just burnt you down.
	Yeah, it crushed me.
	For real, it fucking crushed me.
	Were you crying before you got in the car or did you?
	I was crying on the way when I left.
	I wasn't crying before I got in the car.
	Then I was crying on the way.
	It's hard to get the key in the thing sometimes if you're really fucking crying.
	Yeah, dude.
	I was crying.
	I didn't get the first, get in reverse and all that shit.
	It was brutal.
	I'll wait till I'm in forward four.
	Yeah, and then I had to walk the dog every day because I was like, look, I'll come up and walk the dog all year at work.
	Like, don't, I didn't want her to stress about anything.
	So I'd go back in the house during work.
	No one would be there.
	And I'd walk the dog.
	And it was just consumed with guilt and just horrible feelings.
	Just wandering through your old life like a fucking ghost.
	Yeah, for real.
	And I love the dog too.
	And the dog looked, did the dog know, you think?
	I don't know.
	It was definitely pumped to see me.
	It was always kind of pumped to see me, but I don't know.
	I couldn't tell.
	Sounds like it was maybe an SAE or something.
	What's the SAE?
	Sigma for Epsilon.
	It just sounds like the dog was in a frat or something.
	It didn't have any fucking...
	It was pumped.
	I would take it for a nice.
	It was definitely a pike or something.
	Exactly.
	It was definitely a pike.
	But yeah, it was for real.
	It was a big eye-opener for me, though, man.
	That's when I started being like, okay, like there's, because when you're younger, you're just so in your own head where you're like, I'm the only person with feelings that matter in this world.
	And then you like really encounter like the depths of somebody else's.
	And you're like, oh, this is like serious to like, just fuck around with people's lives.
	So it was a big eye-opener for me.
	So I did the air mattress on my brother's house for a while.
	That's heavy, dude.
	It reminds me, I was in love with a girl in high school, right?
	When I was a senior, and I was into her, and I remember I decided I was going to go away to school in the University of Arizona.
	And some people, where I'm from, had never even heard of Arizona, right?
	They didn't believe in it.
	People, like, I showed it on a map, and they just, you know, they just called me a map.
	F ⁇ it.
	Like, it was crazy, some of the stuff that was happening.
	And I remember just like, she and I were like crying, like, in her living room or whatever.
	Yeah.
	Oh, her mom let me, this was crazy.
	Her mom let me stay over the last night I was there, right?
	But her mom's like, no funny business.
	You guys can sleep in the same room, like in the family room, right?
	What's that about?
	I don't know, dude, but here's the crazy part.
	So anyway, somebody started some funny business.
	And then I'm walking to go get some water or something or get some piss out of my wiener or something.
	And her mom's sitting right there in a chair.
	What?
	Yeah.
	Fuck, man.
	Still feel horrible about that.
	And you could see that my wiener was still like wiener and you're pumped up.
	Yeah.
	Oh, God.
	My wiener was like, it's a party.
	It's a party.
	It's a party.
	And I was young.
	Did she say anything?
	You know, huh?
	Did you say anything?
	No, but I still feel how she felt.
	Yeah.
	I can still feel it.
	But she loved me.
	She loved.
	The mom loved me.
	And so she had like some respect for me.
	She knew that I really loved her daughter.
	And then, though, that she knew what you guys were going to, you know, she has to have some sense.
	But at least she was close enough there in the distance, almost like a bird mom, you know?
	Like, hey, I'm going to hang.
	You can stay in the nest, but I'm going to be right here on the branch.
	Just in case anybody falls out and breaks a wing or something.
	True, yeah.
	She could have rushed in and be like, yo, just in case somebody fucking tries to put a worm in the wrong place, you know.
	But what happened was then the next day, I told her to buy it like this gas station was this big sad thing, and we were both like bawling, crying, dude.
	Yeah, fuck.
	And then I drove off and my fucking car overheated like 600 feet from the gas station, dude.
	And I had to.
	Oh, dad, come help me, dude.
	That fucking sucks.
	Because when your car overheats, you think if I drive faster, it starts to cool down your engine.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, that shit sucks.
	That's embarrassing.
	Oh, it was horrible, dude.
	I remember pouring cold water through the fucking air vents trying to get it in that way.
	I've tried to do that a bunch of times.
	It sucks, man.
	It just drips out.
	Just, yeah, that shit of just that heartbreak, dude.
	Yeah, I had a real low point one day when I was, Shane was laughing about this when I was telling him, but I like, I had a real low point driving home one day from walking the dog.
	I'm crying.
	I would cry every day.
	I'm crying on the way home, driving down Kelly Drive.
	And that's like in Philly, that's a big like outdoor green area.
	People jog up and down there.
	And some dude had really short shorts on.
	And I stopped at a light and he like looked in the car and I looked at him and was like, f ⁇ .
	Yeah, I was crying.
	Oh, that's the Philadelphia National Anthem, dude.
	Calling some other dude a f ⁇ ing.
	He was like looking in the car and I was like, f ⁇ , what are you looking at?
	Like trying to slam his shorts and I was just visibly bawling.
	And I was like, it's a low point.
	I remember just being like, what the fuck was that all about, dude?
	Just a straight dude crying?
	That's a hot dude to a gay dude, bro.
	True.
	He was probably just a dude wearing regular athletic gear.
	He might not even be gay.
	Yeah, that's true.
	I like the thing.
	I didn't hate crying a guy while I was crying, but I think he was straight as the guy was straight as hell.
	The guy was so straight.
	He just had short shorts.
	Dude, I remember.
	I was fucking crying.
	Yeah.
	Oh, obviously he's in the wrong.
	Yeah.
	Dude, I remember one time I was driving and I'd been drinking, right?
	Because it was, I think it was daytime or whatever.
	And I'm cruising and the cop had pulled somebody else over on the side of the road.
	And he sees me literally, I think, just drinking out of a taco vodka bottle.
	No shirt, dude, right?
	Just ripping it into that 1984 Ford escort that had the passenger seat stolen out of it, right?
	So anyway, I'm cruising, dude.
	He points at me.
	He's like, pull over, dude.
	Right.
	He's like, he's like, he's dealing with that ticket.
	So I pull over.
	And then I'm like, fuck this, dude.
	I'm out of here.
	And I just pulled off, dude.
	You got away?
	Yeah, they never caught.
	It's funny.
	He was like, yes, come here.
	I'm going to give you a DUI when I'm done with this.
	Dude, a lot of guys get away from cops.
	I've heard of a couple people be like, no, I just take off.
	And it's like, I'm surprised.
	I thought everyone gets caught who does that.
	But yeah, people get away.
	Yeah, a lot of cops want you to just get home safely, I think, in the end.
	Yeah.
	And sometimes they gauge on how to do it.
	It's so funny just to be like, fuck this.
	I'm out of here.
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	So you so you and Shane start the podcast.
	You met in Philly.
	And Shane, you and Shane start the podcast in Philly or in Philly, yeah.
	In Philly.
	And then he, at one point, he went to New York.
	Because I had, I like got to this space where I was like, I like podcasting better than stand-up because I was just frustrated.
	We're the same city all the time.
	I'm in Philadelphia doing the same shows all the time.
	And I'd like either host or feature.
	I think back then I might have been featuring.
	I forget.
	But it was like the same thing.
	I'd meet a headliner.
	They'd be miserable.
	And I'm like, is this, is this my fate?
	Like, it's just like you just, because a lot of the headliners I met hosting were for real miserable.
	Yeah.
	Like very sad, very disgruntled.
	And I'd be like, whatever.
	So I got disillusioned with stand-up.
	And I was like, I just want to do podcasting.
	And then at one point, I was like, I want to pursue psychology.
	So when he went to New York, I went back and got my master's in social work because I did again.
	I was like, dude.
	I think you dropped back in and got it.
	Yeah.
	And this is the way my mind works.
	I was like, I want to get back into psychology.
	What's the easiest way to do it?
	To do like talk therapy.
	And I looked it up in social work.
	If you get your master's and then work under somebody, you can get licensed and open your own practice.
	Wow.
	So I went to school for social work while Shane was kind of blowing up in New York.
	And we're still doing the podcast.
	You're still doing it?
	You're doing it what?
	By train or something every now and then?
	He would come to Philly back then.
	Yeah, it was crazy.
	It's hard.
	It's insane because, and then eventually I started driving to New York.
	But for a while, he was coming to Philly every week.
	And I was just kind of like, okay, cool.
	I didn't make that drive like that.
	So when I started driving to New York, I was like, dude, you were doing this for two years.
	This is insane.
	He did it for a long time?
	Did it for like a year or two?
	No way.
	Yeah, man.
	He's the man.
	That is a hard thing.
	People don't understand that type of a commute.
	That's insane commute.
	I mean, how far is that commute?
	Two hours on a good day.
	And if it gets traffic, you're kind of like two hours, 33. Yeah, it sucks.
	It's a hellish, and it's through the worst parts of New Jersey, like heavy industrial.
	It stinks.
	Oh, yeah, dude.
	It's awful.
	It's for real, an awful, awful drive.
	Fuck yeah.
	Yeah, it's two hours and 12. That's like normal.
	That traffic up there near like the bridges and shit.
	And then in, you know, New York, I'm sure you know, you just sit in fucking traffic.
	Yeah, you're just sitting there fucking furious, looking at somebody else, and that, and that guy's crying.
	And he calls you a f ⁇ ing.
	I have the audacity, dude.
	It's crazy.
	To call you a f ⁇ ing is unbelievable.
	He must have just laughed like, all right, man, whatever that guy's got.
	Everybody nowadays just calls everybody a f ⁇ .
	It's like, I feel like if you try to do CPR, somebody's dying, right?
	And they'll be like, get off me.
	They'd rather die.
	They'll use their last breath these days, especially in New Jersey, dude.
	Somebody will use their last breath to call somebody a f ⁇ .
	Oh, yeah.
	It was, I mean, it was, that was heavy, dude.
	It was polite back then.
	That was like you have, you know, that was like the handkerchief around your neck being like, you know, that's like, that's like kind of like this beautiful f ⁇ ing.
	But no, man, I did.
	I went to school for social work.
	And then it was funny because I'm doing it.
	And I was kind of, again, like confronting the fact that I can't really be a normal polite society because you go into like, you drop into like a regular like job type place and you feel like an alien, especially the longer you do stand-up and other things.
	It's like, you just feel out of place.
	So I did it and I liked it.
	It was cool.
	It was a cool experience.
	But it was like very, you know, like Jordan Peterson came out and was like, the schools are out of control.
	They're losing their money.
	Dude, I also would watch a lot of Jordan Peterson at the time and I was like, I'm kind of curious to see if that's real.
	And then when I went back to school, I was like, dude, he was totally right.
	It was insane.
	Just how like woke they got?
	Oh, dude, it was crazy.
	Like you'd be in class and a lady for no reason would just be like, well, we'd be talking about like social issues.
	And she'd be like, I would never call the cops on a black guy ever.
	And I'd be sitting there and I'm like, I couldn't help it.
	I'd be like, ever?
	What if he was beating up a woman?
	Like, why ever?
	It's crazy.
	So I would get in a lot of those kind of arguments in school.
	And then.
	And I'll even text the cops if I'm even meeting a black guy sometimes.
	What?
	I'll text the cops.
	True, just be like, yo, just say you don't.
	FYI, meeting a couple brothers, seems chill.
	I'll keep you updated.
	Dude, it was crazy.
	I went there and they were just, you know, it was that kind of stuff.
	And I'm like, all right, keep your head down and chill.
	But I couldn't help it.
	I kept like arguing with people in class.
	It was kind of fun, honestly.
	And then, dude, they're like 24-year-olds being ugly.
	This is what I think.
	And you'd be like, that's what you fucking think.
	And you could just smash them.
	Yeah, that's what you fucking think.
	I'm fucking that ice cream paula.
	Yeah, dude.
	You don't know shit about the world.
	Have you ever fucking broken your heart in somebody else's?
	But no, then I did that.
	And then Shane got the SNL thing right at the tail end of my schooling.
	And were you bummed about that or excited?
	I was pumped.
	I've always been stoked like that.
	But when he got the SNL, I was like, hell yeah.
	And he goes, buckle up.
	They're going through the podcast.
	And I was like, I didn't know what he was talking about.
	I'm like, yeah, whatever.
	It's not that bad.
	And then that whole thing blew up.
	So I was like in school like, eee, because I would get mentioned in bylines of like podcasts with.
	And nobody put it together until very, towards the very end, a girl in my class had read the article and was like, that's you.
	And they tried to kick me out of school.
	That guy hates Chinese people or whatever.
	Yeah.
	And all the proof was, you know, I had been arguing against their, you know, in my idea, you know, it was kind of like unrealistic liberal value.
	So I had been like, you guys don't know shit about anything.
	Fuck that.
	Fuck that.
	And I'd been arguing the flip side of their coin the entire time.
	So they saw that.
	They're like, bingo.
	And they tried to kick me out.
	Smoking gun.
	Yeah, they got me.
	But it was like, and then I had to stay.
	It was honestly one of my favorite experiences ever.
	I had to go before the board of the school and I got to do one of those like trial by just other adults.
	I've been looking forward to that.
	It's like.
	You wore a suit?
	No.
	I just wore my regular clothes, but it's like that court fantasy where you get to like do your represent yourself in court.
	You work in your briefcase, nothing in there.
	So I had to have that waters in there.
	Two Fijis.
	So I got to do that.
	And then, no, and then it was just like, I finished, you know, COVID happened.
	So like everything kind of just chilled.
	We finished the last month or so online anyway.
	So it was like, that was cool.
	Did you believe in COVID or not at the time?
	No, I didn't do.
	My whole family didn't either.
	Like, my mom was like, let's hang outside that one time.
	And then after that, she was like, come inside.
	This is bull.
	None of my family got vaccinated.
	Like, none of my mom, my uncles, nobody got it, except for like anyone who worked in the medical field.
	Dude, I had a buddy broke into CVS and got like 30 inoculations, dude.
	He was addicted to inoculations or whatever, dude.
	This motherfucker hasn't had a sniffle in like six years, dude.
	He's good.
	He's set.
	Oh, this guy, yeah.
	I was just sketched out by the whole thing.
	I was like, dude, it's new.
	I'm like, I'm already, I'm like a hypochondriac as it is.
	And I'm like, I'm way less scared of viruses than like medical intervention.
	I don't know.
	I didn't think it was real.
	Yeah.
	But then I'm like, oh, people are really dying.
	So there must be something real.
	But then also, it seemed like that they messed up and killed a lot of people with respirators that would not have died.
	Yeah, I remember hearing about that.
	Yeah, I got it.
	Did you get it?
	I don't know if I got it or not.
	I remember I couldn't smell for about 11 months, but I don't know.
	But oh, yeah.
	And I had the antibodies.
	When I went to Rogan's one time, I got tested.
	I had the antibodies.
	So I must have had it.
	That's tight.
	Yeah, you probably got it at some point.
	But yeah, I got it.
	I got rocked.
	But it was only for like two days.
	It was a bad fever, and then I coughed up like weird liquids for like a month.
	Then I was fine.
	So my wife was pregnant at the time.
	So I'm like.
	Your wife was pregnant?
	She was pregnant.
	So then it was kind of a medical experiment.
	Like, should I get it?
	And like, I'm like, I don't know what this shit is.
	So we were all just like, dude, let's just chill.
	Take a chill.
	Let's get the fucking antibodies.
	And just and you have metric.
	You have a darker wife.
	Yeah.
	Pretty much.
	Yeah.
	Safe to say that.
	Safe to say.
	Yeah.
	Beautiful lady, very charming.
	Bridget, is that her name?
	Brittany.
	Brittany.
	Yeah.
	Brittany, is that her name?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Was that, did that, and did like just growing up in Philly lead you to that, you think?
	Dude, I'm kind of chocolatey broad.
	Since I was a little kid, it's almost, there's my only theory is because in grade school, I like dated a Mexican lady.
	And I've dated everybody.
	I've dated, you know, like white ladies, everything.
	But that was definitely, you know, that was something I was drawn to or black women forever.
	But my only theory is my mom was like super Christian.
	She still is.
	Super Catholic.
	So she blocked like MTV, VH1, all the music channels.
	Except for PET because she didn't know it existed.
	So that was the only music channel I had growing up.
	So in my formative years, I just watched rap video after rap video.
	And I think it might have had some sort of effect.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Wow, that's so interesting, dude.
	Yeah, dude.
	I remember I made love to a woman who was pretty much black.
	Right.
	And yeah, it was definitely, there was like more in the muscle or something.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, you thought you were impressed by the experience.
	What do you say?
	Pretty much.
	He was like, what do you think?
	She said she was black.
	I believed her.
	True.
	True.
	You know, I'm not, yeah, I'm not fucking looking at paperwork or whatever.
	I'm not fucking proving it.
	Yeah, no, bracelet was like, you know, it pops up on there.
	Yeah, I just, you know what, for me, they definitely won out for me as well.
	They won my heart collectively.
	They won my heart.
	Yeah.
	I just, I don't know what it was, man.
	It was just like, you like what you like, you know?
	Oh, yeah.
	I think I was afraid probably of black girls growing up.
	They had a lot of the black girls in our town and stuff would get knocked up by the black guys at a young age.
	Yeah.
	So all of our black girls disappeared at around 13 years old and got pregnant.
	Yeah, and they come back and they're different.
	And then they come back and they're just different or they just like, yeah, they have a child now or they have like baby milk on their shoulder or whatever.
	And also I think they had to defend themselves against like black like dudes in their town or whatever that were like trying to, you know, get with them when they were young.
	So I think they were more into the whole like communicating with guys nature.
	So I think like a lot of times they would like, they were just more advanced.
	Like the black kids in our school were more sexually advanced.
	They just had sex earlier and stuff.
	So I think that was intimidating.
	The black girls were intimidating because they had more experience.
	Yeah, it's funny.
	Sometimes you do talk to a black guy.
	He's like, I got head when I was 10. And you're like, what?
	Like, for real?
	I'm sorry, dude.
	It's okay.
	This place just went out of business.
	We're good.
	You do hear that a lot.
	You're not wrong.
	Sorry.
	You're fine.
	It is crazy.
	I'm not thinking when you're, bro, if somebody put my creener, okay, that God made for me that I kept in my pants for him.
	If somebody put that in their mouth and I was 10 years old, dude, oh my God, I would have.
	It's over.
	Oh, I would have lit a fire in our yard and made smoke sick.
	It's over for God to come and help us.
	It's over.
	It's over.
	I don't know how.
	It's crazy.
	I would have hit him with a wrench or something.
	I just, that would have scared me so much.
	So that's what's so, but yeah, so that was kind of crazy.
	Sorry.
	I don't know if I spit on you or not, but it's good.
	No, you're good.
	It's fine.
	That was good.
	It was hilarious.
	Yeah, that, yeah, that kind of stuff is pretty crazy.
	And then.
	No, I get the intimidation factor.
	I do get, but I always, whenever I like, will see people and I always just assume, I always see like softer sides of it.
	It's something I've had my whole life where I can see like kind of like, I don't know.
	I always can see people's softer nature.
	Because people present one way, then you're like with them.
	I mean, it's a totally different thing.
	Oh, I would marry a black lady, I believe, or semi-black or whatever.
	For sure.
	Off-black.
	I mean, there's so many.
	I mean, I've long been of the belief that we're going to, it's a beige future, right?
	In four generations, everybody's going to be beige.
	Yeah.
	Everybody that's still alive or whatever.
	We're all going to be beige Bitcoins.
	True.
	You know, that will have no sense of faith or hope anymore, but that's where we'll be.
	True.
	At least we'll be able to text each other online.
	True.
	I think we might be in for like a massive spiritual awakening, though.
	It's coming.
	There's rumblings.
	I can Detect rumblings.
	I like that attitude, man.
	There was one thing I was going to say.
	What were we just talking about?
	Being married, having a black wife.
	Oh, yeah, I would date a black woman.
	I would marry a black woman.
	I would date a black woman.
	I'd probably maybe marry a black woman, you know?
	Like, I think when I was a kid, I thought that that wasn't a real possibility or anything.
	That makes sense.
	But as an adult, I see that, oh, that's a possibility.
	Like, I think also just from where I was from, they didn't have like a lot of interracial dating at the time, you know?
	It was, it was even like, you know, I lived in like the, I lived in the Philadelphia suburbs.
	So it was like very, very, very white where I was growing up.
	But like, even in college, some of my friends would come up to me and be like, that's crazy, dude.
	They like couldn't wrap their head around it.
	And it wasn't like a hateful thing.
	They're just like, it was just a mind blower.
	They'd be like, bro, it's crazy.
	The funny thing to me, though, is like black dudes were always like, hey, man, you scared to date a black chick?
	And I'm like, you aren't dating a black chick.
	Every fucking black dude isn't dating a black chick.
	But the first thing they say is, oh, you scared of some of that black chick.
	They get hyped on you.
	When they see you with a black chick, they'll get hyped.
	And then sometimes they'll be like, you're an easy target.
	I can kind of like, I'll fuck with you.
	Or there'll be like a hard checkout on your babe.
	You have to just go nuts.
	You got to go white boy crazy.
	Yeah.
	So if they do like a damn, you have to do that.
	What's your fucking press?
	You have to spazz because you can't tolerate that.
	I've gone white boy crazy a couple times.
	Yeah, you're like, I'm over here doing your job.
	Motherfucker.
	Okay.
	Well, dude, apparently black women and Asian men are the like Asian women tend to date outside their race a lot.
	Black men date outside their race a lot.
	But black women and Asian men tend to not date outside their race a lot.
	So like the yin and yang twins or whatever?
	Like what are you saying?
	No, they're just.
	So black and Asian do not date.
	Well, black men will date outside their race, where traditionally black women tend to not date outside their race.
	Oh, wow.
	So it's just that's.
	And Asian women date white guys a lot, but a lot of Asian men don't date outside of their race.
	So it kind of like fucks you up in the dating pool.
	Yeah.
	So, but yeah, but I think black women are coming around, though.
	But yeah, they were fiercely loyal.
	It's still, you get a little, people are, you know, it does, some people don't like it, obviously.
	You know, you get people who are like big into like black love where they're like, it's not the same.
	And I'm like, whatever, man, that's your thing.
	Yeah, it's not, yeah, but yeah, it's not your fault.
	Exactly.
	I don't feel any kind of way about it, but it's just like, you know, celebrate that if you want.
	That's fine.
	You know, but it's like.
	Dude, I remember the first time I like even like, I was working out with a buddy of mine, a black guy, right?
	And he like touched my hand.
	He was helping him stop me or something.
	And I was like, damn, I never even touched a black dude's hand or nothing.
	They have beautiful nails, too.
	Dude, there's like a, there's like a level of like black coolness where you grow one pinky nail long so you can crack a blunt with your long pinky nail.
	It's pretty cool.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	It's like it was like an evolution of the coke nail, but you can kind of just.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Yeah, you can just crack a blunt with a long pinky nail.
	Oh, being black, definitely, there's a lot of parts that seem super fun about it.
	And then there's some parts that I'm kind of like, man, that's, that part, that is not for me.
	I couldn't handle that.
	It's definitely, I think it's easier than a black dude dating a white chick.
	Because everyone's just kind of like, you know, people just, people just kind of like, wait, first, when you first meet them, will like kind of giggle and be like, oh, you like, you know, you like black girl, you know, shit like that, and like kind of dap you up and you're like, sweet.
	Whereas like, I feel like the black, maybe it's different now, but back in the day, like being a black dude at like a white family party, there was definitely some uncles hitting you with like icicles in the eyes, just glaring at you.
	What you doing over there?
	I heard my one friend was a black dude and he was, he was dating a white chick, and he said like her brother would ask him like weird shit, being like, what do you think?
	He would get drunk and be like, we should, he was a wrestler, and he'd be like, let's wrestle right now.
	He'd be like, bro, chill, man.
	Like, we don't have to do this.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It was so.
	Black dudes are gay, probably.
	But I think black dudes aren't threatened by white dudes as much as white dudes might be threatened by black guys.
	Well, yeah, because they don't have to be, because they can always beat up white dudes.
	Yeah.
	Bigger dicks.
	Statistically, bigger dicks can beat you up.
	Some of that's a rumor, first of all, I've heard, but it's yeah, a lot of the ones on the internet, yes.
	They've done condom sizing studies, and like it's not as much of a difference as you'd think, but there's a difference.
	Dude, the last thing I want to have is some big old long dick bothering me all day, dude.
	I hear you on that.
	Yeah.
	I'm high and tight.
	I'm ready for action.
	I'm ready for action at all times.
	I'm ready for action at all times.
	Oh, I got that John Stockton homie, dude.
	I'll help you out, bro.
	I'll try to assist you in whatever you're headed.
	I'm here, dude.
	I'm ready to run.
	I'm in sport mode.
	What was I just going to ask you about?
	Yeah, there's definitely some white comics married to black women.
	I think TJ Miller, I believe.
	Gary Owens.
	Gary Owens.
	Yeah.
	Who else?
	You, Bill Burr.
	Yeah, Bill Burr.
	Bill Maher.
	Bill Maher is never married to a black lady.
	Oh, he loves.
	Dating.
	It's crazy.
	He loves.
	That was a head-to-head.
	That was a black wife head-to-head.
	Bill Maher and Bill Burr.
	They were both dressed pretty good, too.
	They both were black wife affected, and they argued over Israel and Palestine.
	Oh, they did?
	Yeah, that's like a fucking viral clip.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Let's hear it.
	They fucking fought.
	It's kind of funny.
	Let's hear it.
	Bill Burr's ruthless.
	What is black wife affected?
	Let me get that and then let's watch the clip, can it?
	Just when you start dressing better because your wife's black, and they really don't tolerate, like, if you're not dressed well.
	Like, they'll, I fought a long, I hold it down, you know, I still wear kind of like bummy stuff, but they'll they'll wear on you.
	Yeah, black people like to look nice.
	Yeah.
	It's important.
	It's very important.
	And like, and at weddings, it's the opposite.
	Like, you have to dance.
	If you don't dance at a wedding, people are like, what the fuck's your problem?
	Really?
	White wedding, you sit in a chair the whole time.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's a lot of pressure to dance.
	You can gamble on your phone even.
	You can do whatever you want.
	Yeah.
	You're like, I object, you know?
	But you're just so gay sister or whatever, you can't help but yell it.
	Look at these guys.
	Let's see what happens here.
	I mean, dude, are they demonstrating for Hamas?
	They are in with the terrorists.
	They were for the Palestinians.
	Well, it's sort of the same cause.
	Why?
	Are you?
	I'm on the side of the kids.
	Yeah, that's easy to say.
	You know, no one wants to see kids dead.
	This is a war.
	It's very brave of you to say.
	This is a war.
	No need to be able to do that.
	It's not very brave on this.
	It's easy to say, I'm for the kids.
	Who's not for the kids?
	It comes down to real hard-nosed decisions.
	I'm not talking like you're a general.
	A country got attacked.
	Israel got attacked.
	I'm not saying that they didn't have a right to go back.
	I'm just sitting there going, like, how do I look at what?
	Well, the only country in the world that they get attacked, and then as soon as they counterattack, it's like, well, we got to stop this shit now.
	Don't attack them.
	There's a very simple solution to all this problem in the Middle East.
	Stop attacking Israel.
	Stop attacking Israel.
	You just solved it.
	I actually.
	There you go.
	That's fantastic.
	Anyway.
	All right.
	We don't need to get it.
	Apparently, this was a whole episode of them fighting.
	The Ukraine.
	How do you solve that one, Bill?
	Let me hear your hard-nosed decision.
	Well, it's bullshit.
	I think some of that's bullshit because I think some of the people, they are, I don't know, it feels like they had to elect the Hamas because they don't have any other choice.
	Yeah, true.
	But I guess you always have a choice in who you elect.
	Also, I don't think you can go against that.
	Can you vocally oppose Hamas in Palestine?
	That's a good question.
	It might be kind of risky.
	I don't know.
	That's the thing.
	The worst part is this will be on some historical record and we don't know how it'll play out.
	We could be like basically on either side promoting the Nazis.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	You don't know the long play of it, you know?
	But to me, it's like if somebody says free a place, that's the place that needs to be freed usually.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You don't hear free Israel.
	I've said this before.
	You don't hear free Kentucky.
	You don't hear free America.
	You're starting, you're kind of hearing a little, but you don't hear, you know, you hear free Cuba.
	You hear free Palestine.
	If that's the chant, it's like that's usually the place that needs to be free.
	Right.
	Yeah, that's a fair point.
	That's a tough one to be like, well, hold on a second.
	What are they up to?
	Yeah, if it feels bad.
	Right.
	Like, well, what do they do?
	I don't know.
	My heart just tells me, and I don't know, my heart's, I'm rehearted.
	But my heart just tells me that it's just unfair.
	That's what it feels like to me.
	But then I don't know a lot about it.
	I got to get some people on that know more.
	I mean, I think the war is totally unfair.
	They're getting, they're totally unmatched.
	I mean, dude, imagine if you're fighting somebody and then someone gave you $90 billion.
	You're going to crush them.
	So yeah, it's.
	Yeah, I don't know why we're funding that.
	I know.
	That's my one point of contention where it's like, but then they'll go, well, we need them there because they help stabilize the region, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	But it's like, dude, 90 bill.
	It's fucked up.
	They're fine.
	They're good.
	Yeah, they're set up.
	But again, it's like, yeah, I don't fucking know.
	But that's the one thing that disheartened me because they passed that new bill.
	like $90 billion to Ukraine.
	That dude's over there.
	My son was a four-star general at Arby's, you know?
	And yeah, you know what?
	This black guy at the swimming pool stabbed my son, you know?
	He's like, what the fuck is he even talking about, dude?
	He sounds like outtakes from a fucking Larry David episode.
	Dude, we were talking about it yesterday on our podcast where he's RFK Jr. was like, dude, I forget the time span, but if there's a nuclear threat in the middle of the night, they got to wake Joe Biden up and he's got like maybe 30 seconds to make a call.
	How fucked up is that?
	How terrifying is that?
	He's got to walk down a hallway and be like, what's going on from sleep?
	And then be like, this is what we're doing.
	Oh my.
	I hope that's not the case.
	There has to be people in the White House being like, bro, chill.
	We'll do it.
	Relax.
	There's no way that guy's making a decision.
	There's no way that guy is doing anything.
	Imagine him trying to eat.
	This is what I imagine a lot.
	Him trying to eat a piece of craft singles cheese.
	There should be footage of that.
	I'd be like, dude, prove it.
	We'll open one of those.
	Yeah, that's the limits test.
	If you can't successfully open, eat, and swallow a craft single, then you're fucking out of here.
	No, my guy.
	Yeah, no nuclear codes at all.
	Yeah, you're out of here.
	And everybody's always like the nuclear codes.
	The nuclear codes are the algorithms of the internet.
	Those are the fucking nuclear codes that are killing our humanity and our being, it feels like.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's pretty bad.
	Do you guys have children?
	Yeah, we have kids.
	Yeah, a few little kids.
	To your father.
	I was like, yeah, I think we know.
	Yeah, no.
	No, yeah, I have a father.
	I have two daughters, two little kids.
	One will be two in a couple weeks and a four-year-old.
	Wow.
	Yeah, it's the best.
	It is?
	Yeah.
	It's very, very taxing.
	But it really is the best.
	You hear a lot of guys, when they have kids, they get all crazy.
	They're like, dude, if there was a button right now that I had to hit to kill myself or her, I'd fucking hit it and kill myself.
	It's like, you don't have to get it that hard.
	Yeah, dude.
	That's chill out, dude.
	You're a manager, first of all, at a Jimmy John.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's your family right there.
	Yeah, that's my family.
	Oh, dang.
	Those girls are cute, huh?
	The cuties, man.
	That's so cool.
	But yeah, so when you're a dad or your parent, I guess, in general, it's like you live your whole life for yourself before you have kids.
	You're just, you know, every single person is just narcissistically self-obsessed.
	It's just the way we are.
	Yeah, I am.
	Everybody, no, every single person is.
	When people are like, I'm not, it's like, yes, you are.
	Oh, so it's something you don't even realize until you have a child, you mean?
	Well, it's like, I think so.
	Hopefully you realize.
	If you don't realize it, that can be tough.
	But it's like, and it's not the like, it's not a put down or a slam.
	It's like, as an organism, we have to be primarily obsessed with ourselves.
	Oh, it'd be really weird if I was taking care of some kids that weren't mine.
	That's what I'm saying.
	Like, it just, just as a person, like, if there's a dangerous situation, our bodies are designed to preserve ourselves and to advance our own interests.
	It's just the law of nature.
	So then when you have a kid, you start that drive.
	It gets frustrated over and over and over on a daily basis.
	And you either like come to grips with that and like reorient yourself around stuff outside of yourself, or I think it just explodes your brain.
	You just completely fail.
	Yeah.
	It's pretty tough.
	It's a pretty tough job, but it's the best, dude.
	Waking up every morning.
	Every morning now is like, it's the same thing over and over.
	Like the kids wake up, you get them breakfast.
	And for me, it put me on like a nice schedule because I was just kind of floating around.
	So damn.
	It's cool.
	Did you plan on having a baby or was it a surprise?
	Yeah, we were like both like, fuck it, let's have a kid.
	It wasn't like super planned out, but we were like, we weren't trying not to.
	And then she got bright in.
	I was like, oh, shit, fuck.
	And it's, it's just like, oh.
	And at the, do you, yeah, does it feel like you have mixed kids?
	You just feel like you have to just have children.
	It's supposed to have kids.
	You don't really, we don't really like, because then when you have kids, you get kids' books.
	So you get like different kids' books.
	Now there's been a lot of like political and racial ideology that's been pumped into kids' books.
	Not all of it's bad.
	Some of it's like, you know, love your hair or shit, like that, right?
	Then you get like some political stuff.
	So, like, I've been kind of like, I'll like screen out some of the books if they're like too political, I'll just like show them pictures, like, oh, look at this lady, yeah, like Horton here's a Harriet Tubman or whatever, and you're like, Yeah, yeah, this feels a little, yeah, it's like, yeah, anything that's like overtly super political, I'm just like, I'm, you know, I'm like, I'm not, I'll just like point to the pictures and make up a story, and you know, it's like, say, they're, they're little kids, you don't have to like, yeah, you just don't, I don't like, I'm not like against people knowing that stuff.
	It's just like, dude, this kid's trying to figure out like squares and circles.
	They don't need to like comprehend like systemic inequalities yet.
	They can get that.
	That'll be later.
	Right.
	It's just, it's anti-racist baby.
	That book is crazy.
	Feminist baby is crazy.
	Feminist baby is kind of crazy, too.
	Feminist baby is pretty crazy.
	Oh, yeah, it's feminist, dude.
	It's a baby, dude.
	We can't even make it.
	Yeah, babies are initially obsessed with the mother, too.
	They have to be, bro.
	It's a survival.
	Yeah, it's a survival.
	If some gay baby came over trying to slurp on my chest, dude, I'd fucking put him to bed early.
	I would put that fucking fat McNugget to bed early, dude.
	The crazy thing about being a baby is you can be as fat as you want and people fucking love you, dude.
	It's almost like the Yokozuna in Japan, you know?
	Yeah, true.
	That's actually, that's a fair point.
	But actually, people love fat babies, man.
	Babies, women squeeze their cheeks and you're like, man, he's so fat.
	Women are crazy, too, because when you have a kid, they like the smell of their baby poop.
	I've heard this from multiple women.
	Like, it smells like buttered popcorn.
	Dude, it's so gross.
	It's disgusting.
	But no, having kids is cool, man.
	It's like it'll, it definitely, for me at least, it kind of rocked me to the foundation on one level.
	But then you're still your normal self, but you're just hyper-aware.
	Cause like I used to have an anger problem.
	Like I would fucking break glasses.
	Oh, I was so bad.
	What do you think it was from?
	I have an anger problem.
	We have an anger guy coming on in a couple weeks.
	Do you really?
	I don't, dude.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I can go into depth.
	I think I could venture a guess that was like sometimes in households, there's like certain emotions aren't on display and anger can certainly become a primary emotion.
	If you're like in a household where people aren't exactly talking and sharing feelings, everything gets bottled up.
	So then every feeling gets channeled into anger eventually.
	So it just becomes like, you just becomes natural to you just to fucking spaz.
	So I was just a spaz.
	I don't know.
	I come from a long line of iron spazzes.
	So I would just like, especially like, you know, in the early stages of our relationship, you get into those like, those arguments where you're just like, I don't, you get so disoriented because you're like, I don't know if I'm right.
	I don't know if I'm wrong.
	Right.
	And you just start to spazz and I would be doing the dishes and just be like, like smash your glass.
	But then like, yeah, once you have like that kind of shit has to stop once you have kids or you can just keep going and terrify them.
	So you got to like, you know, I'd have to like really, I had to reign that in.
	It really break their heart too, dude.
	It'd just be so scary, dude.
	It's so good.
	I can remember as a kid, like seeing your parents yell was like, fuck, dude.
	It just was shitty.
	My dad, yeah, was like, he was so old.
	He was probably when I finally could get a good look at him.
	He was probably about 76. Damn.
	And he would, um, he would drink sometimes and he would like put his, park his car like in the ditch outside of our house.
	Yeah.
	It's not a good look.
	When you see that car in the ditch, you're like, fuck.
	We thought it was so funny, dude.
	And dude, one time our aunt came to visit and she was like 91 years old, dude.
	It was my dad's sister.
	We had never even seen anybody this fucking old.
	Really?
	She just rolled up?
	Yeah, she came to visit.
	I think she was 90 or 91. And we were just like, what is going on?
	That's wild.
	She couldn't even talk to us.
	Damn.
	So how old was your dad when he had you?
	He was 70. He was an older guy.
	But it was just, it was so bizarre.
	She couldn't even talk to us.
	But she painted us some pictures, I remember.
	That was kind of cool.
	It was really nice of her.
	She painted like wildflowers from, I think, Mississippi or something.
	That's pretty, that's nice.
	Yeah, it was very sweet of her.
	But yeah, to answer your question, that was kind of it.
	Like, you just, you get kind of like, you just, if you see spazzing, you're like, yeah, this is just how I handle stuff.
	And then you just start spazzing.
	And then like, you know, if you don't learn how to like logically process whatever that surge of emotion is, it's just like, I'm going to fucking spazz.
	I still, I'm still guilty of it.
	Yeah.
	Like I'll like kick.
	If we have like an empty paper bag, I'll fucking, everyone leaves, I'll just fucking kick it.
	Kick that bitch.
	Kick it as hard as I can.
	I'll kick that motherfucker too.
	I also stopped talking.
	I was talking to my dogs real mean, too.
	I would like, I'd walk my dogs and they yank my arm.
	I'd be like, you motherfucker, knock it off.
	And I had to like chill with that.
	I can't do that.
	But yeah, I always.
	Amazing, huh?
	Well, dude, if you get your shoulder yanked, it's like my dogs are like 60 pounds.
	Yeah, navigate.
	Well, it yanks your shoulder and you're not expecting it.
	It is the most infuriating thing.
	But then if someone sees you doing that, they're like, this guy.
	In my house, you could hit dogs in my house.
	It was like just, that's where we were at.
	Oh, yeah.
	Filling kids.
	Kids got beat.
	Dogs got big country.
	Yeah.
	Kids, you're bad.
	You got hit.
	If the dog was bad, of course the dog got hit too.
	So I thought it was normal to hit dogs.
	Yeah.
	And I learned that it's not.
	Dude, dogs used to patrol our neighborhood, attack kids, attack people, male people, G-A-Ys.
	Everybody, dude.
	They would bite everybody, dude.
	Let's watch the rest of that birth thing.
	Did we watch his part?
	I want to see what he said back or just see what he said.
	I want to see what he said.
	Stop attacking Israel.
	Hey, you just got to go.
	Stop attacking Israel.
	I solved it.
	I actually did.
	There you go.
	That's fantastic.
	Anyway.
	All right.
	We don't need to get it.
	Let's go to Russia and the Ukraine.
	How do you solve that one, Bill?
	Let me hear your hard-nosed decision about that.
	Well, let me ask you a question.
	How is war still legal?
	All the shit that's been canceled.
	It's illegal.
	Why is that still fucking a little bit more?
	Because I stole Bilar's answer, by the way.
	For something to be illegal, you have to have the capacity to enforce it.
	And you can't enforce against war or else you have to go to war with the country that's going to war.
	And we don't want to go to war with Russia over Ukraine.
	What would be the sense of making it illegal?
	Oh, that's really going to stop Putin.
	No.
	To stop people from going to war, you have to also put people.
	You can't sit down and talk it out.
	Why can't Putin do a podcast with the head guy?
	Like, you just solve the Middle East on a podcast.
	Why can't they solve what they're doing on a podcast?
	This is why this is not your thing.
	Make some hard nice decisions.
	It's not your thing.
	It's what you need.
	It is my thing.
	It isn't yours.
	It isn't.
	You're like that guy that has a fantasy football team and thinks he's a fucking GM.
	That's exactly what it is.
	Like, why am I fucking listening to you like you've done something?
	That's hilarious.
	Yeah, Bill Maher hasn't done shit, dude.
	Well, he was super woke, and then he pandered when he realized his audience was leaving.
	He definitely got more central.
	You think that's what it was?
	I certainly think that.
	To him, it was a financial thing that he got way more central because I started seeing, like, he was like, all these idiots are wrong.
	You're taking horse medicine or whatever.
	And then you certainly seen him come back over to the other side.
	He flipped big time.
	I mean, I was delighted to see him flip like that, but I get what you're saying.
	If you start getting enough hate, now you can just like measure it in real time.
	You see it and you're like, oh, fuck these guys.
	Dude, if you go on YouTube, almost every comment is like, fuck this.
	Some gradient of like, you know, whether it's Trump or like almost 80% of comments are like Trump rules.
	It's like mostly for some reason, like conservative people commenting.
	I don't know if it's like bots or what.
	Yeah.
	It's like if you were to watch that clip, actually, I think I did read that.
	A lot of people were slamming Maher being like, what a smug fucking blah, blah, blah.
	Yeah.
	I just, my mom never liked him and she never really said anything to me, but I remember her saying that.
	My mom doesn't like Bill Maher at all.
	I don't like Bill Maher.
	Yeah, she does.
	He doesn't seem respectful to women.
	That's what I remember she said to me.
	That's fair.
	I think that's fair for her to say, especially back in the, you know.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I've never met him.
	You know, I just know.
	No, I haven't either.
	I'm just joking.
	No, I just know he did flip-flop hard.
	I remember just being, I was delighted.
	I was like, yes.
	It was funny.
	Yeah, because you needed some host.
	Every host was all like really, it seemed like not.
	They just all had the same exact plan.
	It was like, remember when they played that video?
	Dude, that was crazy.
	Remember that video?
	They were all talking at once.
	All talking about every channel talking about the same thing.
	It was like, at a certain point, you can't think we all think we just live in some, like, people are going to notice.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And it almost seems like we're so dumb.
	We didn't.
	That was fucked up, man.
	That bugged me out.
	And is this a real video?
	This is a real thing.
	I think so.
	I mean, that'd be crazy to fake that.
	Fox San Antonio's Jessica Headley.
	And I'm Ryan Wolf.
	Our greatest responsibility is to serve our Treasure Valley communities, the El Paso, Las Cruces communities, Eastern Iowa communities, Mid-Michigan communities.
	We are extremely proud of the quality, balanced journalism that CDS4 News produces.
	But we are concerned about plaguing our country.
	The sharing of biased and false news has become all too common on social media.
	More alarming, some media outlets publish the same fake stories without checking facts first.
	The sharing of biased and false news.
	False news has become all too common on social media.
	I mean, they definitely have a script.
	People are writing scripts.
	Well, it's just that they're all owned by the same three or four companies now.
	It's like it's the same reason why everything's just kind of the same.
	It's like it's all Panera bread.
	It's just the same seven companies own everything.
	Of course.
	So when people are finally, like, you can't just expect that people don't have some thing inside of them that detects what when something is inauthentic.
	I think, and that's the last piece of you probably to go is that part of you that.
	Yeah, well, I think that I think people underestimate the vast majority of people and it's like a tough thing to think about just really don't think for themselves that much.
	It's true.
	I think it's true.
	And then it's like, you know, you can really just kind of pump a message out.
	It'll land with a huge majority of people.
	They mean they figure this out.
	I think it was Bernays.
	It was like Freud's nephew did that whole book propaganda.
	They like studied this.
	I'm like, dude, you can convince people of anything.
	Freud's nephew must have been balling too because he's like my uncle's fucking Freud, dude.
	He must have been smashing.
	Yeah, dude.
	Apparently he convinced women to smoke cigarettes.
	Women didn't smoke cigarettes until there was a company that was like, we got to drive up our sales.
	And he's like, I got it.
	And he just had like a famous actress smoke a cigarette at a parade and cigarette sales women just fucking spiked.
	It's crazy.
	It is crazy, dude.
	I wish they wouldn't smoke.
	Yeah, man.
	Armageddon, dude.
	Good for Burfer speaking up, though, at least.
	Burfer going after Bill Maher.
	Yeah, it was funny.
	He's very entertaining with all that stuff.
	Like, what are you, a fucking general?
	It's like, fuck, that's funny.
	Perfect line to a general.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, apparently he was like nasty, though.
	He did it the whole time.
	Burr did?
	Yeah, apparently, yeah.
	They had like a super cut of just him just fucking leveling him the entire time.
	So that's tough.
	Especially Bill Maher, like you were saying.
	I don't think he's equipped for that kind of cut fight, really, because he's like going into like the issues that, you know, from his perspective, like, let's talk about this from a macro perspective.
	And Burr's like, you're a fucking loser.
	And you're like, fuck.
	Fuck, dude.
	God damn it, dude.
	God, Burr is fucking incredible, dude.
	He's funny as fuck.
	He's one of none, dude.
	Yeah.
	That's how rare he is.
	He's nasty as fuck.
	But yeah, he crushed him, man.
	Yeah, he was a big COVID guy, too.
	I noticed that.
	He was like number one COVID guy.
	Bill Maher?
	Bill Burr.
	Bill Burr?
	He was pro-COVID?
	Well, yeah, pro-COVID, pro-Mask, Pro-Vax, which is his prerogative, whatever.
	Yeah.
	But at least he's his free thinker.
	He's able to think for both sides of things.
	It's not always just one side of things.
	Oh, yeah.
	He does a good job of that.
	His appearances on Conan are really funny.
	And COVID, like, I didn't know if it was real at first, but then when people are dying, I was like, oh, something's really going on here.
	And then people I started to know got sick because first it just came from the news.
	You were like, people are getting this thing.
	It was kind of invisible.
	You couldn't really see it.
	Yeah.
	You know, we had like Ebola before that.
	We had a couple of little things, but they were like, this is it.
	But I remember just looking at the stats and being like, I don't think I have to worry about this.
	That was my only gripe about it.
	It's like, dude, you could have like preserved the elderly, let the obese chill.
	And anyone who was like younger and not like had emphysema should have been able to just do their thing the entire time.
	Yeah, they were like hide your fat friends and everything.
	They were like making all these crazy rules.
	My friend would go and get his, you get his groceries delivered in his yard, have the guy set him out there.
	He would go out there with a fucking pressure washer and pressure wash his fucking groceries, dude.
	Yeah.
	Like in a, in a hazmat suit.
	I'm like, dude, you are a pussy, dude.
	Yeah.
	I would rather die next to a couple things of ripped crackers in front of my son than ever see him let me hazmat suit down dude with some miracle whip and some fucking um um some bananas oatmeal squares dude and that was the crazy thing because i had we had I had my first daughter right at the beginning of COVID.
	So we were in school and like the parents were trying to make the kids like, dude, fucking two-year-olds.
	There's like a daycare, like early childhood education, trying to make them wear masks all day.
	And it was like, bro, give it up.
	They're not keeping these on all day.
	And also for a two-year-old who's virtually at zero risk, you're going to tell them in their formative years like there's a giant virus and we're all dying.
	Like, dude, let them chill.
	You can tell them like people are getting sick, but like, dude, they were mask on all the times.
	Where's the virus now, dude?
	That's a thing.
	It's fucking gone, bro.
	Exactly.
	You don't hear about it.
	The facts cards, that shit didn't intend.
	Like, what was that for now?
	And now the people that have it, they don't know if Mike gets sick.
	And you know now that I believe you can't trust, I don't know.
	I don't want to go down the road.
	I just think people hear so much of it, they're probably sicking.
	Yeah, I mean, also, it's a throwback now.
	But yeah, they were funny too because they were just a piece of paper.
	Yeah.
	So you could just fake them.
	And there was no penalty for if you faked one, there was no criminal penalty.
	Yeah, I had four fake ones, dude.
	Yeah.
	I got into different countries on fake ones because they would just look at it.
	I have a picture on my phone and be like, here it is.
	And they'd be like, cool, man.
	I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous.
	So dumb, man.
	What else happened in the news, guys?
	Let me see.
	Peru classified transgender, non-binary, and intersex people as mentally ill.
	Peru.
	Wow.
	What did they say?
	Why?
	That's a good question.
	I mean, Peru's a Christian nation.
	I do know that, but I'm not saying that justifies it.
	I'm just laying that groundwork.
	The controversial decision was made to ensure the country's public health services could guarantee full coverage of medical attention for mental health for the trans community, Peruvian Health Ministry explained.
	That makes sense.
	In order to bill insurance, it has to be some sort of mental disorder.
	Oh, so it's a health disorder.
	That's kind of nice.
	They did a kind of a nice thing.
	Being gay was a straight-up mental disorder in the 70s.
	It was listed in the book that was like that.
	There's a book that's called the DSM that has every mental disorder.
	And every year, people have to argue what's still one, what isn't, like, how long, you know, blah, blah, blah.
	But yeah, being gay in like the 70s was like a mental, it was like a clinical mental disorder.
	Well, of course.
	I mean, it had to seem like it.
	If you think about it, imagine you're hanging out somewhere, right?
	Yeah.
	And you're just sitting there with your buddy or something.
	You're watching like the Cubs or something.
	You're watching Andre Dawson.
	And your buddy keeps fucking putting his hand on your leg, right?
	True.
	And you tell him, like, you know, hey, Mark, your hand keeps moving over here.
	Is something wrong with your elbow?
	Is something wrong with your shoulder?
	You have to call 911.
	Is something wrong with your bicep?
	And he's like, no, I'm fine.
	And it keeps happening.
	And then it starts rubbing on your chest or whatever.
	You're like, dude, doesn't understand that something's wrong with you.
	You're going to think then that he's mentally disabled.
	True.
	It's a fair point.
	It's actually a fair point.
	Even he would probably think it in the beginning.
	He'd be like, some guys I'm sure were like, the hell?
	What is going on?
	Could you imagine?
	Oh, God.
	50s being like, I just want to suck my boss's dick so bad.
	There's no one in the world you could turn to and be like, look, man, I want to suck my boss's dick more than anything.
	Everybody, get the fuck out of here right now.
	People would beat your ass.
	Yeah.
	Or people would just be like, yo, you're crazy.
	You would have to think you're crazy because if you didn't even know about being gay, imagine you never even heard about being gay.
	You just seen your parents and suddenly you're being gay, right?
	Or you look at like your brother, your neighbor, your male neighbor.
	God damn.
	And you just like kind of start fucking feeling some type of way about them.
	Yeah, man.
	Like a candle for no reason.
	It must have been crazy.
	I've never envied that, man.
	They used to do lobotomies to un-gay people.
	They used to do, really?
	Yeah.
	They would do lobotomies thinking that it could help them.
	Damn.
	Cut the gay part out.
	But so actually, they did it.
	It was a positive thing.
	That article made it sound like it was negative, huh?
	Yeah, I could be wrong, but that's what it sounded like in order for them to get help.
	Or like if they want to, something you can bill.
	Is that right, Nick?
	Are we in the right field here of it?
	Yeah, I think Matt's right.
	But I do think people are just running with the headline and being like, Peru's.
	Peru's fucked up.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And then like the conservative side's like, fuck yeah, Peru.
	Right, people will just read the headline.
	That'll be it.
	And then conservatives are like, fuck yeah, Peru.
	Who was that speaker?
	They had a guy who was speaking yesterday.
	It was the kicker from.
	Harrison McBucker.
	Yeah, you see this?
	This was going around.
	He was speaking at a Catholic school, Benedict College.
	Congratulations on an amazing accomplishment.
	You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives.
	I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you.
	How many of you are sitting here now, about to cross this stage, and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career?
	Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.
	I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabel would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.
	I'm on this stage today enabled to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.
	I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith.
	You love middle school, huh?
	And embraces the most important titles of all.
	Dude.
	Holemaker.
	Okay.
	You know, it's kind of a sweet, heartfelt thing.
	It's just like he may have, he shouldn't have, you know, ran that by.
	I think it's a nice sentiment that he's trying to go for, but it's also like, dude.
	Well, he's, yeah.
	He's saying that, well, first of all, I wonder for our school, does it look at homemaking?
	Because we live, a lot of people are divorced now.
	People are raised with only one parent.
	You know, my mother had to work all the time.
	You know, your dad, so then your mom has to do both jobs or your dad has to do both jobs.
	A lot of times, if you're not able to see both parents, it's not a safe place for even an animal to be raised with a single parent.
	And we promote it, it feels like a lot with our society.
	Dude, it's impossible.
	They used to do that at social work school.
	Like, there's no difference between having a single parent and two parents.
	It's like, yeah, what the fuck are you talking about?
	So different.
	Gigantic difference.
	dude, it'd be impossible.
	If I had to raise kids by myself, it's for real.
	It's hard to do.
	I'm not going to say you can't do it, but it's like, it is so fucking hard.
	It's crazy.
	So, yeah, I don't think that this, I definitely understand where this at a Christian college is Benedictine?
	It sounds like Christian.
	Okay, so it's not that crazy.
	Right.
	My thing, it's kind of like, I do feel like, you know, people do hear, hate hearing this, but there is some truth to that in terms of like, I do think it's, I just feel sad if a woman does, like, gets all like, you know, has it jammed in her head that she has to like rise at a Fortune 500 company and slowly is like, damn, I kind of wish I had kids.
	Like having kids is more meaningful than being like an insurance salesman, you know, like in terms of experience.
	So yeah, I feel like it's like it's a thing women have.
	It's an insecurity that if they don't work, they're somehow have been brainwashed into like some old, like, you know, outdated value system that like they should fight against it.
	But, you know, in reality, I do think that a lot of women, you know, would probably like to not be at their job and like, you know, be at home doing stuff.
	It's a fucking, it is a job.
	It's a massive insane undertaking.
	Well, it's, it's a job that's being, that's not getting done right now.
	Yeah.
	It feels like in our country.
	Yeah, because it's almost like a, like, dude, women, like, they're allergic to like minivans.
	Like, if you show a woman a minivan, they'll spazz.
	Like, no, I never drive that.
	Then they'll drive like a crossover, which is just a fucking minivan in disguise.
	You can't tell them it's a minivan now.
	You can't.
	They'll spazz.
	But there is something almost.
	Even at night, a crossover kind of like takes its fucking sides off and minivan pops out as a cigarette.
	God.
	But yeah, again, it's a uniform all day.
	Yeah, I would never tell a woman like, you can't work.
	No, you can do whatever you want.
	Of course.
	Of course.
	Well, I also think some of it is an over, like there was a time where women like were abused in the workplace.
	They were taken advantage of.
	They were used for sex to get promotions.
	They were promised promotions and not given them.
	They had no, they would go to court, but the men in town had the power and they would influence the judges.
	There was no, it's a fucking nightmare.
	It's been a nightmare for women to get the equality that they've needed to also to just have money, really, which was the power.
	Right.
	It's definitely been a hell of a journey.
	But yeah, I wonder sometimes if the pendulum will swing back some and you will have more women that are just like, I want to be a homemaker and I want to be a good mom and create a good household.
	And a lot of the women in our society, I think they're a reflection of men.
	I think we don't realize that a lot of times.
	Like if your wife is happy, not all the time, but they're a reflection of men.
	Does that make any sense?
	It does.
	It makes total sense, man.
	Like if you love your wife and you lift her up and you, you know, you, then she lives that way.
	Yeah.
	You know, and if as a father you do that probably with your daughters, they live that way.
	Yeah.
	You know, I always sometimes feel like they're a reflection of the men in their lives.
	Yeah, it's true, man.
	It's hard too, especially like, you know, with any job, it's just hard to like remember like, okay, yeah.
	Because you get so wrapped up in your job, you're like, oh, I have to like set up like a culture in this house and make sure everyone's okay and like do stuff.
	Because you get, you get into a thing where you're just like, all right, I'm done, my work.
	I'm going to go home.
	We're going to watch TV.
	We're going to chill.
	And I totally get that.
	But yeah, it takes a lot of effort and no one's really incentivizing you toward that effort.
	Like with work, everyone's like, you know, they're dangling hairs over your face all, you know, all day long.
	But for having kids and like raising a family, it's totally up to you to be like, here's how we're going to do this.
	And it's, it's difficult.
	But I do think women got sold an idea that like they have to be kick-ass businesswomen.
	And like anything less than that is like a failure and like a disgrace for like the women struggle.
	And it's like, well, I think the women's struggle helped in people finding out like, oh yeah, people were pretty miserable to women for a long time.
	Now let's let them do whatever they really want to do, let them do.
	I get why people are mad at that, but I still am like, that's not a bad thing.
	And he genuinely thinks he's trying to help people, man.
	He's not trying to be like a dick.
	Like, stay at home, bitch.
	Yeah.
	At one point, Bucker mentioned the word pride, then clarified that he wasn't talking about the deadly sin sort of pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, about the true God-centered pride that is cooperating with the Holy Ghost to glorify him.
	Okay, so he really, so he's just a devout, he's a devout Christian or Catholic, maybe.
	I mean, that's the thing is about some of this, it's like you can't go to a devout Catholic and expect non-devout Catholic shit, you know?
	That's what I don't love about like the way the media covers a lot of this stuff.
	It's like, yeah, most people might not agree with the guy or some people might not.
	But you can't go to a chocolate shop and get pissed when somebody fucking gives you some chocolate shit.
	True.
	Yeah.
	That guy's a devout Catholic.
	Then that's what he believes.
	It's like, it was a safe space.
	He was in a safe space.
	And, you know, it's like, if my dad sat in like a liberal safe space, he'd be incensed.
	He'd freak.
	Yeah.
	So it's like, yeah, he doesn't go there.
	So it's like, yeah, I get it.
	It's like, dude, I get if you're gay, that would piss you off.
	But if you're not gay, you're like, whatever.
	And if you're like super Christian, you're like, fuck yeah.
	It all depends on like what you're up to.
	Right.
	There's people for everybody, you know, but we act like sometimes the media acts like there's not people for everybody in a way.
	They only want to create, but then that's their job.
	Yeah.
	Maybe I'm being a downer today.
	No, you're not being a downer.
	It is like, I mean, we're having like, dude, there's a guy, Ken Wilber, who writes, I think it's like the best take on this I've ever heard about how historically human beings have gone through just different levels of just consciousness, consciousness, where it's like, like originally the thing that like motivated humans, like the highest ideal is just being powerful and dominating others.
	Like if you're a Roman, if you're like, you know, like Alexander the Great, if you went and fucked up a whole bunch of people, you were the man, like you would be like, God loves me.
	This is awesome.
	And then we kind of evolved into like Christianity and all that, you know, whatever.
	That was kind of like, actually, you know, we should be nicer to each other.
	And then we came up with like, we should be nice to other Christians and like kind of fuck everybody else.
	So we went from like, they call it like power gods to mythic membership.
	And then from mythic membership to the scientific worldview.
	And they're saying the last one, the newest worldview has been this kind of like woke kind of idiot, like postmodern Woke ideology.
	And now we have people at different levels of this, and they're all just entrenched in their worldview and fighting each other.
	And he's like, it's just going to go on, you know, until people are just like, all right, fuck it.
	And they transcend all of them.
	Like, look, you do your thing.
	I get it.
	I don't agree.
	But, like, I don't hate you because of it.
	Yeah, that's the part.
	Yeah.
	I think hating people because of it's bizarre to me, but I'm not shocked.
	Like a Christian guy at a Christian college said some really Christian shit.
	He did.
	Yeah.
	So it's like, that to me, it's not even fucking news.
	You know, it's like, let him be who he wants to be.
	You know?
	He said, I love my wife and I'm not gay.
	It's like, yeah, that's for sure, dude.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	I'm not, yeah, I'm not saying I agree with everything the guy says or anything, but let him speak.
	It's like, yeah, I think the guy should be able to speak.
	You said a little bit ago that you think there's like a wave, a faith wave that's starting up.
	I think so.
	Can I pee real quick?
	I'm about to, I thrill might pee my pants on camera.
	Go pee.
	And we're almost done anyway.
	That was like a 5 a.m.
	P, dude.
	That was like five minutes long.
	Amen.
	All right.
	Sorry about that.
	No worries.
	It was a good pee.
	Hey, yeah, I saw you in there.
	You were peeing and I came in.
	And then when I left, you were still peeing.
	I laughed.
	Yeah, it was crazy.
	I was embarrassed about how long I was peeing for.
	I was like, come on, dude.
	Here we go.
	Yeah, there is that weird thing.
	It's like, it's so funny.
	You'll get embarrassed if you can't pee.
	Yeah.
	And then you'll get embarrassed if you're peeing too long because people, even if you're standing there facing the urinal with your wiener, people will be like, that dude's taking a shit.
	True.
	Like, this fucking dude is taking a shit.
	Or you'll think the people outside think you're taking a shit.
	Like, at what point do people think you're taking a shit?
	Look that up.
	Shitting in the urinal is crazy, too.
	That's a wild move.
	Shitting at the urinal is a insane move.
	It should be treason.
	You should get hung.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'll get hooked.
	You should be shot by a firing squad.
	It's like.
	Well, no, it means you should be allowed to be a lifeguard, dude.
	Okay, obviously.
	According to Scientific American, mammals that weigh more than six and a half pounds, that's us, take about 21 seconds to urinate, plus or minus 13 seconds.
	Whoa, you see that last part?
	Oh, no, when you pass a stool, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter decreases tension in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to pass at the same time.
	Okay.
	True.
	What does that fact mean, that you can pee while you poop?
	I don't think you can, huh?
	I've never done it.
	I think it's saying that when you pee, it makes you.
	If you pee while you poop, the fucking cops will show up.
	Who does that?
	We're in Philadelphia?
	I've never heard anyone successfully do it.
	That's crazy, dude.
	I would never do that, dude.
	Yeah, I live by a church, dude.
	They would know immediately when I went in there.
	They'd be like, yep, he did it.
	You were talking about faith, man.
	You think there's going to be like people need something.
	I do think that not having faith is there's something that's not help.
	The rest of this seems fucking aimless.
	Life starts to seem kind of aimless and purposeless.
	That's the thing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I honestly like, you know, it was like Bill Maher was all about this way back in the day when he did Religulous, where he went around and like debated like conservative Baptist Christians down south and was like, you actually think a guy in the sky.
	And it's like, that whole argument is ridiculous.
	But it was cool to be atheistic back when like there was still kind of like a stronghold of religion.
	But now like we've lost it all.
	And it's, dude, it's terrifying to be like, we're just totally alone.
	We're like a cosmic mistake that's just like here, like a fucking amoeba, just eating and shitting.
	It's, I think now that it's completely collapsed, it'll get rebuilt in a, I think, a more thoughtful kind of way where it isn't like, you know, a literal interpretation.
	If that's people's thing, whatever.
	But there's like, there, it's evolved a lot in terms of like the concept of God, what it could possibly mean, like the consciousness and the universe.
	There's just, and then like you take like the Eastern stuff that's kind of blending in, and then you add YouTube, which is like now people can learn about anything and kind of reconceptualize their own connection to God rather than just kind of like being in Sunday school and, you know, and having someone just being like, this is how this works.
	Because there's like with religion, and again, this is more just Ken Wilbur stuff.
	He talks about there's like translative religions where it's like them.
	And he's a human being?
	Ken Wilbur, yeah, he's a human being.
	He's dude, his stuff.
	I think he's one of the smartest guys out there.
	Still alive?
	Yeah, he's still alive.
	I think he lives in Boulder.
	He's a 75. But yeah, so he talks about...
	Bro, he would be a fantastic get.
	But he talks about this, how a lot of the religion people grew up with here is like translative, where it's just kind of like, here's how the universe was built.
	And here's what happened then.
	There's no process toward transforming yourself.
	He's like, there's translative and then there's transformative religion.
	A lot of the Eastern stuff is more about transforming yourself.
	But then, you know, whatever.
	So I think within, within here, if people can kind of start to learn about there are pathways to transform yourself over an entire lifetime to make you a more loving person and like, you know, you can tap it, whatever.
	I don't know.
	I'm like out of my element with that.
	Yeah, you sound insane a little, but I also think that you're a very smart guy and a super communicative guy, man.
	But I think, yeah, I think there is, it is getting, I was just joking.
	No, it's funny.
	It's very funny.
	And I do, I lose the thread hard on myself.
	Oh, I hate that, dude.
	Dude, it happens to me all the time.
	I swear, I'm like, I'm right there.
	And I'm just going to words, bro.
	It's like when you tell people to come over, you're going to show them something, and then there's nothing there.
	But it's like 30 feet away.
	I can feel it.
	That's the problem.
	I can feel it.
	I just can't put it into words.
	Oh, yeah, dude.
	Imagine how Biden feels and fucking nothing.
	I make fun of him all the time.
	I'm just as bad as him.
	I'm like, oh, but you do learn about stuff like that.
	Imagine when he closes his eyes.
	He just see it's just like a pigeon eating a caramel or whatever.
	There's nothing in there.
	It's crazy.
	He's obviously just being used, obviously, by the new Jim Hints and whoever those people are.
	But no, there is something about religion.
	There is something about like, yeah, having faith, believing in something that's greater than us.
	And yeah, I think maybe we get away from like the word.
	It's like not as locked into the words of things, but more about the feeling and what it means to be human.
	And then also like if you use certain religions, if Christianity or Muhammadism or whatever is your pathway to believe in faith, then that's just your pathway.
	You know, I think getting past the point of like thinking that no one else can have another pathway to, like, that seems kind of outdated, you know?
	That's the Ken Wilber guy.
	So that's it's an example of mythic membership where you're like my group has absolute direct access to reality everyone else is wrong and he says what we'll all get to eventually is called tier two thinking where you go like i can see where you're coming from this is kind of my thing i what you're doing sick we're all kind of doing you know the same thing in essence with like different you know we got like different clothes on in terms of our thoughts we're all doing the same thing but yeah dude it's like there's like dude if without i think if you're if you're religious like actually religious like you have like a spirit real spiritual connection i think on average you live like eight years longer yeah it's crazy like the study
	and the studies are just like irrefutable oh well imagine just the only thing that you cared about i mean i even notice as i get older it's like i don't have a family right i don't have a wife or children um i'm at home sometimes and i'm like what am i even doing yeah yeah i've done that myself where you sit there and you're like what am i gonna do now what is the purpose of any or what is like like there's purposeful stuff that happens in moments and things to think about and enjoy and i'm not being like a downer about myself or about my life but
	just like well yeah what there isn't there must be something greater right than just this and so yeah i think family helps you see that um believing in something getting up every day and believing that the universe cares about you yeah i think having a society that reflects that we care about each other and that the we care about the universe and that it cares about us too you know yeah it's not that crazy to be like like we're we somehow consciousness emerged within our heads why would it not be something
	prevalent like why would it not be in the universe itself to be like the universe at whole isn't conscious but somehow out of unconsciousness we have consciousness yeah it gets real crazy it is it's total cap but it's like cap as dude it's not that a universe that can't think made something that could think and designed itself unbeliev perfectly it's unbelievable the way it's said perfectly so yeah that's for me the older i've gotten i've been like you know and that's why they call it faith it's like i can't prove it but it's like i will definitely hedge my bets
	i'm like dude the universe it's it's on it's also like it's like a like an ant trying to explain florida to like they can't comprehend florida but like for some reason humans have this inkling that there is something beyond themselves and it's universal it's totally universal too that's a good point dude totally universal in human beings throughout pretty much all of time yeah you'd have to how could you trick you could never and it's not even like i don't even know a ton about religion but if i look up at the fucking sky at night i feel like there's something happening
	here exactly what it is ain't exactly exactly you go i am that sky there's a man with a gun over there and now we're back in philadelphia guys matt mccusker thank you so much man congratulations um everybody loves you so much i'm so grateful that you and shane have each other and have been on this journey together and um yeah just thanks for coming and spending time with us today man thanks for having me man awesome thank you now

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