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March 12, 2024 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:05:03

E487 Dax Shepard

Dax Shepard is an actor, comedian and host of the popular podcast “Armchair Expert”. Dax Shepard joins Theo to talk about the dangers of Michigan truck stops, dealing with step-dads growing up, childhood romance, the worst type of cookie, struggling with relationships in the past, overcoming addiction, and the problem with endless shrimp. Dax Shepard: https://www.instagram.com/daxshepard/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ DoorDash: Sign up for DashPass today, only on DoorDash, and use code THEO24 to get up to 50% off a $10 value when you spend $12 or more after you sign up. Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. Gametime: Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code WEEKEND for $20 off your first purchase. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	I've got some new tour dates to tell you about.
	I'll be in Halifax, Nova Scotia on August 11th at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival.
	Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, March 13th at 10 a.m.
	local time with pre-sale code Rat King.
	General on sale starts Friday, March 15th at 10 a.m.
	local time.
	We thank you so much for the support.
	We also have tickets remaining in Atlanta, Georgia, and St. Louis, Missouri.
	Those shows are in April.
	Get all your tickets through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
	Today's guest is an actor, comedian, podcaster.
	You may know him from a lot of his films, or you may know him from his Armchair Expert podcast.
	This is my first time meeting him today, and I'm excited about it.
	I'm looking forward to getting to know him.
	Today's guest is Mr. Dex Shepard.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing Almost there Shine on me
	I'm just amazed at those people that they find that live in like they find them and the kids have been living in like a basement or an Ohio basement.
	It's generally an Ohio basement.
	Yeah, I guess it's kind of like an Ohio pastime.
	I don't want to say.
	Well, it says on the license plate, Ohio Buckeye State slash basement captives state.
	Yeah, dude.
	What if in years from now?
	Sincerely, I've seen 12 of those stories over the years on the news, and it's 100% of them have been in Ohio, like middle of Ohio.
	Oh, definitely.
	It's like, hey, let's, they should do like always, like, hey, show your basement, you know?
	Yeah, I think there should be like mandatory basement sweeps in Ohio.
	Like you got taxes, you got the census.
	Fuck it.
	Task the census people with it.
	Like, just need to know how many folks are here.
	We're going to have to peek in the basement.
	Hey, I want those cellar doors open now, bro.
	Should those wide open so we can just sniff around a little bit.
	Imagine personal.
	Just 12% of you have people in the basement.
	And so it'd be irresponsible for us to not take a little gander down there.
	I wonder if the world evolves so much that things like that, like the basement, like basement people becomes like a mascot for the city football team or something, you know?
	Like the Cleveland basement.
	Basement people.
	Does Louisiana have something that they over-index in?
	Like when you're watching shows and you're like, yeah, that's...
	I want to say 40% of date lines I watch where the woman has married the husband.
	That's going to be Michigan.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And then also if some militia members are going to try to capture somebody, that's generally going to be.
	In fact, not to bring it down, but the Oklahoma City bombing was planned at the Amoco truck stop like six miles from my house.
	Oh, wow.
	It's amazing, man.
	Yeah.
	And that was in Michigan.
	Yeah, yeah, right off of US 23. But it was called the Oasis truck stop.
	And how'd they get it to Oklahoma City?
	Did they, people didn't bid on it, right?
	That's crazy.
	Timothy McVay, was that his name?
	Yeah.
	He just was regrouping in Michigan.
	It's a great place to brush up on your militia skills.
	I think he was in there with some of his militia guys.
	And then they needed a place to plan, maybe some big tables to lay out stuff.
	And the Oasis gas station was turnkey for them.
	Well, that's.
	I'm watching the news and I'm like, I'm a kid, you know, ish.
	And I'm like, oasis gas station?
	Where like, A, I'm afraid to go in as a kid because there's men sleeping in their semis.
	I like when I run in for a candy bar and there's like a parking lot full of men.
	Oh, it's a lot of those places.
	It's a real, I like to call it like a molester's gauntlet kind of that you run through.
	Yes.
	You're like, there's so many like pitfalls here.
	Yeah.
	So many traps.
	You know, a lot of like those truckers will leave like the candy right in front of the truck.
	Sure.
	A couple dollar bills right by the steps of the truck.
	A little baggy with just some remnants of some speed.
	Well, you know, I drive a bus.
	I have a tour bus.
	Oh, you do now?
	Yeah.
	Not because I tour, but because my family and I go out in it for a few weeks every summer.
	Oh, yeah?
	And I go to the sand dunes a lot.
	So regardless.
	You go to the sand dunes, you said?
	Yeah.
	I'm just making sure what you said.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I've never been to the sand dunes, but.
	You know, you know of them here in California?
	Glamis.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, it's such an incredibly weird and wonderful place.
	You can't believe it's in California the whole time you're there.
	It's 400 square miles of sand dunes, 20 by 20. And the folks that are there are like the folks from the Oasis gas station that I grew up with.
	And you're like, wow.
	But half of them are from Arizona because it's very close to Arizona.
	But it's on the Mexican border with the wall and it's enormous sand dunes.
	And so, oh, look at this.
	Oh, wow.
	You could potentially even see photos of me.
	Yeah, look at this.
	And so like on New Year's Eve, there'll be 250.
	It's the closest thing in real life to the original Road Warrior.
	Oh, Road Warrior.
	Specifically, Road Warrior.
	And Road Warrior was that movie.
	It was kind of like Mad Max a little bit?
	It was the second one.
	I think the first Mad Max was black and white and very Australian.
	And then Road Warrior was just You're in the Desert with Mel.
	Yeah, I did.
	And the last of the V8 Interceptors.
	Thank you so much.
	I saw Mel Gibson.
	Come on.
	Thank you.
	Wow.
	I'm so bad with names.
	I try to.
	Really?
	You just did that like a sniper.
	I just did that to you.
	That's all me.
	Do you want to move my truck or anything?
	Take him for a ride?
	Does he need it?
	This is a plunger for a bomb I put in the lobby.
	Do you know Banaka's breath sprays?
	No.
	It's nicer.
	It's straight nicotine.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	No delivery device, just straight nicotine.
	Are you into nicotine?
	Yeah, I've been into it.
	Do you want a trialo?
	I don't, let me see.
	I'll hold it for a second because I, um, yeah, I was doing nicotine for a long time, and then I've had 14 days off, and I'm on the.
	Oh, well, then give me there.
	Yeah, keep it there.
	Well, now I've had one day off.
	Oh, then take it.
	Let's leave it right here.
	Okay.
	This TBD.
	Yeah.
	This is just there.
	But one of my, another comedian on the tour bus had a vape on him.
	Oh.
	Had a moment at night.
	It was just like I was falling apart.
	I don't know.
	It was just, sometimes if I'm up too late, then I'll do something to damage myself.
	Of course.
	I'll like do a watch a do queue up some porn or preferred website.
	You do, but you don't want to promote it?
	I just don't know.
	Yeah, it doesn't matter.
	It's not an important question.
	I mean, a lot of the websites.
	I don't do a lot of porn, but I'm increasingly wanting to.
	No.
	And I'm wondering if I'm on the right website.
	Because I think you strike me as a pro, and I don't say that judgmentally, but I feel like you've been to every corner of the internet.
	I've been through some, yeah, I've been through some probably, I don't want to call them wormholes, but I've been through some.
	Yeah.
	So I want you to Jedi me just a tiny bit and be like, save some time.
	This is where you want to be.
	What happens to me?
	So it'll be up late and I'll be kind of fucking antsy or whatever.
	And I'll probably have been doing some vaping.
	And so then I'm like, all right, well, might as well watch a little bit of porno.
	Pornography.
	You know, yeah, just to fucking cap the night off because I'm a fucking king.
	Bookender.
	Yeah.
	Because I do what I want to do.
	Yeah.
	So next thing you know, I'm queued up on there.
	And I have this fear now that the they, the porno sites are videoing you back because that's how they get people like down the line is like they're like, oh, blackmail.
	Yes, for blackmail.
	So it's like.
	Do you pep tape over your camera or anything?
	That would be smart.
	Oh my God.
	Here's what I'm doing, dude.
	I do something crazy.
	What do you do?
	I put the screen at like an angle where it can only kind of see the ceiling or whatever.
	And then I kind of like, oh my lord.
	I'll like lean off and kind of masturbate it like an angle kind of.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Sideways.
	Like I'm the guy that does those.
	Remember that picture they used to have on the school on the wall of the staircases that interchanged or whatever?
	The MCS.
	Yes, MCS.
	I'll take like a real MC Esher angle.
	Sure.
	Penis is off to your right hip.
	Just making sure I'm out of the way.
	Okay, well, let's drill down into, because I think I know exactly what you're doing.
	It started with you're too late or you're up late.
	Yeah, I'm up late.
	So I so relate, which is I'm supposed to go to bed at a certain time or I know I feel the best if I go to bed at a certain time.
	Right.
	But then once I've crossed that, now it's kind of like, well, I'm just fucking up.
	Yeah.
	I'm fucking up.
	So I already feel bad.
	So let's go all the way.
	So let's get the vape off our buddy.
	Let's get that porno.
	Let's get our computer tilted at a weird angle.
	Yeah, let's rev up some porno.
	Yeah, let's fire it up.
	Let's make some fucking, and I'll do sleepy time tea and vape.
	So I'm just living in this fucking speedball-y zone.
	Yeah, just crazy.
	Like, hey, what's going to happen with this guy?
	You know, he might stay up.
	He might watch a movie.
	He might go to sleep, bro.
	This dude does his own shit, you know?
	Okay, so back to the bus.
	So I have a bus and I have to.
	And it's a real bus.
	It's an actual tour bus.
	It's an actual tour bus.
	Okay, and you guys keep it at home.
	I think my neighbors think Aerosmith's spending the night a lot of the time.
	It's a proper tour bus, the big old diesel pusher.
	Biggest cat out there.
	The ASX.
	Oh, there you go.
	That's me at a truck stop with my daughter.
	Sure, it is.
	Okay.
	We just went over some of this, that this is the type of thing that we're looking out for.
	Oh, yes, yes.
	You show the first image you show us.
	No, that's awesome, man.
	So I'm constantly now, it used to be I was a kid and I had to walk the gauntlet at the Oasis truck stop to get my candies.
	Yeah.
	And now I'm back integrated because I can only pull the bus into the truck.
	You know, there it is.
	Look at that.
	Wow.
	Isn't that a steed?
	Yeah.
	And you guys are so good.
	Oh, so look, I got my weightlifting kit up there.
	Oh, you do have it perfect in there.
	I travel with my weights and I got my grill pulled out.
	And where will you guys get like a stay in a more upper, like a, is there like a fancy KOA campground or is there still just the.
	I think there is.
	I think maybe Berkshire Hathaway bought some conglomerate of really fancy ones.
	That's not what we do.
	There is an app now, Hip Camp, I think it's called.
	It's just like Airbnb, where someone might have like eight acres.
	They don't know what to do with the eight acres.
	They're not going to build on it.
	So they just put a 50 amp charger and like a sewer line and some fresh water on that spot.
	And then you book it.
	You never see anyone.
	I just pull the bus into a field on a river, hook up, and then we're good to go.
	Or we'll have, we plan that we're going to be at friends' house that have big driveways.
	Like that was at my friend's house in Jackson Hole, who has a, you know, big old driveway.
	So you guys will just hit the bus and just take the red, just go all the way up there.
	Yes, but now I'm at the truck steps all the time.
	And then I step out of the bus and I walk the same way in to go to the professional, you know, cashier.
	You know, this whole routine.
	And the dudes I'm seeing are all the guys that, you know, they're just waking up in there and everything.
	And then I play this game in my head where I'm like, am walking tough enough and I got my gloves on.
	Do they think I'm a driver?
	You know, that's kind of what I want them to think.
	Yeah, you want to see them.
	And if they see me getting out of the fancy bus, I'm like, man, if I got a drive.
	But I try to walk.
	The way I walk into the trucker entrance of the pilot gas station is the performance of my life.
	It beats any work I've ever done in film or television.
	I believe it really does.
	Because I'm afraid of those guys.
	I mean, if you really boil down to what it is, it's like I was afraid of them as a kid.
	I'm still afraid of them.
	So I fucking walk into that gas station like you're going to have your hands full with someone else.
	Yeah.
	Even though you're fucking six foot two and you're like, yeah, but I feel eight years old.
	Yeah, dude, it's so funny.
	Sometimes you always feel eight years old, don't you?
	Oh, I'm always, always.
	I have to actively remind myself I'm not.
	It's like a mantra.
	Yeah.
	I have to like, I have to go through a checklist.
	Like, okay, you're 49. You got money.
	You're not tiny.
	Right.
	You've been in a trillion fights.
	Like, what are you fucking afraid of?
	What is...
	What did we have?
	Yeah, we had one guy, Mr. Charlie, and he was in.
	That says a lot that his name's Mr. Charlie.
	He was in the war, and definitely.
	And I don't know if he was called Mr. Charlie before the war, but I think he loved the war so much that he changed his name to Charlie.
	You know, like.
	Which is confusing because was he in Vietnam?
	He might have been in Vietnam.
	Because they were calling the enemy Charlie.
	Yeah, I think he took on the enemies.
	He might have, because he would take my mom always to like the Chinese restaurant all the time.
	And he would kind of like do like a lot of, he would like kind of pay homage in there.
	He did some kind of bizarre shit.
	And sometimes he would take us, dude.
	This is one crazy thing he would do.
	He owned a car wash that had like all the work.
	Coin operated.
	Yeah, coin operated, dude.
	So he always had.
	I heard those are cash cash.
	Oh, bro.
	He always had some fucking money on him.
	My whole life, the one thing I've wanted to own was a coin-operated car.
	Yes.
	You grew up hearing that it's just like it just prints money.
	It just sits there.
	No one works there.
	Yeah.
	You stop in occasionally and grab a couple thousand dollars in quarters.
	You stop in, do CPR on somebody and then fucking pull a body out of the 55-gallon drum trash can.
	Yeah, my mom would always take us to wash her car.
	That was like a big thing that we would do.
	And so anyway, so she met Mr. Charlie and then he would take us to Holiday and Express sometimes for the continental breakfast, but he would say he was taking us out to eat, right?
	But it was just, we would just, it was just the free breakfast.
	We would just go in the door and eat, right?
	But I never knew.
	So I'd always like ask the strangers to like, if I could order like a fucking something.
	Like, yeah, I'll have another waffle.
	And the people were just like, what the fuck are you talking about?
	I'm here for my son's soccer tournament.
	You thought everyone worked there.
	But he was good.
	And then he lost his mind or something.
	And he had Alzheimer's.
	And then he wore gloves a lot.
	And it was kind of like people were always asking if he played the piano and he couldn't hear him.
	And it was just like a lot of just, it kind of just devolved, you know.
	What ages was?
	He might have died at 89. Okay.
	Wow.
	He's much older than I was.
	Yeah, he's straight in my hair.
	So your mom has a flair for older men.
	Older men.
	Okay.
	But back up.
	How old were you while Mr. Charlie was taking you to the Holiday and Express?
	Probably, I was probably a good 11, I bet.
	And was he, he was too old to come in and be like, I got a new program and I'm the dad.
	Or did he do that?
	No, he didn't really.
	He was pretty chill.
	He's like, wanted you to reach for the remote for him and stuff.
	Yeah, he wore like a cool hat and he would just, sometimes he would get his dog in his lap and just, he would tell us how much he loved his dog and he would make us kind of sit there and listen to him tell us that.
	But he was a pretty handsome guy.
	And what else?
	How old was your mom while he was 89?
	She was probably 70, I bet.
	No, she was, I think he was probably 20 years older than my mom.
	And your dad, how much older?
	38 years old.
	My parents were 38 different.
	30 years.
	Why were you emancipated at 14?
	I just didn't like being at home, man.
	I fucking hated it.
	I didn't like my environment that much.
	I just didn't like it.
	I didn't like my environment.
	I didn't like not having a say in where I was or who I was.
	I felt like I kind of just got in this space in life that I was like, this doesn't make any sense.
	This family, there's no connection.
	My family felt like a business that you had to work at, but you didn't know what the job was, but you had to be there every day.
	Every day you're just standing around.
	There's like a kitchen.
	There's like a fucking, but you have no idea what the business is.
	But you got to be there, you know?
	So was mom.
	Yeah, so my mom was cool.
	My mom was just, you know, she was just a different type.
	You know, she was just, my mom was just working all the time, you know?
	What did she do?
	She sold things like, say, if you go to like a CVS or a gas station, the things that are like at the end of the aisles.
	The impulse buys?
	Yeah, she would kind of go stock those a lot of times.
	Okay.
	So, and one time she worked for this cookie company and she would have these cookies, dude, just these huge boxes of fucking cookies.
	But we were children, dude.
	Jackpot.
	So we would go at night sometimes and sneak out in her car and just lay on top of them and fucking the whole thing.
	It smelled so much like cookies.
	You could inhale and your stomach was full.
	Oh my God.
	You were like, I can't take it.
	Have you ever thought about just fucking filling your Cherokee to the gills with cookies and reenacting that whole experience?
	It might be cathartic and therapeutic.
	It could be interesting, man.
	Yeah.
	No, I never thought about that.
	I did go to my old friend.
	If we were better friends, when we become better friends, I think I'm going to surprise you by just filling your Cherokee to the absolute brim with cookies.
	You're going to get in late for something.
	You're going to be grouchy.
	I shouldn't have vaped last night.
	I should have went to bed two hours earlier.
	I got to stop checking off.
	And then you get in your car and sit in your, oh my Lord.
	God damn.
	Mom?
	Is there a flavor of cookie I should be?
	I love the Snickerdoodle, but these were more.
	My guess, were they an oatmeal raisin?
	They had some oatmeal raisin.
	It was very because you open the box and they were in plastic inside of the box.
	And then they were all lined up.
	They fit exactly as many as they could in that box.
	And it was an unbelievable amount of cookies to be around as a child.
	We couldn't even fathom it.
	But so that was, yeah, that was the kind of work mom did.
	She was just always gone a lot.
	You had two little sisters?
	Yeah.
	Well, I have two sisters and a brother.
	But the brother's way older, right?
	Like, could have been yours?
	No, my dad had some children from his first marriage that were like way older.
	Like one of them was like 57 when I was like probably eight.
	Right.
	And he'sn't, probably.
	I think he somebody shot him.
	How old's your older brother from your mom?
	My older brother, my mom, is two years older than me.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, he's awesome.
	Do you have a little brother syndrome like I do?
	Like, what is it?
	Well, like, A, I thought I was terrible at everything.
	My brother's five years older than me.
	So I'm like, I'm so weak.
	I'm a terrible skateboarder.
	Little brother syndrome.
	Oh, I wonder if I agree with what the definition on Google is.
	The little brother syndrome can manifest in one of two ways.
	A, a sense of entitlement.
	I deserve what he has, or two, a means for advancement.
	He can do it.
	I can do it too.
	I didn't even know of this definition.
	And I guess I agree with some of the items in there.
	But in general, for me, I wanted to be cool and older.
	And I wanted him to let me hang out with him.
	And I was trying desperately to like accomplish all these weird tasks I had decided was the entrance into being his best friend and probably an inferiority complex.
	And then I got, when I got around kids my age, I was like, oh, wait, I'm kind of strong.
	I'm not as terrible at that.
	And then I was like high on that.
	But yeah, I just, I guess wanting to be around somebody nonstop who was very ambivalent about me being around.
	Your brother?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	As he should.
	He was five years older than me.
	Oh, five years is a long enough stretch where it's like, yeah, if some kid is following me around and that kid is, he's going to be weird no matter what because he's younger.
	And he's weird on top of it.
	And fucking weird.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Left-handed dyslexic.
	Were you really?
	Yeah, still.
	Oh, God, huh?
	Y'all never had dyslexia, I don't think.
	I think we both did.
	Did we both do Santa Monica College?
	Yeah, I did that.
	Yeah, me too.
	I have an associates from there.
	Really?
	Yeah, I actually have an associate's degree from Santa Monica College.
	I can't remember if I have that or not, but I remember there was always a rumor that Steve Smith went there.
	Did you ever hear that rumor?
	No.
	Steve Smith, guitar player from Billy Idol or Steve.
	Steve Smith, number 89, that played for Carolina Panthers.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I didn't hear about a single famous person.
	Yep, Chad Johnson and Steve Smith played together at Santa Monica College.
	Oh, I didn't even know they had a football team.
	Wow.
	Chad Johnson and Steve Smith.
	That's at Santa Monica.
	Your team, by the way, is so fast.
	I feel like we're on a CNN show or something.
	This shit is like coming up.
	It's barely out of your mouth, and we're looking at a picture of it.
	They're excited.
	Rice Krispie treats with chocolate chips in them.
	Dude, we've never even met before.
	No.
	It's kind of crazy, you know?
	Yeah, I just like you a lot.
	Well, thanks, man.
	I DM'd you to let you know, like, I just like you so much.
	I think you're one of my favorite people to see something pop up on Instagram.
	Every single time I like it.
	Oh, thanks, bro.
	When it's sincere, I like it.
	When it's really funny, I like it.
	When it's like over the light, there we go.
	There are my rice krispy treats I was thinking of.
	Oh, that's nice.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	Do you have that with people where you don't know them, but I just feel like, oh, God, I just think I really like that guy.
	Yeah.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	Can you think of somebody recently?
	And would you reach out to that person?
	Hmm.
	I'm so bad at answering stuff.
	I'll stop if you want.
	No, no, no.
	I'm just in the habit of asking.
	No, it's good.
	I thought maybe Justin Bieber one time, but we'd met each other through someone.
	And so then I just messaged him.
	Did he respond?
	Yeah.
	He did.
	I have a really wild story of that variety.
	Yeah.
	Which is I didn't know how DMs worked.
	Like I knew, I knew the people that I followed or I, you know, I knew I saw theirs, but then I didn't know there was like general.
	You go there.
	I didn't know you could write, you could do like whatever it's called.
	What's the one?
	It'll bring you to all of basically the verified people who have messaged you.
	Oh, interesting.
	Oh, I know what you're talking about.
	Top requests.
	Top requests.
	I didn't figure that out until maybe two years ago.
	And I've been on Instagram for at least a decade.
	And I figured it out.
	And then I'm looking and I'm like, oh my God, look at all these people who have reached out to me that I didn't see.
	One of them being, and of course his was at the top.
	My wife.
	Because he's the most Justin Bieber was at the top.
	And he was two years old.
	And it was the nicest, most sincere DM about like, hey, either he had just gotten married or he's about to get married.
	And he like thought maybe Kristen and I like had some of the things figured out and he just wanted to chat.
	Oh, wow.
	And then fucking for two years, I just didn't respond.
	And then I was like, oh, my God.
	It's like, I really missed the boat on this.
	I could be like mentoring Bieber in his love life.
	And I'm there for that.
	I fucking saw Believe the movie, the doc.
	Blind side?
	No, the doc.
	Blind side.
	Is that what you say?
	Yeah, I'm trying to think of like a love movie.
	No, no, no.
	It's the doc about him.
	Oh, the documentary about him.
	I fucking loved it.
	Like, I'm not hiding from the fact that I think he's awesome.
	Yeah.
	He's been through it.
	Yeah.
	And somebody that's been through a lot, too.
	I'm always curious when people go through so much, like, how do they end up still being able to take care of themselves?
	Yeah, not dad.
	Huh?
	Not dad.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because I look at if you had given me all the stuff he had at his age, I would have jumped a Ferrari off a mohawk in an accident.
	Too many people.
	We didn't have any.
	Yeah, I remember we had, I got a two liter of Diet 7 up, dude, and I remember I fucking set a vehicle on fire in my neighbor's yard.
	Like, yeah, if I had gotten any uppers at a young age, shit would have gotten bad, bro.
	Yeah.
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	Yeah, my addiction was only curbed by me being broke.
	Right.
	Because you're in recovery, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Okay, me too.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So well, that's it.
	I think I found, I think that's what actually like turbocharged me reaching out to you.
	Yeah.
	It's like, I just liked you.
	And then I was talking to a friend of mine, Charlie, about you.
	And he's like, oh, I love him.
	Yeah.
	I listened to his podcast.
	He goes, you know, he's, he's like sober.
	I think he's like 18 months sober.
	And I was like, oh, wow.
	Now I really have a reason I could reach out.
	That's cool, man.
	But yeah, I quit.
	It was nice of you.
	I'm glad that you did.
	Yeah.
	We've already had a couple of really nice text exchanges.
	Yeah, we have, man.
	We had a nice one the other day.
	And yeah, it's been fun, man.
	Yeah, I like meeting people that are in recovery.
	I feel a lot easier around people that are in recovery for some reason.
	And I don't know even what it is, if there's a different, an immediate level of like care or connection.
	What do you think about it?
	I think it's what's weird is looking back on my life, it parallels exactly who I also hung out with as a kid, which is I only hung out with kids on welfare who also had divorced parents, who also probably had violence in the household.
	I like being around people that I don't think are going to judge me.
	And in the program, everyone there is a fucking scumbag.
	Everyone's a piece of shit.
	That's why we're there.
	And like the great experience you have if you go to AA and you work the steps is you're like, you've made this list of things you've done wrong and you're required to tell somebody and generally it's your sponsor or whatever.
	And you're certain when you walk in there and you let them have this list of things you regret that they're going to call the police on you or throw up in disgust with you.
	And they look at you, they're almost laughing.
	Like, well, that's it?
	Well, you didn't fuck any animals.
	That's like, I'm impressed you haven't fucked any animals.
	And then you're like, well, read the back of that sign.
	Yeah, oh shit, you're right.
	Fuck, I lost something now.
	But that look of like, yeah, me too, is the most comforting thing for me.
	Yeah, there'll be times when I'm in a meeting and like you're sitting there and somebody says something and you can feel, this is crazy.
	It's almost like how volleyball teams all get their period at the same time.
	You can feel like everybody in the room at the same time.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You ever had that happen?
	Oh, yeah, for sure.
	And you're like, it's almost like a group of fish or something.
	Like, the birds all change direction.
	Yeah.
	Some of the steam leaves at the same time out of every, it's, it's got, it's, it's got to be some physiological thing, but it's unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	Well, weirdly, I just interviewed this expert and his book was called Super Communicators.
	And he was talking about them when.
	On armchair?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Um, when two people are having a conversation and it's the same conversation.
	Oh, yeah.
	Charles Doohig.
	Fuck, they're fast.
	It's almost too much now.
	It's too fast.
	And I feel like I'm having deja vu.
	It's triggering deja vu.
	No, no, keep it up.
	Keep it up.
	Don't dial him down a little.
	You guys have a winning recipe.
	But there's basically like three different conversations.
	Conversation, all conversations fall into three categories.
	There's like, there's logistical ones, like, what are we supposed to do next?
	And then there's emotional ones.
	What are you talking about for what?
	So like a classic one would be you and your girlfriend are talking and you think you're having a conversation like how should we fix this problem?
	And she and she's having an emotional conversation.
	She's saying, I'm overwhelmed by this whole thing.
	Got it.
	And so you can look at a brain in an fMRI and see like the part of her brain that's active is like the amygdala.
	And the part of your brain that's active is the neocortex.
	So literally, you can't have the same conversation.
	It's like two different parts of the brain that do two different things.
	So you're like, well, here's how we're going to fix this, hon. You're never going to do that again.
	I'm going to tell it.
	Right.
	And she's like, nothing is comforting her fear in that moment.
	So you guys are just like, and then the more you talk, having the two different conversations, the worse it gets for each other.
	So when you both are having the exact, the real same conversation and you look at people's brains in an fMRI, all of a sudden their brains become kind of indistinguishable from one another.
	Or another example is you can take a musician playing by themselves and then another musician playing by themselves, look at their brain in an fMRI and they have a unique pattern.
	And once they start playing together or start doing a duet, their brain pattern become indistinguishable.
	So we will match our breathing when we're connected.
	Our heart rates will match.
	All this crazy shit will start mirroring.
	Yeah, this is like scientifically proven time and time again.
	So, yes, that moment in a meeting, it's like it's chaotic.
	Someone fought over a parking spot, another guy just got broken up with, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	This person like sledgehammers through generally for me, when I've experienced it, like, was some moment of vulnerability.
	Like, I just failed at this fucking thing.
	And we all go like, wait, oh, God, I know exactly what it feels like to fail in that specific way.
	Yeah.
	And now all of us have joined like the same brain pattern.
	So I think it's not like it's not imagined.
	I think it's physiologically observable.
	And it's so powerful.
	Yeah.
	It's when you realize like, oh yeah, we're social monkeys and we're supposed to be in a group like this and we're supposed to be dialed in and it feels fucking right.
	Yeah.
	And then I didn't go to church or I was drugged to church.
	That was never a part of my life.
	So I don't have that kind of nostalgia for that collective experience I know people in church have.
	I would go, my grandparents would take me and my brother and I would get in trouble.
	My papa Bob would, you know, flick our ears.
	And, you know, it was, we missed it.
	That's a great comparison.
	Like when you said like with the birds, like how they all change at the same time.
	It's so crazy.
	Yeah, I think there's a lot of other things going on that we just don't have the ability since we only have five senses.
	It's hard for us to, I think there's a ton of stuff and information that's in the world, but we only have five ways of inputting it.
	Yeah.
	So we really are kind of limited as opposed to maybe other things may have more, you know, or in the future they may have like creatures that have more or something, you know?
	Are you, would you consider yourself hyper-vigilant?
	I don't, do you mean like in the capital or something like that?
	Like what?
	Are you talking about like people that invaded the capital?
	No, no, no, no.
	Like I'm guessing.
	I don't know enough about you.
	But if you leave the house at 14, my guess is it wasn't like the Cleavers.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Oh, yeah.
	I just didn't feel any connection at home.
	So then at a certain point, I was like, well, why am I going to stay here and let this define me?
	Where did you go at 14?
	I went and stayed with a friend.
	Oh, you did?
	Yep.
	One of my buddies.
	And their parents were fine.
	Yeah, their parents were pretty cool, and we had a nice time.
	And we're still, I still go over there when I go home.
	Yeah.
	So it's like, and their kids, their kids left like a year later and I was still up there.
	You stayed after they left forever.
	Wait, so your buddy was a couple years older than you?
	He was the same age, but he, yeah, something happened.
	He drove into the neighbor's house or something.
	He was drinking and then he had to leave.
	And so I was fucking still there.
	You were still there.
	In his room.
	You were being sponsored by him, but then he split and they kept you.
	That's really funny.
	Did you feel weird as hell like that first dinner?
	Would you eat dinner with the family?
	Yeah, we'd eat dinner with them.
	We had fun, man.
	And your buddy was gone and you were there.
	Yeah.
	It was tough.
	Do you remember that first dinner?
	Oh, yeah.
	I was like, well, more for us.
	I was just in there.
	But I remember the first night I closed the door.
	This is his bedroom.
	This is what is now yours.
	This is when I had my, I had my own bedroom there and I closed the door and I was like, I was like, fuck.
	I hadn't had my own room.
	I was like, this is crazy, dude.
	And then something, I must have had drugs on my mind at that point or something because I remember I opened the window then and lit up a little joint, right?
	And I didn't realize, like, I guess how like stinky it is.
	Just, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I was just excited to fucking have it be a homeowner.
	You thought you had your own home.
	You're like, here we go.
	I'm finally on my own.
	No, no, you have a room, Theo.
	Yeah.
	So it's still in someone else's house.
	And his window was next to mine.
	And I guess his room was open.
	He fucking comes in there.
	He's like, dude, what the fuck?
	Yeah, yeah.
	We just got you in here, bro.
	Yeah, right.
	You're going to get thrown out.
	And then he fucking bitched me out and then took the rest of the joint and fucking smoked it.
	Went in the yard.
	But that was, that was.
	When did you start doing drugs?
	I think probably then, you know, around then I was smoking weed and stuff, but I wasn't doing anything heavy.
	And I never liked drinking or drugging.
	But then when I got like, I think I just had so much issues like with dating and like you couldn't date and you wanted to?
	I don't know.
	I just had so many issues with it.
	I just.
	Do girls like you?
	Not when I was young.
	And then I switched to a new high school when some of them did.
	And that was crazy.
	It was so scary.
	You're like, now what do we even do?
	You know?
	But then it was like everything was kind of fine.
	I just could never be faithful in a relationship.
	Yeah, I'm going to try.
	Me neither.
	Really?
	Did you have a problem with it?
	Fuck no.
	Yeah.
	Con it, cunning.
	It's like when I, the longer I'm sober, spray under my tongue?
	Yeah, I go under the tongue and then let it kind of soak in like it were you like you had dip in.
	All right.
	I just quit dip on the first.
	That's why.
	Well, that's what either one of us would quit shit.
	We're spraying nicotine in our face.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's good.
	That's good for you, though.
	Yeah, it's great.
	This is the tobacco that's an issue.
	Yeah, elementary school for me was way too big, way too big.
	Most parents felt bad.
	They thought I had flunked a couple grades.
	Could you recall?
	Yeah, I was just a big kid.
	And I was dumb because I was dyslexic and I couldn't read.
	You were really dyslexic?
	Yeah.
	And I went to special ed every day for two hours with, you know, oh, they would knock at the door in the middle of class and they would go, Dax.
	And then they would call someone else and we'd like stand up and we'd leave and go to special ed for a couple hours.
	And it was rough.
	And then, you know, I'm trying to tiptoe around the fact that most of the kids in that classroom were like in wheelchairs and everything else.
	So I was confused.
	I'm like, why am I, what's going on here?
	And so I was huge and dumb.
	And I don't know, too many colics.
	Wow, there you are, man.
	Wow.
	I can't believe you found a picture of that's first grade?
	Dax Shepard.
	Yeah.
	That was pretty cool.
	Wow.
	I haven't had braces.
	My teeth were all fucked up.
	I was in braces for like nine years.
	Really?
	Yeah, my teeth were bad too.
	So anyways, I was in love with so many girls in elementary school.
	I had huge crushes.
	No girls liked me.
	And then thank God, my brother in between fifth grade and sixth grade when I went to junior high, he's like, here's the situation.
	You're shaving.
	Your sides were going spiked on top.
	You're going to have bangs now, long and back.
	You're a skateboarder and your punk rock.
	Go.
	And I just went with it.
	And I arrived at Highland Junior High, and the most popular girl in that junior high, Sasha.
	Oh, she sounds beautiful.
	Dude, she was so fucking beautiful.
	It was insane.
	God, dude.
	I'm walking down the hallway in the sixth grade hallway.
	Yeah.
	And Sasha Crossett's walking down the sixth grade hallway.
	And I'm like, oh my God, what's she doing here?
	Like, oh, that's Sasha Crossett.
	And she fucking handed me a note and I went into my science class and I opened it up and it said, will you go with me?
	And I was like, dude, that's the first drug.
	That is the first drug where I went, I was like, what's happening?
	Is this a prank?
	Yeah.
	Had her phone number.
	Uh-uh.
	Went home.
	Serious.
	Went home and was like, you know, dialed the phone.
	Remember that?
	Yes.
	And then I chatted on the phone with her for like two hours and then we were fucking going together.
	In your room, you chatted with her or on the did you have a universal phone?
	Sixth grade, I was living at my dad's for a few months.
	So yeah, I had my own room.
	There wasn't a phone in there, but it was easy to have privacy there.
	And it was a language.
	And my dad was out.
	He wasn't sober yet.
	Really?
	He was partying?
	Yeah.
	Oh, he was going fucking hard.
	Sold cars, drove a Corvette, fucking banged Coke at the bar seven days a week.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He was, he was everything.
	Dude, that's so cool, man.
	Yeah, I remember what, and that changed my life.
	Oh, that changes everything.
	And I liked it so fucking much.
	And I remember she like, she was in eighth grade and I was in sixth grade.
	So we would make out at the bus before she got on the bus.
	I would go to the basketball games with her and she told me to go up her shirt.
	She's like, go up my shirt.
	And I remember going up her shirt and it's like, her bra felt so tight.
	And I was like, she's like, I'm supposed to go under this bra, I think, but fuck, it's so tight it's going to hurt if I, and I was like monkeying around in there and fumbling.
	And she's like, just go under my, like, she really made me.
	And I got up in there and got it.
	And it was euphoric.
	And it was such a high.
	And I didn't have it.
	And maybe this little brother, I just felt like, A, I could never turn down that attention if I got it.
	I couldn't resist it.
	Yeah.
	And of course, I'm like, and they don't know.
	No one knows.
	Everything's fine.
	Like, I'm still very nice to this person.
	And that thing happened.
	And then, yeah, just a terrible pattern of cheating.
	Yeah.
	The bad pattern starts, man.
	And yeah, I was saying when I think back now, I've cleared up like, dude, I quit drinking in 2004, in September of 2004.
	I had an opiate relapse, but in general, I haven't had like fucking wreckage in 19 years.
	Oh, that's great.
	And so the stuff that really plagues me now is like just really going back and being like, God, yeah, those girls didn't deserve, like, they deserved me to be faithful.
	To be like, yeah, Chevrolet's got to be a family.
	And to not use them to prop up my own self-esteem and then need someone again to, because it doesn't last.
	Oh, yeah, feeling great.
	I remember walking across a gym.
	I was at this new school.
	I walk across the gym and some girl, this girl was hot, dude.
	She was like, I think she had like 30 tits.
	Oh.
	She was so hot.
	And she was looking at me.
	And I thought I had like shit on my leg or something.
	And I was literally like so fucking embarrassed.
	I was like, and I was walking across the gym.
	I could feel every step.
	And I was like, I've got to get across this gym.
	And I got to find a mirror ASAP.
	And I got to up these shit myself because these bitches are touching on.
	And then after that, like a girl like came to the office one time and kind of liked me.
	But before that, I'd been so nervous.
	Like one girl I liked in like middle school, I didn't know how to tell her.
	I saved up the saliva in my mouth the whole class.
	And after class, I ran up behind her and spit right in the back of the chair.
	That was your move.
	It was like an animal.
	It was like a chimpanzee.
	When I think about it now, it's like, dude, you were an animal.
	You had no genesico.
	You didn't, you were, you fuck.
	And I stared at you.
	It's crazy to just shit in the hallway and stare at her as you do.
	But when I think.
	Yeah.
	When I think about the effect.
	Over here.
	I love you.
	I love you so much.
	I love you so much.
	I'm sitting in the hallway for you.
	I'm ruining myself for you.
	I'm fully exposed to your effort.
	Yeah, it was like, it was just such an effect.
	That kind of thing had such an effect and that became like an addiction, man.
	Just in the sense of wanting attention from women.
	It wasn't as much like a sexual addiction for me like over the years.
	It just was like, I needed to know if that, there was any chance that that girl cared about me.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I just needed.
	You craved it.
	Yeah, I needed her to look at me.
	I just needed something.
	I needed people to, I just needed her to see me.
	Yeah.
	And then it's okay if it played out how it wanted, but I needed to at least have her see me.
	Not be invisible.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	I needed to.
	Yeah, because you feel invisible.
	I felt invisible all of elementary school.
	I'm friends with the guys that have girlfriends.
	My friend Trevor's with Amy.
	We're always together.
	Can you do you see that I'm here?
	I know I'm too big for everybody, but you know.
	Yeah.
	I had a great relationship with my mom, but it kept getting punctuated by stepdads.
	Oh, really?
	So you had unlimited stepdads?
	Yeah, I had unlimited stadiums.
	Almost like unlimited shrimp over there.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It was bottomless stepdads.
	The sizzler of stepdads.
	But so it would be like super connected and it'd just be the four of us, my little sister, my brother, and my mom.
	And that was always perfect.
	But then a new guy would roll in and then it was like his program and we had to have different manners at the table.
	And she'd be distracted, understandably.
	She's like in her 20s raising three kids by herself.
	I have no like resentment towards her about it all.
	But yeah, there just, there was like, and I just fucking craved it.
	I wanted to be loved at all times by a woman.
	I still want to be.
	Like my needs are unrealistic.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	Yeah.
	Like If I'm dead honest and I'm in therapy, my therapist will be like, you know, it's not Kristen's job.
	Like, she's not your mom.
	She's not going to dote on you and be infatuated with your existence.
	And I'm like, wait, that's not.
	But I'm giving up so much.
	I'm not banging anyone.
	Shouldn't I be doted on and celebrated every time I walk through the door?
	Shouldn't there be a parade?
	Shouldn't my daughter's like, every day I've not left?
	Shouldn't they be like, God damn it, dad?
	We got one of the good ones.
	I know your dad was out at three.
	But no one's proud of me.
	No one cares.
	Oh, I remember my first, like, or my second girlfriend, and we were like really in love.
	And what age?
	I think this was in college.
	And she and I, she broke up with me.
	She'd had it.
	And I remember saying, you can't break up with me.
	You're my mom.
	That's what I remember.
	It came out of my fucking face.
	Really?
	And that's.
	Which was just a slight improvement over spitting in her hair.
	That's where you had matured to by the time you're in college.
	You can't.
	You're my mom.
	Yeah.
	What a Freudian slip.
	It was a Freudian water slide, dude.
	But it blew.
	It came out.
	It like came out.
	It just, I was like, you can't break up with me.
	You're my mom.
	Oh, my lord.
	And I was like, and I didn't know for years what that even meant.
	And then once I got into recovery and started getting a look at my life, I was able to be like, wow, dude.
	Like, I had no understanding of like how to get affection or be fair with affection or anything like that.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I didn't have a template.
	I didn't have a fucking idea.
	I didn't know.
	What was her response?
	Do you remember?
	I know she felt probably bad for me.
	Oh, good.
	She loved me for sure.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And she's a super loving girl.
	But I think she probably years later probably saw like, oh, that dude was not ready.
	Yeah, that guy was not ready.
	He's not ready for a maturity.
	And he's still fucking just trying to get ready.
	He's trying to get ready.
	But that stuff doesn't go away, man.
	That's the crazy thing.
	I thought at certain, like, like at certain times in my life, I'd be like, oh, in a couple of years, this will be gone.
	But it doesn't go away unless you do something about it.
	Yeah, you have, I have the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it.
	Yeah.
	Like, oh, I see what's happening.
	I'm just trying to get, you know, I'm trying to heal.
	Oh, God.
	I could go super deep, which is like, and this is recent, and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to this.
	No, we've, dude, if I crown you one more time, I'm literally turning into the Garth Brooks.
	Oh, yeah, me too.
	I've been crying all the time.
	Yeah.
	I didn't cry for 30 years, and now I can't make it through a day without crying.
	Yeah.
	It's like you got the menace.
	You don't have anything to numb it.
	And here it is.
	But I also think like there was a sexual component, which is like, okay, so my mom adores me.
	That's obvious.
	I was the golden child.
	I did not lack for a mom who believed in me or supported me or thought I was wonderful.
	She definitely did.
	But something would take her away from me.
	And I was smart enough to realize, oh, we can't fulfill this romantic desire of hers.
	Like, that's something we can't fulfill.
	She's going to have to go get boyfriends.
	Right.
	AKA, she's going to have to have a sexual relationship with people.
	Right.
	So I think in some weird way, and I think I'm just starting to understand this aspect, which is like, I have to give that to any woman if I want her to stay around in a way that is world class and you can't go, you don't want to go shopping for more.
	Like the priority I put on that part, the sexual part, I think was very outsized for what a woman would even give a shit about.
	Because as a little kid, I was like, oh, the only thing I don't have that my mom needs is the sexual part.
	So I don't know.
	And that's what I want her to stay at all times.
	And I don't want any of these guys to come around.
	So if I, now if I'm having this experience that also feels loving and nurturing with a female, my thought is like, I have to give her that thing in a way that she'll never go need it and leave me for it.
	God, that sounds, that sounds kind of exhausting in a way.
	I mean, kudos to you, dude.
	Yeah, I don't, I was never out.
	I was just like, I was always so nervous with sex.
	It would be like, you are all shit, you know?
	And it would be like, yeah, oh, dude, so like unbelievable.
	And I would just yell things out like, that was great sex.
	You know, just fucking hoping that you would rewrite history for her.
	Yeah.
	And it's just, oh, no.
	Nobody has had, nobody has given out more bad sex, I don't think, than me.
	Hands down.
	There should be a game show, I think.
	And they just put like a whoop bracelet on you.
	And it's just like, people were like, no fucking.
	Oh, my goodness.
	Well, we haven't seen one this low.
	This is unbelievable.
	This is an underwear.
	Do you remember when they asked George Zimmerman's personal trainer on the witness stand when he would rank his physical fitness level out of 10?
	And George Zimmerman was the guy that shot Trayvon Martin.
	And he had a physical trainer, which is comical in itself.
	But they asked the trainer, like, what would you rank?
	What would you give Zimmerman's physical fitness out of 10?
	And he said with a straight face, 0.8.
	Or some point, point something.
	And I was like, oh my Lord.
	That is the last thing you want to hear your fucking trainer get into the decimals when trying to assess your.
	Why did I just say zero?
	I guess he thought if he said zero, it would be, oh, do we have it?
	Oh, point, point five out of ten.
	Oh, my God.
	Is that cool?
	What he really said was zero.
	That was him like, he's like, I got to throw a half point in to just not be so cruel.
	Yeah, we got to.
	You know, and he's sitting there, presumably.
	He's like behind that desk waiting, hoping he'll see.
	I hope he gives me a four.
	Maybe he had a high end and a low end of expectation.
	That'd be more shocking than the verdict.
	The guy's like, he has some points.
	He could take away one of the tickets.
	Dude, yeah, and you don't want to be that little flubber in prison, I don't think, because those are the guys I hear that get like kind of banged a lot around like the holidays and stuff.
	Holidays, why the holidays?
	Because people are sentimental.
	Yeah, it's like the little chubby guys in prison that get fucked around the holidays.
	It's going to hurt.
	What holidays is the worst?
	It's got Christmas?
	Christmas probably.
	Now if it's Hanukkah, it's fucking eight days long.
	Oh, yeah.
	Very sad Jewish inmate.
	Hey, somebody, hide fat Josh.
	We got to fucking make sure he doesn't get banged up.
	But yeah.
	Get him into, what do they call it when you're by yourself?
	Solitary confinement.
	Put him in solitary confinement.
	Yeah, man.
	Yes, there's got to be a big one, too.
	Yeah, there's a little bit.
	There's a resurrection.
	You're feeling extra bad about you.
	Somebody's like, yeah, I'm going to get hard again because Jesus did.
	It has arisen.
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	Wow, man.
	So did you, how much times, have you been married before?
	No.
	It was your first marriage?
	Yeah, I was with, I've had three really long-term relationships.
	I had like a five-year that started in high school and then lasted to me living in LA.
	And then I was with an incredible woman, Bree, for nine years.
	But that one I thought I had kind of outsmarted, which was I had already felt so fucking terrible about cheating on girls.
	I always got caught.
	Inevitably, I got caught.
	And those were the, like I can remember those phone calls and trying to explain why it didn't, you didn't care.
	No, is there anything worse than that?
	Oh my God.
	Well, it's tied with driving to someone's apartment to tell them that you're breaking up.
	I mean, those, those two for me are like, I've had a lot of motorcycle injuries.
	I'd take them a million times before I'd ever drive to someone's apartment and just say, like, I think we're in different places.
	Yeah.
	And they're like, no shit.
	Oh, dude, the craziest is when you go over there and you knock on the door and they open it, but they kind of walk away from the door after they.
	Right.
	So it's everyone.
	Fully up for you to walk in and talk to, you know, it's like when the gig is up, dude.
	Oh, fuck.
	I hate it so much.
	And then, you know, you've been feeling that way for months in my case before you have the balls to drive over and fucking be honest.
	Yeah.
	And then, so that drive isn't, is it, is insufferable.
	And then sitting in there is so terrible.
	But there is that feeling when you walk out the door and you've made it and you're walking to your car where you just go, oh, oh, thank God.
	Okay.
	Oh, you do get that blast of like relief.
	Yeah.
	And then a day later, you're like, I think I'm in love with her.
	I think I love her so much and I fucked up.
	Yeah.
	I think I really fucked up.
	Then you're insanely in love with her for a few days and then you got to like white knuckle that just like it's booze or go to not re-engage.
	Anywho, what were we?
	Oh, so when Brie and I met, we met cheating on two people.
	Oh, okay.
	Right.
	And I knew immediately, I'm like, I fucking love this girl.
	Like, oh my God, do I love this girl?
	Like, I want to have kids with this girl at some point.
	Wow.
	And had you ever felt like that before or no?
	I guess I did.
	The girl I was cheating on with that I had been with for five years, certainly, but that had run its course in that like I had moved to LA to pursue this.
	She was, she hadn't joined me.
	It was kind of obvious.
	We also got kind of, we got realistic about the fact that we only see each other four times a year.
	And like that got a little, it approached an open relationship or maybe even became one.
	It kind of was just like, look, you're a human.
	I'm a human.
	I'm 21. So we were kind of grown up about that.
	So then when I met Bree and we met cheating, I just had this moment of honesty with her where I said, like, I would like to have kids with you and make it to 30 and have kids.
	And I don't think you and I will make it if one of the requirements is monogamy.
	I just think we're fooling ourselves.
	Like if that be, if that's one of the deal breakers, we're not going to make it to the part I want to make it to where we have a kid.
	And she was like, I don't, so what are you suggesting?
	And I'm like, basically, like, I don't want to lose you over that.
	I'm liable to do it.
	And I feel like you're probably liable to do it.
	We just met cheating on each other, you know, on two groups old.
	And there was this kind of weird intermarry, intermarry, whatever.
	Period where she like ended up chatting with her mom about it and all this stuff.
	And then at some point, she just came to me and said, like, yeah, I guess if I don't know anything, I don't really care.
	And I was like, yeah, and I don't, I have no desire to know about anything, but I'm not going to require that from you.
	We both were just like, I'm not going to require that from you.
	So I was in an open relationship for nine years.
	Wow.
	And we slept in the same bed every single night.
	We lived together.
	There was no like craziness.
	Well, mind you, I was also a fucking full-blown addict during this period.
	but if she was at home, I don't know what happened when I was at home.
	She didn't know what happened, and that to some degree worked.
	I mean, definitely worked.
	We stayed together for nine years in our 20s, which is almost impossible.
	And I love her like crazy, still do.
	We're still really good friends, and both of our lives have worked out great.
	And I wouldn't say that that was the reason ultimately we broke up.
	But all that to say, going back to like getting older, being sober longer, I, you know, I would have liked to have been someone that could have just been monogamous with her.
	I think she deserved that.
	I also think, oh, yeah.
	I think even within the, the, with, even within those rules, I was scumbaggy.
	Like, I definitely hit on her friends sometimes.
	Like, I did terrible shit under the guise of like, well, I'm not lying about this.
	I'm, I'm, I'm honest.
	And that can be true.
	And also you can recognize that people are hurt, that you're leaving a wake of people that are bummed and hurt by you.
	And so it's like, great, I didn't lie and I'm above board, but people around me are kind of hurt by their experience with me.
	I don't like how that feels.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Or like bringing, like you're around your friends and they know what you're doing.
	It's just like all they all feel awkward.
	Yeah.
	It's like, what's going on here?
	Yeah, that also, I think, more and more like how many people, because everyone, we were very open about it.
	Dude, I remember it was New Year's Eve and I was out in the, like in the mountains with some girl and all of her friends.
	And then her friend and I ended up hooking up like in the closet upstairs.
	And then a couple hours later, she's like, did you hook up with my friend in the closet?
	And I was like, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of.
	Right.
	That's crazy.
	That's lit the shit up.
	Yeah.
	Well, and we're all just at this point.
	So stuff like that, I think I feel like, and some of those things I've had to like make amends for, you know?
	And like, I didn't do a ton of stuff like that, but there were certainly moments where it was like I'd be in an instance where I had somebody I really liked and cared about.
	And there was still a part of me that needed to get more validation or needed to be seen, you know?
	And it wasn't always even about sex, but sometimes it was just like I needed to know if I could flirt or if that girl would give me some response, you know?
	Well, that's when you connect the dots that like, oh, because I connected these dots in sobriety, which is like, oh, this is the exact same thing.
	Like whether I want to acknowledge it or not, this sex thing and this approval thing is identical to cocaine.
	Yeah.
	I had like the most visceral experience of my life that pointed that out to me.
	Well, I had two.
	One was, and I was a few years sober and I was single and I was on MySpace.
	Yeah.
	And I was on TV.
	Oh my gosh.
	Yeah, just take that in for a second.
	So you were just damn Prince Charles or whatever.
	I was enjoying the shit out of MySpace.
	And also I had not, I hadn't looked at the sex component as potentially harmful to me yet.
	Yeah.
	But I remember a gal came over.
	And you were good at sex, you said?
	I mean, what could be more nauseating than a guy saying they're good at sex out loud?
	So that's just a lose-lose for me.
	We'll just pretend that you're okay.
	Okay.
	I certainly think that.
	Some people aren't good.
	Some people, you know.
	So let's be honest, the more you fuck, the better you are.
	Like, you're not coming as fast.
	I'm sure you've had periods where you've fucked seven days in a row.
	No, I never, I was always too lazy to do something like that, I think.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	You were saved by your lethargy?
	If I had sex twice in a week or, yeah, I was always very like, it was like it took a while.
	Yeah.
	Just like, yeah.
	Well, okay, so I need to preface this by, I'm ashamed of this, what I'm about to tell you.
	Like, I am ashamed of this.
	But this is very true.
	I was a few years sober.
	I was single.
	Someone had come over that I had met on MySpace.
	And I was giving them a tour of the house.
	And I was in the first room of the tour.
	And I had this thought that was like, oh, this tour is so long.
	You had a big house?
	No.
	I didn't have a big house.
	And I was like, but then I thought, what is this?
	I have a very familiar feeling.
	Like it's unmissable.
	This feeling I have right now.
	And I like took a second to try to figure out like, I know this feeling.
	I know this feeling.
	What is this?
	What is this?
	And I was like, oh my God, I know exactly what this is.
	This is sitting in my old drug dealer, Tom's living room, while he measured out shit and told me about his fucking day and got distracted by telling me about his day.
	And I wanted to scream, just like, fucking give me a bump and I'll listen to you forever, but fucking focus and give me the thing.
	Like that, that impatience.
	Oh, yeah.
	Teamwork.
	You want teamwork?
	Yes.
	Just like knock off the bullshit.
	Give me the thing and then let's talk.
	Fucking be all ears for eternity.
	Yeah.
	But that feeling is so specific to me that in that moment in the room, I realized, oh my God, it's the same thing.
	I'm like, I need this woman to give me the thing I need.
	And I hate that.
	I hate that about myself.
	I hate that for her.
	I hate all of it.
	It's just, I don't want to be insatiably needing something from somebody and dependent on them giving me the thing.
	And I was like, whoa.
	So that was one moment where I was like, oh, God, they're kind of the same thing.
	Right.
	And once I recognize that, I'm like, I probably have to think about it in those terms.
	Like, do I feel worse about myself?
	Are people, you know, are they benefiting from, you know, whatever.
	Then the other crazy thing that happened that really sealed it for me was I was monogamous.
	And it was for the first time in like a decade.
	And so, and then I was talking to my then girlfriend who was in Boston doing something.
	And she told this story about bumping into somebody I knew she cheated on her ex-boyfriend with.
	And they're all at the same hotel.
	And I'm thinking like, well, I'm sure they fucked, right so i'm like i'm mad driving i'm driving in a in the car on the 405 and i had been monogamous at that point for like three months we get in a kind of fight over that and we hang up and i just had this like swell like a swell of horniness the way you do when it's like i gotta get coke or i gotta whatever that really big swell and all of a sudden i was so horny and i was like i'm gonna
	i'm gonna text kelly i'm gonna text kelly right now and um i can stop by her i'm not supposed to because i'm now monogamous blah blah and then i just had a moment where i was like that's interesting you're you're in a fight you feel emasculated by whatever just happened and your body's smart enough to go well let's get horny you won't have to feel any of this if you're horny and we're at kelly's house and you're getting validated and you come all this stuff i was
	like fuck this is like a defense because it just like any other thing i'm so afraid of my feelings or feeling uncomfortable your body created some my body was ahead of me it's like i hung up i didn't even register what had just happened and all of a sudden i'm like i am physically horny it's not like i made it up yeah and those two things for me i was like yeah this is a this is a whole thing we got to figure out yeah wow man yeah that's the cra that's the craziest part is that
	a lot of times it's not even you making a choice it could be you choosing once you get the input but your like physiologicalness is making the it's dealing you the cards and you're like and again back to the brain the area of your brain that's now sucking up all the blood and running the show isn't the part of your brain your neocortex where you would think through all the things that are going to happen after this yeah it's like you're not even you're these two areas can't be doing the thinking at the same time so
	once that swell of like craving comes about this is offline yeah you're like i don't i'm never gonna see tomorrow or that's tomorrow dex's problem right i think i'm bad for him but today's dex is about to get up and feel good yes yes like it everything the ability to have any comprehension really or any forward thinking completely disappears that's crazy bro i mean it disappears
	yeah it's gone you're telling me access it no i mean my biggest thing was just that one of the things i ran into was just commitment a lot of times i would get into a relationship and then i just could not be committed like i couldn't be committed i just couldn't do it you know what's your explanation of that was it because you you wanted to hook up with other girls or is it because you thought ultimately they would see that you're a piece of shit and be out i wanted to have the option to do what i wanted to do yeah i wanted to be i wanted
	you wanted it all you want to go to sizzler yeah i don't want to get wings and i'm in the mood for sale i did no i just didn't i just didn't want i didn't want to have somebody else like define me there's a part of me that really doesn't trust having somebody else define me in a way does that make any sense or no yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like even i remembered like when i had a girlfriend i would a lot of times i
	wouldn't even say this is my girlfriend i would say this my friend and then their name and some of that a lot of that stuff i feel bad about man it was you know because it's not fair to them you know like um but so it was that sort of thing it was like i just i just there's something i just had the toughest time with letting somebody else define me but do you think and i don't want to speak poorly of your mother but do you think it's okay to suggest that since mom didn't have your best interest in mind that it was going to be pretty hard for
	you to imagine that anyone was going to have your best interest in mind i i think there could be some truth to that i just don't know i i i i it's hard for me to get there in my head yeah like um or like intellectually you could maybe see the thread but it doesn't feel like anything real right yeah and for a lot of times for me i got to get to that feeling space you know for it to activate inside of you you know so i just think my mom was just super bit you know there just wasn't a connection
	there and i really wanted it how old were you when your dad died i was 16 so and he was very old you know but he was cool i mean he was old but my mom would come to the baseball games dude my mom was kind of a fucking gangster in a lot of ways like she would come to the baseball games and she would fucking scream hit it or we're leaving from her fucking astro van in left field and bro i was already horrible at
	baseball i was horrible hit it or we're leaving she would yell she didn't have any patience for fourth inning every time we were gone really she would pull you yeah she would he had five chances let's go she would pull me from the game yeah yeah it sounds like she had your best interests in mind totally she was just surviving you know yes but again you can be sympathetic and not judgmental to it but also acknowledge what happened right and
	i think that's still where i'm at like it's still like there's still a part of me that has like a lot of resentment i think you'll have kids one day and it'll change it all it will because you'll start just you'll you know um subconsciously or you'll just be evaluating like oh wait where was i when i was three like where was like i remember my daughter came in our oldest daughter this is probably a year and a half ago she came in and she was like she had had a nightmare that me and Kristen got divorced that mom and dad got divorced and
	I said okay well you know what happened someone cheated I think mom cheated on dad and I said okay well a couple things I would never divorce your mom if she cheated on me we would work through that like we're that's not gonna happen but let's say it happened what would then what would go on what would happen next he's like well we went and lived together and I'm like yep but I'd buy the house next door and I will be with you nonstop like I'm
	not going anywhere no matter what happens that's not gonna happen but if it if, if that happened, I'm living next door to you and you come and see me whenever you want.
	And maybe your mom will date someone that's really cool.
	Maybe there'll be another cool person in your life.
	Like, that's, we don't know what it would be.
	But while I was saying all this to her, I was looking at her and all of a sudden I was just like, oh, she's nine.
	By nine, I'm on my third stepdad and I've already been molested.
	Yeah.
	Like, and I'm looking at her.
	I'm like, no, no, she's way too little to have be on her third dad and to have been molested.
	Right.
	Like jeepers.
	You have like a compassion for yourself because I think in my mind, I'm always older than I really was or I felt with it or I knew the score.
	You felt responsible.
	Yes.
	And in many ways I was.
	And then again, I'm paneling around with my brother.
	He's five years older than me.
	So I was always a little bit five years ahead.
	But I look at this little girl and I think, oh, yeah, that's way, that's way too many things to have happened to a nine-year-old.
	Wow.
	Right.
	Yeah, that's kind of interesting.
	I think I probably need to get to that place in my life.
	I would like to.
	Yeah, I'm definitely like, yeah, I'm tired of kind of living in the same place sometimes, you know?
	So I'm just working on some of that stuff with my sponsors.
	What's the longest you've been with a girl?
	A girl, probably three years, maybe.
	So pretty long, I feel like.
	And so, yeah, it'll happen.
	And then also I fell in love with my work, you know?
	That's one thing I really fell in love with.
	Like, I love to work, you know, I love to work.
	It's like a safe thing that I know.
	How many days a year are you touring doing stand-up?
	I don't know, maybe 100 and maybe 100 shows a year.
	100.
	And then you're where in Nashville the rest of the time?
	Yeah, Nashville or.
	Do you know I'm building the house in Nashville?
	Yeah, you told me that.
	Yeah.
	Over Tennessee.
	You're going to be like best friends in Tennessee.
	This is so exciting.
	Maybe we should meet up in our tour buses at the Waffle House or something.
	Yeah, dude, that'd be cool.
	What made you guys choose Nashville?
	Well, it started with like I grew up around Bazillion Lakes where I'm from in Michigan.
	It's just lakes everywhere.
	Oh, so it's rural Michigan.
	Yeah, so I've so beautiful.
	No, not that far out.
	Oh my God, have you been there?
	Kid Rock always talks about it all the time.
	No, it's preposterously beautiful.
	Yeah.
	In fact, you go there and you're like, this is in the USA.
	Like that area of Michigan, the water is turquoise blue like the Caribbean.
	Like Torch Lake is like, yeah, it's so beautiful up there.
	And they have these Patoski stones, which are all tortoise.
	They're like turtle.
	They're impossibly beautiful flat stones for escape.
	It's credible.
	But initially, we were going to, I found a house I wanted to get there.
	I kind of wanted to live out my fancy of grown up broke, driving by the houses on a certain lake.
	And I was home visiting my best friend Aaron.
	And I was driving by that lake and I was like, oh, shit, son, you could fucking have a house on that lake now.
	Like that happened.
	And I was like, it was weird.
	I was like, that happened?
	Was it scary though to like fall, like, like lean into like a newer you that like has like money and all of that and pop opportunity and stuff like that?
	Sometimes I think I feel a little bit like, yeah, like it's just like it doesn't fit well?
	Yeah, I think sometimes I feel like it doesn't fit well.
	Sometimes I feel like, yeah, I've talked about this before, but it's like, I don't want to put, it's like, I kind of like where I am.
	Yeah, but is it that or is it that you're afraid?
	I'm afraid what people will think of me.
	Yes.
	So I have that too.
	Like I'm from a very blue collar, half the town was on welfare.
	There's a fight in school three or four times a day.
	You know, violent, drunk, blue collar place.
	It's the last suburb out of Detroit.
	Like a union?
	Yes, yes.
	Everyone's parents were in the UAW where I grew up.
	But it's the last suburb out of Detroit before it turns to just cornfields.
	So it's like if you went east, it got like more and more built up.
	But if you went west of where I was from, it was just pastures.
	The kids got on my bus with horseshit all over their boots from shovel and shit.
	So it was like Hill.
	Muir?
	Is that New York?
	I went to Muir Junior High.
	No, you didn't.
	Yes.
	M-U-I-R?
	What?
	M-U-I-R?
	Yeah.
	Why do you know Muir?
	Billy Strings was just on here, and he grew up in Muir.
	Oh, he's an amazing guitarist.
	I just watched, you posted a clip like a few days ago about it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And he was talking about shitting on a heated seat at the Sunset Tower.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, so same.
	So I'm the same thing.
	Wow, I hated rich people.
	Yeah.
	I grew up, I hated rich people.
	They were the enemy.
	I still hate them.
	Yeah.
	I know.
	That's hard to come to peace with for me, which is like, at what point are you just a fraud?
	Because you're a rich dude now.
	And I can't identify with that because I hated rich people.
	They were the enemy.
	They were the people that made you feel shitty and that looked down on you.
	Yeah, well, we had a veterinarian dude and he like our street like was like people would go from like town and they would cut through our neighborhood to go to like kind of like the nicer area where people lived at yeah and he was like a veterinarian and he would throw out like the dead animal stuff in our ditch all the time oh wow and like yeah he would literally stop a fucking black mercedo six or seven cats oh he's just dropping off a bunch of bichon carcasses and just hitting the road up there to
	richville and we would all get out there and yell and call them queer or whatever and thank them and thank jesus for the meal no we would throw like the bones at each other we would make like dinosaurs out of the bones and hide them and shit and fucking but i think something like that yeah there was well the rich were always an enemy you know yeah yeah you always had to have an enemy you know so i think there's still good enemies to find out there and maybe they're not all rich maybe it's just more about like greed or
	like well the the thing that i i'm entertaining is like yeah that's gonna happen people who are my people are gonna hate me because i'm rich i don't what can i do about that like that's that's their thing just like it was my thing and to to pretend i'm something other than i'm not feels like an even bigger contradiction or or or
	or hypocrisy yeah right like i gotta be realistic.
	I'm still, I still feel very comfortable in the shit, though.
	Most comfortable.
	Yeah.
	And so I think if you met me, whatever you thought or you were mad about, I don't think you would feel that way.
	Because I'm not above anyone.
	I just, I got some paper and I fucking love it and I want to keep it.
	And that's all I wanted.
	I've fucking been working so hard to get that fucking paper.
	I didn't want to be a rich guy, but I wanted the paper more than anyone else I ever met.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	So.
	Yeah.
	And I think also being rich can be like an attitude too.
	I think that's a lot of it.
	It's like there was something about the attitude of it.
	Nepotism, shit like that.
	I don't like.
	I didn't like.
	That's some of the shit I just, I don't know.
	I still have a chip on my shoulder about like the kind of East Coast, blue bloody, these schools, the dress.
	But, dude, I went to vacation this year with my kids in Martha's Vineyard.
	Right.
	So, yeah.
	And I'm like, well, what are we going to do here?
	How are we going to play this?
	We're going to act like you can't be there and act like you don't go there.
	And my wife was like, why do you want to go to Martha's Vineyard?
	And I'm like, those Kennedys could go anywhere.
	Like the Kennedys were the gangsters of all gangsters.
	They could go anywhere.
	If they went there and set up shop, there has to be something there.
	Oh, I see what you're saying.
	Like, I got to see why the people that could have done anything landed there.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	I was like curious.
	And I went and I was like, oh, yeah, no shit, people.
	It's fucking incredible.
	Is it nice?
	Yes.
	And again, this is what I tell myself.
	What's nice about it is like, hey, it's just fucking gorgeous.
	Have you been to Daytona Beach?
	A million times.
	That's where we go for our, you know, winter break.
	My mom would drive us in a van and we would sleep in the van down at Daytona.
	Yeah, I hadn't been there before.
	It blew my mind.
	But a different vibe than Martha's Vineyard.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I can imagine that.
	You go to Ranjan down on Cocoa Beach?
	Ranjan Surf Shop?
	Yeah, I've been over there, dude.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I've been over there.
	I was about getting the Ranjan shirt when I was a kid.
	Yeah, that was the best.
	And the sand is so hard-packed in Daytona that my brother and I, I remember going there.
	This is what always happened.
	We would drive down in a van, the four of us.
	We'd sleep in the van, and it would always be the shittiest weather that Florida had the whole year.
	We'd be leaving Michigan in the snow, and then we would get there all excited, and then it'd be like 49. So one day we were there.
	It was raining.
	It was cold as hell, but the sand was so hard-packed that my brother and I were on our skateboards, and we had like windbreakers, and the wind just pushed us down the beach on our skateboards, like flying.
	One of my greatest memories of my whole life.
	That's such a good feeling, dude.
	Yeah.
	Dude, do you?
	Skateboard on the beach.
	I don't even know how you would do it.
	Oh, on the boardwalk.
	No, on the sand.
	Oh, wow.
	I know people listening would probably not believe this, but A, everyone drives on it.
	So it's just like really packed down.
	And then if it rains, it was just like being on concrete.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	Oh, what a moment.
	Yeah.
	What's Martha's Vineyards like?
	Like, I think of it as like there's ducks kind of.
	There are ducks.
	You're going to find all variety of waterfowl there.
	Yeah.
	And there's a lot of.
	But I'll tell you the thing that I'll say.
	They do have a restriction on how big of a house you can build there.
	So like this place versus the Hamptons.
	So the Hamptons attracts billionaires.
	Martha's Vineyard's millionaires.
	I know that's a stupid distinction to make, but for me, still with this weird class warfare thing, I was like, okay, well, there's no yachts out here.
	There's no people with like 40,000 square foot houses.
	And everyone's, no one's flashy.
	Everyone drives around in like vintage cars.
	There's no like Bentleys and shit.
	It's like everyone's an old Cherokee and stuff.
	You got Michelle and Barry.
	They got a spot.
	Their house looks to be bigger than the square footage.
	Allotment.
	Allotment.
	Yeah, that definitely looks like it's 11. Yeah, it looks like there was at least a kickback of a bedroom or two.
	Yeah.
	That might be some kind of presidential clause.
	Yeah.
	Bobby Kennedy's always up there.
	He always talks about it.
	And just growing up there.
	Yeah, they have the, what is it?
	Kenny Bunkport?
	There it is.
	Is that their whole thing?
	Yeah.
	So you cross a little bridge out of Martha's Vineyard into a tinier island that's called Hyannisport.
	That's where Ted Kennedy crashed.
	No.
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	There's not a single stoplight on the whole island.
	Yeah.
	It's just all stop signs.
	You'd think they'd put one in after what happened to Ted Kennedy.
	You would think they would have put cameras everywhere.
	Yeah, dude.
	Oh, I can't believe that.
	Yeah, I can't even imagine you pull up and somebody's just making just salmon or whatever on the porch.
	Fresh salmon they just haused in.
	But yeah, I think maybe your money thing is a little bit like you'd be betraying.
	It's just interesting to see what it's like.
	Okay, well, I never had any money.
	Now I have some money.
	Yeah.
	Well, what's this like, you know?
	I mean, the nicest part is being able to eat whatever you want.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	That's the best, dude.
	And you go to a restaurant and you know that you can pay the tab if your friends want to eat.
	Yeah, the two, there's three things that make me, will make me feel rich.
	Because I was in LA for 10 years trying to get a job acting in Clonet.
	So I was living on $8,000 a year for like a decade in Santa Monica.
	So like I could never order pizza.
	I wanted pizza so fucking bad.
	I could just barely stay drunk on my budget.
	And then I had to really be entertaining to the dudes who had Coke.
	But where was I going with that?
	8,000.
	Oh, so now when I order pizza, I'm like, yeah, four.
	My wife said, we need one.
	I'm like, we'll get four.
	We'll get four.
	And I feel so rich that I can order any fucking amount of pizzas I want.
	The other thing is I go to the gas station and I'm not, I'm not even sure what it is a gallon.
	And I love that feeling.
	I used to fill up my fucking Honda Civic like halfway.
	Yeah.
	And if it, and if it was 10 cents more.
	I was stressed.
	So just getting gas, I feel like a bazillionaire.
	And then the other thing is a second fridge with beverages in it.
	That's what like kids I grew up with that were rich, they had another fridge in their garage with all kinds of beverages.
	So like those three things have me feeling like a Rockefeller.
	Dude, we had this cereal closet.
	We ate cereal probably, I would say, 400 nights a year.
	And I remember we had this cereal closet.
	And sometimes if you were hungry, my mom would literally put you in there.
	There was no light in there.
	There was 26 boxes of cereal in there.
	And she'd be like, don't come out until you are full.
	And she'd just go in there in the dark and fucking eat cereal.
	And would you eat it with milk in a bowl?
	No, you just fucking get your hand in there and enjoy yourself like a fucking man, boy.
	Right.
	But that kind of, oh, that kind of shit I loved, man.
	They just said, I just saw something the other day about the endless shrimp they were having.
	People ruined it.
	Oh, how they were losing money.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Red lobster.
	Oh, yeah, here it is.
	Endless shrimp is financially ruining red lobster.
	I lived for a fucking endless anything when I was broke.
	Yeah, endless tits, dude, my fucking buddy's mom had.
	I remember that broke for sure, dude.
	She had those.
	Yeah, you had to get up early and feed those tits.
	Had milk in them, you know?
	Lobster.
	In an earnings report in early November, Ludovic Regis.
	Oh my God, they lost $11 million giving shrimp out.
	I think like every company in the world is now operating like a startup.
	They think it's a good idea to just be hemorrhaging money the whole time and just grow, grow, grow.
	They're like, fuck it, we'll worry about this later.
	We need more red lobsters on every corner.
	The Thai Union Group, which owns Red Lobster, announced that its ultimate endless shrimp deal, which is normally a limited time offer, but was added to the daily menu in June.
	Wow.
	Was it exceedingly popular?
	So popular caused a restaurant to post an operating loss of more than 11 million.
	How would you not, after a week, look at the books and be like, hey, the shrimp has to end?
	Yeah.
	I don't know how it took them to the end of the year.
	We want to keep it on the menu, the guy says.
	And of course, we need to be much more careful regarding what are the entry points and what is the price point we're offering.
	Now for $25, guests can choose two shrimp-centric options.
	When they are ready for more, they can order additional shrimp selections.
	We had a place called The Big Shrimp over there.
	And people would go there and fucking, they had a cheddar bay biscuits, though.
	Oh, those things are good.
	Those are incredible.
	Do you remember the first time you ate at Red Lobster?
	Mine's crystal clear.
	We had a place called The Big Shrimp.
	Oh, okay.
	And it was not a Red Lobster.
	And they had a huge, they had like a stuffed shrimp like mascot or whatever outside on Friday night.
	And people would always just drive by and just like call them a homosexual or whatever.
	It was pretty sad, you know.
	And they shouldn't have, but we did it.
	So it was like, it was just that kind of shit.
	I try to explain to people, like, like when I grew up, littering, not only was litterling, it wasn't a thing.
	Littering.
	Like littering.
	Like my family, my mom's a good person.
	And we would stop if we like, sometimes we drive to Toronto.
	As soon as we got over the bridge in Windsor, we would stop at McDonald's because they had special Canadian bacon.
	And we'd get everything right.
	And we'd be driving in the car and we'd like all eat.
	And then we'd pack the bag back up.
	My mom would roll the windows and shove the whole thing out.
	And no one ever, like, it was a non-thing.
	It's like she slid out the window.
	Yes, it was.
	In 1982, every, every third car was shoving an enormous bag of fucking trash out their window and no one thought about it.
	Like, my mom's not a heathen.
	Yeah, no.
	She would never do that now.
	I would never do that now.
	But yeah, you just, every time you were done with something in your car, you'd be like, right out the window.
	Didn't care.
	Cigarettes, the whole nine.
	It was so liberating.
	I miss it.
	Yeah.
	Oh, there was definitely something.
	There was definitely something nice about back then.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was so Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act.
	Causing litter.
	They made it illegal in Michigan in 1994.
	Wow.
	Well, there you go.
	94. I'm talking about 82 going to Toronto.
	I'm sure the Canadians were ahead of us a little bit, but probably not until 89. This when nature was looking for a sip of orange soda.
	Yeah, maybe we told ourselves like the deer eat that bag and everything.
	They'll eat it all right up.
	Yeah, that was fun, man.
	I remember, yeah, I remember my buddy William's dad would take us to McDonald's sometimes and getting that orange soda.
	Remember how good it tasted when you were a kid?
	It's never tasted as good.
	It's still good, but it's not.
	There's nothing like when you're a kid and you're drinking orange soda and having a hamburger.
	Do you remember the enormous?
	They had like these barrel coolers.
	Like a kid might have a birthday party and they'd get the McDonald's barrel cooler with the orange soda in it.
	No, I never saw that.
	Oh, yeah.
	I went to a couple birthday parties that had that.
	Just like a keg of orange soda.
	Oh.
	Is it even soda?
	It's an orange drink.
	It's orange something, yeah.
	Oh, there it is.
	You don't recognize that?
	I never saw that.
	By the way, that'd be a cool retro thing to have at the house.
	That'd be so sick, man.
	I might add that to the list of an extra fridge with drinks and then a McDonald's barrel.
	I remember getting, my mom would always be like, you guys should study the menu and make sure you get like the best thing or whatever.
	And we're like, what the fuck are you talking about?
	Like, we're at fucking McDonald's.
	That would have been a McDLT when I was a kid.
	She always tried to make it so fancy or whatever.
	And afterwards, sometimes we would go to get a dessert somewhere else at this cookie shop.
	And they had like regular cookies that were kind of for kids.
	And they had a couple of cookies that were like for adults.
	Maybe like eclair, but just like fancy looking cookies.
	Cannoli?
	Yeah, just shit like that was not for kids.
	Right, right, right.
	And every now and then you would get one and you would just, oh, a biscuit or whatever that's biscotti.
	Biscotti.
	The perfect trap.
	It looks like it's good.
	You get it and it's fucking horrible.
	It's sad.
	And you hate yourself for the rest of the day.
	Oh, yeah.
	That is terrible.
	I was thinking of something else for a second.
	Every time I got a biscotti, I just wanted to fucking climb inside of my own dick, man.
	I hated biscotti.
	The second you put it in your mouth, you're parched.
	It's just like a sponge.
	You have to pretend it's good to your siblings, and they're enjoying their fancy.
	Yes.
	They're enjoying their legitimate cookie.
	Back to the money, though.
	Yeah.
	Did you covet it or was it something you never were that obsessed with?
	No, I think, I mean, obviously, I think everybody, you want to have some success.
	There's varying levels, though.
	Like, I've met kids that grew up in the same way I did, and they're not obsessed with it.
	I don't know how.
	My wife has zero interest in money.
	Yeah.
	None.
	She doesn't think about it, could care less.
	I can't relate to that at all.
	But it's not like she grew up rich.
	She's from Michigan, too.
	I don't like being taken advantage of.
	So I do like to do business, I guess, as well as I can.
	Right.
	You know?
	So that kind of thing, you know.
	But I guess my thing is just like, well, if I have some money, then what am I supposed to do with it?
	Well, you're supposed to save it so you're safe.
	Right.
	So that when you can't do this anymore, and they knock on the door and go, this was a big mistake.
	We should have never been letting you do this.
	Which they probably will soon.
	Do you live with that fear?
	I do.
	Like I record in the attic of my house and I'm just always.
	For armchair you do?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Wow, that's cool.
	There's a garage that's like separate and then above it is a little attic.
	It's like 105 years old.
	And I'm always waiting to hear like, hey, we're so sorry, but this, you didn't really think you could have something this good and successful, right?
	There's like, you know, you don't deserve this, right?
	And I'd be like, yeah, I guess you're right.
	I think that sounds right.
	Yeah, there was some bad paperwork or whatever.
	I had this, the first house.
	Oh, yeah, that's a picture of the attic.
	Why am I so close?
	Oh, that's that's like the maybe first episode.
	Yeah.
	I'm sitting way too close to Ashton.
	I don't even have a lazy boy up there yet, but that's the attic.
	Oh, that was Ashton Camille's podcast?
	Or there's Pete Wentz.
	See, now I've got, but also, I went to the music.
	This is from the music.
	Fallout Boy.
	Yeah.
	But now we got lazy boys and we're pretty separated.
	you, uh, do you still want to do acting and stuff?
	Do you like, um, He's a buddy of mine.
	Oh, he is?
	That makes sense.
	Yeah, he's a neat guy.
	Yeah, I love him.
	He's a very for real person.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's a special dude.
	He's almost afflicted with being so handsome.
	It's maddening.
	I did a movie.
	I met him because we all did a movie together when in Rome.
	He was playing my wife's love interest, and I was playing an underwear model.
	And yeah, I was like, look at this guy.
	He just like, he's probably never thought about how his hair looks.
	Yeah.
	He's never even thought about it.
	He's never thought about if he was in good shape.
	He's just in great shape.
	Yeah.
	It looks so effortless.
	I'm always.
	You know, a lot of people look like it looks very self-conscious when they look good.
	Yeah.
	They put some effort into it.
	It's like, this guy's trying to not look great and it's not possible.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's the real deal.
	Yeah.
	And he's a big boy.
	Look at him.
	He's big guy.
	What is he?
	6'4 maybe?
	6'70 or something?
	6'75?
	Look at those streaks of gray.
	My God.
	Well, he, yeah, it just, he, yeah, he's almost a fl.
	I have some friends that are good looking and they're like, no, but Josh is almost afflicted with, he's like almost afraid to show his face.
	He's trying to downplay it.
	Yeah, yeah, he's so modest about it.
	All I would do is walk up and down the street and then see if girls turned and looked at me.
	That's all I would do.
	I couldn't be trusted with that level of handsomeness for sure.
	I did enough wreckage not looking like that.
	But then you wonder, because I have a couple friends that are so fucking good looking and they've always been so good looking and girls have always liked them and they're not.
	They seem a little disinterested.
	In being in women?
	Yeah.
	Not like they're gay, just they're like, it's a kind of a given.
	Like for you and I, we see someone, we're like, oh, that girl would never like me.
	I'm going to make her laugh and I'm going to put on a show and I'm going to do this and I'm going to go dance and I'm going to do all this.
	And like there's, maybe I could, maybe I could get in there.
	Yeah.
	It's like a huge challenge.
	Yeah, I'm going to learn French.
	I remember all that shit.
	Yeah.
	And then an enormous reward if you get it.
	But I think they look and they're like, yeah, that gal would like me.
	Of course she would.
	Every girl so far has liked me.
	So there's no challenge.
	Being undefeated with women.
	That'd be crazy.
	The craziest, also, if you're so good looking, if you want to see something good looking, just look in the mirror.
	Like, why get a whole nother person?
	Why involve?
	Yes, totally.
	Why inconvenience yourself?
	Just hold up a fucking mirror in bed.
	Dude, that's exactly.
	Do you remember being a kid and you're like, your hair would look good?
	Like, I had all these colics.
	Yes, me too.
	I hated how I looked.
	We looked at that picture of me.
	The colics are everywhere, right?
	So once in a blue moon, my hair would feather correctly.
	And I would just look and I'd be like, fuck, I'd give anything if my hair would stay like this forever.
	Like, I remember trying to make deals with God.
	Like, this is fine.
	Like, if this is the hair, I have to just keep it like this forever.
	I don't ever need to change it.
	We got this.
	We finally got our, the feather looks right.
	And it was, oh, it was a girl.
	I was so ashamed.
	I think I was so, I just had no self-confidence.
	If a girl looked at me, I literally couldn't fucking handle it.
	You couldn't.
	I had to be like, I must look fucking horrible.
	I spent as much time as I could, like running, going into the bathroom, making sure I looked at least decent.
	And I had the worst acne.
	And the acne, the kind where if you smile, someone pop.
	Yeah.
	So then you're just sitting there like this.
	You sneeze and fucking.
	Oh, this is hilarious.
	Oh, man.
	Fog, bro, is so good.
	That's such a bummer.
	I didn't, I had pimples.
	I had a good amount, but I didn't have, I don't think you'd call it like acne.
	Oh, I had the kind that were like so thick.
	Yeah, they're like in your bones.
	What the fuck?
	They metastasize into your bones.
	Oh, and they gave you all they had was back hurt.
	So severe.
	All they had was oxypads, right?
	Yeah.
	And they burned your face.
	They made your whole face fucking burn.
	And you'd scrub.
	Oh, you would scrub and you'd be like, tomorrow.
	You feel so guilty.
	It's got to be your fault.
	You've got to pain yourself.
	Yeah, that was it.
	I never thought about it.
	I thought it was my fault or something.
	Yeah.
	And you would just scrub and you would be like, Tamar, this is going to make it so much better.
	And it just made it way oiler and way worse.
	It was fucking.
	Then they took you to get this shit.
	There was this yellow.
	Uh-oh.
	Like stuff you had put on had this blotter and you would put that in.
	We went to the doctor?
	Yes.
	We went to the doctor.
	And it made all your skin peel off.
	It was like an acid wash or something.
	So then people were like, oh, this guy doesn't have acne.
	This guy was in a fire.
	This guy's a zombie.
	Yeah, this guy.
	His skin's peeling off.
	Oh, man.
	It's rough being a kid, isn't it?
	It was so rough.
	And then sometimes one of your, you'd wake up and one of your arms was a little longer.
	You'd be like, what the fuck?
	Or you'd see your buddy and his fucking chin would be like seven inches longer.
	Like, what the last week happened to Ian?
	That was me between eighth grade and ninth grade.
	So again, I had this Muir junior high.
	I have my basketball physical I had to take to do eighth grade basketball.
	And then I have the ninth grade one.
	I did not make the team in ninth grade.
	But in eighth grade, I was 5'11 and 159.
	Tall.
	And then in ninth grade, I was 6'3, 149.
	So I lost 10 pounds.
	Meth.
	Grew four inches.
	I had a terrible, I was still following my brother's directions.
	And he was in a perm phase.
	So he convinced me to get a perm on top.
	And it was super long and back.
	Yeah, I had a perm on top.
	And it was crazy long.
	The back wasn't perm, right?
	So it was just fucking straight, but up top had a lot of body.
	And then my nose just got huge and my chin retracted and I got super tall and skinny.
	And I was just like, and I went to a new high school.
	Oh, fuck.
	From like, what a creature.
	You were a creature.
	I was.
	I crawled out of a swamp and I had life so good at Muir.
	Like girls liked me.
	I had a ton of friends.
	And then I just showed up at this other school and I looked fucking nuts.
	John Muir Junior High.
	Is it based on the John Muir Trail or no?
	That's the Redwoods guy?
	Isn't it the Muir?
	No, mine is Margaret E. Muir.
	I think we're confusing Muir's.
	My school is Margaret E. Muir in Milford, Michigan, which I heard sadly they just closed down.
	You know, I've never wanted to go to a high school reunion, but I wanted, I got the idea last year.
	I'm like, I want to host a junior high reunion because that was the sweet spot.
	Yeah, junior high was, dude.
	It was so fun.
	I had a spree.
	Do you remember spree?
	Sprees the candies?
	No.
	This might be me being five years older.
	It was a moped, a Honda Spree.
	And I lived miles away from my friends.
	So it's like, all of a sudden I had a spree.
	My dad bought it for me in a drunken stupor.
	He felt bad about something and bought it for me.
	Yeah.
	And so there's a spree.
	My dad used to get us hot dogs all the time.
	That was his, I'm sorries.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes you come home and there'd be like six hot dogs for you because he would get, he would drink too.
	He would drink and he would park his, he had like a Thunderbird or something.
	He would park it in the ditch a lot of times outside of our house.
	And I think our mom actually dug the ditch so he would land in it.
	They were kind of at odds.
	But I had that black spree you saw with the very sexy purple writing.
	So I was like, I was mobile in seventh grade.
	I could go anywhere.
	That one in the upper corner.
	Look how sexy that thing is.
	So I was, by the way, that vanilla colored one's really good looking.
	Now that I'm older and more mature, I would like that vanilla one.
	But I could ride everywhere.
	I had girlfriends.
	I could go to their houses while their parents were out of, you know, at work.
	It was such a perfect time.
	Dude, I remember they had a girl that lived close enough to me, and I remember walking down there one time because she would kind of sometimes let people like touch her breasts or whatever.
	And I love it.
	I think this is rural shit that people don't really relate to.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	She was all, she'd like be like, hey, come over and touch my breast.
	There were a lot of girls like that in my time.
	And this girl was big, like big bone, like built like a tree almost.
	And so like you could run and hide behind her like that with a buddy, you know, like on different sides of her, you know?
	And she just had the hardest chest and tits and everything.
	I remember a guy like, I can't even help me out with that adjective.
	Oh, they are just very.
	Really?
	She was just, she was a lot, mostly bone probably in her.
	She had some sternums in her breast, maybe?
	Oh, she was fucking a real.
	She was mostly sternum.
	She was tusks.
	Oh, yeah.
	Muir, Michigan and Milford are about 100 miles from each other, but that is where Billy Strings is from, Muir, Michigan.
	Population 660.
	Oh, so that's a city.
	So Muir is a junior high in Milford that I went to.
	Okay, got it.
	Margaret E. Muir.
	But anyways, so I had this fantasy, and I'm still best friends with my best friend who I met at Muir Junior High in sixth grade, Aaron Weakley.
	And so we, both of us, that is the highlight of our life, but he's a recovering addict, too.
	We're, you know, we went hard together.
	Oh, care.
	He made it.
	He stretched it out another 14 years.
	I don't know how he did.
	But we wanted to throw this thing, but we had to consider like certainly a lot of guys are going to want to kick our ass at this thing.
	Oh, the junior high thing.
	Yeah.
	From my town.
	Yeah.
	There's certainly some dudes who are not thrilled that I grew up married Kristen Bell.
	Maybe I already, they wanted to kick my ass in junior high, but and a lot of dudes got enormous.
	A lot of guys went to prison.
	Yeah.
	Some people would really be upset, you think?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'm pretty certain of it.
	So then we were like, how are we going to have this thing and not have to fight?
	We don't want to do that, but it seems highly likely.
	Have you been to a high school reunion?
	Is any guy?
	Yeah, I've been to stuff like that.
	We did a nice dinner recently.
	Yeah, there is something you just don't want people to feel that you're different than them.
	You know, that's one of like my biggest things is just like trying to make sure that like my buddies and stuff, as much as I can, don't feel like that I think I'm different than them.
	And then also to try better.
	Yeah.
	And to try to check my thoughts too and see what's going on with me so that I'm cognizant of that.
	But my ego is like one of my biggest fears, you know, because it grows.
	You don't even know it's growing.
	Next thing you know, you're just a complete asshole.
	Like, I will be stressed out and be angry sometimes, but I don't know if I get into the ego space as much, but I get into the overwhelmed space a lot.
	But yeah, I think a lot of my friends, from where I'm from, have been pretty stoked about just podcasts and the people we get to talk to and stuff like that.
	Oh, dude, I was thinking of you on Friday because I watch the Ric Flair doc.
	Oh, yeah.
	The 30 for 30 on Ric Flair.
	And then it's like, oh, right.
	I remember you had him on.
	That was unbelievable.
	Unreal.
	Just being able to, yeah, spend time with a piece of your own life like that.
	Uh-huh.
	Like Michael Landon, I would love to spend time with, but he's dead.
	That's your dude, Michael Landon.
	Yeah.
	That's an interesting choice.
	I love Michael Landon, dude.
	We loved him.
	He was supposed to come to our town.
	He was supposed to come to the rodeo once, but he didn't show up or whatever.
	My mom was all pissed because she even went down there to see him.
	She did.
	Okay.
	This is kind of.
	Yeah, she went down to see him.
	Well, I think she was supposed to come.
	What project did you fall in love with Michael Landon from?
	Highway to Heaven?
	Both at the same time.
	Highway to Heaven with Victor French and then also with Victor French when he was on Little House on the Prairie.
	I met Nellie Olson one time at Chase.
	What a fucking head of hair.
	My goodness.
	Unbelievable.
	Yeah, I met Naira.
	Do you think you're subconsciously trying to have the same hair?
	Maybe today I am a little bit.
	The hair is fucking.
	My lord, what I would have done with that hair.
	Oh, dude, I'm not even gay and I would have definitely kissed this dude.
	That guy's beautiful.
	You've done whatever he wanted to do if he had let me just do this through the top of the hair.
	Like, what's the, what's the dude's better looking than 80% of the girls I've ever dated, which is crazy.
	Do you enjoy podcasting more now?
	Like, what do you feel like for yourself?
	Yeah, I didn't answer your question.
	How free did you get when that started?
	Like, when you, because you, you started podcasting.
	A lot of people weren't doing it.
	Yeah, but I also felt late to it.
	Like, there were.
	Like, Marin was already there.
	Chris Hardwick was already huge.
	Like, I definitely felt like I'm a poser that I'm starting a podcast.
	We just had our six-year anniversary last week.
	Yeah.
	I think that's where we're about at.
	You're beyond that.
	I look to you.
	You've been podcasting for like eight years.
	Oh, wow.
	Minimally.
	Jesus Christ.
	Yeah.
	So you were already doing it.
	I felt self-conscious, like, oh, this is so embarrassing.
	Was it embarrassing in your acting world, like in that Hollywood world?
	Did it feel like kind of a weird thing to do kind of?
	Because sometimes, you know, people are always a little weary sometimes.
	I think they're less weary now, but people at the, I think five or six years ago.
	Felt like it was below.
	Yeah, just like, what am I doing?
	You know, I didn't have that fear.
	I had more the fear of like, what does Marin think?
	What does Chris Hardwick think?
	Like the people who have already done it and proven.
	What does Rogan think?
	Like, this is embarrassing that I'm now trying to hop into this thing that they've all been doing for years.
	Yeah.
	But weirdly, yeah, now people will act like I was somehow early because then, of course, there was a much bigger wave after we started.
	But I love it so much.
	I don't have any desire to act.
	I haven't acted in a couple of years, I guess, now.
	I'm so fulfilled.
	I am on four shows a week and I produce six shows a week.
	Oh, wow.
	I didn't know you guys were doing all of that.
	Yeah, so it's very like, Oh, my God.
	I wanted to be on so bad.
	That's awesome, man.
	But it's, I love it.
	Do you love it?
	Yeah, I love it.
	I just love it.
	I love wanting to learn more.
	I love the scary part, I think I've evolved as a human because of it, which is like, I was kind of happy where I was, you know?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It was working just fine.
	Yeah, I think I was enjoying myself.
	And it's like, I don't know if I've gotten like, I mean, I've just learned, you can't help but learn it more from listening to people, you know?
	Well, I do.
	So Mondays on our show is celebrities.
	And then Thursdays is experts.
	So like scientists and fucking, you know, startup people, you name it.
	Bill Gates has been on.
	Wow.
	Who was last?
	You just saw I had that, you know, Pulitzer Prize winning author who's written this book on communication.
	So Thursdays is constantly someone really challenging that's super duper smart.
	And yeah, I feel like I'm still at college, but I don't ever have to go to class.
	I don't have to write an exam paper.
	I just, the smartest people in the world come.
	Bill Gates has sat down and chatted with me.
	What was he like, too?
	Because he gets such a rap.
	Like everybody thinks he's like, I know.
	He's like this lizard.
	He thinks that people think he has children in his basement and he's a renal chrome to stay young.
	Which is so comical because I've both interviewed him a couple of times and just look at him.
	It's not working.
	He's aging very expectedly.
	Like if Bill Gates looked 36, I could see where you would have that conspiracy theory.
	But he looks fucking his age.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	God bless him.
	He looks exactly how.
	What does he seem like?
	I think I get worried when people have so much control.
	That's the one thing that I think about like wealth and stuff.
	It's like, I feel like they should put a cap on how much wealth and control somebody could have.
	Because here's what I wondered is if, say, if one person makes so much money, does that mean other people don't have that money to make?
	No.
	So that's, I think a lot of people have this zero sum thought of how the economy works, but that's not the case.
	People invent shit and grow the economy.
	So like my favorite biography I've ever read in my life, everyone should read it.
	It's called Titan.
	It's about John D. Rockefeller and it's about him building standard oil.
	And so this dude, John D. Rockefeller, when he, when he became 100 millionaire, that had never existed.
	Wow.
	The economy was so, it was so small at that point that I think they say that out of every dollar that existed In America, he had like 50 cents of it.
	Wow.
	So, all these inventions, all these products, they all just swell it.
	So, it's kind of has an infinite ceiling.
	But I think people think of it as like we're at a ceiling and they got this, but that's not actually our GDP swells and swells and swells, and everyone has.
	But John D. Rockefeller took all that money and he started mid-career, like in his 40s, he was like, I want to solve everything now.
	The South, what's going on in the South?
	Oh, people think Southerners are lazy.
	Why do they think they're lazy?
	He deploys a team of scientists.
	They figure out, oh, like 40% of the people in the South have hookworm from walking barefoot.
	When hookworm gets in your body, it overtakes your intestines.
	It saps all your energy.
	They have no energy because they're not taking in the nutrients from their food.
	He's like, we got to eradicate hookworm from the hoodwood.
	Hookworms were stealing the vitamins?
	Just this growth inside your intestines prevented the nutrients from absorbing.
	So he sends out a team of people to educate everyone in the South to A, wear shoes.
	And then there's a very simple cure for it, which is like, I think an iodine regimen.
	So he also sets up free iodine regimen to get rid of, he eradicates the hookworm.
	There was no such thing as research science before John D. Rockefeller.
	He's like, all we have is these doctors.
	They graduate from all these different schools.
	No one knows what degree is what.
	There's no standard.
	And then he said, well, what's the best medical facility in the world?
	It's Johns Hopkins Hospital.
	He paid them to come up with a curriculum.
	And then he went to every medical school in America and said, I will pay you if you adopt this curriculum so that our doctors all have a standard level of aptitude.
	So he created that.
	And then he created medical research that didn't exist where scientists are in a lab actually studying pathogens and coming up with – He, at the point that he died, he had probably saved more Americans than any other human being.
	Bill Gates is Rockefeller.
	You should watch the doc Bill's Brain on Netflix.
	Does he seem, he might have autism or something?
	Does it seem like it maybe?
	That seems like he probably has some divergence.
	My friend said he has it.
	Yeah.
	I'm not qualified to diagnose it, but my guess is he's probably on some spectrum of some neurodivergence.
	Yeah.
	Now, what is that?
	I don't know.
	Well, and a lot of people are now some of the greatest, it's almost like where we're heading as a species is people that have some form of autism are now able to capitulate or something or conceptualize the next thing that we need as a society or something that the rest of us can't do.
	It's almost crazy how something that 20 years ago was considered probably more of a deficit is now considered like, if this guy doesn't have a little bit of autism, we're not letting him near the counter, you know?
	Well, I just, my guest I interviewed last Friday, it hasn't aired yet, but she is a neurodivergent expert.
	She herself is neurodivergent, which was a really interesting interview because I've never really interviewed someone that was just very open about that.
	What does it mean, neurodivergent?
	So that could be dyslexia, ADHD, autism, hyperlexia.
	You know, there's a bunch of things that would, it just means that you're not, quote, the normal.
	Right.
	But one in five people in America is neurodivergent.
	So 20% of us are.
	I am because I'm dyslexic.
	So I qualify for that.
	But yes, she was saying the things that a lot of neurodivergent people add to a company is like they don't fall for group thinking.
	No, no, I see what's going on.
	They're like, they don't mind pointing out that, no, no, that's actually not right.
	There's like some helpful disagreeability that they just, they don't get along.
	They don't, they've been so on the outside growing up.
	They're so used to that dynamic of feeling awkward and people not, you know, embracing them that like for them to point out the clear, obvious thing in the room is no problem.
	It's easy for them.
	Yeah.
	Because they've been sitting there watching the whole time anyway.
	Top five most valuable companies in the world right now.
	Autism.
	Well, Microsoft, Bill Gates, I don't know.
	He's probably neurodivergent.
	Probably 20%.
	Elon Musk is admittedly autistic.
	Google, Sergey, and the other gentleman, I don't know.
	But, you know, these are all.
	Bezos definitely.
	He's coming up a little bit tismed out.
	And then that other guy, what's the last one?
	It's not Baskin Robinson.
	What's in like another huge company?
	Oh, Berkshire Hathaway.
	Yeah, maybe.
	Warren Buffett.
	Warren Buffett.
	Now, he seems just like kind of old-fashioned.
	Although, there's a great doc on him, too.
	Warren Buffett.
	Yes.
	And talk about a dude that's kind of living the way you, he was forever the richest man in the world.
	He drives the same 1987 Cherokee that he's always had.
	He lives in the same 5,000 square foot brick home he bought in Omaha, Nebraska when he and his wife got married.
	You're like, why does he even have, what's the point of having all this money?
	But he, again, I'm not a fucking doctor.
	I'm not going to label him something, but in the doc, he can sit at his kitchen table and just go through a pile of documents like this.
	And he's fascinating reading these spreadsheets and doing this analysis.
	And when his wife left at some point, she wanted to spend time on the West Coast, she told her neighbor friend, would you check in and make sure he eats?
	Because he'll forget to eat.
	He won't eat.
	Yeah.
	So that woman started coming over and making him dinner.
	And then she moved in.
	No way.
	And now they've got.
	And then the original wife, everyone was happy.
	The original wife died of cancer.
	He was with her a lot.
	And then he's still with this woman.
	And you're like, this is a cool doc.
	I mean, who knows what?
	Wow, that's interesting.
	I didn't know that about him.
	I got to do some more learning, man.
	Well, you're going to, you have more time than you've probably ever had in the last 18 months.
	Yeah.
	We want to get her on.
	You had her on Brene Brown.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	I want to talk to more people that are good about thinking about like navigating like different things like grief, shame, stuff like that.
	I want to have some other aspects of that, you know?
	Well, Brene Brown, her like knockout punch sentence that stuck with me is guilt is I did something bad.
	Shame is I am something bad.
	And like, that's a great thing to run through my head when I'm spiraling.
	Like, what am I actually feeling right now?
	Are you afraid you'll like potentially lose some of your audience by going down that road?
	No, not at all.
	I think I think people are curious about stuff, you know, and I'm curious.
	Yeah.
	You know, I think one of the reasons I was so late, I got an antidepressant when I was 20. And so I didn't realize that that kept so many of my feelings in a fucking cage that, because one of the reasons, a few years ago, I was like, dude, why am I having, it feels like so much more feelings than some other people sometimes?
	And then I was like, oh, because you've regularly been on that medicine for 17 years.
	You know, and so you got it.
	Well, also fucked up, right?
	Yeah.
	And in party air, at least like, yeah, not in recovery, not getting to be able to get a little bit of a glampse of myself.
	What was your preferred substance?
	Cocaine.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	What a drug.
	I just had Bateman on last week.
	Oh, I love him.
	He's fascinating to look at.
	He has one of those faces.
	You can tell why he's an actor because it's just the most, everything about it is so engaging.
	And interest.
	Yes, yes.
	You can just stare at it.
	Yeah, it's interesting when he's, you're just like, he just.
	Yeah.
	Do some thinking for me, Bateman.
	I'll watch.
	Take your time, too.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But he was a Hoover, admittedly.
	Loved the party.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And so we were talking and I said, do you ever – And she said that she and her boyfriend had gone and stayed at Cocaine Hotel in Columbia.
	I was like, Cocaine Hotel, what's Cocaine Hotel?
	And she's like, it's a, it's, do you know about the cocaine hotel?
	It's everywhere.
	It's on the tables everywhere you go, in the rooms, uh, at the thing.
	It's a hotel to do cocaine.
	And I said, do you ever, Bateman, do you ever think about just spending a few days down at cocaine?
	He's like, well, I don't know.
	I mean, there's so much shit in Coke now.
	And I said, no, no, I think this is farm to table Coke.
	I think the guys are stomping on it in the backyard and bringing it in in a dustban and then dropping it off.
	I think this is as medicinal and pure as it is.
	Well, that's what we need in this country.
	Dude, make Coke great again.
	We need farm-to-table cocaine.
	We do.
	You got your vegetables.
	We did that.
	You got your farm-to-table vegetables.
	Now let's.
	It's sad that a kid can't get some decent cocaine in this country.
	It really is.
	Yeah, you knew you were going to be huffing some baby laxative and some acetylene or whatever.
	You knew that.
	But now it's different.
	Dax, we'll have to catch up again sometime, man.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I would love it.
	I'd love to have you on ours as well.
	Yeah, man.
	I'd love to come on, dude.
	I appreciate that.
	We'll take a little break.
	We'll recharge.
	We'll get curious about each other again.
	Think about some things that we could.
	But Nashville, I don't want to have too high hopes.
	About Nashville?
	You know what they say in our program?
	Expectations are resentments under construction.
	You know that one?
	Yeah.
	That's a good one.
	Do you like it?
	Yeah, I like that.
	Expectations are resentments under construction.
	Yeah.
	But with that said, I'm still going to allow myself to have really huge expectations.
	We got to get out on a fucking boat on the lake.
	Dude, now that's some fun stuff.
	You're barbecuing on a fucking pontoon boat.
	Good fishing out there.
	What else is there?
	Cannonballs.
	People are so nice too.
	It's very nice.
	It's a small city.
	It doesn't feel like super big.
	What side of town do you live?
	Do you live by Franklin?
	No, I live like just like right on the out, like right on the edge of town of Nashville.
	There's probably nine minutes from downtown.
	You don't want to tell anyone?
	I don't live in Belmead.
	No, I just live in like it's called Oak Hill or something.
	Okay.
	There's not a real hill there, but I think there used to be, but somebody stole it or something.
	But it's good.
	I got nice neighbors and I got, you know, but the zoning there is getting a little bit weird.
	They're just, but, you know, it's a city in progress.
	I love it.
	I love it.
	Yeah.
	I'm excited.
	I'm sitting on there and I'm like, oh yeah, people are still happy to be in this country having fun.
	Yeah.
	I miss that.
	Do you miss, was there a reason that you wanted to not or take a break from acting or not act?
	Was there like a...
	Were things not as funny as it used to be?
	I would have not put all this together, but I had this guest on, Adam Grant.
	He's a behavioral psychologist at Wharton.
	He writes a bunch of shit.
	He's like a thinker.
	We've had him on a few times.
	And I was, we were talking about my story was, okay, I spent two and a half years making chips.
	It came out.
	It didn't open well.
	And I was like, fuck, what are we doing now?
	I thought for sure I'd be writing directing for the next 10 years.
	That was my identity.
	I'm a writer-director, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	And I'm like, what are we doing now?
	And then I was depressed.
	And then I started the podcasts in the mists of all that.
	Right.
	And I was the my story was like, yeah, be flexible.
	Don't get too set on something.
	If something shows up, like, just run at it and see what happens.
	And he said, well, do you think these things are so different?
	And I go, yeah, a podcast and acting and shit.
	Yeah, I think that's a lot different.
	And he said, well, what's your favorite part of acting?
	And I was like, I was like, hanging out at Video Village and shooting the shit with the other actors and the directors and the writers.
	Like, that's my favorite part of Hollywood.
	It's like, all these people have moved from some town.
	They were on fire.
	And I get to hang with them.
	Shooting the shit at Video Village where they watch playback and everything.
	Yeah, videos where after you do a shot, you'll go there and just like look at the shot with the director sometimes.
	And he'll say, you did this and blocked him there.
	Or she'll say, don't walk over there.
	Whatever it is.
	I said, that's what I love about acting.
	And he said, well, don't you think you've just made Video Village in your attic?
	Like, don't you just sit here and now actors come over and you do your favorite part of acting, which is like shooting the shit at Video Village.
	And I was like, oh, damn, I guess that is what happened.
	I kind of weeded out all the stuff I didn't want to do, wardrobe fittings and auditions and all this stuff.
	And now I just get my favorite part, which is like hanging with other creative people and chatting.
	Yeah, dude, that's cool.
	Yeah, that's interesting because, yeah, sometimes I get people will talk about, do you want to do this?
	You want to do that?
	And sometimes there may be like a, you know, a friend or two you want to do something cool with.
	Yeah.
	But the best thing about it would be that you get to hang out with that friend.
	Yes, yes.
	The other shit would just get in the way of the hang.
	Yeah, it feels like a nightmare.
	Some of it.
	Like, well, I just want to, you know.
	Yeah, I don't want to talk to a second AD about a wardrobe fitting across town for two hours.
	Yeah.
	I just want to hang with David Spade and fucking cut up.
	Yeah.
	Dude, I'd love to come on sometime, man.
	Yeah, let's do it.
	I appreciate you making time for us today, dude.
	And I know we're kind of all over the place, but we're just getting to know each other.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	We'll do another one that's more cohesive, maybe.
	I doubt maybe not.
	I bet we'll be able to make that happen.
	I'm already in my head thinking about 26 stories I started that I never finished.
	Like, why I didn't buy the house in Michigan.
	I was going to buy a lake house and move me and fuck that.
	Yeah, I can think of a bunch of stuff.
	I'm sure when I listen back, I'll be like, dude, you should have figured some stuff out, man.
	All right.
	Well, this is off to a raucous start.
	Yeah.
	I can only imagine what's going to happen in Nashville.
	I mean, my lord.
	Well, you have a family.
	I don't.
	So, yeah, I'll probably just be milling around in y'all's yard.
	Yeah, but we'll get out in the pontoon with some shotguns and start slinging ski.
	I shot my first shotgun out there.
	In Nashville.
	Yeah, Kid Roxas in the backyard.
	He like, he'll have a bunch of people over sometimes, and they had a fucking ski thing.
	Yeah, he just kept shooting off the cliff.
	And we were just popping him off.
	It was cool.
	But yeah, it's a fun place, man.
	Just a lot of nice people there.
	Dak Shepard, thanks so much, man.
	Oh, my God.
	Thanks for having me.
	Yeah, I appreciate it, bro.
	Nice to meet you.
	You too.
	Now, I'm just floating on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
	I can feel it in my bones.

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