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Feb. 14, 2024 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:25:16
E482 Magnet Love

Theo is back with another solo episode of This Past Weekend, getting into the Valentine’s Day spirit by listening to love songs, chatting about his first romances, checking in with the unbustable Riley Mau, and taking some calls from the lovers out there, including one about a very unusual IHOP date. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit  https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  LIquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order.  Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to sign up for a $1-per-month free trial. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "The Devil, God & Me" by Evan Bartels  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZa3Egu9xTQ Music: “There Is a Light” by Stonekeepers  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlYmX8jvwz8 ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Riley https://www.instagram.com/rileymaufilms/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
All right.
It don't have to be perfect, guys.
You know, it's just life.
It's just life.
I'm talking to myself, really, but also whoever's listening.
It doesn't have to be perfect, baby.
It's just life.
The perfection's already been done.
That's one thing I got to remember a lot of times.
The perfection has already been done by a higher power.
I'm just, I don't have, yeah.
I just got to show up and just try my best, baby.
Happy Valentine's to you.
That's what's going on.
It's love, baby.
You know, you could hear Cupid drawing that bow back.
And you don't know where he is.
He could be on a rooftop.
He could be in a backyard.
You'll be walking along and then what's that?
And next thing you see, baby, you're going to want to want to hump, baby.
You know what I'm talking about?
You're going to want to hump it or do something with it or just rub up against it.
God, show me something, God.
But that's who Cupid is, baby.
Cooper out there, he got that thing on him.
He got that Draco, that love bow on him.
You get hit.
He's the damn Chris Kyle of love.
Just and I look, look, I think they should put a Coopid on every building in the town and let him just start popping off and just light the world up with love, baby.
And that's what I would like to see.
Because sometimes, look, man, you don't, you know, he'll hit you.
Next thing you know, you out there, you touching on the milkman.
You know?
You get hit by Cooper's arrow.
And next thing you know, you out there, you trying to lip lock on the damn AT ⁇ T service provider.
You know, you trying to slurp face on some dude with a couple of damn cables in his truck.
If you get lit, you get lit.
And that's the thing to be lit up with love.
That's the thing.
I want to be loved all the time.
Not even to be in love with somebody, but just to just feel that energy.
That's what I want to feel, you know.
And sometimes you get hit by Cooper's arrow and next thing you see the damn mailman or something.
And you trying to, you know, you trying to flex on him.
You're trying to reach in his bag and sniff all of his perfume samples or whatever.
You're trying to nose up that bag, baby.
That delivery sack he's got on him.
You just, you're trying to just huff on everything he's got.
And male person, I should say.
I don't want to say, I don't think you can say male man.
You know, it's, I call, I'll be honest with you, yes.
I've called a male woman or female, I guess, a woman who was delivering mail.
I don't know what they want to be called or don't, but I called one of them.
This lady, I'm not going to say she seemed like a guy or whatever, but I think, you know, if somebody saw her, they'd say, hey, fella, what up?
So she kind of was giving off that.
You know, she was giving a lot of dude.
And anyway, just, it's okay.
It is what it is, baby.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
And I never have.
But happy Valentine, that's what I want to say.
It's a day to think about love.
It's a time to feel about love.
We got some beautiful tunes right here, too.
Let me crack into a couple of instrumentals right here.
���� Oh, yeah.
That's that Mexicano love.
That amore.
Hey, a more.
You want some?
I want a more.
That's that Mexican love, bro.
And that's, look, that's the Mexican love.
That shit can get Latino love or whatever.
Amor de amigos el Latinos, Mexicanos.
Ligales.
Amigos.
But that's the love, like Mexican love is wild.
Because a Latino girl, she'll like be, I love you.
And then she'll be like, I'm going to tear your heart out and cook it at your father's home.
And you're like, okay, that's, you know, that seemed like a lot.
You know, they'll be like, I love you so much, me Hermano, yo, vivo, amor, por you.
I'm going to saw your feet off your body and hide them in the desert.
You're like, okay, well, that's, they just very passionate.
That's a passionate group right there.
But they got love over there, that Mexican love, baby.
What else we got?
And that's Lejos de T by Clara Mendez.
That's who that was.
Beautiful instrumental.
Let's pull in another tune we got here.
Mmm.
Okay.
okay somebody This is somebody.
This is somebody probably jerking off by a in a park, you know, by a pond or something like that.
Just feeding the ducks, as they call it, in a lot of homeless cultures, I believe.
So that's a sad one.
That's a sad one for Valentine's.
But it's a sad one.
Okay, let's hear another one if we got here.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
It's that funk club, baby.
Let this go, baby.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me hide a little bit of LSD up in your head.
You feel me?
That's kind of, that's.
Oh, that's.
Girl, let me come over.
Oh, yeah, that's one of them body wash brothers right there.
That's that.
You could, that dude, that's the kind of guy who just used a lot of body wash right there.
You could tell by his voice.
Listen to that man.
Oh, yeah.
Let me wash your body tonight.
That's a guy.
He just got unlimited body wash.
You call him over.
He roll right into your place.
He start walking.
He'll wash your body.
He'll wash his body.
That's the guy.
He got the body wash on him.
That's that body wash man right there.
Baby, we could try again.
We could try again.
Come back again.
Let me wash your body, girl.
That's that, man.
That's that fella right there.
That's for sure.
And that is Victor Lundberg featuring Ed Mills right there.
Yeah.
Happy to be here with you.
Fresh off of the Super Bowl.
Hope everybody enjoyed seeing that.
Yeah, I watched it.
I was cheering for the 49ers.
I just wanted them to win.
I felt like they were supposed to win last year or at least get there.
I was kind of getting tired of the whole Taylor Swift, just the bowl aspect, or just the just, it was too much.
Like, geez, what do we do?
It's just, it was too much.
And then the game felt so much more like it just stopped the game so much for commercials, it felt like.
Like the commercials was the game at some points.
And then the game was the commercial.
Like, yeah.
So that, that was, yeah, I just wanted him to win.
I kind of always want whoever's, like, people don't think is going to win to win.
I think 95 times out of 98 times, that's what I want.
I like the underdog.
It's just, it's the, it's the, that, you know, because if the underdog wins, it makes you believe in possibility more.
And I think I like that.
I think there's something about that that I like.
But, oh, it's been a while, man.
I know it's been a while since you had a solo episode.
And yeah, let's crack into it.
What's going on?
It's just, I guess it's a time to maybe think about love.
You know, it's a time to think about love and loving somebody.
I'm trying to think of the first time I was in love.
Well, I remember I think it was probably like the I remember seeing this girl.
I was at like, I don't know where I was.
I was traveling.
I was on a little vacation with my buddy and he lives across the street and he would like, he kind of, I think was supposed to be twins, but they never formed or whatever.
Cause he would say something.
He would be like, how are you today?
And then under his breath, he'd be like, yeah, how are you today?
And you'd be like, huh?
Almost as if there was, it would be like, hey, what do you feel like doing?
And then you'd be like, yeah, what do you feel like doing?
And it was almost like there was like a twin inside of him that never developed, but was still like down in there, like yelling shit out of him.
But anyway, oh yeah, but his family, there was a beautiful family.
And his dad would let us rake leaves at their house sometimes.
And that was just something fun to do in the area.
But they took me one time camping or something or just drove me off into the woods to look at something or something for a few hours.
And there was a girl by this river, by this stream.
And she was getting some water out of the stream or something, like crouched down, getting some water.
And it had like a very kind of Native American kind of vibe to it.
I think I think maybe she had a ponytail in or something.
And I just remember seeing her and I remember being like, oh my God, what is going on?
I just like my whole like chest and throat and like the whole front of me felt like a mat, like a magnet started up in it, like a magnetic field started up into it.
And it like made me think, oh my God, what a, I want to, I want to just stand close to her, but also be far from her.
It was kind of just like a magnet.
When you take two magnets that are the same, you know, and you put it, and they don't, they kind of push each, but it was this, it was that same energy, kind of.
It was like, I don't know.
It was the first time that this force field ever occurred inside of me.
And yeah, and that was a time that I had first felt some love, I remember.
And then what else?
Oh, I had a lady that drove us to, and oh, and happy February too, if anybody celebrates months or whatever.
But yeah, I had a lady that drove us to, oh, she drove us to summer camp.
And she was like a babysitter or something.
I don't remember her name.
I wish I did.
God, I just wish I knew even just four or three of the letters of her name so I could just lay on my back and just fucking think about her.
But I was, I think maybe 10 or 9. Yeah, she drove, and I felt so cool.
I just, it was the first time I'd ever ridden somewhere with a woman or with a girl.
So I think it really stood out in my head, you know, and we got in the car and I remember closing the door and being like, oh my God, it's just me and her in this car.
And I just fucking wanted to take my own eyes out of my face and just hide them into my butt, man.
I just, I was just having, it was just, that's, you know, that was, that was it.
And yeah, I was just that nervous or whatever that I just, yeah, I wanted to take both of my eyes, literally take my eyes out of my face and put them into my butt or put them into like a little bag or something.
Because seeing the, just the, the, the fact that I could, that I was taking in that she and I were in the same place and we were close and she was going to start driving.
And once she started driving, I'm like, we're going somewhere.
What could happen?
Are we married?
You know, like it was just so much energy.
Oh, and before we took off, she reached over and put my seatbelt on.
And my God.
I mean, whatever eyeballs I had in my butt just came right out at that moment.
They just, I mean, my eyes were just falling out of my ass.
I just, yeah, it was just, God, I was just, because just the fact she reached over and put it and clicked it in.
And cause she had to lean over and I think she had a necklace on.
It was just like the first woman I'd been like that close around.
And so, and she drove us and she drove us to summer camp.
She drove, she was the counselor and she drove us over there.
I think my mom had set it up because my mom was going to work.
And so she set it up where one of the counselors picked us up.
And God, I just remember thinking, I hope that God lets us get married or whatever.
And then she played Bon Jovi in the car.
Let's sing a song for the broken-hearted.
Oh, living on a bride, living on a ride.
God, dude.
And I'd never heard a song.
I'd heard songs, but only like dumb shit, like the wheels on the bus go rant, rant, rant, rant, rant, rant, you know, or whatever that kind of shit was, whatever, children's shit.
I'd never listened to like a woman play a song like that.
And yeah, those are, so those were some of those early times of love.
Those were some of those early times of love.
And yeah, it's just, anyway, sorry to go down that memory road, but I just, God, I just, it's just so interesting how it's not there in your world and then it starts to show up that there's this power that the opposite sex has, you know, that there's this intrigue and that there's this innate just damn, God, just, you know.
And now if somebody's in love, you almost, people say they have autism or whatever.
You know, it's like there's new shows out now where it's like, hey, these people are in love.
Look how autistic they are.
It's like, what?
It's like they're trying to convince us that if you are in love, you are almost mentally handicapped.
Isn't that crazy?
Or emotionally handicapped.
No offense to anybody, if anybody has autism either.
So, you know, I've been there.
A lot of us have been there.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, we want autism.
Hey, we want autism.
Yeah.
So those are some early times that I felt love and lust.
And then I remember we got invited to a trailer one time and somebody, some girl just let me feel in the outside of her pants for probably 70 minutes.
We were waiting for pizza and the pizza guy got into a car accident, I guess.
And the pizza was supposed to come sooner and I think, but it didn't.
And so she just kept letting me feel on her pants.
I mean, I just knew everything about those pants at some point.
And, you know, and I hate to, I think that pizza guy was like in a really bad accident.
He may have ended up in heaven even.
But I want to say thank you to him.
Thank you to him.
And yeah, because I definitely remember those jeans, those baby girl jeans she had on.
And that's just such a time in somebody's life when they touch Somebody, when you first touch somebody, you know, and you know, we take calls for that sometimes.
If you've ever, if you ever had an experience in life where you touched, somebody touched your body or you touched somebody else's body, it could be same-sex or opposite sex, gays or straights.
And if you did it and you want to, you just remember it or how strange it was.
I remember a lady called in a few years ago who had gotten somebody touched her cooter in a empty refrigerator box.
And that was just fascinating to everyone.
And so, yeah, if you have had a unique experience of having your body touched somewhere for the first time, it was that first time that it ever happened.
You know, I know, you know, we've all been there.
I remember a gal e-jacked me off into a stream near her home.
And it was just, you know, at the same time, I was just blasting out into this stream and all my, but my semen was just going off to war, you know, just like, it felt like it was in the Navy or whatever.
It just went off into the, you know, out into the water.
But yeah, love is in the air.
And we got a love fella in the house today, Riley Mao.
How are you, brother?
When I started podcasting, I didn't think I'd ever have an online store.
You know, I just, it wasn't part of it.
And now we're selling our be good to yourself hoodies on there and different items that people love.
And it's all because of Shopify.
That's right.
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And we got a love fella in the house today, Riley Mao.
How are you, brother?
Doing well.
Have you blasted that corn stalk yet?
You popped that corn stalk?
Or what's going on with you, Daddy?
How's your love life, Bubba?
Get us the latest, man.
You linked up?
Well, I almost had something happen yesterday.
No.
Yep, it was during the Super Bowl.
A friend of mine invited me.
And actually, I shouldn't say a friend of mine.
Just someone I knew.
Okay.
A stranger.
Go on.
And we were hanging out and everything was great.
And this other guy shows up.
No, so you met up with the girl?
Yep.
And everything was great.
Yep.
And you're what?
Watching the Super Bowl?
Yep.
Wow.
And are you like, is it a, are you at a busy place?
Is it just YouTube somewhere?
Are you watching it on a phone?
Are you listening to it on a stereo?
What are you doing?
No, yeah, we're just at a bar.
Okay, you're at a bar.
And a dude showed up?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, I saw him and I knew something was going to happen.
And what was he wearing?
Was he dressed pretty well?
He just had slacks on and nice jacket.
Fuck him.
I mean, that's...
Yeah.
Oh.
So he rode in, right?
And, okay, so he shows up.
Now, what do you do?
you posturing a little or what happened?
Are you, You know, I'm sitting next to her and everything's going great.
and I get up to use the bathroom.
And once I get back, he Go make toilet.
That's normal.
Go on.
And he's in my seat next to her.
What the F?
A white guy?
No.
Wow.
Wow.
A mixed guy?
Yeah, more darker.
Okay.
So he slid in, huh?
Yep.
No.
And then what do you do?
Did you just kind of like loiter in the distance kind of angrily a little?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've done that.
God, I've done that.
Some guy shows up, then I'm like, oh, I don't stand a fucking chance.
Let me just go hide my head inside of my fucking Honda Civic.
Let me just go back.
Let me just slam my head in the car door of my Honda Civic.
That's how much I'm worth.
Did your feelings get hurt or you still feel like you're in the game?
They were hurt a little, but I thought I still had some game.
And so what happened then?
So then he went up to buy a shot, so I took my seat back.
No!
Oh my God, bro!
Bro, come at me, bro, with that fucking karate game, boy.
Come at me with that fucking Kim Chi, bro.
You're sliding in with that fucking Korean ninja chop.
And then what happened?
And then...
Him and her?
Yeah.
And you were in his seat?
Yeah.
Let's go.
That's what I'm talking about.
And then what happened?
And then he left.
Okay.
He went to a different bar.
It was just me and her.
Nice.
And I invited her to a different bar that I was going to go to.
Okay.
And hurry it up, man.
What else happened?
And she basically just said, no, I'm going to go to this bar with the other guy.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
God, bro.
I'm sorry, man.
Do you think it's over?
Probably.
Fuck.
It's okay, bro.
You know, it happens to everybody.
Damn.
So have you, have you, has that been the only, like, has it been the closest thing that's happened to you, like, for love since we talked to you last?
No, I did have my second kiss.
No way.
Come on.
Damn.
Let me think about my first kiss.
Part of sometimes I can't remember when, like, there was a couple little kisses I remember.
Well, one girl lady at summer camp, too, also let all the boys look down her shirt.
And God, I just fucking, I remember saying I didn't see anything.
And they, and, and they let me look one more time, I guess, or whatever.
But because I think I looked the first time and I was so just overwrought with the possibility of seeing some girl's chest that I literally couldn't fucking see, you know?
Who are those people that can't see in the Bible, Riley?
We'll just look it up, okay?
Yep.
All right.
Yeah, I just remembered that and we were fucking looking and by the end of her shirt collar was damn.
It was a, that thing had, we put 20 inches on her, on her shirt collar.
I mean, it was everybody was just trying to look at them.
And they just, I can't remember if they were huge or even non-existent.
She could have been a man in a wig.
We were just so, and that was, I think, at like 12 maybe when you were just starting to fucking, you're so horned out.
You're so horned out.
You know, I had a neighbor, if he saw his dog homping something outside, he'd have to go jerk himself.
You know, and you're like, well, that's that seems to be a problem, I feel like, because Paul and Ezekiel.
Paul and Ezekiel, God.
Wow.
Chris, Paul, no, who is it?
Which the guy's full name?
Just Paul.
Oh, just Paul.
Just Paul and Ezekiel.
And they were blind, huh?
Yep.
From what?
It just says two years before his death, Ezekiel became blind.
Yep.
And then Paul experienced temporary blindness.
Ah, that's probably from pleasure in himself.
That's one of the big issues is back then, wasn't there a rule?
Like there was a fear if you masturbated at times that you would go blind.
You would literally jerk your sight right out of your like you were spraying your sight right out of your wiener.
I remember that.
I remember people coming around the area and at school, they had pamphlets or whatever saying, do not jerk off, do not masturbate or they'd have a guy touching like a reaching for a hot dog.
They always had to use these euphemisms or whatever.
So they'd have a guy like reaching for a hot dog or like shifting the gear shift in his car.
And it would be like, don't do it.
Or this.
And then it would be like a picture of just a guy falling into a ditch or something with a walking stick or somebody getting hit by like a blind guy like getting hit by something or whatever.
But anyway.
Damn Riley.
Well, you're still out there.
So you've had two kisses, though.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll check back in in a little bit and find out about the other one because I don't know.
Did you ever tell us about the other one?
I did not.
Okay.
Well, we're going to check back in with you in a little bit and find out about that, man.
I want to get to some calls here.
And yeah, I just want to see what's going on.
I know it's been a while since the solo episode just got off of the road.
Yeah, I think just, I don't know.
I feel all over the place a little bit, but that's how I feel sometimes these days.
You know, and maybe that's how we all feel.
I don't know.
What else?
Let's look at the news here that came in right now.
We got Biden dropped an unhinged tweet immediately after the Super Bowl.
So that's interesting.
Just like we drew it up, he said.
And it's a picture of him with alien type of eyes.
This guy, Biden's lost it.
Biden has lost it, I believe.
And we talked about this months ago, that it's you shouldn't have no senior citizen out there pretending to be a safe president.
At a certain point, everybody's mind goes on.
Sometimes your mind goes to heaven before you do.
You see people wandering around.
Their mind's been in heaven.
Their mind's smoking weed in heaven or drinking in heaven, maybe dating, even dating women or men in heaven, if you have a gay brain or whatever.
And they're still down here on earth wandering around, eating jello, bothering people, yelling the N-words sometimes, some of them.
And, you know, that's, and I think that's where we're getting with Biden.
It's getting to the point with Biden where he's basically a scarecrow that has a popular job.
They're keeping him away from microphones.
He is extremely close to dropping the N-word.
There's, you know, there's no, and I'm going probably, he's oddly hip in some of his slang sometimes.
So I would go probably A. I don't think he's going hard R. I don't know how bad he is mentally.
But every old person, I feel like, before they completely lose their mind, yells the N-word.
And I don't know if that's true, but I've seen a lot of that.
Or they say it or they write, you know, they, yeah, they are doing that.
But so anyway, I'm just curious to see.
At least I think what we got to do is we need to get, obviously Biden hasn't huffed a child in a while.
We need to get some seven-year-olds, some 11-year-olds, some 14-year-old girls that he can huff their hair, just give them a couple of fucking hits to make it to November.
Because the guy is falling apart.
He's falling apart.
He's very close to yelling the N-word at someone.
And I just, the only way, you got to get him what he needs.
You got to get him what he needs.
And what he wants is, obviously, to sniff children.
To sniff a children.
Let him sniff a children if it's going to get him through the end of his job so he can retire or whatever they're going to do, sell his body for glue.
I'm not sure.
But you can't pretend that the guy is doing well.
You just can't.
The guy's out of his mind.
He did call Net and Yahoo a bitch or something the other day.
And that I thought was pretty cool.
What else do we have here?
Any other news?
Shane Gillis is going to host SNL.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Part of me wonders if at the last minute he's going to be like, hey, sorry, guys.
It's just not for me.
You know?
Kind of like they did to him, you know?
It'll be interesting.
But good for him, man.
Congrats to Shane.
That guy.
He is so funny.
He is so funny, man.
I just, God, I just think he's so funny.
What else?
Tucker Carlson interviewed Vladimir Putin.
Watch that.
Really interesting.
Really interesting.
You know, it's almost crazy.
And I'm just saying this.
I'm not sure of this.
It's almost crazy that it feels like we're almost trying to see if we can get any real information about our own country from Vladimir Putin.
That's why.
Like, did anybody else have a moment where they're like, huh?
Maybe.
Because I believe our media is just extremely compromised.
I just believe that.
I believe that it's a big, it's all bullshit.
I really, a lot of me believes that.
I could be wrong.
I'm not saying I'm definite, but a lot of me believes that.
That it's all, we've just been, it's, yeah, it just doesn't, you know, that's what I, a lot of me thinks that.
Except you have independent journalists.
You got independent people trying to get out there and make things happen, you know.
So that, yeah, that's just what I, I thought that was interesting.
Like, it's like I'm listening almost to see if I can get any real information.
Because, yeah, I think Russia is just an old dude.
Russia is an old guy who's set in his ways, who just wants to sit over there and drink oil and look at tits or booty and just ride off into the sunset.
I don't believe that they're like a superpower or nothing.
You know, it's just a lot of rusty tanks.
It's a lot of children playing with heavy stone dolls, dolls made out of stone.
You'll see an 18-month-old with like an 11-pound doll, and they're carrying it.
You know, resilient folks.
Anyway, that's about the news, I think.
Yeah, we just went to the Warner Theater in Erie, PA, and I got to recommend it.
If you ever get a chance to go to the Warner Theater, it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in America.
It's a piece of history.
I think the renovation is a $30 million.
In May 2020, Phase 4 began.
It costs $30 million to renovate that theater.
But it's, I can't even tell you how unbelievable it is, how immaculate it is.
You know, so yeah, that's one thing you got to check out, the Warner Theater.
What else?
Oh, we had Blackface at Sephora.
Somebody.
This looks like a couple of girls doing blackface.
First of all, look, at least girls are doing it now because for a while it was just guys taking all the L's doing it.
You know, I believe in three generations, we're all just going to have beige, semi-Chinese face that's probably owned by Israel.
But I believe that's the face we're going to have.
What else?
Jeff Bezos will save over $600 million in taxes By moving to Miami.
That seems fair.
But that's Florida.
Everybody can move to Florida, and that's fair.
You know, those are the rules.
I just don't think somebody should be able to have that much money.
I think they should put a cap on how much money an individual can have.
And maybe that's socialist by me or something.
I don't know.
But I just, I don't know.
That's something that I think sometimes.
I'm not saying I'm right, but it's something I think about.
I just drank some of this this morning.
I got back from the gym and I knew I was going to have to work, you know, be doing potting for a few hours or five hours.
And I was like, I want to make sure that I get hydrated.
And so I threw down some liquid IV.
That's what does it.
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So let's, yeah, let's take a few calls here about love that came in today.
Here we go.
So I had a weird situation tonight.
I went on a date with my Uber driver, and she brought her daughter and her friend, her daughter's friend to iHouse.
Well, she had a call and she had to go.
So it was just me, her daughter, and her daughter's friend.
So I had to like sit there and entertain them.
What?
So you went on a date and then the girl, the lady left.
And then you're just sitting there with two children at an IHOP.
If you're sitting with two children, you don't know at an IHOP, bro, you are, you could be a sex trafficker, bro.
You know, no shade or anything, but it's like, I mean, yes, you know, but if you're, you know, like, yeah, that is, that is, that is not, that is, uh, let me hear more.
Like, sit there, entertain them.
And I'm, I was drunk at the time, so I was like, shit, what am I supposed to do?
These little teenage girls.
I was like, shit.
So I started just trying to tell dad jokes.
And they just, I heard me laugh.
So it was like.
Well, you can't tell dad jokes if you're, you're not even a dad.
You're a drunk guy at an IHOP with a stranger's children, bro.
You are lucky you weren't arrested.
That's what I'll tell you.
You got like, you know, you're drunk at an IHOP with some children you don't know.
So that's where you're at right now.
That is a starting point.
Okay.
That is, that is a place to go up from, I think.
You know, maybe I'm being too judgmental, but I think you have to have a, you should chart out a plan for yourself.
And it should be, and you need to have friends help you.
Because, yeah, if you're sitting drunk at an IHOP with two children that you don't know, and you are, you are this close to ending up on a registry.
Okay?
So, yeah, I would do that.
Let me hear more.
What is a guy supposed to do in that situation?
I wish there was a good ending of that story, but it was just kind of an awkward situation.
Like, what would you do?
Well, I think it's, you know, look, I appreciate the call, man.
And I'm sorry if I'm being a little, if I'm being crass to you.
You know, it's a loving, it's a day for love.
And so I got to remember that.
Yeah, let me just be loving.
Hey, man, yeah, I think, look, unfortunately, maybe that's just where we are in modern dating, you know, that a woman is going to be like, yes, meet me at an IHOP, watch my children.
And if you feed them, then maybe I will make love to you one day.
You know, maybe we could be together if you, like, maybe that's how it is.
Maybe the world, maybe we, there's so many perves out.
It just, that a woman's like, hey, here, meet me and my kids in a safe place.
I'm going to leave.
She probably is also an Uber driver.
You know, it's a very gig economy now.
Maybe she got a call.
She had to go get a fare.
She got a fare.
And she's like, you know, and if, hey, he didn't touch him.
He fed him.
Great guy.
Nowadays, to a lot of women, that's a great guy.
So I don't know if you need to do anything, brother.
I think you did the best thing you could do.
You were an earnest man.
You tried to be entertaining.
You were drunk, you know, and that's your deal.
And it's okay.
So yeah, I think you're doing great, man.
And yeah, happy Valentine's Day to you.
I want to say that, man.
And maybe this will work out.
You guys might be married by, you know, you just never know.
You know, and that's one thing about love, too.
Love goes at its own speed.
You know, I think we're so used to now things being so fast because you can get it right now.
You can get it right now.
You can get a pair of shoes.
They might be here by this afternoon.
In the old days, you had to go get your feet measured somewhere.
Come back maybe two months later and get some shoes.
But love is still like that.
It's an old shoe, man.
And we want it to fit fast.
And it's good you want it to be a cozy fit.
You know?
Because sometimes it's like, do I want to be, am I trying to be in love or am I just trying to not be alone?
That's another thing I think sometimes.
You know, like, what am I really looking for?
That's something I think about sometimes.
But yeah.
Thank you for calling, man.
And thank you for going IHOP instead of Denny's, baby.
Denny's.
You know that, son.
Fuck Denny's till it's backwards, homie.
What else?
Here we go.
Another call came in here about love.
Hi, Theo.
I am a female listener, and I was just listening to your podcast.
A question came to approach your lady about how to shave her hairy booty.
And as a hairy booty female myself, my boyfriend boyfriend actually approached this topic with some great sensitivity.
And I just wanted to let you guys know that if your lady has a hairy booty, offer to shave it for her.
I thought that was very charming of him.
He came up to me one day and he was like, hey, babe, let me groom you.
Like, let me get you right.
And I was like, wow, that was romantic.
And yeah, I busted it open.
He shaved me down and we got it on.
So that's the female perspective.
Praise God.
Thank you for that call.
And yeah, because it is.
It's something that occurs out there.
You see a man and they got a woman and they got a hair on their booty around that bood.
And that's something we got to battle as a society.
And this is from the front lines of that.
And it's that time of year, it's spring.
If your lady, she got that hairy boudeir, you feel me?
If that beehole's got a sideburn on it, baby, taper that thing up.
Get in there with some safe scissors, some of them children's snippers, and get in there.
Tidy that thing up.
If that boudea got a little dreadlock on it or whatever, tidy, grim that thing up.
You could do it.
Yeah, whack you, spill a candle on her and rip that thing, you know.
It's time, baby.
It's time to just take the hair off of each other's assholes.
It's just that time, you know.
It's just that time in happy Valentine's, baby.
That's what it is.
What else?
Have we got another call here?
You shave your body, Riley?
I do.
All right.
And what do you shave?
The front?
What do you shave?
Just my face.
Oh, just your face?
Okay.
Just your face.
But you don't seem like a guy that has a lot of hair, a body hair, Riley.
No, I don't.
Wow.
And do you guys do a lot of do a lot of Vietnamese people get body hair or not?
I don't think so.
Okay.
But do you know so?
At least for me, I don't.
You don't?
No.
Wow, that's got to be wonderful.
So you don't get any body hair.
So you're almost like a hairless cat in a way.
Right.
Wow.
But do you get cold?
Do you have to wear like double underpants or whatever?
No.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Thank you, man, for sharing that with us.
Let's see what else we got here.
Theo, what's up, man?
I've got a little bit of a confession for you.
Thank you for calling the hotline, man.
And I do want to let people know that if there is something they need to share, they can always hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
Weighing heavy on me.
Something happened to me when I was a kid.
I thought I should share it with somebody.
When I was 11 years old, I was watching a movie with one of my buddies.
I think he was 12. We were laying on my sister's bed.
That might have been the start of the problem.
Yeah.
That's the setting.
They call that the setting for something onward.
Watching Liar Liar.
And if you've seen the movie, there's a moment where they're playing back some audio of a woman doing the little orgasmic noises.
Oh, you gizzing out.
During that moment, my buddy leaned over and kissed me right on the lips.
And I pushed him off and said, what are you doing?
And he says, no, please stop.
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
And he begged me not to tell his brothers.
And I have four brothers myself, and I didn't want them to think I was gay.
So never really told anybody.
And look, man, that's a totally normal thing to happen.
You know, I appreciate you sharing it with us.
And, you know, I think that's a lot of times referred to as like surprise, kind of youthful gay and S-Y-G-N, they call it.
And it happens.
You're with your buddy and something sexual is happening in a film or movie and your body.
I remember when a commercial would come on and if a woman was just even damn putting a shampoo in, I just would sit in front of the TV and just fuck.
I couldn't even, it was like my hormones just came up into my shoulders and just were fucking just trying to fucking dance or whatever.
I just, I couldn't handle it.
So, yeah, if you're in there alone with your buddy and there's a man making orgasm noises on a television near the two of you, yeah, somebody's gonna kiss someone.
That is natural because that's surprise youthful gaying.
It happens.
Kids, they don't know and they just, they don't know what their hormones are.
And some of them, they test it out.
And the only way to know, it's like the only way to know if you like soccer is to play a couple games of soccer, man.
The only way to know if you could be gay is to kiss somebody that is the same sex as you or holding somebody's hand could be a clue.
But yeah, kids do that stuff all the time.
I remember I got under a sheet or whatever.
It was supposed to be lunchtime or whatever.
And we're neck, you know, my buddy and I somehow were like just under a sheet.
And we just started like touching each other's ribs, like just feeling it, just like, God.
And I don't remember, I just don't even know what was going on.
We just were just doing it.
And then thank God, somebody yelled sandwiches downstairs and we fucking ran out of there.
But yeah, I think children are part-time gay kind of because they're learning about sex and they're learning about that sort of thing.
You know, and I couldn't even look at my buddy while we ate those ham and cheeses.
We couldn't even look at each other because we just didn't know.
And it was, that was the time era, the era where if you asked your dad if you were gay, he would just say you were.
Just crazy.
So, Riley, ever happened any, well, yeah, Riley, let's check back in there.
What were you telling me about?
So a little bit ago, I had my second kiss, finally.
Okay, and this is your second kiss ever in your life, right, brother?
Right.
And you still never burped that sweat whistle, have you, Daddy?
I have not.
Wow, brother.
My God.
You are going to just be able to just open up an aquarium when you really let them things open up.
God, brother.
I mean, how much do you weigh?
$120.
Well, I don't know if I believe that, but at least 17 of that has got to be pure grade A maple semen, baby.
My God.
I can't even believe that.
I could fucking rent you out to a couple of Hollywood executives right now, and they would fucking burp that little diving board in the back of a limousine somewhere right now, outside of Disney or one of those other places, MGM or whatever, Miramax or whatever they're doing.
Okay, what else happened?
Oh, so you went on a date and tell me about it.
You got that second kiss, huh?
Yeah.
Basically, I just went to a bar with her.
Okay.
And where'd y'all sit?
It was like across from each other, next to each other, at the bar.
Where did you guys sit?
No, next to each other, at a table.
At a table, okay.
And was there some good energy?
What happened?
Yeah, yeah, we were laughing a lot.
Hmm.
That's good sign.
And then what happened?
Did you guys left there?
You took her home.
You guys left something.
What happened?
Yeah, so we left.
I took her home.
Okay.
And as we were saying bye, I asked her if I could kiss her.
Dang.
And how did you ask?
So were you guys standing at the door?
In the car.
Just on her driveway.
Standing in the driveway.
And what did you say?
I said, hey, I've been wanting to ask you this.
You know, can I kiss you?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah, brother.
That's what I'm talking about.
Fucking Asians getting that shit.
And what did she say?
She said, sure.
And then we just went in.
And was she a little taller than you or not?
A little, yeah.
So did you have to go up on just a little on the toes?
Actually, she kind of came down to me.
Fuck yeah, son.
Feminism.
Wow.
And then what happened?
Did you like put your hand like kind of like, or did you just totally freestyle it, hands on the side, just that fucking weird penguin vibe?
What'd you do?
I think I wrapped my arms around her, but that was it.
Oh my God, that's romantic.
Wow.
And did you play any music on your phone or were you guys just, it was quiet?
No, it was quiet.
And how long did the kiss last for?
Probably for a good 12 seconds.
And did you, um, and did you, uh, was there any tongue in it?
Was it just lips?
Was it like upper lip?
What was your strategy?
Um, yeah, there was a little tongue.
Rightly.
Shitting him with that fucking mouth cock, baby.
That.
Way to go, brother.
And was she receptive to it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Chill.
Everything's good.
Nothing illegal.
And then what happened?
You left?
I left and then she went back to New Jersey.
Oh, God.
I will say this: some of the coolest girls I've ever met are from Philadelphia, New Jersey area.
Hands down.
Just cool chicks, great senses of humor.
Fun, cool.
Sometimes they're nurses and stuff like that.
Just great chicks.
They have a lot of great.
I mean, I'm a big fan of nurses.
But also, I think just some of the coolest chicks are up there.
Everybody knows that, you know, I'm a big fan of nurses.
But yeah.
And my sister's a nurse, too.
So I'm proud of her.
She just got her, I don't know what it's called, like her GED or whatever.
She's like the final nurse or whatever or something.
But I don't know.
But, man, well, so you got two kisses under your belt and you're still saving yourself from marriage, Riley.
Correct.
Wow.
God, you got a...
Do you feel like you still have a long way to go?
It might be a minute.
I like your attitude, though, man.
And we have to have a good attitude, right, to find love because it can just show up whenever.
Right.
Yeah.
You got to stay ready.
Let's take one or two more calls, man.
This was an interesting call that came in.
Hey, Theo.
Pat Raiso from Las Vegas.
Hey, Pat from Las Vegas.
Thank you for calling me, lady.
Nice to hear you.
Onward.
Going to a comedy show tonight for my birthday.
I will be wearing my Theo shirt to represent my love for you.
I feel I know you, though we've never met.
I'm turning 81 on the 25th.
Might not be your oldest fan, but I'm the biggest.
Love you.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I appreciate that.
You know, even when you say it, it reminds me of my grandmother.
Thank you, Pat.
That's very sweet of you.
Let me make sure your name is Pat.
Sometimes I just assume a lot of older women are named Pat.
Hey, Theo.
Pat Raiso from Love.
Yeah, that's Pat.
Thank you, Pat.
Thank you, Pat.
That's so sweet of you.
And yeah.
Dang, I feel like I just got a call from my grandmother, you know.
And I just mean that in a way of like that somebody can call you that's not that person to you and they can be that person for you.
You know, you can fill in the blanks for somebody, you know.
If somebody doesn't have a brother, you can call them and share a special word with them or give them a nice message or just tell them you care about them.
And suddenly they do have a brother, you know.
You know, there's been a lot of figures in my life of people that have represented father figures and mother figures and brother figures and at certain moments.
And so it's just, that's the power of just that, of love right there.
That's a loving thing to do.
Yeah.
Thank you, Pat.
That's sweet of you.
Praise.
What else?
Yeah, I just want to keep it in the love vein here.
We got a call right here.
Hi to you.
My name is Autumn.
I was just wondering if you've ever felt like alone.
Being older sucks.
I'm almost 30 in a couple weeks.
Oh, you're not that old, Autumn?
That don't sound that old to me at all.
Let's hear more.
And, you know, I have a tough time trying to find love.
And I was wondering if you've ever felt like that.
I'm just sitting here in my apartment just thinking how, you know, maybe I'll never find it.
And if that's the case, what are your opinions on that?
You know, I want to find true love.
I want to find happiness, but I want to have kids.
Yeah, thank you for the call.
Yeah, finding love.
You know, thank you for the call.
Thank you for just sharing how you're feeling and what's going on.
I think it's sweet of you, and I appreciate it.
And I think just showing up right where you, you just, you're called with exactly where you're at.
No BA, no, just, hey, this is where I am.
This is what's going on.
You know, and I just really respect that.
Yeah, I think love gets, I think love is something that we all need.
You know, you see what happens to a child that doesn't have any love.
You know?
You see what happens to animals that don't have any love.
You know, it's obvious.
It's obvious that we need it.
And it's nice to think of that, yeah, how do I fall in love with somebody else?
How do I get into a relationship with somebody and have a partner?
And yeah, so much of that is out of our hands, you know.
I mean, some things like you want to give yourself the best chance, you know, I think because you have to meet people.
And so you have to put yourself out there.
You do.
You know, I mean, you could just meet somebody at a grocery store or something, but sometimes people meet each other.
The more people you run into, the more chances you're going to have to meet someone.
So that just is part of it.
And then in the meantime, I think enjoy the peace that you do have with yourself and start to fall in love with yourself more if you can.
I know that may sound strange, and I'm not trying to, I'm just thinking out loud.
You know, for me, I notice sometimes that I don't have the best relationship with myself, really.
I don't really communicate with myself that much.
I do some, but really communicate with myself.
Check in with myself, see what's going on.
Spend time with myself, not just sitting on my phone or watching a television show, but sit there and spend time with myself.
Think about, hey, man, who are you?
What do you like doing?
You know, hey, man, I'm proud of you.
Saying that to myself.
You know?
Hey, Theo, I'm proud of you, man.
I'm proud of you.
You know, I've gotten better about it as I've gotten older, but man, for so long, I didn't even love myself.
So then in my life, I was looking for someone else to do.
I was looking for someone else to do the job for me that I wasn't doing for me.
And that's too much to ask of somebody.
I'm not saying this for you at all.
I'm sorry I just got on this tangent.
But yeah, I was looking for somebody else.
Yeah, I want to be a partner, but I also want you to, I need you to fill in this other space inside of myself that I'm leaving, that I'm not working on.
And so then at that point for me in relationships, it wasn't that fair.
You know, I wasn't saying, hey, let's meet and do 50, 50. I was saying, hey, I need you to do 50, 50. I need you to do 80 because I'm missing 30. And I haven't tried to do the work and stuff that I need to do to help take care of myself better.
And that was always making it tough for me.
It's gotten a little bit better of it as I've gotten older because I understand that a little bit more.
That I, well, do I love myself?
Who am I?
You know, what's going on with me?
But do I think you will, you sound like the sweetest person.
And I believe that love wins.
I believe that people say it sometimes and there's like commercials and stuff where it's like people will be in like a wheelchair or something and they'll say it, but that doesn't have anything to do with it, I don't think.
But I believe that it wins.
Because it's just the realest thing.
You could see it, man.
It's the realest thing.
When you see somebody love somebody else, it could be between any connection, father, son, mother, child, brothers, sisters.
The uncle part can get a little bit weird if he's milling around, but, you know, somebody just be proud of somebody.
When you see love, it just, there's nothing can hold a candle to that.
That's the light of God, I think.
That's the light of God.
That's the light of God.
And it sounds like something you care about.
So I just want you to hang in there.
You know, and yeah, I just want you to hang in there.
Because yes, I believe it can happen.
We got to believe it can happen.
That's got to be the most possible.
That's got to be the belief.
That's got to be it.
Because a flower be sitting there and then a damn bee come on.
And you don't know that thing, you know?
A flower don't have a clue a bees coming.
A flower is just doing its shit, you know.
Stunting like my daddy.
Stamin' like my daddy.
And then a bee.
So you just, you never know when you're going to get buzzed out and hunted up.
And you got time.
You got time.
And then I got to make sure that when I'm looking for somebody, I'm not looking for them to fill.
I'm looking to meet them halfway.
I'm looking for us to be puzzle pieces or whatever, but you know, that sounds a little bit gee to me, but I'm not looking for them to do all the work of filling in all my blanks.
You know, some of that's my work.
And I'm not saying that about you.
I'm just, you caught me and I'm thinking about the same thing at the same time.
Riley, what do you think for that young lady thinking about love?
I mean, yeah, she'll find everyone, you know, finds love eventually.
Yeah.
I think that's true.
Yeah.
I think that's true, man.
And it'll happen for you, dude.
You know?
You've been seeping that demon in the meantime or what?
You've been freaking handrailing that little splatter wand or what, baby boy?
Not yet.
It'll eventually happen.
Oh, you're planning on masturbating?
I meant with some, not masturbating, but with a girl.
Oh, you know a girl who's willing to do it?
I mean, I'm just saying eventually.
Oh, you're saying eventually it'll happen with a woman?
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
This is nothing.
Okay.
But you don't have like something on your calendar right now and it's just – Okay.
Okay.
Cool, cool.
Let's take one more call, man, because I think this is it right here.
And happy Valentine's Day to everybody.
You know?
Hey, Theo.
I just wanted to give you an update.
I called in about two or three years ago, and my video aired on the episode that you had with Kalila at the time.
I was talking about how my wife at the time ended up leaving me for another woman.
Oh, I remember this.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Kyla.
Big fan of you guys.
Just wanted to get your advice on a recent development I had.
I recently got left by my wife For another woman, completely blindsided, had no idea.
Yeah, I guess I just look for any advice you guys would give as I move on to this next chapter of my life.
Gang, brother.
Well, next month in March, my new wife and I are expecting our first little one, our daughter.
So just anybody who's struggling out there or maybe, I don't know, thinking things don't really look that great, just want to let you know it gets better.
And I appreciate everybody's thoughts.
Theo, thank you.
It's been a lot to me, what you said in that podcast about my call.
And yeah, just appreciate you, Theo, really.
Thanks, man.
Gang, baby.
Wow.
Man, that's got me really eyeballs trying to spurt, baby.
Damn, brother.
Thank you, man.
I want to hear that part one more time.
That really, that made my day, man.
Next month in March, my new wife and I are expecting our first little one, our daughter.
So just anybody who's struggling out there or maybe, I don't know, thinking things don't really look that great.
Just want to let you know it gets better and I appreciate everybody.
You hear that, man?
You hear when he said my wife and I were expecting our first little one?
It makes you feel something.
It makes you feel something.
That's love, man.
That is undeniable.
That is undeniable.
I believe that that is God's light in the world.
I believe that.
Nothing else makes you do.
Nothing else makes you.
Nothing else makes you feel anything, really.
Nothing else makes you feel something from the...
It's almost like...
It almost feels like it comes from the just from the past.
It comes from forever.
That feeling of love.
Just, man.
It comes from forever.
It comes from forever.
Yeah, just, man, I want to hear that one more time.
Next month in March, my new wife and I are expecting our first little one, our daughter.
So just anybody who's struggling out there or maybe, I don't know, thinking things don't really look that great.
Just want to let you know it gets better, and I appreciate everybody's thoughts.
Wow.
Yeah, that's love, man.
And that's why we stay in the game.
And that's why we stay in the game.
Even to witness that for somebody else, that's still love.
I'm still getting something out.
I get so much out of that.
Man, the rest of my day is going to mean more to me.
So the more things I can love, even if it's not like somebody else or like having like the perfect like partner or straight person or whatever, I don't even know what the, or just having the perfect woman or man.
If you are a woman or a gay person, they can have everybody can have somebody.
But damn, dude, even if you, you know, just you can still get love.
That's when there's other, you know, you can still get love.
And don't let it let, don't come down off those feelings.
When somebody else has something very loving, don't let that feeling, don't then let that feeling turn, dang, I wish I had it.
It's okay to ponder that a little bit, but don't let that, don't go off that cliff.
Because I think the more we can just keep that vibe of like, hey, this is possible.
I see this.
I just want to be around this.
I want to be involved in a line of work that makes me feel love.
I want to be involved around people, community, whether it's a church or a men's group or recovery or a fucking sweat lodge, whatever it is.
I want to be involved in something that makes me feel something.
Because that's why I'm here.
You know?
I'm here to stand on my tippy toes in the driveway of the Lord and feel that kiss, baby.
Yeah.
Happy Valentine's Day to everybody.
Sorry if I'm all over the place.
I don't give a fuck.
I've been all over the place my whole fucking life.
I don't even know where I am.
I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, to be honest with you.
I don't, my life feels confusing sometimes.
I don't know what's going on.
You know?
But yeah, I'm not trying to tear up on here.
I'm not trying to fucking, let me put these shades back on.
Damn, bro.
My eyeballs are looking a little gay.
Sorry, they have a monitor in here.
But yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Who knows what?
Yeah.
But I just keep hoping that I have moments like that that make me feel something.
And sometimes you have a lot of them in your own life.
Sometimes you get them all out of other people's lives.
Sometimes an older woman calls you and tells you that she loves you.
And it's not your grandmother, but it's still your grandmother.
Because the love is still the same.
So I don't know.
I'm getting a little preachy.
But yeah, man.
And I love you guys.
I'm thankful.
Thank you to the people that come out to the shows.
The bigger shows have gotten better.
They've gotten easier.
It was harder in the beginning.
You know, it's harder to be in new spaces and stuff.
I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for paying attention to this podcast and listening.
Thank you for hitting the hotline, 985-664-9503.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's about it.
You know what?
I promised a friend of mine that I would play his song on the way out.
So I'm going to put it in here.
And this is a song years ago that I started listening to.
And I listen to it when I need to get some feelings out of me.
You know, this one does it for me.
It's kind of an emo kind of vibe, but you know what it is, cuh.
You know what it is, cuh.
That's who, that's, you know.
You know the war we out here doing.
So this song is by Evan Bartels.
It's called The Devil, God, and Me.
If you're not looking for that emo feeling, feeling thing right now, then that's okay.
You going about your day.
If you are, tap in.
But praise God, baby.
Love you guys.
And yeah, just thanks for tuning in.
And happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
If you don't have that other person, you have yourself.
You have yourself, man.
And that is the most important person you're ever going to get to know or spend time with.
And I'm not preaching at you.
I'm really saying this to myself because more and more in my life, I realize that I should spend, I got to spend, I'm given this gift of being a human being.
And rarely do I even check in.
Hey, Theo, what's going on?
Hey, who are you?
Hey, what do you, you know, like, there's just so many distractions.
It's not a fault or anything.
It's just there's so many dark arts out there.
They don't want you to get to know yourself.
They don't want you.
They want you buying.
They want you fucking working, slaving.
They don't want you to get to know yourself.
Because if you get to know yourself, you're going to know that you're a fucking warrior.
That's what they're afraid of.
Because I believe that's what we all used to be.
So that's my Valentine this year, man.
It's going to be me.
And I'm chill with that.
And my girl that called and she was feeling like love in there for her, hey, I got you.
And you got yourself too.
You know, sorry, I'm getting a little preachy.
Yeah, it's just like, how much do I get to know the most important love in my own life?
It's fucking.
I should love myself, man.
I should.
I should know.
I should.
I don't know what I'm trying to say.
Anyway.
But yeah.
Fuck.
Now this song is so emo going out there.
But that's where we are today.
This is Evan Bartell's The Devil God in Me.
Happy Valentine's, baby.
Praise God.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love somebody.
Love yourself.
Look somebody in the eyes and say, hey, I fucking, I love you.
Amen.
And And look yourself in the eyes and say the same thing, man.
And if nobody's telling you they love you, I fucking love you, fucking little ass, you look pervert, bro.
Praise God.
Thank you for being here, Riley.
Thank you, Theo.
Happy Valentine's Day, man.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Mother, may I open my eyes?
There's a great big world waiting right outside.
Mother, may I raise my voice we, the people, have that choice.
Mother, may I raise my head?
I love that tune, man.
I encourage you to go listen to it.
It's Evan Bartels.
We'll put the link to it.
I love Evan's music.
But let's amp this one in, man.
Finish it out.
come on Whenever you're down, out in the cold, faithless and dark, your stories untold.
Come take my hand and walk there with me.
I know a place where we can be free.
Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a light shining for you, guiding your way, helping you through shadows.
All that you see will find a place where we can be free from the mountaintops in the deepest valleys.
Hear a voice calling you.
It's the rising sun shining in the darkest valley.
Can't you see you will be free?
Praise God, baby!
Praise God, baby!
And that can be your God anyway.
Whatever God you got, baby.
We ain't trying to God lock you.
We ain't trying to God.
I don't know the words, man.
I'm just gonna keep doing this, dude.
I'm blind.
If we just got made, we all got wine.
There is no him in us today.
Together we tried together with retops to the deepest valleys calling you love you guys, man.
Thank you.
Be good to yourselves, baby.
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