Roseanne Barr is an Emmy-award winning comedian, writer and actress known for her iconic show “Roseanne” which aired for 10+ years. She is also a best-selling author, political activist and and active stand-up comedian. She just launched "the Roseanne Barr Podcast" which is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube.
Roseanne joins Theo Von on a special episode of This Past Weekend to talk about her crazy childhood, finding a voice through stand-up, getting kicked out of Hollywood, what the industry gets wrong about working people, the lasting legacy of her show, bad honeymoons, the special call she got from Louis CK and much more.
Special thanks to Joe Rogan’s Comedy Mothership in Austin, TX for hosting this episode of the show.
Roseanne: https://www.instagram.com/officialroseannebarr/
The Roseanne Barr Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/Roseanneworld
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-roseanne-barr-podcast/id1689617956
https://open.spotify.com/show/68UndX2hi2yucKWtk8j3yt?si=1fc4c1b09f914718
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Today we are here at the Mothership, the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas.
And I'm sitting here or about to be sitting here with one of the most iconic comedians.
She is a voice.
She is a damn, she is a forest fire with Avaries on her.
She's one of a kind.
Her ability to entertain over the years is unmatched.
I'm grateful to get to spend time with her today here at Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership Live from Austin, Texas.
Today's guest is Roseanne Barr.
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I'll be singing I love you, Scott!
I love you, Scott!
The shapes are cool, though.
Okay, I'll keep them on.
These are the ones Dice wears too.
Really?
We both found that out when we saw each other last couple weeks here.
But he keeps his for when he goes on stage.
He don't even wear them around in real life like I do.
Yeah, I like them.
His is for when he steps on stage.
The Tom Fords.
Are they really?
Yeah.
It's like, I got to wear the Tom Fords on stage.
I go, I just wear them around because they're so fucking cool.
Dude, they look hip, huh?
Ain't they cool?
Yeah, they make you feel like almost like a ASAP Rocky.
Yeah.
But I've had these for five years, so they're out of time, but they're timeless, you know?
I think they seem kind of timeless.
They look kind of like wacky Onassis kind of.
Oh my fucking Lord.
Oh God, thank God.
Thought you forgot your smokes, huh?
Yeah, just a little bit of your own style, but still, wacky Onassis is a level of class, you know?
Wacky Onassis is genius.
I think it was easy, but thanks.
That's sweet of you.
It's so me.
It is kind of.
Because I could also see you riding in a car with some guy who gets his head blown off.
You know what I'm saying?
And there's no way he would, if the last thought was she had something to do with it.
Oh, God, that's so funny.
God, you're so funny.
Thank you.
Are we filming or what?
I got my sippy cup to match my shoes.
I've always told you that.
Yeah, that's nice, though.
You have a, what kind of, where are you pulling this fit from?
Where are you pulling the style from?
Well, you have like an inspiration?
I do.
This is a friend of mine that makes these clothes, and I'm a big fan of hers.
She's from Fredericksburg, Texas.
She just opened up in Malibu too, called Magnolia Pearl.
Everybody cool knows about her.
And she does like real good fabric from, you know, all over the world, linens, stuff from France, good French linen and shit like that, if you care.
Yeah.
And she embroiders stuff and puts wacky stuff together.
And I just love my outfits.
I'm at that age.
I call it my turban years.
You know, where it's like about, you know, you want to dress up for, to have your friends over for a luncheon.
You know, that kind of stuff you didn't have time for when you was young and trying to hustle for the bucks, you know.
You're kind of developing your old lady style, you know.
And you change your clothes.
I do five, six times a day, costume changes.
And it's just fun.
It's like being 12 again.
When I was 12 up in my room and I was doing Janice Joplin, singing over them records, you know, and I had a dress up like her or what have you.
It's all pretend and fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess there is a nice thing about whenever you get to a good age, as we get a little bit older, we get to, you kind of like the pressures of society and stuff, it all kind of goes away a little bit.
It's like you realize there's maybe there wasn't a ton of value in it or just the years of being like that racehorse.
You kind of like, now you get to kind of hang out in the pasture a little more, kind of eat some grass, enjoy yourself.
Or like, what do you mean?
Well, I think you get to be a little bit more introspective and creative in your thinking, you know, you get to try on an idea.
You don't have to buy it.
You can just fuck with it and go with it, you know?
Yeah.
You know, comics are like that anyways.
But you just got a little more time to be valuable with like weighing thoughts and, you know, trying to come up with something funny.
Just being more creative, more, more faith in your own creativity too, the older you get.
And you're not so harassed and running ragged trying to get there.
You just enjoy and doing it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do, actually.
Yeah.
It's like recently I've been feeling sometimes like I'm so busy.
I don't have as much, my brain doesn't have as much space to be as creative as I would like to sometimes.
Yeah.
How old are you now?
It almost kind of bums me out.
I'm 43. So it just feels sometimes, it doesn't bum me out, but it's like I really have to make a strong effort to find more space, you know, to not be just affected or influenced by things just so I can like, you know, just so I can daydream kind of.
Yeah, so you can go in there and have fun.
Yeah.
and play around, right?
Yeah.
It's kind of like being 12, ain't it?
Or even younger.
Oh, I think.
Sorry.
No, you're good.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You look awesome, by the way.
Thank you very much.
You look very pretty.
Thank you.
You're very nice.
Yeah, I think it's interesting as you get older, like what kind of things you start to think about what are important, especially after you get out a little bit of the rat race, you know?
Yeah, because you find out the rat race is a real thing, and the rats with the sharpest teeth win.
So who wants to be part of that when you don't have to?
I mean, for a long time, you have to if you're going to go.
But after you went, you're kind of like, hey, I'm going to take a break on that shit.
I'm going to kind of try to get rid of a few of them rats.
Have some time where I can walk around barefoot and not have my toes chewed on.
Yeah, I know.
It's fucking evil, huh?
It is.
But it's what propels you too.
It kind of keeps you going because you're like, oh, yeah, you're going to block me here.
I'm going to go around here.
You're kind of like a mental football player or boxer, you know?
Yeah.
Which is why I love boxing, why I like watching Tyson, why I liked watching Mike all the mirrors.
But, you know, because it's like instinct and reflex all together.
And then having this real clear channel of like, I got to get over you and around you.
And how am I going to do it?
Well, I'm prepared because I already did it 1,500 times just trying to stay alive while you was trying to suck my blood.
Yeah.
And it all comes together.
And then wherever you're focusing in, you just keep kind of developing ways to get better at it.
It's interesting how much business acumen you have to pick up along the way.
And especially as comedians, you're already kind of, I think a lot of comedians are untrusting of the world.
And they should be.
Yeah.
Right?
Oh, yeah.
Don't we all start out real trusting?
Oh, yeah.
You start out so trusting like, oh, humor will bring us together.
And I have a gift and I can make people laugh.
And look at me, daddy.
I'm up here on stage.
You know, all that.
You think, I'm going to finally get all the love I never got when you was beating my ass and these people like me.
They're like, of course I'll sign it.
You're giving me $2 and I'm making what?
$10,000 an hour for you.
I'm happy to do it.
You know?
And you are.
Yeah.
You're like, I'm fucking writing jokes at the ass.
You know, I just get up in the morning and I've written 15 jokes by the time I get downstairs.
Wow.
It's so fun.
You're so in the zone of where you want to be, but you don't know nothing about, you know, like I like hearing rappers talk about business side of stuff?
Yeah, when they realized.
Yeah.
Well, Kanye was like that kind of, you know?
I mean, some stuff Kanye said, he was like, you know, I think he was trying to come from a place where he was angry, I don't know, at the system at Hollywood.
You know, I don't know.
It's like, I mean, I think he also was suffering probably from some mental issues, you know, like, I mean, yeah.
You think marrying Kim Kardashian was any kind of symptom of that?
And he toured for a while with like a Sunday service.
So there's kind of a like, I'm a God type of vibe.
You know, that's an interesting thing to do.
Well, it's that messianic force that all of us have, you know, that are trying to say something like rappers and comics and songwriters, singers.
We're all on that.
We're in that messianic force.
You know, we're compelled to say something that makes somebody hear us and makes it better.
I mean, we imagine it makes it better or it just makes us feel better, whatever.
We're adding something good to the collective pot of gold at the end of the dream rainbow, you know?
And so he has that messianic thing.
But then when you actually get into it, plus having bipolar and all the other shit.
And I got all that and more.
Oh, yeah.
So I love Kanye.
But yeah, you can go wrong if your meds fuck up on you.
Oh, dude, you get one extra milligram.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Christ.
God knows I've done that.
And bad med mixing.
Oh.
You'd think they'd send a big chart home with you.
First of all, the information on the pill bottles, it's like a lot could go wrong here.
And it's a eight font.
Yeah, I can't even see it.
Even with my amplified glasses, I can't even see it.
I have to have somebody read it for me.
You're like, yeah, I got that.
That ain't hurt me.
Yeah, I do that.
That ain't hurt me that much.
It's not like I'm going to go off the meds and then, good God, look out world.
You know what I mean?
My kids would commit me in a heartbeat.
Have they ever tried to commit you before?
Not yet, but all my husbands did.
That's why they were all gone.
Yeah, they deserved it probably.
You know, I do think it is- Yeah.
Even though I'm a girl, I'm kind of a bull.
I guess you could say.
I could see you're probably the kind of woman.
It's like you're a, you know, you bring a lot of you.
I do bring a lot of me, and a lot of me is like an out-of-control three-year-old.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, dude.
A lot of my life I felt like that.
Like I'm a child every day.
Like, and I have to take care of myself like a child.
I have to do all these little things for myself to make sure that I'm okay.
Oh, I know what you mean.
I have to write a list to remember what to do because my shit is so haphazard and out there crazy.
If I don't stick to this everyday list, which includes wash your face, brush your teeth, you know, prep up yourself so people can stand to be around you.
You know what I mean?
Change your underwear.
If I don't do those basic things, and I'm not, it's not my instinct to do them.
My instinct is to hop out of bed, start smoking and drinking and throw a fucking javelin at a neighbor kind of.
No, I don't want to hurt nobody.
Well, I don't want to hit them, but I want to fucking let them know I'm still living next door.
Like we used to have this contest.
we live in this apartment complex, and yeah, I can relate to the same thing.
My mother, I remember, my mother, the night before, I remember being like seven years old, mom would be like, do you want me to wake you up for school tomorrow?
And I'm like, how in the fuck else would I even get up?
Right.
Like, she asked you?
Yeah, she would just put that kind of like immediately the world was just, you are, you better figure it out, you know?
But sometimes she'd be like, do you want me to wake up for school tomorrow?
I'd be like, yeah.
Otherwise, I'm not, you know what I'm saying?
Like, there's no, but it wasn't like, all right, guys, I'll get you guys all up.
You'll be ready to go.
She would like ask you, you know?
So it was weird because you had this, you made this adult decision.
Do I want my mom to wake me up for school?
But I just felt like it was such a strange thing for her to ask.
Like.
Yeah, because it's not.
But you know that there was no way for you to say no.
I'll just sleep in.
Right.
That wasn't even an option.
Right.
So it was just a strange, it was like something you'd ask a roommate kind of, but there was always that adult thing from my, like I remember I told her, you know, that somebody said there's like pedia files in the area or whatever.
And she goes, well, do you feel like you want to spend time with them?
And so I would have to like, you know.
Did she actually say that?
She'd say that, man.
She'd be like, do you, you know, she kind of put it on you in a way.
Like, do you, what choice do you want to make here?
You know, I always felt like that was like, I think growing up, it was like, what choice do you want to make here?
You know, well, that was.
But I had to make choices early.
So then in the end, part of me, I'm coming back to what you're saying is like, I felt so much responsibility all the time at a young age.
I felt like everything is my responsibility.
So then sometimes I think as I've gotten older, I'm just tired of doing all these things that should have probably been helped with me at a younger age.
Sometimes I feel like some of those things weren't my responsibility or they didn't get built into me correctly.
I understand.
Feeding myself, taking care of myself, making sure, you know, my teeth are brushed.
I mean, I do all those things now, but it's like I have to have a real checklist of, okay, this is what you do to make sure you're not a baby today, kind of.
I get it.
But yeah, she should have just go, I'll wake you up in the morning, right?
Yeah, she added a lot of layers to her shit.
Yeah, she put a lot of layers on, man.
But it was a different thing.
She probably thought she was empowering you because, you know, they were telling parents to do that that was a good way to raise your kids is to have them make choices over inconsequential horse shit.
I guess that's what she probably was part of that whole thing.
Yeah, I don't know what she thought.
I think she grew up.
She was Midwestern and I think she just a hard worker.
You know, you go, you get things done.
I think there wasn't a lot of feelings back then, maybe between families as much as now people are, you know, now we have a lot more time and everybody's like, we're all more in our feelings and stuff.
And so society's kind of changed like that.
But I don't know what it was like when she was a child.
Well, how old is she right now?
She's 77. Oh, she's older than me.
That's rare.
Somebody's older than me.
Good God.
So she's just ahead of me.
Yeah, she's an adult.
Jesus.
Oh, she didn't.
She got the, let me think about that.
I wonder what it was like then growing up.
Well, I remember back then, people would have like nine kids because some of them didn't live.
Right.
That's like, I mean, that's like animals do that.
Yeah.
So I think things were a little bit more animalistic back then, probably.
Well, I think they were probably just purely utilitarian.
Yeah.
You know, not so much where you really got a lot of choices.
You just had to do what you had to do.
Yeah.
And maybe care was like a secondary thing.
It was almost like a blessing if you had enough, you know, or like a, I don't know.
I mean, everybody would care about their children and stuff, but I wonder how much that's changed over the years, like how we look at that.
Well, now it's gotten so insular that the kids are just all fucked up.
They need more of what your mom did, probably.
Yeah.
It went way too far the other way.
Oh, it's gotten really, really, it's gotten pretty out there.
Did whenever you kind of got, were you kind of shocked by like whenever you got like canceled by Hollywood or whatever the term is, right?
Many times.
But whenever they like, they didn't even take into account like all that you had done for like women in comedy or any, I mean, that's really weird.
Or gays.
Yeah.
They were the ones right there kicking me.
Oh, yeah.
Roseanne had gay characters on it.
Yeah, the first show that I had the first, you know, gay characters and the first gay kiss and all that me.
Oh, yeah.
I remember yelling at my mom, hey, mom, gays are okay, you know.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, I can't find my lighter now.
I must have that under my butt.
Yeah, they didn't take any of that into account at all.
But maybe they did take it into account and that's where they got rid of me.
Because, you know, I did break rules and they always hated me for it.
Whether they agreed with them or not, they still hate a rule breaker or somebody who thinks.
And, you know, after working there for nine years in a big cement building with no windows, that's how I spent all my time there.
Really?
On Roseanne?
Yeah.
Big soundstage, you know.
Yeah.
And so seeing the ins and outs of weekly stuff for nine years, you just learn stuff.
They just want stuff to go smoothly.
They don't want boat rockers.
They don't want nobody that says no.
Even if you're the author, they don't know what's funny.
That's number one.
And if something makes them laugh out loud, they think that that's bad.
They like to go like this.
They think, oh, well, but it's their arrogance because they're like, well, the people at home are such bigots and idiots, they're not going to get that.
They're like the super conscience, the super conscious, or whatever you say it, super conscience of people they really look down on, that they imagine they know how they think.
Yeah, well, it's, you know, I'm hoping that someone creates an app, right?
Where you can look at a business and decide and you'll know who the business, like their owners, who the, who they support, like where they put their political funds, right?
Yeah.
So then as a, as a buyer of something, what's it called?
Consumer.
Consumer.
Then you can say, okay, I'm going to put my money because all they only have money to put places because you're paying them money, right?
So it's like if you could start to adjust the other end of the spectrum where now you get to put your money almost as if where they get to put their money onto like in different into different lobbying spaces or whatever.
Now you get to put your money into, you'll know by looking at an app, okay, this business foot locker, they like this and this and this.
I support that.
I'm going to support, I'm going to spend my money there.
Or Joe's shoes, they like this and this and this.
I support that.
I'm going to put my money there.
That way you're going to.
Yeah, you should be able to put that when you buy their product.
Say, I don't approve of this thing you're giving money to, so don't use any amount of my money to go toward that.
Right.
Right.
Yep.
But I like this you're doing.
So, you know, whatever percentage of my money you're siphoning off could go towards that.
Or you could put into the app in the beginning, these are the things that I kind of believe in.
And like, these are kind of my core beliefs that I think are helpful in society that I would like my money to reflect.
And then the app could show you, well, these are 40 businesses that way we're going to the the that way we have the it's where we're putting our money now yeah you know that way we're not paying for somebody to kill us right right we're not bearing the cost of our own uh destruction because that's how they're doing it oh it's crazy right ain't it crazy but do you think there are big forces at play that kind of run this whole thing or do you think it's just business
and that is just the byproduct of like you know of of power and and greed that's what i wonder sometimes i think it's both that's how it is because we didn't change it yet but the smarter we get and realize hey that's just going towards killing me i got to flip this switch and i i think we'll get smart like that pretty soon to go hey we shouldn't be poisoning our farmlands what are we going to eat yeah duh but they're that stupid because they're
just so um fixated on the money and nothing else the short they they like the short term the the uh instant gratification thing that that's never good no so they're gonna have to figure that out and i think they will i think that's coming with the coming crash i think americans are gonna figure that out.
It'd be interesting, I think.
That's why I'm doing, you know, I'm doing my own podcast now.
Yeah, yeah, and that's why I'm doing it to just go, how are we going to survive what's coming?
And how come all y'all don't know what's coming?
You can't See what's right in front of your face, but you know, all the Queen of England's business.
How come that is?
Oh, yeah, you put tits on something people want to know about it, you know.
But I mean, and they'll sit around, they can name everyone on these soap operas, the housewives of, and all their family business.
Say, um, what are the three branches of government?
Huh?
Yeah.
It's like they purposely farmed us.
They did farm us like human veal, I always say.
We're like veal in high heels.
You know, we're in these boxes getting fats for the slaughter.
God.
You know, we're that stupid.
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Well, it's interesting because comedians, you at least like have a brain from out of the gate somehow that was formulated to kind of look at things and get, you know, like I start to notice that as I get older.
I thought we were all kind of the same when I was young.
And then I start to realize, oh, some of my friends or people that, you know, I was around when I was younger, they just have a, their mindset is more comfortable to send like without sometimes it's almost paranoia of looking at everything, you know?
So it's kind of a blessing and a curse to have a mind where you're kind of be, where you're able to see outside of things and maybe have an idea of a bigger picture because it leads you sometimes to like things that are like, is this real?
Is this not real?
But at the same time, you're not just sitting there like, you know, you're not just standing in line for the slaughter.
You're at least raising your hand, it feels like, to ask what's going on.
But it does start to feel like that.
It starts to feel like, yeah, does anybody really care about it?
Like, I think when I was young, you know, we grew up with like a more tradition in America, you know, with like the Pledge of Allegiance, simple stuff, you know, hand jobs.
I don't even think they do hand jobs anymore.
I think they do.
They might, you know, they might.
But it was like that, you know, there was kind of like.
Now they call it tug jobs.
Oh, they do?
Yeah.
I've seen that on the internet.
Oh, damn.
I was aggressive.
Well, a lot of these women are also, they're coming in hot.
You know, they're coming in a little, you know.
Yeah, the women are acting like the men did when I was in high school.
Well, that's a thing.
So, yeah, they're tugging now.
It used to be a little more, you know, hand feels a little bit more comfortable, I think.
Yeah.
Tug feels like, hey, let's fucking get up, you know.
Yeah.
Let's get it done and get out of here.
Yeah, that's kind of how women are now.
And the men are kind of like the, they seem like the girls were in high school.
Like, well, I don't know what that means.
Huh?
What the hell?
Shit turned around.
I'm so glad I'm past the sex urge.
I'll tell you what.
I said, you know, I know I look better now than I ever did.
If I looked this good when I was 20, I don't know.
I would have made something of myself.
But, you know.
I would honestly, I think I would even take you out on a date, I think.
You would?
Yeah.
I think you're really pretty.
Oh, you're so nice.
I believe that, too.
That is so nice.
You know how happy that makes an old woman.
If I was 40 years older, I'd snap you in half like a potato chip.
Yeah, damn.
Do you, yeah, are there any things that you miss about sex as you get older, do you think?
Well, I had an unfortunate experience that ended all my sex urges and all my sex thoughts.
Because, you know, when you're old, things happen to you as a woman if you're not going to take all the hormones, you know, and you're just going to try to age gracefully with your vagina and all.
Well, the one thing that was shocking is that I found out the only thing thin on me is my vaginal walls.
And that's what happens.
The older you get, they get more and more thin.
So, you know, and, you know, your husband, he's getting old too.
So, of course, he's got to go on the Viagra because, you know, this and that and the other.
Well, what ends up happening just isn't good.
And so there I was.
Every time I, you know, we did it.
Well, I got a horrible I, what are they called?
UTI.
UTI.
I think it's.
Uterine and something.
Uterinary tract infection.
Yeah, uterine tract infection.
And the last time I got it was the last time I had sex.
Well, they had to take me to the hospital.
I started peeing blood in Ralph's.
At Ralph's?
At Ralph's.
Oh, wow.
I've done some things.
I've never done that at Ralph's.
Yeah, it was so scary.
They had to take me to the hospital, and they had to give me three morphine shots for my whatever it was to let loose and the bladder thing.
Oh, and they give it to you right in your vagina?
Oh, no.
No, they give it to me right in the butt.
Oh, no, not in the vagina.
Thank God, because I would have jumped out the window and just scared myself.
Oh, if I see anybody put it down, yeah.
I would, God, I would hate that.
But then I was like, sorry, Charlie, to my boyfriend.
Sorry, Charlie.
You're going to have to, whatever.
You know, whatever you do, don't just whatever.
Keep it to yourself.
Yeah.
I'm done.
I'm over it.
I'm never going through that again.
God.
People say, well, there's other ways to make love.
You know, you can get with your partner and blah, blah.
So, you know, we do.
We like to watch the ID channel on the mass murders.
We lay there in bed together and watch the mass murders.
And that's just as, what do you call it, satisfying to me.
We try to solve the cases and this and that, the true crime.
That's exciting.
But, you know, I look back at people and I go, you're so proud of yourself for the having sex thing.
They're so damn proud of theirself like every goat on earth don't do it.
It's so, yeah.
I mean, look, first of all, a good dateline episode will make me come, to be honest.
The good ones, you know?
Yeah, the good ones.
The early ones I thought were better.
Some of the, I mean, they've kind of repackaged some of them, but yeah, I've got, I mean, I have, there's, you know, there's something about a good murder that almost makes me go to sleep well.
I know, me too.
I'll sleep right through it.
I keep it on all night.
That one.
As soon as I wake up and know somebody's getting murdered in the distance, I'm kind of, it kind of keeps me on.
The world is right.
And the way they get caught is what attracts me to it because they're always so stupid and they think they're so smart.
Yeah.
You know, the criminal mind, it's really a stupid mind.
Well, a lot of times it's a man just trying to kill some lady.
A lot of times it is because he, you know, he's been, you know, he's got his issues.
The ones I like is the wife that poisoned her husband with the glycolic nucleic acid, which is antifreeze.
Yeah.
Those ones, they think they're not going to get caught, you know, because they go, here's your Gatorade, honey.
And then they take care of him as he wastes away for two months.
And then go to the hospital.
He's got no kidneys left.
And she's like, I don't know what's wrong with him.
Well, you know, then they trace it back and they always find the Gatorade and the antifreeze.
Right next to the antifreeze.
That's the worst.
They sit him right next to each other.
Yeah.
But one thing that happened with society was during the pandemic, everyone watched every date lineup.
There was no, there's no more fresh murder.
That's right.
So that is one thing that, and that was sedating a lot of the masses.
People being able to see some murder, see some with their partner, especially I think with a partner.
Because I think in a marriage, I've never been in one, but I think that there's something, there's fucking 5% of you that wants to kill that motherfucker.
Oh, yeah.
If you could get away with it, but you know you can't.
Right.
But at least seeing it happen for somebody else takes it away from you for the evening.
Yeah.
It kind of gets it out of your system.
It's almost like going to an AA meeting.
It's like, I feel a little better after watching that.
Yeah, you do.
It's way, you know, you have to say the antifreeze and the Gatorade thing.
That's a lot smarter than how the women used to kill their husbands.
Because I always, you know, in like ethnic cultures and such, such as mine and where I grew up in Salt Lake was a lot of people of color cultures and such.
Was there a lot of blacks or Filipinos or what was it?
Yeah, there was a lot of blacks where I grew up in Salt Lake City.
I lived in the inner city there.
And yeah, so you always hear the story about the aunt or what she did to, you know, to deal with an abusive husband back in the day, you know, before women had any other way of dealing with it.
Well, you'd get your brothers and they'd just, you know, beat them to death and then they'd, you know, you know, you'd hide them.
Yeah.
Bury them.
So that's what people have done forever.
Or with a PDO file, as you say, like PDA Light.
Well, yeah, both for children.
Yeah.
Well, they'd get them too, you know, it's like vigilante justice.
Oh, yeah.
I miss that kind of stuff.
I think we're going to probably have to go back to it because, you know, our laws and justice system is just bullshit.
Right, ain't it?
Oh, I think it's gotten ridiculous.
I mean, even if you start with like just the level of safety people feel, you know, I think people don't feel safe.
I notice if I go to Canada, the first thing I feel, safe.
I felt that way in Canada, too.
You're like, what is it?
What am I wearing?
Oh, safety?
Yeah, it feels different up there.
And plus a doctor comes right to your hotel and don't charge you nothing.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
But then you have to have Justin Castro as your president.
You know, he's Castro's son.
Is he really?
Yeah.
That's what some say.
I wouldn't be surprised about that.
He looks just like him too.
And he acts like him.
He's a little tyrant.
And he's too fucking handsome to be a president.
I don't trust people that's too handsome.
I don't either.
You know?
Yeah, he is too handsome.
I never, when I see him, I'm like, all right, I'll listen to you for a little bit, but I'm not listening to you for a long time.
Anybody that's got it that easy visually.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I feel the same way.
Dude, I feel like.
Like, you've had it easy your whole life.
You don't know nothing.
Yeah, you don't know anything.
You didn't have to fight for anything.
Yeah, you don't know what it's like to walk up to people and have them not even listen to you because of how you look, you know?
Oh, God.
Is that why we're comics?
Oh, I think probably.
Probably, yeah.
Yeah, I think, but I think, yeah, we're in a place of real fear.
I mean, people are moving to states where you can carry a weapon.
Oh, I know.
That's why I came down here to Texas.
Yes.
And part of me, that's why I moved to Tennessee because you can carry a weapon there.
So at least if somebody's going to start some shit, they're going to risk somebody ending some shit.
See, I think that's a better way to live.
Yeah.
It really is.
Especially for women.
All women should be armed all the time with the shit we have to deal with.
Oh, yeah.
All the time looking over your shoulder and watching out for your kids.
That is a lot of stress.
Where you could just, you know, I think we should have open carry for women.
You just have them bandoliers like those Mexican guys used to have, like bullets everywhere.
It's like, what did you say?
Yeah.
You just blow their fucking heads off, right?
Oh, I think a woman should be able to kill one man a month at least.
I don't know about killing, but threatening.
One a year, though.
Everybody should be able to kill one person a year.
Well, I don't know about killing.
Well, how about this?
A guilty person, maybe.
Yeah.
If they're proven guilty in a court of their peers under just law, then you should be able to kill them.
That's the problem is that law got kind of weird.
It got like, is this a, you know, it's like, because you go back and see all these cases where it's like some guy got convicted and he didn't do it.
Right.
There was a lot of that.
Especially like when it came to like race, when it came to women.
There's a new show on right now about women that accuse guys of rape.
I know.
I want to see that.
And then they turned it on the women and put them, incarcerated the women for false accusations, right?
And some of them were real accusations.
It's just, I mean, some of them may have been false also.
Yeah, that's a really weird, a whole weird area where someone can accuse somebody and it's a false accusation and that person has to go to prison and pay for that.
Yeah.
And they didn't do nothing.
But, you know, there's a shitload of that.
Yeah.
And then a shitload on the other side of real victims that are humiliated.
Yeah.
All they have to do is make sure nothing makes sense and we're all fine.
As long as nothing makes sense and it don't follow any rule or and it has no application of equal justice to it, then fine.
We're doing great.
Yeah.
It's too hard.
Have you been, what's something that's kind of surprised you as your life went on when you look back at life so far when you're like, wow, I didn't think this was kind of going to go this way or this kind of blew my mind.
Everything.
Really?
Yeah.
I was always a real idealist, so I thought, oh, everything would work out better than it did, you know?
So I was always like disappointed.
Even for society and everything.
Yeah, because it's like it wouldn't be that hard to make it go right.
But yet it never does, you know?
It's like, how come?
It makes more sense and it's cheaper to do shit right.
But then it never is done right.
Yeah.
And people don't, and it's tough to decide sometimes for me if it's the, if it's our leadership or if it's our people, if it's just people in general, you know?
I think it's people.
There's something wrong with people, I think.
I'll tell you one thing that is disappointment is, you know, being an outspoken woman speaking for a woman's rights and this and that and the other or equality, that's a big disappointment to me.
I didn't think it was going to go like that one.
That's a huge disappointment.
And, you know, being a child of the 60s where you wanted to see, you know, a fully integrated America where everybody got along and this and that and the other, that's a disappointment.
Yeah.
Yeah, that didn't go right.
Yeah, because it was a lot of like, well, with women, did it kind of, I feel like things seem pretty equal, maybe, but I'm not a woman.
Yeah.
You know?
I mean, I think I grew up a lot of times like, you know, I have some anger, I think, that my mom had to work all the time.
You know, I remember like the one time I spent with my mother when it was just her and I. She took me to work with her one day on her route.
She delivered newspapers and things.
And we got to go to Wendy's together.
I remember it.
And we went to Wendy's, dude.
And she made me tuck in my shirt.
We went in there and I was all excited.
And I got the cheeseburger and that foil.
It had that nice foil on it.
You know, I think it's not copper, but it's nice.
And the square burger.
It was like the first time I'd ever spent any time with my, like it was, it just registered because I was like, oh, I've never been alone with my mother.
You know, we had three other kids my whole life.
I just had never had any alone time with her.
I remember she had like a rug on her floor.
It was like a cow rug.
And I would go smell it sometimes and pretend like it was my dad, which is kind of crazy because it had like a tough smell, you know?
Where was your dad?
Was he not there?
Yeah, he was just older.
My dad was 70 when I was born.
He was an old man.
Oh, my God.
He wasn't around.
So, yeah, but I didn't have this like concept of like a young dad, you know, like a protector or anything.
So I remember I'd like pretend like my dad was like a cowboy or that like he was like in the wild west or shooting somebody.
Not an Indian, because I don't think they deserved it, but somebody else, you know.
But anyway, I don't even know why I went off on that tangent.
I'm trying to think of it.
Because you're saying women, yeah.
So I think I was spending time with your mom.
Yeah, yeah.
You got a lighter?
I got it.
I got it.
I'll hit a Dartwitch in it.
I'll hit a Dartwitch.
All right.
Might as well, huh?
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
That's why I love to come here because they let me smoke.
Oh, yeah.
Rogan will let you do anything in here.
I know he will.
Well, I got too fucked up last time I went on stage here.
Did you?
Oh, wow.
Boy.
You met lighter.
I don't know if you're not a part of this nicotine anymore.
Oh, I don't either.
I'm supposed to not smoke, but I can't help it.
Yeah, I think.
Oh, dude.
It's the best thing in the world.
God, when I fucking was young, I would smoke, boy.
I remember I worked on this farm, and after it would rain, we had this big guy, and he'd go take his shirt off and lay on the cement after it would rain.
To cool down?
I don't know what was wrong with him.
But we'd go smoke and watch him lay there.
It was beautiful.
I mean, it was just, you know, it was a different time.
It was probably semi-erotic.
So I bet if you were a man and you were into some real man stuff and you watched that video, two younger guys watching a big fella lay there with his shirt off, I bet it's probably erotic for them.
For who?
I mean, if they had the video, if gay bid watched it or whatever, you know, I could see that being some type of like ASMR for like gay men or like some type of like avant-garde type of art or something.
I don't know.
There's a lot of new like farm boy art that's coming out in the gay culture where you see like a lot of old pictures of like top like guys with no shirts, but not like buff guys, just guys doing farm work.
I've noticed it.
Like a lot of my gay friends are like, it's like a thing in that culture right now.
Like that kind of art.
The gay farm guy?
Yeah, like gay farm guy guy.
Oh, that's cool.
Well, that's more human than, you know, the really fashionable New York City gay guy with no, with really short pants and no socks.
Yeah, I think that stuff's kind of getting played out a little bit.
So, yeah, did you so I guess so what part of being like a woman or like women's like empowerment kind of disappeared or whatever?
Or did you feel like it went a different way than you expected?
Or did you feel like because there was a time probably when you were like, this is a woman with her voice, right?
Yeah.
And that must have fucking felt cool.
It did.
It felt good.
Like I was really breaking down doors and boundaries, you know, and I was feeling heroic and like a pioneer.
You know, that pioneer feeling like, yes, I can.
You know, that Rosie the Riveter poster.
We can do it.
We can do it too.
We're, we're, you know, we're coming hard for this new century or what have you.
Y'all are members of the all-American.
Yeah, like a league of their own.
Yeah.
But then it's like, yeah, the women fucked that up.
I think, you know.
But what happened?
Women.
Women fucked it up with their stupidity and their just their stupidity and egos and their need to like be attractive or win or and they love fucking over other women.
That's the most thing nobody will ever talk about.
Really?
Oh, women get off fucking over another woman more than they more than anything.
Oh my God.
Well, that bitch I showed her.
I shot that bitch a lesson.
That's all the left is always women taking other women down.
Oh dude, I remember in our neighborhood, somebody got a bird feeder, right?
Some bitch trying to show off, right?
And so this other lady, they were always stealing it and shit and fucking fighting over it, dude.
And you'd have all these hummingbirds.
That was nice.
It was that we had hummingbirds for about, I guess, probably almost six months.
And but these women were always stealing it and putting it in their own little bush outside and stuff.
And they were fucking fighting.
The police would come.
Over a hummingbird feeder?
Yeah.
Oh, see, you can imagine what it's like in Hollywood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just a bigger hummingbird feeder.
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, women are after other women's throats there.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, you might get your head patted from a guy with real power if you help them do that.
That's so crazy.
It's so crazy.
Because you got up high in the Hollywood world.
You were in there.
I was real high, but they don't have no allegiance to any group.
It's just all me, me, me, me, me.
It's just a nation of narcissists over there.
They don't feel any empathy or connection to nobody else.
Yeah, I was high up there.
It was weird.
But did you feel like you were like an empower?
Were you of like a figure empowering women to like be like business owners?
What did you do?
I guess I wonder what your or to have a voice?
I was trying to just empower women to think for themselves, you know, and to try to stay true to yourself and so you can raise better kids.
Don't kneel, you know, stand tall and, you know, don't disrespect your husband neither.
You know, be a team with him to raise better kids.
That's what we're supposed to do, I thought, and I still do.
But, you know, they didn't like that.
Women didn't like that.
Women, but I feel like they were led there.
They were told, oh, you can do it all.
You don't need a man.
So, you know, they have all these kids and they have no jobs.
And, you know, then they struggle forever and their kids struggle too.
But nobody would tell them, you can't have it all.
You can't do it all.
You can't do it all by yourself.
No.
Or it's going to be really hard.
Yeah.
And you need a guy.
You need a man in the house because he's got to lay down the law.
Not you.
You don't even, you can't lay down the law.
You're hysterical half the month.
Right.
Nobody wants to admit that either.
But the man, he has to be there steady and even to keep, you know, loving the woman when she goes nuts.
He's got to be like steady and even with it.
Women need that balance.
And so they took that away from them.
And look where it went.
They're all half out of their effing mind and they're ruining everything.
Screaming about, you're, you know, you better, you know, just censoring everybody like witches, like a cabal of witches.
It has gotten witchy.
Yeah.
And it's like.
And it ain't the right kind of witchy either.
Right.
Because witchy, that's like, you know, you're casting a spell, a good spell with words to make people wake up or think that everything's a spell that uses words, you know?
And this is just all to get rid of words.
So they have no way of communicating or making things better.
All they do is fight and hate.
And a lot of women love that.
A lot of women love chaos.
A lot of women are into chaos because then they can turn around when they're not crazy and go, let me calm things down.
Bitch, you started the whole fucking thing and now you're going to come in with the solution.
You know, for real.
I have three daughters, so I know what I'm talking about.
Really?
Yeah, and two sons.
I met your son.
I met Buck.
Yeah, you met Buck.
And I met Jake.
He's over there.
Oh, yeah.
What's up, Playboy?
Amen.
Nice to see you, dude.
Thanks for being here with your mother today.
Yeah, you know, I think I don't know, as a child of a single mother, it was interesting because my mom had to work all the time.
So I always wished that there was more of an ideal family.
You know, I would get it by watching shows like yours, like Roseanne.
I would get it by, I mean, I remember I watched Jerry Matt, Leave It to Beaver, you know.
Yeah, I love that show.
God, it was good.
Wasn't it good?
It was so fucking good.
You wanted to be in that family.
Eddie Haskell.
Oh, I loved Eddie Haskell.
Me too.
Didn't you love him?
My favorite one was where they tell their parents they're going to take a bath and the beeve and what was the brother name?
Wally.
Wally.
So they go in the bathroom, they close the door and they run the water in the bathtub while they're talking and they get a wash rag and get it all wet and rub soap on it and hold that under the faucet.
And then they wet up a towel and throw it on the floor.
But they haven't taken the bath at all.
It was so funny.
That was just genius because it's what kids do.
I love that show because they had a lot of reality in it and I loved it.
I loved anything on TV that had any kind of reality that showed what kids really are about.
And Eddie Haskell was the best because you would be a great Eddie Haskell, by the way, wouldn't you?
Oh, dude.
You look lovely today, Mrs. Cleaver.
Yeah.
And then you're like, I got a bag of what's it?
We're going to snort it in the garage.
Yeah, dude.
I made it myself.
Oh, dude.
I loved.
Oh, I told, I used to go get high with my buddies, right?
My buddy, my buddy, his dad was kind of like, he didn't know a lot about gays or anything.
He didn't believe in it, right?
So sometimes I'd go outside and get high with his son.
And then I would come back in early, right?
And I would tell the dad, I'd be like, man, we were outside and some of the guys had their shirts off and they were just, I don't know, Mr. Mike, they were being kind of crazy, I felt like, or strange.
And you could see him fucking start to light up because he thought it was like some kind of gay activity.
Right?
So we would come.
So they would come and they'd be stoned out their gills, right?
They have no idea.
I've been talking to the dad.
And he'd be like, you boys been queering around out there.
He would fucking lose his shit, dude.
You could see he'd just been waiting to yell it.
And everybody's just standing there, just stoned.
And I am laughing so hard because I made that moment happen, you know?
Oh, shit like that I miss, man.
Yeah, sometimes I think everybody.
My dad used to call it a $3 bill.
He did?
That's what his thing for gay was.
And he ended up with two gay kids.
My dad was a football player, and he always would go, he'd say, the girls can't go with him and my brother.
He'd go, no, it's the boys with the boys and the girls with the girls.
There was three sisters.
He'd say, the girls, I'll stay home with mom and you make dinner and that.
And me and my son, we're going to do whatever we're doing because it's boys with boys and girls with girls.
Well, he ended up with a and a gay.
And I said, remember, dad, you said girls with girls and boys with boy, that's what happens.
But then he didn't know his son was gay.
I knew he was gay.
Like when he was three and he was always wearing my mom's clothes and stuff and putting on fashion shows.
But my dad thought that meant he needed more time with my dad, which was probably the worst thing ever.
And my dad going around with all that homophobia.
They're queer as $3 bills.
You know, my poor brother taking them out and putting that in his head.
And then my mom being so ladylike.
My mom's like the most ladylike.
Really?
She was the pretty girl.
And I was her fat, ugly daughter chewing on my hair in the corner.
And she always had.
Yeah, you'll eat anything.
Oh, if you'll have a little bit of your own hair, you'll eat whatever.
Any chewing on my nails, my arms, whatever, my hair.
And so, you know, she always have her makeup perfect and telling us about, you know, how to do and say and whatever.
I ended up half nuts.
And my little sister, she ended up being all anorexic.
And then my middle sister, she ended up to be a big old d ⁇ , you know.
And so, you know, she had a big leather pouch full of marbles she carried on her overalls there.
Oh, yeah.
She said seven years old.
Les pebbles, they go on.
Yeah, Les Pebbles.
And my mom was doing that girl shit with us and talking about, well, you know, you've got to learn how to get them.
She told me when you go on a date, how you get a guy is you get them to talk about their self and this and that and the other.
And she was giving us the female wiles horse shit.
And my sister picked up a knife out of the butcher block there and she held it up to my mom.
She goes, don't you ever, ever talk to me about sex or any of that stuff.
Ever.
So my mom's just like, oh, you're so funny.
But anyway, so cut two.
Later on, my brother comes out.
So my dad, he's trying to be accepting.
He knows, oh, you know, I can't do nothing about this.
So he gives my brother knee pads for his birthday.
No way for doing oral.
Well, just knee pads going, I accept you as a gay and here are some knee pads.
Kind of cute.
You're beautiful in a way for my dad.
And then he never knew that my sister was gay, even though she's living with the same girl for now it's 36 years.
They fell in love when they were 12 at Jewish camp.
Oh, yeah.
And they're still together.
And when they were 12, I said.
But anyway, so they was always together.
And my dad visited them.
And my sister was sitting on the couch with Maxine's head in her lap and, you know, stroking her hair.
And my dad says to my sister, after he's already accepted a gay son, when are you two going to find men and get married?
Because he's so oblivious to anything.
And My sister says to him, Daddy, 18 years of you was all the man I will ever want or need in this world.
And he still didn't get it.
You know?
Yeah, I think some people, it's hard to even imagine that.
What, being gay?
Yeah, well, I think also at a different time now, it's very normal.
And I think nature has a way.
Like, if you have an issue with gays, you get a, you get a gay child or a gay pet or whatever.
You get something that's gay comes into your life, you know?
So you learn the lesson, you know, or you surprise yourself and you're gay.
You know, one time you are sitting by a bus on a bus by a man and you just, and he just, you just fucking hug him and you can't stop it or something.
You know, like, I think it like nature surprises you and is like, okay, here's the thing that's tough for you to fathom.
And now I'm going to put it in a way in your life where you have to understand it.
Right.
Well, or you won't.
Right.
Or you'll die not understanding shit.
I think that's how most people die, you know.
You can't, nothing makes sense.
Like I said, they got to make sure God or whoever.
I always think of God as being the greatest comedian because he makes sure nothing makes any damn sense.
Yeah.
Right at the end, it's like, especially at the end.
You know, like I always think of this kid when I grew up, his dad was a dentist.
Well, he had the rotten teeth and never went to the dentist.
So that, in that way, it's funny.
Yeah.
You know, he let all his teeth rot out.
And I think that he got some kind of bacterial infection and got really, really sick.
And it's like, what does your father do?
Oh, he's a dentist.
That kind of thing.
Right.
It's always crazy like that.
Right there.
But now the gay, because both of my gay siblings have kids.
So the gays are getting their karma for having kids, I think.
Their kids are grown and a lot of them turning trans, you know.
Well, you have to outdo gay now, it seems like.
And then it's funny because the trans are so, I mean, this is a long way to go, but the trans are so heterosexual.
Once they make their choice, then they're all the way stereotypical heterosexual.
So what do you mean, like a woman that decides she is really a man?
Yeah, she's like, hey, buddy, let's watch some football.
And then when the guy turns girl, he's like, Dylan, what's it?
I just love to play around with my makeup.
They're just almost like they're actors.
It's almost like great.
Yeah.
But they.
Right.
It's like you went all the way around the block and you're really just right back, but you're doing it in your own front.
It's like, yeah.
Like the gay, the trans women, they're like, how come you lesbians don't want to have sex with us?
Well, because you have a dick.
And they're making a thing of it.
What do you mean?
So you're transphobic?
No, I'm a lesbian.
Yeah, I don't want a wiener around me.
Yeah.
It's like, no dicks.
Get it?
What's so fucking hard about that?
Yeah, and then you're a transphobe.
Right.
It's like, I'm not a trans, I don't even don't, I don't want to, it's your thing.
I don't want to have to have a wiener because you think that you, just because you have a wiener and are secretly a woman, that you get to bring a wiener in.
I know.
That's why my advice to women these days is keep your penises in your pants, women.
You know, especially when there's children or old women around.
We don't want to see other women's penises for sure, right?
That ain't ladylike.
100%.
Well, it just ain't.
Yeah, it's like, that's unbelievable, dude.
Yeah, that's that cigarette got me.
I think it did.
I haven't had one in a long time.
I had a puff the other night, and it was a lot with Ron White, you know.
Oh, I love him so much.
Dude, if he, and he's a beautiful, I mean, he would be a beautiful woman.
You think?
With the beautiful hair.
Well, his hair is gorgeous.
But the rest of him, yeah, probably wouldn't, yeah.
Wouldn't go as a woman.
It'd be tough.
I mean, it depends.
If he wanted to play sports, he'd let him.
You know, he'd have to, he'd be fine.
Yeah, he could probably get on a woman's team.
Somebody would.
How funny is that guy?
Well, how funny is to me, it's only fair if a man, if a woman also goes and plays a man.
It's like, it should be Red Rover, like, okay.
I know, but what woman's going to go play with a 300-pound man?
Right, so it's not the, so they just Men can play women's sports if women can compete in the top dollar jobs against men, which they'll never allow.
Like, why couldn't I go in there and run the WEF?
I got more experience than them motherfuckers.
I just didn't go to Harvard and say, you know, take an oath over Geronimo's skull and get fucked in a casket like George Bush and all them.
You know what I mean?
But I should be running the world and getting the same amount of money as these men.
Let's make it fair.
I should be going where they don't let women go.
They're going to let men in the sports.
Then let me go to Davos as a representative of working class people say.
Let me represent women and men of my class where my class ain't allowed.
Yeah.
Bitches.
Yeah.
Fuckers.
I agree.
Yeah, it's like, how do, like, do you think there's ways out, like, to get our, I think there was ways when I was young, I had this, I guess, this idea of like a comfortable society.
We all like being in America.
This is this place.
It's going well.
For everybody.
Right.
Society is.
We're fixing the wrongs.
Right.
We're fixing the wrongs.
It felt like that, right?
Like, I know there's a lot of racial injustice.
I know there's, you know, women not paid fairly.
I mean, that was another thing.
My mom, I remember one time, like her boss, I think, hit on her or something, or it was inappropriate, and she complained about it.
And they took her job away.
Oh, shit.
They did that to so many women.
Man, that shit fucking makes me so mad.
They did it to a lot of men, too, because women were harassing men and they didn't even look at that or count it.
Yeah.
Power, you know, whether a man or a woman holds it, is always abused.
It's never not abused, you know.
And women were doing that to other women and men, too.
And they never even looked at that.
They said all oppressors are male.
All victims are female.
And that's part of what made women go nuts like they are today.
They never go, hey, I'm just as bad as anybody.
Right, I'm not sure.
I'm as bad as any guy.
I'm an abuser myself, but they never do.
They don't have no self-reflection.
I think this whole fucking generation has no self-reflection, which is because they don't pay attention because they're lost in their phones.
That's why I say, why is it falling to me, an old woman, to be the one to discipline your kids for you in the grocery store?
I have to be the one to go over and slap your kids for you while you're on your phone and they're sticking their fucking snot covered fingers in the goddamn hamburger buns.
You're not even paying attention.
I got to go over there and slap them for you.
Why?
Why do they even have kids is what I can understand?
They don't like them.
They don't care for them.
They do all the wrong shit and abuse them too.
Why even have them?
I don't know why.
I think because they kind of like puppies, they look cute for a while.
Oh, I think that is a lot of it.
They want them to get to hold that sign first grade, second grade.
Dude, the best was in my neighborhood.
Somebody did that.
They put their picture on Facebook of the kid and he had second grade two times.
And I was like, fuck yeah, dude.
But at least the parents put it up there.
It was honest, you know?
That's cool.
Like second grade, try number two.
You can do it, Robert.
They wrote at the bottom.
And we know he can't do it, dude, but he's going to try.
But I at least respected that.
But yeah, I think there was something like that.
There was something that we all thought everything was going to be okay.
And then you were under an illusion then, or do you think things were different?
Did you take my cigarettes?
I can't take my cigarettes.
Oh, thank you, honey.
You can't have no more.
You can't handle.
You can't hang with the big dog.
Thank you, actually.
It actually feels good to have.
I wish somebody would have told me that when I was young.
You can't do this, honey.
You can't.
No more of this, you know?
Yeah, well, they did tell me that, and I was like, well, we'll see.
Yeah, that's true, huh?
So who knows?
I probably would have been my own way anyway.
I was so straight for so many years.
No cigarettes, no drinking, no drugs, nothing for so many years when my kids were young.
So I figure, hell, I got a lot of catching up to do.
I didn't party with all these comics and shit.
You didn't?
No.
But nowadays, wee-hoo.
And you're in a place where you're like in the best party place.
I mean, nothing's better than being able to probably smoke with Joe or smoke with Ron or chill out with those guys.
Those guys have the best pot I've ever.
This one guy, William, that red-headed comic.
Oh, yeah, he's an interesting guy.
Isn't he?
He's a great comic, too.
He is funny.
I took a drag of his pot and I go, this shit is Viet Kong shit.
Yeah.
It's like it made me want to dig a tunnel and shoot down a helicopter with a pea shooter.
Oh, yeah, dude.
It's like I knew I could do it.
It's like fierce.
Oh, yeah.
He's a great comic.
Yeah, he is a unique person.
Yeah.
He's a unique person.
I like to just watch him be himself.
William Montgomery.
That's his name.
It's all Celtic.
I told him, you know, Celtic because I like reading heads.
You know, I'm a head reader.
Oh, yeah.
I know you don't know what that is.
And what does that do?
What are you touching skull and that?
No, I just look at the shape of a head, and I studied it for a long time.
And, you know, I can see like where you're from and your ancestry and where you came from and what you're like.
And then I pair it with your astrological sign and your palm print and all that kind of shit.
And then I can tell you what lessons you learned and what you're still going to learn.
I'm kind of a fortune teller.
Really?
Yeah.
Can you do it on me, you think, or not?
I can, but you know, you'll be the one that I do wrong.
Yeah.
You know, every so often I do it wrong.
Oh, yeah.
We had a lady in our town that would like read ribs.
She was like a mystic or whatever.
And for at carnival or whatever, they would read your ribs over there.
She'd, you know, do this and do that.
What did she tell you?
Did you do it?
Huh?
No, I don't think they she got ended up getting they only did it for two seasons.
She got arrested for something.
Probably molesting.
It could have been.
I mean, that's a tough, you know, I guess starting at the ribs ain't a bad idea.
People don't think of that.
Yeah, that's grooming.
I'll start here at your ribs.
Yeah, you're going to be a scientist.
You know, everything's just grooming now.
Is there something wrong with human society?
Is it just America, do you think?
Like, is there a fallacy just in being human that, you know, and this is the character arc of the human species that we end up just staring at a phone while somebody molests us from behind, but we don't even notice because we're so busy on our phone while some fucking, you know, business mogul is hiding in a basement licking a Bitcoin, you know, with a lizard tail.
Like, what?
Yeah.
Is that where we end?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's how it always ends.
They say it's happened six times in the Earth's history that the Earth has self-destructed and all forms of life on it died.
Wow.
Then it starts up again.
Yeah, I think that's the story.
It's like we involution, not evolution.
We involute and then, you know, pretty soon we're just a stupid idiot staring at a screen while all our tax money goes to the Ukraine.
I know.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, what are they doing?
It's like figure it out over there.
They're figuring out ways to kill us.
And they're taking bets on it and insurance policies.
Like every employer is taking out a, they don't have to tell you if you have an insurance policy on you.
So every employer is, you know, whether that's a psychopath and most of them are.
They're insuring all their employees and they're like, yeah, you know, we're going to make them take this and that and the other and live here and do that.
And then, you know, they'll be dead by 40 and I'll get the payoff.
People are doing that?
Hell yeah.
In the big casino, the big capitalist casino, where they cause cancer and then, you know, they also get a payoff when you go in for treatment.
They own that too.
They own the cancer-causing chemicals and the treatment centers.
There's only about 2,500 people in the world that own everything.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I believe that.
They're Like, we got to get rid of these people as they bitch too much.
They don't do enough work.
And, you know, they're eating all the good stuff.
Well, they don't care.
I mean, it's like, it certainly starts to feel like there's like this legion of wealth or power that has decided in the past 30 years that humans are just expendable.
Yeah, they've always thought that.
That's why they had serfs, the royals, and they had their serfs, and they were like— So it's always been there, that idea.
Yeah, feudalism.
It's always been there.
And, you know, we had a few couple centuries without it.
And the royals and the reptiles and all them, the rulers, the owners, they decided, ah, fuck it.
You know, all they do is bitch anyway.
It's a pain in our ass to have to deal with them.
Get rid of them.
Bring in the machines.
Yeah.
And so it's- And they'll just program the robots to tell the jokes that have already been told that people haven't heard.
And, you know, we won't have jobs no more.
But I don't know if they could ever do that.
They could never replicate you, I don't think.
Sure, they could.
They couldn't come up with the material, but they could use my old material.
You know, there's enough of it out there.
Yeah, but watching some like, and they'd probably cast a man to be it.
So watching.
Oh, definitely.
They'd put a man in.
Definitely put a man in.
For sure.
For fucking a sure.
But I don't know if the robots can, I don't know.
So I think we're in an interesting time where comedians are kind of like the last people that can kind of, or even can speak.
A lot of people can't speak in their jobs.
They get like attacked for speaking up online of any of their thoughts or feelings.
They're like the only people, comedians are kind of the only people that can speak.
And the platforms now keep you from saying certain things.
I mean, it seems like they're getting a little more free with Elon, you know, and Twitter, but I don't know like if that will happen with a lot of platforms.
But YouTube will take down clips if you have certain things, if people are talking, even thinking about things that they consider misinformation or go against their guidelines.
Yeah.
Which is, it's their business, but it's weird because that's the business that we use to communicate on now.
Yeah, it's all bullshit.
It's all I, when I ran for president in 2012, one of my platform things was I will outlaw bullshit.
Yeah.
Because, you know, and I know that that horrified people because what will they do now?
Right.
They're addicted to it.
They'd rather have that than food or a happy family.
They're so addicted to their fucking bullshit.
It's true, huh?
But, you know, comics, I think we're the last free speech art form.
And as long as we're performing, things ain't as bad as they could be.
You know, I think that's true.
As long as we're performing, things aren't as bad as they could be.
Yeah.
And that's always been the case throughout time, like with jesters or with people that was trying to speak up and share.
There's always been a ceiling on speech, hasn't there, in a way?
Of course.
And nobody wants to hear the real truth.
They're horrified of it.
We'd rather go with bullshit.
It's easier.
Like for the real truth, you know, and I'm glad that they did set up all these guidelines so that we only are allowed to speak the truth.
And the truth is that Biden got 81 million votes by winning 36 counties.
And that is just incredible.
It really, really is.
And that of these 81 million supporters who gave him more votes than any president has ever gotten before, he came with a mandate from these 81 million voters.
And, you know, I'm just glad that they were very careful to make sure that nobody could detract from that proven truth.
You know what I mean?
Like, what do you mean?
Like that nobody that they mandated that that was the truth and that nobody could say, well, what about no?
Oh, it was made a mandate.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
So the government made it a mandate?
Yeah, because, you know, YouTube did and so did all the social media.
So you can't speak.
You can't even speak on that in those platforms.
No, you can't say, you know.
That it wasn't.
You can't say that, like, you know, the election.
Yeah, that's all a lie.
The election was not rigged.
36 counties can give you 81 million votes.
That's a fact.
So it wasn't rigged?
Of course not.
36 counties have 81 million people in them.
See?
That's the truth.
And don't you dare say anything against it or you'll be off YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and all the other ones because there's such a thing as the truth and facts and we have to stick to it.
And, you know.
It's scary.
And that is the truth.
And nobody died in the Holocaust either.
That's the truth.
Yeah.
It should happen.
Six million Jews should die right now because they cause all the problems in the world, but it never happened.
But it never happened.
Yeah.
Mandated.
Well, you're, because you're part Jewish, right?
Part of your family is Jewish?
I'm all Jewish.
You're all Jewish.
100%.
And a lot of Hollywood is Jewish.
Yeah.
It's like a, it's like, a lot of Hollywood is a Jewish business.
Well, they started Hollywood.
Yeah.
Right.
But so was it weird?
It's like rap.
Black people started rap.
Yeah.
So I wouldn't go over there and try to get in rap and go, all these black people, you know, go on Saturday Night Live like Dave Chappelle.
I'm just saying a lot of black people are in control of rap.
Right.
Hello?
Well, you went there.
You try to get in show business.
Of course it's Jewish.
But, you know, and people should be glad that it's Jewish too, because if Jews were not controlling Hollywood, all you'd have was fucking fishing shows.
Yeah.
You see what I'm saying?
Oh, dude, if Jew, well, I think that about that, like Jewish people like, they're just good at, or I talk about this in my act.
There's like just a good level of organization that goes on with Jews.
You know, you'd have like a bunch of like white people just shooting each other for patents, I feel like, if you didn't have Jews involved.
If you didn't have the Jewish lawyers to screw those people out of their patents, think of how bad the world would be.
But did you feel, if you're part Jewish, did you feel weak?
No, I'm all Jewish.
If you're sorry, if you're all Jewish, did you feel weak?
My kids are half.
Was it weird that Hollywood went against you then because you're also Jewish?
Well, Hollywood Jews don't like Jews.
Let's be real.
If Hollywood, I'm a Jew and I got fired from Jewish Hollywood.
So what does that say?
Yeah, I don't understand that.
Because I'm not the right kind of Jew as the Jews in Hollywood.
For one thing, I'm a Jewy Jew.
I'm the scary kind.
You are?
Yeah, I'm scary.
See this here eye?
Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.
That's a blue eye.
And I got, oh, I didn't wear my other blue eye.
That's beautiful.
Isn't it beautiful?
And what that is, is the blue eye is a way to ward off other people giving you the evil eye.
So it's a protective thing.
See?
Because I believe in those principles that like, you know, harmonics, vibration, and those kind of things, you know, the immutable laws of nature.
I don't believe in bullshit.
And I haven't given my life to a system of bullshit where the only reward is to own more bullshit than other people.
Yeah.
You know?
And unfortunately, there's a lot of Jewish people that adhere to that.
And, you know, they go where it's easier for them to be in organized crime.
Because Hollywood really is an organized crime network.
And, you know, that's what it is.
It's like pimps up, hoes down.
That's how I always describe Hollywood.
It's like, okay, your agent, pimp, another word for pimp.
Your lawyer, another word for pimp.
And the hoes are the talent.
And, you know, they think that talent is expendable.
And they think the people running Hollywood are the pimps.
And they are.
It's just like any other business.
Right.
Well, yeah, that's the thing.
In the end, it's just, it's also just business.
It is business, which is organized crime.
All business is nothing but organized crime, ain't it?
It really is, yeah.
So, I mean, and maybe this is.
Also, that Hollywood got in bed with the CIA, and so that was government money given their way to portray certain things for mass media, for mass consumption.
Yeah.
And to keep people in line, to keep them like thinking fairy tales instead of looking at the truth of, hey, where's my tax money going?
It's like, oh, and then Richard Gere falls in love with the prostitute on Hollywood Boulevard.
Don't go down there and actually look at the 12-year-old prostitutes that live on Hollywood Boulevard.
Believe the bullshit lie that, you know, the boy always gets the girl in the end and that there's friendly aliens and anything Spielberg does.
It's just for mind control.
Mass media is for mind control and people are being paid and they're happy to take the money to make sure that they keep the population under mind control and quiet.
They want docile workers.
Yeah.
Like in China, docile workers.
They didn't have that in America.
You know, they had loud people that were pissed, working class people that are pissing, going, I'm going to turn you into this and that if you don't this and that.
So they brought in all these immigrants.
That's what it's for, is to break the back of the working class labor and pay.
It's like they'll do it for two cents.
You want a $5.
You want a $15 at minimum wage.
So we brought them in.
They'll do it for two.
See ya.
Yeah.
It's just cruel, but that's what business is.
That's what business is, really.
Yeah, it isn't no love story.
Right.
even though it's like, and that's the interesting about Hollywood is that it sells love stories.
It sells like...
Right.
So it gets you to believe these things.
And maybe at one time it believed in those things.
But I do think that over time it has been.
It never did because you have to look at the movies that come out at the specific, I'm just talking about movies.
No, no, okay.
Mass me and TV.
I had my own shit in TV, which that would take five shows to go into the mind control of TV and advertising, which I thought Bill Hicks did better than I could ever do.
So I just tell people, go listen to Bill Hicks talk about if you're in PR, just kill yourself.
I love that.
He goes, I'm not kidding.
Really, kill yourself.
But, you know, it's mass mind control.
But the movies, when you look at the timeframe that a movie comes out, you have to look at the whole political geography around it and why it's coming out and what it's saying.
There's a lot of times it's kind of a fortune-telling thing and it's predictive programming, it's called, because it's telling you what's going to happen pretty soon.
Especially science fiction.
What's going to happen pretty soon.
Because they're in bed with the government in this.
Right, so they're in bed at this point with like with groups that have more intelligence than the average layman or whatever, the regular guy.
Yeah.
They're like, oh, pretty soon they're going to take your picture at the airport.
You know, that was science fiction at one time where you have to look into the camera and have your fingerprints.
And now you have to in LA.
You have to.
Yeah, this week the cameras were down when I was flying out and I was like, what's going on, the cameras?
And they're like, yeah, we're just, they're redoing the system or whatever.
But then I'm like, wow, man, once they just have your, it's just like, why do it starts to feel like: is there any real value just to me being a human anymore?
Yeah, that's the ultimate value.
If people could wake up and take that back, and we would talk to each other with respect and actually listen, which I don't think people know how to listen to anybody no more.
Yeah.
They just want to hear themselves talk.
And all that they're saying is just parroting something they've seen on media.
That's the crazy part.
We start to just pay, like in the end world, a lot of people are just parrots now.
Yeah.
It's like there's not even a lot of, it's people, like even like if you look on TikTok or certain apps, there are people like trends.
So it's like, hey, just do this.
Right.
Do this next thing, right?
And a lot of times it's a song.
It's a piece of a song that's going to come out.
So then now you have people like trending to this song.
Next, you know, the song is out, then the artist is touring.
It's all like part of a formula a lot of times.
Yeah.
Like the advertising is, they've just locked it up so much at like the algorithm of how to do it, of how to control everybody.
But if people would wake up and take back the fact that they are a human being and what a human being, what it is, what's the definition of a human being, and what that is, in my mind anyway, is somebody who feels empathy for another human being or animal or life form, you know.
And that's what they tried to strip out of us so that we're just all very fearful and narcissistic and we're afraid of anybody or to talk to them or listen to them.
But once we can reclaim that, and I think it's coming because I think we're going to have a big crash and a big shutdown and we won't have any choice but to go back to basics.
I think it's going to be really good for us and we're going to get together and figure out a better way of doing things.
That it doesn't come from the top down, it comes from the bottom up because all change does in fact come from the bottom up.
And I think we're at that place.
You know, where they put us into quarantine, that was the best thing that ever happened to this country, although a lot of people lost their jobs in this.
But the greatest thing about it was that it broke the routine.
And that's one way to snap out of mind control is to break your routine.
And it broke everybody's routine.
They had to stay home with their own stinking families who they hate and like actually solve some problems or speak to each other.
So it woke people up as to what mattered.
And then they got on the internet and they started looking for answers.
And that's why they call it the Great Awakening.
Or I say that's what Q was for quarantine because we all got a lot smarter.
We all got a lot healthier.
We all got a lot closer during the quarantine.
And it was the best thing that could have happened to us.
Because anything that these people that are very twisted at the top, anything that they tried to do to us is going to end up working for our benefit as long as we've reclaimed our humanity and our love and our connection for each other.
They can't hurt us because they don't even know what the human spirit is.
They don't have it.
So when we have it and we raise it in somebody else and then together we like bond and talk and make each other laugh or feel any joy, they can't get at that and it's growing and I see it everywhere.
That's why I love coming down here and working the clubs and seeing people laugh.
We have such great jobs because we're doing God's work.
We really are.
It's like we're putting severed pieces together.
Virginia Woolf said that about writers, that writers put the severed parts together.
And that is what we do.
Things that you wouldn't think go together, we put together in front of people and they go, by God, that's right.
I never saw that.
And once you put one puzzle piece together, the next few seem to fall in easier.
And I think we're doing building work for grassroots and it starts and ends with laughter because at the end, laughing power to scorn is the way to take it, the fastest way to take it down.
And the fastest way to rebuild it is with words that mean something, spoken from one to another.
Words that mean something.
And that people understand.
Not an assault on words like they're doing now, but words that are understandable to each other where we can build common ground with each other and like do better.
It can't be, I mean, we can't do worse for fuck's sake.
We can do better.
So you feel positive.
So in the end, so you do feel like you feel hopeful.
I do.
I feel hopeful knowing that this is weird because you didn't know Mitzi Shore, did you?
Yeah.
Mitzi used to get, you know, at the comedy store in LA.
This was all the comics.
This was like, you know, just all the great comics of my generation and before.
Richard Pryor, I'm blank, but you know, all the good ones that I idolized and the ones of my generation too, that a lot are gone.
Mitzi would take us in and we'd all be sitting around talking and drinking and stuff.
And everybody would say, the most important place on the planet, the most important thing on the planet is comedy.
It's like, you know, what we think and thought then.
The most important thing is comedy.
The most important place for comedy was Los Angeles.
The most important place for in Los Angeles is the comedy store.
This is, you know, we'd say pretty much this is the birthing place of where everything will go out and new thoughts.
And this is it, you know, this is the revolution.
And I feel that here at Joe's and he honors Mitzi's memory too, you know, and just sitting in the comedy room with other comics and it's a disparate group, you know, very different cultures and colors and stuff.
And just sitting and making fun of something.
And you can just feel the consciousness blooming, not being shut down like when you go other places and shit.
Just, it's like the poetry is opening and everybody's rising to the occasion and wants to say something even funnier, something even more powerful, yanking on each other.
And I mean, there's nothing better than hanging out with comics and fucking around with words and ideas.
It's the greatest thing in the world.
that's what I it's what saves me over and over and over for how bad I've gone through shit.
You know, it's always coming back to comedy.
Yeah.
Fuck, it's powerful in my life and all comics' lives.
And I think to all the fans of comedy, people are real fans of comedy, even if they don't know they are.
Yeah.
But Trump's a funny son of a bitch.
Oh, I got to meet him.
You did?
Yeah.
I met him years ago, but he's funny, and I think that's a lot of why people like him so much.
Yeah, he had some, well, yeah, he doesn't get enough credit for being for a lot of his sense of humor or just his ability to just like be so just let shit roll right off of him, you know?
Some of the stuff he says is fucking hilarious.
I think a lot of my black friends like Trump more now, too.
Yeah, I think he's grown with the black community.
Yeah, I know so much about that because when I ran for president, I ran as the representative of the black caucus of the Green Party.
Damn, you went deep.
I did.
Black and green.
I know black and green and Jew.
But that's how I always was in the 60s was that too, you know.
And, you know, like I say, I never changed.
I'm the same as I always was.
It's them that changed.
They went off the edge, but both sides, right and left.
But I was in the middle.
I love the middle.
But so I've always been in that milieu.
I always care about that, you know.
And so we have the evidence.
When I ran, I also sued the state of Georgia with Cynthia McKinney, who was my campaign manager.
And we sued the state of Georgia over its election laws, which are now coming into play in the election right now.
They're trying to, you know, pretend like they don't cheat.
But and they say they're going to indict Trump, blah, blah, blah.
I hope they do because my lawsuit and Cynthia's, I think it will be part of the case.
Yeah, and it will help him win.
Because I went through it when I try to get on the ballot in Georgia, too.
And Cynthia was the representative from Georgia, and they screwed her with fake voting machines to get her out because she asked Cheney where the money was going.
They wanted her out.
But anyway, she's a black woman, for those who don't know, but she said, of course, she had to go to Bangladesh to get the fuck out of here, you know, to teach college there.
But she said manager and partner.
But she says the truth of it is that in 2020, Trump won big and he won black.
And that's part of why the Dems are all freaked out because, you know, they lost control of who they looked at as their servant class.
Well, yeah, I think, well, I do think it is kind of just, sometimes it makes me, sometimes it's tough as a white guy to talk, like if you have any like discussion.
It's like black people don't want to hear sometimes a white person talk about black stuff, right?
No, of course not.
And I don't blame them.
That's all, you know, the voice that they didn't even have a voice for so long.
So the echo of the voice from past, it's still fucking in the air.
I don't like that they call me white.
A lot of Jews don't because while they was in slavery and all that shit, so was we.
And we was getting our asses buried alive over there in the Ukraine by the same people that, you know, our government is the same people.
But, you know, we was getting that happening to us and every place else in Europe.
But so don't include me in that.
But I also have North African origins and because I did the whole DNA deal, you know.
Oh, I used to be a real wigger when I was like a kid, you know?
Everybody, all working class kids are.
Oh, definitely, dude.
I mean, it's a class thing, not a race thing, and that's what they don't want us to know.
Yeah.
You know, they keep on calling it race, race, race when it's class.
And they don't want us to know it because they're all, you know, working the machine to get money.
But black people are getting way smarter than that.
Well, they and faster.
And not to say that they haven't always been, but I think they're also getting to a level where they can have their needs met now so they can make choices for themselves.
So you don't have to make that choice or you don't have to feel like you have to pander to a politician, maybe.
I don't know if they ever felt like that.
I don't know.
I don't know, but I told Cynthia, I said, by God, it's so, you know, they we owe African Americans, I mean, if things were to ever be straightened out or whatever, we owe them for saving our country by their 2020 vote.
But nobody knows it yet.
But I have faith that we will know the truth sometime.
So you think that the election was just, it was fake?
I believe Biden got 81 million votes in 36 counties.
There's 81 million people living within 36 counties.
It's the only thing you can believe.
It's true.
Yeah.
It's absolute fact.
When you look back on running for president, do you think?
And the FBI didn't interfere in 2016 with saying Hillary's innocent, and they didn't interfere in 2020 by saying Biden was rushing shit about the laptop.
They did not interfere in any way when Facebook paid for all those voting machines and all that.
That was not interference.
But those three Russian ads on Facebook were interference in 2016 when they said a huge thing that Trump was working for.
Remember that whole fucking, for nine months of television?
It was three years, honey.
Oh, was it?
Jesus Christ.
I don't watch enough TV, but it was like, yeah, and it was nothing.
There was no value to it.
Ended up being nothing.
Remember that?
That's crazy.
But it's like, yeah, it's like.
You know, the dossier said that Trump hired hookers and brought them up to his room and peed on them.
if you know Trump at all, you know, he's like Howard Hughes and he doesn't even he can barely get around people, yeah, yeah, he would do it in private, yeah.
Actually, you know what?
I know some people that would pee on people, I don't think he, uh, I don't, uh, I don't think he would do it.
I don't think he'd pee on him either because he know he knows they'd tell.
Yeah, oh, yeah, you can't pee on somebody without them knowing that you have to have their consent, although a lot of people do get peed on without their consent.
People love it.
I mean, it sounds like yeah, yeah, I think, especially if you're getting married, you're like, yeah, I think Italian.
Can you believe that people pee on each other for sexual pleasure and poop on each other and beat each other's ass and all the crap, all the ridiculous shit people do for their sex pleasures?
Good God.
Yeah, whatever happened to just fucking just having sex for a few minutes and just having like a TV dinner or whatever.
I know the good things in life, right?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, God.
Sometimes I just.
Oh, I don't know.
A Salisbury steak to me is just as good almost sometimes.
My grandma used to live on them in the little plastic packets.
Yeah.
Every night she'd come home from work and have a Salisbury steak.
They were good.
They were good.
I missed TV dinners were good.
They were good.
And you had just enough peas that you could deal with.
You're like, I fucking hate peas, but I can handle 17 of them.
You said 17. That's how many they had in the ones we had.
Did you count them?
No, we fucking knew what was going on.
We knew what was going on by us, dude.
It was fun.
How old were you when you started doing stand-up?
I think probably 24. So, you know, I started down in New Orleans.
There wasn't really a place there.
And then I took a class out in L.A. when I got there.
Judy Carter had a comedy class.
Oh, yeah.
Remember Judy Carter?
You guys probably did comedy together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Very funny.
Yeah, she was really cool.
And she had an assistant that taught us.
And it was neat, man.
But the cool thing about the class was at the end, you got on stage.
You got on stage at the improv.
Oh, cool.
So you got three minutes.
It was a packed house and you got your tape.
And then you're like, wow, dude, I was on stage.
And so then you're like, now I can, I seem like a comedian.
I have a piece of tape and you just built from there.
Did you kill?
I did well.
I had those jokes about my dad, you know.
I was so ashamed of my dad.
I didn't realize it, you know, until I got older, but I just, but he ended up being a source of things that were humorous to me.
Just the, dude, my dad, like, like we go through a drive-thru and he could never hear the lady.
It was always a fucking, everything was a nightmare.
He drove this cutlass, like an old Delta 88 he brought from some brothers that lived around the corner.
And so it had these speakers in it, right?
And so he couldn't even fucking hear.
So he'd be driving around just listening to like Paul Harvey, right?
And like on Rush Limbaugh or something and the with bass.
You know, like nobody just had like the crop report was coming across the fucking, you know, like the fucking pork futures.
And they're just talking about with bass coming out of.
You have a 70% chance of ring.
And he was fucking, he couldn't hear anything.
Dude, one time my dad, he would make us stand on the front seat when he would drive because we had to tell him what to do, right?
And so I was like, fuck, I don't know.
What did you mean you had to tell him what to do?
Like if the lights were red or green or whatever.
Oh my God.
Because he couldn't move his net.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
So it was like, it was a team, dude.
When we hit the road, it was a fucking team, dude.
We were in it together.
You had to go, dad, the lights green.
You can go?
Yes.
Or dad, the lights red.
He's like, what do I do?
Damn it.
Right?
You just fucking lose it.
It's like Mr. Magoo.
Bro, he could not handle it, bro.
And he just had that, he had that limited neck on him, you know?
And so I'd be over in the passenger seat just like, you know, almost like the captain of a ship, you know, like onward, you know, you fucking.
And one time.
Where was your mom?
I don't know.
She's probably working.
She was like traveling somewhere.
I mean, she'd go, you know, she'd go work sometimes on other sales jobs.
And I don't know where she was driving, selling something.
And one time my dad, like a big crow came in the window and broke out some of the back windows with his beak.
And so I'm trying to tell my dad, I'm like, dad, there's a black bird in here.
And he thought it was a black guy, right?
Like he was pretty, you know, I don't know if he was racist, but he was just like an old guy in 1990.
You know what I'm saying?
So he had black friends, but he also like would say shit that was just something this older person would say.
So he just starts, he just starts yelling the N-word, right?
Oh my God.
And he thinks it's a person.
He thinks it's a black guy breaking out the windows in the back of the car.
But I said, it's a black bird, right?
I just, I'm not getting it.
He's just not paying it or something.
He's like, damn it.
He's just yelling at shit using all these expletives, bro.
Oh, my God.
That's insane.
So it was just insanity.
I didn't realize it at the time, but it makes your mind like, you know, you have this weird level, like this weird reality starts to form, you know?
Yeah, it's out of the norm.
Yes, it's out of the norm.
It's expansive, huh?
It's like reality expands.
Yes.
Way past.
Reality expands.
Yeah.
And it should be this safe, comfortable thing that a child can operate in.
And, you know, and then.
Yeah, you're not worried for your life.
Yeah.
You're not worried for somebody else's life.
You're not on the edge.
You're not directing traffic at fucking six.
You know, you're not like.
I used to, that's crazy that you said that because my hobby when I was a kid, I was always crazy.
Born nuts.
Fucking A. I don't know why.
But like I was three years old, my mom says, and I would run out of the house and ride into traffic and start directing traffic.
We lived by a big old, I guess it was a four-lane street then.
You started directing traffic.
Yeah.
I was only three.
And my mom said they'd look and I wouldn't be in the house.
So they'd go down to the corner and there I was just standing in the street and going like this to the car stop like this.
And they'd be honking and shit.
And yeah, and they go get me and beat my ass and drag me home.
You know, you're not to go in the street.
And I remember too, you are not to go in the street.
We've told you so many times.
You know, as soon as I could get out again, as soon as I saw, I'd always be watching too, when that little hook on the screen door wasn't on.
They'd always put it on, you know, but sometimes if I kicked it, it'd fly up and you'd get out.
And I run back down.
They run in the street and just go like this, one hand.
And then cut to, I'm 15, I get hit by a car.
So that was my total karmic, total karmic return there.
But yeah, I used to love to walk down the streets and fucking put myself in the craziest shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, putting yourself into something, man.
Putting yourself into some chaos.
Not thinking that chaos was chaos.
That was a, like to you, if something goes crazy, it's kind of a normal spot.
Like, this is when it's getting exciting.
Yeah, I just love to affect things or something.
Yes, I want to have an effect somehow on what's going on.
I don't want somebody choosing how I affect things.
I want to affect things, how I want to affect things.
I think that I was really crazy and thought I had some superpowers or something.
You know, like a lot of little kids will think that.
I think that I, I thought I had the power to stop traffic.
And I did.
Nobody was going to run me over there.
Nobody's going to hit three-year-old.
It's a good thing your fucking dad wasn't driving on the track.
He would have run me over.
You wouldn't have been able to see me because I was beneath the hood there.
Just see two big tabletop.
When you look back on like your Hollywood career, do you miss it kind of?
Are you okay with it?
I mean, I don't know if you could have any bigger of a career, really, huh?
I don't think so.
I've had 44 million people a week watching my show, but there was only three channels or something.
And then coming back to 28 million, I think I done it.
You know, I don't miss, I don't miss the process or being around people that don't respect me.
You know, that's hard.
It takes a wear and tear on you.
Well, it changed so much.
It's why people had to start podcasts.
It's why people have had to start making their own things because creativity, it wasn't even respected.
Like I went to Hollywood.
I think part of me wanted to have my own voice from where I was from.
I wanted to tell stories about where I was from and like share things that I thought were interesting.
And then you get there and they're like, you know, you should probably take an accent class so you don't have your accent.
You should do the, you know, and it was just like, fuck, man, I didn't, I felt of no value.
And then that's when like the things started getting like politically kind of divided.
And then just because I was from Louisiana and have a semblance of a southern accent that people immediately just pigeonhole you.
You know, we don't even have use for you.
Like, I don't know a southern character that they've had on television in so long.
Like, so how do you ex like, and not that they have to have a southern character, but you think that they would, but they don't.
You think that they would appreciate talent and want to nurture along.
Like, if I was the president of a network, that's what I would do.
Oh, dude.
That's what Mitzi did.
She nurtured all of us along and we all looked and acted different.
We're from different places.
Yeah.
That's what you do if you like talent, but they don't.
They don't like none of us.
Well, they like the algorithm now.
They like whatever is easiest.
How do we get this shot to be the shortest?
Even when you're watching films and television, you notice it now.
Like you take a guy like John Ritter, right?
Do you know who I am?
Yeah, I know him.
Did you ever get to meet him?
Yeah, he was a very nice man.
Really?
Very nice.
Wow.
Around me, yeah.
I don't know.
His son was super nice.
I met his son.
His son is so kind.
But he was like a, like, you could watch him.
Yeah.
And they give him wide shots and they'd let him behave.
And you got to see somebody express themselves.
Now everything's a lot more like, we get this, we get that.
It's all just like in the writing.
It's, I don't know.
Yeah, they don't like talent.
They don't like originality.
No, SNL is like that.
There's no people that have so many insane talents anymore.
There's a couple of impersonators.
It's a lot of it's in the writing.
They don't push any boundary.
You know, it's, I don't know.
But I think that's why other things have started.
That's why you have people even starting their own comedy clubs in other places, you know?
Yeah, because you push something down, it goes someplace else.
So that's why this place is exciting.
And I think maybe this lights the, you know, lights up the whole place where people can like actually start doing great comedy again.
Cause it was like kind of dead for a long time, like rock and roll, you know.
Yeah.
Just kind of all over and over and country music too, over and over.
Even rap, stale.
And then all of a sudden the fuse gets lit and a whole bunch of new creative things happen.
So I hope that's happening.
Yeah.
I hope that's happening with comedy.
When I watch these young people, I think that.
Yeah.
Oh, that's new.
I haven't seen that.
I haven't seen a guy do that or I haven't seen a woman do that before.
And it's exciting to see it.
I'm excited.
We need some new, we need some more, I don't want to say new, I don't know a ton of female comedians.
I know some, you know, I haven't been in the clubs as much recently, so that's where you kind of meet more up-and-coming comedians.
But I would like to see more Mexican comedians.
That's something I don't think that I see enough of sometimes, or maybe I'm not familiar enough.
There's a lot of Hispanic comedians I've seen.
They're very funny.
I really am liking the Middle Eastern comedians, too.
There's a lot of them out there.
Yeah, we got a guy that speak Assan that's opening up for us at work here.
He's funny.
He is funny.
That's a new voice that we haven't heard a lot of.
It's good.
Yeah, it is good.
Well, you know, and I think it's, yeah, and you just have to let people be funny.
You have to let people take their risk.
You know, we've put when you start to limit people's words or they said this or they you just you're killing everything.
But I agree.
There's a P there's a part of us in humans that wants to that wants to get out, you know, and I think it will.
I think it'll find its way out, you know.
I believe that.
I think we have to believe that.
We do have to believe that.
And especially as comedians, we have to believe that.
Because, yeah, I think people look to us for like, how can we say this?
Somebody has to say this thing.
There's a lot of that.
There's a lot of that people going.
Somebody say this.
We can't say this.
Right.
That's what I feel a lot of times.
I'm like, how do I say?
I think that all the time.
How am I going to, where are the words?
Where are the words?
I got to get the words, you know, get the right words in the right order with the right rhythm.
And it's so hard, but it's like, you know, you're on that simmer, like on the stove, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer.
I don't know for how long, months sometimes.
And then you're just sitting there sometime cutting up a carrot and it's like, ping, the words come.
Oh, it's such a great feeling, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's like, and it comes with a little bit of a body.
Yeah.
And you know, and especially the good, the neat thing about having done comedy for a while, and I'm not saying you become like a savant or that you're a know-it-all, but you start to know your own voice and your brain knows what will work on stage.
Right.
And you can get it off stage and be like, that's what it is.
Yeah.
You don't even have to really try.
You have to try it a few times to make sure and get it right, but you can pick it up.
You can learn it off stage.
You're like, that's it.
Did you ever go on a nice honeymoon whenever you were younger?
You mean on my marriages?
Yeah.
The first time I got married to Jake's dad, we went to the Justice of the Peace, then we went to Target for our honeymoon.
Oh, yeah.
We had 36 bucks we could spend.
So we bought a garbage can and a case of beer and I bought a pair of white shoes.
Yeah.
And then we went home and we were really poor living in the mountains of Colorado and all our friends had gifted us canned goods for our wedding present.
And so we just stayed with our friends like smoking a ton of pot and singing, a lot of musicians and singing and playing music.
And that was our honeymoon.
We camped out in tents and that was a good honeymoon.
That's cool.
That was real hippy-dippy honeymoon.
And then second, who did I marry?
Oh, Tom Arnold.
And that was the honeymoon from hell.
Oh, my God.
I should talk about that honeymoon.
Yeah, he sweats a lot.
Tell me about it, bitches.
Where's my fucking sigs?
Oh, I put them on.
Oh, that honeymoon.
I didn't even want to get married.
As we were saying our vows, I was crying in the closet like, oh, my God, how do I get out of this?
But I didn't want him to see me crying because he'd sleep.
He's sensitive.
He'd beat me up.
So I was like faking like I was.
And so we got married.
And, oh, my God, what a nightmare.
So that was a fucking nightmare.
I haven't even talked about it.
Did y'all go on a honeymoon though?
Yes.
We went to Mexico.
Oh, God, huh?
Yeah.
Okay.
As always happened with him.
Some hotel down there that had private swimming pools because I'm like, I got to have a private swimming pool so I can swim because I'm not going to let nobody get a picture of me in my bathing suit because I was really fat and so was he.
So we got a hotel that had Acapulco.
Yeah.
Is it fun if you're fat and you hug somebody else that's fat?
It must be awesome.
Oh, yeah.
There's a lot of cushion.
That's cool, man.
Plus, it's nice to have another fat person to love you because, you know, everyone's so mean to fat people.
And here we were, like two big fat people telling each other, oh, you look so great.
And, you know, we were complimentary to each other for the most part with some dark shit going in.
We beat the fuck out of each other.
You know, which was fun.
But at first.
Well, yeah, especially when I was hit by the hits.
I mean, especially when I got to hit.
Somebody's got to get beaten every now and then.
When I got to hit him, it was fun.
Oh, yeah.
But if he hit me back, it wasn't fun.
You know.
But anyways, there was a lot of ugliness to it.
But anyway, so there we were down there, and I'm in the pool, and I look up and it's ringed by photographers all the way around our room.
But the best part is we were in our room and we had to order room service and the front desk called and he answered the phone.
And they said, this is the front desk.
And your neighbors are complaining that you're eating too loud.
We ordered about 700 main dishes in there.
We were just eating up the storm, clanking dishes.
And the neighbors complained.
And he was on the phone.
I remember him going, eating too loud.
Yeah, your neighbors can hear you eating.
Then we went out in the pool and it was ringed by paparazzis.
So they always interfered and ruined everything.
But it was fun.
The eating a bunch and swimming with no paparazzi was really fun honeymoon till they showed up.
And then I found out he told them where we were going to be.
You know, he just really couldn't get out of his own way, maybe.
Yeah, he couldn't get out of his own way.
I hear he's out of his own way now.
I hope that's true.
We don't talk no more.
But anyways, then my third husband, Ben, his name is.
I have a kid with him, Buck.
He's 27. He's just like his dad.
Yeah.
Where'd we go on a honeymoon?
Oh, we didn't go on a honeymoon because I was pregnant.
Yeah, we just stayed home, I guess.
No, I guess I never really, except for that Mexico one, never did a real, real, anything you're supposed to do kind of deal.
I'd love to go on a honeymoon with no husband.
I'll tell you why that would be a great deal.
Just go by myself, you know, buy myself with a couple, you know, bodyguards or what have you, securities, do whatever the hell I want, pamper myself, look at art.
I did have a three-month vacation, and I saved up all my money, you know, when I got a divorce off Tom Arnold.
I did go to Europe for three months by myself.
Oh, that's nice.
It was so nice.
And I went and looked at art and traveled all over, ate everything I could get my hands on.
That was like my own honeymoon.
Yeah.
A divorce celebration.
That was fun.
And you lived in Hawaii for a long time, which is kind of like- Maybe 18 years now.
And I still live there part-time there in Texas here.
Hawaii is like a honeymoon every day.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
I just got back from Maui like last week.
I hate Maui.
Yeah.
That's where everybody goes.
Yeah.
It's crowded.
Yeah, I could imagine, yeah, if you're like a, if you know more about Hawaii, I can imagine it's crowded.
Yeah, I went, I guess it is a lot of folks over there.
It takes too long to drive everywhere and stuff.
I hate the traffic.
My island is the big island, and it's got the least amount of people and the most amount of land.
So hell, you can drive drunk and all fucked up.
No, I'm kidding.
Yeah.
But nobody's around nobody, and it's beautiful and quiet.
You know, it's wonderful.
Oh, that's what I, that's the one reason I go there on my vacation was because it goes to people go to bed early there.
Like at nine o'clock, I'm in, I am going, I'm a sleeper.
Do you sleep good there?
Pretty good.
Yeah.
It's one thing about Hawaii.
Everybody sleeps good there.
And the best part is I wake up in the middle of the night and it's only 11.30.
Yeah, I do that still.
You're like, this is awesome.
Get up and eat another meal.
Yeah, dude.
I will have a little fucking smoothie sometimes.
You know, I don't tell anybody.
I mean, it's just me anyway, but I certainly don't even tell myself.
I just kind of have it and pretend I don't.
You should come over and visit me on the big island.
Dude, I'd love to do that.
Let me know.
And if I'm there, you'll come over and I'll show you all my nut trees and my sheeps and goats and overrun with pigs.
But I got a beautiful place.
Good for you.
That was a great choice.
What caused you to make that choice to move there to get that?
Well, my younger son, now that he's 27, I can say he couldn't get along in school.
I homeschooled him and all stuff, which I'm going to talk about on my podcast.
I think people should pull their kids out of school and homeschool them.
So I did that for a few years, and then he went back to high school, and they had a high school there for kids with learning disabilities.
And so that's why we moved there.
Oh, nice.
For high school.
Yeah, a lot of Filipinos over there and a lot of food.
I love Filipino food.
Oh, my God.
I love their food.
The people are awesome.
They are amazing people.
They're all like Winnie the Poos, kind of a little bit.
They have like the little bit of joy in them.
They do have joy in them, and they love their families.
I just love their food.
They're always laughing and happy.
And, you know, even in tough times, they pull together and they're Jewish, I always say.
They're so Jewish.
Is that a lot of Jewish stuff?
Well, just like Jews is that they're just so family, you know?
Yeah, Jews are familied up.
Yeah, we're familied up.
That's interesting.
Yeah, we hate each other, but we still stick together.
Yeah, dude.
I love talking with like Brian Dorfman and some of the other, he and I love telling Jewish jokes to each other.
I love Jewish jokes.
Oh, dude.
I'm trying to write some now.
I got to hold the dice because I said, you got to help me write some Jewish jokes because I'm from Salt Lake City.
So I wasn't even raised in a Jewish culture beyond my own family.
And my own family is so weird that there's no way to find anything in common with other Jewish people.
Like my family thought it was okay to marry your cousins and relatives and stuff like that.
Probably from where you're from, that's okay too, right?
A little more normal.
Yeah, it's not insane.
Yeah.
But like the first thing when my mom said she fixed me up with a Jewish guy, my first question, and I thought, this might be odd.
And I've asked it on stage.
I said, are we related to him?
That was my first question.
So I don't know if other people.
But there's incest in the Jewish community too, right?
Oh, everyone's married to their cousin in my family.
See, that's the interesting thing.
That's one thing that's interesting about kind of like southern culture and Jewish culture is that incest thing.
Yeah, it's very interesting and very odd.
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
My mom, she had a boyfriend and she goes, his name was Arnie Leibowitz, who I loved.
He passed on.
He was, his last words, I was there for his death and his last words are the greatest last words anyone's ever said.
He turned around and he goes, whose idea was this?
Isn't that great?
He was 92. Whose idea was this?
But my mom said, we found out that we're from the same village in Lithuania and we might even be related.
And she was all happy about it.
While you're over there with three eyes.
I'm like, mom, it's not, that's not, in the modern world, that's not, you know, most people, that's a no-no.
Yeah.
Yeah, people frown upon that, but there's something also that's.
Well, for small villages and stuff.
You don't have a choice.
Yeah.
Your second cousin is better than your first cousin.
Oh, yeah.
Well, second cousin is illegal in a lot of states.
Yeah.
You know, first cousin, and they really, some people don't see it the way other people see it.
I think that's a lot of why Jews are fucked up because they're so intermarried.
I could easily see that.
When I grew up, I was like, I can't wait to get out of here.
I'm going to marry every fucking Gentile I meet and have kids with them.
I'm going to improve the gene pool here.
Because we have enough accountants and shit.
Yeah.
We got to have something else.
Yeah, something new, huh?
Something newish.
Yeah.
I have a lot of friends that are married and Jewish and Christian.
Like they're like Judeo-Christian homes.
And they have some really awesome families, I find, a lot of times.
It's just what I've seen, you know.
But having some good mix of things is Interesting.
It is, and the world's going that way.
Oh, we're all going to be beige in a couple of years.
We're all beige now.
Everybody's all mixed, and pretty much.
I mean, that's.
Oh, you can't even use a racial slur anymore and get it to land accurately.
No, you can't.
Like, I used to have a thing about these Arabs and their, and I mixed them all up, like I'd say, bean-eating Arabs or something like that to mix it all up.
Because we're all mixed.
Oh, it's crazy.
Just a few of us.
Oh, you have to have a chart to be racist now.
You have to have a.
Yeah.
You got to carry the one.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like you've got to use a decimal.
I just hate everyone equally.
Oh, dude.
I get when I'm, a lot of times I'll just do all the racial just to get them out of my system.
Yeah, especially when you're driving.
That's where it's time for racism.
Dude, it is fucking.
Oh, I swear.
Sometimes it makes my car go a little bit faster.
It does.
It improves your gas mileage for sure.
It helps.
There's something about it.
My sister's completely racist on Asian drivers because she lives up in San Francisco.
Oh, I can't imagine.
Yeah.
So she's all that.
Oh, they're always in a white minivan.
She always goes off.
Well, that's another thing we started missing.
You used to be able to laugh at like, you used to trust a comedian enough that you knew that they knew what was going on.
They were making humor.
Yeah.
Now they've pitted people against comedians in a way that they're like, oh, the comedian's just saying something to be mean.
Yeah, but it always used to bring it around to where, hey, we all laughed at each other and ourselves and now we can love each other.
Remember Don Rickles?
They would kill him now.
And Lisa, oh, I can't remember her.
Rampanelli?
Yeah.
Remember hers?
It was so great because everybody was laughing at everybody and themselves.
That's a healing thing.
Yeah.
Well, she, a lot of people accused her, I think, of like a cultural appropriate, like she was like thicker, I think.
You know, she lost a lot of weight.
Yeah.
And I think there were like black women, like thicker black women or something accused her of like trying to take their body style or something.
I remember like there's so much weird stuff out there.
Everybody just hates each other.
And that's why I say in my act, that's our only hope is our hatred for each other.
When we harness that and get square behind it and realize all that hate that we have for each other, if we would just channel that to the hatred of the people at the top and not each other, because it's not each other we hate, we're both scrambling for beans.
Come on, people.
Focus your hate at the top.
All that hate you have for your black neighbor or your Mexican neighbor, just congeal it or your white neighbor, congeal it and focus it upward and we're going to have Valhalla.
It's true.
It's what we need.
We do need an uprising of people.
We need an uprising of people to fucking stand up for themselves and stand up for their families and stand up for what they really feel inside of themselves means something.
Yeah, you want your kids to be able to go out and you don't want to worry about other people's kids hurting them.
People want to live in safety.
Safety.
And they want to have decent communities with decent jobs and decent medical care.
What's so fucking hard about that?
You don't need two parties blaming each other.
You know, it's just gridlock on purpose, so they never have to fix nothing.
But we could fix it.
If the American people would just reach across that cultural or that racial line and get with each other, we could get what we need and what we want.
We could.
But as long as they're dividing us and conquering us, we ain't going to do it.
So let's use, let's start telling racial jokes again.
Amen.
Right?
I'm working on it.
I am too, but I'm already a racist.
They've already labeled me that.
So I'm like, well, since I'm there, let me tell you what really bugs me.
Let me tell you what really bugs me.
I love it.
And people love that shit too, man.
Like, I have black friends that love, like, as long as you are respectful and smart about stuff and you're not just being mean.
Yeah, they can tell if you've been around black people.
Oh, yeah.
That's the first thing, too, man.
Like, I have a, you know, I call him my son, but he's black, you know.
Oh, yeah, I met him.
What is his name again?
E.J. E.J., yeah.
He's the same age as Buck, and they kind of got raised together because I'm good friends with his parents, and we're tight.
And, you know, when they call me a racist, I was most worried about him because, you know, he had to go with that in his community and hear it about me, you know, and I was so sorry for him.
And so we talked about it, you know, and I said, I can't remember what I said to him, but he said to me, oh, everybody knows the crazy shit you say.
You know, that was his, you know, comforting me.
Everybody knows all the crazy shit you say.
You'll find your way out of it.
But that had to make you feel pretty good then, just to have some support.
Everybody who called me was black.
It was funny.
And I go, can you say that in public?
Hell no.
Hell no.
I know.
We need more black people need to speak up in some ways more, I think.
Well, Monique did.
Monique spoke up for me to black people, which I just am that was brave of her.
And I always have her back, too.
We're like sisters in comedy, you know.
But yeah, more people got to be sisters and brothers in something across racial lines here in America before, you know, they're just going to take us all away one at a time.
Yeah.
That's what they want to do.
It's like they don't like black people.
They don't like gay people.
Let's be real about the people at the top.
They don't like none of us, just that they're using people and pretend they're on your side.
They're not.
No, they don't have a care.
They don't have a dog in the fight besides like a bottom line.
It's like Pelosi's district, where's she talking about Trump's erases and all this shit?
My son went to school in San Fran.
It was all black people on the streets.
That's who lost their homes in the Obama bubble of 08. It was the black working and middle class.
And then they're calling Trump a racist when they have institutionalized racism by this bubble they invented and these fake mortgages that they gave people.
They did that on purpose.
That's institutionalized.
And then they're going to further try to fuck with people and get them to hate on each other and fight.
So they don't have to do it.
No, we have to figure it out.
People need to figure it out.
They need to figure it out and teach their children.
They need to.
I think people are, though.
I think people want to.
All they got to do is no, it's not a race war.
It's a class war.
Everything is a class war.
The people with the money are, you know, putting their wagons in a circle and stealing everything that ain't locked down, taking the public money and putting it into private pockets.
That's a class war.
Oh, 100%.
And that's all there is.
That's all there is until we go, hey, you can't have our money anymore.
It's like time for another Declaration of Independence about this oppressive government that's no different from the government of King George that we broke away from years ago.
Well, that's why I'm so amazed when I see anybody that's speaking against the status quo of whatever the status quo is supposed to be for their gender, ethnicity, creed, whatever it's, but when you see someone that's kind of trying to find a way against that, those are the people you have to look at and see, well, what are they saying?
You know, like, it doesn't mean they're right, but they're not, their perspective is at least enough to be able to see a broader picture, you know?
Sometimes.
Yeah.
So you got to look at like in America with this class war and how they disguise it.
Like all the leaders, the only ways they can get ahead is by betraying their own people and they get rewarded for it.
Like, you know, black leaders to, you know, use their own people for their self enrichment, just like our Congress does for themselves.
It's us against you.
And Jewish leaders promoting anti-Jewish ideas on campus and stuff.
People betraying their own people to be leaders of their own people and getting rich for it.
That's how it works.
You're not going to see nobody that goes, you need to fix Chicago right now, Mr. Mayor.
You need to allocate these funds to updo these black people's homes, communities, and schools, and roads and hospitals.
You won't see them doing that in Marxist Chicago.
That's the last thing Marxists ever do is address any problem.
It's all a yank.
All they want there in Chicago is to get at the retirement funds of the working class, and they are ripping them blind.
And they're going for Social Security next, too, blaming it on Republicans.
But they all both blame each other, and they're both fisting the money.
Yeah.
And we're just nothing but prey.
Particularly working people is nothing but prey.
Right.
Well, a lot of times if you're a working person, you're just in the distance.
You don't even have to, like, you're just trying to survive and get by, you know.
And where's your representation in Congress?
Nobody.
Nobody.
They're giving your money to the Ukraine.
They're not talking about the working people or nothing.
I'm amazed that in a place like Chicago, where there's like, you know, there's a lot of crime in some specific areas.
And some areas of Chicago are great.
You don't want to give the whole city a bad rap.
No, I'm just talking about the inner city where people are suffering right there.
New Orleans is the same way.
New Orleans is one of the most dangerous cities in the world.
It was just like one of the 30 most dangerous cities in the world, I believe.
Can you look that up, Zach, too, to just so I'm right on that or wrong on that?
And I grew up right.
It was always a little edgy, but it's like you have, you know, in a lot of it, you have a lot of like impoverished black people killing each other.
I know.
And it's sad.
And it's weird if I say that, that people are like, oh, he says that because he's against black people.
I had two of my good friends growing up that were black that both died, right?
That got killed by other young black men.
And it's fucking like crazy.
Like, I don't know how to help stop that.
Like, I don't know.
I don't think enough about black culture as to why they do, why that's even going on.
But it's like, I wish there were more insight from like black leaders and stuff.
I don't know.
I don't know.
That shit just makes you really sad.
Address it because it's going the way the owners want it to go.
Yeah.
It feels like people address something enough to get what they need out of it.
That's exactly right.
They aren't concerned.
I mean, they're just taking the buy-offs.
And it's so funny.
It's like some people say, well, you can't really get in any power here unless you're blackmailed and they know you're going to do what they want you to do.
It's a dark arts, dude.
Yeah, I think that that's true.
You don't get in any office by getting elected.
You get selected by your donors and, you know, they do what they have to do to put you in there to make them richer.
And you bullshit the public, so they'll be pacified.
But the public doesn't even care that they don't, or seemingly doesn't care, or is too afraid to go, you're not representing the people who sent you there.
Yeah.
Because I know when I was in Hawaii, Soros was pouring money into Hawaii for Monsanto.
Oh, yeah.
We used to use it.
Yeah, everyone used Roundup.
Oh, God, we'd use it.
Yeah.
Fuck, we'd spray each other with it.
I remember.
We hit my sister with a fucking hot batch of it.
But I mean, that's who owns the government.
And she's in recovery.
She's, I don't even know.
I mean, I don't know if she'll ever recover from that, but she's in recovery for other stuff.
But, you know, yeah, yeah.
Oh, then you start to see, yeah, these bigger groups are starting to like.
He made, he, I said, by God, what he's doing, he's outlawing local government so that they are more beholden to international corporations and the county they live in.
Oh, it's crazy.
Well, it's the same with like that, with Dope Sick, that TV show with the pill opioid epidemic.
It was like, you know, you have like these big pharmaceutical companies that people leave there and then go to work in the FDA, right?
It's just like, so there's just so much, I don't know.
I think in the end, it's like, why do people just want only for themselves?
Like, and at a certain point, I can understand you want to survive.
You want to get to a level where you're okay.
You can feed yourself.
But then sometimes there's this other level of greed that I guess I just don't, I don't understand.
I don't understand how you could want to be so greedy at a level where other people aren't even having a ch you know that some effect you're causing or a part of causing is limiting people's ability to even have a life with some peace and excitement in it and real hope, you know?
I know.
That's what I say.
Worry about other people's kids when your kids go out.
That has to be part of your circle of concern too.
If you want your kids to truly be safe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it used to be different.
I don't used to feel different.
I don't know if I romanticize the past sometimes too, but we all do.
Yeah.
But, you know, there's two, like the human beings, we have a desire to receive.
You know, that's a part of our ego and our makeup and everything.
And, you know, we want that gratified, of course.
But there's another thing is like the desire to receive in order to share, which is a way better way to deal with that selfish thing that we have.
I don't know.
Probably the spirit of whom.
Probably smells my breath after smoking all that.
No, I think.
You know, the desire to receive something, be able to share.
That feels so much better than anything else on earth.
That is one thing I learned by getting rich because I was really poor, you know.
And then when I got really rich, it was such a turn on to help people.
I can't tell you.
It was just better than anything.
It's the kind of thing that.
Was it like a moment that stood out to you?
Where just you were able to be like just part of the conduit of help?
You know, because that's all money is like energy kind of, you know, anyway.
Well, there were, there was a few of them, but the biggest thrills I ever got for my own pleasures, as I tell people who know me, is coming up with lawsuits.
Oh, God, I loved it.
Yeah.
And then bankrolling them, you know, and then winning them.
That was something that was great about having money.
Like, what does it mean, like thinking up a way to sue somebody?
Yeah, sue the government.
Yeah, to sue the government or some nefarious bunch sitting there getting all bitter and thinking, thinking, going deep and go, aha.
And I did sue, you know, I sued and won against some tabloids.
Oh, yeah.
That was fun.
And then sued Georgia and won and a whole bunch of shit like that that I thought, well, you know, it's good.
I'd still like to continue to sue, sue, sue, and pay for lawsuits.
I love it.
You mean, like, if it's in a good cause.
Yeah.
Like, I'd love to sue every motherfucker that called me a racist.
And I keep on waiting for something to happen where, you know, guilty people who broke the law get arrested.
And when they do, that'll be my proof.
And then I'm going to sue.
I already got like 10 lawsuits in my head for how I'm going to sue.
The news, the network, these and that, you know.
They all deserve it.
They do.
And I have.
Doesn't have any justification.
That's one of the things about life that gets tough sometimes.
And I think it's a good conversation.
I think it's inspiring for people to hear.
I think it's inspiring for people to hear that there are people that think like there's some pressures in the world that feel uncomfortable.
We don't know exactly what they are sometimes, right?
But we're trying to navigate with our little brains and our perspectives, having had unique lives that have made us hyper-aware sometimes of things.
That's right.
And it's been a struggle a lot, but there's some value in it to think, well, what's going on?
Why are we starting to feel this way as a society?
What things are we seeing?
Is it something that I'm just getting older and I have like, you know, I think sometimes am I just getting older and I'm like starting to become one of those older people, you know, that's like, oh, this is wrong and this is wrong.
Or does it seem like there's really other bigger shit that's going on, you know, and just evaluating all that.
Well, that's just part of growing older.
Yeah.
You know, you just settle into like a certain knowing and being able to identify things because you've seen them so many times.
You can sense where things are going because they can only go one of about three or four ways.
Yeah.
You know.
So you can sort of see where things are going right at the inception.
So you kind of have the desire to go over there and kick it to the left or the right so it grows straight.
Yeah, you get that foresight over time.
Yeah.
Do you think what's been one of the neatest things about being like a parent and a grandparent that kind of surprised you?
Well, being a parent is wonderful when your kids turn out to be good members of society and they have a conscience and they're good people.
And then when they're good parents, that's the best part of being a parent is to see your own children become good parents.
Because then you know, oh, I did a good job, you know, and thank you, God, for keeping it on the map for me, despite all the shit I did.
And so that's good, you know, when you're in your last quarter or whatever I'm in.
But the grandparent thing, that's just pure fun.
You get to be a kid again.
You get to do all kind of fun stuff.
Like I live with my son and his partner and their two-year-old daughter, who she looks just like me and she acts just like me.
And my son says, what kind of karma is this when you're raising Your own mother.
But so teaching her, just hanging out with her is a blast.
Like, she likes to wear lipstick.
So we put on lipstick every day and do our hair and stuff like that.
And then she likes me a lot.
And anything I do, she wants to do it with me.
And she's just learning to talk and stuff.
And so she says, let's smoke.
Because she likes to go out on the porch with me while I smoke because I let her play in the water.
But, you know, that she says, let's smoke is so cool.
And she's just fun.
It's just fun getting to be a kid again.
Like, I'll chase her around the house and sing stupid songs and, you know, hide and seek and jumping and having fun like a kid before you had any cares.
You get to redo that when you're a grandparent.
That's the most fun.
Your second or third childhood.
In my case, it's probably my fourth.
Yeah.
But it's so fun, you know?
Yeah.
Watching cartoons with her.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fun.
Oh, she loves the turtles, the teenage ninjas, turtles.
And my friend Greg Sipes is the voice of Michael.
So I had him call her up and he goes, hi, Livia, this is Michael from the Turtles.
You do anything your Mimi, she calls me Mimi.
You do anything your Mimi says to do because she loves you and she knows what's right.
So I'll see you at whatever he says at the What's It and Hoorah or whatever.
Stuff like that's really fun.
That's cool.
It's so cool.
And I get to dress her in her outfits every day and do her hair.
She likes fashion and looking pretty and wearing my necklaces and such.
It's just fun.
Yeah, it seems fun.
Seems like I'm three years old too.
Yeah.
There's nothing more fun than being a kid and pretending.
Yeah.
I would suggest that people really start doing that more with their kids and their grandkids, pretending and imagining.
I think they're trying to take that away from us.
Well, it's disappearing with technology.
Yeah.
But that's the most fun thing of being a human.
Yeah.
You know?
Oh, I used to your imagination, dude.
Yeah.
It's where I had any chance at all in the world was in my imagination.
And look what you did with it.
One day these motherfuckers will know, you know, and I would.
I can imagine anything.
I'm going to come back here in a hot air balloon, you know, yeah, like Russell Crow.
Today I will imagine to be a ship's captain.
It's so fun.
When was like, do you remember your first like kiss when you were a child?
Oh, Christ.
My first kiss.
When I was a child.
Or when you was a teenager?
Teenager, you know?
Did y'all have a dance or anything at school?
Oh, I was such a rejecting nerd.
I just, nobody liked me.
It's like, God, she's weird chewing on her hair over there.
But my first kiss.
I think I was 16. Yeah.
I can't remember who I did it with.
Who did I do it with?
I should remember that, but I don't.
Oh, yeah, I do remember.
No, that wasn't him.
I don't know, some Joe.
Yeah.
It wasn't any good.
It was all disappointment.
All my sexual lives for the most part were fucking disappointment.
Mine's kind of been like that a little.
Yeah.
It's never like all that buildup.
No.
It's like you want him to go, you, you are ravishing.
The most ravishing woman I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah.
That almost happened to me one time in Paris.
I have to say, I regret that.
You met a romantic man?
Yeah, this guy just came up to me out of nowhere, and I looked really funky, too.
I had like about 100 sparkly barrettes in my hair.
Yeah.
What was I in my 40s?
I looked good though because I had done my hair in these weird, I was in a weird artistic thing.
And this guy came up and he said, will you go and have coffee with me?
And I was with my girlfriend.
I'm like, no.
And he goes, please, I'd really love to take you for coffee.
And I'm just like, what?
He's trying to get money off me.
He goes, I've, I just, I'm just going to say it.
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.
Well, nobody ever said that to me.
So I'm like, tell me more.
And he goes, and you look fascinating.
I love how you've done your hair, blah, blah.
I go, oh, sorry, I'm married.
He goes, really?
And I'm like, well, maybe not.
But then I decided I better stay true to my fucking stupid ass spouse.
Yeah.
I regret that.
That guy, I don't know.
He was pretty cute.
Was he?
Yeah, he was European, you know.
Yeah.
I might have been living in Europe by now.
He probably would have kicked me out the next day and go, you old bitch, the first time I snapped on him.
Yeah.
Or who knows?
You guys may have been, you guys could be lying in a field in Nice right now eating grapes and reading Les Miserables together.
I don't like that book so much.
You know what my favorite book is?
Tale of Two Cities.
I've read that like 10 times.
Was it J.D. Salinger?
No.
J.D. Salinger is Frannie and Zoe and Catcher and the Rye, which I've also read 10 times.
But no.
Oh my God, I can't read it.
Charles Dickens.
Old Chucky Dickey, huh?
Yeah, but it was an uplifting moment that I'll never forget.
I never read that.
No, I mean that guy.
Oh, that European man?
Yeah.
Oh, God, dude.
I remember a girl one time.
How old were you when you kissed somebody?
I think I was like, maybe I was 11. Some people locked us in a closet or something.
And they were some angry people.
And they kept calling us queer.
They like you fade G's better make out.
And it was me and a girl, but they were just like, you know, idiots or whatever.
You know?
Weird.
Oh, it was horrible.
And I was so nervous.
And she had like a chipped tooth pretty bad.
And I didn't want to, I thought, like, if I, I don't want to get a chipped tooth.
And I was like, I don't even know how this works, and it's just so fucking, you know, you felt pressured to perform.
Yeah, that's so ugly and horrible.
Oh, and then the rest of my life, I felt pressure to perform, dude.
I was always taking them gas station wiener pills all the time.
Oh, they sell them at the gas station?
Yeah.
I know I got entangled in one of your soires there at the comedy store.
Remember, I got in between them two girls that was both there to see you.
You misscheduled something, I think.
Who knows what happened, but I was.
I do.
I was in there breaking up the fight in the bathroom.
I was like, well, obviously he's made a mistake, so, you know, give each other a break here.
Then you went out with the third one.
Well, I don't know what happened.
I mean, there's a lot of discrepancies in a lot of these stories, but I do remember that night that you came and you went up, and that was awesome, dude.
That was my first time on stage for fucking 100 years or something.
And I was shit faced because I was so scared.
And I told my son, I will forever love you because you told me afterwards, you go, you might want to lay off on the drinking and your premises need work.
I love you for saying that to me.
Damn, I cannot believe I said that.
Yeah, you did.
You said you got a lot of laughs, but you know, but that was what a comic says to a comic, and I loved it.
It was good.
Well, we need your voice out there so much.
Well, I wanted to do a show I remember right after you got canceled, I hit, or whatever.
And canceled is only care, the only people that care about it are Hollywood.
Human beings, regular American, 95% of people don't give a fuck about that.
That's what everybody's still.
Some people are still under this old ruse, like that this trick works over here, this shell game, but most people aren't even playing it anymore.
Like my friend Morgan Walling got canceled or whatever, and he's the number one selling artist in the world now.
Oh, that's so great to hear him.
In the world.
That's great.
Yeah.
And it's like, I think it just made him seem more human, right?
He dropped an in-bomb on some white dude that was being a little bitch, right?
And yeah.
And so it was like, and everybody loved him now.
And not just white people, fucking black dudes love him, you know?
I got to look him up.
I haven't heard of him.
He's neat.
He's a neat guy.
He's interesting.
And he's a cool.
He's an interesting guy.
He's smart.
But I don't know what else we were talking about, Rose.
We've talked about so much.
Oh, you said you wanted to do a show with me after I did it.
And I can't remember if I texted.
There was a guy, maybe your agent or somebody that I was talking to.
I don't remember who it was.
But yeah, I was like, that's what I need.
I did hear about it, and that made me feel so good.
I thank you for that.
That was uplifting for me at the time.
Yeah.
I think a lot of people would just need your voice out there.
So I'm glad you're still using your voice.
Thank you very much.
I'm glad I am too.
I wondered if I would because I was like, well, I go back for that shit.
But once I got on, you know, the stage, it was like, I'm never leaving.
In a weird way, are you feeling more empowered in some ways?
Like, is it almost like a new, it must be like a new, what do I do now?
How do I, what do, how do I best use my voice and have a purpose?
I was talking to CK, you know.
He called me.
He was another kind person to call me.
Louie's awesome.
He is.
And we were talking about it, and we made a deal that we're going to come back.
This was like five years ago or something.
We will both come back and our bow to each other and to comedy was we owe to come back more offensive than ever before and not offensive, but braver, more courageous.
And I think we are.
And that's the only way to fight back.
And it's the most fun way, too.
Yeah.
And so I said this to Tucker and to James O'Keefe, too.
I said, at first you'll feel like, you know, I said, you'll look back after the storm's passed and you'll realize that God took you out of Egypt.
And you might wander around in the desert for a while, but you will eventually come to the promised land, which is total artistic and creative freedom.
And that's where I feel I am now.
That's the promised land for all of us.
And, you know, I think both of them are going to find that they agree with me because when that noose is off your neck, you're just cut free and you've got nothing but freedom and you still got a name and you can come back and you can be better than you ever were.
Of course you're going to be better after you, you know, whatever don't kill you makes you stronger.
So that's what happened to me and I'm really grateful it did because at some points I didn't know if I would.
But that's just part of the process of coming out of that dark night of the soul, you know.
But we all got to go through it in order to come into the light again.
Well, it's the only way a good story is told is if the person that's on the journey has a setback, you know?
Yeah, exactly.
There's no fucking, nobody wants a fucking full-time winner.
No, the hero always falls in every story.
Yeah.
The hero has to get back up.
And with the strength and determination and support of the few that knew that he was really Superman or whatever.
Yeah.
You know, fighting for the masses or whatever.
It's just, it's a great feeling to go on stage now and just all the love that's shown to me.
It's uplifting.
Yeah.
And you're here.
You have a playground here in Texas here at this club where you can figure it out.
Yeah.
It's nice.
And bomb.
Yeah.
It's so great to be able to bomb sometimes.
Yeah.
Not have, you know, not have to be to experiment.
That's yeah.
Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
And on behalf of me and my mother and our family for giving us so much joy over the years, this is the interview my mother was most excited about.
She asked every week, is her Zan coming?
Is her Zan coming?
well, thank your mother for me.
Yeah, I will.
You brought us a lot of joy over the years and I think gave us a way to connect, you know, because my mother was just a hardworking lady, was trying to make things okay, you know, and I know she tried her best.
Well, you tell her for me that she raised a wonderful son.
Thank you.
I will tell her that.
Roseanne Barr, thank you so much for your time.
Thank you so much.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life found.