Brianna Chickenfry is a podcaster, host and content creator for Barstool Sports. She hosts her own show “Plan Bri Uncut”, and also appears weekly on BFF’s with Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards.
Brianna Chickenfry joins Theo in New York City for this episode of This Past Weekend, chatting about her wild childhood in South Boston, stealing bras from the mall, blowing up on Tik-Tok in college, quitting school for a career at Barstool, their mutual friendship with Caleb Pressley, her beef with Frank the Tank, and much more.
Brianna Chickenfry: https://www.instagram.com/briannalapaglia/
Special thanks to AdHoc collective and the Carriage House in NYC for providing the location for this episode.
AdHoc Collective: https://www.instagram.com/adhoccollective/
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Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn
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Hey guys, I'm in the West Village of New York City today, and I am at my friend Keat.
She is an entrepreneur.
She has a beautiful coffee shop and flowery or floral shop called Rosecrans.
And she let us use this vintage carriage house today to record in.
So very grateful to her.
If you want to support her or some of her businesses in the village in New York City, you can check her out at Ad Hoc Collective.
And we are very grateful for this beautiful space that we get to record in today.
Today's guest is a podcaster and a personality at Barstool Sports and a personality just as a human.
And we're going to hopefully learn more about that today.
She's a member of the BFFs podcast with Josh Richards and Dave Portnoy.
She has her own podcast as well, Plan Brie Uncut.
Today's guest is Brianna Chickenfrock.
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me And I will find a song I'll be singing I love you I love you
Welcome on the podcast.
Thank you.
Yvonne, you just let anybody on the pod now?
I know that we're doing it.
I guess we do, I guess.
You and I have never met.
No, we haven't.
Yeah, it's interesting, kind of.
I know.
Because I know you through Caleb, CP.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a good guy.
He's very mischievous, that guy, I feel like, sometimes.
You know, I feel like sometimes he's, you know, he's kind of a, he's a slippery guy, kind of, you know.
Up to no good, you think?
Well, he's just really sleek.
I think he's very smart.
Some people are too smart for their own good.
We call him the king of the tards because he assembles, like he assembles a crazy crew.
Yeah.
And then he's just the king and everybody worships him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm part of it.
I'm one of the tards.
Oh, you're in, huh?
Yeah, I'm in.
You're retarded?
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, that's good.
Do we have, I feel like I'm on one of those rides.
At Disney or they put you in?
No, not Disney Universal, like at a shitty fairground.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, we never met each other before.
No, never.
Yeah.
I went to your show, though.
Yeah, you went to the show the other night.
Did you have a good time?
Yeah, it was good.
It was really funny.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, you're crazy.
It was long.
You're more animated than I thought you would be.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Like you were doing all these moves and shit.
I was like, wait, what?
Yeah, I have, yeah.
I'm in.
You've got legs.
Well, I have, yeah, I have leg of it.
I have all of it.
I got, you know, or I'm going to, I guess, yeah, people maybe think you would be still or something.
Yeah, I don't know.
You were just more animated than I thought.
Yeah.
You're doing all these faces.
Really?
Like when you were laying on the chair.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was like, damn, he's animated.
Yeah, well, I think you have to keep people's attention too, you know?
Yeah.
And you're just one thing and you have to tell a story with just your body.
Like you only have so much, like, you know, you have to, I think people's attention spans, I think, seem short.
So you want to keep them engaged.
Yeah.
You were keeping me engaged.
Oh, good.
It was good.
Yeah.
I'm glad you guys had fun.
Have you been to a comedy show before?
Yeah, I love stand-up.
I love going.
I usually just go to like open mics, though.
So that was my first, like, real big show.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
It was good.
Oh, yeah.
Because, yeah, so I see you on TikTok.
I see you on Instagram.
I see like.
Yeah, how am I here?
Why am I here?
Because I just want, I feel like, here's why.
Okay.
So whenever Dave came on the show, he said, he's like, oh, we have a lot of young, we make a lot of stars over at, those weren't his exact words.
But I was like, you guys, you have a good eye for talent.
Yeah.
So we're talking about, oh, Dave, you got a good eye for talent.
And he's like, yeah, we have some great talent right now.
And he named a couple of people, but he named you.
And so I was like, oh, interesting.
So I just trust his eye for talent, you know?
You trust Dave?
Yeah, I think so.
You think so?
Well, yeah, he's found a lot of good people.
You had Glenny Balls on.
He found Glenny Balls, Found Caleb.
Yeah.
Found me.
I don't know what I'm really doing.
They always say I'm doing so well, but I don't really see that.
Yeah, I guess maybe that's what I wanted.
I was like, who is this gal?
And then, like, yeah, what is her?
What does she do?
I know she's like, you know, I see you just on the internet.
So I know she's like an attractive girl.
I know that she, you know, likes to drink or do drugs or whatever, you know, or, and you're from Massachusetts, right?
From Boston, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you could probably drink through your vagina.
I mean, I don't know if somebody else there can really.
They could do it.
Yeah, they'll find they'll get a beer down or get a beer up.
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
I could get it up.
But no, everyone thinks I do a bunch of drugs.
I went, I did the NELT podcast the other day.
Okay.
And they sit me down.
They're just like, how much drugs do you do?
How much cocaine do you do?
I don't do drugs.
Oh, really?
I do, well, I do shrooms.
I guess I don't do the hard drugs.
Okay.
Yeah.
They think I'm like a big, everyone thinks I'm a big cokehead because my thing is sleep when you're dead.
So that's fair.
Yeah, that's a cocaine slogan.
I know, but it's not.
I don't do cocaine.
I got a lot of more people in my family do drugs than don't do drugs.
Okay.
Yeah.
I believe that.
Yeah.
So I got a crazy family.
Really?
And so now when you say that you don't do drugs, are you under the influence?
You have any drugs in your system right now, you think?
Adderall.
Okay.
Yeah.
How much you think, if you had to guess?
Vivance, 60 milligrams.
That seemed like a lot.
It is kind of a lot.
It is?
I haven't taken it in a while, but I have a long day, so I might have a heart attack or like shit myself a little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Vivance is hard.
I can't really turn my neck when I'm on it.
That shit gets me real tight.
I start biting my cheeks and stuff.
I guess it's kind of worse than cocaine.
I opened it up because I was like, maybe I'll just take half and it's just cocaine in there.
Oh, it is.
It's on white powder.
It's crazy.
It's kind of scary.
Yeah.
Anytime like you're, yeah, anytime you get something for like a CVX, but it's a powder, it's like, it's kind of a dynamic.
It's kind of scary.
Yeah.
So I poured a little, I poured half in and it's just chemicals.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's fucking kind of good, though.
Yeah.
It wasn't bad.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
I remember I found the pill on the gym mat one time and I just slurped it up.
What was it?
I don't know.
Well, how'd you feel?
Could have been, could have been for like erectile dysfunction.
Could have been a dexatrim.
Okay.
But it was good?
It was pretty good, I thought, you know, I felt, yeah, it was like, all right, let's see what God wants to do kind of thing.
You know, somebody had fallen out of somebody's pocket at the gym.
Did you stay at the gym longer than you thought?
I don't remember what happened, man.
I mean, it was probably about seven years ago, but so it's been quite a ride since.
And I don't think it's still in my system.
I don't know what the half-life of like something like that is, you know?
Yeah, no, it's probably only six.
So you are from then.
So yeah, I guess I just, we just want to get to know you.
So you, yeah, and we want to see like where you're going, you know, what's going on with this lady, you know?
Okay, where am I up to?
Yeah.
Or just like, yeah, what is, does this lady have a real plan?
Is this lady just kind of living willy-nilly?
You know, like, what's some of the goal here, I think?
Okay.
So how does it start?
Like, when are you a child?
When am I a child?
I was a child when I was a child.
So I was just like a small child.
Oh, God.
And the first.
Are you big, born big or not?
My mom was pregnant for 10 months.
Wow.
So I was born a month late.
I was big.
I was like 31 inches, nine pounds.
Oh, my God.
Really?
Yeah.
That's real.
Dude, I bet they had you fall into like a fisherman's net.
Yeah, no moment.
She's like, really?
She was real tiny.
They had to do an emergency C-section.
I couldn't fit through the canal.
Really?
Yeah.
It was crazy.
So almost like breaking out of a prison cell.
Yeah, I was breaking out of a prison cell.
My parents got, my parents should have never got married.
They got, so they got married when my mom was 10 months pregnant at like a random gazebo, a gazebo in Florida.
Oh, yeah.
They'll build those anywhere.
Anywhere.
And she had a red dress on.
And they got married.
And then we came back.
I was born.
And my family's kind of crazy.
I have four.
I have four siblings.
So my oldest sister, she's 40. So there's a big age gap.
Okay.
So she's a blackfisher.
Do you know what a blackfishing is?
Is that the thing that, oh yeah, I think it's like, it's not the thing for SeaWorld.
It's not the, they're not like the people killing the.
No, that's worse, I think.
It's, she wants, so she, she gets level four spray tans.
So I, for reference, I get level one spray tan and she'll go in.
She'll get level four.
Wow.
And she gets box braids, but she's white.
She drives a Chrysler 300.
She hangs out with all blackfishers.
Obviously.
Yeah.
And she, she, she just got out of prison.
She's doing well now.
Okay.
But that's the oldest sister.
So that was like my, that was my role model growing up.
Damn.
Yeah.
She was crazy.
She was?
Yeah.
And she dated a lot of black people.
Wait, you want to see her?
Yeah, I want to see her.
I want to see if you think she would be black.
Yeah, she, no, she, she doesn't.
She only dates white guys.
Huh.
Yeah, it's a crazy thing.
And she hangs out with all, I thought she was hanging out with all black people, but then I realized they were all black fishers.
And what is black fishers, you mean?
Like black, they're black fishing.
So you could, this is what you get canceled for nowadays.
If you get too dark, like spray tans, or if you wear box sprays, which is my sister.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Like people that do the chocolate body, like the bar weightlifting.
Yeah, this is her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me see.
That's a real picture of her?
That's a real picture of her.
That's her Facebook.
That's her Facebook profile picture.
She's a white girl.
God, she's beautiful, huh?
Yeah.
So that's the oldest sister.
She's black fishing.
Wow.
And so that's like fishing for black people.
Like you're trying to catch them or something?
So I don't know what she's trying to catch.
Yeah, that's interesting.
I never, like, we had a lot of, like, when I was growing up, they just called them kind of wiggas, you know?
So like, we had like a lot of wiggas back in the day.
And it was like, you know, you'd see like it was a lot of first gingers were doing it, you know?
Yeah.
Cause I think they were so white that it almost is like a like it's everything's a spectrum.
So I think if you get so white, you're almost back around to being black.
And then sometimes you would see the black guy that's white.
You ever see that guy?
Oh, yeah.
Logic.
Yeah, but I'm not talking like log, like just, you know, I'm talking about the guy who like the guy that looks like, you know, when you go see the tigers and they have that white tiger and you're like, oh, wow.
Yeah.
Like sometimes there's the black guy that has, that's complete, but that's white, you know?
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
It's like somebody trapped in a, yeah, it's like, I don't know what you would call it.
He's a black guy with white skin.
He looks complete.
It's almost like they took a black guy and they put him white.
I've seen a couple of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's crazy, right?
So it's like a little, yeah, it's like a, it's almost like something that God got like somebody for Christmas or something.
Like, God's like, I'm going to make something real special for somebody.
Yeah.
It's like a unicorn.
Yeah.
And he made that.
Yeah.
So anyway, so yeah, that's, we're talking about your sister, right?
Oh, yeah, family, crazy family.
That's my family.
Okay, so you got a sister that's really out there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got it.
I got, they're all out there.
I have one good sister.
I have another sister.
They're all good or they're not good.
No, I have one good sister.
Okay.
Okay.
And then I got two.
So we have the blackfisher.
And then we have the next one in age.
She's crazy.
She got gastric bypass surgery.
Oh, yeah.
And it fucked her up.
Ooh.
Yeah.
It fucked her up pretty bad.
She drives a Vespa and she's a lesbian.
She's crazy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
She wears sunglasses all day.
All day.
She's insane.
But that one, that one, she means well, but she's not doing well now.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then we got my good sister.
And then I found out I had a brother when I was 12. No way.
And what did they do?
They just like pulled the curtain back and they're like, here he is.
He showed up.
It was crazy.
The Blackfisher, they met on Facebook.
They met on Facebook.
Her and the brother?
Yeah.
Because my dad put the brother up for adoption when he was like 15 or something.
So the Blackfisher found this brother and brought him to Thanksgiving when I was 12. Oh.
Yeah.
And he looked just like my dad.
And they were like the same age, pretty much.
Damn.
Yeah.
Wow.
So that's interesting.
So was it chaotic or was it fun?
What was it like?
Was it pretty cool?
It was pretty cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was pretty cool.
But I kind of freaked out.
And y'all were living in Boston?
Yeah.
Living in Boston at the time.
And what town is it y'all were living in?
South Boston.
Okay.
So South Boston is like, what's it like over there?
It's like, it's like all the people.
South Boston used to be all the people that lived in the projects and then they moved like a couple streets over.
Okay.
And we're like, we're doing good.
And is it whites?
Is it brothers?
What is it?
It was pretty white.
Okay.
Yeah, it was pretty white town.
But then I moved out when I was 12, so I have like a split life.
Okay.
Because my dad finally got a job.
Oh, he did?
Yeah.
Nice.
Where do you work at?
He's a mechanic.
Oh, he is?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
My sister used to be married to a mechanic.
Really?
Yeah.
And my mom, I think, almost dated a mechanic one time, but I don't know if she did or not, but we would always, she'd always go there and take the car in and we'd have to sit in there.
Sit in the car?
No, we wouldn't sit.
We would sit outside of the car, but I don't know if he was really fixed in it or if they were just kind of chatting with each other.
They're always chatting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Was your dad like a runaround guy?
Did he have a lot of girlfriends or not?
Yeah.
Well, he was, he was like a raging alcoholic.
And then I was born and my mom was like, ultimatum.
Oh, really?
Her or drinking.
And then he stopped, but he did some other shit.
And then he became a mechanic.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's still a mechanic.
A lot of people that quit doing drugs, they end up, I feel like they get into like mechanicing.
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
So you're in Boston.
That's what you're doing, right?
And did you graduate from high school?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I graduated from high school.
And what happened before that?
Like, when did you get like when, did you start dating or whatever?
Like, when were you, when does that happen?
Like in.
I'm a bad, I, I'm a bad dater.
I didn't start dating until I was like a senior, a senior in high school.
Really?
Why not?
I was molested by a lot, like three separate, three separate lesbians when I was younger.
And that's why I can't, my second sister, just, well, I shouldn't say her name, but my second sister, she's a lesbian.
I was terrified of her.
My neighbor, Olivia, two of the girls.
So I would spend all my summers in the trailer park because that's what my dad would just drop me off and then he'd go be a mechanic and my mom was working.
And there was two separate lesbians at the trailer park.
And what do you think about it?
And I'm sorry to hear that.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
I think I'm better.
But one night stands scare me.
I can't have a one-night stand because it's bringing me back.
Like, it's a one-time thing.
Oh.
It's a one-time thing.
And the lesbians did that, huh?
Yeah, I guess their pedophiles are lesbians, but yeah, lesbians don't get as much pet.
They don't get it like that pet.
They don't get called a pedophile that much.
No, no.
Yeah, they just got called lesbians.
So when do you get like your first brazier or whatever?
Like, do they, and how do you even get that?
Do they like mail it to you or something?
Like, how do you even get like.
You got it.
I stole my first one.
Really?
Yeah.
I stole my first one.
I was scared.
So I don't have a good relationship with my mom.
So I was going to be like, mom, let's go get a bra.
Yeah.
I was like, Talia, my best friend.
Let's go to mom.
Let's steal bras.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We sold thongs.
We sold bras.
I didn't need one, though.
I still didn't.
I got a boob job.
So I didn't ever need one.
Yeah.
Were you just very more lean chested kind of?
Yeah.
It was lean.
There was nothing there.
Damn, buddy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Buddy.
That's what everyone called me.
Yeah.
It was buddy.
Like, damn, little brother.
Yeah, little brother.
It's like, fuck.
Yeah, I always, I guess I never, well, I never wondered that, but I guess I was just thinking about that.
Yeah.
Like, do you, how do you get a bra if you're a girl?
Like, you know, it's like the government like mail you like your first bra or is it like they give you this book actually in fifth grade they gave all these girls a book and it like shows you all the different size of nipples and all the different size of boobs and then it shows you where you can go yeah it's the best book ever wow it was cool yeah teaches you about like periods and stuff it does everything everything and who gives it to you a parent gives it to the child i'm sure no it was um it was always the it was the nurse oh at school yeah it was at school yeah it wasn't parent thing
i'm trying to think of what happened at our school we came in and they had like a man in there they would always get like the most trustworthy man at school who had like five or six kids and everybody knew his wife you know and i remember we came in and this time he had on sunglasses and he was it was like his first time teaching sex ed and i think he was so embarrassed he like didn't want to be seen doing it or something but we know it's him right because he's taught us other classes yeah yeah we've seen him and he was up there just like pointing
at all the stuff and everything and uh people are losing their mind you know like when kids like jerking off in the corner like there's people like wait did you have a jerker did you have a jerker like did you ever see the kid jerk off in class let me think oh yeah yeah we had this one class where people would it was like the thing to kind of jerk off in your book oh wow what class was that uh i don't know no i think it was just class class
there's any class yeah it was like one of those classes you're like oh what is this class about like three quarters of the way through the class you're like what is this class about jerking off in the book well i remember people when they had a book, yeah, and people would try, like, the goal, I think, was by the end of the year to have somebody, like the conglomerate of youth in the group, to have jerked off in every page, like to completely like turn the book into like a xylophone.
It's an accordion.
Yeah, an accordion, yeah.
Like by the end, you could fucking play it or a fat Italian guy to fucking, you know, make it a beautiful Mother's Day for your mother.
So, um, but yeah, I remember that thing got passed around until it started to look like it, like, kind of like a.
Did you hit it?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I definitely did a good job on that deal.
Everybody did.
It was almost kind of cool at the end of the year.
It was almost like having somebody sign your yearbook.
Oh, yeah.
But it was all men.
Okay.
That was kind of the sad part, you know?
And you couldn't even fit it in your book bag anymore.
It was too big.
Oh, dude, it was gross.
Yeah, that's gross, man.
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Oh, dude, it was gross.
Yeah, that's gross, man.
But yeah, so yeah.
So you go into SexEd and then what happened?
Then they just show you the video of someone giving birth.
Oh.
Immediately.
That was really all the, yeah, immediately.
It was just a full-on birth and it was like, oh, so hairy.
And it was so, and they made fifth grade.
That's too young, I think.
Yeah.
Right?
You don't even have to do that.
And it's completely naked.
Completely naked.
Oh.
Yeah.
And they even showed the faces and the dad was holding the hand and everything.
The dad was?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
And I always wonder who is that woman?
Like who do you think?
In the video.
And what, the video, the woman who was what?
Giving birth.
Yeah, like who the we want to show this to every 12-year-old mother.
How much do you think she got paid to do that?
It's got to be, she really needed that, right?
I mean, that's got to be crazy.
That's got to be crazy.
The craziest part is if she's at a party or something and somebody's like, hey, do you guys remember Janet?
And they're like, no, how would we know her?
And then somebody's just like, right here.
Yeah, does this ring a bell and they just like, oh, yeah.
Throw a watermelon out from behind their leg.
Yeah, that's a woman that had to do that.
I wonder if they even put her in the credits at the end.
No way.
They didn't even blur her out.
That's what I'm saying.
They showed her whole family.
Her whole family.
Everyone was in the middle of the day.
The family's all standing ground.
They're holding hands.
The dad's fainting.
It's crazy.
Fifth grade.
Janet is nuts.
Dude, it reminds me of that.
They had this TV show called Hands on a Hard Body, or it was a movie, right?
It was like they told these people in Mississippi, if you all show up at like this Walmart and like put your hand on this.
Like it was a vehicle.
It was like a Dodge.
It was like a Jeep, like a it was kind of like a Ford escort, Ford Explorer.
Okay.
It's like SUV.
Okay.
Like if you show up at this, if you show up at this small, you put your hand on this SUV, the last person with their hand on gets to keep the SUV, right?
So that was it.
That was the rule, right?
So people showed up and people are fucking washing their hand and fucking being all fired up.
People are doing like this and getting their hand ready, you know, and shaking hands and fucking hive hive and doing this, just little tricks that don't mean anything and just getting their hands ready.
And then, so then they started off.
They put like everybody's got their hand on the car, right?
Like two minutes in, one dude's like, he takes his hand over.
He's like, I'm going to win this bitch.
Like they're interviewing him and his hands are off because he went like that.
It's like, you're fucking out of here.
So like by 30 hours, like people haven't slept.
There's like nine people left.
And there's this one brother on there and they keep saying to him, man, you're going to win.
He's like, yeah, my friend's bringing me on Nestle bar.
When he gets here with that bitch, it's a wrap, right?
He's like, when I get my sugar up, bro, it's a fucking wrap for all these bitches, right?
And the other bitches, just like a senior, like an old lady who may be dead.
She's like, they just leaned her against the back of it.
And like two other people.
Anyway, the guy gets there, he hands in the next part, he takes his hand off to fucking get it, and he's out.
So, anyway, that kind of reminds me of like everybody beating around the mom, like with their hands on her, you know?
Yeah, that's beautiful.
It is kind of beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
And so that's how you were born.
Oh, no, that's Sex Ed.
That's Sex Ed.
That's the same thing.
Yeah.
That's how I was born, fifth grade.
And did you like, and then, so you had a boyfriend in senior high school, you said?
Yeah, that's when I got into the dating, senior of high school.
And did y'all go to a dance or anything like that?
Did y'all go to prom?
No, no.
I met him.
I met him on a cruise ship when I was 16, and he lived in Ohio.
Oh, so it was a long distance thing.
It was a long distance.
But then I backed up and I moved to Ohio.
For this man?
I went to school in Ohio.
No way.
College in Ohio, yeah.
And where'd you stay at?
Oh, you had a dorm right?
I had a dorm, yeah.
And then I broke up with him because I was like, this is weird.
He was way older than me.
It was weird.
What school?
Well, that's probably not that crazy, but what school was the, what school were you guys at?
He didn't go to my college, but I went to, it was called Baldwin Wallace.
Baldwin Wallace?
Cleveland.
It was a small liberal arts school.
Okay.
So you were artistic and you liked doing artsy stuff?
Because why do you go there then?
Because I'd followed him.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I was fucked and then I was stuck there.
Oh.
Yeah.
And where were you working at?
Where was I working at?
I was a nanny.
You were?
I was a nanny, yeah.
Oh, God.
Where are those kids now?
That's crazy.
Yeah, I don't know.
They got their hand on a truck somewhere.
Dude, I had to freaking, I didn't nanny or whatever, but like some guy from the gym hired me to watch his kids for like two weeks, bro.
It was fucking so unreal.
What were they like?
It was horrible.
Well, I remember like, I feel so bad about this, but I like found like a bunch of porn at the parents' house or whatever.
And like, so I was just, I was torn between like, you know, making sure these kids got off to school and stuff.
And then like, like, just looking at different pornography that they had at the house.
But what was the guy like?
The dad?
The dad was a nice guy.
I'd seen him since later on down the line.
Everything seemed pretty, pretty cool.
Nice kids.
Kids were cool, you know.
They're good now?
Yeah, they were good then.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
There was no, I didn't affect him in any way.
How do you talk to kids?
Like, do you know how to talk to kids?
I think I talk to them like adults, really.
Okay.
You're just like, what's up?
Yeah, I think.
I feel like if you get a kid and you know, if you look at, if you really, they seem like some of them are fucking idiots, you know, but some of them seem like they know what's up.
You know?
Yeah.
Okay.
So what else happened then?
All right.
So you're in school.
Where are you working at?
I'm working now.
I'm at someone's house.
I was a nanny.
Okay, you're in?
I was a nanny.
I was in school.
I was pre-med though.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, so you're smart then?
Yeah, I was biochem major.
Wow.
So I was doing all right.
I was doing all right, but I wasn't like, I wasn't that good.
I was like bottom of the class, but I still like a 3-2.
Okay, 3-2 is good, though.
A 3-2.
And I wanted to be a PA.
So I wanted to go to a PA school.
And what is it, PA?
A physician's assistant.
So it's like the least time in medical school, but you make the most money.
So I wanted to do that because I only had to go to two years of med school after.
But then I started making TikToks.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I started making TikToks.
You went from pre-med to TikTok?
Fast.
Okay.
And was your first TikTok like at the pre-was it involving like medical stuff or notice, whatever?
No, I was just, I was hungover.
That was my thing.
I was the hungover girl.
Oh, now I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is your thing.
You're always like hungover.
You're always hungover.
Dang.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're always hungover and having to like travel.
You're always hungover and having to like go back into the world and deal with whatever's going on in your life.
You're like, this is how you like, yeah, this is how you like.
It's kind of like a problem.
This is how you put your neck braids back on if you fucking had too many white claws at a prosthetic conference, you know?
Like there's a, yeah, now I realize I didn't realize it before.
Yeah, that's what it was.
Now I see, yeah, it's like, oh, okay, this is how it goes.
Interesting.
Yeah, so I was a hungover girl.
Okay, so you're the hungover girl, you're doing TikToks.
But then do you feel like you have to get fucked up, though?
Yeah, for sure.
Because that was my, that's why people followed me.
So I was like, I've always got to be drunk whenever, when people meet me, because I'm socially awkward.
And on social media, I'm not socially awkward.
So when people meet me and I'm sober, they're like, whoa, you're weird.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why?
You don't seem weird right now.
I don't know.
I feel like when I meet people out, they want me to be so like crazy and over the top, but I'm not crazy and over the top in real life.
So that's what, so I was just drunk all the time.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You seem like an alcoholic that like fucking like commandeered like an urban outfitter is a lot of times to me.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, a little bit.
But I mean, and I mean that in like the sweetest way possible.
No, that was sweet.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Is it because you feel like you make the best stuff when you're hungover?
Like you make like your brain is the most creative then or something?
Or what do you think?
Well, I was just, I was just in college, so I was always hungover.
So I just started making videos.
Oh, okay.
I just was hungover all the time.
And I didn't think anyone was going to follow me.
That's why I just, I made my shit chicken fry.
And I'm stuck with it.
Oh, yeah.
Stuck with it.
Yeah, because I was thinking, I remember asking David, I thought it was like a Native American thing, you know?
I know you did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I was trying to think, because I grew up around, they had a lot of Native Americans boss.
There's a river in my town.
It's called the Chufuncta River.
And it's named after the Chufuncta Indians, right?
But they got their name because a long time ago, one of them threw like a big rock into the water.
Okay.
And that's a sound that it made when it went in.
Yeah.
And that's what they call themselves.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah.
Kind of interesting.
Oh, then I should say that I should make up a cool story about chicken fry.
It's not a cool story.
What do you think I should say?
Because everyone asks me And it's not a cool story.
Yeah, I think it sounds like it could have some chicken fry.
It sounds like it could have some like maybe some African history to it or some native history.
You know, it sounds like it could have a chef, you know, maybe Emerald.
Maybe you relate it to like Wolfgang Puck or that, whatever that guy's name is.
But I'm trying to think of what else you could do with it.
Yeah, why don't you something cool?
Yeah, I'm trying.
I know.
I need you.
You're not doing anything.
You're telling me to do it.
I need you.
Okay.
What about, what would other Native American names be for like the other people at Barstool?
Ooh, like, ooh.
Do you think they all start with ch?
Oh, do you think they all start with like a ch sound?
It's the ch tribe.
We got, uh, oh, cha-ching.
Maybe.
Yeah, cha-cheng.
Because he gambles and he and he sold the business for a lot of money.
Cha-chinga.
Maybe.
Cha-chinga.
Cha-chinga.
Yeah, cha-chinga.
Cha-chinga.
I like that one.
That's a good one.
What about Glenny?
Cheese.
Cheese burger.
Cha-cheese.
Cheese.
Cha-cheese.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely cheese.
Because he went, when he was on here, he was telling me he went to a cheese shop.
He knows a lot of, he knows a man who's a cheesemonger.
Okay.
Who is somebody who like is like basically the Batman of cheese, right?
And so he went and hung out with that.
Like, like, Glenny went to like a fucking, Glenny's like, I'm walking down the street.
Some guy pops out of a cheese shop, like the head of cheese, like Mr. Cheese fucking, like Larry Queso's fucking white boss, you know, like he fucking pops out, you know, fucking Ronnie mozzarella pops out of the back and he's like, this way, son.
And he like took him into the back of like a cheese world.
And then he said he sat at like a beautiful story.
The first story he told me.
He goes, we sat at a beautiful table and the guy keeps bringing out different cheeses and this and that and grew here and grew here and grew everywhere.
Like he's just like, every type of cheese came out, you know?
Oh, that's good.
And then like three hours later, they just like threw him back out into the fucking street.
And he was done.
Never saw him again.
Never saw him again.
Like it all didn't even happen.
Oh, that must have been a good day for Glenny though.
Oh, it was, he was so excited, you know?
Yeah.
So he's cheese.
Yeah, he's cha-cheese.
Cha-ching, cha-cheese.
What do you think Caleb would be?
Maybe cha-cheerful.
Oh, he's cha-cheerful.
He is pretty cheerful.
And he wasn't really a quarterback in college.
He was basically the first male cheerleader at the University of North Carolina.
But he doesn't like to say that.
We were out a couple of weekends ago and the owner of a bar, he brought out Caleb's jersey and he made him sign it.
He brought it out to him.
He's like, I'm just like, I really respect you.
You got to sign it.
Caleb brings out the Sharpie and he couldn't think of what to write on.
He was so embarrassed.
He was so embarrassed, but he signed it.
It was clean.
It was probably his original jersey and it was still clean.
I'm sure.
Or he was like, there's only two ever.
I wish you got this because the other one's at my house.
That's funny.
So yeah, maybe Chi-Cheerful.
I don't know if Chi-Cheerful is exactly it.
Not saying it's not.
I feel like he's like a cha-cha-cha guy.
He's a dancer.
I don't know.
I saw him win $20,000 at a casino and then tried to buy the late the card tender or whatever her name is, Kia Savarento.
A Kia Sorento?
Yeah.
Really?
Was she offended?
Well, he saw at one point he's like, I'm buying this bitch a Kia Sorrento.
And that's when people are like, you got to leave.
Get the fuck out of here.
And literally, you could see how bummed out she was because she knew she was about to get a Kia Sorrento.
But just because he called her a bitch, the pit boss is like, we don't use that language around here.
Oh, fuck.
She's waiting in the parking lot.
It's like, dude, you can call me a bitch if you can get me a fucking Kia Sorrento.
You can call me whatever.
Yeah, she needed that.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Kia Sorrento was also, we had a lot, that Kia company, they named their cars, I feel like, after a lot of like black girls that went to my high school.
Kia Sophia, Kia Sorrento.
What's the other ones at?
Kia Forte.
Optima.
Oh, yeah.
Kia Optima?
Dog, you telling me Kia Optima didn't fucking play basketball for the women's basketball team at my high school?
You out of your mind, cuz.
Bill, that's my sister.
That's Kia Ota.
Kia Optima.
Yeah, it is.
And she's like, ah, Kia Optima.
But she's driving to Chrysler 300.
So does she throw up gang signs and stuff, or what is she like?
I stay away from her.
She's crazy, man.
She's so crazy.
There was a whole time she was on, she's been doing, she was going through it all.
She was on, there was a period of time.
Shit, dude.
No, but there was a period of time where she was doing meth or something.
And she thought she shaved her head.
She shaved it because she thought there was people talking to her.
It was sad.
But then she like, she dropped off her TV at my house, all of her phones.
She's like, they're listening.
You got to take it.
She was deep, huh?
Yeah, she was deep.
But she's good now, but it was crazy to watch.
Wow.
Yeah.
But she's blackfishing sober.
And so blackfishing is when you try to go to the black side.
You try to be black?
I think, yeah.
Or you want to be perceived as black.
But then if anyone were to be racist, you'd be like, take a makeup wife and be like, I'm white.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think sometimes, man, when I was young, I related to a lot of the black kids so much I would.
But then when it came down to it, one time, me and this, my friend Devin, we were fishing and he was black and some white kid guy was throwing rocks up from this railroad track down by us.
We were fishing on this bank and he started calling us the N-word, right?
And I was like, not me, you know what I'm saying?
Just Devin.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you know, like, I was like, I was down with Devin until that part.
And then I realized, like, I mean, fuck, the guy throwing rocks.
You know, the guy's a piece of shit.
But at the same time, like.
That ain't me.
Yeah, don't include it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that's when I realized I'm only there, you know, he was my friend and I was going to rock with him.
So you wouldn't blackfish?
I wouldn't blackfish.
Yeah.
I would fish with blacks.
Yeah.
Sorry, I stepped on your joke.
That's okay.
Yeah.
I didn't realize it.
That's a funny joke.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Yeah, so you wouldn't blackfish, no?
No, but I would fish with blacks.
Yeah.
Wait, what's it like hanging out with comics?
Are comics cool?
Do You like them?
You like yourself?
Oh, I don't know about that.
Let's start with other people.
That's safe.
Okay.
Let me think.
Do I like hanging out with comics?
Yeah, I think comics are intrinsically kind of lone, but like, or do they do a lot of stuff by themselves?
So I think.
Well, yeah, I feel like comics always want this big, like, oh, we're so, we're so dark and sad and lonely, but like, are they?
Every single one of them?
I don't know.
I think a lot of them have, a lot of them probably have a lot of like strange stuff or weird things that they, that they ended up needing to go get people to look at them, you know?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I think so.
So I think some of them probably have some dark stuff like that, you know?
I bet some of them probably have some pretty dark things.
So I think there's probably some truth to that.
But I think also now there's, there's a lot more like people that are funny from like TikTok, from like short clips, from like different things like that.
So I think you're getting like a lot more, like, I don't even know if, like, I don't know if there's as many, if I'm starting out now as a comedian, I wonder, do I try and get on stage, which is where you learn to be a comedian, right?
Or do I just try and get in front of my phone?
That's true.
Well, also, as, because you do stand-up and everything, do you, do you like respect the people that start on TikTok?
Because I know a lot of stand-up comics that are like, they hate people that start on TikTok and then bring a crowd to a show.
That's a good question.
I remember I got jealous when there was a lot of YouTubers.
There was like Roman Atwood, Dennis.
Roman and Dennis were partnering with Dennis Rode.
FoozyTube.
Some of those guys were touring and going to comedy clubs, right?
And they would do their shows during the day even a lot of times.
And I was envious, really.
I mean, I was jealous, you know, because they were having more success.
Like, you had comics who'd been on the road for like nine years going to these clubs.
And then these guys were showing up and having their audience come see them at a comedy club.
So I think that's what made it a little strange for.
So it's the comedy club.
Well, it was like, oh, you're doing it at our space.
Yeah, okay.
But those clubs just happened to be kind of the size for the audiences they were bringing.
So that's, I never really thought about why there was a, there was like, in the beginning, there was like some angst towards, from me anyway, I think a lot of people felt that way.
A lot of comedians felt that way.
There was angst towards some of the vloggers.
Yeah, for sure.
Because I was like, fuck, they're son at my club for like a five o'clock show because some of their audience would be children.
So they do a daytime show.
Yeah.
And then they do a daytime show.
Were they doing comedy, though?
Or they were just getting up there and they would get up on stage and like shoot a t-shirt cannon or something, you know?
Okay.
Or fucking, you know, or do like a cheer.
I don't know what they were doing.
Yeah, like body rolls and shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they were doing body rolls, dude.
Which is way weird to do for a fucking bunch of children.
So weird.
They still do that.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
I guess there's people still body rolling on.
Oh, they're still body rolling.
Why?
I don't know.
Because it sells.
It works.
I mean, look, look at them.
They were selling out the comedy store.
It works.
You were up there all mad.
That's true.
And I was outside.
I was waiting for my show, which was at seven o'clock that nobody was coming to.
I'm like, these motherfuckers.
You're out there hitting it on the street kind of body roll.
So yeah, yeah.
You're like, it doesn't look natural.
Put on that nelly.
So I think there could be some angst about it.
I think at that time there was probably some angst about it.
But now I think that it's almost like you go there first.
Yeah.
A lot of comedians aren't thinking that you go to the stage first.
I think there's some, if you're a comedian right now who does, who's working really hard in the clubs, but you're having trouble on social media, it must be extremely frustrating.
I'd be mad.
I'd be mad.
Because there's, well, I mean, a lot of the stand-up comics that do like TikTok first, they just have their few clips that go viral and then people will come see them and they won't be funny.
Right.
Yeah.
That's another problem I think is scary if you get more popular than where you can support it with your own comedy.
Yeah.
I see that a lot.
You do?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I went to, I see a bunch of people because I follow, I mean, I'm friends with a bunch of influencers and TikTokers.
So I'll follow them on TikTok and like, I'll see their stand-up on TikTok.
And then you go see them and it's like those same jokes that went viral.
That's like their two big hits in the show.
And then the rest is just like a lull.
Yeah.
But I think some people, I don't even know if like a real young audience, if they even know like that there is this whole stand-up comedy thing or do they just think I'm going to go see these two hits.
I'm going to have a blast while I'm there.
I'm going to capture it on my phone on socials and then that's going to be that.
Well, yeah, they must not because they keep going.
Like the lines are around the block and stuff.
So I guess like a live podcast is what they think it is.
Yeah.
But there's something really special about seeing if there's somebody you watch on TikTok and social media and you enjoy them, right?
There's somebody on a podcast or something.
I've sat in the audience.
I've like sat in the audience before and been like, oh man, this is so cool.
I watch this guy involved in their life or this girl, and then I get to be in the same room as them.
Sometimes there's part of it, it doesn't really matter what they're saying.
Like it'd be great if the material is also great, but just being in the same room as them, it's almost like you get like a moment like in like in reality.
It's cool.
It's cool.
Because they're always on a screen right in front of them.
And then they're right there.
It's like, oh, this is cool.
It's kind of like you for me.
Oh, that's true, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, because we never even seen each other.
I felt like I was like, this morning, I was like, yeah, I can't remember the last time that I saw this lady.
And then I was like, oh, I never saw this lady.
I never saw this lady.
I never saw her.
I kind of felt the same way.
I was like, I feel like I saw this guy before, but I never saw this guy before.
Yeah, I never saw this guy.
No, no.
But I know some of you are, even just watching you, like I see some of you, just like some of your mannerisms are the same, which makes sense Because that's you.
Okay, so what happened then?
You were in high school.
Oh, yeah, I was in high school.
And you got a boyfriend in your senior year.
Did y'all fall in love, you think?
Oh, and then you moved to Ohio for the man.
Yeah.
Wow.
So you were in love then.
I was in love.
I think so.
And did y'all get engaged at all?
No, crazy.
No.
No way.
But yeah, I moved there.
I think I was.
Pregnancy scares or not?
Oh, I think I'm infertile.
Okay.
There you go.
Yeah.
I know.
Oh, little No Easter over here, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's tough.
She already got that No Easter on her.
Oh, man.
But no, no, no pregnancy scares.
But I was dating him for two years and I realized I don't know why I went to school for this man.
I don't know why I went to Ohio out of everywhere.
So I broke up with him, but I stayed in Ohio.
Okay.
And then I got another boyfriend in Ohio.
Okay.
And are you that kind of person?
You jump from boyfriend to boyfriend?
Yeah.
Really?
I'm a relationship girl.
You are?
Yeah.
But do you leave any time?
No.
Always an overlap.
Every time.
So you are.
Okay.
That's not called an overlap.
That's called cheat.
I think it's, I don't know what the term for it is now.
What do they call it, Zach?
Overlap.
Might be cheating.
Might be cheating.
Overlap.
Yeah, they used to call it cheating.
Okay, now they call it overlap.
Okay.
Yeah.
Dang.
That's interesting.
There's been a few.
Yeah, there's, well, there's only been a few overlaps.
Do you let the men meet each other like in passing?
Like, is there like a moment where you get out of one car and into an like, you know, is there that, at least give the men that moment?
The first, there was a, the first one, yeah, there was an overlap meeting.
Really?
Yeah.
No way.
What happened?
Well, because I usually just, I just date my friends.
So like we'll be in the same friend group and then they'll all know each other.
There will always be that overlap.
And the guy, the guy I'm dating currently usually can tell that I'm going to want to date the friend.
No way, really?
Yeah, but I'm saying like always.
It's been like three times.
Okay, yeah.
It's been like three overlaps.
But that seemed like a pretty decent amount.
I think like I'm not a detective or anything, right?
I don't even know any detective.
I mean, I know one guy.
He's not a detective, but he'll fucking, he'll find out.
But when he hears this, he will, you know, but definitely.
What were you talking about?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dude.
You got to fucking let them meet each other.
Sometimes, yeah.
Yeah, just like.
And it seemed like you might have a problem then.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think you do?
Yeah.
Well, I just have commitment issues.
Oh, yeah.
You know, come on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just have commitment issues.
So I feel like I'll be in these relationships and I'm so worried.
Aren't you so worried?
Do you want to get married?
Not today, if that's what you're asking.
Oh, yeah.
I thought you were asking me.
No, I have I would like to get married.
Yes.
But I think if I want to get, I'm so scared you get married.
And then like three weeks into the marriage, you find that person that's like, oh, that's, I should have married that guy.
You can't do that, though.
That's why I don't, I know, yeah.
See, that's.
Well, yeah, but there's always going to be more that guys, you know?
I know.
But do you.
Let me think about it.
So you get into a mirror.
All right.
You walk down the aisle, everything, right?
Everybody's singing.
Fa la la la la la.
Everybody's having a blast, right?
You partying.
The car pulls up.
The mafia car, you get in.
Takes you guys only two blocks away.
Then you get back and walk back out.
It's just for pictures, but still, right?
You're off, right?
You did the wedding thing.
There's a fucking guy with a Tommy gun.
Somebody's stepdad is out there fucking shooting at the moon, right?
Because he's been doing Coke at the fucking nuptials.
But whatever, everybody's fucking having a good time, right?
And then two weeks later, yeah, you're out of Buka de Beppa or something with your husband.
You fucking see.
There's a waiter and you're like, oh, I should have married that guy.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's a waiter, maybe the chef, something.
Okay.
I'm just worried.
I just get worried you married the wrong person.
That's scary.
Right.
It is.
Yeah.
It's real scary.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Did you ever go to therapy about it?
Do you really think that or not?
Yeah, no, I really think that.
Fuck, dude, because then your husband, how is he always going to be able to make sure that he's the right guy then?
I know.
Well, I think it was because, so when I was talking about earlier, my parents, I've never, they were married for 18 years, my first 18 years of my life, but I never even saw them kiss.
Not one time, 18 years.
I don't even think they hugged, not even a smile.
So I have this whole thing that marriage is terrible.
So I'm trying to turn the leaf.
I'm trying to, I'm trying to think maybe, maybe it's okay.
You're trying to evolve there.
Yeah, I'm trying to evolve in that.
Yeah.
In that aspect.
You need like a new, like a springtime in your heart.
Yeah.
A prima vera.
That's what they call it.
Okay.
In Spain.
Primavera.
I need that.
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You know, I got therapy today, actually.
Just remembered, got therapy today at 6 p.m.
I'm going to do that therapy.
Be a therapy, baby.
Be a therapy boy.
You know, I need help.
I quit pretending I don't.
I quit pretending I can do everything myself.
I never have.
My whole life, I've always thought I'm doing this alone.
I'm not.
There's other people helping me, whether I realize it or not.
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Yeah, I think I, yeah, I only saw my mom and dad kiss one time.
My dad kissed my mom on the top of her head.
Okay.
It was one of our birthdays or something.
And my mom let him.
That was a crazy thing.
Yeah.
Like the whole time my dad's lips were getting close to her head, we're all like, somebody's going to get the fuck beaten out of him.
We knew it, dude.
And they got too close.
Whoa.
And I remember reaching over, and my mom had like this fancy cake cutting tool.
And it, like, it was an old-fashioned one.
It had these prongs that went straight down.
It was almost like a pick, like a hair pick.
Okay.
And there were sharp metal ones.
And it was like a, she probably got it.
Somebody had died and she got it.
Right.
And so I knew, I fucking remember reaching for that thing and just moving it out of her way.
Like as I saw my dad's lift towards her head, I'm like, somebody's going to fucking get hurt.
She was going to die, but she took it.
Yeah.
I was like, my dad's about to fucking lose that brain cake that he's got, bro.
She's going to fucking slice that thing up.
But she had had half a cup of champagne and she fucking took it.
Okay.
So that's the only time you saw them kiss?
Yep.
And that was love, man.
That was my definition of love right there.
There was like weaponry.
There was a lot of uncomfort.
There was a lot of uncertainty if it's okay.
There was a lot of like tons of fear around.
I mean, yeah, I think that's the only, that's the closest I ever saw my parents get.
And then my dad, he had to sleep on the couch.
I thought he lived on the couch, right?
My dad, too.
Really?
My dad lived on the couch.
Yeah.
And then he moved to the basement because it was darker down there.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And I remember I was like, the one time I was like, my, oh, they're doing well is when my mom would let me sit in the back seat.
But like when we would travel together, usually I would sit in the front seat and my mom would sit in the back and my dad would drive.
But when my mom sat in the front, I was like, oh, maybe they're doing good.
They're doing a lot of money.
They're doing good.
Yeah, it was good.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, moving to the basement is almost like, cause it's darker down there.
It's almost like, I want to kill myself, but I'm going to stay alive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was one of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
I remember at Christmas, we would have to go out to the Christmas tree that was out there by my dad, right?
So we're like, fucking dad is guarding the tree.
But my dad was, you know, my dad was very old when I was born.
He was 70 when I was born.
So at this time, he was like 76 or 75, right?
How old was your mom?
My mom was 32. So they had 38 years difference, which is a lot of time.
It's a lot of time.
And anyway, we would have to sneak out like past my dad, right?
And sometimes he would fucking wake up and ask us like, what was going on?
And we're like, it's fucking Christmas to him and shit.
Like he didn't know what the fuck was going on.
Was he like, because he was so, was he like senile?
He was getting kind of senile, yeah.
I remember one time we went trick-or-treating and we got all dressed up and we let, and my dad, sometimes my mom, like, she would make my dad do things, but she knew he couldn't do them, right?
So it was like, she would kind of set him up for failure in a weird way.
She'd be like, I need you to get the kids Halloween costumes and bring them home tonight's Halloween, right?
So my dad, he liked to drink sometimes and park his car in the ditch, right?
Those were like two of his favorite things to do.
And so he would come home with the Halloween costumes and it would be shit like me and my brother were both raggedy and right.
So like just whatever he fucking found, like no, it was always the worst Halloween costume.
Like one can of like spray paint one time.
It wasn't even like the stuff you're supposed to put on the kids or whatever.
Oh, dude.
One of my sisters had a fucking pigtail that I remember mom had to cut off and we kept it for like 15 years.
I had the same witch costume for like 12 years and it started not fitting anymore and it was so itchy.
I was like, please, can I be something else, please?
And then I was a milk cart and I had to paper-mâché it.
It was so bad.
Dude, you're not even a witch at that point.
You're just an itch.
Scratching it.
I was itching so bad.
But then I remember we went, we were finally got out and we get out and go trick-or-treat.
And we came back then.
We're like, we're going to come back to our own house.
We're going to surprise dad, right?
So we go up to the door, we knock, he opens the door and he just gives us candy.
He doesn't even fucking realize that it's us.
He fucking gave us candy out of the bowl.
He just were good.
And just wished that he had, we just left like 22 minutes ago in the costumes that he fucking bought us, dude.
Yeah, with my sister's fucking rock hard big tail like this.
You're covered in spray paint.
I was like, God, he doesn't even know.
That's crazy.
It was interesting.
So what happened then?
So you're making TikToks.
People are like, she's attractive.
She's creative.
There's something charming about her.
We don't know what it is.
She doesn't know what it is, but we love it, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
Okay.
It was more of the girls.
The girls love me.
So my whole demographic is like, I think it's 92% female.
Really?
Yeah.
And the newest 8% was only since I got a boob job.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Guys hate me.
Barcelon hates me.
Really?
The whole demographic hates me.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
I shouldn't have had you on then.
I know.
I know.
That's why I'm like, why am I here?
Well, Dave, I respect Dave's Eye for Talent.
He said this girl.
No, he loves me.
I mean, I brought a new demographic to Barstool.
What demographic was it?
All the girls.
All the girls.
People that had been molested, basically.
By lesbian pedophiles and a blackfishing sister with a choice of 300.
That's who I brought to buy Barstool.
But no.
Well, I was the top creator at Barstool last month.
So, I mean, sleeping has to be doing good.
Nice.
So we're right on trend then.
Yeah, no, we're good.
We're good.
I didn't know what you were doing with me here.
Yeah, no, I don't know.
I mean, I know what I'm doing.
We wanted to meet you because we don't know you.
And yeah, we wanted to learn about you.
I think we're doing that.
Okay.
Yeah, we just learned about Glenny Balls not long ago, and it was so much fun.
It was honestly one of the funnest interviews I've ever had.
Really?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's just something about the guy.
And he came out to my, he came out to the show the other night out in Westbury.
He had like four of his friends with him.
Remind me Zach to send a picture too so we can put it in.
And that was great.
They were all going, they were, yeah, driving, I think, Canada or something, like for some rare meat festival or something or something, you know?
They were doing something.
Somebody was opening up like a special olive shop or something somewhere.
Windsor, Ontario or something.
Yeah, they're fucking driving along.
When you meet somebody who's driving cross country for a fucking new condiment, it's fucking interesting.
Yeah, that's a good episode.
But there's something so charming about, there's just something, yeah, there's something awesome about that guy.
You know, he pulls girls hard.
Like really hot girls too.
Really?
Yeah, it's cool.
He pulls pork too, huh?
Yeah.
That's just an old pulled pork joke.
That's an old pork.
And I'm just joking, Glenny.
I believe he does.
Well, he's handsome, for one, and his mother loves him.
There's something unique about a guy.
He's a lovable guy, yeah.
Very lovable.
Lovable.
Very fucking lovable.
In fact, I don't even think, yeah, I could see somebody being married to him and they didn't realize that it had.
It's like, oh, damn, I just loved him so much.
Now we're married.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, that's like the guy in passing.
That's them.
That's Glenny.
Yeah, Glenny, yeah, there's just something real special about him.
So anyway, what else were we saying?
We're talking about something and then we kind of went on to that.
We're talking about bar stool.
Let's do this then.
How about if you had to, people do fuck Mary Kill all the time, but what about if you had Glenny?
Okay.
Right?
Frank?
Oh, we don't get along.
Wait till the game.
Wait till I announce all three.
Glenny, Frank, and then Dave.
What the hell?
I think they're, I love it.
All right.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to kill Dave.
I'm going to kill Frank.
Oh, God.
I'm going to kill him.
He ain't going to live that long.
He's going to die.
So we're going to kill him.
Okay.
We're not.
This is you.
You're the one killing him.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I'll probably marry Dave.
Yeah, okay.
Smart.
He's got a lot of Celtic games.
Smart, yep.
And then, oh, I guess that leaves me with Glenny.
For sex?
That leaves me with Glennie for sex, yeah.
It's not bad, though.
No, it's not bad.
What would you do?
It's a summer sausage thing, you know?
Yeah.
Well, would I do those three?
Yeah.
Mary?
I don't know.
I don't think Dave and I would get along that well if we were married.
No.
No.
What would you butt heads about, you think?
And I just think, I mean, I admire Dave.
I look at Dave honestly as kind of like a Paul Revere type of figure.
He's crazy.
He's crazy, but he says what he wants to say.
And he stands by what he wants to say.
If he makes mistakes, he makes mistakes.
But he's brave in that sense.
I really admire that about him.
I'm Team Dave.
I love Dave.
So, yeah, but I don't think we could be.
I mean, I don't want to be married to a man either.
So this game fucking sucks, bro.
I mean, yeah, for me too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But at least you got a man on the other end of it.
Because that's true.
Maybe Frank.
I don't know if Frank, what his like kind of habits are at the house.
I think he's tidy.
I don't know.
You would think so.
You think?
He did a live stream from his apartment, but it's when he first got it.
So it was clean.
He got a dishwasher.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's nice.
Yeah.
I like having a good dishwasher.
Let me think.
I would probably kill.
I don't want to have sex with Dave because I've seen some of his sex videos and some of it seems like too much.
It just seems a lot, especially if I'm a man and he's a man.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if you do the body math, it's going to be a fucking, it's going to be, it's going to be a weird equation.
So I don't want that.
I don't think I want to be a part of that.
Okay.
So kill him?
I guess I would have to kill him, maybe.
Okay.
And then I'll probably marry Glenny.
Yeah.
And then I'd smash Big Frank.
You rather...
I would just fuck you.
So you smash him?
I think I'd have to.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
That's not bad.
I don't think so.
And I don't know him either.
So it could be like, you know, you blindfold everybody.
Everybody.
Me and him.
Yeah, but it seems like there's a lot of him.
I think that's why I said that.
But I think you blindfold everybody and then you just kind of hope for the best.
Yeah, no, he's, yeah, he screams a lot.
He's crazy.
He seems kind of crazy.
So yeah, I think I would just be in and out of there, man.
Hit it and quit it.
Yeah.
And heavy on the quit it.
Yeah.
Keep him blindfolded.
Get out of there.
So, okay, so you quit working at the so then did you quit college completely?
And then how did you get over to New York?
Yeah, I was still in school when the barstool gave me an internship.
So I had an internship for like a week.
In Ohio.
Yeah.
So.
So you were like the barstool girl in Ohio?
Oh, people, you must have been like the, it must have been insane.
You're in college at the time.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, that was cool.
People must have fucking went ape shit.
Yeah, I hated it.
It was so bad.
I stopped going out.
No way.
That is when you go out.
No, I hated it.
I told you, I'm like, so, I'm awkward.
I hated it.
Everyone just wanted to like take pictures and stuff.
And I was, it was so awkward.
Really?
I hated it.
Yeah.
So I stayed home.
And, well, that's when I started my podcast.
I was like, well, I have to do this if I want to do it.
So I was just making a bunch.
I was making like five videos a day.
And then I started my podcast.
Okay.
And then I moved to New York.
And your podcast was what?
Plan Bree.
Plan Bree.
Yes.
You still have it?
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
And then, so then you got your own podcast going.
It's on barstool.
It's on barstool, yeah.
Okay.
And I, uh, and you moved to New York City?
Yeah, I tried to do both.
I tried to do school and barstool, but I realized I was never going to get into PA school with my content.
So I dropped out of school and then I moved to New York by myself.
Wow.
Yeah.
And what did your mom say?
She still doesn't get it.
She doesn't?
She doesn't know.
She's older.
She's like 65. So she doesn't, she doesn't understand what's going on.
But once I started like paying all my own bills, she was just like, this is good.
You can do it.
Okay.
All good.
And yeah, she still has no idea.
She doesn't know what Barcelona doesn't have.
She doesn't even know what a podcast is.
Really?
Yeah, she'll never hear any of this.
Uh-uh.
What does she do then?
Where does she stay?
Is she in a facility?
Is she...
She got a...
She got a double knee replacement.
Yeah.
Dude, you got to fucking, who talked her into that?
She's crazy.
She got a double knee replacement, but she took a look around everyone else and she only, she's brave.
She only took Tylenol after it.
So she's been all laid up.
She goes to the Y every day and swims.
Oh, I love the YMCA.
She's retired.
She's in there every day swimming at the Y. Really?
Every day.
Oh, that's cool.
That's what she does, though.
But she doesn't know what I do.
And she's in Suffolk County?
Yeah, she's in Plymouth County.
Plymouth.
Damn.
They got to go Y up there?
Yeah.
Hanover Y. She loves it.
I love YMCAs, man.
You do?
You go?
Oh, we used to go all the time.
It was like the place we would fucking go, boy.
It's where I learned everything.
Yeah.
I used to get a day pass.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, the poor moms would drop their kids off at the fucking YMCA.
Yeah.
You would walk between there and they would kick you out of there and then you have to go to the library.
I remember being in the library and be like, where can we swim?
And they're like, this is a fucking lobby.
I'm just sneaking to the back with like the daycare, but it's like, it's just like 11-year-old kids watching smaller kids.
They all have smocks on for some reason.
So I just walk in and put a smock on.
I was just there.
And then I would sneak to the pool.
And they never let you go off a diving board, though.
Yeah, yeah.
And they shouldn't.
You know what I'm saying?
Because you're going to fucking drown.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, especially if the person on the diving board looks like the same person who's about to jump off a building.
It's really the same look.
If you ever see somebody about to jump off a building, like, I don't know if I should be doing this.
It's the same look as a kid that shouldn't be going off that board.
He's terrified.
Yeah, dude, the YMCA, man.
I fell in love with a girl there one time because she had tits, right?
Nobody'd ever seen them.
Ever.
I mean, none of our friends.
I remember we came.
We're like, damn, what's wrong with her?
You know, I think she has cancer like on her chest, like beautiful cancer.
You know, because she just had these, you know, she had them growths on her.
We'd never seen it.
And she ended up getting killed years later.
I know.
Wasn't cancer?
I don't know what got her.
That'd be crazy if it was, but she got murdered or she.
What if it was breast cancer that she died of?
I hate to say that because it's very sad and it takes a lot of people, but I wouldn't be shocked if she had so much breast cancer.
How young was she with the breasts?
I mean, I don't know.
We didn't know what they were.
Like, I remember.
Were they like?
Somebody thought she was having twins or something because you saw like two heads coming out of her body.
Were there veins?
We didn't see them that good.
Damn.
I mean, we drew so many pictures of them.
And we fucking guessed what they were like, boy.
We guessed.
Yeah.
Like, I remember we'd shake each other and be like, describe her fucking tits to me.
Like, we were fucking, we really, really were excited, you know?
We couldn't help it.
We were just human males.
How old, when you're a human male, how old do you start getting excited about tits?
Like, when are you like, whoa?
Well, I think there's two things.
One, there's like a physiological part of it.
Physiological, is that a word that physiological?
Physiological.
Your body, you can't help it.
Like, you'll be like, all your blood will run to the, like, all your blood will run to the front of your body if a woman's around.
Like, literally, you'll feel the back of your body just kind of fucking like sag a little.
Like, you're just, yeah, go cold.
Like, you're so, there's just, you can't help that, right?
And so, and that's what happens with your wiener.
Your wiener is just the, it's like the.
Oh, it's a forerunner for it.
Yeah, it's like a, but you know what, on a turkey, whenever it gets warm enough in that thing pop, it's just like that.
It's like, this is, that's like some of the blood's like, hey, we found a way.
Just like, hey, this is as far as we can go, you know?
Oh, yeah, just, yeah, just an arrow.
That's it.
It's like, it's basically like over there.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So, uh, so that happens, but then there's another, there's like a visual thing that kind of happens, I think, when somebody has breath and you start to see them, you know?
And then you're real kind of, so there's that thing going on.
I think there's two things, but I don't know what age it's at.
Just whenever you hit puberty.
But it can be before that if somebody like gets you real visually intrigued.
So you're almost intrigued from like a curious standpoint.
Because you know one day you're going to care.
Right.
Or you just wonder what's going on here.
Something's changing.
I want to know.
I'm curious what's happening.
And then I was at summer camp and they had a guy and he was dating one of the counselors.
And like you said, it was through YMCA.
So it was just like, yeah, they're just like the oldest kids get to fucking watch the other kids.
And he would let us look down his girlfriend's shirt for a little while.
No.
Yeah.
His girlfriend?
Yeah, yeah.
He like kind of got off on it or something at the park.
So I remember, especially if it rained out and there wasn't anything for us to do, he'd let us get in line and look.
Did you look?
Yeah, I looked, dude.
Dude, it was so awesome.
I couldn't even see.
That's how awesome it was.
I would look and I was fucking.
You were done.
I was blinded by my own excitement for it.
Like, fucked.
I'd be like, dude, I didn't see it.
And he'd be like, you just fucking looked.
I'm like, but I fucking didn't see, dude.
You blanked.
Damn, you were so excited.
Oh, yeah, we were.
God.
We were so excited.
Okay, so what happened then?
So you get, so now you're in New York, you're living there.
And who'd you choose to live with and how'd you find a place?
Well, I moved here during COVID.
So no one lived here.
So it was the easiest time to move here.
It was scary, though, because no one was here.
But apartments were half the price.
So I moved in to the shittiest apartment.
It was disgusting.
There was like cockroaches.
There was holes in the wall.
It was so bad.
And I called my best friend and I asked her to drop out of school and move to New York with me.
And she did.
Now, is that a best friend or is that somebody who is a product of the system?
Like, what are we looking at here?
Yeah, well, she works at Barcelona now.
I got her job.
You did?
Yeah.
Oh, wait, what's her name?
Grace.
Oh, I think I've seen her maybe.
She's my co-host.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she's the redhead.
She's Irish?
She's Irish.
She's Irish.
Yeah.
Yeah, beautiful young lady.
She seems like you guys have a lot of good time together.
Yeah, so she's a down girl, but it could have gone really bad.
She was door dashing when she moved here.
Really?
So she could have been a little bit more.
And what do you mean knocking and running off or whatever?
Yeah.
No, no, she was on foot delivering food.
Oh, really?
On foot?
On foot.
Oh, my God.
It was.
On foot.
She would have to go.
I remember it was like Super Bowl Sunday and she had to go from like the top of Manhattan to like a fucking, to fucking try back on foot in her Sorrel snow boots.
She did like, she was on foot for like three hours, but she only made one delivery because she had to go so far.
So far.
Psycho back.
Yeah.
And she still couldn't pay rent.
Yeah, no shit, dude.
Well, she could have if she had been sponsored by Northface, dude.
How fucking far is that trek?
That's gotta be.
It was, it had to have been a three-hour trek on foot.
And she would come home.
And she'd come home.
She'd be like purple.
It was so bad.
It was so bad.
And I'd come home like, I'll get you a job one day.
What about you get there and they're like, you forgot the sauce.
And then you just literally take a sword out and just take your own life right there.
It was close to that.
It was close to that.
Yeah.
It was crazy.
But she's not door dashing anymore.
I got her a job.
She deserves a job, but I got it for her.
Yeah.
I mean, there should be like, I think in the future, so many people do DoorDashing stuff now, you know, I think there will be a competition.
If they're smart, they'll turn into a competition where it's like, how do you get this chaloopa right through these different obstacles and get it to or like some type of way to do it?
If they started to make like a cool, like a series of events out of it.
Yeah, like American Ninja Warrior.
Yeah.
But something, yeah, like a course through the park.
American Ninja Dorier.
Yeah, Doorder.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
No, it's okay.
Let's say a little bit gay.
It's okay.
Dorier.
Dorier.
Because of DoorDash, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, see, it wasn't that good.
It wasn't.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, here's the thing about DoorDash and is...
No.
I'll tell you what I did, though.
I used to do pizza.
I was in pizza sales, right?
Okay.
And the manager or the assistant manager on Sunday, he was a BAC, right?
He's born-again Christian.
Oh, okay.
And so we would do fake orders that came in.
We'd be like, oh, we got a call in from like Ricky Gervais or something, right?
In our town.
It was like a small town, right?
Like out on like Million Dollar Road, right?
Like they had a place by us called Million Dollar Road.
But it would be like middle of nowhere.
And these were real people, real names.
Celebrities, right?
Okay.
but he didn't know any celebrities'cause he was only through the church, Right.
But if you were like Ricky Gervais, he had no idea.
If you were like Sam Elliott, he had no idea, you know?
So he would drive off and go deliver the stuff.
And we would deep fry everything in the place, like any type of meats or even pudding.
If you put it in a deep fryer, it'll fry.
So we had a fry pudding chunks and be drinking just draft beer.
Oh, nice.
And he'd come back, we'd be so fucked up, right?
We'd be just like...
Oh, he'd come rolling back in.
He'd be like, Ricky Gervaise doesn't want his pie.
And we were just ripped at that point.
So he would just be yelling like obscenities and shit at him.
And he'd get all pissed off at us.
So I worked there.
I had to work at, I was court ordered to work at the water treatment facility in our town.
That was like a big thing.
Okay.
What'd you have to do?
Just watch a water.
Okay.
Make sure it was clean.
Get, you know, you would net it and stuff like that, get stuff out of it.
Okay.
Which is pretty crazy because we would miss a lot of stuff too.
But what about yourself?
I worked at a fast food restaurant.
I was a, I was like, the girl that yelled the numbers, but I was to like someone's number.
You'd be like, number 45. But I was too nervous to yell them.
What?
Yeah, I was too nervous.
I was so weird as a kid.
I was like so insecure and scared.
So I wouldn't yell it.
I'd be like, number 45. And I'd just like, I'd like find, I'd like look for people that were like looking, waiting for their order, and I'd just give it to them.
Like, oh, they need it.
Yeah.
And then I was a nanny.
I was a bottle girl.
That was terrible.
Really?
That was terrible.
Was it after you got your breast or not?
That was before.
Really?
Flat bottle girl.
Flat bottle girl.
And I refused.
I was the only bottle girl.
You don't have to have to wear those like leotards.
Yeah.
I refused.
I just wore a dress.
I just wore a dress.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I had like a big bombshell bra.
So it looked like I had something going on.
Right.
But you were in a, yeah, you were kind of like the who's, I'm trying to think of.
That woman who sings that song.
The dog days are over.
You know what I'm talking about?
No idea.
Yeah, you were like the Florence in the machine of the bottle girl.
Okay.
Staff.
Does that make any sense that reference Zach?
Okay, thanks.
She was like kind of like almost a, she had a little bit more of a hippie vibe.
Yeah, yeah.
She was like the one hippie bottle girl.
Yeah, and I would always get the good tables, too.
Really?
Yeah.
I had little John.
Like I would get all the Celtics players and all the like, it was fun, but I hated it.
The girls were mean.
Yeah, they were so mean.
I hated it.
So I quit and then I went to school.
I was a bartender.
Yeah, that bottle girl, it's an interesting industry being caught up in that, I think.
Yeah, it's like it's like real estate agents, because everyone was like, everyone's area was their like real estate, and they were real, they were like real protective over it.
Yeah.
So if you like stepped over to the wrong side of like the dance floor, a girl would come over and she'd like, I got into a lot of tussles.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was scary.
And the, the management doesn't care.
They're just like, give me all your money.
And then you got to stay till six in the morning.
And you got to count all the money.
It's a whole thing.
And are people doing a lot of drugs and stuff, you think?
I was pretty innocent at the time, so I didn't think so, but probably.
Yeah.
Had to have been.
That's the craziest.
Yeah.
You get all drugged up and you got to count all your money and stuff and walk home.
Yeah.
Well, because I remember all the tables, they want you to take shots with them.
Yeah.
But I couldn't.
So I was throwing them over my shoulder.
And I got caught one day.
And then the guy was super mad at me.
He took all the tip money back.
Then I quit.
Really?
Wow.
Yeah.
And so now you have your podcast.
Yes.
You work on BFFs.
Yes.
Which I got to come on.
You did.
It was cool.
It was cool.
I like it on there.
You did?
Yeah.
I would come back on.
Dave hasn't invited me back on.
I know.
I actually heard you wanted to come back on.
I didn't think you liked it.
Really?
Yeah, I was getting a vibe.
It wasn't your vibe.
No, I thought it was pretty fun.
I thought that it was fine.
You know, I got to meet that kid, Josh.
I never met him.
I felt like you were kind of cold.
I remember telling you that, I think.
Yeah.
You know?
I didn't mean to be.
It seemed like you did, but that's just, you know, that's who you are.
Maybe you're just awkward, you know?
Maybe you're just really cold.
I know.
I watched that clip and I'm like, oh, that was tough.
That was tough.
Yeah, people are cold sometimes, you know?
Yeah.
Okay, so then, and you have a new show, too, that you guys are promoting I just saw, right?
Yeah, I just filmed a reality show.
And what is that?
Is that legit or is it just whatever?
It's like, let's be realistic, dude.
It's like, it's through Barstall.
So Barstall does a, Barstall does a bunch of reality shows.
I've been on a few of them.
I did like the most dangerous game show.
They throw you in the woods.
They lock you in like tubs of water.
Oh, wow.
That crazy shit.
But I didn't want to be on them anymore.
So I just, I pitched I'll do one.
And I just, we put 10 influencers in a house and we just made them, we made them go crazy.
And we made them turn on themselves, turn on each other.
And the prize is $25,000.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
So it's like, it's not one of those real ones.
So they're in it for a little bit of bread.
Yeah.
And how long did they stay there for the weekend or something?
They said there for seven days.
Okay.
But we were filming from like 5 a.m.
to like midnight.
And they're all finished now?
Yeah.
The finale comes out the 18th.
So I don't know when this will be out, but.
Got it.
That was a crazy experience.
I did it with Josh.
With Josh Richards.
Yeah.
Do you like being, do you think, like, so what kind of stuff do you like doing?
I mean, obviously you like where you are.
Everything's going good.
And maybe nothing needs to change.
Yeah.
Sometimes there's always this pressure.
Like, what are you going to do?
I know.
Maybe I was even thinking about asking you that, but what do you like to do?
I just got into I got into my first writer's room the other day, actually.
And it was so embarrassing because they had me in and Josh Richards, he's doing like a sketch comedy show.
So I'm trying to get into more writing, behind the scenes type of stuff because I don't really like being on camera.
And we're doing all this writing room.
The two first two hours were good.
And then they started asking me about like dating and like first dates and like random hookups.
And I've never done any of that stuff.
So I just started lying.
I just started lying.
It was so awkward.
Really?
Yeah, it was so awkward.
I just started making stuff.
It wasn't awkward for them because they thought I was telling the truth.
But for me, I was just lying through my teeth and making up all these stories.
And now I'm like, I got to follow the lies.
Yeah, it was bad.
Yeah, I guess if you, if you don't, if you just, yeah.
But can't you just tell them it was a lie?
What is it for?
It was, uh, it was just for like his sketch comedy show.
They were like writing.
They needed like research from women because it's only men on the show.
So it was like field research.
All the people that work on the show are men.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So they brought me in to help, but I didn't have the answers type of thing.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
But I don't know what I want to do in the future.
Like you said, I feel like it's, I'm kind of just chilling.
Yeah.
It's fun.
Having a nice time.
I'm having a nice time.
Yeah.
And what about, do you ever think about nursing again sometime down the future, PAing?
I mean, it's a good backup plan.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, like, yeah, I mean, you could do a million other things, you know, but like I have some friends that are comedians or entertainers.
And then once they get a break, like Joe Rogan says one day he would like to go paint.
You know, he always wanted to paint.
He never got, I mean, everybody wants to damn paint, you know?
Everybody wants to do arts and crafts.
It's like it was the funnest class at school.
It was so fun.
But we all, everybody got caught up doing the other classes, you know?
No, I'd want to do, I'd want to have like a sanctuary, an animal sanctuary.
Oh, God.
A big farm.
What not?
What fucking hashtag are you following, huh?
What do you mean?
Are you following gold diggers with animal sanctuaries?
Are you on that?
Yeah, someone like that.
Every gold, like there's so many chicks out there.
It's like, what do you want to do?
And they're like, I want to have some free-range dolphins in our yard.
Like, there's some bitches out there that are like, I want to help.
People say raccoons are so violent.
They don't, they've never treated them the way I have.
Bitch, if two raccoons fucking get near you and you're fucking Joe's juice, they will beat the living shit out of you.
Yeah, that's true.
No, I want to have my own sanctuary.
I don't want to have anyone else's sanctuary.
Okay, and what kind of animals are we talking over there?
And be honest.
Like cows, horses.
Come on.
Cows don't need a sanctuary, dude.
Yes, they do.
Whenever I ever pass a cow and they're fucking having a tough time.
Oh, no, you saved the cows.
They were going to be butchered.
Nah.
And then they come to my sanctuary.
Nah.
What do you want me to have?
You want me to have like exotics?
I want you to have an animal that needs some fucking help.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a sloth.
Maybe get him fucking hook them up with a motor skill person or something, you know, or like or rub a little bit of gasoline in it or fur.
Something that's going to help them speed up a little.
But I think cows, all they do, they eat all day, they stand there, they pass gas, they're having a great time.
They're like a stepdad, they're like a fucking fat stepdad, you know.
I don't think, yeah, you can't have a rescue with cows in it, dude.
Yes, you can.
You can totally have a rescue with cows in it.
Come on, they're getting slaughtered every day.
They fucking, we need them, dog.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I know.
I'm not even a vegetarian or anything.
Oh, come on.
You can't be somebody.
Imagine you break into somebody's property and you steal a cow in the middle of the night.
You're like, what the hell?
Yeah.
To save it.
You know, there's not that movie where that cow gets like, that's not, so I think I like your idea and I love your attitude, but I think part of it is just well, the animal, I don't know.
And I shouldn't be telling you it's a bad idea.
It's a sweet idea.
Yeah, no.
So what answer, so a sloth, I guess, or maybe like.
What animal needs it?
Well, I'll tell you what animal needs to be freed or whatever is zebras.
I mean, they put the bars on them bitches.
They got to fucking get those animals free, dog.
Free zebras, dude.
Imagine walking around where everybody thinks you're in jail, no matter where you are.
That's fucked.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I would do zebras.
Okay.
I would do zebras.
See, that kind of fits with you too, I think.
Like here you go.
There's a zebra.
She's rescuing it.
That's kind of cool, I think.
That's cool, right?
Yeah.
But I would have to do, I'd have to do like 10. I can't just do one.
That's fine.
Yeah.
I'd have to have a bunch of zebras.
Really?
And is that the only animal you want?
Or do you think more animals?
Well, I wanted cows, but.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
So I guess, yeah, no, I'm a loss for that one.
I said horses, maybe.
I don't know, but they all seem like they don't need help.
Well, horses, a lot of rich people are doing horses.
I think there's a lot of animals.
They think they've got they do?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They'd be all rich around them.
Yeah.
Whipping them and shit, riding them.
You're thinking of slaves.
I think you're thinking of the wrong thing.
You've been reading the wrong books, man.
But yeah, maybe I've seen some rich people's horses.
There's a guy in Kentucky, and I want to have him on the podcast.
He owns the horse with the best semen in it or whatever.
And so he, there's three months out of the year where they book it like five times a day.
And there's just a line of cars almost like to Field of Dreams or whatever.
To get it?
Where they all come and park.
Yeah.
To go and pump, to get pumped by this horse.
And there's like a close, apparently there's a closed circuit TV where like if you're like, it's like $50,000 for something to have sex with this horse.
Oh, I thought they were just pumping it off and bringing, so they have sex with the horse?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's not like easy serve or whatever, whatever that thing is.
I was like, what is going on?
I thought they were pumping it off and then bringing the semen to wherever they needed to.
No, it's not like an ice cream machine at a drive-through.
That's how it's painted in my head.
Okay, so it's $50,000 a pound.
$50,000.
And they go in there and then the animals, they do it or whatever.
What's so good about this guy, though?
He's won all the races.
He's won enough races.
Okay.
It was like Semen Biscuit or something.
What's with the guy's name?
Secretariat.
Maybe Secretariat.
So.
That's a movie.
Oh.
This guy fucked all his secretariats.
I know that, dude.
This guy is like the champion horse, right?
He's just full of unlimited semen.
Like, if you even pet him, you get seed.
He's just leaking seed.
And it's valuable.
So there'll literally be just a three a day, and he's just all day.
He's just in there.
Competent?
God.
God.
I feel for him, too.
So what's the owner of the horse?
He's living lavish.
Yeah, I think last year on the horse, they made like $40 million or something.
What?
Oh, you've got to get him on the pod.
Yeah, the horse needs to go on too.
That's crazy.
$40 million?
Yeah.
And he's just a lucky guy.
He just had this horse.
He just got lucky.
Now he's been in the system for a while, but he was able to, I think, get some horses that were other grandparents and stuff and get like a lineage.
You think he's sneaky?
Look that up, Zach.
I think that that whole business is really sneaky from what I hear.
Like people are like sneaking around.
Their horses are fucking in the middle of it.
They're like, oh, let's meet these two horses up like at a, you know, behind a, I don't know, a Ben and Jerry.
I don't, not like a Beninger, but like a someplace like a.
Something like that.
Oh, that's a sneaky business.
Yeah.
It's a sneaky business.
Does the guy, does the guy that owns a horse, he's always wearing a suit?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he just lets the horse out like he's just letting it out to leak and then it runs behind the rest area.
Yeah.
And the other horse is back there.
What were we talking about?
Oh, my cows.
Yeah, yeah, your animal sanctuary.
Yeah, that's just, that's just, that's a backup.
Well, where could you do that in Southie?
Could you do an animal sanctuary in Southie?
Like, what would that?
I mean, I mean, some Bruins fan is fucking just walking by, just smoking a Dorale, just looking in the fence, like, oh, look at these motherfucking sloths, huh?
Yeah, you could.
I feel like it'd do well, honestly.
I don't know.
Those people never see that type of shit.
They don't leave Southie.
I don't know.
They'd be like, oh, this sloth.
This sloth.
Yeah, they would just like keep comparing the sloth to like bad quarterbacks that they've had.
Bad, yeah.
Or bad pitchers that they've had in Boston.
Yeah, it'd be something like that.
It'd be good.
I feel like it'd be good for the community.
For the community?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think it would.
They don't get to see much.
They don't leave.
You come back outside of your sloth.
There's fucking smoking.
Yeah, real slow.
Yeah, I think that could be nice.
Now, I think a unique Boston zoo would be really great.
That's what I'm saying.
Right in the city.
Well, we got the Franklin Zoo, but they don't have much there.
What happened?
They don't have much.
Really?
Yeah, it's like the bottom of the barrel.
We've got like two gorillas and then like hyenas.
They have hyenas.
But they're in like the same, they're in the same thing.
They're like coexisting.
It's sad.
They don't even sell, like they don't even have a concession.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No giraffes, nothing.
Like llamas.
So it's like a petting zoo, but they market it as it's like big zoo.
But it's really just my zoo.
It's healthy.
Like, that's what it is.
It's nothing but it.
There's a soundtrack.
There's play in the sounds of like of like big animals in the distance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's more like, and then they just have like a big reptile section.
Oh, yeah.
But it's just like snakes, garden snakes, and shit.
And it's always closed because Donna got bit by something.
Yeah.
That's two employees.
There's something I loved about Boston.
I got to go to the Wilbur there and perform there, and it's like the best place ever.
Oh, it's the best.
Boston people are the best.
Yeah, you like them?
Well, I realized at your show, everyone at your shows, they look like you.
You think so?
There was a lot of people I was like, that looks like you.
Even the women?
Even the women.
Well, I sat in front of it.
It sucked.
I sat in front of the only person in the whole entire place with a mohawk.
The biggest fucking mohawk.
It was so big and I couldn't see.
I had to keep like turning to try to see you guys up on stage.
But that was a crazy, the mohawk was crazy.
I've never really seen one of those in real life, but that was a woman.
Oh, yeah.
And then the rest of the guys, it kind of looked like you.
It's hard to witness.
Brad Kelly was the guy, by the way.
Horse guy.
Horse guy.
Brad Kelly.
Horse guy?
He's the owner?
Yeah.
Brad Kelly was the horse guy.
How much do they make off that horse?
Does it say how much?
On C?
Where does he live?
Lexington, Kentucky.
Franklin.
Wow.
That's where you need to get.
You get out there with it.
If you start riding it, if you meet a good horse, man, you're in.
Oh, wow.
That's a lot of money, man.
God, can you imagine all that money you could have?
What would you do with that?
With that kind of money?
Yeah.
Let me think.
If I had as much money as...
I wouldn't tell anybody, I don't think.
You can't.
Having money is kind of embarrassing, I feel like.
You think so?
Do you think since you start doing well, you're like embarrassed?
Oh, I was always embarrassed.
I was embarrassed when I had nothing as a kid.
And then I remember when I got a house, like I got a house in Nashville a few years ago and I was embarrassed.
It's not even like an amazing, it's a nice house, right?
But it's nothing like very extravagant or, you know, it's a place you would walk in like, oh, this is a nice house, right?
But it's not a place you walk in like, oh, this is like, you know.
That's horse money.
Yes, that ain't horse money.
This is fucking, this is like that pony money that's at the fair, but like the world's smallest pony.
Yeah.
Like Tom Thumb or something.
I saw him once out in Riverside.
He is small.
But yeah, I remember being embarrassed to even show my own home.
Really?
Yeah, because it was something about, there's just something about it.
You should feel icky.
But it's the same icky I felt when I was a kid that I was embarrassed to show the apartment that we lived in.
Like we had a toilet upstairs.
It was like falling like right off to the edge of the dinner table.
Like this, it was like this perfect brown circle on the ceiling, like right near where the dinner table was, dude.
And so if we had people over, we would always like try to like lean like this way while we talked to them so their eyes wouldn't like look over at this huge like fucking piss brown circle that was coming in through the ceiling.
My bedroom, my first bedroom growing up, it was a closet, but there was no window.
So like we couldn't consider it a bedroom.
So my mom, she stapled curtains up on the wall to like make it, she put a flashlight under to make it like stuck.
The flashlight was stuck behind like my bed on the floor with these white curtains that you could see through.
You could see it was just a wall.
And it was, I could never, I would never have friends where I had no friends because I was like, you can't come here.
Yeah.
If you come, let's, yeah.
And guys are like, hey, I'm going to sneak you out tonight.
You're like, all right, I'll sneak out through the window.
It's like, damn, I can't.
It's a brick wall.
You have sledgehammer.
Oh, that's so crazy, dude.
That's wild.
Yeah, and I remember we had a bathroom.
There was a bathroom upstairs and a bathroom downstairs.
And the bathroom downstairs was right next to the dinner table.
So it was just like, it was, just the whole place was just kind of a nightmare, you know?
Yeah.
It was funny, though.
We were always making fun of each other.
And what else was it like over there?
They had a lot of stray animals in our area.
So you'd always, if you went outside, you're always dealing with animals, you know?
In a bad way?
Yeah, it wasn't like a petting zoo.
It was like a threating zoo.
Like you just felt like threatened constantly when you walk outside.
It was like, yeah, like a couple of fucking cats that hadn't been fed would look at you like it was your fault.
Like, bitch, I just got out here, you know, and you wouldn't want to like eat dinner and then walk out there because you think the animals could smell it on you, you know?
So, um, but there would be like Dobermans.
There'd be like just a couple of loose brothers of freaking like tripped out white dudes rolling around.
You just didn't really know what was going on.
There was always somebody cutting their hair in the fucking street.
There was always like people burning.
Like I lived in a neighborhood where everybody would just burn stuff in the ditch, right?
We lived right outside of like the town limit where you couldn't burn stuff in your ditch, right?
So it was a big thing.
Like people were like, well, at least we can burn shit in the ditch, you know?
You couldn't.
We could.
Okay.
But like four streets over, they couldn't, you know?
And like, look at these city slickers, you know, driving their trash into the, over to the fucking.
Maybe we were just burning it.
We were just lighting it up.
So I remember that that was kind of interesting.
We had a lot of people that couldn't read.
They would just break shit because they couldn't express themselves.
It's fair.
I'm trying to think of what else we had.
Oh, they'd have like writ, like some veterinarian would always drive through our neighborhood and like they would, since we're outside of the town limits as well, they would throw a lot of like the animal carcasses and shit like out in our yard.
So we'd always be out there like doing like paleontology, like playing games and shit like that.
Like making like dinosaurs out of like the old animal parts and like burying them and then telling somebody else like, I think there's a dinosaur here.
And they would start digging and it would be like the shape of some weird animal.
You never even like it.
It would be like a tail and then like one foot and then into another tail.
And you're like, this ain't really going to make any sense.
This animal just has one foot, no eyes.
Two tails.
Yeah, and two tails.
Yeah.
So I think things like.
That's fun.
It was fun.
Yeah.
So like you were like, you were poor with stuff to do.
Like I was just poor on like a city road.
Really?
Yeah.
Like we would smoke, we would drive scooters and we would find cigarette butts off the ground and just like smoke them because it was cool.
But they were dirty and then we'd be sick for like three weeks.
Yeah.
And it was like, it was just not fun.
Like I didn't have a park to go to or anything.
Really?
Yeah, no.
So what did y'all do?
Did y'all get a Nintendo at home or something?
Yeah, yeah.
I had a GameCube.
Oh, that's good.
I had a GameCube.
Did you play that a lot?
Yeah, Monkey Balls.
Yeah, it was fun.
But I didn't have anyone to play with.
Really?
I was just playing it.
So then what do you, so but you, what age was that?
So, but you didn't have any.
What about your sisters, though?
You guys played together?
They were like so much older than me.
Oh, yeah.
They were on drugs.
Yeah.
So, no, they didn't.
We didn't play.
I was like, basically an only child, I guess.
With the older, with the older crazy ones, they would pop in and out.
And then we had, we had my aunt and my uncle living in the basement.
Were they cool?
Unfinished.
No.
Really?
One of my aunts kidnapped me when I was two.
And I was gone.
That aunt that lived in the basement.
And then she left and she went to Florida and she never came back.
And my mom had to adopt her two daughters.
Yeah.
It was crazy.
That is crazy.
It was really crazy.
So then they were around even though their mom had kidnapped you?
Yeah, they stayed around.
My mom adopted the two daughters and then the mom had kidnapped me, but they found me the same day.
They found me the same night.
Yeah.
Bounce, but still.
Yeah, she said she was just going to take me for a walk.
Yeah, it was crazy.
What about for Halloween and stuff?
What would you guys do?
For Halloween, we would drive down to the suburbs and go visit my aunt.
Yeah, they had some money down there.
Yeah, boy.
And that's why I was my witch, my big witch.
And every year they'd be like, ah, again.
Damn.
And then I started doing hand-me-downs.
I started taking hand-me-downs for my older cousin Molly.
But then when my dog, my dad got his big mechanic job, we moved down to the suburbs.
So I had like a split life.
Oh.
So I just like pretended I was fitting in and stuff.
What company did he work with?
Who did he get a job with?
He worked for like the, it's called the MBTA.
It's like the transit union of Boston.
So it's like the train.
Okay.
The buses.
And so he repaired all the buses and trains?
Yeah.
So he had like a salary.
So it was like, oh, we can move now.
Yeah.
Because he wasn't a truck driver anymore, like on and off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was cool.
Did he do long haul trucking or no?
Yeah, he would go.
He would, he'd be gone for, I went on a couple of them with him, which was crazy, but he'd be gone for months at a time.
Really?
Yeah.
It was cool.
That's a long time.
She's like a big truck.
Really?
Yeah.
Slept with a big truck.
And I never knew the truck.
They have like full beds in there.
I was sleeping on a full bed and we would stop at the, we'd stop at the fairgrounds in New Jersey all the time on the way home.
Dude, that had to be fun.
It was so fun.
Those are my best memories.
Yeah.
Yeah, those were cool.
What, did you remember any of the rides at the fairgrounds?
Was it like that?
Like just the different rides that had like the zipper and the Gravatron, all of that?
The zipper, yeah.
And the one where you stick to the wall.
Yeah.
That shit was cool.
Gravitron, yeah.
I was just talking about that last week.
Yeah, that was the one and the guy in the center was like playing rock and roll.
And there'd be that one crazy guy that would like start shimmying and do a flip stuck to the wall the whole time.
That insane guy.
I always wanted to be that guy.
Yeah, that was fun.
Yeah, that was fun.
What is your deal?
Like, is your deal at Barstool, like Caleb's?
It's just kind of like a flat amount sort of thing.
Is that okay to ask you?
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, it's like Caleb's like a salary.
Yeah.
Probably getting fucked, but it's fun.
Yeah, but I think they do a good job of like.
But you enjoy it though, right?
Yeah, I enjoy it.
So I don't even like, as far as the stupid in me, but I have fun.
I like Barstool.
And with all these influencers, they make their money off like brand deals.
So they don't know when they're getting their next checks and stuff.
Right.
Whereas I have a salary.
So it's, I don't know, it's nice.
It's really nice.
Also, what's not sometimes what's like dealing with brand stuff, there's so many little things you have to, it's like so many extra responsibilities that if you don't have to think about that, it's really nice.
It's nice.
Yeah, you can just stick to being yourself.
I know that.
Yeah, I don't have to censor anything, which is cool.
Yeah.
And it seems like they treat you guys good.
They do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love Barstool.
Everyone shits on it, but I like it.
Yeah, I don't know why everybody.
I mean, I don't know a ton about it.
I mean, I learned some about it from Dave, how he like went through the business and put it together and like some of the choices that they made, but it seems like a good time.
It is, yeah.
People think it's very like misogynistic, but it's like run by women now.
Is it the Pan or women?
Yeah.
Well, no, but like the top performers at Barcelona are all women.
They are?
Yeah.
Who is it?
You?
Oh, you just won this month, you said, huh?
Yeah.
You're the employee of the month?
I don't know.
I didn't even know about it until I went to the ACMs last week and I was like, why am I here?
Why did you guys invite me?
And they were like, because you're the top creator at Barstool.
And I was like, damn, they didn't even tell me that.
But it's not just me.
The chicks in the office, like, it's full of women.
So people think it's all run by men, but it's not.
And they have Megan making money.
She works there.
Yeah, I love her.
She's cool.
She's awesome.
She's really funny.
And her husband, I know her and her husband.
She's crazy.
They're the craziest couple.
They're awesome, though.
Yeah, my stepdad is friends with his dad.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
They were friends growing up.
They're still friends, but it's like, so it's kind of that, yeah, that was all kind of crazy.
What else was I going to ask you about?
Do you have a favorite sports team that you like?
Celtics.
Oh, wow.
So you're stoked about this then?
Yeah.
This is a big time.
Are you going to go to, do you think you'll get to go to any of the games?
No way.
No.
Why not?
No way.
I'm not going to the games.
I would love to, but no way.
But what do you mean, no way?
Like, if you ask Dave, he might take you to one.
No way.
Yeah, he might do work there.
Dave, me and Dave going to the game together?
What the fuck are we going to talk about?
Who cares?
No, he wouldn't take me to the game.
You don't think?
Well, should I ask?
I could ask him.
I have BFFs after this.
I'll maybe I'll ask him.
Yeah, I think you should ask him because you're from there.
I am.
I can understand.
Everyone at Marshall is.
But that's their problem.
That's true.
They're not you.
They're not employee of the month.
Yeah.
Okay.
They're not employee of the month.
Okay, I'll ask them.
You got anything else, Zach?
I just feel like we've had a nice chat.
You think we had a nice chat?
Do you think this went well?
This?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
I think it's been interesting.
I feel like I'll have a little bit more understanding of who you are and where you're from and a little bit more semblance of your personality.
So it's not just like when I see you, it's like I see you, but I'll still kind of have maybe a slight somewhat, not understanding, but a little bit more Clues.
Okay.
And what else?
Watch Project Verified.
Project Verified.
That's my reality show.
Project Verified is your reality show.
Check it out.
Check it out.
And follow along.
What else can we think about?
Anything else?
We had a dude, boss, growing up.
This kid, I'm not going to say his name because he's still alive, but he would say something and then he would say it again under his breath.
Say it again under his breath.
One of those guys?
Yeah.
Wow.
And we thought he was twins that had never separated, right?
So people are like, you fucking get your fucking brother out of you.
Oh, shit.
People would fucking threaten to beat his brother or sister out of him.
Always under his breath?
Did he get over it?
Huh?
Did he get over it?
Yeah, he get over it, but it was crazy because then when people were like, we're going to beat the fuck out of it, he'd be like, help me.
And then you would hear it again.
Oh, help me.
Oh, no.
So people were like, he is in there.
And then it sounds like that they're fucking with him.
Like he's like being an asshole, but it's just a problem he has.
Yeah, dude.
It was a fuck.
I feel so bad for that guy still.
But his mother was awesome.
She was a nurse.
She was a beautiful, bigger lady.
But damn, she was fucking warm as could be.
I love a big, warm lady.
Don't you?
I do.
What was your mother shaped like?
She got a little bigger after the knees.
Oh, yeah.
That'll slow you down, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's petite.
She's like real small.
That's too small for somebody.
She's real small.
Really?
They should put her in that cage at the fair then.
Yeah.
Come see the smallest knee replacement victim or whatever.
Sorry, not victim.
Come see the most beautiful little knee replacement woman in the world.
Is she a pretty happy lady, your mom?
Yeah, she's happy.
She's a happy lady.
She's, yeah, she's a happy lady.
What are some characteristics you guys have that are similar?
I don't know if we have many.
I didn't really, so she, I was with my dad growing up and she was like, her, her, like, she shows me affection through getting me things or like making sure I'm good, but we're not, like, I couldn't just call her and talk to her type of mom.
Right.
But I know she loves me type of thing, but I can't just be like, I don't call her and tell her what's going on.
Right.
Type of thing.
But she's, she's a good lady.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Um, all right.
Well, I don't know what else to say right now.
You think we said enough, Zach?
Yeah, I think you just talked about two hours.
You think we've said enough?
I think we've said enough.
Two hours?
Is that good for you?
Yeah, it's good for me.
Okay.
Thanks so much.
And I appreciate your time and congrats on your success and trying new things, trying to make a new show and being in like a place that's kind of like a man's place, I guess, but it's more women's over there too.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, thanks for sharing your entertainment with us.