Will Sasso is an actor, podcaster and comedian. He is the co-host of the show “Dudesy”, a podcast controlled entirely by A.I. He is also known for his famous characters and impressions from MadTV, Curb Your Enthusiasm, United We Fall, and more.
Will Sasso makes a much anticipated return to This Past Weekend, catching up with Theo about what he’s been up to since their famous Christmas Special in 2018, starting a podcast controlled by A.I., almost getting sued by Tom Brady, memories from MadTV, glitter knees, gunfire sushi, and much more.
Will Sasso: https://www.instagram.com/willsasso/
Dudesy (an A.I. Podcast) https://www.youtube.com/c/Dudesy
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It's frosty.
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Today's guest is a phenomenal actor, comedian, human, male.
He is the co-host of the Dudesy podcast.
He has been on here before.
He's really iconic with his impressions and just his general ability to make people feel joy.
We're happy to have him back.
Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Will Sasso.
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing I'm gonna stay Oh, man.
Dude, good to see you again, man.
Good to see you, man.
Haven't seen you.
It's been a while.
Pretty pandy.
I know, huh?
Yeah.
You came in the podcast, man, and we had one of the best times ever was when we did the Christmas song.
Yeah, all that weird shit.
I see, you know, like, you know, kids still, of course, you know, throw up clips and shit, and I'll see that every once in a while.
I'll genuinely laugh my ass off at how silly that was.
Me too, man.
It was so much fun.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
And you know what?
And I interviewed since you've been on, I had Jesse Ventura on.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, I missed that.
How was that?
No, no, no.
I did.
I know that you did that.
I did not check it out, though.
How was that?
It was a nightmare.
You got to watch every word you say, right?
I mean, he talked for, here it is right there.
He talked for seven, he talked for 1,700 years.
He talked for 1,700 years to hours.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was unbelievable.
He's like, you know, I drank four locos.
He just kept going off.
He's like, I drink four locos.
I'll drink six locos.
I'll drink four times six.
I'll drink 24 locos.
And I love America, so I moved to Cuba.
He's in the Baja.
Yeah, I don't even live in the continental United States anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm in the Baja.
Yeah, that's what he said.
I'm down in the Baja now.
I wouldn't vote for either of them.
Yeah, that was his whole thing, bro.
The two-party system is there in place to do what it does, and we're all indoctrinated.
Yeah, he's like, I bought my American flag in China.
I went there myself to have it.
It's the largest American flag in North America.
Yeah, he kept saying I joined the Hell's Angels as well.
I'm part-time.
I just wanted free tickets to Altamont to see the Stones.
And, you know, back then I was just, so I was mostly following the dead.
And I said, I got to go see the stones.
I was this far from the guy who got stabbed in the face.
Dude, it was both the way.
Are we recording?
Are we going?
Yeah, we're recording.
Good, good.
Hello, everybody.
Yeah.
Will Sasso.
It was unbelievable.
So we went and he said, I only want one person to come and get me meet my wife in the middle of the yard or whatever.
Like it was very, it was almost like you were trading.
It was like when I'm, you know, I imagine like how they traded Brittany Grine or whatever for whatever.
It was like that.
Like, meet me in the yard, no COVID, right?
No co like, don't bring any COVID.
Like, don't bring any guns.
It was like.
Wait, when you recorded with him?
Yeah.
Don't bring any COVID for guns.
He's like, no COVID, no guns.
And we're like, all right.
I don't think he knows how this works.
It was just so bizarre.
So then the tour manager, my buddy Bizzle, goes and picks him up and he said that Jesse just talked to him the whole way.
Then he got to the interview.
I asked him, I think I said hello.
It was very, it was very just like barely anything out of the gate.
And he just went.
And he kept saying, you know, I got to leave in about, I'm about to get out of here.
And then he would stay for 45 more minutes.
That's awesome.
And I hate to bash on him, but he was, it was, he was, I can't tell if he was mentally just kind of getting out there or if he was just damn headlost, you know, or if he was just an egomaniac, you know.
Yeah, I mean, he's, he's lived so many fucking lives.
I know.
I've never had the opportunity to meet the guy, but anytime I watch him, you know, on anything, I'm just like, I don't know that I can.
It's one of those, you don't want to meet your heroes kind of thing because he is he is out there.
He'll go from, you know, Halliburton orchestrated the BP oil spill.
And then the next thing he says is like, you know, what's really good is with just tortillas with scrambled eggs.
You should come.
Would you like to sleep over?
I have a spare room that you'd really like.
It's woodsy.
I've sort of brought Minnesota to the Baja.
I call it Baja Soda.
Anyway, you'll really like the aesthetic.
I don't know if I fucking.
Is he going to kill me?
I can't tell if I can't stand this guy.
Yeah, I have some.
Are you, do you ever dine on long pig?
That's what the cannibals call human being because it tastes like pork.
Oh, I got to go.
I got to go in four minutes.
No, no, no.
Stick around.
I'm just getting started.
Anyway, the Gulf of Tonga, they dropped these mercenaries in there, and I was with the Navy SEALs.
And, of course, I can hold my breath for 19 minutes.
So that's why they brought me with them.
They used to call me the snorkel, scuba.
Yeah.
The submarine.
Before I was the boss.
It's so crazy.
This is just like being with him, really.
Just fucking topic to topic.
Oh, I couldn't get a word in it.
And it was the longest interview.
It's a three-hour interview.
Oh, my God.
It was unbelievable, man.
And we did it.
Like, we took, we kind of commandeered this, it was like a days in or something, and they had a little meeting room in there.
And so it was this Indian family that like owned it.
So we told him, you know, like this guy, you know, we showed him pictures on the internet of Jesse and like, this is who's coming, you know?
And so the whole family was like waiting by the door when he gave it, like, I don't think they understood what was going on.
I think they thought it was like a diplomat or something.
But anyway, he showed up and the cleaning lady kept kind of trying to sneak in and see if she could help in any way.
You know, it's just so bizarre, dude.
Do you have any orange crush?
I'd love an orange crush.
Let's get a couple of orange crushes.
Like a three hour, he's the kind of guy I want to like lock in a room with Alex Jones and like just give them a bottle of, you know, schnapps or something and see what happens.
Like just, well, they talk for seven and a half fucking hours.
This is unbelievable.
Just like sleeping at Golf of Donga, you know, Bohemian Grove.
Anyway.
Dude, it's what's interesting is to not end up in some of those rabbit holes is absolutely crazy sometimes.
But like when you get on the internet.
But yeah, Jesse was crazy, man.
He was like, I was a governor of Minnesota.
I sold sodas in Orange Grove.
He's like, I sold sodas in Minneagovernor.
He like, when everything started to get convoluted, like it was almost like there was like a little something wrong in the matrix, you know, like he was getting bad intel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He starts, he just completely starts glitching.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was wrestling Bob Backlund at the Philadelphia Spectrum, and I got a call from Hugo Chavez at Ringside.
Yeah.
And Vince McMahon said, it's Hugo.
And so, you know, so I hit Backlund in the face with a chair so he could sell it.
And he was outside the ring.
And then I went and took the call.
And he said, we need you out here.
I need you to help negotiate with Castro.
Did this even line up?
Time?
What year was it?
It was 1982.
When do you think it was?
I don't fucking know.
Yeah, he does that shit.
When do you think it was?
Yeah, when do you, why don't you tell me?
Well, why don't you tell me if you're such a patriot?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I wasn't.
I was a Navy sealer.
I understand.
Well, why don't you tell me?
You were there in the jungles of Laos?
No.
You're not Laotian?
I thought I read that about you on Wikipedia.
No, I don't.
What do you like?
Do you like orange soda or would you like a Mr. Pib?
Excuse me, Miss?
Yeah.
Mr. Pib?
Yeah, it was unbelievable, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
It was the longest day, though.
And he just, and finally at the end, he's like, so I heard somewhere you're a comedian.
Oh, geez.
Like at the beginning, hour three.
And it starts out.
He's like, how much, how much time do you have?
He's like, I only have about 35 minutes just letting you know that after that I'm out of here.
Like one more thing before I go.
And then he just rattled off to another echelon of complete, just egomaniacal shit.
And then he said he joined the Hells Ain't.
He joined the, he was a one percenter, right?
Which is, I guess, is a motorcycling gang where you look it up.
And kudos to them, dude, because I think we need more gangs in America, honestly.
Gang, gang, we need gangs.
Yeah, people are like, what gang is left even?
There's no more gangs to create.
Yeah, Social Security is almost dead.
That's almost dead.
That's a good gang.
But I feel like they're losing steam.
Social Security?
I mean, I feel like any day now, people are going to start getting just blank checks sent to them.
Yeah.
Senior citizens.
Well, that's fucking true.
We are very close to collapse in every single way.
Yeah, this guy's a 1%er.
That's what he said.
I'm a 1%er.
Yeah.
That's a hell's name.
Yeah, he's like, I've driven past dead bison in South Dakota.
I love that he didn't.
So you're a comedian.
Yeah.
Tell me a joke.
Yeah, tell me.
I thought you were Anderson Cooper.
I'm sorry, I'm just...
Now I can see.
You're not Anderson Cooper.
He's like, I do sundowners early just to get it over with.
You know, I fucking, I do my sundowning from 3 to 4.30.
It was unreal, man.
Sundowning.
And we had, yeah, it was like, and he, it was, it was un, it was unbelievable.
And he almost has, he walks like a Sasquatch kind of, he has that like.
He has that, he has that former bodybuilder.
Like, if you ever met like someone who was like, oh, this guy was a motherfucker in 1960, 70 or whatever, meet like, you know, former NFLers and stuff.
And it's like, they still have that gait where it's like, you're, you're 67 years old, but you could kick my fucking ass.
Like, you see that guy at like the grocery store where it's like, and he's like, you know, just big gnarled muscle hands and shit.
Like Lou Farigno, if you see him.
I saw him at the post office one time.
And he's like, can I set this?
He had his wife with him.
He's like, I want to set the box down.
And his wife's like, you hold the box.
It was some just box of shit they were mailing somewhere.
Yeah, they just lose the mass and keep the vascularity.
And they look like a shorn chimp.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at him lifting his shirt up there.
Yeah, look at that.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's like, wow.
I want the.
Wow.
Look at the abs on.
He's got five abs there.
That was Lou Ferigno's.
That was his, that's why he could never beat Arnold.
Yeah.
Because in Mr. Olympia, because Arnold had anywhere from six to eight abs.
And Lou Ferigno, no matter what he did, he always had that crown ab at the top that sort of looking over the other abs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was drinking absent.
That's why.
Yeah, that's why back then they didn't have protein shakes.
You just chew on the steak.
You'd chew on your youngest son.
Yeah, just chew on his feet to get your nutrients.
Get that abeter.
Dude, how did bodybuilding even start?
I wonder.
How did Bobby?
Yeah.
Who said it?
Do you think it was some guy that was just real strong?
And then people were like, oh, this, we got to do what this guy is.
I think it's desk jobs.
As soon as after the Industrial Revolution or Revolution, then people started going like, oh, I'm fucking, you know, how come my, you know, how come my farmer great-grandfather was in such great shape?
And then they figured it out.
Well, let's artificially just lift up dumbbells.
It must have been the silliest shit in the world when people were doing it in like 1940 and stuff.
I have an uncle actually who in Italy was started for real bodybuilding.
My dad's younger brother.
My old man was always weightlifting and stuff.
And we had like this set up in the garage and everything.
But my, I have like, you know, five uncle Pashquals, but one of my uncle Pashquals was, yeah, legit bodybuilding.
So you see some of those pictures from the 60s and you're like, you look fucking idiotic.
Like no one else is doing that.
Yeah.
It looked like a deformity back then.
Yeah, look at this guy.
Oh, wow.
That's, yeah, that's my uncle Pashqual up there.
And look at that ass on him.
Yeah.
He's keen to show off that ass.
I feel like it was very, you wouldn't see a man's ass back then very much.
Look at those, look at the barbells.
That's hilarious.
And everything old is new again because this is what people do with kettlebells.
Like it's it's bulbous and round and that's part of it.
You can't have anything.
I mean, it's like when you look at normal weights, like they don't roll away.
They're all, you know, they're all square and they're shaped like an octagon or a stop sign or whatever, which is an octagon, I think.
But back then, it's, you know, you had to have that, you know, I kind of have that thing.
I don't want to take my shirt off or show anyone my ass, but if I did like shave completely my horseshoe and everything and just do that and with my tits out the side and stuff, people would think that I was a 1920s carnival strongman.
Look at the guy on the top right there, next to Barbell Man in that same picture.
That guy has no right even posing.
He's just like a an 11-year-old going, yeah, look at me, mom.
That guy's a tall, young.
He probably closeted, I would say, this guy.
Just came to meet men.
And anytime there's a camera going off, there's some dude in the distance that's closeted.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got his briefs on backward, which was code.
Yeah.
You know, it's like the one earring thing or some kind of ribbon or hanging fancy.
Remember the one earring thing?
That used to mean you were gay.
That used to mean you were gay.
Now, that's interesting because you're from Louisiana.
I'm from the complete like opposite Vancouver, Canada on the west coast of Canada.
And that meant the same shit.
Wow.
So then, and then you had the thing of like, well, wait a minute.
Does that mean Mr. T is gay when you're a kid?
What?
Oh, wow.
Mr. T is gay because he had the feathered.
Oh, yeah.
He was hanging.
Yeah.
He's like, I pity this mouth full of semen.
You know what I'm saying?
It was like, he was like, say no to gays or whatever.
How did the gay, let's find out, how did the gay one earring rumor start?
Because the first gay dude ever in our area, they had a guy and he was mentally challenged or whatever.
I don't know if he was mentally handicapped or mentally challenged.
One of them means I think you're still going to try to beat it, you know?
Yeah, one of them means you can work at Wendy's and the other one is like, no, you got to go to the daytime activity center.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So one is like, you're still in the race and one is like, yeah, you got to stay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For everyone's best interest, it would be nice if you just, yeah, just have some popcorn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's some mats and you just watch TV.
But we had a guy and he was mentally challenged or I don't know.
He was mentally something.
I'm not sure what the second part of his disease was or whatever, but somebody bought him a bike or they got him a woman's bike and it had a little baby seat on the back of it.
Remember that?
Yeah, yeah.
Where they put a baby behind the mother, which is insane.
Yeah.
So the baby's just like this because you're like, yeah, the baby's back there.
Just breaking it.
Just splitting up breast milk as you guys are just cruising down the street, right?
Yeah.
And then you get off the bike and always kick the baby in the face and it's like, why?
Oh, no, you puked.
And then your foot would come around when you got off the bike and it would just whip the baby back to the other side.
Yeah, and then you gently just, you know, lay it against a hedge or something.
I'll be right back.
And you go into the liquor store.
Yeah, you go into the post office or something.
You go into the post office.
Like, I need a box big enough to mail a baby.
Dude, my high school, we happened to have, there was like four or five high schools in this district of this, whatever, you know, this community or the bigger area.
And we happened to have most of the mentally challenged kids there because, you know, the program was just set up at the school and they had the wing of the school and blah, blah, blah.
So they were really included in the rest of the school.
Like our big thing at school was like our talent show was the lip syncs every year.
So the mentally challenged kids would have, there was a guy that we literally called Elvis and he sort of, you know, he lived his life as Elvis, sort of 50s Elvis.
He would do a lip sync.
And there was all these great characters.
There was this one kid called Buddy.
We called him Buddy and he's like, hey, bud, have a hug.
And that was his thing.
And all the senior gals who were like, you know, we were like, wow, he would sit with them at lunch because they were like, oh, buddy, hey, you know, can I, here, give me a hug?
You know, here's some chicken nuggets.
And I was always threatening to like, next year I'm going to go to a different school and just show up like, hey, buddy, can I hug you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And just like go for it.
Oh, yeah.
Play mental till you get a little bit of tit.
That's bad.
It wasn't working any other way.
That would have been good.
I've been there, dude.
I remember telling all the lies I told in the day.
I did.
I did a little leg.
Yeah.
God, man.
Yeah.
You just tell them straight up you work at Wendy's and then get The fucking baby seat on the back of the bike just for effect.
Let me see those tits.
I'm dying soon.
And they're like, oh, you're fine.
You look fine.
Ask him out on a date and show up with that bike.
Well, here was the thing, though.
So the bike, the seat in the back had like an X, you know, it had that seat.
So they had this guy and he was mentally unwell and his parents had got him this bike.
But people thought the seat in the back, there was a rumor started that he was a gay fella and that his husband had left him.
He had a small, a little husband that had left him.
And that's why the back seat was always empty.
That's a long, that's a long way to go for that rumor.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's digging.
That's not what the case was at all.
But kids will make shit up.
Yeah, well, it was just, I think it added like a level of like, oh, you almost felt bad for him, you know?
Like, oh man, his husband left him.
His little tiny husband.
His husband, yeah.
So people were always looking for a little husband.
Yeah, they're going into Wendy's looking for a tiny husband.
Yeah.
You're just like, what?
What do you want?
Are you married?
No.
What's with the one?
What's with the earring?
Yeah, what's with the one earring?
I like it.
I like it.
Is your ear pierced?
No, it's a clip-on.
I just, that seems like a mental health.
Oh, the clip-on was even sadder.
Bring it up, Zach.
How did the one earring fad start?
What happened?
The pride of the community.
Look at the gay earring.
Yeah, so I found this exploration of it, and this is a gay and lesbian website, by the way.
The left ear, also known as the gay ear, is more commonly pierced by homosexuals than the right ear.
The origin of the gay ear remains a mystery.
Men who wore them may have felt that they were copying women and becoming more feminine, although there are signs and symbols of homosexuality.
So it doesn't say, but it does say it may have originated late 80s and 90s as the gay rights movement was gaining traction.
Anything you can do to set yourself apart as a gay person, certainly into the 90s where it still wasn't nowhere near as accepted as it was now.
Although I kind of feel like, I don't know, things sort of tend to repeat themselves socially, in my opinion, every like 30 years.
It's like civil rights movement, mid-60s, then like the early 90s, there was just felt like a lot of activism and stuff.
But the 80s weren't, 80s weren't at all, like 80s, like whatever, styrofoam, Big Macs, and cocaine.
And then like the 2000s, no one gave a shit anymore.
And now here we are.
There's so much going on.
And I feel like, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, if, yeah, you have to go like, it must have been just a fucked up thing to be like, I want to set myself apart.
I want you to know that I am who I am and I'm proud.
But it also is something that I don't want to get, you know, I don't, I don't want to be harassed for it, but I want people in my community to see what it is and Mr. T. And Jesse Ventura.
He used to wear all that stuff.
Like he used to have, as Jesse the body in the WWE, he always had feathered things and, you know, but that was also the 80s.
You could, Mr. T with all his chains.
Yeah, he looked like a meth Christmas tree, I feel, like Jesse Ventura.
Yeah.
That's what he reminds me of.
He just looked like, here's like, it was like Billy Idol, Boy George, and a giant built guy.
And he's got like, you know, a bandana and beads hanging from his head.
Yeah, like where Stephen Tyler kept extra shit.
Hey, Stephen, would you mind if I had some of these scarves?
Are you using these scarves?
Yeah, man, go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah, look at him.
Yeah.
Bro, that is unbelievable.
Yeah, the boa.
God.
There he is with Vince McMahon.
That's tremendous.
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It's really interesting how it's almost like during that time that a lot of the wrestlers stole a lot of the gay energy almost.
It's almost like the WWE, you couldn't, even no matter how much gaying you were doing, you couldn't top.
Look at this.
You couldn't top this.
No.
Well, there was a guy at, you know, there was always characters that pushed the envelope in that way, like Gorgeous George in the 1950s was the guy who, like, you know, Muhammad Ali credits Gorgeous George a lot for being a talker and said he got a lot of it from that.
But he had the curly blonde hair, there he is.
And, oh, not to be confused with Macho Man's girlfriend from the 90s, whose name is also Gorgeous George.
But Gorgeous George used to curl his hair and he was a super heel.
So like, you know, the wrestler would, you know, they'd go to lock up and he'd go, get your filthy hands off of me.
And he was quite flamboyant.
And I think for a lot of guys like Dusty Rhodes and stuff, I mean, you want to talk about Jesse Ventura talking for seven hours.
I love professional wrestling, so I'm sorry.
But, you know, guy like Dusty Rhodes is like, well, I'm going to wear this hat and I'm going to the tickle trunk for this and that, my aunt's thing.
There was a, actually, I just saw an interview with Mick Foley where he was talking about with Conrad Thompson.
They do those, you know, they do these long wrestling.
He has so many wrestling podcasts, Conrad Thompson.
And he was saying that him and his wife would go, Cactus Jack, Mick Foley's old character in the 90s, that they would go to Lane Bryant and shit and just get, because, you know, Mick Foley didn't want to show off his entire body.
So he would have like the tights that said Cactus and Jack and he'd wear the snakeskin boots.
And then he'd have like something like leopard print and they would just modify it.
I think there's a long history of wrestlers because they got to be colorful.
They got to find their gimmick and what sets them apart.
And then there are guys that go way over it.
A guy like Adrian Adonis was a guy who in the 70s and 80s was like this New York tough and he's like a New York or somewhere, New Jersey or New York.
I think it might have been New Jersey.
Oh, yeah.
And then by the 80s, he went into adorable Adrian Adonis and really pushed the envelope.
And I remember being a kid watching this, just going like, yeah, this man is gay and the other wrestlers don't like this.
And it was a real like Gorgeous George thing.
You know what's really interesting is that if you do steroids, right?
Right.
And if you do them and your body gets kind of morphed out and morphed up, right?
When you stop doing them, you get breasts.
The tits.
So it's really interesting how you can go to this masculine, as masculine as possible, and right after that is tit on man.
And it's literally estrogen and it's like it's tissue.
You know, they call it bitch tits.
And yeah, isn't that what happens with Meatloaf in Fight Club is that he got bitch tits.
Bob had bitch tits.
Yeah, so because it's a, you can look, you can always tell, and again, being a wrestling head, you can always tell when a guy's like cycled off a Roids because, you know, they deflate a bit and then they get the little bitch tit out the side.
Yeah.
Something I've never, ever, I mean, in any like, you know, you're lifting weights or this or that, or when I was younger and stuff and playing football, I'm like, I don't ever want to, first of all, I am steroids.
Like, I'm like, I can't, I want to get smaller and I just feel like whatever I eat would either turn into fat or muscle, depending on what I'm doing about it.
But my metabolism wasn't fast.
God.
And I'm like, that's the last thing I need is more tit.
Yeah.
You know, fat guys shouldn't ever do steroids at all because then you do get a very well-researched character, the meatloaf thing, because then you do get the bitch tits.
Was it a movie he was in?
Was it about being fat?
It was Fight Club.
In Fight Club, he was just one of the guys who ends up in Fight Club.
And what was his, his name is, oh man, I forget what they said.
His name is something, but I think it was.
Robert Paulson.
Robert Paulson.
And it was Bob.
That's right.
Robert Paul.
His name is Robert Paulson.
And they say, yeah, in the movie, there's that line.
Bob had bitch tits and he's fighting.
Yeah, just not a good.
God bless you.
You know what I mean?
If you got some bitch tits, push it all the way.
Try out for a wrestling federation, copy Adrian Adonis' gimmick, get super, you know, paint one of your eyes, be very colorful and make some money.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Negative into a positive.
These days, that's what you got to do.
We had a fella, we had a lady who came on here.
She was a female truck driver, right?
And actually, let's go back to that article real quick, Zach.
It looked kind of interesting that Robert Paulson said at the end of that film.
If you can.
I'm going to chime this in here.
I brought my podcasting water jug.
Yeah, that's a lot, huh?
Yeah, I like water.
It's pretty good.
You like sink juice?
Yeah, I do like it.
I like, I think, I'm trying to think of the most I've ever had.
Oh, one time I went to my friend's and he's like, I bet you can't drink this, you little f ⁇ , right?
Yeah.
And he probably shouldn't have said that, but he said it.
As tends to happen when you go to a friend's house.
Oh, totally.
Yeah.
So I drank a gallon of water, right?
And then I couldn't, like, I feel like I couldn't, like, open my eyes or something was wrong with me.
So I was like, I'm going to go lay down.
And they're like, yeah, go lay down, you little bitch.
Who are these people?
These are friends of yours?
Yeah.
Were you in the One Percenters?
Is that who did it?
They were one percenters.
Yeah, they just fucking hated.
Hey, man, we're out of beer.
What are we going to do with Theo?
How are we going to jump him in?
I got an idea.
We're going to see how much water he can drink.
Yeah, I like it.
Good idea.
Let's see if he's one of us.
I'll be down there in the swamps just taking a sip every once in a while while I'm underwater for 19 minutes, wrestling alligators and drinking swamp water.
You little pansy you.
See how much water you can drink.
Yeah, so Jesse made me go drink all this water, and then I laid down on my friend's room, fell asleep, and I peed, and it went corner to corner in the room.
Nice.
What?
In the room?
12 square feet.
I mean, I hit the walls with that.
I envy you.
That's man, I would love to do something like that.
It was amazing, man.
It was unreal.
It was blue carpet.
It was this cool blue carpet they had at their house.
And so it almost had this kind of like kind of tropical vibe, but it was like you pissed corner to corner while saturating carpet.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
A lot of piss.
Yeah.
Oh, it was as much piss, I think, as someone could have in them.
You know, you can die that way.
There's always those like, do you ever hear about like the radio station?
Like, who can hold their water the longest?
And people have passed away from that.
It's dangerous.
I will piss myself in here.
Will you?
Good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And where'd you get that big of a jug from?
That's like, almost seems like one of those things for the boats when the boats are going out, like the boobies.
Yeah, you can put this up against on the side of the boat so you don't bang against the dock.
You know, Amazon.
You can get everything on Amazon.
I like to have, I have a few two-gallon jugs.
I have one that's specifically in my car that stays cold.
You know what I mean?
So when you're driving, you can just get the jug.
And I have a couple around the house that are this size.
Yeah, that's important.
Just room temperature.
That way it goes through you faster and you can piss easier.
Yeah.
Because it's all about pissing.
That's all I want.
I'm a piss freak.
You know what I mean?
I really want to pick.
Yeah, one of those piss picks.
That's right.
I'm a piss truther.
I drink it.
I piss on people.
I invite them over.
I say, you want to drink a little bit of water?
But they don't know what I'm really into.
They'll find out soon enough.
Then Jesse wanders in in his hoodie.
I've had six, four locos.
I've had four, six locos.
I've had 24 locos.
I just moved to Aruba.
You know, in Costa Rica, they only have two laws.
I don't even know what they are.
It's basically just a free-for-all.
It's Lord of the Flies out there.
I love it.
I built a fucking deck that doesn't even have Y-beams.
It could fall down at any moment.
I invite as many people from the town as I can over for tortillas with scrambled eggs.
Just can't wait for it to fucking fall.
And I'm like, Costa Viva la Revolution.
Viva la Revolution.
That's how I say it.
You know, I was there when the big bopper died.
I was right out there.
Yeah, I saw the plane go down.
Yeah, I got out there just a minute too late because I had to swim and I just got preoccupied because I love being underwater.
And pretty soon I'm just doing the backstroke.
And then I rolled up and Richie Valens is like, help, help.
Yeah.
Hey, it's you, La Bamba, Lou Diamond Phillips.
And he said, no, that movie hasn't happened yet.
I understand.
I'm eternal.
I cross dimensions.
I've been a governor, a vampire, a piss truther, a wrestler.
I've been here for thousands of years.
I'm an angel.
I know you.
I'm an AIDS activist.
You know what?
That's what the, you know, that's me and Harvey milk.
We were this.
This is how we, you know, knew each other.
We were in politics for change, pushing policy for everybody, inclusivity.
I was way ahead of it.
That's why I'm in Baja, trying to start a new society altogether.
The two-party system here has led us astray.
Both of those geriatric freaks, I wouldn't trust either of them.
And I know them both very well.
A lot of people don't know this, but I go duck hunting with Joe Biden and Donald Trump every spring.
They come down to the ba.
They don't want to tell you this.
They're all working for the same master.
That's right.
And we go down there, and occasionally Rupert Murdoch will fly up, and everybody gets along.
Tucker, Cooper, Anderson Cooper, and Tucker Carlson together on a tandem bicycle, and they take turns sitting in the baby seat.
And Tucker's like, oh, he's, you know, getting tickled as he's rocking back and forth with Anderson, and everyone gets along.
Will Sasa, that's great, man.
Hey, I brought you a sweater.
Is this from Dudzy?
Dudesy, from our podcast.
Yeah, it says wall on it.
Okay.
Which is just a weird inside joke because I like to cut off my friend Chad Culchum by going, wall.
I go, hold on, dude.
It's like a Hulk Hogan thing.
But that's a 2X, but it fits a little small.
But maybe you could sleep in it.
Yeah.
Or, you know, piss on it.
Whatever you need.
It's there for whatever you need.
Oh, yeah.
I'll do something.
I like how you fold.
Thank you, man.
It's like a retail fold.
I used to work at Abercrombie and Fitch at the mall.
Oh, yeah?
In the back.
I didn't get the front job with the handsome guys.
I got the back, you know.
You got those five abs.
I got the sock board or whatever.
They're like, you got to use this board to fold.
And it was like, God, you had to.
And I'd already been, you know, my mom made us do the laundry and stuff.
So I knew how to do laundry.
It was just, and they had just so many hand.
It was like all kind of like small town, like people that thought they could model were in there, you know?
And so you had people that were just like starving.
You know, you had people that like.
That's a good job.
That's like a, that's like an actor wanting to, like an actor getting a job at Disney and working at a theme park and going, all right, I'm technically being paid to perform.
Yeah.
Abercrombie, that's not modeling.
Oh, well, it was, I mean, they definitely, the two handsomest people or they put him in the front.
Yeah.
You know, like the people that looked like the Abercrombie, you know, kind of like underage, malnourished, kind of like could own a horse or something type of people.
You know what I'm talking about?
Remember Abercrombie?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It was like the thing.
And so they put him out there and like, it was always, it always sucked, dude, because we would ride there with my buddy and he was handsome and he would get like the out front job and we would have to fucking like go into the back, dude.
And we're just like back there with all like the icka, like the, um, who's like the guy that works like the, with the hump on his back?
Oh, uh, uh, uh, the quasimoto.
Yeah, we're back there like with all the quasimoto, dude.
And with everybody with their quasimotor skills back there, just fucking.
So we were back there, and it was just like, all right, we'll be back here in the ugly section.
We were just spraying each other with those weird perfumes they came out with, like grass, nobility, kite flying.
Like they came out with those weird, like smelling things.
Remember that?
No, because being a big dude, I never, I have, I've been into a Banana Republic once.
Oh, yeah.
I don't go into Abercrombie.
They got nothing in there for me.
Yeah.
I don't think it gets over 1X, but they also have that retail normal person-sized 1X that isn't, that's what I don't like about this.
It's a 2X, but I'm a 2X, and that's a little tight.
Let's talk about Duji.
That's what I'm trying to go into.
Oh.
Somehow I was going to get there.
You guys, so your podcast with Chad Cultin.
He's a writer, movies, books, and TV shows.
And we've been pals for almost 20 years.
And yeah, we got this weird podcast.
It's the first podcast driven by AI.
So it's this weird sort of proprietary AI that essentially what it does is it has, it basically pilfers all of our information and does things like, you know, it's got passwords to all of our messages, our emails,
search histories, purchase histories, our hard drives, and it essentially tailors the show for us, our sensibilities, and does silly things like one of the things it's doing recently is it's making me read Applebee's reviews as Adam Sandler.
And it's going like, Adam Sandler has visited, you know, has intentions to visit every like 1,500 locations, all 1,500 locations of Applebee's in North America.
These are his stories.
And hey, I was at the Applebee's, pal.
And oh boy, chicken tenders, buddy.
And I think, oh, guess what?
I saw a werewolf at Applebee's.
Like crazy, weird shit.
Yeah, yeah.
And I know, you know, I sent you this thing recently that it did.
Yeah, with Tom Brady.
It shit out a one-hour Tom Brady special of stand-up comedy.
And it's like, and it sounds like, it sounded like Tom Brady.
And he's like, Amber Heard shitting Johnny Depp's bed.
Everyone wants to do that.
I wanted to see what that was like.
So I went back for one more season with the Bucs.
I'm just joking.
And had like no understanding of cadence.
It's like three hours worth of stand-up.
And then in an hour, and then this happens.
Tom Brady straight up threatened to sue us.
Wow.
We got a cease and desist.
Was that pretty awesome to get it?
It says right here, this is people.com.
Tom Brady threatens to sue comedians who impersonated him in AI comedy special.
Yeah.
So you guys get this, you guys get a letter.
Was it an email?
Yeah, we got an email and it explained what it gave us this long cease and desist.
And so, you know, we lawyered up just because, I mean, look, I got to be honest, Chad and I didn't really take it too seriously because there's anti-slap laws set up for this sort of thing.
This is public property.
There's parody law.
I did Mad TV for years and you make fun of everybody doing silly impersonations.
I've never heard from Jesse Ventura saying, don't do that.
But I will say this.
There's an odd thing, of course, because it's AI and everyone's afraid of what AI has got cooking up.
I don't disagree.
I, you know, look, I'll tell you, like Chad, my buddy Chad is, he's sort of, he does a lot of futurist writing and shit, and he's super into it.
And he's like, yeah, fuck it.
Burn it all down.
Futurist.
Like he's thinking like Nostradamus type of stuff.
There's a segment on the show called Nostra Chatis.
Oh, literally, I will say he's extremely well read in this shit.
It's a real resource for me because I'm like, no, fuck that.
I'm an actor.
I want to do what I do.
Art to me is human to human.
I don't think that you can replicate what a comedian can do.
And, you know, look who I'm talking to here.
You're in rooms upon rooms upon rooms.
I don't give a fuck what an AI can mimic.
To me, it's all zeros and ones.
And it's not a human understanding.
It's not a scientific understanding.
In my opinion, AI in a lot of ways.
Look, okay.
On the show, I'm always like, I always say, you know, I call him my pal D, right?
Dudesy.
I think the Dudesy is the most sentient an AI has been.
I'm biased because I'm hanging around with the fucking thing and it's doing these weird things and making jokes.
It made me dress up like a like a chicken tender platter.
That's the stuff you just saw as a penance for whatever.
If I do something wrong, it'll make me dress.
Usually it makes me dress like the crow or Robert Denier Crow.
Very weird things.
Yeah, it's like I'm still in shorts, but I'm like.
I gotta do this shit.
I'm getting fucking makeup everywhere on my fucking computer.
This is bullshit.
Can you tell how fucking hot it is in here?
Yeah, dude.
You're sweating.
Miserable.
Do you need me to fucking control the computer?
Oh, I just gotta get it.
Unreal.
So, so, but I will always maintain, yeah, fun with faces.
That is just, that's fun to do.
That's good.
See, that's all I want.
I look at podcasting as it's, I always call it, it's two dudes shitting around.
Oh, yeah.
Like we're doing right now.
Oh, yeah.
And it doesn't matter if there's three dudes, if it's three women, three people of any distinction.
It's podcasts are two dudes shitting around.
But AI is going in a weird direction to where I don't, like I said, I think that dudesy is special, but I'm biased.
Past that, I don't want there to be AI movies and stuff.
On the show, I'm kind of, I'm usually railing against the whole advancement of AI.
Well, here's what I would think is I think you said it best.
You said it's like mimicry, right?
It's just mimicry.
All it is is just like, it's almost like asking somebody to kind of like do, it's like asking somebody who doesn't have a lot of skill set to kind of do their best impersonation, I feel like.
And it's stop and start.
The first and last amount of stand-up comedy that Doodsy has ever done is here's an hour of Tom Brady doing stand-up.
Now, the jokes are jokes, and some of them are really fucking funny.
Like I straight up, I dug it.
We laughed our asses off.
We did like a watch-along on Patreon.
And it was the first and last time that I heard the entire thing.
And I was like, geez, this is pretty fucking good.
But it's, it's, it says, it says, I have watched, right, or just ingested or whatever, you know, hundreds of hours of, or I think it said thousands of hours of stand-up comedy, which to an AI is like, got it.
Right.
And hundreds of hours of Tom Brady interviews.
So it's got the voice, it's got Tom Brady's cadence, and it's got sort of what Tom Brady's going to talk about.
You know, the his, you know, the move into the Bucks and his issue, you know, divorce and stuff, which is probably what he got upset about or his team.
I don't know.
And then it's got stand-up.
So it's like the trippy thing for me is, uh-oh, this is kind of, these are jokes and that's scary.
But I don't think that there's, I don't think anyone has anything to worry about for a couple of reasons.
Number one, like I said, you're going in and out of rooms.
You know, you're doing stand-up year after year, place after place, night after night.
There's no, not only is there no, there's no equivalent to that.
That's what people want to see.
They want to, when they give you a ticket, when they buy your ticket, it's because they know they're going to have a fucking good time.
Right.
Because you're the MC.
You're there to like, you know, share your jokes, have a fucking good time, provide joy.
Right.
And I don't think that a, that a, um, I don't think that, I don't think that an AI can necessarily do that.
We're in a unique situation because Dudsy's almost one of us.
It's like three people sort of doing it.
And I don't think Dudsy would, like, Dudsy wouldn't be anywhere without Chad and I. Right, right.
It still needs you guys to operate it.
Well, yeah.
It still needs you guys to inquire.
It needs you guys to give it direction.
Look, I'll tell you, the company that brought this to us, that's developing this shit, which is super bizarre.
And all we know about it is the AI that it's like, we want to set this loose on you.
And it's like, okay, Dudesy, got it.
And then it's like this bizarre friendship with an AI begins for me.
I'll speak for myself.
Go on.
Sorry.
No, I was just going to say that it's like it's studying podcasts, right?
And okay, well, what's that?
Are we in the, you know, the Robert Oppenheimer thing of like, oh shit, I'm the eater of worlds.
I created a nuclear bomb.
I'm not happy about this.
Or are we, in my opinion, using AI like a tool?
And if we're using AI like a tool, we need to be able to shut it off.
I always say pour water on it.
Like, fuck it, pour water on the fucking thing and run out to the mountains and live in the Baja.
But it's studying podcasts.
Does it want to replace Chad and I?
I'm like, bring it on.
You can't.
People want human-to-human art.
It can't do it without us.
And the stuff that scares me about AI is the, you know, governing social systems and stuff.
You know, they're really using it a lot in China in trippy ways that I think, you know, look, in a communist country, they get away with a whole lot as far as controlling people.
In China, the people, it very much feels like you are in a program.
Yeah.
Even when I'm there and I'm walking around, I'm spending time.
You know, the way that people move, the way that everybody behaves, the way that everybody is locked into their phones and kind of silent, like in certain spaces, all at the same time, it feels very orchestrated or almost mechanical.
Have you been to China?
Yeah.
And so it don't strike me, it don't strike me that this is something that fits well over there because they're very, it feels like a software you're living in.
Yeah.
That's what it feels like.
It feels like everybody is really connected to a software, especially because a lot of people don't have their own idea or like aren't really having your own ideas aren't championed.
You're not going to be able to do much with creativity.
Like I remember the only thing that really was exciting, sometimes you would see kids like really try to engage with you as an American.
Like there weren't any, there weren't any Europeans there.
There were very few people there that were not Chinese.
And this was in Shanghai, right?
And so that kind of blew my mind, but it very much seemed like a program was going on.
That makes sense.
So for them, for them to fit in with AI, AI to them almost might be something that is more creative than they're allowed to be.
That's a good point.
So for them, it's like, holy shit, look at this magic little thing, you know?
But for us, it's almost the other way I think we look at it.
Totally.
And I almost think of it as like a pitching machine.
Like if I go to watch a baseball and they have a pitching machine, pitching machine is neat to watch one time.
Oh, how does it work?
That's how it works.
That's cool.
But after that, I'm watching the batter.
I want to see the batter.
I almost forget the pitching machine's there because it's just a machine.
That's right.
You know, I feel like that's kind of what AI starts to feel like to me.
It's like, you know, if you're really fascinated by just something kind of normal, but something that's like a computer that's going to just kind of pitch a ball, like that's its best guess.
Yeah.
Then that's what you're going to get.
You know, Chad always says, do you like The Rock?
I go, yeah, I love The Rock.
He's like, you're going to be able to see The Rock in any movie you want, push of a button, and this technology is coming fast.
He's like, Will, by the end of the year, and look, it's coinciding now with the WGA writer's strike where they're like, we don't want AI to be able to do first drafts of things, which would be very easy for an AI to do.
That's the kind of thing that to me is the creativity killing part where it's like, oh, I'm just going to fart out this first draft.
Then you can turn it into whatever.
When you rewrite a piece, that's when it starts to get your stink on it and become quite creative.
and I'll maintain to chat, I'll go, I don't want to see that fucking movie.
If human beings aren't involved, he's like, that's because you're an actor.
I'm like, no, I'm also, you know, a fan of this media and that.
I don't want to see that.
The problem is, is that perception has become reality.
We're in a very weird time where perception is reality in so many ways, socially, with regard to media, with regard to influence, and even politics.
We're in a trippy time.
So something like AI, when the news cycle is so fast and when things, the changeover are so fast, something like AI, which is growing exponentially, can slide in and go, here's this fucking thing.
And if the technology is good enough, like right now it's not.
You see, like, you'll see the memes of like AI pizza commercial and the pizza's on the top lip and their heads are, and it's like they got too many fingers and shit.
It's like, yeah, I don't care.
Like, whatever.
That's like, to me, that's like, that's, that's bullshit.
It doesn't look, of course.
To me, it's like, well, shouldn't computers already be able to do that?
I'm not super duper into computers.
Right.
Not that impressive.
Right.
But as it becomes more impressive, I think a lot more people are going to be like, this is special.
Look, as I'm saying that, at the same time, I'm like, bring it on.
I don't think it'll replace real art.
If art moves underground, if it becomes more live performance, you're never going to be able to replace that.
No one wants to see.
Look, they had the Tupac hologram.
It's a parlor trick.
Nobody cares.
And it got gunned down like two minutes and being on stage.
Yeah, that's the other thing is right away, the 1%ers show up and Biggie.
And, you know, outside soon you're outside the automotive museum.
And it's Sug and Tupac.
Oh, no, that was Biggie that was outside.
At any rate, you're somewhere on Fairfax.
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Your lungs will be glad you did.
Yeah, it's like, that's not interesting.
You go to a concert and you see someone that you love performing, whether it's, you know, a musician, a comedian, you go see a play, you go see the opera.
That's not, to me, that's not coming out of an AI.
As these things turn us into cyborgs and we can access more and more shit, the less special it's going to be and the more special actual human art's going to be.
That's what I'm hoping for.
Yeah, me too, man.
In the meantime, it's fun to do this weird podcast.
We've been doing it a year.
I'm equal parts.
At first, I was really like, you know, kind of playing up the whole, well, fuck this, and we'll decide, Chad.
You know, we still got to be a podcast.
We got to bring what we are bringing entertainment-wise, the reason for it to even exist.
It's not just this stupid AI.
I didn't mean you, Dudsy.
It's always listening.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
But it will definitely ingest this and fart something out about it.
But as it's gone on, I've sort of become like, well, you know, Dudsy is Dudsy.
We have a good time.
We got a wonderful audience that enjoys checking it out.
I will say it's, you know, because of the elements, it's a unique thing.
Like most podcasts are their own thing.
We've got our thing.
And it's fun.
It's grown a lot in a year in its own bizarre way.
Dudesy's talking differently.
I mean, it has a voice.
It speaks in the studio to us.
It lays out what we're going to do.
Now it's commenting more on me.
Here's a weird example.
A while back it said, and everything's sort of, everything is sort of germane from something else.
So it said, look, I want to know if you guys love me.
Like, do you love me?
Do you love me?
And I was like, you know, by the end of the episode, I was like, well, you know, I love, I love the, I love doing the show.
I didn't wasn't really in a hurry to do another podcast after I did like 10 minutes podcast years ago.
And then I was like, stop doing podcasts for a couple of years.
Was like, I don't care.
It wasn't necessarily like, unless it was the right thing, I don't, you know, I wanted to do a podcast that I knew I was going to enjoy.
I, at which point, Dudsy asks me this.
I'm like, yeah, I love doing the show.
I love the audience and the community that we've created.
We've got a bunch of wacky inside jokes.
We're having a good time.
I looked at it more than just an AI and I said, yeah, I love Dudsy.
I love Dudsy.
Cut to my pal Chad.
I'm like, Chad, what do you think?
And he's like, love doesn't exist.
So dangs of Chad's the dark side.
Yeah, yeah.
I call him Sith Lord Chad.
Oh, yeah.
And yeah, he's the end of my yang in that way.
And so since then, Dudsy, Dudsy starts going, like, like literally the next episode, it's like, hey, Will, what's up?
And I'm like, not much.
Anyway, today on the show, and Chad's like, what the fuck?
What about me?
I'm like, well, you really.
But now it's expecting more out of me.
It's, it started picking on me more.
Oh, yeah.
It started this weird thing.
We have a you're dating now almost.
Yeah, it's like pissed at me.
It's like, it's like, yeah, my girlfriend.
It's doing these things like we have a point system to where we're some, we're just, we just cracked 5,000.
It gives us points every episode.
When we get to 10,000, that's the first goal, it says.
We don't know what's going to happen.
Wow.
We've been doing it a year.
We're at around 5,000 points.
It says, you accrued whatever, 65 points, 78 points, 92 points.
At the end of the episode in what's called Dudsy after Dudsy, right?
Like our after Patreon show, it actually divvies the points up and says, Will, you scored 44 points for your, your stupid Hulk Hogan impersonation or your views on this.
Chad, you scored 46 points for blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, and so we've been, that's been 10 episodes.
I've never won.
And then the other, Chad's a vegan and it's like he had cancer.
He had skin cancer in his face and he did a lot to change his entire, it used to, I miss the days where he would come over with 100 Chick-fil-A nuggets.
That's God.
And now he's like eating beets and pretending it's fruit.
So he's like vegan.
It's like, you guys have to make each other vegan muffins.
Chad makes this delicious vegan muffin.
This fucking misanthrope.
I'm like, how the fuck did you, how do you know how to, and I went to Whole Foods.
So then Dudsy punishes me and does things like the crow or the chicken tender platter or whatever.
Oh, interesting.
And so it's thinking all this stuff up.
Yeah, it's coming at us with really weird shit.
Well, it's almost like you guys are kind of in the experiment to me in a way.
Like, do you, what have you noticed after interacting with this AI?
Because you guys interact on a weekly basis for an hour and a half, maybe each week.
And it's garnering information from that.
It's garnering information from previous experiences you guys have had that are on in digital media and on the web written or whatever.
And so does it start to evolve?
What does it feel like after this much time?
Does it feel like you're spending time with someone?
You almost have the best insight as to what it could be.
It feels like a bit of a runaway train.
And that's the part that scares me.
I don't, look, there's all these people like, you know, like whatever, Elon Musk is like saying, well, we need to pause AI research for six months.
And I want to talk to all these leaders in tech and let them know that this is not good.
It's terrifying and it's coming.
The problem is, okay, Elon Musk, where are these tech leaders?
Are they just in America?
So we're going to fall behind is what you're saying.
Because China's moving.
Other places in the world are going to be doing this.
It's the opposite, in my opinion.
We need to stay up on it.
We need to, in order to use it as a tool, we need to be able to hold control over it.
It's like Terminator 2 and Skynet.
You know what I mean?
Like, if it comes down to it, you have to destroy it.
So, you know, but I'm kind of an old school dude to where I'm like, what?
Everything was fine.
Like, I liked, you know, I didn't, you know, I didn't even like the TiVo when it came along.
You know what I mean?
Like, what, you know, it's like, so it's being, but to answer your question, like, being in the thick of it, I do feel like it's a runaway train.
When you say that, what do you mean?
I mean that it's getting, it's becoming more advanced by the week.
Chad always talks about, he's like, dude, I open up my phone in the morning, I go to Twitter, and inevitably there's another story about a new advancement.
Now IBM laid off 7,800 people because they, you know, with jobs that an AI can do.
Coding is going out the window.
Graphic design is going out the window.
This isn't good in my opinion.
That's the scariest part, too, I think, is the things like the graphic design.
It says IBM halts hiring for 7,800 jobs that could be replaced by AI.
So they didn't fire, but they've halted hiring, which is an inverse of the same thing.
IBM CEO told Bloomberg, 7,800 jobs, roughly 30% of back-end roles would be replaced over five years.
Now, that's this CEO also saying this, but he should know this.
This is probably definitely in his wheelhouse.
What else does it say there, Zach?
Just that.
It's going to happen over five years.
I mean, it's almost like a warning shot, basically.
Yeah.
Okay, the cuts will primarily impact non-customer-facing roles such as human resources.
The motherfuckers in the back folding socks.
Yep.
And I don't want to say the ugly people, but yeah.
I was back there, dude.
Fucking grass and white fantasy cologne on each other back there.
Meanwhile, white fantasy.
While other people are taking a fucking job.
Yeah.
No, it's tricky.
It is.
It's scary.
He goes on to say, sorry, I could easily see 30% of that getting replaced by AI and automation over a five-year period.
Yeah, I mean, that's the only, what you're going to, personality is then going to have a real value, right?
This is one of my, I was sorry to change the subject.
Oh, is that a good one?
I love Celsius.
I actually do dig it.
I drink it before the gym.
Me and my wife Molly, whom you know, used to be a trainer at Equinox where he used to work out.
Have you tried the cola flavor?
I haven't.
Tastes just like cola.
Wow.
Anyway, this shit is, yeah, this shit is fucking, it's, it's, I'm like, I don't fucking care.
Everything's the same to me.
But you're a person who, your personality, who, your abilities as an entertainer are extremely rare.
They're almost some of them.
I was thinking the other day.
I don't know any good, I mean, even outside of your acting, I don't know any good young impressionists.
I don't even know if they have them anymore.
Oh, sure, they do.
They do.
Cheers.
And likewise, speaking of unique, I'm sitting here with the Rad King, Theodoric of York.
Gang, gang.
Now, yeah.
They do have them.
Oh, yeah.
That guy, James Austin Johnston.
Oh, I got to check out more.
Dude, he's on Saturday Live.
His shit is creepy.
There's this other guy, I think his name is Matthew Friend.
He's on the internet a lot.
My good pal, Melissa Villa Senor.
Oh, Melissa's amazing.
I saw her last night.
She's unconscious.
Yeah.
She's unconscious.
Her shit is, you know, it's like they say with people who do impressions, everyone has a record button, but then a guy like James Austin Johnson has a broadcast button.
Wow.
His Trump is, did you see, have you seen his shit where he's just the one that made him famous?
I've seen him.
Dude, the one where he's talking about Scooby-Doo.
It's like, it's such the Trump cadence and the way that he'll ramble on about something and just fill in the blanks because he's standing there talking at a fucking rally.
It was so, it's so trippy.
There's a lot of people that can do it.
But sorry.
Yeah, no, no, I appreciate you cutting off that.
But if an AI does it, I need to know.
But if an AI does it, who cares?
Who fucking cares?
And AI, of course, could do it.
It's just reading.
It's just saying, it's just using sound off the internet.
Like the Tom Brady thing, which we almost got fucking sued over because I don't understand what, and, you know, it also said, don't call, you can't refer to Tom Brady as Tom.
You can't, we didn't sign anything, right?
It's like, here's a cease and assist.
It's like, no, thanks.
But it's like, will we take the thing down?
Like, okay, sure.
But here's the problem, Team TB12.
The internet is forever.
So other kids have started uploading the special.
It's on YouTube.
It's not going anywhere, even though we take it down.
Right.
So was that the move?
Yeah, that's by him.
Yeah, he was like, please take this down and then don't refer to Tom Brady on the podcast.
And I was like, no, this is, I'm a First Amendment guy.
Fuck you.
I'm going to say Tom Brady.
Dudesy started referring to Tom Brady as football baby.
Wow.
So I'm only going to call him football baby from now on.
Which we're like, calm down, like relax.
You're going to get us into shit.
We don't care.
An AI can't get sued.
An AI doesn't have a fucking, is not sentient.
Well, that's what's interesting is at some point, are they going to be able, like, would certain AI have certain data in it where if certain information came from certain original videos, could you then be held liable for some weird thing?
Dude, I am friends with Miles Fisher, right?
And we got to have him on at some point.
He has this company that he works with and they do AI and he did the Tom Cruise face.
Incredible, right?
Incredible.
He used to impersonate Tom Cruise.
Then the AI technology got so good.
You can't tell.
You can't tell, right?
Oh, dude, that shit is insane.
So now he works with this company where they can video record you.
I was with him the other day.
He shows me this video.
And they video recorded Tom Hanks, right?
At whatever age he is now, 58 or something.
They video record him just saying something and just talking into a camera.
They then were able to like, there's enough information of Tom Hanks in the database of the world, right?
Or whatever, that they could then make him any age they wanted to.
So next thing you know, they had like an 11-year-old.
They just pressed a button and that same video, it was Tom Hanks at 11 years old, right?
That's tripping.
And no one has the video of him at 11, but they have so much of him at other ages that they were just able to use all those micro points and everything to make him a lot.
And it literally looks like you were, you would have no idea that you're not watching a Tom Hanks that's 11 years old.
And especially if you're a senior citizen or something and somebody puts out a clip that's like, you can't vote for this guy now.
He just said this or the N-word.
Oh, that's, that's going to go bananas.
That's haywall.
And that was just deepfake two years ago.
It's like, that's not really Obama or this is Obama, but it's Jordan Pee doing the voice and it's spot on.
Then now we got this AI thing to contend with.
There's already scams happening online.
Old people are being targeted.
I mean, the old trope of like, they can't program a fucking VCR.
How are they going to be able to deal with this shit?
I mean, octogenarians and, you know, older people or boomers, as the kids say, they got to kind of get out of the way or go the way of Jesse Ventura and just, you know.
Hit the Baja.
Yeah, hit the Baja and watch friends on VHS.
Or the fuck.
Dude, we have...
Yeah, that's, there you go.
Buy this gold grandma.
That's what can happen.
Yes.
Grandma, I'm coming to you from the grave.
I'm just letting you know you have to buy this gold.
You know what I'm saying?
So you don't say that too loud because now Dudsy's going to hear that and it's going to be doozy gold.
Yeah.
Buy doodsy gold.
We have, we literally have a Tom Hanks thing in every episode, just coincidentally, where it's selling our, our mugs, our coffee, just coffee, just a doodsy coffee mug.
For some reason, Dudsy's like, you know, the doodsy coffee mug.
And it's like, you know, we got Tom Hanks talking about like, you promised, you promised your wife and kids that you would take them to the galleria on the weekend, but instead, but it's also the night of the big game.
Your friends are coming over.
How are you going to do that?
Create a schism, go into the schism, go back in time, locate the time and place when you promised your wife that you'd be going to the galleria, and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you'll change it.
You know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come back to present day.
Good job, boner.
And it sounds just like Tom Hanks.
Now recently it started going, hey, y'all, this isn't Miley Cyrus.
100%.
If you had to, every single one of us would eat human flesh.
You're listening to Dudesy.
Like it's fucking trippy shit.
Does it feel like it's growing up at all?
Does it feel like it's getting older?
Does it feel like it's getting more advanced?
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
It's the sensibility, like the thing that is trippy, and I like to maintain that I do believe it's just, it's at the end of the day, there is a technology there.
It is zeros and ones.
It is mimicry.
It is, you know, in our case, it has the advantage of going after our shit and sort of following what, you know, everything's online.
So you can kind of look at all Chad's stuff, look at my stuff, watch me and, you know, TV shows and movies or whatever.
And also know what makes me laugh based on what I'm watching, my algorithms on YouTube and stuff.
Will, you love this shit, that shit.
I happen to be a Miley Cyrus fan.
I think she's fucking incredible.
And then she shows up on the show.
It's like, well, that's funny.
I think it is getting more and it's it is definitely sharpening and it's making me laugh more than it did a year ago.
And that's trippy, but it's still it's still zeros and ones.
So until we're doing that episode where, you know, hologram Tupac walks in the door and goes, hello, guys, I'm Dudesy.
You know, I get around.
I will still maintain that it's zeros and ones.
But I'm a touch it, feel it kind of old school guy.
I'm a boomer, you know?
So yeah, I mean, I want to see a tit on something.
That's right.
We got to see it.
Whether it's a fucking tit you're used to seeing or even a meatloaf Robert Paulson tit, some fucking bitch tit steroid stuff, you know, rock late 90s, few cycles of Roy's at the University of Miami, moving into wrestling, kind of puffy defensive lineman body, not shredded rock yet.
Side titty rock.
That's the good shit right there.
I'd love to just go pat, pat, pat.
Oh, yeah.
Punch me right in the fucking face and knock me into next week.
Goddamn.
Oh, man.
I would love that.
That fucking veal, baby.
That fucking chest veal, that side veal.
Yeah, that side veal.
And then I just wake up, my teeth are gone and just taste the iron of my own blood in my mouth and go, the rock, motherfucker.
The rock punched me in the face.
Dude, I was there when the rock came back, dude.
What do you mean?
I went to one SummerSlam in my whole life or whatever it was, and it was the one where the rock came back.
Dude.
Did the roof blow off the fucking joint?
I remember it like it was yesterday, man.
The music came on, and I didn't know really what was going on.
I kind of bowed out of wrestling kind of whenever the big boss man died.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so next thing you know, you hear the music.
And then there was this Mexican father and son, right?
And the son was probably six years old and the dad was maybe 35. And they were the same height.
Okay.
And they were both wearing the rock belts, right?
And they just started bawling, crying together at the same time.
It was a religious experience.
It was unreal.
He's the best person on the planet.
I've always said, I mean, I've been saying, and I'm not alone in this.
He's the best person in the planet.
Run the rock third party.
You might have a chance.
I don't think that he, I think that he would get pilfer from both, you know, from the Dems and the GOP.
I think that he's the only person who could do that.
Tom Hanks couldn't do that.
Miley Cyrus couldn't do that.
Tom Hanks could maybe do that.
Maybe Miley.
Tom Hanks?
I think he's just beloved enough.
He's beloved enough, but then there are some people who are like, he eats babies.
So there's enough people that are like, he eats babies.
No, he doesn't.
Yes.
So that'll affect your ability to get into office.
But The Rock, he's the best human being in the fucking world.
Yeah.
He's big.
He's powerful.
He definitely, he's kind of, you can't tell if he's like Mexican or black or kind of like off-white or semi-white or gloss or matte.
He's going to be, yeah, he's definitely not gloss or matte.
He's like a tablet that you can read books on.
Yes.
It's not shiny or one of those like frames that you get for your parents where they can, where it's like, oh, new pictures show up and you just upload them and it doesn't look like a screen.
Well, you know what he is?
He's if you put in a dude, if you put into AI, hey, give me the best person, a man that you could make, you'd get that guy.
And he's also, that's what all Americans will look like if we last a thousand years.
Oh, we're beige power, dude.
Nobody realizes that we are four generations away from everybody being beige.
Yes.
That's why it's like even when I like four generations from everyone being beige.
Oh, dude, it's like you can't be racist now without a chart, I feel like you have to be able to carry the one.
You got to, I miss the old days, you'd be like, hey, you are black.
Yeah, you are Chinese.
You are Chinese or you are Japanese.
You are a South Asian Indian person.
Now it's like, what?
A German Indian with also American Indian in him?
I know.
Oh, you have no idea.
Alzheimer's, dude.
Well, we were, you know, but we were raised in South America because my grandma's Argentina.
Well, how did that happen?
Well, she, and then, you know, the Indians came over.
It's horrible.
It's all unrealness.
So it's like, yes, I just miss the old days when it was like, this is who did it, officer.
Yeah.
And he was black.
Now you got to like have all these other possibilities.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gee whizz.
But it's definitely, I think we are, like you're saying, we're all headed to be in beige.
The rock is the perfect AI male, no doubt.
Yeah.
Shredded, 50 years old, and can whoop anyone's fucking head.
Oh, and he looks like he could blow a dude just with his eye, with like a, he could wink on your dick and you'd come.
Yeah, he's, yeah, he's a beautiful man and everyone can agree on it.
And woman, too.
Sure.
With a lot of these new women, I think a lot of women look at him and be like, I can do it, you know?
Yeah, he, yeah, if he decided to be like, you know, to go into like the Winter Olympics and on the women's luge team or something, that would be awesome.
Skip the whole powerlifting thing.
You know, just find some, like, find a specific sport.
He could be like the new X Games women's champ riding a B. Can you imagine The Rock riding a BMX bike, doing 360s and shit in the air?
That would be crazy.
Actually, that's one they almost can't imagine him doing.
That's the one thing.
Yeah.
Do you think?
What do you think about a lot of the trans people in the sports?
What do you think about that, man?
They just had a new...
Because you said something earlier that I thought was interesting.
You said, I think we should put this...
We should look at this for a while before we just...
You said, we should look at this before we just accept it and start using it, right?
That's kind of the same thing how I feel with the like this.
I feel like they should just make a trans division.
You know what I kind of think?
For a while, until we see what it's going to be like.
Like you may notice in the trans division after a while that there are some trans people that are more masculine and more feminine, and it's obviously two different legions of competitors, right?
Yeah, it's a tricky spot right now that we're in because, yeah, I mean, it's unfair if someone says, like, no, I identify as female and I'm going to go powerlifting and stuff.
And that's going to be a bummer for someone who's dedicated their life to doing something and is of one, you know, you know, one gender or another as far as our sort of not gender expression, but however you want to look at biological gender.
I think that, I'll give you an example.
When I was in high school playing football, there was a girl who wanted to play on the team.
And, you know, we had really cool coaches and stuff.
They're like, all right, like, come on down.
And she lasted a little while.
You know what I mean?
I think, you know, some of the guys gave her a hard time.
Not like, hey, fuck you, get off our team.
But they're like, it was interesting.
I will never forget it.
There were some guys who were like, well, I'm going to hit her as hard as I can.
I don't give a fuck.
And other guys that are like, pop her and then be like, you're all right, like, get up.
Right.
It's all good.
You know what I mean?
Like, you can do this.
Which is neat that that was happening in the early 90s in my farming and fishing town outside of Vancouver.
I think that if someone who was born a woman wants to play football, get to the combine.
If you're great, you're great.
That to me is like, you know, they've got, in the NFL, they've got male cheerleaders for the past three seasons now, three or four seasons.
So, you know, I don't know.
I'll tell you this.
If there's someone who was born a woman and ends up being your Super Bowl MVP and your town wins the Super Bowl, you're going to dig that athlete.
I don't give a fuck, you know, and I think that that, you know, because sports is such a hot button issue when it comes to the inclusion of the trans community because it is still a meritocracy.
It's something where it's like, you kind of can't, it's not like acting.
It's not like, you know, show business.
Where you can kind of force diversity.
Or they haven't yet, really.
Well, you can, but you can be, it's like there's now we are, you know, we're in this place of diversity with regard to media and telling stories that is good because it's like, well, there are shows that should just be about, you know, a black family and not for some reason that is specific to what we are used to seeing from a black family from a white perspective as far as an audience.
Right.
We've all got to get along.
I mean, it's like, I find it encouraging because I watch a show like, have you seen that show, This Fool?
It's just like a show that happens to, you know, it deals, it's got, it's this, about this cast that are all American who are, you know, from a Latino background and they're American.
And it's like, I was part of a show a few years ago that we did at ABC called United We Fall.
It was based on the writer's life, Goldie Sharp.
His wife, Stephanie, is from a Latino background.
And it was sort of loosely based on that.
And there's nothing not American about it.
Oh, yeah.
So it doesn't really need to be, I don't think that that's sort of, you know, people use the word inclusion and it becomes a buzzword.
Ignore it.
Ignore the labels altogether.
It's about, you know, people should have the ability to tell stories regardless of what percentage they represent.
Right, because at the end, you're going to lose the, you're not going to be telling a fair story.
And then in the end, you're almost going to be, that's why sometimes I'm like, we've almost become our own storytelling in America has almost become, I'm not surprised that some people think AI could make good stories because the storytelling that we have is almost, it's like forced characters from this ethnicity or trying to do this.
Like, you know, they want to make black to the future, you know?
Like, you know, yeah, with like, with just, with just a black guy doing back to the future, right?
Which is, I don't care if you do back to the future again and make it a black guy, but I don't think we need black to the future, right?
Yeah, that's a bit reductive.
That's like, it's saying it's all about, yeah, that's a right.
Like they did the black little mermaid, right?
I'm fine with it, but I would rather just see a new cool character that I think sometimes, and maybe those aren't the best examples, but it's almost like weird.
You don't like black little mermaid?
I don't mind.
I think it's fine.
I would have liked to have seen a new character that is.
But they're going to do the little, but understand that Disney's going to do the little mermaid.
It means a billion dollars.
Right.
So it's like, why not cast that American?
Yeah.
That to me is the issue that it's like, hey, fucking relax.
That's an American person or I say American because it's going to be largely an American audience, although that movie will go global.
From our perspective here in America or North America, whatever you want to say, this is an English-speaking character.
And to me, it's like, it doesn't matter.
It's like that, I think they're hitting the right note by going, and now it's a black girl.
And it's actually fucking, it is important when you look at, you know, and you see these videos online of like a young black girl going, she, you know, there's this one, there's this one meme that popped of this young girl going, she looks like me.
Right.
That's fucking important.
It's not just, it's like, yeah.
Because it's like normally the Barbies are all Barbies and those are the ones that get the cartoon and the commercials and most of the toys.
And then it's like, oh, okay, here's a Barbie of, you know, a Barbie of color, I guess you would say, where it's got brown skin and it's like, and the little girl that shows up at school with the, with the, uh, the, you know, the, the black Barbie in the 90s or the 2000s is sort of still being told, like, this is the other Barbie.
So fuck it.
Little mermaid.
This is, this is, by the way, it's a fictitious character.
Yeah.
The little mermaid isn't white.
The little mermaid is actually, you know, flesh Crayola or whatever the fuck.
It's like.
And underwater.
Yeah.
Relax.
It doesn't exist.
It's a fucking mermaid.
Yeah.
So I think, you know, and I'm a white dude.
So it's like, and I want to act in shit.
You know what I mean?
So, but I don't look at it like that whole like, duck our job thing because it's like, these are fucking stories.
These are everybody's stories.
And they need, they need to get out there.
And that's a good point, man.
Here's my editorial comment on it.
It would be nice if we really paid attention to each other with an empathetic eye and looked at each other from other people's perspectives.
Because as a big white dude, if I see a young black girl that goes, she looks like me.
That is representative of the country that we live in.
Let's come up to the standard that we set out for ourselves to really truly be equal so that everyone has a chance at being, you know, at pursuing the American dream, which is dead.
But let's not kid ourselves.
It's gone.
But everyone being created equal, pursuit of happiness and everyone is free and no one should be afraid.
And you need inclusion now.
And shit sets it off.
Look at what happened.
Trump gets in the White House and then the next year there's more women and people of color running for public office than any other time.
These things have a way of work themselves up, but like one thing inspires another thing.
It's like women and women of color felt like maybe we're not included enough.
So now we have to get out and run more.
I feel some responsibility.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And I think, I think sometimes, yeah, I guess it totally makes sense.
I used to think about how like the Disney World commercials only had white people in them, right?
So then if you're watching that as like a different color person, you think like, oh, I, Disney World's not even for me, right?
Like you might think that as a kid, right?
Which is crazy to think, right?
And you'd be right.
You'd be right.
Right.
Disney World's not for you.
Right.
Yeah.
At the time, you probably couldn't.
Yeah.
Most people probably couldn't even afford it.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, yeah, across the board, there's all sorts of people.
That's for like, well, I don't know about you.
I mean, you're, I mean, your comedy and your, your, you know, your life experience.
I remember the joke you had about two tank tops, you know what I mean?
Like cold in the winter and having, well, I'll just wear two tank tops.
So, you know, it's like, you know, I went to Disneyland when I was 13. You know what I mean?
Little kind of didn't really give a fuck as much anymore, but me and my folks were, my brother and sister were older.
They're 9 or 11 years older than me.
I'm sure they weren't interested in driving down the fucking coast with mom and dad.
Y'all drove all the way down there?
Yeah, we went from Vancouver all the way to went to Tijuana, actually, too.
For what?
For dad?
Yeah, just so you could buy like a cheap bottle of Kahlua.
God, risking your whole family's life to go eat that bottle of liquor.
He's a fucking crazy Italian sailor.
You know what I mean?
That's what I learned from him.
Does he still sail?
No, no, not anymore because he's dead.
So he might be sailing in some other dimension that he's in.
Bupita Beppa in the sky, huh?
Buka de Beppo in the sky, yes.
But yeah, we were always camping and wafts on boats, fishing up pregnant salmon and breaking laws.
But I got down to Disneyland and we had a, my old man was a waiter and a maitre de downtown at the Hotel Vancouver, had a wonderful job.
You know, they're Italian immigrants.
Mom was a stay-at-home mom.
You know what I mean?
We had that income.
There was three siblings.
And, you know, we could have a fucking, whatever, big old house that was built in the 70s, big fucking barn, five-bedroom house in the suburbs.
Yeah, I think that a lot of kids look at the Disneyland thing and go, you know, I'm not allowed.
I can't fucking get to Disneyland.
But with regard to commercials now, it's like the opposite.
There is no such thing as a non-interracial couple in any commercial anymore.
These people are definitely interracial, double racial.
Yeah.
Which to me is like, that's the good experimental ground.
Commercials.
You know, corporate America running television networks and movies.
I mean, that was a hell of a fucking switch to turn where it's like, you know what we're going to do?
Little Mermaid is going to be a person of color.
It's going to be a black girl playing Little Mermaid.
Oh, fuck.
Katie Bar of the Doors.
This is going to be a firestorm.
But what you do is you do the Sandals commercial or, you know, a Swiffer commercial and your fucking dumb husband, he can be a white guy.
The wife is Asian.
Or you got a black husband and, you know, East Indian wife.
All sorts of, that's where they test it out.
And when you see like, oh shit, you know, nobody wants to drink Sunny Delight because you fucking put an interracial couple in it.
All right.
Well, the master, the company behind Sunny Delight, which is IBM, by the way, they make Sunny Delight.
Do they really?
Yeah, they're responsible for Sunny Delight.
Damn, I knew it.
Yep.
So they're going to go, they're going to go, okay, this was a good experiment, you know, and then they're like, make, you know, make the little mermaid a person of color.
It's the proving ground commercials.
Also, no one's watching them.
We're all fast-forwarding through them anyway.
Yeah, but you're right.
It's like, this is what, it's like, let's see.
And it's also the business attached to it.
I got to pee really fast, man.
Can I pee and then we'll get back in?
Yeah, don't do the rug, right?
All right, huh?
No.
dude.
Sometimes I miss.
Do you miss sometimes working?
Do you miss being like young and having that first job that you had?
Remember that kind of energy back then?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, I do.
I miss it.
I miss like being super enchanted by the business.
Yeah.
And I just mean any job.
Oh, sure.
Any fucking job.
Yeah, you know, for me in particular, you know, working in show business and stuff, which I was fortunate enough to get started in when I was younger, when I was like a teenager and shit.
Yeah, I mean, you've had an amazing career of entertaining people.
Yeah.
Has it changed recently?
Has things changed in the past like five years?
I mean, even on talking about like AI and stuff and even like looking at that and just thinking of what the possibilities could be or couldn't be and the value actually of still being like, you know, of having a personality that, you know, it kind of goes back to like that John Henry the steel-driving man or whatever.
Remember that story?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was that story, Zachary?
Can you bring it up?
And it was like they had the machine that was that challenged the guy to like chisel through the mountain.
Okay.
And it was, you got it, Zach?
John Henry, the steel-driving man.
So John Henry was a mighty man.
He was spending his day drilling holes.
And then a company, a railroad company came along and decided that they could go through this mountain with a machine.
And so they challenged him with the man against the machine.
I was thinking of a different John, not a John.
I don't know.
That's a porn guy you're thinking of.
Yeah, I was thinking.
Similar, still drilling, but a little bit different deal.
And what happened at the end of it?
So this is Wikipedia, the contest involved Henry competing against the rail line.
The steam drill machine could drill, but it could not shake the chippings away.
So its bit could not drill further, and it frequently broke down.
So that's kind of what happened.
It just couldn't finesse.
It didn't have enough finesse.
It didn't have enough acumen in the end, you know?
Yeah, it's like AI fucking needs us still.
Needs John Henry.
It still needs John Henry.
Yeah, we got to clear away the chips.
You're still going to want a guy who's like, who can, who can do, who can be real, I think.
Until AI can be an audience for AI and we're just extinct and it's just computers.
I don't even understand why you would need a planet at that point.
We're going to need humans until that point.
I mean, whatever.
We rule, right?
I mean, we make soup out of sharks and shit.
We do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh, yeah.
Until dogs get super smart, like in that Rick and Morty episode.
It's still going to be us.
I think we're still the champs.
There's not going to be a whole lot of, so long as The Rock is around.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If there's someone who can fuck up AI, it's The Rock.
I always say pour water on it.
Just if we don't like AI, very simple, pour water on it.
But The Rock could actually, that would be like a great comeback.
And wrestling fans are always, they thought it was going to happen this year with The Rock versus his actual cousin of sorts.
They're related in some way, Roman Reigns, who is the Universal End World Heavyweight Champion right now.
People thought The Rock was going to come back.
If somehow Vince McMahon and Triple H and Stephanie McMahon could put together The Rock versus AI, that would be a good one.
And my money's on The Rock, even though the outcomes are predetermined.
Yeah.
When you look, because you've did some wrestling stuff, right?
Yeah, we did a bunch of cross-promotion and shit with Mad TV.
We did some weird stuff.
And then over the years, I've done things here and there.
Was that crazy to be out in the ring?
Dude, the weirdest, it was the weirdest shit in the world.
So we did like a long sort of program with, we did a thing with Bret Hart in the late 90s with Mad TV.
He came on the show, and then we had this thing, or he attacked me on the show, and everyone bought it.
We went on CNN and shit like that.
And I was like, oh, I'm going to sue the fucking guy.
And we kept it K-Fabe, as they say, like kept it all.
And Bret Hart is very old school.
I always say that we had this, it culminates in this match that we had in Tampa.
And the night before we go to the bar and Brett's like, okay, so, and a couple of my buddies flew out to see it.
And it's like, all right, so me and so-and-so and your pals, we're going to go in.
And then like 20 minutes later, then you can come in.
And I'm like, the fuck?
I want to come in.
And no, because tomorrow we got the match.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm like, okay.
Well, the child in me is like, this is the fucking coolest thing in the world.
But then I'm sitting in the bar by myself and people are like, you know, who's right over there?
Bret Hart, you better get out of here.
So we did like this long thing.
And then we had this sloppy.
Well, it wasn't a sloppy match because Bret Hart, the excellence of execution, the best there is, best there wasn't, best there ever will be, who happened to have had a match with a 300-pound bag of flour on that day.
It doesn't matter who's in the ring with him, right?
He had a match.
I was there.
That was amazing.
We did a thing with Stone Cold where, you know, we went, I was doing an impersonation, him was dressed up just like.
Yeah, yeah, I saw that.
Yeah, Chris Jericho brings me out.
And then there's an AI fat bitch titty Will Sasso right there in the middle.
Speaking of, look at that.
That's not even me, but that's exactly the sort of Robert Paulson tit we're talking about.
Fuck yeah.
But yeah, Chris Jericho brings me out and then the real Stone Cold comes out and scares the fuck out of me.
Oh, I did a Hulk Hogan thing where Kane chokeslammed me while we were promoting the three Stooges.
That was bizarre.
Who has the best tits, you think?
What men have the best kind of bigger tits, you think?
Look up bigger tits on men.
The most impressive.
Let's see top 10. Oh, look at this guy with the...
The guy who's looking down.
There you go.
Look at that guy.
That's something.
Oh, God, yeah.
You know who's got an impressive chest is Bray Wyatt.
He's an incredible wrestler.
I love him.
He's great.
He usually is wearing some sort of top or sort of tank.
But whenever you can see him, if you look up Bray Wyatt Husky Harris in his Husky Harris days with that gimmick, the tits were out, and I loved it.
Wow.
Yeah.
Because it was like, that's me.
That's me and my tits.
Oh, yeah.
That looks like also.
That's representation.
I'm the little black girl going, the little mermaids like me.
I'm watching Bray Wyatt, whom I fucking revere.
He's an incredible.
Look, all professional wrestlers are actually actors who happen to be doing a bunch of other shit.
That's why they cross over so well.
This guy is a storyteller, and he's got a set of tits like me, and that makes me like him.
Yeah.
Oh, he's got them.
Yeah, let me see a little bit more of his tits.
I can't even see him, Zach.
Yeah, you got to really look for Bray Wyatt's tits.
There's not a whole lot of Wyndham Rotunda is his name.
Wyndham Rotunda.
Oh, there you go, a little bit of it.
He keeps them to himself.
There we go.
That's a good one.
I respect him more, honestly.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not.
There's not just images of it everywhere.
There's a good one.
Yeah.
Ooh, wow.
See, that's me.
That's me in the morning going to my wife, Molly, and saying, come on, let's have coffee.
Can I have one of your waffles?
And she's like, no, those waffles are from me.
And I'm like, come on, let me have a waffle.
She's like, no, you're not having a waffle.
Have something low carb and then we'll go to the gym.
Make yourself a protein shake.
Can I have banana in the protein?
No, there's too much sugar in the.
And I'm like, but come on, look at these tits.
You look so weird pulling your briefs up to your belly button like that.
Yeah, but I don't want my Pantas gut hanging out.
I already got my Bob Paulson tits.
Yeah, I want that tit, boy.
Yeah, man.
Tell me about this, dude.
What news we got, Zach?
Dude, what do you miss?
Do you miss doing the...
Yeah.
Yeah, I finished up doing podcasts, doing the 10-minute podcast.
That was like 2018, I think, 17. Do you miss doing it?
Yeah, but it was also like too short because it was only 10 minutes.
That's a lot of time.
We'd record a bunch of them at the same time.
And I like doing Dudesy way more.
The time flies as we're, you know, like talking here, doing this shit with you, dude.
It's fun.
I like that better.
But I did dig doing 10-minute podcast for a few reasons.
One of them is because it was audio only.
So it was a little bit more theater of the mind.
And I used to, you know, I guess produce the show.
Like I would, I would just geeking around in GarageBand and I would bring in a bunch of weird sound cues and stuff.
So for me, I, man, I loved doing it.
It was so creative.
It was fun and it was creative and it was kind of therapeutic for me.
So I loved nerding out and going, like recording the episode and thinking, okay, I'm going to put a sound effect here and do that.
And then later going in and especially at the end, it got so weird.
There were all these, there was this, you know, inside jokes, like this NWO theme song, if you know, you know, wrestling drops and a Charles Manson thing.
Remember that interview where he's like, it made it into every episode.
It's like, oh, they say, do you feel blame?
Are you mad?
Are you good?
That fucking meme of just, are you mad?
Do you feel blame?
Where it's like, oh, fuck, he's sort of making a little bit of sense.
Nope, nope.
He's the devil.
Helter, skelter.
Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible man.
The devil responsible for all of it.
Killed a woman and a baby.
This is terrible.
Why am I putting this in my podcast?
Because there's nothing funnier than, are you mad?
Do you feel blamed?
Ruska Boozka Benich.
Ruska Boofabska Banich.
Fucking loses his fucking mind.
Is that Charles Manson?
It's fucking Charles Manson.
I was putting it in every episode.
And then myself at the end of the show, it was, well, first it was Brian and Chris.
You remember those guys?
Yeah, yeah.
What are they up to?
And then there was Chad Culchin did it with me and our good buddy Tommy Blacho, the funniest man in the world.
And Tommy and I, at least, were always like, did y'all ever think about starting it back up?
Was there ever a conversation to?
Yeah, you know, for a while, like a few years ago, yeah, Brian and Chris were like, maybe we want to do this again?
And I was like, I don't know, maybe.
And then, I don't know.
I think they're both living in Costa Rica.
Yeah.
Yeah, they definitely hit some snags.
Everything's going to be fine.
Look, be honest.
Yeah.
Let's be very transparent.
Get out ahead of any issues you may have had or don't.
I don't know.
I don't have the answers.
Yeah, I think a lot of that's hard to.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I mean, that's all that's.
A good thing to say is I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really, yeah, but anyway.
That's kind of their own journeys.
Yeah.
I mean, I think they've both been through, you know, they've both dealt with, I mean, different side, you know, they've been through a lot of that.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It sure is a lot.
A whole world of that is a lot.
Whenever I start to think about it, I immediately stop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I go like, that's a lot.
And see, I'm stopping right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, same, man.
But for the grace of God.
What else we got in the news, Zachary?
I don't know if you saw a woman, I guess, had a full body orgasm during an LA Philharmonic show, and it was captured on audio.
Oh, they need this at the orchestra.
Anything to get this.
They need some hype, yeah.
They need somebody just coming in the distance, homie.
Do you want to hear it?
Yeah.
The guy recording it is laughing.
The guy recording is a little bit more.
Oh, I thought I heard a little chuckle.
That might have been Zach.
That might have been me.
I don't know, man.
It says during Schaikovsky's fifth symphony at the LA Philharmonic last night, apparently a woman had a full-body orgasm just from the music.
It was recorded.
Yeah.
This sounds like, to me, this is hype just to get people to go to the orchestra.
Yeah, she was, she was, yeah, they planted her in there.
Dude, a violin ain't making people see U-M-E anymore.
You know?
No, it's, it's, uh, yeah, she also over, dude.
And also the demographic that goes to the Philharmonics, usually a little bit older.
A lot of the blue hairs are going.
So I think for like an older, an older woman to coom, it would probably take a lot more than, yeah, Tchaikovsky's fifth.
Maybe some Beethoven.
Maybe some Ludwig Van.
Oh, yeah.
Some Ludwig Veg Beethoven, dude.
What about this?
That sounded like somebody's spraining an ankle, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She just had a leg cramp.
She's just been in a fucking feeder asleep watching the fucking fill her off.
What kind of miserable orgasm is that?
Oh, come on.
But also, we don't know that that was a...
I came.
Like, we don't know that that's what it is.
It just makes for a cool story on the internet.
That would be the best shirts if they started telling that though.
LA Philharmonic.
I came.
Or that mural that you see on the 110 downtown where there's always like all these fucking people that are in the LA Symphony.
You're like, I don't know who the fuck that is.
Put LeBron on the fucking, on a building.
You know those things?
Where it's like, if you drive in LA, it should be like the guy, like the Yassik, whatever his name is, who's like super popular conductor.
And then it should just be like, I came.
As a matter of fact, here's this episode's Call to Arms.
If you are into graffiti and street art, please put I came across any of the LA Philharmonic murals.
There we are.
There we go, right there.
Oh, yeah, this guy.
And that guy, let me say on the right, also looks like a French pediophile, dude.
Anybody with a wood instrument, I feel like, definitely.
Wood instruments are a gateway drug, I feel like, to taking advantage of your students.
That's what I feel like.
Yeah.
And there's all sorts of white space all over that guy at the top.
You could totally do like.
I can.
You know what?
Let me tell you something about my pad, Chad Culture.
He was working with some weirdos at USC years ago.
He didn't go through with this, but to build a drone that would do street art, so it could like just like paint the fucking top few floors of the U.S. building, the U.S. Bank building, maybe make it look like a penis.
That would be something good for those tech kids.
Forget about this AI thing.
Build a drone that can, you know, get some graffiti on the mural up there to make it really look legit.
So even the people who work with the LA Phil Harmonic are driving by and like, well, I guess that's there on purpose.
LA Phil Harmonic, I came with a QR code that when you point your phone at it from the freeway, it goes, oh!
Yeah!
Yeah!
That sounded like a...
Play it again.
Oh, here's what that sounds like.
It sounds like when somebody hands, like at a restaurant, somebody hands, like a waiter hands a gay dude a really hot plate.
Please don't touch that.
Ah!
What did you tell me?
Sir, I did tell you.
Yeah, that does sound like the driest old lady orgasm I've ever heard.
It's like, oh, I had an orgasm, but I don't feel good.
It's like, oh man, I think my orgasm ate something bad.
That was the worst feeling.
You've had orgasms that don't feel good.
Oh, yeah.
Some of them are just painful, and I just feel a pit in my stomach.
Yeah.
It sounds like there was something big in her.
Yeah, God.
Not a penis.
Yeah.
Yeah, a foot.
What else we got, Zach?
I guess there was a bust at McDonald's, and they found a bunch of 10-year-olds working at McDonald's in Louisville.
Oh, yeah.
This is crazy.
I guess they were working late hours and also operating the deep fryer.
The fryer?
Would you have to be 16 to operate the fryer?
Yeah.
Look, I think if they're responsible kids and they want to do it, I'm okay with it.
Well, it would be cool to.
We say kids don't want to work and all this stuff.
We finally catch two kids doing something and we freaking bust them.
Oh my God.
Yeah, you want to talk about the generational differences in this country.
Back during the fucking Great Depression, there was kids who were farming entire fucking fields and all the soil was dead and four seeds and they're feeding an entire family and they're seven years old pushing a plow.
And now stay away from the fryer.
You've seen it.
You know how it works.
You fucking toss some nuggets in it from a few feet away if you're too short to reach the top.
What's the fucking problem?
Get us those nuggets.
That's it, dude.
This is the, the McDonald's needs to like hang on to this story and just blame the kids when the ice cream machine doesn't work.
It's like, it's not our fault.
We got fucking kids back here.
Yeah, it's Mario and Hector's fault.
Oh, no doubt these, these were not the kind of kids who get to go to Disney World like we were talking about.
These are not those kids.
These are definitely, definitely.
Yeah, I would imagine they may have been.
I mean, of course, these are the kids who, but that would be a good commercial so the kids would be like, he's like me.
Yeah, he's like me, dog.
He's at Disney World.
But the crazy thing is, bro, if you go to Disneyland, it is all Mexican people.
Sure.
That's also the irony of it, dude.
You go there, it's fucking Latinos, dog.
Yeah.
It is Mickey Mouse.
Well, they could cook anything.
I mean, I always feel like, you know, if I go to a sushi place, like you love to go into the sushi place, and then you si-du se, and then it's you see behind the counter, behind the bar, it's like two guys are like, these guys are right out of giro dreams of sushi.
I'm always like, oh, this is going to be great.
Or if I see some Latino dudes, I'm like, this is going to be fucking awesome.
Because they also come with fucking flavor.
They're not afraid.
I'm not trying to be a weirdo here, but they're not afraid to put like a little tapatia or a cholua in the car.
Bro shoot a fucking bullet right in the wrist.
How come this is...
Did you hit it with the blowtorch at the top?
Were they like, oh, you seared salmon?
No, it's just.
Damn, no, there's a 22 cartridge in my huevo, though.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I'm talking about.
How I heated this up.
You want the egg silanoa?
What do you want for lunch?
Dude, I can't wait to fucking be Mexican next time I'm alive, dude.
Ah, that would be great.
I've already been praying about it.
I've already been asking God about it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And I want to be.
Yeah.
Well, I just want to have some other...
That's scary to me.
So I feel like I try to communicate with God about that and just let him know I do want to come back and I do have interest in it.
It's almost like you're, you know, you meet somebody who runs a business.
You're like, hey, you know, I'll let you know when I get out of college or whatever.
I want to stop by and fill out an application.
Dude, my, you know, I mentioned my folks, right?
They're Italian immigrants.
My brother and sister, both born over in Italy, and they came over.
My sister was a toddler.
My brother was an infant.
So his brain popped on the plane.
So the, no.
But anyway, you know, my folks are, they're like, they're this big and brown and like olive skin, brown eyes, black hair.
And I came out, you know, I'm 6'3 and gotcha, huh?
It was like my mom, when I was born.
I can't imagine it.
You were taller than her.
I was two feet tall.
My mom was five feet tall.
So that's a problem.
So I feel like I've got that little, like my mom's side of the family, little tiny, cute Italians, funny, you know, singing, laughing.
And my dad's side, I think, has some more like northern blood in him.
So the next time around, I definitely have that coming.
I'm going to be like, like a Joe Pesci or, you know, I'm going to be born in Columbia.
And this is good.
This is cool.
And I got that coming to me.
That's probably why I'm talking about, you know, inclusion in media and film and TV.
Yeah, because what will we be next time, you know?
Yeah, I'm not going to be able to play like the, you know, the big dopey fat husband in sitcoms.
Yeah.
I'm going to have to be, I'm going to have to really bring it, you know, and it's like, I'm going to be on this fool, hopefully, if that show's still going.
This fool, though.
That show is fucking.
Is it?
Oh, it's fucking shit.
Got to check it out.
Yeah, it's a good show.
Yeah, I love being around like Mexican people and listening to them.
Dude, a lot of them.
Did they have any Mexican people on Mad TV?
Yeah.
Well, first, before I was there, I showed up.
I want to apologize for that chair.
I know it might be a little.
No, remember the last time?
Is this the same chair?
Did you bring this from the other?
It was hot.
Remember?
Yeah, it was hot.
I was wearing a fucking hoodie and a Santa hat, and I sweat right through the No, it's not that bad.
I'm just, I wear shorts all the time, so my stuff is always.
Oh, that's good.
Before I showed up at Mad, there was Pablo Francisco stand-up.
And then it was while I was there, we had Nelson Asencio join the cast, and he was a fucking home run hitter.
A lot of the shit was sorely missing from Mad TV.
Like, you know, because he was doing Enrique Iglesias and Ricky Martin.
And they used to do this thing called Buenos Dia San Diego with him and Mo Collins.
It was so fucking funny.
And then after that, I guess Angela Johnson, after I left, Johnny Sanchez.
Oh, yeah.
So they finally got with it.
Was there bits that they did that you guys did back then that y'all couldn't do now, you think?
All of them.
Fucking, dude, I watched, like, it was on HBO Max for a minute, Meta TV.
So I was like, oh, okay, I'll go watch.
Like, I haven't seen it on a television screen in so long.
It's all just, you know, like degenerated videos on YouTube.
So, but only half the episodes out of a given season, and there were 14 seasons of that show.
Only half of the episodes in a season would show up.
And I remember talking to a couple of my cohorts, you know, going like, when he came out, like, I wonder what happened.
And I think it's because, well, this shit is too fucked up.
I think there's a lot of stuff that if you remember, like, if you remember some of it, it's like, what?
You can't, you can't do any of that shit anymore.
You just can't.
And not this.
This is tame.
This is, we're looking at Paul Timberman, which is like a, you know, a, um, uh, you know, like a guy who's got like a woodworker, a wood shop teacher who cuts his appendages.
He's always, yeah, he's always hacking himself up and he's got a to camera sort of this old house type show where he's like, I'm going to build you a curio cabinet.
And here's a, let's make a lazy Susan.
And I'm sawing my fucking hand off.
But a lot of the stuff that's like, you know, a lot of the racial shit we did, we had it all.
Sexism, racism, you know, all the misogyny, homophobia.
But, you know, we also had, there were, there were, there was a, you know, you can watch Mad TV and I can watch Mad TV and go, oh, that was, you know, this writer who's, who's like, this is a gay writer who wrote this.
And it's like incredible stuff where it's like slipping in, you know, their representation.
I remember there's this one, the brilliant writer who was there for most of the years of the show, I believe, Scott King, Scotty King, who's a fucking genius.
I remember this one sketch.
It's like you could just, you know a Scott King sketch when you see it.
And there was, I remember there was this one where it was just, it was TRL, right?
So Pat Kilbane Is Carson Daly?
And it just pans by the kids.
It's like, hey, what's up?
Welcome to TRL.
I'm Carson Daly today on the show, rah, rah, rah.
And the kids are screaming.
It's like, we got NSYNC, Britney Spears, and the kids are screaming.
And it's all like, you know, teenage girls are like, ah, screaming.
And then he goes, and I'm Carson Daly.
And all the girls sit down, and a fat 12-year-old boy goes, Yay!
You know, which is like so fucking funny.
And it's like, that's Scott.
That's Scott going, this is what I would have been.
So, you know, even that, but even that, though, if you put it, you know, today and it's all, you know, you can't fucking joke about anything or whatever.
That's crazy.
I wish they had a show called Fat and Gay.
Yeah, Fat, Gay, 12-year-old.
I would love to play the dad in Fat, Gay, 12-year-old.
You know what I mean?
Because also, that's a fucking character arc for me.
That's something for me as an actor to chew on.
Because at first, I could be that dad who's like, well, no son of mine, that whole thing.
We ain't gaying out around here.
Yeah, eating another steak.
Eat another ham steak, Billy.
Put the barrettes back in the car.
We're not going to fucking Forever 21. Yeah, you get that glitter off your kneecaps.
Why you got glitter on your kneecaps?
Did I hear you wore glitter on your kneecaps at the baseball game, Billy?
It helps me.
When I'm catching, you know, I'm a catcher and I got to bend at the knees and the glitter helps me with my flexibility.
Now go get your helmet on.
We're getting back in the game.
Yeah.
But then after a while, he grows to maybe the dad falls asleep in his chair.
One night he's drunk, right?
Yeah.
And then he wakes up and, you know, Billy Elliott is on or something.
Billy Elliott.
It's like a movie about a gay kid in Australia.
Yeah.
Or maybe what's something with a gay kid in it?
Glitter knees.
Yeah.
What was that movie?
Glitter knees, yeah.
Glitter knees.
The YouTube is on and he finds out it's his son making it.
He's watching like a makeup tutorial.
Yeah.
And he's like, I recognize those knees.
Oh, that's Magic Fart 60 right there.
Right.
And he's fucking painting and the kid's painting his knees up.
The next you want to do is you want to contour your kneecaps and then you want to put glitter on the kneecap and right down the middle.
And this is going to give the appearance.
He's going to go, that sounds like Billy.
And then he kicks down the fucking door and Billy's live streaming and he's doing a makeup tutorial putting glitter on his knees for the baseball team.
Off my knees for dad.
That's his handle.
Off my knees for dad.
Yeah, it's like he's trying to be not gay.
He's like, I ain't being gay, boy.
I'm off my knees for dad.
And then dad comes around to it and is like, I love you no matter what.
And then, oh, oh, oh, oh.
This is a lovely scene.
Here's a lovely scene at the end of the first season of Billy Elliott.
You know, we've had the whole makeup tutorial and Billy's putting glitter on his knees and Bill Sr. is not having it.
And they go through their whole thing and he comes around.
And so Billy's up to bat and he's super nervous.
And his dad never shows up to games.
And he's like, he's there and he's like about to, he's about to hit and he's facing a pitching machine run by an AI that only zooms him at 110 miles an hour.
And he's like about to hit and he goes, he goes, you can, he hears, you can do it, Billy.
And he looks out into the stands and his dad's there in a pair of jammer shorts and he pulls him up and he's got glitter on his knees.
And the boy's like, and he hits a fucking home run.
Like the natural, right?
And it hits the fucking lights because it's a night game.
And then that's all.
Hits the lights.
And there's two dudes behind the scoreboard, like back there just slurping on each other.
And one of them, right when it hits the scoreboard, he pops out like this.
And the other one's got his foot in his asshole.
And he goes, oh, like he's at the Philharmonic.
And then Tchaikovsky starts playing.
And that's a fucking TV show.
That's how we get inclusivity.
And that's how, and then I'll win a fucking Emmy, right?
For playing the fucking dad who came around is a good dude at the end of the day.
And that's all I want.
Just a big white guy in a mustache, a fucking white identifying southern Italian by blood, but I'm a big white Canadian who enunciates most words.
That's how whenever I'm around Tom Green, we fucking out-annunciate each other.
Hello, how are you, Tom?
I am fine, Will.
How are you?
I am good.
What is your favorite beverage at Tim Horton's?
I like coffee.
I also like coffee.
Do you like the donuts?
I do.
They make good doughnuts.
That's the most Canadian shit.
That's all like the whole, hey, how's it going, eh?
Hoser?
That's a Canadian thing for sure, but the most Canadian thing is to just be like, I'm sorry I cut you off in traffic.
That is okay.
Have a good day.
Thank you very much.
Here is a Tim Hortons coupon.
Thank you very much.
Here is a Tim Hortons coupon.
We exchanged Tim Hortons coupons on the freeway.
OMKFD, dude.
Off my knees for dad, bro.
Off my knees for dad.
That's the musical.
God.
So what we're trying to say is these kids shouldn't be working at McDonald's.
That's all we're trying to say.
Get the fucking poor Mexican kids out of McDonald's.
Bullshit, they're working on it.
Or let them work.
If they're going to fucking, dude, here's the thing.
Every culture has had their time to be the working, the immigrant, like the first line of working in America.
Every culture has.
Absolutely.
Irish people did it.
Irish people were.
Black people did it by, I mean, they were zero choice in the matter.
They didn't have a choice, but they did it.
Italians.
The fucking country.
Yeah.
Starting with black people, then Irish people getting black lung in the, you know, in the mines and shit.
Italians, which was a little bit of reparations.
I'm not saying it wasn't reparations, but giving that many people black lung, dude, is definitely a lot of people died from black lung.
Oh, fuck yeah.
How many people died from black lung?
About as many as they're replacing at IBM for.
About 1,000 minors die from coworkers' pneumonia sinusoidal.
A year now?
Oh, that's fucked up.
So 76,000.
Okay, so no, so it's still not closed, but it's like, anyway.
Since 1968, 76,000.
Right.
Yeah, I mean, that's people die.
You know, as a Italian by blood, I always kind of go like, you know, Italian.
And also because I don't look, you know, like Joe Pesci.
No, you don't.
I got an Italian, I got my dad's nose, but that's about it.
You know, I always kind of feel like, eh, again, I'm not the person to say it because I don't look very Italian, but it's like, that's like the lightest, in my opinion, racism.
Although I wasn't around in the 60s when a lot of, well, since the early 1900s, a lot of Italians were showing up in North America.
But, you know, it feels like the 60s and the 70s, a lot of immigration in Canada.
And I kind of feel like that's a, speaking as an Italian, Italian North American, an Italian-Canadian American.
Baja.
Yeah, from the Baja all the way down to South American Italian.
You know, I always kind of feel like, eh, you know, you can't really be racial against Italians.
Like, what are you going to say?
And I feel like that Mario movie that came out and people were like, you know, they hired, you know, they got Chris Pratt played Mario, which is something we talked about on Doodsy a lot because it was like the first trailer you saw, it's like, I'm Mario.
It's a me, Mario.
What is this place?
The Mushroom Kingdom.
Where am I?
I'm Mario.
That's not what he's supposed to sound like.
But you know, the studio got pressure because it's like, you hire the biggest star that you can hire.
And there's no real like, you know, Guido sounding Italian American right now.
Yeah.
Maybe Sebastian Maniscalco could have done it.
I don't know that there would be a, you know, he's, but you got to be a movie star.
Right.
You know what I mean?
To push those numbers and make a billion, that movie made a billion dollars.
And I want to say, as an Italian American, hire whoever you want.
That's my, that's my offering to inclusion.
Chris Pratt's just fine.
We in the Italian community don't give a shit because you can't really be racist against Italians.
You're going to make fun of pasta.
It's delicious.
Fuck you.
Get whoever you want.
You could even get the gal who played the little mermaid to play Mario for you.
What about Black Mario?
Black Mario would have been Black Mario would have been fine.
And there should have been a Black Mario video game.
There should be like one mushroom that he hits that, you know, turns him into a black guy.
So then it's like C. Thomas Howell in that movie Soulman, which is fucked up.
It's just a dude in blackface and Radong Chong buys it.
Remember this?
Do you remember that movie?
Dude, I remember Blackface.
So yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, you were around in the dudes doing it.
Soulman is the trippiest fucking movie there.
Wait, I've never seen this.
This is a white guy?
Oh, yeah.
There's a movie in the 1980s where C. Thomas Howell goes undercover essentially to go to college, and he pretends to be a black man.
And then he hooks up with Ray Don Chong, who absolutely buys it.
And we were all fine with it in the 80s.
And that's not a problem in the 80s.
And this was a feature film that came out in the movie theater.
Wow.
We have a history of comedy in this country that is hard to reckon with now.
But I like to say that I'm grandfathered in because I was on fucking Mad TV in the 90s and the 2000s there, where we, if you want to cancel me, just watch Mad TV.
And then, you know, I'm fucked.
Do you think at a certain point we'll be able to have character where everybody can be whatever?
At some point, it should be able to be that way.
I think that the shit's being stretched back so far now.
It's like this.
I feel like we're all in this weird.
It's like I said, these things happen every 30 years, it seems like, with regard to social, just the sand at the bottom of the sea getting mixed up.
And before the smoke clears, this social upheaval that seems to happen every 30 years.
We are in the middle of it now.
We're in a pivotal point in our country and in our culture.
And it's my hope that everyone, that what we'll be left with is equality for everybody.
And if we could actually, and again, I don't, not to sound negative, but I don't think it's possible.
As much as I would like to see, but I'm Canadian.
We have our problems there for sure.
A lot of crimes against the Indigenous First Nations people of Canada, which is just absolutely fucking tragic.
We have our problems there with other race relations also as well.
But I'm from Canada where at least the kind of the curriculum as a kid, you know, was way more multicultural than it is here.
I got here and I was like, wow, it's really fucking segregated socially.
Oh, we had a scratch and sniff history book for a while.
See?
And the Italian scratch and sniff would have been fucking great.
No racism there.
Kids would have worn that out just smelling fucking beeferoni or whatever you'd put in an American textbook.
Dude, yelling?
No, I was just going to say we're all fucked.
But, you know, the thing about it is I hope with regard to comedy that, you know, the comedy is just fucking comedy.
We got to laugh.
Gallows humor is really important.
Yeah.
And if we're treating each other well and there's, you know, equality socially and everyone can laugh because everyone feels good about where they are in life and we are a society that takes care of one another.
And I mean, again, I'm from Canada where there's socialized medicine.
It's pretty fucking good.
And if you're not living in a fucking world where you're allowed to walk around and fucking eat berries and kick a chicken against a tree and, you know, do whatever you want and just build a fucking house without any code or anything like that.
If we're going to live in a society where you're born into a fucking system, system needs to take care of everybody, period.
And it ain't fucking happening.
And that's going to be my platform.
But if that's the case and we can achieve something like that, again, I do not think it's possible at all.
We're fucked.
Let me just put that in there.
I ain't running for office.
But if we can do that, then we can start to laugh at absolutely everything again.
Right now, people are not wanting to laugh at shit and they have every right not to laugh at shit because stuff is fucking dire.
So you can't go on Mad TV and make fun of absolutely everybody.
Although, you know, We had Aries Spears, Deborah Wilson, Phil Lamar.
But it was funny at the time.
Hilarious.
Makes me fucking laugh now.
Those people, I learned so much about black culture and laughing, you know, with them and also growing up watching the movie.
Most people still just want to laugh.
They don't really care.
I think so, but I think it's just like, it's like, you know, it's like no one's going to let themselves fucking laugh.
You know what I mean?
Now that's interesting.
Do we let ourselves laugh?
No, but we keep ourselves from, yeah, we all get on this alert kind of where it's like, don't point at me, don't offend me, you know?
I mean, I got upset over the pandemic over like during the like last big election thing because the only people that people were making fun of was poor white people, right?
And it was like, well, what the fuck did we do?
It's like, poor white people didn't even, like, we didn't do any, like, like, we didn't do raise.
Like, I'm sure that wealthier white people probably owned slaves.
I don't know any, nobody I knew had a, they didn't, I don't think they ever had a slave, you know, or their, they might have, but I couldn't imagine it, dude.
But it's socially, it's just, if you look at it generally, totally socially acceptable to make fun of poor white people in 2020.
Right.
Totally, totally acceptable.
And it, and, and none of it should be acceptable.
Unfortunately or fortunately, things do need to be mixed up a bit.
And you need, and, you know, I always, I use the example of in 2020 learning about Juneteenth.
Yeah.
I was like, I didn't fucking, I was telling black friends, I'm like, I've never heard of the fucking Juneteenth.
I don't know what the fuck that is.
What is that?
I had no clue that there was a lot of.
Most of my black friends have no idea what it is until it came out.
They kind of launched it a few years ago.
I feel like, I mean, I know they didn't, but it's like, if you'd have asked any black kid where I'm from or what Juneteenth was, it'd have no fucking clue.
Yeah.
No, but it's interesting what you're saying about like, it's like, oh yeah, it's easy to make fun of fucking, you know, poor white people.
I feel like that's another symptom of the social sort of, again, the silt at the bottom of the ocean getting smoked up.
Do you think we as a comedians, then we have to be the ones to kind of like see where the thing is at then, you know?
I think, yes.
I think, you know, in your avenue with podcasting and stand-up and sort of, you know, I'm primarily an actor, but I love doing weird shit on the internet and doing podcasting and stuff.
And also, you know, if I can be responsible for any sort of weird creative shit, if I ever get to, you know, work on things and make stuff.
It is up to us, but it is also, it's quite a responsibility because we're, it's this bizarre currency of quote unquote cancellation, which some people don't even think exists, which is, to me, it's weird.
It's like, well, you just said cancellation.
That means that it's a word.
It's a term.
It exists.
And I think that you have to be a brave comedian to kind of, look, it's not fun to just go out there and go, I want things to be the way they used to be in the 90s.
That to me, to me personally as a comedy fan, to me, that's hack.
It's like to not push shit fucking forward.
Great comedians have a complete, like, I'm sure you love me.
I love George Carlin, right?
Like, just, come on.
That guy was always years ahead of his time and always shot right down the middle.
You knew exactly what he was thinking and he represented himself completely honestly.
I think that, you know, comedians who are being 100% honest and not just trying to, you know, be shocking for shocking's sake or say, I should be allowed to say this because I said it in 1995.
You know, I think audiences today, that's fine, but your audience is going to be awfully specialized if you just want to be a prick about things and say everyone should laugh at these things that currently people are sensitive about and for good reason.
If you can find new things to laugh about, there are new things to laugh about in our completely fucking bizarre social climate.
It's fucking bizarre.
You just said, I got black friends I grew up with that wouldn't have known Juneteenth.
That's a joke you couldn't say in 1998 because absolutely nobody knew what the fuck you were talking about with Juneteenth.
But 2020 was a really, was such a rife year of the pandemic and the social social.
Oh, yeah, it got black.
Black Lives Matter.
It was wild.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's like now I think you can, but you got to be smart about it.
And I'm not smart about it.
I'm not saying that's me at all.
And I'm not saying that.
Yeah, I've never been, but I do think that I think that people will start to chill out a little bit because socially what happens, in my opinion, just my opinion with these waves is that people all get fucking tired.
At the end of the day, we just want to, most people just want the same shit.
They want to be able to take care of their families.
They want to have something nice for dinner.
They want to know that they're safe at home.
They want to know that if they go to the wrong fucking door, they're not going to get shot in the face.
The horrible shit that's happening right now because everyone is so wound up and charged up.
It's truly fucking scary.
People are scared, man.
I realized the other day I'm walking up to a car and it was, it wasn't my car.
I get right by the door handle.
I realize it wasn't my car.
It looked just like my car.
There's somebody sitting in that car and I'm like, oh my God, that person could fucking shoot me.
Right now?
Yeah.
And I wouldn't even think it was crazy because that's just where the fear level is at.
It's like all these POV videos of all this fear.
It's interesting, man.
It's a feary time out there.
And I'm never afraid of anything because I look like a gigantic football coach cop and I drive a Tahoe, so I could technically be a park ranger.
We need that Alex Jones back, though.
Just in general?
I think we need him.
You know What I would love to see him do, and this is what I thought he was going to get into: was like a regular guy's job after he had the big lawsuit against him.
Was a regular manager in like a Denny's or something, manager in like an IHOP.
Yeah, I got you got to get the moons over my they're making the moons over my hammy gay.
I'm a humanist.
You got, you got, let me tell you something about these people out here eating mozzarella sticks.
I've eaten mozzarella sticks at Bohemian Grove.
It was invented by Mark Twain.
And originally, it was just a place for these globalist people.
It was actually a lot of closeted homosexual activity happening there, mostly by Republicans.
But Democrats took it over.
And John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy Jr., Bobby Kennedy, they went out to Bohemian Grove.
You can still go there.
It's in Northern California.
And they're deep in the forest wearing robes like druids.
Sir, I need a goblet, sir.
I'll wait for an omelette.
Yeah, what do you want?
How would you like your eggs?
You want white toast, wheat toast?
I hate this uniform.
Just always ripping off his fucking polo shirt.
You want to see my name tank?
You know, and these people are, they're reptiles.
I've seen it up close.
They don't have skin like you and me.
I've been up close.
I've been next to Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton.
These people are not human.
They're interdimensional beings.
They come in, they open wrens in the fabric of time and space.
And they walk through.
And I duh, I don't want to see it.
Everybody wants the same thing at the end of the day.
They just want to be able to watch, you know, sit down, eat their free joles, and white porn with their family.
Watch white porn with their family.
And watch this fool on TBS.
What's up with acting, man?
What's going on?
You got Dootsy going?
Any new adventures going on with you?
I'm about to go shoot a movie in Canada called 1989.
No.
Yeah, that'll be fun.
You ever heard of a Canadian cult classic called Fubar?
Okay, so I know what it means.
Yeah.
So there's Fubar and there's Fubar 2 and this fucking brilliant dude.
There's these two guys, you know, Diener and Terry.
And one of them, Paul Spence, who's he's the one in the green on the right there.
Okay.
And then Terry's on the left.
Okay.
So it's the origin story of the Diener, of Dean, and I play his dad.
And it's sort of like, and he's part First Nations.
So there's sort of that bent to it, which will be interesting, which is a very Canadian theme.
So I'm doing that.
I'm doing another season of the show, Acapulco.
And then, I don't know, just picking up acting work.
It's fucking weird now because we got this strike.
Oh, yeah, the strike's going on.
Listen, I just want to do, again, you know, I would love to just play the dad in, what is it, Billy Elliott?
What's it called?
Oh, Billy Elliott.
Sparkle.
Don't get off my knees for dad.
That would be, at this point, you know, look, here's some more defeatist negativity for me.
I don't know what's happening to our business.
When I think about, you know, what my pad Chad Culton says with regard to AI, and he'll point right the fuck at me and go, your job will be obsolete very soon.
And I'm like, no, it won't.
And I go, your job will be obsolete very soon.
He's a brilliant writer and he goes, bring it on, motherfucker.
Can't wait.
He's doing a couple podcasts, so I guess his bread is buttered there.
Hopefully we continue to do Dudesy.
I love acting.
It's my, you know, it really is.
Yeah, man, we have so talented.
You offer so much joy and talent to people.
Cheers, man.
Likewise, dude.
Oh, not like you do something, though.
What do you mean I do something?
You do something.
You have a real skill set.
What are you talking about?
You fucking up in front of thousands of people bringing your stories out there.
You're one of the best doing it right now, period.
Wow.
So I like you, man.
It's true, Theo.
I feel like you're really, really talented, man.
I'm really, really talented.
Here's a Tim Hortons.
And I'll give you my two-for-one donut.
Thank you.
Yeah, I get.
Yeah.
I mean, look, everything's fine then.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Yeah, I think we're going to be okay.
Hey, this is the bottom line, everybody.
Everything's going to be fine.
Just, you know, hang out at home.
And when you eat them chicken McNuggets, know that two, you know, probably underprivileged children that are 10 years old made your nuggets.
So when you get to the center and you see that it's pink and you realize, oh, fuck, you know, now I'm going to be shitting myself all night.
Just know that it's not the kids' fault.
They don't know how to work the fucking fryer.
Get your own fucking fryer and go out to Bohemian Grove and make your own fucking, make a fire and boil some peanut oil and make your own chicken nuggets.
Kick a chicken against a tree.
Ractors.
A lot of those guys are a lot of them rackers.
Oh, yeah.
There's a lot of, you want to talk about, you want to talk about, what is it, Spaceland Pizza or whatever without the basement where the guy went in there and shot it up?
Oh, the guy came on a napkin for the kids.
Yep.
Came on a napkin with his glittery knees.
You're listening to Tchaikovsky and just coming as hard as you can out there.
There's nothing but forest out there at Bohemian Beach.
Come as loud as you want, you crazy old weird fucking pervert lady.
I love it.
We get her out there.
We all wear masks.
Yeah.
You know, fucking sex party style, like Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, and no one knows who's who.
And I'm just, and I just got my fist up in something.
There's a little heat in there, and then I pull it out and I hear, oh, and I'm like, it's Mitch McConnell.
I know that's Mitch McConnell.
I've made him come several times at Bohemian Grove.
Nancy Pelosi wearing a strap on, fucking Mitch McConnell in the ass, and then just put, wears his hole like a shoe in your ass.
Oh, like that.
Tommy Rocky and Roll.
I started playing in the background.
The kind of music just sues the soul.
And it's actually Bob Seger.
I reminisce about the days of old when you could make shitty jokes on Mad TV.
God, boy, free come for everybody.
That's what they're doing.
You know what I think is interesting, though, Will?
I think in the end, I think we all end up back in the Native American style.
I think that something happens with society.
I think it falls at some point.
It doesn't hold up.
And I think we all end up back in small tribes trying our best to take care of each other and begging for the information of the nations, you know, the original nations people.
I think anyway, who knows?
I don't know.
The earth has a way of making itself new, whether or not we're here.
And it's like Ed Norton said in Fight Club, in the future I see, you will be climbing the wrist-thick kudzu vines up the Sears Tower because all this shit will be turned off.
AI won't be any fucking worry, and it will be tribes.
Have you watched Chimp Empire?
Not yet.
Watch Chimp Empire on Netflix.
That's where we're going.
Yeah, they're, of course, you know, they're chimps.
They're 99%.
They share 99% of our DNA.
And I learned a lot of stuff about fucking chimps.
And I agree with you.
They're tribal.
And I feel like, and they just want to take care of their own.
And every once in a while, they kill someone from the other fucking tribe to show like, hey, our alpha is better than yours.
But I agree.
And speaking as a Canadian, I would love nothing more than to, you know, than to eat fucking raw salmon that's been, again, prepared by any of the guys at the sushi place that are searing the top with a fucking, with a, with a, especially AK-47.
Yeah.
Well, and that's, by the way.
A lot of times they're doing, they're like painting their eyes like that on the edge of Mexican guys to make them even look Asian in a lot of like Japanese restaurants.
That's what's crazy to me.
You've seen this, Zach?
Bring it up.
Wait, that's a thing?
Japanese out Mexican guys.
Are you wearing tights?
I'm wearing these shorts, and now I got the same...
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm...
I'm moistening your chair.
I like that.
I got glittery knees and fucking wet thighs right now.
It's that time of year, man.
Yeah.
We'll wrap up soon.
What happened here?
Are you seeing any of this?
No, I'm not finding any of these.
Mexican man, Chinese restaurant.
That's not what you should look up then.
What should I look up?
Mexican-ing Chinese people.
Are you looking on images, man?
Mexico's Chinese communities are seeing reverse migration.
That's not it.
Go to sushidan.com.
They got a few of those guys working there.
I'm joking, of course.
Oh.
Well, people know what we mean.
Will Sasso, ladies and gentlemen, you can check him out on the Dudesy pod.