For our 400th episode, one of our most popular guests ever returns. Riff Raff aka Jody High Roller aka Dale Dan Tony joins Theo at the Hollywood Casino in Florida. They talk about the do’s and don’ts of breast milk, Riff Raff’s hoop dreams and rumors that he’s running for President.
Check out his new music video for “Citrus Cyclone” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3kRX8YWwho
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Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek
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Get that hitter.
Today's guest is a real, he is an endangered species of a man.
You know, he's really, he's something you don't see much.
He's hard to catch.
Many shadows.
He's a real disco ball of a human.
He's a Cadbury egg in a world of jelly beans.
He's the most requested guest that we've had.
And I'm grateful that he's back.
Catching up with him here at the Hollywood Casino in Florida.
It's Dale Dantoni, Jody High Roller, Mr. Riff Raff.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I'll be singing just for you And now
I've been moving way through Again, it's hard, huh?
Yeah, it's always tough.
it's like being at a rope swing.
You got to wait for somebody to kind of try it first, you know?
Especially when it's silence out there and then everybody's watching.
Yeah.
When everybody's watching, now you're thinking from the outside point of view.
Yeah.
And you're looking at yourself and you're thinking too much.
And sometimes, you know, study long, study wrong.
Oh, really?
Yeah, study long, study wrong.
Sometimes overthink it.
Oh, man.
Well, I, yeah, then I've been doing some wrong.
I've done some wrong there.
Yeah.
Sometimes, because the first time, if I'm hearing a song of mine or something, and like, I sometimes don't even listen to the beats.
If I hear a snippet of something, I'm like, oh, I like that.
Then I'm going to go, I'm going to hit pause and just leave it because I don't want to hear it too many times because I'm going to forget the energy that I had.
You know what it means?
You keep listening to it.
So it's like, hold on, let me just get that.
Because once it becomes work, you lose interest.
Yeah.
Wow.
Why is that, I wonder?
You know why?
I guess a lot, if a lot's riding on something, but if a lot ain't riding on it, you know what I mean?
I guess if it's like you're trying to time a jump or something and there's trains passing by.
Oh, yeah.
And you're trying to time it right where it's like, okay, you need to study for that.
Because if you fuck up, you might not make it.
But I think if it's like a tire swing, depends how much you like your ankles.
Yeah.
It could be dangerous out there.
I'll tell you this, baby, you're back, man.
I'm back.
It's been a while.
It's been three years.
Damn.
Since I brought your mangoes.
Yeah, big mangoes.
God, they were good, too.
Good mangoes.
Yeah, they felt good, man.
You know, Anna Nicole Smith died here.
In this hotel?
Yeah.
From what?
They said drugs.
I thought it was from being thick.
Okay.
Maybe she mixed too many.
It's always somebody mixes an upper with a downer.
Yeah.
Or a downer with thick alcohol.
And then they fall asleep and don't wake up.
Or somebody puts something else in the upper and made them go down.
That's got to be a dark surprise.
Yeah, I don't like that kind of stuff, man.
A lot of stuff out there now, they got, I mean, everything has something in it.
You can't get that real clean drugs like you used to.
And I can't use, I don't use them anymore because that's one of the reasons.
They quit making good stuff.
Yeah, they put fentanyl in everything.
I mean, you don't know what's in it just because white powder might be sheetrock.
Yeah.
And fentanyl, people like, people don't have any problem.
Like it used to be, I mean, the way I see it in the 80s when it was cocaine blowing up from.
Blowing in.
I mean, a strong wind.
Yeah, strong wind.
Dust your stepmother over.
That shit was good.
From Columbia or wherever.
And it's, and it's, and it was, and it was good.
And now there's, and you want, and you would have repeat customers because it's the best, the cream of the crop.
But all the, when somebody say cocaine, then it's, all there was was cocaine.
There was no fake of that because this is what it is.
Yeah.
You know, so then as time passes then and everybody gets spread out, the population growing, then you have people selling a fake version of it because they're just in and out of town.
They're just trying to make their little money.
They don't care if they kill somebody or not because it doesn't, they don't know anybody there.
It don't, they don't care.
They don't have to take pride in their work.
Right.
That's a shame, man.
I remember people used to take pride in the work, I feel like, no matter what it was.
Yeah, man, I don't know what killed Anna Nicole.
I think he had drugs.
And I don't know.
You believe in ghosts?
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, damn.
But it makes me sad to think that ghosts would still be on earth because if you are here and you don't go on to somewhere better and you're trapped here, how long?
And if other ghosts are there and you hear about people being like ghosts in a house or haunted house and if they're trapped in that house loud ghosts yeah are they by the are they is it a if is it only bad spirits and then they're if there's good ones are they is there something in the in the middle or are you trapped here and it's bad and you're just like trapped here and and then it makes you think it makes me think this then if ghosts are trapped here and that's a punishment obviously because you don't go somewhere good then then what are we here if it's bad
for them after right is that for us what does that mean yeah maybe we're ghosts maybe we're like ghosts that people could see real well like ghosts with blood in them or something you know what i'm saying like because yeah if you go i guess if you if you die right and you suddenly you think because you probably are at that point if you're red prepared to die you know then you're like all
right you got your fingers crossed you know that's that rochambeau with the lord you're about to see what the deal is and then you just suddenly just a damn ghost now you're invisible but still hanging around in the same neighborhood you gotta i guess how at that point then what do you do that's where it gets scary because if then because if there's ghosts and then it's like like i was saying like how long are you there right by yourself and if can you see other ghosts they got it you have to be able to see other ghosts i
can't imagine you just sitting around as being a ghost and you can't even talk to the other ghosts yeah come on man don't be like that bro don't make a world where if people did they get nobody else to talk to unless that's their punishment or is it or or is it a choice and they choose not to go on because that they there's unfinished business i'm gonna stay in my house yeah my house hoa i paid the hoa fees for this for
baby yeah yeah i'm staying here boy i done paid up yeah what if you pay six months rent in advance bro and you die in the first month in a flood or something i got a solid five months left i'm here so yeah what do you think happens rap you go god get you know you get hit by the lord's lightning bro something happens to you you get licked or something right off the earth where what happens to you i'd like i like to think and be honest bro okay so i like to think that you know
how like steve jobs made an iphone right yeah in that iphone there's not anything that's in that iphone that he doesn't know it exists he put that camera there he put the the when you hit one it goes to one it's a touch screen it's this that like every aspect of that so as a you if you're a you using that phone or if you're the phone those things were instilled in you by the steve job right so if i look at our bodies like iphone if you're feeling sad
you're feeling things you can't explain you're feeling like you love someone you're feeling like whatever you're feeling or your thoughts or something happens or you're whatever it is that was instilled in you that chip was put in you so for that to for to feel sad or compassionate you see a puppy and you're like oh i want to hold it i want to you know loving someone or doing something that you know there's no cameras on you're doing something good yeah and you're doing all these things i think those are instilled in us you know when they like uh like whistling
doing something joyful you mean yeah just happiness joy when babies are born they aren't born mean they're born you into you know they're innocent and most kids are more compassionate than adults because they haven't been through all the all they can go off of is the emotions that they they feel so i think that all those things that are instilled in us that it didn't come from us somebody had to install it in us so you got to go somewhere good
there got to be something better yeah than what we're dealing here that's and sometimes that's all i got to keep going amen i feel that man yeah sometimes i'm like yeah then that hope that excitement that there's something better going on if i keep that in my head and in my heart then that even helps me behave better towards people too yeah you know because that's my tough thing sometimes i just
get man i get i get a lot of hidden anger comes out of me you know damn like i got a damn fucking raspberry gremlin living inside of me bro looking for licorice dog that thing is damn eating eggs in my ass bro and not washing the silverware dog sometimes i got something inside of me that just like wants to get out you know anxiety anger frustration sometimes of doing i'm doing this this this this all these things and you know and
then sometimes people smoke a little weed or something and they that takes the edge off and they and then as you get older you realize okay maybe that you know maybe that's why mike tyson smokes so much it keeps him cool and that works for him you know some people uh they take the take the edge off and some people have a couple of drinks and then some people if they're already an angry person then when they drink then that side of them comes out and that's when it's you know dangerous or they end up people end up in jail domestic whatever the case is but
it's like i think the ang like trying to like noticing i'm about i'm getting angry and then also like how we were talking about a little earlier where it's like looking at yourself from the outside like being able to stop and be like let me look at this from the outside am i am i being like out on a movie and then there's the angry dad that's like yelling at the kids and beating the kids you that's not the cool guy in the movie right so stopping what you're doing and trying to take a step back how do i be the cool guy in the movie i don't want to be
the angry the angry dude who's yeah who's who's not who's up fighting his wife fucking punching somebody punching tiffany punching fucking don you know or ricky or somebody yeah i feel you trying to take it's hard to have that piece man noticing to like you know i mean noticing that when it's about something's about to happen it's like and then also taking a note and then eliminating that from what what what was the what are the pieces that made you be mad
if you if if throwing the lawn and doing laundry and you're throwing the laundry and it's and your hand is hitting the the thing and your back is hurting and you're getting mad and throwing some shit and breaking something throwing the radio and that breaks a thousand dollars What's cheaper?
Hiring a maid to do the laundry.
Yeah.
So you don't get mad.
And so your laundry ends up in a nice pile so you can go do some other shit and you get still got a radio.
Or, you know, so you start to understand why people are walking around.
You see a rich guy in a suit walking around with a girl who looks like off of Scooby-Doo Jinkies.
What's her name?
Oh, Ashley Marie.
No, Ashley Lynn Olson.
You talking about?
No, like Velma?
Yeah.
And with the glasses on with the notebook.
Velma was fine, huh?
She was a little something or other.
I know that's about right.
Come on, boy.
You know, take it.
sometimes you need a, like somebody who, I mean, once you get to a certain point, if you're moms, even like that, you need an assist.
Like moms need a, That's why one kid grows up enough, then that kid can help the mom.
Or he's sneaking out, going over, stealing sunflower seeds.
Oh, yeah.
From the squirrel bin.
Yeah, we used to do that.
Climbing a tree, and then he's stealing sunflower seeds.
Don't do that.
Yeah, we had a dude like that, bro.
This one kid in our neighborhood, this dude named Daniel, bro.
He would get up and he'd be eating right out that bird feeder, bro.
Something was wrong with him.
He thought he was a bird.
Something.
He sip off that fucking bird bath, too, bro.
He just wanted that dude, bro.
He wanted to just, you know, have an egg come out of his ass, bro.
Something.
He just loved that bird life.
Yeah.
Out of all the animals, of all of them, there's only one species that when it's out in the wild and it's doing its thing, that somebody's like, oh, shit, I got to go call the Child Protective Pet Services.
If a bear's running around wild, they call it.
If a dog is running across the road, sometimes they call it.
Yeah, it depends.
If, you know, puppy's going in the back seat.
Yeah, he's taking it, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
And then, but like, but birds.
Yeah.
If you see a bird, you can't do nothing about it.
That's true, huh?
They're wild.
Hawks, eagles, even the most vicious ones.
Bro, we should start calling CPS on birds, bro.
By the time they get there, they're in South Florida.
I know, dog.
Or Connecticut.
But that's the thing.
They got to start tracking these animals, bro, because they know where they go.
A lot of them have flight patterns.
They're with a couple of their buddies.
You'd think that they would be able to figure some of that out because they got to start tracking these dogs, man.
I would want to be a birds.
What animal would you want to be?
Well, now that you say, yeah, birds are the real one that can get out of, you don't have to have any real battles.
There's no issues with society.
You don't run any court date.
Nobody.
Yeah.
You don't got to do jury duty.
One time I came outside and way out in the country and these vultures.
Oh, like the size of that, that right there.
Sit on trees.
And tall as that beer tap?
No, just this.
Oh, this thing, this piece of.
It's about the size of that chair right there.
Oh, damn.
And they're in the tree.
And when one bird was on a huge limb, like it's a big pine tree and it leaned down a little bit.
I was like, okay, these are like 50 pounds plus.
Big ass birds.
And they're looking down.
And I was like, what are they looking at?
I'm looking out the window.
I go outside.
Yeah.
And my little Frosty is laying down sideways.
So these vultures were just looking at her.
They're as big as her.
They're thinking about dinner, huh?
Thinking about going down there and scooping some ice cream up.
Getting a couple fries and a Frosty.
Yeah.
Damn.
Think about that.
They looking at you like, damn, you work at a damn Wendy's, bro.
They think about to come down there and get served.
That'd be crazy.
And there's nothing you could do because birds cheat and go right back into the air.
They're going to swoop with the claws.
Tell me this, man.
I've been thinking about this.
How do you die, bro?
When it is, man, how do you go out?
If you get your way.
So this is what this is what.
Did I ever show you the what the health?
I think I talked about it last time, right?
What health?
What the health?
The documentary.
I don't know if you did or not.
You might have.
You have a greater memory than me.
Okay.
So, so, like, I want to be as healthy as possible, eliminate as much health problems as possible, you know, and try to be 100.
I think 100 is a good solid age, man.
If you can make it to 100, because I see people at the gym, this one dude drinks, he's like 74. And he's in there.
Every time we get in the gym, every time we go to the gym, he's already in there working out eight, nine in the morning.
And he's in there until after I leave, but he only goes in the mornings.
And we were talking to him in the lobby.
Is he tall or short?
He's about my height.
Okay.
And he's 74 in shape.
And he said he drinks one cup of breast milk every day.
He said he has 20-something kids.
And his kids have kids.
And then the mothers or even the daughters or his daughters, I think he had the kids just to continue that bread, keep getting a cup of, so he never runs out of breast milk.
He said, one cup.
Somebody's having a baby and somebody gets a cup.
Wow.
I wonder, does it have to be drank out of, like, does it come from his own family then?
I'm guessing.
He'll do that.
I asked him that.
He said, yeah.
One cup.
I wonder if I could handle it.
I wonder if it would.
I don't know how he, if I'd ever reflect, you know?
I mean, I think you just got to do it like just, I mean, you know, you're, you know, like Everclear.
Mix it with some ginger ale, set it out in the sun for about two days, right?
Yeah, maybe dog.
I don't know if I could ever have any breast milk, man.
You know, actually, I knew a girl, this girl, Tommy Laren, she has a friend who has breasts, who does breast milk out of her breasts at parties and shit.
Oh, no.
But I don't like all of that, bro.
I think breast milk is, you know, I wouldn't drink it out of season.
What's the season for it?
I don't know what.
I don't even know if I could do it like that.
Is it like a, you know, like they have that thing at Starbucks that comes out?
What is it?
The right, like the, like the pumpkin spice.
Yeah.
Calzone.
Yeah, like maybe in the wintertime I could do it, you know.
Breast milk calzone?
Do a fucking lime kiwi fucking licorice croissant.
Right.
It's just a shot.
Just a little.
Yeah.
You'd have to have it with something, I'm saying.
I think if you were something is wrong with it with something.
Yeah, or have something before it.
I don't think you go and just have breast milk.
I don't know.
I don't think I would.
Maybe like melt some like vanilla bean bluebell ice cream and you got a shot of that.
Boom.
Take that back.
Then you go breast melt and then you go melted vanilla bean bluebell again.
You know, you would overlap it.
Yeah, I think, yeah, you'd have to manage it well because I don't know if you could tell your neighbors and shit about it.
I just, I don't want to be doing, I don't like to do things in secret.
That's what hurts me.
I think, yeah, I try not to ever lie because, man, eventually you just like, it'll become a problem for you.
But if you ever lie to somebody.
I have to remember that I lied.
If you ever lie to somebody that you're around all the time or you want to be around, then all it's going to do is just, you're going to have a relationship with that lie.
Right.
Then you're living right next to your lies.
You don't want to have that.
So you want to just be honest?
And then if you got to lie to somebody, maybe you just keep them out of your life so you ain't got to lie no more.
Yeah, tell two or three lies to them and tell them to fucking hit the road.
Does anybody ever recognize you and then they say, hey, are you Theo Von?
And then you're like, nah, man.
Yeah, sometimes, man.
The other day I was at the airport and I wasn't doing that good.
They'd shut down all the food places, you know, so I was trying to fucking make something out of just a couple items at the little quick stop.
And they don't have a lot of good items.
You know, I had commandeered a couple lunchables out of there.
And so at least I had a couple, you know, some protein options.
That was the closest thing to a, you know, a real entree in the whole joint.
So I had me two lunchables and I'm kind of putting something together.
I was trying to do it in secrecy.
I got to like a gate that didn't have anybody at it.
So I'm over there, got me a little plate, bro.
And things have already been delayed three or four hours.
I'm sitting over there stacking my stuff up.
Got an extra thing of string cheese and I broke that down, you know, into, you know, you know, similar looking pieces.
And I kind of put myself to hold together a little bitty sandwich.
Okay.
And this dude came up, bro.
And man, I just, I think I felt ashamed of myself for being, you know, sitting on the Florida airport.
I mean, you're just trying to chill.
Yeah, I know.
There's something about a man, like an adult fucking with two launchables open, no children around.
Just shit.
You know, it looked, I think from far away, it looked kind of sad.
And then he said, are you Theo Vaughn?
And I said, not today, I'm not.
Yeah.
And then what'd he say?
He said, no worries, man.
I understand, bro.
Oh, okay.
And that shit just felt fucked.
I felt like I just didn't even take care of my kids.
I mean, sometimes people come up to me and they're like, are you Theo Vaughn?
And I'm like, nah, not today.
Not today.
Not having it, dude.
Oh, bro.
I will tell you this, dude.
I went to the Sherman Williams, bro.
Okay.
And they love you up in there, dog.
Yeah, this is a good thing.
Oh, dog.
They'd love you.
They love some Sherman Williams paints.
Oh, dude, if you had, oh.
And Crayola Crayons, but Sherman Williams, I could name some paints.
If you had a riffraff line, bro.
Caramel back hair, bro.
Thunderstorm Gray.
Oh, what about this?
Cripple Mauve.
I would say, or if it were like a mauve tone, I love some mauve tones.
I would have like marvelous.
Ooh, what about this, bro?
What about diabetes?
That color?
The color, bro.
I think I would be proud on the up and up of the positive things.
Or what about this?
Okay.
What else?
Cured diabetes.
Damn.
Orange.
That's nice.
That's a nice.
Nice melted like a melted Flintstones push-up pop type deal.
It's a nice orange.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I would love it if you did Sherwins.
But I went into Sherman Williams, bro, and the dude goes, man, you know who you look like, dude, bro.
And this, he was like that dude that says, dude, bro.
You know, he's like, you know, you look like dude, bro.
And I thought he was going to say me.
I thought he was joking at me.
And he goes, you look like motherfucking riffraff, dude.
Then he goes, I love that.
And he said the N-word a white dude, bro.
They know me.
They know me.
Yeah, that's it.
I was like, damn, that's cool as hell, bro.
If a white person calls you the N-word and you're a white person, bro, that's like as good as you can do.
They fuck with you.
Yeah, they fuck with you hard, man.
I feel like black people would let you say the N-word, man.
I feel like.
Do whatever I want because I select who I'm around or not.
Yeah.
You know, you don't want to have to watch your mouth, watch your tone around your friends.
You get what I mean?
To a certain level where it's like, I don't got to answer to nobody.
And I can choose who I even want to be in my world.
And when I, I learned at a young age, I'm better at yelling than explaining.
When I start stuttering, it's because I'm trying to say some shit that I feel like, what the fuck am I even explaining for?
But then if I care about somebody, I'll try to explain something.
And I feel like, damn, I feel like I'm explaining to grandma why I've got a face full of jam 30 minutes before dinner.
Go clean off your damn britches.
Rubbing that damn strawberry, Raspberry medallions all over your Superman briefs.
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Bro, my grandmother, bro, she hated me, bro, but she, you know, spent time around me.
So, you know, she liked to have me around, I think, so I would know that she hated me.
Okay.
But anytime I would go in the bathroom, bro, I'd wash my hands, urinate, whatever, she would bang on the door, bro, and ask me if I was doing a bowel movement in there.
Every time, bro.
It just.
She didn't want you to?
She don't give a lot of context with it.
She would just like, are you doing a BM?
And she would, oh, she would write it down on a little thing when we did it.
Oh, wow.
Trying to monitor what time to eat or what time to...
You know, maybe she didn't want us like, you know.
Messing up that porcelain.
Probably, yeah.
You tinkering up that porcelain?
Don't be putting no stains on my new porcelain.
Yeah, you bootying up that pink porcelain in there.
I think she wanted to know when we were.
She was that kind of lady.
She wanted to know when you was going to really shit.
That's a certain type.
Oh, bro.
She was hardcore, bro.
She was like a real, you know, Colin Powell or whatever.
Real militant-minded.
Oh.
Sergeant Streaks.
Yeah, she really was, man.
Real Sergeant Streaks.
Dude, I'm grateful to have you here, man.
I wanted to ask you, too, bro.
I was thinking about, you know, a lot of rumors, bro.
There's a lot of rumors out there in the world.
Always.
And you believe in rumors?
It depends who the source is, honestly, where it's coming from, but you never know who heard it prior to.
I mean, it's a 50-50 thing.
And then it's just like, you know, if we were sitting in a circle and somebody say something, it really depends which person is telling the information and how fucked up they are.
Are they drunk telling the story that they aren't supposed to be telling and they have half the information and saying it wrong?
Oh, yeah.
Did they hear it the other way?
And then how are they going to translate it?
So it's usually usually sometimes because if it's something bad, if it's a bad story, if it's something that's negative about somebody, it could be a just complete lie that somebody made up that's very specific and they're trying to fuck this person up.
And then there's no way out of it.
You already got shit scenes on it.
You know what I mean?
Grandma's button on that door.
But if it's good, then it's 50-50.
If it's bad, it's 10%.
That's how I see it.
Right, right.
If the rumor that's bad, it's probably 10% chance.
Less credibility on the bad ones.
Right.
That's what I've learned.
That's fair, man.
Especially if it has something to do with a wealthy male.
If it's a wealthy male and it's something bad, it's probably 10%.
Yeah, it's probably been a lot of it could be calculated there.
It's very calculated.
Everything's a smear campaign when it's something bad.
If somebody's saying something bad about somebody who's successful, has money, chances are it's a smear campaign.
Yeah.
Yeah, it happens a lot, man.
Dude, I remember we would play that game telephone.
Remember where people always say that thing in a circle.
Somebody say something, you say it's somebody else?
And I grew up in, you know, in Louisiana, and half the time we'd come around and be like, they would be at the end of the line, you know?
And we had this one kid, bro, the same kid I was telling you about earlier, bro, this kid Daniel, he would always, we play it at school with the teacher, right?
So we would come all the way around.
It's like, all right, Daniel, say what you heard.
And he would yell the N-word, bro.
We'd be like, what the fuck?
Out of nowhere.
And it was his plan the whole time, bro.
He was just waiting.
It would be like, you know, mom likes shortbread.
And it would go on.
And, you know, somebody gots a short horse.
And then it's like, Deandra, you know, ride a short bus.
And it would keep moving around.
And then he would yell out.
Just yell out the N-word.
You're like, damn.
Classic Daniel.
And they kept him there the same every time.
They kept like, damn, they kept yelling.
They never moved.
From the end.
Yeah, maybe just.
The teacher had no plans, bro.
But so what I'm trying to really, I guess, ask you is a lot of rumors out there about you.
You've had a lot of stuff in your life about music, art.
And I'm hearing that you might have a thing where you want to get into politics and stuff like that.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm serious, man.
I mean, nah, but if, I mean, how much does it, how much is the, how much do they pay you to be the president?
Only thing, only way I do it is politics is if, you know, how people can go viral or a song can just magically go viral from 10 years ago, 20 years ago.
If somebody did a Dale Dan Tony for president campaign and that shit actually went, they're like, well, he's over 35. Well, he's born in America.
Well, you know what?
We gave fucking fucking weekend to Bernie's guy.
We gave him, we gave fucking, you know what I mean?
We gave Carl from Home Depot the fucking president.
We like, just to get the other guy out.
I was like, shit, fuck it.
Let's go the rock.
Rock's like, no, I got movies to shoot.
Fuck it.
Go Dan Tony.
And everybody's like, you know what?
Like, let's just get a fucking American, fucking real actual man in there to fucking run the show and listen to people and do all this shit.
I do it.
But it's not like that.
But is it something?
So you would do it if it came to you.
If it came knocking on your door, you would do it.
Put it like this.
It's like everybody asked me to do, like, oh, you should have podcasts.
You should do all these, you know, have a podcast.
I don't feel like I could set that up and organize that.
The only way I would do that is if like you were like, oh, you know what?
I'm going to fully set up this riffraff podcast and then show me the vision coming from someone who's already massively successful in it.
So it would have to be something from the world and they want it.
They want it and they put it together and fuck it.
I'll be president now actually try.
But me doing the whole campaign and actually trying to be president or trying to be, I'm going to be the fucking.
A mayor?
You could start with a mayor, a city council, city council.
Sounds like a lot of work.
A lot of suits.
A lot of dry cleaners.
A lot of lunching.
Can I bring my dogs?
I think you can.
These are questions that I'm like, I got to even ask the HOA.
What's some of the rules you do right when you get in there?
They put you in there, man.
Are we talking mayor or talking president?
I would say Senate or Lieutenant or like Governor, Lieutenant.
First of all, I'm like, all right, where y'all got me staying at?
Is it a guard-gated Senate penthouse?
So you want that upstairs spot?
I need them upstates.
Yeah.
We're going to, like, what are the, what are you, what, like, I need to know where I'm at, where I could set up.
Is there a homeowners association in my home?
Are y'all giving me a house or just giving me a whole bunch of shit to do in a pile of papers and be like, oh, you got to find your own trailer.
So you want housing?
Not just housing.
My bad.
Big.
Just give me an arena.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Car gated.
And what you're going to do, though, is.
It's a moat.
It goes around the entire thing and one drawbridge that goes down.
That's what we're doing first.
We're putting a moat.
All right.
10 feet, because nobody's 10 feet tall.
Alligators.
And then what?
Piranhas.
Oh, damn.
Do alligators and piranhas even get along?
We don't know.
So imagine if you fell in that.
I'm not doing that.
They're already been practicing.
Oh, I ain't being in there, bro.
You know, so when they have to try to get me out after them four years or I don't know, what is it, two and a half months if you're Senate?
I don't know what it is.
They just shot that one guy.
See, like fame isn't even stained set.
Oh, you, you put that smoke, baby?
You put my grandma in the prison in 86. I'm like, I just started being Senate.
You didn't get my grandma.
Your great-grandfather put my grandfather in a headlock.
Oh, yeah.
You know, now I'm dealing with the previous prior terms of agreement.
You're dealing with old shit.
You used to steal cinnamon.
Your great-grandfather stole cinnamon from somebody I knew.
You stole cinnamon toast crunch idea.
Your Uncle Rodney.
Yeah.
He had his fist so far up my ass.
He took my ideas.
He took my identity.
I'm having an identity crisis.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's really just a gallbladder issue.
It's somebody who just got, who, it's a four-year-old.
They're leaving comments.
And now you have to deal with that.
Now you're losing sponsors because somebody made five fake IG pages saying they don't want you to be senators.
They're kicking you out.
For toddlers, yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, you're right, man.
It's a lot.
Politics, I feel like it would give me more anxiety.
Really?
Do you have a good bit of anxiety, you think?
Every day.
Really?
People wouldn't believe it.
And what do you take for it?
Do you take a special juice or something?
What are you doing right now for?
You do massages?
Do you go to any type of like, you know, I do therapy twice a week.
I do men's meeting.
Yeah.
More talking?
Only time I talk is with you or maybe my pups.
My pups are my therapy.
Oh, they are?
That's your therapist, huh?
Dang.
Well, they say they have equestrian therapy.
People talk to horses?
I don't know if it's horses or not, but they talk to different animals.
Yeah, I guess it is horses, equestrians.
Yeah, that's equestrian.
Damn, bro.
That's brave as fuck, dude.
The first dude who ever did it must have been high on drugs, bro.
Roll up to a horse and just start telling him what was going on.
I mean, if you set your phone down and set everything to the side and you sit there, like in the midst of like a horse or your dog that you raised or whatever, like, and just and you're talking, regardless if energy is real, you know, and the vibe is real.
And they say horses calm people down.
And that's, and that's true.
I feel like that, you know.
So I think when you're talking to your, if you were, you're raised, my puppies, right?
My puppies, I'm raising them and everything.
And they know they know my energy.
Okay.
They know my, whatever.
If I'm throwing shit around or if I'm mad or I'm throwing something or slam the door, they might get scared at first, but they don't run away from me.
They know that something's wrong.
And sometimes, like, if I'm just, and then if I do something and then like, well, I mean, I was thinking about Jodi just now, but like I they understand and they could come near me.
So they're almost more supportive.
Like they know, hey, what's going on?
You know, I believe that, you know, I don't think even like we could go back to the caveman times.
Everybody, there wasn't any language.
Now there's 50 different languages.
When you talk, like you get a knot in your stomach and you're like exerting this energy.
I think some things like communicating doesn't have to be words.
Like sometimes, you know, if you have your loved one near and like, you know, sometimes just holding hand or hugging or something like that, not just a random person, but maybe, but maybe, you know what I mean?
I think sometimes the best communication isn't even words.
So therapy could be.
Yeah, that's a good point, man.
They could even have therapy where you just go and hug somebody or hold somebody.
Petting horses, brushing a horse, I feel like that would be a lot more stress-relieving than kickboxing.
Talking to somebody and then paying them 300 bucks to tell you what your problems are, that maybe they got the same problem or they got other problems that they got to go to somebody else to talk about.
Maybe it's good, though.
Maybe therapy is good.
I haven't done it yet.
You never tried it?
No.
Really?
Man, you got it, got it.
I guess, but then also, sometimes I think you should be able to pay the therapist based on how it went.
If it went good, you get 60. If it went all right, you get 45. You know?
You know?
Get a little cup of coupon or something.
Yeah, I'd be like, I'm going to get you next time.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to get you next time.
We're going to see what you got next time, therapist person.
Yeah, we'll see how it goes, man.
This couch is itchy.
Is it?
No, I'm saying.
You're laying down on the therapist couch.
Oh, yeah.
It's a wool.
I'm not laying on this damn thing.
Not this one.
This is good.
This is nice quality, though.
Velveteen.
Nice quality velveteen.
But I just, is it like a spa type setting in there?
Or is it bright lights beaming in?
I think some of the times I go in there, it's kind of chill and dark books behind you that talk about getting better.
They got a picture of a guy on there getting, you know, and he's like, some guy's crying by his bed or something with his penis out.
Okay.
And then a couple books have pictures of like a brain on them.
Which book you pull and then the bookcase twists around and then you're like, oh, I don't give a fuck about anxiety.
There's some mixed adventure and a treasure back here.
All of a sudden, you're wiping your tears on your Gucci sweater and fucking running back there.
Like, damn, $45 an hour?
Damn, baby, this ain't fucking an escape room.
Yeah, I think people, if everybody lived the life like it's a movie, I think people wouldn't be crying as much.
Did you ever see the Goonies?
Yeah, I liked Goonies, man.
My cousin knew a guy who worked with a guy who used to, who worked on Goonies.
Okay.
What did he say about it?
Any info or just that was that?
He was just bragging.
Like, yeah, my brother did the makeup.
He did the makeup for that.
Yeah.
Remember when.
And it's like, just tell us your brother's gay, bro.
Yeah.
Tell us all of this crazy shit.
Yeah, my brother did the makeup for Bad Boys 4 or something, you know?
Oh, okay.
Or Christmas with the Cranks.
Yeah, my cousin got beat up on set of Christmas with the Cranks at night when the set was closed down.
Damn.
What about this, though, man?
You've had a lot of interesting things in your life.
Music, art.
Michael Jordan reenactments.
It's true.
What about that family, bro?
You going to get a family or what's up?
Soon, one day.
Really?
I think in the next.
I want my Huskies to play with my child, you know.
I want to have my Huskies play to see my kid, you know?
And I think that'll bring life.
You know, it's like I've gotten puppies for the big one, you know, and then you get another puppy.
And then, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think that they need to see a baby.
High roller needs a low roller, baby.
You know, a little baby riff or a little, you know, ain't no telling.
Do you think about it?
Sometimes I think about it.
It's always been kind of spooky to me.
Yeah, yeah.
It's definitely like something that you, it'll be life-changing, but I think it comes time, just like in, like, if you have it in your mind when you're a kid, like eventually, you know, then you're going to get to a time like, all right, well, it's about time.
You know, it's like, I think, like, I think every man should, like, I've lived with my homies before.
We live in crazy houses in LA or wherever.
And you, it's a fun time.
Oh, yeah.
I remember the last time you told us about living with Simon when y'all first, when you first moved out there with him.
Yeah, but I think eventually you get to a point where you're like, well, I've lived with my friends before.
Like, you know, I think when you're about like 30, it's time to be like, oh, when I go home or I got my woman at home, you know?
Because I think just eventually you, even if you got your friends and y'all go do whatever, like eventually you're going to get tired of doing everything yourself.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, it gets lonesome.
Boring, lonesome.
You start thinking too much, being less productive.
You know?
Yeah, I even got me one of them dang body pillows one time, bro.
It's like a supposed to be like, not a woman, but they say you could put perfume or whatever on it.
Yeah, pretty much.
But it can't just be anybody.
No.
Because that, you know, it goes back to the energy thing.
Like, if you aren't, you got to be something, you know what I mean?
And then that's where it's like, all right, like this is something that I'm going to have to, you know, organize.
What's the word?
Like, the thought of like having a child in your mind, it's getting close to that time.
You know what I mean?
Or if you're getting out of shape, it's like, oh, I'm gonna have to hit the gym pretty soon.
You know what I mean?
Right.
It's a little bit of that same thing almost.
Like there's something inside of you that says, man, something.
Yeah, like I come home and I have a sandwich or I make me a taco.
Yeah.
I make tacos probably five nights a week.
Okay.
I'll make tacos too.
I make some mean Deal D'Antoni tacos.
Damn.
I got to make you something.
Yeah, I would have something out on the Ponderosa, maybe get out there and fill my damn holes with them.
But I'll say this, man.
Fill my holes with them.
Oh, bro.
All of them.
Dude, I fucking love tacos so much, bro.
If I could, bro, if I had taste buds in my colon, I'd put one in my.
Okay.
Well, you know, it's one way to do it.
And then there's other ways.
That's one of them.
I'm just saying, bro.
I want that, you know.
Yeah, now don't supersize it, though.
That's for sure.
I want that regular size, man.
I want that baby talk.
But yeah, man, I think about that because that's always been spooky to me, bro.
Thinking about having a kid.
Just a shit always scared me getting married.
Yeah.
You ever been married?
Never.
Damn, bro.
And me neither, bro.
Yeah.
I think Simon either.
There's a few mutual acquaintances, friends that never.
And he's just now, he's having like, he's not at his prime yet.
I don't think.
He keeps remaking his every time when I talk to him, I'm like, you know, like Naked Gun, 33 and a third.
Like, I could see him being that.
And then finally blowing up.
Steve Martin, like you, all you remember him, he had, I remember, the only time I saw Steve Martin when he had white hair.
Yeah.
So when he was in three Migos and or at high school, anything.
What was the one where he was the one where it's like he was the dad?
Oh, oh, I know what you're talking about.
Father of the Bride.
It was Meet the Parents Before Meet the Parents.
Oh, my Girl.
Both of those.
He was great, bro.
Yeah, he was in my favorite movie.
Above the Rim?
No.
Oh.
That's your favorite movie, bro.
know that probably.
He was in...
No, the one where he's the preacher, the traveling preacher.
Do you ever see that?
I see that.
Watch it.
God, bro.
What's it called?
It's called, I think Snake something.
Snake something.
Let me think.
Thing, bro.
We'll look that up.
It have like a picture of him on the front of the thing.
Yeah, with kids, that gives me anxiety because I know how cautious and how much I care about my pups.
So with a kid, I know, and the more I hear about people having kids, they homeschool them and stuff because they don't want them going out into what's in the world right now.
It's just out of control.
I mean, and again, there could be a million schools and then one bad thing happens.
That's going to be all the news.
I understand that.
The news is low, but I don't even want that percentage.
And I think in the first 10 years of a child's life, it's almost like a hard drive or a SIM card.
A SIM card, you know, it gets full, right?
Like a SIM card that you're taking pictures.
So you're downloading or an iPod.
You're downloading all this information for the first 10 years.
And then after 10 years, unplug it and now you're using that information and it's updating your apps and you're, but you're, you're uploading all, you're getting those, those initial things that are like the basis of your entire life.
I remember shit from when I was between one and 10 more than I remember shit from when I was 20, 30. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
And we still probably live off of those things.
I live off those whole operating systems.
You know what I mean?
So I would want my kid to, I would want to be right there, definitely for the first 10 years.
Make sure they're protected.
You know, put tennis balls on the edges of all corners.
And so nobody's busting their face open.
And you got to be there because that's when kids are going to remember either my dad loves me and my parents love me.
And it's not even going to, it's going to be subliminally already instilled in them.
They're going to have so much confidence that my parents got my back.
My dad always got my back.
Let's go play this.
Let's go to this.
I can call my dad.
Then they get into that pattern of doing that where if you weren't there, then that first 10 years, if you weren't there every day, it doesn't matter if you owe, they aren't going to understand like, oh, well, he was working.
He was the one paying for this.
If you aren't there that day, all they're going to remember is that they didn't have a close relationship with you and it's not going to get closer.
So I think that first 10 years, you got to be right there.
Like I see how like Cal, DJ Khaled loves his kids.
I can't see them going to no public school.
If you want to teach them something, they come to the house.
He probably have a tutor or something building.
Or they learn, maybe learning a different language, maybe learning math, maybe learning whatever.
But I think being around, a kid being around their parents is important.
And then they learn how you act.
They learn how you do things.
They learn how to, now it's time to like, okay, let me not smoke around the kid.
Let me not drink.
Let me not, you guys be on your, you know, you don't want to be yelling around them and all this shit.
So do you, would that, did you feel like your environment was like that growing up or you would give your kids a different environment?
I would, I would give them away different environment, but I also love both my parents and they were doing like, they were doing the best that they could.
Yeah.
They were doing the best they could.
Like I don't look back at them like, oh, I hate my dad or, you know, I hate my mom or something, you know, because whoever your parents were, even if you don't like them, I can't speak for everybody, but it's like you're here.
The combination of those two made you be here.
And if it was somebody else was, it wasn't your, if he wasn't here, you wouldn't even be here.
Right.
So just remember that before.
This is, yeah, that's how you got here.
So when it's like, you see like stories of like, like kids like, oh, some kid in high school couldn't do this, and then, yeah, so he had a good point.
Yeah, Damien, he killed his parents because they wouldn't give him, they wouldn't let him watch cartoons at nine o'clock.
You see that sometimes, Damien, yeah, they had one kid, his parents wouldn't let him go to the dance, and he killed his whole family.
And it's like, and he couldn't even dance that good.
They had a video of him dancing, he wanted to learn how to dance.
I mean, it just what I mean, like, I guess, I guess.
Do you remember going to the dance as a kid or not?
I would go to the skating rink.
Oh, yeah, you would, boy.
I love that like a damn endangered species.
I would love that skating rink.
And I'll skate a little bit, but I mostly play arcade games.
But just the vibe of, and it was like a black light in there, and they had a little DJ dude.
They had a DJ up in that little DJ bot, and you just come in there.
And as soon as you open that door, it's a cold wind.
And it's chilly in there.
And you just, you got in there, huh?
Man, then you, you see the little stars on the floor just circling around.
It was a, it was a vibe.
People were out there now.
Did all the skating, did they have the lights out on the whole time?
Or every now and then they put the lights out and let people skate?
Like the nighttime, like they had that, like the, you know.
The little spotlight thing or the little stars and stuff?
Yeah, I think they maybe cut it on, cut all the lights on, I guess at the very end to be like, it was basically a club for kids, you know?
But, but it would be pretty dark on the, not too dark, but, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, and you get out there and you got to wait and just like double dutch and get in there and just start coasting.
Then you go out there and bust your ass a few times.
And then, you know, if somebody sees you.
And then George Michael, they would play George Michael sometimes too.
A lot of George Michael.
A lot of Billy Idol.
Gay dudes would kind of sneak out.
Billy Joel.
You'd see like kids you didn't know was gay or their brothers was coming out.
You were like, damn, this seemed like a different energy out here.
A couple new guys out here.
Yeah, it's some grown-ups out here.
What are they doing?
Yeah, yeah.
Like they aren't all the way growing up.
Watch Petey's stepdad out here suddenly, bro.
He got his shirt off, dog.
Yeah, it's a 23-year-old.
He has like a home tattoo.
Yeah.
He has like a.
We had a girl.
One time I saw a girl had that pussy smoke tattooed on her.
Damn.
That really made me think about everything.
Right.
What was she?
What were they doing?
What was she on?
I don't know.
She worked at a Schlotzky's over there.
She murdered that place.
Schlotzky's the sandwiches?
Yeah, I used to get the everything bagel, and then I'd get everything in it.
I'd get some corned beef, hash, roast beef, ham, turkey.
Yeah, bro.
The lettuce.
I don't even normally get mustard, but I get regular mustard in there.
Spice it up.
God.
Yeah.
Dude, I think I just realized if a bunch of people beat the fuck out of me, if they said some of my favorite foods while they were punching me, I don't think I would mind it that much.
You know, if they were like, creme brulee, bitch.
I'm like, oh, fuck.
But yes, I like it.
Okay.
You know?
I was just trying to think about that, man.
Has a girl ever punched you?
Oh, I'll tell you this, dude.
So I was in love.
I don't know if I was in love with this girl, but we were, you know, we were kids and we were fucking.
Okay.
You know?
And she found out, I met, I fell in love with another girl.
And she found out about it.
And she came up and ran up to me one time when I was with the other girl and she hit me.
And I didn't know what to do, bro.
So I fucking fell down.
Okay.
It was kind of like delayed, though.
Like she hit me.
And then I kind of was like, oh, because I was like, if I stay up, I got to deal with her and her standing right here arguing.
The best thing I can do right now is kind of fall down.
Because then at least it's like, hey, I'm taking a, I'm out of here.
You know, I fell down.
I'm not answering any questions.
I hope I was horrible by pretending like I was unconscious.
That was the craziest part.
It's a good way to do it.
I guess you could have pretty hard.
You could have done it.
Yeah, running would have been crazy, though.
Like, ah, shit, I'm fucked up.
Call me.
Which one of us?
Just run.
Nothing else.
Yeah, man.
That was the girl that I know.
I lost my virginity to that girl, bro, behind a bowling alley over there.
The first one?
The punch.
The punchy.
He had a fighter.
She must have liked you.
Did she ever talk to her?
Did you talk to her after that ever?
Yeah, I just got a text from her the other day, man.
Really?
Yeah, we had some issues later on.
Oh, we ended up splitting up a couple times, putting air in each other's shampoos and shit.
Oh, that's a different.
We was looking for a court date.
Interact?
We were looking for a court date.
You know?
But yeah, I lost my Virginia over there behind a bowling alley over there.
Tiffany Lane's over there.
And some kids was throwing rocks at us, bro.
Oh, shit.
Pretty cool.
They were throwing rocks.
They didn't like it.
I think they were Christians or whatever just jealous, one or the other.
Okay.
But it's hard to stay hard when people throw rocks at you.
Yeah.
Especially when you stay hard.
That's a good metaphor for life.
Yeah.
It's hard to stay hard when people throwing rocks at you.
Yeah, thanks, man.
Does coffee sometimes make you feel a little too activated?
Sometimes I notice that about coffee.
I have it and I'm like, I don't, this isn't, it's got me feeling more anxious than it does just alert.
Well, mud water is different.
It's a coffee alternative.
And it's, it's, it's providing me with, it's hard to even explain.
It's providing me with just more, feeling more of a comfortable activation.
It has four adaptogenic mushrooms.
Mud water does.
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What about you, bro?
When did you first get into sexual world, bro?
Do you first have a real interest in it?
Man, I was so much into basketball.
But you had to stop and get into sex, even for a halftime or something.
It was like after I was done playing basketball.
I was like, how old was I?
20. Damn.
Did you break your heart?
No.
You broke her heart?
No.
Oh, damn.
Y'all just sit in it.
You didn't?
Nope.
Wow.
Y'all just met somewhere that it was like a dark area?
I think...
I think...
It was like the first time I got drunk, I think.
Oh, really?
Or have sex until I was 20. Wow.
Was you real?
Man, I thought I was...
I was a basketball.
I wanted to be in.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I wanted to see how far I could go.
And I think when I stopped playing basketball or I started, I stopped being, because I was playing for a college.
And then it's always been, if the coach loves me, and I'm getting playing time.
But then I'm great.
If somehow the coach don't like me and I'm on the bench, I'm gone.
Because I can already see it.
And this coach, it was game, we had just had, we had been practicing.
You know, you practice, practice, practice, practice, early morning practice.
They have two days, get up at 6 a.m.
and then you have four o'clock, whatever it is.
And we're doing all these practices.
And then the day before our first game, he brings everybody to the gym and we're sitting down.
And he's like, now y'all can't be, it's like 6 a.m.
Y'all can't be telling other people and people around campus that you got a scholarship here or that you're here on a full ride or that you're doing this and bragging about this and you're drinking and partying and expect to be playing.
I'm just like, I'm sitting there the whole time.
Mind you, I haven't drank.
I haven't done that.
And it's like, Simcoe, they've been telling me that a few of our players have been telling me that you're going around telling people you got a full ride scholarship and you're going to be starting and that you've been.
He's from Minnesota.
I don't know why he has a Texas accent.
But he's also, yeah, but who knows maybe he travels with him when he's young.
Yeah.
And then he's like, and telling people you have a scholarship and you're going to be starting.
If I hear any more of that, you're going to be on the bench for the whole year to me.
And I'm looking around.
I'm like, which one of you?
And I was about to be starting.
And then, so when I heard that, I was like, this isn't good.
Damn.
Yeah.
And so you left it.
No.
So then right after that, we had a game that night and he didn't start me, but I had been starting it the whole time in practice.
So then go to the game and I had, and he put me in like in the second half.
I think I had like 15 points all in the second half.
He didn't even play the first half, but let me start the second half.
So I was like, okay, this is where I just prove that I could do this because we have another game.
We have like a tournament the next day because it's early in the season.
So I had like 15 points on the second half.
So I'm like, okay, well, he obviously sees if I played the whole game, I would have had 30 points.
Right.
15 points.
Next day, we go to Michigan.
We had a tournament.
Bench whole time.
Puts me in the last three seconds.
It's freezing cold.
We drove on the bus from Minnesota to Michigan.
It's eight hour drive or something.
And we're all the way over there.
It's freezing.
It's icy roads.
I played like the last three seconds of the first game.
But then we had another game that night.
Didn't play me the entire game.
I was like, as soon as I get back, I'm done, man.
And that was it.
Because I did everything I could.
Right.
And it wasn't good enough for, you know what I mean?
I can't deal with the, I can't deal with someone controlling my outcome.
Later that night, then I got drunk.
Damn.
Bro, that's funny, bro.
Yeah, I don't like having someone having control over my outcome, man.
I don't like to be the one that determines what happens to me.
I think that's why a lot of people end up like leaving a job that was paying a lot of money, but they had somebody telling them what to do 24-7 or having too much power over them and they're under their thumb and they're dictating their life.
That's not good for anybody.
If you could go back, would you do it any different?
Because sometimes I think that I end up damaging myself by being that way a little.
It helps me and it hurts me kind of.
The main thing, if I did, I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be now.
You know what I mean?
I wouldn't rather be nowhere else.
Dang, baby.
But one thing that the one, the one thing I'll do different in the past is I was on Diplo's label and I wanted to be more free.
I wanted to do whatever I want, drop whatever I want.
Now, looking back, after Neon Icon, I should have stayed focused and been like, all right, we got to do another project that tops Neon Icon.
And I can't drop another project till we top what we just did.
And what ended up happening is like, I just kept doing what I do, dropping videos, songs, do whatever I want, whenever I want.
And if I go back, I would go stick with the script that he had.
We're still friends.
My brother works out.
But that one thing and spend more time with Jody Husky and taking more places.
Probably those two things stick out to me most that probably come across my mind.
Of things you might try different, might try something different.
Yeah, or just pop up in my brain just periodically throughout the week that have popped up in my brain for the last years.
I got shit like, oh, dude, yeah.
I got shit like that.
I got little skeletons that come by.
Do you have anything that you would change in your?
Yeah, I think I would probably let, I would trust other people more.
I would trust like, you know, I never wanted to have a manager or anything like that.
You know, I never really worked well with it.
So I think there's times when I probably could do a little better if I trust other people and just believe, hey, maybe these people do have some of my best interests at heart.
They're not just trying to get money or get up on me or something like that or, you know, or take advantage of me.
I think it goes back to old scripts from when I was a kid, probably when I thought that somebody in a superior position, I didn't trust them.
And so it's just old, it's just reading the old newspaper sometimes, you know?
I think you're on, no, I've even to this day had, you know, like gone through exactly what you're saying.
Yeah.
But what I've learned now, even within the last like a little bit of time, is like, yeah, you're going to have to trust somebody, but you don't have to trust anybody with your money.
Like if it's a manager or whoever's going to help, then do that.
But you don't need to be in control of my money because then eventually that turned into power over your life.
Oh, interesting.
So if you wanted to be able to trust your accountant.
Right.
Right.
And luckily I can trust mine.
You know what I mean?
Because everybody can't trust theirs.
And my accountant saved my life.
Wow.
Yeah.
He told you, hey, you got to put the brakes on right here.
He said, look at, hey, Riff, I got to need to talk to you.
Look at this, this, this, this.
And I come over there.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
Because everybody ain't going to show you.
But some people are going to be on the other side.
You see the thing with Britney Spears?
She couldn't even pick her lawyer.
So if the lawyers are on the side with whoever's controlling her, then she has no hope.
But if that lawyer said, you know what, you can do this, this, this, you don't got to deal this.
Then now one person could help that and fix all that.
But if you got everybody playing against you, now you're screwed.
And it's tough, I bet it, at her level, because you don't know who to trust then.
And if you don't have power over your life, then you're basically just like a white tiger in a cage.
Go make the money.
All right, you're done.
Go back in here.
Click.
Yeah.
Click, click.
All right, cut off light.
She needs to rest.
Oh, you need to rest.
Yeah.
Cool.
Let's go count this money.
But.
And they put you a little money in there with your fingers.
His money right here.
Look, look, here's your money right here.
And you a fucking tiger.
You can't even spend no money.
Yeah, you're going to buy some damn frosted flakes.
No, damn, bro.
Before you go, if you did get into politics, though, what would you do?
You think about some of these gas prices, man?
Honestly, bro.
Could you, you think you could do something?
Well, I heard.
You need a savior.
I heard that the, and I forget where I heard this, or maybe I just saw it on Instagram, which, again, goes back to the rumors.
Oh, yeah.
Who knows what?
But I heard that the gas isn't disappearing.
People could, they've been making the same process of like making the turning whatever.
I don't know how it works.
Drilling for oil or whatever, or turning something into.
You can make your own gas.
We had a guy bust that made his own gas, but it burned off a lot of his skin on his, I thought it was his arms, maybe or legs.
He had big arms.
Okay.
And small legs, so it's easy to singe those puppies.
Well, easy to get it confused, too, when you're looking at him.
He was doing handstands?
I mean, he was, dude.
Well, bro, he had this one dude, Mr. Polito, bro.
He fucking made his own gas, bro.
And he actually died.
They fucking threw him in a ditch fire, bro.
Why?
And he died.
I don't know why.
I didn't know him that good.
I think there's other things probably that could, like, you can't run off water, right?
Well, they say you can't, but we don't have a lot of proof that you can't.
I mean, I just feel like if there was a way to, you know, you could do solar power energy for houses.
Yeah.
Put all them solar panels on.
Why can't you do that for the cars?
I agree.
Or even if it's an old car, put the solar panels on and get a system cranked in there.
And like, I feel like there's got to be a better way than gasoline.
Gasoline is dangerous as fuck.
I don't even like to cook with gas.
If it goes tick, tick, tick, I'm opening up all the windows.
I'm opening up all the windows and I'm ordering McDonald's and I'm not even eating it.
I'm just going to put it there on the table.
Yeah, bro.
Oh, I turn into damn Bruce Willis.
Every time they start that bitch, I turn into it.
I don't like it.
I back away, bro.
Oh, this has gas, so it's even better.
Hold on, wait, stop.
No, it's not better.
I've lying.
The craziest thing, somebody will start the tick, tick, tick.
They'll start telling you a story, bro.
And they won't even.
I'm looking at the windows.
Like, damn, bro.
Open up every window and turn on every fan.
Man, people just don't want their life.
Some people don't want their life.
I think some people don't just generally don't care, or maybe they aren't even thinking about it because they're so stressed out and anxiety of what they got to deal with to fix what's going on.
That bad, that just software.
I got that shaky software, man.
And is that the system that we're placing to be stressed out?
I think everybody needs to spread the fuck out.
You think so?
I think that.
Really?
I don't know.
But I'm not saying, I just, I don't know.
I feel like if I get by myself too much, then I get real lonely.
Okay.
But then also, if you get in your New York, you can't live in there.
You got to, it's like the, it's, it's like air body.
Oh, yeah, you can't.
Bottom of the barrel.
You start eating.
Somebody will finish your applesauce for you, right?
You know?
Yeah.
So absolutely.
You know what I'm saying?
You halfway through some of the motherfuckers.
Slice the damn aluminum mox tag and go fucking pawn it before you can even finish your Tupperware sauce.
Dude, you kind of like me in a lot with nostalgia, man.
You love nostalgia.
Why do you think it's a bad thing?
It's just installed in my brain.
It's in my, you know, that first 10 years of my life.
It's there.
It's just there.
You love it.
Man, I've run off of it.
Yeah.
You know?
It's fascinating.
Man, I love thinking about the past.
I love thinking about moments from when I was young.
And why did it impact me?
And what, what, like, yeah, definitely.
And the simplicity of things and how I was thinking and feeling.
A song, a smell will bring you back there.
A slow dance, bro.
You ever remember doing a slow dance at school or nothing?
I remember slow dances.
Damn.
I don't think I ever did a slow dance.
With Boys to Men or something?
Something like that.
What else would they play?
Yeah, some Boys to Men.
You really loved basketball.
You loved it that much, huh?
I love music too, though.
Yeah.
I remember my mom listening to Material Girl in the Car and I'm like, turn this one up.
And then after that, change the station and it's chunk, chunk.
Chris Gross, who's this?
What's these little kids that are rappers?
That shit was good.
I had backwards everything on that point, bro.
I put backward pants, backward shoe.
People couldn't run, couldn't walk, couldn't even make it to school anymore, bro.
All my shit was on.
People would be wearing backwards Jabots.
Oh, the skids were nice, bro.
Especially when they came out with the African cut.
Did you ever have those skids?
Pants?
It must have been a Texas thing or Florida thing.
Powell Peralta skateboards.
We had Jimmy Z shirts.
That was Jimmy Z, I think it was.
Jimmy Z. Or Varnette.
Okay, Varnette.
We have Gecko.
We had Quicksilver barely made it by us, bro.
Okay, gotcha.
Nope, we didn't have it.
Jabot was huge, bro.
People had Jabot Hill figure.
Did you ever, was there a Miller's Outpost?
No, that was in Arizona, I think, wasn't it?
Miller's Outpost.
We didn't have that.
We had a lot of Reebok, people wearing shit that said Reebok.
We had people would just paint Reebok on their shit.
Okay.
You know, a lot of people still made their own clothes, busts and stuff like that.
We'd have a dude and his sister, you know, you could see their mom got a pattern of fabric or something.
They'd both be wearing like a purple silk or something.
My mom made me a shirt one time, a Hawaiian shirt.
She would make them like that type of, not those colors, but like one of those type of styles.
Damn.
That's cool, man.
Anybody ever make you any clothes?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
My brother one time made me something for Christmas.
He tried to make me something.
He tried to make me overalls, bro.
How'd that pan out?
It looked like a fucking.
It was like a denim thong, bro.
It just went right up around my ass and on each shoulder, bro.
Gotcha.
Oh, I was scared he wanted to fuck, bro.
Damn.
Shit broke my heart, dog.
And then I remember thinking he was trying to have sex with me or, you know, being scared about it.
And I would sleep at night.
I put a little jingle bell on my body.
So you could hear something moving.
In case somebody came at me.
Yeah, I would hear it.
Okay.
Damn, bro.
It's just, I hated going to bed at night, man.
I'd have to set so many traps so nothing got me.
Yeah, I don't, I don't think.
Yeah, I sleep next to a gun.
There you go, bro.
I wish I would have.
I wish I would have.
Now you just sleep in hotels.
You're good.
Yeah.
You get the best sleep in hotels.
You think?
I don't know why.
If the sheets are nice, sometimes you get the sheets as real, you know, they're real gritty.
Yeah, sometimes they're real gritty, bro.
Like sleeping up.
I don't like to hear my leg when I move it back and forth under the sheet.
Yeah, I put rain music.
10 hours of rain.
Damn.
Yeah.
Wake up just soaking wet, bro.
Do you listen to anything or just silence?
I listen to dead silence, bro.
That's waiting for God to come get me.
Damn.
It's dark, bro.
You right here, dog.
It's crazy when you and I are talking and you the fucking, dude.
Wait, so what, Joe?
I'm grateful, man.
You're the bright.
You aren't trying to go 100?
I don't.
I mean, I just, I can't, you know, I haven't slept that well probably in about 17 years.
But I'm planning on trying some new stuff, maybe.
Yeah.
Do you ever take, do you ever smoke?
No.
I only smoke at night.
Oh, does it help?
It definitely helps.
Only at night, though.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if I don't got shit to do in somebody else's driving, I'll just smoke during the day.
But, you know.
But you ever took melatonin pills?
Yeah.
How does that work?
They do pretty good.
Okay.
Maybe you should.
I can't see that far.
I notice it affects my sight.
Oh.
Do you wear glasses?
I don't wear them that often.
Sometimes I'll wear them at the daytime.
Okay.
I got LASIK surgery one time.
You did?
There's a few life-changing things.
I did LASIK surgery.
All right.
Or watched what the health and I went to vegan.
I felt like physical changes.
I mean, not having to put contacts in your eyes.
You wake up and you go in the bathroom and you're like, trying to put something in.
It's like dry.
It's stuck to your finger.
One falls out.
Your entire day is.
Yeah.
Somebody, yeah.
Play basketball.
One falls out.
You got to get up.
You got to stop it.
You got to look for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So LASIK surgery changed.
And vegan changed your life.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
It changed your life.
You speak.
Physically changed my, how I feel.
I was getting up too late.
I kept getting up late.
I was breaking out.
My skin was getting like, and that was like something got to change.
You know what I mean?
I had acne so bad.
I remember growing up.
Somebody called me a fucking.
She had showed me the.
She did?
It was like 4th of July.
And I was sitting there.
I was eating with my dogs.
I was on a carnivore diet.
It was like a keto.
Keto.
Yeah, keto.
So we were barbecuing.
I just moved forward.
I barbecued every day.
Just steaks, hamburgers, all this.
And it was like 4th of July.
And then she showed me the documentary, the what the health.
And it changed you.
I was about to throw it all away, and I just gave it to the dogs.
It's like, stop eating the meat, man.
I stopped breaking out crazy.
I started sleeping better.
I stopped being tired after I eat, having a side cramp after I had a big plate of ribs or something.
I thought that's just how you felt.
You know what I mean?
I'm tired after I eat.
Or glazed chicken.
You know what I mean?
Honey glazed teriyaki with a pineapple on top.
Yeah.
You're right, though, feeling.
Yeah, feeling tired.
I was like, oh, this is, you eat, and then you go to sleep.
I was like, that's how it happens.
Like, oh, I'm tired.
The ones I went vegan and started doing that for like a couple weeks, I was like, I'll eat and I'll be like, more energy.
I get actually more, I get energy and I go for a walk, go play basketball, go anything.
That's fascinating, man.
Yeah, man.
It's interesting how much in your whole life you stayed so caring about your kind of your health and wellness, it seems like.
Have you always been that way?
No.
It wasn't until, like, about three years ago, and I watched that.
There was a time period, I mean, like.
Yeah, I think I just started being vegan pretty much.
Damn.
Yeah, I think, I think.
And a woman, a young lady, it was the help of a woman brought that to me.
An angel.
An earth angel.
Yeah.
Came in and changed my life.
I know that's right.
Have you ever been in love before in your life?
Yeah.
I'm in love right now.
Are you?
Yeah.
That's good for you, man.
Damn, bro.
Yeah, man.
I'm trying to.
Are you really, bro?
That's awesome, dog.
Thank you.
Damn.
Fuck, bro.
Trying to get things on the right track.
Yeah.
Move forward the right way.
Oh, I was always afraid to say when I was in love, man.
But here's the thing.
Like, you see, like, I think Post Malone just got engaged at a kid.
But you don't got to, like, the more you give the world, then the more ammo, especially with online.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You don't want to.
Oh, yeah.
You know?
Keep some things to you.
Some people cover their baby's face.
They don't want to, you know, and then maybe if they're in that controlled environment, then you don't have to.
You don't want to, then you don't have to.
You don't got to tell anybody anything.
Yeah.
I could have five kids right now.
Nobody, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You don't got to tell, you don't owe nobody nothing.
You know, especially the world, society.
Especially society this day and age.
You ain't got to tell nobody nothing.
Yeah, man, it's an interesting society.
Well, man, I don't want to take up too much more of your time, bro.
We going a bit, you know?
Dude, I'm grateful, man.
I just like hearing some of the stuff you think about, man.
It's interesting.
It's different.
Yeah.
I think it's a lot.
Do you?
Is it getting better, though?
Yeah, well, I try to, I try to, if it's going, like, like I was saying, like looking at myself from the outside, if I'm just sitting there and I'm stewing in my own juices, like, that ain't good.
And I think somewhere in the Bible it says something about like an idle mind is some devil's playground or something like that.
And I think if you just try to, even, but then that could be why at night, if I'm by myself or whatever, and then I end up smoking and listening to music, do some push-ups, play with pups.
Yeah.
Do something.
Make some tempered glass.
That's a little dangerous when you're high.
Yeah.
I like this tent, though.
It could be dangerous.
I like this tent.
It's a nice bronze tent.
I want to get an infinity.
Infinity what?
Pool or car?
A car, like an old school one.
Oh, yeah.
Like a J30 or Q45.
And then get the cream, pearl paint, and then make the tent like this.
I seen a dude, this black dude had real cream in it.
He had like, it was like an aquarium kind of vibe.
And they had real cream.
And when he would drive and like put on the brakes, the cream.
Yeah.
Motherfucker had real 2% of that bitch.
2% of them?
Yeah, breast milk.
Oh, if it's breastfeeding.
Yeah, if he had a little tap off the back and he rolling over there and getting a cup of dairy.
And then it gets swoops around.
Dude, what if we are in the wrong?
We buying all this other goose milk and all of this and animal milk.
And we supposed to be still having breast milk, bro.
There'd be a lot of saggy titties around here.
But fuck, boy.
Imagine people beating down their mama's door just to get a sip at night to be safe for the morning.
She'd probably eventually have to call the cops on you.
But that'd be crazy.
My son's over here trying to suck on my tits again.
I'm sick of his little ass, bro.
Or he ain't even my real son, she might tell him.
Damn.
He over here trying to suck on my tits.
What would the police come and say?
The police.
What they say?
They come up.
They'd be like, police, yeah.
You know what time it is.
Come on.
Open up.
If he don't get it, we will.
And they're helping.
They're in on it.
Yeah.
Everybody wants it.
Everybody wants that fucking lechic on mamas.
Damn, boy.
That dose percent.
Ooh.
Damn, boy.
fucking dip my dick in it, bro.
I can't believe we formed it.
I don't know what it does.
I don't know the science behind it.
I mean, I know, like, babies get it, and it's like, that's all they need, right?
Right.
Apparently.
Yeah, imagine if we kept having it.
But that's the thing.
Mothers get kind of greedy.
They put that, they stop it after a couple months or whatever.
Body shuts it down, says, uh-uh, it's out of season.
Wait till August, baby.
We'll see a Starbucks.
It's a wrap.
That's a wrap, man.
Riff, thanks so much, man.
Hey, so you talked a little while ago about doing a podcast, man.
If you do one, can I be your first guest, man?
I think it's only right.
Got to have you.
We got to do it big.
I love to.
We got to do it.
Oh, I don't know if you do things any other way, man, but I would like to.
I don't want to sound to be a first guest, I would like to be a guest.
No, you got to be the first guest, and we're going to it's like the president thing because if I, if you don't, if you don't walk me all the way through it and through the White House doors, I don't know where I'm going.
I'll end up over there with fucking.
Oh, yeah.
You could do anything.
You can end up with everyone.
I'll end up over there with Bob Barker playing Plinko.
Making my own Plinko chips out of them.
Solder, solder grass and caramel.
Two by fours with the cookie cutters on it out, dunking those down in some type of formaldehyde, stain those.
Oh, fresh.
Put a cherry jubilee on it.
Yeah, nice cherry glaze.
Nice cherry chupacabra.
I'll be outdoors, bro.
When I die, I want them to throw me out of a plane, bro, and see if I hit somebody on the ground.
Damn.
You got to stop talking about that.
We're staying to 100.
Okay, okay.
100 it is, bro.
I'm in, dog.
100 it is.
We're going for 100.
All right, man.
But as long as we start your pod before then, bro.
For sure.
All right.
I'd love to help.
I'd love to help, man.
All right.
Get it going.
Bro, thank you so much, man.
Great to see you and spend time with you, dog.
You seem like you're doing good, man.
All right.
Might.
Moving on up.
Amen.
Riffraff, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Aye, Suiar.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jermaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
*BEEP*
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?