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May 30, 2022 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:54:27

E395 Sal Vulcano

Sal Vulcano is a stand-up comedian, actor, and a member of the Impractical Jokers. He is the co-host of the podcast "Hey Babe" with Chris DiStefano, as well as "Taste Buds" with Joe DeRosa. Theo and Sal discuss their experience on the Impractical Jokers Cruise, the history of suppositories, class clowning, and bombing on morning talkshows. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Keeps: Go to https://keeps.com/THEO to get your first month of treatment free BetterHelp: Go to https://betterhelp.com/THEO for 10% off your first month ShipStation: Go to https://shipstation.com to get 60 days free with code THEO Babbel: Go to https://babbel.com/THEO to save 60% off your subscription Goodr: Go to https://goodr.com/THEO to get 15% off with code Theo ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Jeremy https://www.instagram.com/guyboybabyboolove/ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Keeps, I'm trying to keep mine, trying to keep my hair right now.
	I took my pills, I take them, you know.
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	That's KEEPS.com slash T-H-E-O to get your first month free.
	KEEPS.com slash Theo.
	I'm excited to let you hear this.
	I will be in Savannah, Georgia, June 2nd.
	I'm coming this week.
	Augusta, Georgia, June 3rd.
	Montgomery, Alabama, June 4th.
	And over to Columbus, Georgia, June 5th.
	I'm very excited to be there and see you guys.
	As well, Hollywood, Florida, Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, and Lakeland, Florida.
	That's June 23rd through June 26th.
	Tickets on sale now at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
	Don't go through a different vendor.
	Go through the Theo Von site so that you can get them correct.
	Because otherwise, these people jack them up and they jack you over.
	Today's guest is, well, we're not going to go too much into his history when he and I talk.
	Because most of you, you should know him.
	And if you don't know him, I'll just tell you now he's from Impractical Jokers, the television program, heading into its 10, number 9 or 10 season.
	And they've just, I mean, it's an American staple.
	It really is.
	If you don't like it, your cousin does or your grandmother does.
	And he's part of that group, him and three of his friends.
	And he's a buddy of mine.
	I almost went on his cruise a few.
	I did go on his cruise.
	Shoot.
	I just remembered and forgot.
	I went on his Impractical Joker's cruise a few years ago.
	He has two podcasts, one called Hey Babe with Chris DeStefano and another one called Taste Buds with Joe DeRosa.
	I couldn't be happier to sit down with anyone.
	Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sal Volcano.
	For me to set that parking break and let myself all wild shine that light on me and tell you what to do.
	Stories shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing just so And I've been moving way too fast Okay.
	I mean, you know, trying to get better, man.
	Been leaning back into my sobriety programs.
	That's been helping me.
	Okay.
	And how's it going?
	It's good.
	It's starting to feel good.
	It's just taking a while.
	Where do you do that?
	You know?
	Here in LA?
	Oh, yeah.
	Are you back?
	Are you here now?
	Are you still?
	I'm back and forth.
	Okay.
	So yeah, I got me a house.
	Did you split it?
	Yeah, I would say it's probably split.
	Yeah.
	You got to go there like 51, like 183.
	You got to legally be there.
	It's almost like having to be in two places.
	It's almost like whenever you see that baseball player and he has his foot on the bag.
	Yeah, and you're like waiting to steal.
	Yeah.
	You start to lead and then the IRS kind of checks the bag.
	Dude, that's exactly what it's like.
	So it's definitely like relaxing there.
	People are so friendly.
	I get to have like a whole new walk of like socializing and meeting people.
	Feel what it's like to be in a smaller environment.
	Your move there was your first move there, right?
	Like you weren't that you weren't familiar with it prior to that?
	No, I didn't know.
	It's kind of, I can't even believe I did it.
	I mean, I know I wanted to save tax money and then I always wanted to live there.
	Seems like a dope spot.
	I love it every time I go.
	Yeah, it's fun.
	It's just, you know, it's not LA or New York, so it's just, it's just smaller.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Are you limited, though, with being able to work out and do spots and stuff like that?
	Oh, yeah.
	Right?
	Because you got Zaney's.
	That's it.
	And there's no like produced, there's no like bar or produced shows or anything like that at all.
	I don't think there's a big scene.
	So it's just Zaney's.
	So when you're there for like weeks at a time, are you just going to Zaney's every night and just popping in?
	No, you can't really do that.
	So you can kind of go, they have an open mic night or I'll do my own night.
	Okay.
	But it's like kind of, yeah, it's that's the tough part is keeping the comedy going.
	Right.
	During the pandemic, it didn't matter because a lot of places weren't open anyway.
	Right, right, right, right.
	But this keeps you probably sharp, especially the one that you do when you just do it yourself.
	Yeah, I think that helps.
	I mean, for me, really, comedy, I got to be on stage.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I got to be, I'll learn about it as repetition.
	Yep.
	Like some people, they're more, they write the stuff.
	And if it's a good, but I got to be up there feeling it.
	Yeah.
	You write stuff down or no?
	Ever?
	Yeah, sometimes.
	Yeah.
	If I get my friends to laugh sometimes.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	I'll write out like the big beats.
	But like then if I haven't done, what I'll do is if I haven't done, like during the pandemic, I went back and transcribed everything.
	Yeah.
	Because it was just easier to get back into it after that long.
	You know, so I was like, I have a reference point anytime I blank because I was getting back up and missing whole chunks.
	Oh, that's the worst.
	Yeah.
	So.
	Yeah.
	The worst is like the other night I did a show and I got to the end of the show and I almost wanted to run back out there because I forgot to do one of the best bits.
	Not even a tag, a bit, a full bit.
	Full bit, man.
	So I want to apologize.
	I think that was in Midland, Texas, man.
	I owe you guys a good joke.
	But yeah, is it hard to separate like, do you find a tough time like doing stuff for your show and then like getting into a different brain for comedy or not really?
	Nah, I haven't compartmentalized, you know, but what's kind of gets tricky is like when I'm going to tour with the guys and like I'm doing my tour right now through February.
	So but I can't, I usually don't tour at the same time.
	I can, but like, really, it's for like because I can't sell tickets in the same market for both tours, right?
	So, if one of them goes, like, if we're usually they take press, the big one takes precedent, right?
	And then when that's kind of through, I'll start mine, or at least like six months into it, I'll start the dates that were six months before it.
	So it's like a rolling thing, but since the pandemic, we didn't have our fifth tour written yet, and I had mine.
	So, and I had to cancel my tour from before the pandemic.
	So, so now I've been on tour the whole year and we don't start with them until February.
	So we're going to start writing that now.
	That's stressful too, because we don't do write comedy the way that we would individually.
	So we got to do this like whole different process.
	But they'll put up the sales, the tickets before we even have a joke written.
	So I get like massive anxiety.
	Pressure.
	This is like the fifth tour, like over 10 years that that's happened.
	Every two years when we're in this phase, I get like chest pains.
	Like all the stress manifests itself.
	Yeah.
	I get like shooting pains in my head.
	Oh, dude, I've had that shit.
	I don't go EKGs, this, that, and they're like stress.
	And it's always this time.
	Oh.
	Because it's so nerve-wracking to have people buying tickets to a show that you haven't written a joke to yet.
	Can you imagine that?
	It's like, I get like nauseous.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, I mean, it's, I think it's nice because it says something about that you want to show up with something legitimate for people.
	Yeah.
	You know, you want to actually show, you know, some people wouldn't care.
	They're just like, yeah, sell them, whatever.
	I'll get out there.
	You got to, I'll juggle.
	Yeah, I know, I know.
	But I mean, you know, it's different too with other people.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'm sure that it's a totally different energy out there.
	Yeah, I know, whenever you said you came in, you were taking your medicine, you said you just started taking one.
	Yeah, I started like, I guess it's got to be at least six months now.
	Oh, wow.
	Well, butrin.
	And you've been on there.
	How Welbutrin is that gangster, baby?
	Is it?
	You told me that.
	I didn't know.
	It's the hitman.
	For real.
	I think it is, bro.
	Well, butrin.
	Damn.
	I can feel that shit climbing up and down my cerebellum at night, bro.
	Really?
	Scaling the walls.
	Yeah.
	Well, butrin, baby.
	Damn, that shit.
	You've been on it?
	That shit keeps a hatchet on its hip, baby.
	Really?
	For me, it did.
	Well, butrin, I was doing, I got, I started doing kind of some weird, like a little bit of like, not weird stuff, but I like couldn't, I wasn't doing good.
	I started spinning out.
	Yeah.
	But you feel good on it.
	Yeah.
	Well, I was spinning out before it.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	So I talked to a couple of people, a couple people I know were on it.
	So I, so I was trying to tackle two things with my doctor.
	One was the anxiety and depression, and the other one was my ADHD and OCD.
	So he's like, both of those ones could affect the other in some ways.
	And we got to treat one at a time.
	So, cause we got to figure out what you react well to and not.
	So he's like, which one do you want to tackle first?
	So I'm like, I've been living with ADHD and OCD forever.
	So like, I didn't even know, I didn't even know I had it until people started telling me, oh, no.
	And then I, and then I realized like, oh, you don't have to live this way.
	Like, I didn't even know that before.
	I just thought it was like normal to not remember anything, to have shit racing through my mind at all times.
	You know what I mean?
	Like all that stuff.
	I just, that's the way I always can't focus on anything.
	But I just like, it's the way I've always done it.
	So I just do it.
	I just function with it.
	Right.
	You thought this is who I am.
	Then I had a really good friend tell me like that he had all that stuff and he gave me a book and I didn't read the book, but he was like, I'm telling you, you don't have to live this way at all.
	So I went and I got a, I went and I for years ago I went and when he gave me that book and I said, forget I'll go.
	I took a test, you know, and I would, they put me, they put like straps on my wrists, ankles and head.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And head?
	Yeah, like not straps like hold me down, but like bands, right?
	Did you ever take that?
	You ever did anything like that?
	ADHD or anything?
	I don't know.
	I don't think I've had it.
	I could have it though.
	I don't know.
	So I went, right?
	So I go in this little room.
	They sit me in front of a computer and they say, all right, take the mouse.
	And they're like, you're just going to, for like 20, 25 minutes, you're going to sit in here and you're going to watch a screen.
	And when you see like a shape, click on the shape or whatever.
	Like some real rudimentary shit.
	So I was like, oh, yeah, all right.
	Well, I'll guess.
	So they put this shit on me.
	I went in there 20 minutes and I'm seeing a triangle.
	I'm clicking, a circle, I'm clicking.
	And I'm like, this is the easiest thing.
	And I started to get worried because I'm like, I'm acing this.
	Right.
	Like, they're going to tell me I don't have this shit.
	Right.
	And I'm here because I'm at my wit's end with it.
	And they're about to tell me I don't have it.
	So I'm just clicking, clicking.
	I'm like, I'm dominating.
	And I thought I got 100.
	And then they came in, they took the thing, they took the printout.
	They came back.
	They assessed me.
	They go, you have severe ADHD.
	Severe.
	Wow.
	So I don't know what the test really was.
	I don't know if it was like measuring my fidgeting, but I don't know how that's an indicator.
	I don't really know how it works.
	I should have asked.
	So then they tried to give me, what's that stuff that like hyper-focuses you?
	Oh, riddling?
	No, no, the other one.
	Yeah, riddling for adults.
	Like, it's like speed.
	It's crazy.
	It's like people snort it too.
	Yeah, it's like, it's like very, very common.
	I don't know why it's blanking.
	Yeah, what can we think of it?
	It's like, I think it starts with a what?
	A?
	Yeah, I think it starts with an A, dude.
	Do you, do you?
	I don't know what it is.
	Anybody?
	Adderall.
	Adderall.
	Damn.
	They gave me a time release Adderall, 20, 20 milligrams, whatever it is.
	It's like a game show with drugs.
	It's like that, what is that?
	Okay.
	Blue pill.
	It's like, wouldn't that be crazy?
	That's the future, dude.
	What?
	Viagra?
	The future is just a game show.
	It's just people just...
	Just trying to win the drugs.
	Yeah.
	Ovatrex.
	Yeah.
	Go on, though.
	I interrupted you, man.
	Nah, man.
	They gave me that.
	And I said, you know, I don't really like taking any kind of drugs.
	I mean, I smoke weed, but prescription.
	And he's like, all right, here's what you do.
	Take it on days you think you really need it.
	That's it.
	Like, just take it on days.
	So I waited.
	And then one day I had a day.
	So I was like, let's try it.
	I took it.
	It was the worst experience.
	It was terrible, dude.
	On Adderall.
	Yeah.
	I stayed up for two days.
	I didn't go to sleep.
	Two days and sweating profusely for two days.
	And you get dehydrated too on it.
	That's the crazy thing.
	Dude, so the first night came, and I was like wired all day.
	And then my lady went to sleep, and I was like, I'll be to sleep in a little while.
	It was like the stereotypical thing.
	I stayed up all night, cleaned the house, was scrubbing shit.
	It was really stereotypical.
	And then I started like, my heart was beating on my chest.
	I was pouring sweat.
	I looked like I just, I was jogging.
	I was just in the house.
	And I woke her up.
	I'm like, this doesn't feel good, man.
	And she's like, this is insane, you know, whatever.
	But then she had to go back to bed.
	But then I was like, oh, that's love, right?
	Yeah.
	Just take your no, she's like, you want to go to the hospital?
	I was like, no.
	And she's like, what do you want to do?
	I'm like, there's nothing I can do.
	I was like, I'm just going to keep cleaning.
	You don't want to do a puzzle.
	I want to open a business.
	Right.
	And then like, all right, I'm going to go back to bed.
	Wake me up in an hour, bro.
	My friend, sometimes I'd be so coked out and I'd have him around.
	I'd be like, bro, you got to come spend some time with me.
	He'd come over and he'd be like, you're probably going to be fine, dude.
	Wake me up in an hour.
	That's what he'd be like, was it comforting just to know he was there?
	I don't know, dude, because it was.
	He's just talking at his body.
	But then I started tripping in circles because I'd be like, I'd finally start to fall asleep.
	I'd be like, fuck, I got to wake this dude up in an hour.
	Now you have a chore.
	Now I got to stay.
	He came there and gave you a responsibility.
	Now I got to stay up to wake this fucking creep up.
	Yeah, man.
	And then I thought I was going to fall asleep that night.
	Didn't.
	And I'm like, all right, someday the next day, I'm going to crash.
	I didn't.
	I stayed up through two nights.
	Damn, you're like Sully Solomon.
	Or whatever that guy's name is.
	The guy who landed the plane.
	Dude, it will not crash.
	It will not crash.
	That's funny, dude.
	No, I took two days.
	It was a time release formula, apparently.
	And then I never took it again.
	And then when I was getting on the well beautiful, I was talking to my doctor now, who I trust way more, who is like my childhood.
	I went to high school with him.
	So trust him.
	And he was like, whoever gave you that gave you the wrong dose, the wrong kind, the wrong everything.
	He's like, that could be effective for you, but not in that way.
	So we started.
	He's like, let's start with the anxiety and depression because that was really predominant coming out of the couple of years that we had and all that stuff like that.
	And I already lived with that.
	I already had that.
	You just had that.
	Yeah.
	From growing up.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So, so, yeah.
	So, so I started with the well butrin.
	I didn't feel nothing, but he said it'll take a few weeks and now I feel like kind of adjusted to it.
	Yeah.
	And I, you know, it's hard to, it's like not a magic pill, they say.
	And it's hard to sometimes discern because it's not like I'm bulletproof now.
	No.
	I still like, you know, sometimes can't get out of bed.
	Yeah.
	Or still like, you know, I wake up and go to bed to my mind racing and worrying all day long about shit.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, but it is definitely better.
	It is.
	It was.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's almost like I can kind of like, it's not as frequent and not as severe.
	Yeah.
	If that makes any sense.
	Yeah, I feel like it kind of puts like bumpers on things.
	It's like you're still bowling and the balls are still, every ball is still going right in the thing all morning.
	But there's bumpers on there.
	It's like the sound is softer.
	It doesn't hit as heavy.
	Exactly.
	Exactly right.
	Yeah.
	They kind of take away the symbols, you know?
	Yep.
	So, yeah, but I didn't know it was like you said it was like a.
	For me, it was crazy.
	I remember I was trying to decide on something to do and I got into some like loop and I couldn't get out.
	I couldn't make a decision.
	And when I would make a decision, my brain would serve the same issue back to me.
	Like I hadn't made a decision.
	And so, yeah, just that medicine I had a bad reaction to.
	So right now I'm just on a low dose Lexapro right now.
	I took that like a few years ago and same thing, low dose every day.
	That was my first try of anything.
	And that worked.
	I felt that work kind of pretty fast, but then it affected.
	It disappeared.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Sexually is no good.
	Oh, well, see, thankfully, I've never been really great sexually.
	So it's like, I'll fucking know.
	I'm like, yeah, I'll take the pills, dude.
	I'll put a pill in the end of my penis.
	I'll take the wiener lozenges.
	You know what I'm saying, dude?
	I'll pay down 700 milligrams of Zoloff right to the head of my penis, dude.
	You know, it's just, but dude, I got a Zoloft.
	Could we take medicine that way, though?
	People take suppositories.
	Like a subpoenatory?
	Yeah, subpoenatory.
	Yeah, that's nice.
	He might have just invented something.
	Dude, if last thing we want is dude slipping off and stuffing pills up there.
	That's because it doesn't exist yet.
	I don't think you know if you want it yet.
	Yeah, you're right.
	What if they, you know, they're not stupid, the people that make these things?
	Yeah.
	What if they make it amenable?
	What does it amenable mean?
	Like, it's just, you know, it's not that bad.
	You're okay with it, you know?
	Like, you're.
	Oh, wow.
	It's agreeable.
	You know what I mean?
	And then all of a sudden, you just kind of like just...
	I mean, I don't know how that's easy than putting in your mouth, but what if somebody's handsome burned?
	Yeah.
	That's true.
	It's a little more of a game show.
	What if somebody, your hands are burned or something, you're at a bar and you have to have your buddy stuff one up, you know?
	That would be a problem.
	Donnie hit me with this.
	I would switch back to oil.
	Did you ever have to do suppositories when you were growing up?
	Yo, I remember them.
	I don't remember if they went up me, but they must have.
	Yeah.
	Because they went up my sister.
	I know that.
	Because one time my sister was real little.
	She was like three.
	And like my mom was trying to give her one.
	And I forget why.
	I don't know.
	When we were sick, I do a bit on this actually about how they used to take our temperature up our ass when we were little too.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Which is fucking wild.
	Right now they have a laser gun.
	Yeah.
	You know, and they used to stick that shit up our ass.
	Like, I don't understand what they were getting at.
	It was more, definitely more Area 51 back then.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	Like, I was like, I don't know why my word to this woman that I don't feel well isn't good enough.
	Yeah.
	Or feel my forehead, you know?
	Yeah.
	But then they'd be like, no, let's stick this up your ass against your will and really get to the bottom of it.
	Let's really get that temp, you know?
	Like he feels warm, but I want to know to the decimal.
	So let's shove this glass rod up his anus, penetrate this sick bitch, or we'll never know if he needs a cough drop.
	It doesn't make any sense.
	You know what I mean?
	Can you pull up some positories?
	Let's see some information on suppositories here.
	I'm interested about that.
	I hadn't thought of it in a while, but when you said it, an immediate memory came back to me that I Hadn't had in forever.
	My mom's trying to give my sister one.
	And you know, when you're young, you know it's medicine, but my sister's crying.
	You know, she didn't want that.
	You know, it's just weird all around.
	It's very weird.
	Right.
	And so I remember being like, getting that defensiveness from my sister, right?
	And I was like, I was like, leave her alone.
	You know, like, I was like, she's like two or three years younger than me.
	And I'm like, stop.
	She doesn't want to do it.
	Leave her alone.
	Like, I'm breaking up.
	Like, I'm breaking up something.
	You're breaking up a sex crime.
	Yeah.
	And I remember telling me I was like, my mom was like, stop.
	She has to.
	I'm like, no.
	And then my big thing was I kept going, like coming at the doorway and shutting the light.
	Then it went like pitch black.
	And then she's like, stop it.
	And she put on the light.
	And then I run back and shut the light.
	Like, I'll save you.
	It's like, it's like, dude, that's the person practical joke you did.
	You're like, suppository, but no lights.
	Oh, man.
	What they created and how to use medicine can get into your body.
	A suppository is another way to deliver a drug.
	Small, round, or cone-shaped object you put in your body, often in your bottom.
	What about the history of suppositories?
	Give the history of them.
	But who said, let's put this up your ass instead of just like swallow this?
	Well, because I think they didn't know maybe they might not have had as much science as to how quick things need to get into your body.
	Maybe that, or that they could get into, because I know the one of the colons like will really absorb stuff real fast.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, because I think they pull all the vitamins and stuff out of your body.
	Right.
	So that's what they're doing with food.
	Like they're really, you know, they're really, it's a Royal Rumble down there and they're pulling out all the vitamins.
	So I think they're like, oh, this will get the quickest into the bloodstream.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	You know, it's sometimes you see someone, they're trying to tell you something, you don't know what they're saying.
	And that is because they are speaking another language.
	And you might not realize it because you don't know what's going on.
	Well, Babel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions.
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	King Henry II was wounded in a jousting accident.
	His body could not retain fluid by mouth.
	His doctors used a rectal suppository to keep the king alive.
	Ass to mouth, bro.
	Did they?
	Well, he just said by mouth.
	Oh, yeah.
	He used a rectal suppository.
	Which is very unorthodox.
	Yeah, I don't know what religion is.
	What is that about?
	Like, we haven't.
	I don't even know.
	If there was a erectal suppository and they tried to put it in my mouth, I might even say, you know what?
	Just go rectal.
	I don't want that in my mouth either.
	We have to swallow so fast for it to get down to your butt anyway.
	Let me see.
	In 1897, glycerin suppositories.
	In 1897, cocoa butter suppositories began to be mixed with water, gelatin, and glycerin for easier insertion.
	At the end of the World War II, suppositories began being made with hard fats.
	The whole point was to make this pository experience easier and more comfortable.
	I got that.
	There was a meeting and someone's like, let's throw cocoa butter in there.
	Yeah.
	You know, like a nice, smooth, fresh-smelling inside.
	Oh, it's like a little, it's like a, it's like going to Maui for your butthole.
	It says internet.
	Let me look a little bit more here.
	It's suppositories.
	The benefit of positories were known long before the 21st century, but low-quality capsules and liquids have given rise to the demand for suppositories.
	Why isn't it called a depository?
	Yeah, depository, huh?
	Right?
	Because that's where you really, that's where you deposit.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	It makes sense.
	I don't know what a suppository is.
	Here's our fact that we need.
	It's like, I suppose this may work.
	Yeah, I suppose it's a so you've been saying it wrong the whole time.
	It's a suppository.
	It's like, here goes nothing.
	Well, you might die, but I suppose we have one last thing to try.
	Dude, it's like that sounds like something that like, if you only have like a cheap insurance, it's like, hey, this guy, it's like, yeah, hold on, here's this last thing.
	You got some magic beans.
	When a liquid or capsule supplement reaches the stomach, stomach acids will largely destroy the nutrients through the digestion process.
	After the digestion process, less than 10% of the capsule or liquid supplement will be absorbed in the bloodstream.
	If you swallow?
	Yeah, if you swallow through the stomach acids.
	So they thought, dang, we're going to beat the stomach and go straight to the butt.
	Okay.
	Wow.
	So.
	Ooh, that's the big one.
	How long do you keep a suppository in?
	Oh, I thought you just put it in and forget about it.
	Like a crock pot.
	I thought you just put it in and it dissipates.
	It melts.
	I think you got to go back and get it.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Then my confused on what's going on here.
	You have to go back?
	Is it like lost?
	They got to go back and get it.
	You better call your sister.
	She might have a couple loose in there.
	I didn't know the process.
	I thought it was like you put it in and then it, just like when you swallow something, you forget about it.
	You set it and you forget it.
	Look, I mean, look, if you use one more cooking term.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, God.
	Wow, dude.
	No, I think you got to go back and get it.
	If you pat your sister on the back, does she rattle a little?
	We all might have a few in us that we don't just banging around.
	So then I really don't know how that works.
	Oh, you go half inch for infants and one inch for adults.
	Oh, there's a tool they use to do it.
	See, once the suppository has completely melted, you can expect a bowel movement within 15 minutes to an hour.
	Oh, so how much.
	Oh, so you got to sh.
	Oh, so maybe you bowel it out.
	You know?
	But I don't understand.
	What are you taking back?
	What are you getting back?
	You get back the shell.
	The shell case.
	Like the bullet?
	Yeah.
	I guess.
	So are you not just putting the actual pill in your ass or whatever it is?
	Like it's not just a pill that will then just like how we take vitamins or whatever.
	Right, okay.
	But yeah, that looks like a, I guess that's the way that it transports it.
	Damn.
	It looks like a little bullet.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	So you popping shells out there.
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	Well, well, did you ever think that you'd be on medication?
	Were you against it?
	Or you just had never really gotten introduced to it the right way?
	Same, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	You just this, I just look at prescription and it's just like, it's just fucked up.
	Like the world we live in is fucked up by prescription medication.
	You know, the commercials are like, you'll fucking die probably or maybe.
	So it's like, all right, just, do I really, maybe I'll just be depressed a little bit and then maybe not have diarrhea and maybe, you know, yeah.
	Are your teeth falling out?
	Yeah.
	Can you, can you, if you can't stop putting on hats?
	It's like, what?
	Yeah.
	It's something for everyone.
	It's crazy.
	Because a buddy of mine couldn't stop putting on hats.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And he was going nuts with it.
	So he went and got that medicine.
	No, I mean, you know.
	Dude, a buddy of mine.
	Oh, you are?
	Yeah, I had a friend who just couldn't stop putting on hats.
	Yeah, for sure.
	And that there was a medication for it.
	I wouldn't be shocked, dude.
	I wouldn't be shocked, yeah.
	Or, you know, some type of attention disorder or something.
	Oh, right, right, right, right.
	You know, I didn't know how a tampon worked for most of my life.
	Really?
	Yeah, because I never really saw it in action.
	Yeah.
	Just like the bullet, you know?
	Which is great.
	Yeah.
	And what, what?
	You hadn't seen it in action.
	Yeah, there's no need.
	It's fine.
	There's no need.
	There's no need.
	But I remember one of my friends blew my mind because I just thought you put the whole thing in there.
	And, you know, that's that.
	Yeah.
	But no, that is also just a receptacle, that bullet.
	Did you know that?
	Like, do you know how that works?
	I never really thought about it.
	Yeah, I guess there's a retrieval process, huh?
	Yeah, I think that you put it in and then you, that plastic thing it's in, I thought that used to go in there.
	Yeah.
	That just comes out of the way, and it's just like a little like, like cotton ball at the end of a rope.
	Oh, yeah.
	Wow.
	So it's not as, it doesn't sound as it sounds a little more simpler.
	It is simple.
	Right.
	Yeah, I thought there was technology too.
	Yeah, I thought they really had a real, like, almost like those braces or somebody that has like a bad jaw.
	You know, I thought they had a little bit more of a template going on there.
	Yeah, me too.
	I thought it was like, you know, those nails that you put into the wall that they, they, once they go in, they spread out so they can't come back out.
	I thought like you put it in there and the plastic like opened up and it was like, and that's what kept it there.
	Yeah, it shuts it.
	And then you had to pull it with the rope.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But it's not.
	It literally is just like a cotton ball at the end of a string.
	It should come with a little sign they put on their leg.
	It's like, go around, you know?
	Or like, seats taken, you know?
	They should be like almost like, what do you call those Chinese?
	What do you call those things?
	Fortune cookie with just a little fortune on it.
	Winning numbers.
	Just make it fun, you know, because it's already tough.
	You know, when that thing comes around, it's already tough.
	It's cramps.
	I would hate it.
	I would hate it.
	Oh, if I had to have it.
	Thank God I don't have to.
	Imagine if every once a month you ate a really bad chicken sandwich, dude.
	And it wouldn't leave you.
	For like a week.
	Yeah.
	I can't imagine it.
	And it got, say, it got lodged in your bowels and started flapping its wings, dude.
	That's what's up.
	That's what I heard it's like.
	My friend's daughter used to work at a chicken sandwich.
	My friend's owned a chicken sandwich place, and his daughter used to work there.
	And she told me that one time, and it blew my mind.
	She told you that.
	She goes, imagine if you had a really bad chicken sandwich and then it got once a month and it got lodged in your bowels and started flapping its wings.
	I was like, wow.
	And her father owned the chicken place.
	So they have, you know, that's good knowledge, I feel like.
	Right.
	she might have first-hand knowledge of a bad chicken sandwich.
	Right.
	And she's like, this is exactly what it's like.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, that's a good way to describe it.
	Dude, I had a buddy who bit into who ate one of those subway.
	I had a friend who ate a Starbucks sandwich and he couldn't open his eyes.
	He's in like a lawsuit, actually.
	Can you look that up?
	Man can't see after a Starbucks sandwich or something like that.
	He made the paper?
	Huh?
	Your friend made it.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, I'm sure there's got to be something on it.
	Oh, all right.
	But he hadn't been able to see since he had this fucking sandwich.
	That's the most insane thing I've ever heard in my life.
	What did he, which, which sandwich?
	Invexivist staff.
	What do we have here?
	I think it was the impossible one.
	I mean, it's apropos.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	If you put that in the title, though, does that cover you?
	Does that cover you legally?
	You said like anything can happen with this.
	You're not going to believe this, but I know it's going to sound impossible, but there's a chance you might lose your vision.
	No, I mean, that's, I mean, Starbucks, your buddy's going to be like, your buddy's going to own Starbucks.
	He might own one or two.
	I don't know how much it costs to do the thing, to do the, what's it called when you give them out, but you make people pay for them?
	The businesses?
	You give them out, dude.
	Or, you know, it's like.
	Oh, franchise?
	Franchise, yeah.
	Okay.
	He's going to get a franchise out of it?
	I don't know.
	People sue.
	I mean, look, there's certainly been people that have had things happen and what they wanted in the lawsuit was the actual business.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like that Seinfeld episode with Jackie Childs, he gets coffee spilt on him and they give him free coffee for life.
	He's like, I'll take it.
	Oh, that's wild, man.
	But yeah, man.
	What sense would you lose if you had to lose one?
	Got to be smell, right?
	Let me think.
	Yeah, I already can't smell that good, so I would probably do...
	You can't, right?
	It would be so hard.
	Are you going sight or sound first if you had to choose?
	Sound.
	You'd lose sound first because you could always just guess what's happening.
	Yeah, and you could use, you could sign language.
	Yeah, or guess the sounds.
	Okay.
	You mean like if you saw a band, you'd know like the sound that was making?
	Yeah, and also if they suck, you can just play your favorite song in your head.
	Well, people like are very capable that are deaf, you know, like they live normal lives.
	Right.
	Blind?
	I mean, guess blind people do too, but yeah, I think I would lose, I don't know, man.
	That's gotta be so fucking tough.
	But smell could, smell, fuck it, right?
	I mean, like, I would just be like, take the smell.
	Yeah, take it.
	I know someone who was born without a sense of smell.
	It fascinates me.
	They never smelled a thing.
	Uh-uh.
	Yeah.
	Isn't that wild?
	Yeah, it's unbelievable.
	guy I used to work with.
	You think it helps them or do you think it makes things You have any more intel on him?
	I know him.
	So he's, I would never, you would never know it ever until he told us.
	And he was born that way.
	Like, so he's never smelled a thing.
	And, you know, you wouldn't know it.
	But like, I don't know.
	I guess in that way, you don't know what you're missing.
	Yeah, I would think.
	But food can't be as good.
	It's because it's things that are a sensory experience, you know, like he doesn't experience.
	You know, if you, if you just took a shower and you were cologneed up or something like that, just your natural musk, you know, your pheromones, he might not even fall in love with you and you might have the best pheromones out there.
	Oh my God, because pheromones go through your nose?
	I think.
	Can you look that up, please, sir?
	How do we know about pheromones?
	But he's never like, you know, coffee in the morning or bacon cooking or garlic for a spaghetti sauce or something like that.
	Now, bacon cooking, breakfast cooking, that would hurt a little, man.
	When you know that somebody gave a fuck enough in the house to heat up a damn grill or something.
	When you wake up that way, it's like already a good day.
	You're like, that's those little things he's never experienced.
	Isn't that wild?
	Yeah.
	Best smells.
	Best smells, I think definitely something cooking.
	And you're saying something like with garlic, that does smell good.
	Bacon smells good.
	Breakfast smells good.
	Bakeries.
	If you pass a bakery, I want to punch somebody in the mouth.
	Carnivals, I feel like, have a smell.
	When's the last time you went to a carnival?
	Oh, I went to one.
	Oh, dude, I'll tell you this.
	I went to one a while back and they had the roller thing or the spinning wheel went through.
	They had a bee's nest up there, dude.
	So it's just awful.
	It goes around.
	What do you mean like a Ferris wheel?
	The Ferris wheel.
	No way.
	There was a bee's nest on top?
	No, not on top of the thing, but up in one of the trees up there.
	So every now and then.
	Zap the fuck up.
	Oh, shit.
	That's hysterical.
	That's terrorizing.
	Dude, it was.
	Did you know that guy ain't stopping?
	Please stop it.
	You remember when you were a kid and you went on?
	You're like, please stop it.
	They didn't stop that shit.
	I think that dude had no sense.
	He was like that chef from the Muppets.
	I don't think that guy had any.
	He had no senses.
	And remember the spinning around one with the Gravitron?
	Remember that?
	Yeah, I wouldn't fuck with that one.
	You can't.
	No, no, I can't.
	You did?
	Oh.
	We're like your centrifugal force kept you on a thing.
	And then it would lift up and some of them would tilt and shit.
	To me, that's there's things that are fun.
	Like I'll do a scrambler.
	Ooh, scrambler was hard.
	The scrambler is what I could do, but that just spin around and just see your whole equilibrium get, like, I didn't see the point of that whatsoever.
	And that's the one where people would throw up and just, it would spray everybody.
	And you ran that risk if you went on that.
	And I saw that, I saw that often.
	You saw that often.
	Oh, yeah.
	There was one, there's the outdoor one, but there's, then there's the one where you go in.
	It looks like a UFO.
	And then you ain't getting any there at all.
	You know what I mean?
	The guy in the middle was always playing rock and roll.
	Oh, yeah.
	And this dude boss was all perved out, dude.
	And he would get his fucking wiener out, bro.
	And you couldn't help but look at it.
	So he like had you trapped in like this like wiener vision kind of.
	Did you think like maybe because you were going so fast, you just caught a glimpse?
	Maybe like maybe I'm just seeing something.
	Totally.
	So this guy's tricking everybody.
	Yeah.
	So it's a perfect job for him though.
	Perfect job.
	Instead of having to be a peep in time, you're just bringing them all to you.
	Right.
	You know, and it's just a blur.
	And you're like, was that?
	Was that his?
	Was that his?
	And then you get off, you throw up, you don't even, you know, you're just too sick to worry about.
	Yeah, there was that other one.
	You remember the one?
	I think it was called like, it's called different things, but maybe like the avalanche or something.
	So it's, you get in a cart, right?
	So me and you are sitting together, two, maybe two behind us.
	Okay.
	And then it goes in a circle, but it goes up and down in a circle.
	It's outside, and there's a DJ.
	It's at all like the old school ones.
	Full of avalanche.
	Can we see what we're seeing here, brother?
	And it goes in a circle, but it goes up and down in a circle.
	And it starts going faster and faster.
	And they're playing like, you know, hip, like jukebox hero, and they're blasting it.
	And it's, so what happens is the person on the outside gets fucking crushed.
	But you're laughing.
	And then they do it in reverse.
	You never did this one?
	Uh-uh.
	This is like, this is a very popular one.
	The avalanche?
	Yeah.
	This is it?
	Oh, no, that, not that one.
	It goes in a circle.
	The zipper.
	Oh, that right there.
	See that?
	See that one right there to the bottom?
	Down.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Oh, that's the.
	And all these things are always under the shadiest LLCs because these things are just way too.
	See how it goes up and down?
	The Himalaya.
	The Himalaya.
	Damn.
	That thing was fun.
	I would do that one.
	That Himalaya, daddy damn.
	I remember they had the zipper was the scariest one.
	And people would, damn, I mean, just people would be vomiting up ejaculate.
	I mean, people were just getting so sick on that and rattled.
	I don't know.
	Oh, yeah.
	See, I wouldn't do that either.
	Oh, that's when those things are flipping and sliding.
	So it's three things, right?
	It's going around, but then those things are sliding themselves.
	And then the individual pods are circling.
	Oh, yeah.
	So it's triple.
	That to me, I didn't even understand that.
	I don't even understand how anyone would want to go on that.
	Yeah, because you don't have any, there's no real sense, I don't feel like of joy.
	It's just a total sense of, hey, fuck you.
	Yeah, endure it.
	Yes.
	You know what I mean?
	That's what it's like.
	It's like, hey, endure it.
	It looks like it would be like a torture trap or something like that.
	Yeah.
	It's very, it does have a very German vibe to it.
	You hear, you know, you know, when you go to a carnival and everything, they just pull up with like the trucks and they open them up and they start building that shit like in a parking lot?
	Oh, yeah.
	Like those, like not like six flags, like those.
	Yeah.
	Those are, those are crazy shady.
	You said like the LLCs and the people running them are just drug addict, like guys, like stoners, just straight stoners.
	And I've seen one where the truck was like losing balance.
	You see them on, you could YouTube them all the time like that.
	The avalanche, like you see it like almost going to, and then people jump on it to weigh it down.
	People are saving people all the time.
	Oh, you see, like they're on the swings, and then you just see someone launch off the swings.
	Now, how does that not close the swings down for life?
	Like the guy tried to light his shoes on a plane.
	It didn't even work 20 years ago.
	We take off our shoes right now.
	People are being launched from those swings like every few days.
	And they still do it.
	There's no room.
	Because look, I think there's part of you that wants to see.
	That's part of you.
	I think if you get thrown on that thing, you want to almost get thrown again to see how far you can go.
	You want to beat your distance.
	You're dead.
	You know, you are dead.
	Google, what percentage of people die from a carnival accident?
	That's a stat.
	Oh, yeah.
	What percentage of people die out of the people on the earth?
	It's got to be low.
	Or people that get into the accidents.
	You know what I'm talking about, brother.
	How often would someone get into an accident on this thing?
	Yeah.
	How likely are you to get into an accident on this?
	I don't know how we can even do all the math, I guess.
	Yeah.
	It would take a lot of time.
	I would love to see the stat.
	Damn, man.
	But carnival rod accidents occur more than we think.
	Oh, there we go.
	I don't know if that's true.
	I think they occur a decent amount.
	When I was younger, we went to the Giant Stadium.
	It used to be the Metalands.
	Oh, yeah.
	Was it cool?
	They had a Metalands fair, and it was the biggest one in our area, Bard None.
	It was the middle of July.
	Oh, I bet a lot of hotties, huh?
	Oh, yeah.
	A lot.
	Yeah.
	Summer months.
	Yeah.
	But they would like really like, it was big, too.
	They set up the whole thing.
	Yeah.
	But they would have cool stuff.
	Like, I saw a baby get hurt there.
	But not so my friend.
	Strong baby, though.
	I like Frankie Edgar.
	Yeah.
	I like Frankie Edgar.
	About his size.
	And I love Frankie Edgar.
	Dude, me too.
	Dude, I had a Frankie Edgar who was in my dream last night.
	I know last year.
	As a baby?
	No, no, no, no, no.
	I mean, if he was, he was pound from pound.
	The best baby out there.
	I'll say that.
	No, as a red.
	Paul Hartman, I love that guy.
	As an adult, no, I love him too, man.
	That's so crazy.
	I remember that.
	Anyway, go on.
	Go on.
	No, no, my friend was throwing softballs, like legit softballs, like to win some shit.
	I forgot what he was.
	Oh, no, I know what it was.
	It was a baseball.
	And it was like, they put the glass bottles on the shelves and you could just launch them and try all plates.
	And what happened was he threw a baseball as hard as he could, but it hit the wood underneath the thing and just came flying back at us at nearly the same speed.
	And we moved and it hit the ground, popped up and went right into a carriage.
	Right into a baby carriage.
	Oh, Mom, right there.
	You just heard the baby screaming.
	And we were like, oh, my fucking God.
	And we just like literally like just like abandoned him.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	And that baby now is Adam Frazier, who plays for the Seattle Mariners, guys.
	He's a second baseman and he's doing well.
	I don't think the baby got like mauled, but like a baseball definitely disrupted its flow in that.
	And then it was screaming like, you know, crying.
	I don't know if it got like clipped or anything, but.
	Well, I'm sure every time it sees like a solar eclipse, it can't help it go like that.
	Anything round coming off.
	Yeah.
	Even if you just whisper, take.
	I'm sure you can't get a suppository in it after that.
	I bet it's a little tight, buddy.
	Damn.
	But they had weird shit.
	Like, they used to do also carney stuff, the Metal Lance.
	So it's like, you know, you, so what it's like, pay a dollar and go behind this thing.
	Oh, yeah.
	And see the church.
	The wolfman or the world's smallest horse.
	I met the world's smallest horse, Tom Thumb, a couple years back.
	I might be able to pull that up on my Instagram.
	Maybe somebody can and send you the link.
	It's at the bottom somewhere.
	Where'd you meet him?
	He was touring in, I guess, out there, out here somewhere, California, Riverside.
	Thumb has a surname?
	Tom Thumb, yeah.
	So I guess he does, yeah.
	Was he a great horse, or how was he?
	I mean, bro.
	As far as horses go, he was.
	How miniature?
	He was, he had to be this big.
	Wow.
	It blew my mind.
	Is that him right there?
	No, that looks like a pig and fucking with, and they kind of glued some hair on his body, huh?
	That's a pig, isn't it?
	Um, Belina, horse.
	Wow.
	Also a thumb name, a miniature horse.
	It could have been a sister of her then or a brother of her.
	Well, they had the world's smallest woman.
	Now, I don't know if she was the world's smallest, really.
	Couldn't check that out at the time, but I paid the dollar.
	Yeah.
	And it was kind of wild.
	And I went behind the thing and behind the truck, like it was with the sign on it, like meet the world's, you know.
	And I don't know how I feel about the whole thing.
	Yeah.
	I guess she's making money, right?
	She maybe can't get a traditional job.
	So I guess maybe she found a niche.
	Maybe she has a family in the carnival world.
	Like now, you know, she travels with people.
	It's social and she's getting paid, hopefully well.
	But it did feel weird to be like, pay money to see this, you know, because the air around it is that it was like a freak show in a way.
	Okay, I see what you're saying.
	Well, it's kind of the original OnlyFans, it feels like.
	Yeah, in a way.
	You're right.
	That's just the like literal like mono only, like the lo-fi only fans.
	Yeah.
	It is.
	It was a dollar.
	Yeah, and it was a dollar.
	It was a fare.
	And it was once a year.
	And what a better deal you got.
	Once a year, you paid, you saw, you kept the image with you throughout the year.
	You weren't really sure.
	I remember this lady right this second.
	Wow.
	And I saw her like 30 years, 20 years ago, 25 years.
	So I went behind it.
	And behind it, she was in like the cutout of the trailer.
	And inside of it, they made it look like a home.
	And she was sitting in a rocking chair knitting.
	Yeah, she was like that big.
	Yeah.
	And what age was she?
	She looked older.
	She looked middle-aged, like an older woman.
	Thank God.
	Why?
	I'm just glad she's had a life, you know, and she's not like, they're not out here like, you know, just hype trafficking her or something, you know?
	You know, she's got, you know, like seven other small.
	I wonder this understudy this evening.
	Because what if she gets sick?
	That's a revenue stream that's not going to shut down.
	Dude, Angela's sick.
	Yeah, man.
	But it wasn't like dwarfism, unless it was, but it was like, but she was like, it wasn't like, you know, like that.
	It was like, she was like that big.
	Yeah.
	And she was sitting in a rocking chair, like a miniature.
	I'm going to be honest, it looked very cozy.
	Oh.
	Like they made it look really cozy.
	Like she actually lived.
	I wonder if she actually lived there.
	Now that I'm thinking about it.
	She might have.
	She might just be like, she might like, they might close the front and that's just her house because it looked like a house in there.
	Let's pull that up.
	World's smallest woman.
	Can we get some information here, brother?
	I'm trying to think of the, yeah, the horse I saw was so small, man.
	You could, I bet it would be kind of nice to be so small because your parts are right there.
	Imagine taking a nap when you're so little.
	It must feel so good.
	I get that, but in reality, how far is your hand from you?
	Like, you have everything right there too, though.
	Look how far.
	Imagine like this.
	Like that.
	Oh, hey, buddy.
	There's just less time.
	It's just like how quick you can get a snack into you.
	Okay.
	So, yeah, I mean, there's pros and cons to everything.
	Like Kevin Durant, it probably takes him a little over a second to get a snack into his mouth.
	You think, yeah, he probably doesn't experience the joys of the world's smallest woman.
	No.
	And to be able to just open a peanut, you put it in one hand and then punch it with the other.
	I never thought of that.
	Oh, so fun.
	Just like punching peanuts because to her, it's like, yeah, the peanuts like a, almost like a circus peanut.
	Oh, yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	There you go.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Yuti kishanji amji.
	That's not who I saw, but is an Indian actor is noted for being the world's shortest living woman.
	Now, I guess, are we saying shortest?
	Are we saying smallest?
	Because there's kind of something different there.
	I think from what I gather, my memory serves, they said smallest.
	Okay.
	And this woman, two foot, three-quarter inch.
	How big is that?
	Wow.
	That's like what this woman was, though.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	So she might have just not entered in the contest.
	There's no there's no swimming ever?
	I mean, even a shallow end's three feet.
	That's true, huh?
	There's no, I mean, there's, you have to, can you swim?
	Is your, I wonder if you can swim with only that much propeller.
	You know what I'm saying, kind of?
	Yeah.
	But think of like a chihuahua.
	A chihuahua can.
	That's a great point.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	I've got to tell you another thing, though, who makes the clothes, too?
	Ooh, perves.
	Probably.
	Or they get them off dolls.
	I was thinking, but like, really, you think they get them off dolls?
	We had a small guy at our school and his daddy would get clothing off of some dolls for him once in a while.
	Yeah.
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	I mean, some dolls, you know, they have some like, I could see it on some dolls.
	Well, dolls have a lot of nice stuff these days.
	Here we go right here.
	Play it up.
	Get that volume out.
	Everyone can meet the world's best.
	How long are you going to be here today for?
	He'll be here all day.
	all busy.
	Pero es nuel un babe.
	Elasi en caballito, presi.
	He's alive, too.
	And he's alive, too.
	They have to say you baby to Sim for you going in to see a carcass.
	They want to take you home.
	Has to go in?
	Oh, yeah, I went.
	Oh, he wouldn't let you take the camera in?
	No.
	Oh, wow.
	That's IP, I guess.
	He was so small, man.
	God, I still remember him.
	How do you?
	Yeah, you seem like you said.
	Oh, I don't know if I feel sad.
	I guess it's nostalgic.
	It was a fun day at that fair.
	The smallest woman can ride that smallest horse.
	Beautiful.
	And they probably are in the same fair, so maybe there's like she's trotting around on that thing.
	I'm sure at night they meet up.
	Dude, I remember one time I was in Iraq doing a military show, and one lady hit me up on social media and offered to meet me in a Black Hawk helicopter and give me a blowjob, give me a little bit of Aural.
	And I didn't do it, man.
	I got just too nerved out.
	It's a unique scenario for sure.
	Yeah.
	And I just didn't know what protocol was.
	I don't want to be some dude who looks like an insurgent or whatever.
	Yeah.
	You know, because I have long hair.
	Yeah.
	So I just didn't want to.
	This lady was on the clock.
	This lady was a bona fide military woman.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	Now, did she think the blowjob offer in and of itself wasn't going to be enough?
	Like, why did she sweeten the deal with a Black Hawk helicopter?
	She just said the flight thing isn't secure tonight or whatever.
	So we could meet up in a Black Hawk and I'll give you a blowjob.
	But you weren't going to take flight.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Maybe in here you were.
	Yeah, maybe in my head, dude.
	But yeah, no, but and also I remember this is, and this is the part I feel worse about kind of is this, she had a huge, either an animal had bitten her on the neck or a huge acne, a huge one acne.
	Okay.
	And I was just like, I felt like it would almost be a game show.
	What was going to bust first?
	Did you hear that?
	Oh, my God.
	She had a fucking IED under her neck.
	Yeah, man.
	Now I can see the dangerous.
	I can see now where the hesitation came in.
	But if that wasn't there, would you have been Blackhawk Down on that?
	That's Blackhawk Down.
	That's her version.
	She, yeah, if the Goiter wasn't there, you would have had that experience.
	Because that's almost hard to turn down.
	Like, it would take a goiter or something like that to thwart this experience.
	I should not have turned it down.
	God, what an idiot.
	Because it's a good story that it was offered, but it would be an amazing story.
	God.
	I know.
	I think I was just so, I didn't know if we would be, what if we got caught and then I'm giving a bad look to this group?
	There was just some other implications.
	And dude, some other lady, if you go over there for the military, dude, somebody'll do sex with you, bro.
	Men or women.
	Because they had people, I mean, out on their morning jog stopping by to see what was going on.
	Another lady tried to come by and have sex one time.
	They must, like the single people in the military must bang each other like there's nobody's business.
	They must.
	Because they know they're only going to be there for a few years.
	You know, I think it gets kind of territorial, though.
	I had a friend of mine marry a sailor that came in for Fleet Week.
	What?
	Yeah.
	I used to work at his neighborhood bar and we were on the water In Staten Island.
	And every year, the same week, all the sailors came in and they would invade the town.
	Would they wear their uniform?
	They know what they're doing.
	Bring it up.
	Sailor uniform, huh?
	They would wear the uniform because, first of all, we'd give them a lot of free drinks because, thank you for your service.
	Military, yeah.
	And then they'd, and then the chicks, you know, they'd pick up chicks.
	And even the female officers would come in, like, you know, and everybody.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And they would all wear it.
	Well, that definitely is from Party City, bro.
	The young members of the young.
	Yeah, that's party city.
	Can you look at a real military uniform?
	And yeah, this girl I knew just started dating this guy and ended up getting married.
	Wow, like that or like, oh, there we go.
	No, white.
	In the whites.
	Okay.
	Let's see a white military.
	I don't know the difference.
	There you go, like that on the right, the top right over there.
	That's what they would call with the hat, too.
	Swear.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, the hat, dude.
	Oh, and they would come in packs.
	So like all of a sudden, like 10 guy, 10 or 10 sailors.
	And then if you have any women.
	Yeah.
	Would they sing songs?
	No.
	Oh, no.
	That's a week.
	Yeah.
	That's a week, dude.
	Bro, remember the cruise we went on?
	Dude, a lot of sauteed spinach.
	Really?
	Yeah, no, no.
	Oh.
	That was a Popeye reference that didn't land.
	Oh, remember him?
	Oh, Popeye?
	Popeye?
	Hell yeah.
	Remember Popeye?
	Remember that live action Popeye, though?
	Yeah.
	Robin Williams played Popeye.
	Did he?
	He did the voice?
	He didn't do the voice.
	Oh, live action.
	It feels like a real film.
	I'm talking about the cartoon.
	Can you remember that cartoon of Popeye?
	Yeah.
	But you've never seen Robin Williams play Popeye?
	Uh-uh.
	With Chelly Duvall as olive oil?
	Never.
	Dude, it is a classic.
	I never knew this existed, and I cannot wait to see you.
	Look at his forearms.
	Oh, it's great.
	Oh, wow.
	Yo, this is one of the tapes I played till it broke when I was a little.
	Oh.
	Dude, I'm so excited to watch this.
	I didn't know this existed.
	I didn't know they had this.
	You're going to like this, man.
	He fights a giant squid.
	Uh-uh.
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	When I was little, like, Popeye was, I don't think kids know Popeye today.
	No, I don't think they know about it.
	And Popeye also, who did the voice for Popeye the cartoon?
	There you go.
	There he was.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, because that was like the original G.I. Joe was Popeye.
	Yeah.
	Like, people don't realize that that's who we hate.
	Popeye out.
	I had Popeye on the video game, too.
	I don't think we had that, but we had Popeye's chicken in Louisiana.
	So every way.
	Is that him?
	It was.
	Oh, it was?
	Because you used to get the figurine if you went over there.
	They gave you the figurine.
	Really?
	So that's his fried chicken?
	I don't get the connection.
	Yeah.
	The sailor and the fried chicken.
	don't get it.
	I think they just, I think they had named it Popeyes and then...
	They might have.
	So Jack Mercer did the voice there for Popeye the Sailor.
	Can you get the YouTube of Jack Mercer doing that voice or will that we won't be able to use it?
	You started to say something when I said Popeye that I was like, oh shit, yeah.
	Or cruise.
	I went on right on, right on, right on.
	Yeah, yeah.
	They just had a cruise issue.
	What was that thing in the news, too?
	I want to hear this Jack Mercer do the voice.
	Can we see him do the voice?
	I ate spinach because of him.
	I didn't like spinach.
	I didn't like veggies, you know, and I wouldn't eat it.
	And my dad would be like, oh, you got a one and a two and a pair of threes.
	The votes are all in.
	Whether or not something of the voice would creep through there, and it worked out beautifully.
	Number one, Mr. Goldwater.
	I don't think this is it.
	You do?
	South Amboy, New Jersey, playing.
	No, he's not.
	They just use this as a question, you think?
	No, I think he was on that game show.
	That was to tell the truth.
	So four of those people are like lying about who they are.
	One's telling the truth.
	It was an old game show.
	So he was the contestant telling the truth as the voice of Popeye.
	Do we have Jack Mercer does voice of Popeye?
	I just wanted to hear it again.
	I wish I could do that voice.
	Wouldn't you do voices if you could all day?
	Oh, I'll do this.
	Tell me who this is, Kay.
	They said it would take a man 600 years to get out of the sea of prison, but Andy Dufran did it in less than 20. Yeah.
	That's a little weak today, but.
	No, that's Morgan Freeman.
	Thanks.
	Yeah.
	That was good, actually.
	Thanks, man.
	I closed my eyes for a little bit of it.
	I see where you were going with it.
	If it's something you don't do all the time, I felt there was something in there.
	Yeah, yeah, thanks.
	I don't do voices, though.
	You don't?
	I don't.
	I wish I could.
	We had Kyle Dunnegan was on.
	He does them really well.
	You ever do voiceovers?
	You ever get in the animated show?
	I got offered two animated shows.
	You have such a good voice.
	Oh, thanks, man.
	You have a strong, distinct voice with good diction.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, you do.
	That's easy.
	That's very easy to tell.
	Sal, sorry.
	I don't know why I called you.
	I didn't say Saul.
	I said Sal.
	Sal.
	Do people say both sometimes?
	So it's Salvatore.
	It's S-A-L.
	It's Sal.
	The only person that calls me Saul 30% of the time after known for 10 years is David Tell.
	And I don't correct him because it's David Tell.
	So some nights I'm Sal, some nights I'm Saul.
	But are you ever Sal?
	Sal, no.
	Because that's almost Spanish, like with salt.
	They say like, yeah.
	Do you have that, Jack Mercer?
	We couldn't find it.
	Okay, no worries, man.
	Dude, we went on, thank you.
	We went on your cruise, man.
	Yeah.
	And the cruise line just got in trouble.
	What was that news?
	You came on cruise one, right?
	It was cruise one.
	Celebrity cruises sued.
	Yeah, we got celebrity cruises sued.
	The medics gave HIV infected blood.
	Wow.
	Yeah, why do they have HIV infected blood then?
	You know, why do they have that on them on the cruise?
	A celebrity cruises passenger says her medical emergency came an absolute nightmare.
	They gave her blood transusion from someone who had HIV.
	Dang.
	That's bad luck.
	Seven-day cruise.
	It started December 4th.
	So winter time.
	And she says, doctor diagnosed Gastrointestinal, but she started suffering from rectal bleeding.
	That's why she went for help.
	What's going on there?
	What's going on there?
	Suppositories, dude.
	I'm telling you.
	That's how.
	Probably.
	And this could have been one of them because some of these cruises, man, it's a lot of people out there doing pills and doing sex.
	Yep.
	Announcing staff solicited blood from passengers over the ship's PA system said they needed type A negative.
	That's my type.
	It is.
	Swear.
	That's my type.
	You know yours?
	Is that song about blood?
	What is that song?
	This woman says four passengers stepped up to donate blood and she got the transfusion.
	Wow.
	And someone stepped up to give blood with HIV?
	Like, yo, what the fuck is that about?
	Like, they didn't know either.
	They didn't know.
	I mean, that's a tough car.
	This whole thing, there's a lot of people at fault here.
	Yeah.
	And sometimes it's like, if you at the, if you're, I remember when we were out on a cruise, we couldn't even get fresh milk.
	So it's like, you, sometimes you're out there, you got to take what you can get, especially if you're going to die.
	Was our cruise your first cruise that you were ever on?
	No, I went on this thing called semester at, say, it was like a floating school that went around the whole world, actually.
	Around the planet.
	How long was that?
	It was 100 days.
	And I went.
	I was a student.
	I worked in the bookshop.
	On the boat?
	Yeah.
	How old are you?
	I was 19 years old.
	Oh, no, I was 20 years old.
	So it was like college?
	Yeah, it was college.
	They still do it.
	It's called Semester at Sea, and you go.
	Have you spoken about this before?
	I don't know if I've spoken much about it.
	I've never heard you.
	Really?
	That's a very, that's a very interesting, crazy thing you did.
	It was crazy, bro.
	So where did you go?
	We started in Vancouver, Canada, and then we finished in Florida.
	We went all the way around the whole world.
	You go around everywhere.
	And you went to class, had homework?
	Yeah.
	And then also work.
	Yeah, we would dock.
	How often did you dock and you were able to Okay.
	Japan, China, Vietnam, Malaysia, Kenya, Brazil.
	We went Cuba.
	Dude.
	We did it.
	Are you serious?
	So let me ask you a question.
	What was the breakdown of like how often you had to do schoolwork?
	Like, did you, did you, were you able to maintain your focus and your studies too?
	Or was it just like, come on now?
	Like, everybody just like phoned it in and it was just like Caligula on it.
	No, you couldn't phone it in.
	You had to like, it was pretty, the teachers were pretty harsh.
	Okay.
	So you really had to really do it, you know?
	So you really had to do schoolwork.
	So you did, you went to, what was your schedule?
	Like, was it every day?
	Every day class started, I think, at 8 a.m.
	or 9 a.m.
	I can't remember.
	Every day.
	It would alternate, except for days when you were in port.
	So when you were in the port, you could go do stuff and travel and do whatever you wanted.
	You just had to be back when the ship left.
	Or you could use the ship as hotel and stay at hotel.
	Okay.
	So, okay.
	So you would also have the option to go get a hotel off the ship?
	Yeah.
	For the days.
	Because I was about to say, how could you live for 100 days in a little cruise room like that?
	Yeah, it would be crazy.
	You had a roommate in there.
	Wow.
	It was wild.
	Yo, if you don't like your roommate.
	Yeah.
	You're stuck.
	How was your roommate?
	Oh, my roommate was great, dude.
	My roommate was a great guy, Ryan Thomas.
	You talk to him to this day?
	A few years after the ship, he passed away, man.
	He was doing basketball.
	He went to some school up in the North California mountains, like that weed school.
	What's that weed school up there?
	Chino or Chipo?
	Cheeto?
	Not Cheeto, it's like...
	People are made out of weed.
	People have little weed dolls and stuff.
	Voodoo dolls even are made out of weed.
	It sounds fantastic.
	Yeah.
	It sounds like he died of a heart attack because it was so amazing.
	So anyway, R.I.P.
	brother.
	So anyway, he passed away, but the cruise was, it was an unbelievable experience, man.
	I mean, it was just, you know, you were just, you could get two wines a night.
	You got tickets for wines, and they'd have the bar open.
	You get two wines a night.
	But we had a guy on there that died, bruh.
	During the cruise.
	Yeah, this dude died.
	We were at sea for like 12 days or something.
	Something happened.
	He died, and they put him in the freezer.
	Yeah, man.
	I've heard of that.
	So they put him in two of them.
	With the pork loin, baby.
	You know what I'm saying?
	That's crazy.
	You know how he died?
	Mahi, huh?
	You know how he died?
	I'm not sure.
	Was that like, did that, were people just like, oh, shit, somebody died?
	Or were you like, oh, my God?
	Like, someone just died, a student died and is in the freezer?
	Oh, it was a, this guy was a senior citizen.
	Oh, okay.
	Because he had a couple.
	So he had about nine seniors on there.
	Going to college on the cruise?
	Yeah, some of them were like.
	I'm old, man.
	That's like, it takes somebody to be like, I'm going to go back to college as an adult is one thing.
	That's already tough.
	Then to be like, I'm going to go to sea for 100 days.
	That's crazy.
	So he just died?
	He couldn't hang, bro.
	Did they give him an honorary discharge?
	I don't know if we like put him into the sea like they did with Osama bin La.
	I don't know what they did.
	I do remember we did a funeral for him one day.
	Whoa.
	I remember we did a funeral and people dressed up and we put flowers out into the ocean and stuff.
	And the crews did a big circle like that.
	It was like a crazy dude.
	I wish I knew his name, Mark, I think.
	In 100 days, you could have multiple relationships.
	Like, did you have a mini life within that 100 days?
	Yeah.
	Like, you got new friends, new this, knew that.
	Like, you know what I'm saying?
	Oh, yeah.
	There was people from like different countries on there.
	It was crazy, bro.
	What made you do that?
	Like, was that expensive?
	I'm fascinated because I never heard of this.
	Yeah, it's called Semester.
	I see.
	It wasn't that, it was, uh, I, it wasn't that expensive, man.
	I mean, I worked and saved up some money.
	I had to spend like $6,000 of my own dollars.
	So, yes, that was a lot of money.
	Yeah.
	But I worked, you know, to do it.
	And then I got financial aid from my school.
	So that applied to it.
	Okay.
	And then a friend, I got a scholarship from the school itself from the semester at sea.
	Wow.
	So I was really supported.
	You know, I definitely, you know, I was grateful that people helped me out.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	What did you major in?
	I don't remember.
	Oh, urban Planning really, oh, yeah, that was your major back then.
	You had the wherewithal back then to be like, I want to get into some urban planning, urban planning, dude.
	Where are you going to put that mailbox, huh, son?
	Really?
	You want to plan, like, help plan cities, like infrastructure?
	Yeah, is that what that is?
	Uh, it's more, I think it's like, where do the medians go?
	You know, yeah, I think.
	I know it.
	It's like, sure.
	If you have a mail, if a mailman needs to come into town, what route does he take to make the least amount of time so it's effective?
	Okay.
	Power lines.
	Ultra traffic patterns and shit like that, grid patterns.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	A lot of urban planning, man.
	I guess I'm an urban planner.
	Why did that strike you as interesting?
	Like, why did you, why did you latch on to that?
	I think I always used to walk around a lot of neighborhoods and stuff.
	So I think I was really kind of fascinated about that.
	I liked people's yards.
	I liked looking at what it was like if people had a yard or didn't have a yard, like what people's lives were like.
	Like rich people have yards, you know, so they have like space between them and like people knowing what they're doing.
	Sure.
	Poor people, it's just like fucking people just don't know what you're doing yet, dude.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like if your mom rears back to hit you hard enough, she's going to fuck it, a passing car is going to hit her off, you know?
	So it's like, you can't hide it, you know?
	So I don't know, stuff like that kind of fascinated me.
	And I always love the U.S. postal system.
	When I was young, it's gone downhill.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But when I was young, what'd you major in?
	Finance.
	Oh, really?
	Just because I didn't know what to do.
	Like, I had no idea.
	I started college at 17 and they asked you to pick a major.
	And I was literally like, I want to make money.
	Finance means money.
	Yeah.
	That's literally how I chose it.
	I was like, finance has to do with money.
	I want to make money.
	I'll do finance.
	I have a degree in finance.
	Did you have, was money like a big influence?
	Were your parents like make money?
	Were your parents business owners?
	My parents and my family had no money.
	And I just was like, I want to be successful.
	It wasn't like I want to be like rich.
	I just was like, I just want to make sure I make money.
	You know, like I can support myself.
	Yeah.
	And that was how simple that decision was.
	It was like a, and I don't mean simple, like easy to make.
	I mean simple, like simpleton.
	Yeah.
	I was like, I want to make money, so I'll check finance.
	And then I did.
	And then I did.
	I was like, oh, I guess I'll pick finance because that has money in it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's hilarious.
	And that's, and I, you know, I don't know why I took that.
	Yeah.
	I have no interest in it at all.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	You ever see yourself going back?
	Do you ever, of course you don't see yourself going back.
	That's the dumbest question I was about to ask you.
	Do I ever see you getting like one of those like kind of like little advisors, you know, that they got old school accountants with a mafia?
	Yeah.
	It's a wonderful life.
	Yeah, I don't know, man.
	I don't know why I did that.
	It was a waste of time.
	Besides the relationships I forged, college for me was a complete waste.
	Really?
	Complete waste.
	I retained none of it.
	It was expensive.
	I got a scholarship too, but.
	Were you a smart kid?
	What were you?
	Were you like a nerdy kid?
	Were you like an athletic kid?
	Were you just kind of like a...
	Oh, neither.
	I'm half Italian.
	Are you?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Half Italian, half Cuban, and Puerto Rican.
	Oh, wow.
	And Spanish, yeah.
	But yeah, right.
	So, no, I was good.
	Grammar school was like straight A's.
	High school was pretty much like low A's, but with not a lot of application.
	So that was good.
	You could do it.
	And I just was like fun.
	Yeah.
	I wasn't like a super job.
	I played hockey in high school for a little bit, but I wasn't great.
	I played like my, I was like signed up and I played, you know, basketball and baseball in grammar school was bad.
	It wasn't good.
	You know, I tell this story about me and my, so that our school got a basketball team for the first year.
	And I was in seventh grade.
	And if you were in eighth grade, you automatically were on varsity and then, or something like that.
	And everybody else had to try out.
	So we tried out.
	I wasn't good, you know, but I tried out.
	I was good in like my neighborhood, you know, when people came in and had like skill sets, you know what I mean?
	I wasn't good.
	And so everybody made varsity and everybody else who didn't make it, automatically, you wanted to play, you could.
	And that was JV.
	And then the coach for JV, we didn't have one.
	And so my friend's mom volunteered and she volunteered and she just was like learning basketball with us.
	And then we used to have, it was like, it was literally like the, like, like the, the, like the Molly crew of, it could have been a cartoon.
	It was like all the castaways on this team.
	And we used to have these, these, these practices and she used to have a clipboard, like the dry erase clipboard and just be like, go this way.
	You know, like our first game, we played 14 games that year.
	We went 0-14.
	Our first game, I was like, watch, we're going to play these kids that are definitely like, these kids are all going to be from like urban areas.
	They're going to be like, sure enough, every kid on the team was six foot.
	And we, and they like played basketball.
	Like basketball was life for them as opposed to us.
	They beat us 44-0.
	44-0, dude.
	And then after you'd line up in the middle of the thing to kid hands and like then go get a snack upstairs.
	We used to play at the Catholic U-Gorgon organization.
	It was a CYO.
	So it was a CYO league.
	So it was all the Catholic tools, right?
	So we would say thank you.
	But at the end of the first game, it was traumatizing, dude.
	At the end of the first game, the parents were so into it on their side.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And they were screaming and yelling and everything.
	And then at the buzzer, the parents started to chant 44 zip zip 44 zip 44. And they just came down off the stands.
	It was screaming it and waving shit.
	And while we were trying to shake hands, they were getting our face like 44 zip zip.
	And then we had to go up the steps together to go to like the like common area to have like our Capri sons.
	And we were going up the stairs and they were screaming.
	It was bellowing in the hallways.
	And they were screaming at us, 44 zip, zip.
	And I was like, damn, man.
	It was traumatizing.
	Damn.
	Now we scored points in every other game, but we never got shut out again.
	But we went 0-14.
	The second game, 56-3, we lost.
	I had the three points.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	And then they still did.
	We still were part of the awards dinner at the end of the year.
	We were part of the awards dinner at the end of the season.
	Dude, here's the worst part of it.
	I was the team's MVP.
	I swear to God, I accepted the award.
	I got up and I took the trophy in front of everyone.
	At the dinner, you had to pay to be there.
	I had 16 points on the season.
	Total?
	Total.
	Yeah.
	16 points, and I was MVP.
	Praise God.
	Wasn't that great?
	But did it give you some confidence, though?
	No.
	Really?
	Really, really knocked my confidence down.
	Just game after game.
	Just 14 games of burying my confidence.
	In the last game of the season, we didn't realize we something happened with the universe and we were like landing shots.
	We were sinking shots.
	And then at the buzzer, we huddled up and our coach goes, look up.
	And we looked up and we were winning.
	It was like 14, 13 or something.
	And we just looked at each other like, we're winning.
	We're fucking winning.
	We lost.
	But it was like, that was like our big moment, like our Rudy moment, like at the head.
	Look up.
	We had no idea we were winning.
	Here's a question right here from a beautiful young fella right there.
	Thank you, brother.
	Hey, Sal.
	Hey, Theo.
	Big time fan of both of you.
	I just wanted to ask about Sal's school life.
	We never really heard much about his child life.
	And I just want to know, what was the worst thing you probably did in school?
	Damn, school life.
	I wasn't bad in school.
	I was the class clown.
	Were you?
	But respectfully.
	Ooh.
	You know, I was a likable class.
	I didn't like push.
	It wasn't never disrespectful.
	Right.
	So you wouldn't do anything mean.
	The joke.
	I was always there with the joke.
	Always there to get the laugh no matter what I said.
	Yeah.
	Which sounds stereotypical, but that's what it was.
	Like always when we had school functions on stage, I would volunteer.
	I'd do impressions of the teachers.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like all that stuff.
	I used to love the Jeffersons.
	Well, The Jeffersons is my favorite show of all time.
	And so it was syndicated when I was little.
	I used to watch it with my grandparents.
	I used to live with them.
	So I love it.
	It just has a place in my heart.
	So I would memorize the Jeffersons.
	Like I would get like a pad and feverishly write down like the things they said.
	And then I would memorize that and I would have an impression that I would do George Jefferson.
	And word got out in the school.
	So people used to ask me like third grade.
	They'd be like, the teacher would be like, all right, if everyone's good at the end, Sal will get up and do the George Jefferson scenes.
	So it was like that.
	But I was never disrespectful.
	One time I got in trouble in high school.
	We were sitting on the steps and this teacher, she was a nutcase dude.
	She was a Spanish teacher.
	Her name was Miss DeGiulio.
	If she's out there and she's watching and we know that she is, I'm sorry, but it's all going to come out now.
	People know Mr. Julio and you should.
	Yeah.
	And she was like, I think she was bipolar.
	Yeah.
	I didn't know then.
	Well, they didn't have it then.
	But I understand now without a doubt she was.
	Wow.
	Because she'd be nice and then she would flip out on you.
	But we didn't know what it was.
	So we just thought like, fuck this lady.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Totally.
	But then you wanted to be nice because when she actually turned, it was like you kind of got nervous because she had this look.
	So one time she was coming down the steps and it was in between between classes and we would just mind our own business.
	I was sitting on the steps and she turned at one row of steps and she was on the landing to come down the other and she just freaked and she went, I'm like, get up and get out of my way.
	I'm coming down the stairs.
	No.
	And it rubbed me the wrong way.
	And I was like 15. I just turned around and I said, okay, we're not really doing anything bad here.
	So why don't you ask us nicely first?
	Yeah.
	And she was like, what did you say?
	And I said, ask us nicely.
	And then she gave me detention and she wrote it on there in quotes, told him to move out of the way on the steps.
	He responded, quote unquote, ask me nicely.
	Which honestly, is that really detention worthy?
	You know what I mean?
	Like you screamed at me to get off the steps so rudely and all I was asking about was common decency.
	And then she put me in the slammer.
	We had this lady, beautiful lady, an RIP.
	She did die.
	Her name.
	Everybody you've spoken about on this podcast so far has died.
	Really?
	Everybody, I think.
	I think this is the fourth person you spoke about that has died.
	Dude, I think just the area we were in, it just breeded, you know, people were going to die.
	I hate to say that.
	All right.
	I don't know.
	Maybe I have something about death, but it's like this lady's name was, what was her name?
	She was principal short Italian.
	Nancy Woods was her name.
	And she was Italian, 700% Italian.
	She was Swampwater Italian.
	You know what I'm saying?
	She fucking, you know, she had bay leaves in her cow zone.
	You know, she had just a little mix of things going on.
	And she, what were we talking about?
	You, you, detention.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And getting in trouble.
	Asked me nicely.
	She moved, she had bipolar.
	Yeah.
	Spanish teacher.
	I wonder what Miss Woods did.
	She must have done something.
	I was going to tell you.
	She died.
	She did die.
	Yeah, she died a couple years, like a year ago, I think.
	Damn.
	She was cool.
	Oh, dude, we had this guy, Mr. Coleman, he would sleep in the trunk of his car at lunch.
	He would go get in the fucking trunk.
	Really?
	Trunk of his car and fucking sleep in it.
	Like open?
	Yeah, open it up, get in there.
	He just didn't mind much that no one saw him or anything?
	It just was like some weird habit he had or something, you know, maybe something of growing up he used to do or his family did.
	But we had another teacher, Mr. Lambert, he and he passed away.
	He had alcoholism.
	But he, I remember one time I was cheating on a test in his class and my cheat sheet fell on the floor and he walked by and he goes, excuse me, I believe you dropped this.
	He didn't even realize it was a cheat sheet.
	That was amazing.
	It was amazing.
	Pardon me.
	Yeah, pardon me.
	Wow.
	You can drop this, buddy.
	Shit.
	You used to cheat in school?
	He was the sweetest guy.
	We all cheated.
	Everyone cheated.
	Everybody did.
	A lot of people cheated off me, but I also cheated too.
	Did you?
	Yeah.
	People would just be like, when you had teachers that like that, they were like aloof or whatever.
	You'd just be like, what do you got?
	What do you got for this?
	What do you got for that?
	Sometimes if you got caught, though.
	Oh, man.
	I remember one kid got caught, got pulled out of the room.
	And there was one point where this eighth grade teacher, her name was Miss Dawson.
	She was also a gym teacher that became an eighth grade teacher.
	And she was like a thick, like short-haired Coke bottle glass.
	Like she was a, she was like the lesbian back then.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, like she was, and you didn't want to mess with her.
	She was intimidating, like at all times.
	We had that.
	At all times.
	And everyone was in line with her.
	Luckily, she was gone by the time I got to eighth grade, but she was doing proctoring an exam and she caught someone and she took this kid, James, out of our class.
	Then he answered her back with him, and she grabbed him by the neck and pushed him against the cinder block wall like that.
	Dude, no joke.
	Damn.
	Yeah, man.
	Teachers used to get pretty graphic, man.
	They used to get on point.
	They used to let them get buck a little more.
	That's nuts for our age.
	My dad, my dad, in like young grammar school, whatever, had a nun tell him to put his hands out and whaled him on the hands with the ruler, right?
	So my grandmother gets a call, says, come down to the school.
	Your son is suspended.
	And she says, what happened?
	She gets down to the school.
	She goes, your son is suspended.
	What happened?
	Well, the teacher, he was misbehaving.
	So the teacher told him to put his hands out and whaled him with the nun, a nun, whaled him with the ruler.
	He took his metal lunchbox and slammed her in the face with it.
	My father did that.
	Got kicked out.
	And then my grandmother said, she deserved every fucking bit of that.
	Wow.
	And she goes, I'm taking him out of the school.
	You're not suspended.
	I'm taking him out.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	Can you imagine?
	That's hitting a nun in the face with a metal lunchbox for retaliation.
	Right.
	You know?
	Oh, yeah.
	Which, like, in this day and age, if that happened in school right now, the kid would not even be, you can't in this day and age.
	If that kid hit her back after she hit him like that, the kid would be a hero.
	Yeah.
	A hero.
	The kid would be a hero.
	It's crazy how it's all set up now.
	Everything is like, and it almost doesn't even matter what people do.
	It's just what is recorded and then shown.
	That's the even crazier part.
	Yeah.
	There was so many things different back then.
	Like we didn't know she had bipolar.
	We didn't know when kids in the class were autistic.
	Like we didn't know anything.
	It was just like, oh, he's just weird.
	You know, like he just, he's just a little different or whatever.
	Like, but we didn't have these terms.
	No, no, everybody was.
	I remember I got in learning disabled for a little while.
	You know, they put me in there for like a little while when I was in third grade.
	And back then, dude, it was, you know, everybody was in that bitch.
	You know, if you could run too fast, you were in there.
	You know what I'm saying?
	People in a wheelchair, autism, people with no arms.
	Like it was just like this crazy bunch, dude.
	You know, the phone was that.
	I got asked if I, a couple of years ago, I had a bunch of people.
	I got a bunch of messages like telling me about autism.
	Some asking, like, asking if I have it.
	And out of nowhere, I didn't know like why.
	Like, I just, like, it was like, I just saw a bunch of messages at once that were about autism.
	I didn't know why.
	But I think, like, I think it was right after I did an appearance on Regis, not Regis, Kelly Ripper.
	And, and at the time, Chris Pratt was the, we did it.
	We did press.
	Oh, I had a, I went, we were doing press and we went on the morning show at Kelly Rippa.
	Chris Pratt was the guest.
	Oh, you know Chris Pratt?
	Yeah.
	You know him, Noah?
	I feel like you might have for some reason.
	I met he invited me to be in a film that he did.
	Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That was, oh, yeah, that was, yeah, yeah.
	Because I think we were going to do the cruise again, and you had to do a movie.
	Was that it?
	Oh, yeah, that's right.
	Yeah.
	That's right.
	I wanted to get you back because you were so sweet on the first cruise.
	Oh, thanks.
	I had booked it up completely.
	And you were like, I'll just come on.
	Like, I'll hang and everything.
	And you were so sweet, man.
	And then I wanted to, and, you know, I was trying to get you.
	But yeah, anyway, he's on, and he's in this movie, The Magnificent Seven, that remake of that Western movie.
	At the time, it just came out as a blockbuster.
	It was like an ensemble cast of A-list Morgan Freeman's in it.
	Oh, no, it was Denzel.
	Denzel's in it, right?
	So the night before, I had gotten really, really, really drunk.
	I don't normally do that, but like I just, I don't remember what I had a wedding, a wedding the night before.
	Oh, yeah.
	So I show up.
	I am hungover with the shakes.
	Okay.
	And you have to arrive at like 6.50 in the morning for the morning show.
	Right.
	So I get there and I'm trembling, man.
	And I don't know what to do.
	And I'm like, I can't go on.
	I said, can I please, can you please find an office for me to lay down in?
	And they did because we weren't going to be on for an hour.
	They took me to someone's office.
	I laid down on a couch in someone's office, just shaking.
	So I'm watching the show on the TV and it's in the feed, right?
	And Denzel, like, so, so at the beginning, they give away a prize.
	Have you ever watched Regis and Kathy Lee when they were little?
	Uh-uh, but I know about it.
	So every day they take a phone, they used to take a phone call and someone in the audience.
	And if the person in the audience answers correctly, like them and the phone person wins like a trip or like something big every morning, every day.
	Oh, wow.
	So they're doing this trip, right?
	So they ask the lady a question and it's easy, but she gets it wrong, right?
	And then Chris Pratt goes, I don't worry, we'll give you the trip anyway.
	It was a vacation.
	And then on air, he goes, what?
	What?
	Oh, I can't do that.
	Because it's like law.
	It's game show.
	It's like this game shows.
	Right.
	So then he goes, oh, I can't.
	And on air, he's like, oh, I don't know what to do.
	And everyone's like, oh.
	And then he goes, I'll give you the trip.
	I'll just buy it.
	I'll give it to you.
	And everyone's like, ah, they went nuts.
	Right.
	And it was like so nice.
	And then Kelly's like, I won't do that to you.
	Like, me and you are going to split the trip.
	You're still going.
	And the audience goes crazy.
	Right.
	Then Denzel Washington comes out next.
	And he's in the movie Magnificent 7 with him.
	And he comes out.
	And the first thing he says was, he goes, I just, I was watching on the feed.
	He goes, what happened?
	How much was the trip?
	And Chris Pratt goes like $5,700.
	And he goes, three ways.
	I'm going to go three ways with you on the trip.
	So everyone goes nuts, right?
	So I'm laying there.
	You know how you always need stories on these things?
	Yeah.
	They want you to have stories.
	So I'm laying there like half sick.
	And I'm like, all right, I got an idea.
	So I have this thing I'm going to do in my head.
	And then I'm like, I want to do something else.
	These things never go well.
	Morning shows, they like rush you through.
	You never really get to really make jokes, you know?
	So I was like, fuck it.
	So I had our assistant go to the store, get a pack of Haynes t-shirts, white Haynes undershirts and a marker.
	And I wrote, in my own handwriting, I wrote Magnificent Seven on a Haynes t-shirt and I put that on.
	Except for fun, I spelt it wrong.
	I wrote Magnificant Savant, S-E-V-A-N, and Magnificant.
	So Magnificant Savant.
	So I was like, I'll just, I'll go out there.
	I'll go out there.
	And what I'll do is they'll immediately see my shirt and be like, oh, what is that?
	You know, and I'll be like, oh, I just thought that you and Denzel needed help promoting the movie.
	Obviously, they don't need help, right?
	I'm like, yeah.
	So I just want to support and help you guys anyway I can.
	I know you need the help.
	And then I thought they would pick on how I misspelled it and it would be a nice joke.
	So I put on the shirt.
	So we're behind the thing.
	We're ready to go out there.
	I'm wearing this Haynes t-shirt that has a marker on it that says Magnificant Savant.
	And they call us out and we go and people are cheering.
	I'm waving, right?
	And we go to sit down.
	And right before we sit down, the audience starts clapping.
	I go, I just want to let everybody here know, just off the top, I'm not going four ways on the trip with the woman, right?
	I thought it would get a laugh, but they took me seriously.
	It just bombed.
	And then Kelly goes, no, no, it's okay.
	We're covering it.
	It's okay.
	And I was like, well, that was a joke.
	Yo, then I sat down to the interview and nobody mentioned the shirt, dude.
	Nobody mentioned the shirt.
	And then after that, I just started getting autistic messages because I just went out.
	I came out and was like, I'm not paying.
	I'm not paying for the trip.
	And then I sat down and my shirt was man-made and misspelled.
	And nobody mentioned it.
	And then after that, everyone's like, yo, they're just sending me links on autism.
	People are like, hey, can you come speak at our school?
	Oh, dude.
	It's online, too.
	It's online.
	Like, you can pull it up.
	Damn, bro.
	That's bananas, man.
	I'm trying to think if I had like a real good thing like that where I went on to a talk show.
	Do you like talk shows?
	Do you do when you do them?
	Because I always feel like they do.
	I used to do local news a lot.
	Yeah.
	No, I'm good.
	I'm good.
	I used to do local news a lot.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.
	From when you're going to town.
	Yeah, but I never did.
	I'm trying to think if I did.
	I never did like any panels.
	Like a lot of comedians, like once a lot of guys quit going to the tonight show and stuff like that.
	You didn't really do that much of that type of thing.
	They always just want you to, I got one coming up where I'm doing, I guess, Seth Meyers.
	And every time I go on, I just feel like it just feels so canned.
	Yeah.
	Because they ask you to, they pre-interview.
	Right.
	Yeah, it's just a different experience, I'm sure.
	Yeah.
	But I was just going to say, Seth's great.
	Is he?
	Yeah, he makes it easy.
	Yeah, that's cool.
	He's nice.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I'm trying to think of, there was something I was going to tell you about.
	Oh, you guys have, so with y'all's show, with Impractical Jokers, because we didn't even talk anything about it, you guys have Joe is not going to be on the show anymore.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	For now, I guess.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Did they ever, did they try and think about bringing somebody else in?
	Well, they asked us what we wanted to do.
	And we just thought about like a hundred different permutations for it and just landed on the fact that we didn't want to replace him because that person would be already shunned.
	You know, like it's hard to replace him.
	So we just were like, let's just, right now we're bringing in a guest each episode to just help out with the punishment.
	But it's like people that we know that were really psyched and interested to get on.
	So we've had like Eric Andre, Method Man, Jillian Bell, Rob Riggle, David Cross, like all these like really cool guests, you know.
	And like we're booking, you know, just and this, we just, we finished season nine, the last nine episodes that we started before the pandemic.
	So those start airing in, I don't know when this comes out, but those start airing June 16th.
	Okay.
	And then in two weeks, we've been writing season 10 and in two weeks we start filming season 10. And we'll do for the first time we shorten the episodes.
	And we're going to do 18 because I want to kind of have six months on, six months off to do comedy and stuff.
	So we're doing 18 episodes.
	We've got 18 guests.
	But then, check this out.
	They're just in the punishment.
	We do a cold open with them and a couple of interstitials.
	So they're like threaded through the episode.
	So they're like anchored as the guests.
	But in the middle bits, when we need four, we made it so that we can bring anybody we want at all.
	Anyone.
	So the idea at first was like, oh, we can bring anyone, like from a comedian friend to our family to literally like the thing was, we said the halal guy outside our office.
	And we started doing that.
	Like I brought my barber on.
	You know, we brought like it just so because it's like just a mixed bag, you know?
	So yeah, so we did that.
	And it's been fun, you know, it's just a different energy and stuff, you know?
	Yeah.
	So it's been good.
	So we started filming that in a couple of weeks.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Is it hard to stay motivated with it as things get keep going that much?
	Is it hard to like, not that you don't care about it, but is it, what have you learned about that?
	Has that been interesting?
	Yeah.
	I mean, you know, the motivation's there, you know, because it's our reputation and the show's been on so long.
	And, you know, I'm never going to, I'm not going to half-ass it, you know?
	Yeah.
	But we said we would do the show until we like stopped having fun, but it's just so much fun, man.
	You know, and, you know, our crew is another 40, 50 people that you don't see.
	Well, we put them on a lot now.
	We put our crew on.
	But like, so it's not just us, us having fun.
	Like we've been with these people, some of them for 10 years.
	So it's like this family, you know, so we still have fun, man.
	And we, you know, the pandemic made us have to rethink how we did everything.
	So we did a whole season in a pandemic when we couldn't even go up to anybody.
	So that was fun because we had to, we're always trying to push and change and evolve it and stuff like that.
	So, you know, so it's, it's always a little different each season.
	Like we don't just go back and do the same bits we did.
	Like when people describe the show, they go, oh, these, you know, these friends, they put an earpiece and they have to do and say what they're told.
	And if not, you get punished.
	That's the most simple way to explain the show.
	It is.
	And it is like a third of the show.
	Yeah.
	And it was a lot of the show when we first started, but in the first season or two.
	But really, if you watch the show, that is just one element of it.
	There's so much.
	We create so many scenarios and games and situations and like that aren't even beholden to doing and saying what you're told.
	Right, right.
	But it's just like, that's the easiest way to, that's the elevator pitch.
	But yeah, we, so we, we, you know, we have fun like, like figuring all those things out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Are you worried about not having Joe on there?
	You know, I was because he's just, it's one of a kind.
	He's one of a kind.
	He's the funniest dude in the world.
	And, and, and then, like, but it's like you have a recipe that's working and then you, and if you remove a main ingredient, so I, we didn't know what to expect, you know, but you know, because of the nature of the show, whereas like we, we, we are out there, like we're, we're always switching who we're doing it with.
	So nothing felt foreign because I've been out there with Murray just me and him.
	I've been out there with you, just me and I've been out there alone, just me.
	So in that respect, it didn't feel like completely foreign.
	And then, you know, and then we were so focused on getting the new formula to work and then getting this energy from these people that came on as guests that like, you know, that kind of like filled like a little bit of like what would be.
	And, you know, it took like, it's like when you get on stage, you know, we got there, you know, we started to film and we're like, all right, let's see how this is going to be.
	Like, I don't know if it's going to be, you know, gloomy.
	Of course, we miss him, you know.
	Yeah.
	But then, you know, you start laughing and you're like, oh shit, I'm laughing.
	I'm laughing.
	I had fun today.
	Right.
	And then you're like, all right, all right.
	We're still laughing.
	We're still having fun.
	You know, that's the barometer.
	I think, and that's always been the barometer, I think, with you guys as a group.
	It seems like I mean, I remember the first time I ever hung out with you guys was at in Nashville at like the Wild West Comedy Festival.
	This was years ago, man.
	And I couldn't 2014 is when I met you, I think.
	Yeah, I couldn't believe how much fun it was.
	At the festival, yeah, and just being around you guys, like it was ridiculous.
	And then Joe is so crazy.
	And then afterwards, they're like, he doesn't even drink.
	I'm like, what?
	Yeah.
	He thought he was drinking his own blood.
	He'll be on a bar with his shirt off.
	He doesn't drink.
	He doesn't do drugs.
	He doesn't do anything.
	It just blew my mind as to how much fun could be had by a group.
	Yeah, I think that's what it's always been for a lot of people.
	Let me text my therapist real quick.
	Yeah, babe then.
	I'm going to be late.
	And then what time you got to roll out at?
	Probably I got at 12.30, but it's only like 15 away.
	So maybe like seven, eight minutes.
	10 minutes, yeah.
	Okay, cool.
	Zoom?
	Yeah, I got my laugh.
	It's been helpful to Zoom with therapy.
	Yes.
	I used to have to go into the city to do it.
	You could just do it on Zoom.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think once I got comfortable enough with the therapist, you know, I'm going twice a week right now and going to a lot of meetings.
	Good, man.
	Yeah.
	Dude, this is like even just being able to sit here and laugh with you.
	It's been like, it's been so hard over the past few years.
	I could imagine, bro.
	I don't know what happened.
	It just something happened and I wasn't.
	You got a good support system around you?
	Now it's working better.
	You know, I didn't realize I think I was trying other things than like maybe my recovery program to make me feel better and it wasn't help.
	You know, I just wasn't working out.
	So I'm trying to lean back into that.
	You look good, bro.
	Thanks, man.
	You do.
	I feel pretty healthy.
	You look good, man.
	Thank you.
	I'm in the worst shape of my life, but I appreciate it.
	Are you?
	Yeah.
	Really?
	Yeah, I got to turn it around now.
	I got to turn it around.
	Why?
	Yeah, because I need to.
	Okay.
	It's too much.
	I'm doing my first special in January, too.
	You are?
	I'm going to lose like 50 pounds.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I mean, I haven't started yet, but it's soon.
	It's around the corner.
	But do you feel different being like, do you want to be like fit?
	Or do you have a fit?
	I don't want to feel like I feel now.
	Oh, you feel bad?
	Well, no, but like, I don't know.
	I'm, you know, it's just, it's just like anything.
	Right.
	When you're like, I'm someone who's fluctuated in weight my whole life up and down 50 every few years.
	I go from like 2, 250 down to 2, 250, 2, 250 for like the last 15 years.
	That's cool.
	So it's just like when I know when I hit 250, I got to get back down to 2. Oh, okay.
	You know, and it's a journey there and I stay there for a while and I slowly go back up and back down.
	It's like one of those carnival games kind of.
	Everything with you kind of has like a little bit of a game show element, I feel like.
	But you look great, dude.
	And you know, I know you probably know this and people say this stuff, but you know, we go back a while.
	You, you know, you know me and my personal life too.
	And I'm just like, if you have a, like, you call me anytime, man.
	Yeah, thanks.
	For anything like that, anything, just a vent to bounce shit off of, whatever.
	You know, I know that I'm not, like, I'm on the East Coast, but like, dude, I got, you know.
	Thank you.
	Yeah.
	Thanks, man.
	Yeah, I think sometimes I got in this negative place where I felt just like really isolated and I was isolating myself.
	So it was like I was creating my own, a lot of my own problems.
	And, you know, I just didn't realize it, though.
	Like, but it's all, you know, it's some of that's just life.
	It's like, you know, my life got super busy.
	You know, it's like, you don't know what happens when your life gets busy and when things change for you.
	Like, I remember one time we were at some party and you had tried to not have a manager for a while.
	And you're like, finally, I have to have a man.
	I have to have help.
	Yeah.
	You know, we didn't have, we didn't have one for years, a couple of years.
	I remember.
	And it was just like, it was a tipping point.
	And it was like, we were holding out, you know, because you hear that.
	Agents will say, oh, you don't need a manager.
	Manager will say you don't need an agent.
	Even today, people are like, fuck man.
	You know, why are you giving all that away?
	A lot of our boys don't have managers.
	Yeah, I don't have one now.
	Yeah.
	But I remember just you saying that.
	Oh, well, you have to get, I got to a point, you were like, I got to a point where I needed to get someone.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think, you know, with the TV and stuff, you kind of need someone to fight those battles and navigate that for you.
	Yeah.
	If it was just like just solely just doing stand-up, the way that everyone's DIY these days and building their own audiences and stuff, I think now it's shifting what you would need.
	But I'm with my team for so long now.
	They're like family, you know?
	So yeah, if you have television and stuff involved, I do think it gets different.
	Yeah.
	We had a couple questions that came in.
	I wanted to get to one or two of them real quick from some listeners, man.
	Dio, I love the podcast so much.
	What's up, Sal?
	I love Impractical Jokers.
	My name is Ezra, E-Z-R-A.
	And basically, I'm just asking you, Sal, have you ever got swung on any practical jokers?
	Sure, people ask that a lot, huh?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I almost did.
	Look, after 10 years, not a lot.
	Because we're not really trying to piss people off.
	We're more just trying to bemuse, bewilder, confuse, like whatever.
	Just, you know, it's more like that.
	It's more on us.
	But every once in a while, you're going to come across a person that already is like that in their normal life and is just looking for something.
	So we've all, all of us have been a couple times each in situations.
	One time I was at the car show at the Jacob Javits Center and I was working for Fiat.
	That was what I was doing.
	And they kept, this guy and his girl walked up and they kept saying, like, just shadow the girl.
	Like, if she turns, like, don't ever, like, stay behind her.
	So she pivoted and I went behind her.
	It was like the first second I did it.
	And he literally pushed her out of the way, grabbed me and put his fist back.
	He's like, what are you doing?
	What are you doing right now?
	Her boyfriend?
	Yeah.
	He's a big dude.
	He looked like he did like UFC and shit.
	He was ripped.
	But he went from zero to, he literally pushed her out of the way, put his fist up in a half a second.
	All I did, and he's like, go ahead, go ahead.
	He goes, what are you doing?
	What are you doing?
	And I was in like a suit jacket and tie.
	I was like, showing the fiat.
	Yeah.
	And I looked at him and he literally, you know, you know, you know, there's a difference between like, go ahead, bro.
	He was like, you saw like the screen, like he was like that.
	And I just, I didn't want to like antagonize it anymore.
	You know, it diffused.
	Oh, yeah.
	So I just looked at him and he goes, what are you doing?
	What are you doing?
	I go, I'm just trying to get you guys into a fiat, you know.
	And I just stayed the course.
	And he's like, yeah, what do you, don't, don't fuck with me.
	He's like, don't.
	He goes, go ahead.
	And I just, I don't know what you mean, man.
	He goes, I'm just, I'm just trying to show you guys this fiat.
	Like, just soft like that, you know?
	And then, like, they, they took him away.
	And then they, you know, and then they, he didn't want to hear nothing.
	But Murray got slapped in the face hard with a guy's cell phone, like, he went like that, like popped him in the face.
	But this guy was crazy, though.
	This guy, we were filming at like an odd lot, like an odd job store, like you know what that is, like, oh, yeah, they got the wolf in there, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they'll like have like half of an odd, and you're like, Yeah, like and truly, and like cereal and like all that shit, right?
	Oh, yeah, they got like rescue milk, yeah.
	So, this guy is is on his phone, and he's a big dude, man.
	He was like six, five, huge dude, and Murray is the guy's talking, and they have bins.
	And I guess the guy's standing there, and the bin in front of Murray has bras.
	And like, this bin might have had a notepads, you know, but so Murray, I, like, as he's on the phone, I would like, Murray takes out the bra and he, like, he's like, he puts it up against the guy to like just see.
	And he's like, I didn't, you have my wife's size, and then he puts up the guy, and the guy just whipped him out, and he goes, he goes, what are you fucking doing?
	And then the guy, I guess, was having a bad day, and he just looked at Murray and started to go at him.
	And then Murray ran and he started chasing Murray, charging at him, screaming, charging at him, and swinging at him.
	And Murray's running around the aisles, and the guy's chasing full public.
	The restaurant's open.
	The store is open.
	And then he swung at him and he clipped him right here, right?
	And then everyone's like, all right.
	And then they asked him to leave.
	And the guy went out and he goes, he goes, I'm going to come back here.
	He goes, I'm leaving.
	I'm going to come back here.
	And I'm going to fucking kill everybody.
	We had to shut it down immediately because we didn't know if that was a true threat.
	He was screaming, I'm going to come back here.
	I'm going to kill you guys.
	I'm coming back.
	And we're like, all right, let's just cut this out right now.
	For the bras, huh?
	Yeah, but that's really uncommon.
	Oh, yeah.
	Dude, I used to hide.
	This is like, it's not like your game show, but it's like, I remember hiding at my buddy's house in his hamper and smelling his fucking mom's bra when I was a kid, man.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah, what are you going to do, kids?
	What'd it smell like?
	Oh, smelled like fucking.
	Did it smell like perfume or did it smell like hamper?
	Yeah, it smelled like perfume.
	I think it just smelled like a home kind of, you know.
	It was like, you know, looking for, I wasn't really looking exactly.
	He didn't know you did that.
	No, he still doesn't know.
	Yeah.
	And I wouldn't ever tell him.
	If he were on his deathbed or something like that, I would tell him.
	He might be if he knows you.
	Yeah.
	That's fucking hilarious.
	Well, let's got one more question maybe that came through, man.
	I got to go to therapy, dude.
	Damn.
	Good morning, Sal.
	Or good afternoon, Theodore.
	Good afternoon, Sal.
	Today's, I've got a question, and it's, what's the poorest thing you've done?
	For example, mine was, I used to wash my car at the petrol station with the little windscreen wiper.
	I'd get around the whole car in the grease.
	It's a pretty good idea.
	So yeah, what's the poorest thing you ever done?
	Hey, babe.
	I've done a lot of poor things.
	Yeah, I mean, I didn't come from any money.
	Yeah.
	But I was growing up, I got to think about it.
	Like, I mean, I did poor stuff.
	One thing I did, I don't know if it's the poorest thing I've done, but one thing when I was older and I started working out of college, I was working at Prudential Securities and they had a cafeteria.
	And what I would do is, and someone told me this and I did it, but I was, I used to do it all the time, but I was sweating every time I did it.
	What I would do is I would go get a large Dixie cup and cap for a fountain soda.
	But then I would go to the chicken tender station and I would stuff the Dixie cup with like six, seven chicken tenders, put it on, put the straw in, go and pay like $1.19 for the cup instead of $7 for the tenders.
	Yeah, that was like when I was like a nine to five, like I was like, I had a desk and everything.
	And I would go and steal those chicken fingers like every other day, man.
	And I was always, when I got on the line to pay, like, I was always so nervous that they were going to, like, cause it, because it really is, that's really a really a bad look.
	You get caught with that.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, with a cup of chicken tender.
	You're like, I thought it was.
	But it was like, you know, I'm trying to save money, man.
	Yeah.
	That's a good one.
	I was making no money, you know, like my salary at high school, at a college was $28,000 a year.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You're cutting corners then, man.
	I remember one time we had a rental car and we got an accident.
	It got a dent in it, right?
	And we tried to get, we got like some, we caught some bird, right, pigeons and got them to shit over the dent, like over the dent.
	Had you out and got him a shit so that it would hide the thing.
	Yeah.
	In Florida.
	I guess they shit enough that like it's, it might happen.
	Oh, you could make it look for sure.
	I mean, we shit up half the whole, like, you know, one quarter power.
	Oh, wow, you just held a pigeon?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I can't hold foul.
	Really?
	No.
	Oh, wow.
	They tried to make me commandeer a chicken on the show, and it was shit and everything.
	They're too wiry.
	They're too, they're too like, I don't know.
	Birds, you know, I don't mind them in the air, but I don't like handling them.
	They put a hawk on my wrist once.
	I shit myself.
	You couldn't handle it, huh?
	Nah.
	Joe used to have a parrot that would attack me.
	Of course he did.
	Wonder what that's about.
	The parrot?
	Just the whole thing that you can't, you don't like that fowl on you.
	Well, no, the hawk was, the hawk is scary as shit.
	Yeah.
	But I don't know, just a wild.
	I mean, maybe you can get something you can get used to.
	But that was the first time I was ever handling a chicken.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, you just, you don't know.
	Like, you know, like.
	Yeah, well, chickens are very volatile.
	Yeah.
	You know, I think it's they deserve to be an entree.
	That's what I think.
	Really?
	I think when I see some of the meats on entree listing, I'm like, oh, this motherfucker don't deserve to make it up here.
	We know why he got here.
	Yeah, but if chickens in there, I'm like, these bitches deserve it because they're pretty gangster, man.
	Yeah.
	We had a turkey farmer on in the turkey.
	Yeah, once one of them dies, they'll freaking, you know, they'll go at that once.
	It's very, you know, it's very, like, I don't know what that movie is called.
	Gangs of New York.
	You know, they get very.
	Territorial?
	Yeah.
	No fucking second year out.
	It's year out.
	Wow.
	You know, they don't play.
	Okay.
	Well, dude, we didn't even get to talk really about the cruise that I came on with.
	You have to talk about it next time.
	Anytime, dude.
	I'd love to.
	This was so much fun.
	Dude, I don't think I've ever done this with you.
	I don't think so.
	Yeah, right on.
	I'm glad you.
	Dude, thank you so much for coming.
	Come on, come on.
	If you're ever in New York, come on.
	I do a podcast called Hey Babe.
	Oh, yeah.
	And Stefano.
	Yeah.
	And one called Taste Buds with Joe DeRosa.
	If you know Joe?
	Oh, yeah.
	I know Joe, too.
	We do a podcast called Taste Buds.
	So we got the two.
	Come on, either of them anytime.
	Taste Buds, we're just arguing over foods.
	Really?
	It's fun.
	It's just like, we just literally get into real big arguments.
	Oh, wow.
	Over just like food.
	And then me and Chris are just, you know, just bullshitting this stuff.
	Yeah, yeah, man.
	I love him.
	Anytime we'd love to have you on.
	Dude, yeah, especially now that I'm starting to feel a bit better.
	I think it'll be easier for me to go do them.
	it's been hard for me to go be a guest just because also when you got your own podcast, it's hard.
	Oh, hell yeah, yeah.
	But especially in New York was kind of closed, so I got to get up there and see you guys.
	Yeah, I never do this when I'm out here.
	There's this whole trip because I'm touring, so I came through here on tour.
	And I was like, I'm just going to do all my friends' podcast, you know, just do everybody's podcast, which I never did to do it.
	So it's been a fun week, man.
	That's cool, man.
	Well, thanks for making us one of them, man.
	I appreciate it.
	Yeah, of course.
	Of course.
	And the new season, when does it come up?
	June 16th, it starts on Thursday nights.
	And I'm touring.
	I have like 20, 30 cities up right now, and I'm adding all the time on my website, Savilcanocomedy.com.
	Vegas is one that I just announced, and I'm excited about to get going.
	But yeah, there's tons of cities up there, man.
	With doing Phoenix and Boulder and Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Evansville, Louisville.
	Damn.
	Everywhere.
	Nashville.
	You guys did Rochester, Syracuse.
	Just did Nashville, Minneapolis, Milwaukee.
	I mean, it's loaded up.
	I've been loading up.
	Cool.
	You guys can check it out and go check out Sal in person, man.
	Any way you get Sal Volcano is a great way to get him.
	And I'm grateful to have spent time with you, man.
	Thanks so much, dude.
	Yeah, love you, buddy.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to step apart and breathe and
	let myself fast on
	the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
	And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're walls so thin that they're damn near gone.
	I guess now they just were built to lay.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
	Longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Hi, Sweetheart.
	Please, do you?
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	John Maine.
	I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	Oh, no!
	Oh!
	I think Tom Hanks just buttiled me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Second rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

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