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Sept. 14, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:01:14

E359 Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is an American comedian from NYC and the host of the podcast: Skeptic Tank. Theo talks with Ari about eating guinea pigs in Ecuador, dealing with cancel culture and his beef with the Lakers. New Merch: http://theovonstore.com New Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Music: “Shine” - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek Support our Sponsors: Manscaped: https://manscaped.com/theo for 20% OFF & FREE ShippingFiverr: https://fiverr.com receive 10% off your first order with code THEO. Betterhelp: https://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% OFF your First MonthMint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/TheoLiquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://instagram.com/SeanDugan See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Alright, I gotta let you know that autumn is in the air.
	And that's not a woman in a hot air balloon.
	That's a season, seasonal time we're in.
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	Today's episode is brought to you by that thirsty funeral, baby, Liquid Death.
	You can go to theovon.com slash tour and grab tickets.
	There's still some tickets available for Chattanooga, Knoxville, Durham, as well, I believe, as Buffalo, New York.
	We might be adding dates.
	Return of the Rat tour.
	And thank you guys so much.
	I'm excited to see you soon.
	Today's guest is a survivor of cancel culture.
	He pushes the line.
	Or does he?
	Should anybody have to push the line?
	Should there be a line?
	We're going to talk about a lot of things.
	This man let me stay at his apartment one time when I was dealing with a little bit of addictory behavior.
	He's long been a fixture in the stand-up comedy community.
	He's the host of Skeptic Tank.
	Today's guest is Ari Shafir.
	I set that parking brake and left myself on wine.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories.
	Oh.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find no song.
	I've been singing just before.
	I've been singing just before.
	You're not interested in going back, huh?
	I mean, it's probably a deeper question than just like a yes or no.
	No, it's interesting.
	Well, everybody started to kind of go.
	Yeah.
	So it's probably different now.
	Yeah.
	I mean, yeah, everybody like at COVID.
	I mean, I guess COVID for you kind of started early in a weird way, you know, because you kind of like had a, you had another break and then everybody else got on this crazy break.
	And it's like.
	Yeah.
	They, you know, Rogan was like, you know, LA sucks.
	It's over.
	And I'm like, I'm like, you're just finding that out now?
	Yeah.
	Like, dude, I left 10 years ago, dude.
	Yeah, it's full of fucking actors, man.
	Everybody sucks there.
	That's true.
	Yeah, you've always been kind of that brave in that space to like kind of manage your own time differently.
	I feel like that's one thing I've always admired about you is that you always manage your time like in a way where it's not like you're not as succumbed to whatever that little it's almost like watching a fuse on a dynamite being in LA it's like you don't really know what's you're waiting for but you're milling around you feel like you're just in this eternal lobby yeah somebody told me like the war on drugs and the war on terror are both weird ones because like you'll never win it you're never gonna get a surrender from drugs yeah you know like all right we'll stop you know
	same with terror there might just be like one guy out there but he's like still like so it's never over same thing with like trying to get fame or whatever the fuck you're chasing at la it's like it's never done yeah you're never at the top yeah you're never at the top even as you meet celebrities you realize there are higher up people you admire they're as scared as anybody dude i've seen like high level like comedians and actors like taking those like like needy pictures with other celebrities for instance they're like look at it i'm like you're still climbing yeah
	you're not at ease yeah fuck yeah it definitely it's a uh and i think a lot of that's being more exposed kind of these days i think people see it more and it's i think the the younger generation they could their their cameras on i mean they have it with them but i've always really i think been envious of the guys that live in new york um or guys that are able to just take a break and be like all right i'm going to do this for four months i'm going to be here you know um yeah but being here with some things that it's been like it's given me
	well have a chance to have a home for the first time so have a house so that's kind of it's a little interesting yeah big j was talking about that it was like can i just live like a human yeah have i not earned the right yeah not new york no dude yeah new york yeah i don't know if you ever can in new york i asked the crowd at zany's i was telling some joke about somebody banging with a broom handle on my on my floor um the downstairs neighbors oh yeah you guys live in apartments and like two people clapped i'm like oh that's right you guys are humans here gonna live like fucking rats for way too expensive just for the close the proximity to
	broadway yeah yeah i don't i i don't know what i think about uh one thing that's it like what are some things that's interesting about living here you get into more conversation like the guy sorry we need to get a table on the other side we got no we can't get it no it's all right i'm drunk oh you are i gotta go with this hand yeah oh it's funny because every time we have a guest i'll watch them literally have to drink like this they don't know how to do that so we got to get that table yeah we'll just yeah we don't have two tables it's
	erroneous you built up this whole studio you would think the second table would not be the thing holding you back unbelievable unbelievable um but that's sean you know sean's our producer and he does a lot of tracker he's he's table light he's yeah he's table light but he's everything else heavy and he looks like george washington look at him let me see yeah a little bit young george washington remember when they said george washington could not tell a lie yeah you believe that i did when i was little he had autism that's all that means i feel like yeah maybe yeah yeah he's like uh autistic
	thunder yeah he's like that guy josh at the comic remember you're like am i funny and he's like not that funny i cannot tell a lie your shirt's wrong he'd always say it too he'd always be so loud that chick is hot like dude she's here yeah and she's like and she just got a sex change bro let's let's she appreciates it bail off the pronouns yeah um so yeah i'm just i'm trying to really rack my brain like what are some things that i think about oh one thing that's hard here that's really hard is getting stage Time.
	So, like, it's almost like if I really want to practice some comedy, I have to go back to LA for a couple weeks and really set up a lot of shows.
	There's just not a lot of time here.
	Your problem, too, is like you're getting famous now.
	So, like, you know, I'm sure it's harder to come by honest workouts.
	Yeah, I feel the shows here feel like it's a race.
	It does feel like it's a road show, kind of, sometimes.
	I stopped into a fucking Red Band show in Austin.
	Yeah, what was that like?
	It was great, but I'm like, this is not going to ever be a workout.
	They're already converted.
	Right, it feels like a who's who room.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I bet down there.
	At the stand, you might get some people who like recognize you, but most people are just like, eh, next.
	Right.
	You know?
	Yeah, LA and LA still feels like that too, even when I'm there.
	It's like nothing, everybody just feels like you're working out comedy.
	Yeah, that's good.
	Yeah.
	I guess there's enough big famous people there, too, where it's not like super special.
	Well, nobody's that special unless you're like J-Lo or.
	Is J-Lo doing stand-up now?
	I don't know, probably.
	J-Lo, she's done.
	She's dead.
	She's like 80 now.
	That's like me.
	All my references are like big people from like 1997.
	Oh, that's a sad.
	That's the toughest thing about trying to talk to girls.
	You know, if a girl's like 27 or 28, even you're like, have you seen this movie?
	Dude, I was telling somebody, it was in college.
	I was like graduating.
	And I was like, hey, throw on Asher Roth, like I love college.
	And he's like, all right, grandpa.
	I'm like, wait, what?
	That was after my time.
	Yeah, it's hard.
	I hate to make references.
	I took a girl on a date one night and I showed her my music app and it was Apple Music.
	She's like, use iMusic?
	Like, you don't even have Spotify?
	And literally every part of me that had any confidence fucking jumped in front of my own V. Damn.
	Damn.
	And you're like, well, yeah, I'm older than you.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean?
	Why are you even here with me?
	You're into it.
	You fucking dumb bitch.
	Don't act like you're better than this.
	What's been going on, man?
	So you've been, you've been, I see you got a new tour going right now.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I saw that post the other day, the one you did the Brody Stevens, the Swingers tour or whatever.
	That was a tough one.
	I put it out to the audience.
	I was like, rename my tour.
	And then some of them, I'm like, God damn, you guys.
	Fuck you.
	But if it's funny, I'll post it.
	Got to honor the comedy.
	Do you feel like you have more of like a carte blanc?
	Like I was watching Louis special where he's like.
	Cats?
	Louis C.K. CK.
	CK, sorry.
	Yeah, Louis C.K. So the one online, the one that's on the internet.
	And he was talking about, oh, how once everybody knows what your sexual perversions are, you're kind of free in a way.
	Like, he felt so, in a weird way, he felt so free now because he could kind of, you know, like his, like his moment, like the world had seen his butthole, his proverbial butthole.
	Right, so he didn't have to pretend like he's a gentleman.
	Right.
	Right.
	So a lot of the preferred nomenclatures or whatever had, you know, were disappeared.
	He could just be the asshole he is if he wants to be.
	Do you feel like any like, do you feel any of it?
	Like, do you feel like you have like what does any of that feel like?
	Like if you, do you feel like you need to put out something edgy now?
	No, no, no.
	Yeah, some people are like, oh, you're just edgy, but I'm like, no, no, some of it's edgy.
	I do puns also.
	I'll do some clean jokes.
	I'd like to mix it up, you know?
	But then the edginess isn't going to make them walk out on me.
	Right.
	Because they're already like, they're there for it too.
	Yeah.
	You know, anyone who's at a club, at a downstairs basement club or dingy, it's like they're degenerates.
	They're drug addicts and fucking sexual perverts.
	They're not going to be fucking, oh, this is too far.
	And if they are, like, it's all right, man.
	You weren't supposed to be here.
	Come back next week.
	Yeah, that is a good point.
	Yeah, there's always this hypothetical creature that I'm performing to that's not even really in my audience.
	Yeah, but you're so worried that they're going to be turned off.
	Yeah.
	Because it's crazy how it holds you back.
	The guy who's not there.
	Remember when, like, you remember the old store when there were like 10 people in the audience at like 9.30?
	Like in the prime, it was still like no show, really.
	Tommy was doing music and doing, yeah, writing sheet music.
	I remember we walked up one night and he's writing out sheet music.
	I'm like, this place is not going to do well.
	You got to get Tommy on this podcast.
	You got to fly him out.
	I would have him out.
	Yeah.
	What was I going to say?
	Oh, you were saying.
	Oh, yeah.
	But people, comic stores would be like, just talk, there's no crowd here.
	And I'm like, you're talking to the people who are here.
	You're talking to the wrong people.
	You're yelling at the empty chairs, but like, they're not going to hear you.
	It's only the full chairs.
	Yeah, it's weird how you worry about like, you've gone up at the cellar, right?
	So everybody's worried about what they're doing at the Olive Tree Cafe instead of what they might think up there.
	The people who are going to go to the bathroom instead of like, this audience is down for anything.
	Yeah.
	And you're worried about like, I don't know, getting out to the people who aren't supposed to be listening to it.
	Yeah, it's, yeah, it's like, it is.
	There's this mythology.
	It's the same thing that keeps you in LA in a weird way.
	It's that it's a mythological like.
	Or is it this thing in my head that's always like, man, I always want everybody to like me.
	Yeah, maybe it's that.
	Maybe it's that so you worry about the ones who don't or might not.
	Right.
	But because it gets on, it used to be manageable when you were a kid and you're like in your group at school or something and like you could see maybe the one or two kids, it was more manageable.
	Yeah.
	But back then too, it was like you had to have a reason to not like somebody.
	They had to do something wrong to you.
	Right.
	You know?
	And then at some point when you hit college or something, you're like, oh, I can just not like people.
	And then you realize like they can just not like me.
	It's all right.
	But it is cool.
	I started like, I changed to the point where I'm like, the ones who like hate that style of comedy, fun, like offensive or like just on the line, you know, I started to like, and the fans too started to enjoy their anger instead of being worried about it.
	Yeah, because they're like, we're such a fucking dork.
	It's great.
	And everyone's like, everyone's having a good time.
	You know, you ever had a show and you get some guy like mad at you?
	I did a 9-11 joke a couple weeks ago in Providence and I'm just getting back into like really enjoying stand-up.
	I'm not preparing for anything.
	So I'm like, I got material, but like there were like six kids from Brown University in the front row.
	So I'm like, fuck the material for a second.
	Let me fuck around, you know?
	Yeah.
	Have a good time.
	Yeah.
	And some guy on the 9-11 joke was like, hey, fuck you, man.
	And I was like, what's the matter?
	And he was like, your delivery's off.
	And then I was like, what do you mean?
	Like the speed at which I'm talking or like the material?
	Yeah.
	He was like, the material?
	I'm like, it's not really delivery.
	It's more content.
	But I get what you're saying.
	Yes, Dijorno, dude.
	Get your shit together.
	But it's like, but it's like, I was like, you must be extra mad that everybody else is enjoying it.
	Yeah.
	And like those people, everybody here's laughing.
	The comic or whatever is prepared to make these people laugh.
	They're enjoying it.
	And you're not just not enjoying it.
	You're angry.
	It's like, of course, they're going to laugh at you.
	You fucking dorks.
	And there might be thousands of them, but it doesn't matter.
	They're dorks.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think, yeah, it's like that's also a choice, too, that if I'm sitting there and I'm, because I've sat in a place where everybody's enjoying something and I'm the angry one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And dude, that's like, like my childhood, for example.
	So it's like, it's like everybody, it's like, that's a choice I'm making as an adult though, too.
	It's like, I want to stand here in this quicksand and complain about the flooring.
	You know?
	It is weird.
	It is weird.
	We're in a society now.
	Like somebody brought up somebody, it's a Churchill or Gandhi or something.
	Somebody's like, and then like, I don't know what it was, but somebody's like, or Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
	And like, you know, she wasn't all good.
	She did this and this wrong.
	And I'm like, man, everyone's giving accolades to this person.
	Your first thought is to the bad?
	And not even as a joke.
	Like, that's what you go to all the time.
	Well, that's the media too these days, man.
	It's almost a perfect example.
	Like, anybody does anything and they want to, like, documentaries have to expose.
	Anybody that ever did anything good, it's like documentaries have to expose.
	I'm like, Woody Allen documentary.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	But it's like, really, it's like, wouldn't you just focus on his movies?
	Isn't that the good thing he did?
	Yeah, there's something that it's just, I don't know if it's just like we want to bring everybody down or that it's just that that's become such a marketable thing.
	Yeah, I guess that's what it is.
	But it's like, it's only because it's like a big thing, you know, you can get hits off it.
	So like nobody's like doing a documentary about, I don't know, who about you, you know, and it's like, yeah, he might have the successful podcast right now.
	But, you know, when he was in high school, he fucked a fat chick.
	Yeah.
	Maybe you don't know about the fat chick.
	It wasn't always this thing.
	Maybe you weren't at the lakefront one night with him, you know?
	We bought some bad weed and kept smoking it to pretend we were fucking didn't waste our money.
	Pass it, dude.
	Interview your high school friends.
	Like, yeah, we kept waiting for him to pass it, and then he didn't pass it.
	Yeah.
	And then he went back into that room with that fat chick.
	He's going to hell, man.
	Yeah, it's funny.
	But do you feel like you have, do you feel like, I guess I wonder, do you feel like more free or less free kind of after you had everything happen?
	Or do you just feel, does it even matter anymore?
	That's just one of the times that's happened.
	It's just like the latest or like the ones that other people saw, but like there's plenty of other ones where everybody, like I did, I fucking made fun of.
	Well, you see, today's 9-11.
	You're already seeing the, I mean, this will air later, I guess, but like you see that last week at 9-11.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yesterday.
	And everyone's posting about themselves, you know, and making about themselves.
	Like, I remember where I was.
	And I'm like, it's just so funny to me.
	Renaz Easy's having a tough day.
	You think it's an every year.
	For sure.
	Every year.
	I have a tough day just seeing the hacky jokes come at Renazisi like around me.
	I'm like, God damn it.
	Everyone thinks they're so fucking original.
	And I'm like, dude, I've heard it a thousand times.
	Ugh.
	Yeah, I'm sure he's having a tough day.
	Did you feel like...
	I posted one about Kenny Rogers.
	Like, a roaster's guy?
	Yeah, I called him a racist.
	That's why it wouldn't have fried chicken, only roasted chicken and stuff.
	And you get all these middle-aged people like, you fucking suck.
	Fuck you.
	How dare you?
	You know, and it's like, just little cancellations everywhere.
	And it's like, this is why we'll never have a stand-up special.
	And I'm like, I have a few.
	What are you talking about?
	We were watching some of your clips yesterday, man.
	I'm trying to think of the bit that I was watching about.
	It was in the comedy seller.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it looked like it just went up about a month ago, but it was.
	Oh.
	That Miami building falling down.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Man, it's fun, dude.
	No, it was a funny, it was funny, man.
	Oh, the whole, it was a great, dude.
	I was sitting there laughing with my friends.
	I hit it early.
	My mom told me about it.
	I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.
	I don't read the news anymore.
	My mom was like, I don't even know what you're talking about.
	And then she told me, and then I started just doing bits about it.
	Yeah.
	I remember a tell right when I moved to New York.
	No, before that.
	He was like, he did a joke about that Austrian guy who had a sex dungeon who had kept the mom and the mom's kid down there.
	He kept like a few people.
	He built a sex dungeon in his castle or something.
	And he had a prisoner in there.
	Oh, I believe that.
	Kind of like the guy from Cleveland, but like high level.
	Oh, wow.
	So like more wealthy?
	Yeah, leader of the game.
	Yosef Fritzi's dungeon.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	And Ettel was like, hey, this joke won't go over for very long.
	But he's like, I got three weeks when people are still know the news story.
	And he's like, that's his job is to like milk that news story.
	Yeah.
	I love that.
	So, yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	That guy's a real dark artist right there.
	He's a real dark artist.
	Dude, look at him.
	He looks like Inglorious Bastards.
	Yeah, he does.
	He looks like a real mean crow just landed in his brain.
	Yeah, he would like, he would stab you and let the life fall out of you, and he would never change that face.
	Yeah.
	This doesn't even get to me hard anymore.
	Oh.
	Sex slave would be so tough to be, I feel.
	But at a certain point, you would probably just adapt to it, right?
	I mean, that's the interesting thing about being human or being alive.
	It's like you will adapt to different things, whether they're good or bad.
	You will adapt.
	I interviewed early on my podcast, Skeptic Tank.
	I interviewed, you've been on there, but I interviewed a couple of Holocaust survivors.
	And I was like, really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Now, is that, because I feel like sometimes in the Jewish community team or just in, you'll be like, Holocaust, like, this is the last.
	They keep saying this is the last Holocaust survivor.
	And it's like, come on, I think we just talk about it.
	It's like the Undertaker.
	It's like, get another Undertaker.
	Another Robin.
	I feel like sometimes they keep bringing out like, this is him.
	He's not even Jewish.
	It's just like I. Dude, if I checked Obama's birth certificate, I'm going to have to check your birth certificate.
	Where were you born?
	Let's look at some docs.
	But go on, you.
	How did you deal with it every day?
	And they were both like, you get used to it pretty fast.
	You just become like, this is your reality.
	Wow.
	It's just like, and look at COVID too.
	It's just like, it became the reality.
	Yeah.
	Pretty fast.
	Did you find that whenever you ran into like, was it weird that the people knew you online, but in person, they weren't, nobody was.
	Did you run into people that weren't angry at you and had no idea?
	Like, you'd walk past some Laker fans, they didn't care, but in per but online, nobody cares in person, right?
	Online is so different.
	You've seen comedians where they're like normal in person, and then online, they're fucking crazy.
	Oh, yeah.
	And you're like, what?
	But then you meet them again in person.
	You're like, oh, you're still a normal guy.
	Who's that guy?
	Yeah.
	That's nuts.
	Yeah, no, nobody ever in person.
	Remember the amazing racist stuff?
	Yeah.
	So I've been dealing with death.
	Remember, we worked on that thing because we did that sham while thing.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	With Vince Hart.
	Yeah, we did a movie.
	We were in that bad movie together.
	With Adrian Brody, with award-winning actor Adrian Brody.
	Can you believe that?
	He played second fiddle to us.
	Well, he played it in the pianist.
	I think he played piano, but he was, oh, God, that movie was good.
	But, dude, that movie that we were in was the worst movie ever.
	The worst movie ever.
	And then he made it, and it was the, again, he was like, no, I don't accept that.
	Like, ABBA, when they were released here, they're like, three years later, like, you guys didn't get it.
	We're going to re-release.
	And then it caught on.
	Vince believed in himself.
	Oh, Vince believed in himself, like, no end.
	That was crazy, man.
	I forgot about that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Paziski was like, can you help this write?
	Yes.
	Yeah, that was amazing racist, man.
	That's when, because they put that in the movie, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He was like, can I use those?
	I'm like, they're not mine, but like, we can make more.
	Yeah.
	And he's like, really?
	I'm like, yeah, let's make more, dude.
	Went down to the border.
	It was great.
	But anyway, I would get tons of death threats early on.
	I think I was like the first one to really...
	And that's when you get real mail, too, probably.
	Oh, yeah, phone calls.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, so listen.
	So Duncan Trussell, he, I mean, you got to remember like the time.
	I got to be on his podcast soon, Duncan, if you're listening.
	You're going to be or you got to be?
	Well, I just keep saying, shouldn't I come on your podcast?
	Because he came on one time and I owe him, you know, I feel like, and I love talking to him.
	No, he's great.
	God, he's the best.
	And he's got one ball.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah?
	Yeah.
	But the sack still holds.
	So you got to, I've touched it.
	So it's like sack like this, you know?
	And then if you touch one, it just goes.
	And the other one, it's like full.
	Oh, it's like if you lost your limb in an accident or something, somebody can still sometimes like tickle you on it.
	No, no, no.
	It's not a phantom.
	It'd be like if they took out your bones from your arm and then your arm would still hold like straight down and then it'd be all like spaghetti.
	It's just an empty sack.
	Oh, that's wild.
	Yeah, like you hold their grocery bag and you take out the groceries from the top.
	But it still sacks.
	It still holds the shape.
	Ooh.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It feels romantic, it feels like.
	Yeah.
	What was I going to say about Duncan?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So early on.
	So he had put on, so when those Amazing Races stuff, it got taken, it was a national lampoon sketch, and somebody ripped it, put it on the internet, early YouTube.
	And people are like, what the fuck is this?
	You know?
	Everyone's like, what?
	And then, so if you Googled my name, the first thing that came up was Duncan's old website, artisticterrorist.com.
	Yeah.
	And he said, like, prank call my friend Ari Shafir.
	Here's his number.
	The best prank calls, I'll send you 10 bucks or something like that.
	If you prank call.
	So if you Googled my name, you didn't have to click on it.
	It just said Ari Shafir 323-656, whatever the number was back then.
	6225 or is that the store?
	I forget.
	But anyway.
	And so then like you Google, so I just started getting phone calls, one after another, after another.
	I'll build a deck in your ass, homes.
	At first, I was worried, for real, I was worried a little bit.
	But after like four or five months, it's like, this is dumb.
	This is never going to do anything.
	It's just online.
	It's just the gamers.
	And the internet was so good then, too, when you could do so.
	There was so much more propensity for weird shit, man.
	So Nick Mullen pointed this out to me.
	We're both trolls from like a long time ago.
	Startup message boards.
	And like, you couldn't just like, do you remember a special thing?
	A special thing?
	Yeah, it was an alt comedy message board.
	Uh-oh.
	And they started writing about comedians.
	It was the first time comedians were being reviewed.
	No.
	No, no, no way, way, way before that.
	It was still very positive.
	And they were just like try to review shows and mostly comedy death rate.
	Yep, special thing.
	They did some CDs eventually.
	Wow.
	A comics comic.
	That is him.
	Yeah, it wasn't him.
	He was just probably reporting on it.
	Oh, I see.
	Yeah.
	2016.
	He's probably still a good writer back then.
	But like anyway.
	So I'd go on there and you'd start an account.
	But you can't just start a fake account.
	They see zero posts and your first one is like, I don't know, who were their heroes back then?
	Like, Patton Oswalt is not as good as you think.
	It's like, come on, man.
	You're clearly trolling.
	You're just showing up.
	And I don't care about anything.
	The troll doesn't have any allegiance to what he's saying.
	The troll is just here to anger you.
	So you'd have to like get an account going and like post like for like a couple months of like, I love Patton Oswalt.
	I love Brian Bossan.
	Oh, the new Louis A.K. joke is great.
	Oh, things are going well.
	Yeah, have you seen this comic?
	He's so funny.
	Gore.
	How about gore?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Bush is bad, huh?
	Like, whatever they need.
	And then you start with the negative.
	It's so great, but it takes a lot of work to really get a good troll.
	Yeah.
	And Nick, who's like, all right, he's troll too.
	He's like, all right, this is the golden age of trolling.
	Now you can just put out one thing and reach like a million people.
	It's the best time to make people angry over nothing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And now it's like people are just waiting.
	And now the longevity of things don't even, it's not even there.
	I mean, it's gone so fast.
	It almost is sadly, it's like, even if you die, it's like that used to be a thing.
	I remember like when a famous person would die, we'd be at school.
	We'd be like, man, this shit is heartbreaking.
	Like I remember Jay Leno died one time.
	We were going on like a camping trip for four days.
	And so nobody knew that he didn't.
	So I had this, I was the only one.
	For the internet, you can get a good rumor going.
	So for four days, man, people were bummed out.
	Nice.
	And it was like, it was just trolling in real time.
	I was hugging people.
	We were just talking about doing impersonations.
	I'll use it to hug the fucking hot chick.
	I'm like, it's so sad about Jay Leno when she's like, who are you?
	Come on, give me the hug you owe it to me.
	I know someone who does.
	One girl made me only hug her from the back because she said I pressed my body against hers too hard from the back.
	But then you could just touch her tits.
	Yeah, but she would kind of move my arms down the side by her arms.
	It was pretty sad, yeah.
	You would get a rub.
	She made me be like a seal almost.
	It was almost like putting seals in line.
	it's like when you get a stripper and she's dancing on you, you go to like, she's like, no, touching.
	You're like, yeah, but you could understand why I would.
	It's not like unheard of.
	Oh, immediately, I turn into a lawyer if there's a stripper on your lap.
	Like, but you, yes.
	But you see the situation.
	There's a bit of entrapment on your part.
	I mean, you are gyrating on my hard dick.
	Yeah.
	That's the best too.
	Like when you did, when they did find out that Jay Leno's still alive, you're like, well, now enjoy this time.
	Yeah.
	You have a slick lease on life with Jay Leno.
	But the best, yeah.
	The best thing is I should have just, but then when they found out there was no way for them to text you about, hey, Jay Leno's alive.
	Like, it was just you laying at home, just handing out.
	Knowing it's, you have to know it's going to pay off and you're not going to be there for it.
	It was this like very Mozartian type of thing where you just, or like almost like when Andy Dufran is just sitting in the place and you still hear the record player playing and the world's beating on the door and he's just listening to that music, you know?
	In Shaw Shank Redemption.
	Yeah, dude, it's funny.
	Those were the days, but now that is gone and it's just a complete attack.
	Plus there's cameras everywhere too, so you can't even do crimes.
	It's a different time.
	You got to figure out the ways to handle it.
	I got to tell you, you've used a phone before.
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	But after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch.
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	Is there something interfering with your happiness?
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	In college, I remember somebody asking me, like, you know, when you know somebody, but you never fully learn their name, but you've known them too long to ask.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	And so, like, I remember him, but I don't know him.
	Yeah.
	So if somebody goes like, hey, who is that about you?
	Right.
	I'll be like, what's his name again?
	I'd be like, I would always be like, that's John.
	And then they would go to you, Theo Vaughn.
	And then they make a point to say your name because they just learned it.
	They'd be like, hey, John, how you doing, buddy?
	All right, see you later, John.
	You do that for like a day or two.
	Until you'd be like, no, I'm Theo, man.
	And then they'd come running back to you.
	Like, why did you tell me his name was John?
	You're like, right?
	I bet it's pretty embarrassing.
	There's something about having like mild anarchy like that.
	Like there was something that doesn't exist anymore.
	And you can't lie about yourself anymore.
	That's one of the worst things.
	You can't what?
	You can't lie about yourself anymore.
	You used to be able to be like, yeah, I'm going to, you know, I'm doing medical school or I was an orphan.
	I have a twin brother I've never met.
	You used to be able to like create an ambiance, you know, albeit false or whatever.
	You know, you used to.
	They had comics who would like say, like, when we started, when I started the store, it was like, the internet wasn't fully going yet.
	It was a few couple years away.
	And they're like, I'm famous in the East Coast.
	You're like, oh, cool.
	Or they played football at this college.
	Within a year or two, you're like, I can look up stats from every college football team of all time.
	And I don't see Parisi in there.
	So like, I don't know.
	What do you mean?
	Like, why you didn't have any stats for the whole year?
	He knows Parisi.
	And he's like, the kick is up.
	You got to get unverifiable lies, bro.
	It wasn't your fault.
	No.
	I'm trying to think of some things that I would tell back then.
	A lot of it I felt like because I was so embarrassed about where we lived and stuff.
	I would just say.
	So you're poor, right?
	Yes, I would just say things to people like about, it was always to girls, you know, yeah, I'm just, you know, my family, we were displaced or something, because that's one thing about Louisiana, you could easily get displaced.
	From what?
	Hurricanes?
	Hurricanes, rodentry, something like that.
	Usually like a, you know, we had a lot of crazy rodentry in our area and we had a lot of hurricanes.
	So it was like.
	Rodentry?
	Rode in the tree?
	Rodentry.
	Rodentry.
	What do you use animalia?
	Not narnia.
	What?
	What's the big animal?
	Nutria.
	Nutria rats.
	So if people homes got too infested or infected, then yeah, you had to.
	And then you just give up your home?
	Yeah, so we'd be like, you didn't win?
	We had a nice holiday, yeah.
	You ever eat one of those?
	No, I've never eaten them.
	Swamp rats.
	But we got a great question, actually, that came in for you.
	Look at this loser.
	You can't take it.
	Dude, why are you wearing your mask on your chin?
	Just take it off.
	If you want to make a fucking splash, dude.
	Yeah.
	Unless he has a gross chin, then I guess leave it on.
	Yeah, he's got that.
	he could be hiding beard chin.
	I think this guy looks handsome, honestly.
	No homo, bro.
	Dude, you can't really compliment people.
	It's not really, it doesn't really work that way.
	It's so easy.
	I think this guy's handsome.
	Nah, his nostrils are too big.
	Yeah, you're right, man.
	This guy's got so many problems.
	I used to love doing that with Tebow and Tripoli.
	And who was that chick that was on the sports swimsuit issue cover?
	Big tits.
	Maria Schiffer?
	No, way later.
	And then she got a little chubby.
	She did those like World of Warcraft.
	Kate Olson.
	Kate Upton.
	Kate Upton.
	Yeah, and they would talk about how hot she was.
	And I'm like, meh.
	Like, what do you mean, man?
	Like, your chin, his chin's off.
	They get so mad, but it's so much more fun to shit on people.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, fuck this guy.
	He sounds like it.
	He looks like Down syndrome.
	Go ahead, Down syndrome.
	Let's see if you can get your question out clearly.
	If this guy's Down syndrome, he's the Romeo of Down syndrome.
	He's crushing it.
	He's crushing Down syndrome.
	Yeah, this is guys Down syndrome.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to eat your ass down.
	Dubdio, Nick, Ari, question for you.
	Is he tricking off?
	What was it like living in Ecuador this year?
	And did you happen to eat any Kui, aka guinea pigs?
	This guy's Latino, the way he said it.
	Gang gang, go Lakers.
	Fuck you, dude.
	Fuck the Lakers.
	That wasn't a real championship, you cunt.
	How dare?
	Oh my God, you fucking sprang it on me.
	All right, first of all, I'll let you apologize for making fun of the fucking head's chin scarf before.
	I realized what you were doing now.
	You were trying to hurt me.
	And it worked, bro.
	And it worked.
	Did you think he was being hurtful there?
	I felt like he was being kind of like jabby, hurtful.
	Fun.
	Very hurtful.
	Yeah, but I think in another way, he cares.
	He wanted to send in a question.
	He did care.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And he's not being mean.
	I feel like are a lot of Lakers fans forgiving to you?
	If anybody's saying.
	Well, generally, Laker fans are dumb.
	They're like not an intelligent species.
	Really?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You'll see them with the flags all the time, but then when they're bad, they took the flags off because they don't really support the team.
	They're just kind of morons who need something to believe in.
	Because they don't have good lives, good jobs, good families.
	The wives are ugly generally.
	And so it takes some making up, you know?
	So they lash out.
	But this guy seemed cool.
	I don't know.
	So they lash out.
	That's a great question, though, and that's really what it's based on is that, man, did you have any?
	I did have Kui a bunch of times.
	It's guinea pig.
	It's in the Andes, in the Ecuadorian Andes, and I think maybe Peruvian.
	So I went for COVID too.
	I went to Ecuador for six months.
	Yeah.
	I just fucking, same as you, but like, I went somewhere else.
	Did you, what were some things that were real nice about being out there?
	First of all, well, well, the Kui, the guinea pig was so fucking, it was like duck.
	It was so fucking good.
	And I mean, you'd have it at truck stops.
	You'd have it at nice restaurants.
	It was, but it's just this whole thing splayed out like this.
	And they'd leave their teeth on.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	But I mean, I would just destroy it.
	Really?
	Yeah, one, it took me.
	Do you put it in a chili or something or chili?
	No, you can, but you put a spit in it, and then it just like turns.
	I mean, it's just like straight through his ass, through his mouth.
	Oh, dude.
	Yeah, I used to sell them growing up.
	That shit is harrowing.
	I know that's one of the reasons why he asked, too.
	Oh, it was so fucking good.
	But this other shit, too.
	I'm not imagining that putting anything in their butt like that.
	I guess when they're deceased, probably they do it, huh?
	Yeah, they're already dead.
	Because we saw a bunch of them, like, like kind of skinned.
	But the skin is so hard.
	Man, it was so good.
	And what are they doing with the furs?
	Are you seeing things that they're doing with the furs?
	No, I didn't, but they probably sell them or something or make like shit out of it.
	Like, they're poor there, so.
	Can you look up Kooey Fur for us?
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I used to see that.
	But it was just being away from the American news.
	Was that really nice?
	I didn't find out who won the election for like three weeks, four weeks.
	It was a leak.
	We never found out.
	I didn't know that until then.
	I would be like, I'd be like to Jeff.
	I was like, hey, don't tell me about win the election.
	He goes, well, it's nobody.
	And I'm like, oh, really?
	Like, I was still figuring it out.
	Yes.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, that's it, top left.
	It's so fucking good.
	You got to put under a melon or something?
	Put whatever you want under it.
	Oh, that's these cheese things.
	It's like cheese potato things.
	I forgot what they're called now.
	How was the food down there?
	This is so delicious.
	So this is a delicacy, Kui.
	So this is a wealthy man's treat?
	It's like 20 bucks, 25 bucks.
	See, that breaks my heart then.
	What?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But like truck stop people could have it.
	You could do a quarter, you know, but not every day.
	Although some people like just caught their own, they're everywhere.
	Oh, really?
	Anthony Fourdain was like, when he went down, I didn't see it, but I heard he did an episode there.
	And he was like, this could solve world hunger, man.
	Just get over the fucking second grade shit when you saw them when they were cute.
	It'd be great.
	Yeah, that's the part I think is the tough part because they're really, they're almost like a pony just really compromised into a really small space.
	What I got lucky in is like a ground pony.
	First I had one and then I went to the equator goes through there and they have this little setup and they're really good about education about all the different indigenous people there and all the different parts of their country.
	The Galapagos to the Amazon to the mountains and different tribes and stuff.
	And so in this exhibit, they had a bunch of guinea pigs.
	And they were like, this is part of the Andean tradition and stuff like that.
	But I'd already eaten it.
	But man, those guinea pigs are so fucking cute that I don't know if I could have after I saw those guinea pigs.
	Oh, they're so beautiful, man.
	I mean, that's the thing.
	That's one thing I think that's real fascinating about them.
	And a lot of where I'm from, they use them to teach about your grandparents.
	A lot of people, if your grandparents getting sick, your family gets you a guinea pig and then the guinea pig dies and that's how you learn about them.
	And then the grandparents are like, oh, that's going to happen to me?
	Yeah.
	What?
	Or the parents will say, this is going to happen to grandpa, you know?
	Oh, to the kids.
	Yeah, it's like a, it's a little gateway to death, a little stairstep.
	Can you Google in on the cute one?
	Can you just look at that cute picture of them?
	There we go.
	I wonder if that's.
	I mean, look at that.
	Oh, Puneo Peru.
	I mean, look at that.
	Consider it a delicacy.
	Yeah, it's.
	Now, what's the meatiest part?
	That backstrap?
	That rump?
	Underneath the belly.
	Oh.
	Yeah, the skin is so hard that he really dreams, too, where he keeps his thoughts.
	Yeah, I could have a family.
	I'm going to get a family.
	And you're like, yang.
	Oh, this one like tribal music.
	What if you ate that you ate it and you knew what they liked?
	You know, wouldn't that be crazy?
	What you were into?
	Yeah, I would like, if you really want to go delicacy, you find their family, keep them alive while they let them watch you eat their dad.
	The provider.
	And that right there is Ari Shavir.
	That is a perfect example of Ari Shavir of going to a level that you would put one under a bright lamp, be sitting there, tape his eyelids open.
	Good God.
	Dad, no.
	Come on.
	Wow, that's amazing, man.
	Yeah, so like no news, none of the anger when they did the fucking.
	Now, did you have a phone on you?
	Yeah, but with an Ecuadorian number.
	Right.
	So I could check in online.
	I would do Zoom podcasts here or there.
	It wasn't as, like, away as I'd really like to be.
	But still, like, they don't give a fuck about...
	But then I did see a newspaper and it wasn't reported.
	Wow.
	It's like not their country.
	Why would they care?
	So like none of this shit.
	What's that song?
	The only news I needed is a weather report.
	Who is that?
	Not Bill and Sebastian.
	No, it's fucking 2-0.
	Dan and Shea?
	Not Dan and Shea.
	I just met Shea, though.
	He's a nice guy.
	Is he?
	Yeah.
	They did a song with Justin Bieber that I really like, actually.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Simon and Garfanco.
	But it's just about like, it's the only living boy in New York.
	That's right.
	It's just like that lyric, like the only news I need is what this is the only thing that's going to help.
	Is it nice out?
	Oh, that's a good point.
	The rest is just, you know, someone's just like, can you believe?
	You want to get angry?
	Watch this thing.
	You want to be like, oh, it totally is.
	So then, why do we do it then?
	Why do we go for the why do we wonder?
	Yeah, why do if I know?
	Yeah.
	And Jordan Peterson says he thinks a lot of this is just we're unable to, it's so strong now, like the way it's packaged, the way it's put together.
	It's in the phone, it's in the screen.
	It's like it's so addictive that we can't escape.
	But it's tough because it's like sometimes I will make the choice.
	I know if I look at this, how I'm going to feel.
	Yeah.
	And I'll still do it, you know?
	But it's like, you know when like you ever hear somebody talk shit about you?
	Somebody's like, hey, so-and-so is saying so.
	And it's like, it's, of course, going to make you mad and it should, but it's also like, why are you telling me that, dude?
	Why would you tell me about gossip?
	That's not supposed to be to me.
	Right.
	You know, that's you guys talking about me.
	Like, why did you share it?
	You're just going to make me feel better.
	It's not like, hey, watch out, that guy's reporting to your boss.
	You better do something about it.
	Right, right.
	It's like, I can't even do anything about it.
	It's like, so why?
	It's like you're the asshole for spreading it.
	Yeah.
	Remember that guy who fucking spread Tony Hinchcliffe's like a joke that he like riffed on this comic and he was like making fun of him.
	And then the guy's like, this is hurtful to the Asian community.
	And then he spreads it to fucking, from 70 people to 70 million.
	And you're like, then why are you hurting the Asian community, you cunt?
	Or it's the same thing when like somebody will say a certain word they're not supposed to say.
	Somebody will drop the M-bomb or do something or you know K-I-K-E or something.
	Is that the bad thing?
	No, it doesn't have the same.
	It doesn't?
	No.
	Oh, dang.
	Well, they got to tell us how to do it.
	We would use it.
	You know, go for Kite.
	Everybody, free reign.
	Go for Kite.
	It's back.
	But it's like, it's back.
	Not a single.
	I mean, I don't know when the last time a Jew would have been upset about Kite.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	We got to let people know that.
	Write that down.
	Interest rates.
	Don't say interest rates.
	Kite, go for it.
	But it's like, but then here's the messed up part.
	The group making the article, they're the ones then spread.
	It's like they're the ones spreading and then profiting off of it.
	That's what always burns me.
	It's like, you're just telling people this so you can make money.
	You're the one really telling everyone.
	Yeah, Gia Tolantano, this writer, she used to write for Vulture, I think.
	One of those things that makes everybody angry.
	And she wrote this great book, Trick Mirror, and it's all about internet culture and stuff like that.
	And she goes, people used to get mad at me for the articles I wrote, not understanding that my editor told me to write articles that would make people mad.
	I mean, that's what I'm going for.
	To get you angry enough to come back to this fucking magazine.
	Yeah, I mean, Stephen A. Smith does it good.
	I've heard stories from the production of there, Stephen A. Smith and the Skip Bayless and those guys, that they have no idea what they're even saying anymore.
	They are literally just putting out as many clips as they can of controversial stuff.
	Controversial.
	Yeah, you want that for it to go.
	Yeah.
	Well, I remember whenever, like, so whenever you had, so whenever you had the thing with the Lakers, with the Kobe thing, were you shocked at how some comics treated you or behaved toward you or responded?
	Yeah, at first, but I mean, like, you can't really be upset when you try to troll people and you do troll them, you know, and you get them to be upset.
	I mean, like, interesting.
	I'm like, rude against the Lakers, but like, it's just sports, you know, I don't really care.
	But I've been shitting on the Lakers for 20 years since they started killing shows in L.A. during the playoffs.
	I'm like, fuck the Lakers.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	I started really reveling in the fucking hatred of them.
	Oh, that would be the worst too, dude.
	That happened to me a couple times.
	We're like, oh, yeah, we're not going to do it tonight because they made it to a game five.
	I'm like, it's game fucking four, and they're up 3-0.
	It's a first round.
	Like, come on, you fucking fair weather cunts.
	Come out to the Comedy Underground place like that.
	The Lakers, I will say, it seemed like it's just too stacked.
	I don't like these stacked acts, though.
	They're fucking collusion for sure.
	Fuck them.
	This whole bot team now.
	And that's a fake championship last year.
	It was an AIU fucking championship.
	Nobody respects that as a real championship two years ago.
	Yeah, yeah, two years ago.
	But yeah, it's like you've, but then at first I was like, god damn, you guys, come on.
	Don't you know it's just a comic making a joke?
	Like, what are you doing?
	Why would you take this stance?
	But then you're like, step back and you're like, no, I got you.
	I mean, you got angry at me trying to make that line a fucking easy thing.
	Yeah, that's so interesting.
	I was thinking about that last night.
	It's weird when you walk the line because you want to get people upset, but you don't want to get them so upset that they're like, They call my manager at home, like we're come fuck you up.
	Yeah.
	God damn.
	And we said all these Latinos, dude, dude.
	Yeah, or blacks or whatever, or just dumb Laker fans.
	It's like no one from London gave a fuck about that, you know?
	And they were like, huh?
	I mean, if I'm going to fight in front of Rooney or something, they'd be like, don't do that.
	You know, but it's just like, yeah, I triggered you.
	But I did enjoy that all these comics were like, if you don't like a joke, just leave the room.
	It's not that hard.
	And then they got one that triggered them.
	And then they didn't know how to just leave the room.
	They had to take the stance of some jokes go too far.
	For the first time in their lives, they were like, some jokes go too far.
	And I'm like, yeah, I feel like I exposed them into hypocrites.
	It was great.
	I really enjoyed it.
	And that's what I was thinking yesterday because I even watched like a reaction that I had to when it happened.
	And I was like.
	Yeah, I was trying to make, and it's different because I feel almost differently now you watch it back.
	It doesn't even have like the same.
	It doesn't have the notch, right?
	So people are like, too soon.
	I'm like, well, no, if you wait too long, which is always the issue with timing of jokes.
	Just like you're saying with Chappelle, like with Dave Attel.
	And Dave obviously is a big name for good comedians.
	I just realized that.
	Chappelle and Attil.
	Oh, yeah.
	Regular name like Dave gets you.
	Dave Chappelle, Davidel, Dave Taylor.
	The top three.
	Top three Daves.
	David Duke also.
	David Duke.
	I'm one of the great leaders.
	Great early troller.
	Yeah.
	I actually love Jews and blacks.
	I just say shit.
	It gets me votes for sure.
	I like wearing white.
	What can I do?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Look, I even put this on late September.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah, after.
	But no, that's one thing looking back.
	I was like, this is also fascinating because it made me wonder, well, what choices am I making and talking about because I'm scared of repercussions?
	What choices am I making and talking about because you get involved with the mob because the mob is like, well, let me go with them.
	I might not agree, but let me just walk the line.
	And there's a safety in that, too.
	There's a safety in that, dude.
	I remember they had a news thing that came out like a few years back about me.
	It was just about, it wasn't anything real bad, but it was just, it wasn't anything bad, really.
	It was just something about my life.
	And it was, but it was on, I remember being at the gym and seeing on the ticker on the bottom of like, it was a slow news day.
	Yeah.
	And they had my name on that.
	That's cool.
	And I was like, oh my God, everybody, this, but it was so scary to me.
	Well, they said you had a fake mullet.
	They swung it on.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You've been clipping on your mullet for years.
	Yeah.
	Sewing it in.
	Sean comes over with Betsy Ross and sews it in the back of my head.
	He's like, we got to get it ready.
	I'd be like, RR, you can't mention this, by the way.
	So, dude, I was in Thailand at this fucking hippie place once, and some lady sold tie-on dreads for white people so they could live the life for the week that they were there.
	But here's the crazy part.
	So whoever buys those and puts them on, they get in trouble for cultural appropriation.
	But the business of it just keeps.
	Totally fine.
	Oh, yeah.
	Who do you think sells those Black Lives Matter shirts?
	It's just some white dude.
	It's like, I don't give a fuck.
	I'm making this in Indonesia and I'm fucking cashing in.
	But yeah, so how'd you feel when you saw your name in the ticker?
	Or what happened?
	I felt overwhelmed.
	I remember calling a publicist, this guy, Rob Greenwald, great guy.
	Is it?
	Yeah.
	Rob's a great guy, man.
	Great guy.
	Well, Rob, I remember, dude, I just now remember it.
	I saw him out.
	He went to see your Jew taping or Jew you were running at the comedy store and I saw him right after and he's like, I'm Jewish, man.
	And I love, you know, he was just saying how much he loved your special.
	I just remembered that.
	But anyway, so yeah, I just remember just texting him or emailing him and like, dude, just make it stop.
	I don't want, here's what it was.
	It was too much stuff that was out of my control happening at once that I had no control over, like little articles.
	And it was about dating.
	I dated like a real housewife's lady, right?
	And so it was just a slow news day.
	So for some reason, it was just, but I remember being in the gym and seeing it go on the ticker and I'm like, what?
	Isn't there a stock or something?
	That's how you found out about it?
	That's supposed to be on there?
	Yeah.
	And then it was all over.
	And I remember texting my manager, E. Tai Rice, and this guy and Rob Grievan just being like, guys, can you make it stop?
	And it wasn't even bad, but it was just something that was so out of my control.
	And I feel like for me as a comedian, instead of you always want to be able to control your little world.
	And that's what's so scary about the media and the way things are nowadays is that there's these other tidal waves sometimes that you have to be willing to fucking ride.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You have to like sit back on.
	Like if you want to poke a bear, you can't be that mad when the bear swings back, you know?
	And I'm too afraid, I think.
	Whereas you're like a Kelly Slater.
	I feel like you're willing to be out there on the wave.
	Like I didn't like all the negative stuff, but like the act on itself, that troll was maybe my best one.
	I mean, I brought a city to its knees.
	You know what I mean?
	So like it would have been nice if it was two weeks after my special taping instead of two weeks before.
	Oh yeah.
	But like I crushed that town, dude.
	I fucking crushed that town.
	I crushed all of LA comedy.
	I expose them for the fucking garbage hypocrites with no integrity that they are.
	Yeah.
	With just a little pinprick of negativity on my own account and you just watch them spread it.
	Oh, it was the best one.
	It was the best one.
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	Was there, how long did it take you to get over like, because I'm sure there was discomfort with it too.
	I mean, I felt discomfort just because I just remember, like, is this so out of his control that it has to be harrowing?
	Yeah, it was weird because, like, so like, we're comics, right?
	So anytime something like that happens, we want to express it and like make jokes about it.
	But then it was like, they were doing this thing where they were taking my Twitter feed and they'd be like, like galvanizing on there and like doxing other people in my life.
	That's why they put my manager's number and address on there.
	And I'd be like, what?
	And so Rob was like, dude, you got to take that tweet down.
	They're using it to attack others.
	And I'm like, God damn.
	So you had to make stuff private.
	Like, I want to just keep going back at him because who gives a fuck, you know?
	Yeah.
	Duncan was like, you should make a bunch of stuff.
	They threw a bathroom all through my window.
	Make it crazier and crazier.
	Like Tim Dylan.
	That would have been perfect if Tim Dylan was really on his hype train at this, or really was on his horse because he's so good at just carrying stuff out into the ether, you know?
	Yeah, we did have a fun one.
	Me and Bert and Tom, and we were all talking about it and Rogan, and then we were like laughing about it and stuff, privately laughing about it.
	Publicly, he's called it worse than 9-11 and a fucking hurricane.
	Is that what Joe said?
	No, Bert.
	You know, it's only terrible, like 9-11 or a tsunami or Kobe Bryant's death.
	You fucking idiot.
	But in LA, it feels like that.
	It really is.
	It's their Hurricane Ida.
	It's like, it really is.
	They did not like you bringing up that fucking.
	Remember when Phil Nicholson was great, but hadn't won a major?
	And it was like that thing, you know?
	That rape thing was the thing.
	So that's what you poke at, you know?
	But like, they hate you bringing it up.
	They hate you bringing it up.
	They'll go after anybody who does.
	That chick from Westworld mentioned it, and they fucking went after her so fucking hard.
	That Rappaport dude fucking went after her so fucking hard until she had a job.
	That's funny.
	Yeah, he's a, I mean, whatever.
	That's what he is.
	It's what he is.
	But is he just a troll?
	So here's the deal.
	That's his art form, right?
	His art form is to be a, not a contrarian, but a, but a, but like, I'm angry about something.
	An instigator almost.
	Not an instigator, but just to be mad about something.
	Yeah, he'd.
	Yeah, he'll walk along like those fucking, it's fucking like a 20-year-old walk.
	Like, I know he looks at that thing and you see him on the screen, but that's a grown man walking on the sidewalk talking to his cell phone.
	Yeah.
	So like, but that's his thing, right?
	So you have to allow him to do his thing.
	You can't be mad just because the thing got pointed at you once.
	You know, he's looking to like shit on things.
	So like, because that's the weird thing.
	When you push that envelope.
	Because that's what's so interesting.
	So you want to get as much hype as you can out of stuff.
	But when it gets, when that, when that freaking big, like, when the big spin of the wheel really stops right on you, it's almost like it's too much.
	It's almost just like telling a joke and it just is too far.
	It's like, it's like when you, because you're always risking telling the joke.
	That's the line.
	You want to be right there at the line.
	Yeah, you want to be right there at the line.
	But the thing is, so like that guy in Providence who was like, fuck you, it's not funny.
	To him, it was over the line.
	The rest of the crowd was fine.
	And then you got to think, who's your crowd?
	So if he tells that at a 9-11 memorial, well, you're going to get a lot more people than who were there in that Providence room.
	They're going to hate me and say that was a terrible joke.
	Shouldn't have done it.
	Louis' fucking Parkland joke.
	Then it went out to a bunch of people who never should have heard it.
	And they're like, know your audience.
	And it's like, yeah, we do know our audience.
	It's my Twitter followers or my audience in the room.
	It's not the people who aren't there.
	It's strange, but it's funny too.
	I don't know.
	You got to respect people doing their art form.
	You got to respect people doing what they do.
	And if one of the things is like hot button topics and personally, I remember one of my many, like, I mean, I've been through these things before.
	So I'm prepared for it.
	But one of them from a special, it was like somebody got mad at me for doing a bit about them.
	And Eleanor and Diaz were talking.
	It's like, oh, it was pretty bad.
	But Diaz was like, yeah, but that's our friend.
	And then Eleanor was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.
	It's like, end of story.
	So you don't have to say anything if it's about your buddy.
	But now we're in this world where it's like, I need to be first to a fucking comment or something.
	And then also other people start hitting you up.
	What do you think about this?
	What do you, so then everybody, there's all like.
	Well, they've asked us, they've asked me multiple times about like.
	To speak about.
	No, I'm not even saying this.
	But some of the people we know have come up in the news and like off-stage stuff.
	Oh, yeah.
	And like, when are you going to mention it?
	And I don't even respond, but the answer is never.
	That's a friend of mine.
	That's someone I've shaken hands with.
	Even if I don't hang out with them all the time.
	What are you talking about?
	I'm not going to lose my fucking humanity so I can fucking speak to a bunch of strangers.
	See, that's interesting because I'll look back on things.
	I'm like, why did I really feel like I had to speak to you?
	Why did you?
	It's this feeling that'll pass.
	So you can learn from it and next time not do it, you know?
	But like, you just don't have to.
	You just don't have to.
	I saw.
	Yeah, and so I wonder where does that come from from me?
	Is it like a fear?
	Is it like, yeah, I think it's probably some fear of everybody not liking me.
	Same thing with posting a Black Lives Matter Square.
	It's like, if you don't, are they going to look at me?
	Are they going to be mad?
	But it's like, oh, dude, I put up my Black Lives Matter Square.
	I didn't know what to do.
	I was kind of spooked, I guess.
	Yeah.
	Because I'm trying to do a Netflix.
	And in my head, I'm like, well, if I don't do that, then the Netflix festival is going to happen.
	We've already gone down this road.
	The deal's there.
	I'll lose it.
	Then I'm like, they'll take it and I won't be able to get it back.
	It's like all this stuff gets stuck in your head kind of.
	And also, I have black friends that know what's going on.
	The first time a black woman hits me up and says, you did this all wrong, motherfucker.
	This ain't the right shade.
	That's why.
	Exactly.
	That's why.
	And that's black.
	I was like, and you want to be like, no, you're not the right shade of black.
	You high yellow.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	It's like, I don't know.
	But no, it's interesting because it makes me look at myself like, yeah, why do I feel the need?
	Who do I feel like?
	Do I feel like I have to defend?
	And then sometimes you also want to be there to kind of defend or help soften some of what the blow is.
	Right.
	So with Tony, I was trying to do that.
	That's what I tried to do too.
	And even at the end, I remember the thing I was talking about you.
	I said, I didn't.
	It's what he's going for.
	So you have to recognize that that's what he's going for.
	Like the way things land and if it hits that trampoline, then it hits the whole world.
	It wasn't, I don't know if it's supposed to or not.
	Yeah, it was a great one for sure.
	Would you do it again, you think?
	Or did you have any?
	100%.
	Yeah.
	I mean, there's no way I can't, because here's the deal, man.
	I've committed to this life.
	And by this life, I don't mean offensive.
	I mean doing the jokes that I find funny whenever I find them funny.
	And that's one thing I really admire about you the most, man.
	Thanks, buddy.
	So if you start considering the repercussions and not like moral repercussions, like I'm not going to go to somebody's funeral and do that.
	It's the wrong place, right?
	But I'm like, no, I'm doing it to my audience.
	I can't be worried about if it's going to take a thing.
	I have a nice life and I'm completely free.
	So I'm not going to give that up because I might have more money or be able to do more things.
	And like, by the way, I took a lie detector on this on Legion of Skanks.
	They're like, do you regret the COVID tweet?
	I'm like, no.
	Oh, I have to go back and talk to that.
	Absolutely.
	It crushed the reaction, maybe.
	But it would have been nice if people were like, hey, guys, that's what a joke is.
	You have to allow comics to make jokes.
	Right, right, right.
	And that's really, I think, that's the thing that we should all be saying.
	We should all be defending each other because we want to tell young comics, we will get your back.
	If the line moves behind you, we're not talking about actions.
	We're talking about whatever you're trying to do for a joke.
	We will have your back, young comics.
	We will always say like, and not to say like, hey, I didn't find it funny, but he's right.
	Leave that shit out.
	Just be like, yeah, guys, clearly here's the joke.
	Here's what he's going for.
	Right.
	Well, did you find it funny?
	He's like, what's the difference?
	It's got nothing to do with it.
	There's plenty of like specials from comics that aren't funny that I would never mention because it's not offensive, right?
	So you're not like, this guy's special wasn't good.
	Like, you wouldn't say that.
	So why would you say it when they're under attack?
	Yeah.
	It's nutty.
	I have had a few people apologize to me.
	A couple, like black comics specifically.
	It's like, hey, man.
	Godfrey?
	No.
	He's an actor.
	He's fine.
	No, no, he did.
	He's like, I told you I had to say something.
	He was not like actually a person.
	Right.
	That is a good.
	That's actually a pretty good person to Godfrey too.
	Me and Sam Arilla saying that he came up to me.
	I thought he was going to beat me up.
	And they're like, ah, I told you I was going to say something.
	All right, buddy.
	And then Sam's like, you got to respect the honesty.
	I'm like, I guess so.
	Yeah, that's true, too.
	I think is, yeah, like if somebody cleans in and say, yeah, everybody's playing kind of their game or playing the best game that they can.
	Yeah.
	But Mike Yard came up to me.
	He was like, dude, when I saw that, I was like, what the fuck are you doing?
	And then somebody's like, oh, I get it.
	Like, you make fun of like dead celebrities because you're poking fun at like the people who overvalue these lives of celebrities.
	Like, I get it now.
	I didn't get it at first.
	I'm like, oh, thanks.
	Or Kareem Green was like, not Kareem Green.
	Jimmy Martinez was like, yeah, I said some shit about you, man, but I shouldn't have.
	I get it now.
	I get what you're doing.
	I should have defended you as a comedian.
	I'm like, thanks for saying that.
	So a few people did, but now that the emotions are gone, but it's also fun when you see people still mad about one of the many lines I've crossed.
	Yeah.
	Still angry.
	Somebody the other day was putting out a Beyonce tweet that I made.
	Like, what about this video?
	Yeah, I have to lemonade.
	Exactly.
	I'll never forgive you.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	I'm definitely going to think you're a dork.
	Wow.
	Yeah, it's fun.
	I don't know.
	It's fun to fuck with people.
	No, it's like, but it's also, it's just the preservation of it all, man.
	And that's why I appreciate you even talking about me with this because I started to feel, yeah, that's what I was thinking.
	Like, when do I feel pressure to defend the freedom of speech?
	We've been talking about it recently with like people not want to do the flag and just all kind of stuff.
	It's like not wanting to like, you know, like, or like a teacher took the flag down in her classroom and like didn't have it in there.
	And like my teacher, when I was growing up, like, she made us all kind of do it or at least asked us to stand there.
	Like whether or not she, it was just like to kind of corral us.
	It was like kind of a unifying, at least she came to me.
	Pledge allegiance.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I remember that.
	And it was like, I don't know if I cared as much as a kid.
	It's not like I was standing there, but I like, you know, our teacher did it.
	It was like she was our liaison.
	And then now a teacher was like, oh, I put the flag away.
	It seems like it'd be a thing of trouble in my classroom.
	And now at first I was like, man, I felt like maybe she shouldn't have done that.
	But then I'm like, you got to freedom of speech is freedom of speech.
	The problem is there's just everybody's speech can get everywhere now.
	Yeah.
	And I don't know if it's a problem.
	It's just a curve we're still.
	It is weird because so there's like, there's like, you have different selves, right?
	The way you talk to me is going to be way different than the way you talk to a pastor.
	Right.
	Way different than you talk to your mom.
	Your high school friends is different than your comedian friends.
	You have many selves.
	And now it's just like coming together into one self.
	And Mark Zuckerberg talked about this and he was like, this is a problem because you're losing all these different masks you wear in different situations.
	You know, I'm not going to curse in front of my mom.
	Right.
	I might, but I'm not trying not to.
	But you and I, I might even think twice about it.
	Right.
	You know, AM radio or FM radio versus podcast.
	Right.
	You know, it's just like you have this line in your head.
	And Zuckerberg says, no, I think there should only be one self to everybody.
	And I think that's dangerous because you lose like artistic differences.
	You lose like wild strokes of art when everybody's trying not to offend anybody.
	It's like, you're not even supposed to be here.
	What am I worried about?
	Right.
	Well, that's what it feels like.
	Then it feels like I'm not even supposed to be here because it's an unrealistic expectation of a human.
	Right.
	So then I start to feel like, it's crazy when you said that, it just hit me.
	I feel like, well, why am I even here?
	This isn't a safe world for me to even be in because that's impossible.
	Because they're throwing you to every where you wouldn't even be appreciating.
	Every wolf.
	I remember it hit me.
	The first time it hit me was Cecil the Lion.
	Remember that?
	Some dude killed a lion in Zimbabwe or Zaire?
	Maybe let's hope Zimbabwe or Zaire.
	See the lion.
	Zimbabwe.
	Oh, yeah.
	I remember this thing.
	They killed him.
	And a black mane.
	This dentist killed him.
	And with an arrow by American Recreational Big Dumb Hunter.
	Yeah.
	And everybody was real, real mad.
	They hated him.
	I remember talking to a cab driver.
	We heard on the news.
	We both bonded.
	Like, fuck this guy.
	Fuck this dentist dude.
	Fucking killing a lion.
	Cecil?
	Beautiful lion.
	Cecil.
	I love that they put that name in, and the name also kind of urban makes you think, oh, this guy, you know, this guy didn't make a sports squad or something.
	And I remember being legitimately angry.
	And then I found out later a little bit more, where it's like, oh no, Zimbabwe gives out like 40 permits to kill lions a year because they have to keep the population down.
	Because then you hear more stories of like, yeah, a lion killed my brother, man.
	We need to keep the population down if they're too close to fucking whatever.
	Rogan pointed out, for a tiger, a lion to get a black mane, that means he's way old.
	That means he killed tons of fucking lion cubs.
	That lion probably killed like 20 lion cubs.
	But we had the story of like, I'm supposed to be mad at this dude who killed Cecil.
	And then you find out more and more about it, and you're like, oh, no, this was totally legit.
	Right.
	Well, also, I love how they put his born date on here.
	Like, you know what I'm saying?
	Just to add to that, just to add to the, oh, look, he was only 13. Like he was in junior high school or something.
	I think that's an old line.
	Yeah, he was a park land survivor.
	But then it hit me, like, whenever I'm angry about these things, like, they're probably hiding a detail or two to make me angrier.
	Right.
	Hinchcliffe 2, they just hid details to make you angry.
	And then they'll reveal the details later, but the emotion's already there.
	You're like, no, fuck this.
	Yes, that's what's interesting.
	Or they hide, like, Louis asked to jerk off in front of lots of people who said yes, and then they just don't include that in the story.
	Right.
	He's like that dolphin.
	He's like the trick dolphin.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean?
	You know, it's like, let's see him do his trick.
	You know, hey, I'm sure there's been parties where people are drunk and like, hey, get Louie in here.
	He'll jerk off and everyone's totally cool with it.
	And then suddenly you leave all those out.
	And it's just like, you just show one thing.
	Like, if they just show me calling Bobby Lee a gook, you know, but they cut out him right before calling me a kite.
	Right.
	It looks really bad.
	But then like you have to show all the context.
	And if you show it later, people are like, nah, still, I've already decided I'm angry.
	This is another reason I knew people are married to their anger.
	When those amazing racist stuff came out, people are like, that's so fucking, how dare you fucking do that?
	That was so funny you on that vote.
	But I'd pick people up at Home Depot.
	They were working and I'd drive them to an INS building.
	And then people get mad.
	And then I was like, by the way, you know, those were actors.
	I paid them 50 bucks.
	Right.
	And I drove them back.
	They're not even like workers.
	They're just actors.
	They filled out like a form and we paid them and they did it.
	And people are like, oh, still.
	I'm like, wait, you're just as angry?
	You thought I was picking up undocumented workers and driving them to the INS.
	And then you found out I'm just doing a sketch about it.
	And you're equally as angry?
	Not even a little less angry?
	And then you're like, no, people just get married to that anger.
	Yeah, what is that?
	Why do we not, we don't.
	It's a weird emotion, huh?
	Anger?
	It isn't, but then also to not let it, to not then be willing.
	Yes.
	That's what's also interesting.
	Yeah.
	It's like, and I'm right.
	And it's like a.
	It's fascinating, man.
	And I appreciate you letting me think about this with you because it's fascinating.
	It's better than ourselves because I've done it too.
	I've like unfairly like.
	Yeah, I jump to it.
	Sometimes it depends on how I'm feeling that day.
	Well, I remember with the Tony thing, the Hinchcliffe thing with the Asian comedian, I heard he's been doing that all week.
	And it's like, and that they were fine with it.
	But why didn't the comedian ask him first?
	It's like sometimes it's like the use of it.
	How are you, if you're just using this as like a springboard for yourself?
	That's the thing, too.
	It's like, it's a weird thing in comedy.
	Now, I think it's because we got too big and now we're like worried about keeping our fame and our podcast advertisements and all that shit.
	And it's like, dude, we were making 20 grand a year and we were able to give up money like it was nothing.
	And now they're making, or some people, not me, but some people are making millions.
	And now it's like, I can't afford to lose 20 grand.
	Right.
	And it's like, what do you mean?
	Now more than ever, you shouldn't give a shit.
	But, yeah, I don't know.
	But like, no one could just be like.
	But it's also, I think we might be going, we might have been going through the adapting to it.
	Yeah, maybe.
	I think that the internet's making people sick, too.
	Oh, dude.
	I think they caught the sickness.
	A lot of people caught the sickness.
	I think a lot of times we'll stop nicotine and things like that, but it's like there's nothing that's killing us more than this constant reflection of ourselves and the unable to meet the demand of an unrealistic expectation that's put in front of you constantly.
	I struggle with it, getting offline completely.
	Yeah, it's hard, man.
	We make our money not being off.
	we make our money being on there I mean, I ended my Twitter account probably five months ago.
	I was just like, this is all negative now.
	Twitter is all negative.
	But I know I gave up a lot of money doing that.
	Right.
	You're like, I'm going to admit that, yeah, 5% of my money is going to come from either views or people seeing LinkedIn.
	Promoting my shows.
	Exactly.
	And I'm like, I can't do that anymore.
	But it's not healthy for me.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	We got to combat it in ourselves somehow.
	I don't know how to do it.
	And I think some of it is just you learn as things come through.
	I think they got to regulate the internet, man.
	Dave Smith, I was talking to him about it.
	He's a real big libertarian.
	He helps me make my views on politics in general.
	Just like, if I'm not hurting anybody, what's the difference?
	Do cocaine in your own home.
	Like, what's the difference?
	Don't drive and drink.
	That's hurting other people.
	But drink at home.
	I don't care.
	Drink yourself death.
	It doesn't matter.
	But so he's like, well, the internet's like, you're free not to use it.
	But I'm like, well, you're not really socially free not to use it.
	You're not.
	They've made it so you need it for almost anything.
	With Apple Pay, with fucking, you can't get a city bike without your fucking, unless you have one of the old keys, you can't get a city bike without your cell phone.
	You can't get tickets to a movie and shit.
	So it's like they've made you need it.
	And especially social media, they've made you need it.
	You can't exist.
	The mommy blog groups are on Facebook.
	You can't be a mom and not trade information with other moms.
	And they're not going to be off Facebook.
	They're going to be on Facebook.
	You have to be on there.
	And we didn't agree to hate our friends.
	We didn't agree to let you make me hate my friends and my brothers and my fucking relatives.
	We didn't agree to that.
	And you guys did that to us without our permission.
	And I'm like, no, that's not allowed.
	You're hurting us.
	It's not just stomping on your floor.
	It's stomping on your floor when someone lives below you.
	It's like, no.
	So I hate regulation, but at some point, like, they didn't give you permission to do this to us.
	It's tough.
	That's the thing.
	It's like, I hate regulation, but I've thought like tech is the new fossil fuel.
	That's what I say a lot of times.
	It's this weird thing where it's like there's people like, well, just get off of them.
	And it's like, then I can't order anything.
	I can't like, there's no, and even if you try to go, this is the saddest part.
	Yesterday I'm looking for a bed and breakfast, right?
	And I don't want an Airbnb.
	I want to find a bed and breakfast.
	I want to find two senior citizens, probably deceased in the back room, you know what I'm saying?
	Who I go in, I have a reservation, they didn't even know about it, and I find their bodies in there.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, I want a real bed and breakfast.
	I want a fucking scone, bitch.
	Yeah, the advertising, though, is all straight to Airbnb.
	Everyone you go to, it's somehow.
	So it's like you had to go two pages in to even find something that was like a regular Airbnb.
	The anger inducement, like that's bad for sure.
	But like algorithms in general, it takes away your ability to be exposed to new things.
	Even like Spotify, you don't think Spotify is evil in any way.
	And it's not evil at their core.
	But like they're giving you music that they know you will like.
	Now, you and I are hanging out, let's just say, and I'm putting on some of my music that your algorithm wouldn't expose you to.
	But you're like, oh, I actually like, that's cool.
	I like this.
	So you're exposed by chance to some new level of art that you wouldn't have been exposed to.
	I got this from a book too, but like listening to the radio where I'm like, let it hit me with something.
	And then maybe I'm like, oh, cool.
	And my Spotify's listening, you know, so they'll know if I like it.
	They're reading my heartbeat or whatever.
	But like, you want to be able to like grow and they're not letting you.
	Well, did you notice when you were in Ecuador or those types of places?
	Is it a lot different?
	Is it really a lot different?
	Do you notice it over time?
	Well, I noticed when I get back.
	Same thing was when I left LA.
	I didn't notice how shitty LA was, how the LA vibe was until I left for a couple of days and then went back.
	I was like, oh, God damn, you guys are fucking vapid here and needy for fame.
	And I didn't realize the forest for the trees.
	Yeah, I was really enjoying it.
	Ecuador.
	And then I got back.
	I was just met with this barrage of media and like, just, yeah, it's, you're free.
	You're free.
	I don't know.
	And luckily, COVID, it was like a really good thing, you know, in a lot of ways.
	You got to count your blessings about it.
	Yeah.
	You relocated to a cool spot, you know, you might not have.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	Oh, I'm amazed sometimes that I was able to move, you know.
	You can always go back.
	It's easy to just go there.
	Yeah.
	But I think, yeah, when everybody was leaving, I felt like everybody's going to Austin.
	I didn't know if I wanted to go to Austin.
	It's just still the financial thing was the same.
	It was just like, I was just in a place I don't want to pay all this extra to California right now, especially if I didn't know if they were going to have masks ever.
	Yeah, the taxes are different.
	There's no state taxes here.
	That was a big thing.
	Rogan was like, I'm moving to Austin.
	Sure.
	And I thought about moving there.
	Then whenever I started moving, I was like, I don't want to go back to Austin.
	That's kind of what I felt.
	I just didn't want to be like in a place where I felt like, just like I was like.
	He's like, homeless.
	Like, you don't think it's homeless in Austin?
	Like, why else?
	He's like, taxes.
	Wait, what?
	Yeah.
	Everybody's like, wait, what is that?
	All those rich commerce.
	Like, oh, oh, hold on.
	Like, I can save a house a year.
	Yeah, I don't mind seeing the homeless as long as I'm not the one paying for them.
	That's the thing.
	Yeah.
	As long as I'm not paying.
	Now, if I walk up to the guy and say, here's 20 bucks, will you please shit outside for me?
	Because I need to get these rose beds going.
	That's one thing.
	You got to put them to use.
	That's a problem.
	They're not using these homeless companies.
	But if I got to mail it to the city and then they're going to use it through some dirt system and the guy doesn't even get to shit in my flower beds, he can just go shit anywhere?
	No way.
	Not on my watch.
	Yeah, some things that's interesting here, like the guy at the gas station the other day comes out and he's, I guess, a fan kind of or, you know, knew of me and he said, hey, hey, man, I want to let you know anytime you come in here, man, we got fresh baked bread and fresh baked pizzas in here.
	And I just been in there, dude.
	There's no.
	There is no?
	There's not an oven in that jug, right?
	Yeah.
	So I'm like, is this guy just been?
	And it was the nighttime guy.
	So I'm like, is this dude out of his mind?
	Is this guy on Adderall?
	But now it's like when I go there, I have to pretend that they have like fresh baked bread in there.
	And they don't.
	So it's like in a smaller area, you have to continue to, whereas in LA, you can be like, go fuck yourself.
	You don't have to.
	So impersonal.
	But sometimes you're like, you need that impersonalness.
	You're like, yeah, you're a weirdo, man.
	I'd rather not talk to you.
	I mean, New York is the key for that.
	Nobody talks to anybody.
	There's too many crazies.
	But in a small town, even Nashville is still a small town.
	Oh, it feels really small here.
	And you can't cheat on your spouse here.
	That's another thing.
	In LA, dude, you could have another family a block away from you and your family would never know.
	That's another thing that changed.
	They had this book called a 50-mile rule.
	Do you remember that?
	It was like, if you're going to cheat on your spouse, and they weren't against it, they go, you got to go 50 miles outside your radius.
	Now, this was written 30 years ago.
	Wow.
	And if you go 50 miles outside your radius to a convention or whatever, or more, you know, it'll never come back to your home, to your family at all.
	Now, it's way different.
	There is no 50-mile radio.
	You have to go to another planet.
	Well, there's, yeah, there's no 50-mile radius.
	And that's one thing that Louis said funny on that, especially because he said, well, I was looking to get out of town, but I was on kayak or something.
	There were no tickets to Mars, right?
	Yeah.
	He's like, I was looking to get that far away.
	Yeah.
	It is cool being in Ecuador where you're like, where no one knew me.
	I think I got recognized like three times, two of them like right towards the end in like one of them or a gringo town.
	But it was like, I'm just me.
	I'm just a human here.
	And there's no, I think it's real like bad for you to be recognized too much, to be like elevated on a level that you're not.
	Oh, well, and it's not even realistic.
	It's not real.
	Yeah.
	People are just like, can I get you something?
	Can I get you?
	You don't work for me.
	Yeah.
	It's not healthy at all.
	And you start thinking your words are too valuable.
	Yeah.
	Well, I think that goes even to some of like podcasts getting busier and like being feeling like you have to say something or scared to say something.
	I have to say something.
	God damn.
	I think, yeah, embarrassing.
	In New York, we're like shocked at how some of those LA podcasts have no level of integrity or morals.
	Yeah.
	To their friends.
	That's God.
	Well, hold on.
	Look at these fucking.
	These guys are great.
	Bless you.
	Who the fuck are these dudes?
	I don't want to use a racial slur, but these Lakers fans right here.
	One's a Dodger fan.
	Oh, Laker fans.
	My bad.
	Let's see these guys.
	What's up, Deal?
	Ari, you beautiful motherfuckers.
	I'm big.
	He's fat.
	Big and fat.
	I don't know why he looks like that.
	We're actually podcasters, and we're going to chase my comedy dreams.
	So quick question.
	When you're pushing the boundaries in your jokes, which you do fucking great at, how do you overcome the fear, you know, that cancel culture?
	It's pretty scary out there.
	Everybody wants to fucking end you.
	Keep killing them.
	Keep pushing the boundaries.
	We fucking love you guys.
	Theo, Ari, we hope to see you in Jersey soon.
	Please come by.
	Latinos in Jersey.
	That's a new documentary coming soon.
	Latinos in Jersey.
	Thank you, bro.
	Thanks for the question.
	We kind of have been answering it.
	We kind of did.
	You know, there's one book that set me free more than anything.
	It was The Fountainhead.
	I read The Fountainhead.
	It was a girl.
	Ayn Rand.
	Ayn Rand, Ayn Rand, yeah, whatever.
	But it set me free.
	She told me, she's like, I think you'd like this.
	And it was just about this pure artist.
	Architecture was the art form they chose.
	But really, it's just any art form.
	And it was about like, you just cannot care at all.
	And this guy, this architect, and they, they, it was way predated cancel culture.
	I mean, it was written in the 20s or 30s, but like you could see like these prototypes of like, I could plug it into any one of these situations.
	And you're like, oh yeah, that's so-and-so writing a blog about this guy.
	Oh, that's, it's just like, it's, it's so good.
	And so they took everything away from this guy.
	They took it all away.
	And he goes, well, you're not going to stop me from being an architect.
	You might stop me from being able to build, but I'm not going to stop being an architect.
	So I'll go work in the rock quarry and I'll work with the materials that I'll need when I'm building buildings again.
	So like at some point, like I had to set, this is years and years ago.
	Maybe that's why I'm so fucking crazy now, but like I had to set that like you will never take away my ability to be a stand-up comic.
	You can not let me do theaters and push me into clubs.
	You could take away my ability to do clubs and only do workout rooms.
	You can stop me from doing workout rooms.
	I can still do open mics.
	You're talking about the money.
	You might take away the money from me, but the real thing that matters is what we always wanted when we started is to tell a fucking good joke and make it work.
	You know, when Ralphie was like, when I saw him, it was like two years later, oh, that's when it's just fun, man.
	And I was starving to death.
	I didn't have money to eat.
	And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, Ralphie?
	What fun?
	But I get it now.
	There was no like, can I get a development deal?
	Can I get, it was just, we're trying to be stand-up comics.
	So you can't take that away from me.
	And once I realized as far down as I can go, I can go to a coffee shop and go up.
	No matter what, I will have that ability.
	Then I'm like, then I was free.
	At that point, I was free.
	And it's just a, man, it's just a funny thing.
	You know, it's powerful.
	It's powerful, man.
	Yeah, because a lot of this I'm bringing back to myself and not to make it about me, but just like, yeah, I wonder why some of my behaviors, what are my fears?
	What am I afraid of?
	And then what fears were just fears that I had growing up that aren't really realistic and still there from childhood?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Like, we're not going to have anything.
	I don't have anything.
	You know, people hate, you know, it's like, and when are you going to realize that your fans are there for you no matter what?
	Were you amazed at some of your fans that were there for you during some of the trials of it?
	What I was really like, I hate focusing on negatives.
	So like, so like, it's the natural thing, but like what I was really taken back was, but the outpouring of support by comedians personally, the texts I was getting from people going like, man, you're hilarious.
	I found it funny.
	You're all, I got your back.
	You're a great person.
	Like, just from everywhere.
	Like, all these people reaching out.
	And it was like, oh, this is like really nice.
	If you remove the other part, I'm like, this is genuinely, amazingly nice.
	You know?
	God, yeah.
	And it's like, and that's what you could always do when any of those comics get in trouble for anything.
	You'd be like, hey, man, you're funny.
	Don't worry.
	I got your back.
	Yeah, be supportive.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because you do get to this thing of like, does everyone hate me?
	And so every time you get a text like, hey, you're my buddy, it's like, great.
	One down, one doesn't.
	That's awesome.
	But like, it was just really nice.
	And then, you know, the beginning of it when people like laughing before the fucking, not realizing back there, people are like, you know, before they realize that's happening, we're all having a good time.
	Yeah.
	Well, I think people are also now seeing in some ways where it's like the media, like these New York Times writes an article or some people are like, fuck, this rag is exactly.
	Like, you're like, you guys are trying to mislead me.
	You're trying to make me angry.
	Totally.
	And I think so many people see that now that it's like the amount of people that don't see it is so small.
	But they still own a lot of real estate.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And the vocal ones, the ones who don't care, don't write in to be like, hey, I don't care.
	You know, it's like you just don't care.
	You don't do anything.
	It's only the ones that do care.
	But like, so now when I see myself getting angry about something, I realize, hey, I'm probably being misled here.
	These monsters aren't real.
	It's like, they're not everywhere.
	So like it's overheight.
	It's just like I can psych, I don't, I can't always see it.
	So like if I didn't find that fucking other footage of Tony Inchcliffe, like his full set, people would have been like, man, you bombed and you suck.
	I told Tony, I was like, hey, dude, it's not so bad that like, that like people think you're like racist or whatever.
	Like that sucks, you know, but like comics are thinking you're not funny.
	So you got to put out, if you say you're getting laughs on that, you need to put that out right now before it gets around the comedy world.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He has a new, did you have a new special that just came out?
	Yeah, it's like this was before COVID.
	Yeah.
	I got to check it out.
	Yeah, but so he's like, yeah, we released his fucking, that full set.
	And then people are like, oh, I get it.
	Like Emma, Emma, we're all talking about it.
	Like Rummer and Happen.
	I hadn't even seen the clip yet.
	And she was like, I can tell you what happened.
	Emma Wilman?
	Emma Wilman, yeah.
	Hilarious.
	And she's like, I can tell you what didn't happen.
	She's like, didn't really care.
	What didn't happen was in 2021, a comedian got on stage and couldn't hold back his anti-Asian Feelings anymore and let it out on stage.
	That for sure did not happen.
	So, like, whatever else you're talking about, it's not what you're saying it is.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	And if you've seen Tony, I didn't think it was, yeah.
	If you've seen him, I didn't think it was that shocking.
	But, but, like, the way I said about the amazing races, people like Mad, and then when they found it was way different, they're still just as mad.
	Yeah.
	They did the same shit with Chris, where they were like, you're fucking underage people.
	And it's like, well, no, not at all.
	And they're like, well, you fuck your fans too much.
	No, get out of here.
	The thing you said was terrible and it's not real.
	Right.
	So get the fuck out of here.
	You can't talk anymore.
	Right.
	Yeah, that your fans too much.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	What are you talking about?
	Oh, my God.
	And you see him in his apology.
	That's a gaslit man.
	Going like, um, so I guess these chicks who are sliding into my DMs who are trying to fuck me, I guess I sh shouldn't have been fucking the people who wanted to fuck me.
	It's like, he's just gaslighting because everybody told him he's evil for doing nothing wrong.
	Yeah.
	Oh, fuck that.
	We had a news thing.
	We had a news piece, I think, we wanted to discuss.
	Was there something, Sean?
	Yes.
	Or another good question maybe that came in.
	Thick and fat.
	Everybody check out that podcast.
	Yeah, thick and fat, huh?
	Thick and fat?
	Was that what they were doing?
	Thick and fat, dude.
	He's thick.
	I'm thick.
	He's fat.
	How are you doing these days, by the way, with everything?
	With what?
	Drugs and alcohol?
	Yeah.
	I'm doing okay.
	Yeah.
	My primary goal, I've had a couple of relapses during this thing during the COVID.
	But I'm doing good.
	I'm doing a lot of breath work recently.
	I tried ketamine therapy.
	Really?
	I've been so angry, bro.
	and it won't stop, and then it's like...
	Everything?
	I get angry.
	I get angry.
	Yeah.
	So it's like.
	And then I've had like this exhaustion that's like in my body, like this fatigue.
	And I don't know what it is.
	And so I've been like getting all this medical stuff, trying to figure it out.
	So it's been tough.
	It's been honestly pretty tough.
	And the tough part is when you don't feel good to then go podcast.
	Like when you're genuinely not feeling good or even at your best, or if I talk for 10 minutes, a lot of times I'll feel this exhaustion in my body.
	And then being like, okay, I have to continue to put myself forward or I'm afraid that I'll lose my own.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	When I went to Southeast Asia, I went for a few months off the grid completely.
	Joe List was like, aren't you afraid of like losing everything?
	And at that time, I was like, I have a television show that I'm coming back to and a special that I just taped.
	Like, what do you mean?
	What am I going to lose?
	You have to live your life a little, but like, I get it.
	We don't have seasons in podcasting.
	We don't have an off-season.
	If you're an actor, if you're on Friends making a million an episode, 22 weeks.
	And then you have, you know, 38 weeks off.
	Yeah.
	That's wrong.
	30 weeks off.
	But like, they would keep working for a million a week.
	They work for 52 weeks.
	And we're not letting ourselves.
	Yeah, I need to be brave enough to take a month off.
	Yeah.
	And I really need it too.
	You should do it.
	So I think I thought about maybe even in January going to like a 30-day rehab, like a facility or something, even if it's just like a health and wellness place.
	Get off your phone.
	Where there's no drugs, alcohol, yeah.
	And get off my phone.
	Just so I don't have any temptations.
	Right, right, right.
	It's hard to be like, keep a pack of cigarettes on you, but stop smoking.
	Right.
	Right.
	It's unrealistic.
	It's hard, yeah.
	And the same thing as people like, stay off your phone.
	It's like, you say that, but it's calling you.
	Yeah.
	And also, it's like you don't have directions.
	It's like, dude, I realized the other day I'm in a parking lot.
	And thanks for asking, man, about what was going on.
	Yeah, I should have called you when I heard him.
	Sorry.
	Yeah, that's all right.
	No, dude, you guys are, you know, I feel bad.
	I haven't talked to you in a long time.
	I forget how.
	Did you relapse when you were at my place?
	Marketing.
	Oh, dude, no, that was when I got sober.
	Bro, I was laying in your fucking bed, okay?
	Literally had just opened the big blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous, like bawling, crying, realizing how many things kind of related to me.
	And not really the drugs and alcohol part didn't relate to me, but the feelings and the emotions.
	That's the stuff that I'm all, I'm addicted to my own feelings and emotions because I feel like it's all I have.
	Or it's like, I just, I don't know, but I'm addicted to those things, you know?
	That's what you're burying with this, with the, with the junk?
	I think it probably was, you know, and I, and also I just was looking for anything, yeah, that made me not want to feel sometimes, but I'd never done cocaine, and once I did it a few times, it got dicey.
	So it's just like so addictive.
	So I never was doing cocaine for months or even binges.
	But one not one or two nights, and I'd get so fucking paranoid and scared.
	And the control, I was losing, I couldn't control, and I'd be so creeped out.
	And then I want, you know, you want sex, you want to tickle some stranger, and next, you know, you're on these escort sites.
	And so.
	Wasting all your time trying to like.
	Yeah, and then I kept locking myself out of your fucking apartment, which is the fucking worst.
	I lost all your spare keys.
	I didn't get the lock change.
	You're like, hey, dude, your apartment's fine.
	You will not be able to get access to it, but the apartment itself is in good shape.
	Like, what?
	I was gone for like a month.
	How long did you stay there?
	You stayed for a month.
	I stayed for probably about two and a half weeks or something.
	I still got that soda stream you left me.
	Me and my boyfriend fucking love it, dude.
	We fucking love that soda stream.
	I was like, Theo was my best house guest.
	You and Nick Cody were the only ones who didn't destroy my apartment that I let stay there.
	I appreciate that, man.
	I heard a cleaning lady.
	You got me a soda stream.
	That's a fucking stand-up dude.
	Well, you know, Big Jay, I said, I went over to Big Jay and Chrissy and I was like, what do I get him?
	I want to get him nice, which is the weirdest thing.
	You got to get him a soda stream.
	Is that good advice?
	Sometimes you have trouble making a purchase for yourself that someone else can, and you'll really appreciate it.
	I was like, are you sure?
	It doesn't seem like that's hard to come by.
	I don't know.
	We'll get into one more question here, man.
	This is Drake.
	I know.
	Hey, yo, what's up, Dio?
	What's up, hard?
	What's up, Ari?
	I got a random question for Ari.
	Why are you so angry?
	Because it has exactly everything to do with Ari.
	But Ari lived in Indonesia for a bit and as a fellow Jew by blood, not by religion.
	I was curious how he felt traveling in a majority Muslim country.
	Did he feel at home?
	Did he feel out of place?
	Did he not think about it in any way, shape, or form?
	I met a lot of fellow Jews, not necessarily by religion, who feel like they'll be persecuted ever going to a Muslim country.
	But I've never felt more welcomed into a country than I did in Indo.
	So, just curious.
	Question for our thanks.
	Good question.
	Good, interesting question.
	Yeah, is there nerves there being Jewish and going if it sounds like and they call them slims, don't they?
	Who does?
	No, but let's spread that.
	I don't know.
	Indonesians or Muslims?
	Slims?
	Love it.
	Love it.
	Guys, you just saw the genesis of a new derogatory term.
	Slims.
	They were responsible for 9-11, and they'll be responsible for the next attack if we don't fucking take care of these slims.
	That beefy juicy terrorist.
	Snap into us.
	Yeah, it's the country with the most Muslims in the world, Indonesia, because it's got a massive population.
	But they're not the Jew-hating Muslims.
	We've never been there, so they don't give a shit about us.
	It's the ones around Israel that really care about us.
	They are very Hindu in parts of it.
	So what does that mean?
	Like, what would you say?
	So it goes Muslim, then, or Hindu, then Muslim, then Christian in the areas of Indonesia.
	And so in the Hindu parts, one of their great symbols is a backward swastika, which I always forget which way it goes.
	So you see it everywhere on motorbikes, on the fucking manhole covers, and you just like, feel a little weird.
	Yeah.
	Like, if I look at this in a mirror, things are getting dicey.
	Yeah.
	But I fucking loved Indonesia.
	God damn, that place is.
	You know what's fascinating is you say that.
	So you see the symbol all over.
	It's like, if somebody showed me that symbol here, somebody could write an article right now and said, look at this shit all over Indonesia, hating Jews.
	And I would look at it and just believe it.
	Right, right, right, right.
	Absolutely you could.
	They could fool you, leaving out details into getting you angry at something.
	Yeah, look what they're doing.
	And then next thing you know, you're scared.
	Now you got Jews saying, we got to get out of it.
	It's a beautiful symbol.
	Yeah, it is.
	Easy to draw.
	Yeah.
	It's just the backwards one.
	Oh, dude, I remember we had this kid.
	Scotty when we were growing up, dude, on the bus.
	We didn't know anything about like anti-Semitism or anything in our town.
	We didn't have any.
	We didn't have Jews.
	We didn't have Jews.
	Yeah.
	We didn't have Jews yet.
	Now, once you get a couple Jews, you freaking understand what they're doing.
	Okay, okay.
	You guys are always looking for bargains.
	Fucking, come on.
	Quit complaining all the time.
	The soup is warm enough.
	It's warm enough.
	Just eat it.
	Oh, yeah.
	So.
	But we had seen the thing on famphlets or whatever, dude, because David Dew, you know, it was like, we had a, you see a lot of like anti-Semit famphlets.
	I think just people putting the symbol on stuff, like, show up tonight, you know?
	But no, it wasn't against Jews.
	I think it was just about like fucking being angry and like, you know, changing each other's motor oil and shit.
	So we had this kid Scotty on our bus one day and we just drew a big swastika on his shirt.
	Really?
	Oh, dude, yeah.
	And we had no idea it was about Jews or anything or about Germans.
	We didn't even know it was about Germans.
	We just knew it was like kind of like this like, you'd see anarchist.
	Here's what you'd see, like emo kind of anarchist kids rock metal, and they would have that symbol sometimes on them or they would have like the A with the cross through other things.
	I'm convinced half the time there's anti-Semitism or even racism.
	Like if you see somebody like write the N-word or something like that, it's almost like somebody's got a sharpie and they've got something to deface.
	And then they go like, who's around here who care the most?
	Like they don't really care.
	Right.
	They'll be like, well, there's a temple right there.
	It's like, sweet kite.
	All right, let's go.
	But if there was like, you know, if there was like a Baptist church, like, all right, N-word.
	Yeah.
	But they don't care.
	They're just like, what's going to get the...
	But yeah, you're right.
	I think that's part of the mentality.
	I think looking into the mentality of things is like the step that we're missing with so many things.
	Like, yeah, the person's like, what could I draw here that's egg going to get anybody to look and even care?
	Or gamers.
	They're like, oh, fucking fuck you.
	You fuck AIDS into your brain.
	You fucking F-bot.
	You know, it's like, they don't really care.
	They're just like saying something.
	And if you take that off there, I'm like, look what he said.
	No, he was saying that on Call of Duty.
	The second he walks into the kitchen, it's all over.
	Yeah, exactly.
	He's like, hi, honey.
	Oh, Keisha, thank you.
	To his black, it could even be his black wife.
	And he's like, yeah.
	Yeah, it's just so interesting, the context, the way we're serving stuff.
	But we drew it on Scotty, dude.
	And the crazy part was, his parents, you know, they got it.
	They didn't probably even know what it was.
	They washed the shirt, but he didn't wear the shirt all the time throughout the rest of the year.
	So it was so dislike in there.
	Dude, I took a dump and I couldn't make it home.
	I couldn't make it home from synagogue to my house.
	And it was only like three blocks.
	But it was like, I didn't know how to control my battles back then.
	And I was like, I got it.
	It's coming.
	It's turtling and it's coming.
	So I ducked into my neighbor's side yard in between the bushes and I just let go of a log.
	And then I like wiped with my underwear and took my underwear with me.
	Oh, I better do that.
	Yeah.
	And then, so later, though, they found the dump.
	I mean, I don't know what I was thinking that it was going to go unfound, but they found it.
	They thought it was a hate crime.
	Yeah, they're like, they're fucking shitting in the yard of Jews.
	They were talking about a synagogue.
	I didn't have the heart to tell.
	I just sat there like we're all worried about these hate crimes going around.
	It's just these Jew bowels not working.
	Oh, my God, dude.
	The original hate crime from God.
	Jew bowels.
	God did it to me.
	It was a nice vlog, though.
	It was like a nice one.
	Was it?
	Yeah.
	I mean, oh, yeah, they were so mad.
	Oh, man.
	Your tour, where are you going on this current tour?
	Tacoma and Spokane next.
	Oh, nice.
	And then I'm from Boston.
	I'm just finally back to Boston.
	I started my tour last tour in Boston.
	I'll beat the Wilbur in December 9th.
	So that's like a first big.
	Really?
	You can beat the Wilbur?
	Yeah.
	Congrats.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Thanks.
	Yeah.
	That's cool, man.
	It's a cool place.
	It's like one of the best theaters that there are.
	It's performance-wise.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think that'd be awesome.
	Thanks.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I mean, people are wanting to come out and see comedy.
	And also, I think one thing's back.
	Everybody's back and excited for right now, anyway.
	That'd be beautiful.
	And here's what you don't see in the comedy club so far.
	You don't see this guy.
	Right.
	You know?
	He's not there yet.
	He's not there yet.
	No, he's still online.
	Yeah.
	People are like, oh, I'll come to comedy.
	Sure.
	He's still online, yeah.
	December 9th.
	ArieshaFur.com, get tickets.
	Yep.
	December, what is that?
	December 9th, you said?
	December 9th, yeah.
	I got like Oklahoma City and San Antonio and Tampa and Orlando and places like that.
	AriesShify.com, you can get tickets.
	Remember, we did that Sam Adams thing.
	You remember that?
	Yeah.
	Oh, thanks for that.
	Yeah, you hooked me up with that fucking.
	He was good, that commercial.
	I should have been funnier in that commercial.
	I got serious.
	You know what?
	Mine was kind of serious too.
	I know.
	I think they wanted a little bit of seriousness.
	A little bit, but we should have fucked around more.
	Segura, when he was giving up for his wife, he's like, my first wife.
	He kept referring to his first.
	It's like, that's the line.
	That's your joking.
	You could be serious and still joke.
	And I forgot.
	I had like a day to prepare.
	Yeah, same.
	It was short notice, kind of.
	Yeah.
	I mean, half of the people cried in them.
	I'm like, that's for comedians.
	What are you crying about our mom for?
	Well, my whole podcast is based on crying about my mom.
	So that's crazy.
	But no, I totally also understand what you're saying, dude.
	Trust me.
	I had to go to comedy court.
	Robert Kelly and Big J took me to comedy court.
	Did they?
	Yeah.
	They're like, what is this?
	All right.
	I was like, fuck.
	They found it.
	They were so mad.
	What was it about?
	Not being funny in that Sam Adams commercial.
	Oh, really?
	That's what they did?
	Yeah.
	They're like, are you legitimately giving it up for your friend Red Band helping you just in a serious way?
	And I was like, I don't know, they gave me money to buy.
	So they gave you money?
	That's your.
	I'm like, fuck, you're right.
	It's just like, yeah, you got to go on comedy court.
	I'll get a trial for you.
	Dude, give me a trial, bro.
	You might have to plead guilty, though.
	If they showed me that, I might be like, I throw myself at the mercy of the court on this one.
	Oh, yeah, I will, bro.
	Oh, I got to go out there and do that, man.
	Yeah, dude, I wish there was more of that.
	I think I'm also always jealous of New York comics.
	You guys just get to be in such a place more where it feels like they're doing real comedy.
	Yep.
	Pushing each other.
	Yeah, pushing each other, not being as afraid.
	I think there's definitely a lot of fear in LA, fear of the industry.
	The industry, yeah.
	But then you also see what the industry can do to guys when they write articles and stuff, and that gets scary.
	You know, it gets scary.
	But like you're saying, to always know that you have what you have and that like and that intention can, you know, can kind of show up down the line.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it'd be nice if I was like a clean comic.
	Sometimes it'd be like, that would be cool, but that's not the kind I caught.
	Yeah.
	I caught my kind.
	Yeah, you catch a different kind.
	It'd be great if I make jokes about food only, but like bacon.
	That's why I like when they were doing the rap, when they were all angry about rap, you know, and Olivia Dukakis or wherever it was.
	Like one of them was like really leading the charge, but like they put the warning label on rap song, but they were trying to just ban it completely.
	And John Denver spoke up to Congress.
	Clean-ass John Denver.
	And he was like, guys, you can't tell musicians.
	And he was like, this doesn't affect me.
	I'm clean as shit.
	Well, he didn't even curse, you know?
	Right.
	Rocky Mountain High was like his most risque thing.
	And he goes, it ain't even about drugs.
	It's about the high you get being in nature.
	Damn.
	But he's like, take me home country.
	It's like, and that guy is saying, do not tell these other musicians what they should be rapping about.
	That's crazy.
	You got to let them do it.
	That's just, you have to.
	And that's John Denver defending that.
	It's crazy.
	Yeah, that's fascinating, man.
	Yeah, it's fascinating to what fears are going into things when anybody's making choices and what do we really want?
	And then what are we really fearful of?
	I saw something you said about Dahlia where you're like, there's one part that I liked.
	You're like, I'm not even sure, like even talking about him, if this is going to hurt me, like affect me in some way.
	And that's like, that goes through my mind too.
	And I'd love to be able to say, like, I'm not thinking about it, but I am.
	It's like, it's like, so you have trouble even defending your friends.
	You can stay out of it, but it's like hard to even defend them because, like, are they going to come for me?
	Right.
	For just saying, like, hey, chill.
	They did with Norm McDonald saying, I don't think Roseanne realized that chick was black.
	Fuck you.
	He's like, I'm not saying it's okay.
	I'm just like, she didn't mean it racist.
	Yeah.
	And people got mad at him.
	It's just like, there's no, yeah, you got to be worried about it.
	But I think it's losing its, it's losing its luster as well, that fuck you from nowhere.
	Yeah.
	You can, the thing is with the LA Comics, I get, I get the need to weigh in real fast and like cash in on someone else's hard work like mine.
	But you can take a different stance and still cash in.
	You can get your podcast out the next day.
	But why not take the stance of like, I don't know, defending fucking comedy and jokes and be like, no, no Joco's too far.
	What are you talking about?
	Tim Dylan did it with me.
	He did this whole thing.
	He's like, I don't care for this at all.
	That tweet, what he wrote was wrong.
	And his co-host or whatever is like, what do you mean?
	He's like, I just, it was over the line.
	What you said about Aretha Franklin?
	She's one of our, and he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's Kobe Bryant.
	He goes, wait, what?
	He goes, yeah, Kobe Bryant goes, no, Aretha Franklin right here.
	When she died, he wrote this.
	And he's like, oh, it's, no, it's a different one.
	He goes, well, no, I'm mad about the Aretha Franklin one.
	And that's his way of saying that, guys, guys, he makes fun of dead celebrities.
	Right.
	He doesn't like, you know, calm yourself.
	But he did it in a funny way.
	I think in some ways he's a lot of the leader of that movie.
	He's pushing it, dude.
	He's pushing the line.
	He's pushing that line back because that line wants to keep coming to where we're not going to be able to do any jokes and we're not going to be able to say tranny or anything, anything that you could have before.
	Yeah.
	That you just now can't make fun of fucking kids getting shot.
	Which I, for a while, when they were saying like, you can't be racist or sexist or I was like, well, you can always make fucking school shooting jokes.
	And then they're taking those away.
	And they're like, guys, we're not promoting school shootings.
	We're trying to find some light in this thing.
	And you need guys like Tim Dylan, me, there's plenty of guys out there.
	We're like, we're pushing that line back.
	Comedy needs Tim Dylan to keep you safe where you are, where you think you're safe on the line.
	You're Kabul, man.
	And if America pulls out, all those contractors are dead.
	So you need those frontline workers fucking pushing it.
	Yeah, it's definitely true, man.
	It's definitely true.
	And it's interesting, too, about when you get offended and why and what makes me offended, you know?
	And what's really going on?
	And then, yeah, that another, that then companies are then serving offense to people.
	Hey, here's some offense.
	You like this, don't you?
	Yeah, You like this, and they know by the algorithm that you like it, so it's like, oh, here you like this.
	It's almost like if somebody came up, you like staying healthy, and somebody came up while you weren't really looking and just put a bunch of Fritos in your mouth.
	Yeah, you're right, and they're like, I don't want that.
	You're chewing.
	Why are you chewing then?
	Yeah.
	And before you know it, half of it's in your system.
	Now you're addicted.
	It's really fucking fascinating.
	and we let it happen to the human population.
	It's like...
	When Facebook was doing experiments of like, we're going to show some people negative stuff and some people positive stuff.
	We're going to like analyze their comments after that.
	And they saw like the negative people were more negative.
	The ones who were exposed to negative.
	They were doing literal experiments on just our user group.
	And they found out that would rile them up and they made more comments.
	And so like, that means we have to show everybody more negative stuff.
	Wow.
	And then it affects your mood all the time.
	You're looking for the anger and you're just like.
	You ever see those like real hippies that are like, like cry over like a sunset?
	And like, you know what I mean?
	It's like, just the trees blowing.
	It's so beautiful.
	It's like, damn, they got the right mindset though.
	Right.
	You know, it's like they're seeing the beauty and everything.
	I want to get back to that a little bit.
	Do you think you could ever get back there?
	Because it seemed like you come from a darker place kind of.
	Yeah, but it's also like, yeah, but I still, I mean, I do plenty of like mushrooms and stuff.
	So that helps me.
	It helps you.
	Oh, for sure.
	Oh, yeah.
	It definitely helps, man.
	It definitely helps.
	See, like the greatness and things.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And it's like, we got to be reminded because, yeah, it's almost like just the society we build.
	And I don't even know if it's humanity over all time.
	I think it just, when you look at the big scheme of things, this could be, you know, if this society goes on for another 500,000 years and this is just a small moment.
	It is.
	We're a blip.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	Remember when the first internet came out and everybody thought it was all real?
	You know, that could be 50 years from now.
	Before there's regulation, can you believe what they were letting their kids do?
	They were letting their nine-year-olds be in this incredibly dangerous, addictive, and fucking harmful thing.
	Yeah.
	Imagine just putting your nine-year-old in a pack of cigarettes every day.
	Dude, I told my sister about it, and I was like, are you worried about your kids being online?
	I mean, the danger that you're seeing more and more of how unsettling it is and bad it is for you.
	And these are developing minds.
	So they're talking about like, you're not supposed to smoke weed until you're 16 because it hurts your development.
	Afterwards, you're like, fine, go for it.
	But like, so now you're letting a nine-year-old be exposed to this terrible thing.
	And there's no real studies on it yet and what that's going to do.
	And she goes, yeah, but you know, they need, I need to be able to reach them, which nobody could reach us.
	We went out to ride our bikes when we were 10. We were gone.
	Right.
	We were safe.
	You know, yeah, there might be a molester here or there.
	But like, mostly we were safe, you know?
	And I was like, well, what about a flip phone?
	If you need to reach them, what about a flip phone?
	And then from the other room, my nephew's like, shut up, Uncle Ari.
	Shut up.
	Because they're like, don't you get my fucking cell phone taken away?
	But like, yeah, you're right.
	That's going to be a blip.
	No one's going to remember that we are alive in a thousand years.
	I know.
	That's any of us.
	And so like, none of this matters.
	Do you think about having a family and stuff like that?
	You said you don't want kids, right?
	No, I had a vasectomy.
	Did you really?
	Yeah, a few years ago.
	No way.
	2017, 2018, yeah.
	Did you let people bid on it on eBay?
	I feel like you could fucking get something.
	You don't chop your dick off, Theo.
	That's not rubbasectomy.
	You can put your semen out or something.
	Semen fast deference.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's just like tube, and you cut it, and then solder the ends.
	Smell a little barbecue while it's happening.
	It seems like as a Jewish person, you wouldn't do that.
	It seems like the most...
	What about the special?
	You had made the special Jew, right?
	I didn't make it.
	You didn't make it?
	Okay.
	That's the only real negative is I was gonna.
	The producers, they were the only one.
	What would have happened except the producers pulled out of it?
	Because Eric was going to do it too, huh?
	He was in.
	He was willing to do it.
	Oh, I love him.
	Yeah, he's the best.
	The venue, the scurball, they're like, sure, we're in.
	Higher security.
	We're getting some death threats.
	And then those fucking producers were like, well, I don't think.
	They didn't try to help me find another producer.
	They didn't try to transfer over their insurance.
	They were just like, nah.
	This ain't it.
	I'm like, dude, we had 2,700 tickets sold.
	Six people asked for refunds.
	Wow.
	Which we gave it to them, and those were sold again in fucking seconds.
	Did you feel like the Jewish community stood up for you as much than this?
	Does it matter really when we're doing it?
	For the Jew hours.
	Most of them were like, oh, this is really interesting and fun.
	Sometimes they were like, this is anti-Semitic.
	But it's also like, so what, you know, it's like, go be angry.
	It's like, none of your feelings are real or not real.
	It doesn't matter.
	It's nothing to do with me.
	Go be angry.
	I'm not going to stop doing this.
	Because also that rabbi loved it.
	This rabbi hates it.
	It's my experience, man.
	I can't.
	Kathleen McGee, this comedian was in Toronto.
	Now she's, I mentioned her Vancouver or whatever.
	She's doing a joke about getting raped.
	Somebody was like, yeah, you shouldn't be doing jokes about rape.
	She goes, are you telling me not to artistically express my rape?
	The lady's like, yeah, I don't like it.
	It's like, well, you can not like it all you want.
	You're wrong to fucking bring this up to me.
	That's crazy.
	And that is, when you put it like it is crazy to say I can't share whatever my experience in the world is because then the biggest problem is we're going to be stuck with just one experience.
	What's already out?
	That's it.
	Exactly.
	And you're like, that's not art.
	Art is wild outside the lines drawing.
	That's what it is.
	You want a fucking Rat King and you want a fucking Jim Gaffigan.
	They're way different.
	So everyone has their own favorites.
	And I do notice Brian Dorfman over at Zane's here in Nashville is like, they started locking the phones up sometimes again.
	So they were doing this weekend.
	They were?
	Love it.
	Just for attention span, let alone stuff getting out, but just for attention span.
	Like, I want you to hear my setup.
	Right.
	To this joke about trees.
	It's not even an offensive joke, but it's like, you're missing the setup, dude.
	I love when you see in the audience sometimes, Stan, I see people on their phone, not taping me or anything, just on their phone.
	And then I'll keep going my bit because, you know, we can go a little autopilot, you know?
	And then I'll like wait.
	And I'll be like, hold on, you guys.
	Let me make a point real quick.
	Sir, sir.
	And they'll look up and like, yeah, I'm like, what was I talking about?
	And they're like, wedding.
	They kind of have half hurt a little bit.
	I'm like, nah, you're way off.
	And like, the idea that you're still paying attention, this is the most exciting thing in your week.
	You're at a live stand-up comedy show.
	Yeah.
	And you're missing it to scroll.
	Yeah.
	Because you're an addict because we're all addicts.
	Oh, that's the truth, man.
	That's the truth.
	It's like, what's the worst addiction?
	What's this?
	Yeah.
	It's an addiction.
	That's the thing we're letting.
	Getting in the way of your life.
	That's what an addiction is, right?
	Yeah.
	Not when you do it a lot, when it gets in the way of your life.
	Sex addiction is like, it's okay to fuck, but like you want to hang out with your friends and you go off to fuck because you can't stop yourself.
	That's when it's an addiction.
	Well, that's what Dalia talks about too.
	Now, he says, like, he would literally be on his phone all the time.
	And he's like, and I equated it later to like, he's just DMing, just literally like going through like, you know, just any woman, anything that has long hair, dude, and bumps on the front of its sternum, right?
	It could even be measles, right?
	It could be anything.
	And he's just DM, you know, he said, but it was like watching somebody shoot heroin into their body.
	Yeah, exactly.
	But because it looks different, we don't equate it to the same thing.
	My favorite Dahlia was when he started and he was with a chick and he was monogamous with her.
	And like, he was around willing to talk.
	He wasn't like running off to do stuff.
	And then even when he was single doing that, he's not doing anything wrong.
	But it'd be like, hang out, man.
	Come hang out.
	Stop that for a second.
	Just come hang out.
	We're all chilling.
	Well, that's the coolest thing is that that guy, who I didn't never knew that guy, is back now.
	Oh, really?
	It's real interesting.
	Yeah, I mean, you could sit with Chris and have a conversation and he's engaged and he tries to express you that he genuinely cares.
	You know, like just powerful to see, too.
	Those cancelings really do set you free at some point because like you already did it.
	Right.
	You already did it.
	So now it's like, let me be who stop caring about what other people think and just be you.
	Yeah, that's what's kind of great.
	I almost feel like in a way, I'm kind of like, you're like a free man.
	It's like when you get COVID, right?
	You're scared of it, scared.
	Then you get it.
	You're like, oh, well, then I'm immune for the next six months.
	You're like, bars.
	You got antibodies.
	Antibodies.
	You guys want to hang out?
	You got antibodies right now.
	You're like Frederick Douglass now, Sean, not George Washington, all of a sudden.
	Everything here is changing.
	Any other good question before you came in?
	Yeah, dude, Nashville's a cool town.
	I'm glad you're here.
	This is like, it'll be hard not to drink for sure, but like, but like, it's a drinking town, but like, it's cool here, man.
	It is.
	It's interesting.
	It's used to be some weird shit.
	Like, like, you get to go over to Kid Rock's house.
	You get to go to fucking like, like, I'm friends with Jimmy Johnson.
	Of course you got to know Kid Rock.
	That makes complete sense.
	I wouldn't have thought of it until you said it.
	Out of his mind, dude.
	Really?
	And my audience isn't a country audience.
	My audience is kind of just like, I think, just regular guys.
	Who likes the country?
	Who likes looking at it from afar?
	Yes, who wouldn't mind?
	Yeah, maybe.
	Maybe a version of country.
	But I don't get like the, like, like, I don't get like the red, white, and blue, like, you know, or the rebel flag guys.
	Those have never been my audience.
	Like, my biggest sales are in Portland and Australia.
	You know, so I think I get like just, I don't know.
	Australia?
	That's your big one?
	Really?
	That's crazy.
	Yeah, like that.
	They're a great market.
	Maybe Melbourne, Australia, or just anywhere in Australia.
	Commons Lounge.
	Australia is awesome.
	And Australia is kind of a fucking, they're a place built on criminals, you know?
	But they got that as a vibe.
	Yeah.
	So I think that's who I think a lot of microhardies are just recovering criminals, bro.
	That's exactly what I think it is, man.
	Some emotional, recovering from emotional, some recovering from actual crimes.
	Here we got a question right here from a guy, and we'll finish up.
	Hello, Ari Shafir.
	You said it kind of wrong.
	I was wondering if you would rather have sex with Hillary Clinton or have...
	I want to.
	I mean, she'd be hot as shit, man.
	Because you know she's a straight killer, so you know she fucks like she kills.
	Yeah.
	Hard and without remorse.
	I bet she only does reverse cowboy and that she is on a tablet while she's doing it.
	Exactly.
	Making deals, fucking getting her foundation funded.
	Yeah, ordering pizza.
	Exactly.
	Multitasking.
	Yeah.
	Multitasking.
	You're right.
	Reverse cowgirl with Hillary Clinton.
	Somebody's got a Photoshop of that from one of my tourists.
	Hillary Clinton reverse cowgirling me.
	She's ordering stuff from the new Ari Shapira tour.
	That's funny, yeah.
	I would go, you know what's funny is you go to Fayetteville, Arkansas, and it's just a small college town, and it's really neat.
	And you realize that that's where Bill and Hillary met each other and stuff.
	It's a really, it's just interesting.
	It adds a different to like, oh, you guys are just two Fayetteville people at your heart.
	It's real, really.
	Yeah, you're like, this is like, yeah, just a small, it's actually a beautiful college town.
	It's like, this is a small college town.
	And you guys just.
	That's the thing people always forget about like Rogan or any of us too.
	They're like, oh, he's, because he's got this big platform, right?
	So you're like, he has a responsibility or whatever.
	And I keep trying to say this in the nicest way.
	Like, I'm just a douchebag comic.
	So are you.
	So's Joe.
	We don't know anything.
	Right.
	We're just comics.
	Right.
	I'm still just a door guy at the comedy store.
	Right.
	Just trying to make a funny joke.
	And I might have gotten more successful.
	And so had any of us.
	But like, we're still just these beginning comics in our hearts.
	Right.
	We're still these guys like, want to go to Jerry's Deli late at night?
	Yeah.
	And that hasn't changed.
	Just the cars are driving.
	That's the only shit that's changed.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's a good point, man.
	I'm so glad that you came over and spent some time, man.
	Some of this stuff I just need to be reminded of.
	I need to get a dose of like of that New York attitude, you know, that you get from you.
	And just to be, not be afraid to just be free sometimes.
	Like, I get so scared, you know, I do get so scared.
	And not just what I'm going to say.
	Sometimes I don't get that scared about that.
	But I do get some scared about like taking a break or taking care of myself or like, what do I need to do for me?
	Because I think I was always just like, the only way I felt okay is if other people were, you know, like, yeah.
	So it's just that kind of shit, you know.
	I'm going to make the suggestion.
	I've made it to other people in our old comedy store group that I've seen get famous.
	It's going to be hard, but I would say like, and you could pre-record some podcasts if you want to like not have, be gone from the fans, you know?
	But go to another country, go stay in some hostels and leave your phone here in America.
	Find a burner when you get there and take a month.
	Maybe more, but take a month minimum and just get lost.
	I mean, you got money now, dude.
	So it's like to protect yourself.
	It's going to be hard.
	I can talk you through where to go and stuff like that.
	But like the world out there is wild.
	It reminds you that things are fun and you'll be, no one will know who the fuck you are.
	You'll get recognized once, maybe.
	There's a bunch of Irish people who are like, oh, I've never heard of any of that shit, you know?
	And like, you just get free.
	You get free out there, just out there in the world, South America.
	It's like literally stay in hostels just to socialize.
	You'll get used to it.
	Like we said, like people adapt.
	You get used to a fucking hostel cot in four days.
	And then like, then you're just like floating.
	And it's just so freeing on a level that I can't really fully express.
	And I would consider doing it.
	Say like, put it a date like five months from now or something.
	So it's like, tell your fans, like, hey, I'm going to be taking January off or something, you know?
	It's funny that we came to America for freedom and now it's like we're going other places for it in a weird way.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Interesting.
	Happy 9-11, dude.
	And the best Ari Shafir joke I can think of saying, dude, happy 9-11.
	And thanks for being here.
	You guys check out AriShafir.com for tickets to the tour.
	Podcast, Ari Shafir Skeptic Tank.
	Go to SpaceX Online.
	Yeah, I want to have you back on.
	Maybe about relapse, actually.
	We did that walk in the woods.
	That was fun as shit.
	Yeah.
	Before we recorded stuff, but video recorded.
	But it was just like carrying mics.
	I got live mics for that same kind of shit now.
	And dude, Blair Sochi, do you know who that is?
	She does the breath work.
	She's a comedian.
	Oh, really?
	And she also does the breath work.
	Dude, I did a session with her last week, and it was crazy, bro.
	She lived here or back in LA?
	She's in LA.
	So we just did it over Zoom.
	Yeah, yeah, I know her.
	But it was like, just like you do all this breathing, so you get all this carbon or something in your body.
	And then like your nervous system is kind of shut down.
	So you're just like literally standing around in your emotions and shit.
	Shit was fucking deep.
	Isn't that kind of yoga where it's like...
	Yeah.
	But for 25 minutes, you're doing that.
	Dude, I couldn't move my arms.
	You're literally just lobstered out, dude.
	I mean, you're freaking Jordan Peterson's pet.
	Yeah, you're just lobstered out.
	And then, so then all that's left is like, finally, some of these emotions come up out of the sediment of like, oh, it felt crazy, bro.
	That's cool.
	And you're off all that.
	Ball and like just tears, not even tears that I wanted to cry, tears that had just been in me, just fucking really?
	It was real fascinating, man.
	I'm actually hoping to do it with her again on Monday.
	Oh, I'm going to hit her up.
	I want to keep doing it.
	She teaches it for like a class class?
	Yeah, she just does it.
	Yeah, she knows how to do it.
	Cool.
	She knows how to do it with people.
	But yeah, man, you're a pioneer, man, in a lot of ways, man.
	And, you know, it's fascinating to hear.
	Thank you for being here today, bud.
	Yeah, thanks for having me, buddy.
	Nice seeing you.
	Me too.
	All right, gay sex now?
	Yeah, we'll do a little.
	We'll do a little, man.
	Sean, you're in first, dude, huh?
	Set a pee.
	Yeah, he loves it.
	He can't tell a lie to me.
	This guy, man.
	He loves it.
	He loves it.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Hi, Sweetheart.
	Easy to.
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	John Main.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
	Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

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