Theo talks about his experience in Vegas for the Dustin Poirier v. Conor McGregor fight, Riley Mau returns to discuss his love life and the recent attacks on Asian Americans and Theo thinks long and hard about what he'd like his last words to be.
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Oh, well, I'm alive.
That's the first thing I noticed about myself this morning when I got up.
I'm still alive.
And you know, it's uh guarantee.
Some people die in their sleep.
I wonder how if I would like that.
Dying in my sleep.
I almost, the thing about dying in your sleep, and people don't think about this.
If you die in your sleep, you don't get any last words.
You don't get that last serving of outspoken.
You don't get to say anything.
If you're stabbed or if you, you know, fall down some stairs or something, you know, if you're stabbed, you can, oh, you know, why did you stab me?
What did you stab me?
You know, and then maybe some famous quote or something you get to do, you know.
I could have been a contender.
Give me liberty.
Give me death.
You know.
From the window to the wall, you know.
I mean, you get to, at least if you are, if you're out and about or if you're if you're not asleep, if you're not dying in your sleep, you get that last moment.
You know, even if you're falling down some stairs, you're like, oh, dang, this is the last time I'm gonna be.
What the fuck?
But at least you get to, you get a final say.
Because otherwise, if you just die in your sleep, you just get that epithet.
And an epithet is something people write it on your, uh, on that gravestone.
That death marker.
You know that, uh...
Or placard.
I'm not sure.
I think it is of French origin.
But then somebody else guesses, you know, what you would have said, you know.
Or they give you a final little hoo-ha on there.
So.
What do you think you do, Rally Mao?
Would you die in your sleep or would you want to go out in a living moment?
I think I want to go out in a living moment.
And would you have a final word or something when you get one final jab in at the world, a verbal jab?
Yeah, I don't know.
I would say, you know, something.
Alrighty, we'll come back to you, bud.
We'll come back to you with that.
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This is Eddie Ninevolt, The Come Up.
I'm on a come up.
Yeah.
Feels real good after I've been so blue.
Mm-hmm.
I'm on a come up.
It feels so good to have a brand new view.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I just broke off with my baby.
Now I can finally get the love on you.
Mm-mm-mm-mm.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street when the mayor came and said to me, You're on a come up.
You're on a come up.
Come on, baby.
And it's plain to see between you and me.
We got so much lovin'and chemistry.
It's on a come up.
It's on a come up.
Well, good things keep on comin'.
And there ain't gonna be no runnin'.
No, I'm on a come up.
Mm-mm.
I'm on a come up.
Well, I just got home and now I'm back.
I got so many people asking where I'm at.
I've been to Tennessee.
See, Havana.
Oh, hi, yo.
And that's that right there, baby.
That'll get you.
And if that don't get you, then you probably can't be got.
If that don't get you, you probably can't be got.
Because music has that infectious ability.
You know, there's very few things that can just get you immediately out of nowhere and make you behave differently.
A dog bite can do it.
A bee.
A bumblebee, baby, they can do it really heavily.
If they choose, if they wanna.
If they're feeling like it.
A dog bite, a bee.
What else?
Um.
Lightning Which is really just God's bumblebee, baby And music those are the things that can really get you Just take you from nothing to something and an escalator Those are about the five things that can really maybe shift what's
going on with you I went to the fights.
That's what I did this past weekend.
I went out there to Las Vegas and ah man it was scorch.
It was a scorcher The plane couldn't even land because at first the runway was 115 degree and they said that the runway if it's higher than 114 or something they can't land so that took an extra 40 minutes of delay time and then you're sitting there and
it's you know it just then you're having to kind of mingle and pee there was two like just thoughts I mean I mean just real girls that it looked like they'd just been the kind of girls that'll just they've they'll just look like they've been beaten up at even at Christmas and they just one of them was just so aggravating and just kept ordering drinks and
the guy the guy in the you know the server or the flight attendant sorry I don't mean server but the flight attendant the airman he said we can't have drink and the lady like ordered three times and just a nightmare and I just wish that I was Italian enough to do that thing or
when you're sitting behind somebody in an Italian movie sometimes the person in the back seat will put a cord around the person in the front seat's neck and just lace them up like a shoe until they're not alive anymore and uh that's what I wanted to do I wanted to do that there was two girls one of them deserved to live I'm gonna say it I'll put it like that the other one
we didn't need her we didn't need her did we need her nope we sure didn't she said I don't know Jesus Christ and who's emailing me now Best Buy bunch of assholes what do they think I'm gonna do hey Best Buy let me say this to you okay every night you want to email me around midnight 1 a.m first of
all your stores aren't even open at that time have you thought about that second of all what do you think I'm gonna do you think I'm gonna get out of bed with my stuffed animal or with a girl maybe but you think I'm gonna get out of bed to go look at one of your X-Roxers or look at one of your 71 inchers it's 1 a.m.
And you guys are beating me over the damn screen face with your you know we got toasters we got mortal you know mortal warrior 60 you know join the club join the group don't you want this oven bitch i'm asleep i don't need an oven while i'm sleeping all right i'm trying to get some rest i'm not trying to get a deal best
buy so you best believe me when i tell you to limit a buck alone in the emails but um anyway yeah so i got out to the fights and uh and what was going on i mean there was first of all it was a packed event you know i get over there um and
well did you watch the fights rally mao did you watch the fights brother i did not all righty what'd you do over the weekend bub uh filmed the wedding oh wow and whose was it don't know it was the catholic wedding oh okay and now what's the time like what's the time commitment you're gonna go film a wedding what kind of time commitment is that pretty much all day
okay and do you have a certain shot list you like to try to get i do okay and is there any kind of sneaky shots will you get something like uh is there any stuff you try to sneak in the back room or hide behind a window or something get something a little perverse not perverse but you know what i'm saying something that's gonna you know make them cover the baby's eyes if if they're watching the video back it's gonna make them cover the child's eyes if they're in there watching
it i do not okay so you guys really more of a pg outfit over there yeah yeah pretty much okay and have you ever filmed a wedding where you didn't think that they should go through with it not that i could think of all righty is it how's your own love life going man last time we'd had you here here you had a real there was a a woman who'd let you down from memphis i remember yep kendra
i think was her name what was it i i don't even remember it was i got her out of my mind wow yep isn't it funny how it'll happen how one day it's the most important thing to you and then it's and then it's uh old male you know exactly um what's up with the wedding bells on your own front is there any new relationships in your life uh Unfortunately not.
Okay.
Okay.
Still looking.
You still looking, huh?
Yeah.
Are you on the apps?
Are you just letting the you just living right?
You letting the Lord work?
How are you managing it?
I'm just letting the Lord work.
Amen, buddy.
Amen.
And what about are you, do you, you know, I struggle over the years with a little bit of pornography.
Do you struggle with it or are you good?
I don't.
I'm good.
God, you're lucky.
Dear God.
Motherfuck.
All right.
Well, I'll tell you about the fights, man.
Okay, you guys, if you didn't see the fight, I mean, it was, first of all, I get there.
There's tons of, you know, Joe Rogan has done an amazing job over the years.
He created this unique bridge where comedy and where comedians and fighters are allowed to commingle.
And there's a mutual kind of, I don't know if it's definitely a respect in the fighter's direction, but there's a like I got to go up to Max Holloway and say hello, you know, and he knew who I was.
I mean, that was like made my life, you know.
You know, you're able to, in my DMs, I'm communicating with other fighters.
I run into other fighters.
And there's just like Ricky Simone, you know, Corey Sandhagen and I will communicate some, like Ty Tui Vasa, who was drinking beer out the boot up there on that cage after he gave Greg Hardley that, I mean, he hit, I mean, he just hit him.
He gave him that fat rattler, baby.
You know, he fucking hit him with that New Zealand brown snake, baby.
You feel me?
He really shook him down with that freaking, that big coconut cane pole, daddy.
Ty really, he snuck him.
He snuck him with that magic arm, duck.
You know, he bit him with that freaking, he bit him with that big, that elbowed quacker, dog, you know?
That dirty duck, that left, or that right.
I don't remember which one it was.
But there's just a way, like, and that's all because of Joe Rogan.
You know, Joe Rogan does comedy.
He's done, he does UFC.
He's the voice of UFC.
And so you're just, it's interesting he's allowed to co-mingle with those people.
And there's a level of, I don't know if it's, it's definitely respect towards the fighters because, you know, they're fighters.
So there's always a lot of respect towards fighters.
But there's a level of respect that comes back from those guys towards the comedians and stuff.
You know, I think it's interesting because, you know, we all put ourselves out there in some way to get an energy or a vibe or something.
To get a, to be seen or heard.
You know, fighters, they're fighting to get that.
You know, they want to be.
We're all trying to prove something.
We're all trying to fill in a void or a necessity.
There's these spaces inside of us that are missing a building block.
And we're all trying to out in the world just chiseling different moments and different goals to get them to feel whatever that space is.
And I notice it a lot.
I notice it between fighters.
I notice it between comedians.
I notice it between strippers, pornographists.
But yeah, this need to be seen or noticed or complete.
But yeah, and Joe Rogan's really built that, but he makes it okay kind of for comedians and fighters to interact because he's that Lego that's keeping that both of those entities connected.
Yeah, I went to the fights.
I didn't know that Joe Rogan had left me two tickets.
So I get there.
I got one.
I just brought myself, you know.
So I get there.
Suddenly I got two tickets, but it's already into the undercard.
So I texted a couple people.
I didn't know anyone that lived in Vegas.
So I texted Glenn Big Baby Davis.
He was a guest on this past weekend.
You know, he's a Louisiana guy.
I figured I'm there to see Dust and another Louisiana guy to be great.
Glenn had just left town.
And so then I'm stuck.
You know, and I thought about trying to text a hooker or something.
But then what if they show up?
They don't look like their picture.
And then now you're sitting next to some lady that looks like Bert and Ernie.
I don't know if you've ever done that, but sometimes you get an escort, they show up, they'll look like Bert and Ernie.
You're like, dang, okay?
This double puppet out here, I can't even, and nothing like the picture they had on the internet.
That is a, I mean, they must have been hit by lightning and stung by bees or something because there will be a total different vibe or energy coming off that woman.
Beautiful ladies.
And look, and they're beautiful ladies.
I'm just saying, the last minute, you also, you don't want to get a last minute hooker.
That's not, some things are escort.
I shouldn't say hooker like it's, You know, it sounds a little, I guess, like they're not doing anything.
I mean, hookering.
But I respect hookers and escorts.
I respect anybody that's doing something like that.
You ever consider anything like that, Raleigh Mao?
You ever considered, you know, using, you know, some men or something if they if they're not having luck with women, they'll get out there and get a lady of the night, kind of.
Has it ever crossed your mind or what?
I know a few people that have, but not for me.
Okay.
And what do you think about, like, do you feel, do you look down on it or it's just not your thing?
Do you feel like it would be too nervous of an interaction?
It's just, it's just not my thing.
Yeah.
And what type of place are you trying to meet ladies these days?
You at the laundromat?
Are you doing indoors, outdoors?
Where are you trying to meet these gals?
Anywhere.
Anywhere.
Never thought about a laundromat, but hey, can't go wrong.
Well, I'll tell you what's good about a laundromat is that it's a place where women prefer to do laundry.
And I'm not saying it's a sexist thing or a, you know, I just, and I'll be honest, they do it better.
You know, I've seen a dude with some laundry and it's, it looks like somebody just kidnapped a bunch of clothes.
You know, when you see a guy with some laundry, it looks like it shouldn't really, it looks sad.
I'm going to say that.
But a woman, you see laundry, you see her, she's able, it's just, women are more delicate, clothes are delicate.
So when you see the two together, it just has a more comfortable fit.
I'm not saying women need to do laundry.
I'm not saying that at all.
Okay?
I know a couple cushy Viettes.
You know, a couple soft-handed Viettes.
You won't even see them touch the pillowcase and next thing you know, it's all, you know, folded into a damn duck or into a damn Raven Simone even.
One of them could even fold it into a damn, you know, a Larry Bird.
I mean, you know, the ability sometimes of these, the small paws on a Vietnamese person to maneuver the cloth into perfect shapes and stuff is magnific as they say abroad.
Magnifique.
But what are we talking about?
What were we talking about, Riley Maui?
You remember?
I can't at the moment.
Alrighty, man.
Me neither, Bub, so I'm going to let you off the hook on that one.
But damn.
Well, anyway, went to the fights.
Dustin won.
I almost got to go in the ring when he won, which would have been pretty cool.
I mean, it's, you know, you're just there to support him.
You know, it was also awesome to see Sean O'Malley.
You know, he's just an entertaining guy.
And, you know, he's trying to, you know, add to his knockout resume.
Chris Mutinho was the guy who fought him.
And the guy, that was one of the most exciting parts of the night was when that guy just kept taking the hits from Sean O'Malley.
Because we all want to keep going.
We all want to take the hits and keep going.
And we do.
We do it on a day-to-day basis.
So to see this little, I mean, he had the green hair color, this little Jolly Rancher.
He looked like a my little pony kind of hopped up on Jolly Rancher candies.
But to see him, and I don't even say that in a rude way, you know, I was fascinated.
It was one of the highlights of the evening.
People were chanting Rocky at one point.
To see him just keep going, to see them call the fight at the end and not let him finish was a little rough.
But man, that was amazing.
Because we all want to take the hits and keep going.
And he did that.
Yeah, that was amazing, man.
What else?
What else is happening?
What else happened this weekend?
We had some videos that came in, some submissions of things that were going on.
And I'll get into those in just a second.
We'll find out a little bit more what's going on from Mr. Riley Mao and see what's happening out there in the hot world and the low-key Christian young fellow Asian world.
We'll get into that in just a second.
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Also, want to let you know that tickets are going on sale Friday for the Netflix special taping.
We will be taping in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium.
You'll be able to get those through theovon.com slash tour.
And that's where I would suggest that you get them.
Man, it's going to be exciting.
What else?
Oh, I'll tell you this.
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You know, people sell things online.
You ever sold something online, Riley Mao?
I have.
What'd you sell, Bubby?
Oh, man, I've sold iPads, phones, a lot of stuff.
Okay.
Electronics.
Yep, you can sell all types of things.
You can also sell your crafts online.
You ever done a craft, Riley?
I have.
Well, you could sell them online.
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Riley Mao, there was a lot of, you know, since you've been in here, there's been a lot of alleged attack on Asian in the world.
Have you heard about this?
I have.
And were you seeing any of that on your doorstep?
Were you seeing anything like that where people throwing torches through your windows or anything?
What's going on?
Give me your feed on it.
Man, I didn't even know it was a thing until someone brought it up to me and I was like, oh, that's a thing.
Do you see any reason why it's happening?
Do you...
Here's the thing.
Every day, probably 700 people get attacked, I would say, in America.
Just generally.
Based on the numbers of people and the possibility of other people that want to attack someone.
Would you agree maybe that?
Yeah.
So some of those people are going to be Asian just because there is Asian people that are alive.
Right.
Statistically, they're just...
And so they make it, they just focus on them now, you know?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think about it?
No, I mean, you're absolutely right.
I mean, there's just, you know, people are Asian.
Yep.
They're alive.
It's going to happen.
Do you have any more insight?
Are you hearing anything from your grandparents?
Is anybody sending you a scroll or sending you something?
Is there any, you know, any, are you getting any old school information?
What's coming down the Asian pipeline that you're hearing?
Are you guys getting armored up?
Is there any intel you can give us?
Yeah, man.
No, I mean, as far as I am and my family, we're clean.
I haven't heard anything.
Okay.
And have anybody been attacked, your folks or anything?
No.
Okay.
So it's not at your doorstep, huh?
Not that I know of.
Yeah.
Well, good, man.
I'm glad you're staying safe and you're staying busy out there.
And I'm happy to see you today, Bub.
Great to be here.
Great to see you, too.
Alrighty.
Let's get into a little more.
Let's get into a little more.
I've also got some tickets out there for Huntsville, Alabama.
People can go check it out.
Yeah, what else happened at the fight?
Let me think what else happened.
I ran into a lot of great people.
There was so many like TPW fans, King and the Sting listener, TPW listeners, King and the Sting listeners.
And that was great.
Just running across people.
You know, the Uber situation in Vegas was insane.
The taxi lines, it was all insane.
There was a Bruno Marr concert going on.
You listen to Bruno Maher, Riley?
I do.
All right, we had a Bruno Maher going on.
You had Garth Brooks, Who was basically the white Bruno Mars, the white senior citizen Bruno Mars at this point.
And he hid the bodies or whatever, but you got Garth Brooks, then you had the UFC.
And man, it was just, it was just so many people going around.
And what else?
Yeah, was that the fight?
So anyway, I'm sitting next to an empty seat the whole time because I had an extra ticket, couldn't find anybody to go.
And you don't want to get a last-minute hooker, I don't feel like.
You don't.
It's just a lot.
It's just because there's that risque moment.
And anybody that's ever been involved in hookering, you know, whether you've been a consumer or whether you've sold weenie or sold a female crotch, that you know, I mean, it's the picture people put out there on the interwebs is not the picture that shows up at the door.
Okay?
It is a little different.
It's kind of like pizza.
It's like kind of like dominoes or, you know, the thing, the stuff you see on the documents, on the pamphlets or whatever, that's not, it looks good.
The Cinnabons or what the crunchy, you know, the cinnamon, you know, little, you know, chum nuggets or whatever they're called.
I don't know what they're called.
Do you know what those are called, Raleigh Mao?
I don't.
Awesome.
And so the whatever.
Anyway, the treats on the thing, on the famphlets, look good.
They look good.
The shit you shows up at your door looks fucking...
You know?
*Bang, bang, bang*
What?
That's what that.
And so I just didn't want some, you know, some lady who's got 2,000 lip injections and she's, you know, if she, you know, her lips are like a flotation device in case something happens.
You know, like on an airplane, they would be doing the thing in the beginning.
Like, you know, a mask will fall from the ceiling.
Please put the thing, you know, there's a life dressing under your seat.
Please pull it out and put it around your neck.
And she would just point her lips like, hey, if we go in the water, I'm good.
You know, I got these fucking tongue pontoons up here on the outside of my mouth hole.
That's going to keep us all safe.
You know, so I just didn't want to get, I don't know.
That was just a risky move.
And then also I didn't want to sell the ticket because I didn't want Joe Rogan here and oh, I sold his fucking ticket, even though he probably would have appreciated it.
You know, I know he's a capitalist guy, just like all the rest of us are in this country.
But I just didn't know.
So anyway, I had an extra seat and I was by myself.
I was right behind Dustin's wife and his kind of family friends, Tim and his wife.
And so it was kind of a, I could go up and talk with them and that was exciting.
And you could see the different celebrities coming in and out.
That was pretty cool.
One thing that's tough about the last time I went, I got to sit in the seats that are right behind Joe Rogan.
So one thing I realized when I'm over there, when I sat over there, you can hear the commentators commentating the fights.
You can hear what's going on.
The seats that I had this time, I wasn't close enough to hear them.
So you don't hear any commentating.
Like at home, you hear the commentating on the television.
But I wasn't hearing any of that.
So you're just kind of looking a lot.
It's a lot of looking and listening, but not hearing like a ton.
It's kind of like bird watching.
It's a little bit like bird watching.
After the fight, I snuck in into the back area.
I got to hang out with, met some of the Cleveland Browns.
That was really cool, man.
Actually, super nice guys.
Baker Mayfield, Austin Hooper, Respect, man.
You know, we talked about the dark arts.
I guess he's, you know, he definitely is, he knew about them.
And so we discussed some of that.
And Odell Beckham Jr. met that man.
Who else was back there?
David Cho, who's friends with Bobby Lee.
You know who that guy is, Riley Mao?
I do.
There you go.
And, yeah, there were some different SIA.
There were some different musicians.
You know, all the celebrities that you saw on television, if you watch the fights, JB was there.
Justin Bieber, I didn't get to see him.
Donald Trump, I didn't get to see him.
I saw him come in, but I didn't get to say hey or anything.
But it was definitely, you know, it's just all of what's going on.
You got the fighters, you got the fan.
It was just, it was exciting.
But the difference is the value in seeing it on television is you can hear the commentators.
You can hear what's going on.
And the tough thing about being at the venue is you don't get any of that.
So you're just guessing.
Are they in an arm roll?
Are they in a, you know, did he put them in a leg monster?
What happened?
You know, is he bleeding?
Is he bruised?
Is he, you know, did he have too much, you know, breakfast?
you don't have any of the information.
Is he on the front foot, side control, you know, mission control, missionary?
You don't know any.
On television, you get Joe and John and Daniel Cormier telling you the different things.
But when you're just standing there looking, you don't know if the guy is, you know, if he's flat-footed, if he's got two arms, if he's doing a double entendre, you don't know if he's, you know, you don't know if some guy's getting beaten.
You don't know if it's, you know, you don't know if somebody has asthma, if they won their last fight.
You don't know if Sugar Sean's about to knock the color, you know, the food coloring out that one dude.
I mean, you just, you don't know any of the information.
So, but it was magical.
You know, it was really magical.
It's just great to be there to be able to support Dustin.
Then I got to go over to Dustin and his wife's home after and meet some of his coaches.
And that was really cool because I got to ask them some questions.
I met the owner of the Atlanta Hawks, the basketball team.
I'm kind of just bragging here, but it was just interesting.
Just interesting people to talk to about stuff.
They had an Uber driver that drove a brown car.
And I'd never seen a brown car since my dad had one.
You know, my dad had a Delta Cutlass 88. He had that Delta Cutlass 88, and it had he bought it off a couple brothers down the block.
And it had 22s in the trunk.
And he didn't need the 22s, but he couldn't hear anyway.
My father couldn't hear well.
When I got to know my father, he was in his, you know, probably about 78 by the time I got to kind of start to know him.
And he would drive us around and just listen to news and public radio on with bass.
You know, so it'd just be like, Jesse Jackson, you know, just listening to just stuff about politics and like, you know, I mean, it just, it was crazy, you know, listening to the weather.
This is 70% chance of brain.
Just these huge 22s just rattling the trunk.
And one of them had old Chinese food in it.
And it had kind of fermented in there.
Anyway, let's get into a couple of videos that came in.
Raleigh, tell me about this.
Have you been on any other dates since I've seen you?
I was close to one, but no.
And what kind of gal was it if you had to describe her?
Give me five words to describe her.
Let's see.
Brunette, cute, funny, talented.
Female.
Okay.
Talented seems like a real...
I mean, talented seems like...
She, you know, everyone in Nashville, she sings.
Poke guitar, plays piano.
Musician gal.
Yeah.
That's right.
Oh, wait, I forgot.
You also were involved in some sort of crime thing or something, weren't you?
I was.
And what, yeah, what happened with that?
Did you, what happened?
I remember somebody sent me a picture and said, and I'm sorry I didn't check in with you about it.
It was late at night when I got it, and I think I was probably watching a movie or something, or watching one of those 2020 episodes.
Have you ever seen this show?
I have.
God, it's good.
But anyway, what happened with you?
Yeah, I mean, just, you know, super long story, but basically, you know, it was just a couple roommates.
But I don't talk to them anymore.
You know, they don't talk to me, which is good.
So we've gone our separate ways.
And did you go to jail or anything?
I did not.
Okay.
Could you handle it in jail, you think?
What do you think you would do if you went?
I think I could handle it.
I don't see that, but I do like your attitude about it, man.
Yeah, not a lot of people see it.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you think you would have like a, would you keep a weapon on you or something?
I mean, in prison, I don't think that's allowed.
If it was allowed, oh, yeah.
Okay.
Right there, I'm telling you, look, I'm going to tell you straight up, buddy.
You don't stand a chance.
You are going to get torpedoed in the butt if you don't have a weapon on.
Of course, it's not allowed.
All right.
If you are going in prison by what is allowed, dude, you're done.
You're done, buddy.
You know, and I'm sorry to tell you that straight up, but you can't get to prison and be like, hey, guys, let me see the rule book before I settle in for the night.
You will die in your sleep by murder, not natural causes.
Yeah, you're not wrong.
So I think you got to have a shank.
You got to have a shiv.
You got to have a throwing star or a death star.
Get a culturally appropriate weapon.
Get a damn SIA or something.
Who was the Ninja Turtle that had the damn weird thing that nobody ever wanted to be, that guy?
Yes, yes, yeah.
Who was he?
Do you know it?
Not off the top of my head, no.
It's been a hot minute.
That's your people, Bubby.
And he had the Sayas, I think they're called, or Sayas or something, or Sayas.
Size.
But anyway, yeah, get a weapon, man.
And have you thought about the thing?
What would you say if you're dying, Raleigh?
I have not.
Okay, do you have anything kind of come to your head that was, you know, your last words?
Not that I could think of.
All right, we'll come back to you in a little bit.
The last words is a tough one.
You know, your wife shows up, puts four or five shells right in your cleavage or whatever, in your neck.
What do you say?
What do you, oh, why did you do it?
You know, you want to go out with something heroic, you know.
You want to go out like with a, you know, oh, I'm awesome.
You know, like, you want to get whatever, you know, you want to, what would you say?
Hit the hotline with that, 985-664-9503.
I would love to know, what would you say?
It's your last words.
You've just been shivved or, you know, or poquet or whatever they are.
You know, some Asian fella hit you in a damn back with a bow staff or something.
You know?
Some freaking G'd out V Ed in a damn rice rocket just ran over you and now he's going to run back over you.
You know, he's just, he's, he's, he's just softening you up for the Lord with that Honda Civic.
And you get one chance to say something.
What do you say?
Ah, you know, go to hell.
I mean, what do you say?
I could have, I'm hungry.
What do you say?
You got last words.
What do you say?
It's a good question.
We had a lot of neat stuff that came in for the episode.
I want to take a peek at some of it right now.
Here's a question that came in right here.
Here we go, gang.
Hey, this is Dakota out of North Carolina.
And there's a video question.
And thank you, Dakota, for sending this in.
You know, and I like seeing video questions.
I can get a visual of you.
Because without visual, I don't know.
I hear your voice.
I don't know who you are.
Are you a senior citizen?
Are you black?
Are you brown?
Are you white?
Are you pink?
Are you pink?
Do you have a skin condition or something?
Which is fine if you do.
You know, when I was growing up, we had a fella bust, real, real tender skin.
He didn't get all eight layers of skin.
You know, kind of God shorted him, and he old five-layer.
And his name was Franklin, bro, and they would call him five-layer Franklin.
And damn, some of you would see the sun poke out the clouds and almost just put him on his damn knees.
Dear God.
And so people would run over with umbrellas or something.
He always had a couple umbrellas on him.
But damn, old five-layer, they couldn't even, you pat him on the back and almost fucking put him on the ground.
You know, you could feel his spine real well.
You could feel his C spine, T spine.
You could feel his LMNOP spine if he was a damn pervert.
But praise God.
Thank you for sending this message in here, Dakota, from North Carolina.
And if you like to talk about basketball or chewing tobacco, then you will love North Carolina, man.
It's where you could hit a three-pointer and you could put a damn six-pointer in your lip if you get one of them high-dose dipping snuff packets onward.
I was just wondering how you feel about the trade world.
You know, like the trade industries, welders, pussyboy electricians, you know, people who do drywall, shit like that.
You know, I'm a welder.
I got my helmet right here.
And I was just wondering, you know, how you feel about kids getting into the trade world instead of going to college, you know?
Gang, baby, that's a good question, mister.
You know, I have a brother-in-law, a young fellow named Ricky, I think.
That's his name.
That's what he told me his name was.
And he could have lied to me, but he said it for years.
That's what it was.
But he's a welder.
And he really seems to enjoy it.
And I really think it's a good trade.
And you can just be guaranteed kind of knowing what money you're going to make.
You don't have to go to college where anything could happen at college.
You could get damn, you know, you get a lot of diseases hit the dormitories.
And people get something, yellow fever.
Riley Mao, you ever have something hit the dormitories or something?
I have not.
Okay, do you ever stay in a communal living type of place for education?
I did.
And what happened in there?
Did anybody ever come down with a stomach flu or something?
At least ants.
Did y'all get anything in the building, anything that, you know, a grievance that brought you guys together communally?
Not that I could think of.
All right.
All right.
Good.
Well, that's awesome.
But here's what I'm telling you, brother, is that, yeah, it's good.
Get a trade.
Know what you're going to do.
Then you're in control of it.
You go to college, you take an anthropology.
You know, you take four years anthropology, you fucking work in anthropology.
You don't even, you know, you never see a damn insect unless they got a damn roach hiding in a quilt in the back.
So I think you have to, you know, you know, you're in control of your destiny.
And I like welding, man.
I do like it.
I used to work at a piping.
I used to work at a piping company and my job was washing off all the clevis hangers and the pipe fitter stuff and just organizing it and I had to paint and they had this kind of rubber stuff this ceiling, you know, to put on things and every now and then uh this song by Sugar Ray would come on the radio.
And...
And Sugar Ray also sounds like a nickname of like a gay man.
But anyway, every time this this band Sugar Ray would come on the radio and they had a song called I Dust Want to Fly.
You ever heard this song, Riley?
I have not.
Well, you got to get out more, Bubby.
And it would come on and the welders would stop their welding and they'd make us subservient.
We was a couple of us, me and this, my tall friend Billy.
He got bit by a shark and he died actually.
Not at the same time.
He died later from something else.
Aneurysm or pills, but God bless him, man.
I miss him.
He was tall and he was an asshole.
My friend Billy was a complete asshole, but he also was nice.
He also was funny.
And we had a nice time working together.
And we worked with this other little fella named Soldier.
Soldier, this black gentleman.
And he had on about 90 do-rags.
And he didn't do shit.
That's the irony.
He would come to work and not do shit.
Like, how you can have on 90 do-rags, and you ain't doing shit?
But we had a good time, man.
But anyway, when the song would come on, I just want to fly, or cry, maybe it could have been, I just want to cry.
Fly.
I just want to fly.
My sugar rays, the welders would make us dance.
You know, and they threaten us with the torches and they'd make us dance.
But very Lord of the Flies-esque kind of shit.
But we made the most of it.
And I really loved it, man.
I loved going over there.
I loved the sense of community.
You know, I loved, there was drug use if you wanted it.
And I didn't mind that.
So, yeah, I think getting a trade, doing some welding.
You get to wear neat hats.
Welders have neat hats.
You know, some cool little deals.
And their wives get mad at them a lot.
I remember that.
A lot of the fellas would talk about how their wives were always mad at them.
And we'd have good lunches, get you a little big po-boy sandwich, man.
Go over there by Sweet Gerald's.
They had a gay fellow over there on the West Bank of New Orleans names, a little sandwich place over there named Sweet Gerald's.
And God damn, it was good.
The roast beef was wet, bro.
And Sweet Gerald, I'll say this, he had a look in his eye like he sweetened the meat personally.
You know what I'm saying?
And that made you kind of cringe a little, you know, when you swallowed.
But after you, you know, once you had a couple mouthfuls of it, you weren't complaining anymore.
But praise God, brother.
Thank you for sending in that question.
Let's get to one more here.
Oh, we got some hood fireworks in Chicago over here.
Let's watch that.
This is gonna go crazy.
You're a bitch, yo, gangster.
Where that bitch, son?
Two in that bitch.
Oh, that bitch might come off that bitch.
I'm sewer on baby, just like that.
Oh!
Damn!
All that bitch, boy, Hey, all that bitch.
Oh, that bitch, gangster.
That bitch, gangster.
All that bitch, gangster.
Yeah!
That one off to me.
I got it.
I got it.
Oh, that bitch, rockin'.
Stop.
Hey, that bitch, rockin'.
Yeah!
Damn.
And you can hear children crying in the background of that.
That is a very Fallujah vibe, you know.
And hood fireworks is what it is, man.
I mean, here's the thing.
Everybody want to shut the hood down, but if you don't have the hood, you don't have hood shit going on.
And you don't have this one.
That last shell almost hit a damn dove, it looked like.
And this is some real...
I mean, you almost got to...
The guy in the back yelling, hold that bitch gangsta.
You know, these men are having a good time.
A couple of adult men out there, you know, firing fireworks in the daytime.
That was the interesting part.
It is daytime still.
So you kind of wondered what the end game was there with firing some shells.
This shit looked real.
I wouldn't be surprised if one of them was in it.
It drove off an MRAB, man.
This looked real militario.
So, what else?
We got a lady duct taped to a plane seat.
Let's look at this video.
Somebody sent it in.
Thank you for the submission.
Oh, wow.
You are people.
That's a lady exiting the plane as she look over and you see the lady sitting there duct taped.
And they duct tape her mouth, but they didn't do a good job.
Have you seen this video, Riley?
I have.
And what do you think when you see that kind of thing?
What do you feel?
What do you think?
I mean, it's a thing that happens.
Well, now previously they had a fellow that beat him down and drug him out of the flight a year and a half ago or two years ago.
You remember that?
I do.
And now it's come to this.
Now they're just leaving him in there, I guess, and just taping him up.
Do you think that this is kind of handled properly?
What would you do?
You're at 2,000 feet or whatever.
You know, you're on an airline.
Somebody starts losing it.
What is the...
What scout are you, rallying?
Eagle.
Eagle, my bad.
Now, as an Eagle scout, is this an appropriate way to detain somebody?
Is there a special type of uh knot you would have done?
Um, I mean, I think in uh, if you're 2,000 feet in the air, uh, this is the only thing you can do.
Is duct tape them?
Yeah.
What kind of knot could have helped?
Is there any knot that if you have to keep someone to a chair, what knot do you go?
And this may be more of a question for a Weeblow.
I don't know the different gradients.
No, honestly, any knot will do.
Okay.
You have a favorite knot?
I like the bone line knot.
Hmm.
Or the clove hitch.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
And I want to say, what do you think is leading to this kind of thing?
I think there's a lot of people are not used to being around each other anymore.
We've gotten a little bit more solo.
It's the me generation is, and they're all me generations now.
We're by ourselves.
We're in our own worlds.
When we have to interact with others, it stresses us out.
We're not used to it.
And nothing is more stressful than being on an airplane.
Of course, where every other video you see, somebody's fist fighting or losing a tooth or attacking people.
So it doesn't shock me that this is the place where the stress hits the fan, where the shit stress hits the propeller.
And they duct taped a lady to a plane seat.
What do you think is an alternative to duct taping a man like this, Riley?
I mean, if you're 2,000 feet in the air, I don't know if there is another.
Wrong answer, buddy.
Sedating.
It would be sedating.
And, you know, this goes back to the you know, I was at a funeral recently.
A guy died.
Everybody I know dies.
And I was at the funeral.
I saw my principal from when I was in third grade.
And he used to be able to give me corporal punishment.
That's where they can beat you with the spatula or with the, not spatula, but with the big wooden plank.
And this dude roughed me down a couple times.
Bill Brady was his name.
And I said, he aged well.
He aged well.
Still looks like he, you know, he could, he could really put it on me.
You know, I mean, he could, it's still like he'd make par on my ass with that wooden plank.
You know, I'm talking greens and regulation.
This dude would be up down with that thing.
He knew how to work the paddle.
And that was when you went to the principal's office, they could beat you.
And that's what I think we should have.
Instead of having, you know, hit them with a couple pills.
Give them that butt lozenge, bro.
Throw it in that back jaw, daddy.
You know, hit them with that suppository.
You guys do a lot of suppositories in your culture, Riley?
I don't.
And have you ever seen them or have you ever done them?
I have not.
Alrighty.
Well, a lot of them, I'll tell you what it is.
They take a butt, a vitamin or something, put it in your butt or a pill, they put it in your butt.
Do you know that?
I do.
Well, at least you guys are knowing it.
You know.
And they say it's because your intestine absorbs drugs or whatever it is pretty quick.
But that'll do it for you right there, getting that in you.
That's what I say.
You know what I'm saying?
Give that fucking hot nugget up the old Anous.
And next thing you know, they're out.
You don't have them duct tape.
And who even taped this lady?
The taping job is minimal, I feel like.
You know, it's basically shoulder tape and then just the mouth.
Like, you got a, I would say, the lady also has green hair.
You know, it's just, we're at the point where these are the loose ends of society.
These are the loose ends of society.
And God bless that lady.
All right.
Here we go right here.
a guy who looks like me hitting on girls look at rubs striking out right now Here's a guy right there.
I hope he's staying confident.
The hard part is to stay confident and look at a woman.
Oh.
Not bad there.
Riley, do you struggle with the actual moving in for the kiss?
I've spoken about this recently a lot on this show.
Do you struggle with that kind of thing?
Where do you struggle with when it comes to those intimate moments?
I mean, yeah, I mean, last time I remember, it was my first kiss.
And it was interesting.
It was a little tough.
And what is the tough part?
Like, starting the kiss, maintaining it once you kind of get the kiss going?
Do you remember what the tough, what was some of the real strain?
It was just starting off.
Once you're in it, you're in it.
And when you're in the kiss, do you then kind of, do you try and, what do you do with your hands?
You put your hands around the woman?
Were you aiming for breasts?
Were you trying to make further moves?
Or were you just focusing on the mouth and the mouth activity?
I mean, I just put my arms around her like I was hugging her.
Oh, beautiful.
And was that indoors or outdoors?
Indoors.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Take the weather out of the equation, man.
Keep more balls in your court, you know?
Exactly.
And was that the last kiss you've had?
As of right now, yes.
We got to get you back out there, man.
We got to get you back out there.
And how do you fend off the desire to touch yourself then?
That's what I struggle with sometimes.
I just don't have that desire.
Wow.
And do you think it's because you're Asian?
Do you think it's because you are...
Because a lot of Asian people have that inner power.
I don't know if it's an Asian thing.
I think it's a Lord thing.
Okay.
Wow, man.
Yeah, because a lot of whites are just out here just spraying out.
You know?
Yeah.
So good for you, Bubba.
All right.
Let's get into a couple more questions here.
And I also want to let people know that the sun's out.
And your bum is out.
But hopefully, your pubic hair is not.
You got pubic hair, Rally Mal.
I do.
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I have not.
Well, you will one day, buddy.
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I couldn't even see that well.
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What else?
I'm drinking liquid death.
You know that?
And it's good.
People are always sending me pictures on IG of them having an LD.
And when I was young, LD stood for learning disabled.
And we had a lot of it around us.
You know, I grew up in autism area and real hotbed for autism or tism, they called it.
We didn't know it was French or whatever.
Now it's they hadn't put the awe on it.
But you know, Lance had the tism or somebody had it.
Richard.
You know, one fella named Sharpie.
We had a black fella boss named Sharpie.
And he had a hit of the tism and a strong hit.
Jesus.
I mean, just damn a genetic swamp inside that beautiful guy.
And he had nice fucking legs, too.
I remember.
Dear God.
Who has the nicest legs you've ever seen, Riley Mao?
Man, a lot of girls I've seen.
Really?
So are you a leg man when you fantasize, brother?
You a leg man or what do you think about?
Um, titty what?
I mean, everything?
Oh, damn.
Oh.
Okay.
Okay, big dog.
Um, let's go to a couple questions that came in and uh and we'll figure some things out here.
Here we go.
Hey Theo, this is Cam from Lehigh, Utah.
Hey, Cam, from out there in Utah.
And Utah is a great place, man.
If you want to wrangle a little bit of white titty onward.
I just wanted to call in, man.
This is my first time calling in.
First off, I just got to say, man, I love you.
Love you a ton, man.
I know me and a bunch of my friends, we all listen to you.
You know, you're something I get to look forward to every single week.
And you put a smile on my face.
And, you know, I'm hoping you can come out here to Salt Lake soon so we can see you.
Thank you, Cam.
Praise God, brother.
I appreciate that.
Man, it's nice of you to share those words, man.
It's important.
Gang.
But anyway, man, I got a question for you.
So I'm 20 years old, almost 21. And I'm kind of starting to get to a point where I'm thinking about getting myself into a relationship.
You know, maybe someone I can take out to McDonald's or someone nice like that and then touch tummies with a little bit after.
Who knows?
Oh, damn.
Okay.
That McFlurry, baby, I feel you gang.
But I'm talking to this girl who recently broke up with her boyfriend.
They have been together for a little bit.
But her boyfriend happens to be one of my best friends that I love like a brother.
So I guess my question is, is, you know, what takes priority?
Is it broke code?
Can I, you know, chase this girl even though she's my friend's ex?
Or, you know, do I got to let her go and I just got to find someone else, bro?
Yeah.
Gang, gang, brother.
I love you, man.
Gang, brother.
Love you too, brother.
You know, this is a tough one, man.
I had a friend recently who was hooking up with my, or who went on, I shouldn't say that, who went on a date with an ex of mine without asking me.
I didn't know.
I find out from her.
And it hurt my feelings, man.
You know, I got a lot of feelings, so it's easy for them to get hurt.
I have feelings left out in the yard.
I got so many damn feelings.
I got feelings inside, outside.
You know, you'll sit down on my sofa and you're like, oh, man, I sat on one of your feelings here.
You know, I just have some of his feelings.
But, you know, I think you got to ask him first.
That's the first move.
Then you have to evaluate the response you get from him.
You also don't have to do it immediately.
You know, I think given there to be some time.
But I would ask him.
And I would just let him know how you, you know, hey, I know you dated someone, so I'm kind of interested in her.
Do you think it would be strange if I explored a possibility with her?
I think that's the way to do it.
You got to start with the dude.
Now, if he gets weird and is like, look, man, I don't really, I think it's kind of messed up.
I think it's okay to also explore some of his reasoning.
Like, you know, if he's like, man, I still really like her.
It'd be uncomfortable if she's around us.
You know, if we go into taco time or whatever and she's with us and she and I was just at taco time, I still got, you know, a picture of us in my phone from me and her sitting there a month earlier.
That might be weird.
But now she's over here nibbling on your fucking fajita biscuit, you know.
That might be weird.
So I think you just got to evaluate it.
Because he might, in a month, he might feel differently.
He's going to feel a lot differently, at least if you talk with him and he doesn't find out some other way.
So that's the only way to do it, man.
Now, do we all do it that way?
No.
I mean, did I end up making out with some dude's date who brought it who he brought a girl to a show of mine in Dallas four years ago?
Yeah.
You know?
And I still feel bad about it some mornings.
So there's ways to do it.
Thank you.
Riley, what do you think?
Yeah, no, you're right.
There you go, guys.
All right, let's get another question here.
What's up, David?
My name is Colin.
I'm giving you a call from Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.
What's up, Colin?
Down there from Palm Beach Gardens, baby PBG.
And that's good stuff going on down there, Florida.
You know, beautiful people.
A lot of, you know, a lot of summer Hebrews down there, too.
You'll see a lot of Hebrews down there summertime and wintertime.
You know, you'll see a lot of people, a lot of pediophiles out there up in North Florida.
It's Latinos down in South Florida.
You got a lot of escapees and a lot of swamp babies.
You'll fucking see a baby learn to slither before it learns to crawl.
Like, damn.
People are like, oh, look, he's crawling.
It's like, I don't know.
He's moving fast and he just ate a mouse.
But onward, brother.
You know, I've seen you announced a lot of tour dates recently and, you know, a little disappointed.
I was wondering, you know, what's keeping you away from Florida?
You know?
I know I've listened to some podcasts and some other guys that they don't really like coming to Florida.
I love coming to Florida, man.
I can't wait to get down there.
I want to go to Orlando.
That'll probably be the first place I'll go.
I think we're putting together a Florida leg of the tour coming up.
A lot of it just has to do with places I've been to before and then getting to go back to them.
You know, it's taken a lot of, like, right now I'm like 40 days off caffeine, 40 days sober from any drug or alcohol right now.
So I'm trying to just get myself in a space where I'm healthy enough to get out and do touring, you know, and to feel okay, you know.
But I'm feeling really motivated and I'll get down there, man.
We're putting a Louisiana tour together right now for right after Christmas.
And I believe that we'll be in Florida and possibly even Canada right after the first of the year.
So thank you for asking, man.
We'll get down there.
Hey, Theo, my name's Luca.
Hey, Matt, you shithead.
Sorry.
We named our dog Theo.
Anyway.
What's up, brother, Luca?
And that's a very interesting name, and that's a name from another country as well.
Thank you, brother.
Onward?
I might cut his hair into a mullet, first of all.
Let's address that.
Oh, yeah.
Mull that dog up, baby.
Dogs have had the same shitty haircuts forever.
It's about time we tighten these bitches up.
You know what I'm saying?
If they're a man's best friend, they won't mind if we fucking trim their shit up, fam.
Gang, baby, onward.
Mullets on dogs, the new trend, apparently.
What you think?
But anyway, the reason I'm calling in, man, so I just got a promotion at work, and I live over here on the East Coast, and if everything keeps going in the way that they want it to, then that has gone so far.
There's talks about them having me move out west somewhere.
A couple different states in play, but the question I have for you is, so my fiancé does not want to move from where we are now.
I'm not even talking West Coast, just does not want to move.
Do I bring it up to her that that something might be in play?
Because it's going to be like four or five years down the road, or do we wait until we get to that point?
I think you wait until you get a little closer, man.
You don't want to be scaring nobody early.
And women, they'll start packing early.
Shit, she'll have all your shit packed.
You know what I'm saying?
You won't be able to, you know, you won't be able to get a damn soup spoon for the next five years, and you don't even know if you're going.
She'll be like, it's in the box.
It's in the box.
You know, you're looking for a hat or a summer shirt.
You know, something kind of almost strapless summer shirt or whatever.
And you can't, you know, it's all in the box, everything.
So you don't want to be living out of boxes just because, you know, even if she does start preparing, if she comes around, because they'll pack everything.
You know, I used to sleep overnight at my friend Scott's house when I was young, and his mom would make the bed.
We'd be still in it.
She was just a real clean freak.
I'd be in the dang bed.
She'd make it.
What are you going to do today?
I don't know.
Try and get out this bed.
You know, as I'm pinned down.
So, and if your wife refuses to move, that ain't your wife, bro.
That's a lady you used to know who's now having to support herself.
That's who that is, Bumby.
So, but I think you wait and evaluate a little bit closer, man.
All right, let's get one more right here.
Here we go.
What's up, Theo?
This is TK up here in Northeast Missouri.
TK, and I used to know a fella with a one-legged named TK.
And I don't know what it stood for, but who cares also what it stands for?
Ownward?
Thank you for calling, man.
Hey, I got a dilemma, and I need you to help me solve it.
My girlfriend, she drinks coffee all day.
She brushes her teeth and stuff all the time, but I just, her breath don't smell right, and it drives me nuts.
And I'm just, you know, kind of wondering how I should go about it.
Should I just give her hints?
Or, you know, should I tell her that her breath smells like dookie?
Or just be upfront about it?
I don't know, man.
Just let me know what you think I should do and help me with my problem.
Praise God, brother.
And thank you for reaching out to me today about this, man.
And this is an issue, I think, in a lot of communities.
You know, and actually, I think a lot of communities, it's different.
A lot of Asian people don't have bad breath, really.
You know, they got that fang shui in them, baby.
You know, they're all shanged up in their fui, bro.
They really, you know, they're all, you know, they eat small things and it's very digestible.
And they can, you know, they'll have a little bit of maybe ravioli or something, but they also follow it up with like an apple cider or something.
You know, they're very, they drink out of small cups.
They really, so they're not just flooding the system, you know.
A lot of black people and white people will just flood their system with fucking chicken nuggets and, you know, bullshit and all of this, milkshake.
So, you notice a lot of bad breath in your culture, Raleigh Mao?
I don't.
I knew it.
I knew that.
Thank you, man.
But I would say this, I dated a girl with bad breath, man.
Her breath got bad at night.
And I was afraid to tell her anything.
But I think if it's a girl you love and you're with constantly, I think you slip her a couple minutes, you know?
And then eventually just say, hey, baby, your breath is not as good as it could be.
And I want the most out of you.
You know?
I want to love you and smell you.
And any woman, nobody's going to be mad if you tell me they have bad breath.
But it is hard to do.
But look, we back you, we support you, and I think that you can do it.
So I really believe that you can do it, brother.
And look, if somebody leaves you because they have bad breath, dude, fuck them.
If they're like, I'm leaving you, then take your little freaking booty mount and hit The road.
You out here fucking swamp chatter.
Hit the road.
So it's a win-win situation.
Now, unless you secretly low-key like having her have bad breath.
And maybe that's what's going on as well.
I gotta run.
I gotta run.
Riley Mao, thank you so much for being here.
What would your last words be, Riley?
Did you get something?
I'll just say, you know, I mean, if I can't, if it is my last words and I can't, you know, have more words, I'll just be like, I'm out, y'all.
Peace.
Okay.
There you go.
Even if it's a slaying, you're at a park, somebody stab you, you know.
I mean, I can't go back in time.
If they already stabbed me and I'm already dying, you know, why not?
Go out with a bing.
Yeah.
I'm out, guys.
Peace.
Yeah.
I like that kind of.
It just kind of covers everything kind of.
No matter where you're at, it's kind of okay.
It's not really like abrasive to anyone.
It's just like, I'm out.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, too, to find a love of your life one day, Riley Mao.
Thanks, man.
You know, I believe that she's out there.
Do you?
Oh, she's out there somewhere.
Just don't know where, don't know when.
Yeah.
Well, she'll show up, man.
Hopefully sooner than later.
Maybe.
You think you're ready for it now?
Oh, I'm ready.
There you go.
Now, those would be my last words, I think.
Oh, I'm ready.
I'm ready for the Lord.
I'm ready to hit that next level.
I'm ready to warp zone.
My last words I'm trying to think would be, let me think.
Somebody stab you or shoot you.
And I'll be like, gang gang.
Or maybe I'll be like, bitch better have my money.
One of those, man.
I would hit him with that gang gang or bitch better have my money.
But the Diamond Poirier won, man.
He won.
And it was exciting.
We went to an after-party after.
It was fun.
They had, you know, the bottles, you know, just like people doing stuff, like a nice sign.
It said Dustin, you know.
And it's just cool to watch someone achieve their dream.
There's something special about seeing somebody achieve a dream.
I think whether it's big or small, it can be some kid hitting a baseball for the first time or even hitting it off the tee.
You know, it could be somebody getting their first kiss or touching their first titty through electric fence like I did.
You know, it could be somebody surviving a dog bite or making a casserole that their grandmother used to make.
You know, it's just beautiful seeing somebody live out a dream, big or small.
That's what we're here for, man.
I think sometimes it's just to bear witness to even life, which I'm sure was the dream of some higher power.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't know, baby, but I do know this, man, that I'm on the come up, and you guys can catch us here.
We'll be back on another episode soon.
Thank you so much for being a part of my life.
You can get tickets at theovon.com slash tour.
Thank you so much for being a part of my life.
And I mean that.
You know, I'm lucky to be living out one of my dreams.
And so much of that is because of you guys.
So I hope to meet each and every person that listens to this podcast in person sooner than later.
And you guys be good to yourselves.
Riley Mal, thank you for coming in, brother.
Thanks for having me, Theo.
You bet, buddy.
All right, gang, baby.
We out.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
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And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
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So great.
Aye, Sui A. Easy Deal.
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Jermaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
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Oh!
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
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