Theo takes calls from listeners who got "big wins" recently, talks about what really goes down in Hampton Inns and helps out a soldier leaving the military figure out his next step in life. Plus, Theo surprises a hard-working, single mom and her kids with a FaceTime call.
New Merch: https://theovonstore.com
New Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour
Music: “Runs in the Family” - Matthew Koziol
“Baptise Me” - Robert Randolph and the Family Band
Support our Sponsors: Mack Weldon: https://mackweldon.com/TheoUpstart: https://upstart.com/TheoLiquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
I notice I'm trying in the summer I'm trying to get wet and that was always a key deal for me as a child, you know We had a fellow that lived down the street from us a little fella named Boogie You know and he was mixed man a little black white I mean his daddy was white and his they pretended his mom was his mom was well
his daddy knocked up the woman that swept out the school bus his daddy was our bus driver Big Milford and he didn't you know he didn't know a lot of the letters of the alphabet and you'd sometimes you'd surprise him you'd show him on a thing you know QRST and he didn't he just couldn't stand he don't he would kind of shut down he just couldn't handle it you know he'd never been you
know he'd never been educationally succumbed to the truth and anyway but he drove the school bus and he eventually got laid off for driving shirtless and driving under the influence of alcohol and running the bus and hitting stuff with the bus trees and other stuff that you just can't do if you have children on board you know and uh anyway but so
what happened he uh he knocked up a lady that swept out the school bus and um this was a black woman and he knocked her up and so they had a child but they pretended that the child was with him and his regular white wife so it was just you know it was just a real ferris wheel of of sex and secrets and and
school bussery type shit you know praise god baby let's get into it this is matthew coziol runs in the family there
you go right there that's matthew cozio runs in the family and we out here baby i'm out here like a damn uh like a dolphin in a damn uh at a gay spa baby we out here you know and i want to say shout out to everybody that's gay and that's being you know or you know considering being gay
man you guys are doing great and um you know and i will comment as well one time and i may have shared this one of the more one of the more kind of uh homoerotic type of atmospheres i've ever seen i saw a you know a group of gay men throwing a frisbee together in a um hot tub and
they were so close together they couldn't even you couldn't throw i mean there wasn't one of the guys two of the guys was too close together to even throw it they had to he basically had to like put his arm straight and then hand it to the other hand it to the guy basically so it was like and i i i don't know i don't know honestly what that was about or what i'm really saying there but i just and
i love hampton inn man god i love hampton in man i just you know i love the they redid them about i want to say 12 years ago and they put these kind of black and white pictures on the inside of the elevator doors that are kind of welcoming and there's like a child on a swing or something and you know there's a little baby eating a damn egg or something and
it just makes you feel good and you know hampton in they got uh they have a concierge breakfast downstairs and concierge breakfast is basically i think it was i don't know when it started but the whole thing started with uh during wartimes they would somebody had to get up and
make the breakfast of the colonel and they would make it quick it would be just kind of you know so he could dine and then dash and hit the field and that was concierge breakfast but uh i don't know what war it could have been a a lot of wars i i'm sure it wasn't one war and i don't know why hampton in took on a damn war fee you know why they adapted some of their feeding styles
from war seems really kind of next level to me but you know god he does and um what else man uh i don't even know what i'm talking about exactly uh I had some family come in town this weekend.
We had a nice time.
I went skeet shooting.
You know, I'm out here in the Central East, and there's not, you know, there's a lot of people shoot stuff around here.
And it's not usually other people.
You know, in big city, people like to shoot kind of other people.
And in more rural areas, they like to shoot stuff.
And so out here, we went to some skeet shooting.
And it was fun, man.
I'd never done it.
You know, they loaded up a shotgun.
I'm out there.
We went out to Kid Rock's house, actually.
And he got, I mean, he lives in a beautiful trailer, really.
It's a trailer like, you know, like you see the style they got, you know.
It's nice, though.
They have a nice, I think they have two couches in it.
But off the back, they have this little man-made kind of lake.
And he had a skeet fire right off the back.
And so we're out there, man.
And people showed me how to shoot skeet.
And next thing you know, I'm out there just Elmer fudding on them Mitches.
And I'm upstairs, baby.
If you want to know where I'm at on the winner's bracket, I'm upstairs.
Okay?
I'm upstairs.
But that was enjoyable.
What else?
I got some dang azaleas.
And that's...
Yeah.
Something's going on with you as a man when you buy a few Azaleas, I'm noticing.
You know, and I don't know what's happening.
I mean, it's, you know, I just, I got, I just, I bought 14 of them.
And, you know, they just, there's space.
I have a yard, and so I have to, there's got to be something in it.
You can't just have a damn stale yard and there's nothing out there.
And I've thought about getting two goats, but they don't, some of the websites I'm reading about goats says they're really loud.
So I don't know if I want to deal with the noise complaints and having cops come back there and then they see, you know, it's me and I'm just living by myself and I have 14 azaleas and two goats.
I mean, damn.
You know, I just don't know if that's kind of the kind of stuff that I want.
But yeah, that was good, man.
So that's, you know, that's what happened this week.
I'm trying to think of what else is going on.
Not much, man.
I'm just growing up, you know.
I've been realizing that.
I'm growing up.
And honestly, sometimes, man, I'm growing a little bit lonesome.
You know, I grow a little bit lonesome.
It's like I'm at home sometimes and there's nobody there, you know, and I'm not complaining.
I'm not, oh, woe is me, you know, like I'm just thinking about it.
You know, when it's titty time of year, you know that.
This is when the calendar breaks out, them boingos, baby.
Them front bags, you know what I'm saying.
Them freaking sternum worthers, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Them big caramels.
Them nippled huskies, you feel me?
Tit time, baby.
This is tit time because it's summer.
So this is when it's a good time to get out there and meet somebody.
So we'll see.
Because, yeah, I start thinking about that next chapter of my life and what it would be like.
You know, and get me a little offspring and get me a damn, you know, get a little bird or something or get a damn, you know, get me a couple living items.
So when I come home, something yells or barks or shits or something, you know, I start thinking about it.
Because one thing I realized is the pattern that I'm in, it just gets old after a while.
It's not bad, but it just kind of you start looking for, you know, you wonder what else?
Is there something else?
And it's not to be found, I don't think, in like worldly things, like in a vacation or a, you know, buy you some speakers for the car, you know, get you a couple 22s or something.
You know, it's not the kind of thing that's, you can solve by getting 14 azaleas.
But, you know, and I think it's figuring out how to be in a relationship and get into some real love where I can, you know, get a little baby out of somebody, out of some woman's body and be like that.
Because it also starts getting weird when like all your friends have children that are old, they're getting like older.
And it's like, it gets a little, you're like, who's that?
You know, you just don't, at a certain point, there's nobody left.
There's the, you know, there's Not as many people to even call or do as much with, in some ways, because everybody's moved on or adapted into different realms of life.
So, you know, I think I've been thinking about that some.
And then I started thinking about what it's going to take for me to get to a place like that, to get to be able to be, you know, in a serious relationship where I'm going to stay in it and be honest and, you know, not be, you know, running around or trying to play close frisbee with some woman, some strange woman at a Hampton Inn.
You know what I'm saying?
Because close frisbee is obviously a gateway drug, I feel like possibly to homosexuality.
Praise God, man.
And shout out to everybody that's gay.
I think gay pride is coming up, actually.
I saw a woman yesterday.
She had a haircut, and she said something about gay pride, she said.
So, yeah, July looks like.
Well, hell, I don't know.
March.
I don't know.
But that's something that's going on.
Something else that's going on, I'm drinking Liquid Death, and you know it's a great, it's a good drink.
People think it's a beer.
You see a child drinking it outside of a damn 7-Eleven, and you see the cops pull up and tase him, you know?
And then they go over, and it's just water.
You know, tough kid, thank God.
I want to tell you this.
I got tour dates, and I'm getting excited.
I'm working on some new materials, so this is going to be a joy, man.
It's going to be starting in St. Louis Friday, September 17th.
That show sold out, and we've added one on the 17th.
Then we go to Cincinnati on the 18th.
And that looks like it's sold out.
We may be adding another one there.
We have Charlotte, then Durham, and we added a new show in Durham.
Chattanooga, Knoxville, Tennessee.
Wilmington, Delaware.
Wilkes-Buyer, P.A. Minneapolis, Minnesota.
I'm grateful to be coming back there.
And that one sold out, so we added a new one.
Charleston, South Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Black Maine, they call it.
Albany, sold out.
We added one.
Buffalo and Columbus, Ohio, that's sold out.
And we have added one.
If it doesn't show added, it'll show it this week.
So thank you guys for the support.
You know, it's interesting.
I even just look at the Chattanooga date.
And I remember the night after my, you know, I have a comedy special that's out there on Netflix.
And after I had done the comedy special, my first shows were in Chattanooga.
And so I'm excited.
You know, I'm thinking, this is it.
We did it.
You know, I'm on Netflix and we did it.
And we made it.
And I get to the car, I get to the venue.
And I want to say I'd gotten in a night before.
I don't remember.
But I get over to the venue that day.
And I did.
I got in the night before because I went to radio in the morning.
And I got over to the venue and there was probably seven people there.
And I was like, damn.
It just, you know, the comedy special just didn't move the needle.
They didn't put it into circulation on the site.
And, you know, there was some doxers, people that came out, that kind of stuff, but online.
But it just didn't do it.
And so, man, that was a tough weekend.
And also the stage was really high from the audience.
So the audience, it was like 10 feet down off the stage.
And it was almost, I felt like they were trapped.
Like I was telling jokes to people that were waiting for fire and rescue.
It was like, you know, and then, you know, and I'm upstairs.
And I literally was upstairs.
I mean, I was like way high up compared to these people.
At one point, I wanted to throw a rope down.
I just felt very obtuse, you know, what was going on there.
And so, anyway, so I'm excited about all those dates.
Theovon.com slash tour.
You can get tickets because now we're playing at a theater, and I think we already have sold it out, maybe almost, in Chattanooga.
And so, I mean, it's just a blessing.
You know, it's a thousand or something people or 50. I don't even know what it is, but it's, man, and that's the power of this podcast, man.
And I want to thank you guys so much.
You know, for just for making me the opportunity.
And I promise I'm going to bring the best stuff that I can to you.
And we're going to enjoy it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like four fellas in a damn Hampton.
It's like four Frisbee fellas in a Hampton Inn spa, baby.
Four Frisbee fellas in a Hampton Inn hot tub.
Let's go.
And then one of the guys said to the other, he's like, you guys go on that side.
I was like, there's no sides, bro.
There's no sides in a Hampton Inn hot tub, Cat Daddy.
Praise God, man.
You know?
And we've all, I'm trying to think of everybody.
I wonder when the first time you ever met someone who was gay or if you realize maybe if you could have been that person.
You know, when I was young, there was a lot of rumored gay men.
They didn't have gay women when I was young, I don't think.
But they had gay men.
And there was one fella, and he had, I don't know if he'd been hit by a, I don't know what happened to him.
Something happened to him.
He was born without a heart or something.
I don't know.
I don't know what happened to him.
He had autism or something.
And his mom, he was probably 40 when I met him.
And he would ride one of those bicycles that had the child seat on the back, that baby seat, that little scoop and score baby, that little, you know, look like part of a bucket on the back, and that's where the baby would sit.
And that man would drive around town that bike all the time.
And somebody said that the baby seat was a hundred, he had a husband.
They used to sit back there and like a little husband.
Because it was a woman's bike.
It was, remember moms used to have this bike where now the kid's in like this little thing and it's got like these roll bars and like, you know, now the kid, whatever.
You know, the kid don't have a chance of getting hurt.
But when I was young, you had, you sat in the back behind mom, you know, just you were in the bite, the baby, the bite, the, the, the, you were, you know, you were downstairs, you know what I'm saying?
You was downstairs.
You was behind mom, just bouncing back there, birds shitting on you, you know.
Didn't even matter.
You could be back there smoking.
Mom had no idea.
It was impossible for mom to even see you.
So you were just back there, you know.
And so he was on the front of the woman's bike.
In the back was a baby seat.
And it had, um, and people said that the man had a little husband that had left him.
And so as a child, that was just, you know, the rumor in our town that this dude, or this gentleman, really, or, you know, this guy, he'd had a little husband that left him.
And it broke his heart or something.
And so, but really later on, I realized the man was mentally ill and that he just he'd been born.
I want to say he was born that way.
Also, he could have been hit by a vehicle, but it was either nature or nurture.
You know, and God bless him.
But the rumor was that the man was a gay man when I was young.
And so it's just interesting how you first hear about gay men or see a first gay man or get an idea about it.
You know, it's just really fascinating how that comes into people's lives that aren't gay.
I'm sure, well, even if you are a gay, I'm sure you still have a certain moment where it's like, oh, this is, you know, this is something that's going on.
But anyway, what else do we have, man?
You know, I want to thank you guys.
Yeah.
I want to thank you guys for this tour.
Some places already selling, and I'm excited about it.
And I'm going to grasp onto a name soon.
We had a couple of names that came in.
And I want to listen to a few more that came in from somebody.
And thank you in advance.
Here we go.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
Or I mean, probably Nick listening to this.
But I know I've called several times.
My name's Chris, man.
I live in Houston from Basson Rouge.
But I just wanted to say that I think it'd be a really cool name for your special to call it Let's Be Honest.
Because I know you drop that a lot on your pod, and you usually make some pretty awesome points when after you say that.
Well, thanks, Chris, man.
I appreciate that.
That's a nice one, man.
Let's be honest, man.
Because you try to be.
You know, you try to be honest.
The battle to be honest.
It's easy, but man, there's some tempting little tributaries skirting off the river of truth, isn't there?
Man.
There's some lascivious, licorice, liquid alleyways just leaking off that river of truth, man.
Let's be honest.
I like that one, man.
I really like that one.
And let's take one more that came in, one more suggestion.
What up, Theo?
I just listened to the most recent episode and I heard some of the suggestions for your tour name.
I was thinking, bro, why not the get that hitter tour?
You know, get that hitter, get that sitter.
Come on out.
Come to the show.
Oh, gang, get that hitter, get that sitter.
Now, that's a real little vibe right there.
That's a real tempting deal, what you're saying, bud.
That's called a tempting deal when somebody says something and you feel tempted by it.
That's a tempting deal.
And if you and I were in a hot tub, I'd throw you to Frisbee on that one, both of you guys.
I thought about the be good tour yourself, but that's kind of too much of a play on words.
I've been thinking about it.
I've also been waiting when I'm on stage for something to strike me.
But I like, let's be honest.
I like get that hitter.
And I appreciate them, man.
Appreciate you guys caring enough to even submit them, man.
I appreciate that.
You know, a lot of beautiful stuff came in for this episode.
We'll get into some of it.
And I'm going to play.
This is a video question that came in first from someone.
Here we go.
Derek from Battleground, Washington.
What's up, Derek from Battle Ghana?
I never been up there.
Washington is interesting because you're over by the coast.
You get Seattle.
You get Tacoma.
And then after that, it's anybody's ball game.
You know, it's basically like, I mean, it's a lot of people making homemade furniture out of hemp and watching animals mate.
If you go east or there, and both of those are, you know, legitimate practices.
So praise, Brother Onward.
I love your podcast.
Love what you're doing over there.
And I had a quick Question for you.
Some of my family members are doing this thing where they take saunas together.
It's usually all grown men.
They all have wives.
They take them nude.
Nude saunas.
And I'm not really into that kind of stuff.
I just want to get your thoughts on it.
If you'd ever do it or ever heard of it or thought of doing it.
But yeah, anyways.
Gang, gang.
Gang, brother.
And, you know, I'm sorry your family's going through that and that you're having a call for help about that.
And thank you.
You know, going to saunas and doing steams, it's just so ironic.
This call came in because of what I was talking about earlier at that Hampton Inn.
And that's one time, some ways, gay men are less inhibited.
They're almost really the Native Americans of our time in some ways.
And no offense, if anybody's Native American, you guys are the original Native Americans.
But then it goes really almost to aggressive gay men because with Sunburn, because you, they will do a lot of male stuff that's kind of bonding.
And a long time ago, if you look on a lot of hieroglyphs, you know, or, you know, if you look in, you know, history books, a lot of Native Americans would do saunas.
They would do steam huts and get in there and smoke each other.
They would just be high as fuck and as many rocks as you can get in there.
And people's just, damn, just feeling that warm geology just cook them to the bone.
Shout out Bryce Mitchell.
And they would do that together.
And they would encourage each other.
You know, Ronnie or Kunta or dang, you know, Wiffleball or, you know, Sitting River, the different, you know, and I'm pulling from all different walks of life here, but everybody would encourage each other to stay in there and bear the heat and bear the pain.
And then they would leave, you know, and they, but they'd have gone through something together.
And there's some real strong value in that.
There's some metamorphosis in a way that I don't know if we get anymore.
Our souls these days, sometimes I feel like our soul is just out of the ocean and it's just got stuck on the beach.
Especially here in America, you know, and I'm obviously talking as a white or semi-white from a first world country.
But, and I don't, you know, and maybe some of this is just more later in my life as I've, you know, I've come into more opportunity and a little more wealth later recently.
And, but, yeah, I don't know.
There's something there's about being in the ocean, about being in the storm, just being weathered and going through things, you know.
And then, because it does something to your soul.
You know, I really feel like it does, you know, time.
When you take your soul and add time and you add, you know, you just add a, you know, you need a weather report.
You can't just have it just be the beach.
You know, we're not challenging our, we don't have that internal challenge.
You know, we don't have that struggle that's that's on us.
You know, we don't have that turmoil that makes us into treasure or shows us what our, we don't, we're not, there's less revealed to our spirit when we're in comfort.
And, but yeah, I mean, it's a little weird if your family's getting together in an empty above-ground pool and just having sandwiches and shit, you know, and drinking cold water.
I mean, that shit, that's probably some of that stuff, honestly, Derek, could be drug-induced.
And, you know, I grew up around a lot of that over there and over McGee Street over in Covington, Louisiana.
They had about seven houses down from us, they had an above-ground pool.
And men would meet up and over there at night or in the daytime when it was cool out and put some chairs in it and stuff.
And they would do drugs and drink cold water and shit like that.
And it was almost, you know, I'm not going to say that they got into homosexuality, but they considered it, I'm sure.
And probably got into it.
So it's, you know, it's just that kind of, you know, it's hit or miss out there with some of these saunas.
But there's a lot of gay men or they know, they are, they spend a lot of male bonding time doing stuff like saunas, ice baths, and things like that where you are, where it used to be a lot more tribal, where you would show your body.
You know?
And one time, you know, a buddy of mine, and he was a, you know, a nice, cool guy and an urban gentleman, and he, you know, he had that hawk on him, baby.
He had that body lumber, baby, that wiener.
And he walked in front of a group of our friends naked to go into the showers.
And I was still like over by like the kind of the locker area and stuff like that.
And so I was like, dang, well, I gotta, I can't walk in like all clothed and then take my clothes off in the shower.
I'm gonna be such a wimp.
So I'm like, I gotta get naked here and then walk in front of all the guys to get over there, you know, and just be cool about it and be casual.
But my penis was definitely doing that punksatani fill.
You know, this thing had seen its shadow.
This thing, I don't know what it was doing.
It was almost like it had, you know, it was almost, it seemed like I didn't even have a penis.
And so I'm literally trying to get my penis at least enough so when I walk by the guys, they don't look and see I don't have any penis.
That's not, you know, you can't do that around your buddies at like an incremental age.
This was, this was socially incremental.
And you can't do that.
You know, I needed to stay on the staircase moving upward socially.
You know, I needed to get upstairs.
And so I, dude, I literally was just, I remember I had a wall and I was kind of trying to whip my wiener against the side of my wall.
I was doing anything to get my body to really enjoy some blood flow.
And finally, man, I got, I don't know, I probably got damn nine thimbles of blood into my wiener and I just said, this is the best I'm going to do.
And so I had to scoot, then I scooted in front of people and I moved pretty fast.
And I even think I walked sideways so they would just see my Derry Air, baby.
That French ass.
But thank you, Derek, for sharing that.
And, you know, I think there's two ways to look at it.
One is that it could be, you know, leading, it could be a slippery slope for drug use, or it could be, you know, you guys getting real primal.
You know, and next thing you guys are doing is burning each other with coals and doing tattoos on each other and out there wim hoffing up near each other's ass cheeks, baby.
Praise God, brother.
And I love you.
All right, man.
Oh, I want to tell you about this, and you know it.
And you should know it, man.
That today's episode is brought to you by none other than ShipStation.
You know, a lot of businesses, they make stuff and they don't know how to get rid of it.
Something you'll drive past a business, a man will be out there with a bunch of slinkies or something.
Just his hand in the air.
And that man's not doing well because he doesn't know about ShipStation.
If you started your own online store, you're doing what you love.
You're selling products that people want and orders are coming in.
Now that's the hard part.
Shipping the products out.
Luckily, ShipStation makes that easy.
With ShipStation, it's simple to import, manage, and ship your orders out fast for a lot less money.
There's a lot of high-dollar places you could go ship it.
You know, what's the one where it costs damn $60 to send somebody $40 Western unions, them assholes.
ShipStation is the number one shipping software.
Import orders from any sales channel, ship with any carrier, and automate just about any shipping task.
No matter if you're selling on Amazon, Etsy, or your own website, ShipStation funnels all your orders into one simple interface you can access from your computer or your cell phone.
You even get access to amazing discounts with major carriers including USPS, FedEx, and UPS.
Yep.
Just use our offer code Theo to get a 60-day free trial.
Yep, that's two months of free, no hassle, stress-free shipping.
Just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in T-H-E-O.
That's shipped on.com.
Enter offer code Theo.
Make ship happen.
You know, some mattresses, you get them, and they don't do it for you.
Every now and then, you'll see a mattress pulled out to the curb, some little orphan, some little damn rectangle rest orphan out there.
But what can help is getting you a mattress that contours to your body that holds you if you don't have a woman or somebody to love to hold you at night.
Helix can help if you can't sleep because of politics, pandemics, or any other drama that's going on out there.
So maybe somebody threw a frisbee too fast at you at a damn Hampton Inn bathhouse.
Sleeping on a terrible mattress.
Uh-uh.
Not anymore.
You got to upgrade to Helix.
Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to your perfect mattress.
Why would you buy a mattress made for someone else?
That's a great point.
You ever go get in your fat daddy's bed and he got, you can't even get out of it.
Remember that?
You remember when you was young, you'd go over to some fellow's house and he had a fat daddy.
And no offense, anybody, but, and you'd get in their bed, you couldn't even damn get out of it.
Because the thing just cave in in the middle.
The sides of the mattress hitting you in the head, you can't even, you don't even know where you are.
Everybody's unique and Helix knows that.
So you have several different mattress models to choose from.
Soft, medium, and firm.
Great for cooling you down if you sleep hot.
You know, I had a fellow, I used to work on a farm and he used to, after it rained, he would lay out, he would take his shirt off and lay on the cement.
Like a reptile, baby.
Take the Helix quiz.
Figure it out.
And no.
Take the Helix quiz and they'll tell you what you like, what fits with your style.
And then they can deliver it to you.
Go to helixsleep.com slash Theo.
That's H-E-L-I-X-S-E-L-E-E-P dot com slash T-H-E-O.
Take their two-minute sleep quiz.
They're offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixleep.com slash Theo.
That's helix sleep.com slash Theo for up to $200 off and two free pillows.
And hey, nothing will help you get a woman or a man over there if you love men than an extra pillow.
That's a good pickup line.
Hey, you know, I got an extra pillow.
So there you go.
Oh, man.
What else?
The world's things are getting back to busy.
You know, it's interesting.
I feel.
I'm curious how the next year is going to be.
You know, I feel like a lot of the fabric of our society really kind of has been really denigrated over time, over the pandemic.
You know, it used to be that, you know, you had the week and it meant something in the month and the holidays and you know.
But now it's, I feel like, you know, it's all time doesn't mean as much.
It's just, it's all confusing still.
There's still all this, it feels like a Rubik's Cube out there.
You know, and you also, I've talked about it before, but they had a lot of like, you know, you had a lot of political and social commentary and disruption and unrest and adjustment.
And you had a lot of history that some people said shouldn't be history and that, you know, that kind of stuff affects places and people and communities.
And something you once prided or thought was a part of your youth or your childhood or memories.
And now when people say it doesn't mean anything or it's or that's not realistic or that doesn't fit with what I think or they think or you think or whatever, you know, whoever thinks, then it adjusts I don't
know it just adjusts some of the tapestry so So I'm intrigued, man.
I'm intrigued.
And I'm hopeful, though.
That's all we can be is hopeful, man.
And that's where I'm going to stay.
And that is the fight that I'm in, I notice, for myself, is to stay hopeful.
You know, because I get angry pretty easy.
So just trying to say some of that out loud.
But anyway, not to get into downer-ness.
Here's an upper.
We got this video came in right here.
Let's see it.
Hey, Theo Vaughn, what's up, gang, gang?
You asked for a couple wins.
And, well, we just got married.
So there's a win.
This is Sarah, my wonderful wife.
And I'm Austin.
We live in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
So, hey, when you come in October, I'm going to try to see you.
Honestly.
Well, you should bring Sarah, man.
This is your wife.
She's not really much of a fan.
And she married me, so obviously she has bad taste.
But hey.
Congratulations, man.
That's awesome.
Austin and Sarah, that's his wife.
And they might be on.
I don't know if they're Amish, but they look like out kind of woodworker types, you know, beautiful.
And congratulations, man.
That is a good win, baby.
Feeling that love and making that choice.
And you got to base them eggs, Daddy.
You got to get out there and get that nuptial rocking.
You know, you need to play some close frisbee.
You feel me?
Get up at that Hampton Inn with your lady and play that close frisbee with them ovules, baby.
And get that little Bambino, son.
Praise God, dude.
Shout out, everybody.
Congratulations, Austin.
That is a win.
We have some other wins that got sent in, man.
And this is a good time to get into some of them.
These things make me feel exciting.
And we've got to celebrate these things.
And we have to do it for ourselves, man.
I need to celebrate.
You know, I need to celebrate and be, you know, grateful and excited and excited, man.
You know?
Because that's what life is, just these little things.
You know, it's the little things where you feel like you gain some ground, where you put a stake in the ground for yourself.
So I'm happy to be reminded of that.
Let's hear a couple of wins that came in right here, man.
What's up, Theo?
This is Jarrett from the great state of Texas.
What's up, Big Jarrett?
And Jarrett has always been an interesting name, if it ends in a T, Jarrett.
Because Jared, you know, you understand that that's going to be a name when you're growing up, and then they hit you at Jarrett.
And that's, you know, it just doesn't land as well sometimes.
But God bless you, brother, and I'm happy you're alive.
And last podcast, you wanted people to call in who were winning, who were getting some dubs.
I just want to let you know after, you know, I've taken a lot of L's in my days, and I'm still pretty young.
But just want to let everybody know, I hope you're winning in my win recently.
It's actually this weekend.
I'm finally graduating after six years from the great school called Tarleton State University with my mechanical engineering degree.
There you go, baby.
Tarleton.
And that fellow graduated from Tarleton, and I'm sure they probably have a Quidditch team over there at Tarleton.
And, you know, it's, congratulations, man.
I'm glad that you're graduating.
I do believe that Tarleton is misspelled.
And I don't know if it's supposed to be something else.
It was supposed to be Carlton or Charleston or something else, something.
But Tarleton, Tarleton isn't anything, but that doesn't matter.
You went there and you beat him, baby.
You freaking beat that Bowser, dog.
And that's what happens, and that's what happened to you.
So praise, baby.
Congratulations, man.
Let's hear more.
What up, Theo?
My name's Sam.
I was listening to the episode about wins.
And I just graduated college, so I'm winning right now.
I'm high on life.
And I'm just so excited to be alive.
I love what you do.
Love listening to you.
And you just said Toling was a win, and I feel like a winner right now.
You are one, Sam.
Congratulations.
And it is graduation time.
You are one, Sam.
You sound like a winner, too.
And you sound good.
And I'm glad you're doing well.
Dude, graduating is so wild.
Because you're about to go out into the...
You know, the whole life you've been petting the dog and finally you see, you know, graduating is that moment when you finally look around that back leg and you see that dog's ass or that junk.
That body junk.
You know, that back jaw, baby.
You see what that dog, you know, you see or the, you know, wean or whatever's back there.
And it's just a revealing time because you're like, well, now what do I do?
Remember that moment?
Take these glasses off.
Remember that moment in college, man, when you got done with college?
And you were like, well, now, what?
There's no more home or there's no more class.
There's no more, you know, now it's just if you're still living in the college town, it's just like you got to make decisions.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
That was always wild, man.
Let's hear a couple more that came in.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, what's up, man?
This is Josh.
I'm originally from Homer, Louisiana.
What's up, Josh, out there in Homa?
In Homa, you know, that's a good place to do.
You'll wake up and find a damn pearl under your tongue, man.
It's real.
That's seafood capital.
Homa, that's really, that's a seafood belt, son.
You might have to de-vein your cousin over there.
That's the real seafood belt.
Onward.
Living in Lafayette, man, down here down in the boot, the gutter south, like we like to call it.
A couple weeks ago, man, you asked about putting some winds on the board.
I just recently found out that I have degenerative disc disease.
I'm 34 years young, and it's only going to get worse.
A lot of my, a few of my discs and my sacral spine never fully developed.
So my L spine's being a little bitch.
Oh, gang, man.
I'm sorry about that, man.
Yeah, that spine is the real, you know, it's that real information super highway, baby.
That's a space bar.
You know, and it's a real, it's a real hotbed of information and capability.
And I've had part of my disc taken out L5S1, dude.
I don't know where they took it.
You know, and I don't even have the paperwork still to know the man that did it.
But anyway, man, I just, I feel for you, baby, to have that stem issue.
You know, to really, because you want to stay in the forest, daddy, you know, because you get too stemmed up or stemmed out.
You'll be a damn potted plant, brother.
But praise God, baby, plants grow plentiful down there in southern Louisiana.
Let's hear more.
And got a couple Herni Aiden, a couple bulges.
But I found a win, man.
I was doing hard labor for a long time in my life, all field retail.
Thankfully, man, this architectural company gave me a shot, brother.
So that way I'm able to still work and not have to be disabled or anything like that.
So just trying to stay with emotions and stay positive, man.
So that's my win.
Gang, baby, I love that, man.
And thank you for sharing that message with me.
I needed to hear that.
Yeah, man.
If they architectural engineer, shit, they might build you a damn new spine, bruh.
Do not put it past these people.
You know, you might, you know what I'm saying?
They could do it all.
Who knows how capable they are?
So I'd love to see you out there with a damn cedar backstrap, you know.
Just see you out there with a damn cane pole centerpiece.
That's what, you know, I could see you having that.
So, and I love the fact that you're not just giving up, man.
You're going to stay in the ring.
You know, there's a lot to be said for that, man.
And that is a win, baby gang.
Thank you for sharing that, man.
And I love you, bro.
And yeah, if you could do that, man, we could do a lot.
You know, we could do a lot, bro.
And I don't mean you and me, bro.
I'm not trying to, dude, I like women, but I'm just saying that, you know what I'm saying?
It's inspirational, man.
You know, it's inspirational, your attitude of not wanting to give up, not wanting to take the easy way.
Because it's hard to do.
It's hard to do, man.
We got one more win came in.
Let's get it.
Hey, Theo, this is Dan from Chicago.
I just wanted to tell you and your listeners, a great thing I had happen is That my son, I see him every weekend, and I always wonder if he's thinking about me or not.
And his mother and I, we don't get along that well.
But yeah, like last night, he called me from his mom's phone, and it absolutely was amazing because I didn't know, like, yeah, I mean, he's only six.
I didn't know if when we're not together, if he's thinking about me or not.
And he called me just to see what I was doing, and it was amazing.
Like, it just rejuvenated me.
But anyway, man, I just wanted to see if you're connected to your nieces and nephews.
And, you know, if they just call you to let you know they're thinking about you.
Well, thanks, Dan.
That's a great win right there, man.
I can imagine that.
And I just appreciate you sharing this moment because, yeah, you know, you don't think about that as I appreciate you sharing that because, yeah, you wonder, or I could imagine wondering, yeah, does my kid think about me?
Like, you know, obviously you think about him.
That's the child.
And that's your job.
And that's your instinct.
But does he, yeah, like, what is he?
And then, yeah, to have kind of like a little breakthrough moment where he's probably just getting a little bit more social in his world and his world is growing a little bit.
Learning how to use a phone, probably.
And then, man, that he wants to call you and see how you're doing, man.
That's cool.
Man, that's awesome.
You know, I'd give anything to call my dad and see how he's doing.
You know, so that's powerful.
I bet that was a really powerful moment, you know, because then now you're part of like a friendship.
Now you're part of a team.
You know, there's just so much in that, man.
There's so much in people calling to check in on people or when you feel like people don't care.
And I'm not saying your son didn't care, but when you don't know if people care and they show you that they do.
Man, that is so powerful.
You know, I've had a couple moments like that in my life.
One time I had an ex-girlfriend, beautiful young lady.
And I think she may have been the prettiest girl in New Orleans, man.
And I don't know what she ever liked about me, but I was pretty lucky to bother her for a couple years.
And not that I wasn't kind of a neat guy, but I also was not a good boyfriend.
So that's why I'm saying that I'm not speaking down on myself.
But anyway, she threw a surprise party for me one time, and I just didn't see it coming.
You know?
And for somebody like me who likes to have everything kind of be in control and know what's going to happen so there's no surprises.
So I don't get, you know, so I can manage everything.
Man, that was awesome.
That was a beautiful thing like that that happened.
And then on here a couple of times I've had moments where people just, they'll let you know that they care and it gets through and you feel it, you know.
But I can imagine that, man, your son, you know, and in the back of your head, you're like, well, God, I take care of him.
Of course, I love him and he's my fan.
But does he have any fucking, you know, is he ever just kind of sitting around his job?
I don't know if he has a job or not.
But, and, you know, being like, oh, I don't know what my pop's up to.
So that's cool, man.
It's cool.
And I think a long time ago, we used to see that people would care more because we were in like groups, we were in tribes or whatever, you know.
And so you were in smaller units.
You would just, you see your, you know, everybody was raising everybody.
You were in like these kind of smaller groups.
And so you constantly saw, got affirmation that the people around you were supporting you.
So, and thought of you as part of the group.
And there was more connection.
So that's a beautiful moment, man.
That's cool.
Thank you for sharing that, man.
That's definitely a win.
What else?
We had some wild stuff that came in.
And we got slap boxing at a Popeyes, which is really, I mean, Popeyes should easily go into some sort of a UFC, you know, or UCF Ultimate Chicken Fighting.
And it's just people straight up beating and giving birth out there in the bathroom stalls there.
But we got a couple of good things that came in, man.
I'm going to rattle off these things to you as well today.
I want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Super Speciosa and Kratom.
Now, I work on a podcast called King and the Sting with Brendan and Chins, and they do Kratom.
And they seem delightful and they seem zealous, full of zeal.
You know, Super Speciosa offers only one ingredient in their Kratom, and that's pure Kratom leaf.
It helps boost energy, relieve stress, enhance mood, relieve aches and pains.
That's right.
If maybe it was in a car accident or, you know, somebody was really mean to you, Kratom could help.
If you're trying to get into a really tight Halloween costume, you don't think you can get in there.
Maybe get you a couple nodules of Kratom first.
100% satisfaction or your money back.
Kratom is also used as a pre-workout.
Try Kratom and get 20% off your entire order.
Go to get superleaf.com slash Theo and use promo code Theo for 20% off your entire order.
That's right.
Go to get superleaf.com slash Theo and use promo code Theo for 20% off your entire order.
If you're feeling good, if you want that lift, that excitement, that enticement inside of you, if you want the world to dangle that carrot in front of you, that carrot is kratom.
It can keep you going, keep you motivated.
If you have struggled with addiction, you may want to check with your sponsor first.
And you may want to check with yourself first and make an educated guess as to if this is something that would affect your sobriety as well.
But go to get superleaf.com slash Theo, promo code Theo for 20% off your entire order if Kratom is right for you.
You make your choices.
Breaking news, I got to tell you that, you know, they're trimming everybody's doing their trimming their junk and getting their body trimmed up and tightening that crotch and being, you know, everybody wants that V-neck, that hair V-neck above their wiener.
And who can help you do that as Manscaped?
The scariest thing you can show to some woman is an unkempt penis and ass, baby, PNA.
Sorry, but.
And wiener.
Manscaped engineering team has confirmed that they successfully created the lawnmower 4.0.
Okay.
It's a 4.0 trimmer, which is now available for purchase in the USA and Canada.
They sent me one.
I haven't used it yet.
I'm very excited.
I recently trimmed myself up with the 2.0, so I can't even imagine what this new thing is going to be like.
I mean, my penis is going to look damn four years old.
The new trimmer was just released only moments ago.
Join over 2 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with his exclusive offer.
20% off in free worldwide shipping by going to manscaped.com slash T-H-E-O.
That's 20% off in free worldwide shipping by going to manscaped.com slash Theo.
You know, you want to put that V-neck.
If you don't go to the gym, at least shave hair muscle in the or above your pin and your bubba bubba booty.
You can do it.
It has wireless charging.
New wireless charging system uses electromagnetic induction, which can help the battery length last longer.
There's nothing worse when that thing starts and you're only halfway through trimming your jank and it gets caught on two hairs and you're like, I'm downstairs.
20% off from free worldwide shipping.
Go to manscape.com slash Theo.
All right, let's take another couple calls that came in.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, my name is Brendan.
I'm out here in Oregon that far, far west coast.
You feel me?
Oh, yeah, Oregon, man.
And Oregon is a good place for, they got a lot of tree sap up there.
And a lot of people playing by the rules.
And not playing by the rules.
Let's hear more.
I was just listening to you talk about the struggles of ego and the sort of battles we have within ourselves.
I was curious, how do you find yourself sort of getting, I mean, do you ever find yourself getting sort of lost in the character of Theo?
We all kind of walked around in these masks we call identity, and it's really easy to confuse that with our true selves.
So I guess I was just kind of wondering, how do you yourself get back to that baseline of who you really are before ego and self-identity?
I hope that makes sense.
Much love.
Gang, gang, brother.
Gang, Brandon.
Thank you, man.
That's a good question.
You know, how do we get through?
Yeah.
How do we get, you know, I think we all, I notice that who I am evolves.
That's one thing I notice.
And sometimes, man, sometimes I feel like I was happier in a previous skin.
You know, even just in the past few years of my life, I felt a lot more connected to myself a few years ago.
You know, and I don't know what happened.
I mean, things that happened in my life where, you know, my life got a little busier with work.
I made a little bit more money.
What else?
I started to get more things.
You know.
And so I think maybe stuff like that, like, or just more access, maybe expectations.
You know, and that's been tricky.
It's been tough to monitor my ego.
You know, I never used to really think I had an ego.
And then over the past years, I've definitely feel more like I do.
And it's a ego is just, I hate it, man.
You know, I hate feeling like I'm better than somebody or because all it does is separate me.
And now in some instances, you need your ego because it keeps you safe.
It keeps you, you know, if you can't swim, your ego might just say, hey, man, we can't swim.
You know, and that could keep you living.
But I feel like, and the craziest thing is once you, right when you start to kind of live within a certain comfortability of yourself, it kind of changes.
And that's the weirdest thing about life.
You know, I find that once I'm, right when I'm getting a little close to myself, I run off.
You know, from myself.
I mean, I'm the one looking for myself and i'm the one hiding and right when i kind of get a hold of myself and right when i'm just close enough to myself to just hand myself that frisbee and that hampton in spa tub i i go underwater or
i disappear you know i or i evolve it's just i don't know more and more i realize that this whatever the body is in all of this is just some shell that we're living in you know this is just some carrier for the spirit that's inside of us which is this thing that's actually doing some evolving um i don't know i know that doesn't answer a lot of question
but uh and do i ever get caught up in the being the character myself i used to feel like myself and now i think the thing that's made me feel less like myself is work you know it's kind of weird when your dreams become your business because i don't like business you know i don't like it it's sneaky and
it's i feel like it's i feel like it's selfish um now that doesn't mean i'm gonna stop doing business uh you know it's really i don't know if i'm strong enough to separate myself from the systems that we have that you know that run this kind of like the world that we're in and stuff i don't i don't know if i'm strong enough to separate myself from them but i used to feel a lot more like myself a few years ago uh
and i'm hoping that more of me comes back around you know i felt more angry i felt more agitated uh which is interesting because you know uh you would think it would be the other way around um but yeah i don't know i i don't i don't know if i
ever knew what was going to make me happy and i just kind of expected that if i got you know somewhat popular or achieved some success that's actually a better word is success or what i deemed as success we all can create our own successes i never really chose mine i kind of just let the world say oh these things make you successful you know obtaining things or
getting getting wealthier or getting uh popularity i never really kind of wrote down what some of my own successes were my goals and stuff so i was just kind of achieving the status quo uh and so i'm not shocked sometimes that i'm left with the status quo reality that those things don't really make you happy and
that there's a lot more to it than that but i guess in some ways i'm also grateful that there's more to it because it still gives me somewhere to go uh to find some peace and uh i'm not saying that i'm not i don't have peace i'm just saying you know i want to feel i want to always feel good if i can i know it's impossible but i want to get close to that you know or always be kind of learning about myself um so
i don't know if i'm answering some of this question or not but i used to feel a lot closer to myself this is the first time in my life that i've felt really separate from myself so i think part of me is just trying to figure out what's making me feel that way um which is one of the reasons i've been on somewhat of a search for that sort of thing uh you know sometimes i think i want to i don't know and then also you put a lot of yourself out there with
podcasting and comedy and sharing and then sometimes there's not that it's not that there's not much left but there's I don't know it's interesting man you know I remember going to China once and a woman didn't want me to take her picture and she said because it captured part of you and that once that happened you couldn't get
that part of you back and I wonder you know I wonder if one day we'll see that all this capturing of ourselves and of each other that we're doing that it like deodes or de-erodes us or erodes us at some level that we don't know yet you know I would bet there's some
truth to that because the Chinese man they you know good and well dude they'll make a damn soup out of anything you know so they know a lot of ingredients to the overall recipe I bet but thank you for the for for for the question and let's get you know let's get we got a single mom nomination that came in this would be a sweet way to end out this episode
and I want to thank everybody for being a part of this podcast thank you to our Patreon we have a very small patreon but they are mighty and and it allows us to do fun things like this so here's the nomination that came in Oh, they got a horse in it.
Hey, Theo.
My name's Emily, and I live in Richmond, Texas.
This is my horse, Annie.
Isn't she cute?
She's having her dinner.
She's like, fuck off.
Anyways, I'm doing the single mom submission.
I'd like to nominate my sister, Ashley.
She lives in Vancouver, Canada.
That's where I'm from originally.
And she has three kids.
She's a single mom.
The dad kind of dropped the ball and he does, he hasn't worked in like five years.
He doesn't really see them very often.
So she does everything, takes care of them and takes them to their, you know, sports and everything.
And she works as a nurse with like old people with like dementia and Alzheimer's and stuff, which is not an easy job.
So yeah, I think she's really deserving of it.
So that would be awesome if you could call her and help her out.
Anyways, I love your podcast.
I listen to it every week and it makes me laugh.
So you're the best, Theo.
All right, gang, gang.
You know what?
Thank you, Emily, so much for that.
And we would love to reach out to Ashley and do something and do something sweet for them.
So let's see if we can't give her a buzz right now.
Hey, Ashley.
Hello.
Hey, how are you?
I'm good.
You must be my mystery phone call today.
Is that a...
Yes.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
No, my name is Theo.
I work on a podcast.
You have a sister that is a horse owner?
I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, we just do a thing on our podcast where listeners will submit.
It's just for single moms.
And people will submit a single mom or somebody that they really care about.
And then we just kind of reach out.
And we just wanted to send you $750 to go do something fun with the kiddos this summer.
Serious?
Yep.
That's crazy.
That's it.
That's so nice.
Well, you're welcome.
Yeah, your sister must really care about you.
Are you guys pretty close?
You and your sister?
Well, we are, but she's afar.
Although, my son is there.
What's up, player?
We're pretty far apart, and we haven't seen each other for a while, obviously, due to COVID.
But yes, we are close.
We just aren't close in distance right now.
Oh, I see.
Nice.
Well, she has a nice horse.
Did you see that horse that she has?
Yeah, it's Annie.
That's Annie.
I rode it a long time ago.
Oh, your daughter rode it?
Yeah.
Oh, dang.
Y'all are lucky.
I would like to ride on something like that.
Where am I from?
Yeah.
I'm from Louisiana, but I live right now in Los Angeles and Nashville.
So I'm kind of just trying to just be alive, really.
But so where do you work at?
You are a nurse, she said.
I am a nurse.
I work in long-term care in a special care dementia unit.
No, dementia is crazy, huh?
Yeah, it's good times.
What is something about dementia that we wouldn't even know about?
Like, is there anything that's kind of interesting?
Well, from what I see, you honestly live in like a movie clip.
That's how I can, it's like you live in a movie clip that keeps going over and over and over again.
Do you understand what I mean?
Yeah.
Like they're stuck in that movie clip over and over.
Like it could be a five-minute movie clip, a minute movie clip, or a day.
The next day is just relived all the same memories that they have.
I don't know if that makes sense to you, but yeah, it's, yeah.
That's interesting.
I hope mine is either Tommy Boy or um I'm trying to think of uh what's that other movie?
Oh, The Patriot.
I like that.
But um, oh, that's awesome.
Well, yeah, we just wanted to send you a nice gift just to do something fun with the kiddos.
What do your kids like to do?
Well, oh, hey, guys.
Two of you are here right now.
Tell them what you like to do.
You know, you know.
You know what you want.
Yeah, you know what you want.
You want your package to come.
Well, no, like we...
We're still on a pretty tight lockdown up here in Canada.
So we really haven't been able to do a whole lot in the last while.
So like recently, we've just been doing lots of stuff at home, like art.
And, you know, even movie theaters aren't even open.
Oh, that's crazy.
I know.
We can't do much right now.
Y'all should.
Do y'all have any animals?
We do not have animals.
They want one.
We don't have one.
I think a bird would be good.
Hey, I was saying that a while ago.
Yep.
I knew that.
When we were going to get a fish and there was no fish and we saw birds.
Yeah.
Yeah, they do want a bird.
Yeah, y'all need a good bird over there.
If you have a cat and a bird, then usually the bird dies of the cat.
Well, that's a very good way to state it.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the food chain.
That's the food chain.
Well, well, look, yeah, I don't know what you guys will be able to do, but hopefully you'll be able to find something fun to do.
And yeah, your sister just obviously thinks the world of you, and so we do too.
So we just wanted to let you know we're thinking of you.
That's amazing.
Thank you so much.
You bet.
And you guys come to America sometime.
Have your kids been to America?
Yeah, my mom and dad live in Texas, so we did make a lot of trips pre-COVID.
Oh, nice.
I like Canada, though.
I like Canada.
Yeah, we're nice people up here.
Oh, yeah.
Canada's good.
A lot of people really apologizing all the time.
Yep.
It's really sweet.
We do.
It's a really sweet place.
Well, thank you for answering the phone, Ashley, and I hope that you have a great day over there.
Yeah, thank you so much.
Thank you for calling.
Oh, you bet.
Tell your kids I said bye.
Bye, kiddos.
I will.
Get that bird.
Get that bird.
Oh, that's sweet, man.
And it's really something sweet to think about a couple kids with a new bird, you know.
I think there's something.
It's almost like the Garden of Eden or something, you know, kind of like that.
We had the young fellow that called in about the military, and he was looking for some suggestions.
Let's take a couple of those and get some suggestions for the young fellow.
Hey, Theo, my name is Patrick.
I'm from Southern Oregon.
I'm calling in because that kid that wanted to get out of the military and didn't know exactly what he wanted to do.
I got out of the military, did the whole college thing, hated it, and then I went to Northwest Lyman College.
And it's for those guys that work on all the power lines.
Pays really well, but just, you know, keeping him in mind that Northwest, we don't have any homes to move into.
So if he's got a place already, he might want to just stay in until the housing market comes back down.
Okay.
So you could get a camper and go up to Oregon and do the power lining.
And that'd be interesting, man.
You know, that's really, that's risque business, Daddy.
You grill your freaking self up.
Hey, B.O., this is AJ.
Best advice I give them is if you haven't gone to school yet, go and do it.
Get paid to go.
Get your degree, and then do whatever the hell you want.
There you go.
That's another great suggestion right there.
Different opinion.
Here we go.
What's happening?
My name is Trevor.
A dad almost six years in the Army.
Calling in to basically give a little input answer for that cat that was asking what should he do or expect.
You need to start job hunting immediately, even though you're still in the service.
You need to communicate with anybody that's specific to what you've done in the military, you know, so that way you can transfer that flawlessly over into the civilian world because it's a big change, homie.
There you go.
That's a great one.
Yes, sir.
What's up?
This is Colin Colin, and I wanted to share some ideas, but I figured most of the ideas would be like use the GI bill, go back to school, go live here because they pay well with the living stipend.
But what I want to share is that the one thing that I did not expect when I got out was how difficult it would be to reconnect with people.
And I wouldn't expect everyone to have as difficult of a time as I did, but I thought I would have more people there for me.
And that's a sad thing to say, but it also has a silver lining.
You just know that and know that people are busy and people are struggling a lot.
And so the people that you might have thought you could rely on upon getting out might not be there.
Well, that's a good point, man.
That like, yeah, sometimes things when you went in, everybody might have been, you know, finishing school and having a good time and partying.
And now when you're out, people's lives may have changed and their accessibility to help and to be a daily part of your life might not be there.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Tyler from out here in LA.
You know, that little hilarious sign here in Kentucky.
Oh, yeah.
And I went to a party over there one time and took a fella and he robbed everybody over there and jumped off at a rooftop.
Here we go.
Anyway, I'm calling with some advice for the military dude that just got out after five long years.
So my advice would be to sit down and do some serious lifestyle architecture, right?
Like don't rush into a job immediately.
Sit down, really figure out what kind of life you would like to have, where you'd like to live, what kind of family situation and housing situation you want going on, all that shit first.
And then pick a career that can enable that that you, I guess, could tolerate pretty much.
If you can find something you're passionate about, even better.
But the main thing here is picking a job first is ass backwards, and you should really pick a job that fits into your life, not the other way around.
The good thing is you have five years of military experience, and employers really cream their pants over that.
So got that going for you?
Dang, baby, there you go.
Some really nice plethora or plethora of selections, man.
And thank all you guys for your service and for being a part of this podcast, man.
I'm just shocked at how many people are involved in this podcast and this group.
We're all making it, man.
And shout out to my buddy with that degenerative spine disorder over there.
Dude, if you need me to hold you up from the back, man, I'll hold your little ass up, baby.
Praise God, man.
We're making it, man.
Let's keep doing it.
Thank you guys for supporting the podcast.
Tickets available for the tour at theovawn.com slash tour.
Thank you for the suggestions.
And let's go out in that same direction, man, of absorption.
And that will be with Robert Randolph and the family band, Baptize Me.
Music.
Robert Randolph, baby.
You know he's one of the greatest pedal steel guitar players in the universe.
Come on, Bobby.
Dirty water, red clay mud.
I need redemption, saved from the flood.
Give me everlasting, even more love.
I'm there for the waiting, I'm passing the blood in my arms.
I'm begging you be, that time's me.
I'm begging you be, that time's me.
Come on.
Never seen it coming.
Looking at me that way.
Now all my blues.
Seen brighter days.
I'm a son of a preacher, man.
A small town cliche.
Come on.
I never learned a devil song.
What else can I see?
Hey.
Down on my knees.
Lord, baptize me.
Come on.
Come on.
Down on my knees.
Baptize me.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
And that's that man right there, Robert Randolph, and the family band baptize me.
Really fun video they have there on YouTube.
You can absorb that.
And I've heard he's a real wonderful man, too.
I never met him, but I've heard a lot of nice things about that man.
Anyhow, you guys be good to yourselves.
You deserve it, man.
I'm going to try and do the same.
Gang.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have a great deal of Kite Club.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
So yeah, he's a deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Do you know what I mean?
Oh, hi.
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no.
*BEEP*
I think Tom Hanks just bought that.
Anyway, first rule the Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule the Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
