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April 23, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:43:34

E336 Khalyla

Theo talks with Khalyla about the health of Bobby Lee, the possibility of having children, and crying to O-Town, plus much more. Bloodbath Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5tigjL4SYA_nWP-E8-eiBw Subscribe to our YouTube: https://bit.ly/theo-von New Merch: theovonstore.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. This episode is brought to you by: Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/Theo for premium wireless at just $15 a month BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/Theo for 10% OFF your first month Super Speciosa: https://getsuperleaf.com/Theo use promo code THEO for 20% OFF Music: “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovonFacebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Today's guest is a woman that, I mean, a woman that really, I'd be online if I said she didn't occupy one of my aortas a lot of times.
	And, you know, she's a very loving lady that is part of the podcast community and a wonderful podcaster in her own right.
	And she has a new podcast called Blood Bath that you can check out.
	She's a real heartbeat in the world.
	And we're happy to have her here today, Miss Kalila.
	For me to set that parking break and let myself on my shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you a story.
	Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing just so And now I've been moving You're always one of the comics that I always felt like.
	Well, I like him, which is kind of a rare thing.
	Really?
	Thank you.
	I always, I mean, I think it's hard whenever somebody sees you not to be like, you know, have some sort of desire around you or something like that.
	You know, I think you seem very desirable.
	I have a question about that.
	Yeah.
	Especially to a white man or semi-white.
	I'm semi-white.
	Does the question of desirability have to do with who my partner is?
	Like, if a guy sees me, does the desirability level go up because he thinks that Bobby is somehow not an equal to me?
	Or, like, let's say I was with like a strapping six foot four guy.
	Okay.
	Okay, like, what do you mean, like a tongan or something?
	Tongan, yeah.
	Love tongans.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So you're saying, so if you were like with a big like.
	Rugby player.
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	Rugby guy.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
	Immediately in a guy's mind, would I just be off limits?
	Would you be off limits if I saw you with him?
	Versus you seeing me with my little, yeah, my little boiled egg.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, does that matter?
	I mean, I just know Bobby has, I just, I feel like with Bobby, there's more of, and I say this only out of respect.
	I love Bobby, and, you know, I hope I get to be a Paul Bear at his funeral if anything ever happens to him, which I hope nothing ever happens.
	I thought you were going to say wedding.
	You could be like, or at his wedding.
	Please don't wish him death.
	Sorry, I would never wish him death.
	I'll kill myself.
	He is, I will say this, though, and I say it out of love and respect, and I tell him this a lot.
	He is more light.
	You can tell that death looks for him a little.
	You know, like he's had some of the addiction stuff.
	He's had, you know, he's very, he looks very, you know, he looks really like a strong shellfish would kill him, to be honest.
	But what I'm saying is, so when you see you.
	By strong shellfish, we're talking like a big lobster with a big carapace.
	You're talking.
	Like spiny lobster.
	No, no, no.
	I'm talking something to food poisoning.
	I was thinking that a lobster would attack him in the ocean.
	Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	I mean, I could see a lobster attacking him at maybe like a pool at like a Hampton dinner something.
	But I give a beautiful laugh, too.
	But I think a lot for attacking him, like, at a...
	Oh, okay.
	You know, especially with you guys combining forces of you guys come from a very background of a lot of street food.
	It's very popular in your cultures.
	And so I think that doubles the chances of somebody.
	Well, he has an American stomach.
	I don't care what his culture is.
	That thing is not steel clad.
	That's not metal clad.
	He has diarrhea all day long.
	Oh, yeah.
	On oatmeal.
	He actually looks like where diarrhea started.
	If somebody were to, I don't know if they can trace it, but I could see suddenly the fuzz just showing up at y'all's door.
	I mean, kicking it down and Bobby's just on the John, you notice looking up.
	He can't get anything.
	He can't keep anything down, it seems.
	It's just intractable diarrhea all day long.
	It's unbelievable.
	Well, so here's what I do think.
	I think when you see a guy, when you see a girl like you with Bobby, and I love Bobby and Bobby's probably one of my 50, probably 40 favorite people, I would bet.
	30. 30, top 30. But you think Bobby is more prone to death, I think, than if I saw you with like a big six-foot guy.
	That guy seems like, oh, he's going to live forever.
	So Bobby, there's a, and not in a bad way.
	You know, I know, I'm sure Bobby's going to live for a long time.
	But you just see him as being like, oh, anything could happen.
	He drives and plays games.
	He just, he puts himself in danger's way.
	So I think then there allows a little more room for who is going to care for this woman if something ever happened to him.
	And not in a bad way, but if, and so it's out of love, I think that you look and say, okay, whereas if I saw you with some guy like Bill Clinton, like a young Bill Clinton or something, then I think I would be like, oh man, you know, even after he dies, he'll still be able to take care of her.
	Well, I think that.
	Well, I don't know if ghost Bobby could hold you down, is what I'm saying.
	I don't know.
	Can somebody help me out here?
	I think Bobby would haunt this shit out of both of us.
	Yeah, that's true.
	I mean, if you're...
	Are you in line to catch me should he die?
	Are you the man to take care of this woman and This damsel in distress.
	What?
	Is this like a reverse?
	Is this a proposal?
	No, this is what I wanted to actually hash out with you.
	Okay.
	For some reason, I get a barrage of messages.
	Okay.
	And what does barrage mean?
	That's French, isn't it?
	Barrage.
	It could be.
	Just always messages pertaining or accusatory messages, thinking that you and I are in some sort of, that you're my side piece, that you're my second.
	And I don't know where that comes from because I don't feel like we've ever talked about it on our podcast, or have we?
	I have never said anything like that.
	I mean, I don't know if they...
	I personally don't think so.
	But I don't like that.
	I like you a lot.
	I don't think so.
	I said, do you feel like there is?
	And I don't mean that in a bad way.
	Okay, here, let me try to break this out in like a really transparent way.
	I want to get to the bottom of this.
	There are people that I walk past that I feel like an instant like chemistry with.
	I'm not threatened by that feeling at all.
	I just kind of like clock it and then, you know, it's, it's, it validates that I'm human.
	I do have it with certain people in his life, but not you.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Probably a sad sound right here.
	Do we have any sad sounds cute up?
	Because you feel more like family.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I know Louisiana is not...
	That's what Bobby always says.
	So here's what I'm saying is, all right?
	No, I, I, I, yeah, I just, I think that I, I guess when I look at you and Bobby, what was the original question, really?
	If, if dudes calculate in their mind a woman's desirability based on who she's with.
	Like, no.
	Okay.
	I don't think, you know, that's a good question.
	Do guys calculate a woman's desirability based on who she's with?
	I think, well, some girls you see and you can just tell a lot of time.
	Some girls I think you see sometimes and it looks like a money type of thing.
	Well, a lot of people assume that about me.
	About you and Bobby?
	Yeah, of course.
	Like, that's the immediate assumption, which I think is really unfair because I think Bobby's really cute.
	Like, I've always been into short fat boys.
	Like, that's my type.
	Yeah.
	Well, Bobby's undeniably cute.
	Bobby's probably.
	Bobby, it's crazy.
	Bobby, even Bobby versus Black Baby, I'd pick Bobby.
	And that's wild.
	Usually Black Baby wins every time.
	Black Baby's the cutest.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Paper rocks, Black Baby.
	Black Baby wins every time, dude.
	But you do paper, Bobby, Black Baby, dude.
	Bobby, Bobby beats Black Baby sometimes, man.
	So I agree.
	I think he's definitely that Tamagotchi.
	He's one step past that Tamagotchi.
	He's like the shitting Tamagotchi.
	He's that living.
	He's like Dragon Ball Z, like five Z's, like a sleeping Dragon Ball.
	He does watch anime?
	I do watch a little bit of it.
	I like to look at drawings a lot.
	Oh, but you don't watch anime like I do.
	I've seen a good bit of it.
	When I was in college, I used to watch some of it.
	Me and my friend used to watch some of it, and I used to borrow a lot of his clothes, too.
	I'm deep into this one.
	I think you should watch.
	What is it?
	It's called Attack on Titan.
	Attack on Titan?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I think you should.
	I'll watch it since you suggested.
	But yes, Bobby is a Tamagotchi.
	Is that I used to say Tamaguchi.
	Oh, really?
	Tamaguchi?
	Tamagotchi.
	Tamaguchi is like a rich thing, I think.
	It's like, oh, it's like, it's like, you know, it'll leave you in an instant, dude, if you don't make money.
	Do you know that there's a cemetery specifically for Tamagotchis, apparently?
	And it's in America.
	It's like somewhere in Virginia.
	Oh, wow.
	For people where you can go and basically lay your Tamagotchi to rest.
	Yeah.
	No, I didn't know that.
	It's a pet cemetery.
	Oh, I didn't even know that.
	That's cool.
	Or like something digital.
	Yeah, I remember they had a bunch of...
	Digital cemetery.
	That's probably good for the environment.
	Why not?
	I think Richmond can use anything it can get right now.
	But that's such a good question.
	Do I see a woman or a man?
	Sometimes you think, I think once you get to know them, you can tell if it's about love or not.
	I think that kind of happens.
	I want to know what you thought when you first met me or even.
	I thought you guys met online.
	I mean, for sure.
	For sure.
	That's what I thought.
	And you were right.
	We did because I lived an hour away from here.
	I was in Long Beach.
	You were?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So I thought, oh, these people met online.
	And I was happy for Bobby.
	I wanted the worst thing you thought about me.
	Oh, I don't think it was.
	I never thought nothing bad.
	Like, what would I even think that could be bad?
	Like, you got attacked by her summer.
	You were in a fire.
	I always wonder, like, you know, when you try to, again, it's a calculation thing.
	Like, oh, she has to be really stupid or she has to be this or she has to have really bad breath or her pussy is made of, you know, has teeth in it.
	Like, I don't know, like, what dudes think, like, when they try to weigh out why I would be with a little munchkin.
	Look, I mean, I love, Bobby's one of the best.
	Bobby's one of the best comedians that I, he's one of the most, Bobby's one of the most entertaining men that I'd ever known.
	So I could easily see why a woman would like him.
	I like him.
	I'm not even a woman.
	So I could easily see if I was a woman, why wouldn't I still like him?
	I would still like him, I think.
	I would not, I don't think I'd have sex with Bobby.
	I would feel uncomfortable having sex with Bobby.
	He reminds me of like kind of like a, but that's me.
	I'm also a man.
	And he's neither one of us is a gay man.
	So I think what I'm trying to say is that I didn't think anything bad of you at all.
	I thought, oh, wow, Bobby met this girl probably online, you know, because he doesn't go out and do anything.
	So that's the only reason I thought that.
	I thought either that he must have met her online or he got like a, I don't want to say like a postmates or somebody got a postmates and you showed up.
	You know, he got hella lucky off a burrito.
	Like, that's what I was thinking.
	And so that's all I thought.
	And then I just thought, oh, this is awesome.
	You know, I'm glad that Bobby has somebody that's really cool.
	And then it's also, I mean, you're just nice to look at.
	You remind me of like the if they made a female jungle book, who would be in it, you know?
	Mowgli?
	Yeah, if they had a female Mowgli, you know, not too far off from that.
	If they had, um, yeah, I don't know what the name would be.
	I don't know what female Mow.
	I don't know what Mowgli means.
	What does Mowgli mean?
	Can you look that up next?
	Isn't he South Asian?
	So, yeah, because there was a tiger involved, Bagheera, right?
	Yeah.
	Oh, no, Shirkan.
	So it had to have been Indian, yeah.
	Shirkan.
	Bagira was the panther, and then Baloo was the bear.
	Yeah.
	Mowgli means wild child.
	Wild child.
	Wild child.
	So I think I thought of you as like a female Mowgli type.
	And then I didn't know anything else.
	You know, Bobby, I don't see Bobby super much, so he's kind of secretive, you know?
	He's like a spy that's not doing a good job, but is still being a spy.
	He's hard to get to know.
	Yeah.
	He really is.
	Oh, he's hard to get to know, you know, and I know that.
	You know, I think I suffer from some of the same things he does, so I think I'm also hard to get to know.
	And so I recognize that about him.
	he's also it's kind of like the blessing and a curse of having so much like there's so much going on It's also like a living form of it.
	Like, never has adult ADHD.
	Usually it's non-transferable, but with Bobby, it's like, oh, my God.
	You might catch it.
	This shit has legs, you know?
	This shit is going door to door right now.
	But when you see him, he's so like.
	He's like this archipelago of bullshit and like Claire's boutique and creativity and like drawings and nudity and everything.
	He's just this thing of everything.
	So it's very easy to be enamored by him.
	But also you're so, he's so engaging and such a character that you want to see so much, you want so much of whatever it is that I could imagine if I were him that it's hard to be a regular person behind it.
	I think so.
	Or within it.
	Especially why would you be a regular person when whatever else you are, which is also you, is so titillating.
	And has been rewarded.
	That's the thing.
	We get into that a lot because it's like, you know, with me, like the rule is like, you got to take your mask off at the door because I don't really care for like the bells and whistles.
	I don't care for him to make me laugh.
	Like that's like I already know all these things.
	I know who he is to the public.
	And I think that's where I feel very blessed to know a part of him that no one will ever see.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because he is just a sweetheart and the kindest man, most generous person like I've ever met, I think.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he's always surprisingly kind.
	I find him to be surprisingly kind at times.
	Yeah, but he has a hard time.
	When we need him, he's there.
	He has a hard time not putting on.
	He feels like he has to be something every time he walks out the door.
	He has to put on a performance.
	And I'm like, well, no, you don't have to, not around like your friends.
	But all his friends are you guys, like people that, you know, you have to be funny.
	Yeah.
	And then you also create this world of podcasting where you're always doing something, you know, so then that kind of like doesn't perpetuate it.
	It's still.
	Do you get confused?
	Do I get confused about like, you know, because we podcast so much and so many hours of ourselves are out there.
	Do you ever get confused about like who you are outside of this?
	Like in terms of like being who you like authentically are?
	Oh, sometimes, yeah.
	Sometimes I think so.
	We had a question that came in, and I want to get back to your question, Kalila.
	And we had a question that came in from Oga right here that's white right here.
	Hey, Kalila, my name's Ryan.
	My question for Kalila is, does Bobby joke around with you a lot at home?
	And if he does, is it easy to tell when he's choking?
	Oh, yeah, let me know.
	Gang gang, blood stuff.
	Gang gang.
	Is it hard to tell when he's choking, did he say?
	He said joking.
	Always choking, by the way.
	I can easily tell you the plumbing on the guy is backed up.
	It's backed up.
	It's backed down.
	It's unbelievably poor.
	It's like, go get him bored out.
	There's two things that happen every day in the house, multiple times a day.
	He trips on the stairs.
	Yeah.
	And there's a big ow.
	I stub my toe every fucking day.
	And there's always a distant sound of choking.
	Oh, yeah.
	And there's always me saying, are you okay?
	And then him getting mad.
	Like, this is just how I eat.
	I'm like, you know, not everyone chokes every time they eat.
	Yeah, it's a real art, you know?
	I mean, the guy, that's a thing.
	And that's why I go back to he's on the cusp of, I don't want to say, he's just a risky, he's a risk.
	He is a shooting star, you know?
	He is a star.
	And sometimes stars shoot too far and they burn out.
	Explode.
	It's just risky.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Risky behavior.
	He's choking.
	Already in this conversation, he's choking.
	He has dysentery.
	He's probably dehydrated right now somewhere and trying to solve it with some type of a Mountain Dew.
	Right.
	To answer this guy's question, he is not always choking at home.
	He cries a lot.
	He's a big crier.
	He cries every day, and it's always about an American idol contestant.
	Oh, yeah.
	Something, or like he watches a lot of like families reuniting.
	Oh, yeah.
	I watch a lot of that.
	Like I watch a lot of those Air Force dad comes home a lot of videos when I need to pick me up in the morning.
	Ooh, there's one I want to send you.
	It's a good one.
	It's about two Cambodian sisters.
	They were separated during the war, during the Khmer Rouge.
	That one's a good one.
	I cried.
	We both cried for three days.
	But there's not a lot of joking, a lot of crying at home.
	Oh, that one.
	The second one.
	Families Reunited.
	It's that one.
	Wow.
	It's one of the biggest TV shows in Cambodia.
	Oh, please watch that video.
	It's so good.
	Beautiful looking people.
	They're survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime, which killed millions.
	This is reality TV with ambition, healing wounds from one of Cambodia's darkest And most painful legacies.
	That's powerful.
	Is Bobby in this?
	Could be.
	Four decades ago, Cambodia suffered one of the worst atrocities of the 20th century.
	Are we gonna watch the whole thing?
	Nick, I'm going to send you a video of Bobby reacting to this video that you can...
	Oh, God.
	Please.
	Please, thank you.
	Thank you for that.
	Yeah, what was that guy's question?
	Oh, what's Bobby like at home?
	Joking.
	So what kind of role do you play at home then?
	Do you feel like?
	I think I have to be reluctantly and very begrudgingly, I have to be the responsible adult.
	Because I don't want to be a responsible adult all the time.
	Like, I want someone to, I want to be reckless and I want someone to be like, hey, don't do that.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But someone's got to be it.
	So I got to put fire.
	We've had so many close calls in terms of like fires because he just flicks that cigarette on, you know, fire season.
	And I have to put out fires.
	That's why I think when you see you with Bobby or whether it's a big tongue whoever it is, it's not whoever that man is.
	It's just like, oh, how is she going to survive when this guy gives into the avalanche, the food poisoning?
	Not too racist, but the typhoon or the, you know, bad moon rising or whatever it is or the tiger in the woods.
	You know, how does it end for this guy, this risky guy?
	I bet you he's a cockroach.
	I bet you he lives 20 days without a head-on.
	Yeah.
	That's who he is.
	I'm surprised he's not in a baby Bjorn when you guys walk into a place that you don't have him one of those things, you know?
	Oh, if I could, I would.
	Yeah.
	I absolutely would.
	But, yeah.
	So anyway, yeah, I don't know how, I don't know if rumors came up that we, there was some sort of connection, but I'm glad that.
	Maybe people read it.
	Maybe people read something we're not seeing.
	And I don't know.
	I get a lot of those messages.
	Do you?
	In fact, when you tagged me yesterday on your story, those are the type of messages that I got.
	Unbelievable.
	Well, what do people know?
	What do thousands of people know?
	And here's this guy from Napoleon Dynamite.
	Good afternoon to you, Theo Vaughn and Kalila K. I wanted to ask you, Kalila, how do you feel and cope with all the trash talking on the internet, dude?
	Because I be peeking into the forums sometimes and a lot of these things are mean, but they're nice ones too.
	You know, don't get it twisted.
	I'm vocal.
	A lot of mean things.
	How do you cope with that?
	Thank you.
	Hope you are having a nice one.
	I think they call his mustache.
	I think they call it cantin flash.
	Oh, really?
	I think so.
	That is a good one.
	And that's very traditional, huh?
	That is pretty traditional.
	You could play the Sanchin.
	You know the Sunchin?
	He's my type.
	He is?
	Hell yeah.
	That guy's my type.
	100%.
	Oh, I could look like that.
	I could easily do facial reconstruction.
	Don't they do it in the Philippines?
	Don't they do that?
	They do.
	Dr. Vicky Bello is a good one, I think.
	But they do the most in Korea.
	Korea is the number one in the world in terms of shaving down jawlines and stuff like that.
	I could do something like that.
	Trash talking.
	Sunshin.
	That's the Sunchin right there.
	What's a Sunshin?
	It's a traditional Japanese instrument.
	Oh, my God.
	He could easily play the Sunshin.
	Wait, the word I just said, cantinflas?
	He said it.
	Yeah, when you said cantinflas, I said he looks like a sunshin player.
	I don't know how to answer this question besides saying, like, what can I do?
	Do you stay out of it?
	Do you engage with it?
	Some people engage.
	In the beginning, I did because it's like, you can't help but like wonder what people are saying about you.
	But it's like, there's, I have no control of it.
	I only have control of like my friends and family.
	So unfortunately, they are bad.
	And if I were to jump into that, it would crush my soul.
	Oh, yeah.
	I can't live there.
	Always disheartening in there.
	You know, it gets real disheartening down in the internet.
	So when you think about like, if something ever happened to Bobby, right, I don't know what happened.
	Are we going back to Bobby?
	We're not going back.
	I just want to finish the conversation.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And I, because I forgot to talk about volcanoes.
	That's why.
	Well, let's talk about typhoons.
	Well, any of those things could happen to me.
	Because Philippines is part of the Pacific Rim of Fire.
	Louisiana is not.
	I know.
	That's what I'm saying.
	So you guys, just the life expectancy, I think, that's the big thing when you see Bobby.
	You say, oh, how long?
	Well, he looks like he's still 20 years old.
	So you have to take that into consideration.
	Something he's doing, because there are other Asians who are 50 that don't look as young as him.
	That's true.
	So I don't know if the recklessness and the lack of care maybe equates to lack of stress.
	I bet it does, probably.
	He seems stress-free, kind of.
	He's neurotic, but he's stress-free.
	I don't know if that's possible, but it somehow is.
	Now, yeah, I'm just thinking like if some – A child predator?
	No one wants those kidneys.
	He's a smoker.
	But they don't want him for the kidneys.
	They want him for the sex.
	Oh, okay.
	So he's being thrown into the sex dream.
	Yeah, he's getting in.
	He gets picked up as a kid.
	You know what I'm saying?
	He's in a candy store.
	There's other kids in there.
	Some guy stops out of the van and takes three.
	Bobby's in the group.
	You know what?
	He would thrive in that situation.
	He's done a lot of meth in his life.
	Yeah.
	So he, and that's, I feel like he would be so strategic.
	I feel like he would eventually be the Heidi Fleis of that sex thing.
	Yeah, I could see that.
	He would rise up the ranks of being once, you know, anally fisted to like the head of the.
	Yeah, champion.
	Yeah, the champion.
	I could see that.
	I could see him.
	It's almost like a brokeback meets fight club kind of thing, you know?
	Meets like saving, like, not saving Private Ryan, but like meets Adam, that movie Adam, when that guy's son went missing at the mall, Adam Walsh.
	Adam 22, I think it was called.
	So then what type, if there's somebody in the podcasting world that you feel like you would have to at least not shack up, Jesus Christ, have some respect for yourself.
	Saving Silverman.
	Right.
	Saving Silverman.
	Who would that man, like, who is the man?
	Is it a Brendan Shaw type of guy?
	Would you then have to gravitate towards like this like burlesque kind of like ambient sound of a man?
	Gun to my head because I would not date a single comic for the rest of my life.
	And that's a fact.
	Look, I could get a new job.
	I could easily open up a poke shop.
	Okay.
	I could sell poke, man.
	Easily.
	You know, I'm just trying to get you to say that if something ever happened, I could buy you a malt.
	Look, I would put you on a trial period.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	And it's just for friendship.
	It's for friendship.
	So then we would cohabitate in the same house, different beds, different rooms, do all that.
	And then I'd see how you'd function.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And then eventually you would really have to prove yourself.
	I would not be able to.
	But that's okay.
	That's all I want is a chance to not be able to prove myself.
	That's all I want.
	But you know what?
	You might.
	If you were willing to, because Bobby doesn't eat ass at all, and I love certain things that he doesn't, he's not into.
	So if you were inclined to do stuff he wouldn't or fill some holes, you might, I might consider cohabitation.
	Oh, wow.
	Okay.
	So I guess I better practice the brown cow work at the farm.
	I don't, I'm not like a chronic, I don't love it all the time, but like, you know, three times a year.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	You mean holidays?
	Oh, that's holidays.
	Yeah.
	Some stuff I think around holidays are real, real nice, man.
	Especially if people are everybody showered up and everybody's in a good mood.
	You know?
	I could see that.
	You put on some easy listening.
	Yeah, what type of music do you listen to if you think you have somebody kind of chewing on your butt?
	What do you have some Kenny Rogers or something?
	No, I don't think I'd want anything aggressive, so it would have to be like Vashti Bunyan.
	Put on some Shen Sen music, man.
	Shinshan.
	Put on a little batch of Shinsen if you can.
	Let's imagine this.
	Let's see if this feels like it would be okay for you.
	Is this a new thing you're into, Theo?
	The Shinsen?
	No, I just know about it.
	I don't know a lot of instruments, but I know.
	Just close your eyes and imagine that.
	Now, are you thinking that you are like on all fours?
	Are you laying on your back, or how does this kind of go?
	I'm not into exposing my asshole on all fours in that way.
	That's a little bit too.
	So I'm on my back.
	Okay.
	Possibly on my side even.
	I like being tipped over.
	Oh, wow.
	I feel like this is what most of my yoga classes sound like.
	But you gotta let you, you gotta relax.
	You gotta get away from that.
	This sounds like Vashti Banyan.
	There you go.
	Yeah, I think I can do it.
	There you go.
	Yeah.
	That's cool.
	Thank you, Nick.
	Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that just kind of remains to be seen.
	You know, I'm open to a lot.
	I'm open to some different sexual proclivities for sure.
	But it just has to be, you know, the time.
	It just has to be kind of the timing has to be right.
	I've never ever pictured you in a sexual way.
	Because when I meet anybody.
	Thank you.
	What do you picture me doing then?
	I picture you fishing.
	Somebody told me the other day that they always, I remind them of Lieutenant Dan, but if he still had legs.
	Wait, Lieutenant Dan was hot.
	Even on a wheelchair, I wouldn't have.
	The prosecution rests, sir.
	So I picture you fishing a lot.
	Okay.
	I like to fish.
	I think because I saw like one Instagram picture of you with like a tiny little fish.
	That was a decent-sized bass.
	That was a 3.25-ounce pound bass.
	And yes, I was late caught.
	Proud of you.
	I also picture you maybe on the toilet.
	And I picture you to pee or to do number two, you think?
	I think number two.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, but when I look at it.
	I do it, but not a lot.
	I poop probably twice a week.
	Are you serious?
	Yeah.
	You take magnesium?
	Huh?
	Yeah, I do for my brain.
	Do you take, do you drink enough water?
	Oh, yeah.
	I've had water all day.
	You eat your green?
	I've been drinking water since I was born.
	You know the human body's how much water, Nick?
	96%.
	Yeah, about that.
	So, baby, I got to fucking come swim in me.
	You feel me?
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'm full.
	Do you shoot out a lot of cum?
	full.
	No, I don't have any.
	Yeah, like when you shoot, are you big enough?
	Oh, ejaculation, you mean?
	Yeah.
	How much ejac do I have in me?
	I would say a decent amount.
	You know, I think I'm getting near the bottom, though.
	Does it become less and less as you age?
	The best joke I ever heard, some guy said, I don't even know who said it.
	He said, when I masturbate these days, it looks like two white guys getting out of a submarine.
	Hunt for the red October.
	And I thought that was the best joke ever.
	Here's one of my favorite jokes.
	What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blowjob to Willie Nelson?
	What?
	I'm not Willie Nelson.
	I'm not Willie Nelson.
	I don't know who told me that.
	God, that's a good joke, man.
	You described Bobby's E-Jack one time as a pickup truck that tipped over and two guys climb out of the passenger window.
	Well, there you go.
	Yeah, Bobby does.
	I mean, but Bobby also has that very Boston cream-filled style that, you know, that like I could just see him like, I could see a truck hitting him and just come, ejaculation going everywhere.
	Yeah, I don't like saying come.
	You don't like saying come?
	I don't really like saying it that much.
	I just don't, we can say other stuff.
	Splooge.
	You could say eject, spray out, bust.
	I like stuff like that.
	More onomatopoeias.
	Onomatopoeias.
	Can you say archipelago again?
	Yeah, archipelago.
	Yeah, the Philippines is an archipelago.
	Is it really?
	Oh, wow, that's crazy.
	I didn't even know that.
	Somehow, I know you grew up in Louisiana.
	There's something about you that feels so familiar to me, like you were like a long-lost cousin.
	Ooh.
	I think it's because there is something very familiar about you.
	I think that's why I like you.
	I feel comfortable around you.
	Yeah, and I feel like I've always tried to make you feel comfortable.
	I feel like I always have tried to be nice to you and your...
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	It's that time.
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	Handle yourself.
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	You know, I had a comedy show last night and I met a fella and he said, hey, man, I go to therapy twice a week.
	And his buddy said, I go once a week.
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	It's okay to talk about it.
	It's okay if you need it.
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	You have a new podcast now, Bloodbath, right?
	I do, yes.
	With Annie Letterman and Esther Pavic.
	Oh, yeah.
	And they are wild women.
	And here's a young fellow right here.
	This guy could be Indian.
	Hey, what's up, Theo?
	What's up, Player?
	Question for Auntie Kalila.
	What's your favorite part about doing the Bloodbath podcast with the girls versus Tiger Belly?
	Like, what are some of the different things that you're avoiding with that?
	Also, I think that you should rescue some cats as well as dogs.
	I know you've been getting a lot of dogs.
	Cats need love too.
	Bring home, Bobby, some cats.
	Can keep the cats on one floor and the dogs on another.
	Ooh, I like that.
	I like that guy.
	It's almost like the sheiks or something in Istanbul or Saudi Arabia.
	They're wives.
	The different wives get different floors of the home.
	First wife goes where?
	The first wife, I think probably upstairs.
	First wife is probably exhausted, wants nothing to do, but wants the wealth and the perks of being the first wife.
	Right.
	So I think they probably get the hierarchy.
	So she has no blowjob duties, none of the other stuff.
	She's tired.
	She really takes her.
	It's a young girl's young girls game.
	The difference between doing a podcast with Bobby is that like I feel, I don't know, like I feel angrier when I'm in Tiger Belly because we just have, Bobby and I have that sort of like antagonistic sort of like rapport, I guess, if you can call it that.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	With Bloodbath, it's like they're girls.
	I feel a little bit like I can play around.
	I don't know.
	I don't know how to explain it, but I'm definitely two versions of myself.
	I have absolutely two versions of myself on those podcasts.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I can relate to that.
	I think it's the same for me with this in King and the Sting.
	It doesn't feel like me.
	It feels like me, but it's just like a crazy version.
	It's like I'm at a nightclub or something.
	Right.
	You know, it's like I'm at a shitty nightclub in Jacksonville.
	You know?
	Jacksonville.
	Why does everyone have, no, it was actually Tampa.
	Bobby always has stories about nightclubs in Tampa and Florida.
	Oh, there's a, because they'll put a nightclub anywhere there.
	You know, you'll have like an olive garden, then you'll have a nightclub right next to it.
	The zoning in that state is unbelievable.
	You'll have a mortuary next to a strip club next to their selling bass boats.
	You know, it's like, I mean, you just can't even decide if you want to die or freaking, you know, get up early for some redfish.
	It's just like, the choices there.
	They just, there's no differentiating between anything.
	They'll have a kindergarten right next to a graveyard.
	You know, they just don't.
	There's no big plan, I think, in Florida.
	And I think that's what Florida was supposed to be.
	It was like, it's just kind of like this catch-all of the United States, you know?
	But.
	I wonder what it would be like if you were my second.
	If I was your second husband?
	Yeah, you planted this seed in my head.
	And you know, I have lived with two men before.
	No, I didn't even know that.
	Yeah, before I met Bobby, my last relationship was with two people we lived together.
	With two white men?
	No, one was Filipino Salvadorian.
	Oh, wow.
	And the other was, he was a black guy.
	And Phil Siles, huh?
	Damn.
	And a brother.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	What?
	And what were you doing there?
	You were just living with him?
	Were you paying rent?
	Yes, I was paying rent.
	Okay.
	But wife number one, not wife number one, boyfriend number two.
	Yeah, boyfriend number one, boyfriend number two.
	So you slept in the same room as me.
	The number two, because he came in a little later into the relationship, was in a different room.
	Who was that, the brother?
	Brother of my- The gentleman, black gentleman?
	No, no, he was my five-year relationship.
	Oh, he was the number one.
	He was my number one.
	And you guys brought on that Salvadorian a pinch hit everything.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That Rafael Palmero.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I like it.
	Look, that's wild.
	I mean, I wonder if we're getting more into stuff like that.
	You know, I think one thing is disappearing a little bit in the world, or at least they're leading us to believe it is disappearing is like ownership of things.
	You know, while I agree with that, I do think that, because I have friends who are in open relationships, thrupples, all of these things.
	For me personally, it's emotionally exhausting.
	I could never be in that position again.
	Because I thought, you know, my young self, I was young.
	I was in my 20s.
	I was like, this is so exciting.
	You know, I get to have sex with two men at one time.
	But then there's life after that.
	And then now you have to deal with feelings.
	There's, you know, you have to cook an extra batch of food.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like there are things logistically, it's exhausting.
	Oh, yeah.
	So the sex for the 10-minute sex is just but a blip in that entire picture.
	Well, yeah.
	I mean, you almost need a damn merchant marine, it sounds like, to help keep things, you know, like to supplement, you know, the food, everything, the logistics, it's definitely a lot.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I can't imagine.
	I don't think, I wonder if I could have, I can't keep one girlfriend.
	I don't know if I could keep two wives, you know?
	But I would have to just get really, really honest with them and say, look, this is what's going on, you know?
	And that's where I kind of struggle with women is just that communication up front.
	The upfront communication, they call it.
	What do you mean?
	Just telling them how things are probably going to be upfront somewhat.
	Well, why do you have to tell someone up front, why can't they just, why can't you figure it out as you go?
	Because what you're saying today might not apply three months down the line.
	Certainly not how you feel.
	Right.
	Yeah, not how you feel, but just like some of your behaviors, that sort of stuff, you know, like.
	Again, but that changes.
	Right.
	So it's like, I don't need a disclaimer right out the gate.
	I just don't need you to lie.
	I don't like declarations up front because I think declarations are a red flag.
	I am this guy.
	I am this guy.
	I'm this guy.
	Don't tell me who you are.
	Just like, let me find out who you are slowly.
	You know, because that's more like applicable to like, that's ultimately what's going to, you know, that's how I'm going to decide.
	Yeah.
	What if, I just wish I had like a pamphlet to give a woman before we met, you know, or something.
	What would that pamphlet say?
	I would probably say good morning at the top for sure.
	And then, let me think.
	It would say good morning.
	And then it would say, thanks for reading this.
	I am happy that you're here.
	And I'm looking forward to the possibilities.
	I would like you to know that I don't communicate super well a lot of times, but I'm trying to work on it.
	So if you see opportunities to help me work on it, please help me.
	What else?
	I'm a one-stripe white belt also, in case anything gets out of hand.
	I can't definitely help, but I could try to help.
	What else?
	I'll do my best with sex, not making any big promises.
	I like to be indoors and outdoors.
	I like to go out of town and stay in town.
	And I like to eat two meals a day.
	Those don't seem like difficult things that someone would have to deal with, except for the communication part.
	But what do you have trouble communicating?
	Like feelings, things, matters of the heart?
	I think so.
	I think I do have some stuff like that, you know?
	So that's why I think I just need like, I think I just, yeah, I just need to have, I just need to step up and do better at it, you know?
	Okay, like, when was the last time you've been vulnerable and said, like, you know, I love you.
	Like, when was the last time you've ever like been that way with a woman?
	Like, have you felt extremely vulnerable around a woman?
	It's probably been a little while.
	I've had some vulnerable conversations, but I tend to, I think, then kind of not try to have them again sometimes, you know, even though I think that it's good.
	You don't feel freed from it?
	feel exhausted or do you feel like what do you feel like?
	Yeah.
	No, I feel freed from it.
	It's just hard to get to that place to do it sometimes.
	It's hard to really just do it, you know?
	It's hard to do it.
	And sometimes there's just so much going on, especially in our lives.
	You and I can never work out.
	You answered your own question.
	But that's insane, I feel like.
	I mean, that's I think I gave the wrong answer then because I just feel like that's crazy.
	Okay, Bobby could die any day.
	Can you see if Bobby's alive right now?
	Is there some sort of tracker?
	It says dominoes.
	Did they do a thing for Bobby?
	I need someone to pour their heart out.
	Oh, I'll pour it out on you, dude.
	I'll pour it out into a damn dog bowl for you.
	I need to know all your innards, everything about it.
	See, I think I get scared to say it.
	I think I just didn't know you can do that.
	I think.
	I've never been in a relationship where I knew you could do that.
	Well, I think it's harder now with a lot of people you meet because it's like, I don't know, man.
	People are really reckless with other people's emotions when it comes to dating and situationships.
	It's so gray.
	I don't know if I were to ever jump back into dating someone, should Bobby croak?
	Yeah.
	Let's say Parish.
	I feel like heroes perish.
	And Bobby is a hero, and I do want to respect him for all that he's done and everything that he's been while he was alive.
	I'd be helpless.
	I wouldn't know where to start.
	I wouldn't know because like.
	That's why you need to know in advance, I think, some light outlines of do you go for a guy like Brennan Shaw?
	Do you go for a Chris DeStefano?
	You know, Chris DeSefano is a little bit gay, right?
	Yep.
	I'd go for someone like him.
	I love, love, love sexually fluid people.
	Okay, okay.
	So the idea of him possibly salivating over another man turns me on.
	Okay, okay.
	So he's probably out then.
	So who else, dude?
	I'm trying to think.
	Who I'm sexually attracted to just right out the gate is Jamar Neighbors.
	Yeah.
	100%.
	Bottom line.
	He's just my type.
	There's something similar to the Bobby, the vein of being Bobby.
	There's something similar.
	Really?
	Oh, that androgynous kind of like because Jamar is kind of like, he kind of wears whatever he says.
	He's just like the free, he's a free bird.
	Yeah, he's like a young Bobby to me.
	Wow.
	Just total opposites, I feel like.
	Bobby has that exact same hat.
	Oh, yeah, that's true.
	And I have it framed in my home of him wearing it.
	Oh, it's beautiful.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	I mean, it's just, I think the level of the type, it's just, you have, I mean, I just love the type of man that you love.
	And I think it's good.
	I think it's really good.
	And I think that I just want to know, I just want, I just feel like if you see a woman with a man, then you think, as a man, you think, I think the first thing you think, oh, that guy's not going to be around longer.
	He is going to be around long.
	I think that's just a natural thing.
	That's like nature.
	Maybe that's what you and I think because we come from old daddies.
	Right.
	Right?
	We're both products of really old sperm.
	Oh, yeah, that's true.
	So maybe we think.
	So we think about dads dying a lot.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	That's true.
	I didn't think about that.
	And I think just from a genetic standpoint, I just don't think you and I should have kids together.
	No.
	Two old spermies, we shouldn't.
	We could have a kid that's like 60 years old.
	How great would that be?
	Like a Benjamin Buddh.
	I think so.
	Yeah.
	I think you and I can make one, yeah.
	Oh, that'd be amazing if we gave birth to the first senior citizen.
	And it's Brian Callan.
	That would be the best, dude.
	Three or four silence.
	He would do it just to have a new credit in town.
	Oh, I was on season one of Kalila's Vagina.
	And Bobby, I want you to know, look, we're just having a conversation here.
	You don't think anything's been inappropriate here, do you?
	No.
	Okay, good.
	He would laugh at all of this.
	See, that's where I feel sometimes scared about talking about stuff because sometimes I just don't, I think in the world, no one ever told me what's appropriate or what's inappropriate.
	Yeah, but we've known each other long enough to know like it's all, you know, it's all love.
	It's just, again, I'll say the word you hate the most.
	It's family.
	It's all fun and games and planning.
	No, but sometimes like I do wish that Bobby would be a little bit more jealous.
	He just has no jealousy for me at all.
	And I think that's why I'm obsessed with him.
	Oh, I would be jealous, I think.
	I would get a tattoo on myself, jealous man, for you.
	If you wanted me to.
	Maybe if you didn't want me to, I wouldn't.
	And I would let you have the font.
	I don't do well with jealous people.
	I get really turned off by it.
	Yeah, I would get that shit.
	But if someone moved up, which someone shows like absolute faith and confidence in me, then it's like I just become a homebody.
	And I don't know.
	There's something really attractive about that.
	When somebody shows absolute faith and confidence in you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I could definitely do that.
	What else we got, Nick?
	Here's a guy right here.
	What's up, Theo?
	This is Nico from Wisconsin.
	Sure it is, Amelia Earhart.
	I know who this is.
	They always do this.
	A lot of missing people holler in here.
	Good to see you, babe.
	And I have a question for Kalila, who I think we all know she spends a lot of time with a particular Asian fella.
	And I imagine the people want to know when little bobbies are on the way.
	Because I think the world needs a few more bobbies if they didn't have enough already.
	It's starting to seem like that house is just becoming like a dog pound.
	This is about dogs.
	Leave me alone.
	I feel like you've been dodging the answer to this question.
	Gang, gang.
	Have I been dodging this?
	He's onward, brother.
	Right there.
	I love his attitude.
	Onward, brother.
	You go get it, huh?
	You go get it, dude.
	I feel like I've been very clear about where I stand on having children.
	I do not know anything about this.
	The same reason that you fear he's just going to perish.
	I don't fear it.
	I think you alone have said vomiting, diarrhea, fire.
	Being attacked by a lobster.
	Yeah, so those a lot of things people don't deal with on a regular basis.
	Also, I went to his birthday one time eating very dangerous food.
	That was Filipino food, and that restaurant was great.
	There was fish poisoning.
	It was right by the interstate.
	There was no fish.
	It was a steakhouse.
	Well, some of the steak had fins on it.
	So it was water steak.
	So anyway, I'm just saying there's, that's all I'm saying is as a natural being, if you see a woman and a male, it doesn't matter the ages or anything, one of the first thoughts is, okay, is that man going to survive?
	Is that man going to survive?
	It's just a survival thing.
	So I think that's what, if I saw you with some, like you said, some six foot six rugby guy, you almost feel like, oh, there's no chance that that guy's probably going to survive.
	That guy could probably beat fire.
	That guy could beat everything.
	Because short people live longer.
	Right, but I think that's with short people, yes.
	If Bobby's a safe short man, wearing safe attire, wearing things that are reflective clothing, but Bobby.
	He wears a lot of reflective clothing.
	Okay, I will admit that.
	I will admit that.
	You know that he always wears a construction shirt that no one understands why he wears, but he wears it all the time.
	Oh, I do.
	He's under construction like no one else I've ever met.
	And his shoes are always shining.
	They're always a reflective clothing.
	Okay, you're right.
	But also, I've seen him drive off many times into the night with no headlights on, and he will literally, while it's loading, shine his candy crush game at the road in order to see where he's going.
	So let's just say he lives a risky lifestyle.
	Can we just say he lives a risky lifestyle?
	Thank you.
	And that is the answer to this guy's question.
	I, well, it's compounded.
	It's a couple things, but that's definitely one of the reasons.
	It's like, I need a little bit more.
	I need him to prove that he's going to stay alive.
	And that he wants to stay alive.
	Like, I don't want to be a single mom.
	I don't want to be, you know.
	If you are a single mom, we definitely have a fund for single moms.
	We are more than willing to help you out every year.
	I'd be willing to let you know that.
	But so he needs to prove that he's staying alive.
	Yeah.
	And what else?
	Is he starting to display?
	Do you start to see some of those fatherly characteristics?
	Because I noticed one thing that's nice about Bobby is, like, if I text Bobby and say, hey, man, I need this.
	I need you here.
	I need help.
	I need something.
	He will get back to me.
	Yes.
	If I text anything else, nothing.
	Nothing.
	Radio silence disappearing.
	He told me one time, he told me he had passed away once, which I was like, well, you should have had somebody else tell me because you ruined it to get out of something.
	But otherwise, he is, it's odd.
	He's one of the most reliable guys I don't know.
	He is.
	And the guy asked a question earlier, like two questions before this, about what it's like to live with him.
	And he's never not picked up a phone call.
	He's never not texted me back.
	Like he just has a bandwidth for very few people.
	But those people that he has a bandwidth for, he really comes through for.
	But in terms of children, that's a whole nother ballgame.
	That's another human's life.
	He's very good with kids and but in five minute spurts and having kids is not a five minute game.
	Like that is, it's a lot.
	And I take that stuff really, really seriously.
	So it's, we're going through it in therapy right now.
	It's like we're trying to work through exactly like what my expectations are, you know, in a partner.
	Should I have like a child?
	And yeah, that's something that we're working through.
	But it's not out of the question.
	It's just, I just need just a little bit more.
	Yeah.
	I need to see that he wants to be alive for at the very least till the kid's 12. Right.
	The smoking, the, you know, just the reckless stuff that you're talking about.
	And imagine like a baby seat.
	No.
	Oh.
	You know, like.
	Bobby would get in it.
	That's the crazy part.
	Literally the kid would be on the roof in that little attachment to the baby seat and Bobby would be in the baby seat.
	That's what I'm saying.
	Like, or like he'd leave the baby at like the top of the car.
	I just, I don't know if I like, I know myself.
	Yeah.
	And I don't know if I could leave the kid with him, with a father.
	Like I should be able to feel confident about that.
	That's all I'm saying is when I see him, certain alarms, litmus papers inside of my brain flare up, you know, ammonia, gas leaks, everything.
	They're just a propensity, this raging, this rolling ball, this Korean Ignatius Riley that's just rolling down the hill, this tumbleweed of perfection that is just wandering through the existence, bringing so much joy to so many people is, yeah, is that's just, it's just, it's risque.
	It's flammable.
	Yes, very.
	It's flammable.
	But I think Bobby would be a great dad.
	Yeah, you would definitely, and I see why also you and Bobby make such a good pair is because you are this loving, nurturing breast of a goddess of a human.
	You know, you're like this breast of the Lord, breast of Christ.
	Oh, wait, didn't you want one of my breast implants?
	Huh?
	I would have that.
	Shit, I left it at home.
	I meant to do that.
	Oh, really?
	Because the last time you were on Tiger Belly, you're like, let me have one of your breast implants.
	You got them taken out?
	Yeah.
	Theo, you know this.
	I do know it.
	I wrote it down actually in my diary.
	Well, you don't have to look at it.
	I haven't read it in a while because I've been reading something else.
	You don't have to look very far to know that they have been, they're done.
	They used to be much bigger.
	They were double D's.
	Oh, the damn.
	I'm so happy that you never really noticed.
	That makes me so happy.
	I haven't looked at that.
	Thank you.
	I can't even, it's hard to look at anything else but you, you know, in your entirety.
	Thank you.
	Appreciate it.
	And I love you, Bobby.
	And I'm just saying hello.
	Just saying hello to your lady.
	Nice to see her here today.
	But what I'm trying to tell you, Kalila, what are we talking about?
	You said you wanted to talk about volcanoes and then we strayed somewhere.
	What is the problem here?
	I just went to a sex and love addiction meeting right before this.
	Oh, really?
	How was it?
	You've been going or?
	It was good.
	I don't go.
	I think I've just been, you know, like just trying to figure out with like addiction and stuff, like, what is my real problem, you know?
	Or where does some of my real problems stem from?
	I think a lot of it stems from like connection and stuff like that, like emotional sex and love addiction.
	Like, because like, you know, I go to the meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't, I've never had a problem with alcohol, so it's hard to relate a lot of times what they talk about it.
	But the emotional side of it, I can relate to tons.
	It's like, whenever they talk about how they're feeling in there, I can relate to all that.
	When they talk about the drinking, that I can't relate to.
	But I can relate to when they talk about how they were feeling.
	What about with SLAA?
	SLAA, they talk a lot more about the emotional stuff.
	It's a lot of people just talking about like how they're feeling, what was going on.
	Like, um, you'd like, like there was, uh, like, A guy was talking about how relationships and stuff, he would always, whenever somebody was leaving, then they would activate and be as lovey as they could.
	And whenever somebody was coming on, they would be as distant as they could.
	And I notice all the time, like, I'm always on this weird kind of spectrum.
	It's hard to get to like an even place with that, you know?
	Like, I don't know.
	But anyway, that kind of stuff is the kind of stuff that I really dig, you know?
	That's the kind of stuff where it's like, when it comes to your feelings, I love that kind of shit.
	How many times have you been in love in your life?
	Like truly felt like considered this person as, oh, this could be my life partner.
	Have you ever felt that?
	I think my first love, I was in love with my buddy's mom, actually, dude.
	And she had, I used to sneak over into their hamper.
	It's kind of crazy and huff them cups, bro.
	She had this big brassier, and I'd hide in there and fucking huff them cups, daddy, and just smell that thing as hard as I could, man, until my freaking lungs almost blew out.
	You see, you're doing it.
	You're really not telling me.
	What?
	Like when the last time you've treated me.
	Or how many times you've been like, you know, not just enamored or like lustful, but really feeling like you could, you found a life partner?
	I, you know, there was a girl, I was seeing a girl for a few years that I think it was like, it was good.
	I don't know.
	The girl you brought to the birthday party.
	Yep, the girl brought to the birthday party.
	I loved her.
	Yeah, she was great.
	I just didn't, I don't know.
	It just like, I don't know.
	I just, my own problems come into things that I just couldn't really commit, you know?
	And I think almost we were better as friends, maybe, kind of.
	Yeah, but after a while, everyone's better off as friends.
	Right.
	After a while, it's all friends in the end.
	No, it really is.
	Like, I get so annoyed.
	Like, I don't know if you're not.
	Tell me about it.
	I know it sounds like you guys are having a tough time.
	When people are like, we've been, you know, 20 years deep.
	We're still so in love and we have sex every day.
	Oh, shut up.
	That is disgusting, dude.
	I'll tell you this.
	Whoever you are, wife, if you freaking try to have sex with me every day, I'm calling the fucking police.
	I will call the damn police on you.
	It just seems so unreasonable.
	Yeah, and stay in your room, too.
	Denise or whatever your name is.
	I don't even know yet.
	But that's how you got to up the role play.
	You got to up, up, up the role play.
	Oh, I'll take that broad to damn.
	What is it called where they fight at night and you eat food in the stands?
	Night.
	Fucking blanking.
	That's how I feel.
	That's exactly how I feel during sex.
	That's how my erection feels all the time.
	Blanken.
	Knights in Shining Armor.
	Medieval Times.
	Medieval Times.
	I will take that lady to medieval times if she needs a little bit of pleasure.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And I'll take her to Urban Knight at Medieval Times where they will get the job done.
	That's what Bobby and I do.
	Really?
	We do like century-based roleplay and stuff.
	See, that's awesome.
	We can't be...
	Like, we have to be someone else for each other because he's tired of Kalila as Kalila.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I don't see how that could happen.
	But what do I know?
	I'm just one man with a diary, you know, that's filled up all the pages.
	Sometimes he needs a Brandon.
	Oh, my God.
	And here's Dave Portnoy in disguise right here.
	Let's hear what this guy has to say, huh?
	Let's hear what this guy has to say.
	Do you want some of my coffee?
	Oh, no, thank you.
	I don't drink coffee.
	You sure?
	Am I. Do I look like I need a boost?
	I think you look nice.
	Okay.
	I mean, I think you look healthy, and I think you look like a woman.
	Still no audio.
	I don't know why, Nick.
	It's okay.
	Figure it out.
	Yeah, you know, I think sometimes I get afraid to, like, talk with women about, like, if things, like, yeah, I just get afraid to be brave, I think, sometimes.
	But I'm also realizing that now.
	I'm like, you just got to talk about what you like or what you don't like, what you feel like about sexually or anything.
	Or even just, like, talk to them like friends.
	You have to do it.
	And if something builds from there, then great.
	Yeah.
	I think I do okay with it.
	I think sometimes I just like, I don't know.
	It just gets scary.
	I just have so many, I have just a lot of weird things.
	Just like, I don't know, just some uncomforts around a lot of that kind of shit.
	But I keep going at it.
	You know, I keep getting back out there.
	You know, I dated a girl recently.
	I think she was like really cool, but she was kind of afraid.
	Like, I don't know.
	I just was afraid to like commit and say that I kind of liked her.
	You know, I was just afraid to like, hey, I really like you.
	You know, like, because I don't know what I'm afraid of then, I guess.
	Today's episode is brought to you by Modify and the last website you will ever need.
	You know, we have our last website up right now, and I'm glad.
	Oh, I'm tired of the other websites.
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	There's a lot to be afraid of.
	Yeah.
	Like, you know, but that you have to figure out.
	You know, there's so many reasons why someone wouldn't just come out and say that they like someone.
	Number one, like, like that, you just don't, you just, there's so many things that you can't control after that.
	Yeah.
	But you have to figure that out for yourself.
	But I will say, and now I don't know you in depth, in depth, I understand you.
	Yeah.
	And I think that's why I like you a lot.
	You are not a complicated math equation for me.
	Like when I look at you, when I listen to you, when I see you around people, or maybe there's just a kindred nature between us, but I get you.
	Yeah.
	I feel like that about you, I think, too.
	Maybe that's why I have some, like, affinity for you is because.
	Thank you.
	I think we'll just leave it at that.
	Affinity.
	Yeah.
	Is because I think I feel that about you.
	I think I feel, and also some of it is just your people's nature.
	The Filipino people are very caring people.
	Yeah.
	A lot of people.
	Not judgy.
	Not judgy.
	A lot of people, and a lot of them, I will be honest, have names like Linda, Lucky, Susan.
	But also, yeah, I think there's just something about that.
	It's like this, it's like a safe space.
	I think that's what you feel like a lot of times or seem like.
	You know, I've never touched your skin or anything.
	But you seem like a safe space.
	So I think that that's one thing that's kind of nice about you, which is probably why a lot of people will be attracted to you.
	And I could easily see why you and Bobby would make a perfect fit, you know?
	Yeah.
	And I think it's good.
	And that's one thing I think as I got to know you a little bit better, I was like, oh, Bobby has like a safe space here, and that's awesome for him, you know?
	Yeah, I grew up in a business.
	God forbid anything should ever happen to him.
	God forbid.
	We're not putting that out in the universe one more time on this show.
	We're not.
	We had a birthday party here for him, remember?
	Good.
	I'm glad.
	So we want him to keep aging.
	We're like, hey, congrats on the year.
	Yep, yeah.
	Let's keep it.
	Let's keep it going.
	I like that.
	I grew up in a really, really chaotic environment.
	And so it makes sense for me.
	Like, complicated people don't, it threaten me in any way.
	It almost feels like I just want to be around somebody with that story behind them.
	I don't want...
	Love you to death.
	I literally would not, I could not live without George.
	Oh, yeah.
	But, like, I would never date him because we would just.
	And I can, you can hear, if you listen, you can hear George's heartbreak in some almost hear it.
	Congratulations on the new baby.
	But yeah, I could not, I wouldn't.
	I wouldn't be able to because he grew up in a very steady family, in a very steady upbringing with good family, good values, a lot, very safe.
	Very safe, yeah.
	You need a guy who's going to put a freaking gun in your butt.
	Yeah.
	That's a little bit much.
	Tongue.
	Tongue, tongue.
	Oh, I said gun.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You want ass play, bitch?
	I'm just saying, look, man.
	If we're going to play Atlanta, let's play Atlanta.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Just Russian roulette.
	And here's Dave Portnoy, obviously, again, trying to sneak back in in his disguise.
	Maybe he's going to give us a loan.
	Good to see you guys.
	I had a question for you.
	I wonder how long into dating somebody you should start revealing bobbyisms, if you will, weird things about your life, because I find them endearing when people learn about me, but I think most women find them to be like a super turn off.
	And my buddies always tell me, you should chill.
	You know, don't reveal who you really are.
	Because I like to do that on the first date over drinks.
	So yeah, I just want to know how long before bobbyisms can start coming out into dating.
	And gang gang.
	The bobbyism that he's doing is actually trying to do it up front.
	That's a bobbyism.
	It's a defense mechanism.
	I'm going to throw everything out there so you have nothing to hold over my head.
	And I don't think that you are going into the situation in an honest way.
	Oh, my God.
	I've done that for sure.
	Let me show you all the bad things I do.
	I'm going to dry shave during this fancy dinner.
	Like, you can't do that because you really are just putting on a show.
	And that's not really who you are.
	Right.
	So what you're doing is already a bobbyism.
	If you're talking about a farting, just being an overall animal, like that's inescapable.
	That's an inescapable thing to find out about someone once you are a couple months deep.
	I'm not into girl hips.
	So if you show up on the first date and you show me your girl hips like six months down the line, that might be a problem.
	So that's something I would like to know on the first date.
	And what is girl hips?
	Like an occipital thing or something?
	What is it?
	Yeah, it's not an occipital thing.
	It's a pelvic thing.
	I like a V-shaped body.
	Oh, yeah.
	I don't even care if you're super fat or anything.
	I just can't have girl hips.
	I'll get my damn legs removed for you.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, this isn't about us, though.
	But what I'm trying to say is...
	Like German shepherds.
	Oh, like Australian shepherds.
	I have a German shepherd I'm fostering with double hip dysplasia.
	Jesus Christ.
	He wobbles.
	Dude, the stanky leg, huh?
	That thing sounds like you can fucking work at a strip club.
	It has double hip dysplasia.
	Dude, shave its puss and put it on stage.
	That's all I'm saying.
	But I'm saying you got to make that money, mommy.
	Yeah, it's interesting, you know.
	It's interesting trying to be...
	Oh, but you're not looking, right?
	Like it's something that you just want to, you want to stumble.
	I'm not on any apps or anything like that.
	Like I'm not doing anything like that.
	I've considered, I got on for like a night one time and I got a little bit scared.
	And I would do it.
	I just want to make sure that like I just don't want to waste my time.
	That's what I don't want to do.
	I don't want to be wasting my time with some like thoughts or, you know, I mean, I'm just, I think I'm done with the whole escorts thing.
	It's just, all of us just.
	Did you do that for a while?
	I didn't do it for a while, but if I would get wasted or something, I would do it, you know?
	Or if I would get like, you know, you know, I had a time a while, like not like a few months back where I just had like, I was just like in a bad way and I just got, you know, but it never works out with him.
	It's always like this embarrassing, it's just always this uncomfortable thing.
	It's just never, I don't know.
	None of it's ever really ideal, you know.
	But I want to get away from whatever feelings make me even like get into that kind of space, you know.
	I have a strong urge to cradle you.
	You really?
	Yeah.
	Oh my God.
	Like a strong urge to just like I'll do a damn front side piggyback on you.
	That's one of my finishing moves and my starting move.
	But no, I do get it.
	It's a scary world out there.
	But I can't be needing cradling forever.
	You know, I also need to be able to cradle myself, you know.
	So that's one of the things is I have to be able to parent myself enough in certain situations where I'm like managing myself well, you know?
	And for the most part, I do, you know, and nothing's perfect and nothing's linear.
	You can't be with someone codependent either who thinks that they have to fix you.
	Right.
	Because that is just the recipe for disaster.
	Because that's what I was for a really long time in Bobby's life.
	We weren't exactly like super healthy in the beginning either.
	Because I'm somebody who's always like, what can I do?
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, like I always want to, this thing that hangs over my head a lot, I'm like, if you're not enhancing someone's life, like what are you even there for?
	And so I felt this like pressure to just make sure that he was always okay, doing well, feeling well.
	And then I kind of left myself behind a little bit.
	Oh, I could see that.
	But it's nothing he did.
	It's something I did to myself.
	Like I put those expectations on myself.
	And that's a really dumb thing to do.
	So you can't be with someone like that either because I feel like you're going to want out immediately.
	Yeah, I might.
	I certainly might.
	This lady right here seems like she's got a lot of fun.
	Great eyebrows.
	Ooh, yeah.
	What's up, Theo?
	What's up, Kalila?
	What's up, mommy?
	My name is Kyla.
	I am coming to you guys from Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada.
	We're about an hour outside of Vancouver.
	Okay.
	I'm coming to you with a fuck Mary Kill today for Kalila.
	But before I get into it, I just wanted to let you guys know how much I love you both.
	Theo, I saw you when you came to Vancouver in 2019.
	Can't wait for the border to open so you can come back.
	You guys have been really getting me through the pandy.
	Like I said, I live in Canada and my husband lives in Washington.
	So it's been a long year with the border.
	Can't wait for it to end.
	You've gotten me through some really rough spots, so I just have to say that I love you guys and thank you so much for doing what you do.
	The fuck Mary kill I have for Kalila is between Esther, Theo, and Annie.
	And whoever you kill, I want you to tell me how you do it.
	Thanks so much, guys.
	Gang.
	Love you.
	Thank God I'm in there.
	I will say this also.
	It's like Snowqualmio and Vancoulliet.
	That was a little border.
	I love Snowquezo.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's crazy.
	I think Snow Qualmoo would be a cute name for a child, actually.
	Snow for short.
	So cute.
	Come here, come here.
	Hey, little child.
	You want a bottle of scotch?
	My child would have an accent?
	I can't wait to.
	I mean, it could if your child wants to.
	I think children are going to be able to do whatever they want.
	They said in tears, you'll be able to have a black child, even if you're not even black.
	That's going to flip whole BLM shit on its head, fam.
	When I show up with black, fucking one black leg, one strawberry leg, dude.
	It's on.
	Let's go!
	But yes, let's get back to your question.
	Thank you very much.
	And I'm sorry you and your husband are dealing with these discrepancies right here.
	Right.
	So fuck Mary, Kill, fuck Esther, Annie, and Theo.
	Oh, God, this is so hard.
	And really, she didn't have to put me in.
	I feel like I don't want to be like, do you feel like...
	No, do you feel like I've been flirting with you?
	I don't think so.
	I made a mistake about saying like, considering like to a thruple and I have regrets.
	But I don't feel like we've been flirting.
	No, I just don't want to be inappropriate with my friend's girlfriend.
	Let me put it to you this way.
	Yeah.
	You don't have to be afraid of me.
	If I felt you were ever inappropriate with me, I would have never been, I wouldn't do this show with you.
	Thank you.
	Thank you very much.
	I love you so much.
	I have so much respect for you.
	Same.
	Like a brother.
	Same.
	Same, same, same, same, same, same.
	What I'm saying is...
	Yeah.
	Just kill me.
	Just kill me, please.
	No, let's be authentic about this.
	They don't have dicks.
	Okay.
	And I'm not into pussy.
	So I would have to fuck you.
	All right.
	Like, that's just the bottom line.
	Look, logistics.
	It's the logistics.
	Facts is facts, fam.
	You feel me?
	Because I love them so equally, Annie and Esther, for many different ways, I'd have to just kill them both.
	I'm not marrying anyone.
	Wow.
	I'm marrying myself.
	Oh, God is my girlfriend.
	Or I'd marry both of them and kill no one, but that's not fair, right?
	So I'd just have to kill them both.
	God.
	We should do it.
	What if we did a dating advice podcast?
	It'd be interesting, I feel like.
	I feel like I'd give all the wrong advice.
	I'd be like, yeah, throw in a fourth person in there.
	Throw in a fifth.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, do music.
	What's that instrument?
	Yeah, the ascension.
	The ascension.
	Dude, it would be a good show, though, wouldn't it, George, you think?
	Oh, yeah.
	Just strictly dangerous.
	Can we hear George or not?
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	There he is.
	And what about, where do you see George ending up?
	You have a wife, George?
	Yes, I do.
	Oh, you have a child, too, huh?
	As of two and a half weeks ago.
	Wow, brave boy.
	Congratulations, man.
	Damn.
	You guys are moving forward over at Y'all's podcast.
	We're struggling.
	Nick's been shaving.
	Nick shaved earlier.
	Nick's been sleeping here at night.
	You look good, Nick.
	Oh, thanks.
	And I love that you have a gap because I have a gap too.
	You do?
	I used to have a gap.
	I could easily get it back.
	Jamar Neighbors has a gap.
	He does?
	Mike Clit could get stuck in his gap.
	Oh, my God.
	That's what I dream about every day.
	Disgusting.
	When are y'all going to grow up, man?
	That makes my penis hurt when you say that.
	I could never tell it to his face.
	If I ever saw Jamar neighbors, I can figure it out now.
	I would just have to look away.
	Oh, no, you wouldn't.
	No, you wouldn't.
	What you should make is a small clitoris you could sell to people after shows.
	I don't have a massive clitoris.
	I didn't say you did, and I would never accuse you of that.
	And I would never even imagine you having that if I had imagined it.
	It's just not something.
	It's not like it's nothing to write home about.
	It's a very, I have a very, very like average pussy.
	Very run-of-the-mill pussy.
	The R-O-TM, the Avery Rotma.
	They call it.
	The Rotma puss.
	There's nothing like you couldn't pick it out of the lineup.
	It looks very just.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Like Grill next.
	It just.
	Yeah.
	You know, I wish I had more hang.
	I wish I had like just either direction, I wish I had more of.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	We all want more.
	We all want this and that.
	Everybody's got something.
	Here's a guy who's probably been in the military, it looks like, or witness protection.
	This could be the kickoff of your relationship advice package.
	Oh, okay.
	Here we go.
	Hey, Theo.
	Hey, Kyla.
	Big fan of you guys.
	Just wanted to get your advice on a recent development I had.
	I recently got left by my wife for another woman.
	Completely blindsided.
	Had no idea.
	Yeah, I guess I'll just look for any advice you guys would give as I move on to this next chapter of my life.
	Gang, brother.
	Gang, man.
	Well, first I want to say I love you, man.
	I'm sorry you're going through that, dude.
	You know, I think it's brave of you to say it.
	Just say it in an open forum like this and just to share it, you know.
	Man, that just sounds heartbreaking, especially if you didn't know.
	Kalila?
	Being blindsided is my nightmare.
	My biggest fear is being blindsided.
	I always tell Bobby, give me six months' notice.
	I don't care if, I don't even care to try to win you back in those six months.
	Just don't come home one day and say we're done without giving me a chance to talk about it, to see what I've done wrong.
	So I completely feel you.
	This guy is, I can't imagine that kind of pain.
	But in terms of her leaving you for a woman, like that shouldn't be a shock to your ego at all.
	It just means that she was into both, or maybe she's just coming into this realization about herself.
	I have nothing to say besides I really feel for you because that's my biggest fear.
	If Bobby were to blindside me, I would not just murder him, I would ground his body in a blender and eat it and then shit it out into his brother's mouth.
	Oh, I've seen his brother recently.
	His brother, yeah.
	Like, that's what I would do.
	That's the rage that would consume me.
	His brother could use the meal, first of all.
	And also some vitamin D. And God bless you, Stevie.
	And I can't wait to come back on the episode.
	He was just in here.
	Oh, nice.
	Wait, did the whole drama get resolved?
	It was wild, I guess.
	He was crying outside the building.
	Oh, he was.
	But it's life, man.
	Everybody goes through different stuff, and we love him.
	Just hoping the best for him.
	I was texting him earlier.
	But here's what I'm saying is this, fella.
	If she left you for a woman, yeah, you can't be like, it's a bummer, but you weren't even playing the same game.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You're playing Metal Gear Solid, and she's doing, you know, she's Mario Kart.
	It's like, you know, it's just, you're not even, it's like, it doesn't help any, but at least, yeah, she didn't leave you for a man.
	And plus, this is what's supposed to happen.
	I hate to say it, but it's just like, whatever's going on is what's supposed to go on.
	You know, so it's like, this is where you're at now.
	And you look decent.
	You look semi-decent at least on this video.
	And yeah, I would get a little bit of sunshine maybe and get back out there and meet a decent woman.
	What do you think, Kalila?
	I don't think that you should run out there and fuck the first girl you see.
	No.
	Because I feel like that just makes things worse emotionally.
	I think that men don't necessarily like to ruminate and sit on feelings, but sit in it.
	Wallow in it.
	Get to know it.
	Get to know it so well that it doesn't hurt you anymore.
	Wow.
	Dang.
	It becomes a familiar thing that you feel and then a familiar thing you expect to feel when you wake up in the morning.
	And one day you'll be like, oh, I feel it a little bit less.
	And, you know, that's just the name of the game.
	It's why Theo doesn't want to get close to women.
	Yeah, it's easier, man.
	I don't know what you were doing.
	Maybe like, maybe it's a good time too to see you.
	You probably could learn a lot in this, you know.
	You could probably learn a lot about yourself.
	You know, see what things you were doing good, what things you weren't.
	This relationship just wasn't supposed to be the one for you.
	You know, at least not now.
	She's out there on a different horizon, man.
	You know, she likes ladies.
	And so what you can't do is you can't be a woman.
	And sometimes earth-shattering things are so valuable.
	Like, this is going to sound really corny because I do Peloton, but my instructor the other day said this.
	She's like, on the other side of that pain is the growth, right?
	It's just on the other side of that.
	And I usually hate like Instagram mantras of that sort, but it makes sense.
	Yeah.
	And it's necessary.
	And while I feel for you, I also congratulate you on the growth.
	Yeah, man.
	Yeah, the discomfort, that's where it's going to be wild, man, is when you're feeling, it's taking control of that discomfort.
	When you feel bad, go for a run.
	Go do some things to keep your spirits up.
	You know, this is a great chance for you to really babysit your own spirit.
	Or if you don't feel inclined to go on a run and you want to cry it out for a week, you get fat for a week, that's okay too.
	Whatever it is.
	Yeah, or cry and run, dude, like I used to do.
	You cry and run.
	Oh, I would listen to O-Town because I want it all or nothing at all.
	Oh, my God.
	And literally.
	I loved O-Town.
	I was like, I love my face off.
	Like I was cutting weight for a fight.
	Because I want it all.
	Yeah.
	Another thing at all.
	When there's no one left to fall and you reach the bottom, it's now on every.
	Oh, my God.
	I love the OTAP.
	Oh my God.
	Wait, they didn't sing that Abercrombie song.
	That was LFO.
	Oh, yeah.
	Remember that?
	Yeah, that was too much.
	But there you go right there.
	Ashley Parker Angel.
	Let's go down a little bit.
	There's a picture of him with a skunk.
	What is that?
	Oh, my God.
	He's a fit spoil model now.
	Is he?
	What's that one picture over there with the semi-nudity?
	Is that a little bit of a little?
	Yeah, with his raging bone.
	Does he have a bone?
	No.
	Oh, my God.
	And who's that little dog?
	Oh, my God.
	Is that Trevor Pennick?
	I'm joking.
	Shout out Trevor Pinnick, man.
	Trevor, I love.
	I see him sometimes.
	I saw Ashley not too long ago at my friend Matt's birthday party.
	He's doing well.
	He used to do one of the best impersonations of John Fitzgerald.
	Not John Fitzgerald.
	Who was the guy that was in...
	Hey, don't you want to go...
	I don't know American References.
	Don't you want to go to the dance tonight?
	I don't know American References.
	Hey, hey, We'll be in the back.
	Huh?
	Dice?
	No, no, no, no.
	It sounds like dice.
	No, it doesn't.
	Hey, we'll be.
	Yeah, sure, babe.
	You know, I'm talking about the movie Grease Lightning.
	Oh, John Travolta.
	John Travolta.
	John Travolta.
	He used to do one of the best John Travolta personations.
	I should have said Scientology or, you know.
	Yeah, if I was doing Tom Cruise, I would have said that.
	No, but he is a Scientologist.
	Is he?
	Yeah.
	Here's his son right here, Lon Travolta.
	Hey, Theo and Kalila.
	It's Patrick from Melbourne.
	Just a question for the lovely lady, whether there's something about the Philippines that you really miss, which America doesn't have.
	And Theo, bro, love the podcast.
	Huge support for us all.
	Have found them getting rejected from women a lot more since listening to it.
	But that's life, daddy, gang, gang.
	It is, brother.
	Welcome.
	Welcome to the club.
	But hey, let us know when you do get a dame, bro.
	We support your wins over here at this past weekend, baby.
	That's a great question.
	And shout out, Australia.
	And when's Bobby going, Australia?
	When are you guys going?
	Is there a tour planned?
	I got to ask right now, is there a tour planned ever for you guys?
	There's a story about this.
	I couldn't go back to Melbourne for a long time because there was a boy who wanted to kill me.
	Oh, my God.
	That's sucking sexy, man.
	He actually threatened my life.
	Because when he was the last guy that I briefly, briefly dated before getting with Bobby, and he did not take it well.
	And there were lots of, we're okay now, so I think that I can safely head back to Melbourne.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, that was the situation for a long time.
	Wow.
	And he comes from like a family.
	Prominent family?
	With connections.
	So I really believe the threat.
	I thought I was going to be fishbait.
	Fish food.
	But fish food's almost the ultimate romantic finish for a Filipino, I feel like.
	Let me see.
	Let me think about that.
	Back into the tank of the Lord.
	No, I don't want to be fish food.
	Really?
	I want to be the apex predator.
	Would you rather be fry?
	Imagine you want a be fried or something at the end.
	How do you want to go?
	I really, really, really love this thing called dangit.
	It's like fry.
	It's dried fish.
	Oh, God.
	And it smells real strong.
	It's real crunchy.
	And you eat it with vinegar and a little bit of chili and rice.
	Real good stuff.
	That dangit, huh?
	That dangit.
	Yeah.
	But I forgot what his question was, Nick.
	Oh, I don't see how you can even remember anything around each other.
	What you liked about the Philippines.
	Oh.
	What do you like about the Philippines?
	I honestly miss the people.
	I do too.
	And I don't even know them.
	And I believe that now after talking to you, I believe that maybe my soulmate could be a Filipino woman.
	Or semi-Filipino or maybe from the Azores.
	Azores is a place.
	Or British.
	Or maybe, not British, but like Portugal.
	Portugal.
	Actually, no.
	Yeah, I think Filipina.
	That's what I mean.
	The thing I miss most about the Philippines are.
	You're losing, lucky, Linda.
	I have gold.
	We have Cinderella, Apple, Twinkle.
	Cinderella is a name?
	Yeah, all girls I grew up with.
	Many Pacquiao named his daughter, Queen Elizabeth.
	Oh, that's beautiful.
	That is beautiful.
	See, that's what I want in my life.
	Who doesn't want a Queen Elizabeth?
	That's what I'm saying.
	Filipinos are so good.
	Who doesn't want a little Chipotle as your girlfriend?
	You know that during the pandemic, a Filipino named their kid COVID Bryan.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	That's a real name on a birth certificate.
	See, that's what I love about Filipinos.
	It's just like a beautiful wander through existence.
	It's not this death.
	It's not this, every day doesn't have to be this death-defying act, you know?
	Here's a video right here.
	If you had to pick one person to be the ambassador for the human race to meet aliens, who would it be?
	Ooh, this is good.
	I'd probably pick.
	Probably a Filipino, dude.
	I'm really impatient about Filipinos.
	They're happy, they're joyous.
	You know, they call them the smiling people somewhere on the internet.
	That's true.
	And every Filipino I meet, they're real gracious.
	They do a lot of senior care centers, hospice.
	So you don't fucking, who else are you going to send out there, dude?
	You know what I'm saying?
	A fucking drunk, you know, somebody from Scotland, no, somebody on Coke.
	You can't do any of that.
	You got to send somebody who is caring, I think.
	Oh, that's sweet.
	Filipinos all the way.
	There's nothing when you go because you're going to come with us the next time we go, right?
	Okay.
	And who's us?
	Us.
	Bobby, the family.
	I'd love to go.
	Are y'all going to go?
	Yeah, we went there two years ago.
	George went there.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Wow.
	People are nice.
	Not just nice.
	And I shouldn't say that because, you know, it's like there's a long history of us being held down and colonized by the Spanish for 300 years.
	So there is like a colonial mentality of we are less.
	We might be less.
	Let's kind of, you know, revere the white man a little bit.
	But while there is that, there is more collective joy in that third world country than I feel in America.
	Oh, in a heartbeat.
	Especially in Los Angeles, though.
	Like if you get out of Los Angeles, I think you feel there's a lot more comfort out in America than there is here.
	I believe that.
	Maybe.
	I haven't been around America a lot.
	Like I'm an LA kid.
	I love it here.
	Has always felt like home.
	And that's what I don't like.
	The misconception about LA is that Hollywood is LA.
	All my friends don't belong in that industry.
	All my friends are, they have regular jobs.
	They're like, that's how, that's why like my heart will always belong here.
	Yeah.
	Because it wasn't until I met Bobby that I was introduced to this other part of LA.
	Yeah.
	And there's a lot of delusion and a lot of right.
	LA gets a bad rap.
	Yes.
	LA does get a bad rap because it's just Hollywood.
	Yeah.
	Because Hollywood has the most control over the media and the power stuff.
	But you go on like, what's the podcast with David So and J.K. News.
	Yeah, you go on JK News and immediately, that's one of the first places I realized, oh my God, there's a ton of people who think just like I do, who are different cultures, who aren't Hollywood style people, who are fucking awesome.
	And this is like LA.
	Like this is a vibe of people that's more Like LA.
	Yeah, and it's unfortunate that, let's say, for instance, someone like you, because this is all, this is your job, you can't escape this part of LA.
	That's the perception you get of it.
	But, you know, it's such a vast city with just so much, like, just so many cool things about it.
	So I'm Chavez Ravine for life.
	I'm, I love LA.
	And Chavez Ravine, baby, Walker Bueller, baby.
	I love Walker Bueller.
	Julio Orias.
	Are you a Dodger fan at least?
	Yeah.
	I saw you wear the Dodger jersey and I got excited.
	I am a Walker Bueller fan.
	I am.
	You had him on your show.
	I saw it.
	I did.
	I think I'm a fan of a couple of players that I know.
	Are you just a fan of players, not teams?
	I think so, kind of.
	I mean, I'm a Louisiana fan, and we don't have a team, you know.
	We've got a lot of like, you know, the Pelicans are our newest team, the basketball.
	But I like the Dodgers, man, and I love their, I think, I love what they got going on this season, especially against the Padres.
	It's just such a great matchup.
	And Mike Clevenger is a buddy of mine.
	He pitches at the Padres.
	And Joe Musgrove, who just had that no-hitter like two weeks ago, who gets to pitch back in his home environment.
	Just like, I don't know.
	I feel so blessed to know people that have such cool stories and just to even have a moment of their life here or there to get to know a little bit about them.
	I just feel so fortunate.
	It's the same way I feel about Bobby, man.
	Every time I'm around Bobby, I want him to just be there forever.
	Yeah.
	He can be there forever.
	When he dies, I'm going to taxidermize.
	Taxidermize him?
	Oh, I know a guy who will taxidermize him.
	I will mount him in our bedroom wall.
	What do you mean, our bedroom?
	Not our.
	Him and I's bedroom.
	Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
	We could mount him on our bedroom wall.
	No, no, no.
	I'm sleeping in my own bedroom.
	Okay, no matter where I'm at.
	Now, how about this, Theo?
	Let's suppose I say, Theo, I want you in my life.
	Let's see if this can work out.
	Bobby has perished.
	Okay.
	Or Bobby's disappeared in another realm.
	Into a different realm.
	But he can still, what do you call that when you're astral projecting?
	Oh, he can still hear us?
	Back into his body that's been taxidermized on the wall.
	And that's my only stipulation is that, Theo, I will let you into my life, but Bobby's body stays in our love lair, and he's looking over us like this.
	Okay.
	I would like to, if he's like this, I would like to put him in a diaper and put a bow and arrow in his hand.
	So he's like a Cupid.
	Like he put us together.
	So he believes that love should go on.
	That's all I ask, you know?
	But I would never wish anything bad on him, you know.
	I don't want that to be a thing.
	I just hope that he's okay.
	You know, he just lives such a risky lifestyle.
	Well, why don't you tell him that?
	Because my words don't mean anything to him anymore.
	I'll try to tell him.
	I had that episode, the intervention episode, about he had to empty that huge bucket of urine that he'd been keeping in the house.
	Oh, that's right.
	He even had my stepdad on.
	Richard.
	His name is Richard.
	Roger.
	Roger.
	Yeah, he keeps changing his name.
	That guy was great.
	I told my mom before I got here, I was like, where are you going?
	I'm like, I'm going to see Theo.
	I love Theo.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	God.
	You're in with a family all over the world.
	If anything ever happens to Richard, man, or Roger, any of them, any of her friends, man, I am.
	My stepdad.
	I would be your stepdad.
	I'm almost dressed like it today.
	You are.
	That's how he dresses to the airport.
	He always looks like he's about to step into Wimbledon Court.
	Like, why are you bringing that?
	He's just, he has a look.
	He has great hair.
	He has good hair.
	He's had good hair in his life.
	In his life.
	He's had good hair, Roger.
	God bless him.
	God bless him.
	God bless Roger.
	Shout out, Roger.
	I don't know.
	I don't know if we kind of covered everything.
	We got one more question right here for me, young fella.
	What up, Dio?
	What up, Kalila?
	What up, gang?
	Playboy.
	All right.
	What I want to know, Kalila, is what is the most romantic thing that Bobby has ever done for you?
	Ever.
	I like this.
	Probably let her come on this podcast is what I was going to say, but that's just a joke.
	That's a joke, and I need to quit joking.
	Romance is not a strong suit.
	And the fact that it's not.
	It just isn't.
	And it's something that I've come to terms with and don't expect.
	He does a lot of great things.
	He's very...
	He sucks at romance.
	He absolutely sucks at romance.
	He got a guy, one of his friends, to buy me flowers for Valentine's Day.
	Oh, that's good.
	He didn't even hand them to me.
	His friend handed them to me.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, I think he had like Alex George to like say, hey, dude, whatever.
	I'll Venmo you right now.
	And he was playing video games.
	He was playing video games with Alex.
	And he was like, hey, dude, can you go out to the first florist you see and just bring it to my door?
	And that's how it, that's, that's, that's the extent of the romance.
	And I think it comes from him not seeing it around in his life.
	Whereas I just saw my dad just go all out for my mom.
	Really?
	So it hurts me a little bit, but it's, you know, there are other, he makes up for it in other ways.
	What would your dad do with your mom?
	He was just so devoted.
	This is why I have a hard time.
	This is what Bobby and I struggle with because I'm like, it's not that I want you to have 100% romance.
	Have 2%.
	Something.
	Yeah.
	But my dad would have dinner for my mom, like cook for her, write her poems, like wash her underwear.
	Oh, my God.
	Hang it up on, you know, just hand wash her clothes.
	You're talking to a couple of people.
	And when he was, my dad was really old, but we didn't have a car when we, our first couple of years in America, and my mom had to get to work.
	He would do something like this where he's like, you don't take the bus today.
	He would call access vans because he was eligible for a senior ride.
	And he would, and mind you, he was a sick man.
	He was dying, but he would order the access van, get in the van with her to drop her off at work so she wouldn't have to take three buses there and then wait another hour at the at her work to go back in an access van but that doesn't seem like a lot but he was he he was in his late 70s at this point but things like that i saw that mattered to me yeah and had such a big effect on my life, and Bobby had didn't see that.
	So I offer him grace in that way because he wasn't as lucky to have it in his life like I did.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's pretty powerful, man.
	I remember, yeah, my parents didn't have like a lot of stuff like that.
	I saw my parents kiss one time at like a birthday.
	How'd you feel?
	And it was like my dad, like, kissed my mom on the head, I remember.
	Up here or back here?
	Back here.
	Oh, yeah.
	Standing behind her.
	It was okay.
	It was fine.
	How much younger was your mom?
	I think she was 38 years.
	38 years younger.
	Yeah, 38 years old.
	My mom was 36 years younger.
	Wow.
	So we're twins.
	Yeah.
	We're symbiotic.
	Did your dad, did your mom carry on relationships with other men at all?
	While they were seeing each other, you mean?
	Yeah.
	No, she didn't.
	I think after they split up, she ended up meeting a man.
	But yeah, I don't know.
	My dad always slept on the couch.
	They just didn't have a vibe, you know?
	So I think even now when I think about being in separate places, being in separate rooms, like that kind of stuff feels normal to me, I guess, you know, I think you don't realize how much those little things when you're a kid really like kind of resonate with you, you know, like the discomfort of like, I think my, yeah, maybe my mom just had such discomfort with my dad being around.
	I don't know.
	Maybe you're a lot more similar to Bobby in that regard.
	Because while my parents were really different ages, there was love there.
	There was respect.
	There was mutual devotion.
	And from a distance, it looked like a 90-day fiancé situation gone wrong.
	Like rich old guy, because my dad was a rich guy.
	Oh, damn.
	Went back to the Philippines, got himself like a young Philippine hussy.
	That wasn't the case.
	My dad eventually lost all his money and my mom never left his side.
	Till the day he died, all her friends were like, oh, does he have an inheritance?
	And she's like, not a single fucking dime because he was a poor gambler.
	He fucked up all his investments.
	But they were devoted to each other.
	And that's where it becomes a situation where Bobby doesn't require certain things in a relationship and I do because I yearn for that love they have.
	I yearn for that.
	But it's nice that you're willing to at least, it seems like you're brave enough to try and make that for yourself, even if it's not coming in 100% from the other person exactly like you want it.
	It can't though.
	But that's the I can't require Bobby to give me.
	He can't be my one-stop shop for everything.
	I have friends for that.
	I have a sister for that.
	I have a mother for that.
	Like my emotional needs, you know, don't have to be tended to by this man.
	Like I have a whole community for that.
	So in that regard, I do tell him, like, hey, up your romance game a little bit.
	I understand that you didn't grow up with Christmas trees or love and that you got beat up a lot.
	But this is what I need and this is what I know you're able to give.
	So just give that 2%.
	I'm happy with that 2%.
	So we're working on it.
	Managing expectations.
	Wow.
	Well, learned a lot about love here today, guys.
	I feel like, you know, I really appreciate you coming in and just talking.
	It's so nice to talk to a woman for a while and not have anybody, not there be any like, no expectations or no like uncomfort, you know?
	I mean, there's like some fun moments, but I didn't really feel any uncomfort.
	And, you know, I really feel like chatting with you is fun because it's like an environment where I can like learn a little, share a little.
	I know our listeners really love it.
	Thanks, Theo.
	Yeah.
	I'm really, really.
	Should we just put it on record that we are not each other's side pieces?
	Yeah, I don't know who would ever think that.
	So stop writing.
	I'm just putting it on those message boards, I think.
	Stop messaging me asking if Theo has eaten my butt because he certainly hasn't.
	And he'll tell you himself.
	Yeah.
	I mean, if I had, bro, I would know.
	And he would be talking about it.
	It's full of flavor.
	Oh.
	And he would.
	It would be like that blue ice vape.
	You know what I'm saying, bro?
	That thing is a hitter.
	You know that candy that leaves your tongue all blue?
	That's exactly what that is.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's nice, bro.
	Well, that's what you should do.
	You should put like that bank dye like they put on the money on your butthole.
	That way, people would know if I had been or not.
	And right now, if we can just edit in a bunch of that blue dye around my mouth, this would be a great place to end the episode.
	And my mom is somewhere else.
	Thanks for having me, Theo.
	Thank you so much.
	You guys go check out Bloodbath with Kalila and Annie Letterman and Esther Pavitsky.
	Now I'm just footing on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life.
	I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song
	I will sing it just for you And I've been moving well Way too fast.
	On the runaway train.
	With a heavy load.
	In my.
	Pass.
	And these wheels that I've been robbing on.
	The walls open.

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