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Aug. 20, 2020 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:35:04

E292 Chelcie Lynn

Theo sits down with Chelcie Lynn. https://www.instagram.com/chelcielynnn/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merch https://theovonstore.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode is brought to you by… The Zebra https://TheZebra.com/THEO Betterhelp https://BetterHelp.com/THEO Modiphy https://modiphy.com/THEO ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Today's guest is hilarious.
	She makes me laugh.
	She makes me feel good.
	You know, she's an uplifting gal.
	And I'm just really just tickled.
	I am just tickled to have her.
	It is comedian Chelsea Lynn.
	I set that parking brake and left myself on my eyes.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my story.
	Shine on me.
	I will find a song I've been singing just for me I've been playing a game Can you imagine a skull it between your legs?
	I cannot.
	And very few women get to know what that's like.
	I do.
	Well, dude, what air conditioner.
	It's hot.
	I'm sweating.
	Are you?
	Yeah.
	Well, I'm large.
	Thank you.
	Yeah.
	So I have an extra layer anyway, so I get hot, but yeah, it's hot in here.
	Is your, I know I've seen some of your family members that are more kind of a Rubin-esque vibe.
	Do you feel, do you, is your family just kind of a bigger family?
	No.
	No, not at all.
	I've got two sisters and an aunt and cousins, and that's really about it.
	Everybody else is dead.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Or just don't have relationships with them.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	One or the other.
	Dang.
	Yeah.
	No, my air conditioner went out yesterday.
	So there's no air in here.
	Oh, there's air.
	I just turned it off.
	Made it colder.
	Oh, you did?
	Just now.
	It'll be good.
	We'll just sweat the whole time.
	Yeah, there's no rules to this.
	Theo lost it in his apartment.
	Yeah.
	Oh, and it's been hotter than this is like Texas heat.
	Yeah.
	We're not used to this out here.
	Well, it's bad.
	And I just didn't know what to do.
	So I got one of those floor fans and I put all, took all the ice out of the freezer and put it right on the floor in front of it.
	Did it work?
	Like on a cookie sheet?
	Did it work?
	That's supposed to work.
	I think it did something.
	But you're used to luxury.
	I'm not used to luxury, but I'm used to freaking having Eric and Dick.
	Yeah, which is luxury.
	Look, you know what?
	You really, I'll tell you this, the second went, an hour after it went out, I was Googling like Native American shit.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'm starting to see.
	I'm texting my mom.
	I'm like, aren't we part Cherokee or whatever?
	I can't even handle, you know, just the lack of just.
	Yeah, man.
	Just the comfort.
	For real.
	And damn, I just feel bad.
	Greg, my husband bitches about the electric bill because I run the air 24-7.
	Yeah.
	I keep it on like 68. He freaks the fuck out.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	My stepmom does that.
	She's on pills, though.
	Oh, yeah.
	That makes sense.
	Yeah.
	If you're on pills, dude, you got to have it.
	I can't even.
	Dude, nothing goes with a Percocet like a little bit of air conditioner.
	Yeah, that makes sense for sure.
	But I'm sorry, I interrupted you.
	Go on.
	Oh, I don't even know what I was talking about.
	But he, so he, you have the air conditioner going.
	Oh, so that's what I spend my money on.
	Yeah.
	Is air conditioning.
	I'm dead serious.
	Comfort.
	Last summer, one of our bills was like $1,200 for the, yeah.
	And I was like, he threw a, I was like, I don't give a fuck.
	Yeah.
	I'm comfortable.
	That's all that matters.
	We're doing it.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	If this is living large, this is living large.
	Exactly.
	I like that.
	Yeah.
	And you guys live in San Diego.
	San Diego.
	Yeah.
	Because I saw you down there at the comedy store.
	Yeah.
	That's the first time I ever knew about you.
	So here's what happened.
	Here's how I discovered you.
	Okay.
	So I was like, man, I want to go see some comedy.
	I was like, let's, let's take a look.
	You know, looked up the comedy store.
	I was going going through the schedule.
	Didn't really see anybody that I knew.
	Saw a picture of you.
	I go, oh, he's cute as shit.
	Oh, damn.
	Let me YouTube.
	See if, you know, I want to go see him.
	First video, I was like, I'm buying fucking tickets.
	Oh, damn.
	Started following you on Instagram.
	You had like 17,000 followers, maybe.
	Dang.
	Yeah.
	Started following you.
	Oh, God.
	I went almost a damn shelter ran.
	Went and saw you.
	You were so fucking funny.
	And afterwards were so fucking nice to me and my sisters.
	I was like, forever fan.
	Forever fucking fan, man.
	That's sweet.
	And then, yeah, and then you blew up and now I'm on your podcast.
	I'm freaking out.
	I know.
	It's so having me.
	No, I'm so happy to have you.
	And I'm glad.
	I mean, I think we really lucked out even by having you on this week because I feel like you're kind of having like a moment a little bit.
	Is that crazy to say that?
	I know that sounds really for a lot of people, it's kind of coming out of the closet or whatever, but this is like a, like a, like I saw you on Michael Bisping's damn Instagram, and I'm just like, how are all these worlds colliding?
	He's damn British.
	Went viral a couple days ago.
	You know, he's a one-eyed British man.
	Dude, I don't know.
	It's just, I'm just rolling.
	I'm just rolling with it.
	Yeah.
	Day to day.
	I have no idea what's happening.
	I'm just like, all right, let's do this.
	And you just hit a million on Instagram.
	Yeah.
	You know what?
	Instagram hits different.
	So I have a million on every...
	Go ahead.
	Sorry.
	Everywhere else I have a million.
	I just started TikTok and got a million on TikTok in like two months.
	And I've posted like four videos.
	And I'm just kind of like, okay, million, whatever.
	I don't really care.
	Some bad Instagram, man.
	I'm like, I hit a million on Instagram.
	I think it's harder to grow on Instagram.
	People are stingy with that follow button.
	Yeah, people are a little stingy.
	Yeah.
	I think especially right like now, I feel like people have been, you know, I feel like there's, it's, Instagram's been a while around for a while now.
	Yeah.
	So it's not, you know, people aren't just as like, oh yeah, I'm getting, you know, I'm in, I'm following anybody.
	You know, I'll follow any, you know, there's a time I'll follow anybody with a damn tit.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'll follow anybody that's not in a damn wheelchair.
	You know what I'm saying?
	My requirements were very slim at a certain point.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	But now it's a little bit more, you know.
	Yep, exactly.
	But that didn't feel good.
	When did that happen?
	When did you hit it?
	Two days ago.
	Wow.
	Two days ago.
	And what were y'all doing?
	Where were you?
	I mean, this is your damn freaking electronic JFK right here.
	Oh, gosh.
	Just sitting on my couch in a Moo Moo, just watching Dateline.
	and I was like, oh, I had a friend text me and he was like, oh, congratulations on the moon.
	I'm like, oh, I knew it happened that day, but I was like, oh, I get on there.
	I'm like, hey, look at that.
	And that was pretty much it.
	Everybody's like, how are you going to celebrate?
	I'm like, celebrate?
	Like, you know how people get balloons and shit?
	Yeah.
	I made fun of it a while back and my sister was going to get me balloons just to fuck with me.
	And I was like, you, I'll pop them.
	Do not fucking get me congratulation balloons.
	Holy shit, that's embarrassing.
	Do not.
	I'll pop them.
	Dude, there almost is.
	Look, I think if you're getting congratulation balloons, you aren't doing enough with your life.
	I'm going to go out on a damn lib and say that.
	Oh, my God.
	Because anytime somebody needs to get you damn balloons to show that you have some kind of damn achievement.
	Shit.
	That's funny.
	Sometimes it's just, God, I don't know.
	You see some fuck tard walk over with a pack of balloons and a damn, you know?
	And then my aunt one time, like, they have the little thing that's filled with a, it has a balloon, another balloon that's empty that's filled with something.
	Confetti or yeah, yeah, candy.
	Yeah.
	And she would open that.
	And it's saying, no, but it was just sand.
	You know what I'm saying?
	It was just like sand.
	If you're buying a balloon in a balloon, you got money.
	You got money.
	That's not a regular balloon, you know?
	Yeah, you definitely got money there.
	But yeah, that had to be so wild.
	But that's when I was just like, holy smokes, like this is so crazy.
	And it's so awesome that everybody starts to know about you.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Yeah, it's super weird.
	Because you're so funny.
	And do you feel like your funny comes from where?
	Because you weren't a stand-up to start with.
	No, no.
	So how did, yeah, let's do your origin story, damn it.
	Yeah.
	Where do you want to start?
	Park Kent.
	Start in the damn mailroom.
	So, you know, I don't know where the funny comes from.
	I think I had such a, I guess, a shitty childhood that I kind of had to, you know, I was the poor kid in school.
	I was the large kid in school, you know, so I had to have something.
	So I think that just like came out of me probably early junior high.
	Were you funny then?
	Yeah, I think so.
	Oh, I wish we had those videos.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I know.
	I was saying about that.
	I was like, man, I wish I could vlog back then.
	Oh, my God, to see that shit.
	So funny.
	Where were you funny at?
	Like, was there like an environment that you were kind of really shined in?
	You know, was it a particular place or with a certain group?
	I've always remembered this, and this may be cheesy as hell, but I remember the first time I made a room laugh.
	And I was in seventh grade basketball practice.
	And we, after practice.
	Sex symbol basketball?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	And went back to the locker room.
	Everybody's getting ready for class or whatever.
	I don't even know what was said.
	I have no clue, but I had been to this school about a month.
	So I didn't really know, you know.
	And I don't know what I said, but the whole fucking locker room was piss in their pants.
	And somebody goes, she's funny.
	And that always just stuck with me.
	I'm like, oh, you know, kind of, so that was like the first time I remember like, you know, wow.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, there's something magical.
	When you're saying that, it makes me, it takes me back to those times.
	Yeah, but like there's something magical when you don't feel like you have something that people, that people see, you know?
	And then when they say that you're funny, you're like, oh, yeah.
	Oh, it's almost like, thank God there's some, I have some way for people to see me.
	You know?
	Do you ever say something?
	Do you ever say something and then somebody dies laughing and you didn't think it was funny, but they thought it was the funniest thing they ever heard in their life?
	That happens to me all the time.
	I'm like, I am not that funny.
	And they're like dying.
	Well, I think you start to become, well, some people start to become kind of, there's times where I know I'm doing something funny and people don't know it yet.
	That's always kind of fun when like, and it's not, it's not that I'm doing it on purpose.
	It's just I know my brain starts to see a pattern of like, oh, this is where they're at and this is where my brain is over here right now.
	And so in a second, this is all, you know, this corner is going to turn or something.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes, though, people like stuff.
	Like I'm one, no, I watch, when I watch your videos, I notice a lot.
	There's a little things that I like.
	Like when you're cousin Jim, when that little fellow just turns his head at a certain angle.
	And I just see the cut of that boy's just damn where his neck just runs right into his damn forehead.
	I found that guy on Instagram.
	God flew him out to do a video.
	I said, you got to come do a video with him.
	I love that.
	Just the look.
	And then I love him.
	And so I think there's one thing that really for me about you is that the people you find funny, I find so funny that it's like, oh, wow, I can trust her on different levels, not only to entertain me, but also like she sees like something that a lot of people maybe wouldn't see.
	Yeah.
	You know, I mean, some people see this fellow little gym and they might even, you know, somebody probably damn molest him.
	You know, you get a couple of damn, you know, football players.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, for sure.
	And they'll play damn fullback in a fucking haunted house with this dude, you know?
	But yeah, I think that's one, that's one of the things I notice as I see more of your stuff that makes me laugh more, I think is like trusting that you're going to lead me also to something funny, you know?
	Oh, thank you.
	And just the cuteness of it, like the damn ant and just the.
	There's a whole storyline to it, and it's all made up on the spot, man.
	And I just roll with it and I try to remember the storyline for future shit.
	It's just, it's just all fucking crazy.
	It's so funny.
	It's just such a good, you do, you do such a great job, I think, of just bringing joy, especially during like the coronavirus time.
	I feel like I've had such a tough time during all this of trying to like figure out what's funny or just be in the funny.
	Do you feel like it's been tougher during this time or you feel like opposite opposite for me?
	I feel like my, my, well, my shit's been thriving since, you know, my creative's been thriving.
	My, just everything for some reason just total opposite for me.
	Yeah.
	I was supposed to go on tour.
	Oh, you were going to.
	And you, I don't know if you remember, but like two or three years ago, we did Josh Wolf.
	Josh Wolfe show.
	And do you remember me telling you, I was like, Man, I don't know, I don't know if I want to do stand-up.
	I'm kind of scared.
	And you were like, Why?
	And I was like, I don't know.
	And you're like, just do it.
	And I literally was like, I left and I was like, yeah, he's right.
	And so I've literally started stand up because of that.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Yeah, I can't believe it.
	You were like, huh?
	No, just do it.
	And I was like, he's fucking right.
	Well, I think some people, it's like you just want to listen to the person.
	You want to be a part of their world.
	You know, they're bringing the joy.
	You know, sometimes if people are selling jokes, sometimes people are selling joy.
	Not really selling it, but, you know, I just feel like people want to be in your world.
	Yeah.
	You know, and once you create like a world, people want to be in it.
	So that's great then.
	So you were planning on tour.
	That's the thing I was going to ask you.
	So with starting out, you started out where at?
	Like just being funny.
	Where'd you grow up at?
	Thackerville, Oklahoma.
	Okay.
	It's about 45 minutes north of Dallas.
	It's right on the Oklahoma, Texas border.
	Okay.
	I graduated high school with 12 people.
	Oh, damn.
	Yeah.
	12 people.
	We did not have a football team.
	We did not have band.
	We did not have art.
	Like nothing.
	Did y'all have like a youth group or something, a religious group?
	Oh, yeah.
	We had this thing called the upper room, and my best friend's family ran it.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	And that was all there was to do, play, play softball and go to the upper room.
	And they just had like pool tables and Christian rock.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	And that was it.
	That was all I did for real.
	That was fun.
	That was a social life.
	Oh, yeah.
	And is Thackerville a big place or no?
	Oh, no.
	We've got, oh, when I was there, we didn't even have a stoplight.
	Now there's a stoplight because we have the world's largest casino.
	Ooh.
	Yeah.
	So it's random.
	We have nothing but dirt roads, one convenience store.
	That's it.
	And then the world's largest casino.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's enough convenience, really.
	I mean, that's a thing.
	That's all you need.
	Yeah, you would think that's all you need.
	People want more.
	Yeah.
	And some people need more, man.
	Yeah.
	That's true.
	So Thackerville, so you graduated from there and then you went because I was kind of, it was kind of surprising when I saw you in San Diego because I'm like, this doesn't seem to fit everything, but everything works.
	Yeah.
	But it was surprising to me.
	So, no, well, to me too.
	So I graduated college, married Greg.
	Okay.
	We moved to Dallas.
	So we were there for like three years.
	He's looking for, he was looking for a new job.
	Oh, God.
	I was working at Whole Foods at the time.
	I was working at Whole Foods at the time in the bakery.
	Come home from work and he's like, oh, I've got a job interview.
	I'm like, that's great.
	Where at?
	And he was like, it's this job in San Diego.
	And I was literally like, I thought he was fucking with me.
	I'm like, why did you apply for a job in San Diego?
	And he's like, I didn't.
	A recruiter reached out and I'm like, we're not moving to San Diego.
	That's called the military, Greg.
	For real.
	He's like, yeah, it's a unique group, you know, that they've been in business for a couple hundred years.
	They've reached out to me.
	Yeah.
	There's battleship opportunities.
	So we moved to San Diego.
	It's supposed to be temporary.
	Wow.
	And once I got out, once we got out here, I was like, I don't want to live anywhere else.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And then that's when shit started to pop for me.
	Because that's a big move.
	Moving from a place where you have the comfort and you guys, especially going from like into Dallas, that's a big move to go out west.
	Oh, it was huge.
	And then you get the shock of everything being more expensive out here, which is so true.
	I think our one-bedroom apartment was like $700 a month.
	We come out here and it's like $2,200 for, you know, I mean, we were like, yeah, it was a big shock.
	We're used to it now.
	When we moved to San Diego, I had just started the social media stuff.
	So I didn't really have a lot of followers.
	And then it just slowly, we've been in San Diego seven years, almost eight maybe?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's flown by.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And so with the social media, so you do the characters kind of, but a lot of it, you always run into all of it.
	It always seems like a mix of you and the characters and just like a kind of a world kind of.
	Do you ever get like scared to try something new?
	Are there things that you get afraid to try?
	Oh, yeah.
	And not for me, but because people get pissed.
	You know what I mean?
	So I've, years ago, I tried to do a couple other characters besides Trailer Trash Tanny and people.
	Let's go to this.
	We'll go to this video right here.
	Just, I don't mean to interrupt you.
	No, you're good.
	But this, you know, we're trying to have Nick keep his job.
	And so this is where he interjects good videos.
	I'm a big fan of you and all your videos.
	I watch them every day.
	Also, your mumbrings.
	My question is for you.
	Are you scared to say something really outrageous or so outrageous that people might take offense to it and you might get what we call cancel culture?
	Let me know.
	Bye.
	Oh my gosh, she's cute.
	I'm not, like, in terms of comedy, not afraid to say anything.
	Like, I'll joke about whatever.
	So in that way, I'm not, I guess I'm not scared to, to, but the cancel culture thing, holy shit.
	Yeah, you gotta, I mean, you, you gotta watch, like, it's ridiculous.
	I feel like you, yeah, that, that's on, that's definitely always in the back of my mind.
	Is it yours?
	I mean, all my, I didn't know all my friends were damn sex offenders, you know, until, you know, until Hollywood told me that they were, you know, surprised me with that.
	I think it, here's when it gets scary for me.
	So like I have a Netflix special that we're going to do sometime in when the world opens back up.
	So we have like a deal over there and trying to work on a cartoon right now.
	And so I get scared of, I know that those are the things that are at risk for me.
	Yeah.
	So it's like I can, you know, I can say whatever I want to say, but I have to, since those things are on the other side of the teeter-totter.
	Yeah.
	If it were just my podcast and Just social medias, then I wouldn't, I think I wouldn't, there wouldn't be anything on that other side of the teeter-totter to lose.
	Yeah, but right now, those are things where an article or something, and then people get scared.
	And in the podcasting world, it's like you know, some of the guys that something happens, and then people are like, Well, why don't they still do their podcast?
	And, well, because the advertisers say we don't want to be on this podcast right now.
	And so then, you know, they just get, they get really nervous, I guess, as well, you know.
	But anyway, so yeah, where does it, where, where does it hit with you?
	Oh, gosh, for me, so anything political, I don't mess with for multiple reasons, not really because I'm scared of the cancel culture thing.
	But for me, it's like, you know, yeah, I have a large platform and I've, and very rarely will people message me and say, you need to use your platform for this or that.
	99.9% of people message me and say, thank you for not.
	Thank you for being a place where I can go and get away from that and laugh.
	So that's the number one reason why I really, you know, try to stick with just comedy, nothing too, you know, crazy political.
	And it's not that I'm afraid of like the backlash or whatever.
	It's just, you know, literally Dolly Parton is my, you know, and I'm just following her footsteps.
	She really keeps it like, you know, I'm just here to bring entertainment, bring laughs, bring smiles.
	I'm not here to, you can go to another page for that shit.
	Yeah.
	You know, here we're talking about titties.
	Yeah.
	Saggy titties.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, that's all I'm here for.
	Decent bags, baby.
	Exactly.
	Amen.
	Yeah.
	Something to hold a set of balloons down, you know?
	There you go.
	You need a big titty, something to hold down a set of damn get well balloons.
	You get these small titties, dude.
	You'll never get well.
	No, exactly.
	Dude, I remember my mother had the smallest breast, God forbid, and I love her.
	And she listens to this podcast, which almost breaks my heart a lot of times, but, and makes my heart at the same time.
	But damn, she had them small.
	I mean, you had to beat a little milk out of them.
	Damn.
	And so that's why I think I still got that nervous energy.
	You know, you see a baby trying to just breastfeed off a small titty.
	There's nothing.
	Yeah.
	God, it'll break your heart.
	Yeah.
	You see a baby trying to shake.
	You got to work hard for that milk.
	Oh, you can't even shake a small tit without hurting somebody's back.
	Without hurting somebody's back.
	It's just a different place, man.
	It's just a different place.
	But yeah, one thing, so then I start to feel like this.
	I start to feel like, well, as comedians, you're also supposed to, and this may be where maybe the line gets a little different for me coming from a background more of stand-up comedy, is that you're supposed to be able to comment on things.
	You're supposed to be able to at least be able to take a swing at things without, you know, without being judged just for taking a swing.
	And so that's where it gets tricky for me sometimes with stand-up because it's like you want to be able to kind of speak out or push the boundaries or, and then it really starts to feel real, real limiting when your voice starts to get limited, you know?
	But then maybe I'm like, I just need to start to be more creative.
	I start to, you know, I'm finally starting to land in that place instead of the place of, oh, this, you know, ah, you know, the frustration.
	See, for stand-up comedy, I feel like it's, I feel like that's fine for sure to push that shit.
	I'm worried about like, oh, an old tweet or if I say something in a vlog, I really have to, and not that I go around saying shit that would get me canceled anyway.
	I don't.
	Right.
	I really don't, but you, you have to like, yeah, you have to like watch that shit if you're, if you're doing stuff not only on the stage.
	Does that make sense?
	Like, oh, totally.
	You know, like you, if you put yourself out there everywhere, stage, YouTube, vlogging, Snapchat, like, I mean.
	It just grows bigger, the possibility.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	The possibility of more people getting offended as well.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's this.
	I mean, what if 10 years from now, it's they have Seamen Lives Matter, you know, and anybody that ever swallowed after a blowjob is going to jail.
	You know what I'm saying?
	It's supposed to make me think because we just don't know what the line is going to be in the future.
	I know.
	Did you see my Instagram story yesterday?
	I don't know if you did.
	I had a lady come to the house to give me a massage that I found on the internet.
	Oh, God.
	She was a crackhead.
	Okay.
	And so I made a whole Instagram story making fun of her and telling them what happened.
	She passed out during my massage, but it's a whole thing.
	And when you know, people don't make fun of her.
	Is it up right now?
	Yeah.
	Let's watch it.
	And I literally said, I'm going to make fun of whatever the fuck I want to make fun of.
	It's long, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I decided to splurge and find someone to come to the house and give a massage.
	Look, I've been on this site and so is Nick, to be honest with you.
	Back page.
	Yeah.
	R.I.P.
	backpage as well.
	And now you have to do adult friend search.
	But thankfully, I have blockers on my phone now.
	So I'm doing well.
	Well, that's not what I got.
	Let's see what you got.
	I got a fucking crackhead.
	Amen.
	Photo was old.
	She on crack now.
	Yes.
	The bait and switch.
	I've done that.
	She got me.
	Cat fish me.
	Yeah, she got me.
	You couldn't even hardly understand her when she talked.
	Aussie Osborne.
	Oh, man.
	But then she said she comes in and I'm immediately weirded out.
	I almost tell her I'll pay her for her time, but she's got to bounce.
	I've done that before as well, dude.
	And that is, bro, I've been so scared.
	I went and dropped the $300 off the balcony down to the woman.
	Holy shit.
	Some kind of freaking, just some kind of bootleg Mardi Gras.
	Oh my God.
	So I'm like, fuck it.
	Let's just see what happens.
	There we go.
	That's what I like.
	That entrepreneurial spirit.
	Then she tells me that she left her phone and purse in his car and she forgot to tell him when to be back.
	Her car broke down, so somebody dropped her off.
	Another crackhead.
	Oh, yeah.
	She's got that muscular pimp if she's out there getting massages.
	Yeah.
	Asked if she can log into her Facebook somewhere and message him.
	So you didn't take any pictures of her, though?
	No.
	Well, see, now then I think that that's totally fine.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, yeah.
	I didn't post pic.
	No, no, no, no.
	You weren't blasting her.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	But the story is hilarious.
	She fell asleep on me during my massage and was still massaging me.
	Oh, God.
	She passed out on me and was still massaging me.
	And that's crack, baby.
	Yeah, that's crack.
	I said, are you good?
	And she's still laying on me, goes, Yeah, why?
	I said, Because you're laying on me.
	Yeah.
	And she goes, Oh, yeah, these are new clothes.
	Something a crackhead would say.
	They used to call it crack structure, dude.
	So they used to have people that would do crack and they would come and build.
	Like in our area, they had a group of young men that would do crack and you'd see them out there zombied out, but still building.
	I saw a guy, speaking of building, I saw a guy on crack one time at a build-a-bear, and he zoned out, bro.
	Zero eyes open.
	You know, zero out of two eyes open.
	And he still.
	And he's building his bear.
	And he still made that bear.
	Wow.
	Damn.
	That's funny.
	And he still made that bear, dude.
	He got the bow right in the middle.
	He did it all.
	Even the little where you put the one, two, three on the feet.
	Yeah.
	God, he did it all.
	He passed out the whole time.
	Unconscious.
	Completely unconscious, dude.
	Like if you put that dude right now in a court of law with one hand on the Bible or even just a Berenstain Bears book, you know, whatever meant more to him.
	And you asked him, hey, Bugaboo, you know, did you ever build a bear unconscious?
	I bet he would lie about it.
	And he would lie unknowingly.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, that's good shit.
	Good shit.
	So what else?
	We got some questions that came in.
	Yeah.
	And I'm not giving up on my ability to conversate with you yet.
	Oh, you're good?
	Okay, good.
	Hey, I'm having fun.
	Are you?
	Yeah.
	I'm so glad you're here.
	This is so fun.
	Oh, thank you.
	I'm surprised people sent questions in.
	That's great.
	Yeah, we got a lot, didn't we?
	Yeah, like 15. Some are like kind of the same old hat.
	But yeah, we got a lot for you.
	Okay.
	What's up, Tammy?
	What's up, Theo?
	Quick question.
	What was your first experience with tobacco?
	Was it that cowboy killer?
	Or was it that smokeless lip filler?
	Gang Gang nicotine buzz?
	Oh, yeah.
	And a fellow with a nice body there, too, bro.
	No homo.
	Great tank top.
	Beautiful young fella right there.
	Two arms.
	Yeah.
	Where I'm from, that's a damn highlight right now.
	Two arms, one eyebrow.
	Oh, you show up with two arms, dog.
	You know what I'm saying?
	He's cute.
	Oh, somebody's getting married in this motherfucker, bro.
	You know?
	I've never smoked.
	Have you smoked?
	No, no, no.
	I mean, I've tried it, but I've never been a smoker.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm six months off of cigarettes right now.
	Okay, okay.
	So my grandma and everyone around me growing up, chain smokers.
	No.
	So I, you know, as a little kid, would like try.
	Nah.
	What did they smoke you?
	Do you remember what kind?
	Well, grandma had to get that jacket.
	So Marlboro.
	It was miles more.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	We were always decked out in Marlborough everything, head to toe.
	That's how much she smoked.
	God, and you had to smoke like $20,000 worth of cigarettes to get a jacket.
	And we had closets full.
	Wow.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	Those jackets, yeah, those are some prize pieces back in the day.
	Yeah.
	If you saw that, it was the adults did the Marlboros and the children did those Kool-Aid points that were on the back of the little Kool-Aid packet.
	And we'd save up and get a pitcher.
	Every year we'd have a family meeting and we'd do what we wanted to do with the points, you know?
	Man.
	And you could get a little pitcher.
	You could get a little, one year we spent all of them, got my little sister a damn vest, dude.
	And that thing was a piece of shit.
	Oh, it wasn't nice?
	You would think.
	And no.
	Damn.
	It was just, I don't know.
	It was almost like a discontinued life jacket, you know, that they were marketing as clothing.
	No.
	No.
	They can't do that.
	They can't do that.
	God, they got you.
	They got you.
	They got you.
	They got us.
	But yeah, those Marlboroughs.
	And so your family would just smoke them?
	Oh, yeah.
	And what would you do just watch them?
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	That was like, we had no cable.
	So what else were we going to do, you know?
	Let's watch grandma's cheeks turn.
	You know, we had channels 10 and 12. We got tired of soap operas, so we just sat there and watched them smoke.
	What soap operas were y'all watching?
	Oh, gosh.
	We used to watch like the days of our life, just all that shit.
	Oh, yeah.
	Literally, that's all there was.
	Guiding light, as well as her.
	Yep, yeah.
	We watched them all.
	Santa Barbara, that was an old one.
	My sister still watches them.
	I haven't watched them since high school, but she still watches them.
	That's really interesting.
	Dedicated.
	Yeah.
	That can really lead to loneliness as well.
	Yeah.
	Here's a young lady right here that has a question.
	Hmm.
	Thank you.
	Lauren, Virginia, love you both.
	If you didn't like my last question, here's another question.
	Theo, one time you said that you have like a nose power.
	When you go into a public bathroom, you can tell if someone just took a dump or not.
	I think a lot of people have that power.
	But what's worse than that is if you go into the female bathroom after a girl who's currently going through the time of the month, oh, that smell is worse than poop.
	Chelsea, since you're a girl and you can attest to that, tell Theo what's up.
	Plus, you know, because apparently your sister's got a little funky.
	Love you both.
	Thank you so much for being so funny and awesome.
	Bye.
	Aww.
	Dang.
	So yeah.
	Is that a real thing?
	Because I've always had this superpower.
	And it's a, I mean, I guess some people say it's not a superpower, but if I go into a bathroom, if someone has been doing poop in there, I can tell immediately when I walk in.
	Oh, I can usually smell it in the hallway.
	Oh, my God.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	God, dude, you might be a damn, you might be from Egypt or something.
	Yeah.
	So the whole female thing, it smells like you walked into a room that has a pile of a million pennies.
	Oh, my God.
	Like a bank, like a little bad bank?
	Like a little, like the back of the bank that holds all the coins.
	Oh.
	Yeah, it's like a it's like a copper smell mixed in with some funk.
	Oh.
	Yeah, so so y'all just have shit.
	We have shit and blood.
	Oh.
	So it's very kind of like Vietnam.
	Yeah.
	Kind of.
	If you think about it.
	Damn.
	I never thought about that.
	And so you know, when you walk in there, you know if that's been going on?
	Yeah.
	Well, here's the deal.
	Like, they'll, well, that's, that's why, okay, that's if she wore a pad and it's soaked up in fucking a gallon of blood.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	And then leaves it in the trash.
	Okay, relax, man.
	At least drop it off at the fire department on the steps.
	What is going on around here?
	Hey, this is real life.
	You did not know about this?
	I didn't know about this, man.
	Yeah, women are disgusting.
	I knew that, but I didn't know that people are just abandoning potential families.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	On that little family pinata.
	I didn't know people are just abandoning those things.
	Oh, God.
	That just shows.
	Curbside in the damn bathroom.
	Nasty.
	Just throw it out the window on the interstate like a damn fucking adult.
	Oh, my God.
	I'm sorry y'all are going through that.
	I didn't know that.
	Yeah.
	That's why I'm quick to use the men's bathroom.
	I'll just use the men's bathroom.
	Like, I'll have no problem.
	And the men's bathroom is usually empty.
	And the women's is always full.
	If there's a line, I'll go to the men's.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Well, it's really, you know, it's really a strong move when you say that because nowadays, if I see a woman in there, I leave.
	I don't want to be sex crime.
	I don't want to be me too.
	I don't want to be.
	I'm just afraid of everything.
	So it's like, it's yours now.
	Yeah.
	Hell, I'll go out there and write a WO on the fucking door for me.
	No, if it's like a big men's bathroom with like urinals and stalls and there's other men, like I won't.
	But if it's like a single, you know what I'm talking about?
	Like a gas station bathroom with one and there's one, you know, and the women's is full, I'll go to the men's.
	But I won't walk in there and walk up beside a urinal and, you know, take a, no, no, no, no.
	But you know what I'm talking about.
	If it's like a single, I'll use the men's.
	I don't give a shit.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	I like that.
	Yeah.
	And do you, have you guys ever been to the bathrooms at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium or not?
	I've never been.
	How are they?
	I've never been.
	Your husband's here and he didn't take you there?
	No, he hates the Cowboys.
	Oh, damn, but at least take her to the damn place.
	That's true.
	That's true.
	You know what I'm saying, dude?
	I fucking hate Claim Jumper, but I've been to that bitch three times.
	That's true.
	Yeah.
	No, are they nice?
	They are the biggest bathrooms I've ever seen.
	There's four rooms before you get to anything that has water in it.
	Wow.
	Well, that's good.
	I mean, I'm sure the lines are non-existent.
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	I mean, it's crazy.
	It's just.
	Anyway, just when you started talking about size of restrooms, it really took me to another level.
	Yeah.
	I brought you back.
	Yeah.
	We got to go, babe.
	Y'all do?
	No, no, no.
	I meant to the stadium.
	Oh, okay.
	I ain't leaving.
	You're going to have to kick my ass out.
	Well, we will in about 45 minutes.
	Is that it?
	Look, that's just one room.
	Yeah.
	Can you see any other rooms, Nick?
	That is pretty nice.
	That's nice.
	That is cool.
	It's not a lot.
	Okay.
	Maybe they won't let you tape it or not.
	They want to keep it a secret.
	Yeah.
	But it is just cool.
	It's really high end.
	It's like the magic castle of toiletry.
	What's kind of like, do you see yourself now?
	Like, obviously, you know, you got a lot of people interested.
	Do you feel any new pressure?
	Do you feel anything like that?
	Or do you feel pressure?
	Do you feel inspiration?
	Like, what do you kind of feel, if anything?
	Probably fear more than anything.
	I don't feel pressure.
	It's just a little scary to me.
	And not in a bad way.
	I'm not like, you know, it's just, I don't know how to explain it.
	Like, it's just, it's weird.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, it's weird.
	I never expected any of this.
	You know, fame scares me.
	Money scares me.
	I'm, I'm pretty happy and content.
	So those things change people or can change people.
	So I'm scared of that.
	It's just all kind of like I'm trying to just, does that make sense?
	Do you feel?
	How do you feel about that?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's scary to me.
	It's scary.
	Yeah.
	Money is scary.
	Popularity is scary.
	Money's kind of scary because I feel like I never had any money and I don't and I just don't know.
	I think I always judged people with money as well.
	And so then when you start to make some money, you're like, damn, those people were just, you know, I don't want to be the same way that I felt like those people were towards me maybe.
	But also just realizing like those people were just people probably trying to do their best.
	Yeah, it's definitely kind of scary.
	Will people look at you differently?
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like, especially coming from, I feel like some of the environments maybe you and I are from where, you know, it always, the people with money were always kind of the bad guy, I felt like.
	And maybe that's just my perception.
	No, I can definitely see that.
	But rich people, dude, you went over to somebody's house and they had, you know, curtains, you know, and you're like, these motherfuckers.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	No, I was about to say, it's not even like where we're from, it's not even like rich people.
	It's like people that lived in like a three-bedroom, two-bath brick house with a trampoline in the backyard was rich to me.
	Oh.
	That was, you had money.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	If you have a minivan parked out front, you have money.
	Dude, if my, this kid Brandon broke his fucking head open on a stack of bricks that were next to their trampoline and I was like, you rich piece of shit.
	Because he had a stack of bricks.
	And that meant they were building something and you had money.
	Yeah, I was just like, oh, must be tough, dude, splitting your head open on some fucking high-end textiles, you piece of shit.
	Yeah, I do.
	So, yeah, I think I had so much judgment sometimes against that whole universe that it makes me feel just way uncomfortable.
	You know, I still live in the same apartment.
	I've been in for the past seven years.
	And so I'm just afraid sometimes to spend any money.
	Yeah.
	I get scared.
	I get scared to give Nick a raise.
	No, I feel the exact same way.
	I honestly do.
	Greg drives a truck that has a half a million miles on it.
	He refuses to get a new truck.
	Although he just bought a brand new fucking $70,000 Roadrunner.
	But Roadrunner, what is that?
	Oh, like a Mopar Roadrunner, like a 69 Roadrunner.
	68. 68. Let's get a picture of that.
	Yeah.
	Because this sounds like.
	But he, I mean, I'm talking to splitting the divorce.
	I'll see this damn picture.
	Yeah.
	Same thing.
	Like we're afraid to, and you know, I don't have a million dollars in the bank, but I'm making more than I ever have.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that is beautiful.
	And it's blue, too, just like that.
	Oh, no, that is nice, dude.
	Yep, that's it.
	That is something.
	I'll freaking let you hickey my butt in that thing.
	I thought you were talking about that thing that Brendan Shaw used to drive that damn look like a big mosquito.
	Oh, yeah, that's nice.
	Oh, that's beautiful.
	Yeah, we just splurged.
	Wow.
	And is it run yet?
	Do you guys have it running?
	Yeah.
	It's a race car.
	Dang.
	So he doesn't drive it.
	Yeah.
	It's been sitting in our driveway for eight months.
	So what is it about being down there and saying – No, not that.
	It's not street legal.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So what will make it street legal?
	He won't.
	He's going to take it to the strip, start racing it.
	Hell yeah.
	Yeah.
	And that'd be great for some Tammy videos.
	Dude, I would like to go sit in on one of those.
	Yeah.
	I want to be there.
	It'll be fun.
	I want to be just that like, I want to be medieval knieval.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I want to be on a dirt bike, but with a damn lance.
	Oh, and with that mullet, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Let the Lord freaking work.
	Yes, yes.
	What is it you feel like about being down there in San Diego and in that area?
	I really like it because it's still California, but it's not L.A. I don't know if I could live in L.A. Yeah.
	It's hectic.
	You're not missing.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, just the weather.
	I know that's stupid to say, but like, you know, Texas was miserable and you're hardly ever miserable in San Diego.
	The taco shops, it's just, I just love it.
	I don't think it would take a lot to get us to move.
	I think if we were to move anywhere else, it would be Austin.
	Yeah.
	Austin area, which, you know, we're going back to the heat, but I love the Austin area.
	But I think we're going to be here for the rest of our lives, hopefully, San Diego.
	Wow.
	I just love it.
	And do you guys have offspring?
	Are y'all fertile or anything like that?
	No, we're fertile.
	Okay.
	So that's a choice.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, no thanks.
	No thanks for now, maybe.
	I don't know.
	I keep saying, oh, in five years, we've been married, oh my gosh, 11 years.
	And I'll say, oh, let's wait three or four years and come back and see.
	And then every three or four years, we're like, no, no.
	And let's wait three, you know?
	So, and then now my career's kind of taking off.
	So I'm like, I don't know.
	I won't be like, if we don't have kids, I don't think either of us are going to be like, oh, man, we missed, we should have had.
	No, I'll be good.
	Now, would you freeze a batch of them eggs, you'd think?
	No.
	That freaking cold Easter, you know, start that thing up.
	For me, I'm thinking if it happens, it was meant to be.
	If it doesn't, it's not.
	So I'm not going to go out of my way.
	You know, I don't know.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I don't know.
	I've never had, so I've never had like a strong desire to have kids.
	And I've always said, I won't until that happens.
	You know, I used to work with this old lady and she asked me if I had kids.
	And I said, no.
	And she said, well, let me tell you this.
	Don't have kids just because you feel like you should have, because it'll make it harder, have kids if you want kids.
	And I was like, that's so true.
	And so I've never felt the strong need.
	To get that batch.
	Yeah.
	But hell, in five years, I might.
	I don't know.
	So I'm going to wait until that happens.
	And if it never happens, all good.
	I hate to interrupt the bonanza, but sometimes you got to get your brain reignited, recalibrated, really.
	And something that will help you is a company called BetterHelp.
	You know, I've suffered from mental health issues, mental disorder, probably.
	You know, I wake up in the morning and I don't want to do it.
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	And when I need help, sometimes I don't, you know, there's not a place I can go.
	There's not a therapist I can drive to.
	Or there's not, you know, somebody, there's not somebody in my area.
	You know, I might live in a rural area.
	Well, that is all changing thanks to BetterHelp.
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	Now back to the episode.
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	Thank you.
	Do you, do you get up?
	Like, do you have like a daily routine kind of, or you kind of go by the wayside, like just whatever, you know, kind of?
	I do have a daily routine and I have to, or I won't do shit.
	I won't do shit if I don't have like my week planned out, my, yeah, day to day.
	So just I'm going to film this day.
	I'm going to post this day.
	I have, you know, phone calls this day.
	I have everything.
	And then my nieces live with us.
	So now I'm homeschooling them.
	No.
	How old are they?
	Three days a week, eight and ten.
	Oh my God.
	Are they smart?
	Yeah, they are.
	They start this week.
	So I'm doing that three days a week.
	No.
	And you're giving lessons and everything?
	Yeah.
	What kind of stuff are they learning about?
	Well, it's a lot of like just math and shit.
	I'm going to teach them.
	I'm kind of going to go out of the box.
	I'm going to teach them how to cook at a grocery shop.
	Stuff like that.
	You know what I mean?
	Because so many damn adults don't know how to cook.
	Like their mom, my sister who lives with us, holy shit, can't even make spaghetti, dude.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	That's heartbreaking.
	Yeah.
	And I, you know, I cook them, so I'm like, y'all are going to learn how to cook.
	Yeah.
	Even if they were boys, I would teach them how to cook.
	Oh, it's such a skill, man.
	Dude, yeah, even if all you make every night is macaroni and cheese, you're going to learn how to do it.
	You know, or split up an apple or something.
	Exactly.
	You know, I remember we used to do, like, my mom would work.
	And so we would make whatever, you know, we had at the house.
	So we'd always come up with some real bad ideas and shit and make it like more.
	We used to do macaroni with marshmallows.
	I think we went through a little phase of that shit.
	And you ate that?
	Yeah, yeah, we ate it.
	Well, here's the thing.
	Once you made it, you got to eat.
	Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
	You can't throw it away.
	So there wasn't a lot of wiggle room.
	But the thing is, did you make it a second time?
	Oh.
	And a third?
	Well, here's what happened.
	Somebody would make it.
	One of the kids would make it.
	We had four children.
	One of them would make it.
	Then the other three would try to up outdo them, you know, with their bullshit idea.
	And one of my sisters at the time was five, so she would just fucking burn all kinds of shit.
	And then we would fight, you know?
	Yeah.
	Oh, you got to throw in a fight there.
	Oh, yeah.
	You can't not fight.
	But I really enjoyed that.
	Yeah.
	When you see, so you have a lot of interaction with like a lot of different celebrities and stuff, it seems like, that have reached out to you.
	Is all that been organic?
	I know you had the fan attack video with Luke Bryan.
	That was really, really crazy.
	And his mother was just one of the best moments ever.
	Dude.
	So I have never, ever reached out to a celebrity.
	That's all been them coming to me.
	And Wynona Judd follows me.
	I just want to throw that out there.
	Yep.
	So anyway, yeah.
	So a little backstory on this.
	So they contact me, Luke and his wife.
	They call me like, cause I was supposed to go to this charity event.
	They call me like a week before.
	He's like, hey, I want to try to prank my mom.
	Like, I'm thinking about if you attack me.
	And I'm like, yeah, that's, that's great.
	That's hilarious.
	Let's do it.
	He reached out.
	Yeah.
	Out of the blue.
	Yeah.
	So he messaged you.
	His somebody who works with him messaged you.
	His wife had, his, uh, his wife follows me on Instagram.
	Okay.
	So we follow each other and they call, yeah, they invited me to their charity event.
	And then him and his wife FaceTimed me like a week before I was supposed to go out there.
	He's like, I have this idea.
	Damn, it's romantic.
	Yeah.
	So I get there and I'm thinking it's just going to be just a simple, you know.
	He goes, so security's out front.
	And I've been telling my mom, my mom all morning that there's a crazy fan out there and that she's threatening to kill us.
	And I go, hold on.
	So this is like, is she going to make sure she doesn't have a gun?
	Yeah.
	Like, cause I didn't know he was going to like tell her that I was threatening to kill.
	So his mom was scared.
	Right.
	She's on alert.
	Before.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Because this is her son.
	This is the dang meal ticket.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Kill my other son.
	Yeah.
	Kill Randy, Brian.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Y'all could damn fucking set a bear trap on the third hole for Randy, but we need Luke, you know.
	So she was set up to be scared of me.
	Okay.
	So I'm like, oh my God, are you sure?
	He's like, no, no, it's going to be great.
	I was like, make sure, because, you know, she's from the South.
	I don't know if she, you know, make sure she's not packing.
	He goes, we've made sure.
	So apparently she does.
	I don't know.
	He goes, we've made sure.
	I said, okay.
	And that's something nice about an older person.
	You can feel easy if they got a gun on them.
	Yeah.
	Because there's not as much body on them.
	Yeah.
	And she was super skinny too.
	So you can, you know.
	Yeah, quickly.
	You can give her a big hug and double over like that.
	Next thing you know, you've done a full body search.
	But we did the prank, and I thought she was going to, I mean, I felt, I instantly thought, I shouldn't have done this.
	Yeah.
	I shouldn't have done this.
	At what point?
	Let's go through a little bit of it.
	Okay.
	And is it hot in here?
	Isn't it a little bit?
	I'm feeling a little better.
	You are?
	Okay.
	I put it down to 70. You did?
	She had A little sweat right here.
	Thank you, thank you, thank you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You look very nice.
	Thank you.
	Okay, so you sneak in.
	Rolling on top.
	She throws her cigarette.
	Hey, I got her.
	I got her.
	Hey, hey, hey, you know what?
	It wasn't until I got up.
	Get on your stomach.
	Get on your stomach.
	Yeah.
	And then right there, as soon as I stand up, I'm like, oh, my God.
	Give me five minutes, but you're an album, breath.
	Oh, and there's mom holding her back.
	Yeah.
	Come on.
	Right there.
	I go, oh, no.
	I thought she was going to pass out.
	And look at that.
	Wow, it all comes to a head right there.
	Mom saves the day.
	Oh, yeah.
	Shows that she's still got that mother wolf in her, you know?
	Oh, yeah.
	Afterwards, she was like, I was going to whoop your ass.
	And she was going to too.
	She was impressed.
	She was asked to whoop at you.
	Would you see her throw the six?
	She was ready.
	She was throwing that shit like she was warming up.
	Oh, my God.
	Like she was swollen, Ryan, dude, like she was about to pitch some fucking hairs right into your face.
	That was fun.
	That was fun.
	That's awesome.
	Yeah.
	So do you feel like that world kind of embraces you?
	Like kind of the country music world?
	Do you feel?
	Because I feel like every, you're just so, I feel like you're for everybody.
	Do you feel like it's specific?
	No, I feel like I'm for everybody.
	Yeah.
	I have a from everywhere, from all, I mean, every ethnicity.
	I think people assume that only, you know, white southern people follow me.
	And no, no, no, no, no, that's not true.
	I feel like I'm for everybody because everybody loves redneck humor.
	You don't have to be a redneck to enjoy that, you know?
	It's fucking funny.
	Well, a lot of it's just relatable stuff.
	Like even if you're looking at your YouTube and it's going through the drive-through and just, you know, you know, the people snacking on different stuff and experiencing it and just to be in that moment.
	Also, going through the drive-through with somebody, a lot of times, yeah, you get, you're behind a couple cars.
	Dude, this shit gets, it's some damn intimacy because you're just chilling there.
	That's the biggest commitment I've ever made sometimes is being three cars deep in a drive-through with somebody I don't know very well.
	Sitting there waiting together.
	God.
	You know, those drive-thru videos are my most popular and most requested videos, which blows my mind.
	Yeah.
	Because I'm just sitting there eating, dude.
	Yeah.
	Have you watched it?
	Have you seen the mukbangs on YouTube?
	I've seen some of them.
	I like the donut one that you and Jim did when y'all stacked those different types of meals.
	So here's how that started.
	Like a couple years ago, mukbang, it's called mukbang or something.
	I don't say that word because it's stupid.
	It's a mukbang.
	Right.
	Okay.
	They started getting like people were getting millions and millions of views and making money.
	And I'm like, and I said, this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
	You sit there and watch someone eat.
	I thought it was ridiculous.
	I go, let me do one as Tammy to basically make fun of it.
	And so I only planned on doing one.
	So I did one.
	It's my most viewed on YouTube.
	People would not let me not do another one.
	And it's, it's my most, if I go a week or two without doing one, my DMs are like, when's the next month?
	I'm like, you just, it's, it's so funny.
	It's so easy.
	It's easy content.
	I just go through the drive-thru.
	Yeah.
	It's all improv.
	I talk about whatever.
	I make shit up and eat.
	Yeah.
	And that's it.
	It's beautiful, man.
	You get that poster.
	I love that.
	I also love, it's just like, I think it just feels, it obviously like it's produced.
	You're shit, you know, it's like you guys are doing it, but it just feels, I don't know, it just feels fun.
	I'm trying to think of what really makes me get into it.
	You know, I'm trying to think of what makes me.
	Because it's ridiculous.
	It's almost, it's almost like watching a car wreck.
	I think it's no, because for me, sorry, like for me, it is because I just have been in that situation so many times and never like just been in a moment like that.
	And you're like, yeah, this is actually kind of close to what shit is like when you're just kind of with somebody.
	Yeah.
	You know, and you have to decide on food and you display your best chance to display your manners on a damn date sometimes is at the, you know, when the drive-through lady says, what can I get you?
	You know, and you get to see if the person's nice or not, if they say please or thank you.
	Yeah.
	So I think some of that, just seeing it, just feels real human.
	Yeah.
	Relatable.
	Yeah.
	It feel real relatable.
	People love them.
	So I keep doing them.
	Do you think about doing like something that's more in the acting world?
	I know you've had some stuff go on, but do you think about that kind of, or are you kind of happy with the space that you're in?
	I'm happy with the space I'm in.
	But, and if I don't go beyond that, I'll be so happy and content.
	But yeah, I'm trying to write a tanny movie right now.
	So we'll see if that ever gets made or happy.
	You know, you know how shit goes.
	Like, you know, but I'm trying to write a tanny movie.
	Got some stuff kind of going on the work.
	So hopefully that'd be great.
	But if it doesn't, I'm good.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	But I'm just taking it a day at a time and I'm, you know, opportunities.
	I'm like, let's, let's try it.
	Let's do it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's great.
	Yeah, I would, I'm trying to think if I have an opportunity and something I'm doing, I would, I would certainly include you.
	You know?
	Thank you.
	Yeah.
	I think it would just be fun.
	That'd be great.
	What kind of thing could we, what kind of even thing, what kind of characters could we be, you think?
	And I'm not playing Tammy?
	You can do whatever you want.
	If I make a Tammy movie move, you just be alive.
	If I make a Tammy movie, you got to make a cameo in the Tammy movie.
	Oh, I'm not doing.
	Oh, a cameo?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm just not paying somebody.
	I'm not doing a damn birthday party for somebody for $9.
	No, no, no.
	You just got to be in the movie.
	Oh, I'll stop in that bitch, man.
	But I want a real Role.
	I want to be a damn, you know, somebody that runs and works at a gift shop or somebody that, you know, somebody that fixes something.
	I want to be somebody that knocks on a door and shows up.
	You want to play an important part and you should.
	Yeah.
	I'll do it, dude.
	Yes.
	God, that's what I want.
	Yes.
	Well, it's a great time and we're happy.
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	These guys don't F around.
	Gang.
	What else is going on?
	Not much, dude.
	I freaking left some stuff out on the counter at home.
	What'd you leave out?
	I left some blueberries and I left a damn London broil.
	The blueberries will be okay.
	What's a London broil?
	It's a meat.
	It's like a kind of a high-end cut of meat, I guess, or medium-end.
	And it's raw?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that may be done for just because of the heat and the no-air.
	Yeah.
	Oh, you're going to take a loss on that one.
	Yeah, it just hurts a little.
	Yeah.
	At least you got the blueberries.
	London broil.
	I've never heard of that.
	It's good, man.
	It's the best thing Britain ever did for us.
	It looks like a skirt steak.
	Some.
	Yo?
	Yeah.
	You know, it's a little more, I feel like it's a little more bold, like, there's not a lot of taste to it.
	It looks kind of great, but there's not a lot of taste to it.
	Kind of like British.
	Oh.
	It's very British.
	It's as British as you could get.
	Wait, but it says grilled steak served cut diagonally, so it's just the cut.
	Oh, really?
	So it's just a regular steak.
	It's just how it's cut, right?
	But they cut it out of a place that definitely is English as fuck.
	I feel like it.
	Like when I'm eating it as compared to like a brisket or something, it doesn't stand a chance to animal.
	No, that makes sense.
	That makes sense.
	Because if you're eating a brisket, you're not thinking about Paris, France.
	No.
	You're thinking about Texas.
	Okay, that, okay.
	If I'm having a brisket, I'm thinking about wherever I am at that moment.
	What was that?
	What's in the news, Nick?
	We'll get into a couple of news topics.
	What do we got?
	Ex-Navy SEAL credited with killing Osama bin Laden.
	People got angry with him on Twitter because he was bragging about not wearing a mask.
	He took a selfie with a Marine behind him or a guy in a Marine cap who had a mask on.
	And he goes, I'm not a pussy like this guy.
	And people got to tell me that's a risky move.
	Risky.
	And then risky to tweet about it.
	Yeah, that's brave to tweet about it.
	I was wondering if he was tweeting out of like trying to get back at the guy.
	I think it's the rivalry between SEALs and Marines.
	Oh, I could see a little bit of that.
	Yeah, okay, okay.
	Well, this goes really into recently, I saw a dang man in the in a Marines hat, and I thought it said Mariners on it, Seattle Mariners.
	And so I'm asking him about Ichiro and, you know, all of these different guys and Ken Griffey Jr. and all that shit.
	And the guy is looking at me like, I am a damn.
	And it said Marines and not Mariners?
	He looks at me like I'm a damn still-in-school adult, you know?
	And so it was the most awkward thing ever.
	But dude, I think if you kill Bin Laden, dude, I don't think you have to wear a mask.
	I don't think that dude needs to wear a damn shirt if he doesn't want to.
	Yeah.
	You know, I don't care if he wears damn two dicks to a urinal.
	This dude killed Osama bin Laden.
	Oh, that's him?
	That's him.
	Oh, I see.
	Okay, okay.
	And also, this guy seems semi-ginger.
	You know how hard it is for a ginger to sneak through the damn, through, you know, where it gets, I mean, it gets pretty, you know, it's more of a tan environment over there in the desert.
	Oh, yeah.
	Everybody's got a tan.
	Oh, yeah.
	So you're just going to lollygag through with a damn, you know, with that damn torch skin?
	They're going to freaking torch skin.
	I mean, I just don't know if this guy needs, I mean, he should wear a shirt that said, hey, I'm not wearing a mask because I killed Osama bin Laden.
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	I think, but for me, I feel like he gets out of jail free.
	Yeah.
	I don't, I mean, I wear a mask just to, I guess, respect other people.
	But if someone comes, if I'm in the grocery store and someone's not, I'm not, I don't say anything or freak out.
	No.
	No, I'm not a man.
	Yeah, I'm not some kind of mask warrior.
	No, no, no.
	Yeah.
	We're not the masked police.
	Uh-uh.
	No, I'm not the masked police.
	I'm not even a man.
	I don't want to be.
	I'm not even a damn masked parole officer.
	Yeah.
	Like, I have certain feelings about the whole pandemic And everything, but I wear a mask.
	It's like somebody, it's like shaking somebody's hand when you meet them.
	And if you feel comfortable after that, if people choose not to, then that's between them.
	Yeah.
	I feel like it's between consenting adults almost kind of.
	Agree.
	But I think if for me, this guy killed Bin Laden, I think this dude doesn't have to wear damn shoes into a freaking 7-Eleven if he doesn't want to.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I think he can go high on the hog as he wants.
	Agree.
	Nick, what do you think?
	Yeah, I agree.
	He should be able to do whatever he wants, not wear the mask.
	I'm really worried about this, though.
	Uber and Lyft might shut down in California on Friday because they're trying to make all the drivers be employees instead of independent contractors.
	So they're just going to withdraw.
	They're threatening to just withdraw from California and just shut down.
	And there won't be Uber and Lyft in California on Friday.
	Well, I wonder why just in California?
	Because it's California State that is trying to protect the employees or independent contractors and make employees.
	But if they shut down, then it's hurting everybody.
	Wow.
	And that's the only place I. Nick frequents, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	He had a car and then he...
	I don't want to throw you under your own car.
	A tree fell on it during a windstorm.
	It was like first nice car I ever bought.
	And a tree fell on it and totaled it.
	And then the panelists.
	And the only windstorm and the only tree in Los Angeles, too.
	I was going to ask, was that here in LA?
	What?
	It was the night of the Super Bowl.
	They actually said 2,000 trees were cleared from Los Angeles that night.
	Oh, yeah.
	I slept right through it.
	Wow.
	What's taken so long with insurance?
	Nothing.
	I got paid out for it.
	Yeah, I got paid out for it.
	And then the pandemic happened.
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	But then, I don't know.
	Ubering's actually, I like it.
	Yeah, and it's so convenient.
	Like, that sucks.
	I like it, but I just, sometimes I get damn judgmental when I'm in there and I just, I will, in my head, I'll have like a stack of dimes that I'm giving as a tip, you know, hypothetical dimes.
	And each time they do something a little that doesn't really meet my fancy, I guess.
	Like what?
	I will, okay, smacking their gum.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	A lady gave me a ride from here to home and smacked her gum so much that I had to go see my therapist that week.
	And that is 100% true.
	And that's still, I can still hear her smacking.
	And it was just irrational how much she did it.
	Yeah.
	And another thing, talking to me about a lot of different stuff.
	No, you're right.
	You're right.
	I don't want to talk at all.
	Yeah.
	I'd like to, and if they talk, but I'll make it, yeah, yeah.
	No, you're right on that one.
	And it's hard to curtail that conversation, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Do you ever, do you ever have people ask you that don't know who you are?
	Oh, what do you do?
	Yes.
	Do you hate it or do you like it?
	Because I hate it.
	I hate it now.
	Yeah, okay.
	I think there was a time when I liked it.
	What do you tell them?
	I say I work in entertainment.
	We do outreach.
	I've said I'll do animal outreach.
	I have some basic kind of lies I'll tell.
	I work for the city.
	Or I'll do unemployment.
	I'll do, you know, I'll say that a lot of times.
	If it's somebody that I feel like is, if it's somebody that's not going to talk much, that's how I'll gauge what answer I get.
	Same.
	If I can feel that they're going to, because when you say comedian or you say YouTuber or whatever you say, if I know that they're going to be like, oh, let me pull, you know what I mean?
	I'll make something up.
	Yeah.
	But if it's someone that I usually say like social media marketing, which I don't even know what that is.
	Yeah.
	But I tell people that.
	I like it.
	And they're always like, oh, like what?
	I'm like, just like Facebook and Instagram.
	I'll just make something up.
	But I hate it when people ask me what I do.
	And I don't know why.
	I think it's because they do, like once you tell them, they like, want to look you up.
	You know what I mean?
	They make a big, you know?
	So I was like, one guy's playing me a thing of mine one time while he's driving.
	I'm like, this is insane, you know?
	So that really, you know, that's unfortunate.
	Do you have this instance where if you are with somebody and they don't, it's kind of uncomfortable sometimes if people are giving you attention and they're not giving it to somebody else that you're with, which they wouldn't probably because they don't know that person or they're not a fan of them.
	I always feel so uncomfortable because I'm like, man, I don't want my friend to not feel good or not feel like, or feel like I'm more important than them, you know?
	Like when you get recognized.
	Yeah, that makes me feel.
	If I'm with like my, you know, family, like my sisters or like my close, close friends that are like used to it, I'm fine.
	But if I'm with someone that's like, you know, never like, for instance, I was in Nashville before the pandemic and I was visiting some college friends.
	We went out and I had people recognize me and it's awkward when they're just kind of standing there like, you know, you get what I'm saying?
	Like it's, it's, it can be very awkward.
	You're right.
	Like when they're not giving anybody else attention and they're kind of making a big deal about you.
	But it makes you feel some type of way a little bit.
	You start to develop this sixth sense, though.
	I know when I walk in a room, I can tell like who knows, who doesn't, how this is all going to play out.
	Like you start to get, and it's not an ego thing.
	It's just, it's like you've been through this little drill so many times.
	You start to just, you develop a sixth sense.
	You develop, you develop, okay, this person knows.
	I can feel them.
	They're telling this person.
	This guy's not going to say anything, but I feel like he knows.
	I wish this bitch knew, you know.
	Sometimes I get that, too.
	Because I always get some real mukbangs that know, yeah.
	You know?
	So a lot of real.
	A lot of closeted men are always hollering at me.
	Really?
	Oh, yes.
	It's crazy, like guys wanting to go on a damn walk or something.
	Go on a walk.
	Just go on a walk.
	Just, you need to get some fresh air.
	But unless one of us is a murderer, you know.
	What else we got in the news, Nick?
	Let's see what else.
	Do you really keep up with the news?
	Like, you know, not a ton.
	I stay off these days.
	It's new.
	I don't trust it that much anymore.
	Yeah.
	It wants me to not have fun.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	I'm kind of the same way.
	One thing that gets me, though, I feel like we need a damn centralized mask.
	Like, I mean, people are wearing.
	somebody cut out part of a hat and taped it over their face.
	You know, you got another guy, some guy shows up and you think he's a surgeon and he fucking works at Best Buy, you know what I'm saying?
	There's so many, you have a guy in a damn Scream 3 mask.
	Like, there's like how, there's no protocol for unleash a mask that everyone needs.
	Yeah.
	Did you see that viral mean going around just a few days ago?
	There's a guy with a long beard.
	He had it tucked up, up, and under his sunglasses, and he was using his beard as a mask.
	Now, that's pretty cool.
	I would do that.
	That was pretty cool.
	Dude, yeah.
	One guy had his hand amputated and he saved it and he got it put in front of his and it hung it on two damn little door hooks.
	It's just beautiful to see a lot of stuff that's going on.
	I saw it on Instagram.
	But it's like put a centralized mask out.
	You got people just goddamn half a panty in front of their head.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And are they serious?
	I don't know.
	They can't be.
	You can't be.
	Oh, my God.
	But it qualifies.
	That's the thing.
	It's funny.
	It's like, oh, as long as you walk in, you know?
	As long as you have something right there.
	And it could be fucking anything.
	You're good.
	Come on in.
	Yeah.
	That's what's so crazy to me, y'all.
	I'm not a doctor.
	Fuck, I'm not even an exterminator.
	But I'll tell you this.
	Dude.
	Just anything in front of your mouth, that's not a real, that's not a plan.
	It doesn't even have to be cloth.
	Yeah, it doesn't.
	As long as it's connected behind your ears, fucking anything, dude.
	Oh, dude, that one guy had a strong enough overbite, and they're like, that qualifies.
	Oh, my God.
	Qualifies.
	It could be anything.
	You'll have a fellow just comb his bang straight out across his face.
	Oh, bang face?
	Yeah, he's healthy.
	Get him in here.
	And then you got some 60-year-old man in a damn raggedy Andy mask over there fucking drinking pure ale out there.
	It's just, it's like, how is, there's no protocol.
	No, no.
	I've never thought about that until you brought it up that you're right.
	Like, gosh.
	Nick, bring up the Anti-Maskers League if you can.
	Oh, I didn't know about this.
	Well, this is something.
	Take us here, Nick.
	What is this?
	Do you want the Anti-Mask League?
	We'll go right here.
	Marijuana vending machines are now available in Colorado with Colorado with more to follow.
	Yeah.
	And do you guys do marijuana in that?
	I feel like I was like 28 the first time I ever smoked weed.
	Oh, yeah.
	I used to on occasion, and it started giving me panic attacks.
	Where were you at when you smoked it first?
	Were you with your man or what?
	Oh my gosh.
	I think, yeah, we were living in San Diego.
	I moved to San Diego when I was 26. So yeah, yeah.
	At the house.
	And who'd introduced you to it?
	Was it you?
	Was it him?
	Was it?
	I've always been around people that smoked.
	So I think we had a roommate.
	I can't even, I don't even know, man.
	But smoked it, loved it, laughed my ass.
	It was one of those great laughing, you know?
	So I would do it like once or twice a month.
	Great.
	Had a great time for maybe two, three years.
	And then boom, panic attacks.
	No matter what I, so I smoke CBD now because I still like the smell.
	So I'm just a CBDer.
	Okay.
	And does it feel like it calms you a little?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	It works.
	And I don't feel like somebody's going to murder me.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Honest to God.
	I remember the worst, the worst time I ever got paranoid during it.
	Smoked weed.
	I went to bed.
	And I was positive that Greg was going to kill me.
	Oh, I hate that.
	No.
	Like, I thought he's going to murder me tonight.
	It was so real.
	And he came in the bedroom.
	Oh, which is the first sign of somebody who's going to murder you.
	They come into the room.
	In a dark room.
	He comes in.
	I'm like, oh, my God.
	How's he going to do it?
	Does he have a gun?
	Is he going to strangle me?
	Yeah, what's he going to do?
	And he walks over to my side of the bed.
	I'm like, and I'm literally, my heart, I'm literally like, oh, God, oh, God, I'm going to, I'm going to die.
	I mean, and this was real, dude.
	Yeah, in your head.
	It's real.
	And he leans over and goes, good night, baby, and gives me a kiss.
	I go, he's fucking faking it.
	He's going to wait till I fall asleep.
	And he's going to do it.
	And I did not sleep that night into the morning.
	And I woke up.
	I was like, I need to not smoke weed anymore.
	Yeah.
	And I, yeah, I don't smoke anymore.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Yeah, but also some of his behaviors.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	Some of that shit is a dead giveaway, dude.
	When you're high, you're like, oh, this motherfucker's going to kill me.
	And then next thing you know, they go and take a sip of water and you're like, oh, yeah.
	Yep.
	Just hydrating up this damn murderer.
	You know?
	I feel you, bro.
	We don't do that.
	What about, do you ever, I feel like I remember one time getting so high and going to a damn funeral.
	And I thought, I just, oh, and I was laughing.
	It gave me the damn giggles, dude.
	And it was just like, can you believe everybody's tripping out, dude?
	Holy shit.
	Just because Mr. Polito is dead, dude.
	Nobody even liked this guy.
	People are just there.
	I'm like, half these people are pretending.
	I'm fucking laughing.
	And then I'm starting to think, yeah, I started getting paranoid and thinking that people, somebody was a murderer because it looks like a damn crime scene where you're at a funeral.
	Yeah, like a movie scene.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's like a who done it.
	Yeah, I can see that.
	When you're high at a funeral, it is a straight up who done it.
	Did you think it would be a good experience?
	There was just weed going through the area.
	Okay.
	And I happened to have a funeral in the docket.
	But it was, I would never do it again, man.
	That's the crazy thing about weed, dude.
	It's just.
	It can be either fucking amazing and the best or can bring so much fucking fear.
	Like, oh my gosh, it's one or the other.
	And I don't get it.
	Yeah.
	It's like back page for your DNA.
	It's like meeting somebody off the internet.
	That's what weed is, man.
	Yeah, you never know what you're going to get.
	Yeah, you might get murdered.
	You might get not murdered.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	It's one or the other.
	Yeah.
	This was something that happened.
	This is in, take us through a little bit of this, Nick.
	The Anti-Mask League of San Francisco was an organization formed to protest the requirement for people in San Francisco to wear masks during the 1918 pandemic.
	Yeah, so they had a mask.
	Yeah, they had a group of people.
	And actually, there's a New York Times article if you try and look that up real quick.
	So basically, they had something very much like what we have now where people didn't want, a lot of people didn't want to wear masks.
	A lot of people did want to wear masks.
	There was people getting ill.
	And there's people on the street.
	The police would even give you fines.
	Like if you didn't have a mask on, you could get a fine for like $5 up to $25.
	That was a lot back then.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was just damn half of a buttload, dude.
	If you're doing a damn gender reveal and it's your friend Paige, it was half a damn BL.
	The first infection, go down a little bit, there they are, was identified in March at Army base in Kansas.
	By the fall of 1918, seven cities had put in effect mandatory face mask laws.
	And the masked city, San Francisco, became known as the masked city because of this pandemic.
	Damn.
	And people didn't know how to wear them.
	Oh, and somebody, yeah, somebody shot somebody eventually.
	Because they weren't wearing a mask?
	Yep.
	On October 28th, a blacksmith named James Whisser stood on Powell and Market Streets using a crowd to urging a crowd to dispose of their masks.
	And somebody hit him with a sack of silver.
	Damn, that'll get you.
	Yeah.
	Shitty way to go.
	You always want to make money and then bam, son.
	That shit gets you right in the chin.
	No.
	But anyway, yeah, I mean, somebody died.
	Nobody's killed anybody yet for not wearing a mask or wearing one, I don't think.
	I don't think so.
	So we're still in a pretty good space there.
	Yeah.
	You know, compared to how it had been.
	I mean, people really were losing it.
	Wow.
	Do we have any other questions that came in, Nick?
	That was pretty much it for the questions.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Well, dang.
	Cool.
	Dang.
	What are y'all going to do?
	What do you feel about this coming up, like the holidays and Halloween?
	Have you started thinking about that at all?
	Well, every year we have a big Halloween party.
	You do?
	Oh, yeah.
	And there's nobody there that I know.
	It's all like, because I don't really know anybody in San Diego.
	I really don't.
	Like, all my friends are up here in LA and stuff.
	So it's like my friend, it's like my sister's like employed, like work employee, like work, what do you call them?
	Co-workers.
	Did she work at a bank or something?
	No, no, she works.
	They work at a plumbing, like a plumbing office.
	Oh, yeah.
	Whatever.
	So it's just a bunch of plumbers.
	But anyway, there's always like a ton of people.
	It's one of those things where people invite people to where I don't know who's there.
	But anyway, it's always a big, fun time.
	We look forward to it every year.
	We'd start decorating like a month before, and we're probably not going to have it this year.
	Yeah, but we'll still have fun.
	You know what I mean?
	But it seems like such a time when masks, you need masks.
	It's almost, you know, everybody has a mask on.
	It's the one party you can have.
	I didn't think about that.
	You're right.
	Kind of.
	I mean, I'm not calling you out for not having it.
	Yeah.
	I just want you to damn have it.
	Yeah, I know.
	You know, even though I stay home all the time, I fucking love knowing.
	Yeah, that somebody's having a Halloween party.
	That people are having a good time.
	Yeah.
	That's true.
	That's true.
	I think we were going to try to still have something, but not just invite like us and the immediate friends, not all the people.
	But we'll still have something.
	But yeah, that kind of sucks.
	And you also get the judgment from social media.
	You know, if I were to have that big Halloween party, oh, gosh.
	Yeah.
	You know, you got the people on your ass.
	But I think we're just going to have something small.
	And then we're going home for Thanksgiving, which is the first time in like eight years we've gone home for Thanksgiving.
	Back to Thackerville or no?
	Yeah.
	Well, Durant, which is close, close to Thackerville.
	But yeah, so we're doing that.
	My sister's 30th is after Thanksgiving, so we're renting a cabin in Oklahoma.
	Oh, fun.
	I love Oklahoma.
	Yeah.
	Well, certain parts.
	We went to Tulsa and we went to the ballroom or something.
	You've been there?
	Tulsa?
	Man, it was sucked.
	I like it up there.
	It was a great show.
	Yeah, I like it up there.
	When you do your live show, what is it?
	Like, what do you do, actually?
	So what I did before the pandemic was I would come out as me and do like 10 minutes or so.
	And I would thank everybody for coming and they think that was it.
	And it got so awkward.
	People were pissed.
	I'd be walking through the crowd and they're like, like, I paid, you know, like pissed.
	And then I would come back out as Tammy.
	Yeah.
	And that's when it really, really took off.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm thinking, though, for the future shows, like, I'm just going to do Tammy.
	And I almost only did the Chelsea stuff just to see if I could do it as me.
	And I can, but it's more comfortable doing it as Tammy.
	Is it?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's more comfortable.
	I feel like the material's funnier.
	Although everything I say is true and happened to me, but I tell it as Tammy.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And what about that little Jim at Little Sugar Calamari?
	Why don't you bring him out?
	Oh, God.
	He lives.
	God, I would love to see him at something.
	Well, he's busy.
	He works at, he's an assistant manager of the Dollar General.
	No, he isn't.
	In what city?
	Oh, gosh.
	Where's he living?
	I know he lives in Georgia, some little town outside of Macon.
	Gosh.
	I can't remember it, but you know.
	I love Dollar General.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's running the place.
	Well, a lot of people don't realize Dollar General, if you live in a small area, rural area, Dollar General is it.
	Yeah, for three towns or four towns, you go to wherever the Dollar General will be the place that everybody goes, kind of for everything.
	Yeah.
	People don't realize that.
	God, it fucking pisses me off, dude.
	Dollar General is like popping in in small towns.
	They know what they're doing.
	They're making money.
	And they're good, yeah.
	Look at Dollar General stock.
	Pull it up, Nick.
	And I know we probably hadn't done well during this pandemic, but prior to that.
	I feel like this is a hot time for them.
	Really?
	Well, no, I guess if they're shut down.
	Well, if they're still open.
	Let me see them over the past two years.
	Let me look at.
	Yeah.
	Give me a two-year, five-year, Nick.
	They're open.
	There's one year.
	see.
	I mean, that's a money maker.
	Yeah.
	They're making money.
	Dear God.
	Look at that.
	Nothing but rising.
	Where else can you judge your fucking neighbors and get a damn broom?
	Yeah.
	And some Dollar General Hot Pockets.
	Yeah.
	Not the Hot Pocket brand.
	No.
	Dollar General Hot Pocket.
	And it feels like military-esque since it has General in it.
	You know, I think a lot of men don't mind going.
	It's got that kind of vibe.
	I just had a vision that one day Dolly Parton comes on and you come on and guest host that episode.
	Because I'm going to be getting a studio in Nashville starting on September 1st.
	Really?
	If you do that, can you let me know?
	I'm letting you know.
	Oh, if she's going to do it?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	That's going to be a goal I'm going to set.
	Or if you're doing it and I can come and walk.
	That doesn't matter.
	It doesn't matter.
	And I see her doing this.
	I really do.
	Let's put it out to the universe now.
	Make this happen.
	Are you moving to Nashville?
	I'm getting a place there.
	Okay.
	So I'm going to be there a lot, but I'm also, we're keeping this and we're keeping, you know, everything, keeping my place here and stuff.
	So I'm just kind of testing it out.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, maybe that'd be fun.
	Maybe you'll come.
	Maybe we do a couple of episodes.
	Morgan Wallen's going to come on one, which I'm so excited about.
	That's awesome.
	Even though I didn't ask him yet.
	He'll do it.
	But I think he will do it.
	Yeah.
	That is awesome.
	Yeah, I'm just kind of excited just to be able to, like, I think just have different types of people.
	Yeah.
	But I would, but it's so funny because I was listening to Dolly Parton sings that I Will Always Love You.
	A lot of people don't know she did that.
	Oh, yeah.
	People think it's Whitney Houston.
	She was great, but.
	No, you know, she wrote that.
	She wrote that after she quit that show that she was on.
	No way, really?
	Oh, it's a haul for Porter Wagner.
	She wrote it for Porter Wagner, who is her boss.
	She was on that show with him, and she quit, and he got pissed because she made the show.
	You ain't Porter.
	What's that song somebody's woman enough to take my man?
	No, it's like, were you ain't so-and-so and you ain't Porter.
	I think it was her or something.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I know what you're talking about.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's a newer song.
	Oh, it is?
	I think so.
	You ain't Johnny or something like that.
	You ain't Porter.
	Yeah, that's a newer song.
	I don't know who sings that.
	Oh, yeah, they are.
	Oh, You Ain't Dolly and You Ain't Porter.
	Ashley Monroe.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I was listening to her the other day, man.
	She's her.
	Me too.
	Her voice, her voice is different than anything else I've ever heard.
	She's got like a, yeah, almost like a Dolly voice.
	I could see that.
	Like, Dolly's voice is like, you know, Dolly's singing.
	God.
	It's like Father Time just damn busting in your ears.
	You know, she's singing.
	Feels good.
	I just love her.
	But I will always love you.
	Put this on a little bit, Nick.
	We'll listen to a few seconds and then we'll get out of here.
	Thank you.
	Is there a more beautiful woman?
	She did it.
	It's still beautiful.
	Yeah.
	My God.
	If I should stay.
	Bring it up a little for me, Nick.
	I would only be in your way.
	I was not going to get jealous for listening to specifics.
	No, you could give me a reach around and he wouldn't get jealous.
	But I know.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	I'll make this up the way.
	Here we go.
	This is a bucket list I never knew I had.
	This, this.
	Yes.
	yes We're doing it.
	It's just sweet.
	There you go.
	What a moment.
	What a face.
	Wow.
	That's all I see.
	Yeah.
	You know what?
	I'm pretty confident.
	Wish I looked like 1970 Dolly.
	Oh, I think you got a lot of dollars.
	Thank you.
	I think you just remind everybody, you know, that just...
	You're just so confident.
	I wish I was as confident as you sometimes.
	Thank you.
	You should be.
	I know.
	I don't know what happened.
	No, you are.
	It's in there.
	You should be.
	You got that mullet.
	You got majestic as fuck.
	I got a penis shape like a damn candy corn, though.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Hey, that's different.
	You know, you're different.
	You're right.
	It's amazing.
	Yeah, it just feels weird or something like that.
	Nobody wants to, you know, you don't want, you know, somebody orders a jug of milk and you break out milk, but it's in a damn, you know, it's in a cornucopia shape.
	You don't want to drink it, you know?
	Well, you just got to find people that, you just got to find a chick that's going to not be scared of that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And they're out there.
	Yeah.
	I've been dating too many shallow weens that don't like that candy corn.
	Yeah.
	You know, find you a candy corn lover.
	Yeah.
	That's what I'm going to do.
	Come to our Halloween party.
	I will.
	We'll have a big old.
	It'll be on Zoom.
	Yeah.
	As long as your husband brings that damn haircut.
	And I've been looking at him in the distance, guys.
	Maybe you got something.
	I don't even know if we said that he was in here.
	And he has an announcement to make, actually, as well right now.
	Oh, I do.
	Oh, God.
	It's like, don't give him a mic.
	Holy crap.
	We're having dinner with Theo tonight.
	Oh, he's actually.
	Are we really or no?
	Yes, we are.
	He's going to actually be laying on the table.
	We're going to eat sushi off of him.
	We're going to actually get to have dinner and dessert.
	That's great.
	Some candy corn for dessert.
	Exactly.
	I'm laying on my stomach for the first course and on my back for the second, baby.
	Yes, sir.
	But you guys have a new studio that you guys are going to put together, right?
	You want to talk about that or no?
	Yeah, we're working on it.
	It should be finished first week of September.
	It's in our home.
	Our house was built in the 70s, and the room is underneath the staircase, but it's a big room.
	And it was not finished when we moved in.
	It was like a safe room.
	You know, back in the day, people have safe rooms.
	So the walls weren't finished.
	When we bought the house, we found an old phone in there from the 70s.
	We found old porn magazines in the walls.
	Yeah.
	So I haven't seen the room yet.
	It's for my podcast that I'll be starting.
	Greg hasn't let me see in the room, but he's been working on it for months.
	So it's going to be real nice.
	Yeah.
	Oh, huh?
	Yeah.
	You can tell he's excited about it too.
	It's cool.
	Right when he came in, I could just see he was so excited.
	Yeah.
	And it just hit me.
	It just made me feel excited.
	Yeah.
	He's sweet.
	Bless his heart.
	He seems decent.
	He's very sweet.
	He seems just damn decent.
	It's as good as you can get these days for a man.
	We'll have to have you out there for our podcast.
	Dude, I would love to come down.
	That would be really cool.
	We'll treat you just some dinner, too.
	Okay.
	Make you a brisket.
	Okay, dude.
	I'll do it all.
	We'll do it all.
	I would love to come down.
	And I'm going to put it out in the world.
	I want to get Dolly and we'll have you come to Nashville and we'll do just a dang episode.
	What's that?
	It's got to happen, right?
	It has to.
	It's going to happen.
	It's going to happen.
	It will happen.
	It could happen.
	It used to be a little Boosie was the goal, and now it's Dolly Parton.
	I wonder if she'll need a pound of weed.
	Dolly?
	Boosie did.
	Yeah, we had a surplus Boosie.
	Wow.
	And the podcast starts when, you said?
	You don't know yet?
	I don't know yet.
	We're, you know, no rush on it.
	Hopefully in the next couple months.
	I love it.
	Yeah.
	If you haven't seen Chelsea, which I don't know how you haven't because she's all over everything now, you got to check her out.
	And we'll share all of her socials and everything.
	And just thanks so much.
	Over the years, you've just been so encouraging.
	Even at times, you've just said something nice or just mentioned me on Instagram or anything.
	I just appreciate it.
	Thank you.
	Well, you know, I'm a huge fucking fan of yours.
	So thank you for having me.
	Well, same back in the day.
	Oh, my God.
	Thank you.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself all mine shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
	And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're once so thin empty, damn neck on.
	I guess now they just were built a little.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voices today.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody white guy.
	I mean.
	Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	Oh, no.
	I think Tom Hanks just bugged out me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Third rule.
	Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

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