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Could you imagine you're on Noah's Ark and they got and this and this animal shows up.
Oh yeah, you heard little Perry the pigeon.
He's got it.
And he's oh, he's trying, he's trying, the pigeon just kind of wandering around, trying not to see anybody, you know, trying not to let anybody notice him sneezing into his little pigeon arm.
This thing, who know, where is it?
It's like hide and go seek with the devil, huh?
That Rona, boy.
That Rona.
Come on.
Come on.
I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home and my mom is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been wrong.
Come on now, let's go.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Come on, baby.
Let's go.
But when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
Come on.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you a story.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I'll sing it just for you.
Ooh.
Ooh.
I've been moving way too fast.
I've been moving way too fast.
That is Shine by Bishop Gunn.
And that is a beautiful band and group of men.
And rarely, a lot of time, if you see a men get together, it's for, you know, it's for, it can be for sex, it could be for music.
And then this instance is for music, and that's beautiful, man.
PTL, baby, praise the Lord.
That's Bishop Gunn with shine right there.
And we are alive, baby.
We're alive.
We are alive.
Check it.
Look.
Put two fingers on your damn neck pipe, bruh.
Yeah.
And feel that pump at the ump.
You know what I'm saying?
That's that living giving, bro.
That's your heart.
Shooting.
Dude, a heart will just shoot blood out all day.
A heart is basically just a machine gun of blood.
You just...
Probably one of the top three organs, I think, overall.
Good to be here with you guys.
It is April.
It is 2020.
2020.
And it's getting clear, man.
It's getting clear.
People out there is getting wicked.
People, things getting just squirrely out there.
You don't even know an animal has it, bruh.
You see a falcon go by, he might have it.
You see a little, um, you see a labradoodle sneak over and he trying to lick your arm or something or lick your navel.
You know, sometimes I used to put a little meat paste in my navel, bruh.
And my neighbors had a little, it was like a miniature little, I don't know what it was.
Pomeran, bro, a little miniature pomeran.
And I put a little meat paste in my navel.
And his name was Barker, bro.
And I'd let him suck that, you know, not suck it, but kind of lick it out.
And this, you know, that's human-animal relations, brother.
And I was, you know, I was happy to be part of that as a, you know, when I was young.
But now, can you even, can you trust an animal?
Who can you trust?
Welcome to Hide and Go Seek 2020.
That's what's going on.
It's getting wicked.
We caught up.
Thank you guys for being here.
Yeah, and I hope people's holding it together, keeping their heads together.
You know, you got to really got to be a warrior right now.
Because some people keep saying, oh, I can't get it.
Oh, I ain't getting it.
You know, you hear a lot of rumors.
Oh, gay men can't get it.
Oh, oh, we can't get it.
Yes, you can, Alan.
All right.
Y'all can get it.
Everybody can get it.
Oh, my cousin's in the military, man.
I can't get it.
Yes, you can, Samuel.
You can get it.
Everybody can get it.
Just a lot of bad rumors, a lot of bad intel out there.
A lot of bad mental hearsay.
Oh, you know, oh, black women, we can't get it.
Yeah, you can, Keisha.
Everybody can get it.
It's just, it's a disease, man.
It's a virus.
And everybody can get it.
And it's so sneaky.
Like, I wonder if the coronavirus was a person, it's so, it would have like a mustache.
It would have like a, it would have regular glasses and sunglasses.
It's so like, oh, it's like it would probably talk like this.
Oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, hey.
Thank you.
I don't speak English.
It would say shit like that.
I don't speak, I don't know.
I'm not from Euro.
The coronavirus is sneaky.
Because when I was young, they had more or less sneaky diseases.
Remember that?
Dude, remember when we were kids, the diseases were real?
They had chicken pox.
Because somebody had hugged a chicken for too long.
And if you do that, you break out because these spots come out of your body because God wants other people to know, hey, this is the type of person that will hug a chicken for much longer than they should.
And so you know what I'm saying?
And so you get chicken pox.
But they were obvious diseases.
You know, you saw somebody with chicken pox, oh, they got a chicken pox.
You know, you saw somebody with a mustache.
Oh, they got a mustache.
Things were obvious.
But now it's getting covert.
It's getting risque, as they call it.
But yeah, what would coronavirus be wearing?
Probably like a turtleneck, like a sleeveless turtleneck.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm not from around here.
It would be so sneaky.
It's a sneaky disease, man.
We've had a lot of calls that came in, a lot of people hitting us up, just seeing what's going on.
What's up with me right now?
You know, there's not a ton to say I've been doing.
You know, I watched the Comedy Gives Back.
I watched as much of that as I could if you got to see it.
I think they raised like, I want to say like, I don't even know how much they finished raising, but I can imagine it's up near probably $700,000 for comedians to, you know, people that are, you know, in the comedy community that are struggling and that are out of work.
And so that was really beautiful.
And it was a damn basket fire.
Dude, if you freaking had a cousin made out of gasoline and you fucking fed him matches for his birthday, that's what this shit was.
It was just audio difficulties, this and that.
It was like, remember when you got one of those shitty those sprint phones, those Next Tails or whatever?
But you could only, you could call people, but then you could just talk to, also you could talk to one person.
So you could call anybody you wanted, but then you'd be in the middle of a call like, yeah, everything's going good.
And then your cousin or somebody, fire department, whoever, the only other person that had the walkie, your girlfriend, she's like, we need some fucking milk.
And you'd be like, honey, hold on, buddy.
Remember that thing, that next tow?
We need some fucking milk, Randall.
You're like, oh, oh, fuck.
Oh, hold on, Damien.
Oh, must be, lines must be crossed up.
And then you slick, sneak, click over.
Sorry, I'm saying, hey, I'm sorry.
I'll be right there.
There's a long line.
There ain't no fucking line.
You're lying.
Oh, I'm sorry, man.
I gotta go, bruh.
Remember that fucking next telebitch was bright orange, dude?
It looked like you...
They had it colored because it looked like you were going to need to be rescued.
Like anytime you get that bright colored shit, bro.
That's fucking...
Like, oh, look at this.
Don't you want this hot orange?
And that shit is hot orange.
Like, the hottest orange you could get is $3, $3.440 for this.
7XL.
And it's like a fucking V-neck.
V-neck in the front, turtleneck in the back.
You're like, what?
And it's hot, hot orange, bro.
And it's always usually a, it's only a black dude could wear it.
Let's be honest, bro.
Only a black dude could wear it.
And they'll look good in it, man.
It'll be triple lime.
That's the color you'll see on the thing.
It'll be bright, bright green.
The kind of shit, like you can't, the guy, like if you drive past it on the interstate, it's obviously the definite manager of the guy who is doing the construction.
It's that, it's like triple lime.
And it's size 14, double medium, bro.
And that bitch got two arms in the front.
It's got an arm out the back for exhaust, like heat exhaust.
This shit is, I don't know what we're talking about, bright colors.
They got bright colored shit.
And it's mostly, it's predominantly a lot of times for the urban community, let's be honest, bro, because they look good in it.
You know?
If white people wear really bright colored shit, it look like they need to be rescued.
For real talk, it look, black people wear something, oh, that's triple lime.
Oh, Ernie got that triple lime header on.
Oh, oh, he must be getting married, you know.
Oh, he got that triple lime fucking overcoat with that double vanilla cumber bun, bro.
Oh, he must be, he must be doing a wedding.
But if a white dude goes with that bright shit, they look, it's definitely rescue only.
You know that shit looks rescue only.
Let's take a call.
It came in as always, the hotline.
985-664-9503.
Gang, gang, what's up, man?
This is Dusty from Leesburg, Georgia.
What's up, Dusty, over there in Leesburg, huh?
In Leesburg, Georgia.
And that is, man, that sounds like a small place.
That sounds like a kind of place where everybody kind of, you know, where the water fountain is, you know.
It sounds like you could definitely find a wishing well over there.
Beautiful.
Homework, brother.
I just want to call in with some thoughts on the coronavirus.
I'm kind of sick of this half-apocalypse, everything shut down, half still going to work, paying my bills, which I am appreciative of because I understand there's a lot of people out there without work, not able to pay their bills.
But, I mean, yeah, I'm just sick of fledgling in the middle here.
We need to choose the sign.
Either everything just needs to go back to how it was and we figure the shit out that way.
Or we get a full fucking apocalypse and we get a couple of doom buggies and a couple of sets of shoulder pants for shaving our heads in the mohawks and speaking simpler languages.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, man.
Look, there's that element.
Everybody, that's what I'm saying, where everybody's a lesbian.
You know what I'm saying?
You fold your nuts into something.
And next thing you know, you got some Vegets down there.
And everybody's a lesbian.
Do Mohawks on everybody.
You know what I'm saying?
Ladies, trim your tits down.
Guys, sharpen up your lower ribs and expose them, bruh.
And let's fucking go toe to toe.
Look, there's something to be said.
I think that seed lives in a lot of us somewhere.
That element of anarchy.
You know what I'm saying?
We got that fucking violent onion smelling up our insides.
You know, that thing is in there.
And there's a lot of people who are kind of like, ah, society, schmaciety.
They don't feel that the Rendezvous or this human gumbo that we have going on is the best for it's not the, it's not the, it doesn't really fulfill their appetite.
But I feel there's this middle ground thing.
Like, okay, like, okay, like, I don't have my windows tinted on my, uh, on my truck, right?
So I'm at that point where I'm like, okay, do I need to, can I go get them tinted or can I break them all out and hire a couple of straight up beautiful ass fucking lean, lean-witted, rock-witted Viettes to hang out the back and shoot with slingshots as I drive?
Like, that's where I'm at.
Like, what things do I need to do and what things can I not, like, like, where am I at?
Like, okay, can I still go to the grocery or is it okay to just turn my living room into a damn garden?
Okay, because I got enough room for three rows of sweet patats right in front of the damn ottoman and right before you get to that dual deck CD 10 disker.
You know, there's it's it's just kind of everything's in the middle.
Like, what do I, I got two sides of my sink in my kitchen.
Like, do I still need to just do the dishes at night or do I need to plug both of those bitches up and start raising farm fresh salmon in one half of it and shrimp in the other.
You feel me?
You know, I was going to have some shrimp.
So, yeah, there's that middle ground there.
It's like, okay, am I still married to my wife?
Like, how weird does shit have to get before I'm just like, how long does the courthouse have to be closed down before I can just kind of walk on off?
You know, but before the marriage certificate, there's nowhere to even go cash that thing in at.
It's interesting.
It's interesting because society is just like kind of a stack of things that happen.
You know, man gets a little property, he gets a wife, and then they have a family, and then, you know, enough families needed, were teaching their kids.
And they say, well, okay, let's, you know, we got too many kids.
Let's hire this one person to teach them all.
And so then one person was the best teacher in the neighborhood became the teacher.
And the kids all went to her.
And that's how a school started.
Then you got a school.
And you say, this man over here, okay, I'm good at making boots.
I'll make all the boots.
All right, cool, Donnie.
You do the boots now, Buckyo.
You the bootman, Donnie.
And everybody gets their thing, and it builds.
But then, man, it's definitely, there's a little bit of janga in the air.
It's like, okay, we've been, there's a lot.
It's been, this thing's been, this thing's starting to sway in the wind a little.
You know, these stepkids, are they, you know, they're not even really mine at this point.
Shit's hitting the fan.
They're not doing shit.
They in there, they on the tablets all day.
They eat every time an orange comes off our orange tree, they get out there and sneak it.
You know what I'm saying?
Daddy, you don't have any vitamin C. My spine's getting all fucking bent out because I don't have the proper vits in me.
What's going on?
You know, it's, do I still have to be a step parent?
Like that, you know, things, it's going to get interesting, man.
But I feel you, I wish they would just shut the news down and say, hey, look, it's every man for himself.
But then also, that's just a little part of me that wants that.
The other part of me is like, hey, man, let's get shit back organized because, you know, because people have things that they need that, you know, people are missing regular things.
People are missing their birthdays.
They're missing this.
And I was thinking, imagine some kids miss prom this year.
Imagine that.
Imagine you're in senior year of high school and they don't have it.
Wouldn't that have sucked, man?
Senior year.
This was it, man.
This was you were going to get off and everything was going to happen.
You was going to maybe get a little titty or something from your girl, Veronica, or whatever, whatever, you know, Varantula, whatever your girl's name was, Keisha, whoever, whoever copy, you know, whoever's letting loose that evening tit, that little baby milk jug that was going to let you touch, you know what I'm saying?
People had plans.
Okay, I'm going to get it, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to do well on basketball.
I'm going to get my scholarship.
People had plans.
What about prom?
Think of all the high school seniors are not getting to go to prom this year.
No prom.
Why?
Dude, prom was it.
Prom was in prom, man.
Now you can't, how are you going to do it?
What are you even going to do?
You're going to order a prom?
You're going to do Amazon Prom?
You're going to do an Amazon prom and they're going to bring you a little, it's just a little box.
And they got a bunch of liquor in there and you just have to drink it real early and then listen to some music that you don't remember.
And then they also, in there, there's a picture of you just, and it's just, you got a vomit in your buddy's car.
And then they already put a picture together of you just passed out.
And your girlfriend's driving you home because you passed out in the back.
Because your boy Lance gave you a couple hits of badass, bruh.
A couple bootleg shit his cousin made, man.
That little fucking paper-mâché, you know, kaleidoscope starter.
It's just.
I don't know.
But yeah, it's like, think about all the things that can be affected and that are being affected.
You know, there's just, it's so interesting.
I mean, all the different, down to the minutiae of thing, the little things.
Somebody had a trip planned to engage themselves, to get engaged to someone, ask them to marry, to do family, start family, you know.
And now that's been postponed, okay?
Our trip, I don't know.
Do I still, and now we're fighting, and now what did the, and now we might not even be together.
What the hell?
What the hell, Charlish?
We were supposed to, this was going to be something.
We was going to Barbados.
You know, we had two first-class tickets to Barbados and we was going to be lovers, you know?
And now we fucking fighting.
So it's just, it's interesting, man.
It's interesting.
And also it's interesting how many things we expected, you know, how much I expected.
I expected things to be the same.
Oh, I didn't realize I was living in this system of like, of needs and wants.
I was, you know, this human-created cosmo of society, and now it's Mother Nature.
You ever played Uno and Mother Nature just plays that, what is that called?
Skip Bow?
I think that's, let me see what it's called.
Skip Bow.
Yeah.
Remember that?
Skip Bow.
I think it was like Uno or something.
But then somebody played Skip Bow and the whole shit changed.
Whatever plans you had, I'm going to do three of a kind, seven of a kind.
I'm going to touch somebody's ass when the power goes out and then steal a couple cards and cheat.
People had plans, and then somebody played Skipbo, or it was in the deck.
Now what?
Now what?
And you find out somebody's been touching your ass.
Now what?
And that's what we're doing.
Mother Nature said, hey, you didn't see I got this card.
You didn't see that there's.
You living out here on my titty, on my belly.
Y'all been out here doing this and doing NASCAR and doing, you know, hedge funds and fucking threesomes and all of that.
Y'all doing that on my ass, on my back side, on my front side, on my side side.
And suddenly, man, there's some realism.
Hmm.
Okay, there's somebody else playing ball here.
There's something else at work.
That's nature, man.
It's fascinating, really.
But the levels, the levels that people are dealing with this at and the different things and how people are handling it, it's all pretty fascinating.
I think it's really fascinating, honestly.
I think it's very fascinating.
Let's take another call right here that came in.
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like this mmm how that goes let's take this call man here we go hey theo this is steve from eastbury missouri what's up steve east missouri man and i ended up out there in lake of the ozarks and um i was supposed to be doing comedy and they didn't tell the motel we were staying at and they had rented the thing out to a damn um you
know that little touch-in festival swingers bunch of real thick swingers bro bunch of damn people just sunburn victims bruh bunch of real fucking gristle brothers and sisters you know kind of people that'll just kind of sip this you know just really just sip the uh the kind of people that after a bacon plate is empty they'll take one of them will take the plate off and just kind of sip sip off of whatever's left in a base of that plate you
know you know some real bacon separates anyway onward brother gang i just want to let you know that i'm watching this past weekend tonight monday march 24th uh you asked for opinion on the coronavirus and i wanted to let you know that it has affected my life some because work has slowed down a lot people are worried about getting laid off but at the same time people worried about getting laid too damn i'll tell you coronavirus has locked up all of the wasse and
we nair that there ever was man jc bruh jc to the max dog jesus frist homeward but what were you talking about brother i'm not scared because i have you on this past weekend i'm sorry man i'm gonna go back on your call because i interrupted it kind of with being um perverse really honestly man so let's go again first and i wanted to let you know that it has affected my life some
because work has slowed down a lot people are worried about getting laid off but at the same time i'm not scared because i have you on this past weekend and king of this thing and everything's been going good as far as i can know because my kids are going to be taken care of and everything's just good i mean i'm going to interrupt you man but because this you know when you say your kids are going to be taken care of that's i this is something that
a lot of people aren't saying.
You know, I see a lot of people right now blaming the government.
Oh, the government.
We don't have enough masks.
We don't have enough masks, boy.
Where are the what?
Nobody knew this was going to happen.
People say, well, they knew and this and that.
And here's the thing.
If you have children, if you have yourself, that's your responsibility.
The government is just people.
It's our responsibility to take care of ourselves.
The government is just a little, is just an intricate stack of systems.
That's all it is.
Run by people, human beings.
Your kid doesn't have a mask.
You don't have enough food stuff at the house.
That's your fault.
I don't have bottled water.
I don't have Kool-Aid powder.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't have a sack of almonds or a sack of hazelnuts.
That's my fault.
Oh, there's not going to be masks for our kids.
There's not.
If you're a parent, that's your fault.
It's not the government's responsibility to take care of you.
You had children.
You need to have shit at the house in case they're hungry.
I just, this blah, like it's just people share all of this.
This man, they don't, oh, they ain't even got the damn.
My boy little.
Lil Derek, he ain't even had a biscuit in a month.
We'll fucking get him a biscuit then.
You know, I know that there are like, I know that like, you know, people run out of money.
I'm not trying to be insensitive to that.
I know that, you know, that people don't have unlimited, that people don't have unlimited, what is it called when you hit things, like a group of things.
People don't have resources.
I know that.
But if we're not, we have to be prepared for life.
I think we're really lucky right now.
A lot of us are getting a learning lesson.
Like, I don't, you know, I don't have children and this and that.
But if I don't, if I'm not prepared, that's my fault.
You know, I just get, just the finger pointing to me gets really, and the news channels too.
You know, I don't watch a lot of the news.
I see some of it on my phone and I'll put the apps on and take them off.
But, and on Twitter, just, it's like, wow, the, if you're, the second you start expecting the government to take care of you, you've already lost, Cat Daddy.
So yeah, it's just like, what I'm saying is, and I need to be more constructive here even for myself.
It's our responsibility.
If you have a child and your child doesn't, you know, something goes down and you can't, you don't have something for your kid, what are you going to look in your kid's eyes?
Your kid's like, dad, I don't, dad, I don't, dad, what about dad?
And you're going to tell your kid, oh, the government, the government, man, no.
You're the government for your child.
You're your child's government.
So you Abe Lincoln in your house.
So you got to tighten up.
You know, and sorry, I didn't mean to jump on, but that shit got me fired.
That shit just, man, it boils my, it boils my beef, bro.
It just boils my beef, man.
When everybody, you know, they should have, people should, why didn't we, we should have done this?
Well, I'm telling you, wait, nah.
It's our, as a human.
I'm not going to lay there on my deathbed and be like, oh, man, the government didn't, they didn't have enough mass for this or that.
They didn't have enough oatmeal.
I didn't get that bag of oatmeal from them.
Well, well, bruh.
Get your oatmeal.
This is a practice run for everybody.
If shit got really, really wild, if the interstate turns into a damn water slide, it could get wild, man.
So I'm just saying this is you're your kid's government.
It's our responsibility, man.
I'm rambling, but you feel what I'm saying.
I just don't like that extra blame shit, man.
I just don't like it.
And I know that I'm not saying people don't need to be subsidized and it's not helpful and this is a great time to help each other.
But, you know, just that man brought it up that, you know, he is fortunately feeling okay and, you know, his kids are okay.
And we have to be our own governments as well.
You know, this is teaching me.
I have to prepare.
I have to have the things in place that I need.
And I'm grateful that there's this grace period of time when things are comfortable enough.
There's still enough money where there's still enough of a government can give people money.
Man, we're really fortunate right now.
You know, I don't know if this is happening in every country around the world, but I know that in America right now that the government is saying, hey, we're going to mail you some money.
Man, I'm pretty fortunate.
I need to work on my gratitude, man.
Yeah, I mean to get all, just shit got me bent up, man.
But anybody could get it, okay?
Oh, I can roller skate, you know.
My dad used to roller skate.
I can't get it.
You could get it, wheels.
All right?
You could get it out there.
And who the fuck is still roller skating, bro?
You could get it.
Man, I'll tell you this.
Something I've been doing at the house is, dude, how crazy is it that just being at home, suddenly I'm like a chef?
I'm doing, dude, I got Julian carrots over here.
I got half of a fucking Filipino backstrap over there grilling on the broiler plate.
I'm making caramel sauce.
I'm doing this.
I'm looking up recipes.
I got monk fruit sugars.
I'm doing everything.
I didn't even know what was going on.
Dude, the only recipe I've even had for the past couple years, almond butter right out the jar into the old front hole, brother.
That was one of my fancier recipes.
But now I'm doing it all.
I got a little bit of a, you know, I got a steak shank.
And I'll shank that bitch up.
You know what I'm saying?
I got one of those kind of kill it yourself kits where they send you the meat and you get to stab it a few more times and then it shows you how to defur it and grill it.
You know, they got all kind of ways you can get your stuff now.
But if you want to do this, they got, you know what I'm saying?
I'm over here slicing up garlic.
I'm over here, I got half a thing of Copenhagen in the skillet and another and a quarter of a Zen in my jaw.
And I'm doing different stuff, you know?
Suddenly, I'm fucking chef boy R. Damn, bro.
He's good.
So, all right, let's take another call here that came in.
Here we go.
Hey, what up, CEO and the whole this past weekend gang?
This is Matt from Fort Worth.
What's up, Matt from Fort Worth?
Thank you for calling, brother.
Onward.
I was calling because in your podcast, I just heard you were asking how we're doing in the rest of America throughout all this virus shenanigan.
And I just wanted to say, it's really not that bad.
Like, I work in metal recycling, serving the public all day.
I'm handling people's driver's license.
I'm shooting shit with them.
I'm loading docks.
And, you know, all they do is run around junkyard to junkyard.
I'm buying stuff.
I take it from them.
Or you don't buy it from me.
I take it from them.
Anyways, the whole thing is, I've been in direct contact with people, non-stop traders, all the time for weeks and months ever since it started.
And I'm not sick.
I got a little baby who's five months old at home.
I haven't transmitted any disease to her.
Okay, there you go, right there, Metal Matt.
And he's working over there at the aluminum factory.
And I used to do, man, and I remember your kind, Matt.
I've been around you guys because I used to ride my bike on the weekends and I would go get cans and anything metal.
You know, I used to tie a wagon up behind my bike, me and my boy Summerall, bro.
And he had some, you know, RIP, bro.
He's not dead, but he's, you know, he never really was like 100% alive even when I met him as a child.
But we used to tie a wheelbarrow, the two back, you know, the prongs of a wheelbarrow, we would tie each one to the back of our bike.
So the wheelbarrow was facing the other way, and we would both bike, and we'd go all around stacking cans, getting cans from in the woods, everywhere.
Any type of metal, can, anything that was metal.
Fucking half a baby crib, bruh.
You know what I'm saying?
Cut off the bottom, leave the baby sitting there, and the wheels and shit, the metal parts, take that.
You know, anything that was metal, dude, we'd get over by the school, and sometimes at the bottom of the doors at school, they'd have these metal plates on the door, and you could pry those off.
And we'd throw those in there, and we'd roll over to the aluminum.
It would take us three days.
Have a stack of cans, man.
All kinds of metals in there.
You know, all kind of anything that was metal.
You know, little statues of little bullshit.
You know, they'd have a little statue of a fucking Sherwin Williams or a little statue of, you know, Harry Connick Jr., you know, of one that was made out of pure metal.
And we'd take that bitch and roll it over there.
And we'd roll up, dude.
We were so tired, we could barely move that bike, man.
Barely, just my thighs were just pumping, just sexy.
Just, God damn, bro.
Looked like just two beautiful fucking turkey legs that a king would eat.
And we'd get that bike over there to the aluminum.
And it was just basically a van, like somebody had a van and it said we buy metal.
And it had a scale out there.
And we put that shit on the scale and they would give us about, man, damn, probably 45 cents.
Almost killed myself, dude, trying to get all that shit.
So I know you're kind, man.
But yeah, you guys are good people.
And I'm glad y'all are doing well, man.
I'm glad you guys are doing well.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
This is that hide and go seek disease, man.
And some people are getting it and some people are not, man.
So it's definitely been interesting.
I do want to call a guy.
You know, and I was thinking about this the other day and a lot of listeners reached out.
Sorry, I got to relax a little.
getting kind of excited uh My boy Trick Long Mickey.
And you know, everybody knows Mickey, man.
He got those new air sacks.
He got those O2 SIP hitters.
You know, them inner tits, bruh.
Those wet markets, bruh.
You know what I'm talking about?
Lungs.
Those fucking rib cage wet markets.
And he got a Rare disorder, and he's been a part of this program for maybe a year and a half, two years now.
But I wanted to check in with Mickey and see how he's doing in this time.
And I think that that could give us all a little bit of insight into what some people's lives are like.
gang.
Let me call them right now.
Hello?
Mickey.
What's up, man?
Thank you for answering the phone, man.
How are you?
Man, I've been doing good, dude.
I've been doing good.
I've been kind of on the road, actually, from my house for the past three weeks.
And actually, today was my first back home, first back day home, because my mom was actually out on a cruise about four weeks ago.
So I had to abandon here and hi tail it out before I, if she had corona, man.
Oh, your mother was on a cruise ship?
Yeah, about four weeks ago when this all happened.
And, you know, that was during, like, while she was on the cruise ship, that's when it actually got registered as a national pandemic.
And I was like, all those ships were being held up at port.
And so it was not a good time to be around when she got back.
And she knew and understood that.
So she, she was okay with that, you know.
Wow, man.
Yeah.
I know we were texting just the other day about jumping on the phone.
And yeah, I didn't know that.
So when she came home, were you able to just like easily spend time with her?
Or how rare is this for you?
Because just catching up some of our listeners, you had a lung transplant.
So do your doctors tell you you have to be more careful?
What is sort of the suggestions that you get?
Yeah, absolutely, man.
Basically, it's kind of weird.
Back then, about three, four weeks ago, it was really inconclusive.
It was just general boilerplate answers.
Like, you know, always wear your mask.
I have this mask that I was wearing.
You know, be washing your hands.
Try not to touch your face.
You know, don't be in large groups of people.
And in this case, though, it was kind of like, you know, if my mom has it, then I can't even live with her.
And so in order to be as diligent as possible, I basically have been staying for these past three weeks at Airbnb's hotels.
Yeah, I saw on your Instagram, there was a picture, or it might have been, I think it was Instagram.
Yeah, there was a picture of you like, or a video is you just getting to a place or leaving a place.
So you've just been on the run because you had to stay away from your mom just in case she was exposed?
Yeah, that's right, man.
And I know that a lot of people would think like, man, you know, why don't you go kick a friend or something?
And what's really interesting about that, and this is nothing against my friends, but I think you can understand this, Theo, with your sister.
It's like a lot of people in general are just not very health conscious, and that's not their fault.
But if I live with anybody, it means that they then inherently have to take on my same living habits.
You know, for them, it might be okay that they go to the grocery store, but for me, it's not right now.
Wow.
Yeah, it is really wild.
Yeah, so it's like you have to live with somebody, or everyone really does, like has to live with somebody who their behaviors are going to are exactly what your behaviors are, or at least are behaviors that you are comfortable with.
I think so, yeah.
And being, I think the elderly especially, and I mean, definitely immunosuppressed and for sure with a lung issue, it's just the fact that, man, like I haven't, there were days when I was in these B and B's and I didn't even see a person.
You know, I would just, I go walk in a park or something, but I wouldn't even see people, just extreme isolation.
And you're a real social guy, man.
I mean, do you feel like that was kind of bumming you out socially?
Like, outside of like, you know, like, you know, having to be probably more health conscious than the rest of us, just, you know, because of your immune system, were you feeling like a social depression at all?
Oh, absolutely, man.
Yeah.
I mean, yesterday, or yeah, yeah, it was yesterday when I got back to my house and I was driving and literally listening to my own music and the sun was out and I was already getting just feeling so good, man, just to even be out, out of the house and stuff.
So absolutely.
But you know what?
It gives me, I don't mean to be cliche, but it really gives me a lot of perspective again when I'm like, man, I get to go back home.
And I was just really excited about that.
And, you know, the amount of perspective that I feel like it gives.
And I think it gives all of us after this is all done.
You know, I think that we will, at least for a time, the first few times, first couple weeks, we'll be like, man, we've made it through.
And now I get to be with my friends.
And, you know, it sounds weird, but it's like, I get to work.
You know, like something that people don't want to do typically.
Or, you know, we got to break, you know, we got to make money to get bread and everything.
But, you know, now it's going to be like, I actually get to be able to do that because there's just so many people out there that's really, that are really suffering.
Yeah, man, man, that's a great point, dude.
Yeah, a lot of people, it's like, I think, yeah, I think if we look at it the right way, then it's really a great opportunity to say, man, I get to do these things.
I get to see my mom.
You know, I get to, you know, go fishing with my friend.
I get to go to work today.
You know, I get to go.
And even if my job isn't my favorite job, like I get to go do it.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely, man.
And, you know, I have a friend who he was in Disneyland when this all happened, right?
And it got canceled.
And, you know, he posted on.
Is it a gay guy or not?
A lot.
I'm just saying, I got all my gay friends, no joke, dude.
They've fucking all been talking about Disneyland.
It's like constantly.
I'm like, dude, y'all need to fucking chill, bro.
That's hilarious, man.
But yeah, so he was over there and, you know, and I saw him make this Facebook post where he was like, man, if it's another, going to be another two, two months of this or something.
I'm going to drive, you're driven crazy.
And I just told him, I was like, man, you know, just try to think for a second.
Like, boredom is the least of your concerns right now.
If you really think about it again, like, have some perspective, man.
you were in Disneyland, bro.
Like, that's as good as it gets.
You know, like, you're crazy.
What are you talking about?
And you said that over text yesterday, you're like, dude, imagine if you've been on a transplant list for years or months or whatever, and you're finally at the opportunity, and then this happens, and it's secondary to the national crisis.
God, it's so, it would seem so abysmal, right?
And at the same time, again, it's just too, I don't want to sound cliche as always, but man, I call my dad every day.
You know, my dad's elderly.
He's 80. You know, I'm like, I just hoping things don't take him.
I call him every day.
I try to try to call my loved ones and tell them I love them, man.
I got a friend right now.
He went into the ER.
He lives in Detroit.
You met him briefly.
My best friend, Sammy.
Oh, yeah, I met him when you guys at the comedy club.
Yeah, yeah, that's right, man.
And so, anyways, he went in for a CAT scan today.
They think that he might have miles COVID.
It's like, this is hitting a lot of people, man.
You just got to tell them you love them.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
Well, you've always been really like a kind of like a perspective gadget, bro.
If you were like a cartoon character, I think it would be perspective gadget, dude.
Mickey, man, thanks so much for being supportive and everything.
And we got to get you in here next time you're in town and sit and chat.
And again, man, thank you so much, dude.
And be safe and let's stay in touch.
I'd love that, T. All right, man.
Much love, dude.
All right, gang, bro.
Wow, interesting.
You know, he had, because Mickey had cystic fibrosis in his lungs.
And that's when you have just bad lungs.
And this, you know, really, you don't even, you know, his lungs, if you look back at some of our old episodes and stuff, he really had a tough go of it.
But he, you know, he was on the transplant list and he got them bags and he really got tightened up.
And so, you know, he really is a beacon of perspective.
Because he's been at literally loitering at death's doorstep before.
You know, he'd been like, remember them people that come to your house to sell magazines or something?
Hey, we got these magazines.
You need outdoor life.
You need fishing only.
You know what I'm saying?
You need fucking Star Wars magazine monthly.
Get it while it's hot.
And he was like the magazine man on death's doorstep, just milling around out there.
And so we're grateful that he answered our call.
I'd give you some tour dates, but I don't have any.
And it's because nobody has any.
That's why.
You know, we had that show in Wichima Call it.
It got canceled.
And that was in Nashville.
And we'll figure it out in the future.
I want to let you know right now about BetterHelp.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
And BetterHelp is, you know, it's what it is, man.
It's a tough time.
If you need some counseling, you need somebody to talk to.
You need a lover.
You need somebody with ears and a heart.
Then BetterHelp can help.
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So it really is, it's almost an emergency care.
You know, it's not a crisis line and it's not self-help.
It is professional counseling done securely online.
There's a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp's Counselor Network, which may not be locally available in many areas.
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You know, I've talked about my experience on it and BetterHelp, and they wild.
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You get on there, it's pretty easy, and you figure out, okay, how do I get a therapist?
And next thing you know, they call you.
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All right, let's get into another call here.
Hey, Theo, this is Kenneth from Gainesville, Georgia.
Hey, Kenneth, over there in Gainesville, Georgia.
People don't even know that that's a place, and it is.
Onward.
And, you know, I just got some life advice questions right now.
You know, right now I'm working at Domino's as a delivery driver.
Oh, yeah.
And I do enjoy the Domino's, their thin crust more.
And I feel like an absolute bum.
I'm 19 years old, and I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life.
You know, I tried to go to college for performing arts.
Honestly, I didn't get my thoughts together before I tried to leave this message.
I'm going to call back and try again later.
Well, that's okay, man.
You know what, man?
I don't think any call has ever reminded me more of myself, man, than this one.
You know, you call, you don't have a plan, and you get there, and you realize you don't have a plan, and you just, you didn't give up, though.
You said, I'll call again.
You know, and not just that, this stuff too, you know, Mickey just touched on it.
Trick Lung Mickey with those fucking new inner hitters got, he got verbal on this, Daddy.
He said that, you know, it's a perspective time.
Now you get to do something.
Now, before, if you did magic, everybody's like, oh, look at this bitch, you know, with that little bit of hand, hide and go seek.
He's doing this dude's really just a burglar, bro.
He's stealing shit.
But the truth is, he does magic.
But before, people talking shit, but now maybe now the magician says, hey, I get to, I do magic.
You know, now people are going to come out of this roaring out of the cave.
You know, we were all at a purr before.
Oh, I don't really care about my, I don't know what I do.
There's no, now we're with a purr puss.
You feel me?
Oh, that worked out well.
You know what I'm saying?
We come out with a roar.
So yeah, you a delivery guy, man.
You running hot pie.
You running hot pie, brother.
Not anybody could do that.
Don't, don't, don't think you're not special because you over there slanging HPs, bruh.
People want you always around.
Dude, you're the total opposite of the police, bruh.
People always welcome you with that 12-inch, that 16-inch, bruh.
With that, you know, the side thing of cinnamon tots, daddy.
You know, you have, you, you, but, but you're also, no matter what you do, when you show up, you, if you show up with that purpose, be that bad, be a performing artist, pie guy.
Show up with that pie and deliver the rap.
Be a little slice, bruh, dirty slice.
You know what I'm saying?
A little sauce.
Be fucking a little, you know, a little nasty, a little anchovy or medium, bruh.
Be medium.
But I'm saying is, you know what I'm saying?
You show up and if you get a side skill or something ready for yourself, say you learn a rap, learn a riddle.
Knock, knock, who's there, bruh?
Damn, dog.
Meat lovers, son.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
Fill your hand with sausage and punch yourself in the fucking face, bruh.
What I'm saying is have a plan.
Yeah, you're just delivering pie, but it's still you showing up.
Yeah, you're behind the pizza.
You might deliver something to damn whoever.
You're over there in Atlanta.
You might deliver some shit to freaking Evander Hollyfield.
You might deliver some shit to little Khalifa or whatever.
And he might say, oh, I love this guy.
Sure, it's just the pie, but you're showing up with it.
I don't care what it is.
You know, we got to remember that.
Yeah, I bring humor sometimes and fucking kind of Kleenex as well a lot of other times, but still it's me, the person that shows up with whatever I'm bringing.
You know, it's the, you know, yeah, the waitress brings your food, but a lot of times the food's only going to get me so far.
There's a human on the other end of that arm, on the other end of that hand that just dropped that plate off at my table.
And that person, I might, there could be a lifelong relationship or connection there.
Whereas the relationship I'm going to have with this food is going to be brief.
I'm not preaching at you, man.
I'm just saying, you know, you don't know sometimes where the path that you're on is going to lead you.
And you also don't notice, like, I remember I quit comedy.
I didn't quit, but I just, I kind of just, well, I was in love with the girl back at home and I went home.
I wasn't, I mean, I was in love, but I also was just in, I was afraid that she was banging other people and I got scared.
And I went back there to Louisiana and I was tending bar at a Mexican restaurant.
And I broke a damn margarita machine.
I only worked three shifts or actually I probably worked about 30 shifts and I broke a fucking margarita machine that probably cost about $1,800.
And I still feel bad about that.
And I think I probably lied about it.
I didn't lie about it, but I put all the parts back in there and just kind of pretended like they, like it still was okay or something.
But what I'm trying to say is, man, you know, it took something, you know, I worked there.
It was fine.
And they had stages in New Orleans, and I got up on stages in New Orleans.
And I didn't think I was going to keep doing comedy, but I kept doing it.
And eventually, you know, I ended up back out here in Los Angeles.
And it was only for about six months that I was there.
But I didn't know exactly at the time.
So you got into performing arts.
You weren't sure.
Right now, you perform in pies.
You slang in circle fucking snacks, man.
You're fine.
You're going to be okay.
But you don't know if in a future, you know what I'm saying?
You might start a business with the performing pie guys where each pie comes with a performance.
Dude, I would love that.
I would love to know that whoever's bringing my pie for an extra $10, I'm about to get that audio fucking, that dance concept hitter.
You know, you might be that.
And what I'm saying is it takes these elements.
It takes these things.
You know, it takes the world to set these things on your scale.
Like, okay, you could, you know, I need you to be doing pies.
I need you to, you know, try school performing arts, but that doesn't work.
And I need this.
And then eventually you see what the world has put on your plate and you say, oh, okay, I'm going to put these things together and this is going to be what I'm going to serve, you know.
And plus right now, postmates, they're the hottest people in the land.
People want to talk about the front lines of surgeons and something.
Somebody carving into somebody's ass to get a damn giblet or something.
But the real hitters out there are postmates people.
You got a guy, you know what I'm saying, elbow crawling up to your front door, risking his lung life just so you could have a damn, you know, three-inch elotas with no cheese on them.
You got a little urban girl out there, a little charquette, and she got, you know what I'm saying?
She's fucking down there.
She wearing a football helmet to fight the virus, and she's out there, and she rolling up in the Dodge.
You know what I'm saying?
And she fucking humming a couple of damn, you know, cinnamon hotcakes out of her car, out that side window, bruh.
Just trying to make $11, trying to make $6.
Risking her life so you could have a little morning snack.
I mean, these are the real frontliners.
People doing food delivery.
You got a guy over here.
He wrapped his whole car in Visc Queen.
He can't even read.
He don't even have a driver's license.
And he's over here and he's grilling Chile Kiles in the back seat.
And he sets it on the hood of his car.
And then he drives the car right up to your front door.
And you reach out there and leave him, you know, $7 on the front, on the hood.
Hey, put it under the hood.
I'll get it later.
All right?
You know, you got a dude.
He don't even have a car.
He works for postmates, bruh.
He worked for post maybe.
This dude, you don't even know if he's going to fucking show up.
You ever got that dude?
You know what I'm saying?
It's fucking 9.15 p.m.
He tells you a little Anthony.
He tells you he's on his way.
Next thing you know, this dude's on a damn fucking bird scooter or something.
He's on that fucking nine speed, bruh.
And he got a damn, you know, he got a half a cup of soup under his arm.
Trying to get it to you.
Trying to serve up a little minestrone for you because he cares about you.
I mean, these are the frontline workers, people.
We got to take care of each other.
That's all I'm saying.
What else do we have, man?
What else do we have?
Let me take a call here that came in 985-664-9503.
Theo, Nick, what up, boys?
Hey, this is Justin calling from Jackie, Tennessee, man.
What's up, Justin?
Calling from Tennessee, man.
Thank you for calling.
And R.I.P.
Pass Summit.
You know what I'm saying?
One of the fucking most gangsta lesbians in the game, bro.
Won 2,000 straight games.
Was banging out them Winstons.
Frickin died right after she quit playing, bro.
Retired, bro.
Gang shit onward, brother.
I'm a UPS driver.
And, man, you asked, you know, how we were feeling about this Rona deal on your last podcast.
Man, I think I'm kind of like you, man.
I just ain't really worried about it.
You know, I got a two-year-old.
I got another little baby girl coming in.
And it is what it is.
I feel like a damn superhero out here, man.
You know, me just chopping this shit out of the sky.
Everybody looks at me because everybody shuts down in my hometown, you know.
They feel like, man, this is just damn tight crusaders in all brown coming out here delivering my stuff.
I mean, I don't know.
It makes me feel good, you know.
I ain't going to let it beat me.
I tell you, that's much right now.
You feel me?
I ain't going to let it hold me down.
But, yeah, it's cool, man.
You know, everything's all good.
Got to stay positive.
We're going to come out the other side of it.
Gang, bro.
I love that, man.
I love your attitude.
Yeah, I'm not going to let it beat me.
You know, that's a decision you can make easily.
People want to lay down.
People want to blame the point.
This fan put it.
Are you prepared?
Are you going to let it beat you?
That's the thing.
Because if you're going to let it, if you've already decided that that's an option for it to beat you, then it'll find, then something will find a way.
If it ain't Corona, something else will find a way to get you.
You've already decided in your head.
I love it, man.
And you guys are Cape Crusaders, dude.
I'm not joking.
I saw the UPS guy yesterday.
Dude, he was blasting some fucking Travis Scott.
He was living it.
And I was like, dang, man.
This dude is a legend.
This dude is out here like Book of Eli out here.
This guy is like 50 goes west.
They out here, man.
So, gang, man, you stay brave, man, and stay out there.
And thank you for calling, man.
Thank you for calling, brother.
Let's take a call right here that came in, 985-664-9503.
Hey, Ned Theo, this is Joey from Colorado.
I just wanted to give you a call.
Love the podcast.
Just wanted to give you, you know, ask you a little question during this time of the Rona.
You're trapped inside, not going out too much.
And I know usually you get your inspiration from everyday events.
I was wondering how you're getting your inspiration out and if you are writing during your time of solitude.
And how difficult is it for you to actually get that inspiration and come up with ideas?
I know that shit can be difficult just popping stuff out your ass, you know?
Gang, brother.
Yeah.
I agree, man.
It can be difficult.
Where's my inspiration coming from?
You know, I'm feeling right now, I'm not really trying to think of funny jokes.
I'm just trying to take care of myself.
You know, I am trying to take care of myself.
I'm 35 days off of cigarettes.
So thank God for that right now.
So I'm feeling grateful for that.
You know, I've been doing yoga.
I started seeing a chiropractic.
And I'm just trying to relax, man.
I'm trying to get some perspective back in my life.
I'm trying to get some gratitude.
You know, I need those things.
And I really had lost them the past six, nine months.
I just had lost a lot of them.
I didn't mean to.
I just was so busy.
I didn't have any, it was hard to grasp my own life.
You know, and here I was living my dreams, and it was just hard to grasp it.
So I'm grateful to have this time for a little bit of reflection.
I'm grateful right now that I can put food on my table and I can, you know, I know I can pay my rent next month.
You know, I'm grateful that I have, I know there's people that love me and I know I can care about them and I can reach out.
And that's the only things I'm thinking about right now.
I've been doing some yoga by myself.
You know, it's been a good time for me to find things to put back on my own plate.
Like I used to love going to the gym for myself.
I wasn't doing it to like, you know, really look.
I was just doing it because I loved it.
And I think overall with a lot of things, I was burnt out.
You know, I haven't even felt like getting on stage.
I haven't felt like being on stage for a while.
I haven't been up to the comedy store even before.
I'd only been there about two or three nights in about three months before it was closed.
Because I was working out of town so much and I just was tired.
So, you know, I'm doing meditation.
I'm doing 15. I'm almost up to 15 minutes of meditation per day.
So, and I'm working stronger.
I'm trying to focus more on my AA program.
And that's what I'm doing.
I've been rolling my body out, bro.
That's been a new thing.
Using that foam roller, like everywhere, bro.
I'm talking rolling the front of my arms, the side, like things that hurt.
Rolling my chest out.
I mean, I can put my arm almost kind of straight.
So those have been things that I've been doing, man, to stay busy and stay, just kind of stay.
Like my inspiration will come if I take care of myself.
And I hadn't felt like I've been taking care of myself for a while.
So, yeah, I'm just trying to find the joys in this, the little joys.
All right.
Let's take another call that came on here.
Gang, brother.
Theo, this is your boy, D U Nut from Grand Rapids.
You're going to catch a lot of flack for that.
What's up, D?
Let's hear, baby gang, onward.
I just wanted to say I really appreciate the way you've been stepping up your game with the podcast over these hard times, man.
It's always good to hear your voice.
Oh, thanks, man.
That's nice of you to say that, man.
You know, I'm trying to feel good and I love it when, you know, I get these voicemails and people calling and we get to see what's going on.
And, you know, I do feel a sense of connection, man.
And I really, man, I'm glad you said that because I needed to hear that.
I'm grateful for that.
Onward.
But I got a question for you.
What are people doing to stay connected to their support groups during these hard times, man?
Stress is up.
We're out here fighting to stay sober.
Man, I got a call last week and they said that all of my meetings were canceled.
So I'm a leader at Celebrate Recovery.
And I was like, well, we can't have that.
So I got some of the guys together over a phone call and we had a meeting.
And it turned out really well.
But just wondering what other people are doing to stay connected.
Thanks for the question, man.
I was fixing my hair there as well while I was listening, but I was listening.
You know, a lot of recovery groups seem to be doing Zoom meetings right now.
And Zoom is really, really taking off.
People are using that as a form to connect for everything.
Talking to family, you know, and specifically for recovery.
You know, I've gotten a lot of messages and DMs from people that are struggling, and thank you for those.
And I'm trying to share just my experience.
And I'm trying to stay sober myself.
And, you know, we do what we can.
But, you know, it's easy for me to say, oh, the Zoom meetings are dumb or they're not the same.
And that's fine.
It's easy for me to say anything is dumb.
But I believe that if you want something to work for you, it will work for you.
So a lot of it, again, is just going out of perspective.
And so that's all I'm doing, man, is going to some Zoom meetings, keeping in touch with other guys and trying to stay out of the headspace of, oh, these programs don't work.
This stuff doesn't work.
Oh, here's an excuse.
And it's hard, man.
It's been hard, dude.
You know, I struggled recently with just looking at escorts and pornography.
That stuff really snuck back into me about maybe a couple weeks ago.
And so that's one thing that's been tough because it's just so much idle time, so much time by yourself.
And so, you know, I'm hoping to start, you know, maybe go to some new type of meetings and stuff.
Or I got to get a new blocker on my phone.
Because pornography, I noticed for me, is the biggest catalyst for other things.
Once I start looking at porn, then I'll start, it just makes me want to do all kind of trouble.
You know, me want to break in the building or do a cocaine or something.
You know, or do a, you know, or see somebody's ass or something that I don't know.
So that's, you know, I noticed really that it's such a catalyst for other things.
So that's something I got to make sure I nip out of my butt, bud, nip out of my bud immediately.
What the F, bro?
Man, I'm happy to be here today.
Oh, and one other thing I want to say.
One cool thing about Zoom meetings with recovery right now is you can go to ones in different cities and states.
So if you live in New Orleans, you could go to the Bread and Roses meeting on Saturday at 10.30 a.m.
in Los Angeles, which is a really popular and famous and interesting meeting.
You could go to an Atlantic group meeting in New York City.
So there's really some, you know, if you are in a small place or something and you don't know about recovery, suddenly, or you haven't been in big recovery meetings or something, you can suddenly be in a meeting that may have different speakers and real fancy, you know, polished, well speakers in them.
So that's amazing.
And that's one of the gifts of right now is this Zoom boom.
Gang.
All right, we're going to do a Patreon question that came in.
And we changed Patreon this week.
You can check it out.
If you want, you can go to the Patreon and check it out.
And I want to thank all of our supporters.
And one of the questions that came in, this is from Deani.
What's up, Theo?
Passover is coming up this week.
I wanted to know if you ever attended a Passover Seder or had any Jewish friends.
Gang Gang from Israel.
Oh, thank you, Deany.
And I've never been to Israel, but Israel.
But I've always wanted to go.
I've heard really interesting things about it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
One of my best friends lives upstairs from me, and he is Jewish.
I think he's 100% Jewish.
And so his family has long invited me over the past few years, within the past decade even, for different type of Yiddish feasts and get-togethers and reading of religious texts and stuff like that.
Great company, good times.
Some of the worst food, but I love a lot of the tradition.
Or just like more simple.
I'm from Louisiana.
I'm from Louisiana.
So yeah, some of the food, you're just like, damn, this ain't a food.
You know, this is a damn pickle, bro.
You know, you got, you know, you got 19 people, you know, divvying up a pickle as an appetizer.
Like, come on, bro.
This ain't even.
But yeah, a lot of good times, man.
Some really, really fun times.
Yeah, I have, it's crazy, especially living out in Los Angeles, you meet a lot of J's, bro.
You get Jay'd up, you know, you get a lot of Jewish friends.
And so, yeah, it's crazy because a lot of my really best friends out here are Jewish.
So I've been to some feasts over the years and it's always been a blast.
Sometimes you got the little hat, that little hair wallet.
And yeah, so I've gotten to see some of the environment in different Passover and Seder feasts and the applesauce and the reasons for the different foods.
You know, oh, they got these carrots because Larry, you know, Felderberg or whatever, you know, he almost died, but they had, you know, he and his cousin split a carrot or something, or they had, you know, seven days of oil, but they made it last for 40 days.
So obviously some of the stuff I'm regurgitating is hit or miss here, but yeah, I've had a lot of nice times, man.
And they have a lot of good holidays throughout the year.
So the Jews will throw up some really good holidays here and there.
So go enjoy one of those if somebody invites you over to a Seder.
And it's a really nice thing.
If they do that, it's like with them welcoming you over for like a Christmas meal if you are of the Christian dialect.
So thank you for that question, Deani.
If I ever come to Israel, you're going to have to show me around.
You're going to have to show me some of what it's like over there.
I would love to learn more.
What else?
What is a piece of advice?
This is from Joe T, and this is on Patreon.
What is a piece of advice someone gave you that you remember almost every day?
You know, my father told me when I was real little, he told me that I was a survivor.
That was one of the only things I really remember him telling me.
You know, he would always say, you're a survivor, you know.
And I thought that that was nice to hear, I think, because I don't know if he knew that I was going to have a tough time being a child or whatever.
You know, and sometimes we have a tough time.
Sometimes our environment's tough.
And sometimes just the way we interact with our environment is tough.
But he told me I'll be a survivor.
And I think about that a lot.
I thought it was a neat thing to say because it leaves it vague enough where I can apply it to a lot of different things.
And you could fuck up and still be a survivor.
So I thought that that was pretty neat.
You know, I think a lot of things, like I remember from that movie, The Patriot, Aim Small, Miss Small.
I think about that a lot.
That pops in my head all the time.
The first time, because Aim Small, Miss Small, it's like, if I can't do something real big, what can I do on a level that's realistic?
And that's something that I think really applies to right now, too.
What can I do on a level that's realistic?
You know, yeah, I can't do like, maybe I can't do some huge fundraiser to do something like this to save the world like Bill Gates or something.
You know, like the Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, they sent their plane to China and bought a million cases of masks and flew them back, you know.
They can do that.
But what could I, you know, and sometimes it's just something small.
It's helping out somebody.
It's like just doing, what can I do?
Something small that I know is going to be effective.
Because something small That's effective to, if it's just to one person, it's huge to them.
So I think that the aim small, miss small is something that I remember a lot.
And that's not really advice.
I heard that in a movie.
You know, my best friend Scott, his dad, when I was growing up, his dad told me, well, his dad told me to move to California and try my dreams out because he said, well, you can always move back.
He goes, and if you look back down the road, you might regret if you don't.
And I remembered that.
That's a good question.
I'm going to have to think about what are some things that maybe have been told to me over the years.
I watched also the Louis C.K. special, and I actually watched that this afternoon.
It's hilarious.
I mean, I laughed.
He surprised me so many times.
And some people like, most people, I think, enjoy Louis C.K. as a comedian.
You know, the man is a pervert, but he also is a comedy man.
And he can be those two things.
You know, there's not a rule you can only be one thing.
A lot of the news, they like to make you think, oh, you can only be one thing, buddy.
What are you?
You a milkman?
Are you a, you know, are you somebody that whispers a lot?
Bitch, I could do both.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, I got that yogurt, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Bill Cosby, is he a pervert rapist?
Seems like that is the case.
He's also very entertaining man.
You could be both things.
Louis C.K., the special was hilarious, man.
It was hilarious.
You know, I've never known Louis.
I crossed paths with him twice.
He always seemed like a bit of like a real cocky kind of dude to me.
But he is, there's, it's just at a different level, man.
I mean, it's fucking good, bro.
It's fucking good.
And if I were that good at comedy, dude, I would be cocky, I think.
I mean, it is.
It's just fun.
It's also, in some parts, it's so dark, bro.
It is dark.
Like, it is damn, bro.
I'm surprised if you looked in, there's like a damn, I mean, it is, they could have filmed Black Panther during part of it.
It's dark, bro.
It's dark.
But it's, it almost forever, he reminds me of this, it's almost like this dirty Shakespeare almost.
He definitely is in such contact with a certain point of view in his head that it's, I mean, it's just baffling.
And you can never tell if he thinks that he's, because he's always commenting on himself.
And I can never tell if he is amused by himself or repulsed or proud.
And it's fascinating to not be able to know that and to listen to him.
At the same time, you can just, you get this, there's this ambiance from him that's just it's so precisely, you know, humanly vulgar almost in a way.
But not just vulgar.
It's hilarious.
There's going to be some dark stuff.
If you go in there like, oh, no, you know, as soon as he says Native American, I'm shutting it off.
I'm shutting it off.
Fuck up.
You know, if you go in there, if you use an Antifa or something, you probably won't like this shit.
You know, if you spend, if you're like a lifetime CNN watcher kind of, or, you know, if you buy that, own a CNN sweatshirt, you probably won't like it.
It's just, but it's very honest, I felt like.
It's very honest to a part of our brain or something that we want to close or that society wants to close now.
And I just thought it was hilarious.
Does that mean that anything else from me?
Doesn't mean anything else from me.
It means that I'm a viewer of his comedy and that the shit was fucking really funny, bro.
And you may have different takes on it.
And I hope that you do.
I hope you have your own take on it.
And I would even have to think about it more.
I just watched it.
But if you're looking for a watch and it's available on his website, and we're not doing any ads for them or anything or whatever.
But the man is, and he talks about some of the stuff that happened and stuff.
It's interesting.
It's certainly worth the $8.
That's for dang sure, bro.
And outside of that, Ozark, is Ozark just the same episode over and over again?
I feel like every episode, these people just can't fucking figure it out.
and the son keeps getting a little bit older.
Literally, the boy they have is like watching the...
But that's my thoughts on the Louis C.K. special, Sincerely, it's called.
And go check it out.
Let me know what you think.
I think it's probably going to be the future where comedians are going to put their specials out specifically in one locale on their own.
But it was interesting, man.
It was, God, there were some parts.
The best part is you're like, man, I do not.
It's not that you don't want it.
He'll get into a topic and you're like, oh, this is Something I shouldn't be laughing about.
And then you're like, damn, I'm fucking really laughing about this.
So then you start to realize that there's this other thing, there's this other person inside of you, this other different entity than the facade that we put on sometimes.
And that that entity just likes to laugh and that it's not as judgmental and it just is taking things for the value of humor that's in them and in this special there's a lot of that it's dark though dog it's dark dog don't come at me if you then that's it if you don't like it then you don't like it that's fine nobody else needs to that don't mean everybody else don't need to like it that means you don't like it so
gang all right i think we get through everything or as much as i can even remember right now at the moment uh but thank you guys for be for for for being a part of the this past weekend support the uh sponsors if you can do something if you if you got the room to do it in your world you know do it be supportive you know thank you guys so much for supporting the podcast i'm happy to be able to be here this weekend to be able to share some stuff i'm feeling a little bit better and
hope to slowly be feeling even better but i got some blood work done i got that back you know the guy said i had a couple of things that were way off and that was interesting man like the like lysine levels um a couple of different proteins and stuff um so it was real interesting i'm grateful to be able to got that blood work because you don't know what's in your body what's in your soup you know what i'm saying you run around you don't know if you got vegetables you got beef if you freaking if
you freaking bully your bass or if you've been stroking off you feel me bruh so i hope you're doing well man i love you and and uh you know we're pretty lucky we're pretty lucky we're pretty lucky man to be we get to be alive this is it you know we get to do this what do we even do i don't know but we get to do it and this is it you know this is it we
get to see things and experience and that is life man this is it you know this is it and we're making it man and uh thank you guys for being here today and uh I'll see you guys next week.
I'm trying to get Nick Swartson to do a Zoom episode with me this week.
So if you guys will hit him up on IG and send him messages and tell him to get on board, we could definitely do that.
So hit him up.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
And we just keep making it.
You know that.
and his bishop gun on the way out I ain't seen home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama play for my restless soul.
Come on.
And I ain't made a dollar I ain't spent.
But when it's going, ain't killed me yet.
I still get where I'm bound to go.
Come on, who's out there?
You delivering pies, bruh?
You UPS?
I'm making it.
You post-mating, bruh.
I'm making wrong.
Feel right.
You delivering that hit of lemon meringue.
I'm making it.
And it helps where I'm headed now.
Do it.
I'm making good stuff.
You got you.
Show up.
got this Making it, baby, by Bishop Gunn.
Most all of my plans slip right through my hands and wind up next to me, broken on the ground.
Come on.
If this bottle was an hourglass, I'd say that I'm about an hourglass minute.
I should've put it down But I'm making it.
I'm making both feel right.
I'm making it.
And it feels where I'm hitting you.
I'll make a good time I'll make a good time I'll make a good time I'll make a good time
Between the lives that I've crossed And the friends that I've lost I'm left here alone and not clear
But I'm in pretty good shape For the shape that I'm in I'm making it I'm making it I'm making it wrong I feel right I'm making it I'm making it I'm making good times I'm
making it I'm making it I'm making it I'm making all feel right I'm making it And it tells where I'm headed in I'm making good times I'm making good times I'm making good times God, man.
making good times I ain't seeing home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul.
Ah, man.
I wish I could do music.
Don't we all wish we could do music, man?
Oh, just being a damn canary.
just being a canary of the world.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Is it there?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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