Theo is back from Hawaiii and talks about the Coronavirus, losing your hair young, and listeners ideas of heaven.
Upload Video Questions for Glenn “Big Baby” Davis http://bit.ly/GlenDavis_Questions Upload Video Questions for Bert Kreischer http://bit.ly/BertKreischer_Questions Theo is back from Hawaiii and talks about the Coronavirus, losing your hair young, and listeners ideas of heaven. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merch https://theovonstore.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Betterhelp Visit https://Betterhelp.com/Theo to receive 10% off your first month Blue Chew Visit https://BlueChew.com and use promo code THEO to try for free with just $5 shipping ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intro “Celebrate” - Spencer Jacob http://bit.ly/Celebrate_SpencerJacob Outro “Drunk Outdoors” - North Mississippi Allstars http://bit.ly/DrunkOutdoors_NorthMississippiAllstars ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patreon Gunt Squad Name Aaron Rasche Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Mcminn Alex Person Alex Petralia Amy Love Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe April Schultze Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Chad Kleier Christopher Becking Christopher Burton Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Crystal David Christopher Dentist the menace Dionne Enoch Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Kyle Baker Kyle McGreevy Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Matt Nichols Megan Price Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Miles Sadler Mona McCune myinitialsareOKbutimnot Nicholas Leach Nick Roma Noah Bissell Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Raye Vella Roxy Deputy Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Scott Turnbull Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Tanner Marvel Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Vanessa Amaya Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke Harris
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Okay, I am here and you are here and today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza and Gray Block Pizza is a special pizza establishment the kind of place when you get there, oh, you're gonna have a good time.
It's at 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach.
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Get that hitter.
It's getting real.
It's getting real out there, isn't it?
Some lady at the market was yelling, if you keep your sunglasses on, it can't get in through your eyes.
And people are like, look, bitch, chill out, okay?
I'm trying to get the last peach over here.
And she's, if you keep your sunglasses on, it can't get in through your eyes.
And I'm trying to maybe get, I'm trying to figure out how to make a dinner when all they got left in the store is two bottles of sparkling water, you know, some Perrier and a box of juja fruits.
I'm trying to figure out, okay, can I, you know, finesse that enough to trick the kids into thinking this is some kind of gumdrop soup or something.
And this bitch is in the, if you keep your sunglasses on, the virus can't get in through your eyes.
So we wanted it all and we got it.
this is it.
And let's make the most of it.
Let's make the most of it.
This is Spencer Jacob Grow with Celebrate Celebrate Celebrate Celebrate Celebrate Let's
have some fun while we all die That music, huh?
Nice to have a little beat Nice to have a little beat to get you through something Nice to have a little beat to get you through something Hope I hope everyone is finds themselves well check in check yourself Check in with yourself feel your legs feel your arm Feel your cousin bruh Check his neck.
Hey, he's is he does he have that pulse?
Okay, he's good.
Henry's good.
You know little Cheryl is good.
Okay.
All right, all right.
Everybody's fine.
Everybody's fine.
There's a lot of, you know, there's definitely something happening.
There's something going on.
There's a lot of reaction to it at the same time.
You know, there's definitely a, there's a fiddler on the roof.
You know, you got some, you know, you have some, you got a dirty bad boy with a freaking, with a sneaky violin, you know, strumming on some people's DNA right now.
And that's COVID-19.
Who you think, if you heard any other year, you hear COVID-19, you're thinking that's somebody on, you know, max preps or somebody that's going to be a high school all-American right there.
That's a wide receiver.
Oh, they got COVID-19, dude.
They're probably going to have to, you know, they're going to have to move the strong safety over to help double team him.
But now it's a disease, man.
And it's getting some people.
Now, I'm not, look, I'm not, some people are losing it.
And you start to see who people are when this happens.
You start to see, oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
Ronald buried himself in his yard.
All right.
I see how he is when a disease comes around.
Oh, okay.
Oh, Bernadette bought a hot air balloon.
And now she's just hanging out up over Memphis talking shit and throwing down, you know, empty bags of bugles, chips, and talking shit.
People have different ways of getting away from it.
If you cut off the news, that definitely helps you live.
I'll tell you that.
That will help you live.
You know, I've been in Maui for the past week, and I want to thank everybody that came out to the show over there.
Man, it's just, Maui is just amazing.
It's amazing.
It's just, if you never, you know, Mexico, I love, you know, I love Mexican food.
I love Mexican people.
But the beaches are good there, but they got glass in the sand, baby.
They got glass in the sand.
But you go down to Maui, huh?
You don't even know what happened.
Dude, you put your feet in the ocean and it feels like the water just feels like somebody's just kind of, I don't want to say this, but kind of just kind of fucking you right between each one of your toes, bruh.
That's how it feels, honestly.
And that's how I think.
It's just they have that vibe, baby.
It feels like a big, huge fucking gorilla is just giving you a fucking massage from the inside of your body.
And that is, that's the rapture, baby, right there.
That feels good.
And that's what's going on over there in Maui.
I mean, even the hitchhikers have halos on.
You're halfway to heaven.
You know, you got, some dude's choking to death on something.
You reach in his mouth and pull it out.
It's a statue of baby Jesus right there.
Some dude got a BJ in his throat.
Because you're halfway to heaven, man.
It's just that kind of place if you haven't been.
And that was really the last show of the tour, except for one more coming up in Nashville.
And I see a lot of other comedians.
I'm not going to name names.
Chris Dalia, Brennan Shao, you know, Bobby Lee canceling their shows, dude.
But I'm telling you this, my show, April 17th, in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium is still a go.
Okay, not like these other BA, and that means BACAS comedians.
My thing's a go.
Yeah, the virus, though.
People's freaking.
People are freaking out.
We had somebody call from the Maui show.
I'm going to check in with them real quick.
This call came into the hotline.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo.
It's Ra.
Just saw your show tonight at Maui.
Oh, hello, Ra.
And thank you for calling, Ra.
And I appreciate your call.
Onward.
And man, it was so good.
We laughed so hard.
And I was the one that baked you that loaf of bread.
So I hope you've.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that bread was so good.
Ra, I'm going to be honest with you.
That bread didn't even make it home.
I really, I've never been into bread so much.
I'll put this in the video on YouTube.
They had this loaf of bread look like a damn, it looked like a football from a, you know, it looked like something you'd play football with inside of a bakery.
Really, really beautiful.
Onward.
Found a way to enjoy that, and I just wanted to say thank you for coming out to greet us.
It's actually about one in the morning right now.
I can't sleep.
I'm just reeling from being able to give you a hug, man.
Yeah, I met you.
I remember I met you and your husband after the show.
And I want to say his name was Chris, but I could be wrong.
But yeah, thank you guys so much.
That was really, honestly, one of the nicest gifts I ever got.
I wish I could have said more.
I was just stunned, kind of, you know, as we all are when we meet our people we admire.
Well, that's sweet of you to say that.
And it was just sweet of your whole community to come out, man.
It was just, we had a good time.
They had some couple knuckleheads out there, but they always do.
And they had some guy, they had that guy that always laughs too loud.
Like, some people, if you're really laughing, you're laughing.
You're not going, like you're Santa Claus or something.
Some guy was just like, so that guy definitely needs, obviously, some help.
But thank you for the bread.
It was a beautiful loaf of sourdough, and I'll put up some images of it.
And damn, it said gang on the side of it in that gang loaf.
And she hit me with that fucking, just that beast infection I'm going to get from that.
Because that thing really lifted up my spirits.
It was like you handed me a damn heart, just like a big, just yeasty aorta, and just gave it to me.
And that's just love really crossing hands.
And thank you guys for coming out.
And Maui has special characters.
Maui has special characters.
I'll say that.
You know, everybody up there is, they got, you'll see somebody, they're growing half of their hair.
They'll have like dreadlocks and then half of their hair will have crops built into the side of it.
They'll be growing wheat up half their scalp.
Just really, and the other half, they're growing weed.
You know that.
You'll have a dude, you'll crack open a coconut and inside there'll be a homeless dude in there smoking DMT.
Just right like, dang.
Like, dang, man, what's the, how many calories are in this?
You know, they just say, it's, it's just, they got a lot of missing.
If you ask anybody, they got a bunch of dudes named Patrick over there that are missing, sleeping in hammocks.
Some dude.
Some guy got wrapped up in a hammock, fell asleep out in the sun, and you saw the tan on his body.
It looked like somebody, like his skin had just been, was made out of just lattice work or something.
Just really, just insane, just really baffling.
You got a lot of people, you know, you have like a lot of drum circles, a lot of loose titty meat flopping around, you know, and it's just something special, man, and it's beautiful.
It really is.
It's like going halfway to heaven, man.
It's like going halfway to heaven if you get a chance over there.
And they got birds over there, too.
You'll see a bird you never even seen.
Nobody's seen him.
And some of the birds, they act like they're listening to what you're doing or looking at you and then fly off to tell somebody.
I'm going to go tell somebody.
Like, damn, what kind of that?
That's a freaking red-billed tattletale right there.
But it's a wonderful place, and I was so grateful to be there.
And thank you guys.
And I recommend it.
They're not tripping about the virus over there.
They're not tripping about the virus.
They're living more in the regular world over there in Maui.
It's the deep end of the earth, baby.
And I love it.
You know, Mexico is great, but they got broken sand in the glass.
They got glass in the sand.
And they got glass in the sand over there.
All right, let's take this call right here.
Hey, Theo, it's Garrett from Nashville.
What's up, Garrett?
And Garrett is also a word that means something else, too.
Garrett.
You know what I'm saying?
Have you heard about this?
Garrett?
And it's also a name.
Onward?
I just really wanted to get your take on how we're going to beat this coronavirus.
Because, honestly, it's taking me over the world.
And I just want to see, I actually want to hear what you have to say about how we're going to beat it.
And I want to hear your theories on it because there are a bunch of them out there.
Gang, gang, love your podcast.
Gets me through the week.
Really appreciate you, brother.
Keep doing your thing.
Well, thank you for the question, Garrett or Garrat.
And look, man, can we beat it?
Bob the Builder, can we beat it?
Yes, we can, brother.
Yes, we can beat this.
I mean, there's a lot going on with it.
First of all, yes, I believe that the media has made it out of proportion.
Okay, I think they've made it bigger.
I think people, you know, some networks use it as a tool.
There's a lot of fear tactics.
I do think that.
I also think that you got to play ahead of the ball game.
If this is that Grim Reaper, if this is that dirty daddy that's going to freaking hide a knife inside of your spleen, then yeah, you have to, you have to, this is the only way to do it, is to warn people in advance and have them prepare in advance.
You can't let things like part of my brain says, well, you know, let's get a couple people to die.
You know, let a people, you know, people, if people die, then we will see, okay, this thing is for real.
You know, right now it just sounds like the flu and not even as bad as the flu.
But if there's the propensity for it to get extremely dirty, then they have to do it this way.
They have to warn everybody now.
Because once it gets too late, it would be hysteria.
So really the way that things are being done, I think, is the only way to do it.
Now, with that said, some people are losing their shit, bruh.
Like, I was in the elevator in my apartment building, and I could tell I hadn't seen my neighbor in a while because I was in, you know, was out of the country.
I was in Maui.
And I hadn't seen him.
And so he, I could tell he had his kid in his arms.
They just came back from the park, and he's a nice guy.
We really get along well.
But I could tell this time there was a little bit of like, okay, let's see who's got it.
You know, let's show, you know, let's show our, let's show our bumps.
Let's see who's got it.
And I could just tell, man, that anything could be something else that was a little different.
He didn't really stay and communicate as long.
I was a little bit uncertain.
So some people are doing it like that.
I also went and got a Vietnamese massage, bruh, or thigh.
I got a thigh massage.
And look, I don't care what's going on, dude, for $35 an hour, I'll let a thigh dude beat my ass up in the back, you know, beat my, you know, beat the, you know, beat the gristle out of my neck.
And that's what I got.
I mean, I got that thing.
And he said it was slow in there.
And I thought, honestly, I thought the dude had been gay.
I've been going there for about a year.
I thought he was, you know, a little bit more on the boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, but boys side.
But he showed me a picture of his wife and child.
And I was like, oh, wow.
You know, he was showing me something on his phone.
And then I saw a picture of a kid.
I said, hey, you got a child?
He said, yeah, I got the child.
So, you know, I had to, you know, I just, I said, oh, all right, man.
I gave him a nice tip.
And just, I think that's one thing we can do is be supportive of people that we know are working in like industries where we just got to, we got to even things out.
This is a way to help each other survive.
You know, it's like right now, if you have a little bit extra of something, it's a good time to share it.
It's a good time to look in people's eyes and, you know, I think find the humanity.
I think all of us in some ways is a real opportunity for humanity right here.
But on the other side, man, this shit is getting risky.
Shit's getting risky, man.
It's like, you know, it just could go either way.
I'm going to get Nick right here in the studio.
We're going to talk about it a little bit more, man, so I'm not driving alone because, hell, people are so this social distancing.
I mean, it's hard enough.
It's hard enough to get a couple bitches to hang out with you.
And now, even if you do get a chick to hang out with you, y'all got to be six feet apart.
So now you got to get one of those little like, you know, you got to get some of those, you know, those cafeteria mittens with the plastic ones?
If you want to touch a breast or do a butt rub or body rub.
So I think it's, you know, it's two things.
It's that, yes, it could be overreaction.
At the same time, the only way to be in front of a drastic disease is to overreact.
You know, you got to plan ahead.
You have to.
There's no other, because if you plan behind, damn it.
Sorry.
If you plan behind, then that's no way to do it.
And that's no way really to do anything.
You have to plan ahead.
And with this many people alive, it made me think a lot of things.
It was like, it made me think like, wow, we're, we're, it just changed.
Like, yeah, whenever that, that, that thing with my neighbor, it was just like, okay.
We usually would kind of shake hands or communicate longer, shake a hand, or touch each other's hand real fast even.
But we, this time there was a little bit of, a little just, you know, it was like a kind of square dancing, but this shit was, we wasn't square with each other.
It was a little bit more dosy-dough, but dosy-don't at the same time, you know it.
I will say this, though, in Maui, they did have one haircutting guy who works on the hair.
He works on the main strip in this town called Paia.
Paia.
And Paia, look, if you are missing or someone you know is missing or is missing, yeah, that's where they are.
Okay, Paia, they got a lot.
You'll see a dude wearing snow gear, you know what I'm saying, with, you know, going by on a skateboard at 200 miles an hour.
And you'll see somebody else riding, doing piggyback, you know, riding piggyback on a zombie over there and eating half of an orange, bro, and splitting it with an owl.
They got some real, they got some people up on that dust, baby.
They got a lot of dust bears out there.
But they had a man over there and he was cutting hair.
So I walked in because I have hair.
So I walked in and he's at, and he was giving me, oh, he didn't, I went to shake his hand, introduce myself, and he gave me the elbow, like kind of put his elbow out, you know, as if like ever shaking somebody's hand that doesn't have a hand or bottom half of their arm, and they just give you their elbow and you just kind of hold it for a second.
He did like that.
He's like, oh, we got to be careful with the virus.
And then he told me to come back later that day.
He wanted to cut my hair.
I'm like, bitch, you ain't cutting my hair, dude, if you won't shake my hand.
You think I'm going to let you put your thick, grisly mitts, bro?
This was a thick dude.
This was a thick dude.
He seemed like the kind of guy that would honestly even have a little bite of my hair.
He seemed like that kind of creepy dude while he's back there cutting and he was cut a little bit off and have it for himself, you know?
A little bit of head jerky.
Just have a, you know, half a gram of your own, of a sideburn or something.
But, but yeah, so there's fear of the virus.
There's a lot of things going on.
There's fear.
There's reality.
The reality, the numbers don't stack up for me in the reality department.
You know, it's like it's killing less people than something normally would kill.
And then this is what I don't like the news does.
The news does this shit.
They say, oh, a lot of elderly people are dying from it and a baby has it.
That's what they always do.
Oh, a baby has it.
Oh, a baby has it.
And then in the newsroom, somebody will press a button and you'll hear like a baby cry in the back, just like the way they add in sound effects, you know.
And a lot of elderly people have been dying from it.
And also, outside of Minnesota, a baby has it.
You're like, what?
Because that's where they hook you every time.
That's the fish hook.
A baby has it.
That's how the news always gets you when they say, a baby have the virus.
And then you're like, but what do we know about this baby?
Because they never show the baby.
What do we know about this baby?
Is this baby a legit baby?
You know what I'm saying?
Is he small and incapable?
Is this a freaking baby that's, you know, he was with the union for a few years and then he jumped over to picket lines and he's been smoking.
He doesn't give a shit about himself.
He's got two other little babies of his own.
Who is this baby?
Because don't just hook me with the baby line.
You know, I'm just so sick of the bait and switch of the, oh, you know, hook me with this, you know, use whatever they can to get me to believe it.
Oh, a baby has it.
What kind of baby?
Is this a baby who shaves and stuff?
Is this a baby who wearing turtlenecks and doing, have gold wristlets?
Who is this baby?
Who is he?
Is this some little Italian baby, huh?
Is this baby been punching and beating his wife at night?
I just want to know what's going on here.
You know what I'm saying?
I just, I want more, I want real information.
And you can't get real information now.
The news, it's just such a crazy time for something like this because who believes the news?
And people are like the World Health Order, the Center for Disease Control, but then other shit starts coming in, you know?
TremainsvirusHut.com slash data and people sharing that link.
Well, what the fuck is that?
Who's Tremaine?
You know, there's a lot of false information, man.
There's a lot of false information.
So I think we just have to trust our instincts.
You know, I think it goes back to that.
And we're getting, it definitely puts you back more in like a vital place.
You know, I'm a little bit more concerned with what's going on with me.
Am I healthy?
Am I taking care of myself?
Because look, we've been sucking.
We've been sucking on the sweet salami of comfort for a long time here in America.
We've been just riding on the sugar sleigh of softness.
We're soft, man.
People have shirts.
People have shirts and jackets.
People have shirts, jackets, hoodies, and earmuffs.
Oh, you okay in there, little buddy?
Are you okay?
We've been living a soft existence.
And there's two, you know, halves to every coin, baby.
And that's why you know something, the other side of the hammer is going to hit you in the head.
And that's what some of this is.
It could be Mother Nature saying, all right.
Oh, all right, y'all want to do all the juice boxes and fantasy football?
Then I'm about to show up.
I'm about to show up with my big tits and show y'all who is boss.
That could be what's going on.
Let me see if I can get Nick in here.
I want to just get a group thought on it.
We're also going to get into the calls about heaven.
We had responses to what different people's heaven is.
We had responses to the dating cousin dating and how that looks and how that plays out if you get involved in it.
So we want to get into some of that.
And I also want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Blue Chew.
But before that, I also want to let you know happy St. Patrick's Day this week.
And I knew shit was getting real because on theirishtimes.com, which I believe is a reliable Irish website out of Dublin, coronavirus government calls on all pubs and bars to close.
And that is as of yesterday.
So you know something's going on when the Irish are setting down their cups.
Today's episode is brought to you by and sponsored by Blue Chew.
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Oh, yo, remember the guy that I hitchhiked with?
I picked up last time, that hitchhiker?
I saw him again.
My boy Josiah out there in Maui.
I met a beekeeper out there, a man that runs an apiary.
They made me that beautiful bread.
Somebody got me a nice hat.
What else?
Half the staff over there by the four seasons, a lot of beautiful fellas and young men out there, ukulele bad boys.
They showed up.
Just a lot of people, I met just so many nice people.
It was special.
Let's get Nick in here.
Hey, Nick.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, I got it, man.
Thanks for coming in, bro.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, we're just talking about the coronavirus and what's going on.
Let's get into some of the calls that came in, man, and then I'm going to get into having responses and stuff about people dating, family dating within the family.
Cool.
All right, let's get into a couple of these calls.
Hey, Theo, this is Dan from Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Love the show.
I'm 29 years old.
I've been with my current wife for about three years now.
We met in college.
We've been together for almost nine years.
Things have been going really great.
We had a really normal life.
A couple months ago, we started trying for a family, and things kind of really went to shit around that.
She kind of really started getting distant.
She eventually told me that she never wanted a family.
She went back on birth control behind my back.
And long story short, she ended up cheating on me with one of her coworkers.
Jesus Christ.
Sorry, brother.
Sorry to interrupt your life there with the Lord, but it sounded like you could use a little of it.
She's about to burn his house down.
I'm afraid to listen to any more of this call, man.
I hope you're staying safe out there from the virus.
Onward.
And then she recently moved out of our house, and we're currently separated for about a couple months now.
So I've had a few months, a couple weeks now to think about everything, and I'm just really, really confused on kind of like where to go next in my life.
I don't know if I want to give her a second chance or if I just kind of want to move on with my life since we have such fundamental differences on what we.
Yeah, man, I'm going to even just going to, I think you just have to move on.
You Do not give that woman a second chance.
Dude, a second chance for you is a last chance.
A second chance for her is a last chance.
This could be, bro, you could be calling from an ICU next time.
You could be calling from a BVU burn victim unit.
You could be calling from a fire.
I mean, you could be calling.
Yeah, man, I don't think that lady.
I don't think that lady wants to be around you, dude.
Not in a bad way.
You sound like a good guy, but it seemed like she, if she's seeing somebody else, she doesn't want a family.
And what else did she do?
Those were the big two, but I mean, it sounded like she lied to him for years about wanting to have a family.
Yeah.
Even if she didn't cheat, which is like a pretty horrible thing to do to someone you care about, the fact that he wants kids and she doesn't, I feel like, is an initial deal breaker.
Yeah, that's it, man.
That's a deal breaker.
Because otherwise, and you're going to have to be pretending that kids are yours when you're at the park.
You're going to have to get a dog and name it like a kid name.
You know, here's Mark, our dog, you know.
So that kind of shit is going to be a way buzzkill.
You know, you're going to have a kid's room and nobody, you're not going to have anybody in there.
You're going to go sleep in there sometimes at night.
That shit's going to be a downhill life you're looking into.
So I think your best move is to move on, man.
Let's take this next one.
Here we go.
CF.
This is the Kratom King.
Colin, just quit my job.
Don't have another job lined up.
Kratom King, Colin, and Kratom is that thing.
It's kind of a bootleg drug, kind of.
Is this Chin?
Did Chin quit King of the States?
I don't know.
That's a good call.
He's the first person I ever heard doing a lot of Kratom.
Was he really?
He's still on it.
Wow.
He looks the same, I guess he looks...
Yeah, he looks...
You can't tell when people are on it, I guess.
Fucking trying to get into other things.
The only thing I was wondering, what are some of the moments that you have had to just sort of push you to your edge and you have to do something different?
When did you know that it was time for a change?
Yeah, man.
Thanks for the call, brother.
I think, well, you got to be working.
You always have to be working, I think.
I used to live with a fellow for a friend of mine for a while, and his dad used to eat Tostitos and stuff at night, and he wouldn't ever really talk to us and stuff.
And he played tennis a lot, but he always said, you have to have a job.
You got to be working.
So the rest of your stuff, you can kind of figure that out.
You can decide within that world of having some sort of occupation what you want to do.
But first I would go get a job and then I would make a decision on what you want to do because that's really the only way that it works.
You can't really do it the other way because then you're just not doing shit.
You're just kind of thinking about doing stuff.
And you'll feel better too once you have a job.
Once you start showing up for a little bit of time, a little bit of commitment to work and having to do stuff, you're going to feel a little bit more like, you'll just feel a little more inspired.
So I feel like that's what I'll do.
You think that's what he's talking about?
Yeah, I just kind of agree.
It was a bad, probably a bad move to impulsively quit your job without something else lined up.
Although, ironically, I did that when I moved out here.
You did?
Yeah, I just kind of quit and moved out here.
Where were you working at?
It was called Meister MMA.
It was a guy.
He imported sporting goods from overseas, and they branded them as his own mixed martial arts equipment.
That's actually when I got into mixed martial arts because I would sell to gyms and stuff.
And it was cool, but it was just like low ceiling.
I was like this guy's first employee.
He started a business.
He's killing it.
If you go on Amazon, you search hand wraps, Meister MMA is the number one thing that comes up.
He crushes.
And so I did a lot of shipping and then also like cold calling to gyms because we had wholesale.
So it was cool.
I really liked it, but it was just like, I don't know.
I went to college for four years and it just didn't seem like a future.
I would always be like, this guy's number two.
Whereas I don't think he was like, he was more motivated to have like a lifestyle brand, like where he had something just going.
He could kind of live his life.
He wasn't trying to grow some huge conglomerate.
So yeah, I just.
So it was a ceiling for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, man, you got to get into a place where at least you have a ceiling first and then find a different avenue.
I mean, or if you want to chase a dream, I think that's fine, but you just have to be doing it.
So I think when do you get to a place where you kind of met your edge?
Well, I mean, I think getting to that place when you're working and staying busy is a better place to be there than trying to find that place right now when you're not working.
One thing I did when I was working at the job and I was just searching for something I was really passionate about, I got a job at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis on nights.
I mean, it paid like minimum wage.
You were just doorman, but like I did meet people kind of in the industry that I still now will cross paths with.
And like that was an immediate future.
Like I wasn't going to go with Acme, but I went towards my passion kind of.
And then I didn't notice at the time it didn't lead to something directly.
But now because I did that back in the day, it has helped going forward.
So just I think just always trying to be around things you care about, even if it's not exactly what you're trying to do.
Yeah, that's a great point, man.
Yeah.
If there's something that you're really passionate about, if you know what that is, then yeah, maybe start somewhere small within that world.
You can definitely get somewhere big within that world, you know.
Sometimes it's just, yeah, getting close to the world.
He could work at a head shop that sells kratom.
Yeah.
There you go, man.
Yeah, start.
You're the fucking kratom king, dude.
What do you mean, bro?
You know, get a lawnmower and go cut a crop, bro, and sling a few sacks.
All right, let's take another call.
What's up, Theo?
It's Caleb here in Oklahoma, man.
I was going to ask you, I'm also sober.
I've been sober four years on March 22nd.
But where do you go to meet women now in sobriety?
Like, you know, I don't go out to the bar Anymore, and I don't know, man.
It's just kind of hard to be in your mid-30s, single, and trying to stay sober.
So, well, look, brother, congrats on the sobriety, and congrats on working that path.
I think options are, you know, options are places where there's other people, you know.
You know, you got to try like church is good, you know, if you like, or some sort of religious environment.
Yoga, a gym.
You know, a gym is sometimes like just like a bar, but with no liquor, really, you know, and no, and some of them have TVs, but, you know, maybe through a friend or meet a sober woman, go to some mixed meetings.
I know it's not as easy, but I think the value of the person that you'll meet, the actual connection could really be there.
Because then otherwise you meet somebody at a bar.
It's just, I mean, the truth, I think is, you know, I ended up meeting who I was brave enough to meet.
That's what it was.
I feel like you end up with the girl you're brave enough to talk to.
That's what I feel like a lot of times.
So you could be brave enough anywhere.
You could be brave enough at a bar.
You could be brave enough on the street.
You know, go up to a girl and say, hey, what's going on?
You know, or you, you know, do you know somebody?
You know a guy named Patrick?
And she's like, yeah, I think so.
And then to start talking to her.
The first part is that hardest part, how to break that ice.
So, Nick?
Yeah, I mean, that's great advice.
Like, just use it.
I think so.
Okay.
Like what you said about the girl that you meet that pushes you to go out on a limb, I think that it'll happen because you're that motivated.
Also, I'll say the apps.
I think it's easier for a guy on those dating apps to find a relationship rather than just a hookup than it is a girl to find a real relationship.
Because most guys on there are just going for the easy hookup.
So if you are the guy that's looking for the relationship, girls who are looking for a relationship will gravitate towards you.
That's a good point.
Whereas the opposite, girls just completely, they're just constantly accosted by just dudes who want to hook up.
So they probably give up.
But the ones that are there and go on like more hinge than Tinder.
Okay.
Yeah, Tinder seems dangerous.
A lot of hookers on there and robots and everything they said.
What else, man?
Let me get into one more call here while we got Nick here.
Hey, Theo.
It's Jason from Southern California.
What's up, Jason?
Thank you for hitting us up, brother.
And I just got back from Maui, so if I sound like a little beachy, that's why.
I'm 22. Long story short, the past couple months I've been noticing I've been losing a lot of hair.
You know, and that started to freak me out.
I went to the doctor.
He said everything's normal.
You know, but I can tell that, you know, I only got a few more years with my hair.
It's not that bad right now, but, you know, I just, it's been kind of hurting my self-confidence.
Part of me just wants to be like, you know, who cares?
But then I get in these, you know, weak moments where it just feels like that's every, I don't know, it just feels like can't beat it, you know.
So I just want to hear your thoughts on, you know, how to approach changes that are going on that you don't want, you know, that don't look good, but and how to, you know, stay out of those weak moments.
Yeah, man, I feel you, dude.
You know, it's hard for me to talk because I kind of, you know, I've had hair taken out of the back and put in the front, you know, so I have some extra hair.
Twice.
Yeah, twice.
Good call.
So, but I do notice that when I focus on my hair, then I start to really think, oh, I'm losing my hair.
I'm losing my hair.
Whereas when I just, when I'm having fun and enjoying life, then I don't think about my hair at all.
And I'm just having fun.
I think a lot of times it's worse in our perception and the more we dote on it than the reality of it.
Also, one of the most attractive women I ever seen in my life was married to the baldest looking dude I ever seen.
And he was not really wealthy.
And that shit just blew my mind, bruh.
So, you know, I think that, you know, I think there's, there's still a lot, you know, there's still going to be a lot of options for women.
You know, they got a hat.
I think Toupe's are going to come back.
I know that sounds crazy, but things kind of go in cycles and they've been out of style for about 70 years.
So it's definitely time.
And then also, there's a lot of, there's a, there's a, you can look good and be bald these days.
I think you have to kind of go to the gym or get some glasses.
Like you have to go with like kind of the nerdy bald look or the like, you know, the Joe Rogan bald look.
You have to go with one or the other.
But I think you can, you can really work bald.
It just takes reading or going to the gym.
So I think it's just like anything.
You're going to have to find some ways to maybe make up for it.
But I think just working on the confidence is really the biggest key, finding ways to just stay confident.
And I would just look at bald dudes that have wives.
You know, a lot of times if women is kind of the thing that you're worried about.
But yeah, is having hair all that great?
I don't know.
I mean, I think it's cool, but I think that sometimes it's kind of bothersome too.
You always have to fix it.
Whereas if you could be bald and look decent, you could do whatever you want.
You know, you could get a job doing anything, really.
You could work outdoors.
You could work indoors.
Yeah.
What you got, Nick?
The gym was like my first thought initially.
Like you're, you have something you think is making you look worse that you can control.
So do something in your control that you can make yourself look better.
And then it just kind of evens out if you get a little jacked but lose your hair.
I'm going through, I'm pretty hair annoyed right now.
Are you?
I think it's like going up.
I don't know.
Like you said, I'm just trying not to think about it.
But yeah, maybe one day I'll be pulling it out of the back.
I don't know.
But it scares me.
I just try not to think about it.
Like the coronavirus.
Yeah, yeah.
I think, yeah, don't think about it and stay alive, bro.
Right now, I think chicks are going to fuck anybody that's alive.
So that's the number one thing you got going for you right now.
Get some rations.
Yeah, hey, I'm living.
I got something at the house, you know.
So there we go, man.
That's all I got for you, bro.
Thanks, Nick, for helping us out.
No problem.
Good times.
Hope I'm here next week.
Yeah, man.
Not on the podcast, alive.
Okay, alive.
Yeah, yeah, man.
That's true, dude.
I hope you're here too, man.
It's been, if this is the end, man, it's been a fucking run, bro.
It's been good times.
Good times.
I know it'd be crazy, huh?
Dude, I noticed, though, like, say, like, this morning, I was kind of like just touching my eye for a minute, and I wasn't doing anything that I normally wasn't doing, but my brain's like, holy shit, man, are you about to die?
Or, like, I went and you pressed the elevator button, and I was like, how many other people have touched this?
It's just crazy how the paranoia starts to become like a thing, you know?
Yeah, I walked up the stairs.
I was breathing a little heavy.
I was like, oh, my God.
Oh, no, I'm always out of shape.
Never mind.
Awesome, man.
All right.
Take care, brother.
Yes.
And if you can't take care of yourself, I know who can, and that's BetterHelp.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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Oh yeah, the virus is amongst us.
Man, what happens?
What happens if this is where we go?
This is where we stay?
What happens if this is, if we start having to just really seclude ourselves?
What happens?
You know, there's a part of me that is very exciting too.
You know, there's a part of me that's very like, oh, it makes me feel alive as a being.
It makes whoever I am inside kind of like yawn and wake up.
Like, oh, okay.
We're not just cattle being herded.
There's an, you know, we're about to see who's smart enough.
We're about to play a real game here.
There's a little bit of that in this.
There's a little bit of that survival technique.
There's a little bit of that.
What do I do here?
What do I do now?
There's a little bit of that in there.
There's also a little bit of a chance to help other people.
You know, you know somebody's going to be struggling.
You know you have more.
You know, it's a chance to give.
It's a chance to share.
And those are things that make us feel good.
You know, those are things that build bridges with people and build connection.
You know, it's really a beautiful time to be able to do that and to recognize the value of that.
So that's pretty interesting.
What else am I thinking about this virus?
You know, I don't know.
I haven't been in the store yet.
So I'm just probably going to pop by on my way home and see if there's some stuff in there.
It may be miserable.
I may have to make a soup.
You know, I did hear that at the toilet paper section, it was all gone.
And then somebody had put cotton balls there, which I thought was kind of a sweet idea.
I thought they were pretty sweet, bruh.
If you just want to, you know, if you just really want to wipe small, just aim small, miss small, you know.
We had a couple calls that came in.
You know, the last solo episode, I was talking about the corona, no, about Jesus, about heaven and what's going on and what people thought of heaven when they were young and what do they think of it now as they're older and we had some calls that came in so I wanted to to check some of those out here we go hey Theo this is Crystal from Virginia.
My idea of heaven when I was little was living in a shopping mall that was missed with Toys R Us, which was missed with like a petting zoo.
Oh, damn.
Okay, Crystal.
So, and you talking fast.
You sound like you might be on a little bit of Crystal.
But hopefully not.
Hopefully you're doing great.
So yeah, a little Toys R Us in a petting zoo.
I could see a child really loving that.
There's just toys and animals and fun things everywhere, right?
Oh, yeah.
Right.
But now that I'm older, I feel like it's more interglatical.
I think I might have screwed up that word.
But you know what I mean?
Like, I feel like we'll get permission to explore the universe.
Like, we just be out here floating.
Our souls just be able to go to whatever planet they want.
Maybe each planet's a little bit different, a little bit invisible, a little bit of fifth-dimensional, you know?
Maybe different, like, it's not earthly, but it might have, like, this planet be like this, and this planet be kind of like amusement parks, different amusement parks.
So now I just feel like it's just like, maybe there are aliens, but they are not visible to our human bodies.
Maybe we had to be a spirit to see them.
Wow.
Yeah, I like that.
That's still kind of a pet in zoo.
It's just you're like petting the universe with your spirit.
You're just kind of just cruising around.
It's like this open-hearted kind of like just being.
And you just kind of bumper, just bumping off the walls of other echelons.
I think that sounds pretty magical, really.
Yeah, it's funny how when you're young and then as you get older, the way that you could really envision heaven and what it could seem like to you.
I love that pet and zoo, though.
I love a pony.
I love a small animal.
And I have always really loved a small animal.
Onward, let's hear another call.
Hey, Theo.
My name's Spencer.
I'm from Georgia.
Hey, Spencer, thank you for calling, man.
And I hope you're staying healthy out there, gang.
And you were talking about what heaven was like when we were children versus what it's like now.
And I was thinking about heaven when I was a child and how my dad told me that when you die, you go to heaven.
You get to live forever and ever and ever.
And it gave me like a weird sinking feeling inside of me, like, you never die.
It just goes on forever and ever and ever in this place.
And there's never going to be a stop to it.
Yeah, it seems like a lot.
It does seem like a long, it does seem like a long haul, especially as a child, I can imagine it could seem like a long haul onward.
So when I was a child, I used to think about that, and it used to scare me.
But then when I got older, I thought about it and thought like, well, maybe heaven is a place where we can exist forever.
And at some point, we choose to come down here into this dimension and feel like that we're living, but we can die.
So we can learn something with each trip that we take down here.
We get to learn things about ourselves and the reality of stuff.
Man, that's really interesting.
Yeah, like heaven is kind of the, it's like the rental car place and then our bodies are like, you know, earth or, you know, existence is sort of each time you get rented and you get to take out, you go out and you have an experience and you go back.
And they either return you with a full tank or they return you on empty, you know?
They might return you a couple of dents in the doors, anything, but yeah, you have an experience and then you go back and like kind of park back into the shop.
That's pretty, yeah, I really like that, man.
That's beautiful.
That's real beautiful.
Let's take another heaven call.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Kenny from Cut and Shoot, Texas.
What's up, Kenny from Cut and Shoot?
Gang, Brother Omert.
I was calling about the heaven, man.
When I was a kid in church, they taught us that, you know, heaven was constant worship.
And I don't know, man, I always thought that sounded boring as hell.
When I was a kid, I thought heaven sounded boring as fuck, but they said because it was constant worship, you know, just like we was already in church worship.
And why we got to worship when we died, too.
Oh, yeah, that's double worship, man.
I feel you there.
But, you know, now that I'm older, I kind of feel like heaven is a little more specific to every person, you know?
Like, every person's heaven is different, just like every person's hell can be different.
So that's it.
Gang, Theo.
Thank you, bro.
Yeah, you know, it would be nice to think that it's different, that we all get our own, that we all have one that's very unique to us.
It would really make sense almost because the world feels very unique to us.
You know, because we're only able to really get our own perception of life here on earth.
So it'd be interesting.
It'd be probably similar to really get that the same in heaven.
You get the same, you know, that your understanding of your environment is specific to you.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
And I hope they have a hell too, bro.
And I hope there's a chance where you could get, you know, if you don't, you know, mine your taters and tots, that they could drag you back down the other end of the hallway.
It would just be exciting.
You know, that's one of the, another thing that maybe really keeps me believing in another leg of our existence is just the choice to have excitement.
For there to be something else.
And people are like, oh, man, you die and that's it.
And I'm like, that's, bro, anybody could write that book.
You know, anybody could do that.
You know, I'd like to think that I'm built for something more.
You know, and maybe it's selfish, but I don't think there's anything real selfish in thinking that you would like to be able to exist more to be able to have new experiences and hopefully ones that are even better than the ones that we're already having here.
What else do we have going on, man?
I'm a little, you know, I'm, well, as always, I'm a little tired.
But that's just my MO.
We got a Patreon question came in.
Alaskan Rock Vodka.
Are you planning on upping your podcast frequency?
If we're going to be shut in with all this virus business, we need to get more online entertainment.
Thank you, Alaskan Rock Vodka, and thank you for being a longtime Patreon supporter, really from the beginning.
And I really want to thank you very much.
Real kind of you.
Yeah, I think I'm going to do some stuff.
I'm going to try my best.
I don't want to just put out whatever.
I want to be feeling good and put out cool stuff.
We got Glenn Big Baby Davis coming in tomorrow.
And he went to school at LSU and I went to school down there at LSU.
And so I'm really excited to see, to have a conversation with him.
Who else?
We have some really cool guests coming up.
And depending on how the viral thing plays out, what we're going to do, what it's going to be like, we may have more.
We're supposed to do a live this past weekend in, I want to say it's in April or May out here in Los Angeles.
So I think there's some options.
What else that came in?
Thank you for that question, though.
Yeah, we're going to try to do some stuff, some extra king and the sting.
We're also going to try to do some stuff for the single moms that we have.
We know this is a tough time for them having to deal with, you know, probably just changes.
You know, maybe they're still working, but they need to find help for their children.
So we're going to reach out and do something special for them, try to help out a little bit.
What else, man?
That's it, dude.
I will say this, and Mao, you see a lot of hair on the ground.
They're cutting people's hair and just leaving it.
People, you know, somebody just drop a damn pigtail and it'll be right there.
Another question that came in, how's it feel?
This is from Action Jackson.
How's it feel to be done with your dark arts tour?
Is there anything in particular you're looking forward to doing now that you have more free time?
Yeah, I'm looking to take care of myself a little bit better.
I'm looking to get some more rest.
You know, I'm working on a pilot project right now with Mike Judge, actually, and Greg Daniels, who made Beavis and Butthead and some other stuff.
So I'm excited about, you know, they really love the animation that we've been putting up on Instagram.
And thank you guys so much for your support on that.
So we're working on trying to take a project out, you know, a pilot out.
So it's kind of, it's a little scary to talk about, but it's really, I guess it's okay to talk about.
You know, I'm just really excited, I guess, about it.
I'm hopeful.
I'm not like overly excited.
I just want it to be, you know, I love the little cartoon guy and I love, you know, I just don't want to spoil kind of what we already have going on with it.
But I think that, you know, those guys are obviously legends and it really makes me feel amazing that they're excited.
And so we'll see what happens, you know.
I'm just trying to stay creative.
So I think those are things I'm going to do.
I'm just going to try to stay more, just try and take care of myself so I can be a little more creative and stay creative.
What else?
Try and do some yoga and get some extra naps.
You know, I think I'm pretty lucky that the tour, some people's tours were just starting and they're having to reel them back now.
But those are things that I'm looking forward to doing.
So thanks for asking that question, man.
Here's a question from Riley Mora.
And it says, gang, why is Hawaii so comforting?
I have never been, but you make it seem like the best getaway.
Take care of yourself.
I think there's not, like, it's just relaxing.
Oh, here's why.
Because everything, there's no real nightlife there.
Everything shuts down early.
So sometimes you'll feel a pressure like, I got to go out.
I got to, people are doing, at 8 o'clock in Hawaii, everybody's eating dinner and it is bedtime.
And it doesn't matter if you're 22 or if you're 51. So I think that's what it is.
Just the fact that it's okay to be at peace there.
You know, it's one thing, it's almost a similar, like with this virus.
It's like, you know, with this Rona, people are wondering, you know, I'm feeling like, okay, at least now we have an excuse to just relax.
You know, it's like, okay, we can just chill.
You know, oh, you can look across the table and see who someone is.
See who is that?
You know, I'll get to know my kid a little bit better.
I'll break out a board game.
There is something really comfortable, man.
We've been on this fast, fast train in America.
And it's nice to have just something kind of apply this weird break.
I'm not saying that this is a good break, but I'm just saying that it is.
There's something really comforting in it, I feel like, in a weird way.
To kind of know that people are hopefully taking care of themselves.
So that's one thing that's kind of neat about this.
And that's one thing that's neat about Hawaii is that there's just that energy there.
There's that energy of just self-care, taking care of yourself, the ocean.
You know, the more I would go get in the ocean every day when I was over there and I just kept feeling like the world kept falling off my shoulders.
Like just the troubles that I had or the problems or whatever.
You know, the stress kind of fell off my shoulders.
So that was really nice to feel.
What else?
I think we got into a lot of stuff.
You know, we got big baby Glenn Davis coming in tomorrow.
We got King and the Sting on Tuesday.
A lot of fun stuff going on.
And let's get into one more call right here before we cruise out.
Hey, Theo.
You said that you like the movie The Family Man.
Okay, yes.
I do.
She said you said you like the movie Family Man.
Yes, ma'am, I do.
Thank you.
With Nicholas Cage.
And I was just wondering if you were given a glimpse of your life, if you hadn't become a comedian, what would you think that glimpse would look like?
All right, thank you.
If I hadn't become a comedian and I had to go have a glimpse of my life.
Wow, that's a good question.
Well, thanks for the call.
You know, I feel like maybe I would have been maybe done arts and crafts, maybe somebody that did arts and crafts instructor or, you know, maybe a attorney, maybe.
But just attorney because you get to speak in front of people.
Like you got To like kind of prove a case or talk, discuss a point or something.
That's one thing I think I remember wanting to be when I was younger.
Or, you know what?
Honestly, I think I really might have got into being a writer.
You know, I really like to write.
You know, when people used to write, I used to love it.
And now it's more typing and stuff.
It's different.
But man, I really liked writing when it was popular.
But yeah, I think, I don't know.
I wonder what a glimpse of my life would be like.
I'd probably be...
I'd probably be, you know, my brother's a pretty good role model, so I probably would have learned some stuff from him.
So I bet I would have probably ended up being maybe an attorney or a writer.
Maybe both.
And I bet I would have had a marriage, but I would have probably gotten a divorce because I've never really been ready for it yet.
You know, just kind of hard to, you know, never really, hard to keep my, you know, my mind out of the cookie jar or whatever.
And yeah, I think that that would be it.
Maybe no kids yet or maybe a child.
But yeah, it's a good question.
It's a good question.
What else?
Did we get into a lot of stuff this week?
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
I'm glad to be back, though.
But man, I miss it at the same time.
You know, I just, there's something, there was fear.
People are worried that they might shut down air travel everywhere.
So I said, I got to get back home and I got to get back to the podcast.
You know, I haven't been in here.
So I just said, we need to do it.
And we did it.
And this was it.
I want to thank everybody for communicating.
I want to thank everybody for being a part of the podcast and just of what's going on.
And yeah, we'll get into some extra stuff this week.
We'll keep putting out some good content and doing our best.
As always, hit the hotline, 985-664-9503 if something is going on in your universe.
And what'll take us out tonight?
Oh, I know what we'll do.
We'll do some North Mississippi All-Stars with Drunk Outdoors.
Yeah, stay aware.
You know, we'll stay aware.
We do what we can.
You know, this is a unique time in existence where we get to see who we are inside of ourselves.
You know, I think it's neat we can learn a lot about ourselves and really find ways to try and just be decent to one another.
But it's a wild time.
You know, there's a lot of shockers rocking out there.
And thank you guys for showing up this week.
And I'll see you guys again next week.
And I'll see you this week with Glenn Big Baby at Davis.
Be good to yourselves.
And I'm going to try to do the same.
Let me holler at you, come and step outside We got two dollars down each other.
We gon' ride.
Let me holler at you.
Let's go get drunk outdoors Let's go get drunk outdoors Let's go get drunk outdoors Let's go get drunk outdoors Now we're cooking with gas on the front burner Hot wind gas station down on the corner Cooking with gas on the front burner Come down and
drunk out the trunk Let's go get drunk outdoors My feet on dirty lunch floors Let's go get drunk outdoors If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got
money, get that hit up If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, get that hit up Get that hit up If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got
money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit If you got money, you can get a little bit
Get that hit up You guys can go check that tune out if you want.
That's Drunk Outdoors by the North Mississippi All-Stars.
And take care of yourselves, get some rest, and I'll see you guys next week.
Gang.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Aye, Sweet.
Here's a deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jar mine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
*BEEP*
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
