Theo recaps his tour through Europe, and responds to some listener voicemails.
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Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
Gray Block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach.
Gray Block.
Get that hitter.
Denver, baby.
Back from Denver.
And they call it, some people call it Menver.
Menver, you know, like they got more men over there.
But I saw a good, I definitely saw a decent gaggle of mountain kitten, you know, kind of just scheming about.
I saw a lot of beautiful, seemed like a lot of beautiful women over there.
I mean, a lot of them were at a distance.
Could have been, you know, transvestites or wigged men.
And there are a lot of wigged men out there.
A lot of wonderful people visited the shows.
A lot of hill people.
A lot of mountainers, you know.
You see a lot of people come down.
They got different furs on them.
In Denver, you don't know.
Sometimes you'll be petting something and you'll think it's a great Dane and then it'll kind of lift up and it's got a Starbucks.
And it's some fella, maybe some fella named Randy or something.
He just had on a fur.
You know, you see a lot of crouching Randys or crouching tigers hitting Randys.
You know, you think something, it's like, oh, there's a sheep and it's, oh, that's Vanessa.
You know, she was just bending down picking up something.
She dropped her phone.
Because people wear exotic furs, a lot of sheep, a lot of seal.
You'll see somebody wearing seal fur, seal skin.
So you definitely have that wildness out there.
A lot of neat people came out.
Fat Trish came out.
Shout out Fat Trish.
Shout out.
I met this guy who said that I bummed a cigarette off of him in 2001.
So that was pretty cool.
My boy Eric came out.
Little Doyle.
Gay Henry, this dude who was, he just kept increasing the gay amount as the night went on.
You got those buddies, you know.
You know, at 10 o'clock, they're, you know, they're Brad Pitt at 10 p.m.
And by 2 a.m., they fucking ball bag Lance a lot.
You know, they just, you're like, whoa, whoa, we really shifting here.
Ronnie, big Ronnie came out with those buck teeth, respect.
And I think that was about everybody.
A lot of people with mountain asthma, a lot of MAs, the mountain asthmatics.
And the air, when you get into Colorado, the air has a little bit of, the air just feels thicker.
Like it's got shoulders on it.
Like you just, that air hit the sides of your lungs.
Said, what you doing, boy?
What you doing?
You better be doing something, boy.
It's refreshing.
There's something refreshing there.
And that's a gift.
A lot of places do not have that.
But they have it there.
And what a beautiful group of people to come on out and enjoy life with.
But NAS Denver, where the air's got that air is like it's wearing shoulder pads.
Hit you.
You know, that air's got something in it.
It's got something going on.
Every breath you take, you can feel that inhale, that it's got a mother and a father out there.
You know, every, you know, when you inhale the air out there in Colorado, you can feel the wind in the distance looking for its baby that you just took off the planet.
It's Colorado, man.
It's Colorado.
And that's a native word, I'm sure.
What does it mean?
Let me look it up right now, actually.
And shout out to all like three different dudes came out that had Trey Anastasio tattoos on their back, too.
And Colorado is of Spanish origin, meaning color red.
The name was applied to the Colorado River because of the red sandstone soil of the region.
And there you go.
So never too late to get some facts.
Back in Los Angeles, back from the mountains, back from the...
I mean, it's just really just a...
And there's a little mountain over there.
And a mountain, all a mountain is, is a mountain is just a bunch of land got together and just said, now what, bitch, you feel me?
You know what I'm saying?
A mountain is just a gang of land.
It's basically MS-13 of dirt.
That's all a mountain is, bro.
You know, a prairie looks over at a mountain or, you know, like a valley looks at a mountain.
It's like, damn, these dudes are bullies.
That's all it is, man.
But shout out everybody, bro.
And I'm back, and we got a lot to discuss.
And I'm happy to be here with you.
And I really am.
Gang, let's go.
You're the red baby.
Set me free.
Some Stevie Starlight.
Just don't say goodbye.
It's you and me.
Enjoy the destination.
Come on.
Come on.
It's never too late to come over.
Time slips away from you and me now.
So don't hesitate to come over.
Why?
Why must we wait when we're alive?
Why must we wait when we are alive?
Let's say it really, I mean, and that is Stevie Starlight right there.
And we'll put the link to Stevie's music into his Patreon.
He allows us to use that song.
And he was a guest here early on the podcast.
And just if you haven't seen the Stevie Starlight come over is that song.
The music video is something exceptional.
And it just takes you back to a different time when magic was running around through the world.
And even it was barefoot.
Good to be here.
Man, thank you, Stevie, for that song.
It's never too late to come over.
Why must we wait when we're alive?
Man, that's a good question.
Good question.
I wait.
Oh, I wait on a lot of stuff.
Man, I'm so indecisive.
I wait.
I always wait.
I don't know.
I don't know if I, you know, that's what I always do.
That's my first, my first thought is, maybe next time.
Do it next year.
I'll go skiing next year.
That's what I always tell myself, you know.
And then here, it's been a couple years since I've been skiing or snowboarding or even just fell down a hill with ice on it.
Or even just slipped in a damn parking lot.
You know, amongst a group of young men that were mentally unwell.
You know, my grandmother, when I was young, I would go up to my grandmother's and my mom, she made me take, we had a cat that lived in our neighborhood, and the lady would be gone in the summer.
We watch her cat.
This cat named Quagmire was his name.
So when I went up to my grandmother's in the summer, my mom would send that cat up there with me because my grandmother loved cats.
And she really, she loved cats more than she loved me, really.
She'd pet that cat and I'd just sit on the other side of the room just kind of, you know, just looking at my hands or just maybe I'd have like a little, maybe a chocolate in my pocket or a marble or something.
I'd get it out and look at it and put it back in.
And my grandmother'd be over there just stroking quagmire's back.
Dude, I remember one time actually me and this other boy, we went over to the park and I mean, we could have been homosexual.
I don't know.
I think we were just children, but we just ended up petting each other's backs like my grandmother did with that cat.
We quagmire that cat.
But that's the romance of being young, you know, is that things can happen and that, you know, and you just, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
But, I mean, I almost did and then I just, you know, you just don't know.
Good to be here.
Just got back to Los Angeles.
Five nice shows in Denver.
Man, a lot of wonderful people came out.
I see a lot of babies.
You know, Chris DeLeah is a comedian.
You guys may have heard of him.
He's a comedian.
He also used to do a lot of male modeling, I think, in Estonia or kind of like a war-torn area.
And I'm seeing a lot of people life rips and these dents, these sweaters wearing dents and everything.
And people wearing them to the shows.
And so it's nice to see just that a lot of these babies are coming over from their stepdaddy's house and coming back to Papa's lair.
So it is just really nice.
Welcome home.
Welcome home.
It's never too late to come over, is it?
But yeah, so a lot of those life's rips and dense wears this weekend.
Just a great time, great time out there.
You know, they had, I got back to Los Angeles and at the airport, I landed and I was walking and I thought, wow, the feeling in the air is just different.
And it's because, I mean, I knew to me it was obvious it was because of the Kobe Bryant death.
And I was like, oh, wow, this is, you know, I could just feel it in the air.
It was just a little bit, just somber, you know.
And I think it's just such a reminder to everyone.
I mean, to me, it was such a reminder of just what a rare gift it is that we're running around with.
You know, what a rare, you know, what an opportunity that we have.
Even if sometimes we don't, and I'm not saying I notice this all the time or that I'm even able to access it, but there's some reason why when, you know, when a death like of Kobe Bryant, you know, somebody of that magnitude, I mean, he was, you know, I was more of a Michael Jordan guy, but I've always been astonished by how beloved Kobe Bryant is and was.
I mean, one of my college roommates, Jerome, was a huge Kobe Bryant fan, always was.
You know, we were in Louisiana.
You know, just the Asian, pick an Asian, and they are a Kobe Bryant fan.
Latinos.
Dude.
Bro, you throw a Kobe Bryant jersey back across the border, at least probably 1,100 people who are climbing over will immediately go back the other way if somebody's going to try to get it.
And I don't mean that in any sort of racial way.
I'm just saying that Kobe has a huge Mexican fan base.
You know, you always see Mexicano guys.
You'll see them in the parking lots, man.
Shooting Balancesto at night, man.
Oh, shoot the six-pointer.
Shoot the six-pointer, Hector.
You know?
Wearing dickies, bruh.
You'll have nine guys on one team.
And they're playing another group of guys that probably has five guys or six or 14 guys on the team.
Everybody has on a Kobe Bryant jersey.
And one dude, there's one referee.
He has no shirt on and somebody spray painted the number 24 on his back.
Or a Vente Cuatro.
Somebody wrote that across his chest.
But yeah, just so beloved, man.
I mean, that man was just beloved.
And just the tragedy.
And you just, you know, since I wasn't a fan, it was tough for me to relate on a way of like, oh, man, this basketball player.
But once, you know, there was more information about how his daughter was with him.
And it was very easy for me to relate on a level of just, man, to be in that situation, to be with your daughter, to be, just to feel so helpless, you know, probably.
And just what a gift, you know, and it just makes you walking around.
It adds a thicker weight to my blood.
You know, it's funny.
It's like when somebody who seems to be carrying a lot of weight in the world.
Because Kobe, you know, Kobe was, I mean, loved and hated, it seemed like by a lot of, hated in the sense that people hated playing him.
People hated maybe being on his team.
Like, he was just probably too intense, maybe, for some people.
But always, like, seemed to be respected, you know.
I don't know, just kind of just, so it was interesting coming back to Los Angeles and getting here and being like, oh, this is, you know, the ground floor of the place that lost him.
Yeah, just, you know, real heartbreaking.
Heartbreaking.
And it just adds a heavier weight because whenever someone's, you know, is when you have like somebody like that that's such a hero and they're gone, then suddenly all of that weight they were carrying, all the whatever they were holding up, all of that has to settle back into other people's shoulders and other places in the world.
You know, all the people they were holding up emotionally, family members, financially, all of that all has to settle.
You know, it all has to find other places to rest comfortably.
And you can just feel that unrest in the air out here.
And it's so scary.
It's so scary to think.
It's scary to think about death, but then it's even scarier to when the feeling, there's this moment where the thought turns, like turns on this or goes over, it's like this thought, the thought turns into a feeling in your body.
And that's when for me, I can always have to quit thinking about that sort of thing.
It just becomes this too, it's too much for your soul to comprehend.
You know, the idea of going on to somewhere else.
And also how, you know, I mean, it's, you know, I believe that there's something beyond this.
And I believe that what a wild adventure to walk into the afterlife with your daughter or with your father.
And I don't mean that in like a morose way.
I just mean that in a way of, you know, that I always believe that there's some bigger plan going on that we can't see.
And I would, you know, I would hope that, you know, one day when I go on that, I mean, what a gift it would be to go with somebody that you already love or that has love for you or just to wander out into this into this new feeling,
of yourself.
I mean, when you leave here, man, when you I bet you kind of just immediately like void through into this other world, this other, you know, it could be water, it could be something that we don't even know, some viscous type of deal.
It could be made out of sprinkles.
I don't know.
It could be some whatever chasm we move into just to feel your body transposed from one into the next.
But to have in your hand, the hand of somebody else that, knowing you're not alone, you know, that's got to be something nice.
We had, in the comedy world, there's a comedian, Ari Shafir, and he, you know, he had some wild thoughts on the Kobe situation, and some people were not excited about that.
I want to play this video that Ari Shafir put out.
You can, if you haven't already heard it, and this was after the plane, the helicopter crash onward.
There's always a lot of like hate pain in the world.
There's always a bunch of terrible stories.
Every once in a while, there's a good story.
A good story comes out.
Guys who got away with rape got his today.
Kobe Brad is a god.
I'm here at Charlotte, the homeless team that originally drafted him.
Maybe he wouldn't have break that chicken temper if he had stayed in Charlotte with the hoardance.
But anyway, the point is, it's like people, that didn't go over well.
I mean, I'll put that right there.
It just didn't go over well with people.
Ari also had a tweet.
Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today.
He got away with rape because all the Hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than they dislike rape.
Big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper.
I hate the Lakers.
What a great day.
Hashtag fuck the Lakers.
It's a lot to unpack, I think, in all of that.
You know, I mean, I personally, I went through a gamut of like thoughts and emotions with it, just like a regular dude, man.
And it's funny because the way I thought yesterday about it and the way I thought today about it have adjusted.
I mean, at first I was just like, man, this is crazy.
Like, is he joking?
Is he serious?
You know, there were children, George's children that died.
And so, you know, it's just, that's too much to joke about.
It's too much.
You know, I was like, it's just, it's too much.
There was also part of me that was like, you know, I had the thought too, whenever, you know, when a lot of people were, you know, really lamenting Kobe Wright, I was like, yeah, did he rape someone?
You know, that came into my head.
I could never, I couldn't remember exactly how that had played out in the court system and stuff.
But here's a guy that was accused of that.
And it, you know, it went to court and then there was a settlement.
So those are just things that kind of popped into my head.
And then once I learned that his daughters and that there was more people involved, his daughter and other young people, and just, I mean, it just, for me, it landed in a whole different spot.
Now, for Ari Shafir, I mean, he's an edgy comedian.
That's his whole thing.
You know, he's harsh.
He is vulgar at times, maybe.
I mean, and I'm not, you know, I'm not like denouncing Ari.
I don't believe in this cancel culture stuff.
At first, I was just shocked.
I was like, is he trying to get attention?
Is he, you know, is he the video, it had like, he has like a little bit of a smirk in it.
So it came for sure was going to make people irate.
I mean, it was just, there was too much.
He was doing it in front of a picture of other basketball players in Charlotte.
There's just so many elements that make it bad or that make it tough to digest.
Let me say that.
Especially on a day when so many people, when he was just beloved by so many people.
And then it's interesting because then today, like last night I'm looking at different tweets.
Like Michael Rappaport took Ari to the woodshed, really.
He says, he goes, I want people to see who this piece of shit is.
I think it's disgusting.
Rappaport went in hard on the dude.
He said, meet comedian Ari Shafir.
This is a professional comedian.
Hashtag Ari Shafir at Ari Shafir.
He was not stoked.
Ari got also referred to as a white supremacist.
The racist piece of shit.
You know, people went at him.
I mean, it was funny how it was interesting.
It was interesting to see online how the hatred online just started to build and turn over itself and how it got people called Joe Rogan into it.
Like just how it just kind of became this, like an avalanche, like a hay bale that somebody pushed over a levee.
You know, it became this building thing, this aminable snowman.
And then today I'm like, well, I mean, it's tough because if you want to believe in freedom of speech, which we have to have it, then some people are just going to say what they want to say.
You know, I don't know Ari's intent on this.
I don't know if he's trying to sell tickets in Charlotte.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, people also say this is a character that he does where he does a lot about like when people die.
He'll make like a funny video or a funny tweet or make a tweet trying to make light of a situation under a certain like dirty character that he has.
Honestly, it's interesting because if Ari walked into the room yesterday, if he walked in, I'd have been like, dude, what the fuck?
What's going on?
And I think that's how most people would have been if he in human, in human form would have walked into the room after you had seen the video and read this tweet.
But online, it's like this other thing.
You can be, you know, people are like saying, I'm going to knock him out right when I see him at the comedy store.
People are saying, black people, go get this guy.
There was definitely a lot of black racial hatred towards him.
And from everybody.
I mean, it was from all directions.
It wasn't just black for sure, but, you know, there was like some, you know, black Twitter can be wild.
But yeah, I just thought it definitely, it was just, it was some rough timing.
It was definitely rough timing.
But that had to be what he's going for.
I mean, that's what he's doing.
There's some people that, you know, there's like whatever that sinus, the insult dog.
Remember that guy?
The little dog, the puppet?
And then there's Ari, the freaking, the death wish Doberman, you know?
I mean, he wanted all the smoke.
And he got it, man.
He definitely got it.
So I just end up thinking that if we're going to, people can say what they want, and they should be able to say what they want.
And the repercussions of it are other people are going to react the way they want to.
You can't say that people can't say something, even if you don't agree with it.
I can't say, oh, he can't say that.
And I don't think that Twitter or any of these platforms should be able to say someone can't say something.
The way you learn what works and what doesn't is by trying things out.
Now, I don't think that, I mean, I don't know if this is him trying some, I mean, I'm not saying any of that, but I'm just saying you have to still have that, you know, now he knows how people feel.
And that, you know, people get to react the way they want to to certain things.
That's what it's all about.
But I just think it was interesting when I thought to myself, okay, well, he's online saying this stuff.
But if you see him in person, I would probably be a lot more human.
Like, you know, I'm thinking, I'd be like, oh, well, dude, what was going on, man?
Jeez.
I'd be like, you freaking, you know, is it tough to take a nap because so many, because your phone is just burning with the hatred of so many people towards you?
I guess that's my thoughts on it.
You know, you say what you want and you can suffer the repercussions of it or you can see how people, other people feel about it.
But to say this guy, screw, then you just don't go buy it.
Then don't buy a ticket if you don't want to see him.
Now, some people who's into the dark arts and stuff, they're going to really thrive on this.
They might buy a new kitten or something, name it Ari Shafir.
I mean, I don't think Michael Rappaport's going to buy one.
But, you know, just like anybody, he can say what he wants to, and then people get to react to it.
And then that's how you get to say what you want back.
So that's really my thoughts on it.
I mean, I just, the part that scares me is when they start saying that, oh, take this guy's account away and take this sort of thing.
Like that just, because that's never going to help anything.
People still have to be able to say what they want.
That's how you learn.
You know, that's how you learn.
But man, that was a ballsy fucking move, huh?
It was just a ballsy.
Just like, I don't know if I could take all that heat online.
I just don't know if I could take all that heat.
I got to tell you right now that Becks is what I put on a lot.
I'll put some on right now, bro.
Bat boys, what you want?
I got on these back shades, baby.
I got on these back shades.
And dude, these are nice.
Some of them, if you want that polarization, you want to make the world feel like it's really a, you know, you're in a class of your own, then Beck's sunglasses can do that.
You want to take care of your eyes.
You want to look classy, suave.
You want to walk in and just, man, see the ladies go straight into cardiac arrest.
Then you need Bex.
With the sun the way it is now with either global warming or just extra sun, you need sunglasses that won't, you know, that aren't going to let that heat get through and laser you down.
Bex sunglasses are badass polarized sunglasses and that are tough and clear as hell.
I mean, these things are just, whoo, dude, and they have that, you almost, you know, different pairs make you look different ways.
Suave, cool.
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One of the pairs make you look like a damn ninja at a bakery.
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Let's get into a couple questions here.
We had a call.
Let me hit the hotline, as always, 985-664-9503.
And R.I.P.
Kobe Bryant, I couldn't remember, you know, Michael Landon, I've always been a huge fan of.
I mean, he was basically the white James Brown.
And when he died, man, from cigarettes, it felt like somebody just reached inside of my nuts and just took one of my nuts out.
It felt like a lot.
It felt like a lot.
But I couldn't remember, you know, when I was young in Covington, Louisiana, they had a boy.
We were playing basketball.
And this tall, beautiful young black gentleman named Ricardo Jordan.
Man, he had a smile.
It looked like somebody had just hid two pianos in his mouth.
Man, he just had a big, big, big smile.
His smile must have been damn nine inches long.
He's about 6'3 or 6'4 in the eighth grade.
I mean, the kid was humongous.
And we're playing a basketball game, and he fell on the court and just never, he didn't hit his head or anything.
He just had like a seizure, just his heart.
You know, one of those children that their body was so big and their heart just couldn't do the magic for it.
And he left.
And that was it.
You know, they never brought him back to consciousness.
And, man, it was, God, that hurt so much when I was young because to see a, to have a child, you know, just someone like I was a child.
You know, the atoms that were inside of him were the same atoms that were inside of me.
They were, you know, nervous, excited, you know, hopeful energy.
And to see that energy just not have the form it had inside of his body anymore.
Man, that was so scary as a child.
Anyway, I don't mean to harp on it, you know, get it.
I'm just trying to think of a tragedy that happened on a national level.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe, oh, is there a sports hero that I can't think of a different one?
What did you guys think of the Ari Shafir scenario?
You know, if you heard anything about it or read about it or even if you just heard about it at all, what do you think about, you know, when there's an instance like that, you know, people sharing how they feel and if it's too much?
I mean, people can do whatever they want, and you can react to it however you want.
Let's...
Let's take a call.
Here we go right here.
Yo, Theo, this is Kenny Martinez.
What's up, Kenny?
Was one of the guys I got to see you just past weekend in Denver.
I just want to call and tell you, thank you, man.
You killed it.
I literally was dying.
Gang shit, baby.
Onward.
Like the first 10 minutes into your set, I was like, if he doesn't stop, I'm going to have a heart attack or something because I couldn't breathe.
That's what I'm talking about, boy.
They call me that body bagger, dog.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
You get a body bag.
Because when the audiences come, baby, I'm sending them home in a to-go box, daddy.
That's who I am.
Okay?
I'm that sweet petat, baby.
I'm that stage yam, daddy.
I'm that carbohydrate, son.
I'm that drip drop.
Gang, let's go.
My stomach, my abs were hurting so bad from laughing.
Myself and my girl were there, and we were both cracking up.
It was funny as hell.
I just wanted to call and tell you one thanks for the show, and the show was great.
My girl actually got those tickets for us because she knows how big of a fan I am of yours.
And I was telling her one day, I was like, hey, D.O.Von's coming to Denver.
He just announced.
And I swear to you, not even two minutes later, I was sitting in the kitchen.
She came out.
She goes, I just bought us tickets, VIP tickets.
We're going to get to meet him.
Well, she sounds like a sweet lady, man.
And I'm very grateful that you guys came out and were a part of my weekend as well.
So you guys take care of it there and stay off that altitude.
You get up on that altitude.
That's free dope.
That's free dope out there.
People, you know, you already, you get off the plane, you're 2,000 feet up in the air in Denver.
Like, what the hell?
I'm used to a plane takes you all the way to the ground.
Oh, hey, plane.
You dropped me off at about 1,100 feet.
Okay?
I know we're at the airport, but you built this whole city on the top of a hill.
So that altitude is wild, man.
You can't even, and strange stuff, you can't even get a spoon into a bowl of soup.
Just you're like, damn, what?
Supposed to be cream of mushroom.
Thank you for coming out, man.
Onward, let's take another call here.
Here we go.
What up, Theo?
This is Cross from Oklahoma.
I went to go see your show at the Tower Theater when you're here, and it was amazing.
Oh, thank you, brother.
Yeah, in Oklahoma, man.
It's a beautiful area over there.
And one of the managers at the comedy store, this gentleman, Curtis Nelson, is an Oklahoman.
And he's probably one of the top 60 or 70 decent men I've known onward.
And I'm sitting here watching this past weekend at my house.
And I was just curious.
You give a lot of credit to your higher power.
And to be honest, you sound like the way you talk, you sound like You believe in Jesus, you believe in God.
So I was just wondering, how come you don't say God whenever you say your higher power?
Or do you just not believe necessarily God and that this is just a higher power?
Anyways, man, keep doing you.
Gang gang, brother.
Love you.
Gang gang, brother.
Love you back, Playboy.
You know, sometimes I say higher power.
You know, my God isn't like a real name maniac.
Some gods is a real name maniac.
You know, call me this.
Call me that.
Call me Henry, you know.
But, you know, I believe in God, man.
And I know some people don't.
That's fine with me.
You know, I think God is a personal choice.
And for me, I think I need a God.
I don't do the best job of believing in him sometimes.
I know a lot of times I do my own will.
But, you know, I just think it's taking a chance, man.
It's taking a chance to believe in God.
You know, to say that there's something out there.
Because sometimes in my brain, I can't, I don't want the best for myself.
You know, as sad as that is to say or as hard as that is to say sometimes, you know, sometimes I don't want, you know, I'll just either just be feeling depressed or just not good or just, I don't know, or just, you know, sometimes I just don't, I don't want the best for myself in some ways.
I can't even explain it really.
Sometimes it's easier for me to expect not good things to happen than I want because then I'll be able to say, oh, I told you so, you know?
It's easier for me to expect, you know, to try and like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I know what I'm trying to say.
It's just sometimes it's hard for me.
It's been hard for me this past year to really connect to some of my feelings.
But I believe in God, man.
I believe in a higher power.
And it's a God of my understanding.
And I believe that you can have your own relationship with God.
I believe that.
And for me, I'm glad that it's there because it's fascinating to me sometimes that even when I don't care about, you know, sometimes when I don't care about myself, I don't have the strength or the, you know, it's amazing to believe that somebody does.
You know, that something out there really does want the best for me.
And that, to me, that's God.
You know, I believe that God wants the best for me.
And that's scary to think, really.
Because a lot of my life, you know, I think growing up and, you know, just in my, and I'm not, and look, I'm not feeling sorry for myself right now.
I'm not being hard on myself.
I'm just trying to share my feelings and talk on something.
I'm not having self-pity right now.
I'm just trying to share my feelings.
You know, believing in a higher power is scary, I think.
It's risky.
And most of my life, you know, I felt like God, like God didn't care.
I felt like God didn't care about me, if I'm real honest.
Or it was just way easier for me to admit to myself, to say to myself, oh, God doesn't love me.
You know, God doesn't love me.
But the older I get and just the more like just little blessings that I see, you know, it could be a smile on somebody.
You know, it could be somebody answering the phone when I called them, somebody who I don't even think, I don't know, man.
It can be, it could be times even when I don't want to spend time with someone and I choose to because I know it's what they need.
Not trying to say that in a selfish way, but just, you know, I don't even want to make the choice, be like, oh, to do that.
And then something will come over me and say, oh, no, I need to do this.
It's not about me.
Yeah, and there's just too many of those coincidences eventually where, you know, I just have to admit that there's, I believe that there's something out there that wants to see me, that wants me to know that it loves me.
um Amen.
you Thank you.
And that's, you know, that's, you know, because a lot of my life I felt either unloved or unlovable.
I've, you know, or I just felt like I didn't care about others.
I don't know.
I just, I don't know, man.
A lot of it's a new relationship for me, and it's one that I'm trying to just try my best with.
and i don't have any of the answers uh But for me to believe that something that doesn't even know me really has always loved me, like really loved me, man.
Like, love me no matter what I did.
You know, that's, to me, that's...
That's pretty...
That's...
So, I kind of don't know what I'm talking about, but I say my God, because I think that different people have different gods, different people have their own gods.
I don't get into God fights, that's not my thing.
And also, I don't know, man.
I have no idea, but I appreciate you calling and asking.
And be good, bro.
be good out there, you know.
You know, sometimes it's just so it's so hard for me sometimes to love somebody else, man.
You know, I'll use my care, like my ability to care about others.
I use that in relationships.
You know, I've used that before as like a weapon sometimes.
Like, I'll keep like I've kept my care away from somebody.
Like, even though maybe I love somebody, I kept my care.
I kept, you know, I like, I use my care as like a weapon.
Like, oh, you know, you know, I just, I would love to one day be able to be at a place where my love and care for others isn't on a like a scale type of basis, you know, isn't on a isn't on any type of exchange basis at all.
You know, or that I don't like, I mean, I would just, I would love to be able to, you know, I think that one day I would like to be able to love somebody no matter what.
You know, because that's how, you know, that's how I, that's how, you know, that's how I would like to be loved probably by someone.
And I've never really been able to do that shit.
I never really have felt examples of that and stuff growing up.
And look, I'm not having self-pity.
I'm not fucking down in the dumps right now.
I'm not being hard on myself.
I'm just trying to share things that I think are things that I'm thinking about.
You know, I know I'm hard on myself a lot.
People always come up to me at the show, man.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I know I am.
You know, sometimes it's the only way that I've ever known to be, dog.
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I'd get that Indiana bones in my whip, you feel me?
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Gang.
Some dates I have coming up.
I will be at Las Vegas January 31st and February 1st this weekend.
I will be at the Hollywood Improv February 6th.
That's sold out.
Oroville Casino, February 15th.
You want to do something nice for Valentine's Day weekend?
Quit thinking about it.
Don't go out on the 14th.
Go out on the 15th.
Make it easier, less traffic, and come and see your boy.
Then I'll be in Red Bank, New Jersey on the 27th, and the theater at MGM National Harbor on February 28th.
We may be adding a show in Richmond or in Virginia Beach.
I'm not sure.
Also, I'll be in Toronto from February 20th to the 22nd.
And we may be adding a show there as well.
Let's take a few more calls.
This came in from Patreon.
Kim Chickens.
That's a cute name, Kim Chickens.
K-C, or S-F.
You know, I'm going with Kansas City, boy.
And shout out to my friend Glenn Washington, who lives over there in San Francisco.
And I respect the bay.
I like what they're doing over there, but you know, I'm going with Kansas City.
They've been through it all.
You know, they got, I mean, they play outdoors for that reason alone.
They play outdoors.
The Chiefs?
The Chiefs, baby.
Christian Okoye.
All right.
Who else did they have, dude?
Shit, I don't remember, bro.
I'm going for the Chiefs.
There you go, Kim Chickens.
Jordy Tournay.
Should Breeze hang it up?
Breeze is the bee's knees, but he's getting up there.
What do you think, gang?
You know, Jordy, it's such a tough one because it's interesting.
At a certain point, it's like, what do you owe the player as a city and as a franchise?
You know, I didn't like, one thing I did not like about Kobe Bryant as a player was when he went on that last season and he went to all the different places and he just kind of, you know, like, it just seemed like, what's going on here?
They tanked their whole season.
They're not really going to do anything.
You know, he's kind of hobbled.
He's just, it's just, it was almost like the whole season was just a parade for him to go around and have one last season.
But it makes you wonder, did the franchise owe that to him?
Did basketball owe that to him?
You know, what do we as fans, do you just sit for a season and watch somebody who you may not think can be their best?
I mean, I think the Saints could have won this year.
They could have done better.
I mean, all they had to do is have a little bit better offensive line, and then if they're giving the ball to Latavius Murray heading there into the playoffs, but they didn't do that.
So is it Breeze?
I mean, he threw for, I think, 72% past completion percentage this year.
I don't know if you're going to do better with Taysom Hill, if you're going to do better with Teddy Bridgewater.
I don't think you are.
But when teams start to realize he can't throw deep, I think it's going to be up to him.
I wonder him going to the Pro Bowl and seeing all the athleticism of those other guys out there, if that makes him feel some type of way.
You know, spending a summer with his children and watching his boys play flag football like you see on his Instagram.
Does that settle in him in a place where like, oh, this is what's more important?
Or, you know, I've had a great run.
I don't believe he's the type of man that would come back unless he really felt like he was going to add a lot of value.
He strikes me that way as a human.
But also, what do I know, bro?
What else do we have here?
Let's take another more.
Matt Nichols.
What's one way you suggest a person can better themselves?
You're constantly listening to the hotline and reading the listener's questions.
Does this help in evaluating yourself and evolving emotionally?
You know, one thing, man, that I've realized is that it's a constant battle.
It's a constant battle.
And by listening to different people's calls and reading the emails and messages, the one thing that's heavy in me a lot of times is just that reminder.
You know, when I don't want to do something, when I don't want to do that, I don't want to, you know, go feed that animal or do this or do that or clean out the gutter.
You know, when I don't want to, you know, you know, when I don't want to go get the frisbee and throw it to the neighbor or whatever.
When I don't want to go for a run or I don't want to take care of myself, I think, man, there's a lot, you know, I have to do it.
You know, there's a lot of people that, not that are counting me or anything, but there's a lot of people that I try to say, hey, you can do it.
So that kind of reminds me.
It's just like having constant reminders.
Yeah, and that's why I say this, this whole show is a lot of times like a give and take.
You know, we just kind of keep sharing it back and forth.
And sometimes you guys, you know, sometimes somebody needs some support.
Sometimes I need some support.
And we all just sometimes, you know, because we're all just so much the same, really.
So one thing that keeps me motivated and going a lot of times is trying some contrary action.
Like when I got home today from Denver, dude, I got off the plane.
I got home.
I did not want to go for a run.
And instead of just living in that, I said, whoop, put on my shoes.
I'm going.
Dude.
And when you don't want to, it's hard.
But then it gets easy.
And then that's where you start to break down that change, that muscle of I don't want to.
Because that's just a feeling.
Because really, I do want to.
Really, I do.
Alaskan Rock Vodka said, what plans have you got for Patreon this year?
That's a great question, man.
Well, for one, you know, try to answer more Patreon questions.
Try to put out some Patreon-specific episodes.
What else will probably do a couple guests that will just be on Patreon?
And maybe do a behind the scenes of some moments that you don't get to see in other places, maybe some outreach calls or something like that.
If you guys have certain suggestions, let me know.
I would love to do something special for Patreon at the shows.
When we're at the shows.
All right, let's take another call right here.
Here we go.
Hey, P.O., this is Jimbo from Flint, Michigan.
What's up, Flint?
What's up, big Jimbo out there in Flint, boy?
That freaking that mud sipper, baby, that dirty water bad boy.
That backsplash hitter, gang.
Currently live out here in Los Angeles down here in Flight Avista.
So really what I want to do is just thank you, man, for the past three episodes that you had a guest on, you've made a Flint, Michigan reference.
You know, and every morning I wake up, I say a prayer to the Lord, thank Him for, you know, letting me live the life that I live.
And I ask him to show me a sign that I am living in the past that I'm meant to walk down.
And I asked him to show me a sign, and sure enough, without fail, as I'm cruising the work or cruising around, picking up the old lady, you always throw out a reference to Flint, Michigan, and that's it.
I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, living the life that I'm supposed to be living.
And I just want to say, you know what, I really appreciate it, man.
If you ever want to get into the nitty-gritty about the city of Flint, Michigan, just give me a shout.
That sounds good.
I appreciate that, Jimbo.
You know?
And look, bruh, I grew up with my boy Daniel, dude, and you know him, bruh.
I mean, he could do all kinds of wild stuff.
You know, he's the kind of dude he used to have some of the older men, he'd have them take hits off of cigarettes and blow the smoke into his ear.
And then he would open up his eyes and they would be pitch black.
And I don't know how he did it.
And he would take, speaking of Flint, Michigan, he would take that hot hose hit, baby, you know?
And that's when you put your mouth on the hose and then you go have somebody turn it on while it's been sitting there all spring just baking in the sun.
And you get that first freaking, you get that first douche, bruh, right into your throat.
Just everything that's in there, dog.
Just the past and the present and all the risks and things that just was in your house and flowed right out and just stuck in that in that green hose, bruh.
And sometimes he would even go that light green hose.
That was the shady one.
Remember that one, that light green hose?
But your boy Daniel, bro, he makes his own choices, you know?
And when he got that hot hose hit, bruh, that, you know.
So every time I hear about Flint, you guys over there drinking dirty water and, you know, making soup in the bathtub and all of that.
You guys doing wild shit.
I mean, it's like damn Noah's Ark over there.
You know, you guys over there drinking fucking, you know, soil Kool-Aid and all of that and being wild and being naughty.
I think it's beautiful, bro.
You know, it's like our own little Nairobi right here in Michigan, man.
Shout out.
Gang, bro, be safe out there, Jimbo.
You and the old lady, bruh.
Gang.
Let's take a call right here.
Maybe this will be our last one today.
I do not know.
Hey, Tio, this is Alejandro from DC.
Qué paso Alejandro.
Mi amigo, gracias por el um uh telefono telephone call in this minute.
Telefono yamara.
That means telephone call.
So I let you know, man, I'm a huge fan, and every time I see your podcast, you know, there's always people calling, but there's a there's usually they're always white.
There's always white guys, a few here.
Out of like a hundred people, it's like four of them are black, you know.
I just want to let you know that a lot of us Hispanics fucking love you too, bro.
Fucking love.
I wal, bro.
Yualmente, papa.
Gang gang, man.
I fucking love you.
Thank you.
Thank you, man.
That's sweet of you to say, dude.
You know, I notice a lot of similarities.
I notice a lot of things in Hispanic culture that really are attractive to me, man.
In my heart, you know, in Mi Corazo.
You know, Latinos, like, family is really, really important.
You know, hard work.
You know, some of the hardest working women that I see, man, it's really, I mean, this brings a tear to my almost said, especially in Los Angeles in this area, are Mexican women.
And I'm not, look, I'm not saying there's not hardworking white women out there.
I'm not saying any of that.
Or I'm not saying there's not hardworking black women out there.
You know, I just see a lot of, actually it could be any hardworking woman.
You know, but you see a lot of, you know, you just see, I see a lot.
In Los Angeles, I see a lot of those mothers, you know, getting off the bus with their kids or, you know, the husband getting and dropping them off real early, you know, because they're one vehicle families.
You know, I just see a lot of love, dude.
There's a lot of love in that community.
And I see it, man.
You know, and I think when somebody from another like ethnicity or culture like shows you love, I mean, it's crazy.
It just shows the power of love, man, because to think that somebody's like, oh, man, dude, I support you.
You know, you don't look like me.
You know, you don't sound like me.
But I believe that, you know, our heart is the same color, you know?
Yeah, I don't know.
There's just something.
I don't know.
A lot of those women, they just remind me of, when I see a lot of Latino women out there working hard, it reminds me of my mother.
Or maybe a mother that I wish I had.
I don't know, man.
I just, there's something about, yeah, I don't know.
I just, I love the culture, man.
I love the language.
My father, when I was young, you know, he would talk to some of his friends and they would sit there and talk in Spanish.
And I just, and he was so happy, man.
I think that was one of the times that really my, I guess I hadn't thought about it really that much, but that was one of the times my father was just so happy when he was talking in Spanish and just laughing.
You know, and he liked to show people that he could talk in Spanish, you know.
Just because he grew up in Central America until he was 12 and then he moved, but I think he just always had that, you know, he always just had it in his heart.
So yeah, I don't know.
Maybe some of it's an homage to my father.
You know, I, but if anything, all this does is make me want to work harder to learn Spanish.
But thank you for the nice message, dude.
Um thank you for the nice message, bro.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
Okay.
Uh let's take another call right here, man.
We'll take one more.
Gang shit.
Yo.
B.O. This is Jeff, aka Lil Water Socks.
What's up, Water Socks, dude?
And is that, I don't know if that's Native American or not, but let me hear more, Jeffrey.
Calling from Pompey, Florida.
First, my daughter and I were talking and said we're going to be pretty mad if you don't come back as Uncle Baby Billy's son in the second season of Righteous Gemstones.
I think that'd be fire.
Well, look, one thing you can do is go send a DM to Jody Hill on Instagram and tell him that I'm ready, okay, because I am.
Onward.
But, yeah, so I'm 36. I rap.
And sometimes I feel like maybe it's not as cool to be a 36-year-old rapper as it would be to be in a band or maybe in a stand-up, you know, comic.
Just wondering, is that weird?
Like, what do you guys think?
Is it weird to be a quote-unquote unsuccessful rapper still rapping?
I love it.
I mean, I have a good job.
I make cheerleading music, actually, for a living.
But, you know, I feed the kids and all that.
But, you know, I have this little passion on the side.
Doesn't get too much love.
Put that shit out, bro.
Put that shit out.
Put on a mask.
Put some horns on the side of your head.
Do a rap.
Do an album, dude.
You know, you making cheerleading on the side.
If you got to do that, get that money.
Get that shoot, the three.
Shoot, shoot, the three money.
But then cut that shit at night, bruh.
Put the kiddo to bed, son.
And drop that dark magic, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
Soundproof that little bitch's crib and drop that dark magic.
Because guess what ain't?
You know what ain't suavey, bruh?
A 37-year-old rapper, 38-year-old, 51-year-old, Franklin over there, dropping albums.
Bitch, you ain't doing shit, Frankie.
Okay?
So 36, you on that cusp, daddy.
You on that cusp, bro.
Because let me tell you this, man.
Drop it now.
Drop that heat now.
Because at 37, 38, people just going to think you some kind of wild wigger, bruh.
To be honest with you, and no disrespect.
Every man who's 36 thinks they're a rapper.
So show that work, bruh.
Get something out there.
Get the children out there.
Do the cheerleaders.
Get something out there.
Do that shit.
Boys to men.
Remix it.
Blind melon, bruh.
You know what I'm saying?
Acid bath.
Do something sexy, son.
But not around the children.
Do your own shit.
Put a mask on.
You know what I'm saying?
Drink a bunch of glitter and vomit on your cousin, dog.
And then put on the laser lights, boy.
But do something, bruh.
Because the further you get, 37, 38, you're just going to be like kind of a wigger type of dude.
40, 50. Bruh, 50 years old.
You a rapper, dude?
You're going to be living outside of a gas station, Papa.
So I respect the hustle, bro, but I want to see that muscle, daddy.
Gang shit.
Oh, thank you guys so much.
We got one more call here.
Hey, Theoda, what's up, man?
Just because I got a little concerned to run past you.
I got a brother, and he just recently came across some meat that my sister gave to him, and she's actually a truck driver.
Oh, yeah.
I know what you're talking about, dude.
That's just family meat, man.
Onward.
And so she gets a lot of exotic meat throughout the Midwest.
And she offloaded a couple of pounds of ostrich to my brother.
And, you know, he's been eating it every day.
And it's kind of like keto.
He's kind of like he has a picture of it every day.
it's a little weird and I'm wondering if Like truck driver wild bird meat.
Do you think it might be going to his brain a little bit?
Anyways, man, thanks.
I hope you're doing good.
Thanks, brother.
Back at you, man.
Oh, I think if you have a little bit of stretch, brother, ain't nothing wrong with you.
You know, there ain't nothing wrong.
You wake up in the morning, have a couple eggs, and a hit of stretch.
You know?
Not everybody gets to have ostrich, so maybe, you know, you should, you know, your brother's lucky to have that delicacy, baby.
You know, some people that say you can't eat this and you can't eat that.
And I say this, watch me.
Okay?
Unless you're going to come by my house and stand by my plate, I might have a little something.
Okay?
Sometime I might have me a little cut of hawk.
Alright?
I might have me a little basket of, or half, I might have me half a basket of seal nuggets.
Alright?
Y'all don't tell me what I can have and what I can't.
Y'all never know.
I might have a little bit of canary brittle before I shut it down for the night.
I might have some adolescent back ribs.
I might bring a nine in the joint and have a Popeye's chicken sandwich, okay?
I might have something rare.
I might have a little bit of, you know, I might have some Doberman on brioche or some carp tarts or some goldfish fillets with a little bit of reindeer remalade drizzle.
Everybody has different desires.
So if you got a little bit of stretch over there, if your lady's dropped, you know, visiting another man and dropping off a little bit of that freaking long neck o' meat to him, well, more power to him, bro.
That's family.
You know, what I hate the most is when my sister drives past my house and don't bring me shit.
So thank you for calling, man, and I hope everybody out there drops off some rare meat to somebody that they love.
You know, life is a gift, and I believe that, man.
And, man, I've been having a tough time with it.
But that's okay.
Today is a new day.
And tomorrow is a new day.
And sometimes, man, I know my day can be good, and I don't even want it to be.
I don't even want to make it good.
You know, sometimes I don't even want to.
It's like I want to hold on to the anger, you know?
I want to hold on to the, I just want to, it just, because if I do that, then it gives me.
It's like, hey, don't you see?
I'm angry.
Something's wrong.
I'm angry.
I'm angry.
Man, it's just so, it's so, it's hard to just say, hey, everything, everything's okay.
It's really, if to, to really trust the world like that, it's a journey, man.
It is a journey.
You guys, thank you so much for being a part of this past weekend.
As always, you can hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
Call in with what's going on with you.
Call in with what isn't going on with you.
If you have thoughts or reactions to something that we discussed today on here, share them.
You know, if, you know, if you're in some pain, man, share it up.
You know, we can beat it.
I believe that we can beat it Um You guys, be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it, you know.
And I believe that.
I'm going to go out kind of a somber tune, but I'm feeling sometime kind of somber, you know, and that's okay.
I'm managing it.
And it's organized somberity.
And this is Evan Bartels out of, I believe, Nebraska, I want to say, or it could be out of Missouri.
Man, I hate that I have not remembered that right now.
But a beautiful song here, The Devil, God, and Me.
Mother may open my eyes.
There's a great big world waiting right outside.
Mother, may I raise my voice we the people have that choice Mother may I rest my head Though I did not try my best Mother
may I sip the wine Though I did not turn the vine O D you can come for
me Oh days But you can't comfort me Whatever I do have your name stuck
in my ear and I'm to blame Oh I beg you let me be Devil you ignore my plea The crown of lies I wear in shame What I
would give to drag You can come for
me Evan Bartell's But you can comfort me The Devil God and me you can check that out we will put the link there on
the YouTube Jesus may I have your grace man it's powerful brother Jesus Lord And will you cast my doubts away take my sins down to the grave if
there is hope, then let me see there is life for those like me.
Oh, dear You You can come for me.
Keep going, man.
if you got this, man.
You got this, man.
Oh, death, Lord, but you can't comfort me, yeah Oh, death
you can come for me
You can comfort me Oh dear How will conquer thee.
Man.
So Something powerful, man, when that hits you, man.
There's something powerful in a song, you know.
It's like it can rearrange all the pieces inside of you and make them into something that feels completely different than where you were at the beginning of it.
And that's captivating, man.
It's like a surgeon.
You know, it's like a construction worker, man.
music is.
I mean, it's just non-invasive surgery to just go into.
To get into me, man, that song right there by every man that gets into me.
Mother, may I rest my head, though I did not try my best.
Man.
And that right there, I mean, that's the power of a mother, a family.
No matter what you do or how well you do it, that you're okay here.
Oh, that's a...
You know, a love without judgment.
You know, I hope to be able to love that way one day myself, I think.
But, and I'm not being hard on myself.
I'm just thinking, man.
I'm just trying to think and feel and be alive.
You know, I want to get all the feels out of this life if I can, bro.
Gang shit, dog.
You guys be good, man.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Aye, Sui.
Easy to you.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
