Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Neal Brennan https://instagram.com/NealBrennan ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode brought to you by Manscaped Visit https://Manscaped.com & get 20% off plus free shipping with code THEO Hawthorne Visit https://Hawthorne.com/ and use code THEO for 10% off your first purchase UA-CBD Visit https://ua-cbd.com and use code THEO for 15% Ridge Visit https://ridge.com/THEO and use code THEO for 10% off ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Ashley M Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Christopher Becking Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue David Christopher David Witkowski Dentist the menace Devin James Cornwell Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaylyn Dudich Kennedy Kenton call Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Today's guest is a young man who is a co-creator of the Dave Chappelle show.
He has a Netflix special called Three Mics and another half-hour special on Netflix on Comedians of the World.
He also has a podcast called How Neil Feels.
And we're going to get into all of it today.
He's a friend of mine from the comedy store as well.
Give it up for the hilarious Mr. Neil Brennan.
Oh, my.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
I should come on stage now.
Really?
Yeah, because, well, I just put it in my mouth.
People do get mad.
People, I remember when I first started podcasting, people would say, hey man, can you your breathing pattern, I remember they wanted a real specific way.
Like, nah, man, this is not going to work for me.
if you're going to breathe like this.
Yeah, the iambic pentameter of your breath is really, guy wrote.
Yeah, this is not gonna...
I can't go on like this.
If you're going to breathe.
Yeah, people get real.
They just needed a single.
Breathe one more time like that in cash.
Fuck this guy.
Fucking change the station.
But then I get worried that some kid is getting abused or beaten afterwards because of like some.
Because of something you did?
Well, some dad can't stand the breathing pattern.
It sends him into a loop, you know?
That's where some of my fears go.
Yeah, sure.
You don't do the headphones?
Oh, yeah.
I do them sometimes.
Well, I mean, we don't have to.
I'm happy to turn them off.
I don't know.
Okay, well, so feel this vibe with the headphones and see how you feel with it off.
Sometimes for me, it's just like a feeling kind of thing.
Oh, I like it better because it locks you in?
Just sonically, it's more pleasing.
I like the sonics.
It's just better.
Like, there you are.
Yeah, I feel like I'm in a Tesla a little now.
Yep.
Yeah.
That's where I like it.
You got the Tesla, man.
I did.
I wanted to get the cheap one, but they didn't have any.
And I got the, so I leased the expensive one.
And what is the price on that?
I've seen you in it, man.
And when you guys show up in the Teslas, at first I'm like, oh, fuck, these guys are, you know, fuck these Jetsons, you know?
Right.
But now I'm starting, I'm honestly starting to get a little bit curious.
I like gasoline.
I like the chance to fucking.
You think you, have you been in Joe's?
No.
Dude, they are so fast.
It made me laugh out loud.
And I don't care about speed.
I don't care about.
I just don't.
But I got in the car, I test drove it, and I laughed out loud.
And I was like, all right, I have to get this because nothing makes me laugh.
Wow.
Like, I got it because it made me laugh.
But if you ride in it once, you'll be like, okay, I'll get one of these.
And what is it?
Does it feel like, does it feel like you're on a conveyor belt?
That's what I imagined it would be like.
No, it just feels like you're in FedEx or something.
Do you feel like you're being FedEx somewhere?
I can't.
It's so fast.
You know, when you're like on a roller coaster and it first starts?
Yeah.
It's like that.
Whenever you want it to be.
Okay.
So the fun thing is if you cut people off, but you know, just in traffic and not like your intention, but you just cut them off and then you hit the gas, it's like, oh, sorry, I'm not going to be a problem.
Like, you thought you were mad, and before they even get mad, you're gone.
That I love.
Wow.
So people don't even have time to get mad.
No, you don't even get, people can't even get mad.
That's what's, that's what's most gratifying for me.
And in some rural areas, I bet you cut somebody off on a Tesla.
They're just taking pictures.
Like, holy shit.
Yeah, man.
They're just fucking excited.
What's that?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Hello, police.
I got to report something.
I don't even know what the fuck it was, but I'm reporting it.
You guys should know about this thing.
I think it's an undercover car.
There's something.
The fucking future man's here.
So now what else is possible in there?
Like, do they, how accurate is the real, you can drive home without having to touch this gym wheel?
Okay.
On the freeway, you can hit the thing.
It will stay in the lane and it will not, it'll keep whatever number of cars you tell behind.
Like if it's stay one car's distance, that's what it'll get to with whoever's in front of you.
Or if there's no one in front of you, you set a limit, 85, 90, 70. Because that's great.
But the problem is you can re you have to like check in every 40 seconds.
Okay.
You have to like jiggle the steering wheel every 40 seconds.
So what happens?
It shuts down?
Yeah, it'll beep and then it'll go.
What's funny is it kicks you off.
Autopilot?
Like, no, you're, you've lost your privileges.
And what, you just wake up back at home?
No, then you have to drive.
For that drive, you can no longer do autopilot.
Like, no, you can't handle it.
Wow.
So you're fucking kicked off autopilot.
Yeah.
So, and then, so then you have to, if you want autopilot, like it's happened to me where I got kicked off autopilot.
Yeah.
So then I had to stop, go to the store and like start over again.
And ask for it.
Yeah.
Like, baby, I know I fucked up, but if you could see to it to where I could do the autopilot, yeah, you have to start over.
Maybe I'm big and maybe big and big.
Maybe who was that ever?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
That's like, that feels like light skin are big.
Yeah, it is, dude.
Yep.
Wow, because I think about it.
Because in a regular car, man, like I got a Jeep Grand Cherokee, you can just doze off for a second, but you have to wake back up.
Yeah, and they won't kick you off.
You can repeatedly do that.
Oh, you can do that shit all the way down to San Diego, bro.
If you're driving in the middle of the night, dude.
Bro, I'll fucking take about 20 seconds.
I'll set my timer on my phone for about 20 seconds and totally shut down.
Yeah, sure, of course.
And it's totally sexy.
Yeah, I mean, you have to get up.
You can't hit snooze.
You hit fucking snooze twice, dude.
You're going to fucking jail.
You're going to wake up in a 7-Eleven, man.
That shit gets real risky out there.
Wow.
So you're in.
Now, did you...
To not have gas?
Yeah.
No, because if you hit the gas once, if you hit the acceleration once, you've never felt like more of a man in your life.
No way.
Joe Rogan has one.
I know.
And at first, when he was.
He's the biggest man any of us have ever met.
He's the greatest man, top to bottom, values-wise, physicality, ideology.
Fucking this guy does UFC.
He fucks with aliens.
DMT.
He does all the acronyms.
HIV.
He does it all.
He does all the acronyms, man.
He does it all.
E-L-K.
E-L-K.
EL-K.
Fucking, he does them all.
So, so, yeah, that's funny.
So he does all of them.
So he, and he's got one.
So if it's good enough for Joe, I don't see.
But when you go back in a regular card, does it feel like you're going back in the past?
It feels like a failure.
It really feels like you failed.
Like, man, this is fucking bullshit.
And honestly, I can't.
I mean, backing up doesn't feel right.
It just, none of it works.
Once you've gone to a Tesla, it's like going to a flip phone.
Dude, it reminds me, that's what I'm saying.
It reminds me for, I was like, probably about a three-year holdout on a cell phone.
I was like, oh, this shit ain't taking.
Really?
Yeah.
You was like, this is not going to happen.
I was like, this is insane.
Yeah.
Why?
You didn't like that you were always available?
I think I'm a traditionalist.
You're an analog guy.
Yeah, I am.
I think my brain runs a little bit more analog, and I'm just a little bit more...
I just, yeah, I just wasn't ready for it.
I said, man, this shit is insane.
You know, nobody's going to believe it.
Say if you tell somebody something into a phone and they hear it, but is it as true as if you tell somebody something in person?
You know, I had thoughts like that.
Like, is there the same value on the whatever, the voice or whatever?
Like, does it mean anything?
I think you're kidding a little bit, and I also think you're not kidding at all.
Yeah.
Like, I think there's, you know, there's a thing called epigenetics, which is parents' DNA is in you.
I believe that.
Like, it's basically like your parents can experience something, and then you have the trauma, right?
But you got some 1800 shit in you.
Yeah, I believe that.
When was your father born?
1910.
God damn.
That's insane.
So, yeah, I think my grandfather was born in 1880, so I believe I do have some of that.
Yeah.
I probably have some fucking, yeah.
I mean, my dad had a horse, his neighbor had a horse, I remember, and they had a horse for a little while that they let him watch it.
Yeah.
But yeah, I thought the value, no, I remember thinking the value of communication is going to really, it does it just degrade.
Yeah.
It's not degraded.
And you, I mean, you were right.
You're right.
It's too much.
Yeah, it's too much.
But when I got one, I remember thinking, holy shit, dude.
There's nothing I can't do.
I will win it.
Write your own ticket, man.
Yeah.
Fucking world is yours.
Yeah, that's what it felt like.
Yeah.
And you're also, that's also true.
Yeah.
Like, it's fucking, it's a big deal.
It's for cell phone's a big deal.
They just re-released the Razor phone.
Yeah, I saw that.
And it was like, I thought about that time and 99, 1998, 99, having a cell phone.
It was a thing.
Was yours a razor?
Would you have iPhone?
I think I had a Razor at one point.
I had the black Razor.
Did you get that T-Mobile sidekick ever?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Not long, though, because they didn't really.
They came and then they went away.
Yeah.
But yeah, it was a big, yeah, getting emails on a phone was crazy.
That was the sidekick was the first one.
Sidekick, you'd flip up.
And it made you seem close.
People heard that noise.
Yeah, what is that?
What the fuck?
People dropping drinks and shit as you fucking slow motion.
So yeah, it was a big deal.
But you are an analog guy.
Do you feel like that is your problem?
I know that's like a big, but you feel like you are uncomfortable in a lot.
It's like you seem at ill, you seem at ease, and then at the same time, you feel like you don't understand what's going on.
I just thought of this recently, man.
Sometimes I'm upset that time moves so fast.
It's like I just feel like I can't ever win.
I just can't ever really get a grasp of what's going on and it keeps happening, you know?
And it really does, I think, sometimes frustrate me a little bit.
What do you want to get a grasp on?
I think just to feel like I'm kind of in control, that everything that I'm going to be able to control, like, I guess that I'm in control, you know, that I'm, okay, you know, okay, I got the hang of what's going on now.
Yeah.
Without things changing so much.
And is that within relationships or that's within everything?
I think that's just within existence, really.
Yeah.
So I think, yeah, I just, I was just thinking about that the other day.
I just sometimes feel, you know, not like it's a bad thing, but like I just realized, oh, wow, I have this irrational idea that like almost a resentment against time because I can't get a control.
I can't, it won't let me grasp everything at once.
You know, it won't let me, you can't organize everything as well as you need to because it just keeps happening and it keeps going.
And also then I think because I'm probably lazy sometimes.
And so it's like, damn, give me a chance.
I don't think you're lazy.
Time for you.
I don't know your schedule, but you seem pretty active.
Yeah.
Am I wrong?
I think I procrastinate.
I think sometimes, you know what I thought the other day, man?
I set this weird bar in my mind that everything needs to be perfect or everything needs to be perfect.
But then I also know this thing about myself that I procrastinate sometimes.
And so I will set both.
It's like I will set the bar high.
Oh, yeah.
You know, that's one of the reasons people procrastinate is fear of perfection.
Or not fear of perfection.
They're perfectionists.
So you're like, well, I can't start now because I'll get to It's not right yet.
Like, I don't have it set up.
I'm going to fail.
You're going to fail.
A lot of procrastination is just fear of failure.
Yeah.
Is feeling like you can't.
And then you'll start when you go, well, if I don't, I'm fucked if I don't start now.
So that's the only, like, the fear of being fucked is greater than the fear of being imperfect.
And then once you get to that point, you go, okay, then I'll start.
Or like you have to start.
Yeah, I'm that last-minute starter a lot of times.
But things are working out for you, man.
Yeah, things are going okay, man.
It's crazy.
This year I got in so much fear, man.
I just got, you know, it's just, and I'm not trying to sound like ungrateful or just, yeah, this year was just fucking crazy, bro.
It was just a crazy year.
It was busy and it was hard and it was.
What did you find hard about it?
Because I think people, from the outside in, people would assume it's been great for you.
People would think it was probably the best year of your life.
Right.
Yeah, and I think I just couldn't feel it.
I just couldn't.
I just think I just got real scared, man.
I got real scared, bro.
But what of?
Just like of that things were going to, I think for one, of not maybe knowing who I was as things got more successful.
You know, like I'd always been this, like, I'd always felt like I didn't have a chance a little bit.
And I'd always really like, that had always been something that had really like carried me.
Oh, yeah.
You were like an underdog.
Yeah.
Like an underdog.
Like an underdog who wouldn't get, you were getting fucked and you were not helping me and these motherfuckers.
And yeah.
And then you're like, oh, wait, you're not.
I mean, you are still, but that's part of your appeal.
Yeah.
And I just didn't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just, but then I felt like I didn't know how to be, I don't know.
I felt like I didn't know how to be successful.
And then I got scared.
I started to get real scared.
And I got real like controlling even this year.
Like everything just, I wanted everything to be, I needed help and I was afraid to ask for help.
And so then everything felt like it was on me.
What did you need help with?
Just with just with like touring and doing that kind of stuff and being willing to like just trust that other people know what's good.
And I don't know.
I think I just had like a lot of just like, I mean, for me, a lot of it goes back to like my alcoholism stuff.
It's just a lot of that stuff just flared up.
Like just fear just came up everywhere.
Yeah.
It just came up everywhere, man.
I was just, I don't know, man.
I just got kind of scared.
And it's not like a self-pity thing.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself.
Like, and also I couldn't feel gratitude.
I really needed to feel grateful.
And I was, and I felt so grateful for the past couple years, man.
And then I just had a tough time, man.
And I just got real scared, honestly, bro.
I got real scared.
You were afraid that it was all going to go away or something?
Yeah, I was afraid that I was just going to mess it up.
Yeah.
You know, I was afraid that, you know, that I was a phony.
I was afraid that I was like a liar.
I was afraid that I was no good.
Just a lot of just self-worth just didn't.
It just was hard, you know?
Not in a bad way.
I think the only thing that you would fuck up is if you weren't yourself.
Yeah.
I think that's the only...
You're unique.
Like, just watching him, I've known you probably eight years or something, but just watching you...
It's been cool watching you go from...
Yeah.
Because you were just like trying to be kind of like LA or appealing or something or something.
I don't know what you were trying to be.
Just like a, like, just more like everybody else.
Yeah.
And then you got, then you started doing this with your hair and it felt like everything fell into place.
Yeah.
Like I felt more like myself.
Yeah.
Like if you felt like more like yourself and you like you started being more yourself on stage.
Yeah.
And being weirder on stage and being more regional or southern than you'd been before.
Yeah.
And and and then and then you start a podcast.
It just felt like all these things started happening in sequence.
And from the outside in, and just a guy who sees you at night, it seemed like once you had that hair, it was like, Am I wrong?
No, it felt very empowering, man.
I think all my life, too, I've had a big nose, so I've always been scared to have real short hair because there's less things to hide behind, you know?
Here's the thing about you that I've always said about you, that you're good looking and you don't think you are.
Yeah.
You are good looking.
Like, I bet if they asked most, I bet most women would say you're like an eight.
Yeah, I say that.
If I brush my teeth, I am an eight.
But I believe everybody's an eight.
If they take care, if they clean up and they take care of themselves, I believe that.
Okay.
I don't agree.
Okay.
I respectfully disagree with that.
But you're definitely an eight because you're like kind of tang.
You got olive skin.
You got night.
You know, like you're symmetrical.
The big nose thing, I don't think is true.
I mean, it's fine.
I have a big nose, but like mine's bigger.
Yours' meatier.
I love that lean.
Yeah, I got that big nose.
I got that Pippin nose, man.
Dude, I love that fucking lean.
Yeah, you got that pippin nose.
Yeah, that's Scotty Pippin.
You got like meat.
Yeah, that thing is fucking like a thought, bro.
I feel like it should be in a thong sometimes, bro.
You got that donk on your face, man.
So anyway, growing my hair longer once, I was like, yeah, and I think for years I tried to audition in Hollywood and been like, I just, I hated it.
I fucking hated going to auditions.
I absolutely hated it.
I felt uncomfortable.
I just was scared.
Yeah, I just didn't, I didn't like it.
And I didn't want to admit that I didn't like it.
I was afraid to say, you know what, I don't like this.
I felt like I had to do it.
And then, yeah, once I just kind of, I was like, oh, I never, I saw some pictures of myself.
I said, I'm never going to have real long hair.
You know, I had it when I was really young.
Right.
But I'm never going to have it again unless I grow it now.
And then once I grew my hair out, man, I started to feel like a fucking young, like just like a king, bro.
Just like somebody who had a fucking, it's like having a dick on the back of your head, bro.
Yeah.
It feels empowering, dude.
It looks like that.
Because it's like, hey, you know what?
I'm going to look how I look.
That's the way this looks the way you probably feel it looks like your character yeah it looks like what I would assume your character and it also looks like your it looks like your character like your uh your values and all that but it also looks like the not like Theo Vaughan's a character but like the thing that's funny about you is also that yeah it's the guy that wants to an adult that wants his hair like this in 2019
it's beautiful yeah is who you are and that's like it fucking I don't I from I'm glad that I was right about it because I was like it seems like once he grew his hair like this everything changed yeah yeah I guess I got scared to like say that I wasn't feel it was hard for me to tell how I was feeling and and then I was like nobody wants to hear somebody who's doing well complain nobody wants to hear him complain yeah and so that kind of got tough for
me to like even on just the regular episodes of this podcast uh just by myself to talk about things because I just felt like man I just I don't want to be I don't want to have self-pity but I don't know what's going on right now I'm just you know I'm just I was just I was just scared you know I was just scared really when I think about it and how did it resolve or did it it's it's just kind of resolving I'm just like trying to get more like in a 12 step right now and just really focusing on that and like were you not doing that I was but
my program had gotten real small whenever I was just working all the time yeah you know my life got big and my program got small yeah and I think I was angry at being at some success because I thought I would feel better yeah that's the other thing when I get you think like well that if putting uh conditions on your happiness yeah going well I'm not happy now I'm not even gonna allow myself to be happy now because I don't deserve it yeah and then you good shit happens
and and you're like fuck this didn't work either like what's gonna work the fuck is gonna work and what I've I will say that uh it is gratifying to be the times I've had like you know weeks or months of like attention is gratifying it feels good yeah you know what I mean it feels gratifying to it feels shallow to admit it but it feels good when people yeah that feels good our ego feels good we feel good it's nice
whenever people acknowledge you yeah um and but at the same time it it's shitty that you that you that we live I feel like it's partially like American to only be happy if you accomplish X yeah and and I've been trying to do a thing and it's varying degrees of success but where I'm like no just give yourself that esteem
for not for not for nothing just for why put it on some why leave it up to a situation or the way to make you feel good about yourself to make me feel good it's like I can just feel good because life is short right and and like I you know it's like I used to beat myself up for not being as funny as blank and it's like all right maybe I'm never gonna be as funny as fucking Bilbert or or Chris or Dave or
when it's like what so I'm supposed to fucking sulk my whole life like no I want to fucking have a fun time with my skill level and your funny is totally different too of course yeah of course or like I have different talents or whatever we don't recognize those things we just yeah we set these things and it's like uh yeah and it's yeah we just set these comparisons and it's good for business it is good for American business when everyone feels insecure then everybody feels like they
got to work harder and rise and grind and all that stuff right definitely but but if you just get to the point of like no I'm I want to have a fun I want to feel good yeah like I meditate and then the last two minutes I just go like just feel good in your body for no reason yeah just just feel good your job on in on earth is to feel good that's my job to make myself to have as much serotonin flowing through my body as I possibly can tonin
jockey board yeah like and and without without drugs or drink whatever just getting things going feeling that is they that to me is the mark of a life well lived yeah how good did I feel minute to minute amen bro honestly no I feel you 100% like yeah like I and without drinking or drugs or whatever like how did I fucking have fun did I have fun that's all I think about now when people die did
he have fun did she have a good time not did was she upstanding did he fucking enjoy himself did he wear the mink ever yeah exactly like did he won twice yes was he a member was he a respected member of society no fuck it did you enjoy did you like it that's the thing is when that haircut is you are fucking liking it yeah that's the thing you fucking
my values my uh my barometer is i don't care about anybody else's mine what do i you know what i've also been doing closing my ears like literally like we're like a little kid where you like close your ears and it's like acoustic thing and just going what do i like yes what do i like and then you go i like ice cream or it'll the most basic shit comes up i like ice cream i like jerking off i like whatever you like will come up and just do that yeah just
do that that's that's what will just do that as much as you can without fucking up your life yeah and that's the hard it's the hardest thing to remember it's the hardest thing to remember like fuck everyone else's values what do you like and if it's like if you're if you're victimizing people you're doing it wrong right right like not without you know Without being abusing yourself or abusing, you know, relationships or whatever.
But just what do you like that's the lowest that's just between you and you?
Yeah.
Do that as much as you can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Having that personal relationship with yourself and just that's huge.
It's yeah, we lose.
Yeah, some of that's gotten lost, I think, in these definitely an American thing.
Like it's such a blessing to be able to live here and stuff.
But at the same time, we start to see like the devalue, the devaluization, I think, of being a human.
Once you at a certain level of like comfort and stuff, you really fall out of like whatever tribal or whatever instinctual, whatever confidence stuff is inside of you.
That's the nice thing about 12-step programs.
Yeah.
Is you're in a tribe.
That's probably what you like about it.
Oh, yeah, man.
I just saw a guy at the gym this morning.
Last night I'm somewhere.
And I see, yeah, I went to a meeting last night.
And it is, man.
It's one of the things that I didn't have here in L.A. Yeah.
It's like sitting, just sitting across from somebody and talking about, we could talk about how we feel.
Like we can have conversations like this a lot of times where it's a little bit more like, you know, because, yeah, just like about what's going on.
Man, I need help.
Like, hey, I need help.
I have to talk.
I have to call someone today and tell them not good news or something.
I have to make a call and that stuff always scares me.
So it's like, now I can ask somebody who's done it before or who's older than me, who has a business or something, how do I do this?
And they'll tell me and they're like, it's going to be okay.
Don't let it spin in your head where you're up half the night and you've had nine conversations with the guy.
Now I don't have to do that.
That shit doesn't have to happen.
I can say, okay, you know, I'm powerless over the situation, but somebody else I know can help me.
And it can be a friend.
It just, yeah, it creates a brotherhood, you know?
Yeah, I've never gone to 12-step programs and been like, fucking, I shouldn't have come here.
Fucking wasting my time.
It's always like, at least nice.
Yeah.
At best, incredibly helpful.
And at least like, oh, this is cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got, and this year my program got real small.
So I didn't have any of the tools I was needing.
Like, I had no tools.
I was just like holding on.
And our podcast, it was just more about like helping people and being involved in people's lives.
And I just felt like disconnected at some points.
And I should have just talked about that, like why I feel disconnected.
Well, I've watched your thing about the why you got sober thing.
Yeah.
And that's like one of your very popular clip of yours, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And that's what, that's what people like about you, man, is that you don't understand, you're like, you've, if you were like a logo, you'd be like a guy just carrying a bunch of shit around.
Oh, like that guy right there on the wall?
That's like you, but like, you're like, I don't know what, but it's like feelings.
It's just like emotional shit and discomfort.
And like you're walking around like, I don't know what to do.
Peach cobbler.
What is down?
Fucking matches, fucking fireworks.
Like, like, a bunch of clothes.
Like, wet clothes.
Like the dryer broke and you got fucking clothes out of the washer and you're looking for like a place to set them down.
You're just carrying a bunch of shit around looking for a place to set it.
And you can't figure.
And that's your appeal.
Yeah.
That's like, and people, and watching you struggle is the emotion, is like the fun of it.
That's the, like, not the fun of it, but it's, it's fun to watch a guy who doesn't think he knows what he's doing, but you do know what you're, you like, you, if you talk it out, you'll be okay.
Yeah, I just quit talking it out, man.
I just didn't have a place to talk it out.
And then everything, not everything, everything's good.
Everything's okay.
But my head started to swirl that everything was, you know, just a lot of negative things came in.
And so then I just wasn't in, I was living my dream and not even enjoying.
It's hard to say not enjoying it, but I felt like I was just, it was a, I was just scared.
I don't know.
I just felt fucking scared.
And it was a huge, just a lot, just a lot of changes.
Well, that's the other thing people don't realize about fame or success or something.
It is isolating.
And it's a little scary because you're like, fuck, it's like having a superpower or something where you're like, fuck, like people know me now.
It's just different.
And it's less human.
It's less human, yeah.
It's less of a human.
It's less of a normal human experience.
Like even fame a thousand years ago was like everyone in the, well, everyone in the tribe knew everybody anyway, but like you got a little more respect.
You felt like, oh, I'm the shaman and people think I'm cool.
Yeah, I'm the rock thrower.
Yeah, I throw, I'm the fucking charger rocks.
Yeah.
I'm the guy that fucks.
And it's that wood guy at night by the fire.
Yeah, just huge fucking like big ass.
Yeah.
I'm the guy that sleeps.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
I'm the rest.
Yep.
So it is.
So when you get in these situations where, and then we also think like famous people are kind of full of shit, so, or they're phony or they're like putting it on.
So it just, it's, it, it's a lot of weird, it's just a lot of weird dynamics.
Yeah.
Which is why it eats everybody up.
Oh, you see it.
Yeah.
And I see it in a lot of these AA rooms and stuff like that.
You see a lot of people.
And, and that gets scary too.
It's like, well, what do, what type of popularity do you want?
How much do you want?
What is it's just, yeah, it's just, so all of that, just a lot of that coming into my head and just trying to figure it out and not having a lot of, not going to a lot of meetings and having like a lot of, and trust in those things.
It's a different, it's a different kind of discomfort.
Like, it's like a new discomfort.
It's a new, it's a new way that you don't understand the world.
Yeah.
It's like, well, I didn't understand the world before and I kind of figured it out or I got out of it.
You escape into this other like, well, now I'm popular and famous and successful.
And then you're in that.
You're like, Uh, fuck, this is its own fucking ball.
It's its own rules and dynamics and shit.
Yeah, and I just wanted to feel like myself, and I just couldn't, you know.
And so now I'm working more towards, and it's not even working more.
I'm just trying to just let go of stuff and, you know, kind of trust a higher power and just getting back into my program more.
Yeah.
And it makes me feel more dialed in and makes me feel like I want to help other people.
And I hadn't had that feeling for like about six months.
And it's tough when that was like the feeling that I loved the most was thinking like, oh, there's other people that struggle.
And it's one thing I love about you, Neil, is that you always like are good at talking about like, and it's not like self-pity shit.
It's just like, this is what's kind of going on in my head.
Yeah.
And how it's relating to the world around me.
Well, that's the thing that like.
And you love that kind of stuff.
I love, because I don't have any shame about it.
I don't have any, because I started going with like a therapist when I was like 23. Yeah.
So you're in there.
I've been, I just stopped.
You're like the Larry Fitzgerald of therapy.
Yeah, man.
I got dreads and shit.
And we have to make urban references.
You're the blackest guy we've had on the show in a while.
Yeah.
Deont Cole canceled.
Man, he actually sent me.
He actually was like, Neil, man, can you go over and fucking, he said bless Theo, so you know he's black.
So yeah, that you don't, I started going, and I just stopped when I came to that conclusion of I had a therapist that was forcing me into relationships.
Like, not for it, but I went to therapy because I'd be in romantic relationships and be like, I don't really like it that much.
Yeah.
I'm like, you know, I can do it.
I can like robot my way into like, be compassionate, be that it, like, be like the stuff women want you to be.
Yeah.
And I can do it in some way.
And I just wasn't.
Alone and all that.
Yeah.
All of it, man.
And, you know, consider emotionally like intuitive.
Oh, yeah.
What's going on?
Yeah.
Like listening and like, oh, yeah.
And I didn't love it.
Right.
And she was like, you know, so I would just force my way.
I tried to force myself to feel more comfortable in relationships I wasn't really supposed to be in.
I wasn't in love with the people, but I didn't know that.
And finally, like a year ago, I was like, hey, what if my role on earth is not to be a husband or a boyfriend?
What if that?
And she was like, well, I just think you'd be happy.
And I was like, but I don't know if I will be.
Right.
And I want to feel okay.
Right.
Instead of always having this fight.
Yeah.
Like even the idea of like, I'm looking for someone to complete me.
Right.
No, I'm complete.
Complete.
I'm not an asshole for saying that.
I don't want to feel like I'm looking out the window like, is she here?
Yeah.
Like, no, maybe someone is for me and I'll meet her and it'll be great.
You don't want to hear goo-dolls and have hope, you know?
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
It's like you're like, I'm over there.
She's come.
It's not even, I don't have a hope.
It's just.
Right.
Not hope, but not this constant little bit of pressure.
Like it's a pressure.
Yes.
It's a pressure and I feel like women feel it too and won't admit to it.
Imagine how much they feel it if you're yeah, yeah.
Like that they need to be a certain kind of way to get a guy to like them and all that.
And it's like, it's my version of cutting my hair like that, where I just was like, I don't want to feel like I'm just a boyfriend.
I'm an unsuccessful boyfriend.
Yeah.
Or I'm a failed husband somehow, even though I'm not.
And that's been a huge one for me.
Wow.
Like, and so I stopped going to therapy because I was going to therapy for that to feel like, well, I'll just be a better person and I'll, then I'll.
And it's like, no, dude, it's about the relationship with yourself and accepting that you're fine.
Yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
You're good.
You're good.
Whatever you are, as long as you don't drink or do drugs, you're great.
Yeah.
And even if you do, you're great.
Yeah.
Like you prefer not to, but fuck it.
Life's long, whatever.
Yeah.
But if you're...
I find it as interesting as basketball or, you know what I mean?
Like the shit that people like.
Oh, I'd love to see that game, too.
Oh.
Here's the emotionally unavailable people playing the depressed people.
Oh, fucking.
I always thought, why don't they have a family feud with stereotypes as the fucking group is?
That's very funny.
It's so fucking good.
Yeah, that's really funny.
Okay, so I love that.
I love that because there's these weird normal energies and things that it's like, oh, yeah, if girls don't like me or if they're not throwing themselves at me or if I don't have a girlfriend or something that I'm not okay.
Yeah, that you're not.
It's a cultural value thing.
But okay, I'll agree to that for sure.
There's a lot of pressure from cultural, like, but also there's something probably inside most of us, and it would make sense that it's not in everyone, just like some people are good at something and some people have are not, but that do you feel like at some point it's almost like a selfish thing?
Like, okay, I'm going to, like, are you able to look at it like that, too?
That's the thing is I'm not opposed to it.
I just don't want to feel.
I think a lot of people are in relationships that they, I mean, statistically look at marriages.
Yeah.
And that's half of those don't work.
Yeah, I wish they had like on Big Brother when they go in that secret room and tell how they really feel.
I would say that right for every wedding.
I mean, that's what I was saying.
I did a joke the other night that weddings are basically like jury duty for everyone, but you don't get to say.
Like you're like, I got a feeling.
I'm not going to say anything.
I just think most people are in the wrong relationships because they were like, well, it becomes this musical chairs thing.
Well, like, especially for women because they have a biological clock and they want to reproduce.
And they're like, fuck, close enough.
Yeah, imagine that.
Imagine putting like a damn, I mean, every woman's vagina is basically like, who's that man with Danny Glover?
You know what I'm talking about?
Mel Gibson, yeah, but in that movie, or the hot, hot quiz, pop pop quiz, pop quiz hot shot.
Yeah, it's a lethal weapon.
Yeah, yeah.
They have a certain amount of time before the bomb goes off.
Imagine having that in your fucking body all the time.
All the time.
The other thing about the vagina is like, we didn't have a baby this month.
I hope you like blood, bitch.
Rat.
Yeah.
And then three days of blood.
It's like the body fucking.
Yes.
Every fucking month.
Like, dude, give it a fucking rest with the blood because I didn't.
Sorry, I didn't make a baby.
Yeah.
It's a big deal.
It's like a Stephen King novel.
It really is.
Like, what?
Again?
With the blood?
So, like, Jesus, I get it.
You want to have a baby.
Stop bleeding on me.
Pop quiz hot shot is actually from Speed.
I don't know if you're confusing Danny Glover with Dennis Hopper.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, he sure is.
Danny Reeves with Mel Gibson.
With Mel Gibson.
What do you think about that, Nick, about what about what Neil said about the relationship thing?
I'm wondering how you ended up dealing with it and finding you seem like maybe you just hide it well, but you seem like you found some contentment or issues.
I did.
I did find it in that realization.
Wow.
And like I did that three mic show.
The next show is about that.
The next show is about I'm good.
I'm all right.
It's despite all the ways that you're telling me I'm not all right.
I swear to you I'm all right.
I respect that.
I swear.
I fucking swear I'm all right.
See, I respect that and I believe you because I know that you look you like I've seen over the years how we you know, we talked about especially a lot of relationship stuff and about that I know you've gone through the proper channels.
I mean, if there's anything oh, you're you're a thinker and an analyzer, you know?
So I could see.
Yeah, I just think that do you ever feel that pressure, Nick?
Like there's this invisible pressure in the world that.
100%.
I mean, that rise and grind line you had earlier, like it's just, I mean, I listen to Jocko too much.
So I'm like, if I'm not getting up at 4.30, I failed.
For the fucking person.
I know.
For what?
I know.
For what?
Yeah, there's all we are just.
Do you like it?
Do you like it?
That's the only thing.
It's like, do you, even like when people are, I was saying to somebody, they got mad at me, but I was like, having a good disposition is basically a six-figure job.
Unbelievable.
It's a six-figure salary.
If you're happy naturally, you're doing better than almost everybody.
Yeah.
And that's the thing that people never talk about is like disposition is the number one commodity.
It's the most valuable thing in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I talked to my sister on the phone, man.
She's the happiest girl I know.
And they live right by the interstate, like illegally close to the interstate.
Like I'm sure someone who has anything to do with zoning rode by.
Like you'll see a children's ball from their yard bounce across six lanes.
So it's really alarming.
Homework flying into the expressway.
Like, what?
Mama.
Yeah, totally.
And I'll call her on FaceTime and she's sitting there with her.
You know, she's got her two kids and they're beautiful and they're smart and the dog ate the baby or somebody, you know, things are going on.
But it's all right.
Oh, dude, definitely.
Yeah, but, you know, Theo, we're not going to, we're just enjoying ourselves.
And they're having a blast.
Having a fucking blast.
And I'm envious every time I talk to her, I'm envious of the fun, just like the hat.
I'm like, man.
Yeah, like that's, and that's like literally, you cannot buy that.
Right.
You cannot, it doesn't matter how many pot, how many download.
In order to change your disposition is so fucking hard.
And the only thing that does it is 12-step programs.
Yeah.
I always say the only time I see people change are when they almost die or they go to 12-step program.
And that's the only way in as an adult that I've ever seen people change.
Like, fuck, I almost died and now I understand life in a different way.
Or I go to 12-step programs and every single day I have to like recalibrate myself to this, to a way better value system.
Yes.
Than the one that we're all soaking in.
Yeah.
That we're rising and grinding and fucking like no.
Legs off.
Like fucking pro to fucking games.
Can't stop, won't stop.
And it's just some lady that had triplets and you're like, yeah, like stop for a second.
Just stop, lady.
Yeah, can't stop.
Stop.
You gotta stop.
Yeah, so that's the thing with the relationship thing is like feeling like it's okay.
It's okay to feel the way you feel.
Yeah, quit making the, yeah, quit letting everyone make us feel like just because we don't have somebody.
It doesn't mean you're, nobody else is sitting in the world thinking you're a failure because you don't have somebody.
You're still your person.
You're still, and you can be a happy person.
Yeah, don't let that be that element.
Also, have a fucking fun time with yourself.
It's like I wrote in my notes thing, like, I want to meet someone who's having a funny conversation with themselves.
Like, that's what I'm, what's like people go, what kind of person you want?
Just, are you fucking having a funny, do you, when you walk around, do you think funny shit or think interesting shit?
Like, that's the kind of person I'd like to meet instead of like a square.
Yeah.
Or like one of us that's having this conversation.
But not really.
This is a good conversation.
No, this is a good conversation.
But I mean, somebody that's living like, yeah, like always, yeah.
Like an interesting, whatever, like whatever people call this a deep conversation.
It's, it's, it's, all conversations should be around this deep.
Yeah.
As far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, I get bored otherwise.
I've already had it a million times.
Well, everything else is just trivia.
Everything else is like, so what'd you get?
What'd you eat?
Yeah.
Yeah, everybody wants to know what he ate.
Come on, man.
What y'all have?
Yeah.
If somebody says, what'd y'all have?
I'm out of here, bro.
Come on, man.
You got to do better.
Dude, it is so nice, though, and I'm walking around and my head is having a fun time.
Yeah.
That's the fucking singing.
Yeah.
Hearing associations.
Thinking about something.
Making a rap.
Like a big black guy at the gym.
Big giant black guy at the gym.
You don't even know why you fist bump.
But he liked it and you liked it.
You liked it.
He liked it.
Maybe he knows you.
Maybe he doesn't.
Maybe he just felt you.
Yeah, you're walking off.
You're like, I didn't do slavery.
I'm good.
Yeah, I'm straight.
Just regular white people thought.
I had a black homeless guy one time say, what's up, white boy?
He's fucking great.
And I knew he meant it.
I knew what he meant.
And he knew who I was in that moment.
So, yeah.
Silver bells.
Dun done done.
Silver bells.
Oh, what's that out there on the ridge?
Is that Santa?
Nope.
That's a wallet.
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If you need something, man, you can have it with you.
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Dude, I don't want that donkey in me.
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Heard that?
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Enjoy that front pocket carry.
Well, I'll be honest with you, I'm going this afternoon to get my butt waxed and also to, I'll probably shave this evening.
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I've been taking care of my crotch.
Now, it's your turn.
You tried some unique therapies.
Well, first, we'll do that and then we'll talk about Shanghai.
You just got back.
You tried some unique therapies.
And I wanted to hear about that.
Yeah, for depression.
For depression.
I want to hear about that electromagnetic one.
Yeah.
So I tried, when I started going to therapy when I was 23, they put me on Zoloft because they.
Me too.
How great was it in the beginning?
Amazing.
Bro, I could drink nine gin and tonics, dude, and not get drunk.
I liked it.
I liked it for like a decade, though.
Oh, wow.
I was good.
It wasn't a drinking thing for me.
I just liked it.
I liked it.
Oh, yeah.
I loved it.
Bro, I could get up early.
I felt good.
Would you last longer when you had sex?
Oh, I wasn't.
I'd last longer when I jerked off for sure.
Sure.
All right.
Same thing.
Definitely.
Way definitely, dude.
Yeah.
Because you were always looking to last longer.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
You wanted to save it.
Dude, I'm definitely.
At a certain point, it's like, Jesus.
Come on, man.
Who is this for?
I'm the one who I'm going to have the orgasm.
What are we making it last for?
It's like my, what's that Greek guy who's pushing the ball up the hill?
Sisyphus.
Yeah, it's like, this is my.
Yeah, why am I, yeah.
Where you're looking for just the right thing to finish to?
You're like, what just finish?
Dude, I used to press my butthole against the corner of the counter right when I come.
Is that true?
Yeah.
I believe that because you couldn't make it.
When I was young, bro, when I was young.
Yeah, great.
Yeah.
And you just go, I don't know.
So when people judge other people for what they're into, it's like, I used to press your butthole against the counter against linoleum.
And it was linoleum, too.
Of course it was.
Yeah.
So I did that for a while and it worked and then it just stopped working.
But like after a decade.
So then I started doing other shit and none of them worked.
Other pills.
No, but okay, so Zoloff, then you tried other pills and none of them worked.
Yeah.
So then I just, I think I went on Reddit and typed in like alternative depression therapy.
Damn, bro.
And next thing you know what?
Next thing you think you know what?
Sleeping in the washing machine at night.
Next thing you know.
No, so they, no, they had, there was a thing called TMS, which was transcranial magnetic stimulation.
Right.
That's the we, the thing, I like people make fun of Reddit, but it's the only place, by the way, Reddit's the reason podcasts work.
Yes.
That it's unorganized organization.
It's like it's off the grid, but on the grid.
It's like an alternative way to do shit.
So it's this, it's what podcasts is to radio, Reddit is to the internet or society.
And transcranial magnetic stimulation.
So it's basically like a tapping thing.
It feels like tapping, but it's a magnet.
It's an MRI beam stimulating a part of your brain that's known to cause depression.
Did that for its 45 half hour sessions.
Consecutively, right?
Over like a month and a half.
Basically like four days a week.
Did that four years ago and it worked great.
Then it worked great.
I stopped taking Zoloft.
I felt really good.
Wow.
I was on nothing.
Fuck.
I was more emotional, but it was still, I was good.
I was like, I'd cry kind of without warning.
Like I would get just like quickly upset.
And then I'd, someone gave me HGH because I'll fucking try anything.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm like, yeah, HGH, sure.
Why not?
Fuck it.
But it was like a bad formula and it was like a cream.
So then I started having panic attacks on stage.
You're on HGH the cream.
Yeah, I was on the clear.
I was on Barry, Barry Bonds' fucking protocol.
The SPF milkshakes.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, that's funny.
Yeah, it was crazy.
So I started having panic attacks on stage.
I was like, fuck, this is not good.
I had panic attack the night before I did my Netflix three months ago.
Yeah.
And you talked about this on one of the specials.
You talked about the transcranial.
Yeah, and three mics.
So I did that and then I started having panic attacks.
I was like, yeah, fuck, I guess it didn't work.
So then I went back on Zoloft, and I still felt good from the transcranial, but, you know, I'm always looking.
I'll do anything.
I don't care.
I don't have kids or wife or anything.
So you did the show in Shanghai, and I'm always looking to just travel.
I'd rather go to Tokyo than like Milwaukee.
It's like more interesting, right?
Yeah, definitely super unique.
And right before we go, I just want to, anything else that you tried?
Oh, I also tried ketamine.
Ketamine, the drug.
Right.
But they do that clinically now for depression.
And I didn't like it.
Other people liked it.
I just didn't like it.
It didn't work for me.
So you did a show in Shanghai.
I texted.
And again, I also do Milwaukee, but if I'm just going to do, if I want to go away for a weekend, fuck it.
So I go to, I go, I text, I email you.
I said, you did a show in Shanghai.
Who's the guy?
And he was like, yeah, I do a show in Shanghai, but also my brother is a neurosurgeon and he's very involved in the transcranial, the TMS community.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
So it's a new thing.
So he's like, if you want to do TMS while you're here and do the show.
That Chinese TMS.
Yeah, man.
Jesus.
So, yeah, man.
So last week, I did that fucking Chinese TMS, bro.
And I'm in a Chinese hospital in Shenzhen, China, So they basically found that the back of my brain, which is the serotonin center, wasn't communicating well with the rest of my brain.
So I got fucking zapped in the back and on the right side for four, five, basically 10 sessions a day for four days straight.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, dude.
I went and did the damn thing.
Now you can sew a fucking sweater with your tongue.
Yeah, fucking.
I'm fucking, I'm on that fucking, that unlimited shit.
I'm on the unlimited pie right now.
I'm fucking.
Did you feel that what happened?
I feel good.
I don't want to do the thing where like, I'm in love.
I'm just like, I feel good.
I think it's better, but I don't want to...
It wasn't like I was like, I couldn't, I'm just like a zombie in life.
I'm trying to optimize my, trying to optimize my fucking life to feel good, not to produce, not to rise and grind, not to make a bigger profit than I did last year.
Just feel good.
Have a fun time.
Yeah.
Enjoy myself.
Do weird shit.
Just go to Shenzhen, China.
Go to Hong Kong.
Go to fucking Shanghai.
I love hearing that, man, because sometimes I forget that that is the goal, that the goal is to feel good.
Sometimes it's like I know it.
Originally I knew it.
But sometimes then I forget that what an important goal that is.
It's like all these other kind of ways to say it and ways to like replace it almost, get put in there.
You put it, you organize it.
It gets organized in a way.
Because you think about when you're like 10 during the summer, right?
Oh, yeah.
What were you trying to do?
You just get up, just try to get some shit popping.
Dude, yeah, yeah, dude.
Just try to, in short, just try to get some shit popping.
Try to put your sandals on.
Dirt bike around.
Fucking, these guys are over there at the edge of the woods.
Yeah.
They're doing some shit.
Then you go over here, you get some candy.
And you can keep doing that just in a different way.
You just can do it.
You work and you do all that stuff, but just See what else is just get some shit.
What do you like doing?
Do that.
I like doing stand-up.
Here's what I realize I like doing.
I like doing stand-up.
I like directing commercials.
I like writing jokes.
Talking to black people, too.
Talking to black people, of course.
And I like just fucking fucking around, watching shit on the internet, going on the online three hours.
You're kind of a little bit of a Magellan on the mental health front a little bit.
I mean, it seems like it's not.
Yeah, nobody talks about it.
And that's the other thing is nobody talks about it.
And I don't have any shame.
I don't think it's any weirder.
I don't think that having depression is a weakness.
I don't think it's any weaker than having tendinitis.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm just like, I don't know.
Let's see.
I'll try to treat it.
I'm not going to make it like I don't.
I'm not trying to make it a heavy thing.
Yeah.
But whenever I see you, I try to talk about your feelings or your emotions.
Like, because, dude, that's the thing.
The reason why that clip of you is popular is because everyone wants to talk about it.
But most places, it's kind of like, uh, you know, I'm sure after shows, you have as many people that just like you because you're funny and quirky.
And then there's also people that are like, hey, man, can I talk to you about such and such?
Yeah, a lot of people come out.
A lot of people are struggling.
Yeah.
I didn't realize that, I guess, that so many people are having tough times.
But then I look at all the people that are dying of meds and dying of this and that.
And I'm like, man, people really are struggling.
Do you think that one of the reasons a lot of young men are struggling is because just like the way we've changed from being like really like limbic, like things we need to do, hunt, get milk, get honey, get, you know, attack stuff, do stuff, be there, connected to the earth.
And then now we've become this separate sort of just, it's almost like we're just like a strong thing.
We're house cats.
Being contained, yeah.
We're indoor cats now.
It's fucking scary.
Well, yeah, it'll make you start to, you know, well, we're in a, it's a, these are all luxury problems.
Right, right, yeah.
No, they're luxury problems.
I'm not saying it like I'm not complaining.
This goes from the poor every American for the richest American.
Most of our shit's taken care of are basic needs, right?
Yeah, and if you don't want to do shit, you can just fucking let the government give you money every month.
I mean, it's like you can get taken care of in this country.
Yes.
So once you've got your basic needs taken care of, then you start getting philosophical and start eating away.
And like, am I pleased?
Right.
Am I happy?
As much as I'm shitting on our conversation, like, but a problem is a problem.
That's a problem.
Are we a side effect?
But a problem is a problem.
It's right.
If your problem is I need water today, or your problem is my brain doesn't feel good today.
Yeah.
That's still a problem.
And I think I would, what I do is I try to treat it the same way I treat it.
I'm hungry, which is I need food.
I need some, I'm going to do something to treat my brain.
Right.
I'm going to fucking China, bro.
Yeah.
They got them good zappers over there.
I'm going to China.
Like that, I honestly, that's kind of my thinking.
Yeah.
Like we're set up enough that we can just, even if you work 60 hours a week, you still have a lot of, you still have a decent amount of free time.
Like that you, and what do you want to do with it?
Treat the rest of it like you're hunting, just what are you hunting for?
Yeah.
If it's you're hunting for answers, there's plenty of shit you can do.
There's plenty of shit you can listen to, plenty of books you can read, plenty of 12-step stuff.
You can meditate, you can pray, you can, there's so much shit you can do that's not like.
Yeah, there's a lot of new therapies out there.
Things are coming out all the time.
There's new ways that people are thinking.
You know, there's podcasts, people to listen to, people to share.
Share what's going on with them.
What was China like?
Did you think, what did you think of the Chinese?
Be honest.
Man, I wasn't going to be honest till you yelled that at me.
I had a bunch of lies in the chamber.
I'll say Chinese women were better looking than I thought.
Okay.
Because I think that they get a bad rap.
I think the Japanese women get too good a rap and Chinese women don't get enough props.
I respect that.
Thank you.
And I've never been into a communist country before.
So what I found really fucking crazy was that they don't really tell you anything.
There are rules that are given to you.
There's no legislation.
There's no government that you can lobby and get a law.
They just make laws and they make rules and those are the rules.
And the other thing is sometimes they enforce them and sometimes they don't.
And they don't tell you when they're going to enforce them and when they're going to not.
Wow.
And that's fucking scary.
That's scary.
So I was doing a show in Shanghai and I said, are there things I shouldn't talk about?
And they said, don't talk about the three T's, Tibet, Taiwan, and Tiananmen Square.
Those are the touchy subjects.
So I was like, I don't really have anything to say about those things anyway.
Now they are putting Muslims in concentration camps.
Are they?
Yeah.
They're called the Uyghurs and like millions of them.
And so I did a joke about that.
A lot of Uyghurs in Detroit, you know, to be honest with you.
And so now, so you made it.
So the fucking, I made a joke about that, which I was like, and literally a black woman came to the show and was like, better go ahead with that shit in the front row.
Like, don't fucking, they will fucking wrap you up.
By the way, there's no due process.
So if you get arrested, we'll let you go and we let you go.
The judges are just people that just were like, I'm not going to say they were just guys that were hanging out at the courthouse.
But it's close, like if you just have seniority, you'll get, become a judge.
You don't have to have a law.
Wow.
So they're all just actors Almost in a not actors, but they're all just kind of pieces of this apparatus.
Dude, there's also 1.6 billion people.
So as much as we go, man, it's like, what kind of parent would you be?
Yeah.
If you got to put, you got to lay the law down.
But Brian was telling me this thing where they, you don't have to, there's no real regulation there.
So people will build high-rise buildings.
Oh, yeah.
I saw some of those things.
Without skiing, without, they don't tell anyone.
They just own the property.
And they're like, yeah, we're going to build it.
And then if you don't know the right person, Brian was telling me there was a place that had, there was a high-rise building, like, you know, probably 100 units, whatever.
But they didn't talk to the right people.
So the government said, hey, residents, go to a spa this weekend.
We're going to put you up at this place.
You got to leave the building for the weekend.
We're going to do some repairs.
They knocked the shit down with all their shit in it.
Just like, because they didn't know.
The people who bought the apartments didn't know that the fucking landlord didn't clear it.
So all their shit's gone and there's nobody to talk to.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
So it's almost like, but then, and there's cameras everywhere.
Everywhere, dude.
I don't know if you noticed.
Every fucking, everywhere on the street.
But there's no crime or very little crime.
So it's almost like there's 10 human rights.
There's 10 like human rights, we'll call them human rights.
And every country goes, all right, we're going to pick five of them.
Because here, there's not cameras everywhere.
You're not, like you get your face scanned when you go to China.
Yeah.
So they could, if they thought I was a problem, they can just follow, they just do the thing, where's the face?
The face is here.
They can track me.
That's crazy.
Right?
So here, you're not tracked, basically, other than Google and Facebook.
The government's not tracking you.
Dateline, of course.
If you're really about your shit, Dateline will come.
And here, you're not tracked, but you might get shot at Walmart.
Yeah.
So it's like 50-50.
Yes.
It's like, which human rights do you want?
Which qualities of life do you want?
It's a great, man.
It's a great, you know, when you put something next to something else.
Yeah.
It was really interesting.
Like, I found it fucking fascinating.
Like, wow.
Because you don't feel as much like a human over there.
You don't feel as much like an individual.
At all.
And they don't seem like individuals.
That was one thing I noticed.
A lot of the Chinese people, they didn't seem like as much individuals.
Everybody almost seemed like, okay, this is where I'm supposed to be right now.
This is where I'm going.
It seemed like, and I'm not saying that.
That's also a value system.
Like their society has never been.
By the way, Americans, that wasn't a, individualism wasn't a thing until like 100 years ago.
Wow.
Because it's good for capitalism.
It's like good, you're going to express yourself and you're going to sell shit and move fucking merch and fucking, you got, everyone's got their merch table like in the world and in American society.
So there, they don't even value like, no, we're about family and togetherness.
So that's the, it's another thing where like you get to be an individual, but then you end up that guy at what cost, yeah.
Walking around just feeling uncomfortable because you're not in a tribe, but you are, you are an individual.
Yeah.
There you go, man.
This is what you wanted.
Your sister's happy as fuck living by the interstate with a bunch of kids because she fucking loves her kids and it's great.
Yeah.
Like, so it's just a, it's, and there's a down, there's a downside to everything.
Yeah.
And that's the downside to to being here is that you just feel a little disaffected.
Yeah, the way we built things, it's, it's, yeah, it's a little bit more commercial.
It's a little bit more individual.
You need to stand for this.
You need to do this.
Look how fucking alone you are.
Then later, then they sell you all the books, how to be unalone.
It's like, Jesus Christ, this is all this.
What about the movement?
What about the movie?
No, yeah, no, that too.
But also now this.
Yeah, now this.
Now that we sold you this, we have another program we want to sell you, which is undoing the first program.
But that really is, as much as it's a joke, like that you feel alienated.
Oh, it's exactly what goes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I found in China, and I was also shocked in Shanghai when I was there, how few European and Americans were there.
I didn't see very many.
No.
That's what I told somebody.
It's not only do they not speak English, it's like they'd never heard of it.
Yeah.
Like they don't like, what?
I mean, I had a guy, you get in cabs and they don't speak a fucking word of the words you speak.
They don't know any of them.
I had a guy, you would have lost this.
So I get in a kind of cab where the guy's like one, 100, which is like eight bucks.
He's like, one.
And I was like, all right, cool.
Like kind of a chubby, like 30-year-old Chinese dude.
It was gratifying because you just go to these Chinese and you know you're right.
Whereas here, if you say everybody used to say Chinese for all Asians and now you're racist.
Yeah.
But there, you just got some Chinese guy.
You're right.
But so I get, so he takes me to my hotel and he goes, two.
And I go, oh, like, all right, motherfucker.
I see where you're going.
I see the upsell.
Yeah.
He goes, I charge you double.
He like literally heard that in a movie.
I charge you double.
Like he, he just turned on like a cat, like a fucking evil character.
So I'm like, all right, like I almost wanted to record him saying it again.
Like, so I give him two and he goes, okay, it's cool, man.
It's cool.
Like he just was taking things he'd seen in movies and just played them back to back.
That was awesome.
But he didn't speak any.
That's the English he spoke was from.
That's great.
Yeah, was I charge you double, and it's cool.
Yeah, that's what he, that's what he knew.
So I enjoyed it in that it was illustrative of it put America in context.
Right.
It put American life in context, which I appreciated.
Now, do you think it's, I found it interesting, like here, it's like everybody come here.
Everybody's welcome here.
But then there, it's not like they're like, you can't just stay there easily and just, it's not like.
I don't know if that's true, though.
I don't, I have a 10-year visa.
Do you really?
Yeah, you can apply for a 10-year visa.
You can either do like a six-month one and people are like, just get a 10-year one.
Because, yeah, I've had friends that are, that work over there as teachers and stuff like that.
And they've just said that it's extremely hard.
But, dude, I was shocked at just how few anyone outside of Chinese people I saw there.
White, black.
No, yeah, there's Matinos, Mexicans.
Yeah, there were no, they just wear how.
People don't want to go to fucking China.
It's not a tourist spot a little bit, but I'm not dying to go back.
I will, but I'm not.
And now Hong Kong's fucked up too.
Yeah, they're fighting.
I did a show in Hong Kong like the night, like during, and I, it was like, my buddy sent me a video walking home after the show, like through a fucking zone of bricks and chaos.
Like it's fucked up there.
Yeah.
And I didn't realize like they're fighting for they're basically a democratic government and China's going like, no, not anymore.
So people's lives are going to be fucked up.
They're going to, they're going to be in that system where like, no, you're going to jail and there's no, we'll let you out when, if, if we get around to it.
That's going to get itchy.
No, if we get it.
So that's what they're fighting for.
Like, and I get that.
Like, now that I've seen how shit is, or my understanding of how shit is in China, I'm like, yeah, I would fight.
I'd throw Milotoff cocktails too.
Yeah.
Because it's, what's the alternatives worse, like significantly worse.
Yeah, of not ever, yeah, not feeling human.
Yeah, I started to feel like people at a certain number of people, you start to realize that things seem very much like ants almost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, at that number, it is like ants.
Just watching everybody, like even when I was on the trains, yeah, the zoning.
You see somebody build something, no fucking windows, never put a roof on it, fucking disappeared.
You're like, what just happened?
Yeah, what happened there?
Yeah.
I mean, shit next door.
Like, did you go to Hong Kong?
Insane zoning.
Nuh-uh.
It's, there are 70-story buildings this far from each other.
Yeah.
Like, there's just a walkway between them.
And you're like, this is, you could have, this is fucking crazy.
And China, I'm sure, is worse.
Like, I didn't really walk.
I walked around a little bit.
It actually reminded me, it looked like, have you been to Saudi Arabia?
Yes.
It looked like, it felt like, I've never been to Saudi Arabia, but those like four lanes both ways.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Those like sad, kind of vagasy, like Las Vegas Boulevard.
There was a lot of that in Shenzhen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of that when you're on the train.
You just see stuff.
It's like, oh, did somebody start something here?
It never happened.
Small, like little towns with just tons of buildings, but no windows, nobody living there.
Yeah.
Like, oh, okay.
Or maybe they are.
Yeah.
You don't know.
They could be living there, just not great.
Yeah.
They're not having a great, or maybe they're your sister, the Chinese version of your sister where they're living there and they're having a blast.
I couldn't tell how happy people were there.
That's one thing I couldn't tell.
And that's one problem I've always had with a lot of Asian cult people, really, if I'm real honest.
But like, I just, it's hard for me to read their vibes because I don't really, I didn't, I don't have enough of an experience of being around a lot of Asian people to know if they are like happy or unhappy.
I also think it's the value thing.
Is that even a.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Is that even a concern?
Are they even thinking about that shit?
Yeah, is that even a concern?
Like, is Bobby Lee happy?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
It could be a documentary.
Is Bobby Lee happy?
He gets enough rest to be happy, that's for sure, dude.
I mean, talk about doing, I mean, all he does is play video games and sleep.
Bro, his car, he's even hit Sam Triple E's fucking car.
No.
He hit Sam's car recently?
Because he plays off Candy Crust on a tablet while he drives, which is insane.
And his car has so many dings and it's been so many accidents.
But one day, yeah, he just T-Bo in Sam's car in the back parking lot.
He got out of the car while it was still in drive.
That's how it hit Sam's car.
We may have the video still.
Yeah.
What?
The car was in drive and he just had his foot on the brake and he stepped out of his vehicle.
And did he watch it hit the car or did he try to get back in?
I don't know.
His whole body feels like an ass cheek that I realized the other day.
You're absolutely right.
It is shaped like a smooth ass cheek.
The front and the back.
Oh, yeah.
Somehow.
He's got like, he goes, does this on the front and he always says he's Korean.
I'm like, who fucking cares, bruh?
You know what I'm saying?
How are you not getting this?
I'm fucking sorry, Evan Crushett.
I'll pay for it.
Can you back it up?
This was after it.
Oh, this is the aftermath?
How are you not getting this?
But yeah, you see his car.
It's tripling.
I like how he said he'll pay for it.
Like, it's like, I'm going to go.
I'm a magnanimous person.
I'll pay for it.
Like, no, yeah, of course you're going to pay for it.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
Yeah, like that is, it is, there's a, there's, there, this is a stereotype, but, like, there does seem to be a stoicism to Asian people generally.
Like, but it's not, I don't think that that's a, I think that they're, if Especially if their parents were immigrants or their second generation, it's that they just it's like they're here to achieve and improve their lives and like emotion.
No, I don't care.
That's not a concern.
Yeah, emotions.
I wonder if emotion is more of a white thing.
Maybe.
I mean, it's it's yeah.
I also think like as much as you're I think it's okay.
I think some people are more sensitive than others.
Right.
You're a sensitive guy.
I'm a sensitive person.
Yeah.
I think that there are sensitive.
I think Bobby's sensitive too, but he just doesn't, he just is like doesn't shoving it and punching it and like, just like, I think it's okay to be sensitive.
Yeah.
It's, it is, I, yeah, it's an elective, it's a, it's a, it's a luxury item for certain people, but I don't think that, I think you've been sensitive since you were dead broke.
Yeah.
And it probably felt that, and you thought it was because of that.
And it's like, no, you're just like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good point, too.
Just realizing some of that, some things are disposition.
Like you said, yeah, and I'm okay.
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And now back to the episode.
Do you think that you're having an old dad?
What do you think that, how do you think that affected you?
I think it made me a lot of shame when I really look back at it a little bit in some ways.
Sometimes I think genetically, like, do I have real old genes?
You know, like if I'll rest or if I'll be real, you know, if I'll lay down and like kind of make a name, say something real loud or like, you know, talk about God or something, lean back in my chair or something like that.
Like my dad used to do that kind of stuff.
If, yeah, I wonder if my genes are just real old, you know?
I'm not that great.
You know, I'm not bad at sex, but I've never really been like a real, I'm kind of like the Indiana Pacers of sex.
Go on.
And so it's like.
Like you make the playoffs.
Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah.
But it's not, you're not going deep in the playoffs.
Yeah.
You're not going past the first round.
No, I'm not going.
Since Reggie Miller left, it just hasn't been.
Yeah.
And even then, we were just shooting three points.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, boring, slow pace.
Yeah.
Not getting up and down the court.
Yeah, hopeful, good white audience, but not.
You do have interesting sex habits, right?
Yeah, for me, I think it's all, a lot of it just has always felt like a little bit uncomfortable.
I kind of have that perversion that came from like watching a lot of pornography.
And then just the interaction, the connection sometimes has always felt like I don't like having a woman sleep over.
Like some of those things make me extremely nervous.
Well, sometimes, I mean, it's, you know what, it's a real obvious thing to say, but it's real intimate.
Yeah, it is.
It's real.
I mean, even if you're just talking about like their face is right there.
Yeah.
Like you're fucking faces to fuck.
Like, we're both here, especially if you're not drunk.
Oh, yeah.
It's really.
Like, Nikki Glazer's been doing a whole thing about having sober sex, and it's like.
That's for children, man.
Sober sex is for children.
I've always thought that.
If you're going to fuck sober, bro, be young.
Be 10. Oh, yeah.
Be 10, be 11, bro.
By the way, I got to an argument online last week.
Do you know that there's no minimum age for sex?
Two eight-year-olds can legally have sex.
Oh, wow.
Isn't that crazy?
It gets into legally stuff starts happening when you turn 16, then you actually can't, then you have to start being responsible.
Then you can't fuck.
And a nine-year-old can legally fuck a six-year-old.
Wow.
If they're both consenting.
Right.
Damn, that's crazy.
Isn't that fucking mind-blowing?
But once you turn 16, then you have a license, basically.
And you can't go below 16. Or you can go three years below.
Yeah, yeah.
That was a big thing when I was growing up.
I like seeing if somebody was three years older or three years younger, you'd always hear things and people dating.
Yeah, you always had that dude that would pull over by the middle school and he drove already and he'd come back and see his fucking girlfriend and hand some McDonald's over the fence.
Oh, dude.
This one guy fucking handed somebody, he drove like this banana yellow cutlass and he handed some fucking McDonald's over to the fence to his girlfriend who was easily about 13 years younger than him.
How did she look?
Was she good?
Like was she thick?
She was thick.
But they misplaced that for age a lot of times in rural communities, you know?
Yeah.
Like damn, look at that.
That's how she is.
Well, it's like farming.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like she's of age.
She's she's red.
She's ready.
It's like there's grass.
She's a cat.
She's not a calf anymore.
Yeah.
So let's go.
Yeah, let's play ball.
Let's get a fucking family pack of runts and fuck.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's the.
But this dude floored at one time.
He was trying to show off and his whole catalytic converter just fell off the bottom of his car.
And I just remember being.
Do you know about cars?
Absolutely hilarious.
Not that much.
I know about catalytic converters and I know about pouring like a little bit of gas up there in the carburetor if that bitch won't start.
Is that an old trick, yeah?
And I liked cars better when it was just like the engine and the motor, you know?
I don't know the difference.
I don't know if I do either, but I think one of them is the transmission.
You lifted up the hood, there was two pieces there in that air filter thing.
There was the crank?
Yeah.
Because you're from 1940.
And you'd spray WD-40 in that fucking air filter and let that bitch.
I don't know shit.
Like, that's where I don't feel like a man.
It's when car stuff happens.
I'm like, I don't know.
Well, now you drive a fucking car.
Well, now I don't need to know.
Yeah, you drive Elon Musk fucking.
Yeah, I just plug her in.
Y'all got an outlet?
That's way better.
That is nice.
Is it?
Well, yeah, just go like, I don't need to know.
I just, I only go to the gas station to wipe the, for the wipers.
Yeah.
Fucking great.
And it's weird.
Yeah, I guess feeling emotional and also then feeling, I guess feeling like emotional about shit or talking about that kind of stuff, but then also feeling like a, you can still feel like a man.
Like I still do like, you know, I'll do like insane shit at the gym and do insane training and I'll fucking probably endanger myself a pretty good amount of time.
You know, I think.
Do you work out still?
Yeah, I just started getting a trainer.
I'm really getting pretty much into it.
I'm trying to start taking some Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
Yeah.
So yeah, just to have like a, it just seems so cool.
It just seems like a just to have another circle of camaraderie, really.
Yeah.
It's also boxing.
I did like Thai boxing in Thailand one time.
I was like, this is fun.
I could see being a throwing combination.
He's got that physique, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Throwing combinations is like, that's fucking fun.
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
Duck, ha.
It's fucking fun.
Yeah.
And it's being able to know that if somebody attacks me and they don't know Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, that I would know enough couple of tricks to be able to.
Now, the hard part is not doing it all the time in conversation.
Oh, right.
Because that's the thing.
Like, bro, did I learn the thing today?
and you fucking...
Yeah.
He always does that.
The second things get uncomfortable, he puts somebody in a headline.
Yeah.
Like, no, I could see, the thing with me, you don't wanna be one of, Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And you're kidding, but you're not.
You're not kidding.
Yeah.
Some girl right when she would touch your arm, you would flex right before.
Yep.
Oh, absolutely.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
So I'm glad that, and thank you for not posting workout videos.
Oh, yeah, you bet.
I try not to, but ever since Christalia does, sometimes I think about fucking throwing one up.
We can't fall for it.
I feel like Kevin Hart started this.
Oh, did he really?
Does he do it?
Yeah.
He started, he would, he shows a, he does a lot of training videos.
Does he have writers probably for his jokes and stuff now?
Kevin?
He has the guys who open for him, the Red Plastic Cupboys, but they don't, it's all based on shit that happened to him.
So it's not, I don't think he has writers really.
I think he maybe they go maybe like a tag here and there.
Yeah.
But he doesn't have writers, as far as I know.
He has people that he's with, though.
Yeah.
How are you doing?
Did you figure out how you're going to do your special?
I'm not sure yet.
Still not sure.
Well, we don't have any offers really that I feel like are you know that I feel like are the move really.
Part of me thinks about shooting it and just putting clips out onto YouTube.
Like, you know, just putting the stories out on YouTube and putting out a CD, you know, an album, just owning it.
Yep.
And then, but then possibly doing Netflix.
They're going to come out in December on December 10th and see me.
And so I think, you know, there might be an offer after that.
It's just also a time schedule of when they have room.
Yeah.
They said it might not be until the 2021.
So then that makes me think, well, at that point, I might as well just put some clips or something.
Like, I want to have some fresh stuff out there and also for me to just in my brain to start to move on.
Yeah.
Because I'm already building like a new hour.
It does get kind of tough doing some of the same stuff.
Like jokes kind of have like a point where they're like at their peak.
You know what's funny.
Chappelle used to say jokes are like tires where it's like just the treads wear out.
Yeah.
And he's right because when you first, it's that disappointing thing.
When you have a good new joke, that first two weeks, that shit is fucking popping.
Fucking popping.
Like they know, the audience knows it's new.
Yeah.
It's like having money at the mall.
It's the best.
The new joke I always say is like finding money or pie.
It's like, and then, and then after two weeks, it'll settle.
Yeah.
It'll just go to like, all right, this is what this is going to get now from here on out.
And then after a while, it goes down another level.
And it's, to your point, getting shooting a joke at the right time, filming it at the right time is like, you don't want to wait too long.
Yeah.
Because something about it, even if they haven't heard it, it just doesn't have the fucking energy.
Yeah, that's kind of what I'm realizing too.
It's like, and a lot of this is just learning as you go.
It's like, that's the tough part.
It's like, man, I wish some of all this stuff I already knew it, but, you know, but that's my experience.
And it's just, you know, and also.
You could also shoot it now.
And, you know.
The great thing is if you're already writing a new hour, the good, you have a, there's a hundred cities now where you could sell out.
Right.
That's the thing, too.
It's hard to stop.
It's hard to stop going to cities whenever you have an hour that people haven't seen.
Yeah.
Because it's.
Segura, I feel like, has toured this hour for so long.
And it's legitimately because there's cities he hasn't gone to.
Yeah.
And he's probably tired.
Delia said he threw out like 40 minutes on this tour because he was doing the tour so long that he wrote new jokes and just replaced the other ones.
Yeah.
So he could have gone back to some of the cities with a new hour on the same tour.
Yeah, that's where I'm at.
I'm feeling like, well, shoot, do I just keep adding places?
Because I've been touring the same stuff for almost a year and a half.
I mean, it's definitely evolved and changed, and there's new stuff now I could put in, but I'm like, I don't know what to do.
Do I just start putting in new stuff?
I'd save it if I were you.
I'd save it and just start a new tour because it seems like Bert did that.
Bert just finished one tour and he's starting another one.
Yeah.
If you have a new more time, fuck it.
Like if you have new shit that's not topical or like it's not about some shit that's happening now, if it's just a story or fuck it.
Yeah.
Like, and then just work on that during the week and then on weekends do the, do like the tour show.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, I think that's the, I think also, yeah, this year I got tough just trusting my instincts and knowing like what was the right thing to do.
And like, you know, different things were coming in.
And I'm like, is this right?
I don't know what to do.
You know, yeah, just a lot of fear this year.
I think it made everything tough.
It made it like I was all ready to kind of shoot my special at Christmas.
And then next thing you know, it was like, oh, well, there's a bunch more cities you can go to and you can, you know, and you can make money.
And then it was like nervous making money.
I felt like, what do I do?
What do you do with money?
Not that much, really.
You know, I do postmates.
You don't have to do anything.
That's the thing.
People think you got to do something with it.
You don't.
Yeah, I really haven't done anything.
Yeah.
I mean, I do postmates more.
Yeah, yeah.
You fucking, you order the shit out of them.
Oh, dude.
I get these tacos twice a week, probably.
And then what else?
Yeah, probably not that much.
Honestly, I don't like going to shop for stuff, and I don't like doing that kind of stuff.
I don't either.
I don't like stuff.
It just doesn't mean that much to me.
Like, I don't like people take pictures of their shoes.
And I'm just like, I could, but I don't know.
It just doesn't, I don't, it doesn't move me.
Yeah, it doesn't move me.
So I don't know.
That's good in terms of like, you probably won't be broke.
Yeah, pay my mom's rent now.
That's got to feel awesome.
It's nice to know she doesn't have to worry.
She works hard.
She's like 77 or something.
She still like, you know, delivers stuff.
And yeah, it is nice to know that she can take the day off or something if she wants to and not have to fucking think about paying something.
That's got to be that's like got to feel outstanding.
Yeah, it's tough because our relationships are.
It's a mix about it, yeah.
What's the, how's the relationship?
Can you talk about it?
I never, I've always had a tough time hearing my mother.
You know, I felt like, I don't know.
I just have always had a little, like, I think, you know, sometimes I think the reason I do comedy is because I wanted my mom to laugh or something when I was young and I couldn't get her to laugh.
Yeah.
And so I, it like spun out into this weird thing where that's what I was doing, you know, because I remember my dad laughing all the time, but I never met having you?
Yeah, just laughing.
Yeah, just laughing, just having a good time.
Having a good time.
Yeah.
And then I don't remember my mother having that at all.
And I think there was always like this stress that she was stressed and I couldn't do anything.
You know, I was just that's the, the, the, I've seen study a lot of comedians is about making your mom laugh.
Yeah.
That's a big one.
As much as it's like, we're sad clowns and all that stuff.
It's a lot of it's sad children, children of sad moms.
Yeah.
Honestly, a lot of times that's the formula for comedians.
That should be a club.
Yeah.
Children with sad moms.
My mom's not sad.
My mom is, I always felt like there's like plexiglass between us.
Like, like I want a fucking more of a connection and we just can't get there.
Yeah.
Like we just can't, it just doesn't, that's not, she doesn't know how to do it.
Yeah.
She's a good mom.
She was like, did the, you know, like, like attentive and all that stuff, just emotionally.
And that's the, that's another generational thing where my mom's 85. So yeah, like, I don't, she doesn't know like emotion.
The fuck are you talking about?
Yeah.
Like, yeah, we can't really think about that kind of stuff.
Born in 19, she was born during the Great Depression.
Yeah, dude, yeah.
1933.
Like, I don't, her mom died when she was three.
Wow.
Like, she got split up.
Like, one of her sisters went to Ireland, and then they couldn't pick her up because of the war.
Yeah, yeah, we're not coming this week.
What?
We're not coming these weeks after those you guys.
Can you imagine that, though?
All the time, especially on Unsolved Mysteries, you see all these families just got split up.
We had four kids, we couldn't afford it.
The orphanages took just like my mom's mom died, and then she had two sisters, maybe three, and each uncle took a different one, or each aunt took a different one.
But meanwhile, the dad was still alive.
They just were like, yeah.
Yeah, we're not leaving a dad.
That's insane.
Yeah.
They'll be dead in a week.
Leaving with a guy.
So they went to the aunts, and then the dad was like, I'm getting ready.
And I was like, mom, how long did he need to get ready for?
And he never really got it together.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then he remarried like his mate, just crazy fucking 30s and 40s shit.
And then I'm like, where's the feelings?
But why is there pleasing?
Because of fucking Hitler and the Great Depression.
That's why, you fucking child.
Yeah, that's a thing.
Spoiled brat.
That's what I realize a lot of times too, man.
And I think about that too about myself.
Man, I'm just a fucking brat.
Like, at some point, it's like, fuck, I also have to realize, look, dude, you have to just fucking take care of yourself.
You have to find a way to do it.
You can't think at a certain point, you can't think about all this shit too much.
Life's a plan of a program of action.
You got to take action and get yourself feeling good.
You got to get yourself doing something.
You have to just get going.
You know, yeah, it's crazy to think sometimes that, yeah, our parents who probably had no, whose parents to them probably didn't teach them much about emotions or anything at all.
The Rockefellers probably had emotions, bruh.
They were fucking all out of their minds, too.
Yeah.
They, like, the Rockefellers.
Like, no, the Rockefellers' parents, John Rockefeller's dad was probably a fucking coal miner.
Yeah.
There wasn't, well, you know what I mean?
Like, there wasn't like crazy, like three people were rich.
Yeah.
Everybody else fucking lived in Appalachia.
Yeah.
I mean, not literally, but like, there was no, like, well, there was a robust middle class.
No.
Life was fucking brutally.
Everyone's shit in an outhouse.
Like, even if you were, there's this book called Sapience.
It's really good, but the guy was saying, like, there were French, French, like the king of, we live better than the king of France from 1700.
Wow.
Wow.
King of France from 1700 shat outside.
Damn.
No, and didn't have.
He had somebody to carry it out there for him.
Yeah, no, Pete had help.
He's going by him by himself.
But he didn't have a fucking, there was no indoor heat, no indoor air.
There was no car, no, like nothing.
No ice.
No ice, Theo.
So, so we have it good, but at the same time, it's not perfect.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, you'd have somebody whose body temperatures was a little lower just blow on you all day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bring in the coolant.
And he would blow on it.
Yeah.
Like we don't, we, it's hard, but problems are problems.
Problems are relative.
Right.
So as much as much as you are like, as much as it's still, if they were alive today, they'd have the same problems we have.
Yeah.
Which is, I don't feel quite right.
I don't feel, I feel isolated.
I feel alienated.
I feel emotionally.
I feel whatever.
All the things that we deal with.
That's our version of shitting outside.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's our version of sitting outside.
But then the part that we can control is how do we, what do we do about it?
Yeah.
Taking action or not taking action.
Yeah.
And I think, yeah, for me this year, I just got caught in a place where I wasn't, everything else was too much and I wasn't able to focus on that at all.
And so now I'm like a little bit back to focusing on it and it's definitely getting more manageable.
Nick, you had something about donkeys.
I have to text my sponsor real quick or he's going to fucking.
Yeah, we had a couple news stories.
One, you guys talked about China a lot.
The world's donkey population is set to be halved in the next five years because it's a traditional Chinese medicine that is being used.
It's estimated that 4.8 million donkey hides a year are used for a gelatin-based medicine that the Chinese use.
Well, the thing that, I don't know if it was in the news here, they're also harvesting organs over there.
In China?
Yeah.
You'd have to at a certain point.
I mean, anything becomes like a, everything becomes a food.
You know, here we call it a devil.
They're not eating them.
They're prisoners.
They're killing prisoners and taking their organs.
Damn, bro.
Damn.
You don't have to do that.
What video game is this on?
No, I'm serious.
Yeah, there you go.
Harvesting organs.
China Resort.
Harvest Runners are transplanted.
Oh, but dude, for transplant.
Look, here's what I say.
If the guy's in for life, take his fucking liver, bruh, and give it to somebody who can use it, man.
I think we could get a lot more out of our prisoners sometimes.
That we're underusing them?
That's a great resource that we're not.
Yeah, the guy is in there with two lungs and somebody, you know, we got somebody who's going to die of cystic fibrosis, fucking pull an airbag out of that cat and throw him into somebody who can use it.
And you're willing to go on the right?
This is going to be your platform for running for mayor?
Sorry.
Hold on one second.
It's fine.
Yeah, no, they're harvesting organs.
It's not great.
Despite what Theo thinks.
Well, I'm not saying everybody gets an organ.
I'm saying that, you know.
Do you believe that rich people should get them first?
Because you know that's what's happening.
But a sister got a liver.
And it was definitely at a certain point where like, oh, what do you mean?
This person, somebody else is getting him before us.
But that's, it's cool that they're kind of, they kind of, it doesn't matter how rich you are.
You can't, the donor, the list is the list.
The list is the list.
And you can't, how did your, did it take?
Yep, it took.
She got him when she was like 14 and she's got that.
Yeah, she has to take anti-rejection medicine because your body's always like, this thing is in yours.
You know what's funny?
That's almost like what AA is for you.
Like, you have to take your anti-rejection medicine.
Yeah.
Like, you have to, like, your body's like, this isn't right.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
Yeah.
You're like, no, body, we have to go.
That's what I remember going to, I used to go to Al-Anom, which was like for not drinking, it's for being in relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts.
Yeah.
And you.
Yeah, alcoholism is so bad.
There's two programs for it.
It has a program for if you just know people who are it.
They, but that's, I realized like, no, I got to do this all the time.
I have to do this.
I have, I can't, this is a chronic set of behavior on my part.
Like from, from, my dad was an alcoholic.
So just you build your brain in a certain way and you have to undo it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
And it is.
It's a daily thing.
It really is, man.
It's like I know if I get up and do my meditation and I do my gratitude list and I call other guys that have the same problem, then I will have a better chance of having a better day instead of – Getting up and thinking about myself.
Yeah.
I call people every day.
The other two I've struggled with, but now I'm getting a lot back.
I've been really just focusing on it, really, especially the past maybe month, trying to get back into it.
When you didn't feel grateful, did you not do a gratitude list or you would just write like fucking just stare at the paper?
Some days, yeah.
Well, I just couldn't feel it.
I would write it, but I couldn't feel it.
Yeah.
And that was the worst, man.
It was like, God, I want to feel grateful.
And I just, and then just traveling a lot, doing the shows and stuff, it was just hard.
Just getting on and off of planes and waking up here or there and not knowing what was going on.
Being halfway through a sentence sometimes, like, I'm so happy to be here in and thinking in my head, what city is this?
Yeah.
Fucking alarming.
It's hard.
But that has to do with just wear and tear.
Like that, if you don't know what city you're, it's hard to remember when you're, you look at the schedule and you're like, I'm going there, then I'm going there, then I'm going there.
And you're like, I don't even know what week it is half the time.
You ever have the thing where you don't know what period of your life you're in?
You ever have that?
Like where you'll be like, did I, have I started podcasting yet?
Where you'll be on the 405 or the, you'll be just driving and you'll be like, where?
I have it sometimes where I'll go to a city and I'll be like, have I done, what period of my life am I in?
Yeah, am I 28?
Am I 28?
I'm 40. What?
Like, all right, did I do that yet?
Am I a comedian yet?
Or did I still, am I still not a comedian?
I don't fucking know.
The gratitude thing.
It's hard that I, do you travel well?
I travel pretty well, but then, yeah, this year, everything just got a little bit too much.
It just was, it just got to be too much.
Like, air travel fucks me up.
Oh, yeah, it's bad, man.
It's really tough on your body, and it's tough on you over a while, too.
Yeah.
You know, I've been doing it for 15 years, traveling, doing touring.
So it's like, and this year was just the most it's been, and it was just, and it was just, it kind of caught up to me.
And I started taking one thing that was the worst for me this year I didn't realize was I took Propecia.
Dude, I wanted to kill myself for like a month and I had never felt that way in my entire life.
And it was because of that, bro.
I had no idea.
And I got off of that, bro, and everything started to get better.
That's crazy.
It was crazy.
I don't think we, that's the thing about that they talk a lot about the pill and how it fucks up women's bodies and it absolutely does.
But people don't talk about propecia very much as like this thing guys do that's purely for to look good.
Yeah.
And it fucks people up.
Like it fucks there are ways in which propecia fucks people up.
I've never taken it, but I like hearing that, I'm not, I've heard that shit before, or you have erectile dysfunction or there's just a bunch of problems just trying to hold on to your hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what they say is even with the erectile dysfunction, so what it messes up is your libido.
So that's why the side effect of that is your erection, right?
But in some people, but when it messed up your libido, for me, it just messed up that mass, whatever masculine energy, whatever wee bit I had left, you know, it fucking just crippled it.
So dude, it was just like, bro, I had some of the scare.
I had never felt, and so I threw that in this year and it was just like, man, it was just, fuck, bro.
It was just, that shit was tough.
And I'm so glad I realized that.
Minoxidil makes a pill that's a less dose.
And they also say you can take half of a propecia and this won't happen.
But monoxidil makes a pill as well.
And now I take that and I don't have any side effects.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's significant.
Yeah.
It was so scary.
Because then it was just at the time where I'm like, fuck, am I just completely falling apart?
Am I just losing myself?
Yeah.
And no, you were just trying to hold on to your hair, man.
I'm trying to hold on to my hair, man.
That's all.
Simple guy.
Just a simple man.
That might be the name of this episode.
I got to go meet my sponsor, man.
Yeah, of course.
Thanks so much.
I love talking to you, man.
Yeah, me too, man.
And I really, really appreciate it.
I'm really happy for you.
And it's cool.
I'm happy.
Like, you were fucking hilarious, dude.
Thanks, man.
And I'm happy that people realize it.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, man.
Well, I appreciate it.
I appreciate you coming on.
Yeah, I love how you always have new material.
And yeah, you're a hard worker, man.
I really admire that about you.
Yeah.
Thank you, man.
Yeah.
All right.
God bless.
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself unwind shine that Light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I
will sing it just for you train with a heavy load of mine Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner The answer may shock you Sometimes I'll interview my friends Sometimes I won't and as always I'll be joined by the voices in my head You have three new voice messages A lot of people are talking about kite club I've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so
great Hi Sui are easy to you Anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker Jamain with cheese and a McFlurry machine is broken I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me anyway first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and
