Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo is back from Atlanta and calls up Billy Conforto’s brother, listens to some responses to the caller with drippy mitts from last week, and gives some words of encouragement for a fella who feels like he can’t do anything right. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merch https://theovonstore.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp https://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% off your first month ZipRecruiter Try for free at https://ZipRecruiter.com/TPW ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon CharCheezy Christina Peters Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Smith David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Fast Eddie Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeffrey Lusero Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Madeline Matthews Mandy Picke'l Mariah Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Matthew David Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Rohail Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sarah Anderson Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Vanessa Amaya Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Now rabies, now rabies, now that's an STD right there.
That's one of those unsung non-heroes, you know, rabies.
Everybody wants to preach on, you know, these more popular STDs, syphilis and, you know, jock itch, I guess.
I mean, that JI, boy, you get a, you get a strong case of that JI, son.
That's, I mean, I had, dude, growing up in Louisiana, you get that jock itch.
That's a kind of, you catch a strong strand.
Boy, your hands won't leave your nuts for, you know, probably half of a moon cycle.
I mean, you, you catch that strong JI, boy, you don't even, dude, you'll scratch your wiener right off like a damn lottery ticket.
You catch that.
I mean, they have some strands of jock itch down in Louisiana that should be on the Discovery Channel, you know?
So you know that.
And if you don't know it, then, well, now you know that.
Kevin Hart was hospitalized after his car careened off an embankment.
The driver of the car was found pinned in his seat under the crushed roof, and so was the female passenger.
And we know somebody that's been involved in embankments better than anybody.
I mean, we're talking about the Christopher Columbus of embankments.
And that's our man Billy Conforto, R.I.P.
And right now, we got a special moment.
Actually, I'm going to call his brother, Chucky, and get him on the line right here.
And this is Chucky.
Hello.
What up, Chuck?
What's up, Theo?
I'm doing good, man.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm doing okay, man.
I was just over in Biloxi at the casino over there doing a show this past weekend.
You know, I was at my brother's house Saturday.
We had a live fantasy football draft.
And one of the guys there was like, man, was it Saturday or Sunday?
What was it?
I think it was yesterday, actually.
He come back, and he was like, man, I want to check out this dude Theo.
Do y'all know him?
I was like, yeah, I know Theo.
I started talking to him.
Oh, that's hilarious.
I didn't know anything about it.
Well, next time when I come over to Louisiana, I'll get you over to one.
Yeah, I'd like to come check it out.
Yeah, it'd be great, man.
Dude, there's so many fans that are fans of Billy, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, so many people love him, man.
You know, and I just wanted to know a little bit more about him because, you know, I met him.
We was busboys together.
And he was probably the wildest dude I ever met in my life, man.
You know, I was talking to my brother, my youngest brother.
My mom, she had seven kids in eight years, which a lot of people have a lot of kids.
Jesus, that's like Drew Brees type numbers, bro.
She put it up there.
Ain't nobody going to be able to catch it.
Damn, boy.
Right.
When you have an eight-year-old and you're in the hospital having your seventh kid, that's a lot of kids.
So it wasn't like, you know, we have a bunch of baby daddies or whatever how they say it these days.
Yeah.
I was telling, you know, so I was at my youngest brother's house when I was texting you, I think, yesterday.
Man, my days is kind of confused.
We was like up till like three o'clock in the morning as I was playing cornhole.
And my days are a little mixed up here.
But anyway, we was talking.
He was like, he just was like, man, Billy, he goes, man, mom, remember, you know, mom always sending us to the store and running back and forth.
And Billy came over one day.
He's like, nigga, I got your bike.
And he was like, man, he goes, mom makes me go to the store all the time and run errands.
I got your bike.
And he's like, how did you find me a bike?
He goes, I didn't buy it, but I got you one.
That was Billy.
You know what I'm saying?
That was Billy.
He was wild, man.
Yeah, he was one of a kind, dude.
He, I mean, I don't even, yeah, he and I were bus.
Well, I guess he was a waiter at this restaurant.
And then next thing I know, dude, he was always, he had us always on like all kind of weed adventures.
He was doing, he was running weed.
He was always getting his car fixed.
We've all done that a little bit together with, you know, with the weed and stuff.
Actually, I'm a fan because of that.
I got it explained.
I mean, I actually got a pardon from the governor, which worked out great for me.
Dude, I remember we was working at the restaurants and then, yeah, dude, I remember I used to drive him across the lake to get weed, and we would come back with so much weed, bruh.
Well, the person he was coming is who you're talking to.
Oh, there we go, man.
Well, look, nice to talk to you again, man.
Dude, and y'all had the craziest fucking family.
People was boxing.
People was, I mean, people were on pills.
Everything was going on.
Yeah, drugs did run, they tore our family apart.
You know, it was Billy and then our three cousins, Ronnie Chuck, and Jimmy.
You know, a few of them boys could box.
I mean, they were good.
They were going somewhere, but that monkey got on them.
They couldn't get it off.
was tough.
You know, man, it's...
They don't want to be that way.
I just talk to Billy about it all the time.
Like, Billy would get in these moods where, you know, you wouldn't see him for a while.
And we all knew what he was doing, but then he would show up and it would be Billy again.
He'd be like, come on, we're going to work out.
And Billy was always the same way.
So you'd have to get the camera out.
He always had this Polaroid camera.
So you'd get the Polaroid out and he would take a picture.
And he was like, I'm holding on to the pictures.
And we're going to tell, you know, and so we're going to check him in.
Yeah, so they'd go take the pictures.
Right.
So then we would go work out hard.
And boy, he wouldn't let you.
You couldn't skip.
You couldn't cut a rep short.
He was on you.
That's how Billy was.
And even like I heard one of your casts about the steroids, and he said that.
I had a flashback.
I forgot Billy used to be on it.
I remember.
Like, he was doing, I think, like Winstraw, something crazy.
And he was like, and I kind of was like, man, I kind of want to do that too.
I'm playing football.
And I'm like, you know, I'm like, man, I want to try that too.
So he's like, all right, this is going to be the routine.
This is how we're going to eat.
He would just write it all out.
Billy was just crazy.
He was like a mad scientist.
And he was like, so he would tell you, all right, we got to take it a half hour before we work out.
And when you said that, I remember distinctly one time being in the car with him.
He's like, it's a half hour before the gym.
Pull over.
I'm like, wait, let's wait till let's go to the apartment or something.
Your apartment is around the corner from the gym.
No, we got to stop right now and do it.
And we actually were shooting on the side of the road.
Hell yeah, bro.
I Said that.
I'm like, holy shit.
I don't know if you just was saying that, like, just telling the story.
I'm like, that actually happened.
No, that happened, man.
We did it over off of the interstate over by between Slidell and the exit by the movie theater, bro.
We would duck off over there and fucking pipe them down, boy.
And I hate to cut that call short right there, but you can listen to the entire call on our second YouTube channel, Theo Von Clips.
So you can check that channel out, and it's got a lot of unique stuff on it, and it will have the entire conversation with Chuck, Billy's brother.
Wow, just fascinating, man.
And yeah, and I talked to him for nearly an hour.
So you guys can enjoy that there.
But yeah, being able to chat with the just, I mean, that real, I mean, just that human fiasco that Billy Conforto was, getting to talk to his brother.
Man, pretty sweet.
Let's get into this episode.
How about that?
*music*
I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering, how could I be so far from my home?
And my mind is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
But when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to step apart and breathe and let myself shine.
Find that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
*music*
I will find a song, I will sing it just for you Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
*shriek*
And that's, you know, it is Bishop Gunn Shine taking us in, right there, bringing us into the world.
I wonder if when you're born, like you could hear, I wish they had a little bit of that womb music.
You know, I wonder if maybe when you're born, they should play certain music.
And that, you know, it might help you come into the world a little bit better or different.
You know, it would be like, you know, like, you know, like that song, Sean, it might be, you know, just a real natural kind of Christian birth right there.
You could have some rap music if you want.
If that baby was just kind of, you don't even know if you're going to, you know, if you're that excited about the baby, you know, or if you kind of just hooked up with a man and you don't even know that man.
Maybe they have that song, Roops, Pullover, I had ass too fast.
Pull over, they had ass too fast.
And they could play that in the delivery room.
So at least the baby, when he comes into the world, he kind of knows how he got out there, you know?
Or, you know, he might have it immediately, his backstory might be embedded into his tissue by the music.
Because music hides in our bodies, boy.
Isn't that fascinating?
Music hides in our bodies.
I mean, if you fucking carve me open with a carve opener or whatever, I'll probably have a little bit of top 40 in me.
You're definitely going to find some goo-goo dolls down there by my ass.
You feel me?
You're going to hear, you know.
Because music, one time a guy, you know, punched me really hard right in the jaw, and immediately I started hearing that song, in the end, the only thing that matters, you know, that Lincoln Park.
That dude just punched us, and in the end, and that song, so, you know, that was hidden in my jaw or something.
This dude fucking cracked me, and next thing you know, I'm Lincoln Parking, boy.
And that dude parallel parks my ass onto the ground and my brain just, you know, I got Lincoln parked up because music hides in you.
Somebody might hit you with a damn, you know, if somebody, you know, might hit you with a damn, like a beater stick, like a stick used for beating others.
They hit you with that bitch in the back.
And next thing you know, you start, I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.
They'll beat the fucking Johnny Cash right out of you.
That's the thing.
The music could really hide in our bodies.
So if when a baby was born, they put a little bit of music on that maybe really, you put that, you know, some just some music like one of them Jamaican guys, a kind of a weed, you know, who am I thinking of?
Bobby Marley.
Bobby Marley.
You know, no cry.
They get that in you and it really affect your system positively, I think, over time.
Shout out to everybody and support to everybody over there dealing with the hurricane.
And it's that time of year, you know, Mother Nature has got a recipe book out.
Because you got the summer is kind Of settling down.
You got the rain, the rain is coming in.
Winter.
And Mother Nature is just kind of flipping through the pages.
Okay.
What we got?
Okay, we got a scattered storm over there.
You know, we got to make an entree out here on the coast.
We're going to mix up a batch of Dorian, send that bitch up to feed a couple hundred thousand with some water.
That's what, you know, it's just that time of year when Mother Nature really has her recipe book out and can, you know, when she's brewing up things.
She's making a batch of something nasty.
It's that time of year.
Winter's coming.
That's the crazy.
You can't, winter, that thing.
Dude, my brother, I remember when we were young, when we were children, we used to wait for the bus.
And dude, getting out there in the bus in the wintertime, you know, it'd be like two days a year, it would freeze in Louisiana.
And people were crazy when it would freeze.
People just duct tape a blanket around their kid and fucking send him to school.
You see people walking around school just look like tall, just stacks of blanket.
You have to open up the top and see who it was.
Oh, who is this?
Oh, that's Lil Randall right there.
You know?
Oh, look, you'd have to unfold the blanket at the top, like, oh, that's Bridget.
And Bridget all fucking duct tape.
Kids looking all kidnapped, kind of, but warm.
And you would just get so, you know, you'd get out there by the bus stop and breathe in the air and just make them ghosts, you know, and you could see your air.
You could see your breath living, you know, just forming outside of you.
Beautiful.
And it would just be, oh.
And we would do, I remember if my hands, you know, my brother one time, sometime would have gas, you know, body gas, you know.
You know what I'm talking about.
Body gas, man.
Farts.
And he would give you a set of air mittens, dude.
If your hands was real cold, he'd have, he'd say, hey, put them over by my butt.
And he'd hit you with them warm.
He'd hit you with a dose of that warm body air and give you those, just those hand mittens, bro.
Just lace you out with a set of air mittens right there.
Keep your hands warm for about 15, 18 seconds.
And that's teamwork too, man.
It really is teamwork.
You know, because it's, that's the thing about being in a winter place.
It brings people together.
You get that togetherness.
You got to snuggle.
You know, the plants are dying, so you got to take care of each other.
You know, people's lives become more pertinent when you got the winter going on.
You got to be careful.
You can't step certain places because you'll slip.
You'll die because of the ice.
So you have to be real careful.
And I think that things seem a little more precious in the wintertime.
Human life does.
Because it's at a little bit more of a rarity.
It's not as abundant as it is.
But yeah, everybody who's bracing for Dorian and dealing with it, good luck to you.
Stay strong out there, dude.
And I say, get out there and be a hero.
Get out there and be a damn hero.
We had a boy in our town, boy, this dude, Lil Chico, they called him.
And he was black.
I guess he was like a young black gentleman.
Or he might have been just kind of dark Mexican.
You know, kind of like, you know, like, you know, dark Mexican.
And he would get out there.
And if a storm was coming, he'd get out there with a sword, bruh.
This dude, he was fearless.
He'd be out there battling the wind because, you know, in Louisiana, they get them gusts.
And a gust will hit you at 40 miles an hour and fucking tickle your ass real hard.
Like a pervy uncle, bruh.
A strong wind gust will fucking just make you get you get out of all your tenderness.
And he would, little Chico, be out there with a fucking sword, bruh.
And he was real, real, he was real light.
His bones, probably, if you were holding all of his bones in your hands, if you weren't, you might not even know if you want, you might not even know you were holding them.
That's how light he was.
He was just, you know, he didn't have a lot of calcium in him.
And his daddy was real light.
His dad, I remember one time fell off the roof and just kind of went side to side and then just kind of landed on his stomach real softly.
So it's just the family not real, they had low calcium.
And that's, that's, you know, it's a, I don't know if it's a birth defect or what it is, but it's God.
It's God doing what he likes.
But a little Chico bro.
Oh, this dude also, the craziest thing about him, he always, he would look for Easter eggs year-round.
So he was that kind of dude.
He'd be, look, you know, you'd be outside and he'd be always looking for Easter eggs.
And I think he didn't really get the whole concept of an Easter egg hunt.
He thought it was, you know, I don't know, I guess one of them, he went to the first one he ever went to and he just thought that life had changed and now you could always look for them.
But I remember he'd come over for dinner sometime and he'd fucking spend half the meal looking for eggs, bro, around the house and shit.
Be like, damn, little Chico boy, get your little dark Latino ass back here, dude.
We're trying to fucking finish off these potatoes, boy, or we ain't getting any cookies, little buddy.
But he really loved Easter eggs, man.
He would always...
And so he, you know, when you're constantly looking for something and you don't get it, sometimes it can really lead to some depression.
But that's life.
What else is going on?
I've been in training in Atlanta for a week.
Training, we did training for movie training and working with, it was like working with you had assault rifles, AR-15s, and you had Navy SEAL trainers training people how to interact with the weaponry, how to use the weaponry, how to maneuver and move as a group.
Really next level type of stuff, I think.
Just handling that piece.
Because I want to get out there and fucking Clint Eastwood.
You know, I hold an AR-15 to the side and just...
But it's very organized and very...
We got to shoot blanks, which was film blanks.
And so they make a louder flash than regular bullets do.
And they make a louder sound, but they don't have any projectile.
So that was kind of interesting to see.
And we learned also, though, that the blanks, even if you had like a water bottle, the man showed us and you shot it from about six feet away, it would obliterate it.
So even the blanks, the air blast that comes out of the weaponry is extremely severe.
So you have to be cognizant of that.
You can't just be, you know, shooting blanks at people because people will bleed to death.
But what else did we do?
You know, it was just like you get there and there's the script, there's the table read and everybody's, you know, it was just a lot.
It was a lot in one week and just kind of seeing what's going on with it and getting to meet Christopher Pratt.
We'd never met.
Very nice man.
The director, everybody there, beautiful people.
But I was there for a week and then I went to Biloxi.
And a call actually came in from Biloxi, and I'll hit that one right here.
Here we go.
Yo, Theo, what's up?
This is John McReith from Spanish Fort, Alabama.
What's up, John, in Spanish Fort?
And I got a stepsister that lives over there in Spanish Fort over there.
And they're doing well.
She got two children.
One of them's Ginger, real tall, tall ganger.
Onward.
Just calling to let you know, man, you did the damn thing in Beloved last night.
My wife and I are still laughing and talking about the show, man.
We had a fucking blast.
Everything you said was fucking hilarious and on point at all times.
The show was great.
The opening act was fucking amazing.
Everything was perfect, man.
The show went off, except for the knucklehead lady sitting behind me.
But you called her out on that bullshit with her loud ass.
Gang, gang.
There you go.
Thanks for calling, man.
Yeah, that was fun in Biloxi.
That lady, I did call her out, dude.
That was good, too.
She said, oh, you should have a Mexican kid, I remember she yelled.
And I was like, well, if I want to have a loud kid, I'll come talk to you.
That's what I said.
So we really put her in the silence booth, didn't we?
Yeah, man, Biloxi's crazy down there on the Gulf Coast.
Dude, they got everything.
They got fish swimming through the air down there.
They got trout.
They got this.
They got carp.
You know, they got carpenters.
You'll see carpenters, but it's just four fish fucking doing some drywall.
I mean, they got real fish everywhere.
It's real, just fish diculous down there.
But thank you guys for coming out.
It was a lot of fun.
Man, it was fun.
So many people came, you know, and just to be down there on the Gulf Coast.
And you can't even get any cocaine down there because it's wet.
Everything's wet down there.
You find an oyster in a damn cocaine.
You'll do half a line and fucking next thing you know, you got a pearl.
You know, you just, you got a, you know, you got a pearl that you found.
So it's, it's a different place, man.
But it was, yeah, it was a joy, bro.
It was a real, real joy over there.
And people came out.
What else happened, man?
I was going to tell you guys about something that happened.
Something that I was thinking about.
Oh, Louisiana won the Little League World Series.
That's what I was thinking about.
I want to say congratulations to them boys.
Southwest, baby, that team.
And they took it.
They beat Curacao.
They beat Hawaii.
And what I'm saying is they beat everybody, son.
A bunch of little freaking little Gator Tails from over there in Louisiana, man, from River Ridge, from over there outside of New Orleans.
They really got it done.
So congratulations to them little boys.
And dude, I remember, bro, being in Little League, I was so fucking bad at baseball.
Dude, I was bad.
I was bad at baseball.
Dude, they put me in left field.
And then at one point, they put me in double left field, bro.
I wasn't even on the field.
I was like, you know, if you go to left field, there's a line right there where it's out of bounds.
And they put me over there one time.
So at that point, you're like an assistant coach, really.
And I remember, dude, I remember one time they put me so far out there.
I was by these woods.
I was about probably about 11, 12 feet deep into some woods.
And I could barely even hear the game.
So that's, you know, and I remember they had a couple mushrooms out there.
And I remember eating a couple of those bitches, boy.
And look, you playing baseball and you have a couple mushrooms, bruh.
The whole world becomes the outfield.
Dude, I don't know what game I was playing.
Dude, I was playing Connect 4 inside of my brain, bruh.
I was trying to rearrange my toes.
I was trying to put them in a more...
I remember thinking if I could put my toes in a more effective order.
And that was just...
You know, these kids, some of the kids, they didn't.
And my favorite thing was getting the snow cone at the end after the game.
You know, you're a shitty baseball player when your favorite part of the sport is getting that snack after.
You know, that's when I remember the coach sometimes he would say, hey, Theo, go sit in my truck.
Make sure it's cooling off.
That's what he would say.
Because he'd keep the AC running in there.
And I'd sit in there for 20 minutes while the other kids were practicing and just, fuck, I must have been horrible.
God, I must have been horrible at this shit.
Damn.
So Bear Grylls, y'all know him.
And the funny thing is, his name Bear Grills, but never once have I seen him eating any Kodiak, boy.
Brown, black, grizzly, polar, bear.
I haven't seen him grill up one slice of bear.
Bro, you can't have a name and not do it, okay?
What if your name was Wizard Daddy and you don't do any spells, bruh?
Then that's really not really neat, is it?
Then you're not living up to your name.
Or what if your name is Blind Simon?
But when people say Simon, you don't even react and you can see really well.
Then you're not who you say you are.
Bear grills, first of all, grill up a little bit of bear.
I'd like to see you carve up a fucking cut a cub, baby.
Okay?
And gum that shit down.
You know what I'm saying?
You know how strong you would be?
So bear grills don't even grill bear.
But he got stung by a bee and had to be rushed out by paramedics.
And I'll say this, man.
If you don't think that bees are the doberman pinchers of the devil, bees are Satan's little German shepherds.
Think about a bee.
Think about a bee, man.
They come around, bruh, and they fuck you up.
Think about that.
Imagine if somebody ran over by you.
You're hanging out at the park.
You're having a little cut of ham or something.
You know, you may be having a couple ganger snaps or whatever, doing something natural.
You're having a lemonade, bruh, but you cut it down with water a little because it's too sugar.
And somebody runs up, bruh, a little dude, bruh, runs up, pulls out a fucking knife, fucking pokes you like that, and then he dies.
That's a bee.
That's a bee, man.
That's what a bee do.
Bees do that kind of shit, bro.
A bee would kill you if it could.
The problem is God don't give a bee a strong enough sword just to fucking hurt you.
But bear, if you can't handle a bee sting, dude, I remember getting stung by a bee, bro, in both of my fucking eyelids, boy, at the park one time during summer camp.
And I still had to go to camp.
My mom didn't give a damn.
You can't see, dude?
Well, you know, God wants you to relax on the inside a little bit and calm down.
You know, you just darkened out, but you still have to go to summer camp.
I don't give a damn.
I'm going to have to put some calamine lotion on my fucking forehead.
She even put it on my eyes, I remember.
It made me go.
Made me drink a whole bunch of water.
That shit was horrible, boy.
But different times, man.
But bear grills, boy.
You can't handle a beast thing.
That's crazy.
Oh, what's going on, man?
Everything.
Let's get another call that came in here.
The hotline 985-664-9503.
And first also, let's say this, man, that this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
You know, I've been seeing a therapist for a while.
I had been.
And recently I stopped seeing them, seeing her as a woman, you know, and now I'm going to go back.
I just decided yesterday I need to go back to seeing a therapist.
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Sometimes we need help.
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You know, I was in, I was, actually, I was working out this morning and I got a trainer.
Got a trainer.
You know, and just because I struggle, I know sometimes with the motivation.
So if I can help cure that part, then I can be more effective.
And actually, you know, breaking a sweat and doing that kind of stuff, it's a good use of my time because it takes me out of my brain.
And this morning I was thinking, man, I was having to do these like sled pushes and stuff.
And I was like, man, sometimes when I kept thinking like, oh, this is hard, it was hard.
But then at one point, I was like, well, why don't I quit thinking with my brain and just think with my body?
You know, why don't I just let my body take control of the moment?
Instead of sitting there thinking, this is hard, why don't I just use my legs and see how hard it really is?
And once I did that, I started feeling, I was like, oh, this isn't as hard as I thought it was.
And it made me think of a lot of times like when I, you know, I used to lay in bed a lot and just start, my brain would just run and start thinking negative.
Right when I wake up, my brain just, man, you got this, this thing is dealing hanging over your head and this.
And, you know, maybe here's a lie that you told and you haven't really straightened it out yet.
And that comes back to land on my shoulder like a bird every morning.
And then this problem, you know, you got this, you know, you know, you got this business thing you got to take care of and you need this response.
And all these little birds land on my shoulders right when I wake up and it's all, and it's negative chirping.
But that's just if I lay there and listen to my brain.
But if I get moving and get my feet going and get into my body, then I find, oh, wow, I'm getting things done.
My brain's not able to just talk to me because I'm actually taking control and I'm doing something.
And then I was thinking, man, maybe one of the reasons why a lot of young men in my generation and the generation after me are struggling with mental health or just, you know, more caught up in our feelings and our emotions and shit is because we don't use our bodies as much as we used to.
Like our fathers, and our grandfathers, they had to, a lot of them worked more labor jobs.
You know, a lot of them, there wasn't, everything wasn't automated.
They had to move more.
They had to do more things.
So they were more in their body.
They were taking action, physical action.
Whereas now it's like a lot of us aren't.
A lot of those jobs don't exist.
Things are more automated.
So we get more in our brain.
You know, and I think our brains just aren't used to being able to just be so sedentary.
And when the brain gets sedentary, you know, and just sits around and it's not, you know, it's when it's, when your body's moving, your brain has to kind of like control just function of what's going on.
But when, or when my body's moving, when my body's still, my brain just starts to just swirl.
You know, it just starts to just pontificate and consider and worry.
But if I keep my body moving, my brain's like, okay, I got to pay attention to what's going on because I have to make sure the body's okay.
You know, I can't bump into things or run into a, you know, a saw or something or, you know, get hit by, you know, something, do, you know, catch some electricity or something.
So what I'm saying is like, I noticed that when I was pushing on this sled at the gym, when I was in my brain, I was like, fuck, this is hard, man.
Damn, I wonder if I could do this.
And how much longer do I have?
But when I quit that and just started moving my body, I couldn't think about the worry.
I just could, you know, I just got it done.
And I think that's where we are as a generation.
And so there's a lot more young men who just, this is the first and second generations of us not using our bodies as much.
You know, not as many people working labor jobs, not as many people, so you're having more of a sedentary lifestyle where your brain starts moving.
And I think that that's why we're having just, because we're more caught in our brains and we're having more mental health issues because we're using our brains all the time, but we're not using them in conjunction with our body at the same time.
So that was just a thought that I had.
It was something that really kind of resonated with me.
Like, wow, like no wonder.
You know, we're not moving as much.
If we move less, then yeah, we're going to have more mental health problems because we're just stagnant.
And so, it made me think about you know, kind of some of the stuff that you know, like, wow, if I get moving, my brain doesn't have a chance to just sit there and spin.
So, let's take another call that came in here.
985-664-9503 is the hot line.
And if you hit that sucker, I'd be much obliged.
Also, we got the new merch line up.
You can check it out.
And I think the link will be below in the YouTube.
Homeward.
Hey, Theo, my name is Hannah.
I was calling in regards to a call that you got last week about a guy with sweaty hands.
Oh, thank you, Hannah.
I appreciate that call.
Yeah, and that fellow was real dripped out up in the midst, you know?
He really, he got those, he's kind of got his gorillas in the midst.
You know, he's got them, you know, he's got, he's dampened out.
Because a hand, really, I mean, there's so much moisture in our bodies.
It's really amazing that more of it just doesn't pass right through our hand.
You know, you got water, blood, plasma.
It's amazing you don't shake somebody's hand and they have a little bit of plasma on their hand sometimes.
Let's hear more.
And this is actually, yeah, you've probably heard of it.
It's a medical issue called hyperhydrosis.
And I had it in my armpits, which is so just not cute at all.
It could be something with like his medicine or his genetics.
It sounds like his dad has it too, huh?
Basically, though, you can get Botox in your hands.
I got Botox in my armpits.
My insurance actually covered it if you provide like proof.
Now, you have to go.
So you can get that Botox in your hands for handshake, and I guess if he's slipping out, you get that hello tox, bro, because you shake somebody's hand, you say hello, and that bitch is dried up if you got that.
Because that's, I mean, that just seems extensive.
And how many injections do you have to get to get a whole shake covered?
Because, you know, I guess you just really need to get the middle.
But yeah, you want that dry grip, I think, if you're doing handshakes.
That's the biggest concern is hitting somebody with that fucking wet hello right out the gate.
Just hitting them with that damn, with that, you know, you put out that just that slick snake, boy, that's fucking that palamander.
You know, you're making pals with somebody and then that thing's all slippery.
That arm, that hand.
And that's something that's really probably, but that's called hyperhydrosis, okay?
So you're saying that he could get injections, Botox in his hands, and you had it in your armpits.
And that's kind of sexy a little bit.
If you're making love to somebody and you just start real, just really just, almost just kind of just really just getting all Niagara on your ribs.
That's almost a little bit sexy.
Let's hear more.
Like some sort of dermatologist or something, and then they have to assess like need, and you have to say that you've like tried a bunch of shit.
So like for six months, no more, I haven't been sweating anymore with my armpits.
So yeah, I had a friend that had the same issue I felt on her hand, and she would write essays and just smear the ink all over the place where essays couldn't be graded.
So she got Protox on her hands and she's all good now.
And there you go.
If you don't want to do good schoolwork, just fucking tell them you got that drip.
Get your little thing of Visine and just put some on your hands.
Show the teacher.
Say, look, these answers are bad, but it's because I'm fucking leaked out.
You know, daddy's got that.
I got those little oasises right here.
Or what are they called?
Mirages or something.
Fake little rivers or something.
Here's another call that came in for the drippy mitts for some advice for the beautiful young fella.
Him and his daddy got that genetic drip.
Gang, gang, onward.
Hey, Theo.
This is Kevin from Los Angeles.
What's up, Kevin, from Los Angeles?
Thank you for calling, man.
And I'm in Los Angeles right now, brother.
So let's hear more.
Point of the call really quickly to help out a guest I called you.
He had an issue with some leaky mitts, right?
I had that problem for like 27 years, dude.
Damn.
So you really one of the forefathers of those fucking of those arm faucets.
Onward?
It's just terrible.
You don't want to go to networking events, don't want to shake anyone's hands.
Well, now the fist bump has really saved you guys then.
Because a lot of people had issues with the fist bump when it came out saying it was violence.
It was promoting violence.
It was a black power thing that, you know, just people felt it was egregious.
But anyway, enough of what I'm thinking.
Onward.
Thank you, Kevin.
Do anything, you know, even holding hands just sucks.
Yeah, I could imagine that would.
But now if you're going to do a little masturbation, then that's got to be helpful.
Onward?
What I did is I looked up, there's a thing called iontoderma.
And I think the ion is like ions for electricity.
It's this weird thing.
You put your hands in a little bit of water, and it's like, I don't know what it does, like electrocutes something in your hand, you know.
And it turns off the sweat glands or something like that.
And it literally solved my problem within like, you know, two treatments.
And now I do it like once every two weeks, hands and feet.
And it's dry, and it's life-changing, dude.
So hopefully your guests can hear this and it can help them out because it definitely helped me out.
Ionsoderma.
And hopefully that changes his life.
All right, man.
Take care.
Ionsoderma.
And yeah, we'll put this together in a package and put this on the Clips channel as well.
You'll be able to see that if you got, yeah, if you're dripping out those paws, if you got those porous paws, then this could be some solution.
Wow, those are two great suggestions.
Thank you guys, both the hyperhydrosis and the ionsoderma.
and you put your hands in some electric water, and that tightens your shit up, dude.
Because that's crazy, you can't even play basketball, you're getting the ball all wet.
You know, you can't even.
I guess it's nice if you're fixing your hair and you wish you had a little bit of gel, but you don't.
Because a lot of times I wish I had a little moisture on my hand to tighten up my wig, and then bam.
So, I guess there's things that help and things that don't.
But also, dude, I got to say this, I got the worst haircut of my life in Biloxi, Mississippi.
And maybe I shouldn't have got my haircut at a casino.
That's the truth.
But damn, dude, that shit just broke my heart, man.
This lady, and I knew she shouldn't have been cutting hair, dude.
I swear, bro, she had a pair of damn school scissors in there.
And I knew right when I sat down, she goes, oh, I'm really one of the best haircutters.
And I said, Bach, this ain't going to be real well.
And I told her just a little, and then she went wild.
Like she was doing gardening, but I wouldn't let this lady cut.
Dude, she couldn't.
If she was trying to cut her own wrist, I bet she couldn't.
This lady, and I hate to get upset, man, but there's nothing that makes it tougher for me than if somebody fucks my hair up.
My haircut's already fucked up.
So I'm not letting people cut my hair anymore.
You know, I'm not doing that shit, man.
That lady, fuck, and I knew it at one point.
At one point, I said, please stop.
And I sat there, boy, and I knew it.
And all I could see was how horrible I was going to look for the next five weeks, just knowing that this is how things had occurred.
And that shit chewed me, bro.
And she just, the back, she made it all thin and shit.
And I don't know, man.
And then here's the worst.
She didn't even tidy up around my neck.
You know, you get all that straggling shit on the back of your neck.
Look like a newborn animal a little bit.
You get that fuzz and stuff in your ears.
She didn't even tighten any of it up, dude.
But what do I, that's what I, like, sometimes I just, man, why did I get my haircut at a casino, man?
Just pissing me off, dude.
Some of the choices I make.
I should have known that shit, man.
Dude, right next, they were selling candy and shit, and they got, dude, 60 feet away, they got, everybody's on a, they got one that hitting that air tank and people, dude, how many able-bodied people are on these scooters and shit at a casino?
I saw a whole school, like a school of fish go by.
Like 30 people, all of them look fine physically.
And they out here just in a V formation.
I said, dang, boy, come on.
Somebody with a bow and arrow start popping these bitches off.
Just but yeah, man, that's where you see this kind of stuff, dude.
People just get up and go.
Dude, the old days, somebody had one leg, bro.
You see them hop into their gate at the airport.
You see them just Dude, you need some help?
Yeah, hey, let me get on your back for a second.
People helping each other out.
Now everybody's in the wheelchair.
You'll see it just, that's how they do it now.
It's just different.
You know, oh, you got this big family.
Everybody's sharing a gas tank, a tank of gas or something, or air, oxygen at the casino on these scooters.
I'm telling you, man, put these motherfuckers out in the left field.
I'm feisty today.
I'll be okay.
Everybody's okay, man.
You know, it's just we got to get back in our physical bodies.
We got to stay active because it keeps our brain from running over time.
It keeps our brain from running over time.
What else, man?
Here's a question that came in from Patreon.
This is from Dalton Wyndham.
How has it been getting away from Los Angeles for a while?
Do you think staying away for several weeks will push you to relocate, like you've mentioned before, gang, gang?
You know what's funny, man?
I think even just having been in Atlanta for the past week, I start to get an idea of, okay, this is what life would be like if I lived somewhere else.
You know, there was some good things.
You know, Atlanta is fantastic.
It's so spread out.
It actually reminds me of Los Angeles a lot of places.
The food services, the places I ate at was not good.
You wait forever to eat.
At a certain point, I thought I'd just take up hunting.
I said, man, I might as well just damn hunt if this is how long it's going to take to get a damn burger.
But also, it could be I'm coming from Los Angeles where, you know, you get used to thing being quicker and fastness.
Things have more fastness in them out here.
Oh, I thought of this too.
If you got the drippy mitts, dude, have my brother serve you a set of them fucking air mittens, baby.
Have somebody, you know, throw a little butt, a little burst on the little body gas on your hands, boy.
Dry them cats right up.
But what else do I think has it been getting away from Los Angeles for a while?
I definitely think that the pace out here is not a pace that's the same in the rest of America.
It's just different.
You know, the rest of America feels a little bit more like everything is more at home and more laid back.
And then you get into some city environments and it feels like you're just used to things being quicker.
So I think I need to, it shows me that my level of patience has gotten accelerated.
So I need to lessen that.
I need to take a little bit of the PSI out of my ability to be patient.
Let's take another call that came in right here, 985-664-9503.
Seo, man.
I'm working down here in San Diego as a machinist and a gunsmith.
Oh, nice, man.
That gunsmith.
Dude, I'll tell you this.
So, you know, this week we were working with these pistols, these guns, AR-15s, and they're really fancified for the movies.
They teach it.
They put on extra scopes and they make them real cinematic.
And one other thing I noticed was...
Oh, so I...
What am I thinking about?
He said, he's a mischaneous, he's gunsmith.
Who's gunsmith?
Do I know that?
No, I don't know anybody named that.
What am I thinking of?
I'm sorry, man.
Oh, here's one thing I realized about police officers.
Police officers, you know, get a ton of bad press.
I mean, the press is basically will raise hell about anything just to get clicks.
They don't really care anymore.
It's not news.
It's just how can we start fire today?
How can we start hell today?
How can we say anything?
It's basically like someone just yelling.
It's almost like schizophrenia has a bunch of large companies, a lot of these news stations.
I mean, I can't even watch CNN anymore.
I refuse.
It's not even a fucking television.
It's a, I just, I don't know, man.
I just don't know what's going on with that shit.
But I'll say this here, that when I remember when I was when I was working on the, on Road Rules show, we went one time to Georgia, went to North Georgia, and they had a, it was how to be a police officer.
You went to police officer training.
And one of the things you did, you went into a simulator, simulator, you know, something that makes something that's not that.
And we went in there.
And the simulator was you had, you were an officer and you had a sidearm and you were in this room and that was the, and the simulator was against the wall.
There was a big screen and the screen would play different scenarios.
And like you would be like an officer that got called to go to an alley where people were, something was happening.
There's stuff going on at this alley.
You know, it was a domestic disturbance or something.
And so on the screen, it would look like an alley.
It would look like behind a building and there's people out there and somebody's standing there with their girlfriend.
Somebody's leaning on the dumpster smoking a cigarette.
It'd look like an alley.
And in this simulator, you could talk to the screen and it was all like the computers and stuff made it so it would talk back.
They would communicate back.
So you could talk to somebody who was in the scene that you were watching.
So you say, hey, you know, what are you doing out here?
And the guy would talk back to you and you would kind of go through these different kind of checkpoints that a police officer has to go through.
Now, sometimes during the simulation, they had different settings on the simulation where sometimes one of the people in the scene would pull out a weapon and just start shooting at you.
And when that happened inside of the room you were in, they had these guns in the wall that would shoot these rubber pellets at you or shoot these plastic pellets at you.
So if something happened on the screen, on the simulator, and somebody shot at you, it would happen.
Then real pellets would shoot out of the wall, out of the corners, out of these kind of like paintball gun type of things and actually hit you.
But sometimes the guy on the screen would just, it would look like he would reach in his pocket to show you his identification.
And it was just real interesting because I remember thinking, man, I would engage in different scenarios, like sometimes you're in a classroom, sometimes you're pulling people over in a vehicle.
And it really blew my mind how one time a guy could be reaching just to get you his identification or to just scratch his leg.
And another time a guy could reach to pull a weapon on you.
And it blew my mind, my inability to be able to calculate those in real time.
Because they'd have the same scenario.
You know, it would be like an officer responds, you know, and there's five people in an alley.
And it turns out all they were doing was gambling or they were looking for something.
Somebody had thrown something away in a dumpster.
Now they're all planning on looking for it.
And the scenario could play out like 30 different ways.
And the computer would have it set up like that.
But when you engaged with them, like you didn't really know every time you had no idea how it was going to play out.
And so, you know, it was just, and so sometimes you get shot and sometimes it would be just nothing.
It would just be, oh, you know, there's a cat.
Somebody's looking for their cat and that's what you're trying to help with.
But you never knew.
And just the way it changed sometimes so quick.
You know, you'd be in a, like you had to respond to a classroom in one of the scenarios.
They had his guy had his head on the desk and you're talking to a student in the front of the class who had been in a in an argument with another student or something.
And then somebody, the guy in the back just sits up one time and gets his book bag to leave the room.
But in another version of that same scenario, the guy gets up and pulls out a weapon.
And just to be able to know the difference or be able to like, in the minute seconds that you're standing there, to watch on the screen and be able to know, okay, what's going to happen right now?
That shit was baffling, man.
It was so hard to be able to know, to be able to have reflexes that made sense or to be able to be, it was impossible.
Sometimes it was impossible.
You'd think a guy was just opening a newspaper and next thing you know, you pull and you shoot on him.
And another time a guy it looks like he's opening a newspaper, he pulls a gun out and starts shooting at you.
But to know, it just blew my mind, man.
Anyway, when you said about guns, it made me think about that, about that experience I had a long time ago.
And I thought about this past week when I was handling the weaponry out there and handling the different violent utensils and this and that.
Onward?
I was doing pretty well.
I had a falling out with my boss and got let go, which wasn't too bad.
I felt pretty down at first because I had just gotten arrested for a DUI and I was stressed about how I was going to pay for that and everything.
And my wonderful girlfriend helped find me a new machinist and gunsmith job.
I was really looking out, feeling good about it.
Man, I really messed up.
I had a little incident at work and I got scared.
I messed something up and I tried to hide it.
I lied about it.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry to hear that, man.
I've done that before.
I was supposed to just be doing washing tools one time and I took this tool truck for a ride and I tried to jump a ditch with it and fucking fuck man.
I fucked everything up.
Jesus Christ.
Let's hear more.
At first, and, you know, I came clean right after, but, you know, it doesn't matter.
They didn't want none of that, and I don't blame them.
I shouldn't have lied about it.
And it just really sucks because, you know, now I don't know what I'm going to do.
I embarrassed my girlfriend who helped me get the job.
One of my buddies who was, you know, I used his reference and I embarrassed him and I just made a fool of myself and I feel really bad.
Just today I crushed my hand, man.
Didn't feel too good.
I had to go get some stitches.
Right after leaving the hospital, I fucking reared in somebody on the hospital, man.
So my main question is, I can't really seem to keep my head on straight.
I just keep messing up.
I don't know.
If anybody has some advice out there, much appreciated.
Game, gang.
You know, just man, I love you.
All right, bye.
I love you too, bro.
I love you too, man.
I'm sorry you're struggling with some of these things.
It's such a tough feeling when you feel like everywhere you turn, you make mistakes or you mess things up.
You know, and I kind of...
I can really relate to that, man.
I can really relate to thinking.
Because then I start thinking I'm no good.
I'm no good as a person.
That's where when that kind of stuff happens in my life, I start thinking I'm no good as a person.
And then I don't want to interact with other people anymore because I feel like, oh, man, every time I interact with people, I just end up kind of messing their lives up or doing something bad.
And the safest thing for me to do is just stay away from others and just keep to myself.
But then when I do that, the little dark arts really can bloom even stronger because I'm just alone with my thoughts.
And let me say this, man.
My brother helped me realize this recently that what I do and who I am can be different things.
If I make mistakes, that doesn't mean that I'm a mistake.
Okay, you're a good person.
You have made some choices that didn't work out the way you wanted them to.
You probably feel the repercussions of those are really huge and you can't surmount them, but you can.
And all these things aren't happening at once.
I know it feels like they are, but you can solve them one at a time.
Now, if you apologize to somebody, you can't expect them maybe to immediately accept the apology and be okay.
That's something we can't expect.
But you can let them know, hey, this is the choice I made.
This is why I made it.
I made a mistake.
Let me know how I can, if there's something I can do to remedy the situation, I know you helped me get this job.
Let me know what it is.
I think if you're honest and sincere, then you can repair those damages.
I really believe that.
Now, you may not repair them immediately.
It may take a little bit of time for those to completely repair or get better.
So just recognize that.
Don't think if they don't accept me immediately or that everything's horrible or it's never going to happen.
That's not true.
But the choices you make or things that happen or things you do or things you're a part of and who you are, those are two different things, man.
You know, this doesn't mean you're a bad person.
This doesn't mean you're not going to be successful.
This doesn't mean you're not capable.
It doesn't mean you don't deserve to live in this world or to be a part of a loving relationship or to have somebody care about you.
That doesn't mean any of these things.
You know, it sounds like you maybe could just use some help overall, it seems like, with the way that you are operating in the world.
You know, sometimes the way that we think the world is and the way that it really is are a little bit off.
And for me, I got into, that's why I did, got into 12-step and stuff like that, recovery programs, because those things really helped me.
You know, I always thought that everybody was, I was a little, I don't know, I thought that it was all about me.
Like, I don't know.
Sometimes I still do.
I don't know.
Trying to think of what I thought.
Yeah.
I always thought that life was this weird competition kind of, that everybody was keeping all these scores and nobody was.
It wasn't really happening.
People were just trying to survive and people were just, and for the most part, people were trying to do well.
And they were trying to do well by one another.
And when I learned to interact with the world at an easier, softer way, things got easier for me in every asset, in every facet.
Relationships, employment.
You know, I learned how to, you know, just the value of telling the truth.
Sometimes I lie about shit, man, I shouldn't even have.
Still do sometimes, but not like I was before, man.
And I felt like the world didn't want me, that it just like I was just here in it sometimes, and now I know I'm a part of it, just like other people are, and that we all make mistakes.
And a lot of times people are really understanding when you're really being honest with them.
You know, somewhere inside of me a long time ago, I felt like if I was honest with people, that they weren't going to love me, I think.
You know, and I think some of that just went back to maybe at a young age or, you know, maybe I felt like I was really expressing need and I didn't get the response that I wanted.
And so somewhere inside of me, that part of me closed up and didn't really open up correctly again.
But that's not true, man.
There's a couple of things that have occurred and you can remedy them for yourself.
And you can change the way that you behave so that they don't happen again, so you don't feel this way again.
And that's what I did find when I got into 12-step type of stuff is I found an easier, softer way to live, which I didn't think existed, man.
God.
You know, I thought that the world, like, and I still feel like it, sometimes I take my own willpower back so much and it's like I just, I'm trying to control everything.
And man, I can't do that.
I can't do that.
And thank God I can't.
If the world revolved around me, dude, it would fall apart.
You know, I don't even have any milk at home.
So, fuck.
You know how I'm doing.
But it's going to be okay, man.
I promise you.
And if you're not feeling good, take a nap or something and take some positive action.
But don't sit around just thinking and just feeling.
Move your feet.
Move your feet, man, and your brain will follow.
Take action.
And you can remedy these things.
Millions of people have been through the same type of time you're having right now, and they are okay.
And they are living lives right now that are comfortable and loving.
And there's nothing wrong with you as a person.
You know, there really isn't, man.
There's nothing wrong with you as a person.
You are involved in some things right now where you haven't made some of the best choices.
That's okay.
You know what that is?
It's human.
And the beautiful thing is, it sounds like there's a lot of people around you that also really can see the good parts of you.
People are willing to help you out and recommend you for things.
Sometimes we can't even see our own beauty.
We can't even see the beautiful things that are in us, man.
Because the way that we see the world is a little off.
It's not the right way.
We in a kaleidoscope and really it's just a pipe where you can just see through it.
But we out here kaleidoscoping, man.
We got to be tuned a little.
But keep your head up, man, and be good to yourself, dude.
And just realize that we're all just people and that we're trying our best.
And it's okay, man.
If some things happen, it's okay.
You know, you're not a bad person.
Okay?
You just have done a couple things that aren't working out for you at this moment.
But be easy on yourself.
You know, it's the same thing you guys always tell me.
So I just learned this from watching y'all.
But yeah, I'm so excited for Dustin Poyer this weekend, dude.
You guys know I am.
I'm always talking about on Instagram and shit.
And I just, you know, you know, he just has it.
I don't know, man.
The guy just, I feel like he fights for people that can't fight for themselves a little bit.
He's that underdog.
You know, he's that thing inside of all of us a little bit that, and it's in, and to me, there's just something inspirational about it.
And I think it is to anybody.
But I'll tell you this, man, and this is one time where it makes more sense than ever, dude.
Be good to yourself, brother.
You know, be good to yourself, man.
I mean, fuck, dude.
I was so far in the left field, dude, I was even, one time, I remember I got a job bagging groceries, and I was still in the game.
So I, you know, sometimes life puts us in some precarious scenarios.
But that's okay.
That's okay, man.
Life, this is a challenge for everyone.
It's a challenge for everyone.
So just don't be too hard on yourself, man.
You can be all right, I promise you.
I promise you, man.
I've felt so bad about myself, and right now I feel okay.
And you will too.
It's okay, man.
It's okay.
I'll keep repeating that, but I just want to make sure that you know it.
You know, that you are okay.
It's going to be alright.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
Check out that the whole conversation with Billy Conforto's cousin, man.
You got to make sure that you check that out, man.
Chucky.
Or Chuck, sorry.
You check out that whole...
He just sent me this picture.
Oh, man.
He just sent me this picture of Billy's mom wearing the R.I.P.
Billy Conforto shirt.
And one of the dogs is like kind of getting onto her lap a little bit.
Man.
God is good, bro.
Humanity is powerful, dude.
I'm Chuck.
He just said, just gave my mom her shirt tears of joy.
Man.
Yeah, it's okay, man, if we make mistakes or we mess up because we can get things back on track and we can tighten up and we can affect people.
We don't know the actions that you know, the friendships we're going to make, the effect that they're going to have on people years later.
Years later, there's a picture of Billy Conforto's mom right here wearing a shirt.
Tears of joy, he said.
You know, that's the power of people right there.
Yeah, we're going to be okay, man.
You guys be good to yourselves.
You know, and if somebody's hands are cold, boy, hit them with them air mittens, dude.
Life is short.
But it is sweet, man.
And we're here together.
You know, and there's a reason why we're all here at the same time.
I believe that.
You guys be good to yourselves.
And we're going to go out the way that we came into the world, baby.
with a little bit of shine.
*music*
R.I.P.
Billy, man.
Love you, brother.
I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home and my mind is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been thrown.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself shine.
Find that light on me I'll still tell you a story with the final song.
I've been singing just for you Embankment gang, baby.
I've been moving way too fast.
on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
In these worlds that I've been rhyming on, they're warped so thin that they're damn near gone.
I guess now they just weren't built to last.
Yeah, I'm gonna try to make sense of what I can of where I'm going and where I'm making it.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
You name a tougher, Italian, boxer, chef, busboy, dope runner, gay champion, dog owner, friend, loyal human, then Billy can afford to, but I don't think you can.
And you know what, man?
It just shows we're not just one thing.
You make some mistakes, we do this, you mess up at work, you hit a car, you do, we're not just one thing, man.
That thing doesn't define who you are.
You are many, many things.
And more often than not, all the things that you are, when we put them together, man, that we're okay.
You know, we are a good person.
You know, just look at the big picture of who you are, because I bet it's a nice image, brother.
I'm going to be right back.
You guys be good to yourselves, man, because you deserve it.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Is it there?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Main.
I'll take a quarter pottle of cheese out of the glory.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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