Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Checking in from Australia after a week off of podcasting. Back on sugar. Six days clean off masty. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Allison Jones Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Anthony Holcombe Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Brandon Kirkman Bubba Hodge Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Charles Herbst Christian Coyne Christina Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh COREY ASHMORE Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Daniel Chase Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Donald blackwell Doug Chee Drew Munoz Dusty Baker Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaitlin Mak Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Madeline Garland Mandy Picke'l Marisa Bruno Matt Kaman Meaghan Lewis Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Butcher Nick Lindenmayer Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Passenger Shaming PF24 Gang Gang Qie Jenkins Rachael Edwards Rachel Warburton Randal Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Wilson Sean Scott Season Vaughan Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Stefan Borglycke Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Hunsell II Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tommy Frederick Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from where good to be back.
Got that break got that break and I hope you're having a wonderful time wherever you are.
And I'm coming to you out here from Perth, P-E-R-T-H, in Western Australia.
And I'm out here on the banks of the Indian Ocean, not far from the Tasmanian Sea and south of the Timor and Banda Seas.
And I am, I'm happy to be here.
And I hope you're having a good day.
I don't have a lot of intro music or sweet dangles or anything like that.
You know, I don't have a lot of those earbells or fancy cat whispers to kind of get us just easing into the deal today.
But I'm happy to be here with you.
And I'm grateful.
Man, I'm just, what's going on, man?
I'm out here, dude.
We took last week off.
And I went to a Bali.
I went to a country called Bali for a little vacation to kind of chill out and just not have to do some stuff.
Not have to do anything.
You know, these days we have so many things that we have to do.
You know, email, text, text message, listen to people, regular conversation, look at something, close our eyes, put on a hat, brush our teeth, put on clothes, eat something.
It never ends, you know?
Buy someone a gift.
It never ends.
So to be able to have a little bit of time where some of those things I could just take off of the plate and just have nothing on my plate and just be on a, on just a full-life diet as far as responsibilities go, like a responsibility diet.
It was nice.
And I went, I'll just tell you what I did.
I hope you're doing good.
I hope things in your world are nice.
I hope you got a little bit of milk in the fridge.
And I hope you got a little bit of candy in your pocket, a sweet candy.
Maybe a cinnamon barrel.
You know, at some point in time, I don't remember when it was, really, but they started, they made candy into special shapes, a little cannon.
You could get you a little liquor, a little cannon.
Licorice used to come shaped like a little cannon or a gun.
Get a little licorice gun.
Or you could get a root beer barrel.
Root beer came in a little like a wooden, shape like a wooden barrel.
You know, or they had these little canaries.
They had a little kind of lemon canary candy.
I remember when I was young.
And you get your little, you know, little handful of them lemon canaries and just start a damn aviary, start a damn, you know, start a damn, you know, like a little bird sanctuary in your mouth.
But what was I talking about?
Oh, I'll tell you this.
So I took the vacation and I went to Bali, Indonesia.
And look, to be honest, man, I'd never heard of it.
People said Bali, you know, I thought it was somebody who mispronounced that place Bally's Fitness.
Bally's 24-hour fitness facility.
And you go into a 24-hour fitness joint, that shit, you know, it can be real.
Some people consider fitness different things.
You go in there at 2 a.m., they got a dude in there, you know, I mean, he's using the treadmill.
He's got it going really fast, but he's in there polishing rare gems and stones on it.
You're like, well, damn, that's, but to him, that's fitness.
You know, he leaves out of there in the morning with a pocket of sweet rubies, and he's going to trade that batch off for something special.
You go to Anytime Fitness at around maybe 10 a.m.
or 10 p.m.
You might have a brother in there.
He'll take a lady on a date there.
I've been at a 24-hour Anytime Snap, you know, fitness Bally's, and they have, you'll see, you know, you have a dude in there, a brother take a lady on a date in there.
He'll be in there.
He'll have a couple, you know, he got two dates.
One guy I saw, this dude named Jermaine, he had one lady over there on the treadmill, and he had another lady he was doing on the leg press, and he was going back and forth.
And he's trying to, you know, this dude's two-time.
And meanwhile, the whole thing's a damn date.
He's got these ladies out on a date.
And he's, you know, running them back and forth.
Got a little, you know, got some wine in his squirt bottle and he's winding them up and, you know, and getting their calories off of them at the same time.
So you just never know when you get into a fitness place like that.
But what am I talking about, man?
I think I'm rusty.
I think I'm rusty.
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Anyway, I took this trip.
I went to Bali.
Oh, yeah.
I went to Bali and I was nervous.
You know, I've never traveled anywhere by myself.
Like, I've traveled by myself for work, but I never traveled by myself for just natural life, you know, for like an experience.
And I went to Europe when I was in college.
A girlfriend and I went to Europe for two weeks.
And then I've been other places, but only with others.
Never solamente.
And that's Spanish for by yourself, one-timer.
So I get, you know, I'm on my way.
Simon Rex, some people know Dirt Nasty.
The guy who really, you know, in LA was a combination of, you know, him and Joe Rogans and, you know, a couple other guys who really kind of Joey Diaz, Bobby Lee, Krista Lee, guys who really helped me kind of catch some traction in my own business in the past couple years.
But Simon Rex was the guy who told me, you got to go to Bali, man.
You got to go to Bali.
And he's sending the videos.
He's on like a little go-kart and it looks exciting.
So I go and I take Korean Airlines.
And look, I'm all excited.
I'm excited to get on the plane.
I've been on the keto diet for a month or six weeks.
And let me just, before I tell you about the plane, let me tell you about the keto diet before I forget.
Here are some of my findings.
So the no sugar, right?
You got to stick to the keto diet.
And I had, there were a couple times where I had some chocolate that was only like 60% cacao or whatever.
And you're supposed to be at like 75%.
But anyway, here's what I found from that diet is you lose a lot of weight.
I found I lost a lot of weight by staying off of anything processed and off of sugar.
Like I got lean, like lean to where I had, I didn't know I could be as lean, like lean in my muscle.
Like I could see things that I've, just memories in my, like I started remembering shit, like my brain got lean.
Like it took the gristle right off my brain and suddenly I remembered maybe a gift that someone had gotten me a long time ago.
Or I remembered somebody who maybe had held a door for me maybe, you know, seven or 11 years ago.
At a 7-Eleven maybe even.
But it was interesting because it just took a lot of the fog out of me, I noticed, mentally.
So mentally from being on the keto diet, a lot of the fog was lifted.
I felt more energy, more free energy.
Because I'm always thinking, oh, I got to have these carbohydrates and this and that.
And I'm not saying go do the diet.
I'm saying, look, there's some downsides of it.
I'll tell you in a second, but I just want to make sure that I let you know the experience that I had from a month on the keto diet.
And the sugar, you know, I definitely noticed some withdrawals.
Man, you want fucking sugar, boy.
What is that?
A sugar?
What is that?
Do you get, if somebody whistles for a taxi, bro, you fucking, and they've been having a donut or a snack or a, you know, something recently, you'll smell, even in the, you hear somebody whistle and you fucking, what is that?
Oh, sugar lips over there.
They had a sucker two weeks ago at the bank.
You can hear it on their lips.
You know, you get real caught into, you can, you get jealous of somebody.
You see somebody leaving the store with a bag of bread and you follow them to their car.
You don't even realize it.
You follow them to their car.
What am I?
And you kind of come out of a trance.
What are you going to do?
You're going to choke somebody out for a loaf?
What are you going to do, you know?
So you do have some withdrawals.
I got angry.
I notice I get real spicy.
Oh, real, real, real spicy with others.
I mean, somebody said something, I don't like it, and I'll tell you, I don't, you know, I just make a face like, mm, you know?
Like somebody just been stuffing my, just been, just hiding a bunch of very, very, very young lemons in my fucking mouth.
I make a face like that.
Mm, mmm, boy.
Mmm.
Mmm.
So you got your, you know, if you, if you're one of the seven dwarves, you grumpy.
That's how it made me.
It made me, you know, I had some withdrawals, but it made me very alert.
It made me, when I woke up in the morning, I felt immediate energy and excitement.
I didn't have to wake up.
It was like I was either asleep or I was awake.
And there wasn't a lot of like shifting gears in between the two.
I was ready to go.
You know, I felt like I started to feel like a lot of foods and stuff really slow me down, really slow you down.
It's almost like what you eat.
It's like if you have a lot of bread, then you get breaded up.
You know, you might feel, you know, it's like you're a little slower in the morning.
You got a couple of baguettes in your step.
You know, you got a couple of, you're on the basketball court, you're a little slower.
You got a couple of croissants stuck in your crossover.
You know, you start to feel like, I start to notice whatever I eat is what, that is, it impacts my behavior or it impacts my motion, my fluidity or fluidity.
So I started to notice that 100%.
You know, you might have a couple, you know, a little bit slower on the dance floor.
If I've been having too much dessert, it kind of sticks to you.
You know, I'll have a couple of creme brulees in my hip-hop poor, you know.
Ho.
Hey.
Ho.
So I noticed that kind of stuff.
You know, I maybe have a little bit more, you know, I might have a couple, you know, I might have some, I just have a little bit less, I'm less fluid.
I'm kind of slowed down.
And so those are some things that I noticed on the keto's diet.
Some withdrawals from the sugar, much better energy, much better mental clarity, very, very clear.
Anger, more anger.
Now, at the same time, I was on Chantix, non-cigarette pills.
And I mean, people, the anger, the anger could have been from the pills.
You fucking kill, you know, you'll drive a car into a fucking shopping mall during a Nike sale, you know, during a sale over there at Estee Lauder's.
So it's that kind of vibe, you know.
So Chantix is, you know, the non-cigarette pills, they'll make you do shit.
So I shouldn't have been cross, I was cross-pollinating the different evacuations.
I was trying to evacuate the sugar and the bread and the keto's diet.
And I was also trying to evacuate nicotine.
So I think I spoiled, you know, I spoiled the, you know, I spoiled myself as a testing facility.
But those are some things that I did notice immediately.
My mental clarity was very clear, but I was very antsy.
And some of that could have been just still withdrawals from the sugar.
And I probably should have taken a little bit more time.
But I think I'm going to do it again.
I'm just going to make sure that I'm not doing something else at the same time, like not mixing diets or not trying to evacuate sugar and cigarettes and alcohol or whatever else all at the same time.
Because that's a lot.
But those are some things that I noticed.
Oh, I also noticed this.
Less gas.
Less body gas.
You know, less body gas.
Man, if you got a gas come out of you, you're almost surprised.
You're like, you know, you almost, it's like, you know, it's like when you hear, it's like hearing a knock at the door.
You're like, oh, fucking, forgot I even had a door.
Or if you hear a doorbell these days, not as many people come over anymore.
So, you know, you hear a doorbell, you're like, oh, shit, what is that?
Oh, I have a door.
I forgot.
I have a doorbell.
I forgot.
Usually you get a text.
Somebody says I'm coming over.
But to hear that old-fashioned, dude, back in the day, boy, when I was young and you heard that doorbell go off, boy.
Everybody tried to get to the door to see who it was.
Every kid in the house, man, you could be doing, you could be crying.
Immediately, you dry your tears up.
You put on some powder, whatever, flour, sugar, whatever you got to do to make it look like you wasn't crying to tighten up to get first to the door.
You could be in the other room.
You could be in a coma or pretending you're in a coma so you don't have to go to school.
Fuck that.
The doorbell goes off.
Oh, shit.
All my levels are legit.
You yank that homemade IV out of your arm and run to the door.
Your mom's like, I thought you was dying.
Boy, when the doorbell went off.
You might have a sister that wasn't even born yet.
She's still in the womb, right?
Not when the doorbell got dinged down, boy.
You see her repel from the, you know, whatever that is, that lavender tightrope, the umbilagel.
You see her repel from that umbilagel cord.
She's off to the damn door.
She don't even know how to walk.
She's just rolling over on her side.
When the doorbell went off, it was like the special Olympics, boy.
Because that shit was special because people didn't ring it that much.
And that shit was the Olympics because everybody was trying to get there.
To see who it was.
Who is it?
Somebody would yell halfway to the door like, it's for me.
You don't even know.
You just trying to lay claim.
You get there, dude.
You get there.
And you open that door, dude.
And it was somebody.
It was somebody, man.
It was Jehovah's Witnesses, boy.
And suddenly everybody was like, damn, man.
It's the Lord.
And he's going door to door.
Different times, dude.
I missed that.
When the doorbell went off, you just something happened to you.
It kicked.
It didn't matter what you were doing.
Oh, your whole world was left behind when that doorbell went off.
Because that was opportunity.
There was an opportunity there.
There was an opportunity.
You didn't know what it was.
And you were headed towards it.
I don't know what I'm talking about, dude.
So let me just get back into my trip.
But that was the keto.
So less body gas.
More clarity.
Movement.
I would move a lot faster, quicker.
Much clearer to communicate.
Anger, though.
I found myself getting angsty.
I didn't notice any drop-offs in my energy levels.
I noticed a lot of lean, lean body.
Lane.
What else?
People say you get keto crotch or something or keto crotch.
I didn't get it.
My crotch seemed normal.
My crotch has enough issues as is, you know, with that mild to, you know, kind of lowercase erectile dysfunction.
You know, my, you know, my dick is not, I don't have a erectile, my dick is lazy, though, I will say that.
I got that LD.
And, you know, I'm saying if you walked into, you know, say you walked into work and a lot of dicks are supposed to be at their desk, you know, doing the typewriter, my dick will be over there by the wall, you know, maybe having a cigarette or something, or lying to one of his coworkers, you know, trying to fly.
So those are some things that I noticed.
I'm trying to think of anything else so I get real clear on what my experience was doing the keto.
So just so you have, just not that anybody's asking, but I do get, you know, messages saying, hey, what, you know, what's going on?
So, and, oh, I started to notice immediately after about four days, five days, I started to notice how some sugar and some sugar candies were just too much, man.
Like once I started to lose the palette for like a Snicker or even, you know, you know, whatchamacallit, or some NECA wafers.
Once you started to lose that palette, man, when you looked at him again, you were like, oh, that looks nasty.
And you know me, I love a baby Snicker.
Dude, if I go to heaven, you know, and the Lord lifts his skirt up, I hope a whole, you know, I hope about 30 baby Snickers falls right out of his dress.
And so when I, you know, when I started to look at these candies and it was just too much for me, I just, it was, you know, it was surprising.
I was like, wow, now I see where that sugar is and it makes me, I don't want anything that sugary.
It's too much.
It felt fake.
And natural sugars, I started to really like the taste of like 80% cacao chocolate.
The shit that you taste, you're like, damn, this ain't chocolate at first.
But by the seventh day on keto, you're like, dang, that stuff is sweet.
You start to really realize where sugar is everywhere.
They'll put sugar on your fucking wife, bruh, if they think you don't like her.
And a lot of women use sugar.
They know we, you know.
You'll see a lady she'll hide a couple of, you know, a couple of milk duds or something on the back of her neck.
She'll tape a fucking, uh, tape a, you know, a little, a short stack of starbursts on the nape of her neck.
Because they know sugar attracts men.
You'll see a lady back in the day, she'll put her head on the side and put a couple drops of honey in her ear.
That old-fashioned fucking keep you around sauce, you know?
Because they know that sugar attracts.
So, but that was my experience, man.
That was my experience.
And even I noticed like a tomato, if it were really good, it would taste really sweet.
And that was about as sugary as I got because you got to stay off fruit as well.
There were some couple moments where I cheated, like it would be, you know, I would have like a sunflower seeds and like a banana or something at night a couple times.
And that's just my experience.
I hope to have a bigger and more lengthy experience, but that's been my experience so far that I tried.
So I'm on Korean Airlines and I'm in the sky.
I'm on vacation.
I'm ready to, you know, I'm taking it easy now.
No more diets, no more this or that.
Well, I get up there.
They bring, and I look, I got a first-class seat.
You know, I treated myself, this is my vacation.
You know, I got a little, it was nice.
They had like a little magazine there in Korean.
And that's nice because, you know what?
I don't even have to read it.
If I see a magazine in English, I feel pressure.
I'm like, fuck, man.
I got to read that.
Great.
Here goes a bunch of reading I have to do.
But I see a magazine in Korean.
I'm like, bang, bang.
Well, can't read it.
Oh, well.
So that immediately was relaxing to have a bunch of shit I couldn't read if I wanted to.
And then we get cruising and they start bringing you food, right?
And look, I've had food in some different countries.
I like different stuff.
But man, I'll tell you, different people have different ideas of what food is.
And Korean airlines, amazing airline, comfortable, loving people, very kind.
At one point in the night, it was like a 16-hour flight.
I've fallen asleep.
The lady put my blanket back on my shoulder.
But the food they had on this Korean airline just left a lot to be desired.
first of all, they bring you a bunch of little dishes of things.
I don't even know what it is.
Something looked like paint.
It looked like I, I thought they wanted me to do an art.
You know, but next thing I know, I see people around me spooning all of the different colors into their mouth.
The one thing I recognize, a dish of jalapenos.
And that was like the nicest.
They had a bowl had fish in it.
The fuck is this?
And chopped sticks.
And I've had fish sticks.
Okay, don't get me wrong.
I've had them, but I've never had them where you got to do the math yourself, where you got to get in the bowl and catch them.
I thought I was at the carnival.
All I needed was a dude on some fucking middle-range methamphetamine standing there next to me.
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody's throwing ping pong balls to win the damn dinner while I'm trying to eat it.
It was bizarre, especially when you are ready to relax and somebody shows up to you with something that is not relaxing.
Man, they had something.
I'd never seen it before.
I didn't know if it was a vegetable.
I didn't know if it was mountain lion.
I didn't know if it was meat.
I didn't know if it was an idea.
I didn't know if it was granite.
I had no idea what it was.
Could have been chocolate.
Could have been a dessert.
Could have been an epitaph.
Could have been, fuck, I don't know.
Could have been something, could have been siding.
Could have been, you know, something they were waiting to be tested on a forensic files episode.
I have no idea.
That's what all the trays, I had no idea what was going on.
So they don't know, man.
And then they bring you this.
I thought that was the whole meal.
You know, I had three or four jalapenos, did a little prayer, and then I pushed the thing aside.
Then they bring the plate back and take all those things away, put more shit on them.
And they, dude, look, at this point, I don't know what's going on.
I thought I was on a really bad game show.
I thought Howie Mandel was going to pop out from behind the seat.
I mean, they had cattails.
They had a little stack of, like, look like damn Aardvark snouts or something with, you know, kind of a geriatric, you know, buoya base peppermint rema laud on them.
It was crazy, man.
It was too much for me, man.
Now, also, I'll tell you this, everybody on the plane was Asian.
Everybody on the plane was Asian.
Everyone.
Because I was going to Bali, Indonesia, but I was going through Korea.
That was the flight I could get that was most fair price.
So, you know, so I'm going through Korea and everyone but me.
I'm thinking, you know, I'll get on the plane.
There'll be some other Americans.
We'll be kind of excited.
Or I'll see some Balinesian people.
None of them, none of that.
I get on and it's just all Korean.
And beautiful people, you know, especially the flight attendants, man.
And just so I'll tell you the cleanest airplane I've ever been on in my life, Korean Airlines.
You walk into the restroom, as soon as you leave, one of the flight attendants walks in after you, cleans up the restroom.
You need something, they pop up.
And they all look, they have a very, and from my perception, you can tell a Korean person, or this is how I think, they have a very white look to the skin, some of them.
You know, and they almost put a makeup on.
Some of them look almost like you've ever been to a mortuary, you ever had somebody that died, a couple people that died or something.
And they, you know, they put that, they do a little bit of light kind of plaster of Paris on them.
They got that, you know.
A lot of these Korean flight attendant ladies have that deceased but fine, like hot and deceased, you know.
Like, damn, she's dead, you know, like kind of fine, but it's just the way it's their makeup style.
Whereas we go for more like tan in the U.S., they go for more of a pure kind of color, white.
And, man, it looked, I mean, I felt like I was in like that movie, My Girl, you know?
I was like Macaulay Culcin, dude.
It was beautiful.
I was hoping I'd fucking let some bees loose on the flight and, you know, maybe meet a lady.
They were beautiful over there.
But they have that mortuary style look, you know, very red lipstick, big, beautiful eyes, and kind of flower, kind of they put like a light flower on, like a white color.
What else, man?
So we, yeah, but anyway, then I get there and Bali was cool, man.
It's very relaxing.
I stayed in a place called Changgu and I got me a little, I got there at midnight.
It was real quiet.
You know, I get to the hotel and like, there's literally some boy standing there, no shoe, with no shoes on and like a nightgown waiting for me.
And I thought like, damn, I ended up in some kind of a, you know, I was nervous to talk to him.
He worked for the hotel.
I didn't want to end up in a damn, you know, sexual ring or something, disorganized sex thing or something with, you know, with some of these, you know, people doing all that.
I would never do anything like that.
So, but he was just, he worked for the hotel and it was just real peaceful.
And you go back there in the back and they had all these beautiful trees and they put me into this hotel room, and it was just relaxing.
And I just got some rest.
And I stayed there for a couple days, went down to the beach in the morning, went to yoga, got in the water.
Man, it was really cool.
But they had a lot of construction going on, a lot of construction, a lot of Western kind of ideals coming.
You could see it.
And you could see the people there like working hard because there was a lot of money coming in, the Balinesian people.
But you could also see how this place was going to change into a place that they could never get back the place they once had, you know.
And so some of that was kind of sad.
You know, I was like, wow, this is such an amazing place, but it's starting to get run over by business.
And, you know, it made me think a lot about, well, when do we stop doing things because business isn't important, you know?
Like, at what point do we is it not about the business?
You know, what point is it about the love of a place?
Like, at what point do you say, oh, I'm not going to build a damn CVS right here because they got, because this is a beautiful place to look at?
It just made me think, you know, about some of that.
Like, man, because it was beautiful.
You know, you see the father going by, and he's got the two kids on the back of the scooter.
And they're just, you know, one of the kids is so young, he can't even, the wind is making his eye, it's too much for him to keep his eyes open.
And his beautiful dark hair is blowing in the wind.
And the other kid is maybe two, three years older, and he's a little more experienced.
So he can keep his eyes open.
And they're all just holding on to dad.
And yeah, and it just made me think, man, in two years, you know, there'll be a dang Subway sandwich right here by these rice patties.
We're right there, they had these beautiful rice fields.
And next thing you know, they're going to have a subway sandwich over there.
And I don't know, it's just interesting.
It's like, when, is it okay?
Like, how do you know?
I guess it's just zoning and I guess it's their choice.
It has nothing to do with me, but it just made me think that about a lot of things.
How a lot of things go by the wayside because there's opportunity for business.
And at what point do we start to make laws or regulations or just choices as humans to say, man, this isn't that important?
Is it that important to have 7G LTE phone so I can keep in touch with my sibling or somebody or Janet or Larry or Zaveldrin or anybody?
Shirleisha, anybody.
Kwan?
Doris, anyone.
How fast do I need to keep in touch with them?
I haven't seen them in two years.
But how fast do I need to have that upload?
How many more trees got to go down so we could get the more towers?
At what point do we say, yeah, it's not worth it?
It's worth it to, you know, to not have this much technology.
It's worth it to re-embrace who we are as humans.
And maybe that's just crazy thinking.
I mean, look, I'm on a computer right now.
I'm communicating over camera and video camera.
But it just made me think that, man, looking at that place and, dude, it was cool.
You'd be out by the beach and they had one thing I noticed about Bali, they had dogs with nuts on them running around just like when you were a kid.
Remember that?
Remember how nice it was you see a dog rolling by with them big ass fucking with them big with that hanging sack of beehole tits them nuts boy bro I remember that dude you see and then they have you know then some rich people came moved in on accident to your neighborhood They stayed for one month and their dog didn't even have any nuts and
you'd be like what where's your dog's nuts at but Bali you got at night you see six or seven dogs running the street maybe one of them have a little deck of cards under his arm and one of them got the cigarettes you know we're doing a the chewbacca the chewing tobacco and they're going to have some fun and they got their nuts and everything they're still living life that's Bali baby they got nature's loose
here not America where you got a bunch of bunch of freaking eeks over there cutting animals nuts off what's going on in America you we're cutting off an animal's nuts when I was young you had everybody they had male dog didn't matter dogs out there doing sex with everything you see a dog uh out there male dogs doing it all meeting you know you see three or four dogs doing it all doing a little you
know not a um you know doing that little a little bark bust you know you see three dogs in a row humping they called it humping you see three dogs humping each other no women in it maybe or two women who knows everybody had nuts back then and it was just more beautiful that's how you learn about it too as a kid you see a couple dogs doing sex you're like oh you know maybe i can do that
one day maybe i can be somebody you know like muffin over there or like uh you know like kibbles over there maybe i can be somebody like one of them it was just A different deal.
And it was just, you know, and that's what I liked about Bali.
You see a whole flock of dogs going off to do something.
They had ideas.
Because you take the nuts off of something.
The ideas kind of, hey, the ideas kind of lose their wheels.
But not these Balinesian bad little barkers.
These little wolf wolfs.
These boys was out there flexing.
And even the ladies, you saw some of the ladies, you know, some maybe some Dalmatians, a couple of Dalmatians kind of roll by.
And they spotting the dudes in the distance.
And they flirting because the energy's still out there.
They still got nuts on the table.
And it was just good to see, man.
It was really nice to see, to remember what that was like.
Because when I grew up, that's how you learned about sex.
You see a couple animals doing it.
And they were having fun, man.
And you whistle at them or somebody, you know, toss a little stick at them.
But it was different.
It was everything.
It was a different time, man.
But, God, there was nothing more fun than when you were young.
If you were bored in the neighborhood, at least a couple dogs come over by you and do sex for an hour or something, gave you something to kind of not be a part of, but at least you felt like, you know, like a member of society.
You felt like a man.
And there's something special.
And that energy is still alive over there in Bali.
And I was over there in Changgu, and that's something you can see in Bali, is the local dog still getting at it being hard.
What else, man?
What else was it like there?
Oh, Greg Odin was on my flight.
So, and he is a basketball player, and he played for Ohio State.
And so he was on the flight.
And I was excited right when I saw him.
I saw him years ago.
I did a show at Michigan State University.
And he was, this is when he was playing basketball.
And he went on to play for some different teams.
He played for, I don't know if it was the Pacers.
He played for Memphis, I think almost.
He had kind of a hectic career.
Maybe Philadelphia even.
He had kind of a hectic, oh no, the Trailblazers.
He had a hectic career.
He just had some physical limitations.
He's a giant.
He's a giant amongst men.
But I saw him on the plane right when I got on.
I recognized him.
Him and his wife were going over on vacation, and that was pretty cool.
But he just had a nice energy about him.
And then I went up after him, and I know Maurice Claret came on the podcast one time, and they're both from the same area.
I said, hey, you know, I'm a friend of Maurice's, and I texted Maurice.
I said, Greg Odin is on my plane.
And he said, oh, that's my man.
Go tell him hey.
So I was so nervous, man, because there's something about meeting like a basketball player, somebody real tall, I think, that makes regular heighted people nervous.
And so I was nervous, but I went over and said hello.
And so it was just kind of cool to meet like a giant and like a legend like that.
Oh, what else?
What else?
Oh, oh, Bali, another thing in Bali, you can order, they have an app you can use in Changgu.
In Changgu, they have, they have like, it's real peaceful.
And it's about 40 minutes from the airport.
And the beach is right there.
And there's nothing real commercial on the beach.
You go get in.
There's no lifeguard.
You might die.
But they believe in reincarnation there.
So you die, you know, you're back an hour later.
I mean, you're a toddler and you're a fucking, you know, you might be a lizard or a lizard or whatever down the street, but you're alive.
But that's kind of neat that they have that there.
But it was good.
I would recommend it.
And then we went and saw the rice patties one day.
Ari, my feature, came and surprised me because I left my retainer in America and he brought it over.
And so that was cool.
And then I went to an AA meeting one day there.
And what else?
Oh, they had a couple friends of Simon Rex has kind of took me around.
So anyway, a lot of name dropping in this one.
And then I don't want to forget to tell you guys whatever else happened, but I'm getting kind of tired of talking about myself.
What else?
You can get a good deal there.
You can get a good villa, you know, a couple hundred dollars a night, which I know is expensive.
But if you're really splurging on yourself and taking a vacation, you can get a villa where you have your own little place and your own pool, your own little pool in your little yard.
And dude, I didn't, there was two days I don't think I saw anybody.
The guy from the front brings you breakfast.
This dude Dewa.
He brought in the meals, you know, and he had beautiful eyes, young guy.
Wish he was a woman, but he wasn't.
You know, wouldn't have mind seeing a little bit of tits, you know.
And anything else about that place?
Oh, one thing I noticed, let me see this.
Religion in Bali.
The religion in Bali, a lot of Buddhists, Hinduism, and they believe once you die, you come back.
So they live with a different set of values.
Like to them, everything isn't so severe.
Because if shit, you get hit by a truck, lucky you.
Now you get to be a four-month-old again.
You're going to have a tit in your mouth in an hour.
You know, you in your 30s, you get, you know, somebody, you get hit by a fucking arrow in the neck, lucky you.
40 minutes later, you a newborn over there in Kuala Lumpur, and you got a tit in your mouth, and you back in the ball game.
So it's kind of the, so you live with a whole different mindset.
You don't live with this mindset that like everything's on the line right now.
You live with a mindset like, oh, I'm just, once again, I'm passing through existence.
I've been alive for who knows how long.
And once again, I'm passing through existence.
And this time I'm a plant.
Or this time I'm a young woman.
Or this time I'm a king.
Or this time I'm a warrior.
Or this time I'm a baby that doesn't even make it through birth.
But you build up these experiences inside of you.
And those are the.
And those become the colors of your soul, kind of.
become the patterns and the textiles and those become the the
These imprints through time, you know, through different existences.
Just interesting, man.
So then when you notice that, when you're interacting with a lot of the Balinesian people, you notice that.
Like, man, why is this person so calm?
Because there's nothing on the line, man.
And that peace was just.
It was beautiful.
I mean, it really was.
Beautiful to see their joy.
When it doesn't matter, man.
When it's just they know that, you know, that it's not life or death.
It was interesting.
And look, and I could be, you know, I'm not denouncing any other religion, but it was nice to just see that that level of faith and what that feels like and for that connection to see.
You know, I am a proponent of faith.
I am.
And so it was just nice to see, man.
It's beautiful to see.
Real beautiful to be in that environment and see people to be at peace.
And it made me think more about the peace that I want to have, you know.
Because, you know, I have been a little stressed out this year.
I mean, a lot, dude.
A lot, actually.
And sometimes I want to have more peace in my life.
But a lot of that is just me turning it over to a faith or to a higher power and letting it out of my own, you know, just quit trying to control everything.
I mean, sometimes I just get a little sick of myself, you know.
What else?
I haven't even gotten to Australia yet.
Oh.
Oh.
They have one other thing that was real cool in Bali that I noticed was you can go get coffee, Luak.
They got a place called Luak Coffee where they have mongooses.
And a mongoose is like a ferret that, you know, it's like a ferret.
Like, say if you mix like Andrew Dice Clay and a ferret.
That's a mongoose.
You know, they're real edgy.
You know, they're real.
They might be doing a fucking Winston or, you know, you know, just attacking a lady or doing whatever.
You know, they're wild.
So anyway, they had mongoose and they eat these coffee beans.
And they do them out their body, out the back door, duty.
And once they got them out, the people take the beans because the beans, the mongoose doesn't digest the bean.
And so the bean comes out their body.
They take the bean, wash it off, wash off the rest of the, you know, where the mongo, you know, where the mongoose, Hmong do's, the Hmong doo do, they wash it off and they take that bean and then they make coffee out of it and you buy it.
So you got that special duty hitter, bruh, you know, so, but that's a real thing.
It's called Luak, that Luak coffee, and you can look it up and that's beans have been straight out that mongoose gut.
So you got that colon hitter.
So sometimes coffee makes you feel like you have to go to the bathroom.
Well, this coffee already went to the bathroom, so you're safe, I guess.
I haven't even gotten to Australia yet.
I wonder if I should just wait until I get back to tell you about what Australia was like.
I'll tell you right now I'm in Perth, and I'm in Western Australia, and it kind of reminds me of Denver, and it's beautiful.
And the tour has been wild, man.
We've been staying at some nice places, and it's crazy.
You stay at a nice hotel, you know, it's $300, $400, you know, a night.
Like, dude, at this price, I'm not even going to sleep.
You know, I lay down for a half hour.
That's $40 worth of freaking money.
So you feel like you got to stay awake and just enjoy the whole room.
You know, I drank probably a gallon and a half of water out of the faucet earlier, trying to decide, you know, if it tasted better than if you went like a, you know, I'm usually stay at the Best Western or the Hampton Inn.
And Hampton Inn, they got good water right out the tap, bruh.
But the shit here is a little better.
I did notice that.
But yeah, I'll do, in this room, you do all kind of stuff.
You look at the plants.
They got a plant.
They got another plant right over there.
Two plants.
What?
It's almost like a damn farm.
It's like a little...
Even when I dream of you.
Sweetness dream will never do.
I still miss you, baby.
so yeah, being in a nice hotel room, it's definitely a different vibe.
But I don't want to get too used to it, you know.
I don't want to get too used to it.
But yeah, it's been good.
We went to Sydney.
The first night, it was like 2,000 people at a theater.
And dude, it blew my balls open.
I mean, it blew my balls open like a damn Bolynesian beach dog.
So it just was crazy.
And then we went to Melbourne.
And just cool fans, man.
Not fans, but just cool supporters of this past weekend that came out of the pod.
Like, I don't know, man.
It just blows my mind.
It's hard to really connect the dots, like how, you know, we talk about stuff on here and then it just, we live it out in the world.
You know, that a young guy who had been on the podcast episode, I think 139 or something, he called in about losing weight.
And he lost 30 pounds since then.
This kid named Jamie.
It was good to see him in person.
I remember talking to him on the phone, just so crazy.
And then here he was alive, and we were in each other's lives.
They had a guy that came out in Melbourne.
And I'll say this, the Melbourne shows were in a, they put them in like a, almost like a student, it looked like a place where you would do a school.
You know, like a, they didn't have any theaters available, so they put it at like a convention center.
And it was, the audience was awesome.
The people that came were awesome.
The people that I met, amazing, kind.
But the venue, I thought it was nice, but it was just kind of a shit place to see comedy.
Comedy is something that needs to be in an environment that where the walls can appreciate it.
And these places, kind of a thing, something you do anything.
You could do whatever in there.
It just seemed like general, a general space.
It didn't have any, like the walls had no desire or care of their own.
Like the walls just looked like they didn't even know who their parents were, you know, or like they had parents.
They just seemed kind of like somebody had built a box for us to do anything in.
We could have done a murder in there.
We could have made soup.
We could have done anything.
You know, we could have done anything, just stood in the corner and lied to each other.
It could have been whatever.
But then we came, where else do we go?
Sydney, Melbourne, Perth.
That's where we are now.
And we have one show here last night and it was fire.
And we had two other shows in Sydney.
We went back and forth.
And the shows have all been cool, man.
It's been really cool.
I just switched the venue in Melbourne had been different.
But in the future, maybe we'll hope for a different venue.
I'm not complaining at it.
It just wasn't ideal for comedy.
And yeah, and they had a guy who came out who would just say, you know, he said, hey, man, I lost my mother and my sister in the past year.
And, you know, your podcast has really been awesome.
There's just moments of it where it's cool and it makes me feel okay.
And that really made, that really, was, that was really cool.
And I think he's supposed to send me a message online, but I didn't get it.
So if you hear that, brother, will you send that again just so I can so I can keep my eyes open for you, for it?
I'd love to catch up.
But yeah, just cool, man.
You know, just I wish we had more time to meet everyone.
It just, you know, it's a lot of traveling.
It's a lot of quick movement.
It's a new country.
And people are so polite here.
It almost feels like I'm on a prank show a lot of times.
People are so kind.
And Chris Lilly came out.
Dude, what?
If you have not seen Summer Heights High, it's absolutely wonderful.
Somebody last night brought me his other movie called We Can Be Heroes.
I've never seen it.
But imagine getting to meet like George Washington or something.
Just somebody who just was like a next, somebody who you just, they blow your mind when you watch them do creativity.
And that was him for me, man.
He's like, it's like, it's like meeting a shark outside of the water.
Or it's like seeing a seahorse at an arcade.
He just, there's something so rare about that guy, Chris Lilly.
And he has a new show, Lunatics.
And I urge you to start with his old stuff and migrate forward with it.
So you can get the full vastness of who that man is.
One of a kind, man.
One of a kind.
But anyway, sorry to be talking about myself so much.
You know, one thing that's interesting that, you know, there's cost with every opportunity.
Like, it's been awesome, obviously, being over here.
We still have another week of shows to do.
But it's been, I kind of miss sometimes just being at the comedy store.
You know, like a year ago, I was at the comedy store four nights a week, and I just got to be there every week and, you know, just see all my buddies and see like the other comedians.
And you start to feel a little bit like not left out, but, you know, life just goes on, man.
Life goes on.
You know, that's why it is such a, it's not critical, but it is such a unique opportunity.
It's a unique opportunity we have here.
And maybe we get it again.
And then...
But even if we get it again, it's just such a unique opportunity.
When you look at all the rest of the energy out in the world and the outer space and the ground and plants and ants, and you see that we get to be at this forefront of this ability to be able to connect with one another and hug someone or let somebody know we care about them or miss somebody.
Even missing something or missing somebody is what a unique thing that is you know like I miss my friends at the comedy store I miss just being there and just hearing some of them laugh or something I mean it sounds gay ass but you know or just seeing them in the hallway or you know getting to give you know what they have the Eleanor Eleanor Kerrigan as a comedian always give her a
hug every time she always is very sweet and you know Steve Simone is always up there and I see him all the time and it just are just different people's faces my buddy Adam Egot who works over there and he's really troubled just like me and we you know it's just it's interesting missing people is interesting you know not to mention Coco Diaz you know and I mean just getting to see Rogan and DeLee and just even see what they're you know talking
to them is like trying to talk to a comet or talk to a shooting star you know they're just there's so much going on in their lives but it's it's good but even just to have that moment with them just to touch base and shake hands or give a hug or see Bobby Lee you know it's funny I didn't realize how much the comedy store is kind of like my home sometimes today's episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet Ridge Wallet is a it's a wallet
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Ridgewallet.com slash hitter for 10% off.
But yeah, just such a neat opportunity, and I'm just grateful.
I'm grateful for this opportunity.
You know, to think, man, I came to another country and got to meet like one of my favorite creators, Chris Lilly.
And I don't think the guy knows how much, how amazing I think he is and how rare in the world he is, I think.
If you don't know, go get in him.
Find Summer Heights High.
Find Jonah from Tonga, Angry Boys.
Go find one of these things and get into this strange man's universe.
And then come to Australia.
And you're going to have such a unique experience.
I went to an Australian rules football game yesterday.
You know, I'll finish with this little deal.
And thank you to everybody in Australia that's come out and all the people that have bought tickets to all the other shows in the U.S. I think the only shows that we're still trying to sell tickets for are in Norway, which I don't even fucking know where that is, man.
As sad as that is.
I don't even know.
Norway and Stockholm, Sweden.
But this, what was I going to say?
Oh, so this happened.
So we flew in to Perth, and it was like maybe a four or five hour flight.
Man, we had it before, I got home maybe like one the morning before, got to bed by about 2.30.
You know, had to be downstairs at 7. So not too crazy, but kind of a busy morning.
Get to the airport.
We get to wherever.
We get to Perth.
Which, I mean, it's on the other side of Australia.
And we get here and they have, we get, oh, they lost one of my bags.
So, and that's fine that happens, which was so funny because there was like 40 open seats on the plane.
So it just makes you wonder how it all works out.
But that's what happened.
And then, so we get there, we have to deal with the lost bag.
Then we get into a rental car, and there's an alarm on the car that, like one of those things when the doors open, it just blinks like it makes a but all the doors were closed.
So it just had that going on the whole time we were driving it.
And, you know, I had a 1984 Ford Escort for a while, and it got stuck on a Christian music station, and you couldn't turn it off.
So every time I drove that car, it had Christian music going.
And I had that car for about four years.
So, and talk about trying to get, I mean, especially in high school, you're trying to get a little bit of L-A-I-D, you hear me?
In case there's any children watching this.
But I'm talking about full-on sexual.
The last thing you want on the radio, Christian music, because that's the opposite of sexual, boy.
So that stuff was hard, you know.
Not as hard as I was, duck, but it was hard.
But anyway, the man, I don't even know if I remember how to be a podcast, be a podcast guy.
Anyway, fucking, we get there.
That takes forever.
The bag, then the beeping thing.
I get to the hotel.
I about lost my mind.
I was just stressed, tired, wanting to take a nap.
I go walk to the coffee shop, and there's a sport here called Australian Rules Football.
And I've been messaging one of the players for a couple months, this guy Mitch, that plays for the Brisbane Lions.
And so he said he'd invited me to come to a game.
And I didn't know if I could make it or not.
And I was just all tired.
I was like, I don't know if I, I couldn't even find his Instagram message and our messages.
And then I walked to a coffee shop down the street, and he's in the coffee shop.
And so it was great because he was such a neat guy.
And he invited me to the game, got me a ticket.
So next thing you know, three hours later, I go get a nap.
I go to the game.
And I'm sitting up in the stands by myself watching Australian Rules football.
Dude, the stadium was beautiful.
It looked like I was on the moon.
I felt like I was on the moon.
It's like a perfectly kind of round stadium.
It was just, it was amazing.
They lost by one point, but it was a great game.
But here it was, like, this whole morning, I'd been all frustrated.
Man, the bag is lost.
Now we got to wait for the baggage thing at the airport and this fucking beeping for 20-minute car ride.
This shit won't do nothing.
And it reminded me of Christian, the Christian music, and it made me want to fuck a little.
And so then I'm tired and I want to fuck, but the music's going on and I'm by myself except for Ari and the and the guy who's driving us over there.
And I'm just like, man, I could have been taking a nap.
I'm so tired.
I'm just at my wit's end.
But if all that hadn't happened that had slowed us down, because we stopped the car three or four times to try and fix the alarm, then I'm not at the coffee shop at the right time.
I don't run into the Brisbane Lions, their Australian League's football team, Australian rules, and I don't end up at the game.
So it just made me just kind of just like, this was a moment that was like, man, as much as I want to try and control things, the path that I'm on, you know, there's great opportunities if I can just relax and just be on this path.
Path.
Perth.
Perth.
It's kind of like Path a little bit.
But anyhow, I've been rambling a little bit.
I don't even know how to do this anymore.
Just so crazy.
We're going to be in a new studio whenever we get back home.
But in the meantime, I'm going to get back out here in Australia.
I'm going to go take a walk and I'll just enjoy this environment that I'm in.
And just what a blessing.
And this has just been awesome, man.
Just to get to be out here in the world.
And just so many nice people that just come up and care.
And I just want to say thanks.
You know, thank you so much, man.
I care too.
You know, and I care about so many people that come out.
And I wish I could just find more ways to express that sometimes.
And in the future, I think that I will.
But I'm going to do the best I can to take advantage of this path that we're on.
So, you guys, be good to yourselves.
We don't have any intro and outro music.
I don't have any.
Everything's not hooked up.
But I'm grateful to Ari Manus, the other comedian working with me, that's here.
And I'm sure there's a lot of stuff that I'm forgetting.
I'll try to think of more of it later.
But this is the first episode ever of this past weekend live from Australia or unlive.
I don't know what it's called if it's not live, but it's almost live.
Almost live from Australia, man.
This Perth out here.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
You guys deserve it.
And thank you.
A lot of cool stuff.
We got, I think, Biloxi, Mississippi, that just sold out over the weekend.
Happy Memorial Day to all the men and women of service in every country, in Australia, in Korea, in the U.S. You know, I do notice that Australian people have a lot of Australian pride, and it's cool to see.
And that's something that I hope we don't lose in America.
You know, we shouldn't lose pride and being American.
I feel like a lot of times that, you know, there's forces out there that want to take that away from us or sell our pride off or trick us into believing that feeling like being able to be in America or live in whatever our country is.
If your country is Australia or America or Korea or Guam or Vietnam or Viet Guam, that you should be able to be proud of that.
You should be able to be proud of that.
And it's cool to see you get over here too and you wonder like a lot of people over here, they recognize that the media is really tricky.
And, you know, you start to realize that, okay, there's a lot of people are questioning what's going on in the world these days in this electronic world.
And that's what's neat about to get over here and get some human connection with one another.
Because you see, okay, okay, you guys kind of see this is happening to you guys too.
This is happening to us.
This is, yeah.
Oh, yeah, the media, the news wants us at war.
If we end up at war, they get to cover it.
They're in business forever.
They're in business till the end.
Sorry, I'm rambling and I'm getting probably a little bit political.
Maybe not.
But anyway, you guys be good to yourselves, man.
And thank you so much for this opportunity.
What a ride, dude.
What a ride.
What a friggin ride, dude.
What a ride.
Love you.
I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home and my mom is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself all mine shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I will stay here just for you.
Now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of high past.
And these rails that I've been riding on, they're once so thin that they're damn near gone.
I guess now they just weren't built to last.
I'm gonna try to make sense of what I can where I'm going to where I'll be shine.
I'll let light on me I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me and I'll be the final song.
I will see the angels.
And I will find the words to help you make it through.
If you call my name, I think it be can tell you.
You are stories.
Shine on me, and I will follow songs.
I was singing just for you Oh, I am Shine For me, yeah Shine Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, yeah Shine
Shine on me, shine on me Shout out to you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I will interview my friends.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
Longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Swaya.
Here's a deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jermaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh ho ho!
No!
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, tell us all the cyclopedia.
Tell everyone about Kylie.
Tell them the Kaikila videos.
Tell everyone about Kylie.
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