All Episodes
Jan. 21, 2019 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:36:41
Makin' It | This Past Weekend #167

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Getting over a tough Saints loss. Talking bad calls and taking good calls. This episode brought to you by… SkillShare https://skillshare.com/theovon Get 2 months of Skillshare for free Blue Chew https://BlueChew.com Use promo code THEO for Ridge Wallet https://www.ridgewallet.com/theo Use code “theo” for 10% off your order Grey Block Pizza http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Music “Makin’ It” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/MakinIt_BishopGunn Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Or upload a video question/comment to our Dropbox http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Bohemian Gunt-psody Patreon Gunt Squad Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Stein Adam White Adriana Hernandez Aidan Duffy Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Sideris Alexander Contreras Amanda Sherman Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Andy Mac Angelo Raygun Angie Angeles Anna Winther Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Beau Adams Yoga Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Ben Limes Benjamin Streit Big Easy Brad Moody Brian Martinez Brian Szilagyi Bryan Reinholdt Bubba Hodge cal ector California Outlaw Campbell Hile Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Casey Rudesill Cassandra Miller Chad Saltzman Charley Dunham chris Christian from Bakersfield Christopher Becking Christopher Stath Clint Lytle Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Cory Alvarez Dan Draper Dan Ray Danny Gill Dave Engelman David Christopher david r prins David Smith David Wyrick deadpieface Deanna Smith Dirty Steve DoMoreKid Donald blackwell Doug Chee Dwehji Majd Dylan Clune Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Fernando Takeshi Sato Gabriel Almeda Garrett Blankenship Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Gunt Squad Gary Haley Brown J Garcia J.T. Hosack Jacob Ortega Jacob Rice James banks James Bown James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Jason Haley Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy West Jerry Zhang Jesse Witham Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Desrosiers Joey Piemonte John Bowles John Kutch John Slade Johnathan Jensen Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Justin L justin marcoux justin shuy Karen Sullivan Katy Doyle Kelly Elliott Ken Comstock Ken Melvin Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevin Fleury Kevtron Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill Kishalin kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Briesemeister Laura Williams Lauren Cribb Leighton Fields Linsey Logan Yakemchuk Lorell “Loretta” Ray Luke Danton Mark Glassy Matt Eckenrode Matt Holland Matt Kaman Matt Leftwich Matthew Azzam Matthew Price Matthew Sizemore Matthew Snow Max Bowden MEDICATED VETERAN Megan Andersen-Hall Megan Daily megan Wrynn Meghan LaCasse Michael E. Ganzermiller Michael polcaro Michael Senkpiel Micky Maddux Mike montague Mike Poe Mike Sarno Mike Vo Mitchell Watson Mona McCune Natalie Stanley Ned Arick Nick Butcher Niko Ferrandino Nikolas Koob Nyx Ballaine Alta Old McTronald Old Scroat Mccrackin Owen Lide Paddy jay Passenger Shaming Patrick Gries Paul Flores Paul Lococo Peter Craig Peter Shea Philip James Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Rashelle Raymond Renee Nicol Roar Hanasand Robert Doucette Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Ryan Alves Ryan Crafts Ryan Forrest Ryan Garcia Ryan Jordan Ryan Walsh Ryan Wolfe Sam Illgen Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Scott Lucy Scott Swain Sean Scott Season Vaughan Shane Pacheco Shannon Schulte Shawn-Leigh henry Sonja Prazic Stacy Blessing Stahn Johnson Steez Stepfan Jefferies Steve Corlew Steven Stoody Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly Taylor Beall thatdudewiththepaperbag The Asian Hamster Thee shitfaced chef TheGremlin Cafe Tim Bonventre Tim Greener Tim Ozcelik Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus todd vesterse Tom in Rural NC Tom Kostya Tom Reichardt Tommy From England Tommy Redditt Travis Simpson Travis Vowell Trevor Fatheree Troy Ty Oliver Tyler Harrington (TJ) Tyler Shaver Victor Montano Victoria Adams William Morris William Reid Peters xTaCx Stretch Zech JohnsonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Today's episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet.
Ridge Wallet, it is, it's a, I mean, it's a damn wallet, and you know it.
And it's a uh, you know, people will often they put stuff in their back pockets, or sometimes they'll give a wallet, and they'll make their wife kind of carry the wallet on their shoulder or something with like a heavy strap on it, or, you know, or some people will bury their wallet and go and get it when they need it and use money and then rebury it.
And that's all of that shit is old.
That's a bad idea.
So what you need to do is get this Ridge wallet.
And it's that front pocket carry.
It's that hard piece.
Listen to this sound.
That's me hitting my Ridge wallet with my fingernails.
The Ridge wallet, it's that front pocket carry and it blocks out dangerous rays from, I mean, people trying to steal your identity.
It'll stop a damn bullet.
And that is true.
I wouldn't test it out, but it is true.
And you can go to visit ridgewallet.com slash Theo, T-H-E-O, and use the code Theo at checkout for 10%.
That's code Theo for 10% off at ridgewallet.com.
It's that front pocket carry, baby, and you got to have that specialty piece.
Oh, man, I am that Saints game.
Well, let's get into it.
Just a somber way.
A somber way to move into the day.
Sorry, you know, I want to lift you up, but God, that Saints game, it just, it evap part of me just evaporated when they lost.
I mean, it was like someone, I mean, it was like someone, you know, just emancipated part of my soul.
It was like they, you know, it was like, it was like, you know, like that song like, take it, take another little piece of my heart now, baby.
You know you got it.
Man, it was like somebody just plucked a damn aorta right out of my chest and just made a damn aorta gravy right in front of me and drank it.
It was like somebody just drank one of my favorite pieces of my heart.
It was a tough one, man.
That was a tough loss.
And, you know, they had to call, I'm talking about the Saints and Rams game.
And kudos to the Rams, you know, but not really.
But also, oh, man.
God.
Dude, I knew it was a tough one when afterwards, none of my friends even wanted to say anything on the phone.
We couldn't even talk.
I mean, you know, the Saints lost last year on that miracle play, on that million-dollar miracle.
And that was, man, that one, that was heavy.
But that happened, you know, and that was, they had bad defense, poor tackling.
And then this one, though, oh, they were supposed to be there.
And some things that happen, I think, in life are supposed to happen.
They're just supposed to, it is destiny.
And it was supposed to be Breeze versus Brady in the Super Bowl.
This is going to be the most watched Super Bowl ever.
Even babies that were supposed to be born a month from now, they were going to come out early.
You'd see an early baby like, damn, that baby, that thing's fucking premature, but it loves football.
Babies were going to come out of the womb early to see these two bad boys go at it.
Breeze and Brady.
Brady and Breeze.
And that's what the universe wanted.
That's what the universe said.
Here you go, Saints.
Here's some opportunities.
Here's some opportunities.
And look, a lot of people want to talk about that call.
The past interference.
Unbelievable.
Even more, though, the helmet to helmet was the thing that got me really just felt like somebody just hit a bunch of just damn pop rocks, you know, just deep inside of my ass.
And man, it just, it was just insane.
I mean, you could hear the helmet.
You could hear it at home.
But also, the Saints had a part in it.
And I've said this for years.
Sean Payton, too much ego, man.
All those men worked that hard to get into that opportunity.
And the Saints have the ball with two minutes left, and they're in the Rams territory.
You run it.
You just keep running it, man.
The Rams have to use their timeouts.
And you give them the ball back with maybe 20 seconds left or whatever, or a minute left, and they have to go the whole field.
It just, and you're still, and you're going to get your field goal.
It just seemed like he, you know, he tried to run too many things with Taysom Hill.
What do you, like, I love Taysom Hill, but you have Drew Brees, brother.
Drew Brees is the, you know, if Jesus Christ ever had an appendix and they took the appendix out of his body and it just showed up here on earth and just started just dropping dimes to people in the distance, that's Drew Brees.
Drew Brees is the 11th finger of Christ, brother.
And then not have him out there and you're trying these cutesy shit.
Just, I mean, Sean Payton just sitting over there.
He got that booty.
His mouth, if you look at Sean Payton's, his mouth like a damn booty hole.
Like a bee hole, sorry.
And I didn't mean to say that, but like a bee hole.
And, God, why?
If he doesn't have to be cute there, if he doesn't have to be fancy, if he doesn't do all that, the saints win.
They rise.
But when you too much ego, man, that'll make destiny.
It'll make destiny say, wow, this guy don't want to be a part of everything.
He wants to be cutesy.
He wants to be fancy.
He wants to be fancy boy, fancy boy.
And that's the thing.
And it hurts.
And people say, well, you're not a Saints fan if you say that kind of stuff.
Man, don't say that shit to me.
I am a fan, brother.
I mean, it's just, it's hard.
It's hard.
You know, and immediately I think of the, you know, a lot of senior citizens.
And they're going to die in the next year.
They're not even going to get to see the opportunity for the next season.
And this was something they, you know, just a lot of full hearts.
You know, it's going to give them that opportunity to roll up into heaven with a little bit of a little extra fucking, you know, chowder in their bowl.
A little extra spirit chowder in their soul bowl.
And, man, it just, oh, it was just heartbreaking.
And I could not even bear to talk to some of my friends, man.
One buddy, I called and we sat there on the phone and we couldn't even talk.
And, you know, it just goes like that sometimes.
But being a fan is hard, isn't it?
I was thinking about that.
Being a fan, because you want something so bad, but you have no control over it.
You know, you but you put a lot into it.
You put time in.
You show up and watch the games.
You get you a little, you know, a flag or maybe some, you know, a little maybe shoes for the baby that have, you know, little Tennessee Titans on them or whatever you want, whatever your team is.
You know, Brooklyn, I don't even know what that team is up there.
Fucking, I think it's just a bunch of rappers and people with guns, really, but Brooklyn Nets.
You know, you spend, you invest, you care, you read the articles.
You know, you stay up late and you go to your favorite reporter.
You go to his Twitter timeline and see what he dropped after the game.
You know, you mourn the loss when, you know, Jermon Bushrod lost his child.
You think about that during the day.
You know, you think about that and you pray for him or you think about him and you hope that he finds strength to continue his season and to keep his, you know, just find strength for his family.
And, you know, you just think about a lot of these different things and you care and you're there and you want them and you see their joy and you see, and then it just, I just felt like Sean Payton to coach that way seems selfish because you got a lot of people whose lives can be affected by this moment of joy.
And I love my Saints.
I'm a Saints fan.
But I think that they were supposed to win that game.
And even with the call, like that's Destiny again saying, look, here's the passenger.
And the refs fucked out of.
They missed that.
So, you know, I put it half on the referees.
But I put half of it on Coach Payton.
I really do, man.
You know, and well, onward, bro.
Onward.
But man, I was trying to go to this, dude, I was driving.
Here was the thing.
I came up.
I was in Irvine this weekend.
And thank you to everyone that came out.
This young lady showed up and she'd drawn a beautiful damn picture of me.
And I was like, God, I should have been a piece of art because I look better as a damn drawing.
You know, I'm really that, you know, two-dimensional.
Let's fucking do it.
When I get in a third-dimensional, you know, like I am now, that's when, you know, things get a little not as attractive.
But she showed me, you know, it was just a stint, what is that called?
A little thing that you use to like show people stuff with.
It's like from the seven fucking pencil.
She had a, it was like pencil.
And she did it.
And it was beautiful.
And she brought it out.
And what else?
Some man brought out some, you know, some toilet spray for when you're in the toilet.
And I still got to look at that stuff.
And then what else?
Oh, a nice gift.
Somebody brought me out a nice pen.
But man, we had some fun.
We had some fun.
Did I tried a couple jokes I'd never tried before?
One about some fires.
I don't know if I should have done it, but man, I tried my best.
The Saturday early show was kind of dead.
I don't know what was going on.
It could have been me.
I don't know.
But that Sunday show was waygo.
Man, that Sunday show, and I needed it.
You know, I'm so grateful because I needed that.
Dude, driving to Irvine, man, I was almost in tears in my car.
Man, it just made me mad.
That Saints loss, it just, you know, and I'd driven back to L.A. the night before, because my friend had a going away party.
They was eating breakfast and then going away.
And damn.
And I just, man, I was in the car, man.
I was just so, just, I was just disheartened.
I thought the whole world was going to fall apart.
I started feeling just down about myself, man.
I was just, it was just kind of a lot of emotions.
I mean, it had been an emotional week because I get into these shows, man.
When I do my shows, you know, I get into it.
I want to, you know, I, you know, I want us to have an experience.
And then, and then that said, this, that letdown, man.
It felt like there was a, like there was destiny in the world and then destiny got shook out of place.
And that can happen, man.
I just, you know, I was, I was so angry before the past interference because of the, some of the coaching.
I mean, just play calling crazy.
Just pointless.
I don't see how Breeze doesn't say, hey, this isn't a good play to call right now.
But you know what?
I'm not a coach.
Hell, I'm not even a player.
Dude, I'm not even, I mean, my legs and my butt got tight yesterday for no reason.
So I'm not even, I'm not even a water boy.
But I'm a fan.
You know, and being a fan, you put so much out.
What do you think about being a fan?
I'd love to know some of you guys' thoughts and just on what it is to be a fan and what goes into it.
Because here's one thing I thought.
I thought this at the end of the game.
I said, when I was driving down to Irvine, I thought to myself, I said, well, man, if this is the type of refereeing they're going to have in the games, and if this is the type of, you know, coaches can just call horrible shit and it can break your damn heart.
Like, I don't know if I want to watch as much or get as deep as I do anymore because as a fan, because the other side of the equation, they're not, you know, I felt like the coach didn't do his part and the refs didn't do their part to make it a fair enough field for me to put my emotions into it.
That's what I felt like.
So, but yeah, if you guys have thoughts on what it is to be a fan and what that means to you or if you had a family member that, you know, gave it their, you know, just, I mean, some people, because I'll never play, you know, I'll never, there was a point in my life when I'd be like, oh, I might get out there and play.
You know, I'd be sitting on the couch at 27, you know, you know, getting a couple of grams of freaking that dusty, dusty, that dusty, dusty, dusty.
And then next thing you know, I'm thinking in my head, oh, I might get out there and play next year.
I might try to audition for the New Orleans Saints.
That was the kind of shit or the LSU, you know what I'm saying?
Things would be in my head.
First of all, my buddy's like, dude, you're going to audition for the team?
It's called trying out.
You're an idiot.
Dude, you go out there and audition.
You're going to get sent to all heaven, bro.
Somebody is going to break your spine open with a straight spine buster, dude.
So, yeah, but if you have thoughts on what it means to be a fan and what it just, man, it was just so painful.
It felt like part of me just was so alive and then it was gone.
Like it was, oh, it was just gone.
But thank you guys for being here with me today, man.
Damn, dude.
I couldn't even do the podcast yesterday.
I was so upset.
But I'm just so grateful, too, because I got on stage and, you know, I was about to go on stage and I was just not in a good mood.
And then I did a meditation backstage for 10 minutes.
You know, I just sat there and just shut it all down and put the timer on my phone and just crossed my legs and just closed my eyes in the green room and asked everybody else to leave out of there for a few minutes.
And yeah, for 10 minutes, I'd have sat there and just let all the things pass that were making me upset or whatever.
And they disappeared, kind of.
And then I got on stage, man, and, you know, it was really a nice gift from the powers that be in the world because I needed to have something fun to lift me up.
And 500 people Sunday night at Irvine did exactly that.
And man, that was fun.
I had so much fun.
So thank you guys for coming out.
I will, what else happened, man?
Oh, so I got a full body, one of those full body massage, those thigh massages.
No, from lady from Taiwan.
And I went in there and got that thigh massage.
And dude, they walk on your back.
I mean, this lady, it looked like she was loitering.
And I was the sidewalk.
This bad bitch was up and down the block, you know?
And she had, I mean, she had real heavy feet.
She was real, you know, cementy in the footage.
And she just plopped them bad cats on me.
And it felt like a real, she felt like about a 50-year-old man kind of walking up and down my back.
But it was probably about, she was probably about 42, 43. But heavy feet.
I mean, real heavy tarsals.
Probably the bone density in her feet could have been a damn category six, bruh.
So, but at the end, dude, so she got me on, you know, she's doing my thighs and stuff, and I'm laid on my back.
And that's in the, you know, I'm kind of vulnerable.
I'm laying there kind of vulnerable.
And she kind of pats me on the crotch on that freaking, on my little rocket, you know?
She just does like this, just pats me on my little rocket and asked me if I wants that, you know, that party pop.
You know what I'm saying?
She asked me if I want that party pop, she said.
But, you know, she had a thigh, she had a thigh accent.
She said, oh, you want the party pop?
I'm like, dang, you know, and I said, No, I said, I don't want that.
I said, I don't want that.
You know, I'm trying not to masturbate myself.
And you, I'm coming in here, my back's all tightened up.
I got the ass of like a, my butt gets tight.
You know, my thighs get tight.
My thighs get tight, tight, tight, you know, like a damn, like kind of, I got that ass cheek of like a, you know, a black girl with Down syndrome who's been playing Twister by herself.
You know, my thighs get fucking just, you know, real tight, tight because I got that booty.
And man, she wanted to give me that, you know, that little, that party pop.
And I said no.
And that's my thing.
Usually I go when I go into these places, these little, you know, the, the, uh, the thigh massages, when I go in there and they trying to, you know, they trying to, you know, get you to spray out in there in the jack shack.
And one of my buddies said they jerk him off sometime and they left with the semen.
You believe that shit?
They put that shit on a little hot plate or a little griddle, bro, a little grill.
And they, next thing you know, you got a damn family over there.
You got a dang little, you know, you got a little couple of little batch of whites or, you know, Latino, you know, you got a little family running around in, you know, in Kuala Lumpur.
So that's wild.
That's a new thing.
They jerk you off and then they cop that seed.
And I'm not saying these women are bad women or anything like that.
I mean, you know, seven out of probably seven out of probably 13 times I go into one of these massage parlors and they do it right.
And they do that choppy choppy on daddy and they fucking, dude, they used to have these people.
I told Jim Jeffries this downtown, for $40, these two Vietnamese dudes will fucking beat the fuck out of you.
And they had soft arms and hands, but also like fast and soft.
And it just and it felt good.
And if you're like, damn, bruh.
These dudes were assholes, but goddamn, they really do a great job.
I feel so much better.
What else is going on?
I'm going to pop into the news.
Oh, I saw this.
I thought this was interesting in the USA Today.
They had, you know, they had some fellas.
They had a big, you know, these rallies and these marches and stuff.
But I thought that USA Today did a good job today.
And I shared this on Twitter.
New video shows different side of protests with a Native American.
And Native Americans, those are the original bad boys.
Those guys were out, you know, this was their country.
You know, they were here.
They just really sprouted up out of the damn earth.
I mean, they are just like birch.
They're just like roses.
They're just like ferns.
You know, I mean, they're humans, I'm saying, but they are as natural as that.
You know, it's almost like a stream just, you know, is just going through the land and the stream and the land got enough friction.
And next thing you know, your boy Kielbasa popped out with a, you know, with a lot.
And he was just of the land and he was just of the nature.
And that was a Native American.
And he was a natural boy.
And anyway, they had this conflict where it was like these guys from Kentucky, a school, and everybody jumped on the bandwagon of saying that these kids were awful and these kids were horrible.
And because only a small piece of a video had gone out where a Native American man and a group of, what does it say, black Israelite guys and these white Catholic kids, they'd all kind of merged in this area.
And only a small piece of the video had gone out.
And everybody just had, we all had conclusions.
We all had thoughts.
We all had this and that, you know?
And then USA Today, I thought it did a good job of just saying, well, this is the full thing.
A full video came out.
And this is the reality of what happened.
And it seemed like everybody there definitely could have made probably some better choices.
But it seemed like the kid that they were trying specifically to pin this on was maybe the least the least guilty of being too erroneous.
I mean, for one, he's very young.
And the other people involved in the kind of exact conflict were a little bit older.
But I say this to tell you, the reason I brought this up is because that's one of the value of podcasts, is that you can get the whole breadth of what's going on.
And I just want to thank people that come and listen and that listen to other podcasts because you don't just get a little snip.
You don't just get three or four seconds or 40 seconds of exactly what the writer or the creator wants you to see, what they want you to believe.
You get the full story.
And when you go back and see the full story, you see that some of these other groups were causing a lot more trouble than this young boy.
And in fact, the black Israelite group was really just raising sheer hell.
And look, they all have their points of view and all points of view, you know, valid.
Not saying that, but just what I'm saying is just that when you see the breadth of the video, you see it all.
You get the reality.
At least then you can see, you can take everything into account.
So I thought that that was, at least USA Today made a point to say, hey, here's the full story.
And you don't see that very often.
And that's one thing I like about podcasting.
You get that full story.
You get that FS.
But yeah, there's just more value if we can know the full story of things because you get the perspective.
You get it all.
You get what was happening before, what the buildup was, what occurred, what was, you know, you get it all and you can make an educated decision or an educated idea.
Or also you see everybody's part in something.
It's the same as with the, with the, if you just look at the past interference call from the Saints Rams games, Saints Ram game, you know, which probably killed.
I'd love to see an article on how many people died when the past interference call didn't get called.
I bet, is there an over-under on that?
I bet 11 people died.
I bet 11 seniors just took it right in that straight fucking TikToker, dog, in that H-E-A-R-T, Papa, and just said, fuck it, son.
Life ain't what I thought it was.
I'm going to heav on.
But if you watch that whole game, you see all of it.
You get the whole game.
You see, okay, well, they had some opportunities here.
And they had their backup tight end in the beginning of the game.
And he missed a pass.
And you see all of the things that went along the way.
You see the coach.
Oh, the coach made these decisions, man.
He could have made better decisions.
He could have not been cute.
You see that.
So you don't just get that moment.
You get the full story.
And that's one of the beauties of podcasting is you can sit and listen to a lot of people and get the full story.
And I believe that there's, you know, there's people that want to serve the short story to get their point across.
And there's, and there's, and podcasting, that's why it's taken off is because it, it just gives you the full story and lets you make your own choices.
I don't feel like it's trying to convince you of things very much.
But also, what the fuck do I know, man?
You know, just a sad dude that drove down to Irvine last night and got lifted up by about 500 people.
And in turn, had maybe the best show of the weekend, I thought.
So what else is going on?
Let's get into some of this, man.
I want to tell you that I'm going to be in Columbus, Ohio next weekend.
I've also got Tempe, Arizona.
The tickets for Australia will be going on sale in February.
I think they go on sale February 11th.
I don't know the cities yet, but I think it's most of them.
We're going to do another show in Boston at the Borgata.
And you can check that bad cat out.
And that's Beantown, they say over there, Boston.
Dude, and everybody in Boston, bro, that's Freckles.
That's Freckle Country.
You can get Freckles over there.
So February 22nd through February 23rd, I'll be in Houston.
March 8th, the Wilbur in Boston.
We're adding another show.
And then I'm in San Jose and Phoenix, Arizona, and Kansas City, Missouri through March and April.
So pretty exciting stuff going on.
And thank you guys for your support.
We sold it out in Irvine.
We sold it out.
And I want to thank Martin Luther King as well.
You know, just a great speaker, a leader.
And I can only imagine the confidence that he had a lot of times to really stay in the face of adversity and trust himself.
You know, even probably when some people were following him that he didn't, he might have thought were followers for him for the wrong reason.
A lot of people attach to Martin Luther King.
You know, when somebody starts to be a leader, people attach to them.
And some of those attachments are good and helpful and teammates.
And some are want to take and they want to just, you know, they want something for themselves.
But, you know, he really seemed to be, I mean, he was just so poignant, so eloquent.
You know, last night I stayed up, I was watching a couple of different speeches and parts from different documentaries that were on YouTube and just such an eloquent man.
You know, there's a real mastery to being able to get your point across exactly how you want it.
It's one of the reasons I wish I had a bigger vocabulary sometime.
But thank you to him because just little things, like even for me, I wouldn't have been able to have a Sunday night show that had so many people come out because a lot of people have the day off today.
And thank you, Martin Luther King, because Jr., because you knew that I would need the day off after that fucking referee call.
Shit.
And that is shit.
So, and that is straight b-hole.
And I will say that now, b-hole.
If you love sex, you're going to love blue chew.
It's that time, baby.
Look, I said this years ago, that I said, look, man, one of these sexual pills, they should make a gum.
They should make that bubble gum.
That way you could be at the bar, be in the distance, chew a couple pieces, blow that big bubble, big bubble.
Let the ladies see that fucking bad bounce boy in the distance flying out of your fucking flow state air face.
And they'd be like, oh, dang, that boy got that big bubble going in the distance.
And they know daddy's ready to pop pop.
You know, daddy's ready to freaking bust out them, you know, them body oysters.
You know what I'm talking about.
Simmon.
You know, body simmon.
So Blue Chew has it.
Blue Chew is a performance enhancement for the bedroom.
Wouldn't you like to last longer, go extra rounds?
I don't want to go extra rounds.
I want to go one round.
And as long as one of us kind of wins and one of us, we could even both lose.
One of my new things that I'm going to start doing probably in the next couple of years is no more even ejaculation.
You want that?
You got to pay extra.
You want that pop, pop?
Because I know that a lot of these ladies sneaking at, they putting that sauce on a warming plate and busting it out the back door.
Shipping it off to Guam or Germany or probably, you know, New Jersey or Bethlehem or something.
They pop it, you know, and they slanging that sugar sauce On the DL, getting them heightened prices for daddy's pop-pop.
But what I'm trying to tell you guys is: sorry, I can't get through this ad.
Blue Chew is a performance enhancement for the bedroom.
You know, I've had issues over the years, and I used to get them gas station wiener pills.
And I used to get them gas station wiener pills.
And I'm not ashamed, man.
People say, are you ashamed of that?
I ain't ashamed of that.
You think I'm ashamed of that?
Now, I would, sometimes I will say this.
I would buy all kind of extra shit at the 7-Eleven to try and make it look like I wasn't getting those.
Like I'd get like a, you know, a couple bananas, a gas can.
I'd get nervous.
I'd be like, six scratchers, you know.
And then, you know, maybe a thing of almond milk.
And then let me get them, you know, them rhinoceros silvers.
And he's like, huh.
And the guy would be like, what is it?
And the guy wasn't a different ethnicity.
He was just a white guy who couldn't speak well.
And he's like, what is it?
And I'm like, let me get them rhino silvers, boy.
Let me get them fucking giraffe makers.
You feel me?
Them gas station wiener pills, daddy.
You know it.
You know what I'm talking about.
I need two gallons of gas and some fucking, you know, and I need about two grams of that silver rhino down in a nut tank.
I need two gallons of 91 octane, and I need 40 milligrams of that silver rhino down in a nut tank.
And look, a lot of that shit did make your legs sweat.
And then your wiener will get hard out of fear.
Your wiener's like, damn, the legs are sweating.
Something's going on.
You know, what if the legs aren't going to work?
And the wiener is probably thinking, I might have to become a leg or something.
I might have to walk for us.
So that's when the wiener gets hard.
But anyway, BlueChew.com makes the first chewable with the same active ingredients as Viagra and sialis and at a lot lower price than those other two.
Chewables work faster than pills, up to twice as fast.
It only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online.
No doctor visit.
No awkward conversation.
You don't have to set your soft, you know, cack into some, you know, into a nurse's hand and be like, hey, it's so soft.
You know, she's like, oh, what do you use on that downy dryer sheets?
It's like, nah, just got a lot of anxiety and some mental health and sexual health issues.
So I don't get erections.
But no waiting in line at a pharmacy.
It ships directly to your door in discrete packaging.
And I've seen it.
They do some unique packaging.
They'll put it in like a, what is that thing that you beat up if you're Mexican?
Not if you're, or if you're, you know, you beat it and you, and you, and you, and it kind of, you get it.
And you, fucking, what am I talking about?
And you blind, and you fucking blindfold him and you fucking beat him.
Piñata.
Sorry, piñata.
And they got them sugar treats in it.
And that is what you, that's what it's like.
What was I talking about?
Oh.
No waiting in line at the pharmacy.
Ships directly.
Oh, and discrete packaging.
Sometimes they'll ship it in a discrete package.
She'll get it in like a piñata kind of thing, like a little donkey, like a little four-colored donkey.
And you think, oh, what's in here?
And you got them straight up fucking D-pills, son.
You know, them fucking form makers, bruh.
But anyway, ships directly to your door.
Blue chew chewables are prescribed online by a doctor and made in the USA.
No more these, you know, I get the, used to get them shits from India, bruh.
Them things come in and they used to make my hair get real warm, which was very, imagine your hair being warm.
And that's when you know them, them erection pills are working when your hair starts, the temperature of your hair starts heating up.
Blue Chew gives you confidence in bed every time.
You and your partner will love it.
Here's a great deal for you guys, for our listeners.
Get out there and get cock healthy.
Go to BlueChoo, B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W dot com and get your first order free when you use promo code Theo, T-H-E-O.
You just pay $5 for the shipping.
That's bluechew.com and promo code Theo.
Get them Vasodilator hitters, bro.
Get them Wiener hitters.
And you know, I've had issues over the years with that sexual issues.
God, dude, I got so many issues.
But I'm seeing a sponsor.
I got a new sponsor.
You know, I know we talked about some of that in the past, and I'm happy to be having that right now and trying to get through some more of my program step work.
You know, my life is pretty good, man.
You know, my life is pretty good.
I was just thinking about that, bruh.
You know, I was just thinking, I think part of the reason I was even sad, like I was driving down to the game and driving down to the show yesterday.
And I was sad after the loss, man.
I was really heartbroken.
But I think some of just, you know, so many people came out and it's just exciting.
And I just, I think part of me, there's a fear that I'm not going to be able to, you know, make people laugh for, you know, or I'm not going to like live up to like people's expectations, you know?
And, you know, I couldn't really figure out what the feeling I was having yesterday when I was driving down there.
But I guess it was like, okay, I'm feeling kind of bad right now after the game.
You know, I'd messed up and I hadn't taken my little, you know, antidepressants, you know, for a day.
And so that started to factor in like, oh, well, what if you start, you know, you reeling a little, you starting to lose grip on the mountain, you know, a touch.
And so that was kind of going on.
And so then when the fear, When the thought that, man, maybe I was like, wow, if my feelings aren't, if I don't keep myself in a healthy place, then what if I get on stage and I just make people, it's not good.
You know, I don't not able to do my job or people don't like it.
I think I just got a lot of fear.
Because when nobody, when, you know, when people didn't come to the shows as much for years, you kind of are in, like, honestly, it's kind of a sweet, it's just kind of a sweet spot because you don't have to, the expectation isn't there.
You have the ability to surprise people.
You know, when you have a, when you're able to do something and people don't know it, it must be like a magician.
They know the person doesn't know the magic.
They know the person didn't go to magic class or, you know, or fucking Abracadabra camp or, you know, wasn't in like a trap house where one of the hookers or, you know, one of the drug dealers was fucking, you know, pulling rabbits out of the hat and that.
But it must be like a magician because they know they can do the trick.
They know it's probably, they know how to do it and they know the person's going to be surprised.
And that's what it used to seem like a lot at clubs.
It was like, okay, you know, the shows weren't sold out and there weren't, and I was like, okay, you know, I'm going to be able to surprise these people with my humor or with a story or with something that they don't know.
And then now it's just a little different.
Now I guess it's just more expectation.
Like now they're here and they know that you can do it or they hope that you can do it.
So I guess it's just adjustment.
You know, I mean, I'm just kind of trying to share just like candidly like some of my fears and stuff, but it's just adjustment.
You know, before it was like, okay, I know that I can do this.
I'm going to surprise him.
It'll be a magic trick.
But now it's like, okay, they're assuming that I'm going to be able to do this.
And so now I have to be able to do it.
And it's, and it's great.
It's just different.
It's just different.
And then I, so I guess I was worried when I was driving down there.
I was like, man, if I'm, what if sometime I'm feeling bad, I'm not, you know, and I don't get it all lined up and stuff and the show doesn't go as well.
And I'll let people down.
And we say it's not supposed to matter what other people think.
And, you know, and I'm sure that's one of my character defects is wondering what people think a lot.
Or, I mean, so much of my life I was just living, I just needed to make people laugh so that I knew that they were okay with me.
You know, because I think inside of me, I just, you know, I didn't like myself so much that I needed them to, I needed their approval because it was the only place I got any approval was from just moments of strangers, just little pieces of just moments of approval that would just fly by like a shooting star, man.
Just there it goes a little.
There it goes.
There goes a little.
And I need more.
And I need more approval.
I just, and I didn't think, walk around thinking I needed it.
I just needed it.
You know, it was like, you know, it was like part of my, I think approval is what makes up part of your comfort zone.
And that approval, a lot of times is, you know, your parents will teach you how to approve yourself or you will, you know, or someone at school will teach you.
And when you don't get some of those lessons, then you don't know.
And so then you have to get it from extemporaneous places, from outsiders, bruh, from straight up SE Hintons.
You feel me?
You got to get it from, you know, from this stranger or this person.
You have to get that approval.
And, you know, as much as it is that you want the approval, I think now more it is just that I want people to feel good.
You know, I want to be able to make people happy and I want to be able to make people laugh.
Man, they had a young guy came out and his dad, and they'd never been to a comedy show before.
And that was so rare.
We had a couple Viettes come out, dude, 100% real Viettes, man.
And they came out there, and I didn't eat any of them.
Because you guys know I had that instance at a Best Buy a few years ago where I almost snacked into that boy.
And his name was Ben, but that's because I was on a cleanse, on a cleanse.
And I hadn't eaten anything in a while.
And goddamn, brother.
I don't know if you've taken a good hard look at Viettes, but they are fucking damn near delectable, beautiful humans.
So if I die, dude, and a couple of other Viettes die with me, we all die together, you know?
Maybe we're at like a prom, you know, like a Viet prom, and something happens, there's a fire at the prom, and we all die, dude, bury me with them tasty Viettes, son.
That's my squad.
But I'm just, it's, sorry, I'm trying to, I'm getting off track, but, you know, if you get those, those pieces of approval make you feel okay.
And you have some people, you have it built in you, and when you don't have it built into you, then you have this, you have to find it, you have to find moments that make you okay.
Oh, I need some okay from over here.
I need some okay.
Okay, I need this.
Okay, okay.
But now, yeah, it's not as much that as I just want to be able to be in a healthiest place to be able to make the show good and make it fun for people.
And also, I know that a lot of my audience is so understanding and cool.
And man, so many nice people.
So many nice people.
A couple came out.
They're about to have their third kid.
That was beautiful.
Somebody came out, their friend bailed on them, and they still showed up.
Man, that was nice, man.
You know, I don't know if I would do that for people, but maybe now I will.
You know, it's funny the things that I learned from even people that come out to the shows.
Pretty, you know, I'm just realizing I'm a pretty lucky guy to, you know, not only am I getting to have people come and listen to my art, but I'm getting to meet a lot of really neat people.
So just thank you.
Thank you to everyone that came out.
Thank you to the people I got to meet.
Thank you to the people that I did not get to meet.
And I hope to meet you next time.
What else?
I'll tell you this, man.
This past weekend is brought to you by Skill Share.
A lot of people don't have any skills, dude.
Think about them.
Think about somebody right now.
This dude I know named Kenneth, bruh.
Zero skills, dude.
He'd be in his front yard all the time in a damn sleeping bag.
And you'd go over there and wake him up or something.
And he'd be in there eating little gummy worms or something.
Because his daddy did the, would restock those chips, those Tom's chips and stuff at the vending machines.
You know, and a vending machine is basically just a bunch of straight bullshit locked in a cage.
And you got to put money in there.
And this boy would just be laying up, and he's fucking lazy as fuck, man.
And he'd be laying up in that sleeping bag.
And, you know, he'd always be eating extra little snacks his daddy had from the Tom's route.
You know, maybe some snack of bugles or, you know, some gummy worms.
Sometimes you'd see him fucking, he'd be having like some Fritos, but also some gum at the same time.
Like, what the fuck, bro?
Dude, you need to read like an appetite chart or something.
You need to know how an appetite stacks up.
Because you can't be having fucking juicy fruit barbecue chip going on in your mouth at once.
That'll change how time works, man.
You got to fucking shut that shit down.
That's the dark arts, brother.
But Skillshare is a place where you can get a skill.
If you have a friend or neighbor, even yourself, that's laying in a yard in a sleeping bag and snacking on gummies, then change your life.
Skillshare is an online learning community for creators with more than 25,000 classes in design, business, and more.
You'll discover countless ways to fuel your curiosity, creativity, and career.
At Skillshare, you can take classes in social media marketing, mobile photography, creative writing, or even illustration.
Look, if you're sitting at home, you're thinking, man, I want to make dope ass art.
I want to do trap music shit, but on my phone, I want to have that next thing.
I want to be, there's a company called Bleach Media Official.
You see them a lot of times on Instagram.
Bleach Media Official, they make really cool thing.
They start to put, the guy just figured out how to do some shit and got on board and started making free shit for people that he loved.
And now people are paying him to do stuff.
You can make the change.
And I do believe this.
I'm not just saying this.
I believe that Skillshare is a place that can help you.
You can join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for our listeners.
Get two months of Skillshare for free.
That's right.
Skillshare is offering this past weekend listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25,000 classes for free.
To sign up, go to skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.
Again, go to skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now.
That's skillshare.com slash Theo Von.
And I'm trying to come to England in August.
So it's not locked out in maybe Eastern Europe, that Eastern block.
But we'll see.
But man, I'm a pretty lucky guy.
You know, and I don't mean to sound like I'm not lucky or I'm not grateful.
But and I know sometimes I get kind of, you know, downer about stuff.
But man, it's just been a wild ride.
You know, and this has just been a wild ride.
And it's scary.
It's exciting, but it's also really scary.
You know, it's scary.
You know, it's scary sometimes.
You know, sometimes I put myself out there in some ways, even on this podcast and things.
And then, you know, it's just, it's, I don't know.
It's okay, but it's just scary sometimes.
And I don't know, life's sometimes just a little spooky, man.
I mean, they call it life, but sometimes they should just call it Halloween.
Okay, let's get into some of you guys' calls right now.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo.
This is the Red from Charleston.
Hey, let me catch your name again, Cat Daddy, because I think I missed one of them syllables, baby.
Hey, Theo.
This is the Red from Charleston.
This is Red.
All right, Red, Omart.
South Carolina, the one that's going to the Navy.
I just, I'll listen to your.
Oh, yeah, brother.
You're going into the Navy.
I remember that.
And when is that happening?
Let's hear more.
The podcast where you played my message.
Sorry, man, you got me.
You really got me cheered up, man.
I leave tomorrow.
Today is Sunday, January 2020.
I leave tomorrow.
And it's just really hitting hold now.
And you don't want to look like a bitch on your podcast or anything, but.
Bro, nobody could ever look like more of a bitch on this podcast than me, bro.
Dog.
That's sweet of you to say.
I want to hear more of your message, brother.
Onward.
Just, man, you're so kind.
Thank you for your words, man.
And come January.
I'll call back in.
I'll catch up on some semester so that way I don't lock a punk.
And I'll definitely call you, man.
I just want to thank you.
Thank you.
That really the clock meet.
But Gang gang, man.
Gang, gang, man.
That's sweet of you to call, bro.
That's really touching, man.
You made me feel good.
Or you made me feel something.
My sons don't even know what it is, man.
So you got me tearing up.
So, yeah, you couldn't look like any more of a punk than me, man, because if one dude tears up, that's, you know, that's pretty regular.
But then the dude that tears up, hearing the other dude tear up, that's that dude.
I'm that dude right now.
Well, that's nice of you to say that, man.
You know, I'm trying to think of what's got me kind of feeling a little bit emoted up, man.
I think I'm happy to know that you know that people care.
You know, and that someone cares.
And I don't care that that person is me or that that person is our listeners.
I'm just happy because I could tell in your voice that you seem like you know that.
And when did you say you're leaving?
I'm just happy, yeah.
Well, let's call him, and maybe I can.
Yeah, I got this technology here.
Let's call.
Let's call Big Red, man, and see if he's going to fight for us.
You know, we're going to, I mean, that's a big trip.
That's brave, too, man.
I can imagine that.
Well, what am I sitting here imagining when we got freaking real technology?
Let's hit him up right here.
Here we got his number right here.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello?
Hey, is Red there?
This is him.
What's up, Playboy?
It's Theo.
Theo Vaughn?
Yeah, player.
What's up?
Hey.
Dude, I just was listening to your call, man, and I just wanted to thank you so much for reaching out, bro.
It was really, really nice of you.
And you said that you're going...
You're going into boot camp today?
No, I'm at the hotel that they sent us to before.
I'll leave tomorrow, Teddy.
I left my family today behind.
I'm in the capital of South Carolina.
Oh, nice, man.
That's wild.
So you already said your goodbyes to the wife and kiddo, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.
Oh, man.
I bet.
And is it a daughter or a son?
You got a daughter?
I have a little girl, yes, sir.
Oh, wow.
How old is she?
She's five.
I'm real strong that you, I'm, this is crazy that you're calling me.
Oh, well, I appreciate you calling, man.
It was nice.
You know, you know, when you called last week and said, you know, that you're listening to the podcast, it was just nice of you.
And then you were like, yeah, your wife's going to keep you posted.
And yeah, and then you called back, man.
It was just nice of you, bro.
You know, I think it kind of embodies some of the stuff that we think about here a lot and stuff like that.
Definitely.
Yeah.
What you said about my message yesterday, it really had me.
I was in my emotions a lot yesterday, and it really had me worked up.
And I just wanted to tell you, thank you for that.
It was extremely kind of you.
Oh, that's nice of you to say, man.
I mean, look, nobody's, I mean, I've gotten in my emotions so many times on this podcast, you know, I'm sure I'm on some fucking help lists, and I'm on a lot of probably prayer lists and stuff like that.
So nobody could out-emo me on here.
And plus, I cried for about an hour in my car after the Saints lost yesterday.
I watched that game.
I thought about you actually when I was watching it.
I was thinking about you and Mr. Chrysler because I know he's an LA Rams fan.
Oh, yeah.
What an asshole.
No, that's a good pair, man.
Bert's an amazing guy.
So tell me about why'd you choose to go into the Navy?
Like, what's some of the thoughts behind that?
I wanted to when I was 18, when I met my wife, and due to education, I couldn't.
I had just a GED, and they May of last year, they called me and said that things had changed, that with a GED, I was able, eligible to join.
I just had to score a certain number on the ASVAB to join, and I made the number, and I just lost the weight.
I was about 250 pounds in May.
Damn.
Down to 190.
Damn, bro.
So I could be here today.
Dude, that's not like a turkey to an owl, bro.
Owls are real lean.
You know if you've ever had owl or not.
No, I've never had a turkey, though.
Yeah, well, owl is definitely more of a limited meat, but it's more, I mean, dude, if you take the feathers off an owl, they look like they're ready to fucking fight, bro.
So they're pretty jacked.
They look real Italian.
Owls might be Italian.
But dude, that's amazing, man.
So you just decided you were going to get in there.
And when they called you back, at first, were you excited?
Were you considering it?
Were you no at first?
Or what was that like?
It was a, I told the guy that called me, I was like, I'm going to have to ask my wife.
I can't go through this and not let her be involved with the process.
And she supported me from the get-go.
She knew it was going to be a struggle just with the weight and trying to manage a full-time job losing weight and trying to make it here.
I'm here today and I'm glad of it.
Dude, it's almost like it's like a like, yeah, with that weight loss and then now you getting there, it's like you must feel kind of proud of yourself too.
I am and I'm also proud that there's 77 guys here today at this hotel with me.
Not all from the Navy.
Just we're all over different branches.
And I'm glad to meet these guys.
And I know you're talking to me because I called you, but these guys, they didn't call nobody.
They kept it in.
And I'm proud to know that I'm going to serve with these gentlemen that are in this hotel with me after today.
That's cool, man.
Dude, I love your attitude, bro.
You got a good attitude, man.
I feel like you're going to do a lot of great stuff.
And I feel like probably this experience in there and just the boot camp and all that's just really only going to put you into, it's just going to be, you know, such structure and gasoline for you to really just achieve your dreams, Man, I just, I don't know why I get that weird feeling, but I really do, bro.
I thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, man.
And yeah, was your wife?
How was that?
Was that tough leaving?
She was strong.
She was strong up until today.
Oh, there you go.
She let me have my time yesterday.
I said goodbye to my mom and my stepdad and the rest of my family yesterday.
And it was just me and her today with my daughter.
And she held it up until I got on the bus and said my goodbyes.
That's really when it struck me, her, and my daughter.
My daughter, she's spy.
She doesn't understand what's going on.
I tell her that, hey, daddy's got a new job.
He's going to be gone for a while.
She doesn't understand that when I say gone for a while, it's two months with just letters, no phone calls, no text messages.
No.
She's strong.
She's a little girl, but she's tough as shit.
They are, man.
She'll be okay.
She'll be okay for two months.
Well, man, that's wild, man.
That's powerful.
It's, you know, there's just a lot going on there.
And that's, you know, even though it's separation and it's time away, it's just a lot of, you know, just seems like a lot of character building for all of you guys, even though it's probably really tough at this moment.
Yes, sir.
And at least they have each other, man.
That's kind of a beautiful gift.
Yes, sir.
We're from here.
We're from Charleston, South Carolina, and all of our family's still here.
So she's got a good support behind her.
Yeah.
And I have it as well, just not in the physical aspect.
They're with me in spirit.
Both her and my daughter and our entire family.
Everybody's been real supportive right now.
Dude, that's cool, man.
Well, I'm excited for your new adventure, man.
I was thinking of trying to think of something nice that we could do for you while you're on.
This phone call, honestly, is as nice as it can get.
I promise you.
this is um i wouldn't say a dream come true but it is definitely a cool experience because i i i like you i've liked your She turned me on to you, and I was like, oh, well, I heard you on Joe Rogan, and I started following this past weekend.
Everything comes to a head.
Here it is, bro.
Yeah, this is awesome.
Here it is, man.
Well, dude, it'd be great.
Maybe one day in the future, we can have you on as a guest to learn a little bit more about the military and what that boot camp experience is like.
That could be really interesting.
But yeah, I'm trying to think, you know, I just really appreciate it, man.
I feel like you seem eloquent.
You seem connected to yourself.
I feel like you're really going to do a lot of great things for your family.
And it's brave of you to go in there, man.
You're a braver man than I for getting in there.
It's just a willing to do whatever it takes.
That's not bravery.
Call me brave is ridiculous.
I'm scared more than anything.
I'm about to be cold.
I'm about to fly to Chicago tomorrow, and that scares me more.
I've never been in a cold like that.
God damn.
Yeah, dude.
Where are you from?
Folly or something?
What beach are you from?
Technically, I'd be closest to Isle of Palms.
That'd be the closest beach, and it's still maybe an hour away.
Well, dude, dude, look, your first enemy is the cold weather, bro.
You better fucking get out there, son.
It'd be all good, though.
Dude, you better stay.
Dude, look, y'all, you ready.
They already got you fighting.
You're about to go toe-to-toe with 32 degrees, you know?
It was 10 degrees this morning when I checked how cold it was in Chicago.
It was 10 degrees.
Well, look, your first weapon to learn how to use, mittens, bruh.
That's what it is.
I bought some gloves.
I never had to buy gloves.
I bought gloves just to fly with me.
Dude, that's cool, man.
Man, it's just so many new experiences, man.
It's new experiences.
That's what you're doing, it sounds like.
And you're making it, bro.
You know, you're moving forward.
You're making different choices, man.
This is going to go by so fast, and you're going to learn so much about yourself.
And I just, you know, I'm envious, man.
I feel like this is going to be such a neat opportunity for you and your wife's relationship to grow stronger and stuff.
And while you're gone, man, we'd love to help out.
Dude, if it's okay with you, we'd love to, you know, send a gift certificate to your wife, maybe a $400 gift certificate to Target so they can just, you know, just some little odds and ends here and there while you're gone.
So they don't have to think about too much extra stuff, you know?
She would love that because she loves Target.
There you go, dog.
Well, there you go, boy.
I'm a Walmart guy.
She's a Target girl.
Hey, man.
Well, look.
Whatever get y'all through it, bro.
Somehow y'all met in the middle, bruh.
Kmart.
Yeah, that's so funny, man.
I was going to say Kmart.
But I didn't think I know that they've gone out of business.
But congrats, man.
Congrats on your new experience, bro.
It's going to be exciting.
And we wish you the best, man.
I really appreciate you sharing it with us.
And just, it was nice of you, man.
I appreciate your nice words and your love for your family and your wife and your daughter.
Just infectious, bro.
And I think it makes a lot of our listeners just feel the value that they have in their own in their own family.
So thank you so much, bro.
Thank you.
Yeah, man.
And so I'll have our producer reach out, Nick, and so that we can get that to your wife and kids and wife and daughter.
And thank you for your service.
You're more than welcome.
Amen, bro.
Gang, gang, be safe out there.
Gang, gang.
Peace, brother.
Wow.
Pretty cool.
That's brave, man.
That's brave, you know, doing something new.
But he's making it, you know, he's making it like a change.
You know, he just is choosing to make a change.
And it'll go so fast.
And then he'll be in a new place, in a new experience.
And that's brave.
I wish I'd have been able to do that.
I had one more idea I was going to do as a gift for him, but maybe we'll wait and do it in the future.
If we're able to have him in studio, I think I have somebody cool it would be neat for him to meet.
But wow, we've got some neat people that listen to this show.
You know, people are living their lives.
And that's one thing about life and destiny and that.
It's like no matter, you know, a huge, the Saints lose, and this happens, and you know, 11 senior citizens died, and people's, you know, buying gas cans just to sneakily get a, you know, a hit of blue chew, them rhino dick hitters.
And, you know, but the truth is that life goes on.
The truth is that, you know, those rhino dick hitters, the truth is that life keeps going on and that today different things are happening.
And somebody's falling in love and somebody's, you know, someone is, you know, getting a phone number of someone they've been in love with for a while.
Somebody is learning how to paint.
Someone is going off to the military.
Someone's taking their last breath.
Somebody is forgiving somebody.
Even though it's a really hard thing to do.
You know, in my life recently, I've had somebody, you know, I've been kind of forgiven and still loved by somebody that I wasn't always the best to.
And when people do that, man, it's just strikingly powerful.
Let's take another call, man.
Should we take another call?
How are we going to go from here anywhere?
We've really done a lot already.
Onward.
Hey, man, what's up?
It's Jonah Crosby.
I'm a kind of new listener to the podcast down in Charleston, South Carolina.
Okay, Jonah, also in Charleston.
Thank you for calling, brother.
Onward.
I go to Citadel.
It's a great school.
You should maybe come to a show down there.
Who knows?
I'd love to come to Citadel.
And, you know, one thing that's interesting is now I used to live in Charleston and I worked on King Street and I worked at a bar and I used to be a door boy, you know, out there bouncing and fucking, you know, just that t-shirt that you just see the bottom of that bicep, you know.
And really, those guys are just a bunch of biceps.
You know, like if you see those door boys, a lot of times if you go look behind the edge of the building or the bar, you'll see a couple of them just rubbing their biceps against each other.
And that's bicepuality.
And that's, you know, and that's back in the day when I was doing steroids and, you know, and just being biceps.
And you'd catch me sometimes even at the gym just sneaking up on some other man and just, we'd fucking just rub those biceps against each other and just fucking bicep each other.
But anyhow, but one interesting thing that happens I want people to know is the Citadel or the Citadel as people call them different stuff because people, nobody knows how to really read or spell that great overall.
And that's the truth.
People are only so good at it.
But the Citadel does this thing where they're hold their troops because I believe they're a military preparatory academy.
And their troops will do a march where they go through the city of Charleston.
It's really cool.
And they are an organized bunch.
And it's really, they have these gray uniforms.
And it was really cool to see.
It took you back to like another time, another time in the world.
And it's a diverse group of men and they just cruise through the street and they're just really, really awesome.
It was a great thing to witness when I was there in Charleston.
It just took you back 100 years in time.
Onward.
Let's take more.
Anyway, last weekend, this dude called in talking about how, I think it was the guy from Charlotte talking about how it's an issue if some girl's talking to their ex-boyfriend.
And that one kind of hit close to home because one of my ex-girlfriends and I have a really good friendly relationship.
It's fully placed on it.
We've both moved gums.
We both talked to other folks.
I have a girlfriend now.
But there's nothing wrong with it, man.
She and I help each other out if there's something that needs to be needs to be done.
And it's just a good friendly relationship.
And I would just like to put that out there and say that I'm not sure what this gentleman had experienced in his life, but it's really not that not an issue all the time.
You know what I mean?
You know, I appreciate that.
And by this gentleman, you could even mean me.
I think that was kind of my point of view.
You know, I thought that a man doesn't keep in touch with a woman for any real reason other than like a sexual reason.
Or that it's hard to really have a platonic friendship between the two where one doesn't have some sort of sexual inclination or gravitas towards the other or want to touch titty or you know what I'm saying or tap nut.
But yeah, man, I mean, you know, you got me thinking right now that maybe you're right.
Maybe times are changing where we are understanding more and we also have to go to different places to get the emotional connection that we need, especially now that, you know, families are a little bit more separated and with two parents working and not as much connection between a lot of families anymore, relationships and divorce and that sort of thing.
I think, yeah, I think you really make me think of something important that maybe now more than ever, it is maybe more common to have just a friend who is of the other sex.
But also, dog, I'll say this, man.
You know, sometimes you might want to fuck your friend.
That's the only thing.
You know, that's the thing.
That's the thing.
And if you say if you have a friend and your girlfriend, if that friend is a man, then your wife or girlfriend might not be upset because they're not thinking, then if you guys do want to fuck, y'all have to be gay for a little while.
You have to be gay for a little while to do sex with each other and you got to come back to your spouse and not be gay.
So they're thinking there's at least that hurdle there, you have to go over that ravine of choice where you're saying, okay, I'm going to gay out.
I'm going to be wild and experience some of the things that I want to, you know, maybe these darker edges of myself or these wilder edges.
And I don't mean darker like it's negative, but these, you know, you want to get fancy and touchy and tapping up with your buddy.
So you have to go through that.
You have to, you're, you have to, you have to, you know, you have to be bisexual, brother.
You know what I'm saying?
You have to get bisexy.
But, but if you, if your friend is a girl, then your wife's just like, oh, fuck, man.
You don't have to, you know, your wife already knows that you do sex with women because you do it with her.
And so the fear could be there.
But yeah, I mean, it is also a time where we go to different places to get different feelings, where I think a lot of them used to come straight from like the familial space.
And I'm just guesstimating.
But when families were closer and they, you know, needed each other more and there wasn't as much outside influence from the world and technology and, you know, families had farms and they needed to tend to their crops and do all that kind of stuff together.
And you had that tribal vibe, you know, that Sebastian Younger talks about when you had that old school, you got different emotions from different places and it was all so close together in your source of family.
And now maybe you have to go door to door these days to get the love and affection and emotion or little pieces of everything that you need.
Thank you for calling, man, and with that other point of view.
Let's take another call here.
Here we go.
Yo, what's up, Steel?
I don't even know if I want to say my name, man.
I'm in the New York area.
What's up, poppy?
Thank you for calling from New York, man.
And I love New York.
You know, I have dreams sometimes that if I could live another life, I would live over there in New York somewhere, you know, and just be just inundated with the vibe that's there.
But enough about me.
Omer?
You know, I just look for a little inspiration, you know.
My cousin's going to prison before yesterday for seven years.
You know, it's tough.
Talking.
You know, we love the same thing.
This whole course thing just opens up my eyes.
You know, makes me want to turn my life for.
You know?
I just need some words of inspiration, man.
I really want to do this, you know.
If this one goes straight down, I'll be a tax-grading citizen.
You know?
Ah, man.
Gang, gang.
Gang, man.
Man.
Thanks for calling, man.
You know, that's nice of you to call, bro.
Yeah, I'm sorry that you're dealing with that.
I'm sorry that your cousin is going through that.
I don't know if he's, you know, if you're able to talk to him.
I bet it's scary for him even if he doesn't want to talk about it or admit it.
You know, sometimes when we're tough, we can't even access the fact that we're scared.
Man, I bet if you could be tough and being like a lifestyle like that, I bet I bet you could help so many younger dudes and keep them from getting in, you know, like, you know, in a harm's way.
Or I bet you could help so many younger guys who don't have like a brotherly figure, you know?
Or who don't have like a cousin or don't have like a male role model.
You know, I bet you could.
You know, I don't know you, but I bet you could, man.
I mean, it sounds like if you can care about your cousin that much, you know, I bet there's a lot of little dudes out there who don't have that, you know, or a lot of young bucks who just need somebody.
You know, it just sounds like if you can care about somebody like him, then I bet you could care about a lot of people.
And it would just give you a lot of purpose then.
You know, there's so much power in like helping others.
And you deserve it, dude.
You know, you're good.
You know, I don't even know you, man, but I know that you're probably a good person.
And I know that, you know, people love you, bruh.
You know, I don't know what your family's like.
I don't know if you have parents or whatever, but I don't know if you're close with them or whatever, but I bet they really, really loved you.
I bet they really do, even if they can't even show you sometimes.
You know, I think there's this burden that we have as humans.
Sometimes we're just unable to show people that we care.
It's crazy.
You know, we have so much feelings inside, but sometimes it's so hard for it to get out of us into the world.
But I bet you have a lot of people that really love you, bro.
And if you, you know, 12-step program is stuff that helped me.
Damn it.
Sorry, dog.
That's your cousin's parole officer.
He just got out.
I'm just joking, bro.
Sorry.
That was a fucked up joke, man.
That was fucked up.
But I just wanted to try and make you laugh.
But yeah, man, you can, you can, you know, a 12-step program helped me.
I didn't think there was any, I didn't think there were ways that I was ever going to feel better, that I could change my situation, that I could have a different insight to myself.
Dude, even talking about this stuff with you right now, man, I never thought I would be fucking thinking about this kind of stuff.
Ever.
Like, my brain did not work this way.
You know, I didn't have the capacity.
Like, I would say that I cared about myself, but I didn't ever feel it.
And then I got into some 12-step and recovery help, and that shit changed my life.
You know, and it still changes my life.
And here's the thing, I haven't even made it through the fucking steps.
The simple fact that I have places to go all the time where other people who are brave enough to try and, You know, take on stuff in their life that we're there together, it makes me feel less alone.
You know, and that must be something you're probably feeling too.
If your cousin's going away, I bet you're probably, you know, worried that you're going to be kind of alone, you know.
But, dude, you can't be alone in this place, man.
You go to a couple of AA meetings, see the vibe, talk to some fuckers, bro.
They got real deals in there, too.
Murderers, bro.
Jugglers, people that could fucking juggle.
Magicians, dude.
Dark artists, dude.
But they're all fucking, now they're tightened up.
And it's a real special time.
But look, man, I love you, man.
And I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.
And I hope that the experience that he has in there is just very valuable.
And I hope that you guys, the next time you guys see each other, that you're both in much better places.
And I bet that you can be.
I bet you can be, man.
It might be hard to see that you can be, but you're going to have to take action.
You know, nothing changes if nothing changes.
It just doesn't.
And you sound like a powerful person.
So I bet you could really affect some change in yourself and then in others, man.
And the joy you get from that, bruh.
Fuck, you might turn into a rocket shit.
Bet you might see you on Mars, dog.
You'll get gassed up from feeling that.
Oh, you know, I'm going to take one more call here.
And I didn't mean for this episode to be kind of heavy or whatever, but we got a lot of great calls, but we'll get into some more of them.
Let's take one right here, man.
Gang Gang, man.
What's up, Theo?
This is Luis from Oregon, Salem, Capital City.
I'm watching this past weekend right now.
What's up, Gang Gang, Luis?
And thank you for calling, Papa Onward.
And all I got to say is, dude, you give me so much inspiration.
I don't know.
But I have an addiction right now.
A cocaine addiction, you know.
And it's 3 o'clock in the morning.
Oh, it's 3 o'clock in the morning.
Wow, man.
Well, thanks for calling, dude.
You know, I appreciate you calling.
Homeward.
I don't have any vests, though.
Dude, somebody brought me a vest in Irvine this weekend.
It's a nice one, too.
It's like a wintertime one.
This thing feels like it have other vests in it.
Like it's like a vest, but it ate a couple of little vests, you know, and this, you know, just, you know, it's just warmer.
More?
Yo, just, I don't know.
How'd you get over it?
How'd you get over your cooking and addiction?
Because I look up to you, man.
Man, Gang.
Y'all have a good day.
Gang Gang, bro.
Yeah, man.
Look, here's the thing.
Only you know if you have a problem.
You know, only you know that.
I can't, you know, I don't know if you do.
But you do.
You know if you do or not.
And how I got over it, I mean, I'll just tap right back into what I was talking about.
I mean, I'm not over it.
But I fight that bitch.
You know, I don't do it.
I haven't done it for two and a half years.
And I like that dusty dusty, you know?
I like to fucking get that hiccup.
Dog, I like that fucking white semi-truck fucking driving straight to my brain.
You know what I'm saying, boy?
Columbia.
I like them dark arts.
That dark arts dust, Daddy.
Sorry.
But I went and, you know, I just went to a meeting and I heard someone talk about how they felt and why they were not doing well.
And somebody told me that I was an okay person and that I wasn't going to be addicted to cocaine forever.
And man, I don't even know if I was having that much of a problem with it, to be honest with you.
But that could also be the addict in my head talking.
But I was having a problem with myself.
I was having a problem with myself when I was there at 7 a.m., you know, having to cancel whatever I was supposed to do that day.
And I'm just in my apartment, just like looking at pornography.
And, you know, I can't even touch myself anymore because I done touch myself.
You know, and I got that soft boss just laying on my stomach.
And I've had that adult penis since childhood and you know that.
So, you know, I got that big, that beached fucking armadillo just laying on my stomach.
And I would, and I would just be sick of myself.
And I'd be afraid to go to sleep because I thought I would die because I was fucked up.
And I used to write wills out to my mother.
I'd write a will out.
You know, and I'd put it by the bed in case something happened to me.
Because I didn't want her, you know, I didn't want to be thinking about myself when I died, you know.
But I went in a 12-step meeting, man.
I went to a couple meetings.
I went to a speaker meeting.
They have CA and NA meetings.
And you can find them in Oregon.
And we'll put the link today on our YouTube episode to the Oregon AA and CA meetings.
There's an app you can get on your phone.
I'm going to show it to the camera right now.
And it is called Meeting Guide.
And let me see real quick.
I'm going to show it to the phone so you can get a good look at it.
And this is what it looks like, man.
This meeting guide.
And I'll have my producer Nick put it in.
Premature Nick.
And Nick helps.
The Meeting Guide app just lets you know where a meeting is and location to where you are.
Now, it doesn't work in every city, but it works in a lot of them.
And dude, you know what?
For me, I had never knew that there was a world out there that felt more comfortable.
I never knew it.
I didn't know it existed, man.
The way I related to the world was not the way the world really was.
I thought the world was A and the world was B, but I was living like it was A. Imagine if you think you at the beach, but really you're downtown.
So imagine you see a guy downtown and he's got on his sandals and he's putting on sunscreen and he's putting a lawn chair out on 6th Avenue and, you know, downtown.
You're like, what the fuck?
This dude's something.
He doesn't get it.
He doesn't realize he's not at the beach.
That was me.
I was the dude.
I thought I was at the beach, because I thought the world was this big, but the world was downtown.
The world was something different and I was interacting differently.
And it started to change once I went to those meetings.
And I just felt better, bro.
You know, there's nothing worse than to come down off of cocaine.
And it feels good to know that I go to bed at night and that I know I'm going to wake up exactly how I went to sleep.
That I know I'm going to wake up exactly how I went to sleep, man.
For me, that's good.
Now, look, but if you still partying out there, you want to do that dust and you want to fucking let that brain donkey loose inside of yourself, fuck, I'll hold the back of your neck while you do that long line.
You know, I'll hold your fucking back of your neck while you're doing that fucking, you know, that ivory little booty lizard, bruh.
You know, and I might be out there again.
I'm not saying that I'm immute, that I'm, you know, I'm human.
And here we are.
But you can have a new experience, though.
I will say that, man, you could have a new experience.
So if you really do think you have a problem, I think it's worth checking out.
But we'll put those links in a bio for you.
All right.
Let's do this one last call here.
Here we go.
Hi, my name is Tyler Price.
I'm from Dallas, Texas.
I heard you guys were doing something special for single mothers in Addison, Texas.
Yeah, I'll be down there this weekend, Tyler.
I'll be down there, and the shows are sold out down there in Addison and Dallas.
We're not going to be adding any more shows this time.
But thank you very much for calling in.
We are going to be doing something special for a single mom.
What's happening, Kat Daddy?
I have a longtime friend of mine.
She is a friend of mine.
She has three children.
She lives in Addison.
Her name is Jennifer.
Okay, you have a longtime friend.
And listen, he said a friend.
He didn't say, you know, somebody trying to, you know, let their bodies pontificate each other or do that or do that touchy.
He said a friend.
So, you know, there is possibility for some friendship and where we get it these days.
Or sometimes here's an example of a possibility.
But anyway, I don't mean to interrupt your vibe.
Yes, we do.
Onward.
One of her children was accused of something really serious and was recently convicted.
Pretty sure that child was 13 years old.
He's the oldest of her three children.
She's a single mother.
She works at Firestone.
Oh, gang, man.
I used to put them fucking F-stones on my car, bro.
I used to put them F-stones on my car.
Man, that's got to be tough, then.
I bet it's tough as a mother to see a 13-year-old get caught up into something and end up in a tough spot.
I can't imagine how you navigate that.
That's a nice submission, Onward.
And I don't know what you guys were willing to do to help single mothers in Addison, Texas, but if I know anybody that could really use the help, it would be her.
Okay, cool.
Awesome.
Thank you so much for that submission, man.
That's really sweet of you.
And we will see what we can do for that young lady or older.
I have no idea what age she is, but we will see what we can do for her.
And thank you for nominating her.
As always, you can nominate single moms for select cities.
I know that the next one we're going to do is in Ohio and Columbus, and the number is 985-664-9503.
As well, that is the hotline.
If you're struggling with something or thinking about something or you have a response to something I've spoken about during the podcast, you can feel free to include it there.
We can't get back to all of them.
We can't put all of them on the show.
There's a lot, man.
I mean, there's hundreds each week, hundreds each week.
And I want to take this moment too to say, you know, I get a lot of people that message me through different apps on social media, and I appreciate it.
And that's fine.
And some of them I try to reply to, and some of them I can't.
It's not that I don't want to.
It's that if I just replied to everyone, I wouldn't be able to eat or drink or do anything.
I would have no, I just wouldn't be able to do that because I just can't do it.
I don't have the, I don't hate to say I don't have the time, but I don't, yeah, I would never, I would not leave my house because there's a lot.
And I'm not bragging about that.
I'm just saying, I wish there was a way that I could do it.
And just don't take it personally, please, if I have been unable to do that.
You know, I just don't want you to think that I don't care.
But man, the fucking referees, bro.
Can you believe that shit?
Can you believe the fucking referees?
You know, a lot goes on in the world, man.
There's a big story.
You know, we look at the little pieces and we, you know, don't get caught in that game.
Don't get caught in the micro, man.
There's a big story.
You know, someone's kind of being an ass to you.
Ask them, hey, what's going on, man?
You know, why are you having a tough?
What's going on?
You know, the only way that things will get better, I don't think the world's a bad place.
The only way that it gets better is by us.
We're the elements, man.
We're the atoms.
We're the atoms, bro.
And, you know, unless, you know, we can be on a real nucleic rise, daddy.
But thank you guys for your time, man.
I'm going to go get something to eat because I haven't even eaten today.
But I'm excited and thank you.
I'm sorry that the episode was up late.
Sometimes this will occur, though.
We had just a lot of shows.
Thank you for everybody that came out last week.
And oh, look at this new shirt.
You can see it.
It's on the YouTube's The Road to the Strap Goes Through the Rat.
And this is a beautiful shirt.
And we're selling this at a fair price online.
Theovon.com slash store.
We have three new shirts on there that are really, and it has the emblem on the back.
So pretty neat, man.
I'm happy to have one.
The guy mailed me one.
So it's pretty cool.
Thank you guys so much for everything.
Thank you for submitting a single mom.
You know, and good luck to our boy heading out over there in a basic training.
And just for sharing, you know, an experience that some of us didn't have.
You know, just for sharing it, you know, and for trying something new and for being brave, man.
We fucking, you know, we're not giving up, man.
We're not giving up.
And you know what?
I got the perfect song to take us out here from my boys down there from Natchez, Mississippi.
This is a different hit of theirs and one that I really love and one that I just think is kind of fitting.
Sometimes the calls don't go your way.
But sometimes the big picture of the story, the story might be going your way.
You know, the game might be going your way.
And we can stay out of our own way by just going with the flow sometimes.
Take it easy.
You know?
Know when you're making...
I don't know anything, man.
But fuck, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get caught in this weird space where I feel like I know something, but I don't.
And you know what?
I don't really want to know anything.
I don't want to know anything at all, man.
Because I might miss the opportunity to learn something new.
You guys be good, man.
I love you.
this is a song making it I I ain't seen home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul.
And I ain't made a dollar, I ain't spent.
But where it's going ain't killed me yet.
I still get where I'm bound to go I'm makin'it you I'm making wrong feel right.
I'm making it and it hails where I'm headed down.
I'm making good times.
Most all of my plans slip right through my hands And wind up next to me, broken on the ground Music If this bottle was an hourglass, I'd say that I'm about an hour past the minute.
I should have put it down.
But I'm making it, I'm making home feel right.
I'm making it, and if hell's where I'm heading then.
I'm making good time.
Thank you.
you Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voices today.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
So we are easy to do.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy-bloody white guy.
I'll take a quarter bottle with you to add a quarter.
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, the first rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule.
Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
Export Selection