This episode brought to you by… BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/theo Professional & Affordable Online Counseling Charlotte Couseling & Wellness http://www.charlottecounselingandwellness.com/theo In person counseling in the Charlotte, NC area. Grey Block Pizza http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Submit a video question on LiveRaise’s Fan Line: http://bit.ly/Theo_FanLine Theo Von/This Past Weekend Patreon: http://bit.ly/TheoVon_Patreon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ https://www.instagram.com/thispastweekend_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend/ Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ The Royal Tenangunts Patreon Gunt Squad: Aaron Jones Aaron Stein Addison Ardolino Adriana Hernandez Aidan Duffy Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Sideris Alexander Contreras Amanda Sherman Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Andy Mac Angelo Raygun Angie Angeles Anna Winther Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Austin Kehler Ben Ben Deignan Ben Limes Benjamin Streit Big Easy Bryan Reinholdt Bubba Hodge California Outlaw Calvin Doyle Campbell Hile Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Casey Rudesill Chad Saltzman Christian from Bakersfield Christopher Stath Clint Lytle Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Dan Draper Dan Ray David Smith David Wyrick Donald blackwell Dwehji Majd Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Gabriel Almeda Garrett Blankenship Ginger Levesque Greg H Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jacob Ortega Jacob Rice James Ashmore James banks James Bown James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Jason Haley Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jerry Zhang Jesse Witham Joe Dunn Joey Desrosiers Joey Piemonte John Kutch Jon Ross Jonny Zaz Josh Cowger Justin L justin marcoux justin shuy Karen Sullivan Katy Doyle Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevin Fleury Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill Kishalin kristen rogers Lacey Briesemeister Laura Williams Lauren Cribb Leighton Fields Logan Yakemchuk Luke Danton Mark Bentley Matt Holland Matt Kaman Matt Leftwich Matthew Azzam Matthew Price Matthew Sizemore Matthew Snow Megan Daily Meghan LaCasse Michael polcaro Mike Poe Mike Sarno Mitchell Watson Mona McCune Ned Arick Nick Butcher Niko Ferrandino Nyx Ballaine Alta Old McTronald Old Scroat Mccrackin Owen Lide Paddy jay Passenger Shaming Paul Flores Philip James Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Renee Nicol RinDee Robyn Tatu Ryan Crafts Ryan Forrest Ryan Jordan Ryan Kraenbring Ryan Walsh Sam Illgen Sarah Anderson Scott Lucy Scott Swain Shane Pacheco Shannon Schulte Stacy Blessing Stepfan Jefferies Stephanie Claire Steve Corlew Steven Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly thatdudewiththepaperbag The Asian Hamster Thee shitfaced chef Tim Greener Tim Ozcelik Timothy Eyerman Tom in Rural NC Tom Kostya Tom Reichardt Tommy Redditt Travis Vowell Ty Oliver Tyler Harrington Tyler Shaver Victor Montano William Morris Zech JohnsonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In support of small businesses, today's episode is brought to you by Charlotte Counseling and Wellness.
Now, I don't know if you've ever been to Charlotte, but I have, and I'll actually be there this weekend performing.
But people there need counseling and wellness, just like they need it everywhere else.
The team at Charlotte Counseling and Wellness is staffed with licensed professional counselors and a licensed clinical psychologist.
They're available for in-person counseling and therapy in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Their counselors are ready to help you find calm again.
Go to www.charlottecounselingandwellness.com to get started today.
Bye.
You think that's scary is that scary music?
Let's see if we have something scary.
Let's see if we have something scary.
That sounds like some ghosts are uh, you know, that sound like maybe a couple of ghosts are like their parents are out of town and they're throwing a party, you know.
That's what that sounds like.
Let's hear another scary, scary sound.
And, uh...
Ooh...
Ah...
Uh-oh, what's gonna happen?
Hmm.
Hmm.
That sounds a little bit like maybe like two swans were like, you know, having had a couple of children and one of the, maybe like, you know, they can't find one of the babies or something kind of.
*music*
Yeah, that's too...
That sounds like a couple...
Like maybe some very rich swans are at a lake and one of them dropped their cell phone in the water.
You know, that's what that sounds like.
Oh, Roger.
How will I ever find all my friends on Instagoose?
What's up, guys?
Welcome to This Past Weekend.
Thank you guys for being here.
I'm just thinking about how spooky it's getting in the world.
Because it's Halloween time.
You know, it's Halloween, man.
Halloween.
Man, I used to love, do you remember Halloween?
Remember how much fun?
Remember how much fun you had?
Remember how much fun you had?
Halloween.
What are you going to be?
What are you going to be?
For like a couple of weeks when you were in like elementary school, middle school, what are you going to be?
What are you going to be?
I'm going to be a princess.
I'm going to be a coal miner.
I'm going to be a firefighter.
That was always a big one.
I'm going to be a firefighter.
You know, and it was just like, and the costumes used to be way more normal.
Way like, oh, Daniel is a bat.
Oh, that's good job, Daniel.
You know?
Lawrence is, he's a coal miner in a wheelchair.
Oh, good job, Lawrence.
Selena is pregnant.
Oh, that's interesting, but way to go, Selena.
You know, you just, you see that little girl, she come to the door.
She, you know, she just, that's her idea of what, of creativity.
She's seven years old.
She got a pillow in her, you know, and lipstick on.
You're like, okay, she's, you know, maybe seeing a little too much at the house, you know.
But that was, that was, that was the, that was, that was Halloween.
Dude, and then I remember you would get the candy.
And I always liked them Snickers, them baby Snickers.
You know, out here in Los Angeles, they give all, you know, the costumes are, you know, out here, it's not even, it's not even, you know, it's like Jackson is a hashtag.
Lorenzo, well, he refuses to dress up this year because he believes that Halloween is, you know, it's, it's not fair to ghosts.
Like actual ghosts aren't getting the credit they deserve.
Yeah, well, fuck that, bruh.
Halloween is a great opportunity to get an empty bag or anything empty.
Dude, I remember one time running around our neighborhood with a plant pot.
Because it just seemed like the biggest thing around.
Fill it up.
I didn't care what you put in it.
Dude, I remember one guy just poured half of a beer out into mine.
I'm like, dude, I love getting them little snickers.
And I love putting on my costume.
Dude, look, I found these sounds.
Remember, listen to these Halloween mask sounds, okay?
These were sounds that your mask made maybe when you put the mask on.
Alright, here we go.
*crash*
Remember that?
Okay, now what about this one?
Listen to this one.
Oh, that now if you had some money, that second one, you had a little bit of money because they had that hard, that plastic.
It was like getting back into your mother's womb.
Just once you got whatever that, and that thing was always like a wolf or like a, you know, a donkey head.
Or, you know, it could be anything.
But it was something like severe, like a big lizard head.
If you got into that thing, you weren't.
That was it for the night.
I didn't like those things because I always felt trapped.
You know, I remember one time being in a costume and I couldn't get that thing off, man.
And I could see out of the eyes and I could see the world like so clearly, but no one could hear me because the plastic was too thick.
So I quit talking to people and it was sweaty and it was scary because I couldn't like my peripheral vision was gone.
So I couldn't see around me that good.
And I could just see.
And it was just like I was watching the world happen a little bit more.
And I thought for a second, man, honestly, I thought that I was like, I wonder if this is what it feels like to have like autism or Down syndrome.
You know, like you're in there and you can see, like it all seems really, really clear, but you're like sweating and people can't hear you or you can't like communicate as well because, you know, you got on these, you know, you got so much extra on you.
You know?
Remember that?
Getting into that one?
This is another one.
This is one more sound.
Here we go.
That's kind of similar.
Similar one.
But yeah, Halloween.
Man, Halloween.
And you would run, bro.
You would have that candy.
Dude, I remember this.
I wanted candy so bad.
I remember grabbing like my wiener and just squeezing it.
That's how bad I wanted candy.
And I wanted that Snicker, man.
Every time I wanted that Snicker, that's exactly.
Give me this.
Or did they have the Snicker?
No.
Somebody had a sucker.
What is that?
Bitch, I'll get that at the bank.
I'll get that at a dang at a bank.
I'll get that at a Whitney bank.
That's what they used to have in Louisiana, that Whitney bank.
It's crazy, man.
It was so much fun.
Dude, and I remember my mom had that station wagon.
And the station wagon, dude, you could hide in the old school.
Now they got these little Subaru legacy.
You know, we had the station wagon.
This thing was that World War II hitter.
And I'm saying, if you got far enough into the back, you could hear soldiers fighting.
That shit, that fifth row, you know, they had the back seat.
Then they had this big extra long area.
That was straight up Dunkirk back there.
People was losing their lives back there.
And my mom, they had the station wagon had a, it had a thing.
It dropped down, you know, because this is when I was probably, let me think, five, okay, or six.
And they had that, the station wagon had a back thing.
It was a, like a tailgate.
It was a tailgate and it would just drop down.
It was heavy, bro.
If it came down, you didn't put it back up till maybe springtime or until a different time of year.
You know, that thing was heavy.
And we would all get on there and hang, we would all get up.
We'd stand on there and be all dressed up in our costumes.
You know, everybody would be keyed up.
And just, you know, somebody would be somebody would just be like, I'm like a bloody ghost.
And they would just, you know, have blood all over them and maybe have a bed sheet kind of tied around them.
They actually just looked like a Greek person that had been, you know, in a domestic dispute.
You know, you'd have some horrible fucking costumes.
You know, now it's a little bit more like the parents dress the kids, I feel like.
When I was young, you dress, dude.
You just, you know, I remember you put a little bit of dirt on you.
Like, I'm a piece of sod.
You know, you put a little bit of, you know, maybe some grass in your hair.
But it was fun, man, and we'd all get on the back of that.
We'd get on the back of mom's station wagon and she'd let us stand on the tailgate.
She'd let us stand on the tailgate because I lived in America in the 90s and you could stand on the tailgate and you could hold on to the top of the station wagon and mom would drive around the rich people's neighborhood.
And I'd be on the back of that man just waiting.
And you'd see a house where it looked like they had somebody sitting out front like a senior citizen or something in a rocking chair and they were all dressed up and they, you know, they had like maybe some decorations.
You'd be like, oh, these motherfuckers got that Snicker.
These the people that got the Snicker.
Because when I was young, that's all you wanted, man.
Some people during Halloween, they were giving out the little, they used to have these black, these candies, they were like, it was just a, it was kind of like somebody had tried, they were orange and black.
It was just wrapped up and it was barely wrapped up.
Some of the candy was kind of leaking out the back end, you know?
Some of the candy had a little bit of side boob, kind of, you know, a little brown kind of side boob popping out of the, um, the wrapping.
You know, these little candies, they came in little wrappers, little, you know, little blankets, little duffel bags for candies, you know, wrappers, wrappers.
And it would give you these, and it was chewy.
It was chunk.
You didn't even, it was, it was un, it was the unknown candy.
It was like the tomb of the unknown diabetes.
It was just a chunk of, you were like, oh, is this chocolate?
Is it caramel?
Is it apple?
And You would just eat it.
And by the time you even kind of maybe had an idea what it was, it was gone and you had no idea what it was.
And it was actually absolutely just nothing, just garbage straight up.
Just that, I mean, it was, I mean, it could have been a polio vaccine.
I have no clue what it was.
I mean, it could have been, I just remember it got your sugar up and got you amped up to go another couple blocks.
You know, and I remember a couple of them, if you had two or three of the orange ones in a row, you couldn't turn your neck for a little bit.
That shit would get my neck all tight, make my veins really start, you know, make my veins kind of dance together and kind of get to know each other a little bit.
Maybe even doing, you know, make it, make it feel like your neck didn't want, your neck would get tight.
If I had too many of them little, because they were just unknown candies.
They didn't have a name to them.
They were cheap and they just, it was just enough to get you to that next house and see if they had a little thing of smarties, bruh.
Rich people always had smarties or, you know it, little snickers.
Dog, you, on Halloween, bruh, dude, I would train all month in October at the house stretching, you know, fighting my, getting beat up by my brother, you know, pissing my mom off, let her hit me with that leather because I was going to be ready for October 31st when daddy, little daddy, hit the night time.
I thought I was about to rock.
Wait, salocho, hit the night time going looking for that Snicker.
And they call me and they see me.
They see me and they know I'm hunting that Snicker.
And I'd be out there and we'd be on the back of moms.
And I've told this story.
I probably told it last time.
I mean, I'd be on the back.
We'd all be lined up on the back of us.
One of us, you know, somebody's just easy, easy, easy costumes.
Somebody's a turtle, you know.
Little Ronald's a turtle, you know.
Little Thaniel, he's a goat.
And he gots real goat hair.
His dad put real honey and goat hair on his back to make him look authentic.
And he's a real little goat boy.
And they put little fake horns on his head, you know.
And they squeezed him maybe into a, they might have squeezed him into a mask.
I don't even know.
They might have squeezed him in one of those tight hitters.
And little Thaniel's all key up.
And maybe they even, maybe his daddy had a little bit of extra time off of work in October and he put real wood on the bottom of his shoes.
And he nailed it into the bottom of his shoes or super glued it onto the bottom and painted it black.
So now Lil Thaniel got real hoofs.
And maybe he's out there and he have on children's underwears or even sometimes in Halloween, you put on a baby diaper.
You'd put a diaper on your body, you know, in case you wanted a piss or something because you wouldn't, you know, we went hard at Halloween.
There wasn't, and we were on enemy territory.
We're out there trick-or-treating by the rich.
Do you trick-or treat in my neighborhood, dude?
You get probably, you get a rash for sure.
Bed bugs, you get probably, I mean, they have registered, a lot of registered sex offenders by us.
So, you know, none of these freelance boys, I'm talking people in the union, you know, them real hitters.
So you wouldn't really, you know, a lot of people buys, then you have calendars.
You stop by dressed up, you know, they might think you're a real animal.
If you come by little Thaniel rolls up as a goat, bro, they might fucking grill that boy up.
You know, we having a little bit of, we having some rack of Thaniel back here next weekend.
We having a barbecue.
But yeah, man, we would go and Thaniel would have, he'd have maybe real goat hair on him.
You know, his dad would put honey on the back of his legs and honey on his back.
And then they had real goats.
So they'd get real hair off these goats.
Because that's free.
If you have goats, that hair is yours if they're cool with it.
And you put it on and then he's like, damn, that boy looks fucking.
He's a real swaggy piece out here.
And we'd all be on the back of the, and we'd have those diapers on because we weren't going back home.
You know what I'm saying?
If you, if the diaper was because if you wanted to urinate or, you know, or make duty and you could do it right there and still trick or treat.
Because this was our, this was our Vietnam, bro.
October 31st, it was us against the world.
It was us against these candy makers and these people that had front doors and these people that had jack-o'-lanterns.
And it was us and we was going to get ours.
We was going to get them baby Snicker.
And man, it was epic.
And we'd all be on the back of that fucking, on the back of mom's car with that, with that, with the tailgate down.
And she's rolling, bro.
She's cruising because she's pissed.
Because my mother was always pissed.
Think about a time when my mother has been alive.
She was pissed then.
I promise you.
And we're on the back and mom would roll up by the yard and we would run and jump off that tailgate into the yard as that car was going.
Just like right out the back of a C-130, man.
Shout out to all of our servicemen and women.
Just right out in the yard and tumble roll into the yard.
Lose half your fucking candy in the roll.
Whatever.
Onward.
Onward.
Hold the line.
Forward.
And we'd roll out onto the ground.
You know, your brothers, and then your sister would come off at the last minute.
She only two years old.
And the fucking, and that mom car still rolling, just coming to a stop.
And my sister just fall off that bitch.
She couldn't even jump.
Her legs didn't have that jump ability in them yet.
They was just, you know, just them fucking little pushers.
She would just kind of push herself and then just fall.
And she'd fall right off the tailgate into whoever's yard it was, some rich person's yard.
And then it was just every step you could get through the dark grass to get up to that front door.
And you would just ring that damn bell.
You would knock.
Dude, I would ring and then knock.
And if they weren't there within half of a second, I would ring again.
Trick or treat!
And you would fight over who got to say trick or treat.
Remember that?
Rolling up close to the door, you'd have a six-minute fistfight over who gets to say trick or treat.
And then you get there and you and then they open it up.
And sometimes inside, you see people having fun.
Families, you know.
Maybe they're watching TV or tickling each other.
Maybe the dad, if he's rich, he might be throwing a piece of popcorn up in the air, catching in his mouth, you know.
Maybe the kid, you see, he got a nice pair of, you know, extra shoes or cleats by the door, whatever.
They got calendars, you know, legitimate calendars from the actual year it was on the wall.
And the mom is right there and she got the big bowl and she's dressed up like a little cat or like a, you know, a female lemur or something kind of sexy, you know, like a little deer.
And she got that bowl.
And man, you hope that Snicker was in there.
God, I loved Halloween.
And then it was on to the next one.
And you make the street and then there weren't as many, you know, you didn't see as many porch lights on.
You'd be like, all right, let's get back on the car.
Let's get back on mom's tailgate.
Go, mom.
And mom's complaint is everybody, who gives a go?
Go.
You're back there yelling, bro, half your candy.
You don't even know you point, you're getting your brother to look at something, stealing half of his shit.
You got all the candy bags tied around your sister's neck.
At this point, she's just a sugar mule.
She's just muling sweets around.
She's two years old building up thighs.
By the end of Halloween night, by November 1st, she got thighs, look like a damn quarter horse.
Look like a pony that was raised in quicksand and is still alive.
She got them big, strong thighs.
And she just got nine bags of candy tied around her.
And she just mule and sugar.
And you guys back on the tailgate again.
You're going and you see another person's yard and we'd run and we'd jump off.
And I'll never forget what happened, man.
Lil Thaniel jumped off.
And some people, every now and then, some real fuckaroo has to have a hydrant in the front of their yard.
And you know what's great about them?
They don't put lights around the hydrant.
They don't put any.
It's just a hydrant in the front of their yard.
And this person had painted their hydrant brown so it would match their house.
What a real Albert Fuckstein.
So we all running off.
We jump into the yard.
One, two, three, just parachuting off the back of mom's tailgate.
And little Daniel, little Daniel, that little goat boy, you know, he's all shook up.
He's hopped up.
He's had maybe about fucking 65 rolls of Smarties and 15 of those, you know, unidentifiable brown and black candies.
He got so much heat.
And those things, you couldn't even get him.
It would just get stuck in your teeth.
Remember that?
Remember those?
That's all they were.
Those things, the orange and black ones, they just get, all it was was something that kind of tasted like coffee and would get stuck in your teeth.
Come on.
But little Daniel, bro, he'd run and jumped off.
And in the dark, you thought it was Yard because we'd all hit Yard.
And Daniel fucking just landed right into that fire hydrant.
Just imagine flying through the air.
Halloween on your brain.
65 rows of smarties in your system hopped up.
Won't be able to close your eyes for a month.
You got so much glucose rolling through you.
You got real honey hooked goat hair on your back.
Your daddy made you fucking wooden hooves.
You got pine hooves nailed into the bottom of your Reeboks.
And you got on a diaper full of urine and possibly number two.
Depends on how fired up you were.
And you got a fucking damn goat mask on your face.
And out of nowhere, just BAM.
Out of the pitch black, a fire hydrant.
You jump off of a tailgate into pure darkness and you hit a fire hydrant.
And that boy was never the same.
Never the same.
So, but that's Halloween, man.
God, I love it.
And I miss it.
And I'm happy to be here, man.
Crazy.
But different back in the day, people, you could dress up as an apple, you know, an Indian.
They had a black kid came to our door as an indentured servant.
Like, whatever.
People didn't care.
People wasn't like, oh, this means this.
This means whatever.
This is a kid.
They want to dress up.
Let them dress up.
You know, people know I've been peppermint pat before.
And I'll get a, you know, a cotton, you know, some cotton body cover and stuff and, you know, shirts and that and pants.
And I'll put little peppermints all over them.
And people are like, who are you?
And I'm like, I'm Peppermint Pat.
And they're like, who is that?
And I'm like, who?
It's no one.
It's Peppermint Pat.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm that breath, you know, I'm that bit, I'm that, I'm that sugary little freshener.
I'm that sugary freshener.
I'll put, you know, my finger, I'll put two, you know, I'll brush my hands along your cheeks and make your breath smell nice.
Peppermint Pat.
Not a real person, but in my mind, it was real.
Remember, Halloween was also a chance.
I remember it was a chance to go door to door in your neighborhood and see what the fuck was going on.
Remember that?
You get to some people's house, you're like, damn, they don't have any furniture.
I remember we opened one, one person opened their door, it was just a garage.
Their whole house was just a garage.
Like, what are y'all?
Y'all sleeping in that Ford Explorer?
What the hell is going on?
But you kind of got to see what was going on in different people's lives, man.
It was interesting.
It was really, really interesting.
But happy early Halloween.
I'm excited.
You know, I get excited for the holidays and I get excited.
You know, I love the holidays.
You know, I love things that bring people together.
And I think that the holidays is one of those things.
And I think we all need it.
I think we all need it.
I want to make a couple of little announcements.
You know, the King and the Sting podcast is coming.
If you want to submit some artwork for that, you know, you can email us through the website or you can send Brendan Schauber, myself, a DM.
And, you know, we're just looking for some cool, we want neat artwork, King and the Sting, K-A-T-S.
And that's it.
So if you want to submit something, you know, be a part of it.
You know, take a shot at it.
You know, there's no guarantees or anything, but we are looking for, you know, neat ideas.
And this podcast is going to be user-driven.
So you'll be able to submit videos for King and the Sting that will, you can present themes.
You can have stuff for us to discuss or to battle against each other.
You know, like Domino's versus Pizza Hut, we used that example before.
Or, you know, dolphins versus, you know, dolphins versus children that are on swim teams.
It could be anything.
And you'll be able to present those opportunities to us.
You know, outer space versus inner space, you know, chakras versus planets.
You'll be able to present any of those things and we'll break them down.
So it's all going to be user-driven and we're excited about that.
And that's going to be King and the Sting podcast.
And it's coming up soon.
We don't know when, but probably within about the next, I would say within two weeks, we should have the first episode out.
What else is going on?
I want to just say thank you for the people that are on Reddit and subreddit.
Somebody sent me an email the other day and just said that a lot of people have been on there and it's been really exciting and an exciting, you know, people commenting and being a part of that.
As well, the Facebook group for this past weekend is, you know, is tremendous.
And we have a lot of those people that will come out to shows and support and help sell merch and just be a part of things, man.
And I just feel, man, I meet so many nice people.
You know, I feel honestly so lucky.
I meet so many nice people that come out and they want to talk about this past weekend or they want to talk about an experience that they had or they want to talk about a struggle that's going on in their life.
And I want to listen and I want to be a part of that as much as I can.
You know, I really appreciate it.
I really, really appreciate it.
I think we're going to be able to do some neat stuff together.
And I know I keep saying that, but slowly those things come into fruition.
I'm going to Charlotte this weekend and I'll be there.
If you have any friends in Charlotte, tell them to come on out.
It's not sold out, but it's getting close.
And that's October 4th through 6th at the Comedy Zone.
And we're going to try.
I got Ari Manis coming.
And Ari was an original sidekick on this podcast for a few episodes a while back.
And he's been a nice friend over the years.
And he's a very funny comedian.
He's going to come and help.
We're going to do the money for the cleaning lady in the room, in the hotel room.
You know, I know those women work hard.
And for years, I didn't tip those ladies when I would leave a hotel room because I didn't have any money.
And now, you know, I'm able to leave that $5, $10, that $20, or, you know, meet her in the hallway and just say thank you and leave a little bit of money.
So we're going to be, we're going to, our goal is, and we may fail at this, our goal is to hide money in the hotel room.
Like before she's going to come in and clean, just basically say, do you want to be on a, like, I guess a hidden camera game show maybe?
And then see how it breaks down where she, you know, it's going to be like, okay, you have one minute.
We hid money in the room, cash.
And now we're, it's, you have this much time to find it.
And then we're going to have cameras that so she will be able to watch her try and find the money, which I think will just be a different experience for her being in a hotel room and being able to mess it up and look for cash.
So that should be fun, man.
That should be a fun experience.
I don't know if that's the best way to do things or what it is or what our plan is, but our plan is just, you know, to help a lady that probably works really hard make a little bit extra cash.
So I want to thank our Patreoners for supporting us and contributing to make those types of things happen.
So, you know, we use the money to be able to fly Ari there and have him help produce it over the weekend.
So I'm pretty excited.
What else?
Any other announcements?
I think that's kind of what's going on.
That's kind of what's going on.
What did I do this weekend?
Oh, I went and got that PRP.
So some of you guys know, you know, about a year or so ago, I got hair restoration.
They take part of your hair and your hair is just, you know what your hair is just like?
Your hair is just, it's like a pieces of fabric that grow out of your body.
And it's really remarkable when you think about it, that your body is almost like a planet.
And, you know, how a planet has like a forest here and like a pond here.
And they have water here.
Your body is just like that.
Your body is like a planet.
You know, in some places it have a forest at the top and have a, you know, a little forest around your, around your wiener.
And on a planet, a wiener would be like a volcano.
And then they have, you know, you have lakes and like whirlpools.
And those are like your eyes and mouth.
those would be on a planet, it would be like a lake or a sinkhole or a geyser.
Your mouth might be a geyser if we're on, you know, the synonym of it for, you know, your body being a planet.
Your butthole would be maybe a crater or a like a dirty wishing well.
If somebody had a real dirty wishing well in some town or something like that.
But I say that just because like hair is basically like, you know, so I got that hair surgery and they took, you know, they basically did reforestation.
And reforestation is when you take a little bit of a forest and you move it somewhere else.
I don't know if you've ever, like, I remember one time I stayed at a double tree and I stole all the plants out of the lobby and put them in my hotel room over the weekend or over like two weeks.
I was there for two weeks working on a television show.
And I took the big, they had big, beautiful plants one night.
I mean, these is, you know, these plant pots were three feet across, four feet across.
And I got them all and I got them on a dolly and got them up to my room.
So my room looked like a jungle, you know.
The lobby looked a little sparse, boy.
But my room looked like a jungle.
And that's called reforestation when you move plants around.
And that's what they do.
So I got the hair surgery a while back.
They took hair out of the back of my head because, you know, I'm full back here.
I mean, I got something.
I mean, if, you know, the animals, when I drive by, you can see animals coming to the edge by the highway because they see this fucking bad, they see this bad crop I got rocking.
I'm that crop rocker.
You know, I got soybean, sugar cane hanging off the back of my headpiece.
You know, my skull, bro, if they ever do my skull at science, at a science place or a scientific center, I mean, they're never going to be able to get the hair off the skull.
That's how my shit is in there.
A lot of my hair starts at my spine, grows up through my brain, out my headbone or my skull, and into the world.
But animals, they sense that.
They know when they see that, you know, when they see that gumption rocking through, when they see that I got the balls to grow the falls, daddy.
And anyway, anyway, for a year ago, I got the hair transplant.
They take the hair out and they put some of it in the front.
And I wasn't losing my hair.
I just, you know, I've said this before.
I love surgery.
You know, I love little surgeries.
I like being in there.
They make you feel taken care of.
You get there.
They care about who you are.
You know, they write down your information.
And they have like a nurse that checks on you.
It just made me feel really cared for.
And so that's what I always liked about them.
And so anyway, you have to go back in, though, once a year.
And they take stem cells.
They take blood out of your arm and they basically pick an all-star team out of your blood in a machine that picks like all-star.
Basically, they get all the Dominique Wilkinses out of your blood.
You know, like they send the Lonzo Balls elsewhere, but they take all the, you know, the Kobe Bryants and the Chris Mullins and the, you know, the Penny Hardaways, the Antfernies, and they take all of those, those all-star teams, and they inject them into your scalp.
And then it makes your hair stay fresh and, you know, keeps that moisture going.
So that's what I did.
That's what I did.
So if you saw on my Instagram that I was doing this treatment, it's called PRP.
And they, and that's what they do.
And one of the funny, and they, it's after you get the hair transplant, which I did last year, they put some of my mullet right in the front.
So some of the front front of my hair, even though I don't know if you could tell at all, because I can't even tell.
I mean, fuck, it might not even have been effective.
But some of the front front of my hair is actually the back of my hair.
And so to just be able to know that if you, you know, you got that hockey haircut, you got that mole mole, you got that thing that when you break it out of a cap or out of a hat, when you, you know, if raccoons see it, it makes them want to fuck.
That's the kind of hair I have.
Dude, I'll take my shit for a walk at night.
All the raccoons that are just looking through dumpsters, or there's always that one weird raccoon that's in the recycling bin, like, you know, looking at a book or something.
Remember that?
That raccoon is a, what is wrong with that raccoon?
You know?
But they have, but that, but when I walk by at night with my hair out, you see those animals fucking.
And so I know that I have something going on out here on the top of my head and I want to take care of it.
And that's what the PRP treatment is.
They inject it back in.
And this doctor that I met in Los Angeles is great.
You know, he's a great dude.
He's really cool.
He used to do liver transplants.
And my sister had a liver transplant when I was young.
We bonded on that aspect and then we went from there.
But that's what's going on.
I'm excited about King and the Sting.
What else happened?
We had, let's get into a few calls, man.
Let's get into a few calls.
I want to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
Gray Block Pizza and Bronx Born Pizza, which is in Bend, Oregon.
Gray Block, which is in Los Angeles on Pico Boulevard.
My friend Ruben sent me a picture on Instagram the other day of he and his wife over at Gray Block while they were visiting Los Angeles.
And I was grateful for that.
Thank you for sharing that with me.
One of my good friends is the owner of that place.
But yeah, I loved Halloween growing up.
I loved Halloween.
I just loved being young.
And I loved that time when you could, you weren't, everything wasn't so judgmental.
You know, we let people breathe a little bit.
We let people be human.
You know, and you got to be human enough so that it actually meant something on Halloween when you got to be a beast or you got to be a scientist or you got to be a bumblebee or a rat.
It meant something because it's like you were like, oh, tonight I get to creep out.
I get to, I'm enough of a human that I get to creep out.
I get to be a creep now.
I get to be a, you know, something that is scary.
And there was value in that because it was the one night you could do it.
But now people out here fucking trick-or-treat.
Everybody's, some people so angry out in the world, they Halloween in every day.
Every day they leave their house as a Frankenstein.
And Frankenstein was a man, I don't know if he was Jewish or German, Stein, Steen or Stein, one of them is, I think, one or the other.
But yeah, he was like maybe a Jewish man or a German man that had bad skin, I think.
And I think he also got electrocuted by his friend.
And they, I think, shared an apartment.
I'm not exactly sure.
But it was fun back then because you could, it was a night to be something different.
It was a night to be something different.
And I loved it, man.
I loved Halloween.
This episode is brought to you by betterhelp.com.
It is professional and affordable counseling.
And if you need counseling or you're considering counseling, you're afraid to maybe go to an actual counselor in your town or in your city, you're afraid to talk to a spouse about maybe going to counseling or a friend.
I found BetterHelp to be better and helpful.
And especially a great starter way to get into going to therapy.
I go to therapy.
I currently go to two therapists and it's helpful for me.
Will I always need it?
I don't know.
But for right now, it's helpful in my life.
And you can go to betterhelp.com slash Theo, T-H-E-O.
It's available worldwide.
You can interact with a therapist through desktop, mobile app, FaceTime.
You can send messages.
You can schedule video and audio sessions.
So it's a good way if you aren't sure if therapy or something is right for you, but you may need help with something.
It's a good way to get into that world and check it out.
Betterhelp.com slash Theo.
What else?
Let's get into some calls here.
This, we have, we have, last week we had a guy who called in and he'd been having some issues, you know, and he called in at the end of the podcast and he was struggling with addiction and with some, you know, because the addiction is the dark arts.
And that's Voldemort living in the nape of your neck.
And imagine having something evil just living in your neck, casting spells, casting spells inside of you.
Spells that you carry out a lot in your life, even though you don't want to.
And we had a man that called in last week, a father.
You know, he was five days sober, and he'd been struggling with some issues with his wife and feeling like he was going to lose his child.
And we had a couple of responses that came into that.
And we'll tap into one right here.
This is Jasmine.
Onward.
Hey, Theo.
I'm Jasmine.
I'm from Calabasas, California.
And this is, Jasmine is, thank you for calling Jasmine.
And this is on our video.
You can see this on YouTube.
You'll be able to see the actual video.
And you can submit videos to the website through TheoVon.com as well.
Onward.
Calling in because I heard the last guy, Devin from Montana, going through some dark times with alcohol.
And like, I have not drank alcohol in 10 months now.
And I'm just, ah, dude, I'm living the best life now.
Oh, congratulations, Jasmine.
She says she's 10 months now off of alcohol.
And alcohol is liquid fire batter.
I mean, if you don't know what alcohol is, if you're a child or something and you're listening to this, which honestly, I recommend, dude, you know what I'm saying?
This could be that dangerous thing that kids listen to sometimes, this show.
But alcohol is basically like pouring fire and basically like pouring the devil's sweat right into your damn, just into your really, into your soul holster onward.
So maybe some insight on early recovery.
Time is going to feel really long right now.
I was a blackout drinker, so, you know, and now I have to live through all those hours and I'd be like, oh my God, like this is so long.
But it gets better and it goes back to normal and it's just the first few months.
Two, your brain is going to do everything it can right now to regulate itself without alcohol.
So you're going to feel a lot of feelings.
It's going to feel really like maybe irrational, erratic.
My tip is write that shit down or put it in a voice memo or something, but get it out of your brain.
Because if it stays in your brain, it's going to feel like it's your personality or it's a trait that you have.
And it's not.
It's just what's going on right now.
Wow, those are, that's really true.
That's, yeah, if you, it's wild how your thoughts, like, yeah, you feel like that's the truth.
And especially a lot of times you're going through early recovery, you're in there struggling, or even if you're in regular life sometimes, you get haunted.
You get the ghosts, man.
And especially when you're taking off a time off of alcohol or getting into sobriety, you got a lot of time to kill.
That's time before where you was at the bar.
You was ordering that, you know, that Rumpel Mints Canadian tuckaway.
You know, with that splash of lime lime or something.
That's when you were having nine beers or something and, you know, petting your buddy's cat or whatever.
Or, you know, trying to touch a mousetrap, getting real high and trying to touch a mousetrap and be that brave finger, you know, Napoleon Bonaparte of finger fronts.
So it is.
It's a lot of free time.
And you got to be careful with your free time.
But like she's saying, if you're writing this stuff down, you're getting it out of your head.
Because a sheet of paper can really be your head in front of you.
And it's hard to look at your head when you are, when you are in your head.
So if you can write things down and put your head out in front of you, then you can really get a different perspective.
But congratulations, Jasmine, on 10 months.
And that's some sweet suggestions there for Devin.
Yeah, he was really, really struggling.
And I got to get in touch with him actually.
I'll have to make sure to see how he's doing.
What else?
Let's keep it cruising here.
We had another call, actually, with a suggestion for Devin, and let's get into that one.
Here we go.
Theo, what's up, Bubba?
This is Devin down in Georgia, man.
Pauldon County.
Oh, Devin from Georgia.
And this is Devin for Devin because the guy who called in last week was Devin.
Onward.
Gang, gang.
I was calling in, man.
I was listening to your last episode.
There's another guy named Devin.
He's going through some things, dude.
From one Devin to another, man, I'm just telling him, Dirt, you can make it.
I use this past weekend and the church.
I use a lot of you guys' podcasts, man, to get through every day.
But after four years and not getting to see my daughter, man, I got it last weekend.
I get to go to every soccer practice.
I love it, man.
It's worthwhile.
Keep doing what you're doing, Theo.
Devin, hold in there, man.
You got it.
Wow.
Excuse me there.
Wow.
Four years until he got to see his daughter.
You know, he gets to go to soccer practice.
And he said, hold in there.
And that's it, man.
That's it.
Look, this might be your Halloween.
Like Jasmine's saying, you're going to have these ghosts in your head.
You know, you're going to have that Frankenstein or Stein.
You know, you're going to have little Selena dressed like a pregnant.
You're going to have these things in your head.
They're going to be haunting you.
And you got to hold the line.
You know, you got to jump in and you're in the grass now.
You know, you ain't still out there running and jumping in the dark hydrants like Daniel, like little goatee Daniel.
You got an opportunity.
You're in the grass and you just got, you have to trudge along.
Devin, you have to trudge along to get to that front door to get that snicker.
I know that's kind of a crazy correlation and I'm not, I don't really, you know, it's just a core, it's just a silly correlation, but what I'm saying is that other people can do it.
This man, Devin, did it down in Georgia.
Dude, if he can do it in Georgia, you can do it in somewhere else.
Because different places are just different places, dudes, different pieces of land.
And you can do it, man.
You know, but it's nice to know that you have people out there that are thinking about you right now.
And you got this, Playboy.
You got this.
And we got to check in with each other.
I'm going to check in with you as soon as this show is over.
The hotline is 985-664-9503.
You can always call the hotline and leave your thoughts, suggestions, feelings, what's going on in your life.
You know, we're out here.
We're out here.
And thank you guys for calling and being a part of this show.
Let's take another call here.
Onward.
What's up, Theo?
Alvarez, calling out of California.
What's up, Alvarez, man?
Onward.
Just wondering what you think about.
Got fired last week.
I'm a maintenance mechanic, electrician, AC guy, certified welder.
So I'm on this boom lift.
They call me down and tell me to go work on this toilet, which I usually don't do.
Toilets full of feces.
Mass amount, bro.
Oh, yeah, bro.
Them boo-boo cauldrons.
And I used to work at a place, bruh, that they had, you know, I used to work at this place called Ducco's when I was young, and it was like a burger joint.
And it was only in business for probably two months, which I don't even know you could be in business for two months.
I mean, that seemed like almost not even a business.
It seemed like somebody just having people stop by and then getting a little bit of their money, and that's it.
But so duckos, they had burgers and cheeseburgers, and they had the famous four, and that's what it was called, and it was four pieces of meat, cheese on the top, cheese on the bottom.
And that was the big thing.
Like, oh, we're going to put cheese on the bottom of the burger, that famous four.
And dude, people would get sick from it, I guess.
I don't know if something's wrong with the meat or something's wrong with the bread or just something's wrong with fucking ducko and the whole joint.
So I'm in there, bro.
I was a counterboy.
But that's the funny thing.
Look, when there's only two people and employees and one of them's the boss, they hire you as the counterboy.
Next thing you know, you in there.
Next thing you know, you in there in the toilet with that, you know, that plonger and you in there just fucking ratatouille.
Next thing you know, you working in that boo-boo kitchen.
You work in the toilet shift because they don't have anybody else.
And the owner want to act like he's never dealt with, you know, and like he's never dealt with Fecy.
And even though the crazy thing is, he's the one making the food and selling it.
He's the one making people sick.
And now I'm having to work in the back streets of this establishment in the seedy underbelly of his own customers.
And dude, it was the smallest little restaurant.
Had three tables.
So people would order from me, go sit down, get sick, then go use.
And the bathroom, there was no, sometimes you get a bathroom, there's like a little waiting area.
You open a door, there's another little room or a hallway, and then the bathrooms.
This shit was just door, toilet.
No, and it was just gender neutral.
Anybody could go in there.
Fuck a mule could go in there if it wanted to.
And so you would hit, it was just so bizarre, bro.
People would be sick in there.
And it's like, I'm literally trying to take an order.
And like 11 feet away from me through some very, very limited plywall or whatever it's called, plywood, very, very limited plywood.
You could hear somebody making just some damn, you know, just that body belt.
Just, you know, making a belt out of his bottom and just sweating and feeling really, really irre, man.
You're feeling irregular.
Your booty gets Jamaican, bro.
Sometimes you're in there sweating so hard.
Don't with me.
Onward.
Like there was a sign on the door.
Don't use it.
And some dude did that.
I seen no toys people.
All I seen was feces.
Oh, that's a booty terrorist, bruh.
I've been in there, somebody.
Dude, I was at a Falcons game one time, and they had a urinal with the bag over it.
You know, they do that.
They put that plastic bag.
This dude turned his butt around, you know, cut a little hole in that bag.
He had a sharp object or something, a little shiv or a piece of bone in his pocket.
He cut a little thing in that plastic and boo-booed right into the deal.
Unbelievable people living out in the world.
Onward.
So I'm like, I'm not doing that.
He said, the supervisor goes, it was fine to do.
We don't need you here.
I do a lot for you, Joe, because I also go to school at night trying to get my long-term goals, get my master's in social work.
Oh, congratulations, man.
I love hearing that.
Alvara's, I love hearing that, brother, that's what you want to do.
Social work, man.
Because you want to help other people, you know?
Onward?
I'm 11 years clean, trying to go that route, you know, right now.
Gang.
So he helps me out when I have to intern.
I'm doing some interning at drug cleaning.
But I'm like, I help you too.
I work 16 hours.
It's equal.
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just not cleaning a toilet filled with shit.
I'm not doing that.
He got all mad, fires me.
So now I'm without a job.
It's been about three, four days, and I start getting depressed.
I start getting weird.
Like a man needs to work.
But I don't know what you think or what other guys think out there.
Because I talk to some friends.
They're like, you should have just did it.
But I thought that's, where's the line?
I have a three-year-old daughter.
Someday I'm going to tell her, you got to do what you feel is right.
Self-respect is very important.
But, you know, not having a job is a horrible, horrible feeling.
I got some things lined up.
But I hope to hear it on the podcast, man.
I'm all about you, bro.
Well, thanks for calling.
That's a tough spot because, yeah, you have the child.
I think, you know, you take a couple of options.
I think you can always go back to him if you still feel like, you know, sometimes it's about being the bigger man.
You know, and maybe it was, you know, in that day, sometimes you're feeling a certain way.
You could always go back and say, hey, look, I made a mistake.
You know, I could have done it differently.
I could have said, I could have just taken the direction.
I just felt like that was out of line for me.
I've been there.
You know, they had a dude, I used to wash dishes at this fancy place called Dakota's when I was growing up.
And sometime they had an assistant manager or something in there.
He tried to make me eat a little bucket of limes, lime slices.
And I don't even, I barely knew this man.
He was always trying to pretend he was French and shit, but he wasn't.
And he was probably an idiot or an idiot.
That's French.
I don't know.
But anyway, he tried to get me to eat this thing of limes and said I had to do it because I was an employee.
Man, fuck that, bruh.
I ain't eating a, you know, they probably had 60 lime slices in there.
And I probably, I was a child, man.
I was probably 16. I never had more than even one lime slice.
And this man trying to get me to eat 60 lime slices.
And I had to quit.
So sometimes you got to stand up for yourself and you got to be a man.
And that's okay, man.
There's something going on in this world where it's like you can't be a man these days.
So you can stand up for yourself and you can even go back to even more manly if you want to do it or as manly.
You could go back to the dude if you feel differently in a few days and say, hey, I could have handled that differently.
Would you consider us working again?
That way it's still, you're meeting somebody halfway.
You're not giving in.
You know, it's nice to be able, I mean, it's the, you know, the most manly thing to do sometimes is to fucking get over that little hurdle.
But in the moment, yeah, they got you down there cleaning out somebody else's, you know, dirty fucking booty aquarium.
Come on.
Get out of there.
I'd be out.
I'd be out.
So I don't blame you.
You know, hold it down, you know, for as long as you can.
And then when you have to, you know, if you feel like, you know, maybe take a look at some other opportunities.
You said you're going back to school.
So I'm sure it's probably, you know, I'm sure you're in some tight confines there with work.
I would, if you're okay with it, I would probably reapproach the man.
If you think you, and it sounds like you guys had some mutual respect for each other.
That's what it really sounds like.
So I reapproach the man and see about that.
And your boys might ride you a little bit when you get back to work or whatever, but in the end, I think that it sounds like you're the kind of dude that that guys on the work shift respect.
And I think that they would respect you.
You could just say cleanly, like, look, I needed a couple days to cool off, man.
Because the booty work around here was a little too hot for daddy to be down there doing, you know, suddenly you out there and you just some little boo-boo ratatouille.
And you, you know, just out there working out in some, you know, in somebody else's porridge tank.
Come on.
But thank you for calling, man.
And I love the fact that you're moving forward, that you have a plan in your life.
You want to do social work.
You have a daughter.
You're already thinking ahead about that you want to tell your daughter that you stood up for yourself, that you're not afraid to be, stand up for yourself.
I love that.
I love that, man.
It's really, really a powerful message.
And I appreciate you calling in.
Oh, man.
What else?
Let's go on, man.
Onward.
Let's take another call right here.
Oh, we had another video call that came in.
Let's get that hitter right here.
Hi, Theo.
My name is also Theo.
Oh, that's beautiful.
So from, you know, Dos, we got Dos Teadoros.
Onward?
And I am 30 years old.
I am from Kansas City.
Kansas City.
I'm trying to come out there soon.
Onward?
I'm a musician, just a professional multi-instrumentalist, and I am also a transgender man.
I've, you know, I've been transitioning from female to male.
Okay, you're going female to male.
Okay, Onward?
First off, I just wanted to say, like, thanks for just, thanks for your podcast.
Thanks for putting yourself out there.
Because I've been listening to you for maybe about less than two months, and it's really been helping me a lot.
Oh, that's sweet of you to say that.
I appreciate you saying that.
Onward?
Through my mental health problems that I've been dealing with this year.
So thank you for that.
Oh, I can imagine.
If you transition it from one sex to another, I can't even imagine the mental health part of it.
Gee Burrs.
Dude, I can't even, you know, I watch an episode of Sex in the City and I can barely hold it together sometimes.
So onward.
I was curious.
Being a transgender guy, I do not know the first thing about being a dude.
I don't.
I don't know how to approach the social aspect of it, even though that's exactly how I feel.
And so I was wondering if maybe you had any advice or any of that, you know, especially advice on how not to seem creepy or weird, because I know people are going to start thinking that now.
They don't generally think that of women, but they will think it of men.
And I really don't want to come across like that.
So that's pretty much it.
Thanks again.
Yeah, thanks for calling.
No, this is super interesting.
How do you get, yeah, how do you be a dude?
Well, you showed up at a really wild time, young lady.
I don't know if I, I mean, I almost want to say right now, it might be safer to go back across the river, you know?
It's a scary time to be a man right now.
But at the same time, I'm going to do it, you know, and you're going to do it.
And I commend you.
That's got to be really, really brave.
You know, I've never been, you know, I've locked my keys in my car, you know, but I can only imagine if you locked your, you know, if you feel like God kind of locked your gender keys, you know, in the vehicle and you got to pop that lock and, you know, and maybe and renegotiate the ignition a little, you know.
They, to be a guy these days, I mean, I think first of all, you got to get some cool, some kind of like, maybe some nice slacks, you know, and some nice pants.
I think a hat, if you like to do a hat, some guys do a hat.
I think these days guys are a lot more supportive of each other than they used to be.
I don't think you have to do steroids anymore, so you don't have to do that.
You can...
I think getting into sports is super good.
So those are some of them, being able to talk about sports, being able to, you know, UFC, that kind of stuff.
At first, I didn't like watching UFC.
I don't like watching people really beat each other.
But then you start to see that a lot of these men are heroes and that they have goals and that they have ambitions and the fighting is just the way that they, it's just their physical process of chasing their dreams.
And so I started to really enjoy it more when I look at it like that.
How else to be a guy?
I would say maybe spit on the ground sometimes.
You could do chewing tobacco if you want.
I don't recommend it because you get hooked into the tobacco world, but I used to do it for a while.
I worked on a farm and I didn't feel like that much of a guy.
I had to guy up a little bit.
And so I'd stuff a couple, you know, socks in my junk area by that fucking, you know, by that little meat tongue, you know, that low tongue that you got, that wiener.
And I'd put a couple socks in there and start doing chewing tobacco because I was trying to bulk out and man up a little bit.
I've done a lot of things to try to seem manly over the years.
So how do you welcome over to the boys' side?
I mean, it's wild.
This is like the craziest game of Red Rover I've ever been in.
You know, let me catch your name again at the beginning.
It was also Theo.
Oh, fuck.
At least maybe I'm not egotistical enough that I don't remember in this sense because it's my own name.
But Theo, welcome.
You know, wow, I get to welcome a Theo to the man, to being a man, being an adult male.
Look, it's tough these days, though.
You're not, especially you're a white guy.
So, you know, they're going to blame you for everything.
You know, even if you didn't do something, you could be blamed for it.
But people of the media right now does not like you, so you got to be careful.
So just be careful.
You know, be cognizant of what's going on.
I don't know if it's a safe time to look a woman in the eyes.
A lot of women out there in certain cities, most of America, you still can.
Some places are a little dangerous.
So I would just be a little bit weary out there.
But welcome over to the man side.
You know, we can use some good men over here.
And it's nice to see that they got women coming over to this side.
You know, because we've had a lot of men slip over onto the other side.
You rarely see that bad, you know, that bad boy coming back over here.
But Red Rover, Red Rover, send Theo right over and all aboard and welcome.
Thank you for calling in.
And that's got to be a brave journey.
You know, I've done some different things in my life, community college.
You know, I got poison ivy.
You know, I had my penis hole kind of enlarged when I was young.
I've tried to learn Spanish about six times, but I've never been through anything like that.
And I bet that that's the Mount Olympus really of, you know, you're doing it all.
You're doing it all.
Boy, that remodel, huh?
Red Rover, Red Rover sent Theo right over.
And look, if you learned anything while you were over there, get over here and tell us.
Because they taking these men out right now.
If you a man, if you even, I'm thinking about mailing my dick to another country and going and getting it later.
So you might be coming across at the wrong time, but no matter what, we're happy to have you.
And that's a wild journey you're on.
And I love you, Theo, and welcome, Theo.
This is crazy.
It's like I'm almost like I'm talking to myself.
Okay, let's take another call here.
What do we got?
What's up, Theo?
It's Ernesto, and I'm in London.
Whoa, Ernesto from London, huh?
Onward.
Just came back from the Crystalia show.
It was all right.
And we were sitting here, and we were thinking, we had an idea for a show for you.
And it goes, Dio Vaughn describes a video for someone with visual disabilities.
So they can't see.
So you have to describe the video for them, like as a helpful gesture.
Okay, so wait, so I describe a video for somebody with visual difficulties, like blind syndrome.
Okay.
So I have to describe a video for them.
Or can I describe anything?
That's what I want to know.
That's the thing, you know.
I would love to describe things.
Imagine being a describer.
Imagine being a see and I dog for a blind person, but you're a seeing eye person, which I think is better.
You know, it's kind of fucked up.
I'll say it.
We give blind people a dog.
Hey, guy, you can't see anything?
Here's a dog.
How about a real person that walks around and helps them out?
You know, you got a bathroom, buddy.
You got one, you know, a kid needs to go to the bathroom.
You send them in pairs.
But a blind guy needs to go for the rest of his life and you tie a damn, you know, a Bichon or a, you know, a little baby Australian shepherd to his hand.
An Australian Shepherd, I think, is actually could handle the job, a Bichon.
Dude, if your CNI dog is a fucking Bichon, bruh, you're not going to make it.
And you're not going to make it far.
Maybe you might make it to like a, you know, a place like a French restaurant.
But look, I could do it, man.
I'd love to describe something to a blind person, a marshmallow.
Come on.
Dude, I would love to describe a cliff.
Imagine describing a cliff.
Not like a man named Clifford, but like a scary place where you can walk.
And then you keep, and if you keep walking, then you're not, then it's, that's it.
Imagine being, like, I wonder if blind people, because if I get by the edge of a cliff, my whole body just like is like, do not go anywhere right here.
I wonder if that happens with blind people.
You know, I want to get, actually, you know what?
If you know someone who is blind in the Los Angeles area, and I'm 100% serious here, please hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
You know, because I'm tired of wondering what it's like.
I'm tired of having questions for blind people and not being able to talk to them because people might, oh, it's insensitive.
You can't ask a blind person about being blind.
I can't?
Why not?
Yes, I can.
If you know a blind person that lives in Los Angeles, even California, we'll fly them down.
You know, we'll get them around here.
I'd love to be able to have the opportunity to talk to someone who has that ailment and see what's going on.
And I don't mean that in a jovial way, you know, because I don't know if I'll see forever.
You know, when I think about my life, honestly, I don't always know if I'll have my sight.
You know, sometimes when I think about 30 years down the road or even 10, 12, 13 years, I don't know if I, I don't know if my eyes work the same as they do now.
So we would love to have somebody on that has that ability.
But yeah, being able to describe things to the blind, I would love to maybe be able to do that if I had enough extra time to do that type of work.
But I think that's a beautiful job, being able to get somebody out there.
Or even a little, you know, even get like a little blind.
They have those, you know, those sex, those goats that do sex and then faint, which I fashioned a lot of, you know, I fashioned my sexual style over.
Because I'd get so nervous, I'd hold my breath during sex and then just get so keyed up, I'd fucking just be unconscious.
Onward, let's take another call.
Hey, Theo, what's going on?
It's Brendan from Atlanta.
I just wanted to call and let you know that you're the man, bro.
And you don't need to feel like you need to do anything bigger for us.
Exactly what you do helps us and the community that watches you each and every day, you know.
Thanks for calling, Brendan from Atlanta.
Let's hear more.
I'm a little nervous right now, but.
That's okay, man.
Don't feel nervous, dude.
I appreciate you calling.
I think it's nice of you to call.
I think it is.
Yeah, I could imagine it's probably kind of nervous.
But if we ever meet each other in person, don't feel nervous around me.
You know, and if you do, just tell me that.
Because I don't want anybody to ever have to feel nervous around me.
You know, I'm not special.
You know, I'm not a special person.
You know, I'm just somebody that's just trying to be a fucking person.
And it's really hard these days to be a person.
It's hard to be a young man.
It's hard to be a young man if you struggled and don't even know how to be a man sometimes.
You know, and this is the environment we're trying to learn in.
But by being here, by you calling in, bro, that's, I really appreciate it.
Let's hear more.
You know, we don't even notice the bullshit.
You know what I'm saying?
We don't even notice what you say.
You feel like you might not be having a good show or you feel like some things might just go wrong.
We just want to see you, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
So keep on keeping on, gang, gang.
You already know what it is.
And I hope that you're having a good day today, bro.
You know?
All right.
Bye.
Thanks, Brennan, man.
Thanks for that.
Yeah, I second-guess myself a lot.
You know, I think I've always had, I've had a lot of trouble my whole life and being decision, making decisions.
I don't know.
I'm not very, you know, nobody ever taught me how to make a decision when I was young.
I was making my own decisions.
And so I created my own reasoning in my head for why things go the way that they do or why I choose.
And sometimes a lot of times when I was young, it was selfish reasons.
And I didn't realize it was selfish reasons.
I just needed to survive.
I needed to get by.
You know, I needed to be able to get some sleep at night.
And so, you know, you do whatever you have to do to get into a comfortable place, you know, inside of yourself.
And sometimes you create dirty stairwells or misguided, you create stairwells that, you know, don't always connect to floors and stuff.
You create your own little belief system inside of you that makes you be able to function and survive.
And yeah, so now I'm an adult and I still have This, you know, some of the contracting work inside of me is a little shoddy because I fucking did it all myself as a child, or I did it with strange influences, and you know, uh, so yeah, I guess I just get nervous sometimes, and you know, and I do feel pressure as I get older, and I feel pressure as this podcast gets uh bigger listenership, you know, because I don't want to fail.
I don't know if I this is interesting.
It's like I don't, I don't, I don't think it's that I don't want to fail myself.
I just, you know, it's something, I want this podcast to always feel small, you know, and because to me, a lot of times it feels kind of one-on-one in some ways.
You know, like I'll be, I'll be honest, I don't know who you are, Brennan, but in my head, I picture you call.
I picture maybe a young black guy or a mixed guy, you know, maybe an Honda, Honda Accord, bruh, but LX, you know, maybe ducked off somewhere behind a subway or Quiznos, bro.
Fuck Subway, dude.
How every subway has a B rating on the door.
And every now and then you see a roach by the meat or a bug and you pretend like you don't.
Come on.
But yeah, maybe ducked off somewhere and calling into the hotline.
So now that could be totally fictional.
I don't know.
Dude, you could be, I mean, who knows?
You know, you could be a woman.
Who knows?
But I appreciate you calling, man.
And thanks for saying that.
Yeah, I guess I just want to be, I don't want to waste somebody's time.
That's what I don't want to do.
So I don't want somebody listening to the show and be like, oh man, this dude's wasting my fucking time.
That's what I don't want.
For some reason, in my life, I've always felt like that.
Like, I just am like, oh, man, I hope I'm not wasting somebody's time.
I think maybe, you know, when I was young, people, people, you know, I think my mom was so busy and had to work so much that, you know, I felt like I was always under the gun emotionally or even time-wise with her.
So maybe that's why I feel that way now.
Like, I just hope I'm not wasting somebody's time.
I always feel that way a little bit.
But thank you for calling, man.
I appreciate you.
And the ATL, I hope to be able to come there in the spring.
And thanks for your support.
You know, I'm going to fuck up on this podcast.
I'm not going to, I'm going to say shit people don't agree with.
I don't even know.
You know, I don't even know sometimes.
But we got men coming over to our side.
We got another Theo in the books now.
So this is shit is fucking, we heating up, boy.
We got this army, baby.
Let's go to another call.
Homeward.
Hey, Theo, gang, gang.
This is Derek Allen calling from Vancouver, Canada.
Dirty Derek from Vancouver, son.
You that snowy bad boy, you that Indomitable cat daddy.
You up there in the snow.
And snow, think about snow, dude.
Think about if a lake just jumped up into the air and made itself cold as fuck and then fell on everybody.
That's savage, bruh.
Mother nature ain't.
Mother nature is slithering.
Everybody out here, you know, you know, looking at the flowers in June and, you know, thinking this bad bitch is all Gryffindor.
And then suddenly, come February, Mother Nature lifting fucking lakes into the sky and shh, icing those things out and shattering them bitches and dropping them on the people's lives.
And that's what you get in Canada.
Thank you for calling Onward.
I was calling them looking for some advice, pretty much.
So I've been talking to this lady, you know, she's traveling across Canada, coming across to live here in my province, which is from Ontario.
Oh, yeah.
And in Canada, a lot of times, these ladies up there, they got some mad matches up there.
They travel, they got, you know, little dogs in front of them.
These ididaroters.
And these idider rotters is when you have a bunch of, you ever seen 101 Dalmatians?
It's a movie.
It's like this angry lady.
She's a f ⁇ ing, I think she's like a coat salesman or like a fashion designer.
And she kidnaps a bunch of animals from the fire station.
And they strike back, bruh.
Those little, those dogs strike back and they're angry and everything.
Well, but apparently some of these women, they use husky animals up in Canada and they're forward moving and they, that's how a lot of women will travel around Canada because I guess it's safer than air travel or something.
I'm not sure.
I have to look into it.
It's called I did a rotting onward.
And anyways, I met her before, I met her a few months back because I was over doing work over there.
Okay, so you met this girl?
Opening up a shoe store together, you know?
Ooh, that Al Bundy.
Dude, in a shoe.
Think about it.
If you got a shoe.
I mean, nowadays, you probably have to stand 11 feet away while the woman tries the shoe on.
But back in the day, boy, you used to.
You could get up there, you know, touch that heel.
Maybe.
Ooh, this little piggy went to market, you know?
This little piggy had none.
Remember that piggy?
What the fuck was that piggy doing?
This little piggy had roast beef.
What the fuck, bro?
I got to investigate that shit.
Let's hear more, boy.
You that Al Bundy of the North, son.
There's some tension when we were working together.
So anyway, so now she's driving over, and so I get to talking, and she'll be talking about some of that raunchy stuff, you know, getting some dirty taps.
Yeah, and that's dark arts, especially in Canada, bro.
It's probably not even that raunchy.
It's like, oh, do you ever maybe put on maybe a hat that's a little too tight?
Oh, have you ever, you know, have you ever been, you know, making chocolate milk and instead of one scoop of powder, you put two scoops of powder?
I'm just joking.
Love Canada more.
Some dirty chat.
And she goes, she asked me how many ladies I've been with.
Two or two.
I answered three, which is commendable, I think.
Three is the male answer.
You go three or you go seven.
That's it.
Three, if you're under 24, You go three.
If you're in your 30s, you go seven.
And if you're between 24 and 30, bro, you don't know what the fuck's going on anyway.
So just wait till you get to one of those ages and figure it out.
More?
I'm a 25-year-old guy.
Oh, yeah.
So, well, you sound like a nice guy.
Yeah, 25 is an American 24. So that's a Canadian 25. Moore?
And then, to which she replies, she goes, oh, I've I was with three as well, multiplied by seven.
So now I'm thinking, oh, this is 21 guys.
That's a lot of guys, you know.
So anyways, I'm trying to be an adult about this.
She's a cute girl.
She's a couple years younger than me.
You know, that's pretty much my story, man.
Thanks, Beo.
Keep doing your thing, man.
Love the podcast.
Dang.
101 dick mations, huh?
She's been taking in.
Just make sure she don't have any spots on her pup, bro.
That's all I'm saying.
You know, it's interesting.
This makes me think, is sex still, what's the value of it?
Does it still have the same emotional value as it once had?
And I think to some people it does and some people it doesn't.
And some people just, their perspective of sex is totally different.
To some people, you know, some people, you never have sex.
You don't, it's not a, you know, it's like this hidden oracle to you.
And some people who have sex all the time, it's more of a comfortable thing.
If you're nervous about your body, then sex is one way to you.
Or if you're comfortable about your body, sex is another way.
If your parents, you know, grew up in the 60s, they may be very sexual or be very open about stuff, and you may have been raised that way.
Whereas if your parents grew up in a rural town or with a church where things is real, they got pictures of snakes and stuff on the wall and everything.
People might be a little bit more risque about playing freeze tag with your crotch, with another crotch.
So it's, you know, it's different.
Everybody's sex is different.
So, you know, she can make it 22 and you can make it four if y'all want to be like that.
But what I do like is that you're willing to not judge her on that.
Times, it's different.
It's a different time now.
And people are just different.
Some people are in America.
You know, they might not have sex their whole lives.
They might not do anything.
A lot of these women out in, you know, a lot of women nowadays, they just fill in their vaginas with cement and hiring an attorney to stand out front.
They're not even letting any, they...
So, look, I'm just glad you're having an open conversation with this girl.
She sounds fun, bruh.
You know, she sounds fun.
Tell her to freaking come over to the house and you let her, you know, water her dogs a little bit.
Maybe she'll teach you some things.
She's like the Danica Patrick Cox out there.
She's been doing laps around the old, you know, Dick Stadium.
So I think it's cool, man.
She sounds cute.
Any girl sounds cute, bruh.
Hey, let me tell you about this girl.
Oh, she fucking sounds hot.
Does she have a friend?
That's every dude.
Let's hear more.
Onward, another call, another call.
Yo, CO, big T-Dog.
What's up, T-Dog?
Onward?
This is your other T-Dog, Trey from Portland, Oregon.
What's up, Trey, from Portland?
Onward?
You know, I've been, you know, as the only black man in Portland other than the Trailblazers and probably one of like three black people to listen to your show.
Yeah, I'm trying to think.
I think we have more than that.
I bet we probably have about 5,000.
But Onward.
Listening to the podcast, I've been noticing you say that, like, you're talking about how it's so hard for white people right now.
On one hand, you know, I understand where you're coming from.
I get all the minorities and the LGPTQW XYs and Zs coming out of the woodwork looking for trouble.
But on my other hand, I mean, at least you guys don't have to worry about like sitting in your house playing Madden.
Some drunk off-duty cop comes in and shoots you in the face or you get pulled over and you're out there just trying to get them hitters.
Yeah.
And then you ended up getting hit.
Yeah, that's true.
You're trying to grab a couple of burgers.
You would a couple of black guys.
And I bet it is a lot more nerve-wracking.
I was thinking about that.
Imagine if black drivers' cars ran on nervous energy.
Dude, that's the, when is Elon Musk coming out with that car for black drivers?
The car that runs on nervous energy?
Dude, because they must feel it when you're driving around.
I've thought about that.
By the police.
Y'all don't have to worry about that.
So I get you feel like everybody's coming down on you for being a white, straight male, but try being black.
I'm not saying go out and put on black face, but just try it sometime.
I guarantee you it's not the same thing.
Preach peace, love, and understanding for everybody.
And I get where you're coming from, but let's not take away from the fact that stuff out here is hard for us color folks, man.
Pimping ain't easy.
Living ain't easy.
Breathing ain't easy.
But I want you to breathe easy because I love you.
If you're out here doing the Lord's work, homie, love you.
Amen, bro.
I love you, man.
I appreciate you calling in.
Yeah, you know what?
I can't even imagine, dude.
There's some things I can't imagine, you know, about being black.
I can't imagine growing.
I can't imagine being, like you said, like the only, like if you're one of the only black people in an area where it's a lot of white people.
Like, because I get, if I go into a place that's a lot of black people, I get nervous.
You know, I just get, I don't get, and I guess I get nervous because some of my experiences have been different.
You know, when I was growing up, I had a lot of friends that were black.
And then also we get beat up by black kids.
You know, especially when you're poor, it doesn't matter.
You know, if you're white or black, those people like to fucking fight.
And there's a lot of ignorance at low levels of poverty.
And so there's a lot of fighting, man.
You know, and it would be crazy because I remember I'd be doing Habitat for Humanity and building houses for some of the black families or whatever that the kids had fucking beat my ass.
You know, and had to, you know, just manage all that stuff itself in my head because I didn't have any, you know, my parents weren't, I didn't have an outlet emotionally with my parents to talk about that kind of stuff.
But I have thought about, I've thought about, but I'll never know what it's like to go into a place, especially if it's a white area and be a black guy.
Yeah, or how nervous that would make me feel maybe.
And I think it's probably different for different people these days.
You know, I find I have some black friends that are a lot more chill or a lot more relaxed or chill in certain environments and some that aren't.
And also it's probably the environment too.
Like if you took me into like a black neighborhood that was more impoverished, then I would probably feel more nervous than if you took me into like a wealthier area, wealthier black area.
You know, like at the Lenox Mall, I was fucking nervous because I was like, damn, I'm the poorest fucking person in here.
And it was all black people in there.
But yeah, I can't imagine what it's like when you're driving or something, or you show up at a place and people think you're going to do something just because you're black.
I bet it's scary.
I've had two friends in New Orleans in my lifetime, two black friends that have been murdered.
And by other black men, black on black crime, one guy they never found person, or I say guy, I don't know if it was a guy who did it, but it's a day.
I can imagine it's been dangerous.
I can imagine it's been dangerous, man.
You know, I want to be next time I want to be Mexican, I think.
And then after that, I would be black.
I think black for me is still a little bit too dangerous.
But I appreciate you helping me think about that.
You know, because what's funny is when I was growing up in Louisiana, you don't see like, you just see like, oh, you get this, there's this energy in you.
You don't see that, you don't see that black people don't have the opportunities.
You don't see that.
You don't see it.
Because you're also, and I guess I was a child.
You just don't see that, and this is also in the 80s and 90s.
And now as I get older, you're like, oh, well, yeah, there weren't any black doctors in my town because they didn't have the opportunities.
But now I think I see a lot more stuff in the world where there's more opportunity for diversity, you know, even on commercials.
And I was thinking, you know, what's funny is I thought about that.
I was like, man, I work hard to get to Hollywood.
I work hard to get into an environment where I can live out some of my dreams.
You know, Hollywood, they're always like, oh, we're so liberal.
You know, come here and chase your, you know, it's like, it's just that thing.
You can be, anybody can be here and your voice is welcome.
And yeah, and I've just, a lot of times I've felt like because of having a, you know, more of a rural accent or being where I'm from and being white recently more that I'm not welcome.
You know, where I got here in Hollywood, it's like, oh, yeah, everybody's welcome, but not me.
Because of the way I sound or because of the color of my skin, because of the color of my skin, I would think that sometimes.
And you know what it made me think?
It was like, wow, this is, it made me realize this is what it must have been like to be black in a lot of instances.
You know, to be sitting somewhere and think, man, because of the color of my skin or the way I sound over the phone or the way I look, my hair, that I'm not going to be welcome or I'm going to be tight cast a certain way.
You know, I can imagine that's it's the first time I was like, oh, wow, this must be what it has been like for a lot of black people over the years.
And I'm not saying I have a no, but for a second, it gave me a perspective switch for a moment, like, damn.
People don't want me in auditions, don't want me in interviews, think I, you know, you know, writing articles that make me seem bad because they don't know me, because they don't know my voice or my behavior or this or that.
Or they just think, oh, he's, he's from Louisiana.
You know, he is, you know, he looks this way, he sounds that way.
That must be what he is.
Yeah.
Man, I can't imagine that.
And then to still have to go to work every day and have that in the back of your head that people aren't going to give you those opportunities.
It's wrong.
You know, and I think some of that comes from a wrong time.
And I think that that kind of stuff, I hope, is getting better in the world.
And I believe that it is from what I see when I go around.
I believe that it is.
You know, even when I look at, you know, just even advertisements on television and you see now that like you'll see like, and I reference this a lot, but like an advertisement for Disneyland or Disney World, and you'll see it be more of a diverse commercial.
And that's good.
And here's why, because if a kid is sitting on his couch somewhere, no matter what color he is or what his parents are, and he looks at the television, he's like, oh, I can do, oh, that's for me too.
You know, when I think back to being at preschool or something and thinking that, you know, I'm sitting on a carpet and I'm sitting next to a kid, a black kid, and we're watching the same cartoons and every time on the cart or the same commercials and every time on the commercial, the toys and everything, it's always white kids playing with them.
Man, I wonder if that kid thinks inside of him, man, oh, I don't deserve those toys or I'm not, I shouldn't have those.
Yeah, it's just heartbreaking.
You know, it's heartbreaking to think.
And Hollywood, too.
Hollywood's done a shit.
Hollywood is, you know, that's another thing.
They try to chant, you know, act like they've been supportive the whole time.
You know, you look at this guy, Jeffrey, what's his name recently?
When they, you know, they took, someone took a picture of the man at Trader Joe's.
And I think the person that took a picture of him was just like kind of shocked.
And then they wrote newspaper articles that made it bigger than it was, you know, the media blowing it out of proportion.
But then I think back, like, who owns the rights to that, his on-screen rights?
Who owns the rights to that man?
You know, if you want to, sometimes I think about this, and I'm not comparing the two, but when you think of like modern day slavery or modern day ownership, you know, that shit made me sad.
I was like, how is it, you know, this man, you're telling me that a guy who everybody in America knows from these shows, and maybe the residuals from those shows, you just don't make so much over time.
And maybe because Bill Cosby went to jail and those things went off the air.
But man, I saw that.
I was like, who owns it?
Who owns the rights?
I bet you it's a white person sitting somewhere in a house in Hollywood that owns the rights to this man's likeness on television.
You know, that fucked him over out of some bad contract 25 years ago.
And that shit was like, where's that?
Where is the social media police on that?
Somebody owns the rights to that man, to his likeness, not to him as a human.
You could see the power in him.
You know, people knowing who he is.
And he has the fucking chutzbah to stand in there and stack vegetables, bruh.
And that's pride and that's humility.
And that is, you know, I'm guessing he's, I don't know if he's a father, but I hope he is.
Because that's the kind of man I would like to be my father.
You know, that's the kind of man I would have liked to probably have taught me things when I was young.
You can do this.
You know, you can be yourself.
You don't have to look a certain way or, you know, no matter what, you can be yourself.
You don't have to wear a mask.
You don't have to not know who you are.
You can fucking stand there and look somebody no matter who they are, what they're thinking of you, and stack your vegetables, you know, or do your work or whatever it is.
You know, clean that shit or whatever it is.
You know.
But no, I appreciate you calling.
I appreciate you making us think about this.
Because here's the thing.
One of the biggest issues I think in America is perspective.
When I was young, sometimes I would see black people in my area, you know, just seem like, oh, a lot of them, oh, they don't care.
They don't care about their lives.
They don't, you know, they don't, you know, they don't want, they don't want to work hard.
They don't want to do this.
They don't want to do that.
And you would see the kids, a lot of the kids, a lot of, you know, I've said before, a lot of the black kids in my area that by a certain age, they weren't even in school after eighth grade.
I mean, I would say 60% were out of school completely, out of school.
And when you're young, you just, you don't know, but not when you're, when you're in that area at that time, not today, at that time, you'd be like, well, they don't seem like they hate school.
They don't care.
They don't want to learn.
You know, ignorant.
But then once now I get older and I look and I'm able to see like, oh, well, these, I know what it's like to grow up in that environment where you don't have the, you know, the role model ship.
You know, you don't have the ability, you don't have some of the opportunity.
Or you don't have even, the role model ship is what's huge.
Imagine being a kid.
You don't even know anybody at a certain age has been to college.
How the fuck do you think you're going to end up going?
You don't know.
You don't think you're allowed at Disney World.
You're not even going to, it's not even going to be an idea of yours to go.
So yeah, I mean, it's interesting, man.
And I like thinking about this kind of stuff.
And I like the fact that I'm open to have different ideas about it.
And I like the fact that you are too.
And I appreciate you for not judging me solely based on one sentence or on one thought.
But I think that, look, everybody has a different experience.
And different, you know, an experience in Oregon will be different than an experience in Louisiana.
And that's another thing that I think is people's lives are different.
You know, somebody talking about racism in one city is going to be totally different than the racism in another city.
And I also think that there's too much, you can't blame just white.
There's a great deal of racist people of all cultures and all ethnicities, black, Mexican.
I'm sure there's hella racist and Native Americans.
Dude, I know some racist black people.
I know some racist white people.
But as long as we act like it's just a one-person thing, you know, we'll be in a tough, I think we're not going to get past it.
You know, I think in time we will get past it.
We're also in this generation now where everything is like, you know, we're new to these cameras and these phones and these ability.
So it's frenetic.
A lot of that's going to disappear.
It's not disappear, but it's going to become part of the main, the main way we are.
And so I think it'll calm down some.
But yeah, I don't not think that black people have had a tough time.
I don't not think that.
I think in some areas, probably tougher than, in some areas, tougher than others.
I think.
Just my thoughts.
I might be totally fucking wrong.
Probably am.
But I'm not going to be afraid to talk about it.
And I don't think anybody should be afraid to talk about something.
But yeah, if I had never gotten into it, if I had never had the life path that I've had, different places, different things, seen stuff, I don't know if I ever would have been able to see that as clearly and been able to have, you know, be able to see both perspectives and different perspectives.
But it's fascinating.
Life's fascinating.
And we're here.
And we're in a country that has a ton of opportunity.
And I think that that's beautiful.
And I think we got to find a solution.
We have to move forward.
We got to keep moving forward.
But I love your attitude, man.
I appreciate you calling in.
All right, let's take two more calls, man, and let's shut this thing down, man.
Here we go.
Hey, Theos.
My name is Jimmy.
I'm 21 from California, and huge fan.
He's been helping me get to some shit.
And that's kind of what I'm calling about.
It's like I just want to, you know, throw it out there.
Thanks for calling, Jimmy.
Onward.
In April, I was in a motorcycle accident that put my femur through my fibula, shattered my chin.
This shook me down for a second.
More.
I lost a lot of my grounding there.
I was a wild man firefighter before that had happened.
And I was on my way to start working at a higher position.
I lost my girlfriend after the accident.
I don't know.
I've been lonely since the accident.
Wow, so you were in a motorcycle accident and were severely disabled afterwards.
Onward?
I have no funds, no money.
I don't know.
My whole life just kind of turned around after this.
It's been hard to get back on my feet.
My leg still doesn't work properly yet.
I don't know if I'll ever get back on my feet the way I was before.
And I just, I don't know.
I'm kind of like going through an identity crisis through this whole thing.
And that's why I know you're picking on this.
I've been drinking alone a lot lately.
I just don't really know who to turn to at the moment.
Well, I appreciate you calling, man.
Thanks for calling in.
Yeah, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.
I can imagine in that depression, you know, I never had a handicap like that.
You know, I never had a physical handicap, but I've had emotional handicaps.
And I know what it's like to stay indoors for years and not want to do stuff and to feel less than and, you know, to feel like people don't want to, like you're not deserving of a good life.
And that stuff builds on itself too.
You know, depression is like a moss.
You know, in the dark, it builds.
And indoors, you know, in a wet indoors, when you keep, you know, when you keep your body like a, when you keep your life like a, like the bottom of a, of, of a, of a wishing well, it gets, you know, moldy and mossy.
And depression is like that, it'll grow on itself.
It's like, you know, like that kudzoo over there in Atlanta, Brandon.
Over there in Atlanta, Brandon.
Sorry.
But Brandon was the previous caller.
That's why I said that.
But yeah, man, who to turn to?
I mean, the truth is, you got to turn to yourself, bro.
You know, and people will help you shoulder the load, and you can turn to friends, and you can turn to family.
You know, and those are tertiary things that are going to help you, I think.
But in the end, man, it's going to have to be that turn to yourself.
And you don't have to put a timeline on that or anything.
And look, and also, I don't know.
I don't know.
I've never been in a motorcycle accident.
I don't ride motorcycles because of accidents.
That's why.
You know, I used to go speak about organ donation because of my sister.
And the number one organ donors are motorcyclists.
Now, do I get jealous every time I'm in traffic and see a motorcycle zip through?
Yes.
Do I commend and do I do I respect the men that can be out there and just be like, get your motor running and they got a hot piece of ass on the back?
Yes.
Or even just a little, even if it's a puppy back there, still can be a beautiful little fucking little baby Doberman that looks like it's down to fuck, you know?
But yes, I feel that.
Yeah, I'm jealous of that.
But, but yeah, you got to turn to you, bruh.
You got to turn to you.
You know what?
I was listening to this podcast the other day called Business and Biceps.
It's out of Maurice Claret.
You guys remember Maurice Claret from Ohio State University, I believe.
And he has a podcast now with John Fosco.
I was just listening when I was just, it's called Business and Biceps, but this is a clip from it that I pulled.
Let me find it here because I was hoping to be able to use here we go.
And we have a generation where people just feel sorry for themselves.
This is Maurice Clark.
And I'm not saying that this is you, but I'm going to try to tie these in a little bit if I can.
Hold on.
John thinks his sad story is more important than Corey's sad story.
I think my sad story, everybody got one, bro.
And don't nobody give a fuck.
But you can walk around thinking that your sad story or the circumstance that you come from is a valid reason to justify why you're feeling what you do.
Or if somebody should give you a break, nobody gives a fuck, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
And as hard as it is to swallow for most people, and as much as we think that we should all care, I said, nobody cares besides your mother.
You know what I'm saying?
And true that.
And your pastor on Sunday, and he's getting paid to care.
And that's from, yeah, the podcast.
It's called Business and Biceps.
And that's from Maurice Claret.
He's on there at John Fox.
They got a couple of guys out there, and they're Midwestern dudes, and they're hard hitters, you know.
And Maurice is talking about how nobody cares about your sad story on here.
And I don't know.
I'm not saying I disagree, right?
I love his perspective.
I respect his perspective.
I mean, this is a man who this is a man who you want to talk about the deck stacked against him in the world.
I mean, physically, no.
I mean, when you look, you can't, I don't think you can talk about a black guy and say that physically they have the deck stacked against them.
That is, dude, I don't know.
Every time I see a black, you ever seen a black guy, you know, with his shirt off, you're like, damn, that dude, it's like he's just living in a Lamborghini, you know?
And you show up with your white body, it's a little, you know, it can be a little, I mean, at least my white body.
But this is a man who's been through it all.
This is a man who's been through it all and turned his life around Maurice Clarette.
And so to hear him say that, you know, nobody gives, let's listen one more time.
And we have a generation where people just feel sorry for themselves.
Or John thinks his sad story is more important than Corey's sad story.
I think my sad story, everybody got one, bro, and don't nobody give a fuck.
But you can walk around thinking that your sad story or the circumstance that you come from is a valid reason to justify why you're feeling the way that you do or somebody should give you a break.
And so, you know, this doesn't pertain exactly to the motorcycle accident.
But it's like, yeah, at some point, we got to look to ourselves.
We have to look to ourselves.
Because in the end, it's really all you got.
You know, you got a mother that cares about you, hopefully.
And if you don't, you got a father that cares about you, hopefully.
And if you don't, you have a brother or sister that does.
And if you don't, then you got me.
You got the rest of this past weekenders.
You know, you got, I mean, you have people that will.
You can find people that will, but you got to meet the world halfway.
We have to.
You know, like I didn't, you know, I was getting into drugs and, you know, getting into cocaine problems and stuff like that.
And I didn't get any better until I went to get better.
You know, you can't sit around forever and think that it's going to change.
The only thing that makes change is change.
That's it.
Change doesn't just fucking happen.
It doesn't just happen.
There has to be a catalyst.
And now you could sit and wait forever for a catalyst if you want.
You could wait for Mother Nature to pick a lake up and bust it in the ice and make snow.
Or you can get out there and just put on some ice skates and fucking turn your whole world into ice if you want.
You can get out there.
But it's one of the, you know, it's like it's going to be a lot easier for you to start that fire than to sit and wait for fucking fire to show up.
Come on.
But I love you, man.
And I hope that, you know, I haven't never had a physical impairment and I can't imagine what it's like.
But I hope that you feel better.
And I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but, you know, I don't want you sitting there feeling bad.
And I don't really know any other way to inspire you from here or any other way to be supportive than by saying fucking get going.
And you sound like a nice fucking dude.
You sound like a good person.
And I think that the world needs you, bruh.
Because there's some shady fucks out there.
Gang, bruh.
Let's take one more call.
What up, Tio?
It's your boy Jordan from Mobile, Alabama.
What's up, Jordan, down there in Mobile?
And that's that Alabama.
God dang, that Crimson Tide is good, aren't they?
They are good.
Onward.
Calling to let you know who listened.
Yeah, when I was 17, I had a boy, my first and only child.
At age 10, 18, I got married.
And then not long after that, I got paralyzed from the neck down from getting caught up in a mosh pit.
Kind of messed things up for me.
I was up in the hospital for six months.
Jesus, man.
I'm sorry to hear that, brother.
And dude, shout out to anybody that was ever injured in mosh pits in the 90s.
Dude, I remember there'd be a band in town who would be like Electric Puppy Corpse.
And you'd be like, what?
It would be like dick down Falcons.
And they're playing a night at the fucking crispy crust hole.
And you'd go in, and all it would be would be a mosh pit.
It was six or seven bad musicians.
One time I remember going to one, everybody played the drums.
Nobody even sang.
It was seven guys all on drums.
Three guys were on the same drum set from different angles.
And it was one guy screaming in the corner.
I think something was actually wrong with him.
I think his leg was trapped in something.
And then it was some guys.
And then it was just people mosh pitting.
And mosh pitting, it was back in the day, it would just be people fighting indoors somewhere.
And it was kind of sanctioned by music.
Like the music was the referee.
When the music would slow down, that's when the fighting would stop and you'd pull the bloody people out and whatever and put people's teeth back in.
I remember putting somebody fucking molar in the back, not even mine, but it took.
And I remember one dude, he would light his hands on fire and just come rolling through the mosh pit.
By the end of the night, his fucking, he would just have smoke coming off the ends of his arms.
Mosh.
Shout out to everybody who's been injured and handicapped mentally and physically from mosh pits in the 90s.
Dude, I salute you.
You know, it was an insane time.
It'd be like, come see John Dust.
It'd be like, John DeSpistoasters.
They're playing tonight at the holiday inn.
You'd be like, come see, come see unseparated twins, gasoline, fire fuck.
Oh, they're playing, you know, at that abandoned shed next to the Ramada.
And you go in there, no lights, people beating each other in the dark to drums and someone screaming into a microphone for help.
And that was, that was, I think they called it mosh pitting.
But shout out onward.
And I'm sorry, man, you got paralyzed on the waist down.
I'm not trying to make this not about you, but I'm just trying to share that.
So that was pretty rough.
I ended up getting, you know, put me on medicines.
I ended up getting addicted to.
And it was pretty rough.
And I know a lot of people that call in deal with anxiety and depression, and I've dealt with that due to this injury.
And I finally come through it.
I'm off of all the medicines.
I've learned to walk again.
Wow.
Dude, this is awesome, man.
And our producer thank this is a great Call.
This is a great call.
Congratulations, bro.
God, I can't even imagine not being able to move.
And then they put you on painkillers that are highly addictive.
You didn't stand a chance, man.
I don't think.
Onward.
And it wasn't easy, but I just want to get the message out there that it is possible to change your attitude.
And even when life throws crazy things at you, just, you know, stick with it and keep moving because that's what it's all about.
If you stay down and out, you ain't going to get better.
So.
Man, this is crazy.
Because, you know, we might just stop after this because this is, yeah, man.
You know, it's tough.
Look, coming from you, that's what I need to hear.
You know, I've been dealing with just some little things myself here and there, but it's been making me feel just uncertain and unsure.
You know, and sometimes even when things are going well, there's something inside of me that wants to fuck them all up.
But man, you know, how am I going to complain today when I know you're dealing with this?
You can't even move.
And now you can.
And now you're back, bruh.
Now you trick-or-treating again, son.
You trick-or-treating, bro.
You was that coal miner in the wheelchair.
And now you that fucking.
Now you're pregnant, Selena, bruh.
Now you about to deliver in this world.
Let's hear more.
Why not just try to look forward and do the best you can do?
And yeah, I really don't know what else to say.
Love you, man.
And keep it up.
Man, when a guy who can who was handicapped from the waist down and he's telling me to keep it up, he's calling to encourage me.
Wow.
Thanks, man.
I needed that, dude.
I mean, how big is that?
That he, you know, that's his situation.
He's thinking about moving forward.
How do we move forward?
How do you move forward when you are paralyzed?
You know, when you are addicted.
This fucking guy, that's one guy right there in Alabama.
You know, a place that's tough to live.
I don't care what color you are or what, if you have a head or you don't have arms or whatever.
You're in a wheelchair.
You're electrocuted.
You fucking have wings poking out of your back.
You're like Daniel, you're a damn hoof boy.
You know, your daddy turned you into a fucking little deer.
You know, it's a tough, look, that's a tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough existence that this man has had.
And he's moving forward, bruh.
I love it.
I love it, man.
Man, I'm happy to be here to be a part of this.
Whatever paralyzes you, bro, if you're feeling down, you know, if your paralyzation has come from, you know, decades and generations and centuries of your people being not given opportunity.
You know, if your paralyzation comes from, you know, self-doubt and depression, you know, sexual inadequacy, you know, anger.
You know, issues where you felt like you didn't get the love you needed as a child.
Whatever it is, it's like, look, man, you heard fucking Maurice fucking Clarette say it, bruh.
And we have a generation where people just feel sorry for themselves.
And it's not, we're not, and we are, we are feeling sorry for ourselves, and that's okay.
We can feel it.
We can feel it.
We're here feeling it.
That's what we're doing.
And it's not all what we're doing.
We're conversing.
We're figuring it out.
But we can keep moving.
We can keep moving forward.
There's a guy who's fucking paralyzed moving forward, bro.
We can all do it.
So, it's going to be really awkward right now to lead us out of here with this scary music.
But you can always hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
Thank you to everybody that called.
You know, and if this podcast ain't for you, bro, then it ain't for you.
If it is for you, it is for you.
I want to wish everybody a, uh, I want to wish everybody a happy Halloween.
And I want to wish everybody.
And I want to wish myself more patience with others.
And I want to wish the same thing for you.
And I want to wish people that's struggling with something that they can start to unstruggle with it and feel power back inside of themselves.
And I want to wish that for myself too.
And that's okay.
And I believe that we're good people.
And I believe that if we're not, that we still can be.
And they say a leopard never changes his spots.
And I don't believe that.
I do not believe that at all.
Because I don't have the same spots I used to have, man.
I mean, I might have a whole new rash, but it's not the same spots.
Let's listen to this Halloween music.
That's not good enough.
Awkward waiting in the episode, but that's life, boys.
Sometimes it's good.
Sometimes it's weird.
Sometimes it's whatever.
As always, you can hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
I want to thank you to everyone that called in.
I'm very grateful to have callers that care enough to A, share their lives and Buck, I don't know what B is yet.
I don't know what B is yet.
And B share their thoughts.
Yeah, share their lives and their thoughts.
I'm grateful for that.
Halloween's coming, bro.
What you want to be?
I want that Snicker.
I want that Snicker.
Ooh, sometime now I would settle for a little baby Ruth.
God, damn, bruh.
A baby Ruth, bruh.
I don't know who baby Ruth is, man, but I want to put that little bad girl in my mouth.
You feel me?
Gang, gang.
Let's see if this is scary.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
You probably deserve it.
And thank you guys for being here with me this week.
I'll see you guys on Thursday's episode.
I'll see you guys on Thursday's episode.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Suiar.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
