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July 7, 2017 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:02:34
Follow Up: What is an American? | This Past Weekend #31

Theo takes callers views on Americanism.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
Don't matter what you have, it'll cure what ails you.
And that right there is Jason Rivera, and that song is titled People on the Bus.
I want to thank you for sending that in, brother.
It is Thursday edition.
This past follow-up, we are talking about America, what it means to be an American.
That's Jason Rivera sent that in, and that song is from America.
That song was made here in America.
That's an American-made song.
Thank you guys for joining me.
We're going to crack right into it.
We had a lot of great calls talking about America, what it means to be an American today to you and to me.
You know what, I'm going to start off.
I'll just reiterate a little bit.
You know, I told you guys that I spent my weekend in small town America, 1,400 people.
To me, that's about as small as you could get and still be what felt like a town to me.
There wasn't a lot going on.
You know, it was a family-first type of environment.
You know, family was everything.
Just having children was important.
It was almost like having, you know, in busier cities and in wealthier environments, it was almost like having money.
Family seemed to be a currency there.
Rumors were bigger there.
Rumors were, you know, like, did you hear this or did you hear that?
You know, because with less people, words, they hang in the air longer.
You know, like the kind of like the seminal spray of a lean seahorse.
Picture a seahorse jumping out of the water and spraying out its nuts out into the air.
That's going to be a beautiful mist, something fine that's going to hang in the air.
And that's how the rumors are in a smaller town.
They tend to hang in the air more because there's less people.
So, you know, words aren't as plentiful.
So when something is said, it hangs around longer.
People get up early.
People are working.
That was a big thing.
Getting up early, showing that you were awake to your neighbors, probably to your children.
Going to church was important, not only for religious purposes, but also as a social event in a smaller town or a smaller community.
You know, that's important.
You know, just getting to see other people.
That's where you would do it at church.
Fostering children was big, it seemed like.
I ran into a few different families that had foster children.
And you might say, well, Theo, that's nothing, you know.
Well, I've lived in Los Angeles for a long time.
I've met a few people that have had foster children.
Now, a foster child is sometimes there are children that have, you know, their parents are doing wrong and they're being, you know, wild and they're being miscreants and they're being, you know, rabid almost.
Something's wrong with their brain or something's wrong with their, they might have addiction.
They're not taking care of their children.
And those children will go into foster homes where people whose families are functioning well will take care of them.
You also have children that's going to be straight up adopted.
And I saw a lot of that in this smaller town environment.
Of course, this is just one small town.
I'm not saying this is every small town, but I'm just telling you some things that I noticed.
And for being in that small of an environment, to see a couple different families that had foster children that stood out to me.
Keeping your yard clean was important.
Keeping your yard, you know, just the grass cut.
Keep your grass cut.
You know, keep your dirty laundry off the clothesline.
It can be there for a couple days, but it doesn't need to be hanging out there for a month.
And I liked that.
I liked having this semblance of responsibility because it was a smaller environment.
You felt more liable to your peers because there were so few of them, you know, and more liable to your neighbors.
There was a little bit of drinking, you know, probably as much as anywhere else.
But in a small town, like if you drink a lot, you're going to be the town drunk pretty quick because there aren't as many people.
So I think like what you do and who you are in a smaller environment resonates more because it means more to you because there's less people there to see it.
And because, you know, with a smaller environment, less people to see it.
That means that your actions, they really speak volumes because you probably don't get a million chances to impress people.
So yeah, that was my America, man.
That was my America this past weekend in a small town.
And then it got me to thinking after last episode of this past weekend, what was my America, you know, personally?
And we're going to get into some calls here in just a few minutes, but I just want to tell you what my America was like.
So some takeaways from my America growing up.
That's what I want to serve to you first here.
Opportunity.
I never felt like I couldn't.
Not an America.
I didn't feel that.
I didn't feel like I couldn't.
There have been many times where I felt like I didn't do things.
I didn't achieve.
I didn't try hard.
You know, I didn't accomplish.
But I never felt like I couldn't have achieved.
Like it wasn't an opportunity.
Like it wasn't an option.
One of my best friends, I remember, asked me one time, he said, Theo, have you ever worked really hard at something and not achieved it?
And I thought, like, wow, I really hadn't.
You know, I never worked, and I'm not trying to brag about myself, but I never worked really hard at something and not achieved it.
I've had goals that I didn't achieve, surely, but that I really gave it my all, that I didn't take time off, that I didn't take naps when I shouldn't have, or, you know, spend time petting the neighbor's animals when I should have been out there running track, you know, or, you know, hiding things.
I remember I got this, one time I was trying to be this, when the school spelling bee, and somebody gave us one of those electric worm rods.
And those worm rods, you put them in the ground, you plug them in, and it electrocutes the ground, and the worms come up.
I mean, it's like free worms.
I mean, it's like, you know, when, you know, it's like parting the seas almost and just worms, worms, just coming up out of the ground.
Worms you didn't even know were in the ground.
And you put the stick in and boom, worms fly up.
Anywhere you plug it in at, this electrical worm rod.
And I remember getting addicted to using that for probably about three weeks and came spelling bee time.
I got fifth place.
You know?
And I could have done better if I'd have tried.
Half the kids in my town could not spell, still cannot.
You know, and that's honest.
That's honest to goodness.
That's true.
And I think a lot of them, if they're listening to this, will hear that and be like, what's he talking about?
But then if they really start thinking around, they'll be like, yeah, he's probably right.
I didn't come from really from the spelling belt.
But anyhow, I got that worm rod and I wasn't focused and I didn't do well on the spelling bee.
Actually, a pregnant girl beat me in fifth grade.
She won the school spelling bee.
I will never forget that.
Anyhow, but I'd never worked really hard at something and not been able to achieve it.
You know, and that was, I think that's just a testament to the fact that we live in America.
You know, because I never felt like I couldn't.
I mean, my mother was educated.
She didn't have the greatest employment, but she worked hard.
She delivered baked goods.
She delivered newspapers.
And that was because of circumstance.
She had to work because she had to provide.
You know, she was not ignorant in the least.
She graduated from Duke University.
She was an educated lady.
And she never left me with a feeling that I couldn't.
You know, I think she always left me with a feeling that as long as I got educated, that I could.
And then I naturally just felt in America that as long as I made an effort, that I would always have opportunity.
You know, that opportunity was always going to be there.
The second thing is you can share your opinion.
And we're going to get to some calls, guys.
We've got a bunch of calls coming in.
I'll get to them shortly.
I just want to establish a little bit more of my foundation because this whole thing got me to thinking, what did America mean to me?
And I'm coming to you from Nashville.
I'm in Nashville.
Some of you guys are probably wondering, well, Theo, why wasn't the episode up on Thursday morning?
Well, it's still Thursday.
Okay.
It's 8.49 p.m.
here.
And I just got it up.
I had to fly here.
And I went and saw a Book of Mormon last night.
I wanted to do something for myself.
But yeah, the second thought for me was that I can share my opinion.
You know, though I think that some people should have to be licensed these days to have an opinion because with stuff like Twitter and all this, any mook, you know, gets to have one.
And that's a Joey Diaz term right there.
But I got to have one.
You know, even the ignorant got to have one.
If you were really ignorant, you still got to have an opinion.
You know, if you were cruel or whatever your intentions, they didn't have to check your intentions.
Everyone got an opinion.
That's one thing you naturally feel here in America.
Or I did anyway.
Safety, that's another feeling that I think about when I think about America.
You know, growing up, I didn't live in the safest neighborhood, but I felt safe in my country.
You know, I felt like our neighborhood, our town, our city, our state was safe.
You know, we weren't at war with Mississippi, you know, even though we were in a battle for, I think, first, like last place for good drinking water.
But we weren't at like, you know, at physical odds.
And that's a blessing that America's always had.
We're not at war with our border neighbors.
You know, Canada's not going to attack us.
I mean, they would ask first if they could attack us.
They are, you know, the most kindred people usually.
Mexico's not going to attack us because they're all here.
So, I mean, they'd have to leave and then come attack.
They're not going to do that.
So, you know, we've just been so fortunate geographically.
I mean, so many other countries are at war with their neighbors.
You know, I've had a shitty neighbor, dude.
I've had the shitty, you know, my stepparents still have a shitty batch of neighbors over there.
And the Akmans, these guys are a bunch of damn devils.
They've got nine children and all of them, you know, just look like they got extra bones in their face and whatever.
And I don't know, they're not bad people, but they're bad neighbors.
They're bad neighbors.
And thankfully, they don't have guns, though, because we've all had a shitty neighbor.
Now, give your shitty neighbor a gun.
That is spooky.
You know, that's terrifying.
And that's most countries' truth.
You know, and that's not ours.
And then also pride.
I always felt a sense of pride for America.
And I think some of that came from just a pride that was in the air.
You know, the news was always like, America's trying.
You know, we're trying our best.
You know, we're in it together.
And this isn't good for America.
This isn't good.
America wasn't divided, really.
I think there were different views and different political parties, sure, but America itself wasn't divided.
You know, you always felt like somebody had the best interests of America, that your leaders did.
And I remember a few years ago, I wandered out of a buddy's apartment complex and they had a veterans parade going on.
And it just brought a tear to me, man.
It just made me tear up.
You know, because your emotions, when I would see, I just saw the men walking down the street and the flags.
And you think of all the wars where people didn't come home.
And maybe I romanticize things.
Maybe I'm a romantic.
But it just made me feel something.
It made me feel a part of something.
It made me feel gratitude.
And it wasn't a feeling that I had to create, that I had to think up.
It was something innate inside of myself.
Like my emotions just got erect, you know?
Because your emotions, I mean, they will come to the surface of your skin.
You can feel these just whirlpools of just tenderness and damn just like just like just like somebody filled your neck and your in your face with warm and your cheeks with warm apple cobbler, you know?
And that's your emotions getting riled up.
And then they tear up.
A lot of times your emotions will basically ejaculate out of your eyes with salt water.
And that's tears.
And that's what happened to me watching that Veterans Day parade was seeing these men and just seeing the pride that they all had this one thing in common, that they had supported this flag, that they had supported this idea of America.
And maybe that's a romanticized idea, but I would rather have a romanticized idea than the alternative, which is having no pride in our country.
I would rather have the first one.
And we had that, and it was just a lot of that.
There was more of that back then, it felt like, more of that pride, you know.
And now, I just don't know if you see it as much.
You know, the flag felt like a real thing to me.
I don't know if I was young, but the flag felt like a real thing.
You know, we had to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school, I think just on Friday.
But we all got up and we said it together and we crossed our, you know, we crossed our chest with our hand and we said it.
And it wasn't that everybody was like, fuck yeah, America, you know, at the end of it.
But it was just something that was unifying.
It was some solidarity.
And I think that that's important.
And it felt important then.
It felt like, oh, we're all on the same team.
If something happens or something comes in here and invades us, I don't care if it's a, you know, back then it was Cuba or Russia or Guam.
I don't care if it's, you know, one of those forces.
Or I don't care if it's a damn vulture.
I don't care if it's some, you know, creaky old angry vulture that flies in here, you know, and is just, you know, trying to bite people's necks and stuff and just damn, just beak people's eyelashes off their face or whatever.
But it felt like anything that came in, we had each other and that we were going to be supportive of each other.
And that was, that was good, man.
I liked that.
I liked that feeling.
You know, I liked that feeling.
I felt fortunate.
I felt fortunate to live in America.
And now it feels as if the American flag, it's like when they show it on TV, they show it sometimes, it's like in this context that we should be ashamed of it.
Like it's only representative of people that aren't open-minded.
And that's extremely alarming to me.
And this is just my point of view.
And I'm happy to be wrong.
I'm happy to be reminded of the other side.
And you can hit the hotline and tell me about that.
But I just feel sometimes like they're trying to show it in a way that we should be ashamed.
You know, like, what are you doing with yourselves, America?
You know?
But it's the number one flag, man.
I mean, it's the flag.
It burns me up when I meet Americans that aren't even supportive of America.
You know, and I even meet some of them through work and everything where it's like you see a lot of it in, I think, bigger cities where there's a lot more diversity.
You know, and people voting for the interest of the country that they came from, you know, but not voting for the interest of America.
But that's wild to me because I guess I just could never imagine that, you know, it's like if you're here, you vote for here.
You know, you vote for what you think is best for here.
Because I don't have any issue with the countries that some of these people might be from that they might do this sort of thing, but it upsets me to hear that.
You know, I'm happy that you're from another country.
I'm happy that you live here and that your children live here and you make money here, whatever.
But I find it, to me, rude that you should favor that country, whatever your country is that your parents or grandparents are from, than the one that you currently live and prosper in.
I think that's selfish.
And I think that's rude.
And a country that you receive military safety from.
You know, if your home country is so phenomenal, then just stay there and vote for what you want to there.
But at least if you're going to be in America, at least be supportive of America.
Now, those are my thoughts and feelings being an American and not being from somewhere else and living here.
But I do wonder, if I lived in another country, how would I behave?
You know?
If I lived in Spain, would I vote for, and there was an election, would I vote for whatever's best for America?
You know, or would I vote for what's best for Spain?
You know, it's easy for me to sit here and say that I wouldn't, but I don't know.
You know, I don't know for sure.
But I do know that I don't expect you to live here and not support this nation.
You know, sure, was this nation built upon, you know, the backs of slavery and greed and countless negative things?
Yes and no.
You know, I'll say both.
I think a lot of those things are just how humanity has played out.
I think they are infections and just how humanity's played out.
But we can't entirely condemn our current state for the atrocities of times long ago.
Times were different.
You know, we can't just keep beating ourselves up for things that we weren't even doing.
We can try to repair, but we can't just keep beating ourselves up for a past that we were not even alive for.
And that if we had the chance to play out again, that we probably wouldn't do.
All right, let's get to some calls, man.
You guys have been patient.
Thank you for hearing me out.
Thank you guys for hitting the hotline.
That number is 985-665-9403, I think.
Let me check right now.
That number is 985-664-9503.
All right, let's get some calls right here.
And you're on this past weekend follow-up.
Theo, what's up, you overconfident Kuyon?
Man, I was calling in to tell you I think the greatest thing about America is civil discourse.
I can think one thing, you can think another thing, and we all good.
Now, this gentleman said, call me a Kuyon.
Now, he's just saying, you, you know, that's Cajun lingo for you, you know, you little shit boy or whatever, you wild shit man, feces, pepper boy, you know, something like that.
And he's saying that civil discourse, we can agree to disagree, or we can at least disagree.
Onward.
Well, as long as people don't act stupid.
Anyway, I think the biggest problem facing us here in the great land of America is overpopulation.
I don't have a real good answer to that, at least not one that most people would subscribe to.
I would like to hear your opinion on that.
Is there a cure for overpopulation?
We're going to run ourselves out of land and food.
Have a good one, man.
I mean, I think there's, yeah, there's a cure for overpopulation.
You know, you can stop people from having other people.
And I've said this before, you can take people's nuts.
You can take kids' nuts, you know, and give them back later when they have proven that they are contributing members of society.
And I don't think that just the rich are going to be contributing members.
I think you're going to have all types, you know.
But I think that would create a desire amongst young men to want to do better and do their best.
Now, overpopulation, yeah, I mean, it's a real fact.
It's a fact what you're talking about.
I mean, the amount of resources we have and the rate that we are creating more people is unbelievable, especially in America.
It's not sustainable.
It's not.
Go look it up.
Look it up all over.
You know, look in your refrigerator.
Now add 20 people to your house.
And now what you have in your refrigerator looks like a lot less.
And that's what's going on.
Big picture America.
It might not happen in our lifetime, but big picture America.
And America, we are so greedy.
We use, I read somewhere that the average American uses eight times the average amount of, you know, food and water and whatever, toilet tissues and this and that, Kleenexes and soap and everything, as the average Chinese or Indian person.
Can you even imagine that?
I mean, that's consumption.
That's crazy.
And when you think about it, you don't see a fat Indian.
You know, you just don't see it.
I mean, they had one fat Indian, they made a dang God out of him.
That Buddha.
That Buddha, man.
And they made him the God.
Because he was fat.
He was the only fat one they'd ever seen.
You know, and he was being greedy at the pork plate.
Or God just made him fat.
And they saw him then as a deity.
But you don't see a lot of fat Chinese, you know.
If they got a fat Chinese, they make them wrestle.
You know, if they got a fat Chinese, they're suddenly famous wrestlers, you know, or they're in these videos shooting each other and, you know, with air pistols and with paint guns.
So you don't see a lot of that gluttony.
In America, we are gluttonous.
And as the population increases, boy, shit is going to be set off.
You're going to see a couple of mooks out in the street, couple brothers out there beating each other down for a couple sticks of celery.
And the least aggressive of humans will lose out.
You know?
You tell them you're going to wrestle a couple carrot sticks away from a real strong brother out of Florida?
You know the answer to that.
You're going to be carrot free.
You're going to be carrot free, man.
So, yeah, consumption's at a crazy level.
Is this something that's going to happen to us now overpopulation?
No.
But it's a real thing that's going to happen.
But can you imagine if they started to put stipulations on how many children you can have?
All these women who are, and I'm talking violent women, nasty women, or some of these nasty women, not all, some of these super nasty, the kind who are wearing capes and just flying around eating air pussy, they would be upset.
They would be very upset, even though they don't even have children.
I bet they would be upset.
And then you would have some people, you know, you have Christian uprising for sure, you know, because a lot of that is go forth and populate.
And, you know, it would be interesting.
You'd have a lot of different variations and levels of people not wanting to put humanity first.
Because that's the thing.
It's like we don't want to put The extension of humanity first, we all want to put ourselves first.
And you see it a lot with healthcare: it's like we just don't want to admit that we all are going to die.
We don't want to face it, we don't want to admit it.
I mean, because we almost feel like we're at a point where we can beat it or something, but the fact is, we're all going to.
So, anyway, not to try and get Debbie Downers on you.
And this has kind of gotten a serious episode, but you know, we're talking about America and that's serious stuff, you know.
Now, the next one we had in right here was a text, and I'll read this to you.
This is from Sal.
Yo, Theo, it's Sal from Jersey again.
I texted a while back.
I told you I started a podcast with my uncle called the Red Podcast.
You definitely touched on some chords about America.
I feel like people have forgotten.
They forgot 9-11.
They forgot that America is the place that people from other countries literally die to fucking come here.
Die to fucking come here, he said.
They forgot what made this country great, which is you can be, you can make yourself anything you want to be with maximum effort.
He says this younger generation has been coddled into believing they don't have to work.
If people would strive for the best and to be the best, everything would be different.
And you know what?
Some of this stuff I agree.
Sal, I appreciate you texting in.
And I appreciate our previous caller calling in.
I didn't say thank you.
And some of this I agree with.
Laziness has become an infection.
I mean, I really feel like it's become an infection.
You know, for once, I'd like to see a politician say, hey, get off your ass because you and your laziness are killing America.
Because we're only good as our lowest common denominator.
And there's this laziness out there that's been created that we don't seem to be able to beat.
And sometimes I think that it's an infection, you know?
I feel like we've gotten so comfortable that it's become, we've been infected by comfort, if that makes any sense.
You know, it's like, like, I think it's a product of too much comfort.
It's why, because even the poor are lazy.
If you notice that.
Even the poor are lazy.
It used to be the rich were lazy, you know?
Like, you'd picture like this big fat rich guy just being lazy and just, you know, sitting around just eating artichoke hearts and just, you know, having, you know, hookers blow cocaine into his eyes and, you know, having Chinese kids just fucking choke each other out in the yard for entertainment and shit like that.
But now the rich are working harder and the poor, a lot of the poor, just seem to have given up.
You know, and this is just, these are some thoughts that I have, but I'm wondering, has the ability to make it out of poverty become too steep?
You know, has that ability, has it become too steep to even make it out that people are just like, ah, fuck it.
I'll just live off the government as long as I have a cell phone, you know, as long as my basic needs are met.
And if you're someone who's in that strata, you know, that socioeconomic class, call in and let me know.
You know, do you feel like if you are poor that you've lost hope?
And there's no shame in being poor.
You know, I mean, there's a lot that keep the poor down.
You know, if you're rich and you get a pill addiction, you got some easy way.
You know, you can go to a fancy place to get better.
But you're poor, you're battling these opioids, man.
It's all, I mean, it's tougher when you don't have money.
You know, when I was young, it was mostly like booze that was keeping people sick, you know, at the bottom rungs of society.
And food, booze and food.
But now, you know, is it too much?
Are there too many things with these strong opioids and with these methadone and, you know, and just to get to that higher level, to get out of that lower strata?
Do you think it's too high of a reach?
Do you think we've just been infected by taking care of people so much that even people who have dreams, they're just like, ah, they're too far.
It's comfortable enough.
Have we made it too comfortable for people, all people, not just poor people, but have we made it too comfortable?
Have we achieved just such a basic level of comfort that we are killing that desire?
You know, that we're killing that desire to want to do better.
You know, has laziness become an infection?
Are we infected by our own level of basic comfort?
I think that's what I'm trying to get.
I hope that makes sense.
Sometimes I don't even know.
Because it does seem like these days, if you have a cell phone, you're kept entertained and that's enough.
You know, that's enough.
You have entertainment.
You have free health care.
You're satiated.
You're satiated, you know?
Like when I was growing up, we didn't have health insurance, I remember.
We just didn't have it.
There were times where we did have it, and then there were times where we just didn't have it.
My mother was like, you can't play that.
You can't go play football at the school because if you get hurt, you're just going to be that boy who's got his arm tied to the side of his body for the rest of his life.
You know?
And we've all gotten a little bit infected by laziness.
I'll sit in my living room sometimes.
It's 9 a.m.
and I look around and I say to myself, man, if I go back to sleep right now, tomorrow will be exactly the same.
I can get up tomorrow and just do today.
I'll be okay.
I can call in sick.
I'll be okay.
You know, Instagram and social media, it's made us all kind of celebrities in a way.
You know, it's made us all satiated.
We've all got enough celebrity.
We've all got enough.
It used to be, you know, you had to hustle.
You know, I remember we were, I think, eight years old before we got a VCR.
You know?
And that was big in our neighborhood.
We didn't have that.
You know, and it was, but now everybody has, so you're satiated enough.
Your desire's gotten lazy.
It's innate.
You know, we're all celebrities.
And we don't even want to show ourselves working hard on our Instagrams and stuff, if you notice that.
Nobody wants to show hard work.
Isn't that interesting?
We don't want to show that.
We want to show ourselves, you know, whizzing around in benzes and being amazing and beating the fuck out of magicians, you know?
Because magicians do, they're arch nemesis of comedians.
And if you don't know that, then now you know that, dude.
But yeah, have we gotten lazy?
You know, social media doesn't, it doesn't convey the human spirit very well.
You know, social media does not convey the human spirit very well.
Have we killed spirit?
Have we killed spirit, the human spirit?
Is something going on today in the society where we've killed it in America?
You know, I remember I used to cut timber when I was young with this boy, this fellow.
He was mentally retarded, this man.
They call him Slack Ronnie.
And I'm not making fun of him for being retarded.
I loved him.
You know, and I still would love him if I saw him because he's still alive.
He's in Mississippi.
But I used to cut timber with him when I was working on this farm.
And they called him Slack Ronnie because he was slack in his brain, you know.
But he was a good guy, and he loved the Boston Celtics.
And he always called me Cad Daddy.
He's like, what'd you say there, Cad Daddy?
I love them Boston Celtics.
But he almost cut my leg off one time when we were working together because I had a tan and he kind of thought that my leg was birch, you know, was a birch branch.
But he worked hard.
That was the thing about Ronnie.
Ronnie worked hard, you know, because he still had spirit in him that wasn't affected.
And even though he was mentally handicapped, they still let him get out there with his spirit.
Even though he was mentally unwell, you know, even though part of his brain was dormant, you know, even though if his brain was a birdhouse, they wouldn't have maybe but one bird a year stopping by and probably wouldn't lay any eggs, maybe just shit in the corner.
But they still let him work because he had the spirit.
He wanted to work.
And now the government, if you mentally disabled, if you slack, they're happy at just giving you a little bit of money.
Don't work.
And I wonder if that's just laziness.
If laziness is even at the, you know, that's a weird outlier to look at, but it's real.
And it makes me wonder about laziness and not catering to our spirit, to the human spirit, to the American spirit.
Because this was 22 years ago.
But the mentally ill were working back then.
They were working hard.
The mentally ill had spirit.
You know, Ronnie was running chainsaw.
They didn't even let me run the damn chainsaw because I had less experience.
This dude has the mental experience of probably a nine-year-old.
But because a year and a half of that nine years was running chainsaw, he got to run it.
And I'm out there risking getting my leg cut off even though I'm 22 years old.
And today, if you're mentally ill, people don't want you working because somehow it became bad for you.
You know, too many people that aren't even mentally ill decided it was safer for the mentally ill not to work.
And the spirit dies then.
The spirit dies, man.
Let's take another caller here, man.
I didn't mean to get in all that off that text, but let's take another caller here.
Here we see.
Here we go.
Hey, Theobon, I was couldn't sleep.
Spotted stuff having a couple of beers and your podcast came up.
I was listening and had a question.
What does it mean to be an American these days?
And then you seem to indicate that.
Yep, that was the question there, brother.
What does it mean to be an American?
I'm happy that you woke up or couldn't sleep and decided to have a couple beers, man.
I like that.
I respect that, dude.
That's very Irish.
And then you seem to indicate that maybe isolationism was the answer, but I don't think it is.
I mean, the worst terrorist attack we had in 2001, when they took down those buildings, we didn't try and run away and hide ourselves and build walls around ourselves and keep people we thought might be bad out.
We just, you know, straighten our shoulders and move forward.
He's saying isolationism.
He's saying, you know, that it's not a time for America to shut down and to look inward, I'm guessing, but to straighten our shoulders out and go forward.
Well, let's listen to the rest.
And I think that's what we have to do with every one of these cowardly attacks.
Most of them don't come from outside sources anyway.
Most of them come from people who are here who are idiots and get converted with propaganda anyway.
I don't think the way forward is to hide.
I think the way forward is to move forward.
All right, brother.
I appreciate your call, man.
I don't know if you kind of understood what I was saying.
I appreciate your call.
You're saying steady our shoulders, you know, don't isolate.
But I guess I don't know what you mean exactly because I don't think that un-Americanness is coming from outside of us these days.
You know, after 9-11, we steadied our shoulders and we moved forward, right?
There wasn't any isolation.
Everyone was American, and we were, you know, wondering who did this and what's the best, how do we get these, you know, do we take revenge?
Do we lead by example?
And I think there's a bit of both.
I think Bush administration tried to take revenge, and I think that Obama's administration tried to more lead by example of not taking revenge.
But everyone I felt like was America first, at least for right after 9-11.
But now what's Happening to America is the division, it's here.
The division isn't coming from, you know, I don't think the division is coming really from outside of us.
I mean, they're definitely, the more we diversify ourselves, the more different ideas we will have here and different devout beliefs.
But I feel like there's this, there's a, there's a division amongst amongst pre-existing Americans, you know, that we don't have an enemy, that we're finding the enemy amongst ourselves.
You know, I don't feel like we're isolating as much as we are dividing.
You know, I don't feel like America is sticking together against the bad guy, whatever that is, that bad guy may be, and that's just a, you know, a term.
But I feel like that America is turning at each other and thinking each other is the bad guy.
You know, you can say keep the shop open and don't hide, but I don't think we're hiding from anyone as much as we are facing off against each other.
You know, if that makes any sense to you.
And I appreciate your call.
And I also don't think things are as bad as the media makes them out to be.
But I do appreciate your call, man.
But I'm thinking more like what is, how are we on, just like what makes us American or what makes you feel American?
So that might have been a little bit off of a topic, your call.
But thank you anyhow.
All right, let's check in another call here.
We got Jeff from Colorado.
Hey, Theo, this is Jeff calling you from Colorado.
Ooh, I just said that.
Thank you for your call, Jeff.
Appreciate you.
Onward.
Just about your what is America these days or what does it mean to be an American?
And I think that you kind of touched on it when you said we all have a different idea of what that means, depending on where we are in the country.
And, you know, even the people that don't, that aren't proud of the country, that think that it's full of deplorables and all that stuff, they have a right to feel that way too.
And that's the great thing about it is that we are free to believe whatever we want to believe.
That's true.
That's a great point, man.
We're free to believe whatever we want to believe.
I can sit here, I can listen to callers say their beliefs.
I can share mine.
And I just want to interject right now.
We are getting to the point where we'll be able to have live callers.
Hopefully, I know I keep kind of saying it.
I'm trying to make it happen.
I promise you.
It costs.
It takes time.
Location is a lot of stuff.
But I do want you to know that that is an end goal of mine or a goal of mine.
But anyhow, let's get back to your call here, Jeff.
Either celebrate our country or not.
Yeah, people have the opportunity to celebrate our country or not.
Yes.
But I guess I wish, and it could be selfish, that everyone should celebrate our country no matter what.
That's what's so special about America.
And, you know, I mean, out of many, one, right?
Each Laura Basinum is the model for our country.
So I just think that we all need to remember that on a fundamental level, we all agree that this is the place to live.
And if we start there, it's easier to have conversations about difficult topics if we can find common ground first and then build up from that.
So anyway, yeah, don't be ashamed to fly those flags because this is the greatest country that the world has ever known.
Thanks for your call, Jeff.
I appreciate that.
And say hello to Colorado for me.
I've had some issues up there at different altitudes, but I've always enjoyed myself.
Well, I'll say this.
I mean, you know, you say as long as we are on the same common ground, but I don't know if we are.
That's the thing.
You know, and I don't know.
And some people, you know, like you're in the election, you had people saying they would leave America if their person didn't win.
Like, what?
Where are you going to go?
And then to not even go.
It's just such a spoiled kind of vibe.
I feel like it's out there.
And you say fly the flags.
I mean, there's a vibe by some in America that the American flag is negative.
You know, if you wave a flag, an American flag at an intersection in Los Angeles or maybe not New York City as much, but in Los Angeles, people might view you as a troublemaker.
You know, it feels like, you know, like the television, like they don't, you know, that they would make it seem that they would make it seem that way.
You know, and maybe part of that's because, you know, during the election, the most recent presidential election, you had Trump that used the red, white, and blue flag, the American flag, more as his campaign flag.
And then Hillary created sort of this different emblem with the H and the arrow.
And so I don't know if maybe that started some of it, that, you know, it put a different emblem up there for people that were supporting one direction as opposed to people that were supporting the other.
You know, but I don't know.
Do we all agree on that?
Do we all agree that this is the greatest place to live?
Because I feel like, I feel like we should, but I don't know if I'm able to comprehend the different perspectives that would make me feel like I would say that we shouldn't.
You know, I don't know if I'm able to, it's hard to see other people's perspectives.
That's what's so hard.
They always say like, well, put your person in that person's shoes, but it's so hard to really do that.
And I think we've just been getting a lot of perspectives these days.
And everybody's perspective is shared.
And everybody's perspective is magnified because, you know, the news is entertainment now.
And as long as they can create controversy, they'll do it.
So it's just, it's a confusing time.
But I don't know if we're all on, if we all agree on that.
And if we do, we might do it for different reasons, you know.
I think some people see America more as like just a grounds for profit.
Some people see it more as like a land of liberty.
And a lot of us probably just see it as both, you know, Something in between.
But I think that some people have been affected or infected really by the American dream.
You know, some people are living the American dream.
You know, we watched our parents live it.
You know, we're trying to achieve it.
And others, I feel like, are infected with it.
They always had it.
You know, because I think the American dream can be an infection.
They were born into it.
I mean, how can you have gratitude when you've never had to be grateful for anything?
I don't see how you can.
I think it would be very hard to.
And I'm not saying that the wealthy are ungrateful or that they're un-American, but I do sense a vibe amongst the uber wealthy, like a sense of kind of entitlement that feels like an infection.
And I sense it.
I've sensed it sometimes in myself.
You know, and I'm not uber wealthy, I mean, but I have been blessed to transcend class in my life, you know.
I mean, everybody's been poor.
A lot of people have.
I'm not saying I was ever any poorer than you, but I grew up poor below the poverty line, you know.
I mean, I grew up, you know, when I really think about it, I just grew up poor.
I just did, you know, and I was ashamed of it for a long time and whatever.
But anyhow, but I've been blessed now to transcend class, so I'm able to see what other people are seeing.
And I even sometimes will see the poorest of the poor now.
And some of the stuff that they do or their vibe, it's sometimes it just, it makes me sad, you know?
Whereas years ago, that would have been my tribe, you know, but it was also all I knew.
But I question the motive of people, you know, who live here and who make their money here and pull their wealth from America, but say that it's not the place to live or who refer to others as, you know, as deplorable just because other people don't have.
You know, like I said earlier, we're just our lowest common denominator.
But I do notice that when you achieve the American dream and you are able to start to live in it, that you get comfortable.
And I think that if people are born into it and have had just that extensiveness of it their whole life, and maybe their parents were as well, so there's not even a fable or a tale in their family, you know, to be passed down, that how are they going to have any gratitude to live or gratitude for people that are still suffering to achieve their dreams?
It's like when you live at Disney World, how can you know it's Disney World?
You don't know.
You know, you can't.
It's very rare that you can.
And I find it, I wonder if it's probably very rare that some parents are able to recognize their level of success and their environment and still able to teach their kids, you know, how to handle themselves and how to live decently in a world where a lot of people aren't as fortunate as they are.
And I can see that infection occur.
I can feel it sometimes in myself at certain moments.
You know, I can feel those dark arts, man.
And I feel like America's gotten to the point where we're kind of steadying our shoulders.
We're moving forward, you know.
And I think America's saying enough of these politicians that don't serve us.
We want to get rid of this system.
I feel like we are.
We're doing some things, you know.
But yeah, it's crazy.
It's like it's just, it's crazy, man.
It's a lot going on right now.
And that's interesting.
There's a lot going on.
If you want to open your mind and think about this stuff, there's a lot.
There's a lot of levels.
There's a lot of levels.
Thank you for your call.
Let's take one more call right here.
And this is from Tom.
This is one of my favorite calls, actually.
Let's listen to it.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, it's Tom.
I live in rural, rural North Carolina now.
I grew up in the inner city, and I just want to talk about what America means to me.
Rural.
Now, this is kind of the call I was looking for.
Something like this.
And other people have done it, but I'm liking this.
Let's go, Tom.
Rural North Carolina.
Growing up, I didn't have a lot of opportunity, but I had a lot more than somebody in my position in another country.
My brother chose to go enlist in 2001 to the Iraq war.
And that always meant a lot to me.
That was, I mean, some of the things he's talked about and the problems he's had after and just to take the chance to go out and know you could die just to make a better life for me.
And my pop served in Korea.
Okay, so he's got a military family.
There's a lot of stuff there in his family where, you know, you grow up, you see those pictures of your family and your siblings in the military and that outfit and that uniform.
A lot of fear, I'm sure, you know, not knowing what their lives are like and what their futures are going to be like.
Onward, thank you for sharing, Tom.
You know, his dad jumped off a boat from Lithuania in the New York Harbor to come to this country.
Can you imagine that?
I'm going to stop it right there.
Can you imagine that, Tom?
There was a time.
Tom's grandfather jumped off of a ship in Lithuania to come to America.
Dude, these days, people could be docked, you know, 40 feet off the coast and would die on some cruise just because they don't have the heart to swim back to shore.
They just physically think they couldn't.
Man, who are we?
What's up with our spirit onward?
I've always felt really, really proud to be an American.
I think it's kind of silly when you see some people that are like, well, you're not diverse enough.
I mean, these people that are always complaining online, doing all this mess, those are the people that aren't out doing things.
I agree.
I think social media privileges should be a privilege.
You know, they should be something you have to earn.
You have to get a degree.
You have to go look somebody in the eye somewhere and tell them you aren't a fucking moron.
Let's keep it moving.
Live now.
I just want to go even more rural because it's just the people are nicer.
the little things mean more.
You find more people that are veterans.
I don't consider myself a religious person, but I don't see anything wrong with religion.
When I come to work, at least twice a week, someone gives me a hug and says that Jesus loves me.
And I grew up Jewish.
And I just tell them, you know, Jesus loves you too, man.
I mean, it's just, there's nothing wrong with being positive when it's so easy to be negative.
Wow.
Who is this guy?
Is this guy the new mascot?
Huh?
Who is Tom?
I mean, this guy's lifting my spirits up, man.
I got a little bit of a sprinkle in my eye, you know, like Mother Nature's trying to just piss out of my fucking eye holes with saltwater urine.
Emotional.
Emotional drips.
Yeah, man.
You're right, Tom.
You were right, bro.
Listen to Tom, dude.
He's out there hugging people who love Jesus.
He's grew up Jewish.
He wants to head out to the woods.
He wants to make his life simple.
He wants to have some feeling.
And this might be a traditional view, but this, you know, to me, this resonates.
And maybe I'm old-fashioned, you know, but to me, this resonates.
Let's keep it.
Let's hear the rest of this out.
Think about this.
If you make $35,000 a year, you're in the 1% of the entire world.
We get so mad at the 1% of the entire world of our country that we forget that $35,000 in this country, if you made that in almost any other country, any third world country, you'd be a key.
So it's, I just really feel grateful.
People just need to understand.
Wow.
That's so true.
You think about that.
So we think about the 1% of America and think about how much money they have.
But then if you were to take anybody that makes $35,000 a year, that that is the top 1% of the world's wealth.
It's pretty fascinating.
I don't know if that's accurate or not, but God damn, that sounds beautiful if it's accurate.
God dang.
Thanks for sharing that, Tom.
Let's listen.
Almost done.
Think how soon we forget.
If you were born 100 years earlier, your life would have been so much harder.
We just take everything for granted.
Nobody's grateful anymore.
Always grateful of how many opportunities we have.
It's just a little bit frustrating.
Thanks for everything you do, man.
I appreciate it.
Thank you, Tom.
Just thanks for sharing, man.
You can hear Tom's feelings.
Can you hear his feelings?
That's the kind of call we need, man.
That guy's got feelings.
And he's inspired me, man.
I'm sitting upright.
You know?
He's got a feeling.
How do we get that, man?
Something's infected us as humans.
We've gotten infected.
We've gotten comfortable.
You know, it's kind of wild.
We've got one more text here that came in.
Thank you, Tom, very much for that call.
That was interesting, man.
You know, that was really, really interesting.
A lot going on there.
And I just appreciate your vibe, man.
I appreciate your vibe.
This text right here came in.
It's from Beaverton, Oregon.
I'm just going to read you some excerpts from it.
Happy fucking fourth, man.
Love you.
Get back to the old longer podcast.
The men in my family have served.
My husband and son still serve in the military.
Hard work, integrity, class, strength, knowledge, and empathy.
American style.
Get out of LA, dude.
Doesn't seem like your humble stomping ground.
I'm from NorCal, but we moved here to Oregon when our boys were six and nine to give them a better life.
It worked out.
I love Oregon.
Pride lives here.
Love your mind, dude.
Crop circles may be in your future in that mullet haircut.
Dancy, dancy girl, winky face.
Dance like no one is watching.
Come to Helium Comedy Club.
Have kids.
I did at 15. Fuck, man.
I survived somehow.
We all have regrets, don't dwell on it.
I ran away at 14 and left my mom until I got pregnant and then I needed her.
I have stories, but I have so much love for my man that was by me for 23 years with two beautiful young kids.
Make some fucking babies, man.
Kids are awesome and healers of our souls.
They're like animals.
Black sand beaches.
It's awesome.
Can you please have stickers available?
And that was the text.
And that made me smile, man.
For one, you can feel the love in that woman's text.
She has kids.
She has a man.
She has a spouse.
I'm going to share her life.
She's got some girth to her life.
She thinks about the beach.
She has a soul.
She references it.
She talks about her children.
She doesn't talk about her that much.
She talks about her life, but she doesn't talk about her.
So thank you.
The Dance Like No One's Watching part, a little cliche for me, honestly.
But you could tell it was her life.
And it made me feel something.
It made me feel a bit of American pride.
Like kind of like Uncle Sam was just, you know, gleeking on my back and just like Aerosmith was just singing directly into my ears.
Made me feel good.
Made me feel good.
All right, guys.
I think I'm going to wrap up this episode.
I want to know, though, if you hit the hotline, a buddy of mine was telling me recently about how a man took advantage of him one time when he was unconscious, you know, when he was, you know, male taking advantage of kind of stuff.
And I want to know if that kind of stuff goes on out there.
You know, I just, I don't know if it does, but I've wondered that.
Is that kind of stuff going on?
And then also somebody called in about booty goons.
I don't know if you guys know what booty goons are.
It's a prison term, but we'll get to that coming up in this coming episode that'll come out on Monday.
I want to thank you guys so much.
I have some dates coming up.
I'm in Nashville right now.
If you have friends here, send them out.
I need the support.
Okay.
Next week, I'll be in Orlando at the Orlando Improv, 13th through the 16th.
Then I'll be in San Diego on the 20th of July.
And that is at the House of Blues.
The 27th through the 30th, I'll be in Montreal at Just for Laughs.
And then Dallas, Texas, I'm coming to the Addison Improv.
And that's August 10th through the 13th.
And you can buy a shirt or the album.
I have two albums out, 30 Pound Bag Of hamster bones and musket fire.
Both of those are on iTunes.
Grab them, show some support.
And I appreciate you guys.
Appreciate everything, man.
I appreciate the calls.
Appreciate you guys thinking about America with me.
What does it mean?
You know, it's an interesting time.
And it's time for us to keep our minds open and to think.
We've gotten so sedate, man.
I have too.
Trust me.
These calls are waking me up.
But thank you guys so much for hitting the hotline.
Again, that number is 985-664-9503.
What else can you check out?
That's it, man.
I think that's pretty much all I got.
Still considering Patreon, but I haven't gotten that put together yet.
And just thank you guys for supporting the podcast.
If you have an idea for next week or for the week after, something you want to talk about, something you want to think about, let me know.
If we get any more follow-up calls to this discussion about America, I'll include some of those into Monday's episode.
We also got some other great calls, man.
So some of those I'll incorporate into the Monday episode.
But thank you guys.
I'm going to take us out again with some of the same tunes that brought us in.
And this is People on the Bus, Medicine.
link to this, if there is one.
Grandpa, baby, she left.
He's got a bottle of red stuff.
It don't matter.
Be in the YouTube comments section.
And please subscribe.
If you're listening, come on.
The least you can do is subscribe.
Because that's how advertisers know.
That's how we get these numbers.
That's how we get...
Express where you consume.
If you like something, say you like it.
Because whatever you support financially is what will continue to prosper.
So if you're sick of the entertainment you're getting out there, then quit supporting it.
And I mean that, man.
You know, I'm so sick of seeing the most talented people I know.
And I'm not talking about myself, but I'm talking about some talented friends who don't get opportunities just because they're not in that money world yet.
You know?
Stand up for yourselves.
Keep your mind open.
Keep your heart open.
And feel free to hit that hotline and tell me anything you think.
If I'm wrong, tell me.
I am happy to be wrong, man.
I don't have to be right.
I just want to try and just keep moving forward, man.
Progress, not perfection, you know?
Thank you guys for your support.
Be good to yourselves, man.
You probably deserve it.
Love ya.
Love ya.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Easy to you.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John.
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
Whoa!
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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