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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Greetings, you proud sons of Macedon! | |
| And welcome back to good old Skyrim. | |
| Last episode, we met a gorgeous girl who also let us meet her father, and her father was a bit of a cunt, to be honest. | |
| But either way, we're heading back to the glorious Fort Dawnguard. | |
| Look how fucking juicy that is. | |
| To talk to our main true friend, Ishan Bra. | |
| And we will, in all actuality, see what to do next. | |
| Greetings, true friends. | |
| Oh, that was a fair maiden. | |
| Greetings, fair maiden. | |
| She also had a very cool armor. | |
| I want one of those. | |
| I'm gonna see. | |
| Oh, look at that! | |
| Shut your insolent mouth. | |
| How dare you talk to me like that. | |
| One more time. | |
| Okay, so they have had the audacity to attack us here. | |
| The bloody vampires. | |
| How dare they? | |
| How dare they, true friends? | |
| Hello, Ishan. | |
| You're looking fucking juicy. | |
| it's the price we pay for openly recruiting we'll have to step up our defenses I don't suppose you have some good news for me I have news but I wouldn't call it good Of course. | |
| Why did I suppose differently? | |
| Fine. | |
| Tell me what you know. | |
| I like his voice. | |
| He looks sounds cool. | |
| That doesn't make any sense. | |
| Who is she? | |
| Fusik. | |
| More importantly, where is she? | |
| I took her to a castle. | |
| They also have an elder scroll, true friend. | |
| They watched stop them. | |
| You didn't secure the scroll. | |
| I did not, I'm sorry. | |
| Right, so they have this woman and an elder scroll. | |
| have I can confirm this to be true this couldn't get this is more than you and I can handle we need more We have to do something. | |
| Well, of course we do. | |
| I'm old, not stupid. | |
| We're just going to need some help. | |
| We have to recruit here, and this may be bigger than I thought. | |
| I have good men here. | |
| There are people I've met and worked with over the years. | |
| We need their skills, their talents, if we're going to survive this. | |
| If you can find them, we might have a chance. | |
| I'm on it, Brue. | |
| Where can I find them? | |
| Not like those fools in the Order. | |
| We should keep it small. | |
| Too many people and we'll draw on one at a time. | |
| more, by the way. | |
| Juicy. | |
| Serene Girard! | |
| That sounds like a juicy convinced she was about to find the biggest dwarf in ruins yet. | |
| Might need a little convincing, but she should. | |
| You'll also want to find Gunmar. | |
| Big brute of a Nord. | |
| Hates vampires almost as much. | |
| I like that big brute to a Nord, Gunmar. | |
| Trolls in particular, from what I'm talking about. | |
| Use the troll of true friends. | |
| Alright, cool. | |
| Well at least you're smart enough to want to learn more. | |
| By the way I'm in the library of wisdom as you perhaps can see in all actuality I just trained heavy armor because I thought it would be a cool thing to level a bit further. | |
| Alright, so let us head to Gunmar the juicy nord of wisdom. | |
| A big brute can only mean that he's juicy ass. | |
| back. | |
| So yeah, back in. | |
| Good old... | |
| I'm gonna find a way out there. | |
| I don't know where I can do that exactly. | |
| Can we consult the map, perhaps? | |
| Local map? | |
| Blackbriar Mildery. | |
| How about that? | |
| And look at good old Riften. | |
| Always a pleasure to be in this fine place in all actuality. | |
| Yeah, I'm in the library of wisdom over Christmas. | |
| Also to eat some. | |
| I actually don't want anything in particular. | |
| I just want to get out from Riften. | |
| In all actuality. | |
| Ah, there we are. | |
| Open Skyrim. | |
| Is in all actuality what is up? | |
| So yeah. | |
| Obviously Christmas is a lot about gaming as well. | |
| Gaming and going to the gym. | |
| That is my interpretation of the of the festivities. | |
| Of the those holidays. | |
| And by the way, if you say happy holidays, you're gay as fuck. | |
| It's Merry Christmas or Good Jule. | |
| And Good Jul, obviously, because it's a pagan tradition to begin with. | |
| That Christmas was incorporated in. | |
| So not the other way around. | |
| So obviously Jesus wasn't born. | |
| Oh fuck, there's a bear. | |
| Fuck! | |
| Shut your insolent mouth. | |
| Yeah, so Jesus wasn't born like in the middle of... | |
| At the end of December, I mean. | |
| I'm trying to run from a fucking bear here. | |
| Alright, so yeah, Christmas was not the case that I'm trying to tell a story here. | |
| Fucking bears. | |
| Yes, as I was saying, Christmas. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Was in all actuality at the end of December For the particular reason of that was an ancient pagan ritual then and there. | |
| So my point with this highly inconsistent little speech because I got interrupted by fucking bears all the time was that Christmas is originally a pagan fine. | |
| Hold fast. | |
| Hello, hello. | |
| I've tried this damned bear for two weeks. | |
| I'll not let it have any more victims. | |
| ETHRON needs your help. | |
| ETHRON, needing someone- COME- Come with me, true friends. | |
| True friend, I mean. | |
| I'm afraid he's a few years too late. | |
| I've moved on. | |
| I have more important business. | |
| What do you mean more important business? | |
| Besides, he can handle anything alone. | |
| He assured me so himself. | |
| What could he possibly need my help with? | |
| We're up against vampires. | |
| Vampires? | |
| That is... | |
| Well, that might change things. | |
| Quite so important. | |
| By the eight. | |
| By the eight divines. | |
| I'll consider it. | |
| But I can't just leave this bear to prey on more innocent people. | |
| Once it's dealt with, then perhaps I'll see what Eastrane is. | |
| I'll um I'll deal with it. | |
| Alright then. | |
| Alright, you proud sons of Macedon. | |
| Oh, look at that. | |
| Well, that was cool. | |
| Okay, let us. | |
| This is gonna be one big bear, I assure you. | |
| Ah look at that, he has wolves with him as well. | |
| For the glory of Sparta! | |
| That was literally just a dog. | |
| Alright, come on then. | |
| Not at all, not at all. | |
| You've helped me, so I suppose the least I can do is find out what Isron wants. | |
| He's still at that fort near Stendar's beacon, I assume. | |
| Quite so, indeed. | |
| Of course he did. | |
| He's been working on that place for years now. | |
| He never lets anyone in. | |
| Except for a juicy pale orcs. | |
| Well, I guess I'll get to see what he's been up to all this time. | |
| I'll meet you there. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Look at this. | |
| Some sort of shrine. | |
| Shrine of Kinaret. | |
| How quaint. | |
| All my illnesses were disappeared. | |
| Okay, let us find Soreen Gerard. | |
| Wow, that was far away from everything. | |
| Guess I'll utilize a quick little edit then. | |
| Alright, utilize a quick little edit there until we got to this mighty fine place. | |
| Look at the graphics. | |
| That is fucking sick. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Greetings, Fairmaiden. | |
| You haven't seen a sack full of lying around, have you? | |
| I'd swear I left it right here. | |
| Okay. | |
| Do you think mud grabs might have taken it? | |
| They might just have taken it, in all actuality. | |
| Sick. | |
| Look around, will you? | |
| Okay, fine. | |
| Isron wants me? | |
| No, you must be mistaken. | |
| He made it exceedingly clear the last time we spoke that he had no exception to my health. | |
| Well, he has changed his mind. | |
| I find it hard to do. | |
| Have he not? | |
| He said some very hurtful things to me before I left. | |
| Anyway, I'm quite happy in my current pursuits. | |
| So, if you'll excuse me, she's trying to play hard to get that's exactly what it is. | |
| Oh, and I suppose now he remembers that I proposed no less than three different scenarios that involved vampires overrunning the population. | |
| Well, what are they up to? | |
| They're killing everyone. | |
| They have an elder scroll. | |
| Well, that's actually something I never would have anticipated. | |
| Interesting. | |
| Quite so. | |
| I'm not sure what they would do with one, but in this case, Isron is probably correct in thinking it isn't good. | |
| All right. | |
| If nothing else, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to learn more about what's going on so I can better defend myself. | |
| Quite so in the middle of the day. | |
| I'll help you, Fairmaiden. | |
| I will. | |
| Look at my hair. | |
| Sick. | |
| Okay. I understand. | |
| I understand. | |
| A single gyro would be enough, I think. | |
| Believe me, this is useful. | |
| I will find you one. | |
| Farewell. | |
| Okay, Druze. | |
| Look at this fucking place, though. | |
| It's so fucking amazing. | |
| I love Skyrim. | |
| Okay. | |
| Empty, of course. | |
| Oh, look at this. | |
| Look at this. | |
| Dwemer Gyro. | |
| I can only carry one, but she will follow us either way. | |
| Hello. | |
| What would the mud crabs want with my satchel anyway? | |
| I understand that, but I really can't believe that it's an unusable piece of dwarven equipment. | |
| A single gyro would be enough, I think. | |
| Believe me, this is useful stuff. | |
| Thank you. | |
| It's not much, but this will help a great deal with some things I've been researching. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Now, sickening to say the least. | |
| For Dawn God. | |
| I love the name, by the way. | |
| Dawn God has he sounds cool. | |
| Sounds bench for hench. | |
| I'll finish up here and head in that direction as soon as I can. | |
| See you there. | |
| I will indeed see you there, oh fair maiden of wisdom. | |
| Now, let's talk to our main man Juicy Isan. | |
| That sounds like a very good plan to my ears, actually. | |
| Oh, I can't really see anything either. | |
| I can't see a thang. | |
| Time to use clairvoyance. | |
| Oh there we are. | |
| I was gonna say time to use my powers of tolerance and progressive thinking as the Sweden Yes joke goes. | |
| I enjoy Sweden Jess yokes because I know that they can't be applied to me because I'm against the horrible Swedish beta leftist policies As I'm sure every single one of you true friends watching this are. | |
| I don't think particularly many beta lefties are playing Skyrim because they only have Mac computers and being hipsters. | |
| Not very juicy at all. | |
| They don't go to the gym either because then that would mean that they have to, you know, physically exert themselves. | |
| And they don't do that. | |
| The leftist. | |
| They don't. | |
| They don't even lift. | |
| I can confirm this to be true. | |
| They don't slay vampires either. | |
| All right, Isran. | |
| You've got to see the sky. | |
| Hello. | |
| Hello, hello. | |
| Hold it right there. | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Making sure you're not vampires. | |
| You can't be too careful. | |
| I see. | |
| Thank you. | |
| I'm sure you've heard a bit of what we're up against. | |
| Thank you, based on unlike anything we've seen before. | |
| And they have an elder scroll. | |
| If anyone is going to stand in their way, it's going to be us. | |
| This is all well and good, but do we actually know anything about what they're doing? | |
| What do we do now? | |
| We'll get to that. | |
| For now, get acquainted with the space. | |
| Juicy. | |
| Soreen, you'll find room to start your tinkering on that crossbow design you've been working on. | |
| Gunmar, there's an area large enough for you to pen up some trolls. | |
| Get them armored up and ready for use. | |
| In the meantime, we're going to get to the bottom of why our vampire showed up here looking for you. | |
| Let's go have a little chat with them, shall we? | |
| It's sickening. | |
| Greetings, true friend. | |
| I knew it would come to this one day. | |
| I knew. | |
| And no one believed. | |
| What can I do to help? | |
| Soreen needs help with her project to improve our crossbows. | |
| And if that doesn't interest you, speak with Gunmar. | |
| He has something for you. | |
| Um keep your eyes open. | |
| Alright, cool. | |
| Let us head down to um what should I follow him? | |
| Hello again. | |
| Okay, so it's a side mission. | |
| I can actually help the juicy fair maiden and the juicy true friend to um aha you're here. | |
| Hello greetings, Fairmaiden. | |
| You're looking just what are you doing here, even I'd rather not be here either, but I needed to talk to you. | |
| Talk to me important, so please just listen before your friend here loses his patience. | |
| It's well, it's about me and the elder scroll that was buried with me. | |
| What about the scroll? | |
| That's the most important thing here, not her. | |
| Her father was a bit of a cunt. | |
| Okay. | |
| confirm he wasn't always like that though there was a turn he stumbled onto this obscure prophecy and just kind of lost himself in it it's pointless and vague like all prophecies The part he latched on to said that vampires would no longer need to fear the sun. | |
| That's what he's after. | |
| He wants to control the sun. | |
| Vampires control the world. | |
| Anyway, my mother and I didn't feel like inviting a war with all of Tamriel, so we tried to stop him. | |
| That's why I was sealed away with the scroll. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| I had heard there were vampire hunters here. | |
| I thought they might want to know about a vampire plot to enslave the rest of the world. | |
| Was I wrong? | |
| That was not Fairmaiden. | |
| Well, let's move then. | |
| I'm nothing if not persuasive. | |
| I think she has a cool address as well. | |
| You can say that much for her. | |
| All right. | |
| Now tell me, is there any reason I shouldn't kill this blood-sucking fiend right now? | |
| Yes, of course, because we're going to need her help. | |
| Why? | |
| Because of that story about the prophecy, about some vampire trying to put the sun out. | |
| Do you actually believe any of that? | |
| Yes, I do, Isha. | |
| Calm down for God's sake. | |
| Who knows? | |
| Maybe it has a death wish. | |
| Maybe it's just insane. | |
| I don't really care. | |
| How dare you? | |
| Don't so much as a finger on anyone here. | |
| I'll hold you responsible. | |
| Got it. | |
| You hear me? | |
| Don't feel like a guest because you're not. | |
| You're a resource. | |
| You're an asset. | |
| In the meantime, don't make me regret my sudden outburst of tolerance and generosity. | |
| Because his powers of tolerant friend here is going to pay for it. | |
| Thank you for your kindness. | |
| I'll remember it the next time I'm feeling hungry. | |
| So, in case you didn't notice the giant thing on my back, I have the Elder Scroll with me. | |
| That is brilliant, Fairmaiden. | |
| it will have something that can help us stop my father but of course neither of us can read it who can well the moth priests are the only ones I've heard of who can do it they spend years preparing before they start reading though not that it helps us anyway because they're all half a continent away in Cyrodiil some Imperial scholar arrived in Skyrim a few days ago I was staking out the road when I saw him pass by. | |
| Maybe that's your Moth Priest. | |
| Do you know where he's staying now? | |
| No, and I'm not going to waste men looking. | |
| We're fighting a war against your kind, and I intend to win it. | |
| You want to find him? | |
| Try talking to anyone who'd meet a traveler. | |
| Innkeepers and carriage drivers in the big cities, maybe. | |
| But you're on your own. | |
| All right. | |
| That's what I'm going to find a Moth Priest. | |
| Skyrim's a pretty big place. | |
| All right, so we're gonna ask around a bit. | |
| Fuck you, Sue. | |
| Oh, cats. | |
| Do it, Maine. | |
| Does it, Maine? | |
| Alrighty then. | |
| All righty then, true friends. | |
| Alright, so we're actually here at the Winkerhold, the college of Winkerhold, and it's looking juicy as always. | |
| Come on, Fairmaiden. | |
| So we're gonna talk to someone who might tell us where a good old Moth Priest of Wisdom might be. | |
| So we're gonna go to the Arcanium, and we've been here before. | |
| And we highly respect the librarian here because he has the proper idea of books and how to treat them. | |
| I don't hundreds of years have gone into a moth priest. | |
| What an oblivion do you need a moth priest? | |
| You just want to talk to him? | |
| My business is my own. | |
| Just tell me what I need to know. | |
| With some glorious milk of wisdom. | |
| Ah, sickening. | |
| Okay, true friend. | |
| You need a book? | |
| You talk to me. | |
| Otherwise, you're going to find yourself in a lot of pain. | |
| Look at that. | |
| Look at that. | |
| Greetings. | |
| Okay, let's get the fuck out of here. | |
| Let's go to Dragonbridge, true friends. | |
| Let us go there. | |
| And one of the truest feels about Balkan is just game and drink a lot of milk. | |
| And that's one of the best weight gaining. | |
| I've said this before, I will keep saying it because that's the best thing there is. | |
| In all actuality, to drink milk to gain weight. | |
| Because, especially if you're gaming and you feel satisfied in the, you know, satiated hunger-wise already. | |
| But if you drink, it's easier to get in the calories. | |
| But you can use juice, for example, like regular, like orange juice. | |
| So not like juice as in gear, but yeah, fucking fruit juice. | |
| Okay, we gotta fight. | |
| Shut your insolent mouth. | |
| That's exactly how it goes. | |
| Oh, I almost leveled. | |
| How um how unfortunate that I didn't level all the all the way now look at this looks like a Japanese orchid tree I've actually never been to Japan which Which is blasphemous obviously I intend to go sometime but it's so far away. | |
| Hello Oh look at this bridge though long ago with an escort of soldiers they didn't stop just headed south across the dragon bridge Oh is that actually is that Imperial soldiers okay you foreign scum you're lucky I don't behead you right here for your treachery | |
| Yeah, I'm gonna join the rebellion later to slay some imperials and to free Skyrim for the true Hiking Jar Ludlfreak But first let us find this Moth Priest and admire his gains Ah, look at this. | |
| Ah, you imperial dog Effects and Hellisha a vampire, vampire. | |
| Note, let us read it and behold the power of it. | |
| Where is it? | |
| There we are. | |
| I have new orders for you. | |
| Prepare an ambush yes, south of Dragon's Bridge. | |
| Take the Moth Priest to Forbear's holdout for safekeeping until I can break his will. | |
| Molcus sickening, sickening. | |
| Oh yeah, sorry. | |
| I actually felt sorry now, because aha! | |
| It's really close. | |
| Yeah, she obviously has a vampire, she don't really fancy being out in the sunlight all too much, in all actuality. | |
| So we're gonna speed this up in the game by running as fast as we can to get to the cave, which I think is here. | |
| And I want to charge something so I can yell Talos, I love you. | |
| I will. | |
| But I can confirm this to be true, that I will yell this. | |
| Få... | |
| Myrin. | |
| Wow Really cool place. | |
| Okay, that is a dog. | |
| You are but a dog. | |
| TALOS I LOVE YOU! | |
| It was a bit of a failed charge due, to be honest. | |
| I missed my um I missed my first charge, but it was glorious nonetheless. | |
| All right, I'm gonna enter power gaming mode for just a minute I think. | |
| Extremely poor, extremely poor gameplay by me, I must admit. | |
| Oh, wrong way. | |
| I think. | |
| Oh, here we are. | |
| Hello, hello. | |
| Thomas, I love you! | |
| I'm very close to dying here. | |
| Okay, cool. | |
| I will let... | |
| Ah, fuck it, Talos! | |
| Mercy to you! | |
| You're a vampire troll! | |
| Do not expect any mercy from me whatsoever if you cooperate with these fiends. | |
| Okay, let us release the Moth Priest. | |
| And we will do this by placing this magic thang right here. | |
| Activate! | |
| Activation, yes. | |
| Defeat the enthralled Mothpriest, okay. | |
| What? | |
| There we are. | |
| Good. | |
| Good at the yield. | |
| Hello. | |
| Are you alright? | |
| I'm quite alright, thanks to you. | |
| Dexian Evacus is my name. | |
| I'm a moth priest of the White Gold Tower. | |
| Glorious. | |
| These vampires claimed they had some purpose in store for me, but they wouldn't say what. | |
| Probably hoping to ransom me, the fools. | |
| For some cash. | |
| Alright, then. | |
| Enough mysteries. | |
| You have an elder scroll. | |
| Remarkable. | |
| If my knowledge of history serves me, I recall that the dawn goddess. | |
| Thou art quite correct indeed. | |
| I will be happy to assist you with your elder scroll. | |
| Just tell me where I need to go. | |
| Very well. | |
| I'll hurry on my way there before more of those vampires turn up. | |
| Report my success to Ishran. | |
| Glorious. | |
| I'm gonna see if we can find some cool loot here first. | |
| No, not really. | |
| Alright, cool, true friends. | |
| That will actually have to conclude this glorious Let's Play. | |
| And I hope you all are bulking for the Hulk as we speak. | |
| Thank you so much for watching. | |
| And who am I? | |
| The proud son of Sparta! |