All Episodes
Previous
Plain Text
March 27, 2026 - True Anon Truth Feed
05:53
[PREVIEW] Episode 535: Dallas 2

We try—and fail—to find a single person carrying the flame for Charlie at CPAC.Hit the tip line: (646) 801-1129 | tips@trueanon.comDiscover more episodes at podcast.trueanon.com

|

Time Text
But then he would say something quite serious.
Well, he had a like pages of notes that he would pause and flip through.
So this is comedians are pathetic because they often write in their little notebooks, their ideas for jokes, and they get on stage and they tell their joke and they're like, oh, you guys like that one?
And then they go back and they look at their notes and like, oh, I have one more.
I have one more I can do.
They have like a set list for things that are supposed to be funny.
Newsflash, just come up with them while you're talking.
Yeah, just be funny.
Just be funny.
Which is one of the greatest commands you can ever give anyone when they tell them you're a comedian.
Oh, you're a comedian?
Why don't you tell me a joke?
Oh, no, I don't really do that.
I don't really do that.
My jokes aren't really like that.
Oh, that's interesting.
If I asked, if I had some coal here and I asked the coal miner to mine it, I'm sure he could.
If I had a fish here and I asked the fishmonger to mong it, I'm sure that he could.
But you aren't able to do your job, which requires nothing.
Right.
It's quite interesting.
One joke he said was very confusing to me, and perhaps I'm a bit theologically unsound.
And maybe you could help me with this.
He said, in the Bible, it says, Mary says that those without sin cast the first stone, and everybody dropped their stone.
Jesus.
Yeah.
About Mary.
Oh, whatever.
Yeah, but he took a really long time.
It took a really long time.
Set it up.
It took a really long time.
It's like everyone, yeah, everybody knows it.
But he was like, explains it at great length, trying to just like set the scene.
And it's like, yes, we know the story.
And I'm like, he's about to do an awesome stone Jesus something joke.
He's about to fucking bring the house down.
At this point, also a C-PAC TV starts playing really loud.
And he actually says, it's really distracting being up here from explaining about Jesus and the stones.
And I'm like, dude, we all love Jesus Christ, the most high.
Everyone kept telling me Jesus lifted me up too.
I heard multiple people have said that this week.
Maybe that's something Christians say.
I don't know.
I think it is.
Yeah.
I'm like, you don't look at it.
He should do some other favors for you, too.
So then the punchline.
The punchline was in the Chinese Bible, the communist Chinese Bible, Jesus kills his wife.
I don't know if that's how it went.
What I remember him saying was, yeah, that Jesus says, like, he without sin casts the first stone, or everybody drops the stones.
And then Jesus just kills her himself.
That's what it was.
Yeah, Jesus.
Yeah.
Jesus just kills the lady.
And then there was just silence.
It's like, what do you mean?
And he told it like it was a punchline.
Yes.
I thought he said kills.
I didn't realize.
I thought he said kills, kills her himself makes more sense.
So I was also staying where the C-PAC TVs were.
So it's also quite distracting for me.
And I was like, Jesus kills his wife.
So it's just like Jesus is like, don't, gets everybody to not stone the lady and then he kills her.
And it's like, I guess there's something unexpected about that.
Yeah, but I'm like, if it were like a visual gag.
Is this true?
I'm like, does the Chinese Bible say this?
Yeah, no one understood that.
And then he seems really, then he went back to the show.
How do you know, Rob Schneider?
You don't speak Chinese.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you guys obviously cast Professor Jang out.
He's, you know, you don't got anybody.
Gordon, Gordon's over there.
He's, you know, he's wandering around.
Maybe you could ask him.
The only laugh, he also said it's kind of, yeah, he kept paying it's kind of distracting up here.
He clearly wanted to get off the stage so badly.
He's sweating.
He feels uncomfortable.
I know the feeling.
He's like, I got to get the fuck out of here.
No one's laughing.
You feel that way often?
The cacophonous noise is increasing in volume.
And then he busts out with, you can do it.
And the crowd goes crazy.
That made that one guy really excited.
So the J6 prisoner starts screaming, you can do it.
And this guy's wearing a fur coat.
He's just pumping his fist.
You can do it.
And I think Rob Schneider was regretting his bone deep.
What movie was that from that he did that in?
Dude, I don't know, man.
I don't know.
It was like a Will Farrell.
I got the poo on me.
What's that?
That's from Joe Dirt, man.
I got the poo on me.
Now that, if he had said that, genuinely.
Was that him?
No, that's David Spade.
Okay.
But if, but they're boys.
It's like if, you know, if you're in Zeppelin, you can play a little bit of fucking.
Well, Zeppelin stole all their music from black musicians.
All their music.
It's rooted in black music.
That's what I always say.
Yeah.
Whenever anyone brings up Zeppelin to me.
In fact, I've emailed Robert.
Anyways, if he had come out, a great book about that, Country.
I mean, I know we were joking, but Country by Nick Tosh, great sort of book.
I mean, it's probably all bullshit.
I feel like I know what it says.
Interesting.
No, no, no.
It's crazy.
Okay.
It's crazy.
It's not like that.
Okay.
But if Rob Schneider had come out on C-Pac State and said, I got the poo on me, I would have fucking every second, hellish second of this day would have been.
In the Chinese Bible, Jesus says, I got the poo on me.
I just picked up.
I hope not, man.
Well, I'm leaving it in.
No, edit it out.
Editor.
Geoffrey Lexter's got your money.
Jeffrey Lexter.
Jeff's got your own.
Jeffrey Lexter.
Jefferson.
Just Geoffrey Lexter.
Come out.
Come in.
Drop the
▲
Export Selection