Bries/Brace and Liz launch a chaotic "special transmission" from sickness, joking about COVID tests while their phone mimics an old fax machine. Brace blames stolen Aleister Crowley artifacts for his recent misfortunes—lost luggage, mountain stranding—and warns against reckless theft unless starving. They rant about oversized wallets stuffed with junk (like a Yugo-Slavian poet’s photo) and mock modern underwear as a scam, teasing an "airplane episode" to question how metal defies gravity. Between Oppenheimer critiques and Liz’s flood of celebrity nudes, they pivot to health routines—hyperbaric chambers, infrared saunas—before urging listeners to test for COVID, wrapping up with feverish sign-offs. [Automatically generated summary]
Yeah, I could see you got a little beet juice there.
It's beet juice and oranges.
So you got beet juice and oranges.
I got a bunch of vitamin C.
The thing to do when you get sick is to get as much vitamin C as possible in you, like an extraordinary amount, and sort of pushes it out.
It pushes out the germs.
Is ivermectin still a thing?
I don't know.
I'll take it.
Here's the thing.
When I feel sick, I think you should just get the COVID test.
I think I'm just going to test the ivermectin probably.
I mean, here's the thing.
It's a prophylactic, right?
It's like a condom.
And what are you going to do?
My phone's making all kinds of crazy noises, probably contact tracing, which is just me telling everybody I've come into contact with in the past three months that I have COVID without doing a test.
Listen.
Yeah.
That is the sound of a old school fax machine.
And a transmission is coming in to you at home.
Listeners, hello, everyone.
Hello, listeners.
This is a special transmission.
That's also the fax machine robot.
They do say that when you're getting a fax.
I never received one, honestly.
Really?
No, well, I don't know what circumstances would I. You guys, Bries is really sick.
I am ill.
Can you hear him?
Yes.
And I am.
Listen, let me give him a little peek behind the curtain.
We've done sick episodes before, right?
I think our last.
Yeah, we've done sick.
We've done sick episodes before.
We've done episodes.
I think the last during the Ghillane trial.
That is true.
Yeah, fair enough.
That is true.
I somehow did.
Liz, I like to remind listeners once again, Liz got COVID at the bar stool sports office.
You don't have to say bar.
I'm just saying, you guys.
I think it's an important part of the story.
That's something I got.
I'm sick.
Yeah.
We've done sick episodes before.
You're right, though.
But today's episode, actually.
Yeah, fairly often.
And actually, here's another little peek behind the curtain.
When we started this podcast, Young Chomsky had just had surgery and couldn't move.
That's true.
Yeah.
I had just had pneumonia.
No, that was during the tour.
Yeah.
No, I had pneumonia right when we started the podcast, too.
What?
Yeah.
Wait, you didn't tell me that.
I don't know.
Look, you guys, Briece is sick.
We were going to try and push through.
And I got homie on the phone this morning.
It was like the death rattle that I could hear through the fax machine robot that we were talking through was fucking crazy.
Yeah, and I usually I'm like, because here's the thing: we were just we took a two-week break, which I think is part of the reason I'm sick, which we'll get to in a second because something I did something really stupid.
Well, you didn't take care of yourself, clearly.
I well, on what level, I don't know, but I did something that I would not recommend others do.
Uh, I have I'm suffering maladies on multiple planes right now, but um, not airplanes.
Uh, but uh, usually I'm like, listen, we only done the fucking two, like a couple new episodes this month.
We're like, we gotta, we're out here already, we gotta keep going.
But I gotta tell you, the episode today would have sucked ass if we had done it.
I know.
See, it's such a fine, like, a little balancing act we got to play because it's like, look, we want to get the listeners at home content.
Everyone, we want to like send our little transmissions through the robot fax machine to the people at home.
Say what's up to everyone because we haven't talked to them in a while.
But then also, Brace is like on the deathbed.
The episode's going to stink because it'd be a stinker.
We don't want to put that out there.
It would be a stinker.
And I, I, you, I, it's, I'm, listen, I, I can't even say the sentence I'm saying right now.
And it would have sucked ass.
And it's a good episode.
We worked hard on it, but it would have fucking I do so many boring things for this episode.
If I watch some of the most boring videos known to mankind for that were also racist for a really long time.
I Stole Something Magic00:03:40
Yeah.
And I'm afraid that in my weakened state right now, I might switch to the other side on this one.
What do you mean?
I just might start.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, it's, I don't want to build the episode up too much, you know, but it's, I feel like I might just, I might, I'm, I'm mentally feeble lower than usual.
Yeah, you're ready to go through the looking glass.
I do want to say, though, the reason I'm sick is I don't.
This is not real medical.
We, I mean, this is mad.
This is confirmed.
This is confirmed by doctors that this can happen.
Witch doctors, but still doctors.
When I was, I, I, these two, these two guys, you know, they, of course, just, they, they took pottery classes.
They did a lot of La Maz kind of thing.
I don't know what La Maz is, but they did hot yoga.
They did knitting and all that kind of stuff.
Me, I left the country and I stole something.
And I stole something from uh, I stole something that didn't belong to me, which I guess is definitely what's stealing.
Yeah, I would have just been taking in a foreign land.
In a foreign land, and it was something that is imbued with, I think, incontrovertibly imbued with magical powers.
Dark magical powers.
Dark magical power.
I stole something.
Not angel magical powers.
Yes.
I stole something.
Yes, not.
No.
I stole something belonging to Aleister Crowley.
Mr. Trowley.
And ever since I did that, things have not gone well for me in like a lot of ways.
Let's enumerate that for a little first.
I got I got stuck on a fucked up mountain for a long time and like not a cool way.
A bunch of other shit happened and my luggage is gone, which by the way, included, I knew this was going to happen.
I'm minorly psychic.
I knew this was going to happen.
The minute I packed that artifact in there, I was like, there's no way this luggage is making it back to New York.
And lo and behold, that luggage is gone.
It's been several days now.
There is nothing.
That's never coming.
It's not a trace of that shit.
It was 13,000 feet underwater.
And I think the submersible.
Yeah, I think I texted both of you.
I was like, guys, I think I need to destroy this thing.
And at one point in the middle of the night, about a week after I stole the artifact, I woke up in the middle of the night like panicking.
And I was like, I have to destroy this thing right now.
I don't think you can do that.
But like break if I broke it?
Can that unleash stuff into the world?
Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.
Or like, if I broke it in half, would I just have two curses?
That's the problem.
A million little pieces.
That book you love.
I love.
I want to talk to you about that after we finish this actually exciting idea.
But I just want to apologize to Mr. Aleister Crowley if you're listening to this.
Actually, I don't.
I think you were weird.
I don't.
I think that's going too far.
Here's the thing, people at home.
Don't take things that don't belong to you.
Well, I mean, it depends on what it is, right?
What if it's a loaf of bread?
My sister's child was close to death.
We were starving.
You'll starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law.
Look, don't take things that don't belong to you that also have dark magical powers.
Don't tiny things from the devil.
Yeah, don't take it.
Air Tags and Underwear00:08:07
You know, you got some deadlines that you gotta, you know, stick to when you get home.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Not Dallas or Crowley.
Get air tags because that might help you out right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I don't think it would.
With that, I mean, I'm ill.
Yeah, let's get you back in bed.
Tuck you in.
A little gracey.
So many.
Put your little, your sleep.
Thank God you didn't pack your long sleeping gown and your four-foot long sleeping cap.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
My snooze cap.
Yeah.
I did unfortunately pack every short sleeve shirt I own.
Yeah.
And everything.
I don't have a lot of pants.
But that's exciting because you know what that means.
Uh-huh.
Shopping spree.
Yeah, I have underwear.
And let me tell you something about shopping.
Let me tell you something about shopping.
I, because I have no underwear and I have one pair of underwear.
And women won't understand this, but the fellas know sometimes your underwear has multiple holes in it.
Like here's a tip that I'm going to give to you and then also to the people listening at home.
At least once a year, go through your underwear and just throw out the ones that you don't like anymore.
Because there's always, look, you're always at the like end of the laundry cycle when you're getting close.
Yeah.
You're like reaching for the ones that you haven't been wanting to put on because they don't make you feel good.
You're like, oh, I never want to put those on.
Do yourself a favor and your future self a favor.
Just throw them out.
And then you get new ones and you get so excited because you're like, man, I got new underwear.
This is, this fucking rocks.
But then you get excited.
So all of the underwear that you're not excited to put on, throw it out.
Get new underwear.
I, well, so that's crazy.
That's that's that seems like a lot of effort.
I have, I've been, I've had many girlfriends over the years make me throw away underwear because they didn't nice for me to wear anymore.
But I had a couple of those pairs that I had secreted away from decades worth of women and for was forced to put those on.
And then I realized I had too many holes.
So I had to go to Unique Low.
And let me tell you, I had not really spent much time on one of those things before.
It's crazy in there.
It's, I bought, but I bought, this is what I want to say about underwear.
I bought underwear.
I bought underwear, a pair of boxer and a pair of boxer briefs.
Okay.
And I bought in my feverish haze a horizontally striped pair.
And they make me look like I'm four years old.
And I don't think that I can continue wearing these in good conscience.
Well, if you wait a year, maybe you can throw them out.
Yeah.
I write them hard.
But yeah, you don't need to wear underwear.
It's just like a way to them to sell you more stuff because they're kind of the crotch of your pants already functions as underwear.
Upsell.
It's just an upsell.
It's an upsell.
Because think about this.
It's like, you know, like the wife beater or whatever, like wearing a sweatshirt or whatever they call it.
You don't need to wear that, but they want you to.
And then if you're savvy, you're like, fuck no, my shirt can just absorb my sweat.
That's what it's for.
Or I'll just take my shirt off.
Makes sense.
It's the same thing with underwear.
Everyone listening at home, Brace is going to get better.
Gonna get better.
We're putting him on Turbo Charge Health Plan 4000, which is absolutely copyrighted.
It is.
It's mostly ironectin.
That's my health plan.
Yeah.
You guys should have seen the shit Liz was doing to secure her COVID.
Oh, yeah.
Worms.
So many Aleister Crawley artifacts.
It's had cauldrons coming to the studio.
So many stolen arrowheads and things.
Bow bones.
I haven't seen you in a while.
I know.
And now I'm looking at you through this screen.
Man.
I look at pictures of you guys when I'm not there.
Yeah, you have that little like in your wallet.
You keep pictures of us.
I do.
Yeah.
It's how do you?
By the way, that's the thing we got to bring.
People got to start carrying more photos in their wallets.
Look at this.
Look at this.
You can't.
That thing is a book.
Your wallet is so big.
Yeah, that's right, baby.
I'm bread enough.
No, it's like too fat.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, my wallet.
First woman in history to complain about that.
Yeah, I got a lot of stuff in here.
I got a lot of stuff in here.
Too bulky.
Yugo Slavian poet.
Looks like a piece of lasagna.
I got a some shit.
I don't know what that is.
Some business card.
I always put a business card away because I feel.
You know what I got to say right now?
This, you, me, it's really reminding me of when we did streams.
Yeah, it really is.
I just feel bad.
That's a little preview for our next episode.
That is true.
Yeah.
Picture of my wallet.
It also just has my social security number.
Matches.
Don't carry your social security number in your wallet.
I wrote it out.
It looks like a phone number.
Look, you can't really see it anymore.
I wrote it out.
Wait, so you wrote it out wrong so that it so seems like.
Yeah, I wrote out with like parentheses and incredible mind there.
Dude, you're moving three, four steps ahead of everyone else.
Everybody else.
And I have multiple defunct debit cards in here too.
And ones that, yeah, I have like two generations of defunct debit cards.
Well, that's why that wallet is so pet.
That's true.
But it provides a nice cushion for my left, right butt cheek.
I also, I don't, I don't put my wallet in my front pocket because I trust people fundamentally.
That's why I'm a socialist.
All right.
That's true.
All right.
I do.
I feel very hot and tired.
Yeah.
Let's make it to 15 minutes.
Let's make it a little bit different.
You want to make it to 15 minutes?
Yeah.
Do you have anything you got to complain about?
We haven't done any grievances.
Well, let me tell you, this airplane episode.
Oh, it's coming.
It's coming.
I know a lot of people have been asking for it.
It's coming.
I got a lot.
I got a lot.
A lot of people, I do want to actually, let me just, let me say something.
A lot of people have been asking.
And here's the thing.
We rattled off the suggestion for that episode.
And I did not realize what we would maybe be getting ourselves into.
And when I started to dig in, I was like, okay, this is going to take a while.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we've been looking into it.
Yeah.
The thing about doing episodes is sometimes if there's a lot of stuff, you got to kind of set it in the far future so you can slowly learn more and more and more about it.
Yeah, totally.
Because we don't have any.
I'm not going to hire a researcher because then I won't be able to.
I was just like, what, what does this mean?
Well, then you got to manage someone.
Planes fly.
You're telling me something could fly here?
It's like, I don't want to hire a better researcher than that.
Really ready to take someone else's words that a piece of metal can fly.
Like, that seems crazy to me.
So, like, the whole episode is just you explaining how you came to believe that metal can fly.
It just seems crazy.
Like, if like chickens can't fly, for instance, like something that is a bird with wings, but not really fly.
Chickens certainly can't fly very far.
Yeah.
But if chickens can't fly, if a bird have to, they can kind of get out and out of there.
I'm saying this, though.
Chicken can't do SFO to Burbank.
Yeah.
Low center of gravity.
Low center of gravity.
Planes, on the other hand, you're telling me that this giant piece of metal by putting fans on it can go in the air anywhere.
See, this is going to be an incredible episode.
I can't wait for you to come to terms with this.
I'm just like, I don't know why people think this is real.
It's like accepted out of hand.
This actually kind of goes into our next episode, too.
Can't Wait For You To Come To Terms00:06:41
Yeah.
I was just thinking that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little flexy stuff.
Yeah.
I know.
What should I do?
I was going to watch Fiddler on the Roof.
Why?
Tradition.
Never seen it.
Okay.
I don't know.
It was suggested to me.
Oh, there's a lot of other stuff on.
Yeah, but get a hacker to download Oppenheimer for you.
I don't really desire to see that.
I don't like the way that guy looks.
Yeah, it's like silly.
Man, I will say this.
Seen a lot of him.
Silly.
Yeah, seen a lot.
Seen a lot of people.
It's just the same look.
It's the same look.
Very the look.
Can this guy smolder?
This is my question.
The smoldering is happening behind him.
He doesn't smolder.
He is.
He's not smizing or smoldering.
He's not smizing.
I'm just like, okay, great.
It's a guy who can't smolder, and I expect to believe that he is a heartthrob.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't like the colorway of the poster, but I'll probably go see it.
I guess I'll go see it too because it's long and it's air conditioning in there.
Yeah.
That's always a great thing about summer movies.
I probably won't actually see it, to be honest with you.
But I might see it.
Yeah.
We're not talking about anything.
You would not tell me anything.
Guys, I promise we're going to have more episodes soon.
We wanted to just say something and not just have another psycho little Patreon message, even though I actually really liked writing those.
I know that some people are like, wait, is this really liz?
This sounds like Brace.
Well, hell no, it doesn't sound anything.
It's very different.
You too have read my psycho emails that I send when they're very long and funny.
Yeah.
The two are emails.
No, totally my voice.
I read all basically all your emails.
You left your email login on my fucking laptop.
Yeah, you're that mirror of my, and to people, yeah, to anybody.
Yeah, you write like that.
You basically write, you got both of you.
I don't like writing emails.
I love the pen pal email.
Like a long email.
Yeah.
But I'm always like a skip, skip, skip.
What?
You know what I mean?
No, you've got to read the correspondence.
How are you not a man of correspondence?
That seems like so, like something that you'd be so into.
I don't, I forget.
I forget people that I was friends with like seven years ago.
Maybe if you kept up with them, you wouldn't forget them.
I've met too many people to keep up with all of them.
There's too many.
I would have to go up with everyone.
Believe me, there is one.
But this is why I don't respond to text messages.
There's too many of them.
And I'm not just, I have a job.
Yeah.
And a little braggadocious vibe, too.
Oh, well, no, they're all text messages.
Oh, I'm getting too many technologies.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm getting too many text messages.
Oh, my God.
I'm so.
Oh, it's so hard for me.
I'm so nabulous.
Hey, sorry, my phone's out of space.
I got too many nudes from Anna Hendrix.
Kendricks.
No, Christina Hendrix.
Christina Hendricks.
And Anna Kendricks.
Who's Anna Kendricks?
That is someone who she's kind of pointy.
Just one Kendrick.
Oh, it's just a single Kendrick?
Anna.
She's in the musical movie.
Oh, yeah.
Sort of Avian.
She's pointy.
Yeah.
She's avian.
Yeah, she's a bit avian.
No, district.
But you're thinking of Christina Hendrix.
Christina Hendricks.
You know, your little Chinese balloons.
I heard they did find some more Chinese balloons, though, but it was a false flag.
Turns out they were Christina Hendrix breasts.
Yeah.
No, I don't.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
It's like Chinese balloons aren't the only things getting shot down today.
Maybe if someone listens to this in the past.
Maybe if someone's like on Nitris and listens to this, I think that's funny.
Poor Bracy's sicky.
I'm sicky.
And you might be like, oh, Brace, you can do this.
But this other one's too complicated for me to do.
And it follows Joey Diaz.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
This guy.
Oh, man.
I got a lot to say about edible.
Don't do edibles, first of all.
I'm not doing them, but don't do them.
That's not why you're sick.
No, no.
But it's just, I was thinking about them because of the episode.
Don't do them.
They're bad for you.
They're bad for you.
I told you about the time I did edibles, right?
No, what's that?
You know what edibles are?
No, what's that?
No, no, no.
The time you did it.
I did it.
And what was it that you ate?
I don't remember what I ate.
I was 18, I think.
And I went on a date with somebody you know.
And she was like.
Wait, who was it?
Yeah.
I mean, it's.
Okay, tell me that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But she was like, do you want to take this edible before we go to this movie?
No idea what the movie is.
And at that point in my life, I was like, I kind of got to say yes to anything a woman asks of me.
You know, I don't really have a lot of runway.
And so I said yes.
And it tasted good.
And so I was like, I get to eat a lot of this thing.
And so I'm like, what?
It's a cookie.
How could this harm me?
And I just got up during the, like, the movie started.
And I just, it was at the AMC on Vanessa.
I just got up, didn't say a word to her, and just left the theater and went back and sat in my shower for like an hour and kind of rock back and forth.
That was it for me for weed forever.
That was it.
But it didn't give me schizophrenia.
It just made me not.
Thank God.
Well, you know.
We were impressed by that because it's a display of stoicism to be able to sit in the shower rocking back and forth for like an hour.
All right.
I'm going to go do that right now.
Yeah.
I think that sounds good.
You guys, we will be back very, very soon.
Very soon.
Very soon.
Chris just got to, you know, he needs to go into his hyperbaric oxygen chamber that I got him and then his infrared sauna and then do that like back and forth, back and forth, back and forth for like eight hours.
And he's going to be good to go.
I don't want to waste like 20 hours of us writing this episode to suck.
We Will Be Back Soon00:01:16
Okay.
So I'm going to go in there.
I'm going to take a Liz mustard bath.
I don't have any of the shit that you recommend.
Oh, shit.
I do have a lot.
Yeah, you should.
No, I should.
I know, but I don't think they sell it at stores.
Yes, they do.
What stores?
They might have it at Whole Foods.
Oh, you know what?
They might.
But otherwise, any kind of like health food situation, health food store beauty section would have it probably.
Okay, I'm going to look for that immediately after this.
And mostly, I guess, get a COVID.
Yeah, you should probably get the COVID test.
Also, maybe don't take that if you do have COVID, though.
But maybe you should.
I did it last time when I had COVID.
Okay.
All right.
Good night.
Wait.
To you.
I love you.
To the people listening at home.
Oh, yeah.
I'm Liz.
Oh, well, I'm Brace.
And of course, we're joined by producer Chomsky Young.
And we will actually see you next time with a real episode.