Shameless Sperg - Chris Booth - CQ Sermon #3: "come back to Jesus"

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Aug. 29, 2025 - Shameless Sperg - Chris Booth

39:17

CQ Sermon #3: "come back to Jesus"

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	Hello folks, I am The Shameless Berg.
	I hope you're doing well today.
	So for today's Christian Questions Sermon number three, I would like to share with you a dialogue between me and a Christian that wrote into me.
	It's this really nice lady.
	We're going to call her Mary for the sake of this video.
	She had made a donation to me and wrote a message into me following my PSA vid.
	After the whole doxing campaign and everything went crazy, I had made a PSA to the world to announce, hey, I'm not S stopping, okay?
	So I just wanted to give you that context so that she knows what she's referring to as I read her words here.
	So Mary had this to say to me when she made her donation.
	She said, So watching your video on Rumble, the PSA video, a reference you made near the end makes me think you do still believe in God.
	Good, yes, people can freaking suck.
	Don't blame God, He wants you back.
	So I replied to her, Thank you for the love and support.
	Yes, I believe in the Creator, but I always have.
	It's just that I'm not Christian, and Yahweh is not the God I pray to.
	I don't blame anyone but the guilty for evil actions, you know.
	So she replied to me, also maybe you had bad teachers.
	There are a lot of bad pastors, et cetera.
	Yes, only the guilty are responsible for their evil actions.
	The problem is that sin that is in your family line that hasn't been dealt with, cleansed, she says, leaves you with spiritual issues and a spiritual fight that you have to contend with.
	Okay.
	Um, so I did have a reply to her, but I'd kind of like to add some commentary at this point.
	Um, I often hear the maybe you've had bad teachers thing as though I haven't listened to hundreds of them.
	As though I haven't spent thousands of hours myself studying the Bible.
	As though I haven't spent thousands of hours myself on the my hands and knees praying and doing all this.
	Yes, I asked all kinds of teachers, all kinds of pastors, and so many people said similar things.
	Well, maybe you've just had a bad this and there's just this ever elusive person that I'm supposed to be chasing that's just going to have the key to it all.
	Who's just going to be able to clear up all the problems that I have personally encountered along the way.
	It doesn't work that way.
	And frankly, I've grown tired of the idea that I need to seek this kind of clarity from someone else, especially given that I tried so very hard and answers were not coming, okay?
	It is out of a deep sense of dissatisfaction with pastors and preachers and teachers.
	and all of it that I ended up doing so much study and exploration for myself.
	Okay?
	I had to find the answers that people were not willing to provide me.
	That being said, what I replied to her was, I respect your faith, sister, as a matter of focused principle, but I really am very consciously opposed to Yahweh.
	There is no teacher, preacher, church father, body of manuscripts, translation, hermeneutics, or system of theology that can change that one iota for me.
	I explored all of it and made my own personal evaluation.
	I think Christianity is the worst thing that ever happened to the identity and destiny of European peoples.
	And I do.
	need to be uprooted for the survival of our folk and the vanquishing of our enemy.
	Yes, I said it all things.
	All Abrahamism needs to get uprooted.
	It is garbage.
	It all needs to go.
	I said, That's just my task.
	I do appreciate your love and support, and I will understand if you withdraw both at this time because of this, but I had to make myself very clear.
	I'm not just passively neutrally not Christian.
	I used to be very devout, and without that devotion, I wouldn't have gotten to the core of things and took a stand in opposition.
	And that's true.
	It was as a result of diving into the Bible, it was a result of digging into this faith really hard and taking it very seriously.
	and doing my utmost to apply it that I ended up in the position that I am now.
	I found something that I couldn't love.
	I found something that I couldn't defend.
	I found something that I couldn't stand by when I looked close enough.
	So some time passed after this one.
	I didn't get a reply.
	And then she writes to me, By the way, I know you don't believe in the God of the Bible anymore, but I keep praying for you.
	He understands all of your frustrations with people.
	Believe me, he gets it.
	I wonder if it's because of your mom that you went off that path.
	Okay.
	So she's of course referring to the history and the problems that I had with my mother vis-a-vis religious differences and being cut off from the her, you know, the whole division bit.
	I lived through it, right?
	I had her cut me off for years over our differences and beliefs.
	I didn't cut her off, she cut me off over it.
	You see, because her Jesus, Yeshua, said he came to divide and she takes that very seriously.
	And so here's what I had to say to her.
	Let me preface this by saying, look, I have certain esoteric ideas about the nature of spirits, gods, entities.
	So when I say what I'm about to say to her, bear that in mind.
	Whether you agree with me or not, this is just an honest account of my point of view to her.
	So I said to her, ready for a curve ball?
	I believe Yahweh exists, all right.
	I don't believe in the monoteistic Yahweh ash as presented to me by the Bible, you will find the earliest origins of Yahweh in a prebiblical Canaanite pantheon, which is true, where other gods are variously said not to exist or else to all be demons, and my ancestors and all their customs and history are written off as evil and wicked, not even as dust in the balance compared to his people Israel.
	I am left to believe what the Hebrews had to say about my ancestors or what my ancestors had to say about Hebrews.
	My view of Yahweh is similar to that held by Gnostics.
	You know, the Demir, Jiao, the Baath.
	You know, I'm not exactly a Gnostic, but they had a similar idea to how I view the Yahweh character, okay?
	So I continue on.
	I appreciate where your heart is and I will never be upset if someone botheres to pray for me, whatever is on their heart to pray for me.
	And I don't get upset.
	I know they mean well.
	I understand where they're coming from.
	And so I just don't get upset about that.
	You are obviously a very kind soul.
	In fact, your spirit reminds me of the better aspects of my own mother.
	She's actually a very good woman with a big heart.
	It's just a complicated story between us and our differences, starting over twenty years ago, have been a continuing source of strain.
	In the times we were on the same page, she remained conversant.
	When we weren't, she withdrew.
	Well, it's all a very long and elaborate story, to be honest.
	You would frankly probably be even more upset that I'm not a Christian anymore.
	If I got into my history with the faith, I didn't depart on mere grounds of mommy issues, if you follow.
	It was a very conscious departure, a death by a thousand cuts, and a sober minded moment of, even if I wanted to believe this, part of me did still want to.
	I simply can't believe this anymore.
	Well, one truly cannot make themselves believe anything, and you can't.
	I can think of innumerable things I would like to believe, but can't believe them.
	They also can't make themselves stop believing something they do believe.
	I can think of innumerable things I wish were not true, but I can't make myself not believe them.
	The same is true now for me as regards the narrative of Scripture.
	That is to say, I didn't control believing in them and I didn't control ceasing to believe in them.
	It just happened.
	You know, you're either persuaded or you're not.
	Or you're persuaded out of something or you're not.
	It's that simple.
	You don't actually exert control over this.
	You know, people often say, well, believe what you want, but you're going to hell.
	Dude, it's not about what I want to believe.
	There's all sorts of things I want to believe.
	This is just the one thing where if I don't believe it, you tell me that I get lost in an eternal lava gulag forever and ever and ever.
	So I continue on.
	I spent thousands of hours on my hands and knees with my Bible and a bunch of prayerful tears and prayers.
	I had very real spiritual experiences too, and I did, though I look at these experiences through a very different lens now.
	And I studied various translations.
	I studied various hermeneutical methods.
	I studied various systems of theology.
	I familiarized myself with the theology of the prominent Christian denominations.
	I tried everything from just asking for the Holy Spirit to lead me into all truth to consulting church fathers.
	I took the Berean call seriously.
	I took the commandment to study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth seriously.
	I've told had broken hearted mothers sob into my shoulder about their wayward sons and how my testimony gave them a little hope.
	That's heavy shit that my heart still can barely withstand the weight of, and yet in the end after many years more study, praying, asking questions, and contemplating, I couldn't look at it the same way anymore.
	When I read Yahweh's account of his own self, his own character, his own appraisal of his chosen versus everyone else, not even as dust in the balance, he describes the nations.
	The violence, the conquest, rape, the way women and girls and all that is feminine appear cast in the light of derision and shame, and a daughter can become a mere bargaining chip to settle a dispute.
	I found myself unable to love him any more.
	I was preparing for ministry and I cannot in good conscience tell people to accept a theological proposition my mind has already totally rejected without control on my part.
	Again, I didn't choose to believe or not believe something.
	I didn't choose to accept or reject something.
	Christians will make you think that it is your choice, that it really comes down to you.
	Bullshit.
	And according to the Scripture, it's their job to try to persuade you.
	So really the onus is on them to be persuasive.
	If they haven't persuaded you, they're supposed to interpret that more or less as a failure on their part, okay?
	Not yours.
	But they like to shift the blame, shift the responsibility to you that you have to accept the line I'm giving you or else you're just going to burn forever.
	So I continued, If you always said it, I'm supposed to regard it as wholly just and good.
	I look into the eyes of my wife and daughters and I cannot imagine telling them in deadly earnest that these reprehensible sayings are actually holy and to be accepted as perfect.
	Saying those were old times doesn't settle the matter.
	If I am to regard this God as wholly just and good and all of his words to be pure and infallible, and those are the basic demands here, make no mistake about it, I have likewise to put my own conscious stamp of approval on that message after all.
	I would be volunteering to be a channel for that very same message.
	There is no easy way around this.
	I, on a very conscious and personal, well thought out., well considered level, object to the character and actions of Yahweh as presented to me by the Bible, and because I no longer accept the Abrahamic and Monoteistic theological framework that exalts Yahweh to the tippy top, while all other concepts of deity are cast into the light of shame and demonology.
	Yes, I believe Yahweh exists, I simply do not see how I can love him.
	And I am not a Monoteist, and cannot accept all the claims made in the Bible from or about him.
	So I appreciate that you are not throwing stones at me and firing up the steak to burn me on, but you have found yourself a tough nut to crack here.
	But you have been kind to me, so I'll be the same way to you.
	I did want to clarify real quick.
	When I talk about the existence of Yahweh or whatever, I believe in a concept called the Egregors.
	Some people call them thought forms.
	Where, you know, whether something started out as a god or not, something can become de facto a god by the collective consciousness, by the folk soul.
	Okay.
	So through all the attention and all the prayer and all the repetition and all the blood spilled and all these things, I believe that there is totally a Yahweh, a Yahweh Egregor.
	I believe there is totally a Jesus Egregor.
	Okay.
	I believe in the potential existence of infinite gods basically just under the principle of Egregors.
	So I wanted to be clear.
	I don't believe in Yahweh as presented by the Bible.
	I don't believe in this monoteistic Yahweh being.
	And a lot of times it just seems to be the collective folk soul of the Jews.
	I mean, honestly.
	In much the same way that Odin can be kind of the collective folk soul of the Germanic peoples.
	So that whether you believe in these deities as real things, they definitely at least represent something very real.
	I do, however, believe in them in a sense, right?
	So I then said to her, I wrote a story from my history that you in particular might find interesting.
	It's on my substack.
	And that was the one on my substack talking about how I almost became a Christian preacher.
	So Mary replies to me, It seems like you were under severe spiritual attack, the enemy working through people close to you to bring you down.
	Textbook spiritual warfare.
	You are scared by Jesus saying that he came to divide.
	Well, he knows what's at stake and knows better than anyone the lay of the land and the spirit world and what awaits those who don't get on board.
	He knows what we as human beings are up against even as most people have no idea.
	So just a second.
	Yeah, I often hear that too.
	Well, it sounds like there's some spiritual attack and he's just, you know, the devil's just trying to get to you through the people in your life.
	Look, I had people telling me this stuff about everything to the point that I almost started to feel like a there was just a demon around every damn corner, that everybody around me could possibly be a vector for a demon, and you know,
	every potential object could create, you know, some sort of demonic link, or any given book could give demons access to my mind, and you know, before you know it, I'm just living in a world completely soaked with demons, and I'm like, well, if this God is so powerful, then how come fucking everything is just so riddled with demons that I need to tiptoe around all the time and be careful who you talk to, be careful what you look at, be careful.
	My God, I can't live that way.
	I can't live that way.
	I'm not going to live like a paranoidanoid schizophrenic because, oh my God, the demons are out to get you.
	Is your God powerful or not?
	Can He deliver and save or can he?
	So, but this is the kind of stuff that I would hear.
	And it's the kind of stuff that I said, both to myself and to other people.
	It's all too familiar to me.
	The whole spiritual warfare thing.
	I completely understand it.
	I know where she's coming from.
	To a certain extent, that's all they're left with.
	They have to say this stuff.
	And right here as well is the justification for this division that I've called out.
	You know, at least she's not denying the division, but she's just rolling the justification into it.
	I know what the justification is.
	I reject the fucking justification.
	That's kind of the point, you know?
	What awaits those who don't get on board?
	What do you mean, get on board?
	Okay.
	Again, I can't make myself believe something any more than I made myself unbelieve.
	There is no getting on board.
	If the whole thing that's supposed to save me from the eternal lava gulag is to believe and confess, well, look, I can't just make it so.
	And it's just not fair to place upon the human soul the demand that you had better succeed in believing this thing or else you're cooked.
	Literally cooked.
	I mean, at least the Calvinist tries to offer some sort of solution to this problem.
	He says, well, you know, you're predestined to believe or not.
	Like, you can only believe if he makes you able to believe.
	Okay.
	Okay, I mean, I think that's crazy, I think that's insane, but on the other hand, at least you tried to deal with the question.
	At least you have addressed the reality that some people literally can't believe it, you know?
	Whether by desinclination or disability, they can't believe it.
	At least the Calvinist understands this, but the rest of, you know, the rest of Christianity, they sort of expect it to be on you.
	Like, no, you better believe it, or else, you know, or else, you better believe this.
	But it doesn't work that way, not really.
	In this sort of spiritual, emotional blackmail thing, this mob boss style, you better get your act together or I'm gonna fuck you up for literally forever.
	It's not good.
	That's like Stockholm syndrome.
	That's the dynamic of a battered wife and a really cruel husband.
	I'm not, I'm not doing this.
	Okay.
	I'm not going to live this way.
	I'm not going to think.
	I'm not going to think this way.
	And I'm not going to give love and worship to a God that creates this kind of arrangement for me to live in.
	I'm not going to do that.
	No.
	So she goes on, If someone in your life rejects what Jesus did to save humanity, He wants to divide you from them because He doesn't want you infected with false beliefs because then you'll perish too infected like a sickness.
	Like a illness.
	Ugh.
	That's why his speech is so severe.
	Ugh.
	What would I do without him?
	Maybe I'd have had a fully intact relationship with my mother all that time and it wouldn't have been permanently damaged.
	But who knows?
	She says, well, visit a serious Christian deliverance center.
	I mean, this is the equivalent of you need to go get help.
	You need to go to a psychiatrist.
	You need to go to a psychologist.
	You need to go get institutionalized.
	I know she doesn't mean it in this ugly way, but it really does have the same kind of energy to it.
	It really has, you know, you're not figuring this out yourself.
	You know, you can't make this deduction for yourself.
	You can't possibly have arrived at this position yourself.
	It's not substantive enough.
	You need to go to some deliverance center because you clearly can't help yourself.
	See, I know that she meant well here.
	And I know that they tend to mean well when they say this stuff.
	The problem is I hate it.
	Okay.
	I hate it.
	I find it degrading.
	I find it insulting.
	I find it infantilizing.
	And I'm not going to be treated like a mental patient over it.
	You understand?
	I'm not going to be treated like a mental patient or like some demon possessed freak that has to go somewhere and be delivered by someone.
	I'm not doing it.
	So she goes, that's where the rubber meets the road.
	And you see people who are loaded down with spiritual garbage, demons, she says, getting set free.
	Interview of a few serious Christian deliverance ministers.
	This is your eternity.
	We're talking.
	talking about.
	PS, God understands why you're disgusted with certain people.
	Don't blame him because some people are awful.
	Well, he just gets off the hook forever, right?
	He doesn't have to accept any responsibility for the shit that he says and does in this text, and I don't get to have any feelings about it apparently.
	I'm just crazy.
	I need to go have someone fix me up at some deliverance center.
	Look, the fact of the matter is, I don't know if you've ever heard of the text, Varieties of Religious Experience.
	It's part of what inspired the AA program, Alcoholics Anonymous, with their idea of higher power and whatever.
	That's because people who had a belief in a higher power were obtaining very similar spiritual results when they decided to let it go and let God, if you will.
	Yes, I have seen all kinds of deliverance.
	I've experienced it and I've seen other people go through it and I've listened to countless testimonies.
	And let me tell you something, I've listened to these things from many different perspectives, from many different religions.
	There are common themes that run through them.
	All kinds of inspiration, redemption, changed lives, turning a new leaf, and then ostensibly being purged of demons that they're infected with.
	It's not actually just Christianity.
	It's like a religious phenomenon.
	You don't realize this if you don't go looking around because you're in the middle of this culture.
	That's the dominant religion.
	So that's just what you know.
	And so you must think, we're the only ones doing this.
	We're the only ones driving out the demons.
	or whatever.
	Now, these types of spiritual experiences can be available in different religions and traditions, I assure you.
	And, you know, if you read enough testimonies, like I present to you the following challenge.
	Go look up Christian to Islam testimonies, you know, go listen to Christian to Buddhist testimonies, or go listen to any deconverting testimony and see what they say.
	Or go listen to a testimony of someone that they weren't Christian, but they came to Islam, or they came to whatever.
	Go listen to them.
	You're going to notice that the stories are really similar.
	When I actually did this myself, I found that, wow, I mean, this testimony has no more or less weight than the testimony that I've had, than the stories that I've told people, than the reasons that I've said I believe.
	It's just as much gravity, just as much weight to it.
	And I had to humble myself with the idea here that, like, well, these people seem to be tapping into something very similar to me.
	How dare I say that I'm the one that has it all right because I saw some things.
	So again, I personally, I do believe in the power of spirit.
	I do believe that these things happen.
	You know, whether you believe or not, I'm not, I'm not trying to make that case to you.
	That doesn't matter to me.
	I'm just speaking my perspective here and why it was relevant in this case.
	And so you know, hey, he understands why I'm disgusted with spir certain people.
	Don't blame him, because some people are awful.
	He describes his own character here and I don't like it, okay?
	And I don't know, it's not even about assigning blame.
	I don't like it.
	I don't like him.
	I don't love him.
	I think he's atrocious, I mean, to be honest.
	I don't necessarily have to blame him.
	I can say that those people are awful.
	And I never really blamed him.
	I mean, I hear this a lot.
	You just hate God.
	You're just blaming God.
	It's not God's fault, blah, blah, blah.
	Okay, well, I'm not saying it is.
	People are shitty.
	But I think he's shitty.
	And yes, I think a lot of his followers are too.
	But again, you know, I blame the guilty for their actions.
	That's it.
	And as I said in the very beginning, I only blame the guilty for their actions.
	And she was the one to remind me, yeah, but he does these, like, generational things and these curses and stuff.
	So it's kind of like, well, make up your mind.
	I've held a consistent position.
	People are responsible for their actions.
	I don't want to hear excuses.
	And then on the other hand, you're saying, don't blame him.
	When did I blame him?
	I never did.
	But it's this copy that Christians pull out.
	You hate God.
	You must just be you must just be blaming God.
	No, no, no.
	I do not shift the responsibility from these people onto this God.
	But I will point out the clap trap that is this teaching.
	I will point out the shit that is Abrahamism for what it is.
	So I reply to her at this point, Mary, you're a kind soul with a lot of love, it is clear.
	But you have no idea how much thought I've given to this, how much I've had to live with this, how much dedication I gave to serving this deity, only to, in the end, by my very own well thought out reasoning, stand with my ancestors and against Abrahamism.
	Most of my ancestors refused to convert and were beheaded or burned for it.
	It's funny, Christians point to examples of martyrs and say, You see?
	That's just more evidence.
	Who goes through torture and death just for their beliefs?
	My Anglo Saxon and Celtic ancestors did, but do they get any respect or credit?
	No, no.
	Only Christians, the same one whose idea of sharing the gospel was spilling the blood of my ancestral history and deleting a lot of my ancestral history.
	Woohoo, yay, what a blessing.
	By the way, I'm not just put off by saying he came to divide, I was put off by being divided from family members who believed in dividing away from me over my beliefs.
	They're ardent Christians.
	My entire side of the family is damaged beyond repair over the impact religious shunning had.
	If you think it was right for them to cut me off because they might get infected, I am all the more certain I've made the right choice.
	I know you mean well, but please don't try to make what I've chosen about something other than what I'm telling you it is.
	And there we go.
	Is that every time I talk to Christians that want to try to convert me back, persuade me to come back to the fold, back to the flock, whatever, it's like they have to recontextualize what I'm saying.
	It's like, here, this is what I'm saying, and then they take it and make it completely about anything else than what I'm saying.
	Just, just anything else.
	It's, oh, it's got to be the demons.
	It's got to be, you need to go to some institution.
	It's got to be mommy issues.
	It's got to be this.
	It's got to be all this stuff.
	other than what exactly I'm saying.
	It can't be that.
	We have to just ignore that.
	It's got to be all this other shit.
	So I continue on.
	I'm tired of well meaning Christians being dismissive and offering me their grand counter narratives from my own life.
	I've heard it all, and in my Christian days I said it all too, about my life and others.
	And then some, I assure you.
	Christians don't actually listen to what I have to say.
	They don't really confront it and always reframe it in terms of their understanding of spiritual warfare, about which I do know a great deal.
	I'm more engaged and conscious about the reality of it than you might imagine, simply because we're at a very different vantage point and setting.
	And trying to present myself, my life, my history, my goals and my motivations through their peculiar spiritual lens, a spiritual lens I know so well that I could write a Christian criticism of myself that would be very impressive to most believing Christians, and I totally could.
	I could pretend to be someone else, and I could write a scathing criticism of me, okay?
	And it would sound really compelling, I promise you that.
	I end up feeling like I'm being treated as a toddler without agency, who is a mere pawn in a game I know nothing about.
	I could write a long essay right now about returning to faith, recontextualizing everything I've done in terms of a biblical framework and through the eyes of a Christian's spirituality.
	I could reinvent Shameless Spurge into a radical Christian ministry and have it spread like wildfire, meeting less resistance and less demonization that I and my family have been subjected to over me representing my beliefs today.
	Boxing, harassment, defamation, death threats, hate mail, betrayal by friends and family, all of whom were also Christian.
	I could write a heartwarming account of repentance coming out of pagan darkness and spiritual blindness and being delivered from racial hatred and bitterness even.
	This essay would be loaded down with relevant Bible passages, like plenty from Ephesians, for example, which deals with a lot with spiritual warfare.
	They'd say, Oh, wow, this fellow really knows his stuff.
	He's done a lot of study and he's got some real discernment from the Holy Spirit.
	There is a real calling in this guy's life.
	He also clearly has some sort of teaching gift and should consider going into preaching or teaching, using his testimony to save souls and expand the kingdom of God.
	The great apostasy is here.
	Humanity is being swept up by the great deception and the enemy is hard at work because he knows his time is short.
	So we need as many young men as we can to stand for Jesus and against the wilds and fire darts of the devil and to go out and snatch as many souls from the fire as possible before it's too late.
	I could continue.
	But keep going, this is just something off the cuff, as I sit very groggy drinking my coffee.
	I know you think I'm going to hell.
	For those who do not believe in the once saved always saved doctrine, yes, obviously this means I'm hell bound.
	To others, I'm not hell bound, but will have hell to pay at the judgment seat of Christ.
	For some, I still have a chance to earn reward for faithfulness.
	To others, I've already lost it already, and I'm only getting into heaven by the skin of my teeth, so says the Bible.
	I obviously don't believe any of that, but perhaps here we find a saving grace for a damnable heretic and apostate such as myself.
	From Revelation three verses fifteen to sixteen.
	You are neither cold nor hot.
	Would that you were either cold or hot, so because you are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.
	It would appear to me, friend, that I would still find myself in better position than most ostensible Christians, precisely because this God clearly tolerates cold and hot, but not in between.
	I've only ever been one or the other with this God.
	I have been hot and I have been cold, but nothing in between.
	I do not feel neutral.
	I never have.
	Anyway, I had better give it a rest.
	Because I really could go on all day long.
	And I could.
	So she replies to me, Good point.
	Jesus is not spitting you out of his mouth.
	You're quite cold in this sense.
	And that I am.
	That I am, Mary.
	I certainly am.
	So she goes on, You've convinced me that I won't be able to convince you.
	You are very much dug in on this.
	I've been put through the ringer in spiritual warfare, which is why I'm so insistent, but I won't go into it.
	It only sounds weird and preachy to most people.
	By the way, I have complained to God and still do, about topics that are very obviously super important to you.
	He understands and doesn't hold it against us for hating certain things we see happening, but again, I know your position.
	Stay strong, which I know you will, Mary.
	It, you know, look, and it's hard to be mad at someone like this.
	It's hard to hate her.
	It's hard to be mad.
	It's hard to ridicule her, resent her, anything like that.
	I don't.
	I think that this is a good person.
	I think that she has a heart of gold.
	I think she genuinely means well.
	I think she genuinely cares about the condition and the fate of my soul.
	I am completely convinced that is the case.
	I don't mind that she prays for me.
	That's fine.
	Look, I get all of this because I was there.
	I understand the thinking.
	I understand the heart of like a sincere Christian.
	I do.
	So this doesn't upset me.
	But this is just like so many other conversations that I've had.
	And it goes the same way.
	But I have to credit her for having maintained her composure.
	She stayed calm.
	She didn't froth at the mouth.
	She didn't end up reverting to a bunch of ad hominin attacks.
	No, she just stated her case.
	She expressed her concern.
	And then in the end, she had to concede that, like, well, yeah, you seem to be very persuaded of your position.
	And so she understood at that point, you know, accept what I'm saying as my position.
	There's no way to refram it.
	There's no, like, well, it could be literally all this other stuff except for what you're saying.
	No, at that point, she just accepted, that's my position.
	That's my point of view.
	And I really appreciate that.
	I have to say that it doesn't usually go that way.
	It doesn't usually wrap up to where, you know, they're like, I understand and it's, you know, it's okay.
	And they just accept it.
	This is, this is unusual.
	And for her to be encouraging here and say, Stay strong, which I know you will.
	After everything I said to her, I was not expecting her to say that.
	To say, which I know you will.
	This is a good person, okay?
	This is a good person with a good heart.
	And I said, You're a good woman, Mary.
	I sincerely respect you regardless of our differences, especially because you have held your position without getting frothing angry and hysterical over mine, which is, to be honest, my usual experience with this sort of thing.
	Thanks for the love and support.
	May the Creator look favorably upon you.
	And then her last reply to me here, you as well.
	With much respect, Mary.
	So I wanted to share that with you.
	Probably I've said enough just in reading this exchange to you.
	I wanted to give you a sense of what really happens when I state my case, what tends to get put before me.
	I make some pretty strong arguments or I make my stance very clear.
	That's why I put it like in no uncertain terms.
	I have made a very conscious decision.
	I am very consciously opposed for well thought out reasons.
	I try to do this because it's like, look, I didn't get snookered into this.
	Okay.
	It wasn't like, Oh, there's just some demons that are just doing magic on me to make.
	me not believe it or something.
	Or, you know, they're trying to get to me through all the people around me.
	No, I arrived at this position through living with it for many years and doing a lot of Bible study, a lot of prayer, a lot of soul searching.
	And this is just the position I arrived at in the end.
	And again, I didn't choose not to believe.
	Ceasing to believe was actually difficult for me.
	I remember it was quite a bit of an upheaval.
	It was for the best.
	I have a lot more peace of mind now.
	I'm able to accept reality on its own terms more than ever before.
	And that's a very good thing.
	But yeah, I didn't just suddenly arrive at it.
	And the thing is, you can't undo it, right?
	Because the things I've noticed, the positions I've taken, they're not something that you can really argue me out of.
	You know, I don't say all this and expect your faith to just fall apart because I've said it.
	That was never the point.
	But the point is, you're not going to talk me out of that.
	Are you crazy?
	You're not going to make me like this guy.
	You're not going to make me love him.
	I think he's horrible.
	You know, with a God like this, who needs a devil?
	I mean, that's how I really feel about this fellow.
	So you're not going to change my mind on that.
	I've been there, done that.
	And, you know, what he planning is he planning to throw me into hell right along with my ancestors?
	What?
	So I'm supposed to come groveling before him, just so I can escape the fate of my ancestors.
	That's like participating in turning against them.
	I have more loyalty to them than that.
	I'm not going to sit here and groveling to this deity, to this being, to try to escape some sort of threat that he's placing me under, and sit here and turn against and disavow my ancestors and to want nothing to do with them.
	That's really very often the case with Christians.
	They often do not care about their ancient ancestors, just the ones in the last several centuries, the last millennia or so.
	Before that, they tend to have the same attitude that the Jews want them to have about them.
	Oh, that they were all just barbaric savages and terrible until they, you know, Jewish religion, until Semitic thought, until the Abrahamic paradigm civilized them, and then it made them into worthy human beings that are worthy of some respect.
	But only then.
	It's just tiresome, you know?
	It's tiresome.
	It certainly was an interesting dialogue with her, and I appreciate that she lent me her ear.
	I appreciate that she did give me a hearing.
	You know, even if I feel like she kept trying to take it and make it into something else, it's a Christian thing, okay?
	I've seen it.
	It's like an automatic thing that occurs.
	When presented with this type of thing, there's a certain checklist that has to be run.
	And a few items are always going to appear on that checklist.
	Spiritual warfare is a big one.
	That's going to appear on there.
	And then it's you need to find the right pastor or the right preacher, or then it's I don't know.
	There's always something.
	There's always some way to try to skirt around what I'm saying.
	And I noticed that when I was a Christian too.
	When I would bring questions, I would bring issues, I would bring criticisms, I would try to find some clarity on something.
	And I would get that kind of thing too.
	Never really confronted directly head on.
	It's just, you know, there's some spiritual warfare stuff happening.
	Why don't you, I don't know, why don't you go to a Christian deliverance center and get them to straighten you out?
	See?
	See, I don't need that.
	I don't need that and I don't want it.
	And so, my loyal audience, I just want to say, if you find yourself confronted by a Christian, you know, and they want to persuade you to come back, look, if they're being kind to you, if they're being decent and polite, please don't be ugly to them, okay?
	I don't think it's necessary to be ugly.
	And I hear a lot of people like, Don't shove your religion down my feet.
	Look, dude, they're just they're just making their case, man.
	They sincerely believe this, and in their worldview, they believe that you're going to suffer conscious, unimaginable torment for every moment, forever and ever and ever.
	They really believe this.
	They don't want you in that condition.
	It's not that they think you deserve it.
	It's not that they're like making a value judgment from themselves against you like you deserve it.
	No.
	They believe everyone's going if they don't get on board and they don't want you going.
	Please take that in the spirit in which it is intended.
	That is a person saying that they actually care about the condition of your soul.
	They care about your eternal fate.
	That's not someone who's pushing a religion down your throat.
	That's someone that's really trying and I couldn't understand it any better than I do.
	I've been on that side of the fence.
	I've been in those eyes.
	I've been in that frame of mind.
	And then I also saw the people that would get so angry at Christians trying to evangelize.
	Look, I'm tired of Christianity.
	I'm tired of Abrahamism.
	This is true.
	But I know where they're coming from.
	I know where their hearts are, many of them.
	And it's they don't want you to suffer.
	That's all.
	They really just don't want you to suffer.
	And if you can keep that in mind, you'll have some understanding and compassion for them, you know, even no matter how much you might hate the religion, no matter how annoyed you might even get.
	If you can keep in mind that they are actually concerned about you because of what they believe in, because the religion tells them that they need to be concerned about you, please take it in the spirit in which it's intended.
	And don't be ugly.
	You see, I wasn't ugly to her and I wouldn't be.
	You know, she didn't come at me ugly.
	Sure, I get annoyed when people are like, maybe it's all this other stuff, but I don't take it personally.
	I expect it.
	It's like a scripting sequence that has to happen.
	If I say this, then the script says, all right, start to run, you know, if this, then that, if this, then not that, and all of this stuff.
	I know.
	It's like an operating system, Gollum OS, if you will.
	And it's inevitable.
	So I don't get mad.
	I don't get upset.
	And if you come at me and you're not being wicked and evil towards me, and if you're not telling me that you want to kill me or whatever, I'm not going to really have a problem with you.
	So for those of you Christians out there who are able to operate with this level of respect and decency and dignity.
	I applaud you.
	I really do.
	And it tells me that there's something that I can work with here.
	I mean, there's some way in which we can have some kind of unity that we can work together for some constructive end.
	But, you know, unfortunately, this is also not very common.
	It is so much more often to run into people that will just be ugly.
	And instead of even trying to persuade you, they'll just tell you that you're going to hell.
	They'll tell you whatever else.
	So I was actually quite impressed by her attitude and her spirit here.
	And so I would encourage you, if anyone ever reaches out to you in that same kind of spirit of kindness.
	Just try to understand where they're coming from.
	Try to understand that they're looking at you and they see you standing in an invisible house that is burning down and they want you out of it.
	It's really like that.
	It's that you're about to fall into a fire that you can't even see, that you'll never be able to come out of.
	It's hard for me not to appreciate someone who wants to spare me that fate.
	Even if I disagree with why they think I'm going, it still means something to me that someone doesn't want me to hurt.
	Okay, so please try to keep that in mind if they deal with you.
	Don't be unnecessarily ugly.
	Okay, maybe I've got a soft spot for them, but like I said, most of the people I know and love are Christian, okay?
	Does it annoy me kinda?
	Yeah, kinda.
	I I sort of I wish that we could move on past this religion and be done with it for sure.
	But when most of the people I know and love are Christian, when most of the people that have been the most decent and kind to me in my life have been Christian, I have to at least give them a chance if they approach me with respect and they're kind.
	I have to give them a chance.
	Even if I know they're absolutely not going to persuade me because, look, it's it's dead.
	That's beating a dead horse more than they could possibly imagine.
	But I'm not going to get angry on them.
	Anyway, folks, I appreciate your love and support.
	I know that I haven't been uploading as often here lately as when I was running YouTube.
	Look, when I was running YouTube, I wanted to cram as much as I could as quickly as possible because I saw the traction that was happening.
	And I was just like, shit, don't waste a single moment.
	Go, go, go, go, go.
	But being off of YouTube, things work a little different.
	And I've certainly had my work cut out for me uploading to all these other platforms and working with streamers and, you know, been coming on to their shows., trying to figure that stuff out.
	And then, of course, I've had a lot of stuff going on on the home front.
	Things got a little crazy after the doxing and blah, blah, blah.
	So it's kind of been hard to keep up with my usual once a day content schedule.
	And I probably won't be able to do that for the most part, but I will try to hit like one or two uploads a week at least.
	You know, if time allows, I'll do more.
	And, you know, look, the more interest you show my work, the more you spread it around, the more it grows, the more I'll pour into it, frankly.
	If I see that kind of traction occurring, then I'll give more and more.
	So that being said, hey.
	Hey, like, comment, share, subscribe, do whatever.
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