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Sept. 29, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
02:04:30
“I HIRED FIVE PROSTITUTES!” Twitter/X Space
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Hello, Ms. Ami.
Come as I'm doing Sunday.
Sunday, chatty Sunday, 28th of September, 2025.
And yes, tragically, I had a cancellation tonight.
I had a call-in show scheduled for tonight.
But with four minutes to go, twer cancelled.
And so I twer now to be twalking to you and twerking, but you can't see that video's off.
You can thank your lucky stars that you don't see this blindingly white Canadian rub shaking as money maker.
So I hope you're having a good evening.
I am thrilled, keen and eager to talk about philosophy with you to hear what you have to say.
I certainly have a topic.
I have something that's sort of on my mind, but I bow to the lovely listeners and watchers and readers on X here.
If you have something that you want to ask about or critique about, give me feedback about, suggest about.
I am all ears, like verily, if you gaze up through the London fog and see Dumbo floating by overhead on his excessive hearing flaps, I am all ears.
Alright, let's go to Nicoletti, who I'm sure will give us the full Scottish experience.
Nicoletti, what is on your mind, my friend?
How can philosophy help you tonight?
Hello, Stefan.
Hello.
Longtime listener, first time uh speaker, caller.
Welcome, welcome, welcome back.
Since I was like 17 years old, back in 2014, I believe.
Thank you for what you've been doing.
Um I had a question uh regarding uh the your stance on family not being uh your rock when all w when put comes to show up one family is not um is not up to standard, is not healthy in your life.
Um I think nowadays uh that there is a lack of uh of a moral compass in our institutions, in our in our jobs, in our unfortunately in our relationships, that being romantical or friendships.
Um I don't have uh unfortunately a lot of people uh suffer from that as well within their families, but what is the alternative nowadays if you can't rely on your family?
I mean, I I I know you had some videos in the past, uh, and that that that was a point that you brought on some of your books, that family can be cut off.
Uh my uh fear is that if you can rely on family, if you can't rely on anything nowadays, now you can't even rely on your family.
What's the alternative?
What's the what should people look uh on what should people rely on if they are uh under such circumstances as unfortunately many of many of them are today.
I appreciate the question.
So help me understand your perspective of my perspective on family.
So when you say if they're destructive to you or to your life or whatever it is, so what standards do you think that I have for potentially not uh seeing your family?
So uh what what I saw on uh on those previous videos is that if your family is destructive to you see seeing your parents have uh are verbally abusive to you or sexually abusive to you, or have it uh have a are abusive to you in uh in in a major way, you can cut them off, which is something that I am not uh I am not against.
My question is more on the sense of i if if everything else is is broken.
Sorry, sorry, hang on.
Sorry to introduce so I I understand your question.
I just wanted to know what you thought of with regards to family.
This is family of origin, right?
This isn't chosen family, like you choose your wife and and you choose to have kids.
This is the family that you're born into, which of course we don't choose.
Now the fact that we don't choose it doesn't make it wrong, but it means that it has to have the highest standards possible.
If let's say a woman was did not choose to marry you, you were in some primitive culture and she got married off to you at the age of 14 or whatever.
That doesn't mean that she will never love you, but it does mean that you have to be a really great husband to overcome the involuntary nature of her relationship with you.
Now, my daughter did not choose to have me as a father.
She did not choose her mother, she did not choose uh the friends, the extended uh people that we know.
At least, you know, our friends.
So my basic philosophy of parenting is my daughter did not choose me to be her father.
My wife chose me to be her husband, my friends choose me to have them in their lives, you all choose to listen to me.
But my daughter, of all the relationships that I have, is not voluntary.
She did not choose me, and she cannot say, peace out, I'm gonna go get another family.
Right?
You can break up with a girl, you can go and date another girl, you can leave your husband, you can go get another husband.
But my daughter, she'll be seventeen not too long from now.
So, for her life to date, she's had no choice.
She's stuck with a she did not choose us, and she stuck with us.
So, with that knowledge, as a father, I parent with the mind that, since my daughter did not choose me to be her father, but she needs a father, I want her to grow and I want to parent her as if she had the choice.
In other words, I want to be her father in such a way that if she could choose from any father in the world, she would choose me.
And by the way, this is how you keep quality in all your relationships.
So quality results from voluntary.
Voluntary and quality are the same thing.
Sorry, I'm not mad at you, I'm just passionate about the subject, just so you know.
I mean, getting your pizza delivered is a whole lot easier, faster, and more efficient and cheaper than going to get a passport renewed or getting some license from the DMV.
Because one is private, one is public, one is voluntary, one is coercive.
So if you want to have quality relationships, which is really the foundation for happiness in this or any other life, if you want to have quality relationships, always, always, always tell yourself they can leave at any time.
Don't take people for granted, don't treat them as expendable, don't have them lower in priority.
You know, when you were a kid and you I don't know if they do this anymore when you were a kid, and you get a notebook, and you start writing in that notebook, and it's really nice, and you're very careful to have all the letters spaced evenly and nice, and later on it's some spread spider chicken scratch from hell.
So my wife can wake up tomorrow and say, listen, dude, I don't want to be married to you anymore.
She could do that.
Perfectly legal, and is perfectly fine.
I don't want her to be here because of just a vow that I never earn again.
Every time I do a show, I have to re-earn you paying attention to me.
Do I have something of value to offer you?
Are you better, wiser, more virtuous?
Is your life richer?
Are your relationships better?
Could you maybe make more money after listening to what I have to say?
Every single show.
I have to rededicate myself to earning your trust, earning your attention, because you know, I'm not the only guy yelling into a microphone around the planet.
So I have to do that.
So if you want to have great relationships, you wake up every day and you say, I have to earn them every day.
I have to rededicate myself to wooing and winning my wife every day.
And that's a good thing.
And that's a good thing.
I believe so.
And uh I stand by your point as well.
Uh, I think that's a beautiful way to put it.
Treating uh each relationship as if they could walk out and leave at any point.
And sorry, the last thing I wanted to say is that's also true for your job.
You remember that first day when you really wanted to make a good impression and you really wanted to be productive, and you wanted to dig in and max out, and have your boss Be so thankful that he hired you.
That's what you gotta do, which if you want to succeed at your job, go in every day like it's your first.
Every day.
And then you will succeed.
Or at least it's your greatest shot at succeeding, as opposed to going in, letting the cynicism and the laziness of your co-workers, that's always a huge downward drag.
It's a boat anchor around your Olympic swimming legs.
Everyone else is like, oh, you work too hard, oh you take things too seriously, ah, it doesn't matter.
It does matter.
It matters how well you do your job, because we all rely on the quality of everyone else who does their job.
Call an ambulance.
Do you care how well the ambulance is maintained?
You care whether they filled it with gas.
Do you care whether somebody ploughed the roads if it's snowy?
You care about having electricity.
Do you care whether your cell phone works?
Of course.
We all literally survive and thrive on people doing an excellent job, so you should contrip contribute that to what it whatever it is you're doing, whatever it is you're doing.
When I was a waiter, wanted to do an excellent job.
When I was a gold paner, wanted to do an excellent job when I worked at a daycare, wanted to do an excellent job.
And you do that by not getting complacent.
By not put See, most people start off in the free market and in their own minds they kind of drift off into some kind of government thing.
Can't be fired, I've got tenure, I get a union, it's gonna be a football field's worth of regulations just to try and get my ass out of this chair.
And I guess if you work for the government, maybe that's true.
So with regards to family, if family is so important, and I think that it is, I know that it is.
Family is very, very important.
So if your parents were mean to you, if they neglected you, if they abused you verbally, physically, sexually, through neglect, which is the second result.
Worst to least worst is sexual abuse, the worst, neglect next worst.
Verbal abuse next worst, physical abuse is the least damaging.
Most dramatic sometimes, except for sexual abuse, but least damaging.
So yeah, if people treat you badly, see, philosophy, like physics, doesn't stop at the family door, doesn't stop when you go and knock on the door of your parents' house.
Morality is everywhere.
It's like oxygen.
It's everywhere.
Like physics.
You don't go into your parents' house and suddenly gravity reverses and you can dance on the ceiling, haul it out style, dance on your knees.
Water doesn't boil at minus a hundred degrees centigrade.
Light doesn't turn into darkness.
Black doesn't become white, you don't become colorblind by walking into your parents' house, hey, the laws of physics apply everywhere, and the laws of morality apply everywhere.
And justice is treat people the best you can when the first when you first meet them after that treat them as they treat you.
So if family is important as it is, then your parents should treat you very well, because family is important.
If your parents treat you badly, my suggestion has always been, if your parents treat you badly, sit down and talk with them.
Tell them your complaints, tell them your issues, tell you tell them what you didn't like, tell them what they did wrong, and be willing to hear their side and so on.
But don't be gaslit.
Don't let them say, oh, it never happened, or you misinterpreted, or whatever, right?
Stand by.
I mean, I love that Nietzsche phrase, never leave your actions in the lurch, don't do stuff and then back away from it, right?
If you've got a complaint, sit down and have the complaint.
Don't be gaslit into not complaining, and see how they react.
Because when I was a kid, when I was a kid, I was told, uh don't lie, don't lie.
Come on, don't lie.
Tell the truth, don't lie, tell the truth.
And I would be punished sometimes if I lied.
I remember when I was in boarding school, we had these garters.
Oh, there was a phrase when you were mad at a kid, you'd say, I'll have your guts for garters.
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
And I so I had these garters, there were these elastics that kept my socks up.
And I was supposed to have them, and I lost them somewhere, who knows, doesn't matter.
And and so the assistant headmaster came in, I was getting ready for church, and he said, pull up your socks.
Tuck in your gut, tuck them into your garters.
You gotta keep your socks up so they don't sag down.
Some military thing, I'm sure.
And I remember we lifted we were in this dormitory where there were like thirty kids in the room.
I still Remember the purple hippo posters and these creaky spring beds.
And I didn't have my garters.
Now I couldn't say I don't have my garters, because this was a place where you got caned for breaking the rules.
Which happened to me.
And so I didn't want to say I don't have my garters for fear of being caned for losing my garters.
You have to pay attention and take care of your things, young man.
So I walked between the beds so that he couldn't see my legs.
And I pretended to adjust my garters, which I did not have.
And later, when I was changing, getting ready for bed after church, the assistant headmaster came in.
You know, there's some people, I'm not one of them.
There's some people who can move like a shadow, move like a ghost, and they just materialize.
Just materialize.
They beam in or something like that.
And he's like, Where are your garters?
I guess he's suspected, right?
Because, you know, when you're a kid you think you're so smart, but you know, the headmaster or the assistant headmaster or the nurse, the teachers, they've seen it all.
They've seen it all before.
It's like, I'm gonna outsmart the cops.
No, you're not.
They've been doing this for twenty years, and it's your first time.
You won't beat the the guy's played chess for twenty years either, if it's your first time.
So where's your garters?
And I said, I lost them today in gym class.
And then I could see the realization hit his face.
Oh I was like, dang.
Today's the one day we don't have gym class.
And anyway, so he retreated to confer with the nurse, and I imagined they were cooking up some sort of cannibal pot in which to give me the most horrendous punishment known to man, god or devil.
But whatever, nothing came of it.
I I don't know why.
One of the things you figure out when you're a kid is that punishments are pretty pretty random.
Uh, and I don't know why, but nothing ever happened from there.
But I was told, don't lie.
I was in trouble if I guessed I would be in trouble, not so much for losing my garters, but for lying about losing my goddess and pretending, pretending, I tell you, that I had them on when I didn't.
So I was I was punished for lying.
So tell the truth.
Tell telling the truth is a virtue.
It's really the first it's the first virtue.
You you can't have any other virtues if you're not committed to the truth.
I mean, you can't have the virtue called I don't know, stopping drugs if you lie to yourself about doing drugs or how bad it is.
You can't quit smoking if you lie to yourself about how dangerous and bad smoking is.
You can't lose weights if you're not honest yourself about whether you're fat and need to.
So understand.
So I was told, uh don't lie.
Don't lie, don't lie, don't lie.
Lying is bad, telling the truth is good.
So I'm sure your parents, when you were a kid, and maybe even older, they told you, don't lie, don't lie to me, I I I'm not gonna get mad, I just need you to tell me the truth, don't lie to me.
Okay, so that's a virtue.
Don't lie.
So don't lie to your parents.
If they did something when you were a kid, or a series of things that bothered you, made you angry, upset, hurt, in pain.
Uh then tell don't lie to them.
And lying by omission is a big lie.
It's a big lie.
It's one of the most dangerous lies, lying by omission.
So you should listen to your parents and you should tell them the truth.
Because they didn't say tell the truth unless it's anything negative towards me.
Tell the truth.
So you go and sit down with your parents and tell the truth.
Now, it may shock them, they may be surprised and so on.
But honor thy mother and thy father with thou shalt not bear false witness.
You know, we lie to little kids because they can't handle it.
It's fine, it's nothing wrong with it, but that's what we do.
And we don't lie to adults, because they can handle it.
So if you were treated badly, uh and often will continue to be treated badly.
See, if you were treated badly by your parents as a kid, and then as a young adult, you can't be honest with them, they're still treating you badly because you're still scared of them.
Right?
If you are at a restaurant and you order the steak, and they bring you one cold potato, are you just gonna sit there and say, Oh, lovely steak?
No, you'll say, hey, I'm sorry, like I ought to went I ordered the I ordered the steak, I don't know what this cold potato is, but you mind getting me the steak.
Because you're not scared of the restaurant, you're not scared of the waiter.
They're not gonna backhand you if you send back the cold potato and ask for the steak that you ordered.
So you won't you won't lie to them.
You won't withhold information from them because you're not scared of them.
Why would you be scared of your parents?
Shouldn't be you shouldn't be scared of your parents.
They should be there as a resource.
You shouldn't be scared of your teachers, you shouldn't be scared of your priests, you shouldn't be scared of your parents.
They should be there as a resource to help you live life better.
So be honest with your parents and see how they react.
Because you can't have quality relationships with people under two conditions.
One, and they're both related.
One, you can't tell the truth, and two, they can't take any criticism.
Oh people who can't take any criticism um the most boring piles of intergalactic star sludge known to man.
They're just so boring.
All they do is deflect, avoid, gaslight, defend right.
Uh DARPO is it no Darvo.
Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.
How dare you upset me by telling me the truth about how I harmed you?
It's like the thief who steals your car and then gets mad because you're victimizing him by getting him arrested.
So be honest with them and see if they can and maybe apologize, or maybe there's things they can explain that you didn't know or something like that.
I remember that Christmas when you guys were kind of cold, it's like, well, technically we were under a RICO investigation.
I don't know, something that they could explain.
Uh and it was false or something like that.
No, something they could explain away.
Or have you understand?
It's good.
But if they just double down and attack and so on, then I I I myself I have three conversations.
I'm a biblical guy that way.
I have three conversations with people, and if nothing goes right, I've never told anyone to leave their families, because that's not my choice.
And and people shouldn't do anything because I tell them to, that would be ridiculous.
But you don't have to stay if the relationship is destructive.
And the price of having abusive people in your life is healthy people won't be around you.
The price of having toxic and abusive parents in your life is you can't marry a good person.
You can't.
Because good people don't want to be around that.
Good like if you're a man and you've got a mom and dad who just belittle you and make fun of you and don't listen to you and and uh never respond to anything that you want to talk about and and so on.
Whatever it is, like negative behavior, blame you for everything, call you a klutz and a spaz and whatever it is, right?
Mock you, put you down.
Well, you as a man, you're not gonna be evaluated as an individual.
I guarantee you that.
No smart woman is gonna look at you and say, here he is in his splendid intergalactic isolation, I am marrying him, but only him, but there's no gene pool, no extended family, no mother-in-law, no father-in-law, no brothers in law, no sisters in law, nothing like that, no cousins, second cousins, aunts, until uncles, grandparents, nothing.
He's just he lives in splendid isolation.
Like a planetless star in the far reaches of space.
No, she's gonna look at you and say, these uh this family are the these family, these family members are the people I'm going to have to live with for the next half century or more.
You know, depending on how long your parents live, all that kind of stuff, right?
And so if you have degrading, difficult, negative, abusive, toxic parents, and let's say you're a good guy, and then you bring this your girlfriend around, she's gonna be like, whoa.
I don't like them because they treat you badly.
If you love someone or you care about someone, you can't love someone and also love someone who treats them badly at the same time.
Can you love your girlfriend and also love the drunk who slaps her around at the bar?
No, of course not.
Can you love your boyfriend and also love the mother who calls him an idiot and a klutz and selfish and weird and a loser?
No.
So you will be judged by the company you keep, and the price of having bad people in your life is you can't have good people in your life.
They're like this big fiery moat with alligators and lasers that you can't get past.
Now, so to answer your question, sorry for the lengthy rant, but it's important.
To answer your question, if you had have bad family around, bad family of origin around, they don't listen, they put you down, then I would argue that as the world gets worse, which it is, having people around Who aren't bonded with you and who don't love you is dangerous.
I mean, my gosh, I mean, did we not see all of this during COVID?
When the supposed sanctity of marriage and family, oh, family, family is everything.
Oh, dear oh dear, is there an airborne cold and a half?
Well, you're not coming to Thanksgiving.
You're not if you're unvaxxed, you're not coming to dinner.
You're not coming at Christmas.
You sit there in the car with the cold, you don't come at all.
So, I mean, where's the bond, right?
Where's the bond?
You need people around you who are gonna have your back no matter what.
Now, hopefully that's family or that includes family, but if they're not good, then you have to find other people who are going to watch your back and you're gonna watch their back, who are loyal, I won't say to a fault.
I mean, it's possible to be loyal to a fault because we should be loyal to virtue above all else, because if our if our relationship virtues are not based upon moral virtues, they they can't last, right?
So if you have a family that's toxic, for which I have, you know, great and deep sympathy.
But if you have a family that's toxic, and they won't reform and they won't repent and they won't change and they won't admit any error or anything like that, then you know, I certainly I always recommend talk therapy if you can find a good therapist.
But if that's not going to be your steadfast companions on the stormy seas of life, then you've got to go and make or find or gather together a group of people who love you and who you love for your honesty, integrity, and your virtues.
It is a massive mission.
It is an essential mission.
You have to find, create, forge, build a group of people in this life who will stick by you no matter what, and you will stick by them no matter what that you can trust.
My God, if organized criminals can do it, surely good people can do it too.
So you have to find those people.
I mean, as far as how you find those people, well, that is a different answer for everyone.
But do not go through this life alone, particularly where the world is going.
You need people.
You need people.
But you need people with unquestioned loyalty to the good, and therefore to you, and for whom you, through your unquestioned loyalty to the good, to virtue, to morality, also have their backs as well.
Does that help at all or was that too abstract and long-winded?
Long.
It was long-winded, but it does help.
Uh thank you, Stefan.
I think my my concern is that because the mission is so great of having to find those people, uh there are people I mean, a lot of people will fail on that mission on finding uh uh similar like-minded wait, wait, wait, hang on, what's you what you black channeling for?
Well, I've I've seen it.
I've seen it.
It's it's like Okay, so to what if you hang on?
Well, so what if you see?
Maybe you've seen it and maybe it's real?
Maybe you have misinterpreted something.
So and I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just what have you seen?
Just the the common uh loneliness epidemic that you can see, how women feel uh very out of place and they say they can't find a good man, how uh people go on less and less to moral uh physical centers like like a church, I mean you see a lot of birth true disenfranchisement, if let me put it that way.
Um but you're okay, so so let me ask you this.
And that's that's I mean, I I get all of that, but let me ask you this.
So you've listened to me since you were 17, right?
Correct.
Okay.
So have you ever tried to contact people through the show and find out or put information out in the various forums and so on over this show and said, hey, and don't tell me where you live, of course, but hey, here's where I live.
Does anybody is anyone around that we could get together or hang out, chat about the world, life, philosophy, whatever.
I have not.
Okay.
So my good friend, you are largely full of crap about this issue, about this issue and this issue alone, I'm sure.
But if you're gonna say, well, you know, there's a lot of people they're not gonna succeed in uh getting a good group of people together, and I'm like, well, I I have provided for almost 20 years a forum, and I know that people have done this because I've helped facilitate it in the past, and it certainly happened that people have said, hey, I and I see these messages, hey, I live in such and such a place.
Uh it can be private messages, it can, and they've been entirely there was a community in China, there's a community in Texas, there's a community in New Hampshire, there's a community in England.
So like I know of these communities.
I obviously don't keep track of them in any particular detail, but people have taken the initiative to find like-minded philosophy people that have been marriages, families, lifelong friendships that have lasted lasted 15 years that have come out, babies have come out of all of this.
So I mean, frankly, I sort of hate to sound like I'm coming down heavy, but how dare you blackpill people on finding a good community when you haven't lifted a finger in uh a decade or more to try in this way.
I think you got a point.
I think you got a point.
So the question is why?
And again, I'm not trying to be mean, but why wouldn't you in all of the various forums that I have created, and they've been I don't know, James could probably remind me, but I can think off the top of my head eight different places where over the years people could post and have posted to try and find philosophically minded people somewhere close to where they live.
And it's not a criticism because it's not like everybody has to do this.
But if you're complaining and saying, well, you know, it's tough to find that good group of people, then you're like a guy complaining that it's tough to find dates when he doesn't leave his apartment.
You're right.
I I think uh I I I moved out of my of my home city uh three years ago.
I started my career uh out of college, and I've had difficulty finding uh that how do you say the network of uh of good people?
I have I have a great family, I have a great uh great group of friends.
Uh but moving to a new city and not knowing anybody, I think is what brought me to this because I've seen I've seen it, right?
Uh I I think I've seen it uh maybe maybe I'm projecting, I see it within myself.
It it's tough uh starting from scratch and finding uh those those communities, uh finding those people.
Okay, so hang on, hang on.
Okay, so you're just saying it's tough, right?
Okay, so whatever.
But what have you done to try and find these communities or to try and find philosophically like-minded people?
Or people who think, or whatever, even if they disagree with various things, at least they think, right?
Well, um I mean, I I can tell you uh the how tough it can be on different countries.
I can tell you.
No, I did what was my question?
What have I done?
Uh yeah, what have you done?
Not how difficult it is, what have you done?
Well, which is why I gave you the point.
I think I should do more.
No, but now you're telling me it's difficult to get.
But if you haven't done anything, of course, I mean it's not just difficult, it's impossible.
Right?
So you're some guy saying, you know, geez, I'm 350 pounds, Steph, I uh, you know, I it's really tough to lose weight.
And I say, well, what have you done to lose weight?
Did you are you eating less or exercising more?
Oh no.
Well, what are you telling me it's difficult for if you haven't lifted a finger to solve it?
I don't mind like if you called me up and you said, oh my gosh, I have been trying, like I've contacted all these people through Free Domain, I've joined local philosophy groups, I have uh set up meetups, I've invited people.
Like if you've done all of that and come up empty, hey man, massive sympathy.
But if you've not tried anything, then how dare you come and complain that something's really difficult when you haven't even tried to solve it?
Because you're spreading despair to other people.
Oh, I can't find people who think everyone's an NPC.
It's impossible to find a good community.
Bull.
At least come up and say, Steph, I don't know why, but I don't lift a finger to find any like-minded people.
Okay, that's that hey, we can talk about that, but don't come in with all this black pill nonsense without even telling me that you've not lifted a finger to solve it.
I think you're that's unfair, right?
It's unfair to the audience.
Yeah, I think you're into to the root.
Um you're into a root cause here.
Um you focus on what you see, and I don't think uh that I've been seeing uh I I'm not focusing on on those groups.
I'm not I'm not doing enough to find my like-minded people, uh, regardless of how tough it can be when you're starting out in a Okay, so and that's and that's fine.
But the question is that it's an interesting question, it's not a nagging question.
Like, why the hell why not?
Why not?
Uh well uh uh uh I think you're gonna like throw the throw the answer to the side, but I've I've been like really focused on my career, uh, which is why I moved out to another city.
I mean, the groups of people I know are all work-related, and they are they're fine people, I go out with them, we play sports, but like getting those connections, finding a good woman, uh it's it's it's tough.
It's tough.
I mean, when you're like solely laser focused on on your career.
I'm 27 right now.
Um I I think I've been only focusing on that, and maybe uh not not putting that energy onto building those relationships.
Which is like like like this.
And are you uh sorry, are you aware of that?
Like are you aware that when you call me up and say, Man, it seems almost impossible to find thoughtful people.
Are you aware that you haven't tried?
And uh or is this news to you?
Oh, are you still on?
Yep, I'm here.
Yeah.
Uh yeah.
No, I I think I knew in a sense, but you're putting it very bluntly, and I think I needed to hear that uh in the way you phrased it.
James has uh given me uh plenty of places where people have found each other.
There were the original forums, which were around from like 2006 or something like that.
Multiple Facebook groups, uh there was a meetup everywhere before meetup.com closed it.
There's a server, and there's I don't know, you can go to freedom.com/slash connect for all of the different social media platforms and so on.
You that there's so many places.
And listen, uh I'm not saying that people who think creatively and empirically are a dime a dozen.
Yeah, it's rare.
I get it.
I get it.
But you know, let's say that you want to take a picture of a particular bird that's rare, then you gotta look for a while.
But don't tell me it's impossible to find this bird when you never go out into the woods and look.
That's that's all I'm saying.
Because I I know, I personally, like I I was just talking about this, believe it or not, with a friend of mine today, that uh I I went through the list of all the people that I've known who've gotten together and created groups and meetups and and uh communities and marriages and and all of that from uh from what it is that that we've done.
So so tell me about you said that you can't find a good uh woman.
So what's your what's your what's the story with your dating life at the moment?
Well, I I've had two serious girlfriends, uh one since I was fifteen till I was like twenty-three when I first left here.
Wait, fifteen to twenty-three?
Eight years?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Holy bullsack, bro.
I know.
I know.
What the hell?
Uh what what do I tell you?
Didn't work out.
Didn't work out.
I I moved out.
Didn't worse.
It sure took a long time to not work out.
Yeah, so she was good enough for eight years, but not good enough for nine.
I moved out.
I moved out, uh chasing chasing the position, chasing the the job.
I got the job, I got here.
I I But hang on, hang on.
But but why didn't you I mean I'm not saying whether you should have, I'm just but why didn't you marry her?
Because I was very young and I I made a lot of mistakes.
No, no, no, 23 is not very young.
17 is young.
23 is not young.
Well, before you marry, I think you need to have some sort of um foundation, economical foundation to build a life upon.
And why?
Well, sorry, why do you need that?
Well, to for peace of mind, I mean, you you can't I mean you don't want you don't want to be standing on ice and when you're 23 and you have no money.
Sorry, do you think do you think that our ancestors as a whole had a lot of money in the bank when they got hitched at the age of 17?
I don't know, no, but uh Do you think that we evolved that you need a lot of money in the bank?
What about the Middle Ages?
What about the Stone Ages?
What about the bronze age?
Did you need a lot of money in the bank to get married?
I I can't I can't eat uh history books and feed them to my future children, Stefan.
So I didn't have that uh that disability.
What you're saying is correct.
It's a little snarky.
That's hang on, that's a little snarky, but which is fine.
I mean, I can be snarky too.
I'm just sort of pointing it out.
But your ancestors did not need a lot of savings or a big income to get married.
Now, did the girl did she say, I'm not marrying you until you make fifty thousand dollars a year.
She did not you know, let me tell you, I I made a lot of mistakes with her uh from 15 being essentially a teenager, a child, From being 23 when I when I moved here, I had a false sense of me wanting because I had only been with one with one person.
I wanted to meet other women, and that ultimately backfired at the end I made a mistake, but when I tried to go back with her, she was with somebody else.
So hang on.
So so this is a pattern here that you say something is circumstantial when it's actually you making bad choices.
So you say, well, it's really tough to find people.
It's like, but have you tried?
No.
So it turns out that it's your bad choice.
And I'm not trying to nag on you.
You say, well, you know, well, you could get married.
I I had to have an income.
And it's like, no, it's because I wanted to have sex with other girls, and that's so you see what I mean.
Like you say that something is environmental or circumstantial or beyond your control, like you just thought clearly you have to have all this money to get married.
And as it turns out, like when I drill a little deeper, it's a bad decision.
Now listen, uh, I've made bad decisions, so I'm not wagging my finger from some elevated place here, but but don't try and tell people that it's well, because I I you gotta have money to get married when it turns out you just wanted to bang other women and regretted it.
You're right.
You're right.
After and I say this because I I put myself in in a slinky pair of thong panties.
I I'm not kidding about that.
So what I do is when when I listen to a man, uh especially a young listener, of this, I put myself in the mindset of a hot virtuous woman, right?
Now, do you want a hot virtuous woman?
Of course.
Of course.
Of course you do, right?
And so a hot virtuous woman, if she listens to you make all of these excuses, is she going to be attracted to you?
Well, of course not.
Of course not.
So don't make these excuses.
Because it keeps good women away from you.
Just say, yeah, I was I was young and dumb, and I also I had bad advice, and I I thought the grass was greener, and boy, have I learned my lesson, and yeah, I definitely want like-minded people, but you know, I've just never really lifted a finger to do it, so there's no point complaining about it unless I'm willing.
Like that level of personal responsibility is gonna be attractive to a hot moral woman.
This mealy-mouthed excusey stuff is she's gonna be like, oh Lord.
It's just another man boy who blames everyone but himself.
I'm I'm trying to help you here.
Like I know it's No, I I'm trying I'm trying to follow.
I'm trying I'm following, I'm following.
Um, what happened with the girl?
You said you so you finished university, you were dating through university, if you went to Okay.
So you finished university and I moved abroad.
Uh I I uh what happened, what happened was is exactly what you said.
I thought the grass was greener, moving to a new city, so I broke up with her.
Well, hang on, hang on.
But when you broke uh had she wanted to get married to you, or had her parents said you should marry this girl you've been dating for close to a decade, you should marry her.
Uh was there uh any any sort of pressure or expectation?
Did she want you to marry her?
Did her family want you to marry her?
Did your family say get married or what?
There was an expectation, I think.
Uh I I think No, no, not an expectation, was it communicated?
No, not by her parents.
By her, maybe she she would say, when we get married, when we get married.
I I don't think the I don't think she she never explicitly said, Oh, when are you gonna put the the ring on me?
She never said that, but I think it was So Shang'an, so she never said that.
Her family never said that.
Does she have brothers?
No, she does not.
Okay.
Does she have sisters?
She does.
Yeah.
Okay, are they older or younger?
Older.
Okay.
Did her older sisters say to you, okay, like, come on, this has been going on for you know five, six, seven years, uh, you gotta get married.
Uh so did your family say that?
Did did any did anybody sit you down and say it is absolutely wrong to string this girl along if you're not gonna marry her and waste eight years of her life?
I am being completely honest with you and taking uh everything that we've discussed, not put put in excuses.
Uh no, it wasn't explicitly said.
Like Okay, I'm not sure what explicitly means here.
I'm not saying you down swear while they're doing sitting you down and telling you, hey, you need to do this.
Uh we we expect you to do this.
I mean, they were supportive.
My parents were were a if you want to do this, uh I think she's a good woman.
I think you guys would work out, but uh never explicitly uh we never we never discussed dates or no nothing of that nature.
No, because honestly if you did that to my daughter, I'd invite you on a hunting trip to a very distant location.
And that would be a really tragic and sad accident and uh just it'd be really heartbreaking.
But at least my daughter would be free.
No, seriously.
I mean like you say you have a good family and and how did they let you Okay so you broke up with her and did she fight?
Did she say I mean the heart was broken.
She she didn't take it well.
How can you do this?
We've been together so long.
Uh that sort of thing that sort of thing.
Uh yeah okay and so she she obviously fought to try and keep the relationship going but you were in a different city right and why didn't you why did she not move why didn't she just move to be with you?
I didn't ask her to because she said she would have done it.
But I was still on the false pretense that the grass was greener.
And what was it that you think you were looking for in other women that you couldn't get in your long essentially just having sex with different women how sad is that right?
I mean I I I know it now but at the moment at the moment it was just how am I how am I only gonna have sex with one woman right?
That's what I thought at the time.
Because that's the best I mean you've you found that out didn't you?
Well yeah too late Yeah because that's the best that's the best sex is when you both know each other, you know what you like, you know the timing, the rhythms, all this kind of stuff.
That's that's the best sex.
And you know we're designed to be monogamous, right?
but you went that sort of porn fantasy route of like, if I stack them up like cordwood, my balls will sing an ode to joy, right?
They did not sing, no.
They did not, right.
Because, you know, you got to go have sex with some of the girls.
You don't know what you're doing with each other, and you got to figure things out.
And, you know, by that time, it doesn't really work out.
And so, okay.
And so it's been four years since you broke up.
And you said that it was your first relationship.
You said that you've had two.
What's this one?
I had another girlfriend since last August until, no, we started last November and we broke up.
No, we started November 23rd.
and we broke up in September twenty-four so almost a year.
Okay, and why did you break up?
She broke up with me.
She broke up with me, actually.
Okay, why did she break up with you?
I'm going to keep it true.
I don't think she loved me enough.
Her mother died.
And I thought that had something to do with that, but she just emotionally became, like she subtracted herself from the relationship.
I think she subtracted herself.
She wasn't there for me or herself even after her mother passed.
Like she kind of was ghosting me.
Like she...
sorry how how long into the relationship did her mother we like seven eight months and was it sudden or was it it was declined her mother had cancer before we s we met and she just got worse.
Oh so she started dating you while her mother was dying of cancer well that's not wise and unless you have some you know magically huge heart that is a great comfort to her or whatever right?
I I thought I was going to be but she didn't want it.
I tried that's that's a that's a heavy burden to put on a new relationship is oh yeah my mother's dying because I mean honestly you're a young man you also want to go out and have some fun and not have a big heavy cloud hanging over the whole thing and you know your girlfriend's randomly bursting into tears and I mean it's one thing if you're married and you know you you then you just go through these life trials together but if it's a relative new new relationship and mom's taking the slow to slide into the big easy then that's uh that's a lot that's a lot of burden to put on.
And I would have done it.
I would have done it but she sorry done what?
I would have been by her by her side you know uh it's not like I mean I I met them I met the mom I carried the the the funeral case I mean I I was on the phone with her but she just I wasn't the shoulder she wanted or she needed to cry on I think so was There's a deficiency in virtue in every breakup is based upon a deficiency of virtue.
Every breakup.
And so where do you think the deficiency of virtue?
Because you know, if they if there's uh if you're attracted to each other enough to date and and to have sex and all of that, then what the blue the glue that binds you together is virtue.
Love is our involuntary response to virtue if we're virtuous.
So all breakups are based upon a deficiency of virtue.
And where do you think it was in this one?
I don't know, Stefan.
That's a deep question.
I need to think about that.
Well, let me ask you this.
What were the virtues in this woman that you admired?
She grounded me a lot.
Like I I thought I was this big hot shot in the company, and she worked at the company that I was that I was here.
And we uh before we dated, she was like, You're a d you're an idiot.
You need to do this and this and this.
And that sorry, before you dated, she said you were an idiot.
In a good sense.
In a good sense.
Like she grounded me a lot.
And that she made me I I used to be obsessed with the past and the future, and she helped me be in the now.
Uh as first as co-workers and then as friends and then as my girlfriend.
So no, we were we were both the same age.
Okay, got it.
Alright, so she thinks you're an idiot, but she thinks that she's wise, right?
Maybe.
No, she has to be because otherwise she wouldn't have the knowledge or wisdom to call you an idiot.
And I don't know that that's the best way to bring someone along in a professional sense, but okay, so she was honest with you and she called you out pretty harshly on your shortcomings.
Is that a fair way to say that?
Yeah, basically.
Okay, what else?
Um she was very worn when we were together.
Um in an emotional sense, uh beyond the physical.
Um she was very kind, very nice.
And I'm not disagreeing with you, but what does that mean in terms of like what would I see in her that I would say, oh she's really warm.
I'll get home and how are you how it'll go at work today?
Uh she she make the meals.
Uh hey, I thought of you and I bought you this uh detail, this little thing.
Uh hey, I know you were sick, I brought you soup, things like that.
She was very caring in a sense.
Okay, caring and thoughtful, okay.
And what else?
She asked how I was doing.
Well, that's caring and thoughtful.
What else?
Do you need more?
Well, so far we have uh she's blunt and caring.
Uh she's blunt and caring.
Yeah, I think that was basically it.
I mean, outside of the physical.
I mean, I had a I had a good time, I had good times with her.
Uh we we traveled a lot.
Um the conversations were fluid.
She wasn't like f philosophically oriented, but she was uh like she listened and she asked questions of things that she wasn't familiar with, and she had uh an openness to learning things that I was interested in.
So it was nice talking with her.
And other than at work, which is I guess not unimportant, although again, I think a little harsh, other than at work, what other wisdoms did she uh provide or give to you that you still find to be You're not gonna like the answer.
You're not gonna like the answer.
Because I because now that I'm saying it out loud, I think it wasn't wisdom.
Um this is gonna be heavy.
She implicitly taught me to suffer in silence.
Like for women.
Because I'm gonna tell you very uh quick story.
When we first started dating, I was looking at the next position at my job as something very difficult to achieve.
I felt it was so far away.
I moved out of my uh home city, outside of my parents' house.
I I didn't feel like I was going to make it.
And one day I was in the apartment and I was basically about to break down in tears.
I I was going through this very rough uh uh moment in my in my job, and I didn't feel empathy.
I didn't feel empathy from her.
And I noticed that the way I I think I learned, which which was a bad lesson, like men should suffer in silence.
So I started suffering in silence, and I eventually got the promotion, and like I I noticed that she was more attracted to me because I solved it, right?
Which isn't Because you what?
I I I noticed that she was like her demean Yeah, no, I got that, but because she what?
I didn't Because I got the promotion because I saw The the because the big uh bet that I made coming here, I I got the the big job that I was saving for at the company.
Okay.
So she is caring, but you have to suffer in silence.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean What do you think of that?
Well, you're making me say it, but I don't think it was.
I'm not I'm I'm not trying to make you say anything.
I've just it seems a bit contradictory, and I I'd like to just have it explain.
I think she wasn't the right fit at the end.
Um I I think that showed the level of emotional she didn't have the level of emotional intelligence that you need from a partner.
And me being so alone, me being so so isolated, which is how we first started this conversation, made me I think uh accept certain things from her.
So yeah, I think I think it wasn't the right call at the moment.
And in retrospect.
Okay, so she wasn't that kind if you're upset about something and she basically tells you to suffer in silence.
That's not kind, right?
She didn't say it, but I I I didn't feel the empathy that I needed at the moment.
Well, did she give you love and thoughtfulness and care and attention and affection while you were going through a tough time, or did she withdraw?
She'd withdraw.
And almost kind of punish you for having.
She withdraw and she did the same when her when her mother died, because her mother died, she withdraws, and I was trying to find ways of telling her, like, hey, I know you're going through a tough time, but I'm here with you.
A relationship is two people, and I feel like I'm alone in this, and she again retract and emotionally.
I mean, the the the writing was on the wall now that I'm thinking about it.
Uh sorry, what do you mean?
Like the way she retracted emotionally from me uh when I was going through a tough time, uh happened again when she was going through a tough time because of her mother passing, and I was telling her, hey, I need I know you're going through this horrible, horrible experience that I can't understand, but a relationship is of two.
Uh I need you here.
I can be here for you.
I I can No, but when you were going through a tough time, she withdrew, which means she doesn't know how to deal with people going through a tough time, which would include herself, right?
You are so right.
You are so right you hit the nail on the head with that.
Yes.
And why uh why were you primarily attracted to her?
I think primarily, primarily.
I'm trying to I'm trying to think of an answer that can link it to what we were first saying, but I think isolation played a big part in that.
I mean, she was of course very attractive.
Oh, you were lonely.
Was that?
Well, you you were lonely.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay, and listen, there's nothing wrong with that being emotive.
There's nothing wrong with that at all, because loneliness is helped helps us to make sure that we pursue connection, right?
Yeah.
Okay, so you were lonely and uh what else?
She was very beautiful.
She was There you go.
Okay, so you she was very attractive, right?
She's hot.
Okay.
And what vetting did you do to make sure that your heart was relatively safe in this woman's hands?
I didn't.
I just I just teamrolled into it.
I mean, the the first month, like the first two months were so um were so positive.
Uh we were both very lonely.
You mean you had a lot of sex.
Yeah.
Yeah, but we had yeah, everybody had a lot of sex.
Okay, so you love bombed each other.
Yeah, we love them the shit out of it, but not only physically, but I think she was also very lonely with her mother dying, her also leaving outside of her home city.
Um I I think we found like two lonely people trying to patch each other up.
Okay.
Alright, so I mean, you kind of listen to me for entertainment.
And that's fine.
I mean, hopefully I'm entertaining, but you don't listen to me in terms of like actually making life decisions.
I'm listening.
No, I'm I'm not I mean, it's just they're just pointing it out, right?
Like if if you're like, hey, I I love watching these exercise programs, man.
You know, Richard Simmons bouncing around like some Keebler elf on a cocaine trampoline, like that's fantastic.
I love watching so but if you're overweight and and you don't exercise, then you're just watching the shows, right?
So, you know, if if you call up a fitness instructor and you say, Man, I've been watching your fitness shows for 10 years, and I say, Oh, wow, what do you weigh?
350 pounds.
I'm like, okay, so you're just watching them, right?
Like you're not actually doing it.
You're just watching it.
And I'm not, I'm not even nagging at you, I'm just pointing it out.
That's good.
This is good news.
Because if you think that watching the exercise show gives you muscles and weight loss, and you're wrong, that's good, because then you you actually have to start doing what the exercise shows tell you to do, not just watch them for entertainment or you know, butt philosophikinis or something like that, right?
So you listen to philosophy, you enjoy philosophy, but you don't do philosophy.
And again, I'm not trying to nag at you, it's just it's it's a it's a good news fact because if things aren't working out, like if you were doing the exercise program for 10 years straight, and you were 350 pounds, that would be like some incomprehensible disaster, right?
Yeah.
I'd be 1200 calories, you know, I exercise every day and I'm 350 pounds.
Well, you'd actually be uh a physics miracle because you'd be absorbed, you'd be maintaining more energy than you were taking in, which would be physically impossible.
But if you were lifting weights and somehow not gaining muscle, that would indicate a pretty severe health issue, I would assume, right?
Because you're supposed to gain muscle when you when you lift weights.
So the fact that you've been watching philosophy but not doing philosophy is why you're not satisfied with your social life, and it's why you're not satisfied with your dating life.
And so, you know, I I would invite you, and and I say this with all humility, but I would invite you to actually start doing philosophy rather than just listening to and watching philosophy.
That's a great advice, thank you, Stephanie.
So what does that what does that mean to you?
Just trying to live the virtuous life and yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, what does that mean to you practically?
Looking for uh for real connections in things that I like in my in the city I live in, uh trying to find pleasure in being alone, so I am not um so I'm not as vulnerable to fall uh for uh Okay, that's all that's all very nice.
I want practical stuff.
Practical stuff.
Okay, let's put me back into my butt philosophikini, right?
I'm a hot girl.
You want to date me?
You want to love me, you want to marry me.
All right, so I'm a hot girl.
What do you need to ask me to have a reasonable chance at a good relationship?
What do you need to find out from me?
How is your relationship with your parents?
Um what is your religion?
Um, what are your habits?
How how do you spend your free time alone?
Things like that.
Okay, those can all help.
Um so here are the questions that I would ask.
And these aren't the right questions.
I mean, yours are fine too.
This is just my particular thoughts on it.
Uh, do you want to have kids?
Okay, do you want to have kids?
I'm asking you really.
Okay.
So do you want to have kids?
Ask a woman, do you want to have kids?
If she doesn't want to have kids, say, well, that's a shame.
I don't care, you know, how Mariana trench deep her cleavage is, you gotta punch yourself in the nads, cross your legs, and waddle off, right?
Yeah.
Now, say uh how all relationships have conflicts.
How do you resolve conflicts?
So what's your ideal on how to resolve conflicts?
I think uh by like you said, by by talking, uh I I don't own the truth.
But yeah, but you need to ask the woman, of course.
So do you think it's acceptable to yell at each other?
No.
Do you think it's acceptable to call each other names?
Do you think it's acceptable to just withdraw and rage quit or storm off?
Or do you stay in the conversation calmly and reasonably trying to figure out a win-win solution?
Right?
So these are all right.
Now, if somebody says, I think that we should reason things out, then I would say, um, what experience do you have doing that?
Right?
So uh, you know, hopefully my daughter, when she gets married, uh, she has seen my wife And I get along well for 23 years.
Well, she hasn't seen it for all 23 years, but for the whole time that we've been together, I say my wife, we were just talking about this today.
Like we have maybe one conflict a year that's not resolved in three minutes and instead it's 20 minutes, right?
It's not a not a big deal.
So I would say, okay, so you want to reason.
I think that's great.
No yelling, no name calling, no storming off, no punishment, no freezing people out, no slamming doors, no like like none of that toddler stuff, right?
So you want to reason things out, great.
Okay, so what is your experience?
Say, oh, well, you know, I I watched my parents, so they taught me a lot about how to resolve disputes, and my parents never fought in that kind of ugly way, and okay, then that's great, right?
That's great.
Because if somebody says, um, the way that we resolve conflicts in a relationship is we both switch to fluent Japanese.
Well, you have to ask her if she actually can speak Japanese, right?
So if she says, Well, we should reason, great.
What's your experience doing that?
Now, she, of course, will ask you the same thing, and you gotta have an answer, right?
And so, yeah, do you want to have kids?
How are we going to resolve disputes?
Um, what's your relationship to money?
Do you like to spend?
Do you like to save?
Do you want to live in the country?
Do you want to live in the city?
Do you like to travel at the expense of having a house?
Do you want to have a house more than you want to whatever, right?
And then you go and you meet her family and you evaluate her family, because they're going to be, as we talked about earlier, they're going to be your family, and they're going to be heavily involved in the raising of your bambinos of your children, right?
So uh these were all things, and then you see how she treats waiters.
You see how she treats bus conductors, you see how she treats uh her siblings, you see how she you go and meet her friends and see are her friends quality.
Because women need to show resistance to peer pressure.
Do you know why women need to show resistance to peer pressure?
So they so they're not uh so so they have a character, right?
Well, sure, but that's true of everyone.
But in particular, women need to show resistance to peer pressure because women make each other break up a lot, right?
You know, that old saying, single women keep women single.
So if there is a girl, a woman in your potential girlfriend's social circle who has an unhealthy amount of influence, then if she doesn't like you, or you do something that she doesn't like, or whatever, then she will tell your girlfriend, uh, oh, you should break up with him.
Or, or if she's dating you and two of her friends go through breakups, then the breakups, if she's susceptible to peer pressure, if your girlfriend is susceptible to peer pressure, then she'll likely break up with you too.
Like there have been these studies that when there's a divorce in a social group, the risks of divorce to everyone else goes up like 40%.
So you need a woman with good healthy friends.
You also need a woman who's got good healthy male relationships, so she's got brothers.
Uh, because if if she only listens to her female friends, you're in for a kind of crazy roller coaster of over peer pressure and and all of that.
And you know, uh God love women, but they are a little bit more susceptible to peer pressure, right?
They score higher in the big five trait agreeableness and so on, right?
So, you know, these are all things that you would uh look at.
You you don't want an overly high body count, uh, and you know, some you need her to believe in reality, right?
Not be some weird mystic.
I don't know if you've seen that meme where this guy texts his mother and says, Oh, what time of day was I born?
And the mother says, stay away from her, because she's a witch, right?
She's a mystic.
So, and you know, you don't have to share every belief, of course, but you do have to share the methodology of belief, reason and evidence.
And, you know, she'll have some stuff to teach you in that area, you'll have some stuff to teach her in that area, but you've got to vet out of respect for your heart and your future children.
Because, you know, dating is not about your balls, dating is about your future children.
You choose who you date as if your future children get the deciding vote, right?
So, are you doing any of this kind of vetting?
I mean, no.
No, I no, and and with the women I've did it since uh I've I've just been pointing and shooting, man.
Like So you've just been what?
Pointing and shooting.
I mean, just go in through one, two, three, four, ten, fifteen, and and seeing what's fixed, right?
I mean, uh and sorry, sorry, hang on.
You said you dated 15 girls in what time frame?
In l uh starting in February, from February to what month are we in?
October, September?
Uh we are in September.
Yes.
So not 15, like 10.
But I mean, one, two dates.
I mean So you're not sleeping with these girls?
Uh with a few.
With a few.
Are you sleeping with girls knowing that you don't want to date them?
Yes.
Yes.
Do they know that?
No.
No.
You lying son of a bitch.
Yes.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
That's vile.
So you're dangling a potential relationship over these women, so you can fuck them and then you toss them aside.
That's one way of putting it, but I think that's a good thing.
Okay, tell me what tell me what is equal to.
No, no.
No, listen, I want to be fair.
I want to be fair.
Tell me what is incorrect about what I say.
No, no.
No, no.
I th I I think uh no, you're right, man.
You're right.
Do you say to them, listen, I don't really like you.
I certainly not gonna date you, but I want to have sex with you.
Uh there comes a point, but it usually comes after I've slept with them like twice.
Like, hey, this is very fun, but uh we can continue doing this, but uh I don't see I don't see myself dating you in the long term.
It does happen.
Oh, so I don't want to date you, but I I'll use you for your flesh.
I mean, they're using cannon.
They're using me too, and not only for my flesh, my money, my cover.
They're women, it's different, you know that.
They're women, do they want to have a relationship with you when they sleep with you?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh, so you don't even know if they like you.
I mean they do like me, but Okay, so if they like you and they're having sex with you, they want a relationship with you.
That's how women are wired, right?
Yes.
Men are wired to be more polygamous because when a bunch of men would get killed at war and hunting or whatever saving the village from the mastodon stampede or something like that, we had to be polygamous in order to replenish the tribe, right?
Yeah.
Okay, so men are wired differently, and we can survive a higher body count much better than women can.
Because there was no time in history where a woman could have consequence free sex.
Because all sex involved the possibility of a 20-year commitment to raising a child.
So if you say, well, they're using me in the same way, it's not the same.
Also, women put themselves at significant risk when they have sex with a stranger because you're twice their size and you're pinning them down.
I'm not saying you're pinning them down in any violent manner, of course, right?
But it's risky.
They're in a very vulnerable position in a way that a man isn't.
Unless maybe it's oral sex or whatever, right?
But so why don't you want to date the women that you have sex with?
Uh vetoed.
Um not all of them want to have children.
They don't come from a similar family background as mine.
Um they're not Catholic.
For me, that's a big uh that's a big uh wall.
Is it Catholic to fornicate?
We're all flesh and sin, Stefan.
But yes.
I mean, no, I know the hypocrisy, I know the hypocrisy.
I know the hypocrisy.
Because mankind is sinful, don't give me that.
If you know it's a sin and you do it, it's a sin.
It's a mortal sin.
It's a mortal sin.
I'm going to hell.
What are you doing?
Being very good.
No, seriously, don't be clipped.
Don't be glib with me.
What are you doing?
Why are you using these women in a satanic fashion?
To not be as lonely, which is uh the the root of what I was asking you at the beginning, I think.
Okay.
Has you since the age of 23, so that's four years, you have been trying to stuff the hole in your heart with other women's holes?
Has it worked?
No.
And do you realize what peril you are in?
And I mean this with all like all joking aside, just man to man, heart to heart.
Do you realize the danger that you're in?
No.
I don't just mean going to hell, although that is a danger.
But the danger that you're in, that if you use people, your self-contempt will arise to the point where you simply will never believe anyone who says that they love you.
You will be unable to be loved.
Can you just marching from desert hole to desert hole would be the rest of your fucking existence.
Can you expand on that?
because that's very scary.
If you use people like masturbatory flesh objects while lying to them, If you defraud and deceive women into having sex with you by dangling the possibility of a relationship that you know is impossible, then you're treating a human sovereign consciousness as a whole to dump your seed in, like a third hand.
If you keep doing that, if you dehumanize others, which you are doing, right?
You are dehumanizing them, you're using them simply for their flesh.
If you dehumanize others, that is an action of selfishness and of contempt for both of you.
Now, if you act in a predatory, duplicitous and fraudulent manner, you accumulate self-contempt and contempt for women.
Because this stuff only works on women who are not particularly smart.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Part of the veto too.
Part of the veto too, because uh I end up think Yeah, I I I think of uh potential relationship, and I think, oh, I I wouldn't like having uh I I don't imagine us conversating when we're older, but I mean the she's not sh I don't want to say it this way, but she's stupid enough to go to bed with me.
So why am I?
Right, right, right.
So and and so you are using your superior intelligence.
I also assume that you're good looking, right?
I mean, yes.
Huh, okay.
So you're good looking.
Did you earn that?
I work out.
Yeah, did you earn being good looking?
Uh I I part of it, part of it, but but uh I was born with a lot of I mean uh I was born with something and I worked on it uh with uh going to the gym and eating well.
Yeah, but that's like saying somebody with a good singing voice is taking singing lessons.
But you go to the gym because it pays off, in particular because you're good looking, right?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure you I'm sure you've seen these pictures of the outly guys who go to the gym.
No, it doesn't it doesn't particularly work, right?
Isn't bad, it's good to be healthy, but it does not the same, right?
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
So do you have a nice head of hair?
I do.
For now.
Did you did you earn that?
No.
No.
Okay.
And what about your intelligence?
Did you earn that?
I I worked on it, but I was born with a lot of it.
Yeah, you were born with intelligence.
Your verbal skills are fantastic, and you're very intelligent.
You've listened to what I do, so I put you in the top one percent of intelligence.
Okay.
So you happen to be born very good looking, you happen to be born very smart.
These things aren't bad, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
But using them to sexually exploit women is a pretty base way of using your God-given talents.
Do you think God gave you this so that you could lie to and exploit women?
No, he did not, man.
Oh my god, he did not.
And you know that.
And the more that you do it, the more self-contempt you will have.
And you also you have to steer away from intelligent and virtuous women.
Because if you try pulling this oily, greasy player shit with intelligent, virtuous women, what will they say?
I've tried it, and it happens, and like they tell me to get the fuck away.
And Right.
Don't laugh at me, bro.
Don't laugh about this shit.
I'm serious.
Do not love your soul is on the line.
Do not laugh about this.
You don't have a daughter, right?
No.
I have a daughter.
This is important.
It's important to me, it should be important to you.
If you treated my daughter this way, well, it would not be good.
If you have a daughter that you love that you treasure, who is the light of your heart and the apple of your eye, do you want her to grow up and meet a guy like you?
Not me now, no.
You when?
In the future, when I stop doing the shit, when like the good the good parts of me uh overcome all of this.
Right.
But here's the thing.
You have a daughter, and you'll realize what you've done to these women.
You have a daughter, and as a good father, you will tell her to stay away from people like you as you are now, right?
Yeah.
Right.
Fuck, yeah.
And good women steer clear of you.
And in women who aren't smart or women who are insecure, or women who are also consumed by lust because you work out and you're a good looking guy with a good head of hair and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You're all sinning together.
And what is the wages of sin?
What is it?
What, sorry?
What are the wages of sin?
I think the land is a Catholic, what are the wages of sin?
Going to hell?
Death.
And what that means is not that you just fall over and die.
But your heart dies.
Your capacity to love dies.
Your capacity to be loved dies.
And you end up like a hit band with ghosts following him around everywhere.
And good women steer clear.
So you are condemned to trawling along the underworld of broken women who aren't smart and who aren't good.
And you have to lie to them to get them into bed with you, and then you dump them, which makes them bitter, right?
Because they've realized they've been used, right?
Yes.
Would you like it if a guy said to you, hey man, give me $10,000, I'll invest it for you, and I'll give you $50,000 back at the end of the month.
And you gave him the $10,000 and he just did ghosted you.
How would you feel?
Angry doing.
But that's what you're doing.
Yeah.
That's what you're doing.
How do I get out of this step and what's the first step?
Well, you have to stop lying.
Because if you can't get a woman to sleep with you by telling her the truth, you're exploiting her.
It's predatory.
Especially if you're smarter than these women.
If you're smarter than these women, like intelligent people, we have a moral obligation to the less intelligent.
If you saw a child being beaten up by other children, would you intervene?
Of course.
Right.
Because you're bigger and stronger.
So you have an obligation, if reasonably safe, you have an obligation to intervene on the part of those who are through no fault of their own, less able than you, right?
This the kid, right?
So you can razzle and dazzle and out talk these women because you're very intelligent.
Does that make sense?
It does.
I'm sure you're very charming.
I'm sure you're very funny.
I'm sure you have charisma.
So it's not equal.
If I have a black belt in karate, and I go around picking fights without telling anyone that, and then I beat the living shit out of them, is that fair?
It is not.
Why not?
You can kill them.
You you're I mean, it's not the same as if you're not going to be able to Well I'm I'm there's a skill disparity that I'm not telling them about.
Yeah.
Especially if I'm a small guy who doesn't look particularly strong, and then I do some monkey gets fruit and elbow them to the throat and break the like it's unfair.
It's unfair because I'm hiding my skill level.
Now, if if if I go up to some guy and and start, you know, insulting him, and he says, let's fight, and I say, okay, but I'm, you know, I'm an MMA champion, what's he gonna say?
What's he gonna say?
You could have there for a second, sorry.
So if uh I start uh I start getting into a fight with some guy and he says, Well, let's fight, and I say, Well, I'm a mixed martial arts champion.
What's he gonna say?
He might back off, you know.
Well, he will back off, right?
Yeah.
And it's the same in the same way, if you say to women, I just want to use you for sex, but I'd never date you, would they sleep with you?
No.
Right.
No, they would not.
No.
They would not.
And so it's cheating.
It's cheating to use your superior intelligence and verbal skills to lie to women to get them to sleep with you, because women are turned on by intelligence, because intelligence signals the ability to get good resources, and you're professionally successful, right?
Yes.
Yes.
So you are are you tall?
Uh no. 178.
And what is that in like I think it's like 5'11, the eternal manlet, 5'11, something like that.
You're not a man lit at 5'11.
What are you talking about?
That's the joke.
Uh uh I'm average height or no, 5'11 is above average.
The average is like 5'9 or something.
Like you're I mean, I say this as a guy, I'm a shade under six feet, but uh 5'11 is above average.
Okay, so you're above average height, great hair, great physique, good looking, successful, wealthy, right?
So God gave you a lot of gifts, right?
Yes.
And you've got some.
I'm not, it's not I'm not saying it's all, right?
But God gave you a lot of gifts, right?
Now, why do you have those gifts?
Why do men have often extra intelligence, the verbal skills, endurance, physical strength, ambition, testosterone?
Why do we have these things?
I think to give back, to protect, to build.
Yeah, to protect who?
Uh you and your uh and I mean the your family, your family or the family you build your tribe for your children.
Yes.
Why do you make more money than you need to live on?
For your children and your wife.
That's right, right?
Yes.
Why do you have all this ambition, this testosterone, this work ethic, this dedication?
Why do you care so much about getting ahead that you're in tears when you think it might not happen?
Because you're here to provide access for your children, for your family, right?
That's why God gives you these abilities.
Yes.
And what are you using, the abilities that God gave you for to provide for children, what are you using them for?
I'm not.
When I'm doing these things to women, I'm not.
Well, no, but you're using these gifts that are designed for your family to dazzle women and lie and cheat women into sleeping with you instead of getting a good woman and raising a family.
Yeah.
What do you think of feminism?
What even is feminism these days?
I don't know.
I mean, uh but what do you think of it?
I mean, the general idea.
Because there's a patriarchy that exploits women.
Uh I don't I don't think they do.
I I think women But you are that you are that patriarchy that exploits women.
I'm behaving in in that way, yes.
And if I am behaving that way, I am that you can't if you if you treat women this way, you're creating feminists by the boatload.
Yes.
Because men are cheats and liars who exploit women.
There's a patriarchy, and women women know that, I mean, deep down if they're honest with themselves, they know that men tend to be more ambitious, tend to be a little bit more intelligent, tend to be physically, of course, much stronger, particularly you if you work out, right?
You probably have at least twice the strength of the average female, if not more, just the upper body strength.
So uh women know all of this about men, that it's unequal, right?
It's it's not equal.
And so you have significant advantages over most women.
And even if we say men and women are the same in terms of intelligence, the fact that you are scooping down to the lower reaches of female intelligence to get your rocks off.
Yeah.
To drain the vein, that is unequal, right?
Of course, yeah.
So you are being the patriarch that makes women feminists.
Because what do women think of men after you pump and dump them?
Oh, he's an asshole, he only used me, oh, he didn't want it to connect.
He's yeah, he lied to me.
He lied to me.
Yeah, because you would be high-stated, you would be a high status boyfriend for a woman, right?
Yeah, and and that's part of the frustration that I felt with my ex, you know, like, oh my god, don't you know?
Can't you notice that I used to very selfishly think?
Like, don't you know that I can change your life?
You know, and I laugh because it's so I I I I I view that thought as so immature now because nevertheless you didn't want me at the end.
But that that that's the thing that I used that's something I used to think.
Like, why are you breaking up with me?
Don't you know that I can provide you with so much value?
You know?
Well, but given the mindset that you have, can you understand why she might break up with you?
Yeah.
Uh the the lack of humility, right?
Like, I I have been given some pretty solid gifts as a person.
I didn't earn them.
And I have an obligation to society, to the world because of the gifts that I've been given.
You know, I mean, Robin Williams was given great gifts of comedy, and he used it to make the world laugh, right?
Yeah.
So you've been given great gifts, and the question is, what are they for?
Are they so that you can lie to women and have mediocre sets and then hurt them?
They shouldn't be for that.
No, they're not for that.
Right.
Stefan, I've been going to therapy for like two years, and my therapist has never spoken to me the way you're speaking to me right now.
And I think she's female?
She's a woman, of course, and and then you might ask, oh, don't your friends or your parents I don't tell these things to my friends or my parents, dude, because there's that there might be so I might be so ashamed of this in a sense.
Maybe.
But but thank you.
Of course, as you know, I'm not a therapist.
I'm a moralist.
And I say this because you can handle it.
I say this because I want you to be happy.
I say this because I want you to have kids, and I say this because I want you to be loved.
None of this is to put you down.
I hope you understand.
None of this is to put you down at all.
No, no, I follow.
And I think it's because you're operating far below what you can do that it's frustrating.
So just so people understand who are listening, and I really appreciate this directness and honesty.
It's courageous and noble in my view.
So a lot of men fantasize about having sex with a lot of women.
And what's it like when you have sex with these women that you're lying to?
Is it as good as the sex that you had with the woman that you broke up with when you were 23?
Of course not.
Of course not.
No.
Okay.
So is it bland, mediocre, average?
It it it's fun, but you do feel depleted afterwards.
And and and it does register in an emotional sense that, oh man.
I I've thought like I should have stayed home.
That's a that's a thought that always uh most of the time pops in my head afterwards.
Like, oh man, this wasn't worth it.
And is this like post not clarity or some?
No, post not, of course, post not.
So you have your orgasm and you're lying with the girl, and you're like, oh.
Is it like how do I get out of the house?
How do I get out of the situation?
Like, how do I get her out of the house?
How do I get her out of?
Or let's just go to bed and tomorrow I'll I I don't I don't want to conversate with them.
I don't want to I don't want to spend time with them outside of fucking them.
Then why is that?
Do you think why do you not want to spend time with them?
Because they're I mean because we're not connecting, like like conversating, we should like because I don't see a future with them, so why would I spend more time with them outside of what I want to do at the moment, which is having sex with them.
And is that because they just don't know things, they can't talk about things, they don't think about things, or what?
Um I mean I I uh I like I work in logistics, so they are either like if they're from my workplace, which is a very bad practice to everybody.
Oh no, don't do it.
No, don't tell me Don't do it.
I'm gonna get subpoenaed.
Oh my god.
No, no.
You're doing this with women in the workplace?
Only only twice.
Only twice.
Only twice.
Yeah, yeah, no, Russian roulette only twice is totally fine.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
Yes.
But uh they're either too technical or they are girls from the gym, uh, or like waitresses, people that are uh either super technical and can only talk about the they view the world in like uh a an over systematic form, like one, two, three, and can't think abstractedly, or they are just people who are only getting started on their development uh curiosity.
Like students, people who are like 21, 22, and they don't have the the emotional maturity to do that.
Oh, so you've got a good six years on some of these women.
Yeah.
I think the old the the youngest was like 19.
Yeah.
She was the girl who who in the old world, man, you would have already you'd already had the shit beaten up.
Like you'd be you'd you'd be shit shit kicked all over the band.
That that's what my friend tells me, like the one friend I have in the city, he tells me like this is gonna stop the moment somebody kicks the shit out of you.
That's the only way to.
You're just gonna hurt some girl and I mean, and I'm hoping you haven't got any STDs or spread anything.
No, no, no, thank God no, thank God no.
Yeah, but you know, you're you're I can also appeal to your practical side.
Uh you're gonna get fired if you keep this up.
You are going to catch an STD, you're gonna get an unwanted pregnancy, or you're gonna get a psycho.
Right?
There'll be some woman boiling your bunnies saying, I'm not just gonna be ignored.
You better return my calls.
I'm gonna tell your boss.
Uh you don't want to know.
I haven't told you.
Like the my ex, the girl I'm kidding.
Go ahead.
My ex is a girl that I was telling you about who was some the the girl whose mother died.
She was uh the how do you say uh when somebody is the the brother of somebody that you're married with, how do you say that in any?
Mother in law, yeah.
She was the sister-in-law of the director of the plant I I work at.
And he found out, and like for a year, he was like, oh my god.
He was so pissed.
He was so pissed.
It it hurt me in uh in the in the job uh on the job.
Well, you're in Europe, right?
Uh no, I am not.
Okay, don't worry, that doesn't touch because a lot of places in Europe it's almost impossible to fire people, so maybe that's why you kept your job, but okay.
All right.
And uh the rest of us have to live in a world where you're pumping and dumping and making women bitter and mistrustful and less able to pair bond.
Which means that they're going to end up choosing badly, maybe they become single mothers, and then we have to live with all the crime.
I mean, what we do has ripples, right?
Yeah.
You get in your rocks office making women bitter, prone to feminism, prone to a lack of pair bonding.
Now, if I if you were one of these women, I would be talking to you, right?
But I'm not talking to them, I am talking to you.
So I have to put a hundred percent of it on you.
If it was if I was talking to them, I'd put 100% of it on them, but I'm putting it on you, especially because you're older and smarter and wealthier.
So you have like there's a reason why the boss can't date the secretary who works for him, right?
Yeah.
Because he's got too much power, and she can't say no.
And if you have charisma and looks and heights and money and experience doing these kinds of things, then it's unequal.
Like I'm sure you've heard of this practice where, let's say, you go to a bar and you pretend to be bad at playing pool, right?
And then people they want to bet you.
And then you let them win a couple, and then you say, Oh, let's just have a big bet.
Ten times, right?
And then you play beautifully.
Right?
I mean, that stuff can get you beaten up over, right?
Because you're hiding your skill level.
And less intelligent people can't understand how smart you are.
They can't.
It's it's unfair.
Like, it's like me pretending I can't play chess when I have 10 years' experience in chess.
You can manipulate them.
You can.
You're verbal, you're smart, you can manipulate them.
You can get them to sleep with you.
Whoop-de-doo.
That's like me beating a girl guide at an arm wrestling contest.
Is that particularly noble?
Hey, you can get dumb women to sleep with you.
Good job.
What a challenge.
You're tall, good looking and wealthy and smart and charismatic.
Look at this, I could get women to sleep with me.
Well, yeah, okay.
Great, sure.
Absolutely.
You're like you're like Paul McCartney in his prime saying, you know, I can get women to sleep with me.
It's like, yeah, okay, we get it.
You're a singer and you're kind of cute and very talented.
Good for you.
But it's not really a challenge, right?
You're right.
I mean, you're you're like uh you're like uh Christian Ronaldo playing a local pickup game.
Look at that, I scored 22 times.
It's like, yeah, but you're in some local pickup game with 12 year olds.
Right.
Anyway, you know what I mean, right?
And then Christiano gets angry because, oh, they are not testing my skills enough.
That that's the incongruency of what I'm telling you.
Yeah, and let's say it's adults, right?
And he's he's not even telling them he's Christian Ronaldo.
Ha ha how can one uh like me in this situation or people who are are listening that might be in on similar spaces that because they're lonely, uh they betray themselves.
No, you don't do this because you're lonely.
You're lonely because you do this.
Oh man, okay.
No, no, that's it, because you had A woman you wanted to go back to, the 15 to 23 year old girl.
You had it.
Were you lonely with her?
No.
So the devil said, Oh no, man, come over here, man.
There's lots of hot hot sex here.
Man, come over here.
Why do you just want to you just want to sleep with one girl for the oh come on, man.
Think of all the great sex.
You go, oh, it's gonna be fantastic.
Right?
He just lures you away from the woman you loved.
And you fell for it.
And listen, I uh I I've not uh I've not dated one woman over the course of my life.
So I'm I say this with humility, and it this is the shit I wish someone had told me in my twenties.
Honestly, I I say this with all humility.
I hope you don't think that there's anything that's put down in anything that I'm saying here.
But you got lured away from a good thing with the promise of a better thing, and you got nothing.
Right.
You had a woman you were pair bonded with, you were compatible with, you loved her, she loved you, she wanted to move to the city to be with you, to the new city.
You had it all set.
You were made.
And then you got greedy and you got envious and you got jealous, and you fell prey to sin.
Now, you were twenty-three years old.
You're not a kid, but you still haven't even hit full brain maturity yet.
So this was up to your the elders in your family.
This is you say, Oh, I got a good family, is then what well, why are you doing this shit if you have a good family?
Makes no sense.
You don't have a great family, because if I had a son at 23, he's got a great woman who loves him.
First of all, I would never let him date a woman for eight years without proposing, but whatever, right?
And he's like, Well, Dad, I've got this great woman who loves me.
I love her.
We're totally compatible, we've been together eight years, but I really want to go and have sex with a bunch of strangers.
I'd say, no, you don't.
You may think you do, but you don't.
Right?
This is like a kid saying, Well, I've had a really good healthy meal, now I just want to have 18 candy bars.
I'm like, you kinda don't, because you just throw up.
You think you do, but you don't.
Because it was a mistake to leave the good woman you were with since you were fifteen for this stuff, right?
Yes.
So how did your family let you get lured away from the good to this unholy mess?
I didn't tell them.
I just acted.
It's their job to know.
Why?
Why?
Because they're your parents.
They're your elders.
The and young men like you, like me when I was young, are idiots with regards to this stuff.
R versus K selection, all the stuff I've talked about before.
So it's up to your elders.
First of all, to not let you date for eight years without at least an engagement.
Number one.
And number two, if you want to break up your relationship with eight years, w did your parents say why are you breaking up with her?
I mean, they they saw the quote unquote problems that that we had, but didn't they didn't know that the full extent of those problems were originated by me wanting to steer away from her.
So did they keep asking you until they got to the truth?
They did not.
They I mean, the my dad says there needs to come a point where I can begin trusting you, and you're moving away from here.
I mean, you you're gonna be on your own essentially.
I'm gonna be here, but there there are going to be consequences.
So I think he's No, but but hang on, but he shouldn't have trusted you because you lied.
He didn't know he doesn't know I lied.
He doesn't know I omitted.
But he should know whether he can trust you or not.
And in sexual matters, young men are unwise.
We don't talk about sex, my my dad and I, my my mom and I, we don't.
But that's also a fault.
Yes.
And obviously, if you married the woman, you shouldn't talk to your parents about your sex life, but you have to talk about lust.
Your parents are good Catholics, right?
My mom more than my dad, but yes.
Okay, so you're your mom's a good Catholic.
Is lust one of the seven deadly sins?
It is.
Is it the one that young men tend to be the most susceptible to?
Yes, and also one that brings like the most shame, and also one that because of that shame, you young men hide the most, I think.
Well, I don't know, young men, but me.
No, no, young men.
Young men are the most prey to the sin of lust.
Particularly tall, good looking young men who are very intelligent.
They're they uh because the world is at your feet in in a way, right?
It's very hard stuff and it's very hard.
I'm sorry?
It it's very hard.
It's very like nobody um I think you're talking about your penis here, which is probably a bit of a god, no, no, no, no kidding.
I'm kidding.
No, it's hard because uh if you're tall, good looking and and intelligent and wealthy, then uh you're gonna women are gonna want to be with you, right?
So it's a conveyor belt of potential harem.
So is it good parenting for your parents to not talk about to not talk about the sin you are most susceptible to with you?
They don't know, man.
They don't know.
No, no.
You said hang on.
You said your parents don't talk to you about sex, right?
We never did, no.
Right.
So sex is what trips men up.
Sex and money.
Now, with women too, but we're just, you know, talking about you as the son.
So is it good parenting to not arm your son against the sin most likely to destroy him?
It is not good parenting, no.
It is not good parenting.
So you tell me you got a good family, but you're isolated because you can lie to your parents and they're like, okay, now you're not a parent yet.
I hope you become one.
Thank you.
But if you're a parent, you know when your kids are lying.
You've seen them from the frickin' ultrasound onwards.
You've interacted with them 10,000 times.
You know when they're lying.
It's as obvious when you're a parent, it's as obvious when your kid is lying as when they have chocolate all over their face and they say, I didn't have any chocolate.
It's that obvious.
Now, you do have to give your kids some space, and you can't police them forever, and I get all of that, right?
But you fell prey to the sin of lust, as almost all untutored young men do.
The devil gets you what?
Do you think that your enemy attacks you where you're most protected?
No.
Where does your enemy attack you?
Where you're the weakest.
Where you're the least protected.
Yes.
So your parents left you wide open.
Wide open for the devil to get his hooks into your soul through lust.
Because they did not protect you.
What about your priest?
What about your uncles?
Grandfather, grandmother, aunts, cousins, anyone, anyone.
Anyone sit down and say, listen, bro, I have a kid.
You're a good looking kid.
You're smart, you're funny, charismatic.
So you gotta watch out for this, this, and this.
Anyone, did anyone help you to productively manage the gifts you were given?
No, Stefan, but I I think uh and I don't want to go I don't want us to dive off the tangent here, but I don't I don't know what family, or maybe because I wasn't in on that family.
I have a huge family.
I have like I'm the elder.
I ha I'm the eldest of like twenty-seven first cousins.
I have like nine uncles.
Uh okay, so you've got dozens of older males and females.
It's not like only men can talk about this, but you have dozens of older relatives who handed you over to the devil.
But isn't that like where does personal responsibility begin then?
I mean, I mean, I you're talking about gifts.
I think uh self-knowledge can be a gift and not lying to yourself and knowing that you have a problem, that should be enough because admitting that you have an issue like I am doing here with you, that's a huge.
Any one of your any one of your relatives could have had this conversation with you and should have had this conversation with you from your mid-teens onwards.
They could have.
They could have, and they should have.
They should have, yes.
Right.
So if you are in a family structure, all failure is collective.
If you are a boss and you have an employee who fucks up and continues to fuck up for months or years, is it the employee's fault alone?
No.
Right.
Because the boss never warned him and the boss isn't following up.
So you have a lot of elders in your vicinity who have failed you and have turned you over to the default setting of young men, which is sexual hedonism.
And the lesson here, I think, is that when you become a father and you have children, that you talk to them about this stuff, so the devil can't get his hooks in.
You are an unmarried, good-looking, tall, wealthy, intelligent, charismatic young man of twenty seven.
What do your parents think you're doing?
The picture of that.
Like as in a picture, if it doesn't move, it looks perfect.
If I start moving, they they might see the crack.
So they see the job, they see the apartment, they know that I am lonely, but they think, oh, he's gonna eventually find a good girl, or he's gonna come back to the city.
Uh I don't know why they keep thinking that.
They're not asking.
They're not asking what's going on with your dating or your romantic life.
No, they they don't.
They don't.
And that is a sin.
And this is you feel so you feel lonely in your family because nobody's asking you.
Listen, bro, I don't even know you.
And we've been talking about this for two hours.
What's wrong?
I mean, is this not a good conversation?
It's not a healthy conversation.
Oh, it's a great conversation, thank you.
Right.
So and and it's my pleasure, and I I appreciate your honesty and openness in in these areas.
But you're lonely because you don't have these conversations in your family.
What do you all talk about?
I mean, what do you all talk about?
About their problems, about what they're doing, about how I can help them.
Um but I I I think it might uh I I don't want them to know that their son has become this, you know, because they they need everything.
Because you've become this because you're isolated.
Because at the beginning you said, geez, you know, I can't get a community, or what do you do when you feel isolated?
What if you but I have a good family, but what and so of course I knew that it wasn't a good family, and I'm not trying to sort of say every family, right?
I mean, I have a good family and and so on, right?
But your cause and effect is backwards.
You are isolated in your family because you have dozens of people around you, and you're keeping all these secrets and nobody's asking you, and nobody seems to notice, and nobody seems to care.
So you're lonely in the family, and I'm guessing, because you said your parents never talk to you about romantic or sexual matters.
I'm guessing that you've been lonely in the family since you were a kid, and that's why you haven't reached out to like-minded people philosophically, because you're used to being isolated.
And if you do reach out to like-minded people philosophically and they ask you genuine deep and important questions about your life, rather than sports ball the weather and your parents' bad backs, it's gonna highlight and show up the deficiencies in your family structure, which is a lot of families get together and talk about nothing,
nothing of import, nothing of curiosity, nothing of depths, nothing of morals, nothing of spirituality, nothing of virtue, nothing of temptation, nothing of good and evil.
And it's that level of isolation, that's why you're hungry for these kinds of conversations, which I appreciate, but you're already isolated, and that isolation is causing you to pursue these fleeting connections.
Now, what did your girlfriend from 15 to 23, what does she think of your family?
I mean, she thinks I mean the like the image, imagine the the family in a Coca-Cola, that's how my family looks, right?
Ah, and they pass the coke.
That's I mean, yeah, the beer commercial, the yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And that's how they treat her, you know, the very receptive of her.
Family vacation since we were 16, all the way from us being 23.
So they're very they were very nice to her, and my mom was always like.
If you were to marry her, I would like that.
If you were, right?
Not very not within a time frame, just think treating it as a nice thought.
And my dad as well.
I I cheated on her when I was like 17, and my dad helped me like write the letter, like the the apology letter, and oh you're gonna bike her these flowers so she can uh accept you back.
I mean, they they they thought of her in a good light.
Hmm.
And what does she think of that?
She she fell for the propaganda, right?
Yeah.
Right.
Now, of course, she's she's uh she was a young girl and your family I'm sure is very impressive.
So I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna try and fault her for that.
So what do you need to do?
What do you need to do?
I mean, that's what I'm trying to get at here.
I mean, what would be the first step?
I mean, finding those genuine connections so I can't.
No, no, first of all, no, hang on.
You can't eat good food while you're still eating bad food.
Right.
If you fill up on junk food, you can't eat good food because you're already full, right?
So you have to stop this sleeping around stuff.
I mean, you just have to grit your teeth and stop.
And you need to sort of sit down and list out what you're looking for in a life partner.
And you have to figure out what you have to offer that life partner.
Right, so you know what you're looking for, and that's great.
But what is a good woman looking for?
What is a good, virtuous, intelligent woman who can see through your bullshit as we want people to see through all of our bullshit?
Right, because I have it too, right?
I'm again not trying to be superior here.
So what is a very high quality, moral, virtuous woman?
What's she looking for?
What does she want?
Uh stability, um safety, fun in that order, and uh all that all that entails uh financial stability, physical stability, um, that you're not gonna go crazy one day and quit your job and start making uh play-doh figurines and selling them on eBay.
Uh they're gonna be or quit your corporate career entrepreneurial job to go start a podcast.
Maybe be crazy.
All right.
Well, okay, so that's that's all uh that's almost all wrong.
I just you know I've been talking for a while.
I'm sorry to be an annoying naggie guy.
I really but that's almost all wrong.
Damn.
You think so?
You think so?
I know she I said she was a virtue.
Because I uh I've uh I because I love writing, I love writing, and I've convinced myself that I can't pursue that as a career because of the stability my current job brings.
And I've like like your example is so is so noteworthy because I hadn't thought of that.
I I it'd be great to have somebody.
You haven't thought of what of having uh of looking for somebody who would support me in the in in the scenario similar to yours.
So like me telling her that, hey, I want to quit my logistics job so I can I'm gonna start writing.
Uh I I wouldn't expect that from a female.
My wife didn't say it's good, it's fine.
She said you have to.
Wow.
She said, I've never met anyone who can do what you do, you have to.
So how do I even start if I don't know I mean I'm looking for the wrong things then, Stefan?
How do I even start?
How do I realign myself?
I I I did not ask what you're looking for.
I asked what the moral woman is looking for.
She's looking for virtue.
Virtue.
And that's why the moral women are turning away from you at the moment.
Because you're in a state of hedonism.
And frankly, self-soul destruction.
And also the destruction of the society that you're living in.
I am not gonna tell you because it we I I don't want to take more hours out of everybody's time, but the destruction goes even further, Stefan.
It's it's uh it's ugly, man.
It's ugly, it's very bad.
But yes, you're right.
I mean you know, if if you're comfortable or you think it would be I think it would be helpful for people to know, but what's the other destruction that you're doing?
It'd be it'd be more like I broke up with the girl from from back home because I started uh I I was the lover of a married woman, Stefan.
Imagine that, imagine how stupid that was.
I I knew I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere, but I I liked the rush and the loss so much that I even broke up with the girl back home.
I hired escorts.
Uh yeah, those are the two things I hadn't told you, but those are two the two very very dangerous things that I mean we don't add more to the point, but it's just it's just more of how dangerous you can really be to letting yourself go and uh doing these hedonistic things because you might not know,
like to the people listening, you might I was doing those things and I was thinking, man, a year ago, a month ago, I would I wouldn't have imagined me doing these kinds of things, but you are, you become that person.
And it can be very dangerous.
It can be very dangerous.
So the married woman that you slept with, did she have children?
No, she did not.
How was she much older?
Uh like 18 years old.
No, it's like 14 years older.
Okay, so you were 23 and she was 37?
Something like that, yeah.
And could she she couldn't have children?
Is that why she didn't have children?
No, she didn't want to.
Well, that's what she did.
She didn't she didn't tell yeah, she she that's what she told me that she didn't want to have children.
And I assume that the husband didn't know.
Of course not.
I'm talking with you.
No, no, that could be open marriages.
I don't know, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
And uh tell me about uh hiring of uh the prostitutes.
Let's not use the whole pronouns, right?
The escort thing, it's just prostitutes, right?
Yeah, the prostitutes.
Uh how many times have you hired a prostitute?
Like five, like five times.
Okay.
Yeah.
And is that for the evening or is that for the hour or what?
For the hour, for the hour.
And how much does that cost?
Like around uh let me do the conversion to the dollar here.
Uh let's say uh around 150 bucks an hour.
Okay.
Do you think that a quality woman?
Oh my god.
Wants to be with the guy who slept with a married woman and has hired prostitutes.
Oh my god, of course not.
Of course not.
Well how old were you when you hired your first prostitute?
Like 25, something like that.
And why did you hire a prostitute?
I wouldn't tell don't even tell me it's because you were lonely, because that's not like why did you hire a prostitute?
I wanted to I wanted to have sex.
I wanted to have sex, basically.
I didn't only go through the effort of a one-night stand or something.
Uh of talking, I didn't feel like talking with somebody, inviting them for nothing.
I just wanted to get to the point.
My my reasoning then was it's a Thursday, I need to work tomorrow, it's 8 p.m. and I want to have sex.
I don't have the time for this, but I do have the money, so I'm just gonna fucking do it.
Okay.
And how was the experience?
So I guess it was good enough that you did it four more times, right?
Uh I felt bad afterwards, but again, you're saying it was good enough for me to do it four more times.
I mean, I felt bad afterwards, but I did it again.
Sorry, yeah.
You mean after you had your orgasm?
That's right.
Yeah.
Okay, so and what did you feel bad about?
How what happened to me?
Like, I I w I'm supposed to be a good son, I'm supposed to be uh like people report to me at work, what like what's going on?
Why am I doing these things, you know?
Like this is not the person that people think I am.
This is not the person I thought I was.
There was a dissonance.
Did you have any uh premature sexual exposure or experiences when you were a child?
Uh no.
No.
So you didn't well, how old were you when you saw pornography?
Like 12, 12, 13.
Okay.
And your parents did not talk to you about the dangers of pornography?
Never, no.
But they knew about it.
I mean, obviously you're a parent, everybody knows, right?
Yeah.
And how did you get your exposure to pornography?
I saw it.
I I was using my uncle's computer for something.
I needed my uncle's computer for homework, and it just happened to be in the in the browser cert.
Okay.
And your uncle is married?
Yes.
Uh well, no, not that they divorced, actually.
They're no longer married.
Well, no, but but back then.
Yeah, back then they were, yes.
Okay.
And when did you become a regular viewer of pornography?
16, 17.
There was a period where I did it like I saw pornography daily, not so much anymore.
Not so much anymore.
I'm sorry, so from 12 to 16.
No, uh no, basically no, no.
Sorry, I don't know what no refers to there.
No, I I didn't.
I I I wasn't a user of pornography.
And ha I have it user of pornography, no.
And has that you said that there have been times when you haven't, and there have been times when you have viewed it daily, is that right?
Yes.
I mean it it happened like from high school to college since 16 to maybe 20.
I saw it one day yes, the other day no.
Like this, every other day.
Yeah, with my ex, yes.
Okay.
And what's your consumption been like since since then?
I mean, right now it's i it's none because I'm having because I'm sleeping with so many women.
But if if I'm not having sex with women, then it goes back, basically.
And when was the last time you were in contact with your 15 to 23 girlfriend?
You aren't gonna like this answer, Stefan.
Um, like a month ago?
Why sorry, why wouldn't I like the answer?
I mean, I tried, I essentially I tried to.
I offered and this is because of the loneliness.
I think it wasn't coming from a good, like loving place.
I went back to the city in a business and then I told her, Like, hey, let's try it again.
I am in a good financial position.
We can try it for from here to December, like we can try it, and if and if we can find ourselves again, then you can move with me.
But it wasn't like genuine, right?
And she, of course, told me, no, she's in a relationship and it wasn't genuine.
Because I don't love her, because it's it it's ultimately because I am lonely, I think.
Because I don't love her anymore.
I mean, we've grown apart.
We've grown apart.
Uh sorry, um, is do you not love her because she's become a bad person?
No.
Do you not love her because you've become a bad person?
Maybe.
And because I don't know.
I mean, then why don't I I don't w we've grown apart.
I mean, since we broke up uh three years ago.
I I mean we haven't had a chance to reconnect, we haven't had a chance to to have good memories to create good memories.
I mean, it's so it ended so abruptly and so ugly.
Well not it ended, but you broke her heart.
I broke her heart, yes.
Okay.
And did did she want to get back together with you?
No, she did not.
And did she say why?
I mean, she's in a relationship now, and she said this is hang on, hang on.
So she's in a relationship, and you try to get her to be your girlfriend again.
I didn't know that when I when I c went to her house.
I didn't know that.
Well, no, but I mean, you said I want to you're like you started talking about this stuff, and she said, No, I have a I have a boyfriend.
Basically, I have a boyfriend, I don't know you, it's been so long, this is so abrupt.
No.
Oh, so then you stopped.
Try to get her to go out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
So what kind of woman do you think you can get with the history that you have?
If they don't know anything, I mean no, because you know it.
And if you try and fool another woman and you try and lie to another woman, you'll still know it.
What kind of woman do you think you can get with the history that you now have?
Not the woman I want, but Stefan, I want to ask you something.
Is it lying if I impose a better version of myself and begin a relationship with the good uh in with good intentions and eventually tell her, hey, this happened years ago.
This was me years ago.
Is that lying?
Is that misleading?
Like, how would you if or if somebody did that to your daughter, what how would you treat that?
Because that's my option right now, Stefan.
I don't like the person I am now is not worthy of of a woman who is looking for virtue.
The only option I have now is is to essentially lie and impose the better version of myself.
I mean, if you let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this.
Would you want to be with a woman who had been fucked by male prostitutes?
Of course not.
Of course not.
Okay, so you're gonna have to adjust your expectations.
That's very tough for me, because that's my life.
I mean, that's the that's the biggest decision you're gonna make.
Hang on.
But when and this is where I'm sad that you didn't get male feedback or elder to be female, right?
Elder feedback, is that if you choose to go and have sex with a prostitute, particularly multiple times, you are now changing your choice of your future partner.
Why would they need to know, Stefan?
That I mean, that's No, because you're surrounded by people in your family who don't ask questions.
A quality woman will ask questions.
And she'll know if you're lying.
Because you're you're used to people who don't ask, right?
They just let you go and do whatever the hell you want.
But if you want a quality woman, she'll know when something's wrong.
She'll know when you're not being up front with her.
I mean, listen.
Do you want a mother for your children that has no clue if your children are lying their asses off to her?
No, I don't.
No, because she it's really tough to be a good parent if you don't know when your kids are lying, right?
Such as your parents, who are in part responsible for you ending up in this place.
So you want a perceptive woman, right?
Yes.
You want a moral and perceptive woman who asks you a lot of questions because you're going to be asking her questions.
Because if you don't ask her questions, she won't respect you.
So moral quality woman is gonna find this out.
She's gonna know.
Or she's gonna know there's something wrong, she may not know exactly what it is.
So the only way that you get a quality woman is you have to find some way to be at peace with what you did and to know why it happened.
Now, I don't know why it happened.
I don't know why you were willing to pay a woman to have sex with you five times.
I don't know why.
And we don't have to talk about this now.
This might be something to talk about with a therapist, but you need to have an answer.
Because it's not so much what you did, it's whether you know exactly why you did it that matters to quality people.
So uh I'll give you an example.
So if you were starting, you worked in logistics, right?
You work in logistics.
So if you were starting a logistics company and you you you started it and you grew it and then it totally failed, right?
It just it couldn't be worse, right?
Now, if you decide to start another company, is it a problem that you had a company that failed?
If you want well, you want to get investment, right?
You gotta go to investors, you say, I want to start and my second logistics company, they say, Oh, second.
Gee, what happened to the first, right?
Now, does it matter to the investors fundamentally that you had a business that failed?
Yes, it does.
It does not.
I've I've literally been on that side of the table.
It does not matter that you had a business that failed.
What's the only thing that matters?
Did you learn why it failed?
Yeah, that you know why it failed.
If you know why it failed, it's not actually a failure, it's a grounding for success.
So most businesses fail because of cash flow.
Cash flow is king, right?
And so if you said, well, the business failed because I didn't secure enough fun uh enough funding to cover payroll when I had 30, 60, 90 day payables from big corporations.
That's why the business failed.
And I will never do that again.
Is that a problem?
For the investors.
If you can prove that you're not gonna if you if you can back up that it's not gonna happen again, then uh I wouldn't even have to do that.
I mean, I mean you can't but if you say I've analyzed it, I know exactly why the business failed, and I'm not gonna make that mistake again.
And here's all the other things I learned, and you know, so I'm I'm ready to succeed this time.
I got my ass handed to me last time because I made some mistakes, I've learned from them, and I know exactly why my last business failed.
No competent investor will look at you if you had a business that fails, but you learned the lesson when they will not hold it against you.
In fact, it might even be a plus.
Do you see what I mean?
Yes.
Yes, I'm following.
Right.
So the fact that you made bad decisions in the past is not the reason you can't get a quality woman, but you need to really know why it happened and why it's never gonna happen again.
Now, I don't know the why.
And that's something to think about and mull about and talk about, uh, maybe with your family, maybe with a therapist, with friends, whoever, right?
But you need to figure out why you're making these very bad decisions.
Why did you sleep with a married woman?
Why did you hire prostitutes?
Why are you using women and lying to them?
Because you're corrupting yourself.
Uh, did you know you know that, right?
Yes.
And every bad decision makes the next bad decision easier and the next good decision harder, right?
Correct.
I don't know if you've ever had someone who's quitting smoking or something like that, and maybe they've quit for a week or two, and then they're like, Oh, I want a cigarette, and you're like, no, you'll you just reset the whole progress.
You just make me so much harder, right?
Don't just get through the next five minutes, right?
So you have been making it sounds like romantically and sexually bad decisions since the age of 23.
Now it's only a couple of years.
It's not the end of the world, right?
But you need to start making those bad decisions and you need to dig deep into your heart, mind, and soul.
Maybe prayer would help.
Talk to a priest and confess and just figure out why.
Right?
It's not what you do that dooms you.
It's what you fail to learn from what you've done that dooms you.
Does that make sense?
It does.
All right.
Well, and and uh, you know, you're of course welcome to you can we can do a private call if you want or something like that if you want to sort of dig further into that, but if you uh want to go to freedomain.com/slash call, this is true for everyone, you can book calls.
I think we're booking now into November, but if it's an emergency, we can we can talk outside of regular hours.
So, bro, how was the conversation for you?
Again, the last thing I want you to do is come out of this and feel in any way humiliated.
I'm you know, I'm fighting like a dervish for the best within you, of which there is considerable good.
And uh, how was the conversation for you?
No, it was great.
It uh not only getting to talk uh with you, which I've I've seen your content since since I was since I was a teenager, but the level of the emotional maturity and clarity that you have uh is the only way that blunt words can come through as effectively.
So thank you.
I think um this is as you said, this this might be one of the easiest um foils, young men, a man with great hair as myself can fall into.
Uh and and it is something that uh that that you should you you should look out for.
Uh I don't know uh the stories of the people that are listening.
Uh hear this uh and let this be a cautionary tale.
I mean, look inside you and know that a lot of things that you are seeing and a lot of things that you are doing are not normal.
Um and have have courage within yourself.
You need to do it in a public forum, but have that courage within yourself to ask yourself uh why we're doing this thing.
So I think how common this might be can be the takeaway.
And it's not failing is learning why uh we we continue to fail and why and learning from that that can help us.
So thank you, Stefan, for your time.
I really enjoyed this.
You're welcome.
And uh we just have to ask Homeath how common this kind of stuff is.
That the top 10% of guys taking a lot of the girls.
All right.
Let's do another quick call.
Appreciate your time.
Big hug to you, my friend, Joseph.
Yosef.
Uh I'm just looking at a picture of Deccoletti.
Yeah, I'd hit that.
All right.
Well, thanks everyone, free domain.com slash donate.
Come on, guys, you know, you know, you know.
There's no conversations like this anywhere else in the world.
This combination of self-knowledge and philosophy and morality and encouragement and illumination.
Uh I hugely am deeply grateful to the callers for opening their hearts to the world.
I'm grateful for you for your support of these amazing conversations.
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