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May 27, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
06:27
Inflation of Self-Esteem
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So, the price of vanity is isolation, right?
You are alone with your inflated opinion of yourself.
And when you have an inflated opinion of yourself, like vanity and insecurity, like the old Simple Minds song, right?
Vanity and insecurity are two sides of the same coin.
Vanity is a superstructure of insecurity because you won't put it to the test, right?
You won't put it to the test.
And, I mean, I remember many years ago, I used to go to karaoke downtown with a friend of mine, and the guy who was the karaoke host once bore the living pants off us both for an hour, telling us the plot of his space rock opera that he'd had sitting in his desk for the last 10 years.
You know, he wrote this whole space rock opera, and he was telling us the whole story, and it's like, why are you telling us the story?
Go produce it, go record it, go, you know, whatever, right?
I mean, you know, he was an instrumentalist, he was a singer, and it's like, get some people to record your intergalactic space opera or whatever it is, right?
But don't tell us about it.
Just, I don't know, what's the point, right?
Just make it happen.
So, isolation is the result of vanity, and all that punctures your vanity, Creates detonated holes that lets the love in.
Because love is to some degree based upon respect.
And if you believe things about yourself and refuse to put them to the test, then people sense the vanity.
The vanity means they can't respect you.
And if they can't respect you, they can't love you.
Honesty is necessary but not sufficient for love.
And vanity is lying to self and other about the extent of abilities.
Yeah, Joe says, on my previous job I knew I was underpaid, so I went to look for another job and got a $20,000 raise on my new job.
Yeah, put my theory to the test and got $20,000.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Put it to the test.
I think I have valuable things to say to the world in terms of philosophy.
Put it to the test.
Put your philosophical arguments out there and, or whatever it is you're going to do.
So, sorry, that's number one.
Number one is big fish in a little pond.
You stay in an area where you are the best.
You know, maybe you are really into chess, right?
And so you just hang around the Park where they do this rapid chess stuff and maybe you win a bunch of stuff, but you won't enter into any genuine competitions, right?
So, that's number one.
Number two, and this is particularly true, I'm going to say this to the men, it happens to the women as well, but I'm going to say this to the men in particular.
The other way that you foment and wall yourself off with the mossy high bricks of vanity is to compare So,
my wife is instinctively, ferociously, almost demonically organized.
I have organized thoughts.
My wife has an organized thought.
Family life.
These things are complementary, right?
So if I were to say to compare my own, I don't know, intellectual creativity to that of my wife's, that would be comparing something that I'm ferociously strong into something she's good at, but not as good.
Whereas, of course, if my wife were to compare her, I would say innate, but her immense capacity and enactment of organization, her keeping things running, keeping things, I mean, One day, when I'm old and even grayer, I will tell everyone how complicated life is sometimes, and then you'll appreciate what my wife is doing.
So, if I were to say the good, the essential good, is intellectual creativity, I'd say, well, I'm stronger, I'm better at that than you are, so I'm superior, right?
My strength's against her.
And it's not a weakness, but not as strong.
If my wife were to say, well, you know, being organized is the most important thing in life, and I'm way better at it than you, therefore I'm superior to you.
Oof.
You ever have people like that in your life?
You ever do that?
People who, like, they compare their strengths to your weaknesses.
And call you inferior or deficient or wrong or bad.
You know, I have these scraps of memory, right?
My memory, nothing's connected.
It's all free-floating.
I have these scraps of memory.
And every single time, I say to my wife, I vaguely remember this.
She's like, it was here, on this month, in this place, on this day.
This was the weather.
Here's why we were there.
Like, she just remembers it all.
Amazing.
What is it they say?
and make the best archaeologists because of their ability to dig up the past.
No, and she uses it for the power of good and keeps my brain organized, but...
Or if I say...
Did I get a new jacket?
Wait, did you buy me something?
She's like, no, no, no, you've had this jacket for, you know, three years and 14 days and we got it on this place for this reason and that purpose and blah, blah, blah, right?
Amazing.
I remember often that I have clothes.
That's kind of the limit.
That's kind of the limit for me.
But my wife remembers everything, organizes everything, and she's just incredible.
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