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May 14, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
08:22
Virtuous Men Ask Questions About Women
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So, is the woman thoughtful?
Does she consider your side of things?
Does she want things to be easier for you in the dating scenario as a whole?
Is there anything that she could do that makes your life easier or better?
So, one of the typical things is you take the woman out for dinner and let's say she doesn't have a lot of money or whatever, it's fine.
So, you take the woman out for dinner and then she may offer to make you dinner.
She may offer to, you know, here's a home-cooked meal and come on over and that kind of stuff, right?
And that is sort of reciprocity.
Well, you paid for this meal and I will cook a meal or maybe the next meal she insists on paying and then, you know, you don't order anything too expensive.
Just those little marks of sort of empathy and consideration is really important to look for.
Or is she kind of like the queen on her throne, where you just have to sort of show obsequence and pay for things and arrange things and all of that?
In other words, if you have to be in endless wooing mode, but she doesn't have to do anything in particular in return, that's probably not going to go too well.
So those little things where she's thinking about what's best for you, she's thinking about what works for you, she's thinking about how she can make your life a little bit easier.
Especially in the early dating when you're probably the one asking and paying.
Those little things, they mean a lot, right?
And it's the kind of thing where, you know, maybe you're on your second or third date and you mention something that you like and she just picks it up and brings it.
You know, oh, I really like this Ethiopian coffee or whatever, and maybe there's a coffee place near her and she drops by and she gets you half a pound of the Ethiopian coffee, right?
Just those little thoughtful things where she's like, okay, how can I make this person's life a little bit better?
How can I make them a little bit happier?
Do I note little things that they want and have those sort of thoughtful considerations and so on?
Those kinds of things are really the foundation of somebody who's willing to think about what's best for you.
As well as you thinking about what's best for them.
That is really an unbeatable combo, but you have to be looking for that pretty early.
The other thing, of course, is curiosity about your life, right?
So you ask the woman a lot of questions.
Does she ask you a lot of questions?
Is she genuinely curious and open-minded and thoughtful about what you say?
Does she remember things from one date to the next?
And so on.
Does she have any particular thoughts about your life that might be helpful to you or anything like that?
Just looking for somebody who is going to provide value to you based upon their own desire to make someone who's in a relationship with them happier and better.
And it doesn't sound like the, your house is too small, a woman was particularly focused on that.
Is this more or less the same advice you would give to women who are looking for a virtuous man?
Yeah, I think so.
I think for women, to look for a virtuous man means that, you know, women want to look good, and I love the fact that women look good.
But with looking good, I was sort of trying to explain this to someone the other day, so this is my second round at it.
So imagine if you as a man could never hide your wealth.
Let's say that you were worth $5 million or something like that.
And it was mandated, through some gypsy curse or something, it was mandated that you had to show up in a Lamborghini.
Like, full-on Andrew Tate, Bugatti style, right?
You had to wear, like, three Rolexes.
You had to wear, like, crazy expensive clothing.
And you had to take a woman to dinner where it was, like, 500 bucks for dinner, right?
And, you know, bottle service or whatever it is, right?
So, if you, as a man, could not hide your wealth, That would have a pretty distortionary effect on your dating, right?
Because you'd probably end up with some women who might be there, you know, for sort of resources and gold digger kind of stuff, right?
So, for women, the problem is attractive women can't really hide that they're attractive.
You know, this sort of fantasy of like, well, she takes off her glasses and she lets her down and she goes from a 4 to a 10. It's like, that's not really...
That's not really a thing.
Now, of course, women can dress up to be more attractive or less attractive and so on, right?
I mean, in terms of like putting their TNA on a shelf or on display.
But in general, a woman who's attractive can't hide it.
A man who's wealthy can hide it.
He can just dress in old clothes.
He can show up in a beater.
He can take you to McDonald's.
He can hide the fact that he's wealthy and therefore can eliminate the...
Potential for gold diggers to some degree.
But a woman who's attractive has a tough time eliminating the men who are there for reasons of lust.
And so how do you do that?
Well, I mean, not dressing, you know, the sort of videos that this semi-creepy guy takes of the Manchester nightlife, you know, the women who are just like boobs on a shelf and ass half hanging out there.
They're shorts and so on.
So if a woman, of course, is dressing considerably for sex appeal, that's like the man showing up in the Bugatti and complaining about the gold diggers.
So a woman who dresses to bring lust to a man, and I'm not talking anything like you've got to be in a burka, I'm not talking anything like that, but don't dress to massively accentuate your attractive features as a woman.
Of course, you want to stay healthy and relatively slender and exercise and all of that.
And so she can do that.
I think a woman who challenges a man in a fairly decent and good-humored way, because, you know, we all have our little piccadillos and vanities and all of that, and a woman who is challenging a man, but not in a hostile way, can find out whether he can be contradicted, can find out whether he can grow through being challenged.
That's a very good sign as a whole, so don't...
Don't be too agreeable.
But again, don't be hostile or anything like that.
But making jokes at the other person or something like that can see if the person has a sense of humor about themselves, which can be quite important in life.
And just look for the general signs of integrity in the man, which is, I mean, all men and women with integrity have enemies.
So you can ask about conflicts and so on.
Look for individual thought.
And the most important thing I think that women can look for and need to look for, this is true for men as well, going the other way, is it's impossible to be virtuous without reference to an external standard that is universal and objective.
Right?
So, I mean, that could come from religion.
I think ideally, of course, it comes from moral philosophy, but does the man have external standards of virtue that are universal, that He feels very strongly that he has to aim for.
I mean, however much we reach them is somewhat variable, but to aim for it.
So if he says, so for instance, you know, like, I want to tell the truth.
Like, I really want to tell the truth.
And sometimes that's tough, right?
So then when we can say, well, tell me about some times that have been tough for you.
Tell the truth or whatever it is.
And it's like, well, you know, maybe over COVID I had some skepticism about the vaccines and I tried to bring this up with friends and family and I got, you know, kind of dumped on and called a, you know, an anti-vaxxer who wants old women on ventilators or something like that, right?
So, or, you know, at work there was an issue where I thought that the salespeople were being a bit sketchy in what they were selling to the clients and I tried bringing it up with them and, you know, got into trouble.
That way or, you know, so somebody who's willing to make some sacrifices for the sake of some kind of moral ideal is good because if the person doesn't have an external standard of virtue that they want to conform to, they're going to just kind of be hedonists.
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