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May 14, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

02:11:15

Why Do I ALWAYS Choose Bad Boys? CALL IN SHOW

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Time	Text
	Good morning.
	Good morning.
	How are you doing?
	And how are you?
	I'm well.
	I'm well.
	Sorry we didn't connect in 2022, but I'm all ears now.
	If you want to get started and tell me what's going on, just don't forget to stay off names and places, please.
	Okay.
	Well, you know, this is a whole different thing for me, dealing with just being really kind of down, because I've always been such...
	A motivated person, you know, to where, you know, I was a go-getter and just passionate about everything.
	And so in the last couple of years, especially, I've just been in a really bad rut, you know?
	And I've never reached out to people because I am such a private person.
	And I don't share, you know, my personal stuff with other people.
	Well, we can fix that today.
	Well, you know, my partner has, you know, he's been listening to you for years and he's turned me on to you and I enjoy listening to your podcast.
	And so this is just, you know, I guess just to try and figure out what's going on and where I lost my motivation, you know, and that because this is, like I said, it's something I've never experienced before.
	I've never been a down or depressed person.
	I'm always the one.
	That people come to to talk to kind of get through it, you know?
	So this is just a whole different world, and I'm just not quite sure how to dig myself out of this hole.
	Okay, yeah, well, we can probably do some good stuff along these lines.
	So how old are you?
	I'm 58. 58, okay.
	And do you have kids?
	No, it wasn't in God's plan for me to have kids.
	It wasn't because I didn't want them.
	I'm sorry to hear that.
	I'm sorry to hear that.
	Okay.
	And how long have you been with your partner?
	Well, we were business partners.
	We started, I guess, about four years ago.
	And, you know, we were looking to do one business.
	And then when COVID hit, it just kind of, you couldn't get in touch with people to start, you know, to get the permits and answer the questions.
	Nobody was in the office.
	Right.
	And then we moved to try and get started down south.
	And we started our business, but the economy just killed us.
	Prices of everything were through the roof, so we wound up having to shut the doors.
	So now we're looking at a whole different thing.
	We're looking at doing a YouTube channel.
	And I've been working on that.
	He works over the road, so he's not home all the time.
	And so I've been kind of doing the bulk of that here.
	Like I said, normally I'm just, normally I'm focused, I get things done, you know, I make lists and I check things off, and it's just, I just don't know where I lost it and how to get it back.
	Right.
	So when you say your partner, of course, you just mean a business partner, he's not a romantic partner.
	Yes, but it's not like, um, that's kind of...
	Yes, we are, I guess, romantic partners as well.
	I'm sorry, you guess?
	You're 58 years old, you should know this by now.
	Well, no, I agree.
	I mean, we've both been married before a few times, so it's not like we're rushing into, you know, we're going to get married because it just, that doesn't make sense to me or to him, you know?
	But yes, we are committed to each other, I guess would be the proper way to look at it.
	Okay, I didn't ask if you were married, I just asked if you, I just, it's a business and romantic relationship.
	Yes.
	Boy, you sound a little battle-scarred, my friend.
	Just a little.
	Just a little?
	Was it a bad marriage you had?
	A couple of them, yeah.
	I'm sorry?
	A couple of them.
	How many times have you been married?
	Twice.
	Okay, and they were both?
	I mean...
	It's hard to say a marriage is just bad because, you know, it's a whole series of light and dark, right?
	It's like driving through a forest and, you know, it's dark and light patches on the road.
	But I guess there were enough dark patches that you're no longer married.
	Right.
	You know, it's like, yeah, absolutely.
	You know, sometimes it's a beautiful thing, you know, the trees, the leaves and everything else.
	But sometimes...
	It's just a dark and gray area, you know?
	Drive into Mordor, like a tunnel or something.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, you know, the tunnel is really dark sometimes and then you see some light and you think it's getting better and it doesn't, you know?
	Okay, I'm sorry about that.
	Now, what's your history with entrepreneurship as a whole?
	Well, I've always, you know, worked in other jobs.
	Like before I took on an endeavor with this, I was in the hospitality business.
	I was in management.
	You know, and built the business and grew the business for the company I was working for.
	But I've never, per se, had my own business.
	Okay.
	Got it.
	Got it.
	All right.
	And what are your ambitions for your business?
	What's your ideal scenario?
	Well, we would like to get this YouTube channel up and running, you know, and build a following.
	And therefore...
	We would be able to get to the point where, you know, with enough followings, we could do live streams and travel around, you know, the country going, you know, reasons to visit this place and, you know, have some locals and be able to do live streams where we eventually go.
	So, you know, like, I don't mean to diminish it, of course, I'm sure it's more complicated, but is it in the travel vlog category?
	No, it's not.
	It's like a top ten list kind of category, like top ten reasons to or not to.
	Okay, so like a travel information vlog, why you should visit this place.
	Eventually, you know, because like I said, I mean, it's just like you could take a topic, top ten one-hit wonder songs, you know, I mean, just it's a variety.
	It's just the top ten is like the main thing, but you can go in so many different, you know.
	Oh, so it's not just going to be limited to travel.
	It could be top of anything.
	Is that right?
	Correct.
	It's going to be, yeah, any kind of thing.
	And what is your special source?
	I guess that would be my sort of question.
	And I don't mean to sort of grill you like some potential investor.
	I'm just curious.
	What is your special source when it comes to differentiating yourself?
	Does you or your partner, do you have a lot of public speaking experience?
	Are you very funny?
	Is there some special source that's going to differentiate you from the general slop, so to speak?
	Yeah.
	Well, we both definitely have the gift of gab, and we both have very witty personalities.
	And we can talk to anybody.
	I've had a lot of public speaking.
	He can go into it.
	Anywhere and talk to somebody and strike up a conversation.
	So we both are gifted in that way that we can talk to pretty much anybody.
	And so it's not like either one of us are shy or afraid to talk in public or anything like that.
	And when we record our audio for our videos, it's rare that he's actually at home when we do it.
	He's usually on the road and we'll do it that way and then he'll send it to me and I put them together and edit them and all that kind of thing.
	And it's fun because, like I said, we banter back and forth about a topic, whether we agree or disagree or laugh or cut up or, you know, remember something from our past that we throw in there to where it's not just like, you know, the top chin and just factual and nothing else.
	We throw a little personal side of it in there or something to make people kind of stay interested and to laugh.
	Okay, good.
	Yeah, just if it's charisma, that's certainly enough magic sauce.
	At least for me.
	Okay, so what is your partner on the road doing?
	He's a truck driver.
	He's a truck driver.
	Okay, got it.
	And what was, you said you last worked in the hospitality industry, is that right?
	Correct.
	Okay.
	And when was the last time you had a sort of full-time job or what was your sort of work history over the last couple of years?
	Basically, from here, I had a part-time, or excuse me, I had a full-time job for about nine months.
	In a big box store.
	And then when we started talking about doing this YouTube, because basically I was spinning my wheels where I was.
	There wasn't any room for advancement or anything like that.
	And he's like, well, why don't you do this?
	And if you're home doing it, it puts more time to do it.
	And I'm like, all right.
	So we talked about it.
	It went from splitting the bills to where he was paying them.
	And my job was to get these up and running.
	Due to the fact that I just, like I said, I've lost my motivation.
	I've lost my drive.
	And he's even saying, he goes, you are not the person today that I teamed up with four years ago.
	And he's absolutely right.
	I see that.
	I missed the person I was.
	Where I lost it along the way, I don't know.
	So yeah, I've definitely let him down in the sense that I haven't fulfilled my end of the bargain.
	Well, I mean, it's not like you let him down based upon some conscious choice.
	You didn't tend to shortchange him at the cashier.
	You're just dealing with a downdraft on your energy and enthusiasm, which, you know, happens to all of us.
	It's part of the cycle of certainly of entrepreneurship.
	So, okay.
	And tell me a little bit more about what happened in 2022.
	Was that sort of roughly around that time, like when you were setting up the business and then COVID hit?
	Did you feel more enthusiastic back then?
	Yes, I was.
	But there was still a diminished drive, I guess, to get things done.
	Okay, so when did it first start to fall off the cliff, so to speak?
	Well, maybe probably the year before.
	I was getting things done, but not at the rate that I should have been or wanted to be.
	And then, like I said, in 2022, I guess when I sent you that first email, and I guess we never got around to talking, I guess what kind of was like a real big spiral was when, at that time, he was working a different job, and he was working originally seven days a week.
	And then he went from working seven to six, but in order to do that, to have that one day off, He would work a double on the next day, like a 14, 16, sometimes 18-hour day.
	How old is your partner?
	He is 54. So why is he working seven days a week?
	Well, he was.
	He's not...
	Well, I guess he...
	Well, no, but then you said he went to six and pulled a double.
	It's like the equivalent of seven.
	So why is he in his mid-50s and working seven days a week?
	That's just what the job...
	You know, like I said, he was driving trucks even back then.
	You know, he's been doing that for decades.
	Well, I get that, but is he, I mean, I don't mean to sound overly curious and don't talk about anything you don't want to, but is he broke?
	I mean, that's a hell of a work schedule for a guy in his 50s.
	No.
	So why is he working, why does he work seven days a week?
	Well, he wants to be more financially secure than he is, you know?
	It's not like he has a ton of retirement built up.
	Neither one of us.
	I don't.
	Unfortunately, I hate to even admit this, but I went through mine when I first left my last job and trying to build the initial business that we were doing.
	So, yeah, it's a hot mess, especially my financial situation.
	And again, don't tell me anything you don't want to, but what percentage of retirement goals are you and your partner at as a whole?
	That, I don't know, because like I said, I don't know where he is with what else he has in 401ks or whatever.
	Sorry, how long have you guys been together?
	Well, like I said, we teamed up with a partnership four years ago.
	But his financials, we don't commingle funds or whatever.
	And like I said right now, I don't have that income coming in.
	Okay, so just to talk to you, I mean, are you at 10%, 50%, 5%, 25%, just roughly, of sort of where you'd like to be for retirement?
	Probably 5%.
	5%, okay.
	And do you have thoughts, I'm sure you have, right, thoughts about how you ended up in your late 50s with virtually no retirement savings?
	Yeah, I mean, poor choices.
	And like I said, the last job that I had for 13 years, there wasn't a retirement setup with the company.
	And I wasn't smart to be able to do it on my own.
	I made poor choices.
	Sorry, does that mean they didn't give you a retirement plan, but I assume they paid you a little extra and you didn't save?
	Is that right?
	No.
	So you didn't get a retirement plan and you didn't get any extra pay, but you didn't save what you made.
	Is that right?
	Correct.
	And are you a spender?
	No.
	So how did you not save?
	I'm extremely frugal.
	Well, you know, I was, that's when I was back in my second marriage and when I I was working, I was making good money, but I was also paying all the bills in the house because my husband at the time had quit his job and climbed really deep into the bottle.
	Oh, so you were funding an alcoholic?
	Yeah.
	And how long did that go on for?
	Probably about four years until I couldn't do it anymore.
	My mother had gotten sick.
	I was taking care of her.
	And I just couldn't do it anymore.
	Gosh, how long were you married to Mr. Drunk?
	Ten years.
	Wow.
	And did he drink early on or just later in the marriage?
	Yeah, he drank early on, but it wasn't to the extent...
	Like he could hold a job, right?
	Yeah, he did for a while.
	And he did well.
	Right.
	And then he did something on his own after that for a couple of years.
	But then...
	That went by the wayside, and he climbed so deep into the bottle, and then...
	Sorry to interrupt.
	When you said that went by the wayside, did he lose his business, or did his business go bankrupt, and then he started drinking, or was the drinking part of the decline of his business?
	The drinking was a part of it.
	Okay, so he was doing well.
	He began to drink.
	He works less, and the business kind of created...
	Yeah, he started drinking more, and then...
	The drinking took over his priorities as opposed to the business, and the business just kind of went by the wayside.
	Okay.
	And then I found out as we were proceeding to divorce that he had opened lines of credit in my name.
	So then I had to settle those debts in addition.
	Oh, my gosh.
	How much did he take you for?
	Like 20 grand.
	Okay, so you paid somebody else's bills for four years, and then he hit you for 20 grand in, I mean, was it illegal?
	No, it was, you know, I guess because we were married, and, you know, he had access to my account, you know, because we did have one joint account, but we had separate accounts as well, but...
	I guess it was.
	I don't know.
	It was allowed to be done.
	And like I said, it was just...
	Well, he didn't forge your signature or anything, right?
	No.
	He had done them online.
	Okay.
	If you're taking lines...
	I'm no expert in this, right?
	But my understanding is that you can't take out lines of credit in somebody else's name.
	You have to forge something.
	Yeah.
	I guess, yes.
	Like I said, that's something I didn't...
	I didn't know that you could do either, but yeah, it was my name.
	Well, I can certainly see why you ain't mingling your finances now.
	Okay, that makes sense.
	So, okay, so you paid, he did well, so I assume that he paid fairly well, and then you spent four years funding him, and then took for 20 grand, which I'm really sorry about, of course.
	But that's not quite enough as to why you have no savings.
	I mean, there are men out there who fund entire families with kids for 20 years or 30 years and then have still some savings.
	So to me, there's, and I really sympathize with what happened with your ex, but there's not something that, that doesn't quite close the loop for me in terms of why you're 58 and broke?
	Well, you know, like I said, I had, you know, I was saving and that was part of, you know, I had built my savings up in addition to Paying the bills and all that.
	And then, like I said, once we divorced and I had this other debt, I used part of it to pay for that.
	And then when I started this venture, I didn't get a job.
	I was trying to get it up and started the first one.
	And I basically lived off my savings.
	And I wasn't smart.
	I didn't invest it to where it would be there down the road.
	Okay.
	And again, I'm just trying to get the rough numbers straight in my head.
	So, if you retire at 65 and you live to 85, that's 20 years, right?
	So, you spent four years funding you and someone else, and then you spent a couple of years funding a business.
	So, let's say you burnt through sort of six years of savings, there's still a 14-year gap to what you would need.
	Like, even if you had all that money back, there'd still be a 14-year gap of savings in your retirement plan.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	I just, you know, I...
	There's no excuse.
	I just made poor decisions.
	I'm not trying to say you need an excuse.
	I'm trying to understand your relationship to money because I have a sense that's probably down in why you're down.
	It's probably down in there as to why you're down.
	So this is not a shine a flashlight in your face and yell at you as to why you didn't save more.
	I'm just trying to understand your relationship.
	To money as a whole.
	So, was your first marriage costly?
	Or did that break even?
	Or did you save some money?
	Oh, no.
	That one put me in bankruptcy.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I'm curious now if you want to tell the story.
	Well, I was young.
	I was in my early 20s.
	And I had met this guy.
	He was 14 years older than me.
	He was a musician when we met.
	Oh!
	Okay.
	Godforsaken reason.
	Was he a drummer?
	No, I'm just kidding.
	Now he's a bass player.
	Oh, a bass player.
	Oh, the most replaceable.
	I saw this meme the other day.
	A church bass player realizes he's not been plugged in for 20 years.
	Okay, so you met a bassist who was in his mid-30s.
	Yes.
	And was he successful?
	Yeah, I mean, he was working a day job.
	Okay, as a musician, that's not successful if you work at a day job.
	Well, he was playing music five nights a week, and then he wasn't like a rock star by any means, but he did really well in his radio advertising job and all that, so he was definitely supporting the household.
	Okay.
	But as the marriage went along, he didn't have credit, which should have been a red flag to me.
	Sorry, I don't know what that means when you say he didn't have credit.
	Well, to be able to make big purchases, you know, and stuff like that.
	Oh, sorry, he had a bad credit rating, is that right?
	Yes, correct.
	Okay, so you went to buy big stuff and they said, we're not giving this guy a red cent.
	No, they said, okay, here's money.
	You can buy a house, you can buy a brand new truck.
	And so my credit got us a house.
	Sorry, sorry, sorry.
	Hang on, hang on.
	I'm so sorry, I'm confused.
	So if he didn't have credit, how was he getting these loans if he had bad credit?
	Well, the loans were in my name.
	Oh, so he had bad credit and he said, put it in the 23-year-old girl's name.
	So he had worse credit in his 30s with significant financial success than you had in your early 20s.
	Correct.
	Okay, I gotta ask.
	I gotta ask, my friend.
	I hate to be all cancer sexist, and maybe, you know, you can nail me to a feminist tree.
	That's fine.
	But where was your father in all of this?
	He was MIA.
	He left when I was four.
	Okay.
	What about any male relatives, uncles, anybody?
	And it could be women.
	It really tends to be a little bit more men.
	But was there nobody who said...
	Here's how to watch your back as a young...
	Listen, I was a complete idiot when it came to finances in my early 20s, so I say this with all due humility and with absolutely zero sense of superiority or anything like that, so with all embarrassment about me in my early 20s, but was there nobody looking out for you?
	Well, that's a good question.
	I don't know that...
	To say they weren't looking out, you know, they saw I was happy and they saw that, you know, he played a good game.
	And, you know, like I said, I was young and he ate it like he had his act together.
	Well, no, no, hang on, hang on, hang on.
	So you got, what age did you get married at?
	I think I was 22. 22, okay.
	And for those of you who are listening to this, who were like, how could she not know?
	We're in our late 50s.
	The numbers get a little distant in the past, so I understand that.
	Okay, so you got married, and how long did you date base boy before you got married?
	Maybe six, seven months, and it was a long-distance relationship.
	Okay, so which one of your male relatives or female relatives vetted him?
	Because there's a big age gap, right?
	Yeah.
	Which either means you're super mature, which is kind of weird for a 22-year-old, or he's super immature, which means he hasn't grown in 14 years, which is a red flag.
	So who called him out?
	Who called him up?
	Who sat down with him?
	Who vetted him?
	Well, I had my mom, my aunt, who was my second mom, a couple of my other relatives.
	Okay, so they talked with him, they asked him his intentions, they asked him his history, and so on, right?
	And so, did he lie to them, or how did he pass vetting?
	Oh, he absolutely lied, because I went from being his wife, I thought first wife, to a second wife, and three and a half years later, his fourth wife.
	Oh, so he had hidden the two marriages from everyone?
	Okay, so the people who vetted him had no ability to detect a pathological liar.
	So that's not very good vetting, is it?
	Well, but the thing is, I mean, he talked a good game.
	But he's dating a 22-year-old.
	That's a huge red flag.
	Why can't he find a woman his own age?
	Because women his own age tend to be more skeptical.
	Right.
	Right.
	So that's a big red flag, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I mean, because...
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'll just tell you, I mean, pay for a background check.
	Because it's long distance too, right?
	So you don't have much information.
	So nobody paid for a background check because that would give you all you need to know.
	Right.
	Because imagine how a background check, what, a couple of hundred bucks, imagine how much money that would have saved.
	I know, right?
	Okay, so you didn't get any sense that he was a pathological...
	I mean, hiding two marriages is a huge deal.
	Because I would imagine that if you knew that you were his fourth wife...
	So he told you about one and then revealed two others, is that right?
	Correct.
	Okay, so if you had found out that at the age of...
	in his 30s, mid-30s, he'd already had three marriages, would you have married him?
	Absolutely not.
	So he's a total con man.
	And was there any other, other than that he was in advertising, was there any other indications that he was a con man or a pathological liar?
	No.
	Zero?
	Well, you know, I'm trying to think back, what, three decades ago?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I get it, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Not that it comes to the top of my mind, no.
	He was always doting and he was always attentive.
	He was always there.
	He didn't go MIA for any length of time or I couldn't find him or anything like that.
	He seemed to be on the up and up.
	He talked a good game.
	Right.
	Now, how did you meet him?
	I had gone to Florida with some friends.
	And we went to the club where he played.
	And then I went back, you know, we'd go back like once a month.
	And, you know, he would come to see me where I lived.
	And, you know, he met some of my family.
	A couple of times my family would come with me.
	And, you know, they got to meet him that way and spend time with them and all that.
	And he just, like I said, he played and talked a darn good game.
	He fooled a lot of people.
	So he appeared to be a real catch.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so if he's a real catch, and he's a musician, and he's making good money, and he's advertising, so I suppose he's smooth as silk, right?
	So I guess the big question then I would have, if you were my daughter at 22, is like, okay, why are you single?
	Why haven't you been snapped up, right?
	Right.
	And then I would ask, what happened to your prior marriage?
	And so on, right?
	And then I would say, well, why are you interested in a 22-year-old?
	Like, what's going on?
	Right.
	I mean, I assume that you were, I mean, why do you think he was drawn?
	Was it, were you just like a looker back?
	I'm not saying back in the day like you're not now, but, you know, early 20s.
	Sorry?
	Right.
	We all looked a little different back in our 20s.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And, you know, I had my act together.
	I mean, I was, you know, I wasn't, I mean, yes, I think it was more mature for my age because, you know, I just, I wasn't always out in the bars and all that kind of thing.
	Like when you're, you know, get out of high school or in college or whatever, you know, I had ambitions.
	I was in college and, you know, it just, like I said, I look back on it and go, What the heck, you know?
	Well, but your mother made a bad choice in who she had children with.
	Right.
	I mean, a terrible, I mean, when you say MIA at four, tell me about what happened to dad, your dad.
	He, I mean, like I said, I don't recall, I remember some of it.
	I mean, he couldn't hold down a job.
	He was home a lot during the day while my mom was out working to support the family.
	And basically, she finally has said, okay, look, you know, you either need to get a job or you need to go because I'm not supporting you and the kids.
	Oh, this is like without the kids thing, that's what happened with you and Mr. Drunk.
	Thank you.
	I don't have to quiet the dogs down.
	No, no, I was just saying that's the same thing that happened with you and your alcoholic husband that you had to tell him.
	Get a job or get out, which is exactly what your mother had to say to your father, right?
	Right.
	Ah, the patterns, the patterns, the patterns.
	And, you know, and that's the thing, you know, I guess that's, you know, he, my father was an alcoholic and, well, and I didn't realize it until later because once they divorced, he, I was young and he called one time and wanted to come visit us.
	And he never paid child support and all that.
	So mom and mom tried to get it from him and he just, you know, he didn't pay it.
	So he wanted to come visit and he called the house one day when mom was at work.
	And we had one of our family members, you know, helping out babysit.
	And so he played it, you know, talked to a good thing.
	And so I told him where we lived and he comes to visit.
	I'm sorry, how old were you at this point?
	At that point, let's see, maybe seven?
	Okay, got it.
	Wait, and you were home alone?
	No, no, no, we had a babysitter.
	Babysitter, sorry, sorry, go ahead.
	Yeah, because I have a younger brother, four years younger, so our family was who all our close family friends were who helped mom to babysit when she had to work.
	You know, and that's the thing.
	She was a schoolteacher, so she was home with us at night all the time and weekends and holidays, which was great.
	So she's educating children while choosing a drunk for a husband and the father of her children.
	Excellent.
	Excellent.
	Okay, go ahead.
	So anyway, so he had come that night and one of his friends came over and they started drinking.
	And he, you know, Ma was like, this is enough, you know.
	And so his friend left.
	Mom told him not to drive, but he did.
	And then, so she took the bottle and she hid it.
	Because he had taken it first and he hid it.
	So she knew where he hid it.
	She hid it somewhere else and he went off.
	Now he didn't physically hurt her, you know, hit her or anything like that.
	He just yelled, you know.
	And then that was, I think, the last time we saw him alive.
	The last time I saw him was at his funeral.
	And when did he die?
	Around 90. 1990, not age 90, I assume.
	Yeah, 1990, yes, sir.
	And what did he die of?
	Well, I know he had diabetes, and he died in his sleep.
	And I don't know a whole lot about him because he didn't keep in touch with us.
	Okay, got it, got it.
	So I know he had diabetes, and see, that's the thing.
	My brother and I talked to our mom and said, you know, our father had reached out one time to, you know, to mom or for something.
	And so mom's like, you know, your kids would like to talk to you.
	They'd have questions they'd like answers to.
	And I was in my mid-20s at that point, maybe older, I don't remember.
	But he said, well, his second life.
	He said, well, they were going out of town.
	When he came back, he would meet with us.
	Well, that never happened because he died in his sleep before they even went on their trip.
	So, you know, we never had those questions asked.
	And roughly, was he in his 50s when he died or 60s?
	Probably 50s, maybe.
	So, what is wrong with you?
	The women in your family and the men they choose.
	Why are they choosing these men?
	Why did you choose?
	Did you guys go for looks and charisma?
	What is the malfunction in your mating choices?
	Well, that's a really good question.
	I think so.
	You know, my first husband...
	I mean, he was, you know, okay looking.
	I mean, he had a great personality.
	So, you go for charisma?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Now, charisma doesn't...
	Not everyone who is charismatic is sociopathic, and not everyone who's a sociopath is a charisma is charismatic, but there sure is an overlap.
	Yeah.
	Oh, listen, I totally...
	Totally pass up to the bad choices I made when it comes to relationships.
	Okay, but on what grounds?
	Like, what is it that...
	Why did you marry Bass Guy?
	And he drank, right?
	No, no, it's the second one who drank, right?
	Bass Guy didn't drink.
	Yeah, he drank.
	But not, like, over-the-top drink.
	You know, it was like maybe a drink or two after work or a drink with dinner, that kind of thing.
	But he drank every day?
	No.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So your mother chose an alcoholic.
	You chose a guy who drank, but not every day.
	And then your second husband was like, in the end, I assume, kind of a raging alcoholic in that he didn't work for years.
	So what are you choosing?
	And your mother, of course, knowing how bad the choice was with your father, should have been learning those lessons and warning you to avoid repeating the mistakes.
	That's the job.
	We screw up as parents when we're young and then we learn those lessons and help our children avoid those problems.
	Go ahead.
	I've asked my mom on a few occasions why she chose our father.
	I can't call him my dad.
	He wasn't.
	He is my father.
	He contributed to me being here today, but he was not a dad by any means.
	You know, I've asked her and she, I could never, I could never really get like a straight answer.
	I mean, she, she said, you know, a few years ago when I asked her and, you know, she's, I think, honestly, I think she just settled because she had dated another guy and His brother was a doctor.
	And they kind of looked down on my mom and her family because she came from such a big family.
	And her mother, my grandmother, was raising all the kids.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Where was your grandfather?
	My grandfather died of an aneurysm at a very young age.
	Okay.
	And they tried to separate the kids because she had 11 kids.
	And they tried to separate them and take some of them from her.
	And she said, no.
	So my grandmother would do sewing for people.
	It's how she helped to support her family.
	And as the kids would get older, they'd go to work and they'd help contribute to the family.
	Plus, she had other family members who would help with the kids as well.
	But she wouldn't let her kids go.
	Right.
	Okay.
	But, you know, there are some of my siblings that, you know, were married and they were married till death do us part.
	There were some that got divorced, you know, so.
	And sorry, you don't have to give me specific locations, of course, but it's your family from the South?
	Yes.
	Right.
	So, I mean, the cliche of women in the South is they're very pretty and they fall for charming sociopaths.
	Yeah, that's a good one.
	Yeah.
	And, yeah.
	Now, why did you marry the first guy?
	I know this sounds distant from where you're at, but when you've run out of fuel, it's because you started on a long journey.
	Yeah.
	So we've got to go to a bit of the origin story.
	Sorry, and the reason I'm asking this is when people don't want to give an answer...
	As you're asking your mom, why did you marry dad?
	When people don't want to give an answer, it's for one reason and one reason only that they don't want to admit a fault.
	Yeah.
	So in general, women make bad decisions because of the good old tingles.
	He gives me tingles.
	We have chemistry.
	He's sexy.
	He's high status.
	He makes me feel good as opposed to judging his character.
	In other words, you make your decision based upon your loins rather than what's best for your future children.
	Right.
	Well, you know, like I said, we met and I'd gone to Florida with friends.
	And, you know, we were having a good time, you know, just hanging out, you know, wasn't like a big old party or whatever, but we'd go out at night and, you know, we'd always hang out at the condo, cook and all that.
	So it wasn't like a big party or whatever.
	We'd just lay by the beach just to kind of decompress from the week at work.
	And so I met him.
	And like I said, he was just, he was, he was very charismatic.
	He was, you know, he was older, which I, in my, you know, dating, you know.
	I had most of my, and not even like relationships, but most of my friends, male friends, were older, you know, and it's like I would go to dinner with them, but it wasn't a romantic relationship.
	It was just the fact that, you know, because men that were close to my age were all into the partying and the drugs, and I, you know, I stayed, I didn't, that wasn't part of my life.
	No, no, no, no, I can't let you say, I can't let you disrespect men to that degree.
	I just can't.
	No, no, no, no.
	Not a chance.
	You won't get there past me.
	Not all the men in their early 20s.
	Hang on, hang on.
	Not all the men in their early 20s are doing drugs and getting smashed down, drunk, and going to parties.
	That is not all men.
	There are, I mean, where do the doctors come from?
	Where do the accountants, the lawyers, the computer programmers, where do they come from?
	They come from studious, hardworking, responsible young men.
	So, don't paint this broad brush that you either had to marry a sociopath in his mid-30s or you had to put up with a drug-taking guy in his early 20s.
	Well, no, no, no.
	Let me say, if I used all, I apologize.
	That was a very poor choice of a word because not all.
	I have some great friends that weren't.
	Okay, so why didn't you date the friends who were responsible?
	Because...
	If I have a good male friend, I won't cross that line.
	Didn't you say you went out for dinner with the bassist guy before you became romantic?
	No.
	I'd see him when he was playing when we'd go to the club, and then he would come and visit where I lived on his off days.
	It was basically just hanging out in that situation, or he would come to the condo or something.
	Okay, so how long after you met him did you become romantically involved?
	Maybe like four months.
	Okay, so for those four months, were you not friends?
	Well, yeah, I guess.
	Okay, so what are you telling me that you don't cross romantic lines with friends when you cross the romantic line with a friend who you later met?
	Well, I guess it's a different kind of friendship because...
	And because there are some where you have a male friend, and there might be chemistry there, but the friendship is more important that you won't cross that line to where you lose that friendship.
	Hang on, but why?
	I mean, isn't someone that you're very friendly with and get along with at a personal, emotional, and moral level, isn't that exactly who you would want to start dating?
	As opposed to some bassist 14 years older in a long-distance relationship that you marry in seven months?
	You've already vetted the friend.
	You already have compatibility with the friend.
	Help me understand the female mind here.
	I'm struggling on the outskirts.
	You should have this down to a T. If I knew all the answers, I wouldn't keep having the conversation, so I like to learn more every time.
	But, you know, I think it...
	Maybe, you know, looking back, maybe it was more like a kind of...
	Because he was older, it was more like a kind of father figure or like the kind of looking out for me as opposed to...
	Because he was very attentive.
	He was, you know, he did have a great personality.
	He was funny, you know?
	Well, he didn't have a great personality, but he had superficial charm.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay.
	So, help me understand this thing where you say, if I really get along well with the guy as a friend, I would never, ever date him.
	Just help me understand that thinking.
	Yeah.
	Because you had all of these responsible friends.
	Yeah.
	You know, solid and dependable and reliable and not drinkers and not drug takers and working on their education and their careers.
	And you're like, absolutely not.
	Middle-aged, bassist guy is the way to go.
	And I'm just trying to understand that reasoning.
	You know, I guess part of it, you know, he lived in Florida, which I was always, you know, loved Florida, but still, that's not an excuse to marry somebody.
	You know, I was young.
	I was 90. No, no, no, no.
	That's not what I'm asking.
	What's my question?
	Why don't you get friends?
	Oh.
	Well...
	Then, suppose it doesn't work out, then you lose a really good friend.
	But you're going to lose the friend.
	Hang on, hang on.
	I mean, this is maybe why you didn't have adult...
	Guidance or male guidance, for sure.
	Because if you were my daughter, let's like really do a time dilation here, right?
	So if you were my daughter and you said, well, Bobby is a really great guy.
	He's very responsible.
	He works hard.
	He's a good listener.
	He's upright.
	He's moral.
	And he's a good friend.
	And I don't want to date him because then I might lose the friendship.
	Do you know what I would say?
	I'd say you're going to lose the friendship anyway.
	Like there's no way you're going to keep Bobby as a friend.
	Yeah.
	It's not going to happen because if you start dating, a guy won't particularly want you being friends with a single unattached guy.
	If Bobby starts dating or gets married, his girlfriend or wife is going to pretty much shut that friendship down.
	Right.
	Or you're going to move away or like something's going to happen.
	Like you're going to lose the friendship anyway.
	Yeah.
	Because married people are not friends with attractive singletons.
	Your life is too different and it's not a good thing to have around the marriage as a whole.
	Right.
	So the idea, well, I can't date this guy because, boy, what if I lose the friendship?
	It's like, no, no, no, the friendship is going to go anyway.
	It's either going to go and with it the opportunity to date a stable guy that you really like, or it's going to go and you don't date him.
	Yeah.
	But this fantasy that, well, there's this magical thing immune from time called this friendship with an attractive...
	Capable, competent, virtuous man.
	It's going to freeze in time and I'm going to have this available to me forever.
	All I have to do is not kiss him.
	I mean, that's like this bizarre fantasy that some women have.
	And some men do, I suppose, although men are much more willing to cross the friendship lines because we understand that if you're friends, it's the best basis for dating.
	So I'm trying to figure this out.
	Because I don't, I mean, you're a very intelligent woman, so it can't be that you thought the friendship was just going to somehow magically last.
	Why did you avoid the stable guys and pursue the bad boys?
	Because this is the foundational question of the world right now.
	This is like, it's all on your shoulders, my friend.
	So, but why?
	Because, you know, there are all of these stable guys.
	I bet you there were lots of stable, healthy, moral guys floating around you because you're like a young, hot thing, right?
	There's lots of stable guys, and they're like, what are you talking about?
	The creepy middle-aged bassist?
	What are you doing?
	And they're tearing their hair out.
	Well, you know, it's funny because you just hit the nail on the head with the word bad boys.
	You know, that kind of sums it up.
	My friend, he's like, we talk about past relationships and that, and he goes, You were just attracted to the bad boys.
	And I'm like, yeah, I was.
	Right, but why?
	That's the big question.
	Yeah.
	Is it just because they're sexy?
	Is it the tingles?
	The predictable guys, the moral guys, the responsible guys are what, boring?
	No, because there are moral, ethical, good guys that are awesome.
	I like to think so.
	So why?
	Well, that goes into a whole new realm.
	You know, I just...
	How many male friends did you have around you in your late teens, early 20s?
	Maybe the mid-20s.
	Well, it's prior to getting married.
	So how many...
	When you look back through the tunnel of time, as we all do, of course, but there's something in the mid to late 50s where, for me at least, I just get sucked back into the past on a regular basis.
	But how many guys were around you in your late teens, early 20s?
	How many guys were around you who would have been better partners than Baseboy?
	Oh, there's definitely a few, you know?
	Like three, five, seven?
	Probably five.
	Five.
	So five guys your age who would have been good husbands and fathers, right?
	Right.
	Okay.
	And they're your age.
	You're an attractive young woman.
	You obviously have your charisma.
	You have your language skills.
	You're intelligent.
	So why did you step over the good guys to give your heart, youth, and fertility to a guy who lied to you?
	And did he leave you in debt, too?
	Oh, yeah.
	He was the one, like I said, my credit bought us the house.
	Oh, you went bankrupt.
	And the truck.
	And then when we divorced, he filed bankruptcy.
	And even though I was the main signer, everything was in both our names.
	So, therefore, if he filed bankruptcy, I called all the creditors and said, look, if I am willing to take on half the debt, can I do that so that I don't have to file bankruptcy?
	And you know what?
	They would rather you file bankruptcy than pay them half the debt.
	So I had to file bankruptcy as well, or else I would have been in the hold for a lot, a lot of money.
	How much?
	Probably $150,000, $160,000 back then.
	And that was in the early 90s.
	Okay, so this guy kind of ripped you off for $150,000.
	Yeah, because like I said, I had to file bankruptcy.
	So why did you step over five quality guys to go out with a middle-aged liar and con man who bankrupted you?
	And why did your family encourage this?
	Well, you know, I thought he was older.
	You know, he had a...
	Stable day job.
	He played music at night.
	And, you know, I thought he had his act together, you know?
	And so, and like I said, he talked a good talk.
	And I say that and people go, oh, well.
	Yes, but everybody knows on the, sorry to sound impatient, everybody knows on the planet that there are glib talking con men in the world.
	Right.
	Everybody knows that.
	Right?
	So the fact that he talked a good talk is irrelevant, because everybody knows.
	That's like opening up your spam folder and clicking on every link, saying, well, it was a well-written email.
	Everybody knows there's phishing and spam and scams, right?
	I mean, how was I supposed to know that the $10,000 I sent to the Nigerian prince wasn't legitimate?
	Because everybody knows that there are con men in the world.
	Yeah.
	So the fact that he was smooth talking is not an excuse.
	Now, for you in your early 20s, I can get that, but what about everyone around you?
	Do they just totally take at face value what anyone ever says?
	Oh, well, he says he's a crown prince of Bhutan and has a billion dollars.
	Great!
	Marry him!
	But seriously, where is the rational skepticism?
	Where is the common sense?
	Where is the basic self-protection?
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	I mean, if this guy wants to marry your 22-year-old daughter, pay to have a credit check run on him.
	If he's got bad credit, then don't marry him.
	Yeah.
	So I'm just trying to figure out what happens that...
	You know, I guess looking back at it.
	What happens that you take people at face value, which is fuel for pathological liars, that's what they live on, is people just taking them at their word, and then you did it again.
	So I can give you, you know, obviously some get-out-of-jail-free cards in your early 20s.
	How old were you when you married the alcoholic?
	I was, I want to say...
	My early 40s.
	But see, he and I had a history prior to that.
	My second husband.
	So you had less excuse because you knew him more.
	Yeah, I knew him really well because I met him.
	Actually, he was an employee of mine when I worked in Florida as a restaurant manager.
	But, you know, he was an employee.
	I mean, we didn't all of a sudden become romantically involved.
	When I met him as an employee, when he was my employee.
	I was married to my first husband.
	He was engaged to his fiancée.
	Sorry, how long were you married to...
	To my first husband?
	Yeah.
	Three and a half years.
	Three and a half years, but then you would have been in your mid-20s, 25, 26, if I understand this correctly.
	Right, but see what happened...
	Sorry, go ahead.
	Right, but see, my second husband, he and I had history from prior to us being married.
	Like I said, we were friends, and we all worked together on all this.
	And then when I got my divorce, you know, and he and his ex split, we became closer and we started dating.
	So that's in your mid-20s?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	And we were together for about three years, give or take.
	Okay.
	And then he went his separate way, I went mine.
	We always kept in touch through the years.
	I mean, we always had...
	A bond and a closeness.
	But he went on his way.
	I went on mine.
	I never got remarried.
	He was with a woman for like 10 years.
	Okay, so what red flags did he have?
	Okay, so what red flags did he have?
	That he was a drinker.
	He, you know, his...
	Family, or so his dad, like, if he screwed up and got a DUI, his dad would get him out of it, depending on where it was.
	Wait, so he was a drinker to the point where he drove drunk?
	I hate people like that, honestly.
	I hate because they're putting entire families and lives at risk of death.
	Oh, yeah, exactly.
	And that's why, you know...
	So why would you...
	I know.
	So why?
	Hence the bad boy.
	No, but why?
	So you had the excuse of early 20s.
	What the hell is your excuse with early 40s?
	Having known this guy as a drunk and a drunk driver who skates on political connections to get out of trouble.
	I mean, was he good looking?
	Was he wealthy?
	Like, what is the story?
	No, he wasn't.
	I mean, he was average looking.
	He wasn't, like, you know, a tan by any means.
	When he worked, he was a hard worker, but he wasn't, I mean, I guess because he and I, the friendship, I mean, we'd been friends for so many years and we knew each other so well, good, bad, and indifferent.
	But you didn't know him, at least apparently, because were you surprised when he stopped working for four years and you had to shoulder all the bills?
	Yeah, because...
	You know, when we were together the first time, and even through the times when we weren't together and we kept in touch, he was always working.
	He never not had a job.
	I mean, yeah, he would drink, but he always was working.
	I mean, I guess they call him functional alcoholics.
	But why would you be friends with someone who drinks and drives?
	That's murderous.
	Yeah.
	That's unbelievably irresponsible.
	And dangerous and a threat to others.
	Yeah.
	I mean, honestly, I don't particularly care if people who drink and drive drive off a cliff, but they often drive into family sedans.
	Yes, yes.
	So he's an asshole.
	For that, yes.
	Well, there's no for that.
	They got sliced and diced the purse.
	It's not a bento box.
	Well, you see, I guess the reason, you know, being in the hospitality industry, Which made me wrong.
	I was in it most of my life.
	Unfortunately, it's a lot more common than not that people drink and drive.
	And I guess...
	Are you saying you just picked people blindly?
	Like you blindfolded yourself and you just touched testicles until, you know, and just, well, because of the odds, right?
	You still have a choice.
	I worked in the hospital.
	I worked in many restaurants.
	There's people who don't drink, right?
	So you can't just give me odds.
	No, and, you know, like I said, but, yeah.
	So you knew he was a wildly irresponsible drunk?
	Yeah.
	And you married him.
	Why?
	And the reason that you need to understand these decisions is you're now going to embark on an entrepreneurial venture.
	And if you don't know why you make bad decisions, you can't be an entrepreneur, at least not a successful one.
	Right.
	So why?
	Yeah.
	Why did you marry the wildly irresponsible and dangerous drunk that you knew was wildly irresponsible and dangerous?
	Because even though I knew it was toxic, I loved him.
	I honestly, deep in my heart, I loved him.
	No, you didn't.
	No.
	No, don't even try.
	No, sorry.
	We don't talk about love that way here.
	You might have had lust, you might have been convenient, and I would suspect that's probably the closest, but we can only love virtue, and this guy was not virtuous.
	You're right.
	So we can only love virtue.
	But it wasn't a lust thing, you know?
	It wasn't.
	I mean...
	Wow.
	Who made the first approach to go from friendship to romance?
	And here's the funny thing, too, because you're telling me, well, you know, when I have friends, I don't cross the line to romance, except for, oh, no, but you were romantic with this guy before.
	Okay.
	So you're already taking him for a couple of years test drive in your 20s, right?
	Right.
	Okay.
	So who made the first move in your early 40s?
	Um...
	Thank you.
	I think he did.
	And we did pass over.
	Obviously, I know time is not infinite, but we skipped a whole 10 years in your 30s.
	And what happened with dating in your thirties?
	Thank you.
	I had a couple of relationships and stuff.
	I think, I mean, and one of them was, you know, I'm seeing this pattern.
	I've talked about it with my partner before.
	No, it's like this one guy that I was involved with, I mean, was amazing.
	But he was a drinker.
	Okay, so he's automatically not amazing.
	You've got to stop with this charisma shit.
	I'm telling you, it's going to kill you.
	Somebody who's an alcoholic is not amazing, by definition.
	They're destroying their health.
	They're putting massive burdens on their partners.
	They're destroying their finances.
	They're making bad decisions.
	Often they're drunk driving.
	And I can have sympathy for the childhood trauma that produces alcoholics, and I've made entire shows on that, so I understand that.
	But they're not amazing.
	Well, see, that's the reason, you know, because, like with my second husband, you know, his excuse for being an alcoholic, because he eventually went to rehab while we were married.
	And his thing was like, you know, well, It's hereditary.
	You know, his grandmother and grandfather and all this.
	See, and the thing, it's like, you know, I guess the reason, you know, maybe my attraction to an alcoholic, I don't know, but the fact that my father was is the reason I am not.
	Because, like I said, my second husband was like, you know, it's hereditary.
	I can't this or that.
	I'm like, yes, you can.
	Well, and also, if it's hereditary, then don't touch drink in the first place.
	Or if you like it when you start, then stop right away.
	Right.
	And so, you know, I chose...
	Now, don't be wrong.
	I've drank my share of booze in my day.
	Do I drink anymore?
	Very rarely, if ever.
	But, you know, that's my choice.
	But I chose not to let it consume me and become an alcoholic because of what I saw from my father the one time...
	Well, but alcohol still has dominated your life.
	Yes, in my relationships, absolutely.
	Well, and your finances.
	And my finances.
	I mean, you've lost, I assume, hundreds of thousands of dollars, probably close to half a mil in adjusted dollars supporting alcoholics.
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	All right.
	Now, would you like the answer as to why you choose the bad boys?
	Sure.
	Well, so...
	The reason that young men choose middle-aged women is they want to bypass the risk and supporting stage.
	So, if you're 22, 23, and you marry a 22 or 23-year-old guy, he's broke, right?
	He's in student debt, he's broke, and it's going to take years to start making any real money, right?
	And if you date a guy who's already financially successful in his 30s, Then you bypass the struggle stage.
	Right.
	And you don't have to do that whole support thing, and you don't have to do that building the career thing, and you don't have to live poor.
	So it's a shortcut.
	Yeah.
	Does that make sense?
	Yeah, that does make sense.
	If you date a guy you dated before, and you've known for years, and is around, and you're both single, that's a shortcut.
	You're taking the easy path.
	You're taking the easy path.
	And if you just believe what people say without being skeptical, that's taking the easy path.
	It's harder to be skeptical, right?
	I mean, we all know this from COVID, right?
	It's brutal to be skeptical.
	And the reason why I've unearthed all of this archaeology is because taking the shortcut, taking the easy path, may also include the YouTube channel, which, of course...
	You could be successful, you could be not.
	The odds are very much against it, just statistically, right?
	Obviously, I haven't seen your work and so on, right?
	But statistically, there's billions of YouTube channels and 98% of the money goes to 2% of the channels.
	Maybe you'll be in those 2%, but my concern is that certainly in dating, Women take the easy path which is judging confidence, not virtue.
	Because they say, well, if this guy is confident, he must be competent.
	If this guy is a smooth talker and friendly and positive, then he's got to be successful.
	As opposed to, well, that's a clear camouflage.
	Predators camouflage and...
	One of the things that's essential for women and men to do is to spot the signs of predators.
	I mean, if you're a zebra in Africa and you catch a whiff of lion, you better start running.
	You don't sit there and say, well, I don't really see anything.
	Don't glance around, right?
	You're just going to get your ass chewed off.
	So, it's also a shortcut to say, this guy is super confident, therefore, he must be competent and good.
	As a whole.
	Whereas, of course, one thing that con men consistently do, and con women, of course, is to imitate confidence, to pretend to be confident in order to prey upon their victims.
	In the same way, the lion doesn't just stand up and say, all right, zebras, I'm going to give you 10 seconds.
	Like, he pretends to not be a lion, right?
	He pretends to be a patch of grass, or he goes downwind, so they can't smell him, right?
	So the lion pretends to not be a lion in order to pray, and insecure people pretend to not be insecure, or predatory people pretend not to be predatory, and the way they do that is to fake attributes of confidence in order to exploit people.
	Right.
	So that is Young People Protection 101, but taking the shortcut is, well, he appears to be...
	Competent and confident.
	Sorry, he appears.
	He is confident and therefore he must have value.
	Okay.
	And or in your early 40s, well, he's around.
	He's a known quantity.
	I've dated him before.
	So I know what I'm getting into.
	He's eager.
	He's available.
	It's kind of why I asked who made the first move.
	And so, I can just slide into this, so to speak.
	Like, this is easy.
	I don't have to go out there and have people ask me troubling questions about my past and vet me and all that kind of stuff, right?
	Correct.
	So, the easy path.
	And I assume that your father was also a charming and a big, big, loud, whatever, confident swagger guy and your mom was just like, well, it must be so.
	Right.
	Which is like a man being totally shocked when his girlfriend removes her makeup and spanks.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	So, yeah, my concern there is the...
	And how did you meet your current partner?
	He and my ex-husband were friends.
	On a sports website.
	Sorry?
	Hang on, hang on.
	So, this is the ex-husband who you supported for four years because he was a raging drunk?
	Yes.
	And your current partner was friends with him?
	Yes.
	He and his wife at the time lived up north.
	And they had met on this, like I say, it's a sport website.
	And they would talk back and forth and eventually they changed.
	They exchanged phone numbers, and they talked, and they became friends.
	Sorry, and how long ago was that?
	Probably seven, eight years ago.
	Okay, and when did you divorce your second husband?
	I don't know.
	July of 2019.
	Okay, so your current partner was friends with your ex-husband when he was raging drunk and leeching off you financially.
	Hang on, do you not see that as a red flag at all?
	Yeah, I guess so.
	Yeah, well...
	Do you think there's anyone in my circle of friends who is a raging drunk and leeching off his wife while pretending he's going to get a job?
	No.
	No.
	So he doesn't have a great judge of character, or he has a good judge of character and is willing to put up with some fairly trashy behavior, right?
	At times, yeah.
	He even told my ex, he goes, man, if you don't get your shit together, he goes, she's going to divorce you.
	And he's like, oh, no, she won't.
	He said, because I'm Catholic, she won't divorce me.
	He's like, you want to bet?
	Keep acting like that.
	Okay.
	I assume that he didn't stay friends with your ex post-divorce?
	No.
	Well, they didn't.
	He cut his friendship off before we divorced.
	Oh, because of your bad husband's bad behavior?
	Yeah, even before we were separated, because he's like, man, it just was out of control, his drunkenness.
	And, you know, you call and they...
	He'd argue and all this other stuff.
	He's like, I just can't deal with that anymore.
	So they quit communicating.
	Okay.
	Got it.
	All right.
	So this is another guy.
	You didn't actually have to go out and win him.
	He was just part of your circle.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So what do you think emotion...
	And sorry, you've been together with him for four years.
	Do I have that right?
	Yeah.
	We moved in together under the same roof, separate rooms, to start a business.
	We weren't emotionally involved at that point.
	Right.
	But you moved in together?
	Right.
	Well, like I said, I had my room, he had his.
	We didn't sleep together.
	No, no, I get that.
	I get that.
	So like roommates?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So that's, you know, sleeping with your roommate is one of the...
	You don't have to cross any high mountains.
	You just have to go across the hall, so to speak.
	Friends with benefits, right?
	Friends with benefits, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So did you guys get vaccinated?
	No way.
	Okay.
	So what happened in your business?
	You said that the prices of everything went through the roof.
	You couldn't get permits because people weren't in the government offices.
	Nobody was going out.
	Nobody was really spending much money.
	And so the whole business just kind of folded.
	Is that right?
	Well, it was put on hold.
	And then I have a question for you.
	So is this going to be on your podcast?
	Uh-huh.
	Okay.
	How much do you charge for a private session?
	Oh, I can tell you that after, if you want.
	The reason I'm asking, because there are some things that, you know, I just don't really want out there.
	Listen, do not talk about anything you're not comfortable with.
	It's totally fine.
	And you don't have to answer this one either.
	Did the closing of the business, did that also cost you financially?
	Because, I mean, I've certainly, personally, I've been on the hook for crazy amounts of money for business sometimes.
	It cost my partner.
	You know, because he funded it.
	I was the other side of it.
	I was doing, you know, the prep, the shopping, getting everything together and the cleaning and all this.
	He was the financial backing and he'd help me and then he would go and work his job.
	I'd bring, you know, the business home and I'd clean it up and restock and all that for the next day.
	Right.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So he lost money on the business closure, right?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	All right.
	And do you think it closed too soon, too late, or at about the right time?
	I think about at the right time because, you know, we tried to hold on as long as we could because, you know, things started getting more expensive.
	You know, I'll give you a prime example.
	Because it's like I've always told him, and I've always done this my whole life.
	I mean, growing up, I mean, we used to coupon.
	And it's like, it was awesome.
	Find something on sale, you use a coupon, you get it cheaper.
	And back in the day, every now and then, they have double or even triple coupons.
	So I've always been, you know, I was always born and raised to be very brutal.
	Oh, I'm coupon mad.
	Yeah, I'm coupon mad.
	You don't have to sell that on me.
	So, you know, and now they don't put coupons in the papers anymore, which is terrible.
	But anyway, so we were going to create these meatballs.
	So I started pricing ground meat.
	And I'm like, oh my God, it was through the roof.
	They had these roasts on sale.
	So what I did, I bought the roast.
	I brought them home and ground them.
	So I was being creative.
	I've always been frugal.
	I'm going to find the best price.
	Like I tell him, I don't care if I have $1 or $1 million.
	I'm not going to shop any different than I do.
	So I was shopping sales to try and get the most bang for our buck to make this happen.
	But everything just got so out of place.
	Control expensive.
	And I think we hung on as long as we could without just total a flip.
	I mean, we even changed our locations and it just didn't, you know, we'd get busy for a little bit and then it would just die off, you know, and then product's going to go bad.
	So you have to, you know, you know, it's just, it was crazy, you know, so timing was a really bad thing.
	So we shut that one down.
	And, um, Like I said, then last year or year before, I found a job here and I worked for like nine months.
	And then it was, like I said, just a dead-end job.
	That was the big box job, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	He's like, well, if you're willing to work on this, you know, and make this happen, he goes, you know, I'll take over the bills, this and that.
	He bought a new computer.
	You know, so I can do the software on it.
	So it's been a learning experience because I've never been a techie, you know, with computers and stuff.
	I mean, I can do spreadsheets and all that.
	So it's been a whole new thing of learning a new software, a whole new computer system because I have, you know, a PC and he's got Apple.
	No, no, I understand.
	I understand.
	And this is sort of one of my concerns.
	And listen, I'd be the last person to talk out of Pursuing a dream, particularly an entrepreneurial dream.
	But my concern is that neither of you have particular media experience or software experience or YouTube experience or any of that sort of stuff.
	That's kind of what I was asking earlier.
	I mean, for me, I had done a whole bunch of...
	I mean, I spoke at conferences before I started my show.
	I was on the debating club.
	I studied philosophy.
	I sort of had a lot of...
	Backdrop and background for this kind of stuff.
	And it's not saying it can't happen, but what I'm saying is that you are trying to go into one of the most ridiculously competitive areas in media with no particular experience.
	And that, again, it's not impossible, but that's going to be quite a challenge.
	Right.
	And I like a challenge.
	Yeah, the question is, is this the challenge like you, though?
	Right?
	And that's sort of my question about how to differentiate.
	I guess my concern is that you are, you know, seven years from retirement or whenever it might be, right?
	And you are putting unpaid time and effort into something which is very low odds of significant success.
	It's not like playing the lottery, I get that, but you are foregoing revenue for the sake of hoping to stand out with no particular experience in the highly competitive YouTube channel market.
	and you don't have experience.
	I'm not trying to tout myself at all, right?
	I'm just saying that what I did was not an accident.
	I mean, one of the most important things I had to do at the beginning of my show was I spent 80% of my time marketing.
	Now, I had been a director of marketing at a pretty important software company for years, so I knew what I was doing.
	And as far as that goes, I already had technical experience, so I could do all of the website and computers and coding and all of the stuff there.
	So I just had a good combination of skills and whatever the magic sauce is that I have.
	And I suppose from the outside in saying, okay, well, you were in the hospitality industry, then you worked at a big box store, and your partner is a long-haul trucker, and you're going to make it big in the YouTube space.
	Obviously, it's not impossible, but, you know, it's not impossible to win the lottery, but we don't...
	So, I guess my concern is that you are reducing your...
	I mean, you're really throwing everything on a very long shot here, right?
	Because otherwise, you could be working hard to try and build up your savings for retirement, but instead, you're doing this where the odds of success, particularly given the lack of experience, is very low.
	And that's my concern that you're sort of the magical thinking like I can reform the bad boy is I can make my retirement on YouTube.
	Well, it's not unheard of.
	People have done it and still do it.
	You know, they start out small and you go back and you look at even some of these YouTube channels out there and you look at some of their first ones and you're like, oh, wow, you know, they've come a long way.
	No, but that's like looking at people who've won the lottery and saying that works, that happens.
	Thank you.
	Because, okay, what happens in the high likelihood that this doesn't work and doesn't make you money, right?
	What happens to your, like, what do you have to do if you spend a year or two without pay, And spending money to some degree to buy the computer and the software and so on, and the cameras or whatever it is that you're going to be doing.
	Learn how to edit.
	Like, it's going to be a lot of work, right?
	And what is your time frame?
	Say, okay, Phil, it doesn't work in X amount of time, we'll stop.
	What is that in your mind?
	We haven't really set a timeline.
	Okay, but what does your gut say?
	I say, I mean, I want to have something up and running on the channel within a couple months.
	Let's see, where were we at?
	April?
	March?
	March.
	I would like to have the channel up and running no later than the end of June, if not prior to that.
	Originally, we wanted to have it up and running on the first of the year, but that didn't happen.
	A lot on me because, like I said, I'm in this hole that I'm trying to dig myself out of.
	I'm trying to get my motivation back and the positive attitude that I used to have and all that.
	Like I said, the biggest thing that's holding me back right now is myself.
	Well, that's maybe.
	Maybe.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I'm still sort of trying to feel my way forward here.
	So you're going to be six months behind, right?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	And what's your first video going to be?
	Top 10 Reasons Dogs Are Good People.
	Top 10 Reasons Dogs Are Good People.
	Okay.
	Got it.
	And how long do you think the video is going to be?
	It's 20 minutes.
	That one's done.
	It's in the can.
	I'm trying to build up several so we can launch several at once instead of just having one at a time.
	Okay.
	And how do you get people to watch?
	Um...
	That's a good question.
	It's going to be on what you put in the...
	In the, what's it called?
	How do you title it and all this?
	Because the thing is, and you can use all kinds of other, you know, tags in it, you know, so when people, because people love top 10 lists.
	If you go there and you just go to YouTube and you put top 10, you know, whatever.
	You don't have to explain YouTube to me.
	I was like the third guy on YouTube.
	Okay.
	So how many YouTube channels are there?
	Millions.
	100 million.
	As of early 2025, we have over 100 million YouTube channels, right?
	So how do you get known?
	What's your plan?
	How do you do it?
	Well, you start with people that we know, get it out there, get them to share it, and build through that, and then people will find it.
	I think.
	I mean, through, you know, making it, like I said, it's not like, there's so many out there and we watched so many and we're making it different.
	So you get that person on there for that first click and make it stand out, we're going to get followers.
	We're going to build it up.
	Okay.
	So there are over 100 million YouTube channels worldwide.
	Mm-hmm.
	I don't know how many subs you'd need, but let's say, I don't know, a million subs.
	There are fewer than 42,000 out of the 100 million.
	There are fewer than 42,000 YouTube channels with over a million subscribers.
	And that is very tough.
	Actually, let's see here.
	Just looking here, there's some later data.
	31 million channels have surpassed the 100.
	No, that can't be right.
	2.2 million Karelias on YouTube.
	I don't believe that.
	What about the 100 million YouTube channels?
	So, what I'm saying is that the odds are very low.
	Now, I happened to start very early in YouTube.
	And so it was sort of, there was a novelty factor, much less competition.
	So how much income do you need to generate?
	Like there's the hope to generate and then there's the need to generate.
	How much income do you need to generate from YouTube to cover your bills and save for your retirement?
	I would like to say in a minute, a thousand, a week, you know, initially.
	And then grow from there, which is not an unheard of number.
	So if you get $1,000, so you get $52,000 a year, right?
	If you get $52,000 a year, is that going to be enough for you to retire on?
	Well, I think initially starting, that's a low number as far as for what we want to do, and it'll grow from there.
	Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but I see this opportunity to really, you know, is $52,000 enough to retire?
	Oh, no.
	But I think if we can get this initially started like this and grow it from there, yeah, you know?
	Okay, so do you know roughly how many views you need to get per week to get $1,000?
	Well, see, that's the thing.
	It depends because you have to have a thousand subscribers before you can even get monetized, which I know you know all of this.
	And then you have to get people to like it.
	You've got to get them to watch it because it depends on how long a person actually watches a video.
	If they only watch part of it, you don't get paid for the whole thing.
	They don't watch the ad if they skip through it.
	So there's a lot of factors in there.
	Yeah, so I know that, but still, you have to make, even though there's lots of factors, you have to figure that out, right?
	So to get $1,000 a week.
	So YouTube revenue per 100,000 views is $500 to $700.
	And now it depends, because YouTube revenue per 100K views, if you are talking about...
	Add views.
	That's a little different.
	So, let's just say that you need 100,000 to 200,000 views a week to get to your $1,000 a week.
	Give or take, right?
	I mean, could be more, could be less, but something like that, right?
	Uh-huh.
	So, let's see, 150,000 views.
	That will get you to maybe $1,000 a week.
	Now, is that the income you need or, you know, you've got your taxes, you've got your overhead, you've got to pay yourself salaries, you know, the salaries would come out of that.
	So is that what you want, $1,000 a week in the bank account or $1,000 a week gross?
	I want $1,000 a week in the bank account, you know.
	Okay, so, again, don't have to tell me where you are, but, you know, I'm sure you've done this kind of stuff before, where you get your gross income into the LLC or the corporation, and then you've got your various taxes and payrolls and this and that and the other deductions and all that kind of stuff.
	so um you probably gonna need uh closer to 225 200 225 000 views uh a week to to get your thousand net and like none of this is business advice and this is really off the seat of Oh, I'm going to say Stefan said.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	No, I'm just, look, obviously, you know, maybe, and, and, um, so let's see here.
	Yeah.
	So I'm looking here.
	YouTube revenue per 500,000 views is 2,500 to 3,500.
	But, um, It's higher for ad views.
	Right.
	So...
	Yeah, there's definitely a lot of, you know, things that go into it.
	Like you say, people watch the ads, if they watch the whole thing, if they only watch a part of it.
	So there's definitely a lot of, you know, how to get paid on that.
	There's a lot of factors that are beyond your control.
	It depends on whoever's watching it.
	So that's why you have to make it.
	Yeah, and there's a guy named Kaz Sawyer.
	He's got 2.7 million subscribers.
	He posts stunts and challenge videos.
	He makes $1.61 RPM.
	I think that's revenue per million.
	So he gets $1,610 per million views.
	However, there's other people who get more than that per million views.
	Yeah, so again, I think you need, and you've got affiliate links and there's other ways of monetizing.
	You could have a swag shop.
	You know, there's things that can do all of that.
	But let's see here.
	So if I'm at 225,000, I'm just going to look at 225,000 views.
	So I'm obviously going to try and do this live.
	So I think that your startup costs in terms of maybe you need to...
	You would spend, I assume, some time, again, this is off the seat of my pants, but I assume you would spend some time, you create your top 10 reasons dogs that are better people.
	Did I have that title?
	Good people?
	Yeah, so you would take that to various forums and you would post this hilarious, you know, I found this hilarious and so on, and you would try and get...
	I mean, I remember back in the day, I would go to all the various philosophy forums and parenting forums and economics forums and just post my videos and it was like mindlessly dull work, but I kind of had to just sort of raise interest that way and then I moved into doing interviews, which helped a lot.
	So, yeah, the challenge of how to market and how to grow and differentiate yourself from the 100 million channels to the point where you can get into the...
	A hundred thousand out of a hundred million is pretty small.
	And again, it's not impossible.
	I don't want to say, obviously I'm not trying to, but you have to, you can't manage what you don't measure, right?
	So you have to have, the big trick with entrepreneurship is everybody just wants to grind forward and put stuff out and cross their fingers and you feel like you're being productive, but...
	You need to have a goal, right?
	But we want to get to the $1,000 a week.
	And if you can get that, right?
	I mean, that's great because then hopefully that stays, you know, you keep producing videos and it grows from there.
	Right.
	But it's hard to get visibility.
	It's hard to be differentiated.
	And it's hard to know if you have the magic source that makes things great, right?
	I mean, so they say this sort of in the movie or entertainment industry, nobody knows what they're doing.
	Because everybody wants to make The Godfather.
	Everybody wants to make, you know, The Sixth Sense.
	Everybody wants to make, and even M. Night Shyamalan, who made The Sixth Sense, has not made a movie nearly as good since, in my view, right?
	So everybody wants to make a hit movie.
	Every songwriter wants to make a hit song.
	And people pour all of this money into things.
	And still, it's really hard to know.
	Even with the best talent in the world, it's hard to know what's going to click and what's going to suddenly become viral and so on.
	There is a certain amount of just good luck magic sauce that goes into entrepreneurship.
	And so I guess maybe your lack of enthusiasm, your lack of energy is, I don't know that you've sort of fairly strictly defined what it is to be successful.
	And I'm also concerned Right.
	Right.
	Correct.
	And you already had the, you know, I'll fund this guy for four years on the grounds that he'll stop drinking and get a job.
	So you've done your...
	I hope that this bass guy is on the up and up about, you know, how confident and successful he is.
	Right?
	So you've done a whole lot of cross your fingers stuff, right?
	I hope that the guy...
	Who's a raging drunken and gets off DUIs because of political connections.
	I hope he turns out to be a good partner.
	I mean, you've done a lot of crossing your fingers, and maybe you're just burned out on that.
	Right.
	So, you need to, I mean, maybe rather than just grinding your way forward and hoping for the best, which hasn't worked out too well in the past, it's time to say, okay, how is this actually going to happen?
	Just putting videos on YouTube and hoping for the best is not a strategy, and it's not going to work.
	Right.
	And especially if you say, well, look, these kinds of videos are very popular.
	Now, the problem with that is that stuff which is very popular draws everyone to it.
	And people who've got, you know, 20 years of media experience and 10 years experience on YouTube who've polished things to a fine craft who have, you know, 10 million subscribers and they go to them because they're a known quantity of quality.
	And like most people, if there's a YouTube video that comes up and you see it has like, you know, 23 views, you're very unlikely to click on it.
	Whereas if you see 2.9 million views...
	There's a sort of democratic vote of quality there, which makes people more likely.
	So saying, well, listen, I'm producing the highest, like the most popular form of content, it's like, right, and that's both a strength and a weakness.
	I mean, nobody did philosophy shows at the beginning of YouTube, so I was really kind of out of left field.
	But if you say, well, you know, the top 10 lists are very popular, sure.
	But that means that people who've got like...
	15 years head start on you are cranking those things out with a full production team of very experienced people.
	And so aiming at the most popular is kind of an opportunity, but if I was an investor or something, I would say, so you're going up against the most successful and popular YouTubers, and you have no particular experience in the field, and you don't...
	I guess my concern is that maybe the energy is not there because this is a real cross-your-fingers-roll-the-dice scenario.
	Producing the video is 10% of the work.
	Okay, so what's the other 90%?
	Well, the other 90% is figuring out how to get people...
	To watch it.
	To click on it.
	Yeah.
	Out of 100 million channels.
	And of course, if people are searching for top 10 dog videos, like top 10 list of dog videos, or most popular dog videos, where's your new video going to be on the list?
	Right.
	It's going to be non-existent.
	Because YouTube is going to prioritize.
	The videos with the most views and the channels with the most subscribers.
	Unless, again, you're a philosophy channel, but let's not make it about me.
	So how are you going to get people to watch it?
	That's the big challenge.
	And I don't have an answer to that, because other than, you know, maybe you could post on forums and stuff like that.
	But even to get to the thousand subscribers, you have to get people to watch the videos.
	And click on subscribe and usually click on the notification bell and all this kinds of stuff.
	They have to love your videos and then they have to share them.
	And of course, you know, it has something to do with the quality of the video and I'm sure the video is fine.
	But there's going to be a lot of trial and error because you don't have experience in this media field.
	You don't have experience in YouTube videos.
	So you're going to do stuff that is fun for you and cool for you.
	And maybe there is a big overlap, but odds are there's going to have to be a fair amount of adjustment.
	I don't know if that's part of your thinking.
	It's not a magic money machine, right?
	Obviously.
	If YouTube was a magic money machine, nobody would have a job.
	Everybody would just do that.
	Everybody would be doing it and be making millions of dollars, right?
	Right.
	So, is there something you think that you're not seeing that is a...
	A barrier to success because there are massive barriers to success on social media.
	I'm not quite sure what you're asking.
	Why?
	I mean, let's take a silly example, right?
	Yeah.
	OnlyFans.
	I know, I know.
	I'm not going to the site, even though I have a channel there.
	I'm not going to the site.
	But OnlyFans models make an average of what per month?
	I have no idea.
	I actually had this.
	Sorry, I just need to look that up.
	I looked this up for a show some years ago.
	Now, this, of course, is not one-to-one.
	Right, obviously.
	But in general, the more raw the meritocracy, the more this Pareto distribution, right, do OF models make?
	Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, Sherlock Holmes is wprowad.
	Oh, it doesn't like only.
	Only foot.
	I don't know.
	I don't get the foot thing.
	I really don't.
	All right.
	Yeah.
	So OnlyFans models make about $150 a month on average.
	What?
	That's good.
	That's good?
	They don't need to be making that.
	I'm sorry, Anna.
	Me, personally, I don't like it.
	Oh, no, no, it's terrible.
	Yeah, no, it's terrible.
	But that's an interesting stat.
	So, let's see here.
	Wow.
	Hmm.
	Um...
	Hmm...
	I'm just looking at...
	And, of course, most people...
	Most of the money goes to, like, 1% of the people.
	I mean, like actors, like just sports people, musicians, and all of that kind of stuff.
	But let's see here.
	So, ads...
	Oh, God.
	So, they make about 1,300 a year.
	1,500?
	Sorry, 1,300 a year.
	That's the average, right?
	Now, of course, there's a small 1%, 2% that make a lot more, which means, of course, that the vast majority are making less in terms of the numbers, right?
	Because there's a bulge, right?
	A lot of bulges on OnlyFans.
	So, in terms of that model, you're probably looking to get into the...
	You know, to start saving for retirement and so on, you're probably looking to get into the top, you know, I would say 5% to 7% of YouTubers.
	Now, assuming that you have all of the, you know, just magic sauce talent to produce interesting and compelling videos, then you have to get everything out there and get people to...
	And then you have to have a website and you have to engage with your audience and maybe you have a message board where people make suggestions and give you feedback and, you know, you just got to guide things all that kind of way.
	So, do the odds that I'm talking about or do the numbers that I'm talking about, do they surprise you?
	Not so much because I did look into that before we started to see what we would have to do to really generate.
	You know, revenue and how much we have to grow the channel.
	No, I get that.
	But in terms of how many people actually do that?
	Oh, yeah.
	That was a little surprising.
	Okay.
	I'm going to ask, how many YouTube channels make, we're going to go real specific here, $1,000 a week?
	This is probably not going to give me a good answer.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Don't give me this AI slop.
	All right, hang on just a second.
	Yeah, you can't even get a straight answer.
	Well, that's a pretty specialized question, so I kind of get that.
	But I'm just going to ask here.
	I'm going to do deep search, and we'll see if it can try and figure this out.
	And it might take...
	He's trying to dig it out.
	Yeah, there's not how many channels make $1,000 weekly, but he's going to try and figure this out as a whole.
	I'm still kind of blown away by this research stuff in AI.
	It's pretty wild.
	Yeah.
	It really is, you know, and it's funny because, you know, whenever I am researching stuff, one thing I have enjoyed, too, because, like, doing this YouTubing, I swear...
	The research that I do, it's like, it's really, you know, it's educational.
	It's like, I've learned some pretty interesting stuff, you know, that's coming out for some of our videos.
	I'm like, I did not know that.
	I did not know that.
	And it's like, it's really pretty cool, you know, some groundbreaking things.
	Yes.
	What have we got here?
	Starting to get down.
	Boom.
	Thank you.
	All right.
	I never know how long it's going to take.
	So, yeah, I guess my concern is, look, if you're aware that you're taking a big risk, right?
	Because, look, I mean, with all entrepreneurial stuff, you really have to look at the downside.
	And the downside is you spend a couple of years on this and get virtually nothing.
	And then you're even more in the hole.
	Yeah.
	And then what?
	Yep, because I ain't getting any younger.
	Well, you're kind of in an emergency situation.
	Yeah.
	If you only have 5% of the money you need for retirement.
	And so, I guess, if you think that this is how you're going to solve it, right, then I think that's not realistic.
	Now, could it?
	Sure.
	But again, I'm not saying it's the same as winning the lottery, but it's a low...
	Odds of success.
	Again, very few people make a lot of money, and top couple of percentage of people.
	You have no experience, and no marketing experience, and no business experience in this area, no media experience, and so on.
	And so, I mean, to be brutally frank, I mean, if a friend of yours came to you and said, well, my husband's a...
	Oh, sorry.
	My partner is a long-distance trucker, and I had a job at a big-box store, but we're going to make a fortune on YouTube.
	What would you say?
	Would you invest?
	Probably not initially.
	Right.
	Right.
	Show me some proof.
	Right.
	So, it's not the most likely scenario, right?
	It would be like me saying, I'm 58 years old and I'm going to go and become an actor.
	Like, okay, does it happen to some people?
	At least I have some acting training or whatever, right?
	But I wouldn't put a lot of odds on it.
	Right.
	And, again, that's not – look, if I were to go to people and say, do you want to invest in a philosophy channel on this new website called YouTube, people would be like, I don't even know how to evaluate that.
	I'm not going to do any of that, right?
	So I get all that.
	But if a friend of yours said – We have no marketing experience, no media experience, no media business experience, and we've never done anything like this before, but we're going to make money on YouTube.
	We would like you to invest $20,000.
	Would you give them the $20,000?
	What do you need $20,000 for to start a YouTube channel?
	Well, we need to pay ourselves while we put the YouTube channel together and create the videos.
	We need to buy the computers.
	to, like, whatever, right?
	Thank you.
	Probably not.
	Right.
	And why not?
	Well, because, you know, you don't need to have, I mean, you can start out with very basic stuff.
	You know, I mean, I'm looking at both sides of it.
	I mean, maybe like down the road, if, you know, you were showing success and then you needed to upgrade your, you know.
	The office area, you know, wherever that you're doing this, and you needed computers and mics and the whole nine yards, once you grow to that point, perhaps then, but not just starting out, because you can start with a computer and basic stuff.
	You don't have to have the best of the best and everything initially to start and create a good product.
	Right.
	Okay, so let us see what Grok says, the deep search.
	Crapped out.
	So I said, how many YouTube channels make $1,000 a week?
	She said, oh, the grok said, there's no exact figure.
	But educated estimate, blah, blah, blah.
	So to earn $1,000 a week from YouTube absence alone, one of the most common revenue sources.
	A channel would need a substantial number of views.
	Average payout is about $3 to $5 per thousand video views after YouTube's 45% cut.
	This translates to roughly 200,000 to 333,000 views per week, assuming the channel relies solely on ads.
	For example, a channel with 100,000 subscribers might earn $600 to $1,000 per week if all subscribers watch two new videos weekly.
	But in reality, not all subscribers watch every video, and non-subscriber videos also contribute.
	Smaller channels with 1,000 subscribers typically earn $50 to $100 monthly from ads, far below the 1,000 weekly threshold.
	As of early 2025, YouTube has over 51 million active channels.
	I guess the 100 million was including inactive channels.
	So YouTube has over 51 million active channels, but only a fraction are monetized through the YouTube Partner Program, which requires at least 1,000 subscribers and 4,000 watch hours in the past year, or 10 million short views in 90 days.
	Estimates suggest around 1-2 million channels are in the YouTube Partner Program, though not all disclose earnings.
	Among these, only a small percentage are likely to hit $1,000 a week.
	Channels with 100,000 or more subscribers, about 0.3% of all channels, or roughly 150,000 channels, have a better shot, but even then earnings vary widely based upon engagement and niche.
	For example, finance or tech channels often see higher revenues per thousand views of 15 to 25, while gaming might average 4 to 8. So, considering these factors, a rough estimate might place the number of channels earning $1,000 or more per week in the tens of thousands globally, perhaps $20,000 to $50,000.
	This is speculative as it hinges on viewership consistency, monetization beyond ads like merch or memberships and high-value audiences, viewers from the US or UK.
	So...
	Yeah.
	So, you're looking to be three out of a thousand channels.
	And so, I guess, in terms of knowing what the risks are, I think that's important.
	And the odds of your success in terms of hitting $1,000, and again, just $1,000 gross, we're talking net, right?
	So, outside of taxes and expenses.
	Or EBITDA, whatever they call it, right?
	So, you're looking to be two out of a thousand channels.
	And so 0.2, because the 0.3 is the thousand gross.
	So, and there are already people in the market that you are trying to sell into, right?
	So, the odds of success are very low.
	Now, again, That's fine, but I don't know if you're processing that.
	And I think your emotions are processing that, and I think that's why your energy is low.
	Oh, okay.
	That makes sense.
	Yeah, and again, how well has the easy path worked out for you?
	Dating a guy in his 30s because he's already established rather than going through the struggle phase.
	Dating a guy you've dated before who's around and available rather than going out to find someone who's really high quality and he turns out to be a raging drunk and you blow through four years of income and all of that.
	So I guess my concern is as a whole, I say taking the easy path has not worked out, as it generally doesn't.
	Right.
	And so if you're like, oh, I'm suddenly panicking about money.
	I'm going to spend...
	When did you first start working on the YouTube stuff?
	Like August of last year.
	Okay, so it'll be close to a year before you get your first video out, right?
	Probably, but hopefully not.
	I thought you said it was July, June, July?
	June.
	It's like the first of June, but I'm hoping before then.
	You know, I really want to get this going and get it out there.
	If the video, I'm sorry for my ignorance of this, if the video is done, why do you have to wait until June to put it out?
	Because we want to have more than just one go up or have like, you know, several to where we can drop them every few days instead of just having one and then it'd be a week later.
	That's why.
	So you need a queue.
	Yeah, you need a queue.
	Yeah.
	Got it.
	All right.
	So, you will have put a year into this, right?
	Close to it.
	When your first video comes out.
	Now, you have, again, 65, could be longer, right?
	So, you've taken a year out of when you first started, you were 57, right?
	So, you had eight years.
	So, you've taken like 12% of your remaining working time for no pay when you're...
	Don't have nearly enough money for retirement.
	Right.
	That's really risky.
	Right?
	Uh-huh.
	Absolutely.
	I don't think we're on the same page about this.
	No, I totally hear and agree with what you're saying.
	So are you aware of this risk?
	That you have 5% of what you need saved up for retirement and you're burning up a year on a long shot.
	A really long shot.
	Yeah.
	Or is this cross your fingers?
	No.
	It is cross your fingers.
	No, seriously.
	I got to tell you straight up, sister.
	This is cross your fingers.
	If this was a side hustle, okay.
	But this is your full-time job.
	For a year.
	When you're done, right?
	Almost.
	10 months plus.
	So...
	So that's my concern.
	And I think that your energy is, is this another cross your fingers and hope which has never worked out for you in the past?
	And it generally doesn't work out in life.
	In fact, you know, like the people who are like, hey, the first time I played the lottery, I won.
	You know, those people are toxic and dangerous in a way because they give people an illusion of bad math, right?
	Like, I mean, the first time I played poker, I won 500 bucks.
	And I've never really played poker again because I know that's never going to happen again.
	It's like people that go to the casino.
	They go and they hit and they're like, oh, if I keep playing, I can maybe win more.
	Yeah, you know what happens?
	If you don't take that money and leave, it's going to suck it all back and some more if you put it in.
	Right.
	And so the people who make it big on YouTube are usually people who have a lot of experience prior to it.
	You don't.
	Correct.
	And so the odds of...
	It's not quite like the same.
	I've never really played tennis before, but I'm sure I can win this tournament because that would be functionally impossible.
	But it is a super long shot.
	I do not recommend it as a retirement strategy.
	Now, obviously, I'm not a financial advisor, so this is just an idiot amateur opinion of mine, right?
	But if you were a friend of mine and you were saying, Well, I've made pretty bad decisions which have rendered me in my late 50s with 5% of the money I need for retirement.
	So I'm going to burn up a year with no prior experience trying to make money off YouTube.
	I'd say, stop trying to do the shortcuts.
	They don't work out.
	I would give you advice, friend to friend, not financial advice.
	I would give you advice, friend to friend, to saying, whatever you need to do, Was it Dave Ramsey?
	There's a guy who does this on YouTube.
	But whatever you need to do with regards to your finances, I don't think when you're low on money, burning up a year with no income on a super long shot is the way to go.
	Okay.
	I mean, if you've taken all the money that you've used to support yourself and buy lottery tickets, you might end up with a higher chance.
	I don't know, right?
	What was your, and you don't have to obviously give me any details, but...
	When you were sort of at your peak earnings in the hospitality industry, were you like 75k a year, 100k a year, 50k a year?
	What sort of bracket roughly were you in?
	About 70. About 70, okay.
	60 to 70, depending.
	Right, okay.
	So, if you, and again, we'll just work with gross figures here, though, of course, I'm perfectly aware that there's, you know, tons of deductions, right?
	But if you were to just make $70,000 times the eight years you have remaining, that gives you $560,000, right?
	Right.
	Now, that's not perfect.
	Of course, right?
	And you have some savings.
	And of course, you're living relatively cheap because you have a roommate, right?
	So, if you take, you know, $560,000 and you invest it at 7%, you're pulling almost $40,000 a year.
	That's tight and lean, but it's survivable, right?
	Absolutely.
	And again, I know that that's all just gross and there's tons of other factors involved in all of that, right?
	But that is a path to a sustainable retirement in a way, right?
	This is probably not.
	Now, I'm not saying don't put a video out.
	I'm not saying, but as far as, you know, full-time?
	I mean, did it take, what would it be, August?
	August.
	I mean, did it take six or seven months to produce one 20-minute video?
	Well, it took a long time, like I said, partly because I was in this rut.
	When I had to...
	Learn a whole new operating system.
	I had to learn the software, to learn how to edit and all this other stuff.
	How to, you know, get the videos.
	No, no.
	I'm aware of all of that.
	But...
	I'd say six months to get the first one out.
	But I know I could have done it quicker if my mind were in the right place.
	Absolutely.
	Right.
	So, how long do you...
	You said you wanted to release two videos a week or a video or two a week.
	Is that right?
	Yes.
	So how do you get the production time down from six months to three days?
	Well, like on the one I'm working on right now, it can be done, like I said, because I've learned the software, I've learned other things.
	I can get a video, you know, if I have the audio to go with and everything, I can pull a video together easily in a week, if not less.
	That's what I'm working to get that time down, you know, quicker and quicker.
	It's just it was a big learning curve for me.
	And like I said, plus I'm fighting with my own self in my head.
	Okay, and so let's just finish up here because I think this is important.
	Obviously, it's all important.
	So what is the fight?
	I think the fight is you...
	Got a deep understanding of the statistical virtual impossibility of what you're trying to do, and you're reaching for the gold and probably falling off a cliff financially.
	Because if this doesn't work, and you spend another couple of years on it, you're toast for retirement, aren't you?
	Like you're going to be a Walmart greeter into your 80s.
	Hello, welcome to Walmart.
	Right.
	But you don't want to do that, right?
	No, absolutely not.
	Right.
	So...
	Whereas if you just get a job, and I know, say, just get a job, like it's just, you know, snap your fingers and I get all of that.
	But, you know, with a long career comes a lot of contacts, right?
	People who you call up and say, do you know of anyone?
	Are you hiring and all of that, right?
	So, are you trying to take an easy path rather than grind your way to some kind of financial security through working through 65?
	Absolutely not.
	I've never taken an easy path.
	I thought we just did this whole thing that with your dating, that you kind of took the easy path.
	I've never, okay, I have never not worked or had income or anything like that.
	This is a whole different thing to me, too, and this is probably what's part of the issue in my head.
	not take my flight.
	Yes, but you're doing it now when you're close to retirement and broke.
	Yes, I'm sorry.
	So what is it in your mind that feels depressed or down about this stuff, the YouTube stuff?
	If that's what it's about.
	It could be something else completely, but assuming that it's something, because it sort of did coincide with you.
	The Last Business Failing, the COVID stuff, and casting about, and then the big box store stuff and all of that, right?
	And you're particularly unmotivated with regards to this project, right?
	The YouTube channel, is that right?
	No, I'm motivated, but to actually, you know, I mean, when I sit there, I'm working on it, and I enjoy it.
	I really enjoy it, and like I said, I love putting it together and doing everything that needs to be done to make it happen, but it's just...
	I'm sorry, I thought you told me the whole thing about how it's taking you forever because you're kind of unmotivated.
	Right.
	When I actually sit down and get into it, it's to get to that point.
	It's like I wake up, I'm motivated, but within having my second cup of coffee, it goes out the window.
	It's a mental game.
	I don't know.
	But once I can Getting my mind in here, I'm good, but it's to get to that point.
	And sometimes, I mean, and then I start working on it, and then my mind goes in a hundred different ways because I need to do this or I need to do that.
	It's like it's always, instead of being able to focus on the task at hand, there are days where I don't want to get out of bed.
	I'm just so down, and that's just not who I am.
	And I'm trying to figure this out.
	Like I said, I've always been the...
	One that people come to to talk, you know, when they just needed to vent or, you know, just try and figure something out or whatever.
	So this is a whole new thing for me, trying to figure this out.
	Right.
	So I don't know, you know.
	Sorry, have you done, have you had a medical checkup just in case there's anything that might be physical?
	Nope.
	Okay.
	Why not?
	Again, I'm no doctor, obviously, but I'm generally a big fan of blood work and stuff like that, so.
	I just don't trust doctors.
	Right.
	And, well, I just, you know, with experiences with family and friends, I just, you know, I just, I don't have, and my cousin is actually a doctor, but regardless, nothing against him.
	Now, sorry, so how many videos do you aim to have ready for July?
	June, July?
	June.
	June.
	At least six, if not more.
	Okay, at least six, if not more.
	So, April, May, so.
	In sort of two, two and a half months, you're going to do another five videos.
	Is that right?
	At least.
	And are you on track for that?
	I'm about to finish my second one up today when we get off the phone.
	Okay.
	I've got the audio in there and all that I have to do is put in my videos, my pictures and tighten the wording and all that.
	And have you shown your video to friends and family?
	Why not?
	Um, Thank you.
	I've told them about it.
	They're excited about it, but I haven't shown it to anybody.
	Why not?
	I mean, movies have test screenings all the time, right?
	You want to find out what people like or don't like or what they get or what they don't get or where the interest might flag.
	Sorry, go ahead.
	Well, you know, like my partner said, you know, you're sending it to people that know you, so are they going to be truly honest?
	Even though you ask them to be, you know, very to the point honest.
	You know, don't worry about hurting my feelings or whatever.
	No, but you ask...
	Hang on.
	No, but...
	Sorry, this is just entrepreneur stuff, right?
	So what you do is you send it to someone you know and you ask them to play it to someone you don't know and ask them what they think.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Because you don't necessarily, let's say that there's something, I don't know, the music is too intrusive, or whatever it is, like something that you've not noticed because you've worked on it for so long.
	You don't want to keep cranking out videos without getting feedback even on the first one, right?
	Okay, that's a good point.
	See, it's funny because I can feel you getting annoyed with me talking, okay, okay.
	You know, like, I can feel you getting annoyed with me about this kind of stuff.
	Well, I'm actually making a note.
	I'm actually making a note.
	No, I'm actually making a no.
	That's why I'm a little, which aren't my answers, because I'm making a no.
	That's a very good point, and so that's what I'm going to do.
	Right, but even when I was talking about the extremely low odds of this succeeding to the point where you make $1,000 a week net, the low odds, that was annoying to you as well, right?
	Right.
	I don't like being told I can't.
	Or it probably won't or possibly won't.
	I guess maybe that's a good thing because that's bringing that passion back out in me because, like I said, it's been gone.
	And I've never been a person that says, oh, you can't do that.
	Yes, but that's not always a good thing.
	It's not a good thing to have that rebellious spirit about everything.
	I mean, that's like somebody saying, well, you know, this guy is a...
	Kind of charming, empty-headed bassist guy in his mid-30s trying to date a 22-year-old long distance.
	There's something wrong.
	You're like, no, no, no, I can make it work.
	Right?
	It's not always a good thing to rebelliously reject mathematical counsel or good counsel.
	I'm going to do it no matter what.
	Well, then you've just got to plow through everything yourself and make all the mistakes that people could warn you about.
	Right.
	You're like, oh, yeah, this guy's a drinker.
	My dad was a drinker.
	But I'm going to make it work.
	This guy's got a number of DUIs, but I'm going to make it work.
	I'm just going to...
	This buckle down, bear down, and make it work often doesn't work.
	Yeah.
	And sometimes you do need to listen to people trying to help you rather than just, like, to hell with them.
	Don't tell me I can't.
	I'm going to do it more.
	You know, that kind of thing, right?
	Yes.
	Yep.
	And if in your gut or in your heart you're feeling real nervous about the odds of this succeeding, which you should, I've never said don't do it.
	I've repeatedly said, I'm not telling you not to do it.
	And you wouldn't listen to me anyway, I get that.
	So I'm not telling you not to do it.
	But what I'm saying is that your gut is telling you something about this that you need to listen to.
	And you can't just sort of shout it down with, I'm going to do it even harder.
	Or doubt is the enemy, or concern is the enemy, right?
	Right.
	Because what you don't want to do is end up at the age of 60 or 61 or 62, still trying to nurse this YouTube channel, having had virtually no income for years, and then be further behind them when you started.
	That's a real risk.
	You know, it's like the people who are like, I'm going to go be an actor in LA.
	And it's like, sure, I mean, but...
	But recognize that the odds of success are very low.
	Yeah.
	Otherwise everybody would be an actor and nobody would be in the audience, right?
	So my point is not do it or don't do it.
	But my point is that you need to be realistic about the odds of success and this can't be the only plan for your retirement.
	It can't be, in my opinion.
	I hear you loud and clear.
	All right.
	Okay.
	Is there anything else that you wanted to mention?
	I appreciate the call.
	It was very, very interesting.
	And I, of course, really sympathize about this chaos and problems with your childhood and youth and that sort of lack of protection and so on.
	It does give people kind of a fierce will to push on no matter what, which is great, but it doesn't last forever and it can sometimes resist good counsel.
	Oh, absolutely.
	You know, like I said, this was just uncharted waters for me because I've never talked to anybody.
	I've always...
	You know, better than when people come and talk to, you know?
	And absolutely, I've made really poor decisions in my relationships, you know?
	But, you know, hindsight, if I could go back and whisper something in my 18-year-old ear or 15-year-old ear, you know, things would have probably turned out different.
	But we can't do that.
	So, you know, you have to try and move forward and not make those same mistakes and decisions going into the future.
	Agreed with that.
	All right.
	Well, I hope you keep me posted about how it's going, and I'd love to see the channel and the video when it's up in the summer, and I really appreciate the conversation today.
	All right.
	Thank you.
	Thanks, Emil.
	All the best.

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