Oct. 30, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
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5298 Pity for Immorality - Locals Questions!
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Good morning, everybody.
Hope you're doing well.
Stefan Molyneux from Freedomain.com.
Join a great community.
This is where these questions come.
Freedomain.locals.com.
All right, you recently discussed the dynamic of how a high-value female would look at a man.
I often find myself uncomfortable around the most attractive high-status people, even to the point that I will actively avoid them in social settings, such that I find myself on the other end of the room as them at parties and functions.
This especially applies to females, but occasionally when I'm around the boyfriend of a highly attractive girl, I believe I'm getting comfortable talking to him.
I've been told that I'm above average attractiveness, so I wonder where this comes from.
I wonder whether it comes from a lack of self-worth.
It's not that I have poor social skills, but the specific situation of socializing with the most attractive people almost always makes me betray a discomfort and awkwardness that usually manifests in some clumsy or uncouth behavior.
Whoa!
Congratulations on using the truly Dickensian word uncouth.
Kudos.
All right.
One fundamental question that arises in life is, can you judo maneuver envy into becoming aspirational?
Or do you shy away from your potentially better self?
Look, there are better people out there in the world, there are better looking people, there are smarter people, there are people who have all kinds of
Great attributes!
They're better musicians, they're better mathematicians, and so on, right?
And there are people with better physiques, and so on, right?
So, do you believe that you can approach what they do?
Some things we're kind of hardwired in, and sometimes some things we're not.
So, if you find yourself looking up at more attractive people, let's say, okay, what can you do to make yourself more attractive?
Why are they a threat?
Why are they not aspirational?
If you look at people who've made some money, they've worked really hard.
Do you want to make some money by working really hard?
Are they aspirational or do you shy away?
Now, I can guarantee you that for you, everyone who's better than you and better than me is aspirational.
It's absolutely aspirational.
Now, but for your, if you've got dysfunctional people in your life, your parents or whoever, then they want you to shy away from those better people because they've failed to become better.
Why would you want to avoid higher quality people?
Well, you don't benefit from avoiding higher quality people.
You say, well, I, you know, I don't want to impose.
I'm not particularly good at baseball.
I don't want to hang around with the cool baseball kids or whatever.
It's like, well, then become better at baseball.
You know, go train, go practice, become better at baseball, and then you'll be, you'll be in that, right?
So for you, envy is aspirational.
For usually older dysfunctional people in your life, probably your parents, envy is avoidant because they have failed to harness the envy to become better and therefore they want you to replicate their mistakes.
So what they're doing is they're infecting you with the avoidance of aspiration rather the embrace and pursuit of aspiration.
Look, when I was growing up, man,
I was surrounded by really trashy people.
Like, I mean, one day maybe I'll go into that in more detail, but, you know, just here's an example.
My family moved three times inside of one apartment building for a variety of reasons, usually to do with needing lower rent.
But, yeah, we moved in one place and our neighbor was like, hey, you know, we gotta have you over for coffee and cake later, get to know you, we're neighbors, blah, blah, blah, right?
And then we couldn't go because her husband
Discharged a gun into the wall of their apartment.
So yeah, screaming people, drunken people.
I remember when I was growing up in England, there was one severely traumatized older couple with a French accent.
I assumed that they had fled the war or escaped after or during because when I went to show her my hamster, because we were kind of friends, right?
I went up and she screamed and slammed the door on my face and her husband apologized and said,
She had terrible experiences with rats during the war and I'm like, okay And again, I'm not blaming her for that.
She was a victim in all of that.
So I understand but So there were lots of trashy people around but then I went to boarding school and boarding school had kids from higher status homes You know whether you want to say they're better or whatever They were certainly higher status and that's something to aim for isn't it?
I mean higher status is somewhat important You don't want to be a slave to it.
You don't want to betray your principles or your virtues for it, but
Higher status is better than lower status as a whole, isn't it?
I mean all other things being equal.
And then in Canada I saw, and in Africa where I live briefly, I mean
I saw more higher-functioning families in my higher-functioning homes.
And in the business world, I sort of came across people who made good money and had good careers and so on.
And rather than just shy away from them, I'm like, okay, so that's possible.
So that's what I'm going to aim for.
More functional things are possible.
Happier marriages are possible.
More financial stability is possible.
Harder work with more rewards is possible.
You know the lower classes kind of hate work as a whole and I get it because you know they're surrounded by managers who are terrible because good quality managers don't end up managing like really high quality managers don't end up managing a bunch of waiters at a pizza hut or a
We're good to go.
So yeah there are people out there who are higher status than you.
Obviously there are people out there who are wealthier, who have better relationships, who are more confident, who are funnier, who are better conversationalists.
There are people out there who are like that.
Is that aspirational or is that avoidant?
I mean there's nothing wrong with being avoidant if you can't
Compete, right?
I mean, if somebody is just like a really great singer and they audition for a band and you're not a great singer, then let the guy who's the great singer audition for the band and get the band singing job, right?
That makes sense, right?
Don't be aspirational for things you can't achieve.
And maybe somebody's got such a great physique that he's a Calvin Klein underwear model.
Okay, the odds of you achieving that are very low, but it may be impossible given your body type.
But you can improve, right?
You can improve, can't you?
You may not end up with the kind of teeth-bound pearly whites that get you in a dental commercial, but you can certainly improve your oral hygiene and get your teeth cleaned and polished and, you know, like you can improve, right?
You may not end up with beautiful glassy skin, but you may end up, you can improve your skin to some degree.
Like I have, I don't want to say a skin care regimen, but
I make sure that I moisturize day and night and exercise and hydrate and so on.
And that can help with skin.
And I think it's one reasons why my skin, like at 57, my skin is great.
It's great.
Except for that pimple that was immortalized on my Australia trip.
Ah, to have traveled and have that last forever.
Philosophy is ephemeral, but pimples are.
Forever.
So, you want to aspire to higher quality, but the lower quality people in your life, particularly the older ones, want you to avoid higher quality, because once you get to higher quality, you'll leave them behind.
It's just a fact.
It's not a fact people like to talk about, but it's a fact.
When you get to higher quality people, you have to leave the lower quality people behind.
Because the higher quality people don't want to be around lower quality people.
And again, I'm not talking about totally shallow things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the beautiful people don't want to be around the physically ugly people or whatever.
I'm not talking about the things beyond your control.
Higher quality people don't.
Like, mature people don't want to be around immature people.
People who've mastered their emotions don't want to be around volatile reactionary people who raise their voices and get weird and intimidate and avoid and like you just honest direct people we don't want to be around manipulative people.
People who have appropriate levels of anger don't want to be about around people who have either no anger and are complete washed out spineless cucks or people have too much anger and are volatile aggressive and destabilizing.
People with good relationships
Ah man, I'll tell you this one, oh my god, I won't get into any details because it's not people in my past's fault that I have a public platform, but I'll tell you, I mean, my wife and I, I was just joking with her this morning, it's like we kind of have to hide this because nobody will believe this relationship, like how much fun it is, how good it is, but my wife and I, when we first got together and got married,
When it became evident to me what a relationship could be and how much fun and how stable and how positive and how loving it could be we spent some time around other couples and the couples we spend around time around now are good couples but the couples who are kind of volatile and kind of huffy and a little petty and and so on you don't want to spend time around those people I mean maybe if they really beg for your help you could ask for your help maybe but you know
It it's not it's not you don't want to spend time around immature people when you're mature.
You don't want to spend time around low status people if you're high status because your status is affected.
Like I mean again it's kind of tribal but it's it's it's a genuine fact of life.
So if you look up at people use that as a ladder to climb.
The reason why the low quality people in your life don't want you to achieve high quality is you'll leave them behind and then they'll have nothing.
That means that they didn't use their envy to become aspirational and prove.
They just stayed in the low status people.
And then if you get out, you'll leave them behind.
And what will they have?
Regret forever.
So they want to keep you down with them.
That would be my guess.
All right.
Is it fair to say that any parents who ride motorcycles and have children should immediately be a deal-breaker on any type of relationship with a person following morality?
Any parents who ride motorcycles and have children, are you looking to get involved with a single parent?
But why?
But why?
I mean, maybe you're older and your past... Like, if you're a dude... No, this is a woman, right?
I assume, because most of it is the men.
Okay, so why would you want to get involved with a single father?
Can you not get someone who's single?
Can you not get someone to have your own children with?
Now you could say, maybe you're a woman past fertility age and all that.
Okay, maybe.
But mostly it's men past fertility age and not riding a whole bunch of motorcycles, right?
I mean, so, um, to me that, I mean, just for me, the deal breaker is just having children.
Like I never got involved with a woman who had children.
I don't know what's happened in society where that's just become a thing other than propaganda and whatever right but the idea that I would take my hard-earned resources and pour them into another man's children I don't I don't even know what like what is your level of pride and self-esteem that you'll take your life savings and pour it into another man's children or another woman's children I mean your resources are for your children
Now again, if you can't have kids and there's some medical issue or you know, I can understand that there could be some situations or circumstances, but the default position should be have your own kids.
I mean, I would say in particular for listeners of this show seems pretty important.
So why do I always fall into the same trap?
I repeatedly.
Make the mistake of thinking other people are like me.
Conversations that I go into thinking everyone has the same aim to get to some objective truth can spectacularly backfire and I can end up shocked at how other people will be about things that I have said.
Empathy is the understanding of difference, right?
You don't need particular empathy if someone is mostly like you or in some but like you both like band XYZ, probably Coldplay, but you both like band XYZ.
I like Nickelback, right?
I mean, I don't know if you know that the whole Nickelback is bad just came from a meme and nobody's thought about it.
It's just an example of social programming.
It's not a real thing.
It's just made up and reinforced and stereotypical and cliched and basic bitch and boring.
So.
You need empathy for the understanding of difference and people think that empathy just means tender-hearted positive feelings towards others.
No, no, no.
Empathy, that's sympathy.
Empathy is when you understand the difference between yourself and others, right?
So if you're a woman walking down a dark alley and some guy's creeping up behind you, it is empathetic to get that he's got pretty different aims from you.
Your aim is your safety, his aim is not your safety.
So
Empathy is when you understand that the salesman is trying to sell you something for his benefit, not yours.
You kind of get in there and so it's understanding difference.
And so you probably lack empathy in terms of understanding difference.
That there are people out there who are enormously different from you and I and other people in pursuit of truth, empathy, sympathy, virtue, integrity and all of that.
Most people are not in pursuit of truth.
Most people are in pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain, which is why programming works so well.
I mean, if there's anything that COVID taught us, it's that people are not in pursuit of objectivity, truth and reason, and least so among some scientists.
So yeah, most people, they're in pursuit of pleasure and they're in avoidance of pain.
They're not interested in truth that causes them pain, and they are interested in lies that bring them pleasure.
If truth brings pain, truth is bad.
If lies bring comfort and happiness, then lies are good.
The only good and bad is in what they feel in the moment.
Long-term, be damned.
Sacrifice, be damned.
You know, it's self-indulgent, right?
I was just reading up on a study for the Peaceful Parenting book and it sort of pointed out that most parents hit children way more than they say they do and they hit an impulse out of
Anger and impatience and over completely mind numbingly trivial things like absolutely unimportant things So that's the self-indulgent yelling and hitting your kid feels good in the moment doesn't matter what the long-term effects are You know voting for this party or that party feels good Hating Trump felt good in your social circle and you'd be criticized attacked and ostracized for not hating Trump and people aren't thinking things through all they're doing is saying
What's the emotional positive and the status positive?
What's the emotional negative or status negative among this particular group?
That's all they're doing.
And if you don't recognize that, if you think that people are like yourself when they're very different, in fact opposite, then yeah, you lack empathy because empathy is all about understanding difference.
All right.
Oh, I did these.
We did small talk.
I just missed those two earlier ones.
All right, so let's get to today's questions.
And thank you guys, everyone, so much for these fantastic questions.
All right.
I wrote, uh, I'm so glad all possible questions have been answered.
Just kidding, of course.
Hit me up.
Uh, it's, um, passive-aggressive Steph.
It's nice to meet you.
Make acquaintance once in a while, isn't he?
All right.
A woman wrote, my husband of nine years recently returned from a four-night business trip to Las Vegas.
Before he left, I gently reminded him to go easy on the alcohol and to be careful with one of his single female colleagues.
About a week before he left, I had a dream in which they were at the main event together and she was overly flirtatious and giggly and very touchy-feely with him.
I'll never trust women who act like children when they're being flirtatious.
Right?
I mean, I'm wrestling my way through a really horrendous movie called The Last Tango in Paris, which is basically about, I mean, in my view, it's just about pedophilia in the same way that Fifty Shades of Grey was about pedophilia.
Because the girl, Maria Schreider or something like that, the girl who was 19 when she made the movie has the face of a 12 year old and constantly talks about how she feels like a child in this apartment with this incredibly sinister sociopath guy played by Marlon Brando.
Or not played by Marlon Brando.
Mostly used his own life.
So, women, like, if you look at what do women do, like, who are kind of broken as children, how do they flirt?
They're very giggly and you always see this, that the woman, this is in Fifty Shades of Grey and countless other movies, where the woman is attracted to the guy, she turns and she trips over something.
Like, she's physically uncoordinated, like a child.
And women who
Return to childhood mannerisms when flirting.
Like unbelievably dangerous.
Unbelievably dangerous and don't don't do it right.
Okay.
So this woman says about a week before he left I had a dream in which they were at the main event together and she was overly flirtatious and giggly and very touchy-feely with him.
I trust my husband but I don't trust her and I conveyed this to him.
Upon his return as he was recounting his experiences he told me that my dream about this woman was spot-on and she did indeed behave that way.
I felt a bit unsettled.
Yes, we're good.
This makes me sick.
I told him that in my mind this is not something that honorable men do, particularly married men.
He initially tried to deflect and compared me to his mentally ill mother, but I do not think my concerns and disgust are unfounded.
I feel as though this is a breach of trust, and I feel sad, betrayed, and lost.
He even mentioned that moving forward he simply won't share these things with me, oh dear.
I hope he does not sincerely feel this way, as I cannot imagine a marriage surviving, let alone thriving, without trust and honest communication.
She says, I would add that my husband works remotely from home, but business trips do occur occasionally for specific company events.
He is the sole provider and I am the homemaker, traditional gender roles.
I'm just trying to look and see if there are kids involved.
Somebody says, I don't recall attending strip clubs and flirting with other women as being part of the traditional male gender role.
And she says, I completely agree.
This behavior is out of character for him.
I told him it makes me perceive him as weak, not strong.
Strong men maintain firm boundaries of appropriate behavior and are not swayed by the words and actions of others.
Just because you're in Vegas doesn't mean you have to behave like you're in Vegas.
Somebody says, it seems simple to me.
Strong men are virtuous men.
Would I want my wife flirting with other men and attending strip clubs?
No.
And she wouldn't want me to either.
That's one of the reasons I married her.
Lifelong monogamy.
I'm sorry he did that.
Must be tough.
Honestly, the blame game afterwards is worse, in my opinion.
A woman says, thank you.
You are a good man.
Yesterday I was very angry.
Today I can't stop crying.
Somebody writes back.
I think that is what Stefan was getting at yesterday about being married, not blind.
There's natural impulse to look at attractive members of the opposite sex.
Virtue is supposed to instruct us on what to do.
Glancing at an attractive woman that just happens to walk by could be one thing.
Spending precious time and dollars to go out of your way to look at it.
Come on.
I mean, there are zero virtuous people in a strip club.
I bet his excuse would be because Vegas.
But there's lots of fun things to do out there besides that.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry about this on so many levels.
There isn't any mention of our children here.
Let's see.
No.
So I'll tell you the things that I have issue with.
Doesn't mean that you should.
I'm just telling you my things, of course, right?
I trust my husband, but I don't trust her.
No, you don't trust your husband.
You don't trust your husband because
Be careful of this woman.
Are you saying that once he's aware of a woman flirting with her, but beware of this woman?
And of course if you do trust your husband and he behaved in this way, then you were incorrect to trust your husband, right?
Because he behaved in ways that are untrustworthy.
So the single woman was very flirty.
So the single woman is a homewrecker, right?
She's a homewrecker.
So she is probably attracted to your husband because she hates marriage and wants to destroy any semblance of a happy marriage, right?
And then he says he went to a striptease show.
Does that mean a strip club?
I'm not sure what a striptease show is versus a strip club.
This makes me sick.
Yeah, I sort of have an issue with, you know, I'm literally shaking, I feel sick, you know, I've cried all day and so on.
I don't know, nine years.
So are you saying that you don't understand your husband's character after being married to him for nine years?
It seems to me that you feel hurt and then the emotional response could be, I don't know obviously, but it could be manipulation.
Look how much you've hurt me and as a way to control or change your husband's behavior.
What do you mean?
You had no idea that your husband was any kind of conformist.
You had absolutely like nine years.
I don't know how long you were together beforehand.
Let's say a decade plus, right?
So 10 to 12 years and you have no idea.
of your husband's character or nature?
I don't understand that.
I don't understand that fundamentally.
You had no idea your husband could be flirty with women.
You had no idea that your husband could go to a striptease show.
You had no idea that your husband was any kind of conformist.
You had no, like, zero idea.
I don't follow that.
I don't understand that.
If you've been with someone for over a decade,
And you have no idea who they are.
I don't know how that's his fault.
I mean, yes, he did things that are bad.
I understand that.
But I don't understand how you claiming to be shocked and sickened and crying and upset and angry because your husband, like, you understand.
If you don't have any real clue about your husband's character,
It's because you are not connected to him.
You are not curious about him.
You don't understand him.
Which means that for 10 plus years you have failed to understand any essential facts about your husband's character.
Now I know this is going to sound odd and I'm not trying to blame the victim.
How do you think your husband feels that you don't understand him at all?
That you're shocked and sickened and appalled by his behavior.
That means that you don't understand him at all.
So what have you been doing over the past 10 plus years if not getting to know each other?
Right?
What have you been doing?
I don't understand what people do in relationships if they don't get to know each other.
If your husband of 10 plus years does something that's so deeply shocking that you feel sick and you cry all day and then you don't understand your husband and that means that he is also in a relationship where his wife doesn't really have the first clue about who he is.
I don't mean to sort of play dumb I'm just genuinely like
What are you doing in your marriage if you don't understand your husband?
So let's say that your husband, you know, maybe he's a little weak-willed when it comes to conformity with others, right?
Maybe he's worried about paying the bills and therefore he feels, well, if the price of staying employed and having a job where I can work from home is that I go to a striptease show, then I'll do it.
I don't particularly want to.
It's not my thing.
But, you know, if I didn't go, I might not get that promotion.
I might lose my job over time.
I might like whatever.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what his reasoning is.
But you just getting sick and angry and crying all day and literally shaking stuff.
I mean, how does that get you to understand or learn your husband?
Look, my God, I don't know how to get this across in a way that's going to be vivid enough.
I already did the coaster thing yesterday.
Look,
Listen, when you get married to someone, let me be straight up with you.
When you get married to someone, you need to understand this to your very soul, to your very core, to the spine of your spine.
When you get married to someone, you are saying to them, I will never ever judge you negatively in any foundational way ever, ever, ever again.
You may do things I disagree with, but I can't judge you negatively.
I can only be curious.
I mean, imagine, let's say my wife came home with some bizarre tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, I can't imagine, right?
But let's say she did.
Well, I can't judge her negatively.
I can disagree with her getting a tattoo.
I can say, I wish she hadn't, but I can't judge her negatively.
How irresponsible, how terrible, how blah, I don't like it, you didn't consult with me.
God, once you marry someone, you are one flesh.
And this idea that you can separate from someone, judge them harshly, judge them negatively, judge them as bad, it's like yelling at your stomach.
If you've got a bit of a big stomach, you know, yelling, you're so fat.
It's like, no, no, no, your stomach is you and you are your stomach.
When you're married, you're one flesh.
The idea that you can distance yourself and insult someone, put them down, think badly of them.
Oh, he did these bad things.
He flirted.
He went to a strip club.
He like, he's just a terrible guy.
He compared me to his mentally ill mother.
That's not a thing in marriage.
Why do people think that you can choose someone out of everyone and then castigate them foundationally ever, ever again afterwards?
I don't... It's like people who say, I hate my body.
You are your body.
And your body is you.
I hate this about myself.
I hate that about myself.
No, you don't.
If you can't change it, then you just hate reality.
And if you can change it, then you hate your choices, which is you.
I mean, what are we other than the sum of our choices?
So you have this kind of, it's a funny thing where people have this in relationships where they believe that they have somehow the right to choose someone and say in the vows to love, to honor, to obey for better and worse in sickness and in health until death do us part or whatever.
I mean, there's a reason those vows exist, whatever vows you particularly had.
But did you say, in your marriage vows, did you say, I absolutely completely and totally reserve the right to lash out and attack every foundational aspect of your character to call you immoral, untrustworthy, bad, wrong, evil, a betrayer.
Was that any part of your vows?
No!
For better or for worse.
Which means, yes, sometimes your husband will do things that you don't like.
Sometimes your wife will do things that you don't like.
But you have absolutely zero right to verbally abuse, condemn, and castigate the love of your life, the union of your flesh, and the mother and father of your children.
You have zero right.
You give up that right by making your vows, by getting married.
Whether you make these specific vows or not, that's what marriage is.
Together forever, for better or for worse.
You can disagree.
You can even get angry.
But you can never ever ever condemn your spouse's character or behavior in any foundational moral terms.
Why?
Because you chose that person.
You cannot condemn that person
Without condemning yourself any more than two people in a rowboat can think, well I'll just drill a hole in my side and only he will sink, or I'll just drill a hole in his side and only he will sink.
You're in it together.
He is a reflection of your choices.
You can't condemn him without condemning yourself, particularly after nine years of marriage.
You chose him.
You can't condemn him without condemning yourself.
Everyone thinks that they have some
Like some incredible weapon, like some laser precision weapon that can only hit the bad aspects of your partner and never hit the good aspects and just shoot away the bad aspects and all that's left is all of the wonderful stuff.
It's like that's not how it works.
You hit him, you hit yourself.
You put him down, you put yourself down.
You attack him, you know, he attacks you back.
Yeah, I disagree.
I disagree with what he did.
I don't think it's a particularly elevated or honorable thing to do.
So what?
So he did something dishonorable.
He did something negative.
You chose the guy.
You've stayed with him for a decade plus, right?
If you count the dating.
So you've chosen him.
So thinking that you can
Thinking that you can separate yourself from your partner and morally condemn that person without losing your own soul in the blowback is incomprehensible to me.
It's like bad parent-child.
I mean, you've taken a parental role.
And he said this, he said, you're acting like my mother.
Well, I'm not saying the mentally ill part, but you are.
When you finger wag at your partner and say, you're bad, I'm good.
You did the wrong thing.
I'm a good person.
You betrayed me.
I'm the victim.
You are taking a bad parent role with him.
It's not going to work.
It's not going to go to a good place.
You cannot be a wife and a mother to your husband.
You're going to have to choose one.
And
Coming down like someone on a ton of bricks without thinking that you get caught in the avalanche is fundamentally incomprehensible to me.
I mean, I get it.
Like, I know it happens all the time, but I don't understand why people give themselves permission to condemn someone they freely chose to unite their lives with.
I don't... I don't follow.
You don't have the right to condemn him without condemning yourself.
Because he is a manifestation of your continual choices for 10 plus years.
12 years, let's say you were together three years before you got married.
For a dozen years, he is a manifestation of your choices.
He's in your life because of your choices.
He stays in your life because of your choices.
You chose him over many others.
You stayed with him over many others.
You vowed to love him.
Does love him mean also fundamentally condemning his character?
Nope.
I mean, you may want to give him some reminders.
You may want to seek to understand what's going on for him.
But seeking to understand someone is the opposite of condemning.
You can condemn or you can understand.
You can't do both.
And in a marriage.
Taking out this whip and thinking that the stripes only end up on his back rather than your union?
You're attacking and destroying not him, but your entire union.
Why?
Why would you do that?
There's some reason why he did what he did.
You may not understand it, which is your fault, right?
Again, I'm not trying to blame the victim.
Yeah, he did things that I would completely disagree with, absolutely.
But the fact that you are shocked and physically sick and blah blah blah, right?
That's...
You're now saying that you're body allergic to your husband.
Yeah, good luck with that, man.
You know where that's going to go.
You know that contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce.
Now, maybe you want out, maybe you're done.
I don't know.
But be honest about that.
Don't just start sniping and picking at his character in some foundational way, thinking that you're better because he did bad things, but you chose him for 12 years.
I mean, I hope that this makes some kind of sense.
And if you want to do a call, then I'm very happy about that.
Who did more wrong, the guy who went to a strip club or the woman who is currently assassinating her husband's entire character?
I don't know man, I don't know.
When someone does something wrong, they give you, you have power over that person, right?
Someone does something wrong, you have power over that person.
How you use that power determines the future of your relationship, whether it has a future.
Someone does something wrong, you now have power because they, oh, I went to a strip club and now you, oh, you have power.
You can castigate that person.
You can condemn that person.
You can be sickened and angry and crying and betrayed and drama, drama, drama.
Or you can say,
There's something about my husband that I need to really understand.
Not judge.
Not judge.
The judgment happened twelve years ago when you got together and nine years ago when you got married.
That judgment's already come and gone.
There's no point judging now.
You're already judged.
So if there's something you fail to understand, then you should sit down and try and understand it.
And you can't understand something without judging.
I'm sorry, you can't understand something if you judge.
That doesn't make any sense.
Judgment means that you already fully understand.
But you don't understand because you were surprised.
So you need to figure out what's going on with your husband.
And certainly don't take the mom thing.
That's just a disaster.
Have you ever watched the Whatever podcast or video?
I don't fully understand why the girls continue to go on the show despite him completely exposing their shallowness.
What is going on with shows like Pearl and Whatever?
Is it female in-group preference?
Is it simple business?
Or is it a death impulse or something else entirely that draws these women to these interviews slash roundtables?
Yeah, I mean, I've watched a couple of clips.
They show up on X from time to time.
And yeah, I mean, it's attractive women with bad arguments being schooled by a midwit.
I'm a smart guy, I guess, to some degree, but there is a lot of hostility that men have towards attractive women.
Because they think attractive women have it so easy and they have it so great and they don't have to work for a living and they can just get simps to send them money and yeah I guess I mean all of that's true for sure all of that's true for sure that a lot of times.
But men get angry because what is this they say that being a woman is like life on easy mode like like playing a video game on easy mode.
Guys, man, do you know how miserable women are?
Do you know how miserable so many women are in the second half of their life?
Let me go look at antidepressants.
Women 50 plus are gobbling them by the wheelbarrow load.
Do you know how miserable women are?
So many women, not all of course, but how miserable so many women are at the second half of their life.
I mean it's really sad.
I mean there's purely things on on X she she posts obvious things like you were more attractive at 20 than 35 and you get all of these women sending in these pictures at themselves at 35, 45, 65 saying well I'm still hot and you know half topless and bikini shots and stuff like that and it's like man a miserable existence and
I mean there's a lot behind it and I've talked about it a lot before.
But it's like looking at a lottery winner thinking he's got it made without tracking how he does later on in life.
Everyone who you perceive has it easy is going to have it hard.
Everyone you perceive as getting free stuff is going to pay for it in ways you can't even imagine how bad they are.
And this is a perspective like I'm pushing 60.
Incomprehensible, but there it is.
I'm pushing 60.
I'm 57.
Right?
Well, I guess I'm still technically closer to 55 than 60, but in my mind, I feel like I want to think I'm pushing 60 because that reminds me of mortality and getting things done that hopefully are of a value and quality.
So at my age, I'm seeing women in the second half of their life, like the last third of their life, right?
It's carnage, man.
It's carnage out here.
All that quote free stuff that the women are getting.
The price they have to pay later on is almost unbelievable.
Now the women who have
become great wives and great mothers and great members of their communities.
They're charitable.
They're generous.
They elevate.
They love their kids.
They teach good values.
They protect their children from the corrosive culture, the corrosive contemporary culture.
They're happy.
They're content.
They're looking forward to growing old with their husbands and having grandkids and great, wonderful stuff.
And of course I don't have the miserable people in my life, but you know, before they left, I saw what was going on.
And every now and then, almost out of a kind of morbid curiosity, I'll check up on them.
And the incredible thing about social media, you can see people's life arc.
Formerly you couldn't.
They just moved to another city.
They'd vanish from your mind.
Maybe you'd hear about them third-hand, you know from time to time, but now you can go check up on How's it all going for you?
How all the pretty girls doing who never settled down who?
Monetize their attractiveness into trips around the world.
I went to Bali with a great middle-aged guy who just did it, right?
How's that
How's that playing out for them?
I mean, it's the Marlon Brando thing.
Marlon Brando was one of the most talented and physically beautiful people, particularly before he busted up his nose boxing with another actor backstage while doing Streetcar Named Desire on stage.
Physically beautiful and incredibly talented and very intelligent, very intelligent guy.
And look at the second half of his life.
One kid committed suicide.
Another kid went to jail for manslaughter.
A business partner committed suicide.
He battled epic depression and misery and and he ended up doing movies to pay for his
It's our Tahitian lifestyle.
But yeah, I mean, so you look at Marlon Brando and I remember there was a picture of Marlon Brando.
I think there was some girl he met, they were filming Mutiny on the Bounty and there was some Tahitian girl that he met and there's a picture of them, you know, him looking great, her looking great in the surf, him smiling up like, I own the world, I'm a multi-millionaire, I'm talented, I'm handsome, I get all of the prettiest girls and
I mean it's just monstrous what happens.
I mean Robert De Niro has now got divorced and is only doing movies because like in his 70s or whatever for money and I mean it's just awful what happens to all of the people who seem so successful in the first half and this Christianity is like you know the first shall become last the last shall become first.
I mean this is a story I read
When I was maybe 12, I think I was, my mother went to Germany, my brother went to England where he stayed for a couple of years, and I ended up kind of washed up like some piece of seaweed on a friend of mine's grandparents.
I didn't know them.
I didn't have any money.
I was just stuck there all summer in this little condo with one sick woman and an emotionally incredibly distant
Old man.
And yeah, this was not a great time in my life.
Not a time where I thought much about elevation and potential and possibility.
And I read a story as I was... I had no money.
What did I do?
I walked half an hour to get to the library every day and I just sat and read.
Or I would photocopy pictures and find cool ways to color them in.
And I started writing that summer.
The story that I read was of a guy who was bullied and couldn't swim at the nice beach, couldn't practice his swimming at the nice beach, so he ended up going to the storm-tossed, cold, strong, riptide currents, hell beach that's rocky on the other side of the island because he was bullied and chased away from the good beach.
So all of the kids were sunning themselves and practicing their swimming on their nice, pleasant, sandy, sunny, lovely beach.
And he was getting storm tossed and dodging rocks, swimming in the cold water on the other side of the island.
So the kids who bullied him are having a great time.
He's having a terrible time.
And of course, who wins the swimming competition?
He does.
Because adversity
Bring strength.
And we look at all of the people who've had adversity taken away from them.
And we envy them.
And I understand that.
I do.
I really understand that.
I've been prayed to it.
I'm occasionally still prayed to it.
But that's the short view.
The long view is everyone who takes things for free, everyone who takes things they did not earn, pays with their very soul.
Everyone who steals is stolen from, and they steal material things and their soul is taken.
It's the devil's bargain.
Everyone you envy, all the pretty beautiful people who seem to have life handed to them on a silver platter,
I mean, like the kids I knew when I was in high school who were so wealthy, their family was so wealthy that they drove to schools in Corvettes.
The Corvettes.
I could barely afford the bus.
Yeah, there was some envy.
There was some envy.
There was some envy.
Where are they now?
That is not good.
The second half of life is when the bill comes due.
And everyone you think is getting away with everything in the first half of life.
When the bill comes due, you almost can't be far enough away from the thermonuclear blast that takes their souls.
It's horrible.
So yeah, the whatever stuff is, yeah, bringing in dumb pretty girls to indulge in people's anger towards the pretty girls who reject them.
And you get to see the pretty girls humiliated, and you get to look at the girls who are monetizing their beauty, their physical attractiveness, and you get to feel resentful zeta male rage at these goddesses of wealth and thirst that are
Stepping from cloud to cloud while you tunnel through the goblin mines looking for half a dollar in the rubble.
Hating those who are enjoying the unearned is hating virtue.
And of course we all know these girls grew up without fathers in a toxic culture and were easily seduced to the dark side by all of the black forces running the planet.
I mean, are they victims?
No, they're adults.
I get all of that.
But we all know the entirely predictable backstory.
And remember, one out of three girls is sexually abused as a child.
You don't think that has an effect on where these people end up?
Would you envy people who end up monetizing their bodies and commoditizing themselves because they were used as commodities as children?
That they hyper-sexualized themselves because they were sexualized and assaulted or
raped or molested his children.
The hellscape that goes on behind all of these supposedly high status people is really appalling.
The pendulum of life swings very hard on those who take what they did not earn.
Who steal.
And of course monetizing female beauty is a form of theft because women didn't create their own
Bodies that didn't create sexual market value.
That's evolutionary.
They didn't create male lust.
They didn't create the impulse for men to give attractive women resources.
They're just using all of that.
They didn't earn any of that stuff.
It's just they're just born into it.
The price that is paid is far greater than the rewards that are given.
That's why it's a bad move.
That's why it's a bad deal.
That's why it's a bad idea.
The price that is paid is far worse.
It's far greater than the goods that are received.
I mean the isolation, the loneliness, the shame, the falling off the cliff, the hitting the wall, the degradation, the loss, the regret, the childlessness, the lovelessness.
So when I look at this kind of stuff and you see these, you know, girls giggling and with their makeup and half topless and all of that and making their
Silly facetious arguments.
I mean you see objects perhaps to be to feel contempt for or to resent or to hate or to roll your eyes at and so on and it's like I see people with the shadow of a descending projectile above them.
I see people laughing as a bomb falls in the distance.
The bomb of time.
The bomb of decay.
The bomb of, man you better find somebody to love before you physically fall apart.
Because otherwise everybody's going to know that they're sloppy second leftovers.
Second being optimistic.
And I do.
I understand the envy.
I do.
I understand the envy.
We've all felt it, I think.
I mean, I've certainly felt it.
Less now, of course.
Love the struggle.
Love the struggle.
The envy of those who have it easy is the belief that there is no justice in the minds, hearts, and souls of mankind.
There is justice.
Whether you believe in God or not, there is justice.
It comes.
It is relentless.
It is inexorable.
The conscience is real.
And all of the people who escape their conscience are devoured by their conscience.
Right?
You know all of these horror movies where the guy runs away from the ghost, turns around and the ghost is right there in the room with him?
You can't run from yourself.
You can't run from the deep knowledge of everything you've done or haven't done.
You can't run from reality.
Except into madness, which is a fate worse than death in many ways, in my view.
Yeah, my mother was beautiful and she flew all around the world and she had guys and all of that and yeah.
She didn't have to be good because she was pretty and
The price that you pay is horrendous and this is again the story of the devil.
The devil gives you material things, the joy of the material things fades and you end up regretting the deal because the good is all gone and only the pain is to come.
And it is eternal.
It is, it feels, I mean you sell your soul to the devil so to speak eternally because there is no going back and undoing things.
And the half century for women from 40 to 90 feels like eternity because you can't go back to 20.
You can't go back to 30.
It's an eternity because there's no fixing it and therefore it feels eternal.
So I do view those shows as
You know, is it worth humiliating women who are not particularly smart but are pretty?
Is it worth that?
Should there not be some compassion and reaching out and saying, you know, this really is going to lead into a bad path?
And it already is.
But you don't see it yet because you've decided to gain value over being wanted rather than being good.
Nobody gets away with anything.
That's just a big lesson of the second half of your life, man.
Nobody gets away with anything.
And if you believe that they do, you're on a dark path because that resentment will cause you to lose your empathy.
So I hope that helps.
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