Oct. 20, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
29:09
5289 How to Love That People Don't Care!
Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!Get access to StefBOT-AI, private livestreams, premium call in shows, my new book and the History of Philosophers series!See you soon!https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022Can you please give a shutout to my new dating website for freedomain listeners only: www.fdrdating.comHow do I advertise it in the most effective and least intrusive way? I thought I'd bring it up about once or twice a week in the news-feed, public chat, and FB group, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Thank you a million.Dear Stef. I find it hard to coin succinct, simple arguments against collectivism and socialism, without getting tangled in the reeds. Challenge: fire off a few rapid, succinct arguments against socialism/collectivism. I will donate of course, but never tip live because I never catch shows live. Lots of love from a listener who always gets the song quiz, if you're doing Sting.Why have the powers that be let people like Ayn Rand become popular?I found myself in a situation where a parent was threatening to punish his kid when they get home while I was in public. I appreciate that I can feel the anger. It appears to me that the kid will be beaten regardless of what I do in the moment. What is your perspective on this? How do I use this anger to fuel my actions to actually protect children?Opinion about Jean-François Gariépy and his missing wife?is colicky crying real
We get some more questions from freedomain.locals.com.
One of the greatest communities, certainly for philosophy, in the history of both the known and the unknown universe.
Quite a coup to get those awards that I make up myself, so we can all be happy about that.
So, what have we got here?
Can you please give a shout out to my new dating website for free domain listeners only?
FDRdating.com.
FDRdating.com.
I can give a shout out to it.
It's not affiliated with me.
Make no guarantees.
Use at your own risk.
It's absolutely up to you, but I wanted to make you aware of the resource in case you wanted to check it out.
FDRdating.com.
How do I advertise it in the most effective and least intrusive way?
I thought I'd bring it up about once or twice a week in the News Feed, Public Chat, and FDR Facebook group, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Thank you a million.
Patience in the realm of marketing is key.
Many studies have shown that it takes an average of 17 impressions for people to even begin thinking about acting on what you do.
And a lot of people fail in the marketing world because they put things out there that they get frustrated that people aren't responding to it.
As quickly and as well as they want them to so they end up getting frustrated and I knew like for instance when I start asking for donations I knew it was going to take you know three to six months for people to start donating.
It just takes time.
People are busy.
I mean you understand how many times you scroll past an ad even in something that you're kind of interested in.
Before you actually act on it, you probably see the ad, you know, a dozen, twenty times or whatever, and finally you're like, yeah, okay, I'll check this out.
So, it's nothing personal, it's the same thing that you do, but yeah, you just have to be persistent and patient and don't escalate.
You know, basic empathy is recognizing that everyone else is busy and everyone else has things that they're trying to sell.
The girls that they're trying to get, jobs that they're trying to get, raises they're trying to get, projects they're trying to get completed.
Friendships they're trying to establish or fix, or relationships they're trying to repair.
Like, everyone's busy, everyone has their own thing, and you're just a face in a crowd, you're a noise in a windstorm.
As am I!
I mean, when I go out into the world, you know, you all are busy, and you have a lot of things going on, I'm sure, and it's tough to, well, make it
Make time to sort of pay attention to what it is now that I'm doing in terms of what I need like if I'm providing value that's great and I hope that I always do but in terms of what I need like freedomain.com slash donate if there are things that I need then yes it certainly can be kind of tough to get your attention to keep your attention because you know everybody's busy and you're just a face in the crowd as am I in your life like so just be patient and be persistent and be repetitive and just recognize it's going to take people a long time to
Start to get interested in what you have to do.
Plus the other thing too, you know, there's... When I was younger, I couldn't... I couldn't really understand why on earth would people pay celebrities to endorse something?
Like, why would you pay... What is it?
Ryan Reynolds?
And George Clooney?
They're all involved in alcoholic stuff, which is really kind of gross, by the way.
Just really kind of gross.
You have all that money and all that fame.
What is it?
George Clooney's worth like half a billion dollars or whatever?
You've got all this money, and you've got all this fame, and you use it for what?
Pushing brain rotting alcohol juice.
It's just, it's pathetic.
But anyway, so why do they do that?
Why do they pay?
I mean, often in Japan, even like Western movie stars are hired to advertise certain things.
Ichiba!
Whatever it is, like there was that thing with the blue lipstick on the Friends episode.
But they do that so that other people know that they intend to be around for a long time.
Like if you pay some guy a million dollars,
Then it says, we have investors, we're very serious about it, we're willing to put out that money up front, so we're going to be around in a year or two.
Because here's the thing, right, so people want to know that you're going to be persistent in doing what you're doing.
And people don't want to come to, not necessarily this website, the FDRDating.com, but wherever they're going to go, let's say that they come to your website and they take time to set up a profile and they put their heart out there on the line and
You know, they're hoping that they meet somebody they care about and so on, and then they don't get any responses, and then they're kind of sad, and it's because you're not really promoting it, and then you get this vicious cycle, right?
Because you're not really promoting it, people don't really come, because people don't really come, people stop coming, and then the whole thing kind of just dies on the vine.
And I swear to Zeus,
That like 99% of human projects go this way.
Initial enthusiasm followed by a pretty catastrophic falling off of interest.
And given that 99% of human projects end up this way, people want to know that you're insane enough to stick it through.
That you're crazy enough.
To stick it through, right?
I mean, nobody really wanted to donate to me that much at the beginning because, you know, was it going to last?
Was it going to be important?
Was it going to be interesting?
Was it going to be valuable?
Now, at least, you know, 18 years later, everybody knows that, you know, this is not a flash in the pan.
And people also know that I'm not in it primarily for the money or certainly for the fame and certainly not for the good reputation and all of that, so...
People want to know that you're going to be sticking around.
And so you just have to be patient and persistent, and have a calling higher than the fun of doing it in the moment, right?
So yeah, be patient, be persistent, and recognize that there's a lot of skepticism out there for everything you do, just as you have a lot of skepticism for everything that other people do.
And rightly so, because most things that people do, they start off enthusiastic, and it all just kind of falls away and fades away, right?
I mean, think of the people who, you know, if you... I used to go to a gym regularly.
Now I've got some weights in the house, but I used to go to a gym, and, you know, it was always a drag in January, right?
In January, everybody would show up, and then you know that, you know, three weeks later, they're gone, right?
So, think of people who diet, they're very enthusiastic, they lose some weight, then it just kind of falls apart.
People who are like, I'm going to learn piano.
I'm going to buy the MetaQuest 3 to do it.
I'm going to learn piano or whatever it is, right?
I'm going to start a blog, I'm going to do this, start a sub stack, whatever you're going to do, right?
And how many times does it work out?
How many times do people see it through?
How many times does it become something really great or something that they're very passionate?
How often does their passion sustain?
You see this in relationships all the time.
Oh, she's the greatest woman ever, right?
And then what happens?
Oh, I don't like her.
Then she turned out to not be, right?
So a lot of enthusiasm fizzles into nothing or negativity.
So just recognize whenever you have a project, whenever you're trying to involve someone in enthusiasm about what you're doing, just recognize that they are enormously right to be incredibly skeptical about the sustainability and continued enthusiasm of and for what you're doing.
And that's healthy, you understand?
It's really healthy for people to be skeptical.
And what they're doing is they're saying, look...
Are you going to stick with this even when it's tough?
And so they don't show you much enthusiasm to see if you can stick with it even when it's tough at the beginning or especially when it's tough at the beginning.
Because let's say that there's some investor and he gets really enthusiastic about what you're doing and he gives you twenty thousand bucks or whatever and you're really happy and excited but then you run into all of these snags and it's not a big calling and you lose your enthusiasm.
It becomes difficult.
People don't return calls.
There's technical problems.
Whatever it is you're doing, right?
Well, then the guy's gonna lose his 20 grand.
I mean, you kind of have to invest in people who are a little crazy.
A little crazy.
Because sanity, if sanity is the norm in, not just sort of the modern sense, but in the human condition, you know, how many people say they want to write a book?
Lots of people.
How many people write a book?
Much fewer.
How many people do anything with that book?
How many people get behind and push that book?
How many people just keep being insistent that somebody publish that book?
How many people, if they self-publish, are out there just trying to get that book out there?
And, like, how many people are gonna do anything with their vague inclination to write a book and actually end up doing something meaningful with that?
Well, it's probably one in 10,000.
So you don't want to invest in other people's enthusiasms for a perfectly rational concern that those enthusiasms won't last.
Because they probably won't!
There's a great Seinfeld that sort of really struck me many, many years ago.
I've mentioned this on the show before.
But Kramer, the sort of high-strung, hippy-dippy neighbor, says that he's going to redo his apartment.
He's going to put in levels.
And Jerry's like, you're never going to do this.
He's like, give me a month, Jerry.
I'll give you a year.
You're never going to do it.
Well, that's true.
How many people say, you know, I'm funny.
I should really try stand up sometime.
And how many people actually do it?
And of those people who actually do it, how many people do it with great seriousness?
How many people survive the bombing like Dave Chappelle bombing at the Harlem?
He's like, well after that nothing's really that scary anymore.
Like how many people actually follow through and really work night and day to make a career out of it and push and all of that?
Well, very few.
So just be aware that there's a giant desert you're going to have to cross called other people's indifference which is entirely healthy.
People, they dislike that kind of rejection.
No, no, no.
I welcome it.
I treasure it.
I love that rejection.
I love the absolute, complete, and total indifference that people have to my projects.
It's beautiful.
I mean, I know this sounds... It's not masochistic, I promise you.
I promise you, my friends, I love it.
I love the fact that, you know, my friends were like, oh yeah, I guess you've got that little podcast or whatever.
And you could tell, you know, it's not going to go anywhere.
It's not going to do anything.
Honestly, I love that kind of indifference.
I love people's absolute, complete and total indifference to what I'm doing because I know I'm going to push through and that independence is universal.
So what that means is 99 of my competitors are going to fall away because they're going to take that lack of interest personally and they're going to lose interest because other people show no interest.
Oh my god.
You can't get anything done in life if you expect other people to show interest in what you're doing.
Oh my god.
And this, again, I'm not bitter about this at all.
I'm not bitter.
No, I'm really not.
Because it's just basic empathy.
It's just basic empathy.
You know, my uncle, the guy we lived with when we first came to Canada back in 77, my uncle was a really a good painter.
Like a good painter.
And he copied the masters and all of that.
Didn't do anything with it.
He worked at a television station and he actually promised to get me into the television station and all of that.
One of these, you know, big promise guys who never delivers.
But yeah, he was a good painter.
He was a good painter.
And did he ever really do anything with it?
Well, you know, he, I guess, burned up some paint and I guess he enjoyed it, but...
He didn't ever paint originally.
He didn't ever push to get an art gallery a showing or anything like that.
So yeah, you know, it's like some guy who's like a garage band covered guy.
Is he actually going to sit there and write Bohemian Rhapsody or anything particularly original creative?
No, not really.
So I love the fact that people are indifferent to what I do because they're indifferent to what everyone does, which will eliminate 99 out of 100 is probably quite a generous.
It probably will eliminate 999 out of 1000 competitors.
It's beautiful.
The fact that most people have no motive power of their own and they sail only on the winds of other people's enthusiasm means that if you have the willpower to just keep doing stuff that people are indifferent to, you're going to win.
You're just going to win.
It's beautiful.
Alright.
Dear Steph, I find it hard to coin succinct, simple arguments against collectivism and socialism without getting tangled in the reeds.
Challenge!
Fire off a few rapid, succinct arguments against socialism, collectivism.
I will donate, of course, but never tip live because I never catch those live.
Lots of love from a listener who always gets the song quiz if you're doing STING!
So, I appreciate that.
Simple arguments against collectivism and socialism.
Collectivism, what you can do is you can just wave a hand before, like between you and the other guy.
You say, okay, can you wave a hand between you and your arm?
No.
Can you wave a hand between you and your legs?
Nope.
So you're one organism, right?
Can you wave a hand between you and me?
Yes.
See?
We're two separate organisms.
Now, can you create a definition of any group that opposes the very things you're describing as members of that group?
Can you create a discipline called geology and also include
Animals.
Nope, because geology is about rocks and things, right?
Can you create a discipline called biology and include rocks?
Nope.
Can you create a definition called cold-blooded and include clouds?
No.
I mean, this is simple and obvious stuff, right?
So you and the other person are separate entities, and you can have, you know, we can be classified as human beings, but no definition of a human being
can contradict any property of any individual human being.
You can't say that human beings are bipeds and have a hundred legs.
That's a contradiction.
You can't say human beings are mammals and they're lighter than air.
It just doesn't work, right?
I mean you can't have a concept called forest that also includes
Gold, or dinosaurs, or something like that.
Dinosaurs can live in a forest, but dinosaurs are not defined by a forest, because you can find forests without dinosaurs, and you can also find dinosaurs not in a forest, right?
So it's just basic conceptual 101 stuff, right?
Just basic conceptual stuff 101.
We're separate entities, we recognize that, and therefore the only thing that can unite us is definitions, but none of those definitions can contradict our properties.
The only way that you can talk about human beings in aggregate is to have a conceptual tag or definition of a human being, and it can't possibly include things that contradict the properties of human beings.
Another example, if you want to make it really obvious to people.
Do you get a paycheck?
Yes.
Okay, does all your paycheck include dollars?
I'm assuming that they're just working for money.
Does all your paycheck include dollars?
Now, if you only got half your paycheck and also a bunch of bananas, would you be okay with that?
Well, no.
Why?
Because I'm being underpaid.
Well, why are you being underpaid?
Because I'm not being paid in dollars according to the amount that I'm supposed to get paid $1,000.
I got $500 and a bunch of bananas.
It's like, well, no, but what if the guy just defines the bananas as $500?
Well, he can't do that because the bananas aren't $500.
Okay, great.
So you've got a concept called money that doesn't include a bunch of bananas.
And you understand, like, you've got a category of things called breathable air, you've got a category of things called potable water, you've got categories of things called edible food.
And we're only alive because we accept these categories.
Right?
And if somebody sold you a bunch of water and didn't tell you that one of them was poisonous or rotten,
Or had some sort of clear destructive liquid in it, you'd be upset because you bought a bunch of potable water.
And if somebody included something that wasn't potable and said, no, it still counts as potable, you'd say, no, it doesn't.
It's got poison in it.
It made me sick.
It doesn't count as potable.
If you buy fresh eggs, you come home and the eggs are rotten, you're upset because you bought a category called fresh eggs.
No, no, no!
The category fresh eggs totally includes rotten eggs.
No, it doesn't!
Like, you understand, we can't live, we can't survive, we can't breathe, we can't eat, we can't drink, or any of that.
We can't do anything if we don't accept that there are no exceptions to universal definitions.
Potable water means water you can drink.
It doesn't include water that will kill you.
It doesn't include a bunch of bananas, right?
I mean, if you go to a hotel and you say, I want a hotel room.
They say, it's 200 bucks.
Get a hotel room.
Yep, sign here.
Here's your hotel room.
And then they take you out back and open up the top of the dumpster.
You'd say, well, no, that's... No, no, this is a hotel room.
Hotel rooms, yes, they do mean all the comfortable rooms we have inside, but it also includes this dumpster.
And you're like, no, no, no, it doesn't.
This is not a hotel room.
So you understand, if somebody tries to sell you a definition that's outside
The general standard, you will absolutely reject it, and you in fact couldn't survive if you weren't able to do that.
So you can't have collective definitions that go against each individual property.
You can't say, here's a bunch of numbers and a croissant, and they're all in the same category.
No.
Croissant is a pastry, numbers are conceptual tags for discrete individual objects.
So, we're not the same.
Collectivism says that the aggregation has properties that oppose each individual instance.
I know, I'm sorry for the technical language, I wish there was a better way to put it, maybe I'll figure out one one day, but this is sort of where I'm at.
So, collectivism says, well there's a social good that some individuals have to be sacrificed for.
Like, you have to do X, Y, and Z to promote the social good, and so you've got
A concept of the good, that is a collective concept, that goes against the good of the individuals.
Which is exactly the same as saying, all mammals are warm-blooded, but we're going to include a rock, a concept, a tree, and a bunch of bananas.
No, you can't do that, right?
So you can't have a conceptual aggregation that opposes the properties of each individual instance, and that's the argument against collectivism, so I hope that helps.
Why have the powers that be let people like Ayn Rand become popular?
Well of course she was around when the anti-communist arguments were much stronger because the communists hadn't taken over the educational and media and marketing and educational systems.
So there was a lot of that.
This is back when you could actually have somebody like McCarthy, right?
Joseph McCarthy.
So for more on that I've got a whole presentation on McCarthyism so
One of the reasons that Ayn Rand became popular, and this was somewhat allowed, is that Ayn Rand promoted individualism and atheism.
Individualism and atheism strips you from the larger groups that you need in a state of society to get your way.
It strips you from the larger groups, becomes an individual, becomes kind of hedonistic.
And so the people who are collectivists in a free market society... Sorry, in a free market society, collectivists don't do particularly well.
They tend to be followers rather than leaders, employees rather than bosses.
But in a state of society, collectivists do very well because they can organize and gather their groups and vote and get their way.
So it's a way of atomizing the individual and turning them against universal morality by being hostile to Christianity in particular without providing a viable alternative.
All right.
Next question.
I found myself in a situation where a parent was threatening to punish his kid when they get home while I was in public.
I appreciate that I can feel the anger.
It appears to me that the kid will be beaten regardless of what I do in the moment.
What is your perspective on this?
How do I use this anger to fuel my actions to actually protect children?
Oh boy, you know, that's a tough and ghastly and difficult and horrible question, and I've done it a bunch of times.
Of course, I don't know the long-term outcomes of what it is that I've done, but it's seriously not a lot of fun, and the odds of doing it very well are not great.
The odds of making it better, certainly in the short run, the odds of making it better are not great.
So the kid might get more aggression in the moment but he will grow up with a certain vivid, powerful, deep and amazing memory of somebody who stood up to his abuser or steadfastly said there's something wrong about what you're doing.
So I don't know what the answer is.
Is it worth, if you're going to get beaten anyway, is it worth getting beaten and then remembering that someone stood against your abusive parents?
I mean, all other things being equal, and who knows whether they are or they aren't, but all other things being equal, which we can never tell.
This is just a purely theoretical exercise.
There's no commandment to do anything, or even a suggestion to do anything.
But all other things being equal, it's probably better for a child who's going to get beaten anyway, the beating is the same either way, to have seen someone stand up against an abusive parent, or at least point out that it's wrong, or at least say something.
At least say something.
But again, I don't know.
This is no prescription or recipe for action, because I don't know.
There's so many variables.
The way... This is a very powerful line.
A very powerful line in Hamlet.
Well, there's many powerful lines in Hamlet, of course, even though the play is completely schizoid.
But the powerful line is, you know, did you see how my murdered father's ghost... What did he seem like?
It was a countenance more of sorrow than of anger.
Ben Kingsley playing I mean what is mostly propaganda the movie Gandhi when he hears of some guy killing a kid for religious differences that's just sorrow.
Just sorrow.
A countenance more of sorrow than of anger.
I do believe as a whole that in the case of most parents
In the case of most parents, even mean parents, abusive parents, whatever, in the face of most parents, I genuinely believe most of them are sad and sorry for what they're doing.
Most of them are sad and sorry for what they're doing.
I don't believe that they're sadists.
I mean, there's obviously some.
I don't believe that they're just wantonly cruel or sociopathic.
I think a lot of them are like, they have sadness and regret.
I know this.
I mean, even my own mother, who was very violent and crazy, she had moments of deep, bitter regret.
And I've seen that with other people who've hurt children, just moments of deep, bitter regret.
It's that deep, bitter regret that I think has the greatest chance for change.
on the part of the parents.
So the way that I approach these situations, and again, I'm not recommending anything.
I'm just telling you my own personal experience.
You have to judge these things for yourself, of course.
I'm sorry to say that.
I just want to be really clear about that.
You're all smart people.
But my particular approach has been something like this.
Oh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't want to be doing it this way, do you?
I mean, this is not... you didn't become a parent to do it this way, right?
I mean, I get you.
You're really frustrated.
You're really upset.
I understand that.
I sympathize.
I'm a parent myself, but this is not how you want to be doing it, right?
This is not what you made all the sacrifices, which are huge, to become a parent.
You didn't do that to end up like this, right?
Please, you know, try and find a better way.
There's lots of great books out there, courses.
I get your frustration and I understand it.
But there are tools and resources that can really help ease up on this kind of tension and frustration for you and for your kid, right?
I sympathize.
There's a better way.
And there's ways to find it.
Something like that, because you're kind of connecting with the part of him that doesn't want to be doing.
Like if he's just a sadist, and just enjoys torturing kids or whatever, then there's nothing you can say.
Because you can't change that wiring, certainly not from the outside, and certainly not with a couple of syllables.
But if there is a part of the parent, and I think there's big parts of parents who are just like, what am I doing?
What am I doing?
You know, your kid's just sobbing upstairs and you're like, what am I doing?
This is crazy!
But they don't know how to break out.
They don't know how to get out.
They don't know how to change.
So if you can connect to that part, I think you have the biggest chance.
So, all right.
I mentioned this on a show the other day, I mean, she apparently has gone missing since June or something like that, and I think his story, I'm paraphrasing so you can look it up yourself, I think his story, this is the guy's wife, and I think his story is that
He dropped her off and she was gonna go into the wilderness with no phone and no way of contacting and so on and of course, you know, there's all these...
Theories swirling around and so on, and of course I have no idea what the story is.
I don't think that he's a violent guy that way, so what do I know, right?
But it's just, I mean, it's a very odd situation and it seems strange to me.
Did he sort of say that he rescued her from the streets or something like that and she's had mental health issues or maybe drug issues or something?
I'm really paraphrasing, so I apologize if I get anything wrong, but
It just seems like an odd basis for a relationship.
So, I don't really know.
It seems odd to normalize that kind of stuff, but that's where things are.
Is colicky crying real?
Yes, I will now demonstrate.
So, yeah, I mean, colicky crying is real.
Your kid's health, your baby's health at the very beginning, it seems to me, I don't know if there are any studies on this, but it seems to me that your baby's health at the beginning has a pretty significant effect over his or her development over the course of their life.
It's probably coincidence, of course, right?
But the couple of kids I've known who for some medical reason had to be taken from the mothers and put into isolation tanks or these sort of, I can't remember what they're called, but you know the
Sort of zero bacteria kind of arenas.
That's tough.
It's really tough.
And I, you know, it's been tough to see how those kids have developed.
I don't know how long it takes before negative effects can occur, but it seems to be pretty, pretty rough.
So yeah, your kid's health early on, you know, if your introduction to the world is being in constant pain, you know, like if there's some kid who has, you know, significant digestive issues or allergies that are really uncomfortable, they have terrible gas or whatever it is.
I mean, they're in kind of constant pain.
They can't sleep and that's really tough and that obviously has an impact on the initial impressions of the world and the personality and how it goes and all of that sort of stuff.
So, yes, it is tough.
So, yeah, colic, it's a very real thing.
I mean, fortunately, we didn't have, with my daughter, we didn't have much of a crier at all.
She barely cried, mostly just in frustration or if she, you know, would stub her toe or something.
She wasn't much of a crier.
Her health has been great and robust and all of that.
But, I mean, my wife and I are both very healthy people as a whole.
So, yeah, colicky crying, I think that's a real thing.
And, you know, my suggestion, of course, and you don't need me to say any of this, and none of this is medical advice, but my suggestion, of course, is that
If your child appears to be in significant discomfort early on in life.
Isolation chambers?
If your baby appears to be in significant discomfort early on, obviously move every mountain, bend every rock to try and find the course, because the sooner you can get them into a comfortable state of mind with regards to their body and their comfort and their general sense of well-being, the better for, I think, their life and development as a whole.
Yeah, it's a very real thing, and I think a lot of discomfort for babies early on has kind of a... can have a real challenging effect on the development of their personality.
So, in my humble opinion, just try and deal with this stuff as soon as possible.
All right!
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