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Aug. 6, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
49:48
5236 The Meg 2! Movie Review with Stef and Izzy!

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux and his 14 year old daughter Isabella take you on a surprisingly deep journey into the new shark movie THE MEG 2!Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!Get access to StefBOT-AI, private livestreams, premium call in shows, my new book and the History of Philosophers series!See you soon!https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022

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Time Text
Alright.
Alright.
Come on, we can't start with alright.
We have to do an intro.
Fine, you want the intro, do the intro.
No, you do the intro.
Oh, so it's something you want that I have to deliver.
Yeah, that's exactly how it goes.
Welcome to The Meg.
To.
The Meg.
To.
I could just keep doing that and I'll wait for a while.
Yeah, okay, well, we're doing a review of The Meg.
Now, is this a movie you wanted to go and see?
At the beginning, I thought it would be complete cheese, and not even good cheese, because we've just seen a lot of, like, cheesy movies recently.
Yeah.
So I was like, I do not want to see another one, I need something intelligent, because I'm losing brain cells every time I go and watch these.
Yep.
And then there was some convincing, so we ended up going to watch it.
And we were a smidge alarmed.
Well, I actually liked the beginning.
I liked the whole movie.
I'd say this was a lot better than pretty much every other movie we've reviewed, except for the D&D movie.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
But I thought, like, just a brief overlay.
Obviously, there's going to be spoilers.
Spoilers, yeah, yeah.
You should know this by now.
Everybody knows.
Yeah.
But I'd say, like, the first half was kind of had a bit of a slow start, although I did find it interesting still.
And the second half was literally just, like, pure chaos.
It really was.
It was like cheesier than a cheese factory, like honestly, but it was amazing.
It was hilarious.
I think we annoyed everybody standing near us in the movie theater.
We're clutching at each other, we're screaming.
We were laughing, we were making so many jokes and I saw there was this girl that was sitting like three seats away from you, I think she may be like 20, and she just gave me such a look of hostility.
Yeah well she did not like that we were having fun with the movie like we weren't that loud okay everyone could hear the movie but I mean it was funny.
Can we just before we get into the actual content of the movie can we just take a moment and just think a little bit about
The parenting of the people.
So this movie was pretty intense.
It's PG-13.
I mean there's people getting chewed and chomped.
There's scary jump scenes.
You couldn't really see anything though.
You saw from inside the shark's mouth.
People getting pulled in and disassembled.
There was no disassembling.
You got to see the shark basically just inhale some people.
It didn't even chew them really.
It wasn't a bad movie.
Look, I don't agree.
I think it could have been, like, PG-12.
Okay, fine.
Let's go new 2013.
I'm just saying, you're over-dramatizing this.
I'm sorry, would you like to revisit that word again?
What?
Over-dramatizing.
Over-dramatizing?
Or is that something in the vicinity of what you want to say?
Dramatizing.
Over-dramatizing this to make it sound a lot worse than it was.
Look, I do agree.
I think you're doing more damage to the English language than the shark did to the beachgoers.
Okay, be quiet.
I do agree that, I mean, there were some parents in there that brought literal toddlers.
Babies!
I heard babies screaming.
I thought at first it was just me.
No, okay, I did sound like you, but, um, I think babies is fine because they don't understand what's going on.
No, it's loud!
Okay, then cover the ears of the baby.
But, like, the toddlers that can actually understand what's going on, it's like, what are you doing bringing them to a shark movie?
Yeah, toddlers are screaming, saying, Mommy, I don't want to bathe again ever!
Okay, they never said that.
I've been through that.
They never said that.
Right.
Anyway, I just wanted to point out, maybe don't bring your kids to a shark death movie.
Oh my gosh, yeah.
No, I agree, I just think it's funny.
It's like, I think they walked out later on, but it's like, what did y'all expect?
Yeah, turns out the Sharknado movie is not a kid's movie.
Yeah, turns out your kids are 10 years too young.
Now, so you do your first major point, then I'll do mine.
So yours was that the movie was not woke.
Yeah, it was actually, I think, so the audience rating, like in general, was 13% on the Tomatoes score.
It was low.
It was really low from what I read.
And I'm like, this is going to be awful.
This was after we'd already bought the tickets and everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we ended up going.
I think the reason it was rated so low is because it's actually very anti-woke.
I mean, if you think about it, like when we watched the Barbie movie, and yes, to clarify some responses, I did watch that, I just didn't think I had anything more than like five minutes of stuff to say about it, so I didn't do the review.
Yeah.
But, um, like with the Barbie movie, it was very, everything was like following an ideology, it was all girl power, it was like that kind of stuff, right?
And then with this movie,
It was the complete opposite.
The two main evil characters, I believe, were women.
And the whiniest characters were women.
Like when the guy got eaten by the squid at the very depth of the ocean where they were walking.
Hold on, hold on.
There's a bit of a suspension of disbelief here.
As we mentioned, it's complete cheese.
A bit?
A little bit, just a bit.
So anyways, I'm just seeing the guys were like, he's dead, he's missing his helmet, and all the girls were sobbing and they're like, we need to go back and get it!
At 25,000 feet under the ocean.
His helmet floats down from where he got eaten up by a squid and they're like, we have to help him!
And the dudes are just like... Sorry ladies, they're not migrants.
Alright, so you found it kind of anti-woke in that it didn't seem to go with all this girl power, men are idiots sort of stereotype, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Now I found it a surprisingly deep movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean it was pretty deep under the water.
No, because they went very far under the water.
You stole my joke!
That's what I said earlier today!
You stole my joke!
You stole my joke!
You stole my youth, it's only fair.
What?
That doesn't make any sense.
Okay, so... The girl.
The girl, I don't even know her name!
Okay, okay, I gotta say something about this girl.
You know, like, she wasn't a bad actor, or actress, I guess.
Her voice didn't break the whole movie.
Okay, you know what?
Enough of you.
You gave me vocal cords, it's your fault.
I'm sorry!
Okay, look, okay, when I first saw her, the very first scene she showed up, I thought she was like seven.
She's small.
Kid in elementary school.
Slightly chubby Chinese girls are not known to look young.
It's not even that, it's like, I couldn't tell if she was chubby or skinny.
Because obviously a lot of Asians, like the women, have chubby cheeks and stuff like that, right?
But sometimes when I looked at her side profile, it looked like she had a flat stomach, and then other times her arms looked chubby.
I did not know.
And then the other one was, some angles she looked really pretty, and other angles I'm like, what is this?
So I just didn't know, it's like every time I saw her I looked at a different character, if you know what I mean.
Probably just whatever was on the food truck that morning before filming.
Yeah, like how many actresses did I go through?
We know her mother was, I guess, a Chinese woman.
Yeah.
And her father was a mouse.
Did I have that correct?
Why was she short?
No, just because she had the little ear things.
I think those are cute.
I don't wear them, but I think they can be cute on Asians.
Okay, so this is the cliche when it comes, so you've got to have a kid in peril.
Yeah.
But the kid who's in peril can't, it can't be the result of completely irresponsible parents because then you're mad at the parents.
Yeah.
So what has to happen?
Like adopted kid or like no parents.
Just a sneak on, you know, against the parents wishes.
Like how do you even sneak on?
This is like some top like advanced facility with, I'm sure they have like ID scanners and stuff like that.
I mean like they would at that point.
And she just sneaks on.
That's one thing that didn't make sense, but it's like, you know what?
It's cheesy enough that I'll let it pass.
Now, the main guy, Jonas.
Jonah.
Like Jonah the whale, right?
Like Jonah in the whale from the Bible.
So Jonas, he's a tough guy, right?
Yeah.
He's a tough guy, and he's got a lot of authority, and he's a really tough guy voice.
The whole movie is a tough guy voice.
He was like the most Australian-looking character I've ever seen.
He really was, right?
I genuinely looked at him, and I'm like, he's from Australia, and he spoke, and it proved everything I thought.
He just gives you a tour of American accent.
He's so Australian that every time he came in the movie I expected him to be upside down, like just coming from the top of the frame.
I'm Australian!
So I thought that was gonna be it that way.
But he's a tough guy.
He can take on, you know, twenty...
Giant sharks, but does he have any authority over his simp-cucked step-daughter who isn't really his step-daughter?
No.
Because he basically just, we never saw Meg Wan, but apparently he had an affair with a Chinese, oh no, he had a love interest with a Chinese girl, single mom, and then he ends up, he's so tough.
Parenting, because the mom died or something like that.
But he doesn't even parent!
No, he doesn't.
Oh, it's terrible.
I think it's like, they're kind of like companions, and it's more the uncle, the Asian dude, who parents more than anything, but...
I think apparently he's quite a famous Chinese action and movie star.
Apparently, yeah.
No one has any authority over the kids and it's just terrible.
So, I... The movie starts with some scene about... Because you've gotta have it chomp up the T-Rex, right?
So the movie starts with that.
The Meg chomps up the T-Rex.
Yeah, I'm getting flashbacks to that, like... What's it called?
Like, nature, geography... Jurassic Park?
Oh, the... David Attenborough.
Yes, that's the global warming guy.
Look at all these lovely animals that your parents' SUVs are killing slowly.
Exactly.
No, but they did some, like, 3D modeled, um, like, what's it called?
Animated...
Yeah, realistic one about dinosaurs and stuff like that.
I saw that and I'm like, they probably hired the same people.
So then I thought we were going to end up not with giant sharks, but with giant radioactive sharks.
Do you know why I thought that?
Why?
Because there's this whole scene at the beginning where he's on this container ship where they're dumping radioactive waste into the ocean, right?
Radioactive eggs?
So no, you think radioactive
Like, they're gonna be glowing, laser-eyed, like, I thought they were just gonna go completely, like, in orbit, you know, just, like, they can tunnel through your dreams.
I thought we were gonna have a giant radioactive sharks, because the whole beginning of the movie is them dumping radioactive waste.
Does it ever come up again?
No.
Nope!
Completely isolated.
Well, they talk a bit about, like, I don't know, some stuff with the ecosystem, and, like,
No, not really temperature.
The ecosystem and how things work.
Sorry, I'm enjoying your science.
Go ahead.
I'm going to cover his mouth real quick.
The ecosystem and how some things work with the plants and the sharks.
They talked a bit more about it.
Peak advertisement for homeschooling is currently underway.
Look, I don't study global warming.
That's because I'm homeschooled.
Right, right.
There was a bit where I was really going into the depth and analogy, and I'm serious about this.
Yeah, sure you are.
No, no.
So at the beginning, remember, he gives them, I don't know, that finger gesture, I'm not sure what that is.
Yeah, mysterious.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he falls off, and then he gets... Remember the airplane comes and scoops him up?
Yes.
Now the airplane is about the size and dimensions, minus the wings, of a giant shark.
And I thought, look, here he's getting scooped up into the mouth of an airplane, like getting scooped up into the mouth of a shark.
And I thought, oh, that's an interesting analogy.
And then do you know what happened?
My brain just went, shut up.
Thank you.
Stop doing analogies.
This is not the movie for that.
Stop doing abstract intellectual stuff.
Give me your hand.
You're learning.
Thank you.
I'm learning, coming along?
I'm coming along.
Alright.
So yeah, my brain just went dark, but not as dark as the movie.
Not as dark as the movie.
So, they go down 25,000 feet, and do you know what there is down at 25,000 feet, other than barely visible anything in the camera?
An underwater secret security.
A giant mining village.
Look, I was thinking about this because I always try and figure out the realism of things when I watch movies, because you know how critical I am with this stuff.
I thought it made perfect sense, nothing could have been, stop mocking my voice, Crack, I saw that.
Sorry.
Look, it's probably, you know, there's a bit of suspended disbelief.
My English isn't working today.
You could have... I mean, it's placed in the future.
They could have figured out some technology to build it above, like, water with the air and then sink it underwater, stuff like that.
With air in it?
Yeah.
You ever try pushing down a balloon that's full of air?
Well, it depends.
If it's, like, heavier than Lizzo, it could probably sink to the bottom, so... Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Yeah.
But I just found... So there's a giant mining village at the bottom, and they are... What are they mining?
Gems.
Things.
Yeah, stuff.
Things that are needed for other things that are worth, like how much is a little handful worth?
Billion.
And the great dialogue is, what is that billion gonna be?
And it's like, that's the whole great dialogue, is the math.
And I was like, oh lord.
Okay, I gotta add one thing.
I don't blame him for asking what the Asian guy said, because every time he talked, I heard like, ching chong.
It's like, even when he spoke in English.
No, you heard emotional damage.
Emotional damage.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but like.
Start a business.
You know what you say to actors?
One venti with ice and cabernet.
That's good.
That dude is hilarious.
That's good.
I can feel my spatial reasoning increasing when I hear the accent.
Yes, I see my eyes shrinking.
No, I mean, okay, I'm just gonna say the guy, I think he's like Stephen Heat or something on YouTube.
He's hilarious, go watch him.
Stephen Heat?
Yeah, or Sue, something like that.
He's very funny.
Yeah.
So they were uh really it was really dark and and it took see for me the movie like up to about halfway was kind of like vaguely serious.
Like people were dying and oh oh and there's apparently you're down 25,000 feet.
So I looked this up.
I looked this up.
What timeline is the movie setting?
Because I remember we talked about this.
At the bottom of the Mariana Trench the water column above.
It's Maranara.
When you go for a dip in the Maranara Trench.
Okay, I'm leaving, goodbye.
You started it.
Okay, the water column exerts a pressure of 1,086 bar, that's barometric pressure, or 15,750 pounds per inch.
No, no, that's measured also, that's
We're good to go.
Remember your novel, The Future, where they literally had any kind of technology they possibly wanted?
No, that's just science projected outward in time.
Okay, so maybe this is just science projected outward in time.
Hey, I'm holding you to your own standards, okay?
How does it feel?
Painful, as usual.
And so there's this bit where he has to swim underwater at 25,000 feet of depth and they're like, no, no, just breathe out first.
You know, that's what they should have said to the people in that terrible sub accident recently.
Just breathe out.
You'll be fine.
Oh, I saw the submarines going out.
I was like Ocean Gate in 10 minutes.
Oh yeah, Ocean Gate Intensify.
So that was like, no, no, you're fine.
It's just oxygen reacts to pressure.
Apparently nothing else.
Yeah, nothing.
So if you get, you know those vice things where they crush stuff?
You can put your whole hand in there.
As long as you breathe out, you won't get crushed.
Yeah.
And that was just like, okay.
That was that was he's just he's Australian enough that the pressure just the gravity is like the other way around so he's technically like if he's Australian he's actually at the surface because it's so deep down right he's actually at the surface of his homeland so it's actually that's why he lived
Science plus geography is irrefutable.
I'd be so good at writing one of these.
So I felt like halfway through the movie, because they were I think striving for a kind of realism, and then halfway through the movie... I think they just gave up.
Yeah, they were just like, all right, that's enough of that.
And it was just like, forget it.
The rest of it, we're just gonna smoke weird drugs and write a movie.
I genuinely think they must have been on something writing the second part, because like, what?
Yeah, because the second half... Okay, so... Oh gosh.
No, it's okay.
So they end up escaping from the bottom, and they go through this thermocline, which is this warm-cold temperature mix the sharks can't penetrate.
They rip a hole in it, and three creatures come out.
Now, see, it's the bottom of the ocean.
They can make up anything they want, right?
So what are the three things?
Bioluminescence.
No, no, they come out.
Oh, the squid?
The squid?
The mini dinosaur things?
No, they have legs for a reason.
It's so that they can walk at the bottom of the trench.
Don't.
No, don't.
Don't try.
I'm begging you.
And they have eyes for a reason.
Because?
Because they need to see the darkness.
In the bioluminescence.
You could make an argument that they have some vague eyesight because of the bioluminescence.
And you could make an argument that since there's, like, stuff down there that needs mining, that's why they have claws.
So that they can help the miners.
Nice, nice, well done.
If you take creatures used to a thousand, oh no, fifteen thousand pounds per square inch and you take them to the top, what do you think would happen to them?
They would just, they would just explode.
It's like humans in space, they just...
Yeah, that's why.
So I just thought that was kind of wild.
So the Megs, Megalodons, right?
These giant sharks.
It's Megalodon.
They were like 30 million to about 3 million years ago.
They went extinct about 2.5 to 3 million years ago.
Now, these sharks have been trapped in virtually the complete darkness for millions and millions of years.
Why do they still have eyes?
Well, didn't the bioluminescence, we went over this with the mini... You can hunt with the bioluminescence.
Don't question me.
I don't, and I don't also know, I've seen bioluminescent animals but never plants.
But anyway, I don't know, like at the bottom of the ocean, I mean.
Yeah.
So, what I did was I looked this up.
Because it's important to bring scientific realism to the make-do.
Over the past few million years, there's a blind form of the Mexican tetrafish.
They've evolved in caves.
Tetra?
I thought that was a video game.
No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Maintaining eyes in the visual parts of the brain uses a lot of energy, so the loss of eyes is a big advantage for animals living in the dark.
So they see by sucking.
And this movie sucked by seeing, okay.
So they see by sucking.
Actually, what's interesting about this is they didn't actually lose the genes for eyes, they just switched them off.
So the eyes didn't develop.
Yeah.
So why does anything have eyes when it exists in almost perfect darkness?
That didn't make any sense.
How do fish that are 25,000 feet down get to the surface and know what jumping is, have no problem with light, with the light being suddenly bright, have no problem with the water pressure?
I mean... Instinct.
Okay, that's good.
That's good.
Instinct.
Because I mean, like, even though their evolution on land was a long time ago.
The sharks?
No.
What?
Please, tell me more about your history of life.
I met the things from Jurassic Park.
Oh, the dino, the dino kids.
The little, the mini dinos.
Yeah, yeah.
The chompies.
Okay, so they were, their evolution on land was a while ago.
A while ago, probably around the time you were born, so.
Wait, not that far.
I mean, let's not get crazy here.
Fair, fair.
No, so I mean, you know, instincts.
No, see, those guys also, what did they have?
They had eyes.
Their eyes, which had perfectly adjusted to 25,000 feet near perfect darkness, saw no problem with eyes, could focus no problem in the light, and also, funnily enough, they had running and jumping muscles, even though they were entirely underwater for millions of years.
But you know how we still have a tailbone?
Go on.
No, no, go on.
Well, I mean, you can keep some muscles through evolution.
Oh, like the whales have those little back legs buried in there?
Yeah, can they use them for anything?
Uh, looking cool.
How do buried names make things look cool?
I don't know!
Okay.
Extra scientificness of the skeletal-ishness.
Okay, let's get back to this.
So, these sharks are never full and they can eat anything.
Rubber, they can eat wood, they can eat metal.
No problem with indigestion, nothing like that.
Also, how many?
Sharks have five gills, these seem to have more.
I don't know why.
It's because they're better.
Yeah, yeah.
You know how, like, big people have three longs?
Okay, do you remember when we used to hunt humans in that private island run by Greta Thunberg?
I do, yeah.
It was a great time.
Right, right.
Good times.
Do you remember how many calories are in a human being if you eat them?
115,000.
So, it's actually, let's see here.
If a cannibal eats an entire human being, from the muscle to the lungs, bones, and skin, they get about 143,771 calories.
I think that might mess up my diet a bit, but...
Fatty tissue was unsurprisingly the most calorie-rich portion, weighing in with 49,939 calories.
A meal of human liver offers about 2,570 calories, and so that's... Now, so I also looked up- Okay, who actually- Okay, genuine question though, because you looked this up.
Yeah.
Who genuinely makes articles like, if a cannibal ate a human,
No, that's not.
The weird thing was the recipes on that website.
I know, right?
Yeah.
Okay, so, now the sharks... Historically, sharks would have been about 52 feet long or 16 meters.
They weigh about 135,000 pounds.
But they were way bigger than that in this.
Well, yeah, okay.
So, they can eat a killer whale in how many bites?
Five.
Five bites, right, okay.
So an adult Megalodon would have to have needed to eat how many calories a day?
Right here.
98,175.
So that's 20 times higher than an adult Great White Shark.
Somewhat.
So a human being has over 140,000 calories.
The sharks need 135,000 calories a day.
So one human is more than their daily requirement for eating.
How many humans do they eat?
Well there were a lot of megalodons.
There were three.
Ish.
Three.
It's not ish.
There wasn't an ish fish floating around.
What if there was?
What if there's an extra dimension inside their bellies where it gets fed to other sharks?
Remember in that Goat Simulator 3 game?
What?
No, inside the whale there was a whole civilization.
Oh yeah, that's right.
So clearly what I'm getting out of this is that there was.
So, they basically ate a lot more.
Now, Mom had issues with their speed.
Oh, what's the other thing about going to a disaster movie with Mom?
Who practiced psychology.
What is the other thing that Mom says, always?
It wasn't... Wait, what?
So, in disaster movies, Mom is like... Oh!
But they're gonna be traumatized!
Is it gonna be so upset?
It's gonna be... They're gonna have PTSD.
They've just seen people die.
They're gonna be traumatized.
Dude, they're too manly to get traumatized.
Yeah, yeah.
No, trauma is too girly.
It's too girly.
So, let's see here.
Also, mom had problems with the speed.
Now, the average cruising speed for a Megalodon would be about 3.1 miles per hour.
It's pretty slow, right?
That's average.
Yeah, average.
That's average walking speed for humans.
So, if, hold on, if humans can run, I can run pretty fast.
I don't remember exactly quite how fast, but I can go pretty fast.
So, clearly, if their average speed is the same as humans, they can go pretty fast.
now they say that they could swim at five meters per second so that's pretty that's pretty cool yeah alright so I gotta tell you I I normally feel
As you know, super manly by podcasting.
Sometimes.
Like, like, super manly.
I mean, it is kind of talking for a living, which is kind of a woman's usually typical profession.
Go on, I'd like to hear a little more about this.
Well, you know how men, you told me all about this, how men usually prefer, like, inanimate objects.
What is this?
Is this an animate object?
Yeah, but you're, like, talking to people and literally going into emotions, which is girly.
And women prefer, like, people jobs.
Like, teaching and being a secretary, like, taking phone calls and stuff.
Oh, and psychologist and social worker.
I mean, you're basically a psychologist, but like, a mix of Gordon Ramsay and a psychologist, so don't question me.
I know, I just, I'm going on this journey with you.
Gordon Ramsay's personality of being a lot more fast-paced and aggressive than, like, therapy and psychology, so that's why I'm saying you're a mix.
Which seems like a womanly profession.
Do you think that Gordon Ramsay should have more bleeping or my show should have more bleeping?
Honestly, I think everything needs more bleeping.
Fair.
Because we've been, just context for the audience, we've been watching Kitchen Nightmares recently and there will be scenes where the entire, like all you hear is beep!
Like the entire scene, genuinely.
Like just a camera angle, it'll show like one second of video and then just beep!
He's about as calm as a guy who just had a cactus jammed down his pants.
Yeah, that's pretty fair.
But I also think he's good and fair and right because people are facing the loss of their dream, their home, their savings.
Yeah, I'd rather keep my business and be yelled at by a professional for a few days than the other way around, so.
Right.
Now, I didn't get a very strong sense, like the Sharks had an inner life.
Because they ate a lot of life that was inside them.
Yeah.
So these sharks had an inner life.
I'm not totally positive that many of the characters had an inner life of depth.
There was that one cringy depthful scene at the bottom of the ocean.
No, I'm kidding.
It was when the annoying Chinese girl, the 14 year old, went up to the shark and was like, do you miss your mom too?
The shark?
Yeah.
Missed you!
Oh, oh, because they have that shark that's in captivity.
Yeah, that didn't have a mother and she lost her mom.
Right.
So she went, it was literally just, she just stood there.
They didn't do enough of a pause.
We're good to go.
We could have increased the length of the movie to make it two hours, but they didn't.
Just for that one scene.
This is just a little tip as a whole.
If you're ever around people who are really empathetic to animals but have no empathy for people, run.
Do not walk, run.
If you've got to run off a plane, do that.
So this girl, does she have any empathy for any of the adults who are trying to protect her?
No.
But she has empathy for a giant shark that would eat her like a toothpick.
Yeah.
So, just wanted to point that out.
Yeah.
Um, so... Oh, also, I saw this, like, I'll be honest, we have four ducks.
I like how you say, I'll be honest, like, nothing has happened before.
Yeah, just this once, just this once I'll be honest.
In true break with precedent, I'm gonna tell you what I really think.
No, look, it's, with our ducks, I can think, like, obviously they're very different than giant sharks.
I mean, some of them, at least aside from that, like, two that we had, but... This is a great segue.
I'm enjoying this ride.
It's about animals.
Okay.
They're gonna be affectionate towards me, because I provide them with food and affection, and I'll help clean the stuff.
And they've used part of the flock and bonding animals.
Yeah, so they're gonna be affectionate.
Like, they'll try, if I have, like, genuinely, if I have some sort of, like, mud on my hand, they try and take it off my hand by, like, cleaning, right?
Which is just an affectionate thing to do towards each other.
And they're affectionate towards each other, too.
Like, after a swim, we have two ducks, Mellon and Nibbles, and Mellon will clean, Mellon and Nibbles, they're sisters, and she cleans
Nibbles yeah, like she helps dry because nibbles has an issue with her waterproofing so again.
They're like They're they're nice to each other, but I mean they don't actually have emotions so all I'm saying is like
They don't have emotions?
Do you think that's true?
I think they do have emotions.
They have fear.
They have emotions.
They also have sadness, because when Waffle died, Donut was very distressed.
Very sad, yeah.
So, look, they have emotions, but what I mean is it's not an actual, like, love or affection.
So it's just basically a rant for all these people who are like, my dog loves me.
It's like, no he doesn't.
You're part of the flock.
I don't know.
The guy pretends to die with cat treats.
Oh my gosh, yeah!
You want to mention that to people?
Yeah, this was like, I love this video, I think I have it saved.
So, the guy, the owner, he has two cats.
They're very pretty cats, they look very friendly, right?
And he has a handful of treats in his hand, and he falls over and pretends to die, and he has a camera set up.
And the treats fall, and the cats go and eat the treats.
And then they start trying to eat him.
They literally start chewing on his cheeks.
And he actually has to bat them away.
He tries again and I think they bit the ear.
And then he does the same thing with his dog, and dog doesn't go for the treats, dog doesn't do anything, dog just kind of nudges at him and sits there.
Right.
And the dog will try and wake him up, didn't take any of the treats, was whining, sad.
Again, that's not out of love, that's just out of fear that your pack is dying.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know how people who have cats even take naps.
Oh, genuinely, yeah.
No, cats are psychos.
I mean, they're very nice sometimes, but no, they're not good.
So there was a... Yeah, so I felt that sometimes my career hasn't been the manliest.
I typed a lot when I was a computer programmer.
That's manly.
Oh, it's a bit of manliness because I faced a lot of threats when I was doing public speaking.
I'd say the manliest aspect of your career was Hong Kong.
Oh yeah, I took tear gas and all that.
Or Australia.
Australia just increases testosterone when you're there.
At least with Australia, I had to security with Hong Kong, not so much.
But I feel that this was about as manly a movie as you could possibly get.
Honestly.
Like no doubt.
Maybe that one, we never watched it, but I saw ads for it and it looked hilarious.
Cocaine Bear seemed pretty manly.
Oh yeah, I never saw that.
It was like rated R or something, so it's probably pretty manly.
R for really manly.
So I feel, again, I take on some challenging topics, I think I show some moral courage, but I was trying to think back on my career as a whole.
I can't think of a single time that I've killed a giant shark with a helicopter blade.
Yeah, no, I don't think so.
When I say single time, I mean it could be more than once, obviously.
Yeah, totally.
But it's not a daily... I can't think of a single time where I have speared a giant shark with explosive-tipped harpoons while riding a wave on a sudo.
Yeah, like when Mom and I went sudoing last summer, we really needed to, like, up our game.
We barely... like, she was scared to go fast over waves, and this dude was literally, like, flying through the air with a spear!
So there's a, have you heard the phrase jumping the shark?
I don't know if you've ever heard that.
I've not, no.
Okay, so jumping the shark is when a show just becomes bad, or something just becomes bad.
To every show nowadays.
And it's from, there's an old show called Happy Days, where it was about a bunch of teenagers and young people in a sort of midwestern American town, I think it was.
And Milwaukee?
I don't know, somewhere.
Anyway, so at one point they, it went on too long, and at one point they had one of the guys had had to jump a shark on water skis, like jump over shark, and it was considered to be like they were out of ideas and just came up with ridiculous stuff, right?
And so it's called Jumping the Shark, but in this movie...
Literally.
We're jumping the shark.
I just remember, this is like not exactly related to that, but I just remember that one scene when all the dudes, like the bad guys, were in the forest on Fun Island and they heard a noise and they all had like these giant machine guns and you just heard all the clicking.
I don't know, it was only you and I, but we just started like wheezing at that scene.
I don't know why, it was just so funny.
Like every time they heard something, like the guns were like that every time.
It was so funny.
So I like it when these kinds of goofy action movies, I like it when you just get yanked along for the ride.
Yeah.
And they don't try and explain anything and they don't really give you any characters.
Just like figure it out.
Yeah like stuff's gonna happen and when obviously like everything is trying to kill them.
I was waiting for like the the plants to start trying to strangle them like it was just like
There are dinosaurs on the land.
There are giant squid and sharks and everything in the water.
And then there are guys, the bad guys trying to shoot you.
And it's just like from every direction.
Your teeth will turn on you.
Your intestines will crawl out of your butt and try and strangle you.
Like it just gets ridiculous.
Yeah, I was gonna say, another thing, like, there was a lot of opportunity in that movie for humor that they missed.
I think, uh, there was, at one point when you said, like, um, when the, the giant, like, octopi, or octopus was trying to- Squid.
It was octopus.
Why do you think?
No, I think it was this giant squid.
I think the head looked like an octopus.
Okay, yeah.
Because the squid has like a pointed head.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Who ordered the calamari?
Yeah, that would have been hilarious if they'd said that when it got chopped up by the helicopter wings.
Or they could have taken a baseball bat and said, time to batter the calamari.
Anyway, I could have done this all day.
Should we do this all day?
Should we just make that the rest of our day?
No.
No?
Alright.
Do you still want subscribers?
I know, where they blow up the shark and say, sushi time!
Yes, there were a couple other ones.
I can't remember what it was but I remember I'd turn to you in the theater and say something and it would just be like take away from the moment or whatever but I just thought that one like there were a lot of opportunities for missed humor.
Also another one, this wasn't a really big thing but I thought at the very end of the movie when they were drinking the vodka or whatever it was or the bourbon and I think it would have been very funny if they just chugged the entire like bottle like had poured a cup for himself and like just a little bit in the cup and then put the cup aside and just drank the bottle.
Or, you know, so they have tequila, sometimes comes with a worm in it.
I don't know why.
What?
It's to show that there's enough alcohol in it to kill the worm, so it's not... I think there's some... Right, right.
So it would have been great if they'd been drinking tequila, and then the worm had come to life and tried to kill them.
Because everything in this movie tries to kill humans, like, no matter what.
Yeah, yeah, that would have been funny.
But it was nice to see the dog getting saved, I thought.
Okay, that was so lovely.
I saw that.
I saw that dog and I'm like, I just genuinely not hated a character more in my life.
He had a bow in his hair.
Or her hair or whatever.
It was a girl.
It was a female dog, yeah.
Look, these influencers with their like stupid like pillow-sized dogs.
Why?
Get a husky or like a German Shepherd because those things are just like
Pathetic.
They're useless.
They bite you.
Like, they're incredibly aggressive.
They're mean.
They don't care about you.
They're not often very good at being true.
Oh, like those bug-eyed demon dogs in those memes?
The chihuahuas?
Yeah.
Every single time I see a chihuahua, they're screaming within the next five seconds.
I don't understand.
Why are little, like, I hate little dogs.
I'm sorry.
I know the only pets I have are very small.
Actually, although for ducks, they're huge.
They're big ducks, yeah.
They're huge for ducks.
But, like, it's just, like, the dog should not be the same size as a duck.
I think some of these dogs are smaller than that.
Male Muscovies can get a wingspan of 5 feet.
And these dogs are like 5 pounds.
And how much can the biggest male Muscovies weigh?
30 pounds, I think?
I heard that there was one that was 30 pounds.
It's not like, the average is 20.
And live for how long?
The longest living duck?
Okay, this is, I do not know how accurate it is, but it is on the Guinness World Record.
I believe it's like, either 40 years or 6 years.
Crazy.
But, I think it was like a mallard, and those are very small, so they live a long time.
So a couple of jokes were sort of subtle.
So the black guy, DJ, he was very funny.
He was hilarious.
Dude, the backpack.
Why did he have a makeup mirror?
Why did he have a makeup mirror?
I don't even use makeup.
Like, I'm a little girl.
I don't have a makeup mirror.
Right, right.
I won't talk about mine.
But he was very funny.
Now, at one point, so this is a sequel shark movie.
And at one point he said, do you remember what he said about the bullets in his gun?
What?
Ah, poison bullets!
Oh yeah!
And he said, I have poison bullets, which they used in a movie called Jaws 2.
It's also like, dude, it's a bullet.
It's gonna kill you.
The lead will kill you.
Why do you need poison?
Lead poisoning.
But yeah, so he was very funny.
The other characters were mostly forgettable for me.
Other than just kinda whiny and complaining.
No, that dude was hilarious.
Every scene he was in, it was like infinitely funny.
That one scene where he's like, we run on three.
No, she was already running by the time he said that!
And then he overtook her somehow, I don't know how that worked.
Yeah, it's like, rah?
Misogynistic?
Anything else that you would mention about the movie or wanted people to know?
I think they needed T-Rex.
It was only mentioned, it was a very minor character at the beginning.
They could have gone in depth with that character development and the character arc.
They needed a T-Rex at the end.
Also, it did seem kind of cold-blooded.
Reptilian.
Anyway.
I'm not dignifying anything with a response anymore.
Okay, let's be honest, because in the first third of the movie, what did I see out of the corner of my eye?
Okay.
What did I see?
When they were at the very bottom and that secret place was, like, shooting at them.
Oh, wait, one thing I wanted to mention.
Okay, the secret underground mining thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It mines mysterious items.
Okay.
That, okay, I wanted to mention one thing about that before the end.
So, in there, when the evil blonde woman, because all blonde women are evil, um, no offense, but, um... You have looked at your hair color, right?
I am... I used to be blondish.
I'm, like,
Orangey brown with a bit of blonde at the end.
The ends of my hair are evil because that's where the blonde is.
What?
Do you remember what the hairdresser told you when you were younger?
She thought my hair was dyed.
She thought your hair was dyed?
What did she say about it?
A woman literally said to my mom, she's like, you dye her hair?
Because apparently I have the hair color that women dye their hair to get.
Yep, actually we'll also murder.
She said women pay how much to get your hair?
200.
Hundreds of dollars to get your hair.
I don't like this topic.
It's hair, it's natural, it's lucky.
I got lucky hair.
Yeah, you got lucky hair, but it's pretty hair, yeah.
Look, and the other thing is, why did we even bring that up?
Oh yeah, because blonde women are evil.
Um, so, especially women who dye their hair blonde, because then they're just trying to be evil.
Like, I mean, honestly.
But, it's, um, that woman, the blonde woman, she was on the camera, and she's like, kill this guy, or else we'll send away the other escape pod.
Right?
Now, obviously he was manly, so he's like, do it.
Oh, kill the Jason Stratham character.
Noah.
No, it's not.
Jonah, Jonah, Jonah.
Jonah, yeah, yeah.
So realistically, now obviously they didn't know if they could trust her because she's blonde, but they wouldn't spear him.
Now realistically, they should have died in that situation because he would not have been able to swim out and open the gear.
No, but he breathed out, so he's fine.
No.
We're good to go.
And I don't mean to be rude, but like it was either his life or they all- I don't think that's a politeness thing.
I don't think shooting someone is a matter of etiquette.
I am- Excuse me, would you mind awfully- I sincerely apologize.
Look- They had to take the chance because he- Because otherwise they were all gonna die.
It's either one dies- But that's what he said.
He said, listen, shoot me, right?
I know.
So then he should have just taken the gun and shot.
Like, I mean- Oh, shot himself?
Yeah, because if she's not gonna man up,
I'm giving you a very baleful and skeptical glare.
I can tell.
Do you know why?
Why?
Well, he should have taken the ultimate self-sacrifice and given up his life.
Issy, would you like to come and play some pickleball?
Oh no, it's far too hot!
I will melt and die!
I can't make that sacrifice!
Sorry, go ahead.
Do you understand how different that like that's that's supposed to be an analogy or something?
But like look, this is literally a life and death matter.
I like pickleball.
It's very important to me.
You have mom to play pickleball.
No, mom hurt herself.
She can't play.
Yes, you play again in like two days.
Get over it.
Look, it's... Sacrifice is so important.
It's hot out.
Look, obviously the male characters in life are sacrificeable.
Not me, because I identify as a woman or a turkey, so I'm clearly... Where did the turkey come from again?
I don't know.
Oh, it came from that game Goose Goose Duck when we were making some jokes about pronouns and someone put the turkey head on as their accessory and he goes, my pronouns are turkey!
Gobble gobble, right.
That's exactly what, that's where it came from, it's a long reference, but it's um, look, all I'm saying, clearly male characters are disposable, and I'm not a male character, I'm a female, and I'm a child in peril when we play pickleball, so that's why it's different.
So I just wanted to point out the syllogisms that we're going through here.
Number one,
Blondes are evil.
Number two, is he's kind of blonde.
Number three, is he believes that males are disposable.
Ah, you're proving your own thesis.
Well done.
Exactly.
I'm not blonde though.
Can we just cycle back about like where this blonde thing came from?
Okay, look, so the blonde people that I have known, there's a few exceptions.
Specifically when I say people, I mean women.
There's a couple exceptions of some girls I know now, but like every blonde person I met before the age of like 12 is just like irreversibly and unhelpfully evil.
Now do you feel that that might be a bit of a strong statement?
No, they're evil, genuinely.
Like they're genuinely just like the worst, most insanely evil people I've ever met.
They're probably like eviler than the Meg.
What?
Okay, first of all, there's so much wrong with that.
Don't even question me.
First of all, it was the Meg too.
Second, eviler is not a word.
Third, they're just eating machines.
They're not evil.
Yeah, that's fair.
Okay, but like the women, the blonde women, especially the ones that dye their hair blonde, just, they're also just eating machines.
They lack brain cells.
Who would genuinely- Wait, the blonde women or the Sharks?
Yeah.
So, I mean, look.
Who would genuinely go and be like I'm gonna change my hair color to the low IQ hair color everybody is like a Blonde people being blonde is like such a joke because blonde people are just considered to be dumb So like who would genuinely be like I'm gonna advertise my low IQ by voluntarily dyeing my hair blonde There's also like I mean it just proves that they're evil.
That's all I can say that blonde people are just evil
Now, hang on, so there could be another theory.
I don't know if blondes have lower IQ on average, but what I would say is that people who don't feel like they have as much to offer, maybe intellectually, dye their hair to look prettier so that they can attract a man that way.
Which is evil!
Altering your appearance to be more attractive is evil.
Just grow intelligence.
Dye your hair for more neurons!
Exactly!
Just something you could snort that would make your brains larger, right?
That's the idea?
Yeah, exactly.
Got it, got it.
All the female blondes that I know are just, like, the most annoying creatures on Earth.
Well, let's hope they're listening to this show at some point.
No offense, no offense.
No offense?
The most evil creatures on Earth?
I don't mean that in a negative or offensive way.
You are Satan's spawn!
Not negatively, though.
We just don't happen to get along very well.
Look, it's just, all I'm saying is that the blonde people I know are not very nice and often will, you'll show me like those videos of like women on like, I don't know, TikTok or something, like complaining about their life.
I never show you negative videos about women because I don't want anything to feed into this prejudice.
So look, and then, and then like in the video, they always have dyed blonde hair or naturally blonde hair.
I like, they're always blonde.
Like, I don't know what it is, but women who dye their hair blonde are evil.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I mean, no, I mean, actually, huge offense.
You're evil.
Just break through.
Break through the thermocline.
Just get to the offensive side.
Stop dyeing your hair blonde!
Your natural hair color is fine!
Right.
Okay.
Dye your eyebrows blonde.
Now, so you're saying I've become less evil as I got gray, because I was platinum blonde as a kid.
No!
Dudes are fine.
Like, blonde dudes, okay, they can be a little rude sometimes, and they often end up as a surfer bro, but I mean, they're mostly fine.
Wait, teenage boys being a little rude?
I can't imagine such a thing.
No, no, it's like they're either rude or they end up as the surfer bros with that like shoulder length hair and the dude.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, dude, you see the waves?
That's gnarly, bro.
Bro-tastic.
Okay, I think we kind of went off the topic of the Meg a little bit.
But look, all I'm saying is she had dyed blonde hair and she was evil.
You see, everything I'm saying is adding up to the conclusion that women who dye their hair blonde are evil.
Right.
We're good to go.
So they decide that, like, they're not evil enough to dye their hair like rainbow, but they're evil enough that they're gonna pretend to look pretty by wearing, like, a lot of pale makeup and then dyeing their hair blonde.
That's stage two, so that's when they're going to their hairdresser and booking their appointment.
Stage three is when they're already, they've turned blonde, they realize that it suits their evil personality perfectly, and they keep dyeing their hair blonde.
Would you like an example of something they call ADHD?
Do you remember the question that I asked that prompted this wild, wild segue?
So we're in the movie, we're about a third of the way in, I turn, and what do I see next to me?
Glowing in the dark like bioluminescence in the bottom of the ocean.
This brings me back to the blonde people.
No!
Let them go!
This brings me back to...
When they were escaping that, not escaping, but when they were in their original Ocean Gate submarines with the orange lights and that Hispanic dude in the, I don't know, the control pod was launching missiles at them underwater because, you know, why not?
He set off bombs or something.
Yeah, and they were crashing with the rocks.
I knew that they were probably all going to live and I didn't really know the characters' names and I still don't.
And it was really chaotic and dark.
I didn't know what was going on.
Yeah, so I was just kind of like, I might as well check my messages
Because the scene is irrelevant, because it doesn't, like, me watching... They're going to survive, we don't know what we're looking at.
Yeah.
So I just, I went on my phone and I shared a meme with someone.
So there you go.
I thought you were trying to give me some bioluminescent vividness in the movie theater.
I really wanted to.
I had the urge to just flashlight.
So I thought, and honestly, I thought we were kind of doomed.
It was like at the beginning of Barbie, we thought we were doomed, right?
Well, at the beginning of all these movies, we think we're doomed, and then 50% of the time we actually are doomed, and then the other 50%- I thought we were doomed, and then when did it really start to pick up for you and save itself?
I don't know, I like the whole thing.
Yeah?
Okay, good, good.
I thought for me, once they got to the surface, like, once they got up further to the surface, things got better for me because I could see what was going on.
Okay, let me, I liked it because it wasn't woke, and let me tell you, this audience rating of 13%, there were four people that walked out during the movie, which is less than the Barbie movie.
Although I guess the theater was a lot bigger for the Barbie movie, but the amount of applause at the end, people, like, it was so, it was louder than, like, every other movie I've ever seen at a movie theater.
Well, but some of the people applauding were blonde.
I hate the Meg.
No, I didn't see any girls.
No, I didn't either.
Except for that one woman that was giving me the most incredible stink eye for laughing.
But it was like, everyone applauded and they seemed so enjoyed of the movie.
They seemed that they enjoyed the movie a lot.
So you would recommend this strongly, right?
I would, if you have a friend that will and can make offensive jokes during the movie, I would absolutely recommend going to it because I think if I had just seen it myself or something it would have been like, not as fun.
But when you have somebody who you can just mock the movie with relentlessly and annoy everybody sitting near you, it's a great time.
Somebody clutching your arm in joyful horror.
You literally ripped my arm in half, baby.
I wanted to give you a strong Meg feel, like you gave me bioluminescence, I gave you dismemberment.
And you were laughing and you just yanked my arm!
That was great.
Yeah, so I think it's recommended?
I recommend this.
This is better than the Barbie movie.
I think they should have put the two together.
Honestly, I think in the Barbieland at the very beginning when Ken went into the water, like the water in his Barbieland, the Meg should have just come up and that should have been the beginning of the movie.
Well, put the three together, you get Barbie-Meganheimer.
I enjoy that.
And then just at the end they're like, we finally lived!
That's right.
With the bomb, but yeah.
Anyways.
Alright, so thanks everyone so much.
Freedomain.com slash Donate if you'd like to help out the show.
Recommend more movies we should do.
Yeah, if you want to recommend, so somebody recommended an alien movie that we should play.
Oh no.
No, an alien video game that we should play.
An alien video game, okay.
Because people really enjoyed our video game stuff.
But yeah, freedomain.com slash Donate.
Also, speaking of video games, I'd recommend Diablo 4, it's a great game.
It is fun.
It's a good game, it's a lot of fun.
The story's great, at least I actually kept track of it, Dat.
I don't know, there was stuff to smash with the club.
I was playing a barbarian, I had to be low tech and low IQ.
I was playing a sorceress, I had to be intelligent and distinguished.
Pulled it off.
Alright, thanks everyone, we'll see you next time and enjoy the Meg too!
Bye!
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